#or refusing to see it as a disability
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I have literally never seen anyone want to be autistic because itâs âtrendyâ, âquirkyâ, or âaestheticâ, where the hell have you been seeing these people? Is this one of those âI sometimes see Facebook (tumblr in this case) posts that tell me someone is in some not very good circlesâ moments? /gen
you must have never heard of tiktok somehow
#lets not pretend that disorders arent often romanticised and trivialised on tiktok and other platforms#lets not pretend that autism specifically has been watered down to just being a bit awkward and nerdy instead of a disorder that effects#the way you function#or that there arent people who call you negative or self hating for bringing up negstive experiences with autism either not knowing#or refusing to see it as a disability#and yet people act like its sacrilegeous to bring this up because apparently asking someone to do bare minimum research and focus on their#symptoms first is just so hecking invalidating#as someone with DID ive seen ot happen a lot. a lot a lot.
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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Frankly, in disability spaces, you will be bound to meet people who have very different needs than your own. Maybe these needs even clash! However, both of you/all of you deserve to be accommodated. This isn't a matter of "who deserves it more," because that is fundamentally unjust, and you will never be liberated through proving you deserve basic human treatment more than other disabled people.
Neither of you will be Fundamentally Bad because you have conflicting needs. We can (and should) accommodate as many people as possible. We can live in a world that doesn't wave off certain people because of their needs. We need to make that a reality.
#disability#disability advocacy#it's okay to be different than other disabled people and that says nothing about you or them#all it says is that disabled people are vast and diverse#and that that diversity is GOOD and deserves to be accommodated#the only thing that will be bad is choosing to be ableist about it. to blame other disabled people for not having their needs met...#...for saying 'this is why we'll NEVER be treated like people!' for refusing to see other people's needs
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whoever is elected president of the United States will immediately become a war criminal upon being sworn in if they are not one already and captain america was already about nationalism and if you didn't notice the MCU being racist about arabs in the very first fucking iron man film WHICH WAS SPONSORED BY THE US MILITARY I simply do not know what to tell you and I'm going to dunk all of you into a big old bucket of ice until you are damp and chilly
#YOU SHOULD SEE MY FUCKING KEYWORD BLOCK LIST I SWEAR TO GOD#SO FUCKING HELP ME#SOCIETY IF REFUSING TO VOTE OR SEE A FILM SUDDENLY RENDERED YOU NOT COMPLICIT IN LIVING IN THE US.#PLEASE hit me with a flying car!#GLAD YOU HAVE ALL JOINED US AT THE GROWN UPS TABLE. AS THAT ONE POST SAID.#sorry to be clear this is frustration w people acting like this is presidential election is uniquely morally and ethically complex when#its just literally the same. thing. as ever. actually. ITS ALWAYS BEEN BAD.#ITS ALWAYS BEEN BETWEEN NOT GOOD AND MUCH WORSE#scream#it materially makes a difference to my life as a disabled queer person in Georgia if we have a Republican or Democratic administration.#IF IT DOESNT MATERIALLY MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO YOU. CONGRATS I GUESS!
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I think what's really compelling about House's absolute unwillingness to bow down to anything or anyone (the ethical board, the law, extra rich CEO, vindictive police officer, and even the patients themselves) regardless of how absolutely batshit and downright illegal his actions are, is because it's coming from a chronically disabled person, in more ways than one.
He cannot walk without agony or his cane. His chronic and severe pain led him down the path of deep Vicodin addiction until he also becomes psychologically dependent on it too (once, Dr Cuddy gives him saline placebo and it "works", in that he is not feeling his leg pain anymore for a few hours).
He understands it deeply just how desperate people can be when they're in pain and nobody can (or are willing to) help themâat least, so far, until they land on his doorstep. Which is canonically the most extreme step patients take when everything else failsâyou don't just go straight to Plainsborough Teaching Hospital and to Dr Gregory House MD's office; you have to go through dozens of other doctors in various specialties and failed treatments too.
(Although that's a separate discussion about how doctors, particularly resident ones, are overworked and underpaid and redtaped by shithead insurance companies even if they do know how to treat a patient and want to).
He knows, from the bottom of his heart, that having such a painful and life-limitting debilitating condition is comparable to hell on earth, because he has one. He knows, that despite his disability being visible to everyone, yet no one wants to put an effort to help him deal with itâis also hell on earth.
