#or pulling them out of places they dont need to be

[inej-ruination-ghafa]

PICK AND CHOOSE - l.c

Warnings: skin picking

Summary: the one where Luke and you finally discuss whatever is going on in the relationship

Wordcount: 2.4k

You sat down on his bed, the Hermes cabin empty because they were working on a prank against the Athena cabin with the Hephaestus boys.

You had called for this conversation with Luke, both of you putting it off because what was there really to say. This was it now and your heart was speeding up at a record time and you were worried it was going to beat so fast it would fly out of your chest.

“Everything alright?”

“Yeah, just-” you looked down at your hands, fingers picking at the skin by your fingernails, “-I dunno, just feeling a little insecure,”

You could feel the shame wash over you at the words because there is no need whatsoever for you to feel that way.

well there is.

At least that’s what you tell yourself as you continue to stare at your skin, hoping that the insecurity will go away with every tug of the hangnails at your fingers.

Maybe it was the fact that he had been paying you no attention since that night or maybe it was the way that you couldn’t stand the thought of other girls looking at him the way that they do, eyes roaming over his body. God, you should be the only one allowed to look at him like that.

You didn't know how long you had been silent for before he reached down and grabbed your hand, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Insecure?”

You scoffed at his words. This was not how this should go. You were supposed to be okay with casual, that’s what the two of you had discussed.

Insecure. The word made you feel sick to your stomach because it was such a petty feeling, like envy and jealousy. It came out of nowhere and sometimes just surprised you but you had been feeling it all your life.

It had been a rough day anyway but the way he said the words made it even worse. It felt like he was taunting you.

You pulled your hand away and placed it back in your lap, only just noticing the skin bleeding at your fingernails.

“It’s silly, I know-“ you started to say and he cut you off.

“It’s not silly,” he reassured, “Everyone gets insecure,”

You shook your head, “This-” you gestured between the two of you, “-us,” just saying the word made your face heat with embarrassment because what us was there.

It felt wrong, like two little kids playing dress up at having feelings. Luke was the first guy you had ever thought about in this way and here you were making a fool of yourself in front of him.

“I dont mean to be-” the words couldnt come. This was one of those emotions that you could never quite phrase and no matter what word you used, it always came out wrong, “-needy?”

Luke could sense your uncertainty about it all and he just watched you intently, those eyes that you could stare in for hours now only gave you one look. Pity.

You had to fight back the words that were trying to claw out of your throat. You wanted to yell and scream and tell him how pathetic that look made you feel, like you were some rescue puppy he had found on the streets and taught new tricks. He was your first: first kiss, first makeout, first…

Images flashed in your mind of him laying in your empty cabin, shirtless, you on top of him, hands pressed against his chest. Then you were lying there next to him in his bed, head laying against his chest as he explained the book he was reading to you. Those moments felt so far away as you looked into his eyes.

“You’re not being needy,”

this time you did scoff, “You know that thing babies get when they play peek-a-boo? Object permanence? I feel like I have that with people. Like if you’re not in the room then you must hate me and this paranoia has followed me round my whole life. Gods, sometimes, dont you just think that everyone hates you and that they’re faking being friends with you?”

The words stumbled off of your tongue before you could stop them and by then you had blurted it all out, chest heaving at the end as you realised how vulnerable you had just been in front of him.

You didn’t even look up from your hands as you waited to hear his response. He was going to hate this and you knew it.

Luke was so calm all the time, holding his composure about this. He barely even mentioned whatever was going on between you when you were with the other campers. It was like you didn’t even exist.

You couldn’t quite but your finger on how long you had been sitting on that feeling but maybe it had been there since the moment you first kissed in your cabin after the bonfire, his lips tasting like the moonshine the Dionysus kids brewed and his hand pressed firmly against your back.

You finally looked up at him, eyes meeting yours. When you would stand up, there was a significant height difference but here, sitting down, you were on even playing ground.

“We can stop,”

those words made your heart sink, stomach twisting into knots at the idea. How could you go back to the way things were before when he had been looking at you like that? When you knew what he sounded like in bed, breathy words whispered into your ear?

“That’s not why I came here,” you stated, eyebrows furrowed as you tried to put into words the way you felt.

There were no words and there never would be. How could you ever express all of the love and care that you have for him without seeming obsessed after two makeout sessions. This was supposed to be casual.

You had promised him no feelings from either of you and yet here you were less than two weeks later, heart so full to the brim with him that any pain he felt, you felt tenfold.

“Then why did you?” He asked so nonchalantly and you could feel the tears burning at the back of your eyes.

