#or suicide ideation
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merlin still roams the earth thousands of years later yet arthur hasnāt risen. his hope has been waning for millennia and heās been scraping the bottom of the barrel for centuries, his hope being a meager thing - barely tangible. itās more caution than anything, heās been getting by these last few decades on the thought āwhat if i give up right before he comes back?? just wait another yearā and heās held on for more than fifty years by that. thenā¦nothing. absolutely nothing. not even a ripple in the lake. heās still alone.
thatās when his barrel has been scraped clean, he has no hope nor caution to carry on anymore. the dragon got one last manipulation in before the end causing merlin to live for centuries upon centuries in agony and despair, held together by false hope that hurts more than arthurās death did. though maybe thatās time talking, heās pretty sure he was comatose for a couple of centuries after arthur died, but the sentiment remains.
he marches down to lake avalon and greets freya though she hasnāt responded since arthur passed. he requests excalibur, and she does not respond. he asks again. still nothing. again. nothing. he demands this time for her to give him the damn blade. she does not. for the first time in millennia, he uses magic to draw the blade out but something tugs the sword back, refusing him his last request.
he yells in frustration sending small waves across the still water. he tries again and again but freya doesnāt budge. he falls to his knees, tears escaping his eyes, and shouts for her to give him the sword so he can finally put an end to his agony. arthur isnāt coming back, he canāt keep wandering. heās exhausted, heās run out of hope. he just wants to rest. he gently attempts to coax the sword out with his magic one last time but freya still holds it from him.
#angst again#is anyone surprised#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#immortal merlin#tw suicide attempt#or suicide ideation#?? idk#merlin wandered for so long bc he had hope that arthur would return#in the back of his mind he planned for if arthur didnt and his plan was excalibur - the blade that could kill anything. magical or not#he planned to use it on himself to go meet arthur instead of wait for arthur to come meet him#freya says no. dont be stupid.#merlin says fuck that give me the damn sword#arthur says š#sorry#lik bit of merthur i guess
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Me: damn this situation I'm in sure isn't ideal, what am I gonna do about this
Suicidal Ideation Man who lives in my brain: perhaps I have a suggestion āļøš¤
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
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no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I donāt owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. Theyāre always passing urges, but itās disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brainās spent so long thinking only about suicide that itās forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But Iām trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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the thing about living with mental illness for decades is that occasionally your brain will be like hey you're useless and should kill yourself and your only real reaction is cmon man right now im in the middle of something
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death isnt enough. i need to never have existed
#bpd#actually bpd#actually borderline#bpd thoughts#bpd safe#bpd vent#actually mentally ill#borderline personality disorder#cluster b#tw sui ideation#tw depressing thoughts#tw depressing stuff#passive suicidality
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lots going on in my world right now you know?
#my posts#my art#punkitt#i realize this reads as some sort of suicidal ideation post but i promise you its just looking at my hand LOL
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Replacing "I dont want to live" with "i dont want to live like this" was v helpful for me because it helped me figure out what parts of my life i was trying to escape and reminded me there are absolutely versions of myself i want to work towards and ways of living i havent experienced yet that i want to see
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I'm proud of you for making it this far.
#suicide#suicidal thoughts#suicidal ideation#mental health#mental illness#depression#bpd#anxiety#bipolar#alone#crying#isolated#sadness#sad#broken#worthless#hurt#upset#actuallytraumatized#actuallymentallyill#actuallybpd#white text on black background#black & white
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We ask your questions so you donāt have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.
#polls#incognito polls#anonymous#tumblr polls#tumblr users#questions#polls about brains#submitted dec 21#mental health#suicide mention#tw suicide mention#tw suicidal ideation#suicidal ideation cw
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You know the cluster migraine is bad when your significant other ends up holding you while you clutch your head and sob about wanting to kill yourself to escape the pain.
Twelve hours. Twelve hours I was in so much pain I wanted to die.
And yet I still donāt qualify for pain management treatment and keep getting prescribed preventatives that donāt work for me because āwe prefer not to prescribe painkillers where we can.ā
Fuck you.
This is how people end up self-medicating and overdosing.
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Now that you're gone
#*guy who just spent a full month selling 60 pages worth of comics voice* i should write another comic#this is part 1 of 2 btw. i have another one scripted from aryll's pov LOL#anyway. the concept for this has been in my head for like. years. finally decided to actually write it tho lol#the thought of his family after the initial calamity strike makes me crazy. they lost him. but he was already gone.#he was gone the moment he picked up that sword. could they have stopped it? should they have?#would things have ended any differently if they'd tried? or would it only have been worse for him?#ANYWAY. hi everyone new black and white zelda comic from the black and white zelda comic guy#skribbles#botw#loz#legend of zelda#breath of the wild#totk#tears of the kingdom#OH SHIT. TRIGGER WARNINGS#tw gore#tw suicide#tw suicidal ideation#<sorry 4 forgetting at first LMAO
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Hi, sir. Do you have any suggestions or tips for someone who feels like they do not want to go on living anymore?