Cuddy simply throws money at him and turns the other way to his Vicodin abuse, like she is saying, "I don't care if he takes 10 Vicodin pills a day or more, and I have to pay at least $1M every year for lawsuits, as long as he gets the job done," (and when they decide to go into relationship, she immediately drops him when he relapses, even if the reason for his relapse is herâalthough, yes, there is another discussion to be had about keeping yourself and your child(ren) safe being a priority compared to helping an addict, recovering or not). Wilson, as loyal as he is to House, simply either enables him or lectures him without going into the root of the issue and thoroughly help House that way. His subordinates, especially after the original trio, are simply too scared, too ignorant, or too ambitious to even approach the issue and choose to keep their job than help House (also another discussion to be had about how you can't help people who don't want to help themselves and so on).
So when he sees a patient who has gone through hell trying to get a correct diagnosis and treatment, he becomes laser-focused on doing everything under the sun to get to the bottom of it and cure the patient. He doesn't care if he has to break into countless of houses (haha pun) and collect insane and probably biohazard samples to do itâhe absolutely will, no question.
Yes, hate-criming and being a bigot is his favorite hobby (still livid at the asexual ep and the production's choice for the resolution, let's just say I still have beef with Hugh Laurie and the entire production team for it), and so is insulting patients in so many ways that Shakespeare would personally fly to New Jersey and shake his hands if someone manage to successfully perform necromancy on ol' Billy boy. But House is no one if not dedicated. "Yes, my patient is an idiot, everyone is an idiot too, but I WILL cure their condition like my life depends on it," is basically his middle name.
Besides, you can make the argument that he is more compassionate than all the other doctors around him, because despite his absolute disdain towards some of his patients' beliefs and stupidity, he still works his ass off to treat them. He will call your god an idiot in 7 different languages while putting you in a diagnostic machine he manipulated the whole hospital into letting him use so that you could get a test which weren't available to you before. He will tell you that your currently-happy marriage will end in a bloody divorce and your ex will leave you penniless so love is not real while injecting you with a medication he had to hack the CDC's database for.
There are even episodes that show him being truly earnest, like the clinic duty scene where he is snarky as usual to a girl who seemingly stupidly had unprotected sex until she lashes out, and House is like, "Oh shit, this is above my paygrade", and immediately goes to Cuddy with a very serious expression and no sarcastic dilly-daliying, demanding her to transfer the patient to someone else because he is not good with "curing" rape case (interesting choice on the writers' part to make the patient insist to have therapy with House, though).
There is an episode about a very workaholic woman executive in a fashion company who has tremor and partial paralysis, and later on it's shown that she seems to tie her worth as a person to her corporate success while band-aiding her deep psychological issue like her suicidal ideation, and House genuinely asks her, "Do you want to live? I cannot help you unless you want me to," or something along the line.
There is also the cursed 9-year-old terminal brain cancer episode where Chase kissed the patient (ew), where at first it shows House being a usual misanthophe to Wilson and saying, "She is not brave, it's the brain tumor clot talking because it must be near the amygdala." Later in the episode, House sits near the patient alone, and compassionately asks her if she even wants to live, going through the rest of her short-lived but horrible agony, even if they catch the clot. The surgery to find and get rid of the clot is risky and can debilitate her even more, and this is why House is laying the decision to her hands. That she gets to choose. This is what truly reveals to him that she is genuinely brave (aside from the scan showing the clot to be so far away from her amygdala), but for the wrong reason. She is brave for her mom, willing to go through horrible surgery and drag out her already painful cancer-ridden life because, "My mom needs me". When everyone is congratulating her in the end, you can tell House has a bittersweet expression of both awe towards her bravery, and sadness that this 9-year-old sick girl has to bear the brunt of her horrible pain just so that her mother is not sad. That he couldn't convince her to be a child until the nearing end of her life.
The most interesting evidence of his compassion to me is the gunman hostage episode. It might sound weird because in the whole episode, he is depicted to first want to outsmart the gunman patient, then becomes laser-focused but only because he sees it as a puzzle, then absolutely selfish and dangerous because he volunteers himself as the last hostage and gives the gun back to the guy after the MRI. I do think it's true that his dedication to solving patients-are-just-puzzle-to-me conditions shines through in the episode, especially the scene of him returning his gun, but there is something else I catch when I rewatched it before.
