#or that at least i could erase them from my memory so they wouldn't haunt me anymore

[ofheroesandcrooks]

.

[rin-solo]

This came to me earlier, and now I am utterly obsessed: While it was clear to me that Odysseus stabbing Poseidon wasn't any kind of Vengeance, there was one act of Vengeance after all, even if inadvertent—it was Odysseus disproving Poseidon's "Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves" belief right in front of his very eyes. With him as the subject, even.

Think about it—the fact that Poseidon remained ruthless and insisted on punishing Odysseus was the only reason he got stabbed repeatedly. If Poseidon had been merciful, if he had accepted Odysseus' offer of forgiveness, he would've been fine. His own ruthlessness backfired so hard on him this time that I am sincerely hoping it haunts him forever.

I am actually utterly obsessed with Poseidon thinking back to Odysseus "Maybe you could learn to forgive?" on a daily, no an hourly basis. I cannot and will not lie to you that is unironically my favorite moment in the whole Vengeance saga just because of what it says about both the characters—about Odysseus for offering and Poseidon for declining (and also because Odysseus sings it in Poseidon's own motif which is just absolutely brilliant.) And this makes me love it even more.

Poseidon was going to decline, we all know that. I don't think anyone watching—even Odysseus, probably—expected him to accept. But then I'm picturing him lying there, bleeding into the stone, and, against his will, wondering whether maybe he should have. Maybe if he had, he wouldn't be in pain. Maybe if he had not killed Odysseus' fleet ten years ago, he wouldn't be in pain either. Maybe this one time ruthlessness wasn't mercy upon himself—maybe this time, his one grand belief was wrong. Maybe ... it was always wrong.

Obviously, he would never admit to these thoughts, he would slap himself for having them one second later. But I simply need this self-proclaimed god of ruthlessness to be utterly haunted by that and question whether he made the right choice or no—whether he's even lived by the correct philosophy all his immortal life—and no matter what, be too stubborn to admit he was wrong.

He's trying to pretend like nothing changed, but the thoughts still remain. They pester him. They won't leave him alone. Especially every time someone—anyone—is kind to him for whatever reason, they come crashing back into him and they won't leave.

"What if my own ruthlessness hurt me that time?"

"What if ruthlessness isn't mercy upon ourselves after all?"

"What if I'm wrong?"

"What if I have always been wrong?"

The most dreadful thoughts imaginable to a god as proud and stubborn and old as Poseidon, but they're there now and he can't do anything about them. You all don't understand how much I NEED this god to jolt up in his bed at 3 am after having a dream or nightmare about something related to one of his many ruthless deeds (maybe even sinking Odysseus' fleet) and go "BUT WHAT IF I HAD LEARNED TO FORGIVE?? WHAT IF I STILL COULD??" only to immediately slap himself for it because that's absolutely ridiculous.

He is left to watch this belief shatter before his very eyes as he's clinging to the remains of it desperately, trying to keep it all from crumbling. Not because he genuinely believes he's right anymore, but because he simply cannot imagine ... does not know how to live by any other philosophy.

No matter whether it's objectively correct or not, it's the very thing that defines him. The thing he's known for. He has built his entire image around this, he cannot give it up no matter what ... at least not quickly or without help.

But as much he would seek to deny it, his core belief has now been proven wrong; he has actually lived through an instance where it was wrong, and he can do nothing to erase those memories or conclusions from his mind no matter how much he yearns to go back to simpler times.

And that was the real Vengeance, guys—possibly the biggest, most painful existential crisis of Poseidon's immortal life. I rest my case.

Although before I disappear back into the void I simply must give a shout out to @o3o-lapd-o3o (this came to me during a conversation in one of their comment sections for the glorious Friends In Higher Places AU, which is quite possibly my favorite piece of EPIC fan content that exists ...)

[ddollqulaa]

maybe it was meant to be // Sam x Josh

◟✿ ⠀ ┈─★ ⠀ ೀ ⠀⦂ ⠀〈 ⠀ ━╋ ⠀ . . .ᐟᅟ ⠀ ꒰੭ ⠀ ♱

a little snippet of my w.i.p.

◟✿ ⠀ ┈─★ ⠀ ೀ ⠀⦂ ⠀〈 ⠀ ━╋ ⠀ . . .ᐟᅟ ⠀ ꒰੭ ⠀ ♱

[based on the new endings]

It's been a year since that night, and I still can’t grasp how we made it out alive. Most of us, at least, but not him. Not Josh. He didn’t make it. I thought we were close, especially after what happened to his sisters, my best friend, Hannah, and her sister Beth. When he asked us back on the anniversary of their disappearance, I thought it was a way of finding some kind of closure. But instead, he went psycho, playing a twisted joke that led us right into the worst night of our lives.

We stopped him, we stopped the terror, well at least we thought we did, but the tragedy didn’t stop there. No, we were trapped down in those mines, surrounded by these cannibalistic creatures. They tore our bodies, their nails digging deep into our skin. They hurt us, but they killed him, they took Josh, and killed him. I can still hear his voice ringing in my ear, feeling the weight of his voice. It’s a memory that haunts me, one that I will never escape.

And I’ll never stop regretting the words I left unspoken to him. Every unspoken thought, the tension between us, feels like a chain weighing down my heart, pulling me deeper and deeper into guilt. I carry that weight with me, and I always will. It’s a burden that will not be lightened, a regret that won’t fade away. Josh is gone, and the words, those things I should have said, are gone. And it will burn deep in me, till my life ends.

Now every morning starts the same, I choke down a mouthful of pills, hoping they’ll ease the pain. Hoping it will help me erase the memories. But no amount of pills can erase how much I miss him. I miss him so much, it's like an ache in my body, my soul. If only I could have saved him, held him one last time as he cried in my arms, whispered that none of it was his fault. Maybe, just maybe if I had seen the signs, he'd be here now, lying beside me, wrapped around in my arms. But he's gone.

Every day I breathe feels like a curse because, with each breath, I relive that night in the mines. The terror carved deep into my skin, Why do I still harbor these feelings for him? It's been a year, and my heart refuses to let go. I told myself I'd move on, and even went to see Dr. Hill. To try and find myself again in the therapy Josh’s parents were forced to pay for as if money could ever heal the wounds we carry. I don't speak to the others anymore, each glance at them feels like a knife twisting and pulling me back to Josh, to everything I've lost.

But this morning, when I finally dragged myself out of bed and pulled open the curtains, I saw him, I saw Josh. standing in front of my door as if the world hadn't taken him away from me, as if nothing ever happened. My breath caught in my chest, and for a moment everything stopped, the pain, the guilt, all of it. It was just him, as real as the day he left me.

I wanted to run to him, scream his name, throw my arms around him, and tell him all the things I never said. But my body wouldn't move. I was frozen, caught between reality and a memory. He stood there knocking on the door softly, like a ghost that was woven from my grief. And I stood there, shattered, unable to see if it was real or if I was lost in my despair, seeing what I so desperately wanted to believe.

This morning, my world shifted. When I dragged myself out of bed, weary and drowning in grief as usual. I pulled back to curtains and there he was, Josh. Just standing there, as if last year had been nothing but a nightmare. My heart stilled, and my breath caught in my throat, it was him, unmistakable, his jacket, his cute hair falling over his eyes, the weight of everything we had lost was written in the way he stood.

I don't understand. Josh was gone. I thought he was taken deep into the mines, the wendigos piercing his skin. I kept blinking, I was sure that I was hallucinating. Maybe, I was still asleep, tangled in the illusion that he was with us. But no matter how many times I blinked, he didn't vanish. He stood there, waiting for me.

Then I heard it, his voice, which once was confident, is now soft. It drifted up like a memory that I'd forgotten to forget.

“Sam? Are you home?”

His voice, the same voice that had once filled the empty spaces between us, rang out, and I felt my knees weaken, and my pulse quicken. I stepped back from the window, my mind in circles. This couldn't be real, Josh had been gone for a year, where did he even go? They said he was dead. Yet there he was calling out my name, like he had never been gone at all.

I threw on a jacket, my hands shaking as I flung open the door. The cold air rushed into my face, biting at my skin, but I could barely feel it. All I felt was him, Josh.

He looked down at me, with that same smile pulling on his lips. “It’s been a while, Sam..”

I stood frozen at the doorway, staring right at him, my heart pounding so loud it drowned out everything else. How was this real? ”Josh..?” I whispered, my voice cracking under the weight of his name. “I thought…..I thought you were dead, they said they couldn’t find your body.”

His smile faded, and the shadows in his eyes darkened. “ I know, I know, I thought I was dead too you know? Well….at least until I woke up in an asylum.” He said with his cute stupid laugh. “You know what I did to deserve that..”. He tried to laugh it off again.

An asylum. The words fell heavy between us like stones dropped into a still lake.

“For a year?..” My voice trembled, struggling to keep up with the aching in my heart. “You’ve been alive this whole damn time, and no one even thought to tell me?!” I was pissed, I went through all that heartache and guilt just for him to end up being hidden away by his parents, shamed as an embarrassment.

“They didn’t want anyone to know,” he murmured, his voice now barely above a whisper. “They told me it would be easier that way… that I could heal. I didn’t know how to come back, Sam, I didn’t think I ever could.”

I stood there, a thousand emotions crawling over me, relief, anger, confusion, guilt, all tangled into one big knot, which I couldn’t even start to untie. For a year, I thought he was gone, haunted by a memory of him, haunted by the words I never told him. And now, here he was, flesh and bone, standing right in front of me as if he had come back from the dead.

“I thought I lost you,” I whispered, tears dripping down my face. “ I thought I'd never see you again…”

He stepped forward, his hands on my cheeks rubbing the tears away, making me look up at him. His eyes were filled with something fragile, “I'm so sorry, Sam. I never wanted to hurt you, I didn't know how to come back to you… until now.”

My hands were trembling as I reached out, and when my hands touched his face, the warmth of his face made my disbelief shatter. He was real, I was touching him, he was touching me..”

Before I could pull myself back, I pulled him into a deep kiss. His arms held my waist as he reached under my shirt, touching my back. I held him as if he was the only thing holding me onto this world. His body warm against mine as our tongues clashed together in symphony. His body all pressed up against mine as he walked me into a wall. My shirt was half up, his fingers playing with the drawstring of my sweatpants.

“I missed you, I missed you so much..” I sobbed in between those sloppy kisses, my voice all breathy.

“I've missed you too,” he whispered into my mouth as he looked at me while I kissed him. His voice was raw, filled with the same ache I have carried. “Every single, fucking day, Sam.”

He groaned as he pushed me up against the wall harder feeling up my tits.

I clung up to him afraid that he'd let go, afraid that if she did he'd slip away again, back into the darkness where I lost him. He pulled back and gazed into my eyes, he had that cocky smirk I recognized.

“It's been a year since I've had the pleasure of feeling up a body, glad it's yours.” He said with a cocky laugh. He held me close as he nuzzled into my neck.

“yeah? Who else would it be?” I let out with a small laugh, my arms wrapping around his head as he kissed the nape of my neck.

[Tbc // dollqula on AO3]

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

okay so TENATIVE predictions for season 4: it looks like they're going to be playing into the mandela effect. half the universe remembers the umbrella timeline, half the universe remembers the sparrow timeline, and the ONLY thing both groups remember is Ben.

I've been praying since day one that Ben will have memories of both lives in his head, and judging by the fact he appears to be Going Through It in the trailer I assume that'll be the case.

since Ben is at the center of the conspiracy, I almost want to say he's who they're supposed to be rescuing? like, maybe instead of One Ben Two Lives, it's Two Bens One Cup. I don't think they'll do that, though. They're probably trying to rescue Jennifer. HOWEVER I do think it would be really sexy if Nick Offerman and Megahn Mullally weren't playing a couple but were instead playing the same person from different universes (hence being named Gene and Jean), and they somehow found each other and that's why they're leading this conspiracy.

Mystery Jennifer is stressing me out. obviously by the glowing she's got something going on. I'm thinking there's a possibility she was erased from the family's memories after Ben's death- the trailer makes it seem like Reginald made Allison rumor them after the fact. there's probably a decent chance they all knew her, she lost control of her powers, Ben died, Reginald locked her away and erased all traces of her. maybe in the sparrow timeline she died instead, or maybe she was always locked up there and Ben was drawing her from memories that were already starting to leak through from the og timeline, but either way probably in trying to uncover how Ben died they figure out they have to save her. idk!

also, six is like. a random number of years I'm sorry. why wouldn't they just say five years later? maybe another thing to do with Ben bc umbrella Ben was number six? I'm probably reading too much into that one.

I'm truly SO scared they're gonna reveal none of them have spoken during the time skip. Five doesn't deserve that 😭😭. in my perfect world him and Viktor have an apartment but the show writers 100% forgot they said those two were best friends when they were kids judging by the rest of the series rip. when the Gene and Jean characters were first announced I thought maybe Five got stuck in the foster system and they took him in, and that could still be the case (maybe that's how they noticed the universe is a lie in the first place, the boy loves to Yap) but I think it's less likely now idk

if Diego and Lila's daughter isn't named Gracie....what was this all for. what was this all building towards. what's the point. LMFAO I know the popular fanon one is Anita (personally in my head I've been calling her Poppy and I Don't Know Why) but like Gracie is the only name that makes sense, Diego is Too Much of a mama's boy to accept anything else.

this one isn't a prediction it's just a demand- I DEMAND a white violin icon moment set to extraordinary girl by green day. they can 100% get away with just doing an instrumental version since Viktor's not a girl lmfao, but it literally Haunts Me that they didn't do that at the end of season 1 (or at LEAST play the opening of letterbomb when Viktor was in the basement hallucinating) so they NEED to make up for that. it's the last season. play the fucking song oh my God.

there might be too much going on to bring the sparrows back in any meaningful way, but like! I liked them! I especially wanted more Marcus last season, he and Viktor had good chemistry. and Fei was an icon. Why Are We Hiding Sloane Tho. I considered maybe they were rescuing Sloane, but like, Luther just seems a little too happy for that to be the case? that's why I also think Diego and Lila's kid isn't the one being rescued like I saw some theories suggest- Diego is so excited and Lila's grinning in the car scene. can't imagine their 5 year old is missing.

Five is absolutely gonna die. like I'm sorry since episode 1 there's never been a believable outcome where everything's okay and he lives. HOWEVER I think there's a very strong chance the series could end with the timeline is finally saved and set right, and grandpa Five died- but then right at the end 2002 baby Five shows up and gets stuck in the safe timeline. Five has been a walking paradox the whole series. it'd be bittersweet to lose the Five we love, but know that he's still technically getting a happy ending because he doesn't have to live through the apocalypse and become an assassin. I think that's like the best outcome we can hope for.

