#or sometimes care way too much
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the thing that really gets me about ocd is that you can have obsessive thoughts about ANYTHING. and that shit will keep you up at night no matter how tired you are bcuz it's all your brain will think about. close ur eyes and u can see it like it taped to the back of your eyelids
#like i gotta be up in less than 5 hours can i please. catch a break#and the best part!! is that sometimes the things your brain is looped on dont bother you in the moment#like earlier when you initially saw or heard about or thought about the thing#but guess what- its later now and youre sleepy now and sleepy brains dont care about things the way awake ones do#or sometimes care way too much#i honestly can hardly watch shows anymore for lengths at a time becauee then my brain will start to latch onto it#so even when im tired and want to sleep i will not stop thinkint about it#like ughhjjfjfkgkgk#thank u for coming to my ted talk#westy's shit#ocd
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at least it'll be wonderful while it lasts.
(a little post-game downtime discussion, when they have the time and space to talk about these things. also in my canon, scratch gets to stay. :/)
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#bg3 tav#astarion x tav#tavstarion#oc: finch#my art#bloodoath#finch always thought his life would be short either from being a half-orc or taking up his oath#and although his former partner shook a lot of that pessimism loose#caution's death sort of flushed any hope finch had for himself of being anything but a means of vengeance#until of course he found himself surrounded by/in charge of a bunch of sad brainwormed fools#and was suddenly like oh these are people. i used to be a person too. i... i care so much about them oh holy shit#but i think even AFTER the netherbrain he sometimes can't shake the feeling#that he's expendable#that by upbringing or by profession he is the exception to the rule of being loved even if you're broken#he's got time to sort himself out. they both do#but either way immortality just isn't on the table for him. he's TIRED
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today, my coworkers’ refusal to see me as a man put one of our patients in a position where they felt unsafe for the third time. i’ve been at this job for less than two months total. i don’t even care about getting misgendered anymore, i just want the people we’re supposed to be taking care of to feel comfortable around me.
i work at a hospital where we have to supervise our patients in a lot of vulnerable situations. there are safeguarding rules in place for certain things that male employees aren’t allowed to be present for when it comes to female patients. and yet, the people training me and telling me what to do have repeatedly put me in situations where i’ve been forced to do things that the female patients aren’t comfortable with me doing. and because they have repeatedly failed to teach me the rules for doing my job as a man, i have no way of knowing when i’m crossing one of those lines unless one of the patients tells me.
i’ve had to watch a victim of SA stare at me in abject terror as my coworkers asked her to strip naked with me still in the room. it took several minutes for her to even be able to speak enough to ask if i could leave the room. i found out after that she broke down crying the moment i walked out. my biggest regret is that i didn’t realize what was happening fast enough to leave before she ever had to say something, because she shouldn’t have had to say it. i never should’ve been allowed in the room in the first place, because that’s not something male employees are supposed to be present for. but i didn’t know that yet, because i was training and i thought surely, they wouldn’t train me to do something that directly violated their own safeguarding rules. that moment was the first time, and it’s haunted me ever since, but it wasn’t the last time. not only did it happen for the third time today — it almost happened for the fourth, and would have if someone hadn’t spoken up to say they should pick someone else. i care for these people so deeply, it’s why i took this job, and i’m so tired of hearing the fear in their voices when they have to ask me not to do something i never should’ve been told to do.
i’m very used to the personal discomfort of being misgendered. i willingly deal with it a lot at work as well as in other situations, not because i’m in the closet (at this point in my medical transition that would be impossible), but because it’s such a frequent occurrence with my coworkers that we would never get anything done if i took the time to correct them every time. but to see it get to the point of causing such visceral discomfort in other people? people i’m supposed to be taking care of and keeping safe? that’s something else entirely, and i’m fucking exhausted.
and after all of that, some of them still look at me like i have two heads when they tell me what to do and i say “i can’t do that, only female employees can” because i’m learning now. clearly i’m already seen as a man by our patients, but my coworkers would still rather put them in an unsafe situation than just train me as a man.
#to be clear it’s four different things they’ve asked me to do that im not supposed to#as soon as i find out about one rule they ask me to violate a different one that i didn’t know about#i will never ever forget that girl’s face and i’ll never stop being angry for her#for all three of them but especially her#i hate my coworkers for a million different reasons#the patients are the only reason i didn’t quit this job after the first day#i just want to do right by them and sometimes it feels like i’m the only one working there who does#it kills me because the patients who know im trans have been so great about it too#most of them know nothing about trans people but they’re so willing to learn and so respectful and we’ve had such great conversations#they’re getting fucked over by someone else’s transphobia when they themselves don’t have a single transphobic bone in their bodies#i hate this place because i care about the people in it too much to stand by the way it treats them and it’s killing me#transandrophobia#transandromisia#transmisandry#virilmisia#virilphobia#anti transmasculinity#transmascphobia
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What if the lamb and narinder swapped places?