When the gunman patient is put in the MRI because Cameron tells him a theory through the hostage call, the remaining doctors in the room including House are wary at the gunman but also hopeful. Yet, when the result shows up on the screen, he realizes that the theory is wrong and the guy let go his only bargaining chip for nothing. If you watch this part carefully, you'll notice that House actually looks pitying and sad at the gunman's disappointed demeanor and expression. He realizes he is going to be another notch in the guy's failed doctors list, and at this point (with the gun given away and even the best, most talented doctor also not finding out what's wrong with him), the guy has given up hope that he will ever see the day he will be cured, certainly not behind the bars.
Yes, his thirst for puzzle is House's big driving force in giving back the gun, but you'll be lying to yourself if you don't notice House's compassion for the guy because he doesn't want the guy to go out empty-handed, with absolutely no more hope because House knows once they step out of the door, this guy will never, ever be allowed to be in the vicinity of any hospital or doctor ever again in his life, aside from jail's bare-minimum exams and medications. House can't handle the thought of putting someone else through his own disappointmentâthat nothing works to help his leg pain. He especially doesn't want to be the cause for this gunman guy's case either. Even in the end when House realizes the guy is a fucking moron because he doesn't know that Florida is, in fact, in earthwide-horizontal tropical zone and this is what stumps most of the guy's previous doctorsâHouse still gives him a subtle salute to the guy while being handcuffed and led away, almost to say, "Enjoy your healing and the defeat of your arch nemesis The Sicknessâ˘, glad to be part of it."
Majority of his drive to stop at nothing until his patient is cured is definitely thanks to his own fucked-up leg, even if there are some dialogues with Cuddy and Stacy Warner (House's ex wife) that seem to imply he has always been a misanthrophe whose hobby is getting into malpractice (or general) lawsuits. I wholeheartedly believe that after his leg clot rendered him disabled and with chronic pain, he became much more dedicated and obsessed with getting to the bottom of a patient's medical information, even for info that seems innocuous or irrelevant that always turn out to be important (probably more like a plot armor than established characterization, to be honest), almost like this is his method of relating to the patients in his own weirdly human way, and maybe a little bit (actually, a lot) of projecting.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
#house md#rec#media analysis#writing#english#me#i hv more to say abt this show like him making the mistake of not amputating his leg bc of his bias against (particularly visible)disabilit#even tho cuddy and his other past ortho surgeons suggest against keeping the leg because the clot is really bad and unsalvagable#years later even while having his leg it's now useless because all it gives him is pain and anger issue with a dash of opioid addiction#so when he sees patient being stupid or refusing a certain test/treatment he KNOWS in the bottom of his heart to be right#he just won't take it lying down & he will drag his patients kicking & screaming bc ''trust me i was an idiot too don't repeat my mistake''#but that's an essay for another day#whump#whump meta#disability
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i swear my stepdad is so illogical AND stubborn it hurts
#okay so strap in coz this is a wild ride#tl;dr we have been without heat and warm water for years and i mean literal years#because he refuses to pay off some debt he built up with the company#because he feels unfairly treated (let's not get into this. it absolutely makes no sense) by the company#so instead of doing the logical step of growing some balls and admitting he made a mistake and paying off his shit#he's been looking for a new supplier all over but the deal IS#that he's been doing this with a couple of places before and people are hesitant to even make him any offers#and you'd think that learning about THAT at least now he'd be like. idk willing to just pay off his debt and be done with it#but you'd be WRONG#now he's looking to just have our entire heating system replaced for the teeny tiny price of 25000 bucks#mind you his debt isn't even a THIRD of that#and obviously he can't afford those 25000 bucks#so what's his next step now you might wonder?#well good thing you asked. his next step is going off on ME for not paying towards the new heating he wants#and now that that's not working for him guess what he did next?#that's right. he bought shit expensive 'space heaters' that are pretty much just small little boxes that you plug into an outlet#and he swears up and down that they're going to heat up our house (it's negative degrees outside)#(it's obviously not working)#and genuinely. all i can think of is how much money he shoved into trying to macgyver this house into a house with warm water and heating#and how he blew off ten thousands of bucks he got paid when he retired within the span of two weeks#when this debt could have been paid off ten times over by now#so now you might be thinking. okay tiago. why don't you move out#good question you see. my mom is disabled and reliant on someone who cares for her#something that he can't won't and shouldn't do because the last time he sorta kinda tried she almost died and we had to call an ambulance#she wouldn't eat a thing if i weren't there to cook. the house would fall into disrepair if i wouldn't do maintenance all around#i've set up (functioning) heat in some areas she occupies and i've gotten a boiler going so she at least has warm water#i'm paying off their bills to make sure he doesn't skip on paying any others. i'm buying groceries for them because again they wouldn't get#any for themselves#and finally. i've offered to pay off his debt so that we can finally live like normal fucking people do#and guess what. guess WHAT. he just got mad at me for not adding money to that 25000 bucks pool for that new fancy heating he wants
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Ah, I see I'm supposed to consider myself "pro death penalty" now, because I have no sympathy for a mass murderer being killed by one of his own victims in self defense.