I know that it sounds kind of counter-productive that someone who wishes to end their state of living to be seeking advice; but to be honest, Iām just looking for an excuse to hold on.
The best advice I can give, as someone who has been there, is, because it gets better again. Killing yourself is an incredibly permanent solution to what is often, in retrospect, a temporary condition. You are miserable now, so miserable that existing is painful, but you may not always be miserable. And when the sun comes out in your life and your mind and your heart, you could be very glad you are still alive and breathing.
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hurt/comfort superbat fic where Bruce occasionally has to chase Clark down when he's being a little more Kryptonian/Eldritch-y than normal (it's fine, he has the resources/ships/etc). when Clark's happy, he's in orbit outside of the Watchtower, floating and absorbing the sun. but when he's down or depressed? he avoids the sun. because the sun means energy, it's a reminder of his powers, of everything he's lost, a reminder of difference down at the very cellular level.
that's all to say, sometimes I think Clark goes down instead of up and hides away from the sun the only place he can: deep, deep underwater. somewhere maybe even Arthur only goes sparingly, deep in a trench where the water isn't oxygenated or habitable. and he just floats down there, trying to block it all out and failing miserably.
#(and then bruce has to call in a favor and arthur goes to get clark)#and bruce chucks him under some sun lamps in the cave and tells him there are far easier ways to kill himself#and still have a body for his poor mother to bury#and that shuts clark right the fuck up#bruce wayne#batman#dc#clark kent#superbat#suicide mention#tw suicidal ideation#idk something about a sun creature avoiding sun#you know?#fic ideas#eldritch kryptonians#eldritch#kryptonian biology
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Yeah it sucks how some neurotypicals have watered down the term trigger, but the solution isn't to claim that only severely traumatized people have triggers. Most mental health issues can be triggered. If you have OCD and something makes your intrusive thoughts spike up, that was a trigger. If you are autistic and something makes your sensory issues flare up, that was a trigger. If you have depression and something makes you have suicidal thoughts, that was a trigger. If you have anxiety and something makes it worse, that was a trigger. It isn't just PTSD which can get triggered
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one of the most relatable and useful things someone once said to me is that what saved her from her own ideation was the knowledge that suicide is always an option.
And this runs counter to what is very often told, and Iām certainly not saying that that narrative is wrong. There are people that absolutely need to hear that suicide is Never an option.
But when youāve been in those particular trenches for so long, the old sayings start to wear thin.
So what this person talked about was, the knowledge that she could theoretically always kill herself made it easier to postpone. Sure she could have killed herself this morning, but then she wouldnāt be out getting coffee with her friend. And she can always do it tonight.
But maybe tonight doesnāt work either because what she wants more than to be dead is to be warm in bed. So sheāll sleep on it. Maybe next week after seeing her friendās musical.
And maybe that musical gives her the strength she needs to hold out for a bit longer, to scrape just a bit more joy from the world.
And maybe in two months it comes back, and she canāt do it anymore. But well, two months ago wasnāt the only time, she can always do it next month. Might as well wait for spring, the flowers are only just starting to come out.
So hey, maybe you could kill yourself. But youāre a long time dead with not a lot to do, so might as well scrape some more joy and excitement and interest and disappointment and music and grief and community and warmth from this world while youāre in it.
Thereās always the possibility of something around the corner. Be curious and stay safe loves <3 (love heart.)
#Suicide#suicidal ideation#hope#Reasons not to#reasons to stay#reasons to live#reasons to keep going
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born to be a sacrifice ^_^ forced to go wsg gang :3
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can you guys tell i rewatched a silent voice... festival scene got me like š¹š¹š¹šæš¹š¹š¹šæš¹šæšæšæšæšæšæ
#HAPPY LATE HALLOWEEN YAYYYYYY sry nothing in this post is halloween related ill post halloween fart later āļøš„ø#monkie kid#lmk#lego monkie kid#monkey king#sun wukong#mk#monkie kid mk#qi xiaotian#mei dragon#long xiaojiao#jttw#journey to the west#great sage equal to heaven#my swk design#the scar on his heart is from when he was hit with the samadhi fire and baije spread the flame throughout his body#mr tang#pigsy#lmk pigsy#lmk tang#freenoodleshipping#sorry for all the sad mk art i like to give him all my mental illness#mfw the charatcer you headcanoned to have suicidal ideations has suicidal ideations in canon#my ocs#ocs#thse are their ballroom fits for an upcoming arc#idk if ive posted them before i keep a good chunk of art to meself
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