BEHOLD: Narilamb but make it vaguely Wind Waker / Ponyo and even more tragic.
#I put way too much thought into this AU that doesn’t get shown here#Narinder was a sailor for one thing#he was seen as bad luck while at sea and thrown overboard while tied up in order to remedy his crew’s misfortune#the Lamb was born as the goddess of the ocean and ice but decided to *become* the goddess of the forsaken#specifically after she took note of Narinder drowning and decided to ‘keep’ him#so she’s less the goddess of the forsaken at first and moreso the goddess of this weird cat guy#the Lamb is utterly detached from the gods that exist on land and only vaguely cares about the gods involved with the sky#but she essentially starts a slow-moving apocalypse in her efforts to bring back Narinder#what are some other pieces of trivia about this au…#Narinder can’t swim. he can only float. and not very well most days#luckily he has a situationship with the ocean herself and she would NEVER let him sink#(even if his panicked efforts to swim are very funny and cute!)#seafoam is also referred to as ‘ocean’s wool’ sometimes#and if this AU’s Lamb watched The Last Unicorn she would probably have an identity crisis#better the wool au#(kinda)#cult of the lamb#cotl#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#narilamb#cotl narilamb#cotl au#cotl fanart#sofie answers asks#stuff by sofie#queued
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babe, this wouldn't be the first time it will not be the last time there's no parasol that could shelter this weather
#chainshipping#saw#adam faulkner stanheight#lawrence gordon#saw 2004#saw franchise#saw movie#song is oil and water by incubus#'chainshipping is a healthy relationship' EXTREMELY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER#post bathroom theywould be the most dysfunctional and horrible couple and i think thats awesome and sexy of them.#adam is spiteful and angry and lawrence is obstinate and bitchy. they live in two extremely different worlds#i just wish more ppl would willingly explore the wildly antagonistic nature of their relationship bc its intoxicating to me#to me they are like insanely possessive of each other but they have these idealized versions of one another that dont fully live up to the#person in their head#they are riddled with problems and issues but at the root of it all they care for each other and understand each other in a way no one else#ever will#so they cling to each other and learn to love each other and learn to grow together. but it takes a long time#and akgdmfglf i have such a Specific Vision for apprentice adam in my head like . most of my chainshipping ideas involve apprentice adam bc#i just love the concept too much#anyway apprentice chainshipping goes absolutely crazy. you should try it sometime#if youve read all these tags im kissing you with tongue.#my art
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An important aspect of youth liberation is not tying the idea of later adult care with having children.
The broader attitude that only your children can ensure that you get taken care of when you grow old is not a good precedent to set. Having children should not be what ensures that you can live through old age, and fear mongering people with the idea that nobody will ever take care of them (or, rather, shouldn't) is such an awful motivator to have children.
#politics#youth liberation#yes some children will take care of their parent/s when they grow old. that is bound to happen. that isn't what i am talking about though#i am talking about a broader attitude of 'if you don't have kids you'll die alone and painfully. by the way! 🫰'#sometimes i wonder if that attitude also guilt trips children to stay and take care of their parent/s#like i am very much never taking care of my abusers. and sometimes it seems like people think if you as a child don't devote your soul...#...to your parents you are Worse Than Satan#this especially goes for childless or child-free folks too. they deserve to be taken care of because they are PEOPLE#and not because they have fulfilled the Being (Good™©®) People Quota
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Okay, my brain refuses to think about anything other than Murderbot, so I looked at every use of the word "friend[s]" in TMBD and... created some pie charts. Normal human activities.
Some Thoughts™ I had while putting this together (under the cut):
In All Systems Red, Murderbot notes that the PresAux crew are all close friends (twice! and goes on to explain their internal relationships which I think is very cute). This is pretty much the only use of 'friends' in ASR, except for when Murderbot says that SecUnits can't be friends with each other.
It seems that this may be one of the first times Murderbot has ever really been around a group of friends before? Murderbot notes that this is not the norm for its contracts and admits that the fact that they are all friends and the way they interact with each other make it actually enjoy that contract (before!!!! the hostile attack, so it already enjoys this contract before they start seeing it as a person etc ghghhhh). [Inference: Friendship seems enjoyable.]