Truly, the enlightened stance is to trust a civil system that took the mass murderer's side for decades and consider this act of self defense to be ~vigilantism~ and abhorrent.
After all, if we just had faith in the white supremacist, capitalist system that allowed this mass murderer to torture and kill thousands and be praised for it, it would surely correct him eventually, right?
Because all violence is equal, and a dying man being told to die faster and in greater agony telling his killer "you first" is the same as lynch mobs, right?
Tell me you've never actually been mobbed in your life, without telling me.
#Automatic OP tag#This sort of deranged statement can only be made by people who willfully refuse to acknowledge that the legal system is not broken#It is working exactly as intended:#To create slave labour for the rich and prevent the rich from ever seeing consequence for their violence#It can only be a possible conclusion#If you do not perceive the mass killings of the poor and disabled as Actual Killings#But they ARE. And I will never shame a man who was told âYou are going to die on my ordersâ for saying âYOU. FIRST.â
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Couples who are considering having kids ask yourself if youâre willing and have the physical, financial, and emotional capacity to care for a profoundly disabled child before getting pregnant challenge
#Iâm fascinated by âregretful parentsâ internet and half of them are literally because the kid is disabled#half of them are parents who feel bad that they brought a child into suffering against their will and you feel bad and the other half are#just like I hate my disabled kid#also majority of those parents say something along the lines of âhaving a disabled kid never crossed my mindâ and that baffles me#I have a whole slew of reasons I donât want kids many of them more important#but one is that if my child was disabled I know I would not have the emotional capacity to provide unconditional love and support#I also donât want to be pregnant so this would be like if I adapted a baby whatever you get what I mean#a big reason I donât want kids in general is that I donât believe I have the emotional capacity to love unconditionally and devote my entire#being to them which is what every child deserves in a parent#and itâs hard to blame those parents because you can see it#but it just confuses me how many of them are shocked#I get being upset but no they are shocked#I canât wait to grow old with my future wife in a healthy relationship with no kids and so many pets#I can 100% say I would not be a good parent and I refuse to make a child suffer because I want to reap the benefits of parenthood#raeâs rambles
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never ceases to amaze me how ppl are obsessed with assigning other characters's traits and story arcs to Izzy to pretend that He's The Only One Who-- (no, he isn't)
'cause yk there IS a character who has a casual disability/body difference that doesn't just exist when it's relevant to the plot (and is, in fact, not relevant to the plot at all, because it's not a narrative device). A character who starts out with hypermasculine posturing and tbh kinda femmephobic, and is then quite literally cured by gay love. Who's kinda weird and goofy, but depicted as hot and desirable, because that's what he is! Who goes through a traumatic event and finds catharsis and healing, and sure, lots of that happens off-screen and could be addressed in more detail, but when has that ever stopped fandom from writing novel-length metas and fanfics. Who has a beautiful, canon love story.
And on top of that he's a hilarious, sarcastic little shit, and just great fun to watch!
(It's Pete. I'm talking about my buddy, my best friend, my specialest boy Black Pete.)