I think it'd be EXTREMELY funny if Reginald is just super nice now that Abigail is back. like the entire excuse for 30 years of insane behavior was that he missed his wife. bestie there are better ways to cope than abusing superpowered kids </3 but lmao I'm intrigued by him and Viktor being together in both trailers! I've always gotten the feeling that Viktor is one of his 'favorites' (to the best of his ability anyway), and from the brief childhood flashbacks we see that he had baby V acting as an assistant for him, so I'd like to see their relationship expanded a little bit. honestly I just want a lot about Reginald cleared up- he does give off the distinct impression that he actually cares about his kids, even though he's abusive. I'm assuming the explanation will be something along the lines of 'well I always planned to bring you back and safe in the New Universe', that he was approaching it as a 'they have to suffer now to save the universe, and then they can be happy' mindset. that would be interesting. but I'm also a little worried they'll wave his behavior off with 'oh he's an alien he just can't understand how he affected them', which, would suck writing-wise.

I'm worried about Allison- I'm sure they're gonna want her to have a full redemption by the end of the series, but what she did to Viktor and Luther last season...like I just don't know that they'll pull off a meaningful redemption, to where it's believable that they forgive her (other than the fact they're both softies and push overs). not with the shorter season, anyway! I *think* the person Viktor was punching in the trailer was Allison. but I'm worried that instead of actually fixing the issue the writers will just have her do a sacrifice play. especially since, bless her, she's the least sacrificial person in the family, so I could see the argument that it'll be a meaningful character growth moment, but like...if they don't actually have her believably fix her mistakes it'll just feel like a lazy writing move. also, I love her and I don't want any of them to die. as I said, the only death I'm willing to accept is Five's WITH the promise of baby Five getting a happy ending.

I want the Handler to come back, even if it's only for one scene. sorry, I think her absence was one of the low points of season 3.

I think if Grace appears in this season at all it won't be the robot version we're used to, but an older version of her human self that Diego met in the 60s. could be very bittersweet. I just don't think the robot exists in this universe bc honestly if my husband revived me from the dead but then I found out he's been living without me just fine, but made a robot copy of a pretty young fling he had after my death and seemingly can't live without her. I'd be a little pissed! sorry! lmao that said I also have personally been headcannoning that Grace is actually a cyborg and not a robot this whole time, the kids just don't know because of all the insane protocols Reginald set up, so if they do something with that instead I'll be really excited.

Diego and Lila's daughter deserves powers<3

alright I think that's all I got for now. but I wanna hear more theories!!

[jonjaydami]

Small fic idea that's been haunting me of superbat but I havnt had the time to write it out so I'm just posting it here for future reference and before I forget it.

Clark had walked out of the meeting. Almost slamming the doors behind him. But there wasn't even a need to grab them. The doors closed automatically and half of the base didn't even have doors to entryways. He had grabbed them anyway, forcing then closed before quickly leaving to escape to the roof.

His heart was pounding, drowning out sounds and blurring everything together as he let the setting rays of the sun hit suit. He let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding as he sank to the edge. The concrete was cold to the touch as he settled uncomfortably. Almost like he was going to dart off the edge at any moment. But he wouldn't do that. Not that it would do anything. He would most likely go home to his....apartment.

He almost flinched at the thought. Unwanted memories trying to make their front way to his skull. He wanted to beat those thoughts, put then in a bottle and throw them so far they flew into space. But he couldnt actually do that. Maybe he could ask J'onn to erase them or even alter them so they didn't hurt.

However, on the other hand. They comforted him. Those memories of what he had for the last couple of months brought him comfort in his lonely apartment when he couldn't sleep at night, especially when he was missing a certain warmth next to him. It had only been a week since their amnesia had warn off. Only a week of agonizing pain of trying to adjust to his life without ever having dated Bruce. It was horrible to say the least.

He couldn't text or call him about dinner or whose house they would be sleeping at. No more long weekends spent in pajamas and watching old romcoms. No teasing remarks from the kids...not his kids, not any more. They only belonged to Bruce. He gripped the edge of the building. He could feel it Crack under his cold fingers. Cold...everything felt cold.

‐--------------------------------------------------

Bfffttt that's pretty much it I have right now. Maybe I should continue it. But basically the idea is that Clark and Bruce were brainwashed and forgot who they were. When the league found them and informed them they would find a way to get their memories back they tried their best to fit in and live normally but they ended up growing closer as they tried to figure out who they were and eventually they fell in love and started dating. After about 4 months the league was able to get their lost memories back.

Bruce being who he is breaks up with Clark for bat reasons. Jk-he breaks up with him because of their identities and becuase of his paranoia and safety. Which leads to the small tidbit I wrote above. No worries they eventually in my idea at least sort everything back and obviously get together buuuut maybe I will write it out now that I got that down. Writing heartbreak is fun after all.

[hanako-san]

In fact, I've had this theory in my head for some time. Do you happen to think that Sakura met Amane when he was alive? Since she's been stuck in school for many years now, it made me think that maybe they've crossed paths. There are theories that she was the other Hanako-san, maybe Amane summoned her or maybe she just influenced something in her life because of some plan to break free. Maybe she erased his memory, it's possible as they have mysterious powers.

I don't think their paths crossed in any way.

Amane looked as if he wondered if Yashiro had been deceived by Nanamine more than by Sakura's person. Amane also wonders more why Tsukasa makes him destroy yorishiros, wondering about his little brother's plan. I think Tsukasa crossed his path with Sakura,not Amane.

Her as Hanako-san? I think that's the least likely because it doesn't make sense. If she was actually no.7, she wouldn't give up her number so that her plan could succeed. She wouldn't have to play such intrigues as she does now.

Didn't she say she's like yashiro?

Of course, there's a chance that she might be lying, but I don't think it's very likely either. She is afraid of Tsukasa and doesn't want her plans discovered by him. I don't think she's lying here, it's confirmed that she has a wish and only Nene, Amane can guarantee her victory and Tsukasa helps with gossip. If she had actually been No.7 in the past, Sakura wouldn't have let the No.7 position be taken away from her. Sakura is stuck in school and lives in it for 100 years which means she may have tried in the past to do what she is trying to do now, but she failed and tries a second time now she has Natsuhiko and Tsukasa to help

It's possible that Sakura wants to repeat what happened when the Yugi twins went to school, only this time more successfully. Her actions behind Tsukasa's back show that she needs the power of Nene, Amane and Tsukasa.

That's why I don't believe in her "former Hanako-san" position, she didn't give up this position. As an assistant Tsukasa,She "borrows" kaku for her actions, but I just think Tsukasa knows about it, but lets her do whatever she wants as long as she follows a plan that benefits both of them. Tsukasa doesn't care too much.

I believe that Sakura is dangerous and from the beginning I knew shouldn't to ignore her.

Tsukasa hinted that she once had a wish. This means it's possible she was involved with someone else before Tsukasa and tried to get out earlier. Teru says school mysteries not only haunt, but also protect. This means that Sakura wants to get rid of the protection and be free herself and maybe something else, but she doesn't care about anyone.

Sakura will stop at nothing. I believe she was imprisoned to guard what's in the school, and she's trying to destroy it a second time because she doesn't want to be imprisoned anymore, or is there something more to her mind? I don't believe she only cares about leaving school. I don't think it's just about leaving school, it's about more than that.

There's really no indication that she was responsible for sealing his memory, but it's possible she knows why Amane was doing it, and she also knows how he lost his memories. That's why she needs him to repeat it.

[kachikirby]

GranEssex Chronicles: Chapter 12 - Mending the Scars of Battle

Two days had passed since Meta escaped the time loop and returned to the GranEssex. Despite knowing that the Myovam was dead, he was incredibly worried about the possibility of the time loop restarting or worse, that he was still in the time loop somehow. The young soldier was constantly haunted by the sight of his dead allies. True, they weren't dead now, but different versions of them are. Who's to say that even he died on one time loop and just didn't remember it? Not wanting to worry or bother anyone with his worries, Meta locked himself in his room. This action would only make a certain someone even more worried about him. Kurabe was currently standing outside Meta's room, wondering how she should handle this.

"Hmmm... how exactly should I go about this? Perhaps I should at least try knocking first and see how he responds. Yes... then I could go from there..." She murmured to herself.

With this idea in mind, she knocked on the door.

"Meta, it's Kurabe. Do you mind if I come in to talk for a bit?" She said in the gentlest voice she could use.

No answer. Either he was asleep or ignoring her.

"Meta, if you don't answer me, I'll read your mind." She said in a stern yet still gentle tone.

Still nothing.

"I warned you, Meta."

Kurabe closed her eyes and focused on her student's mind. What she saw concerned greatly her. In Meta's mind, there was a tornado of thoughts and memories, making it impossible to decipher anything of meaning.

"I see, he's not ignoring me once purpose, he's just distracted by what's in his head. I'm sorry about this, Meta, but I'm coming in." She thought while forcing the door open.

Unsurprisingly, her student didn't even react to her presence. He only continued to lay on his bed dully and stare at the ceiling. The sight of this alone was enough to break her heart. That Myovam was lucky it was already dead, otherwise she would have done it herself. Kurabe walked over a created a bit of ice on her hand and touched Meta's head with it, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Sensei, what was that for!? And when did you get here?"

"I got here a few minutes ago and that was to knock you out of your thoughts. I called out to you, but you didn't respond, so I had to take matters into my own hands. Now, Meta, can we talk?" She asked, sitting next to him.

Meta looked unsure, but he knew Kurabe wouldn't leave him alone until this matter was settled.

"I suppose we can but, I don't even know where to begin."

"That's ok. Take your time." She said, holding his hand. "But let's start like this... does it have to do with what happened while you were with Reedy and the others on that mission?"

"Yes. Sensei, they died, and it was all my fault. The pained expressions on their faces. Seeing them fall in seconds. I can't get the visions out of my head. Every time I close my eyes, I'm haunted by everything involving that mission." Meta explained, his body trembling the more he talked.

"I understand. And I told you we'll work through it to lessen the pain, right? But we can't do that if you shut yourself in your room."

"Then what do you suggest I do? The images follow me wherever I go..."

"Have you tried to distract yourself?" She asked.

"Yes, but they keep showing up!"

Kurabe became quiet. She then gave a sigh. "Meta, is it really that intrusive? I have an idea for that, but it's a last resort..."

"What is it?" Her student asked, concerned by the thought of a last resort by his mentor. "If it's anything to do with erasing my memories, then no. I... I don't want to forget what happened; I just want to move on..."

"And why don't you want to forget?"

"Because I'm the only one who fully remembers those Task Force Z members. Even if they don't exist anymore, I'm proof that they did. It's irrational, I know, but I don't want them to be forgotten."

The warrior quietly stroked his head to help him calm down.

"No, I understand that, Meta. If that's the case, the other last resort I have might be more viable... however, it involves taking you to a psychiatrist to be examined and having you be on medication."

Immediately, he frowned at that, looking even more upset.

"I'd rather not have to deal with that, sensei. I don't need medication; I just need to move on from what happened! So please, just help me! I don't want a psychiatrist, I want you!"

Admittedly, Kurabe was slightly surprised by that sudden outburst, but then her gaze softened. No, that was a reasonable reaction for a young man who spent weeks away from her and underwent such a horrible experience on that planet.

"Then, how about we spend some time together today?"

"...I wouldn't be opposed to that." He replied, happy that he wouldn't be, in his mind, abandoned and left in the care of some psychiatrist.

She nodded. "Alright then, what would you like to do then, Meta?"

"...are there any planets with libraries nearby?" He asked, hoping that partaking in some non-physical activity he enjoyed would help.

Kurabe took a moment to think.

"I believe one of the biggest libraries in the galaxy is actually quite close to where we are right now. Would you like to go there?"

"Yes, I think I would."

The warrior gave a smile. "Then let's take a starship there. I'll be quicker than taking an entire battleship."

Meta silently nodded in understanding.

---------

The trip would only take approximately thirty minutes to get to the library, though it felt much longer to Meta. To help pass the time, he decided to speak to Kurabe.

"Sensei, I have a question."

"What is it, Meta?" His mentor looked at him in concern.

"I apologize if this is insensitive, but have you lost comrades before? Stupid question, I'm aware."

"No, it's not a stupid question, Meta. However, to answer that, I have. Several of them."

"...How did you deal with it?"

"I decided that I would continue living for their sake."

Meta was silent after hearing that. He wanted to live for their sakes too, however...

"Is it strange that I'm mourning for people who are still alive? I saw them die, but they're still alive. I shouldn't be upset by what happened because it technically never did, yet I am."

"It's not strange to me. Their deaths were very real when they happened, weren't they? Then you have every right to be as upset as you are now."

"...It never gets easier, does it? Seeing those close to you die, I mean."

"No, but I hope it never gets easy. Feeling despair over someone's death means that the connections you had with them were real and that your heart is full of love. The moment you feel nothing about a close friend's death is the moment you lose that heart and become a monster. I've seen it happen to even the best of warriors. You have strong heart, Meta, and you need to make sure it stays strong."

He gave a nod. "I understand, sensei..."

"Use what happened to become stronger, Meta. Not just physically, but mentally. You've experienced firsthand an opponent that can't be beaten by strength alone. If you want to prevent this from happening again you need to expand your horizons. Thankfully, a library is a perfect place to start." She said, finishing her speech with a smile.

"Do you know what kind of books I should look up then, sensei?" He asked.

"How about we focus on choosing books that will make you feel better?"

"I'm not sure if I know what kind of book can do that, but it's worth a try." Meta smiled, glad that he was finally able to get these thoughts out. However, he had one more thought on his mind. "Sensei, you did destroy the magic symbol that caused the time loop, right?"

"Of course I did. That was one of the first things I did after I picked you up."

"So, there's no chance that I'm still stuck in a time loop, right?"

"The chances are less than zero."

"I see. I'm just worried that I'll wake up one morning and be back on Reedy's ship. I'm worrying over nothing, I realize, but I just can't help it..."

"And that's ok. However, I can guarantee that when you go to sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow morning, you will still be on the GranEssex."

Meta wanted to ask, "are you sure?" but he stopped himself. He had no reason to doubt her.

"Thank you, sensei."

"You're welcome, Meta. Now just know that the moment I land this ship, I'm going to hug you so much you won't be able to move."

"...Not in front of others please."

"I'll do it before we leave the ship then."

The student nodded in silence. In truth, he wouldn't mind some kind of positive interaction right now, even if it was embarrassing.

"One more thing, Meta."

The youth looked up in questioning.

"Don't be afraid to talk to me about anything. You know how much I worry about you and just want you to be happy."

"I understand, sensei."

He was happy to hear that. Even if he found her to be embarrassing at times, he was truly grateful for his mentor.

"Alright, we're about ready to land. Are you ready, Meta?"

"I am."

With a nod in response, the landing procedures for the ship began. Flashes of Reedy's crew and himself disembarking the VictoriousArc entered Meta's head and his breathing began somewhat frantic. He then felt Kurabe squeezing his hand, which had the desired effect of calming him down. Upon landing on the planet, Meta felt himself immediately being tightly hugged by his mentor. Without a single word, he returned the hug, which surprised Kurabe. She looked at him sadly, promising herself that she would make him feel better by the end of the day.

---------

After a couple of minutes, they entered the library. Meta stared in amazement at the inside. It was massive and it looked beautiful

"It looks like it goes on forever." He said, stunned by the sight.