The first character that calls Murderbot its friend is ART in Artificial Condition. Murderbot immediately refutes this (and then goes on to call ART its friend to its clients for the rest of the book). [Inference: Maybe ART is Murderbot's friend. And maybe that is... agreeable]
Rogue Protocol has more than twice as many instances of the word 'friend' as any of the other novellas. Why? Miki. Friendship and its implications for non-humans are a central theme because Miki is friends with everyone. Murderbot initially scoffs at the notion that Miki and Miki's humans are friends. At the end of the book, after witnessing how desperately Don Abene tried to stop Miki from trying to save them, and her grief after its death, Murderbot has to admit that she had in fact been Miki's friend. [Inference: Humans can be friends with bots and can sincerely care about them]
In Exit Strategy, Murderbot tentatively uses the word "friends" for its humans for the first time (several times actually). It questions whether it can actually call them its friends or not and later realizes that it had been afraid what admitting that the humans are its friends would do to it. At the end of the book, Mensah tells Murderbot the PresAux crew are its friends, which is the first time a human has directly said that to it (at least on-page). [Inference: Humans can and want to be Murderbot's friends]
In Network Effect, Murderbot seems to be more habituated to the word 'friend', confidently calling ART and Ratthi its friends, like it is no longer just trying the concept on unsure if it fits. There are many instances in which other characters refer to MB as ART's friend or the other way around and Murderbot's humans refer to Murderbot as their friend several times. Generally, there seems to be less hesitancy, because yes, all of them are Murderbot's friends, why wouldn't they be. [Inference: SecUnits can have friends. This SecUnit has friends. They care about it a lot.]
Conclusion: The Murderbot Diaries tell the story of a construct that does not seem to consider the possibility of friendship for itself and is fine with that - until it accidentally starts caring a little too much and suddenly more and more people annex it as a friend (ew) to the point where it can no longer deny that this is happening and has to begrudgingly admit that yes, it has friends now and maybe that is actually not a bad thing.
#the murderbot diaries#murderbot#𓄿#hi i'm READY to write a thesis about murderbot i am having way too much fun with this#i created a pretty excel spreadsheet and everything#i don't know why i did this but now i can look at them while i think about this more! so i figured i'd share them haha#i didn't count uses of 'friendly' but special shoutout to when MB is all alone in its cold cubicle missing 20% of its body mass#and starts putting on a show because 'the friendly noise would keep it company' 😭😭#i feel sick thinking about murderbot all alone on its own not knowing what its like to have friends watching media for 'the friendly noise'#also YES okay i wanted to make a point about miki there but i just#couldn't bring myself to talk about that more so... yeah#also uhhh this data is very subjective#i didn't count particularly ironic uses of 'friend' and generally did not count every instance of friend and sometimes it was a hard call#also i probably shouldn't have counted the times murderbot refered to drones or secsystems as its friends (often after hacking them)#but murderbot does seem to care about them and shows kindness and respect and sometimes points out that a system is friendly#so while i don't think MB means “friend” in the same way referring to them as when it refers to ART for instance#i still think its CUTE and also kinda funny how many times that happened so i decided to keep those!!!#but yeah take my data with a grain of salt lol
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i know the hunger games isnt about romance i know it isnt a love story but. theres just something so beautiful in the way peeta is the personification of what it means to heal and he /is/ the dandelion and the bread and the hope that things can be better even if they wont be fixed. even if the nightmares dont stop he will still hold her. wake her up and tell her shes alive. shes safe. and when its over and done and theres no more saving or protecting or trying their absolute hardest to die if it means keeping the other alive, the horrors dont stop. but katniss will still find that comfort in peetas arms.
#and peeta Goes Through It too but hes there!!!!!!!! hes always there and hes kind and artistic and peaceful and good and everything that#the games could never destroy (the hijacking couldve but he found his way back. he still wonders whats real sometimes but he knows. he know#who he is. a painter a baker and a boy who loves. she reminds him of that love too)#anyways :( katniss longs for peetas arms and nobodys been this gentle with her since her father died and she stopped letting her mother#hold her. and peeta does#something about the way he holds her so so gently with so much love and care despite all the destruction and how peeta counteracts the fire#in katniss. the one that tells her she needs to protect and defend and prioritize keeping her family alive and keep her guard up. but hes#there to comfort her and hold her and protect her and those r all the things katniss doesnt get the privilege of thinking about because she#always thinking about who she needs to protect#its so personal to me. god i am Not okay rn#i have a rehearsal before school tmr and i am sooooo sleepy but. insane thoughts can never wait#everlark#katniss everdeen#peeta mellark#peeniss#< the real ship name#the hunger games#thg#late night thoughts & all that jazz#🫀
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Obsessed with what America and England have going on in HetaOni. America's like "I keep having to watch my dad die from overusing his magic in past timelines and not knowing how to stop it is killing me inside but I'm not going to talk to him about it" and England's like "I can't seem to hold a conversation with my son without insulting him but I won't hesitate to use my dying breath to ensure I can protect him from beyond the grave"
#good morning i still have hetaoni on the brain#that scene where it looks like america's going to die but turns out past loop england used the last of his strength to cast a shield on him#(+italy and germany) before sending them back to the present.... godddd#and then current loop england goes and takes on the monster america was worried about and succeeds. at the cost of going blind.#one of the very things america was afraid would happen!! he was so relieved when england survived the fight before finding that out too!!!#i don't know if this is coherent im just. they care about each other so much even though they won't say it and 😭😭😭 it makes me ill#sigh. rotating both them and hetaoni in my mind at the same time makes me so. waaughh#(also obligatory disclaimer that hetaoni doesn't label their relationship in any way them being father and son is just canon in my brain)#hetalia#hetaoni#hws america#hws england#tea dad n coffee son#personal#i have an old hetaoni wip fic that i think i intended to do more with but was mostly just about america and england as far as i got...#i can't remember the rest of my plans for it so maybe i'll shift the focus to them and try to get it finished sometime
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Although I just started reblogging Arcane stuff now, I’ve been into the show since 2021. So to put it on the record: I’ve always loved Jayce.
