#or there are things hes not telling me
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Ok now that my rage is mostly past i am in more lalaland. Glad to put my energy towards being happy and improving my life with my friends that i love and trust
#i am still miffed that this was public but#it occurred to me it might also be bothering me so intensely because#it seemed we both agreed to move past each other and let go for now#n sure maybe this is what he needed to do to let go#it just feels kinda inflammatory.#but its only as much as i engage it with. which i dont plan to do#i hope my silence helps him reflect#and theres also just#a certain irony to the whole thing that i spent many many years trying to give advice on their relationship trying to help only for nothing#and now this very fresh very new issue suddenly is relationship breaking and hes already given up trying to help#lol#i guess he knows how i feel now though#idk#if anything better for him i guess to cut it off now rather than try repeatedly like i did (unless this already is repeat)#it also just feels like#he really doesnt even know who i am as a person#even after all this time#i dont want to say hes just wrong about everything because i definitely did say some dumb shit in the last few months#but it just feels like hes not even trying#or there are things hes not telling me#i keep telling my side explaining myself explaining what i mean and he just keeps. dare i use this word. Assuming things about me#anytime i have a conversation with him i just feel like im running in a circle i dont understand and i never know how to feel about anythin#and i dont understand what hes talking about what he wants what hes really feeling whats going wrong#and... comparing that to the friends i have now#its just even more obvious they're a lot better for me#i dont think friends are supposed to make you feel like this
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Thinking a LOT about Lucifer in the latest Hazbin episode. Idk what I was expecting but not this??
As I was watching my immediate thought was just "huh... Lucifer is kinda of weird..." but as the episode went on I realized the issue
the dude is off the chain depressed, like he says it as a joke but holy cow it is SO BAD
He's manically just creating rubber ducks cuz his daughter really like it that one time but it's empty, it's never good enough but he keeps doing it, maybe cuz he doesn't know how to pass the time otherwise.
like I get the feeling he HAS better things he SHOULD be doing than making rubber duck after rubber duck. At first I was like, "Bruh why isn't the king of hell doing anything?" aaaaand then it became clear...
The dude is disassociating so bad he can barely hold a conversation let alone remember information. He clearly WANTS to, he wants to be involved with his daughter so bad, he wants to care about the things she's doing so bad, but his depression keeps interfering. It's like he can only hear every other word and he grasps onto the ones he does hear semi-out of context. Like you can see every time he catches something that he hadn't before and he just "well shit I didn't catch that part"
and that's why he reacts so weird when people talk to him. He is struggling so bad to engage with the conversation he's only getting 50% of it
does that look like the face of a man who knows what the hell the conversation is even about??? he is STRUGGLING
like Charlie spent so long telling him about the hotel, and he STILL didn't understand what she wanted. Yeah it comes off as ditzy but literally I've been in that position where your brain just "nope, not doing this right now" and nerfs your conversation comprehension. So as someone who's BEEN in that position, to me it feels exactly like what he's dealing with. He's sorta engaged with the conversation, but only as much as his brain will allow
For example, when I'm dealing with this, this is what someone talking to me feels like this where the crossed out parts are what I missed and bold is what I catch, "Hey! You know I was thinking for dinner we could either make some chicken with rice? But if you don't feel like cooking, pasta is super easy and you love that right? What do you want to do?" you can kinda get that someone is trying to talk to you about dinner, and towards the end you get the impression that they asked something that needs your input so you can decently put 2 and 2 together and try and pass off, but crucial bits were left out, I would have no idea that either chicken or pasta is in the conversation only having heard "rice". When someone is just talking at me, I can decently pass off as being engaged but the second I'm required to participate in the conversation I'm screwed. Seem familiar? At which point I have 2 options, try to give a bullshit answer, or admit that I missed what they were saying and ask them to repeat
Lucifer, unfortunately, is trying so damn hard to hide that he's dealing with like 24/7 dissociation, so he can't admit that he's missing entire chunks of the conversation, hence his really weird replies. He does eventually get the full picture and then he and Charlie start having the real conversation