"While it doesn't go on forever, it does go on for a while and can be a bit overwhelming at first. Now, do you have any idea what kind of books you're in the mood for, Meta?"

"A book on magic." He quickly replied.

"Then follow me." She said, taking his hand.

While he was being dragged through the library, he began to notice that there were people staring at them. The reasons why, he didn't know exactly. Could it be because Kurabe's armor stood out? Or maybe it's because they didn't expect to be so suddenly in the presence of the Lady of Shadows? Either way, he wasn't sure he liked being stared at. Growing up fighting for survival, Meta learned the importance of keeping a low profile, so a situation like this was certainly different for him.

"Meta, is something wrong?" His mentor asked.

"We're being stared at, sensei. How did you not notice?"

Kurabe shrugged. "After a while, you learn to ignore it." She then smiled. "Besides, they're more admiring us than anything."

"Us? I can understand why they would be admiring you, sensei. But me? I haven't done anything worthy of recognition yet."

"What, being my lovely, adorable, and powerful student isn't worthy of recognition?"

"Is me being your student really a well-known fact? I'm not denying my abilities, but I find it hard to believe I'm anywhere near as famous as you."

"Didn't I tell you that you're the representative of my student body? That's why you're so famous. Not only that, but I'm sure news about you defeating the Myovam might have traveled."

"It's only been two days, though."

"News travels fast, especially when a certain four eyes is in charge of spreading information."

Meta blinked in surprise. Did Reedy really credit him that much with defeating the Myovam? However, he didn't have any more time to think, as Kurabe stopped in front of a shelf of books.

"Well, here we are."

Before the two was rows upon rows of books about different types of magic. It was even somewhat overwhelming. Not knowing where to start, the youth grabbed a book at random.

"Ah, a book about magic seals. Not a bad place to start, Meta."

Kurabe grabbed a few books from the section as well and then took him to a reading area where she then sat down on one of the couches. She then motioned to her student, who sat down next to her. Meta opened the book he grabbed and was immediately sucked into it...literally. His vision turned white and when it returned, he found himself in a strange land with magic symbols all over.

"Where am I?"

"We're in the book, Meta. This book has a seal that transports the consciousness of whoever looks at it into the book itself. Think of it as a way to have an interactive learning experience." Kurabe explained.

"And how long were you going to wait until you told me that?!" He shouted back.

She only gave a cheeky smile.

"Wait, then what about our bodies?"

"Perfectly fine. You don't need to worry about something happening to us, I put up a magic barrier before I entered the book myself. And if you're worried about the time, time flows differently here. One hour in the book is about one minute in the real world."

Meta gave a nod in understanding. "So how do we get out of here?"

"Look behind you."

Doing as told, the youth spun around and saw a portal. On the other side of the portal was his and Kurabe's bodies.

"Once you're ready to leave, just step through that portal."

He nodded in response. "So, this is a learning experience, right? What do I do?"

"You see all the symbols floating in the air? Walk up to one and touch it. You'll be shown a written description of what it is and a visual demonstration of what it does."

He quietly nodded in response. Then he walked over to one of the symbols and touched it. As told, words showed up in front of him.

"The Weight Seal. Place this seal on any object or person to increase its weight. Perfect for surprise attacks and training one's body. That could be useful."

Once he got done reading a hologram of a person appeared. The hologram threw what looked like an ordinary pebble up into the air and then activated the seal, causing the pebble to fall down and crash into the ground, creating a crater. After seeing this animation, he walked over to another seal and tapped on it.

"The Time Seal!?"

The very same seal that he was a victim to. He quickly read through its description, hoping to find something that could ease his fears.

"When the seal is destroyed, presumably all damage done to prior timeliness created by the seal are reset, essentially creating parallel universes. So, wait... the Task Force in those timelines are ok then, right? If all damage is reversed, then they never died. They're still alive..."

Tears came to Meta's eyes. While his inactions got them killed, his actions saved them and every other victim. Even if the description was wrong, the idea that the ones that died are now alive brought him immense relief.

"Meta, are you ok?" Kurabe asked, walking up to him.

"I'm more than ok, sensei. I think I found a bit of closure."

His mentor placed a hand on his back. "I'm glad. Do you wish to keep learning about seals?"

"I'm... honestly not sure."

"Well, if you want an expert's opinion, I'd recommend learning all that you can. A smart warrior is a strong warrior."

He gave a nod in response and touched yet another seal.

"The Gemini Seal. A seal that separates the positive and negative aspects of the seals applicant into two bodies. Alternatively, if said applicant had split personalities, each personality would get their own body. This one doesn't seem particularly useful to me, though Tiramisu might be interested in it."

Meta then turned around to Kurabe. "Sensei, what seals do you like to use?"

"Oh, I don't use seals, Meta."

"I see, but you probably know a bit about them. What seals do you think I would benefit from?" He then squinted at her. "Also, that's a lie, sensei."

She only gave a slight giggle. "You're getting better at that. As for seals. Well, I think the Weight Seal would be perfect for your training. As for in general, the Subspace Seal would be wonderful."

He nodded. "Anything else?"

"Hmm... well there is one I suppose. It's a one-time use seal called the Numb Seal. It makes your entire body numb for a short period of time. You won't be able to feel pain, but once it wears off, you'll feel all the pain you received at once. It's useful in desperate situations. My master and myself have had to use it before some nasty battles."

He nodded in interest. "And when I say one-time use, I mean you can only apply it to your body once in your life. After you use it, your body will reject the seal. It's quite literally a last-ditch effort type of seal."

"Oooh. Ok. Anything else?"

Kurabe blinked. "You took that better than I thought you would. You must be in a really good mood now. As for other seals, the Lightning Seal. You can use it to seal lightning and use it for something later like recharging your mana."

Meta nodded.

"Well, we should probably look at the other books you picked out, sensei." He said, excited at the idea of learning as much as he could. That and the fact he would be doing it with Kurabe made him happy.

The warrior smiled at this. "It really does seem like he's feeling better already... I'm so glad..."

---------

For the next few hours, Meta learned more about magic than he ever believed possible. It was mostly thanks to Kurabe's guidance that he was able to wrap his brain around it.

"Well, Meta, what would you like to do now?"

The youth took a moment to think.

"...I'm not really sure..." He uttered.

His mentor then gave a smile. "Would you like to cuddle?"

"Sensei!" He yelled before remembering he was in a library. "Can you please not say stuff like that in public?" He quickly whispered, his entire face turning a deep red.

"Then you should start thinking of something to do." She hummed.

However, the youth could somehow tell that she was just joking...at least about saying she would talk about it in public.

"Is there a town square nearby? I feel like I should confront anything that could make me remember while I can."

"Oh, the town square is not too far from here."

He then nodded. "Ok, then show me the way."

With that exchange, they exited the library together.

---------

Once they arrived at the location, memories again flashed in his mind. Despite knowing the damage was undone, the deaths still hurt him. But he had to deal with it. He then remembered the death of the Myovam. If there's one memory he doesn't mind remembering, it was the relief he felt watching the Myovam finally die. His mentor seemed to notice this thought process and got an idea upon seeing something in the square.

"You know, Meta, some cultures believe tossing a coin into a fountain can make a wish or dream come true. Want to give it a try?" Kurabe asked, holding two coins for the both of them.

The youth hesitated for a moment, but then took the coin in his hand.

"So, do I just toss it into the fountain then?"

"You do that and then make your wish, ok?"

He nodded. The question was, what would he even wish for? Definitely not power. He wanted to become strong on his own terms and through his own efforts. Would he wish for no more death? No. As much as he hated it, death was a natural part of life and he had to accept that. Besides, if he was going to prevent death, it would be by his hands, not some magic fountain.

Kurabe seemed to notice this and looked slightly concerned.

"You can wish for anything, Meta. Love, courage, strength, it's up to you."

"I know that, sensei."

However, he then thought of a wish. He tossed the coin into the water.

"I wish that I could become stronger. Strong enough to protect everyone I care about!" He thought.

Shortly after that, Kurabe tossed her own coin in.

"What did you wish for, sensei?"

"That's a secret, Meta. They say the wish won't come true if you talk about it. Though I'll give you a hint as to what it was about."

"...it's about cuddling with me, wasn't it?" He mumbled.

"No. Now I'm not sure if I should give you a hint after all. And don't mumble." She said with a pout.

"I'm sorry, sensei." Her pout then turned to a smile.

"Well, if you mean that then I guess I can tell you. The hint is, you, Meta. Now it's up to you to figure out what my wish was."

Meta took a moment to think. Honestly, he had a vague idea what it was, but he didn't want it to not come true, so he didn't say anything.

"Besides, why would I wish to snuggle with you when I can already do that whenever I want?" She asked with a completely straight face.

Almost immediately, his face turned a dark red and he pulled his hat over his face in embarrassment. Kurabe giggled at this but stopped when she noticed Meta looking at her with eyes filled with determination.

"Sensei, I have a question. In your opinion, what does it mean to be strong? I have my own opinion, but I want to hear yours."

She nodded in response. "To me, being strong means that you can handle whatever comes your way. Not just physically fighting, but mentally as well."

"I see. Thank you, sensei."

"What about you Meta? What is the reason behind your strength?"

Meta fell quiet, thinking of the best way to phrase his answer. "I want to be strong to prove myself and to protect what matters to me. I must become stronger to prevent any more tragedies."

Kurabe smiled and hugged him, catching him off guard. "You'll become strong, Meta, I guarantee it."

He gave a small smile in response. "Thank you, sensei."

"Now with that settled, I have a suggestion for something for us to do. Besides having the largest library, this planet is known for having the largest shopping center. You might find something interesting."

While Meta wasn't that interested in shopping, his mentor's words piqued his curiosity.

"Is that true? What would I find interesting there?"

"We won't know unless we look now, won't we?" She said with a sly grin.

He nodded in understanding. "Ok, then let's go."

Kurabe smiled, but for some reason that smile carried an ominous feeling for Meta.

---------

Upon entering the shopping center, Meta's eyes widened at the interior and the size of the place. It was even larger than the library, which was already the size of a small battleship and there were so many stores he didn't know where to go.

"Well, Meta, where would like to start? I know there's weapon shop's somewhere in the middle."

"If possible, could we stop at the weapons shop first? I think I'm interested in that."

"I know, that's why I brought it up." Kurabe said with another giggle.

Meta just covered his eyes again. "Then please lead the way."

His mentor replied with a smile as she took his hand and began walking.

As they walked to the store, Meta couldn't help but notice that everyone was giving them looks again. Not looks of contempt, but of curiosity and maybe admiration. He still wasn't sure if he liked the attention or not, but he would just have to deal with it. Kurabe, meanwhile, paid zero attention to anyone that wasn't her student. He might have been feeling better but that doesn't mean that she'll stop looking after him today.

---------

Soon, they reached the store.

"Alright, we made it. I sure do wish it didn't take twenty minutes to get here, though."

Unlike the library, they had been approached by a few people during their walk. Meta looked up at the store, noting that it was surprisingly big for being inside a shopping center. The store also had all kinds of weapons on display. Spears, axes, hammers, maces, gauntlets, but what really caught his attention was the number of swords. Different styles and sizes all around him. While he preferred fighting with a broadsword, he was incredibly interested in all these other types.

"Are you looking for something, sir?"

Meta jumped a bit upon hearing that, and turned around to see presumably one of the store owners.

"I'm just browsing. Thank you." He quickly said, hoping he didn't come off as rude.

A nod in response.

"Alright, let me know if you need anything."

She then walked away. Meta resumed looking at the swords and couldn't help but notice the prices. Even just one sword from here would put a massive dent in his wallet. While he didn't care much for money, he understood the importance of saving it for things he would need like food or clothing. Noticing the somewhat dejected look in his eyes, Kurabe walked up to him.

"You know, Meta, I'll buy you any one sword you desire."

He looked surprised. "Huh? Really? Are you sure about that, sensei?"

"Of course I'm sure. Think of it as a reward for all your hard work."

The youth nodded in response. Then was the more difficult part: which one should he choose? Every blade he saw was appealing to him in some way. All of them were of excellent craftsmanship and very deserving of the high prices. Then his vision locked onto one sword in particular. A ninjato with a purple sheath and a black blade. Ninjato were typically used by members of the Bio clan among other ninja clans. He hadn't had much experience wielding one, but this blade had completely captivated him.

Kurabe seemed to notice this and gave him a smile. "Have you found something you're interested in, Meta?"

"I believe so. I would like that ninjato, please. If you don't mind."

His mentor nodded and took the sword to the register.

"Ah, the Lady of Shadows! It's been quite a while since you last visited. I trust you found everything satisfactory?" The cashier asked.

"Yes, I have, thank you. Though this time, it's my student who has found everything satisfactory, I'm sure." She said with a smile.

The clerk looked towards Meta.

"Ah, the famous Prince of Shadows. We've heard many rumors about him. Tell you what, Ms. Kurabe, I'll give you a one-time discount." The clerk offered.

"What's the catch?" She immediately asked.

"Always quick on the draw, aren't you? It's simple. I want a picture with young Meta holding the ninjato for advertisement purposes."

The youth blinked in confusion. While he did hear the offer for a discount, he was more confused about something else.

"...prince?" He asked, trying to process why he would be given such a title.

"It's what news reports have been calling you. Since you are my prized student, that makes you the Prince of the School of Shadows, just like how I am the Lady of Shadows. Newscasters give people titles all the time Meta." Kurabe explained.

"But... but do I really deserve such a title?" He uttered, slightly embarrassed.

"Of course you do! You're already handsome enough to look like a prince!" She exclaimed pinching one of his cheeks, only to have her hand be quickly grabbed in annoyance.

"Sensei, I'm not handsome! I'm training to be a fierce knight!"

"Meta, we've had this conversation before. You can be handsome and incredibly deadly." She then smiled. "Or would you rather that I call you "cute"?"

"...Handsome is fine." He mumbled.

Before the comedy routine could continue the clerk spoke up. "So do we have a deal?"

"That's up to Meta. I won't force him." She then turned to her student. "What do you think, Meta? What would you like to do?"

Meta felt conflicted. He did not enjoy attracting attention to himself, but if he could help Kurabe save some of her money it would be worth it. Taking a deep breath, the youth turned to the clerk.

"Apparently, I'm already becoming famous. So, I may as well get used to it. I'll help advertise for you."

"Splendid! Now shall we go take the photo?"

"Wait, how much is the discount? You never specified." Kurabe spoke up.

"Oh, you'll like it. It's 80% off. I guarantee the business we'll get from this advertisement will more than make up for it." The clerk clarified while getting the camera ready. "Now strike a pose, Meta! Doesn't matter what kind. Just do what comes naturally."

The youth stared, unsure of what kind of pose he should make.

"Meta, what do you usually do when you shoot lightning into the sky?" Kurabe asked, noticing how unsure her student looked.

"I point upwards. Of course the answer was so obvious."

His mentor gave a smile. "Then do that."

Meta nodded and pointed his new blade upwards. As he held it, he felt happy with his choice. Despite it being a type of blade he wasn't used to, it felt completely natural in his firm grasp.

"Alright, hold that pose please."

He immediately did and waited for the store owner to be finished.