He’s always had pure intentions, but can be naive, single-minded, and selfish, which (as we’ve seen) can really hurt the ones he loves. He didn’t ask to be the Man of Progress, and that clouded a lot of his judgment. And just as he realizes, in this moment, his real wants and needs (being faced with the reality of his best friend dying in his arms), he panics, desperately trying to revive him– but Viktor is no longer able to reciprocate that love, those wants. He’s saying that this– the end of their life together– was inevitable. And Jayce can’t even explain himself correctly, he’s sleep-deprived, a little manic, so relieved, confused, and overwhelmed.
He’s trying to keep it together, in the spotlight, a well-meaning man– and I’ve always loved him.
#arcane#jayce talis#viktor#jayvik#mine#more in tags#his story with Viktor is so tragic in such a heartbreaking way#their relationship is very very beautiful and sad#it goes to show how Mel has to remind him to talk to Cait#I love Mel so much too and her mama#but the fact remains Jayce is full and full of love but the responsibilities and sometimes just outright disregard for loved ones#makes him very neglectful#he’s made a lot of mistakes and it’s a betrayal with the hexcore and Viktor#but he’s just trying to please everyone#also I have a theory Viktor can feel some emotions it’s obvious with his guilt of Sky and hallucinating her probably because of the hexcore#but I think he’s going to further and further shut his emotions off#I don’t even see their relationship as romantic I think their bond is so deep in their care for each other its just so much love#I could see Viktor having some feelings and a potential maybe for Jayce but it’s too late isn’t it#god them
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My Personal Headcanon On Why Amy's Love For Sonic Died Down Lately (and their dynamic)
When they were younger, Amy's love for Sonic was pretty extreme, and Sonic was, understandable, uncomfortable for the most part. He knows she means well, but that girl needs to calm down.
She can fight, but sometimes her hammer could only stun her enemies for a while. (It took her a long time to get rid of that robot that has been chasing her around Station Square.) She wasn't fully independent yet, even if she fought on her own a couple of times.
She often follows Sonic and his friends around. She is part of the team, but she was not a strong as she is now at the time yet.
She admires Sonic. A LOT. And Sonic knows that. Obviously, he could only run away from something like that, since he is NOT ready for that kind of thing, and whether Amy takes the hint or stop, she still loves him.
...BUT, I think things were slightly starting to change between her and Sonic after Lost World.
Remember this line?
You remember that? Okay, okay. Here's another totally unrelated question:
Before the events of Lost World, when was the last time Amy said "I love you" to Sonic out loud?
...YEP. 😈 (Unless I'm missing something, let me know lmao)
As more games and adventures come out, the characters get slightly older, and Amy is 12 to 13 now, and she is most certainly at that age where her body starts to change, but especially on how she views Sonic.
She knows she loves Sonic, but it was this moment during her change where she actually wanted to admit that she loves him.
I believe that Amy was all about sharing her affection to him not through confessions, but through obvious hints. Sonic totally got it, and there was no need to confess. Sonic knows she loves her.
...But she never said it. And she almost did, but she never did again for a while.
I think this was the moment in her life where, oh, God, she actually loves Sonic. SHE LOVES HIM, WHAT.
And she was looking back at all the times she had with Sonic that she can now see were unpleasant to Sonic (At least that's what she thinks) and that's probably why she isn't so expressive about her love to him than how she used to back then.
She wasn't sure what to do with this realization, and sets aside it for a while, and nearly stayed as her casual, peppy self... until the Eggman War happened.
During the 6 months of being with the Resistance, fighting Eggman's army all day and all night, all she can think of was Sonic.
She dreams that he still with not just her, but with her friends. She just wanted to see Sonic again, she just wants to be with her hero again.
But I'd like to think that she was also thinking about how she used to treat Sonic back when they were younger, how Sonic would almost always run away from her whenever she asks him out, or always look so uncomfortable whenever she gets so close to him.
Cringing at those memories big time, she wanted to change and hopefully when Sonic is okay and comes back, she can be better for him.
...Or will he still find her uncomfortable regardless? Would he even be happy to see her at all if he did survive?