Also, the Alastor/Lucifer rivalry was hilarious but also really indicative of more of what Lucifer is dealing with
Alastor is, unfortunately, really good at picking up people's insecurities, and thanks to Charlie's description earlier and watching Lucifer clearly trying to overcompensate, he immediately picks up on the fact that Lucifer KNOWS he struggles to be a good dad (we know cuz it's cuz of the depression, hard to be engaged when your brain keeps turning off) and decides to rub salt in the wound by pretending he's been acting as a surrogate father to Charlie. Now why Alastor decided to pick a fight with the king of hell is beyond me, I do not understand Alastor (and I LIKE IT) (maybe it's cuz Alastor thinks he's hot shit and was expecting Lucifer to at least have heard of him but Lucifer just treats him like a nobody? who knows)(why would Lucifer listen to radio anyways when he can't even pay attention to a conversation it'd just be white noise)
But yeah I just was expecting someone who oozed either charisma or presence and instead I got a depressed dad who's dissociating so bad he can barely function and be present in his life. The only thing it seems he CAN do is make rubber ducks cuz his daughter really liked it that one time
Idk Lucifer is tragic to me. Whatever the full details of what heavan did to him absolutely broke him and he can't deal with it. He's aware of it, and he doesn't know how to fix it, so he tries to over compensate and sorta makes an ass out of himself but no one says or does anything cuz this guy is supposed to be THE king of hell
Suddenly it's making a lot more sense why he just rolls over and lets heaven do what it wants and even told Charlie to go in his place the start of the show. He's not in any headspace to hold a basic conversation let alone negotiate! He didn't even know who Alastor was, he's been so out of touch
idk I like him, he seems sweet, I hope Charlie brings some light back into his life. He really needs to get out of that rubber duck room
#hazbin spoilers#hazbin hotel#lucifer#lucifer morningstar#analysis#dissociation#look idk what to tell you all#I watched the episode and everything makes so much more sense#when you realize he's only intaking like 50-60% of the conversations#he's not bad at listening his brain is literally preventing him from getting everything#literally I've been there#the difference between him and me tho#is that he can't show it#he's the king of hell#he has to bluff his way through conversations#but yeah literally rewatch the episode with this in mind#and watch him reply to the things he DID catch#anyways#NEW BLORBO????#who'd've thought I would go into Hazbin Hotel#and come out with freaking LUCIFER as my favorite character#I love him#he's so sad
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he’s begging kuni to let them eat pancakes for dinner
#i’m sorry to everyone who followed me for skk they haven’t crossed my mind in weeks#it’s just been knkdz and kunikida brainrot 😔#when your brat of a boyfriend asks for a kiss and u tell him no and he hits you w this face#i would slap him tbh#honestly i think it’s a good thing kuni is dead bc he’s finally been released from the eternal punishment of being dazai’s babysitter#i miss them so badly it’s not even funny anymore#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bsd#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#kunikida doppo#doppo kunikida#kunikidazai#knkdz#kunizai#lotus draws#also i deadass forgot how to shade so ignore how i basically just pillow shaded this entire drawing
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"karasu search how 2 cheer human up"
"karasu search difference between sad human and zoning out human"
"karasu search how long is it safe for humans to zone out for?"
(+ a longer look at each scene:)
#art#gif#obey me#this was meant to be a quick test. it was not quick. i think this is was the longest i've spent on drawing something since rolling ik#for some reason procreate keeps fucking up the colours on export and i'm too tired to figure out how to make it stop#can you tell that satan and lucifer were animated first?#funnily enough satan showing ik his book was pretty simple but lucifer walking was like. impossible. he kept turning out fucked up#i was so worn out by the end of it that everyone else's animations are way simpler#(the walk still doesn't look right but i've made peace with that.... i should've done some tutorials or smth first)#(such is my hubris: when i try to do new art things it's mainly by brute-forcing my way through it and hoping it works)#jtta ik#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#anyway i'd like to experiment more with trying to animate things in future so!! look forward to that?
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Revenge :3 In which Season 10 (dbhc) Bdubs gets a new fit and one person is decidedly Not Very Normal about it + the original concept sketch :]
(Referencing this post!)