"...and we're done. Now we just to complete the transaction and you two can get going."

The warrior nodded. "I appreciate it, and I'm sure Meta does as well."

She then noticeably looked at him, as if waiting for a response.

"Thank you..." He responded shyly.

"Oh no, thank you for allowing us to use your image to help our store!" The casher replied. "Anyway, that'll be a thousand credits."

Kurabe nodded in understanding before handing over the money.

---------

After leaving the store, the two stood once again in the shopping center.

"Now, Meta, would you like to go look in a different store, or would you like to go eat something? I'm sure you're quite hungry by now."

Now that she mentioned it, he was starting to get hungry.

"I think it's time for a meal. But you pick the restaurant sensei. We've been doing everything I've wanted to do, it's only fair if you get to decide something."

His mentor grinned. "I'll pick whatever restaurant you want to go to."

Meta stared at her. "Ok, I pick where you want to go."

His mentor pouted. "'Then I want what you want."

Meta sighed. "Fine, I'll pick something."

He then began to look around at the various restaurants in the shopping center. They seemed to serve all kinds of various food. Honestly, it was so much that he just didn't know where to go. As much as he wanted to ask his mentor, she would more than likely just say that it's his own choice. Maybe he should try a different tactic.

"Sensei, what do you like to eat?"

"Food."

So much for that. How else should he go about this?

"I'm not really sure what I'm in the mood for..." he thought to himself.

He looked at his sensei, a carefree smile on her face like normal. Maybe he should try that. Meta looked at the nearest restaurant, which was serving burgers.

"Let's go here, sensei."

"Very well then." She said, grabbing his hand and dragging him.

"Sensei, I can walk on my own." He protested.

"I know."

---------

After ordering and obtaining their food, the mentor and student sat at a table comfortably.

"So, Meta, are you having fun today?" Kurabe suddenly asked.

"I believe I am. I haven't felt this relaxed in a while. Perhaps I needed a break after what happened."

She smiled in response. "That makes me happy to hear."

"What about you, sensei?" Her student then asked.

"You already know that I'm always happy to spend time with you, Meta."

"...thank you, sensei." He replied.

"You're welcome, Meta. Now you should take your time and think about where you'd like to go next."

"No. This time I'm asking you to decide where we go next. It's only fair."

That and he truly didn't know what else he wanted to do.

His mentor, thankfully, understood this and began to think.

"Hm... how about the jewelry store... or the bookstore...?"

Truthfully, Meta was more interested in the bookstore, but he wasn't going to make Kurabe choose that.

"Well, I guess we'll go to the bookstore next." Kurabe said, clapping her hands together.

He could've sworn he saw her wink.

"She read my mind again, didn't she?" He thought to himself as he kept eating on his burger.

---------

After a few minutes of eating, he spoke up once more.

"Sensei, is it ok for me to be happy?"

His mentor blinked for a moment, but then gave a slight chuckle. "Of course it is. I understand that after a traumatizing experience you don't know how to feel. I've experienced the same feelings when I saw past comrades die in front me. But yes, you deserve to be happy and don't let yourself believe otherwise."

He gave a smile. "Thank you, sensei."

"I was wondering where you two went off to." A familiar voice said from behind them, making both mentor and student jump.

Turning around, the two puffs saw none other than Mercury standing there.

"Mercury? What are you do in here?" Kurabe asked.

"Looking for you."

"Why? I told you where would be, didn't I?"

Mercury stared at her blankly.

"...I forgot, didn't I?" The warrior asked timidly, getting a nod in response. She then immediately shrugged. "Ah, well. You're here now, so why don't you join us? Unless I'm needed for something."

"No, you're not needed, I was just curious as to why you left so suddenly. But sure, I'll stick around." The Limet responded in her usual calm manner. In truth, she also wanted to check up on Meta, but she didn't say it.

"Why didn't you try calling sensei, Mercury?" The youth asked.

"I tried to. She left her phone in her room. You must have really been in a rush to bring Meta here, huh?" She asked with a grin.

Kurabe's cheek blushes appeared to become more pronounced.

"Y... yes..."

"I figured as much. You two can finish your meal. I'll call the ship and let them know to stop worrying."

"Alright, please do, Mercury." She replied.

"Why would they be freaking out? It hasn't been that long." Meta asked.

"Well, certain members of Task Force Zetta have taken a few days off for vacation, Reedy included. So, a lot of missions they would normally take have been sent to us. When Kurabe left so suddenly, they were worried she took a dangerous mission without telling us. Again." Mercury explained, her tone indicating that this exact scenario has happened before.

Meta had a feeling they took off due to the incident with the Myovam. However, he was also not really surprised the fact that his mentor had done something like taking a dangerous mission without telling anyone.

"Wait, why wasn't I told about these missions, sensei?"

"Because I put you on mandatory break for a few days. Though at this rate, I'm sure you won't need the break for much longer." She then gave a slight grin. "Though it was quite amusing to see how shocked the general looked when he heard Reedy asking for a few days off during the meeting yesterday."

Meta couldn't blame the general for having that reaction. Reedy struck him as the type to never miss work even if his legs were chopped off. Well... ignoring the fact, he could regrow his legs anyway.

"Have you ever needed a mandatory break, sensei?"

Kurabe sat and thought about it. "Besides getting sick, there was one time I needed it. It was after I witnessed a team of acquaintances die in battle. My sensei told me to take a day off to process what happened. Other than events like birthdays, I don't normally take days off."

He nodded. "So, it's ok to take off if it's because of my mental health?"

"Yes. Both Mercury and I have done that before."

"So, I'm not weak for needing to rest?" He asked nervously.

"Of course not. Even the strongest warriors need breaks. Too much stress can destroy a person. I've seen it happen to many proud soldiers."

Honestly, hearing that made him feel extremely happy.

"So please let me know if you need a break." His mentor added.

"I will, sensei." He responded.

"Good. Now keep eating before your food gets cold."

The two continued to eat in comfortable silence until Kurabe suddenly spoke up once more.

"Mercury, you've talked to four-eyes today, right? How's he?"

"Locked in his room with Raita. She's not letting him out of her sight. So yeah, he's doing fine."

"I see." She replied in an almost indifferent manner.

"That's good to hear..." Meta said.

"Yeah, I was slightly worried when I heard he called off for a couple of days and had to contact him..." The woman nodded.

"Please, I knew he'd be fine. Besides, not hearing from him sounds like a blessing."

While what she said could be interpreted as uncaring, Meta knew that she actually was relived. Somewhat anyway.

---------

Soon the meal was done. Meta paid for it despite Kurabe insisting that she did. The youth explained that since she paid for his sword that he would pay for their meal, and it was only fair.

"Alright, Meta, so we decided that we want to go to the bookstore now, correct? Follow me."

The youth nodded and stayed close to her.

"Hey, Mercury, what books do you like?" He asked.

The woman laughed a bit nervously. "I'll admit... I like a bit of trashy romance..."

"Anything else?" He didn't visually show it, but he was slightly surprised by that.

"Oh. I also like books on biology and geography."

"Ok, but do you like any other kinds of fictional books?"

"I enjoy science fiction, like stories about robots. Those have always clicked with me even as a kid. Couldn't tell you why."

He then tilted his head. "Do you have any recommendations for me?"

"For you? There's one book I think you'd enjoy. It's called Armored Fighters. Pretty basic title, I'll admit, but it's a story of a young man training to be the best armor fighter, people who fight in martial arts tournaments using robots."

"Anything else?"

"Well, there's one called the Dragon, Phoenix and Tiger. A story of three kingdoms uniting to face a single threat. However, forces at work try to turn the kingdoms against each other. Also, they have robots."

He nodded. "Sensei, what kind of books do you like to read?"

"I enjoy every genre really. If something catches my attention, I'll read it. Fiction, non-fiction, as long as I find it enjoyable it doesn't matter. But if I have to pick a favorite type of, it'll be stories about families."

"Well, I think that's a bit obvious, considering how much you talk about family..." He uttered.

"Of course. Family is important. Like you, I grew up alone with no family so of course once I gained one, I became interested in the topic of what it means to be a family."

"Do you have any recommendations for books I could read?"

"Well, there's one story I think you would enjoy. It's called the Magic Knight. A story of a boy being summoned to another world to fight evil, forming bonds with his traveling companions and essentially become a family."

He nodded in understanding. "Ok, thank you."

Shortly after that conversation, they arrived. The bookstore was much smaller than the previous places they've been to, but still pretty sizeable.

"Anything you want I'll buy, Meta." Kurabe stated.

Her student shook his head. "Sensei, that's not necessary."

"I insist."

"So do I."

"Now, Meta..."

"I'll pay for the damn books." Mercury said cutting them off.

Kurabe blinked. "...Mercury, are you sure about that-"

"Yes, I'm sure about it! Now drop it!"

"But Mercury-" Meta tried to say.

"I'm paying, end of discussion. Now get shopping already."

Both mentor and student silently nodded.

---------

The group decided to split up and meet back up in thirty minutes. Meta was currently looking at the science fiction section. "What would be interesting to read...?" He thought as he looked at the various spines and covers.

"What's this? The Crusader of the Night?"

That sounded interesting. The back of the book explained that it was the story of an orphan, using all of skills and equipment to make a world where no one has to become an orphan like he was. Something about the premise struck a chord within Meta.

"I suppose I can give this a chance."

He then looked around at the shelves.

"Are there any others...? No, I shouldn't get anything else. Mercury's paying for it, anyway..." He thought.

"I can't read minds, but I know what you're thinking, Meta. Quit it and get what you want." Mercury said from down the aisle.

He gave a slight sigh. "Alright then, what's this one? The Supernatural Samurai? I'd question why a book about the paranormal is in the science fiction section, but I suppose there's stranger occurrences in real life."

He then saw another book that caught his eye.

"The Burning Meteor? A story of two beings fused into one fighting off an alien threat while copying the enemy's abilities to use against them. I wonder if this was inspired by us Star Warriors?"

He took the book and added it to his collection.

"Well, I think that's it then..."

Meta walked over to where Mercury was. He was slightly glad that Kurabe wasn't there, for he had something he wanted to discuss with the silver vice captain.

"Hey, Mercury, I have a question."

The woman looked down at him in questioning. "What is it, Meta?"

He hesitated for a moment before speaking.

"As a Limet and Reedy's sister, do you blame me for getting him and the others killed?" He asked with determination. He needed to bury this topic and the last thing he needed to do, was ask how Mercury felt about it.

She blinked in confusion. "Why would I blame you? They're still alive, aren't they?"

"But what if they weren't?"

"That's irrelevant, Meta. They are still alive, just like you are right now. There's nothing for you to regret or for me to blame." She replied honestly.

The youth became silent for a moment. "...thank you, Mercury."

"Besides even if they did die, I still wouldn't blame you, Meta. It's a sad truth that all life ends at some point. I would be heartbroken, but I wouldn't blame you. Also, your actions saved their lives, so quit with the self-loathing, alright?"

"I'll try, but no promises..." He sighed.

He then felt Mercury flick his forehead. "Wrong answer. Promise me, Meta."

He stared at her for a moment. "Ok, Mercury, I promise."

"Good." She then flicked him again. "What was that for?"

"For asking a dumb question. Now come, let's go find Kurabe."

He quickly nodded and followed after her.

"So did you know about my rising popularity?" Meta asked, trying to make small talk.

"I'm pretty sure you're the only one who wasn't aware of it." The Limet replied with a laugh.

"Oh..." he uttered, his face turning a bit red.

"You should look up the news more often. You've been in the headlines for a while now."

He looked up at her and blinked. "You mean... as in before the Myovam incident?"

"Yup. Defeating an ice giant. Defeating a powerful group of space pirates. Not to mention a lot of the other missions you've been on. You defeating the Myovam is just icing on the cake."

"I didn't know I was that famous..."

"I wouldn't blame you. It took Kurabe decades to learn that she had a fanbase."

Considering how easy it was for her to ignore being watched, that wasn't a surprise.

"What about you, Mercury?" He then asked.

"Me? Yeah, I suppose I'm a bit famous. It's a bit embarrassing, though, and not all the attention is positive."

He knew exactly what she meant by that. "But you still get positive attention, right?"

"Yeah, which is the embarrassing part. I'm thankful for it though. Even if certain fans are a bit... hardcore, I guess..."

Meta only looked at her in confusion. "...what do you mean?"

"I get a lot of love letters. Some more flattering than others."

"Well, isn't that kind of a good thing? You're really pretty and it's good for people to acknowledge that."

"It's still embarrassing. Plus, I'm not exactly interested in dating at the moment." She answered, instinctively putting her hand over her core.

As if realizing what that meant, Meta stopped walking.

"...I'm really sorry, Mercury. That was very insensitive for me."

"Don't apologize, Meta. You didn't mean any harm by it. I'll be fine, trust me." Mercury said with a genuine smile.

The youth smiled himself, glad that Mercury had been smiling a lot more recently.

"Ok then. Now we should probably go look for sensei."

"Yeah, who knows where she might be?" A familiar voiced said from behind.

"Ah! Sensei!" He shouted, turning around. "How long were you behind us for?"

"I just got here."

The vice captain nodded. "Well, did you pick out any books, Kurabe?"

"A few. Mainly recipe books. I've been meaning to expand my culinary skills for a while."

"Really? What kind of recipes? Any interesting novels?"

"The recipes are a secret. I'd rather surprise you all later at dinner. As for novels, I just picked up a romance novel that Mercury recommended me."

The youth blinked in slight surprise. "Sensei, I didn't know you were interested in romance..." Meta commented.

"Somewhat." She replied in a tone that didn't invite any more conversation.

"...why "somewhat"?" Her student then asked, both curious and partially wanting to finally have something to tease his mentor about.

"Because I haven't met anyone whose gotten my attention. Romantically speaking."

After that blunt reply, Mercury knelt down and whispered to Meta. "In other words, it's so she can imagine herself in her ideal romantic relationship."

The youth quietly laughed at that.

"I heard that."

"I know." She then stood up, crossing her arms confidently. "What are you going to do about it?"

"Want me to tell stories about when you were drunk?"

"Do you want me to pay for your books?"

"You're the one who offered remember? I wouldn't mind paying." She replied with a cocky grin.

"I was already planning on doing it."

"Great! Here you go." Kurabe said as she placed the books in Mercury's arms.

The woman then turned to Meta. "Well, I'll pay for your books as well then, Meta."

"Okay..." Meta replied, unsure of what just happened.

---------

After Mercury bought the books, the group walked out of the store together.

"Well, Meta, where would you like to go next?" Kurabe asked, waiting in anticipation for a response.

"I have no idea." He answered truthfully.

He had done everything he had wanted to do, so he didn't really care about what happened next. He was just happy to have his current companions with him.

"You two can decide on what we do."

His mentor nodded. "Alright then, where would you like to go, Mercury?"

"Well, there's that clothing and jewelry store we like." She mentioned, looking at Meta.

"We can go if you want. I don't mind." He replied.

"Alright then, we'll go there. Besides, we can get Meta something a bit more casual than his uniform if he wants." Kurabe said.