But, hold on! She can't just give up her love for Sonic! He made her who she is today! A peppy, nature-loving, hammer-swinging, confident, brave... loud-mouth... annoying... Sonic obsessed... weak... pathetic... lonely little girl.
If she gives up on Sonic, it'll be like she gave up on the one hedgehog who saved her life. If she didn't she'll still be the same ol' Amy.
I also like to think she had parents a long while before she met Sonic, and was even expecting a little sister, but a robot invasion happened from where she was and attacked her parents and instead of trying to save them, after getting hurt, she ran away, hoping that they'll come back okay. But they never did.
She was all alone, and needed someone, a friend, a new family, someone who will hold her hand, anyone, to be there for her. But she was ignored by lots, and at that point, she's better off by herself, but still longed for company.
Eventually though, her tarot cards told her her future hero, and there might be hope after all. She encountered Sonic, held onto the belief of the cards tight, and the rest is history.
So, with that headcanon in mind, not only did Amy loose her parents that she didn't save because of her cowardliness (she was only so little at the time that happened) and also Sonic, who she thought will be her only hope, but now gone.
She doesn't even care if he did come back, he'd probably hate her now after everything she did to him, always talking about their "future wedding" or forcing him to go to Twinkle Park.
For the last few months of the war, it was nothing but Amy mentally beating herself up for either refusing to change or moving on, and they are both not fine choices.
She loves Sonic, but he does not love her, and she finally, finally realized it. And it's probably for the best if no body loved her at all.
But of course Sonic did survive and all of her worries wash away in an instant, she's just not expressive about her love for Sonic AT ALL now, since she's still worried about it but rather not mention it to Sonic because it doesn't matter.
If Sonic doesn't love her, then her feelings don't matter to him, and according to Amy herself, that is okay.
But also, I'd like to think that Sonic was thinking about his friends a lot up in the Death Egg for the past months, sometimes it's Tails (worried for his safety), sometimes it's Shadow (because he's wondering why he would join Eggman.) At some point, for a few days, Amy was in his mind the longest, and he felt bad about how he thought he was rude and pushy to her.
He wondered if she's not thinking about it too much, and if she is, will she give up on him? Yeah, he doesn't feel the same and still not looking for a relationship, but it's so strange but interesting how anyone could ever like someone like Sonic the Hedgehog. Amy was never afraid to show that, and she probably might be now.
He couldn't help but feel guilty. They were kids when she was like this, but he was so... arrogant at the time too. Not a lot happened at the time yet. He'd always have trouble expressing how much he value his friends, until he shattered the Paradox Prism. (I'd like to think Prime took place before Forces. It makes sense.)
She is such a sweet girl, and he probably made her believe that he didn't care for her. Just because he doesn't feel the same, that doesn't mean he hates her at all.
He wished he never ran away from Amy... Worrying for his little bro and wishing to be a good person for Amy was when Sonic cried in the Death Egg for the first and only time.
Frontiers, in my opinion, is kind of confirming their dynamic now. Sonic is a lot more sincere and kinder to Amy and she is not all hyperactive and lovey to Sonic. There is probably a real reason for this now.
They are both hiding their feelings from them, and they are both unaware of this. Amy, hiding her mental issues from Sonic, and Sonic, hiding his guilt away from Amy.
None of those things are important now. Sonic is with Amy and Amy is with Sonic. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
They don't care if they'll ever be something more when they get older. None of that matters anymore. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
Maybe someday they'll both talk about it, but for now, the present is important. They care about each other too much to think about it right now.
It's the kind of love that is unbreakable. It doesn't even have to be romantic. It's just love. Love is important for everyone, in any form. It's something Sonic and his friends need. And especially Sonic and Amy.
Amy Rose is the living embodiment of love, and without her, a lot would go downhill for Sonic and co. Heck, if it weren't for her, Shadow wouldn't have never remembered Maria's promise, which lead him to save the world with Sonic, before he temporarily disappeared from their lives for a while.
She is always there to lend a helping hand for anybody, even bad guys like Metal Sonic, and despite what she had been through, both in Forces and headcanon wise, she still fights back, even without her hammer.
She will pick you back up on your feet, reminding you that you are important and that you are loved, and that you should never give up. It's pretty much the words of encouragement she herself needed also...
She is still the happy, hyper, butt-kicking hedgehog we all know and love, but she still need someone to pick her back up on her feet after so long. Thankfully, she has her friends and her blue hero. The hero who made her who she is today.
I think Amy has no idea how important she thought she is, but Sonic does. Sonic knows fully well how important she is to a lot of people. It's about time he returns the favor to her. It's his turn to remind her how much a lot of people love her.
How much he loves her.
And I feel like The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was the moment where their dynamic really shined, but also the starting point of their relationship not only healing, but also the next chapter of what's to come for them.