But for some reason he tends to fall to the wayside in fandom. If he's talked about at all, there's a fandom-wide tendency to make him into the shitty, one-dimensional, disney-esque clown and comic relief character he notably is not in canon - and assign his actual arc and characteristics to a more palatable angry asshole.
Hmm.
Wonder why that is.
#its honestly fascinating how people refuse to see whats actually there#and act like ofmd were worse yet more familiar#oh on the topic of disability: true a speech impediment & facial scar arent that disabling to most people#however they *definitely* are if you're say a professional actor whose voice and face are core to their work#our flag means death#do i need to spoiler tag this? hmm better safe etc#ofmd s2 spoilers#black pete#thoughts#pete <3
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in the owl house, i can bet that in a pre-belos era, glyph magic was quite common. theres no way people didnt notice these glyphs just in the sky and not try to use them. it would be a good way for children to get basic magic done, for disabled witches to get magic done, for none witches to do magic, ect. but since that gives the people power over belos, he took it away, punished it, and made them ignorant to a very important part of their world.
#clarifying: it probably slowly declined the more power belos got (so over the course of 300~ years)#and it was probably mostly used by non witches and disabled witches#but it is still a cool concept that i wished we got#i wish we met a demon that was using them or met a group that used glyphs#i refuse to believe that an entire society never learn this obvious fact that it took a 14 year old like a month to figure out#i will make a seperate post about disabled witches later because it bugs me that we dont see more of them when we know they exist#the owl house#toh#the owl house belos#the owl house theory#toh theory#i wish instead of a disney show we either got a 6 season fantasy adult swim show#or a rpg that is still going after a few decades aka genshin inpact
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aye can i get a fuckin uuuhhhh
break. on my burger
#shit chat#family cw#got sicker than i have been in years my bank closed my checking account on accident work is nightmarishly busy#and my mother is sending strings of long voice memos in the family group chat again#i simply will not be listening to them. at most i'll ask my dad or brother for the sparknotes version#bc her pattern for the better part of this year has been radio silence. no attempt at communication whatsoever#and then BAM like 5-10 min worth of voice memos screaming crying sobbing shaking#I DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET MY CHILDREN TO FORGIVE ME. I'M CRAWLING ON MY KNEES ON THE DESERT FOR A HUNDRED YEARS REPENTING#WHAT THE FUCK IS FAMILY FOR YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING AND I'M SUFFERING SO MUCH AND I'M ALONE BECAUSE#MY FAMILY ABANDONED ME. I HAVE NO ONE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID BUT I'M BEGGING. I NEED HELP I NEED MY KIDDOS AROUND ME PLEASE I'M DYING#followed by several minutes of sordid updates on her shitty miserable life#which is tbf pretty shitty & miserable. she's extremely physically disabled & mentally ill#her partner had a severe stroke a couple months ago and is still recovering. they've both been in & out of hospital#neither working. partner's adult son who lives with them is the only income in the household#partner's permanently disabled mother also lives with them. plus 2 large dogs 6 cats and 3 each of chickens & ducks#they're in court suing their landlord bc he's trying to evict them but the property is an uninhabitable shithole to begin with#but like. whenever i do make the mistake of responding to one of her groupchat tantrums#she's just like 'oh you know me im a survivor :) i just miss yous is all :) now that you're here i'm gonna bitch about my life for an hour#and ignore everything you have to say and show active disdain & boredom whenever you tell me anything about yourself or your life :)'#and if i offer help she refuses it#like it's just a bid for attention. expecting unconditional love and absolution and salvation from us bc That's What Families Do#she doesn't actually seem to give a shit about any of us as real people. just this ironclad delusion of unconditional family support#that she frankly has not earned#my brother actually did go visit her in the hospital on thanksgiving. driving 2hrs out of his way to do so#and she was a raging passive aggressive bitch to him and threw the gift he'd brought her back in his face#ma'am i know you're Going Through It but so are the rest of us & frankly you've given me zero reason to want to interact w/ ur caustic ass#plus this is petty but yet another way in which she doesn't listen to me & makes no attempt whatsoever at genuine relationship#i've told her numerous times that responding to groupchat voice memos is hard for me. that i love & miss her#and if she wants to see me or needs help or whatever to please contact me one on one either by call or text#nope. refuses to respond to/initiate individual contact. ONLY traumadumping in the fam chat. TLDR MY MOM IS A DISFUNCTIONAL TOXIC NIGHTMARE.