Her student rolled his eyes, already knowing that she'd buy him something anyway.

"Oh, don't think like that, Meta! Come on!" His mentor uttered, grabbing his hand, and dragging him off in the direction of the stores.

Mercury couldn't help but laugh at the scene that just unfolded.

---------

While Kurabe and Mercury were in the two stores, Meta quietly waited on a bench.

"I said I wouldn't mind but, I didn't think they'd take this long." He thought as he stared at some floating clouds in the sky.

"Metaaaaa! Come over here!" He heard his mentor's voice.

Meta lazily got up and walked over.

"Well, at least she looks happy." He thought. He then noticed that she was in the clothing store.

"Sensei, what is it?"

She then became silent as she looked back at him and at a set of clothing.

"Mercury, what do you think is more fitting for him...?" She murmured.

"All of them, honestly. Though if I had to choose one, the set on the left."

"Oh yes, I think that does fit the most."

Meta gave a slightly annoyed sigh.

"Don't complain, you don't even know what it is!"

"I'm allowed to complain about anything that involves me." He thought.

"Sensei, stop reading my mind, please." He said, stopping the inevitable sentence she was about to say.

She then gave a pout and began to squish his cheeks in irritation. "Don't tell me what to do! I am your teacher!"

"I was asking politely, sensei." He struggled to say through his stretched cheeks.

As if realizing this, she stopped squishing his cheeks and gave a slight huff as she took the set, presumably to go buy it.

"Believe it or not, she was looking through both of these stores to find something for you." Mercury said.

"I definitely believe it." He replied dryly, but then spoke once more, loud enough for Kurabe to hear. "But I do appreciate it."

He noticed her give a slight twitch, as if she had heard the response.

"Yeah, sorry we took so long, though." The woman added. "I know this was supposed to be a day for you to relax, but I feel a bit bad for leaving you on that bench."

"It's fine. The bench was surprisingly comfortable."

"Yeah, but were you fine with being by yourself? I'm sure you haven't been having the best thoughts lately, so..."

"Of course I'm fine. Besides it's not like you two were far away. If something happened, I know sensei would come to me immediately. I just watched the clouds to distract myself."

The woman gave a smile. "Would you like to know what Kurabe bought for you?"

"I'm sure she'd rather show me herself. Though, I am admittedly curious."

"Well, you'll have to wait until we return to the GranEssex to see it." Kurabe said as she returned.

"Well, I'm sure you both are quite tired after today, so why don't you both start making your way back to the starship? I'll join you after I pick up some ingredients for dinner tonight."

"I can accompany you, sensei." Meta said before involuntarily yawning. "...Or maybe not."

She smiled as she patted his head. "Go back with Mercury and get some rest. I want to make sure you're awake when I make you dinner tonight."

The youth nodded, not wanting to leave Kurabe alone but couldn't argue with her either.

"Let's go, Meta." Mercury said while grabbing his hand.

Slightly embarrassed, he only followed her back to the starship in comfortable silence.

---------

Either Meta fell asleep on the trip back to the starship or the GranEssex, as when he opened his eyes, he was back in his room on the GranEssex.

"I guess I was more tired than I thought." He said while his eyes adjusted to the light in his room.

"Good morning, sleepyhead." He heard a familiar voice.

"Mercury? Were you watching over me?"

"Yup. I was worried what would happen if you woke up and you were alone, so I thought I'd stay here with you. It's also because Kurabe wanted me to wait in here with you while she made dinner."

"I see. Well, thank you." He said awkwardly.

"What's wrong, Meta?" She asked in concern.

"Nothing. I'm just not used to having people watch me sleep. I swear, you and sensei always assume something is wrong. Not that I particularly mind, I guess."

"Well, we're just worried about you, you know?"

"I know and I appreciate it."

For a moment, she smiled, but then her expression became serious as she took his hand.

"Meta, you probably already know this, but if you're having any problems or worries, feel free to come talk to me about them. I know I probably can't do much about your problems, but I will at least try to make you feel better."

Meta smiled, but there was something sad about it. "Thank you, Mercury. It's just hard sometimes. Reaching out for help, I mean. I don't want to be a burden on anyone."

"I understand that all too well, Meta." She replied with a somewhat melancholic sigh.

The youth saw the somewhat sad expression on her face. It, combined with the way she spoke, gave him even more determination to become stronger, so that she wouldn't feel sad again.

"Alright, you two, enough of that. It's time for dinner." They heard a voice from the doorway, and it was, of course, Kurabe.

"Ah, sensei! Did shopping go well?"

"It did. I got everything I needed to make dinner tonight. Now, come on. I'm sure you're starving by now."

He nodded as he hopped off his bed and quickly followed her to her room.

---------

On the extremely short trip to Kurabe's room, Meta spoke up.

"So, sensei, what are we having? Is it something from that cookbook you got earlier?"

"That's right, but you'll just have to wait and see." She said while opening her door.

The youth sighed, knowing better than to pry about it and took a seat at the table.

"Did anything eventful happen? Or were too absorbed by shopping to notice like usual?" Mercury asked.

"There was a two for one sale if you consider that as eventful."

"Oh? At which store?" The woman asked.

"The grocery store." She responded flatly.

"Yes, but which one?"

"I told you, the grocery store."

"Kurabe, seriously."

"What? That's the name of the store."

Mercury blinked. "The grocery store is literally named the grocery store?"

"Yes, that's what I was saying." Her superior pouted.

"That's a dumb name."

"I know, right?!"

"Sensei, I'm hungry..."

"Don't worry, hungry, you'll get your food soon. Also, if you want to go by that name, it's fine, but I much prefer your original name."

"SENSEIIIII!" He shouted, clearly angered by that.

"Yes?" She responded, clearly not bothered by the outburst.

"...Please stop with those jokes." He said after calming down.

"I will once you stop giving such cute reactions, Meta."

Looking extremely annoyed and even angry by this, Meta hopped down from his chair and left the room. He didn't get far and was quickly dragged back inside.

"Meta, I apologize for teasing you, but you shouldn't leave like that. At least not until you eat."

Meta however still looked upset, causing Kurabe to feel incredibly guilty.

"Look, I'm sorry. I just can't help but tease you. But if it really bothers you, I'll stop for a while. Ok?"

"Then learn to stop teasing people..." he mumbled with a pout.

Kurabe's first instinct was to say, "Then learn to stop getting so upset." but she quickly stopped herself and simply hugged Meta.

"I'll try."

After what her student experenced two days ago, there was no doubt that the last thing she wanted to do was upset him.

"...You promise?" He asked weakly.

"I promise." She replied, hugging him tighter.

"Then I forgive you. Now can we please eat?"

She quickly stopped hugging him. "Oh yes, I'm sure you're excited to see what I made. Now, this is a new recipe, so let me know what you think of it, so I know whether or not to make it again."

"I'll probably like it, but ok. So, what is it?"

"It's called a gyro. It's an ancient meal from a long-lost civilization. Normally it's made with beef, but I decided to use chicken instead."

"It looks good at least." He said, taking a moment to take in the aroma.

"Well then, dig in."

At her urging, Meta took a bite and immediately he felt a surge of flavor. It was enough to completely get rid of his annoyed mood.

"Well, what do you think?" She asked.

"It's delicious! What's in it, sensei?"

"Well, chicken, of course, since I made it with that instead of the usual beef."

"I know that much, but what else is in it?"

"Lettuce, onions, a few tomatoes. And the most important part, the Greek yogurt. That ingredient is pretty hard to come by."

"Well, it's really good, sensei." He said before taking another bite.

Kurabe smiled, glad that his mood was better again. "What about you, Mercury? Do you like it?"

"I like it in the same way that I like all of your food." She bluntly replied.

Kurabe playfully pouted before turning to her student. "Well, Meta, have you had a good day?"

"I did, sensei. Thank you." He said with a smile. However, he then became tense. "Can I ask you something, sensei?"

"What is it?"

"Well, this is a bit embarrassing to admit but, I've been having nightmares ever since that day. So, I was wondering if..."

"You could sleep with me?"

"...If you don't mind..."

Kurabe was silent for a moment before she gave a quiet giggle. "Of course you can."

"Thank you, sensei." He responded, a tad embarrassed.

"Fine, you don't need to twist my arm. I'll stay in here too." Mercury said, unprompted.

"Huh!? Mercury!? But why!?" The youth asked, surprised at that response.

"Why? You said you've been having nightmares. What other reason do I need?"

"I know, but... don't you feel embarrassed...?"

"Not really. I trust you to not to do anything you shouldn't."

The youth became silent for a moment before giving a nod. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it." She said with a smile. "Well, I'll go get dressed for the night then. Meta, close your eyes."

"Um... ok?" The youth did as told.

"Alright, open them."

He did and what he saw was Mercury now in a nightgown. "That... looks... really nice on you..." He uttered shyly.

"Thanks. Now you should probably get dressed for bed as well. After you're done eating anyway."

"...but I usually just go to sleep in my uniform."

"Suit yourself." Mercury said.

However, Kurabe was having none of it.

"Wear this when you go to sleep, Meta." She said while handing him a sleeping cap.

"...sensei, is this what you got me at the clothing store?"

"One of them, yes. I got you another set of clothes, but we can worry about that tomorrow."

The youth nodded. "Alright, I'll look forward to it."

He then returned to eating.

"Is it strange that I sleep in my uniform?" He asked after finishing another bite.

"Well, it's fine if you're out in the field and have to, but I'm sure you'll be a lot more comfortable if you sleep without it." Mercury said.

"It's also because you shouldn't let it get wrinkled." His mentor added.

"But I see that you always wear your armor when you sleep, sensei."

"Not always, just the times you've slept with me. Sometimes I'm too tired to bother with removing it. Outside my visor, of course."

He took another bite. "So, are you going to be wearing it tonight?"

"No. And you won't be wearing your uniform either. I got us matching caps for a reason." She said, holding a similar cap to the one he received.

"...so that includes the kinda useless veil you wear?"

"...What was that, Meta?" She asked with a forced smile.

"Please, forget I said anything."

The forced smile returned to being a relaxed one and the danger coming from Kurabe ceased. It baffled Meta that Kurabe could ignore so much but be set off by the smallest of things. Then again, he knew how seriously she took her equipment and clothing. In an attempt to make the atmosphere more comfortable, he decided to ask another question.

"So why is it important to not have wrinkles on my uniform if it's just going to get dirty during missions anyway?"

"It's easier to clean off your uniform than to get wrinkles out and clean your uniform of dirt."

"I get that, but ultimately I'll need to clean my uniform after every mission. So, what's the harm of a few wrinkles?"

"You have to remember, Meta. We aren't just soldiers. We're members of an elite organization, thus we need to look the part. As silly as it may sound, our image is important."

He stared at her for a moment before nodding in understanding. Just then he yawned, much to his own surprise.

"Why am I so exhausted? I haven't done anything strenuous today."

"You're emotionally exhausted, Meta."

Well, he couldn't deny that, if he was being honest. He then rubbed his eyes.

"So, I guess since I'm done with dinner, I should go to sleep in a bit..." He uttered as he headed towards Kurabe's bed, beginning to slowly remove his uniform as he did so.

Once he got into bed, he put on the sleeping cap, surprised by how comfy it was. In fact, he felt like he could fall asleep at that very moment. In fact, he practically did so before he could say anything else.

"Well, look at that. Already asleep." Mercury said.

"I knew that cap would look cute on him." added Kurabe.

"It does." The woman smiled as she began to clear the table.

"Well, let's hurry up, Mercury. I want to get to bed as fast as possible. I don't want Meta to have another nightmare. He doesn't deserve any of them."

"Alright then, help me out. It'll get done more quickly if we work together."

"That's my line. I already have my half of the table clean."

She quickly looked up, shocked. "How did you? Did you use magic?"

Kurabe grinned. "No, I'm just simply a master of cleaning."

Mercury gave a slight laugh. "Alright, I should be done in a bit." She then gathered up the rest of the utensils and plates. "How about you start getting ready yourself, Kurabe?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, now get to sleep. The sleepy prince is waiting for his mother."

Admittedly, Kurabe was a bit surprised for a moment by those words, but then she let out a slight chuckle.

"Alright then." She then looked at Mercury. "Do I really come off as a mother?"

"Is that a rhetorical question or an actual one?"

"An actual one!" She replied with a pout.

"Don't you tell people to not ask questions with obvious answers?"

She only continued to pout.

"Fine. Yes, you come off as a mother. You've acted like one the minute you brought him to the ship all those years ago."

"A mother..." She uttered, taking a moment to process the word before giving a grin. "Well, of course! I'm the best mother in the galaxy! And even if he doesn't view me as his mother, I shall continue to be there for him!" She stated in her usual confidence.

Mercury giggled. "Yeah, don't really think you need to worry about that, sis."

Kurabe smiled at that as she removed her pauldrons. "Glad to see that you agree with me."

However, her happiness was short-lived as she began to struggle to remove the sabatons.

"Let me do it." Mercury said while sighing.

"I can do it!" She pouted in a childish manner.

"I know you can, but it'd be faster if I did it. Or do you want Meta to have a nightmare?"

She continued to pout, but then sat on the bed, as if giving in to the request.

"Alright, they're off. Good night, sis."

Kurabe then put the nightcap on her head.

"Good night, Mercury."

The woman left to finish cleaning the table and Kurabe crawled up next to Meta, making he wasn't having a nightmare. Upon confirmation that he wasn't, she smiled and wrapped him up in a hug.

"Good night, my little knight."

Although her student remained silent, the small smile on his face was the only thing she needed for confirmation that he heard her words. Soon, she too fell asleep, keeping Meta in her caring embrace. Shortly after that, Mercury also joined them, carefully laying down on the open side next to Meta as to not wake him up.

"What a bunch of dorks..." She said, commenting on the position they were in. Then, she gave a smile. "Still, they're my family. Good night, you two."

Although she didn't get a response, she knew that they were aware, as they gave a slight sigh. The three slept soundly for the rest of the night, with not a single nightmare to be had.

[fountainpenguin]

Hate That I Love You 12,5,4,3

[Current Ask game]

130 Prompts #22 - Hate That I Love You - Read on AO3

#ridspoilers

12: What do you like least about this fic?

I don't think there's anything I dislike about this 'fic. It's one of my pride & joys <3 There are several tweaks I would make to H.P.'s family tree if it weren't set in stone, but other than that, I like it.

I think it's one of my most creative character and plot ideas and contains one of my best argument scenes. I love Ambrosine. Something is so very wrong with him and you really get to see that in this piece in a way you don't for any other he appears in. My man did all of it and I care (about him).

My main "issue" with it is that it's backstory for an unpopular character, who is a toddler in this scene when he's an old man in the canon (Bigger investment and learning curve for readers), and the lore here is woven in with my longfic, which makes this piece difficult to recommend to others.

If anything else, since it's 5 years old I'm sure it could use a polish to bring it up to my current writing style. There are places that read choppier to my ear than they used to. But then, I'm literally millions of words deep in my FOP content now, so getting sucked into nitpicking it wouldn't go over well. Every now and then on a reread I stumble across a line written in a style I've outgrown and I do change it, but mostly I leave my stuff intact.