Everyone, friends old and new, gathered around for a special birthday. A birthday for the confident, unshakable, and radiant Amy Rose.
It was such a special moment in Amy's life. After years of chasing and following the people she look up to, she is part of the team, but most importantly, she is part of the family.
She is fully realized as someone more than just a fangirl, but someone strong, courageous, creative, kind and a big inspiration for others.
I feel like this moment here...
-is where Amy is eternally grateful to call her friends her family. A family she thought she'll never have again. She's not alone anymore, and as long as they're by her side, she'll never will be again.
Her chasing days are over. She's finally caught up to them. She's finally home.
And it's all thanks to Sonic.
If it weren't for him, she'd probably be alone forever. Her past moments with Sonic might be embarrassing to look back on for a while, but they are good memories regardless, because they involve him.
Sonic saved her life in more ways than one, and despite everything, he's grateful to have her too.
He cares about her. He really does... And in her eyes, that all she needed to know. As long as Sonic loves her in his own way, she'll be happy.
Amy hasn't given up on Sonic. As long as Amy always supports him, he'll be happy.
Maybe sometime in the future, they can talk about their problems, but that's a story for another time. At this point, they need to. Right now, they are happy. They are okay.
They are here for each other. They are finally better for each other now.
"You guys won't ever leave me, right?"
"Wouldn't dream of it."
#piko rambles#sonic the hedgehog#amy rose#Meant to be platonic but I don't care if you tag as ship lol#I've been meaning to post something like this for the longest time now but never really got into posting it-#-because you guys REALLY hate seeing these two together for some reason.#Well not for SOME reason. There are valid reasons why you don't ship them. Everyone has valid reason why they don't ship this or that.#But sometimes those reasons can just sound so petty to me. Like the reason why is because Amy is a stalker or Sonic hates her which is FALS#Also those age gap arguments are understandable but so goddamn annoying sometimes. Maybe when they hit their late teens or early twenties-#then they can be together if they want to. Besides a good percentage of Sonic ships are better off if they waited til they're old enough im#I love them regardless of whether they're just friends or an awkward older cringe fail couple lmao#But them being just friends and hiding away all their emotions towards each other just to keep them safe and happy with them- 😭😭😭#Son/adow is my favorite ship of all time and sonamy is my favorite childhood ship/platonic ship because they both have one thing in common.#ANGST 😀#I've been thinking about Sonic and Amy's dynamic as of late and MAN-#Mixed with some personal headcanons of mine and their dynamic as of late just makes me so emotional.#Sonic and Amy have gotten so close now and it's so sweet but so heartbreaking at the same time when you think about it.#I'm so happy they are getting along better and being there for each other but there is so much to dissect here. So much to think about.#I might be a little silly but Amy losing her parents and being alone for so long and being the reason why she's always hanging onto Sonic-#-explains SOOOOOOOOO much about her. At least that's my headcanon for WHY that is.#Amy with abandonment issues speaks to me on a personal level. I'm always afraid of being forgotten or left behind by my family.#I sometimes feel like I'm not good enough no matter how hard I try. I do not blame Amy. I relate to her a lot. It's one of the many reasons#-why Amy is my favorite character besides Sonic and Shadow.#She fights hard to prove she's a valuable member of the team and hates getting left behind but despite all that she wasn't afraid to-#-express herself and her love for people. But after the Eggman War there was some changes that made her less expressive about her love.#Yeah she still loves Sonic but she doesn't admit it because none of that matters anymore and she thought that not being loved by Sonic#-is better than being loved since she nearly wasted her life loving someone who she thought has constantly bothered. 🥲#But I think after TMoStH I think she'll be less afraid of being expressive about it. She and Sonic are just so caring for each other 😭#I love these two way too much that when I think about them for too long I'll start SOBBING 😭😭 I'M EVEN SOBBING RIGHT NOW LMAO
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Gotta love when folks write Superman incredibly anti-clone even though he had good reason in the beginning to Not Like Superboy (HES A WINDOW INTO WHAT CLARK WOULD HAVE BEEN WITHOUT THE KENTS) and decide that forever on he’ll be spiteful towards clones even though he literally Does Not Care if you’re a clone unless you’re Superboy.
