#or suicide ideation

[justaz]

merlin still roams the earth thousands of years later yet arthur hasn’t risen. his hope has been waning for millennia and he’s been scraping the bottom of the barrel for centuries, his hope being a meager thing - barely tangible. it’s more caution than anything, he’s been getting by these last few decades on the thought “what if i give up right before he comes back?? just wait another year” and he’s held on for more than fifty years by that. then…nothing. absolutely nothing. not even a ripple in the lake. he’s still alone.

that’s when his barrel has been scraped clean, he has no hope nor caution to carry on anymore. the dragon got one last manipulation in before the end causing merlin to live for centuries upon centuries in agony and despair, held together by false hope that hurts more than arthur’s death did. though maybe that’s time talking, he’s pretty sure he was comatose for a couple of centuries after arthur died, but the sentiment remains.

he marches down to lake avalon and greets freya though she hasn’t responded since arthur passed. he requests excalibur, and she does not respond. he asks again. still nothing. again. nothing. he demands this time for her to give him the damn blade. she does not. for the first time in millennia, he uses magic to draw the blade out but something tugs the sword back, refusing him his last request.

he yells in frustration sending small waves across the still water. he tries again and again but freya doesn’t budge. he falls to his knees, tears escaping his eyes, and shouts for her to give him the sword so he can finally put an end to his agony. arthur isn’t coming back, he can’t keep wandering. he’s exhausted, he’s run out of hope. he just wants to rest. he gently attempts to coax the sword out with his magic one last time but freya still holds it from him.

[amygdalae]

Me: damn this situation I'm in sure isn't ideal, what am I gonna do about this

Suicidal Ideation Man who lives in my brain: perhaps I have a suggestion ☝️🤓

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

[rox-and-prose]

the thing about living with mental illness for decades is that occasionally your brain will be like hey you're useless and should kill yourself and your only real reaction is cmon man right now im in the middle of something

[punkitt-is-here]

lots going on in my world right now you know?

[paintedcrows]

Ever think about how Bill Cipher has canonically threatened every member of the Pines family, except Stanley, with suicide? I think about that a lot... Kid's show villain everyone!

Individual Panels below the cut!

[snickerdoodlesart]

disco disco

[patronsaintofsacrifice]

Replacing "I dont want to live" with "i dont want to live like this" was v helpful for me because it helped me figure out what parts of my life i was trying to escape and reminded me there are absolutely versions of myself i want to work towards and ways of living i havent experienced yet that i want to see

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

I'm proud of you for making it this far.

[incognitopolls]

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[thebibliosphere]

You know the cluster migraine is bad when your significant other ends up holding you while you clutch your head and sob about wanting to kill yourself to escape the pain.

Twelve hours. Twelve hours I was in so much pain I wanted to die.

And yet I still don’t qualify for pain management treatment and keep getting prescribed preventatives that don’t work for me because “we prefer not to prescribe painkillers where we can.”

Fuck you.

This is how people end up self-medicating and overdosing.

[blueskittlesart]

Now that you're gone

[neil-gaiman]

Hi, sir. Do you have any suggestions or tips for someone who feels like they do not want to go on living anymore?

I know that it sounds kind of counter-productive that someone who wishes to end their state of living to be seeking advice; but to be honest, I’m just looking for an excuse to hold on.

The best advice I can give, as someone who has been there, is, because it gets better again. Killing yourself is an incredibly permanent solution to what is often, in retrospect, a temporary condition. You are miserable now, so miserable that existing is painful, but you may not always be miserable. And when the sun comes out in your life and your mind and your heart, you could be very glad you are still alive and breathing.

[frownyalfred]

hurt/comfort superbat fic where Bruce occasionally has to chase Clark down when he's being a little more Kryptonian/Eldritch-y than normal (it's fine, he has the resources/ships/etc). when Clark's happy, he's in orbit outside of the Watchtower, floating and absorbing the sun. but when he's down or depressed? he avoids the sun. because the sun means energy, it's a reminder of his powers, of everything he's lost, a reminder of difference down at the very cellular level.

that's all to say, sometimes I think Clark goes down instead of up and hides away from the sun the only place he can: deep, deep underwater. somewhere maybe even Arthur only goes sparingly, deep in a trench where the water isn't oxygenated or habitable. and he just floats down there, trying to block it all out and failing miserably.

[positivelyqueer]

one of the most relatable and useful things someone once said to me is that what saved her from her own ideation was the knowledge that suicide is always an option.

And this runs counter to what is very often told, and I’m certainly not saying that that narrative is wrong. There are people that absolutely need to hear that suicide is Never an option.

But when you’ve been in those particular trenches for so long, the old sayings start to wear thin.

So what this person talked about was, the knowledge that she could theoretically always kill herself made it easier to postpone. Sure she could have killed herself this morning, but then she wouldn’t be out getting coffee with her friend. And she can always do it tonight.

But maybe tonight doesn’t work either because what she wants more than to be dead is to be warm in bed. So she’ll sleep on it. Maybe next week after seeing her friend’s musical.

And maybe that musical gives her the strength she needs to hold out for a bit longer, to scrape just a bit more joy from the world.

And maybe in two months it comes back, and she can’t do it anymore. But well, two months ago wasn’t the only time, she can always do it next month. Might as well wait for spring, the flowers are only just starting to come out.

So hey, maybe you could kill yourself. But you’re a long time dead with not a lot to do, so might as well scrape some more joy and excitement and interest and disappointment and music and grief and community and warmth from this world while you’re in it.

There’s always the possibility of something around the corner. Be curious and stay safe loves <3 (love heart.)

[smallpwbbles]

Oh okay

That’s cool

That’s fine