Overall, I'm happy with this piece. Like I said, I love Ambrosine. Hands down one of my best OCs. Absolutely not in a morally way, but in his twisted, anxiety-induced haze.

3: What's your favorite line of narration?

That leads well into the next question about narration I like, because I still love this unhinged exchange between two parents who just threw their crying son off a balcony:

Ambrosine sighed and reached into his pocket. Holding the forget-a-cin canister in front of his son's eyes, he pushed down the top and flashed the light. The pre-bottled magic jumped like a spark from the canister to his forehead. Fergus staggered backwards, rubbing his face with both palms, and went over the edge of the balcony again. His square wings snapped out, desperately beating to no avail. Both parents watched his tumble with lips pressed together hard. Solara nudged Ambrosine with her shoulder. "See, that wasn't so bad. How many doses do you have left?" Ambrosine checked the label on the canister. "Eight. And I sh-should be taking notes for class tomorrow."

Specifically, what makes this scene for me is the way Ambrosine checks how many doses are left on that can. It's just haunting and perfect to me. It simultaneously conveys how little concern he has and implies he's willing to keep this up until the end... even though his infant son is screaming and pleading at him to stop.

Also, the idea that this is all for a school project on central test theory is just... yeah (Central test theory is something I had to learn formulas for while getting my psych major, and the whole thing drove me nuts because, I kid you not, the basic explanation of central test theory is that if you had the ability to erase someone's memories a lot of times, you could have them perform a test over and over and whatever the average of their test scores is, that's their true score. I was not the biggest fan of that class).

Ambrosine living in a world where central test theory is real is just. awful, with the implication that he doesn't really see what he's doing as wrong, because hey... It's part of his major!

I can see a lack of polish in this scene that I'd tweak if I were writing this piece now, but the "checking the label" bit would definitely remain untouched.

Later in this piece (as well as in Origin), Ambrosine does some pretty messed up stuff. These little moments are a core part of his character to me, because the big stuff - like getting one of his grandkids literally addicted to shapeshifting on purpose - IS messed up, but that's nothing new for Ambrosine. He's always been "off." It's why he goes and does things like name his daughter after the name H.P specifically told him he might want for his own kid someday.

You can see Ambrosine's weird behavior in the way his filter breaks, even from the very first chapter of Origin of the Pixies, when he slips out of his prim and proper character long enough to tell Mr. Thimble, "Well, you're super annoying and I don't like you at all," which is far more juvenile than most of his dialogue (In itself a nod to H.P.'s bizarrely casual dialogue in FOP canon).

You also see this part of his character in the way Ambrosine disrespects Anti-Fairy culture (Everything from avoiding certain phrases around Anti-Cosmo in Frayed Knots to straight-up confronting H.P. in Origin and telling him his ancestors would be disappointed that he would dare form a friendship with Anti-Bryndin).

I like Ambrosine because I think he fits well in the FOP world, which is populated by ambiguously bad parents who aren't easy to cut ties with. He's a pleasant, chill guy who runs an honest business. He spared his teen son's life after a duel to the death. He took his adult child in when he showed up with baby Sanderson in tow.

He gave H.P. a decent childhood, even taking him to sports games. But that's the point. He's this blurry figure that H.P. has incredibly mixed feelings about and can't cut out of his life, especially when he ends up raising dozens and hundreds of pixies and needs all the help he could get.

Ambrosine's always been a nervous character, and his behavior stems from a background of abuse, tough expectations in his youth, having a kid while at the Fairy Academy, a war he was forced into, the burden of suddenly becoming his cruel father's sole surviving heir... yeah. Ambrosine, my beloved...

[Cnt'd under the cut]

5: What part was hardest to write?

Mmm... This piece contains some early character studies I did (which I tweaked and put in the italicized sections). I actually enjoy writing romantic / steamy scenes for character study purposes because I feel like it helps me strip a character down to their raw state and evaluate them better.

I have a few Ambrosine and Solara scenes that I've never posted and never intended to (because... OC parents of a character who's elderly in show canon; we don't need to put that on the fanfic website). I actually have them formatted nicely on a separate site because I've debated sharing them over the years, but it never felt right to me. They're vanilla fade to black scenes, but there are lines in there I love.

If people are interested then I might post them on AO3, but again, they're OCs and the FOP fandom is pretty quiet these days, so probably not. Maybe if I build my confidence with other pieces first.

Anyway, I genuinely like those early character studies, so taking those and trying to reformat them in a way that fit this piece was difficult. I think I'd do it differently or not include them at all if I were to redo it now, but I wanted to share those scenes because I had them and I liked them.

4: What's your favorite line of dialogue?

She swallowed. Her hand moved up to the place where he had held the canister. She took her hair between her fingers and clenched it tight. "Amby, I'm sorry. I love you - the good you - but this isn't working, and it's not fair. Please." Her voice left spiderwebbing cracks across the word. "Please let me go." "I can't do that." "Please, Amby. I think it would be for the best if we just-" "I know what will make you stay." Before she could grab his hand, Ambrosine shoved the canister against his own temple and blasted it. He heard Solara screech his name before his eyes rolled back in his head. His arm went over the railing, his knees were falling, and the only thing left to see was white. … So, why was he in the hospital?

Top contender for one of my favorite scenes I've ever written. I hope it came across well to readers, but I really like it. The cutting off your girlfriend / mother of your child with "I know what will make you stay" before you blast yourself with a memory wipe is just... awful. Ambrosine is... I really like him.

Personally, I think this scene was done really well. It's not a morally good thing to do, but I think I built things up so you can understand Ambrosine's desperation. Also, I think Ambrosine turning the canister on himself (after repeatedly using it on his child and partner) was a good move that makes logical sense in the story flow and hopefully wasn't obvious before this moment.

I wanted it to really come across as this "blast" moment where the reader gets thrown into this horrible situation alongside Solara, and I think it worked. It's my favorite. I would've been tempted to use this scene in an original work, but FOP canon just lends itself much more neatly to "people carrying memory wiping stuff around," so there's that.

Thanks for asking!

[ajwinter-is-a-nerd]

Le Chat Et Le Serpent - Chapter 54

Please note that the entirety of this story is a ****TRIGGER WARNING***** - mentions of child abuse, graphic violence, alcohol use, mental health, suicide, suicidal ideation, self-harm - basically a constant blow of pain towards the characters - as well as some "steamier" moments.

This is an additional trigger warning - this chapter goes over Luka's past which includes self-harm, overdose, suicide attempts/ideation, and additional mental illness facets.

Chapter Summary:

Our boys are starting to fall apart.

The chapter song is Nightmares by All Time Low (included in body)

Digging up old memories

Always used to be the one to let it go

Got my fears in a suitcase

I locked them away

In a place they wouldn't find

They still haunt me

Nightmares by All Time Low

-

Siren’s reflected off Luka’s glasses as he watched the sparking of his lighter. It kept spitting thin lines of fire, refusing to flame against the tip of his cigarette. 

“Here,” Jagged cupped his hand around his lighter as he brought it to Luka’s smoke. 

Inhaling, Luka stared into the bright light that offered him solace.

The fire didn’t feel hot as it crackled before his eyes. He set his hand out, inches from it, the fire was erasing what had happened. Never again would he be strangled in his sleep from the memories of his blood stained sheets. 

Screams were distant in the background. 

What if he went into the fire? Would it take the rest of it away? 

They sounded like they were yelling his name, but he couldn’t tell for certain. 

Anarka’s screams surrounded Luka as she picked the boy off the ground. 

Even within her embrace, she still felt distant.

-

Luka rubbed his temple as he backed away from the flame, taking a deep inhale. 

“I’m sorry, Luka. I really am.” Jagged stared at his own smoke in his hand. He hated that the boy was following in his steps. He had such a light in him, and Jagged knew he helped to ruin it. 

“Whatever. Just don’t tell the Captain.” Luka bit his nicotine stained thumb, the irony not lost on him. 

-

“Dad?” Luka didn’t like this house. Everyone was falling and the music was too loud. “Jagged Stone?” 

He continued to push through the crowd. 

“Hey, Little Man!” A strange woman kneeled in front of Luka. “What are you doing here?” 

“My dad brought me.” Little Luka rubbed his arm as he stared down to his feet. The floor was sticky with liquor and ash. 

“Oh shit, you’re Jagged’s kid, aren’t you?” Her lilac lips grinned at him.

“Y-yeah. Have you seen him?” His baby blue eyes were watering.

“How old are you?” She scanned the party. A group was around a table sharing a bag of coke, at least three different women wore nothing but a thong, and the room was thick with smoke.

“Almost seven.” His voice croaked. 

“ALMOST SEVEN! Oh, you’re nearly a man! We need to find your dad, Little man.” She grabbed his hand. She’d known Jagged for a bit now, but she never thought he could do something like this. Why the fuck did he bring his kid here? “YO! ANYONE KNOW WHERE JAGGED IS?” 

The only thing the room could agree on was that no one knew. 

“Is your sister here, too?” The woman turned towards him, worried there could be another seven year old running around in this cesspool. 

“No, she’s sick.” Luka tightened his grip around her hand. 

“Thank god.” She mumbled as she scribbled along a piece of paper. “Let’s get out of here, Little Man. Are you hungry?” 

-

Luka’s face was covered in chocolate ice cream as he snored along the booth. But when morning came, she had to leave; she had her own emergencies to attend to. Gazing back towards the sleeping boy, she prayed that Jagged saw her note. The boy would be so heartbroken if he woke up all alone. 

His stomach hurt as he woke up, the unfamiliar girl was gone. He sat there with no idea what to do, so he waited. The waitstaff kept bringing him little activities and snacks, but he stayed nearly completely still. He stared out the window and watched people pass. 

“Luka, my boy!” The restaurant clamoured around the rock idol. 

Luka watched as he gave every guest more individual attention than he’d ever received from his father. Finally, Jagged made it to his table, gaining a temporary girlfriend. 

“Who’s the kid?” She asked as she bit at his neck.

“That’s my kid!” Jagged smiled in pride as Luka stared out the window. 

“What’s wrong with him?” She grimaced at the kid with dark hair and oversized cerulean eyes. 

His teeth clenched at his mention, but he watched as a woman in a peacoat walked past the diner. It was easier to do that than to acknowledge he was coherent to the fact that the fan girl was sliding under the table. 

Jagged was terrible at saying no. 

The whole ride home, Luka kept his head straight. He never wanted to say anything to his father again. 

“Listen, I know I messed up. How can I make it up to you?” 

The boy’s face didn’t even flinch. 

“Please, we can do anything! The sky’s the limit!” 

The silence grew thicker between them. 

“Why don’t I take you and Juleka for a week to LA? They have the best amusement parks and you guys can go to bed whenever you want!” 

“I don’t want you ever near me again.” Luka finally spoke. 

“Luka, I know I’m lame, but-,” 

Flame burst from the boy’s steeled eyes as he screamed. “NO. YOU CARE MORE ABOUT SEX AND DRUGS THAN MY LIFE. DON'T EVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN!” 

“Wh-what about Juleka? What about your mom?” Jagged stuttered, the fear of completely losing his family palatable. 

Luka resumed his cold stare. 

“Please, Luka. Please don’t tell the Captain.” 

He never did. 

Jagged never reached out to him again.

Anarka started to realise something was seriously awry with Luka when he started asking who his Dad was. His father had never been a large presence in their life, but this was the first time she saw the broken look in his eyes. 

When she took him back home from the hospital after he set the fire around his eleventh birthday, she stood outside his door, listening to him play. It was a joyous and upbeat tune. He had an elated energy. Over his playing, she could hear Luka laughing. The psychiatrists said he’d been talking about strange dreams. 

“Can you believe I had a dream that our dad was Jagged Stone?” Luka’s laugh was sweet, but the reality that Anarka had tried to ignore was devastating. 

-

Jagged lowered his head at the comment. He was certainly no longer the boy he’d lost at a party. 

“Did they give you anything in there?” Jagged asked, not realising that his sentiment of concern wasn’t going to be taken that way. 

“What? Jagged Stone can’t get his own shit?” Luka snorted before taking another drag.

“That’s not what I meant! For your head, kid!” Jagged aggressively tapped at his own head. 

“Our ride’s here.” Luka pointed towards the blacked out vehicle driving towards them. 

“Listen,” Jagged stomped out his smoke before seizing the collar of Luka’s leather jacket, “I know I fucked up as a parent. Royally fucked up. And I had no fucking idea how bad you were struggling. I wasn’t there. But we were getting better. You were getting better. You had a better head on your shoulders than anyone your age when fucking Butterfly Demon guy brought you back to me. We were talking. If I set up the same therapy session we had back home, will you come? I hate seeing you like this. You might not believe it, but I love you Luka. We’ve come so far in the past seven years and it fucking kills me to see you killing yourself like this.” 

“Fucking Gabriel.” Luka shook his head as he opened the door to the car, still sliding over for Jagged. 

“You know, you might not remember it, but I did still try to be there! I,” Jagged reached into his back pocket to pull out his wallet, “I always kept every birthday photo from you two. I made sure you guys got into the good schools. I was on the phone with Anarka every time you tried to kill yourself, Luka. I didn’t know what to fucking do. The moment you asked me if I was your dad, my whole life changed. It meant I finally got to actually be here for your hard moments! I love you Luka. Please. Don’t follow my shitty lead.” 

Against what his angry heart wanted to do, Luka shifted his eyes towards the pictures. He’d forgotten how much Juleka loved her red hair. He tried to remember why she ever switched to purple, but the memory was just out of reach. 

-

Everything felt light. He knew he was dreaming. Juleka was crying as she was tying a dishcloth over his wrist. Didn’t she know it was only a dream? It was amazing, how the blood so elegantly spiralled down his finger.

He lifted his arm, watching the material around the knot seep scarlet. 

“Jules,” Luka smiled towards her, “it matches your hair.” 

Juleka’s face faded to white as Luka held it next to her head. 

“Luka, come on.” Juleka tried to tug at his unmarred arm while balancing bile and terror. 

“Don’t worry Juleka, I’ll wake up soon.

-

“What is your lead? I’m here because I fucking need to be. You didn’t have to leave us. You wrote about how awesome it is to be without your family. I write about how much I miss him.” Luka pulled another smoke out of his pack and pushed down the mini ashtray between him and Jagged. 

“Luka, you’ve always loved with your whole heart. You took after your mom in that way. I remember her calling me when that fucking older guy broke your heart. I wanted to break his goddamn legs.” Jagged lit Luka’s smoke once again. “Do I need to break Adrien’s legs?” 

The trouble, with no one knowing the whole story, is that Luka was merely a boy who had his heart broken, and was running around the world to forget him. It infuriated him. That people would tell him that ‘whoever broke his heart must be an idiot’. He would shrug it off. Jagged, however, was not just anyone. 

Adrenaline surged as Luka’s fist collided into Jagged’s face. “NO - I AM FUCKING DOING EVERYTHING I CAN TO KEEP HIM ALIVE!” 