#IF YOU LIKE THIS CHARACTERIZATION IGNORE ME BUT I GOTTA VENT#bones speaks#bones writes in the tags#sometimes I wanna bash my head into a wall. SUPERMAN IS INHERENTLY A GOOD PERSON IN EVERY WAY KON EL IS JUST A TERRIFYING REALIZATION-#OF WHAT HE’D BE WITHOUT A LOVING CARING AND NURTURING FAMILY! HE DIDNT LIKE KON BECAUSE HE WAS SCARED)#RAGGGGHHHHH#for the love of god I know it’s an easy way for Danny to hate Superman (SUPERMAN ISNT THE BAD GUY YALL PLEASE) but there can be so much more#have him awkwardly go up to Danny and ask him how he handled having a clone and try to use that info to get along with Kon!#he works with countless clones in the Justice League and I don’t see y’all writing him hating them. make it make sense#just- please. you don’t have to read a comic to know that Superman is meant to be The Best Of Humanity. just write with that baseline#I’m just sad folks are being so gosh darn mean to Supes. he’s a delightful character to read and my favorite big superhero#and a lot of folks in dpxdc do the anti clone stuff and that’s Clark’s entire personality for the comic.#you don’t think he’d be sympathetic because Danny was given immense duty and power and is only a few of his kind? or having an evil self in#another dimension that showed him the destruction he could bring?#Clark is a smartass. he is a seeker of the truth. he is a reporter (and a damn good one too). he is a loving husband. he is an alien.#he is a hero. he is a god. he is a caring friend. he is a genuinely kind and good being.#I recommend reading All Star Superman. Under The Yellow Sun by Clark Kent. and Superman:Grounded
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Also hey I wanna say too that pretty much every single headcanon ever is valid. Even if they aren’t popular, even if they go against canon, even if they change on the regular and make for a throughly transformative work.
I think fandom is supposed to be fun and honestly it just acts like a toybox of sorts? With all these malleable characters as action figures that you play with as you like. If you wanna make them bigger or smaller or change their species or what they present as or how they sound or even act - you can! You can and you should!
Have fun, because you’ll inevitably find others who like what you do too. And even if you don’t, as long as you like it, then that’s what matters.
#this is something I’m saying partially to myself too#personally I have a huge problem of wanting to ‘justify’ my headcanons#where I do my damndest to ‘prove’ that what I headcanon is possible in canon#because it personally makes me feel much better and less anxious#but it’s something I gotta move past because sometimes rule of fun is better than canon justification#I still personally prefer to keep close to canon or within the realm of canon for my works#but I think I’ll stop trying to justify every little thing and just have a little more fun with it#but yeah saying right now that even if it’s not my personal cup of tea or something I headcanon myself#I will still fight for people’s right to have fun with these toy box action figures#is there an argument to be made of ‘at some point these characters just become OCs’? yeah but…who cares?#idk this was mostly something for myself to keep in mind but in light of recent events#I think I’ll post it too#also wanna say - don’t attack others for their headcanons#if you don’t like it then block them#remember that there are real people here that you could hurt okay?#the way they connect with a character will inevitably be different than you
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for over a week now i keep thinking abt grian and kid xelqua. something abt him taking care of this alternate universe child version of himself. i just stare at the ceiling and my eyes blur
#I HAVE SO MNAY THOUGHTS I DONT DO ANYTHING ELSE#grian knows who xelqua is. he knows who this kid is. but xelqua does not remember nor know ! hes genuinely just a little kid#unsure if he knows Who exactly Grian is though#its also weird for pearl to see kid xelqua. bc thats technically her older brother ? from a different timeline ? as a kid ?#also an unkillable goddd ? oh but hes so cute tho his little cheeks WAHHH#Sometimes adult Xelqua appears on the server. sometimes the kid version#almost always at grian's house i think he just feels safe there#xelqua issss miserable. hes much older than he should be. i think he occasionally gets so stressed out he reverts into a kid#and cant remember anything. but knows he feels safe in HC so he ends up going there#but hes stilllll powerful as a kid he doesn't lose any of that strength. so if he throws a temper tantrum and kills a bunch of fish. well !#theyre soooo brothers but in a way where ur older brother has to take on a parental role and you fight a lot bc of the odd dynamic#ALSO SOMETHING SOMETHING abt grian not having parents. raising himself. craving that sort of attention which led him to the watchers#and then being able to parent this version of himself ? its sad rly. in quiet moments he wonders if he was too difficult as a kid#he doesnt find xelqua that difficult. hes just a little kid. hes silly. hes not hard to love and care for#godh man *head in hands* i collapse thinking abt grian and family themes and its a core part of how i write him haha#IM GOING TO THROW UPP
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ok, once more I realize that my own kindness and friendliness has been taken for implied consent, and as always, the troubles that are brewing now are connected to OCs.
So let me be clear and frank one more time, one last time, because I have NO INTENTION of going through what I went through in 2021.
While I am always immensely happy that my Original Characters are enjoyed and that they can serve as source of inspiration, they are NOT however a template for anyone to base their OCs on.
They are not something that you can take in their entirety, change whatever suits you, and then call it your own.
It doesn't work like that, especially because, and allow me to reiterate this once and for all, OCs are *immensely* personal.
They are an extention of the soul of the person that creates them.
So taking whatever suits your fancy and use it for the "aesthetic" or the "vibes" is immensely disrespectful and, dare I say, rather impertinent, especially when both characters happen to belong to the same fandom.