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Like three of my coworkers in the past month have tested positive for covid, every day I see new ppl on my dash mentioning that theyâve caught covid, every day I see and hear from ppl who have come down w something that looks like covid but the test came back negative but also they can only afford to test once bc tests arenât free anymore and the more accurate tests are also more expensive so thereâs no way to know if it was a false negative, and yet nobody masks anymore. hell world hell world
#meg talks#like i feel like im losing my mind. i will admit that ive probably gotten too bold abt going out in public#but at least i never go out without wearing a clean n95#and then i immediately look around and see no one else is wearing one and im like well fuck me i guess.#i refuse to get on an airplane or have anyone come visit me via plane bc fucking every time someone ik gets on a plane#they come back with covid#and i just keep thinking back to the start of the pandemic and the efforts to flatten the curve#and how if weâd just fucking. done it. if the lockdown wasnât lifted so fast. we could have killed covid#instead weâre going on four years of this. and ppl just act like life is normal again#well itâs not normal for me. catching covid could ruin my body and cost me my job and then what#but nobody cares bc most precautions protect other ppl around us more than they protect ourselves#and nobody gives a shit abt the disabled#nor do they want to think abt the fact that they are one covid infection away from being disabled themselves
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the average person doesn't expect you to be a perfect ethical consumer, that's not possible for the vast majority of us. but what youre saying is it's better to do nothing at all and choose the worst possible options (sweat shops, overseas shipping waste, idea/product theft, all wrapped up in SHEIN) than to put even the tiniest effort in where you can.
[they are referring to this post]
What I said was "some people are doing literally everything they can to survive and have no extra bandwidth to spend extra time and money on their purchases, and it is cruel and therefore un-punk to gatekeep punkness and add additional shame to these people's lives based on that fact."
I think it's still a good thing to try to ethically consume; I literally never said it wasn't. I had never even heard of SHEIN before. Rather, I am much more concerned about what I saw as arbitrary gatekeeping based on ability and income.
And frankly how dare you claim that I am supporting sweatshops and abuse by saying that this additional work you are demanding (in this case, presumably, vetting every clothing company you buy from) is not always possible for people. It is not a light accusation to accuse me of supporting abuse.
"How dare you say we piss on the poor", Etc. đ this isn't Twitter. You are determined to enforce moral purity, but you are failing to see the nuance.
Because when I say "no extra bandwidth," I mean no extra bandwidth. This is not the "car shows it's on E but actually secretly it has a lot of gas left" situation that abled people constantly assume disabled people mean when they say they are at their limit.
This is "the car has stopped moving, and to move it I'd have to break my body pushing it." This is "at a certain point, people will hit a wall in terms of money and time and energy, and any energy spent after that comes directly out of their life force."
So the argument "okay but just spend a little more time money and energy actually" is not a valid one.
And the argument "if you are not able to do this specific task, then it means you're not doing anything else to make the world a better place" doesn't exactly impress me either. You said yourself that it is impossible to be a perfectly ethical consumer for most people.
How do you know what else people are doing to resist oppression? How many hours per week until your standards are met?What if someone works 3 jobs? Does that mean it's harder to be a good person if you're poor?? Why do you get to decide what specific avenue of bettering the world is the most morally repugnant or acceptable? What kind of proof of goodness and effort would make you satisfied enough to lay off on the shame?? Who are you helping??
Clothing is a fundamental human need, and some of us have to buy cheap fucking clothes quickly. Billionaires are buying their seventh yacht this month. The people who own fast fashion companies are abusing their workers and putting local affordable clothing stores out of business - and this applies for basically every company with price points that low because governments are failing to regulate corporations to enforce basic human rights.
I have $300 to spend on a new wardrobe as my old clothes have fallen apart or become too small. Do you have a way for me to get a new winter coat, 3 flannels, 10 shirts, 3 dress shirts, new sandals, 10 pairs of pants, 5 bras, 12 pairs of socks, and 10 pairs of underwear within that budget and also definitely 100% ethically sourced, with free returns in case it doesn't fit? Or will I simply have to use the cheap stores?