#art escapades#dbhc#hermitcraft#dbhc etho#dbhc bdubs#ethoslab#bdoubleo100#bdubs#hermitcraft au#dbhc art#dbhc s10#hermitcraft s10#the one where etho sighs in relief when bdubs turns around still really gets me#I couldn’t tell you where from but I think that specific expression was inspired from somewhere#snoopy comes to mind but I can’t find any sort of ref image that has that exact expression#it’s very silly to me though LOL#etho is so downbad#me too though I can’t blame either of them#bdubs knows he’s won though which is the important thing#SILLY BOYS!!!! I missed them :3
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anyways good episode
#tadc#the amazing digital circus#tadc ragatha#tadc caine#[ ooc ]#[ doodles ]#can you tell who my second fave is#the scene with caine having an existential crisis over not being good at the only thing he's coded to do is funny to me because#i've been thinking of an au where ragatha and caine are the only people swapped - basically ragatha's the ai and caine's a human now#and ai ragatha's problem was literally That ; just not being good at the one thing you're supposed to do#like fuckin hell turns out if you swap these two there's barely any meaningful change /silly
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I CAUGHT HIM
I FOUND IT.
grian didnt include it in his own episode and lizzie didn't include it either and i didn't see it in mumbos episode? but in skizz's episode you see him add the <3 by his name and then spin around really quickly like he's scared someone saw
#ive been going crazy cause he's the only one who *would* have added the heart by his own name#but hes decided to be sneaky with it.#and for why#dfgjnmkfg#like#sus.#cause obviously he wanted other people to see it but didn't show it in his episode#so its only shown later when scar's erasing it#dgoujkmfg#they drive me crazy#theyre obsessed with each other#tell the little bread man in the red jumper that I've caught him in the act#grian#ldshadowlady#mumbo jumbo#skizzleman#the spanners#goodtimeswithscar#desert duo#scarian#wild life#wild life spoilers#life series#pixls things
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He got some fact checking to do
#Crepus lost like 5 years of his life at that moment#He will lose more#You can tell me Diluc cried and was all ‘was i a bad older brother’#I don’t believe it#Kaeya probably told him he will go check things out in sumeru#And diluc was sure.#They are kids they probably don’t know how long a mile is#‘Far’ is just what’s behind the hill#I like to think crepus took the next ship immediately#He didn’t even returned to the winery that day#He just handed Diluc to addy jcsthnk#Crepus#kaeya#diluc#genshin impact
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will you meet me halfway?
anyway i finished wolf 359 earlier this month and ive been insane ever since so i had to get this out my system. i Care for them so so Deeply
#w359#wolf 359#doug eiffel#hera wolf 359#eiffera#he was mid process kicking off his silly space boots and got distracted by something he wanted to show hera#and many such cases. i have been there#save me sarah shachat eiffel/hera playlist save me…..#i'd originally spent a while painting a 'wolf howling at the moon but the moon is a pizza' shirt design for eiffel and man i wish it had-#-worked. but i couldn't get it to look right so i made him this even more cringe shirt instead#i cant look at this thing anymore i cant IT IS DONE. if anything looks weird it's bc i've looked at it too long and i can no longer tell#i was planning to sell prints of this at MCM London! i will be there. table m14. istg i saw ppl talking about a w359 meetup?#if so count me in omg.....i have literally noone to yap to about it rn. save me#(i need to check on the ok-ness of selling w359 prints bc of it being. yanno. very indie. ig i could email them??)#lottieart
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I feel like many people have a fundamental misconception of what unreliable narrator means. It's simply a narrative vehicle not a character flaw or a sign that the character is a bad person. There are also many different types of unreliable narrators in fiction. Being an unreliable narrator doesn't necessarily mean that the character is 'wrong', it definitely doesn't mean that they're wrong about everything even if some aspects in their story are inaccurate, and only some unreliable narrators actively and consciously lie. Stories that have unreliable narrators also tend to deal with perception and memory and they often don't even have one objective truth, just different versions. It reflects real life where we know human memory is highly unreliable and vague and people can interpret same events very differently
#the way some people (usually lestat fans lol) talk about louis being an unreliable narrator has frustrated me#i still insist louis' unreliableness is mostly subtle (passing quickly over things he doesn't want to think about#presenting things that factually happened in a way he can build a story that makes sense to him#not knowing what lestat is thinking and feeling so interpreting him differently than lestat himself probably would)#rather than he's telling something that didn't really happen or is under armand's mind control or something#like for example i think it's been made very clear all the abuse really happened they're not gonna suddenly pull the rug from under it#if anything i feel lestat is going to turn out to be even worse than louis perceived him when we hear people who are not in love w him lol#keanu.txt
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my most recent random thing ive been thinking about is the idea that Doctor flirts with Rose in gallifreyan the way some people flirt with their partners in their home language even though their partner doesn't speak it and i have been obsessed with this thought ever since
#doctor who#tenth doctor#10th doctor#rose tyler#dw fanart#doctor x rose#tenrose#timepetals#dr who#doctor who fanart#dw#also who cares what gallifreyan sounds like#it wont stop me from thinking about this#also the hc that it sounds musical just makes it cuter#gallifreyan#he says things in it that he would be scared to tell rose in english#ten x rose#northernfire art
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My beautiful boyfriend @spellboundcities made art of the wonderful DDVAU (made by @xmaruu11 and @kitsuneisi respectively) and, obviously, i took that as a CHALLENGE!