His fist barely hurt as he recoiled it, even though the flesh around his knuckles were raw. He’d left a sickeningly dark purple mark that already started to crawl up Jagged’s cheek. 

“Jesus! You have a hell of a right hook m’boy!” Jagged rubbed the point where his jaw and skull met, trying to make sure it was still intact. 

Jagged looked back towards Luka, seeing his own reflection both in the glasses and the seething boy behind them. “How is overdosing keeping him alive, Luka? Do you die and then he gets to live? Made a deal with the devil?” 

-

“What do you say?” He ran a pill across his lips. 

The man aptly called the pill ‘the brick’, both because of its ashy red shade and the way it nearly knocked you out. Luka hadn't quite listened to the explanation, he didn’t fully understand the strength of the drug that was running against the man’s lips. Besides prescriptions, Luka had always managed to steer clear of narcotics; he knew from his dad how much they could tear lives apart. But he didn’t hear the warnings, he couldn’t think of his dad, all he could think of was the fact that there was something that could take his pain away rubbing against thin pink lips in front of him. 

Luka ran his hands through the man’s thin bleached hair. His eyes were a forest green as they glimmered to Luka, waiting for his answer. Instead of vocalising it, Luka brought his lips to his. They were dry, but at least something sweet came from them. Relaxation. 

Falling onto the bed, Luka pulled him closer. “Adrien,” he whispered towards the man. 

“Oh, um,” Luka pressed his lips against the fake Adrien’s so that he wouldn’t have to hear him correct his namesake. 

Stretching back, it was still too clear. His eyes were too dark. Luka swung his hand off the side of the bed, reaching for the neck of his Jamesons bottle. “Give me another one.” 

“Luka, you need to be careful oh well, you’re just really going for it aren’t you?” Fake Adrien watched as Luka slid three more pills past his lips. Maybe if Fake Adrien had said it was ‘oxycodone’, or if Luka had asked, he would have been more cautious. 

Instead of words, Fake Adrien opened his mouth to ask for more. Luka passed back the ziplock bag housing the discontinued pills, waiting for the pain to stop. He’d taken entire bottles of pills and still came out the other side before… surely a few red pills could not do more. 

Nathalie had requested Sass’s presence on her current mission, leaving him completely alone. He thought that he’d be fine. But all he could think about was Adrien, about seeing him again. He’d done everything he was supposed to, so whenever he finally got his chance to go back, Adrien was going to hate him. What made it worse, is that Luka didn’t have a cure for him. He was going to see the rage and hurt in Adrien’s eyes, and then it will all be over. 

The lines of reality continued to blur, but it didn’t feel any stronger than anything Luka had experienced from his own neurodivergent rollercoaster. 

With an inebriated smile, Nearly Adrien passed back the baggie. Luka bent over the edge of the bed, seemingly putting his bottle down, while he grabbed another two pills. Just a couple more and maybe he could truly believe this was Adrien. 

His body started to warm as his face went numb. He looked over at the blonde boy. A surge of contentment pulsed through his body. 

“You okay, baby?” Fake Adrien ran his hands along Luka’s face. 

Tears trickled against Luka’s cheeks as he nodded, “Now that you’re here.” He kissed the man’s wrist before holding it back against his own face. “I missed you.” 

Luka pulled the man against his chest and ran his fingers through his hair. 

-

“I didn’t fucking mean to.” Luka just wanted to feel like Adrien was back. That everything was going to be okay. How did he end up being the damn Bella Swan out of the two of them? 

“Luka, don’t take fucking pills you know nothing about! And I thought this,” Jagged waved his smoke in the air, “was the vice you took over opioids, isn’t that what you said?” 

“I KNOW! I KNOW!” Luka took off his glasses as he pulled himself into a ball. “I just, I couldn’t stop myself. I don’t know why. I don’t understand. It just never stops.” 

“Hey,” Jagged took the smoke that was quivering from Luka’s hand and, along with his own, put it out. He soothed his hand on Luka’s back. “I’ve been there. Don’t let it ruin you like it ruined me. Please.” 

-

I gotta say it’s hard to be brave

When you’re alone in the dark

I told myself that I wouldn’t be scared

But I’m still having nightmares 

(I’m wide awake, I’m wide awake)

Nightmares by All Time Low

-

The buzzer of the intercom rang through the apartment. Adrien hated it. He hated that she forced him to reinstall it. He wanted that noise to stop. Every time the buzzer went off he was at the hospital. Every time the buzzer went off, Luka left him all over again. 

It can’t be her. Adrien thought. If it was her, I wouldn’t be able to control myself from letting her in. 

“Who do you think it is?” Plagg asked from his perch on Adrien’s shoulder. 

“I don’t know. But I want that noise to stop.” Adrien’s chest heaved as he stared at the intercom. “Plagg, what the fuck magic is this?” Adrien grit his teeth watching the Kwami out of the corner of his eye.

“Are - are you sure it’s not just a little bit of trauma from the hospital? Maybe seeing your parents rings triggered something?” Plagg hated lying like this to the boy, but he was worried what a fight against Marinette would look like with only him. It seems no matter what it would end in damnation, in the form of death or servitude. 

Infuriated, Adrien walked to the medicine cabinet and stuffed one of the small circular pills in his mouth. He may not believe that they were the proper medication for him, but at least they numbed the torture of constantly living under Marinette’s control. 

The buzzer kept going. Over and over. Adrien tore a mug from the cabinet and whipped it against the wall. 

Plagg turned to the intercom and pressed it himself. He couldn’t ask who was there, but he could let them in. 

When the elevator dinged, Adrien was clasping to the counter. If he didn’t have to let them in, would it work as a loophole? 

Alya came out of the elevator, slowly treading through the doors Plagg had propped open for her. She gasped at the state of the house before turning to Adrien. It appeared as if a tornado ran through it. If anything was breakable, it was littered over Adrien’s floor. However, the most horrific was the blood stains that had been left to crust along the walls.

“What’s up, Alya?” The friendly phrase was raspy. 

She slowly stepped forward, her hormones making the fight to not break down into tears considerably more challenging. She wanted to brush Adrien’s face, but the degree that his cheeks had sunken was too terrifying to touch. His face was a powder white with imperial purple bags under his eyes. 

Forcing herself to stay strong, she pushed out the words she’d been looking for. “I came… I came to ask you for help.” 

“What do you need?” His movements were languid as he rested his elbows on the counter to help support his weight. 

“I.. Um… I want to talk to Felix for the Ladyblog, but they’re only letting family see him. Will you come with me?” 

Before agreeing, Adrien stepped forward, testing to see if there was anything preventing him from this excursion. “Yeah, let’s go.” Adrien immediately started walking towards the door, scared that if Marinette found out before he went, he wouldn’t be able to go. 

“Right now? Oh, okay!” Alya scampered after him, trying her best to ignore the haunting state of his house. 

-

Adrien pressed his head against the window as he longingly watched as cars drove past. He wanted that back, that feeling of freedom he felt the first time when he got out of the hospital and drove his Mini. 

“Are you nervous?” Alya watched him out of the corner of her eye. She didn’t know what she was allowed to say.

“Something like that.” Adrien tousled his hair. He hated its current state. Marinette suggested that he get the same one from high school, and of course, he couldn’t resist. It was a far messier version, especially since the sides were still about half an inch shorter than the hair on the top. 

As Adrien fidgeted, Alya could see the various shades of pink along his palm. 

“What happened to your hand, Adrien?” Alya debated slowing down even more, just to make their trip a little longer. 

Adrien gripped his fist shut. Some scars were from his nails, some were from whatever thing he broke in his hand while he tried to resist whatever order Marinette gave him. 

“The speed’s 110, Alya.” Adrien ignored her question, getting irritated at how slowly she drove. He always drove fast. 

“Does Marinette live with you now?” Alya couldn’t imagine how bad it would be for him if she lived there all the time. 

“She comes over twice a week.” Adrien’s bit his lip in frustration that she came over at all. 

Sensing Adrien’s unease, Alya decided to divert topics. “So, do you think Lila ever actually watched Felix Akumatize someone?” 

His face was so ashen it somehow looked dirty as he laughed. “It is hard to believe! Felix had a rough patch for sure, but she was there ! I don’t know how she’s so much worse!” 

“I mean, you’d think since she can basically piss anyone off that she’d be the perfect replacement!” Alya snorted as they turned into the prison parking lot. 

“I think it’s because we need traits that match with our Kwamis to actually be strong. Being able to understand and influence emotions, besides solely anger, is something I don’t think Lila has.” Adrien theorised as they made their way to the entry.

-

Felix and Adrien had never perfectly mirrored each other so much in their life. They were both dishevelled and exhausted beyond comprehension. 

Felix’s eyes glimmered as he saw his guests, immediately bringing a bounce to his step.

“Ugh, this is gonna be rough.” Adrien dropped his forehead in his hands. “It’s never good when he has that look.” 

Felix dropped to the table in front of them as his grin grew. “You look gorgeous , Adrien. Bet you’re regretting not taking my deal now.” He tapped his fingers along the table between them. 

“That’s not what we’re here to talk about.” Adrien leaned back in his chair, unsettled by Felix’s joy. 

“It’s what she’s here to talk about.” Felix’s eyes turned to Alya and lowly whispered, “I won’t tell you shit about the rings unless he’s not at the table.” 

The hairs on the back of Alya’s neck prickled. She wasn’t sure what she had been anticipating, but it definitely wasn’t hearing those words. 

“Adrien,” Alya turned towards him, “can you give us a minute?” 

Scoffing, Adrien stood from the table. “It’s fine, I needed to go to the bathroom anyway.” 

“Pretty ballsy still letting him hold that Miraculous. Before you know it, we’ll have an entirely new super villain duo.” Felix raised an eyebrow to Alya, as if inviting her to play a game. 

-

“Kid, are you okay?” Plagg hovered by Adrien’s face as he clung onto the edges of the sink. 

“Do I look okay, Plagg? I must be fine, I’ve been taking my meds haven’t I? That’s the magical solution to all my made up , insane fucking problems.” Adrien seethed as his arms started to buckle under his rage. 

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m sure that we can work stuff out. You know, maybe you could ask Alya to take you back to the hospital?” Plagg thought at least he wouldn’t have to follow her orders there.

“One evil for another. Either way I’m being controlled, away from the people I love, a fucking living breathing ghost.” 

“I love you, Adrien.” Plagg smoothed some of the hair out of Adrien’s face; his attempts did not stay considering he was working against gravity.

“There will always be someone ready to destroy themselves. I’m sure you’ll find a new holder without a damn problem.” Adrien’s knuckles whitened as his anger flowed through his fingers onto the ceramic. 

“Not one like you.” Plagg nuzzled into the crook of Adrien’s neck. Snake Boy better come back soon. 

“Thanks, Plagg.” Adrien forced himself to say as tears fell to the sink. “Why- why doesn’t it ever stop?” 

Still clinging to the edge, Adrien squatted to the ground, heaving through sobs.

-

Adrien had barely sat down before the buzzer acknowledging the end of visitor time went off. 

Fucking god damn buzzers. Go to hell.

“Sorry we didn’t get a chance to chat, cousin . I really do wish you the best.” Felix clicked his tongue as he was lifted from his seat. As one final piece of discomfort, Felix winked towards Alya as he said, “Give me a call if you ever get tired of your Turtle.” 

Alya’s blood chilled, Adrien’s brother had done his homework. She had a feeling, this wouldn’t be the last they saw of Felix, especially with the Miraculous still missing. 

“What did you two talk about?” Adrien dragged his feet as they walked towards the exit, not wanting to go back ‘home’.

“Oh, pretty much just said everything we already thought. He went on about how you guys would have been an amazing power wielding duo.” A truth hidden within a lie. Both her and Felix agreed until Alya was told otherwise, it was best to follow Bunnyx’s ruling. Until Luka came back, they wouldn’t risk trying to get Adrien to sneak off his own ring; if he erred in any way it could quickly lead to his death. 

Author's Notes:

This chapter literally meant so much to me. Out of all the chapter's this is the one that speaks the most from the heart. I have written Luka as experiencing BPD the way that I experience BPD. It may be important to note that there are some crossovers within myself (such as possible schizotypal). No one's experience with any mental illness will be the same. Through Luka, though, I get to show how this stuff feels and looks to me.

-

If we were to pull out the DSM-5 and determine why Luka has BPD...

Borderline personality is often associated with abandonment at a young age. There are a lot of other factors and disorders that derive from childhood trauma, but BPD is often associated with abandonment.

It is something that will never be fully “cured” but you can continue to treat it to make it manageable. Ex. Sass is the “stress case”, but the calmest, because he had to learn it.

BPD can include blurring of reality and disassociation/depersonalization; impulsive and risky behaviour; lack of self regard; depersonalization; the need to be loved while siamotainously, neverendingly, working to fuck up your life.

The opioids were an important one to mention because it’s not that Luka suddenly decides, “heroin sounds like a great idea.” It’s the not fully considering or understanding the weight of your actions. Myself, and other people close to me, have dealt with similar situations of impulse control. When you come out of that current swing you’re looking at yourself like, “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

This kind of works as an awareness to others and to the actions of characters. We are always responsible for the havoc we cause, but understanding why is important.

Also - trauma blocking is pretty common for all humans (to my understanding). I don’t think it would be quite the level of forgetting your dad was related to you, but it is a defence mechanism your brain will pop up to help you get through shit.

I did a lot of research to make sure I found a red pill. Just happened to be ‘lucky’ that it was oxycodone. Luka did take a lethal amount, and the pills were (according to the website I was on, anyway) discontinued. It is important to also understand that, in regards to opioids, Luka is showing abuse instead of addiction. The addiction is taking form in alcohol.

-

And Adrien continues to fall further. His weight? When Adrien gets overly stressed he has problems eating. Since he’s freaking the eff out, he’s really not doing well in every form of health.

- We also see the dramatic irony from the last chapter come into play, we know that the ring came off Gabriel’s finger … buuuuut…. ‘Twas Felix grabbing his own ring.

-

What did you guys think? Luka’s was a newer addition, but the prison visit has been there since the initial storyboard. Im interested to hear what this walk down “everybody is fucking falling apart” lane has been life for everyone!

-

Oh - random little point. Fake Adrien gives Luka a pill in his mouth. Luka refuses to give a pill directly to him, but will only pass the bag. Just a little, very deliberate, tid bit there.

-

Another fun little piece- I did want to find a red pill for Luka, because the pills Adrien takes different red pills Adrien takes are also red. Very different , but both red.

Hope everyone is doing well! Thank you for reading!!!

[levaagrace]

Hey! Never apologize for answering potentially rhetorical questions! It's not a crime and usually the other person is being an asshole so you taking it seriously only emphasizes their asshole behaviour!

To that end, yes! I did concede that, with regards to the compelling of statements, that unreliable narrators happen as a result of said narrators either believing their statements to be true or wanting them to be true. I was, quite frankly, not being charitable at that moment. Still aren't, to be honest, but I'm trying.

It's hard to conceptualize my actual feelings on 'dream logic' vis a vis the Fears so I will just leave it at... it feels lazy. A way to be allowed to not have to keep track of past plot points. Lets not forget the mess of a timeline Jonny gets pissy about anyone calling him out for.