I have about an hour to spend on this per week. Many mainstream stores doesn't make clothes in my size, and I am now in *year 5* of needing an electric wheelchair and being unable to get one; plus I live up a flight of stairs, so I can't even bring my walker out with me - so thrift shopping is not gonna cover this. Should I continue to wear small and tattered clothing until I have the time, money, and energy to meet your standards?
Did you know there are more empty homes in this country than homeless people? If I decide to splurge on only 100% ethically-produced products, and I can't make rent, and I become homeless, are YOU going to be there for me?? Or are you too busy litigating the endless tiny shames of poverty in your own community?
So I ask you again, are you SURE this is where you want to direct your punk energy?
Because there are a whole lot of rich people relying on people like us punching down and to the side instead of looking up to see where the money is going.
Because energy and time, as it turns out, are limited resources. And I would never expect you to secretly have more than you claim to have.
#original#punk#hopepunk#cripplepunk#i swear to god#reading comprehension website#how dare you say we piss on the poor#jfc 'what you're saying is we should do nothing' - what I'm saying is YOU are doing nothing by enforcing this boundary#you have to give people more credit than this. i believe you want a better world too. and it would be cool if you used your energy to#instead ask 'how do i fight for the people in my community to be clothed and have the time and income to shop ethically?'#or 'how do i support activism that pushes for regulation that could control these companies?'#monitoring how poor people spend money is a supremely Republican thing to do. as is demanding clear moral purity from every scenario.#you want a better world too. you want to demand your peers do better. - fine. good.#but you need to be asking if you have remembered and included everyone's needs when making statements like this.#capitalism is all for forgetting about poor and disabled people and refusing to believe their limits.#shame is a necessary weapon in fighting greed but it IS a weapon. be so careful where you point that shit. enough shame can kill a person#and a lot of us are already defending from it from all sides.#shaming a person who is already at their limit for not doing more is an act of cruelty. think very carefully about what that means please.#i literally don't even know what SHEIN is lol i just know classism when i see it#but I've had friends whose clothes were visibly falling apart with no income and so much so shame so deep in their hearts they were dying#and if they had seen that post it would have made them even sicker and gotten them no closer to the dignity of being properly clothed#shame is a weapon and /you need to be careful!!!!/
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Omg i haven't been updating lately but guys I'm moving out of my abusive household :D it's so surreal and anxiety inducing and change is scary but i will persist!!!!!!!
#basically for a while I've been paying all my mom's bills while she refuses to get a job and psychologically abuses me#the bills thing isn't inherently abusive! sometimes ppl need help! but the way she treats me is#any time i stand up for myself or ask her to please stop manipulating meâ she calls me a narcissistic abuser and selfish and awful stuff#she steals rent money from me to the point that i have to hide itâ and tells me I'm being selfish and immature if i spend money on myself#like stuff that isn't really necessary but makes me happy#not even like expensive shitâ she gaslights the hell out of me if i spend more than $20 on a frivolous item#and it's not that she can't workâ she just doesn't want to. she's into mormon tradwife shit and is like ''i need a man to provide''#she's worked as a line cook/at call centers/delis/hotels etc etc. she just doesn't /want/ to work#this is also bc she thinks she's the bride of Christ and is like ''the day of reckoning is coming so i don't need a job''#also she regularly goes through my room and takes stuff and likeâ goes through under my bed to see what I'm hiding#which is super invasive and weird#and she got super verbally abusive 2 years ago when i was physically disabled (literally using a cane) and couldn't work#Anyway. our rent has been $1475 and i also pay electricity and wifi and every other bill under the fucking sun#and she tried to get me to sign the lease and i said no! cuz me and my cousin are actively looking for a place to rent together#so i might be out in 10 days or by the end of the month depending on what the apartment office says#I've been packing up my stuff and I'm gonna be staying with my cousin and her fam for a couple weeks#it's way closer to my work and I'm gonna take my cat and stuff so it's chill. big changes are really scary cuz autism but I'll persist#a.txt
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everyday i constantly think of masato's wheelchair and if that's his only one/main one no wonder he's so pissed at everyone