Now, I am not talking about certain tropes and subjects that are typical of certain genre, of course not.
We are all somehow reinveting something that's already there when we work with OCs and stories.
What I am talking about is taking certain specific idiosyncrasies that make a certain character unique, change them to suit your character, and then being SO IMPERTINENT to just call it your own and parading it around without even having the courtesy to quote the person that has inspired you, taking advantage of the fact that I am just a small creator with a small following.
This is a huge No No for me.
Huge.
I appreciate that other creators might have a different opinion or perspective when it comes to OCs, and while I do not share entirely in that, I sure as hell respect it.
But allow me to be crystal clear: if this happens to me, like it had in 2021, that's the *easiest* way to lose all respect I might harbour for you, and I seldomly get mad or angry.
I am always accomodating, always supportive, and I think I have proven it aplenty in the past few years.
But this is something that I cannot condone nor agree with.
And it's not just a matter of ethic, in this sense: it's a matter of also hurting me, and literally put my whole creative process into shamble.
It's a matter of having respect of others.
Now, you might say: who cares if they hurt you? they are characters that do not exist, just move on and have thicker skin!
Well, as I said above, for when it concerns myself, my OCs are an extention of my own soul, a way for me to formulate and explain feelings that sometimes I have a hard time let out; a way for me to actually face, fragmentize and analyze my own trauma through them;
and most important of all, they are OFTEN a love letter to both the world I am exploring with them AND my own husband and child, such as in the case of Jacob and Dorothea,for whom, as I said often in the past 5 years, I have poured A LOT from myself and my husband's own story.
You could say that it probably my fault for having bared my feelings so much and poured so much of myself into a character;
And you might be correct, because I have learned my lesson, and ever since Dorothea and Jacob, no other character has been infused with as much of my own being as they were.
but that doesn't mean that it stings any less when I see it unravels in front of my eyes.
I am tired.
#Nemo vents#I cannot do this anymore#honestly#I am so tired#so so tired of all of this#I was supposed to work on something today to share later on but now I feel so drained that I cannot even fathom to pick up a pen#and I am always compelled to share them with the people I love that I know would support me and respect me#it's in these moments that I wish I never shared my OCs around#we'll see maybe I will manage to find a way to channel all I feel through something#I know the risk#I always weight pros and cons between the two of them#it's just too much sometimes#sorry about the rant#I just needed to let things out#no it's not about BG3#no it's not about FFXV#it's always about my favourite brainchild#it's always about Dorothea#sometimes I wish I NEVER found my way into AC Syndicate#my husband tried to console me#telling me that if it happened again it means that I created something to aspire to#but I don't want to do that#I don't care#I don't want to be an example or anything#I do not want to wear this hat and just suffer afterwards#it's a hat that I didn't ask for and that I do not want#I am just so tired#I know I have no power over this#I can do virtually nothing#I just wish things were different
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I'm not allowed to be on social media for more than two seconds today but I just wanted to say that Laios will absolutely have his own reaction to all this as someone who would die for Falin but has also imprinted on Marcille as his Emotional Support Comphet White Girl Not-Girlfriend along the way
#a little creature#sometimes i look at the way i want marcille to be the closest thing hes ever had to a girlfriend but in a 100% platonic way and im like#is this what they mean by queerplatonic or have i just never had a dude best friend who wasnt like. a super fruity gay twink#anyway its gonna be as hard on him as it is for us bc he loves them both so much#the most important women in his life bar none#marcille probably slapped him when she got back tho. like she just saw his face and all the misdirected anger at him 'taking falin' just#rose up and burst again#its ok tho. you know she immediately broke down crying in his arms again blubbering incoherently bc she felt bad but also shes still mad#and she just doesnt know what to do with herself#the hardest part about this fic is that like. there are SO many juicy things going on offscreen#but. i have to breathe deep and keep calm and let them happen out of falin's POV#the ryoko kui method. what happens in the story happens and what happens outside can be explored in extras if need be#edit: also just figured out why ive been chafing a *little* bit against ppl assuming that it's the fear of falin dying that motivated#marcille's denial of her feelings so far#bc it's technically true but something just didn't sit right and i didn't wanna say anything until i figured it out#in little creature she has in part already realized that falin's passing is going to hurt no matter what she does right now#bc she's already passed the threshold of preemptive grief and sealed her own fate by how much she cares about falin#so it's not really... about that as much as it would have been during the canon story#it's just that. to acknowledge that she has romantic feelings for falin means recontextualizing their relationship in a way where#she has been the one hopelessly chasing while falin didn't realize/ignored her for the most part#and she couldnt allow that to be true both bc she couldnt bear to make falin the 'villain' in her love story#and bc she subconsciously knew the scope of pain would be too much for her to handle#so now my problem is. how do i make that clear in the fic from falin's POV without getting too heavy handed about it
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