Per Georgie being compelled and giving a statement, I will concede that her live statement could be considered among the written statements. That would make sense! I just personally don't see it as such. We do not have any indication that Jon's 'dreams' (read: nightmares) include those! For that matter, were that the case, wouldn't she be trapped in that moment in the same way as she was in her dream during the apocalypse? Further to the point, why would the Eye trap her in Jon's dream if it weren't to continue to wring fear out of her? Why would it trap ANY of them, were that not the case? Taking Jess Tyrell's statement into account, its clear that's the whole point. Unless we're intended to believe that, prior to Jon's death and becoming, none of the statement givers he saw in his nightmares were as haunted as those he fed from afterwards. Which would make sense, considering their lack of reaction or questioning of him! But does not take into account him actively needing to feed his patron in order to develop the abilities he does, which (in a rare act of consistency) we are told is only through him reading and taking statements. Something we have to ignore when it comes to the other archival workers reading the statements, because that would only raise further questions as to the actual cause and effect of becoming and I am already on a wild tangent.

Briefly, to address the Martin situation, those assumptions aren't refuted within the podcast, and I cannot accept them as truth. They are excellent head canons, but they are just that. Head canons. Jon's isolation could just as easily be a result of Peter FUCKING Lukas's influence. More so, even, considering his experience using the Lonely spanned decades while Martin's only just started.

In the case of Jon potentially already having powers from the moment he accepted the title of Head Archivist, that's very possible! Definitely retroactive intention! Or possibly just the intention! Not to mention, Melanie did have the bullet in her for a lengthy period of time! I don't recall where I stated her abilities by season 4 didn't make sense. Only with how sudden and easily Martin was able to utilize the Lonely to both erase his presence from Georgie's memory and become invisible. Though, I will concede that could be a result of the six months time skip. He was already being isolated due to working with Peter FUCKING Lukas before Basira and Jon's corpse even got back from the Unknowing, as far as I recall.

I don't agree that it wasn't saying Avatars aren't real. Jon, verbatim, says as much, at a time period we're supposed to believe him as all knowing and all powerful. While rambling nonsense about Smirke and the others calling them that, when it was Georgie that coined the term. Georgie who said the word that would be how we classify those being used by and using the Fears as fuel to sow... fear. Why wouldn't he be telling the truth? And I am sorry, but that's just how I see it. I do like how you perceive it, though, as anyone that can elicit more fear than they themselves generate is a “watcher” and those that can’t are “watched”. That perspective, at least, makes sense.

Thanks for this discussion! I enjoyed it! I hope it didn't step on your toes or upset you.

Actually. Y’know what? Less about my personal grievances with the characters, more about the internal inconsistencies of the world building and lore.

The Archivist can compel people to tell the truth regardless of if they want to… but the statements that feed and empower them can have unreliable narrators.

Georgie was unaffected by the apocalypse due to her loss of fear… but Jon was able to compel her to tell him a truth and feed from her statement?

Martin had a domain and was able to hide in the Lonely, but he never had to feed on anyone to strengthen these abilities.

I just. Don’t get it. Can someone explain?

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, eps 1-5 thoughts! opening the new season with episodes like these kinda blew me away. we had multiple serious episodes INCLUDING a two parter!! also, valerie :)

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-I don't know what I expected s2 to open with. but danny portal incident in more detail was not it. (also, I hate to break it to you, sam, but danny's parent's bigass ghost hunting rv def chugs more gas than those vehicles, lmao. unless it runs on ectoplasm or something...)

-WHY WAS DESIREE IN THE SEWER? HAVING TEA WITH IT DOWN THERE?? Her making the giant cow come alive is a boss move, we've almost had all of my fav animals as ghosts now <3 I also don't like how sam was expecting danny to just, haunt the place so the cars wouldn't get sold? I KNOWWW I know she's 14 (and I had a very annoying phase like this, I think I mentioned in a previous post, I GET IT) but they're HIS powers, and messing with (1) dealership will not really put a dent in sales overall because they can just move the cars to another sales lot, and it certainly wont change the industry anyway, it's more of a minor annoyance for (1) location. Also, usually people who work at car sales places work on commission, so if they dont make a sale, they don't have money to pay bills, or eat. sam baby if u wanna be an activist you need to like, actually look into these things. with as much money as her parents have, she could be doing a lot..more useful things for causes she cares about? it's frustrating to see someone with resources who doesn't know how to use them. but shes 14 so again. cannot be really upset :/

-IS THIS A PREDATOR VS TERMINATOR VS FREDDY KRUEGER MOVIE BUT THEYRE ALL WOMEN?? you know, sam is so right to be excited about this. /I/ want to see this movie. that rules

-paulina inviting danny and friends to her quinceañera, aw! even if it is just to get phantom to show up :') and there'll be a meteor shower, and we KNOW danny wants to be an astronaut!! there's not a meteor shower every night!! the tickets are non-refundable, but..she's rich? like. gotta agree with danny, they never get invited!! I KNOW it's the principle of keeping promises, but if she was that upset, she should've said something. directly. I hated how she was like, passive aggressive about it through the episode, like you SAID IT WAS FINE, THAT YOU'D GO TO THE PARTY TOO. MOVIES SHOW FOR A FEW WEEKS IN THEATERS. IF YOU HAD A REAL PROBLEM YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. WE'VE HAD THIS PROBLEM BEFORE, SAM. YOUR FRIENDS. ARE NOT. MIND READERS.

-MR. LANCER GOING AFTER THE GHOST WITH THE FIRE EXTINGISHER LMAO

-this outfit is everything . anytime the show does an over the top cutesty pink outfit i WANT IT. it looks like shit I wear JKASDHF I HAVE a bow like that and a pink sweater. I need leg warmers </3

-SAMS GOTTA RE-HALF-KILL HIM??? thats fucked up. but also, he finally got his logo!! it took until s2!!! this episode was lowkey very fucked and I felt like it glossed over a lot. does sam have guilt about like. kinda KILLING HIM?? I know, he also agreed and walked into the portal. but. she made the choice to redo it SO quickly (even if it was because someone had to beat desiree) and danny, during their fight, brought up a lot of stuff sam's done in the past, meaning he was holding onto those memories and resentment was building. (I KEEP SAYING HE LOWKEY NEEDS THERAPY, BUT I THINK MOST EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW KINDA DOES) which...is a red flag? and then they didnt even GO to the party URGH I know she tried to make up for it, but it really felt like Sam fucked up and barely faced any consequences and got everything she wanted in the end. I KNOW it's a kids show obv they aren't going to go too in depth, and she undid the damage, kinda, but...I DUNNO how to articulate it but it rubbed me the wrong way.

-but on a note about desiree, her powers of wishes were STRONG ENOUGH TO ERASE NOT JUST THEIR MEMORIES, BUT DANNY'S POWERS?! fuck, if I was danny I'd be like, trying to make friends with her. I know they always have horrible side effects as most genie-granted wishes do, but...c'mon, I'd at least TRY to be like 'I wish no ghosts would hurt anyone in my town' or 'I wish vlad would lose his ghost powers forever no matter What and also forget about my mom' LIKE. SHIT DESIREE IS SO POWERFUL. rewriting reality powerful, basically!! appreciate her. respect her.

-aww, sam helping tucker pass the nurse's office so he wouldn't see because he's afraid of medical stuff? very sweet. I also don't like medical stuff, I've gotten a lot better at handling it tho. but seeing blood and needles still makes me feel lightheaded x_x

-FOLEY, BY TUCKER FOLEY. I want to make my own perfume, that's so cool. even if his first attempt isn't good, he's pretty consistently shown to have an inventor/entrepreneur streak in the show, so like. I can see him inventing or making something (or several somethings) that make him $$$ when he grows up :) proud of my creative son

-I know the 'creepy abandoned hospital on the edge of town' is a joke and the creepy hospital trope is so Worn Out, but in my town we actually DO have a hospital like that! my dad was born in it, but its not in use and hasn't been for, like, 20 years! it needs to be torn down but I think the city doesn't wanna pay the money. the inside is horrible, spray painted and broken glass and shit everywhere. but there's still like, rusty equipment and fucking DOLLS all over the place. the cops drive by it pretty frequently to make sure no one is like, breaking in. (because of water damage, some of the areas really aren't safe. also, asbestos, but people still go in anyway) but also, some of my town was used in a filming for a stephen king show. So it's lowkey spooky all over. just a fun personal tidbit :) to lead into saying, any hospital abandoned for any period of time is NOT safe to quarantine these kids in JKSAHDKF like I KNOW it's a ghost trying to do this, but NONE of these parents are even like, 'well, why dont we keep them in the regular, working hospital'....YIKES. this hospital looks pretty accurate to the one in town. grungy and spooky.

-fentons are tax evaders confirmed by jack's fear of being audited, lol no one is surprised

-ghost sickness via ghost bugs. horrifying concept. I actually expected it to be a new villain, not dr. spectra again! this is a very elaborate scheme. her new form rules, love the new costume. the way none of the bg kids seem to recognize her as their old school councilor. did we just forget about that completely?

-dash watching romance movies in the fucked up ghost hospital. same.

-'oh please, you're ghosts, do you have any idea what YOU smell like?' no, tucker, what DO ghosts smell like? I genuinely didn't know they would even have a smell, I actually want to know now.

-it feels like a while since we've seen jazz!! i was happy to see her again, even if she was a head in a jar for most the episode. I want another jazz-focused ep!!

-we finally see danny doing space-related stuff!! him and his friends stargazing to open ep 3 of s2. cute :) until, GHOST PIRATES!!!!! ...ghost pirate captain is a small child?? VOICED BY TAYLOR LAUTNER???

-oh, the easy listening is ember's song instrumental slowed. 'vapor drone' THEY VAPORWAVED HER!!! ember in a pirate outfit tho >>>>. and the cruise being called m.bersback JKASDHJK. ember adopting a little pirate brother is also pretty cute. concerning this teen and little kid have such bad opinions of adults, like, who hurt you?? (how did you DIE ALSO?? im always lowkey curious about that. we know desiree died at an old age, but her ghost form is young, probably mid-20s, so I wonder how that sort of thing works...its a more mental thing, isn't it?) but ghost team-ups are always cool to see, even if ember bailed after danny took her guitar. I guess she probably thinks youngblood can handle it (which, he's been owning danny this far in the ep, so...fair)

-tucker got that sponsorship from nasty burger for their radio!!! again, opportunistic money maker king, love to see it!!!

-danny taking control of the kids SO FAST. he makes a pretty great leader. no one is surprised, im pretty sure I said I think he's the most mature of the trio, once again, correct, because he's taken on so much responsibility already. all the teens suiting up in the jumpsuits to go save the adults and taking the ship over with a BLIMP. OKAY LETS GO. this feels like it should be a mid finale or straight up finale.

-...speaking of finales. why is ep 4-5 of s2 combined into a 50 minute episode? I havent even clicked play and im concerned. weird placement, like, this season JUST started and we're getting a two parter? okay...why are the episodes placed like this? why not put this at episode 10 or something, for a mid-season thing?

-this is also a cute dress. possibly my fav dress so far. can her parents give ME cute dresses, I'LL wear them.

-it turns out the castle fright knight was in is called pariah's keep and there's something worse than fright knight in there! lovely! fuck off vlad wtf are you doing <3 your hubris <3 is going to literally get you killed <3 'ring of rage' and 'crown of fire' are great names tho. ...vlad turning into a super polite guy when he was scared of mr. pariah was hilarious. and fright knight doing the same...I mean, it makes sense, he's a knight, he serves a king? happy to see fright knight again either way :) vlad telling him to call him tho, lmfao. you WISH HE WOULD. (I wish hed call me, too. 😔)

-so...jack being genuinely concerned about vlad...maddie really didn't tell him what happened at the cabin, did she. damn. if I was her id immediately come home and be like 'YOU WONT BELIEVE THIS SHITTTT THIS CREEPY GUY--' like, I feel like that stuff you need to tell your partner!!! I know she didnt want Jack to think she was an irresponsible parent putting danny in danger at that time, but STILLLL. maddie spilling boiling tea on him. get his ass. how is jack this oblivious to his wife's discomfort with vlad!! ughhh

-fenton wipe (tm). trademarked toilet paper.

-DANNY AND VALERIE BEING FRIENDS??? :D that was a cute moment. 'hey val <3' and 'if you like him like him, make a move, or someone else will ;)' at sam...damn!! I love her. valerie go for it girl!!! I hate how sam and tucker treat val also, like I GET IT YOURE PROTECTIVE AND DONT TRUST but if anything him befriending valerie will help when she finds out or he tells her like I feel like she'll be more understanding that they think! ALSO I feel like her reason for not liking ghosts is valid, like you haven't really explained the full story to her anyway! she doesn't seem to have any other friends after being booted from the a-listers so im like :( but seeing them kick butt together again was nice <3

-the ghosts all RUNNING FROM PARIAH DARK IS NOT GOOD, I thought he sent them to attack or something, but no. why doesn't someone just tell desiree 'hey i wish pariah dark would die' lol. once again I think she can solve every problem <3 but seeing all the enemies in one place, being civil and hiding together? love it.

-you just know danny's gonna have to clean up vlad's stupid mess. also, jack being willing to put on the ectoskeleton pants to help maddie, as soon as vlad heard it could kill him, he suggested jack do it instead of helping maddie himself? this is why jack got the girl, my man.

-ghost skeletons. how do you end up as a skeleton ghost in your afterlife instead of a humanoid like most the ones we've seen? lmao

-the ghosts just making new homes in various stores. I'd totally be setting up in an expensive clothing store if I was a ghost.

-valerie's dad is possibly the most useful adult so far, with that ghost shield expansion!!! and valerie saving vlad and danny, even tho shes been thru it already, shes still so good!!! this family rules.

-danny: *gently caresses valerie* :)

-*then he immediately TELLS HER DAD ON HER. and his first response is 'are you okay?' :'( such a good dad...

-*me every time fright knight breathes* youre doing SO great sweetie :)

-the fenton suit thing is so silly looking. does anyone take this thing seriously

-ALL THE GHOSTS FIGHTING WITH DANNY <3 AAAAA. and the fact that pariah isn't perma-defeated, but just locked away again. yikes. he'll probably get out again, won't he? it wasn't too clear, but if vlad DID make a pact with fright knight, I am rabid. I will beat vlad to death with the fenton bat (tm). YOU DONT DESERVE A COOL KNIGHT.

-valerie being direct with sam and challenging her? kinda love that, even tho I normally don't like 'catfight' type situations. because sam has been very passive aggressive about it which is annoying. valerie knows wtf she wants and wasn't even embarrassed to tell sam, but she did tell her, giving sam time to make her own move! and sam denied it and got embarrassed/mad! and sam did have a chance when danny was about to go off and fight, and she hesitated and didn't tell him. I feel like she's hesitating because they're friends and it might make it weird between the trio (poor tucker would be third-wheeling) but if u snooze u lose, u gotta GO after what u WANT girl. smh this is a No Tsundere Zone. 😤