#it feels unfair because here I am still fkn devastated with both mental and physical effects of them dumping me
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#isn't it amazing that two different doctors told me that I must not be sleeping well bc of stress#one said I have dry eye syndrome bc I don't close my eyes completely while sleeping#the other said that the pain I feel in my teeth must be from biting on them in my sleep#and while I was listening I wanted to cry bc I know exactly why I'm not sleeping well and why I'm stressed all the time#I fkn know it's bc of my reaction to my ex dumping me and the anxiety of the months leading to that#i didn't have any trouble sleeping prior to that#and then my ex started showing me less affection and giving me less attention and suddenly i turned into an anxious mess#they broke up with me over 14 months ago and i thought I'd get over it with time but man#I'm still waking up from nightmares in which they simply love me and my brain still comes back to them as a default#and now it even has an impact on my physical condition#I'm so sick of it#it feels unfair because here I am still fkn devastated with both mental and physical effects of them dumping me#over A YEAR after a breakup#and they're just fine#i kind of stopped believing it's ever gonna get better#and that's why i suspect myself of having BPD#god i wish i could afford therapy#or that at least i could erase them from my memory so they wouldn't haunt me anymore#i rlly needed to rant#agnes for ts
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