#snap chats#someone pointed this out to me like last year so im stealing it sorry cause I Think Of It Constantly#the handling of masato's disability will forever annoy me esp with how vague it is but esp his chair#one day ill draw masato with an appropriate wheelchair. maybe then he'll be happy for once#in a way i guess it could tie into how restricted or trapped he felt since the type of chair he's shown is more like. a hospital one#and not one youd really use as a regular user- like in that vein it is a bit of storytelling in that he can ONLY go out with help#since hospital chairs are SO much different from home chairs ESPECIALLY in regards to mobility and independence the user has#AND NOT TO MENTION HOW UNCOMFORTABLE THOSE CHAIRS ARE get his ass a proper cushion P L E A S E#like it portrays the idea that its unfathomable for him to go anywhere on his own and so in that vein . Interesting Storytelling#theres a lot of implications going on here if im so honest and again it makes for Really Interesting Story Telling#however i refuse to give rgg credit like that when it comes to disabilities. ... they havent earned that from me yet#see this is why the vagueness of his condition annoys me because he's shown to be independent enough to roll himself to his elevator#and presumably get himself dressed but he cant have a proper chair ?#because ik there are people who have expressed they have conditions where even writing is tiring#so if his condition was in-line with that and it was hard for him to push himself in his chair then i could buy it#obviously the issue lies with his lungs but i just want to know the full extent yk...#to wrap this up tho ive been thinking of character design in rgg and how we dont give credit to it enough#sooooo if i make a second post ten minutes from now thats why cause i keep forgetting to spam my thoughts on here LMAO#ok bye
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#i dont think iâve talked my nonverbal!Diluc hc on here yet#but i keep seeing posts abt disability/chronjcally ill/neurodivergent hcs for genshin characters so hereâs one from me#idk i feel like after That Nightâ˘ď¸ and being on the run from the Fatui/working with a secret organization#diluc not just learns the âvalueâ of keeping secrets and staying quiet but also internalizes his guilt and trauma of saying smth that could#hurt people#it started with him telling Kaeya that heâs not a Ragnvindr anymore and then is exacerbated by his 3-4 Year Fatui Murder Rampage thru Teyvat#and with all ghat trauma and self-deprecation and paranoia he just. stops talking.#he picks up sign language in Fontaine and still writes but at some point he just stops talking and never speaks again#when he comes back to Mondstadt it was hard to adjust to for both him and the people around him#Kaeya initially assumes that Diluc just refuses to talk to him until he later hears gossip abt how no one has ever heard him speak since he#came back. he goes to Adelinde and/or Elzer abt it and they tell him that they neve even hear Diluc so much as hum or grunt#afterwards everyone changes up real fastâ Kaeya and Venti drinking at the bar and seemingly just talking at Diluc but theyâre always#observing his reactions and body language even when theyâre drunk#Jean tries her best to be patient but she has a hard time reading him bc heâs changed so much in the time heâs been gone#Adelinde & Elzer and the winery staff are the most communicative heâs withâ Diluc is far more likely to write with them to communicate#at some point Diluc has a business meeting with some rich dude from Fontaine or smth#Kaeya walks in bc he has an actual important mission thinf to discuss and he sees Diluc and this Fontaine dude and the dudeâs wife#moving their hands so fast and with all kinds of gestured and stuff#and itâs the first time Kaeya sees Diluc look so EXPRESSIVEâ heâs frowning and raising his eyebrows and mouthing words and all this#and Kaeya just goes âwhatâ#turns out the Fontainian dude is deaf and both him and his hearing wife know sign; she helps interpret this to kaeya for the dude and Diluc#and Kaeya is like âoh okayâ and goes to the kitchen like âiâll just wait here till yall are finishedâ#and he sees Adelinde and Elzer there with stoic faces and they just. stand there in quiet for so long.#Kaeya finally says ââŚ..so. sign language huhâ and Adelinde and Elzer have the most pained looks on their faces#later that week Diluc finds like everyone around suddenly doing basic signs with him#he later learns that the winery has ordered a shitton of signing books from Fontaine and are trying to learn#+ Kaeya and Jean too with help from Lisa bc like dont you know learning several languages is a requirement for graduation from the Akademiya#soon the use of sign starts spreading in Mondstadtâ there might be some small communities where they have their own native sign but itâs not#as standardized nor widely known as it is in Fontaine#this is getting really long so Iâll stop here but yeah. nonverbal Diluc who signs fjskdjs
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