So here's some fanart for a wonderful AU!
#are they holding hands? are they not holding hands? the better question is ARE YOU A NARC? /ref#i looove this au#i binge read every single thing i could when i found it months ago#and then my beloved partner#my darling angel#had the AUDACITY#to draw fanart BEFORE ME! /lhj /nsrs#so i could not let that stand#ddvau#ddvau fanart#desertduo vigilante au#trafficshipping#hermitshipping#technically but not technically?#gtws fanart#grian fanart#my art#the textposts were supplied to me by my beautiful boyfriend#with brown eyes#he tells me what to do and i say yes sir#on it boss
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A Steve who cannot buy his boyfriend Eddie's movie tickets all time, take him out to bi weekly dinners, or even publicly win him a teddy bear at the fair is a Steve who pivots, and starts making trips the the closest hobby store.
The bigger one, that sells more than just a handful of D&D manuals.
The guys who hang around there are initially confused--the sports guy who should clearly be buying sports cards is instead coming in once a month to load up on everything from fantasy books to new dice. Clearly he has to be a nerd in disguise.
Yet when one brave soul casually asked what his preferred game was he said basketball, like a total normie.
Finally after a full year of this, the guy opens the door to the shop, but for once doesn't step in. Instead, Eddie steps through and gasps, before spinning and loudly accusing Steve of hiding the store from him.
"It's not my fault you refuse to drive this far out." Steve fires right back but there's a smile on his face, and the stores entire crew watch in awe as Steve follows Eddie around.
Steve is always careful in Hawkins, when it comes to not acting like they're in a relationship but its hard in the moment, and he's not as careful as he should be.
Eddie brings an entire armload of things to the front of the store and Steve insists on paying because;
"It's your birthday man, I'm not gonna make you pay for your own presents."
They leave, the two of them practically floating, leaving behind a bewildered group of people who immediately start arguing whether or not they heard the weird sporty guy call the metalhead "baby."
#steddie#steven harrington#eddie munson#you cant tell me that man hasnt mapped out every hobby store known to man#eddie is loaded in dice#he collects them like a dragon#0o0 fanfics#stranger things#maybe ill do the reverse of this later#Eddie buying Steve sports tickets or the like#so much that the guys at the counter know him immediatly
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a happy audience is the key to the academy's heart
shadow milk design by @catxolotlquoise
#fate connected them FAR before pv was chosen to be an ancient hero. change my mind#foils in life and death#by this point sm was obv already sealed away. but i like to think he still had an influence on things within the academy#ESPECIALLY pv. because they were destined to share a soul jam and therefore share personality traits interchangeably.#interpret the sm in these dreams as not really being *him* himself#but rather a projection of his younger self who held great pride towards his students#cookie run kingdom#crk#cookie run#vanilla milkshake#shadowvanilla#shadow milk cookie#pure vanilla cookie#white lily cookie#purelily#tell me why i COULD NOT stop listening to my september while making this.#u know what u did crowmise. u know what u did.
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I've been watching Teen Titans for the first time with my partner. Saw the "Apprentice" arc and "Haunted."
#dumb#personal#like i was watching apprentice part 1 and slade spying on robin and saying everything he's done was for robin#and shit and i said “he's such a creep.”and tulli told me “yeah he's literally a predator.”#“oh my god” and every single thing about his character clicked#making robin call him “master.” saying that he could be his new father. telling robin “you like your new life with me. don't you?”#everything became exponentially more horrifying.
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to everyone asking when i’m gonna post art again… hey guys i recently acquired six incredibly large clown paintings so i’m sort of booked at the moment
#no one is asking actually i just want to talk about my recent clown acquisition#6! for $20!!! and they’re really good!#my cat loves them my roommate is bringing in his witch boyfriend to cleanse them#he has told me it’s him or the paintings#and i’m telling him it’s always gonna be the paintings#anyway this account is now my public diary#no art anymore just me posting these things#welcome to my twisted mind#not art#delete later
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