Shaking your head, you looked back at your blood stained fingernails, “I shouldn’t have,”

His eyes trailed down to your hands. You both shared the same bad habit, biting at your fingernails. His were painful, bitten to the halfway point and scared yet yours were healed, nice paint always draped on top to hide the peeling of your skin - your next victim.

Luke grabbed onto your hands to stop you from the compulsion and you felt forced to look into his eyes, “I don’t want to stop either,”

They were the words that you wanted to feel so why did they make your heart sink even lower into your chest?

“I-” the words were caught in your throat. Keep your composure. Thats what you kept repeating to yourself as you felt the tears brimming on your waterline. Crying in front of him was not on the agenda today.

Casual. Most boys dream and most girls nightmare. You should be okay with all that you could get from him, a kiss here and there but maybe that was making these feelings worse.

Maybe it was the way that he wouldn’t act like he wanted you on some nights, barely even acknowledging that you are there, his conversation focused on some other camper as you stood by the sidelines waiting like an idiot.

Maybe it was the way he talked to other girls, their eyes trailing over his shoulders and arms like he was on the market, hand on his shoulder as they laughed at one of his shitty jokes.

Maybe it was the way that you wanted him to wrap his arm around your waist and pull you close, to kiss you when the other head of cabins were looking, to want to make out with you when he was sober as well as drunk.

“I like you,” you blurted the words out.

He chuckled, “I like you too, is that not obvious,”

You shook your head with disdain at his comment. This was not time for silly jokes.

“No. I really like you and I dont want you to kiss other girls,”

his brow furrowed and he shook his head quickly, “Who said I want to kiss other girls?” He questioned.

You shrugged, a sheepishness coming over you at your admissions, “Beckendorf,” you stated, “He said he wanted to wingman you,”

”Did I say I wanted Beckendorf to wingman me?”

“No, but-“ you furrowed your brow and he just looked at your confusion.

“I like you a lot,” he promised but the words seemed to melt off of your skin like they meant nothing, “I do not want other girls, it’s just-“

You cut him off before he could finish his sentence. “You want to be single but have me on the side, just in case you get bored?”

He could hear the spitefulness in your words, the anger in your tone and he wondered how long this had been building up in your chest for, how long you had been wanting to say this to him.

“That is not what you are to me,” he reassured but the words didn’t help.

Scoffing, you pulled your hands away, “Then why don’t you want to kiss me? Why do I have to make the effort all the time?”

He tilted his head to the side and looked at you, watching as a tear slipped over your waterline. You cursed yourself as he leaned forward and wiped the tear away with the pad of his finger. He hated to see you like this, so much self loathing inside of you.

“I’m nervous,”

Now that was a ridiculous statement, “You? Nervous,” you shook your head at the woods because there was no way that they could ever be true, “You are like the coolest person I know, why would you get nervous?”

You watched as a blush crept up to his cheeks, “Because you’re the coolest person I know,”

your eyes widened at his admission and you wondered if he meant it.

“I worry that we are going to screw up our friendship by doing this, that I am no going to be a good boyfriend for you. I cannot lose you,” he admitted and you just sat there for a moment, staring at him.

“I think i just did, screw it up I mean,”

He shook his head, “You? Never,” he promised, hand coming down to rest on your knee which you only just noticed was bouncing up and down in your nervous state, “I care about you so much,”

”Then show it,”

“The other campers-” he started to say and you sighed. Great. Another excuse why you were not going to be working out.

“Ignore them, let’s be us,” you were practically begging at this point because you knew he could call this arrangement off any second and you would be left drowning in all the affection you never got to show him.

“I don’t want them to know, they will get involved and ruin this,” he was right and you hated that.

“I want you to want me,” the words tumbled from your mouth easier than you expected them to, “I want to be at the bonfires and you dance with me and talk to me and it sounds so needy,”

“It’s not needy,”

”It is!” You exclaimed.

The room went silent and you were left staring at one another, listening to the creeking of the walls in the wind and the rustling of the grass, “It is,” you repeated, a little bit quieter.

”I can’t do casual,”

He nodded, understanding the complexity of it all, “I can’t do a relationship,”

A sob was caught in your throat as you heard those words, they were the last thing that you wanted to hear and he knew that, watching as your face contort at his statement, lip trembling as you tried to stop the tears from overflowing.

“Okay,”

He tilted his head to the side, “Okay?”

You just shrugged because what was there left to do. There was no way that you were going to be able to convince him that you were worth it, that you were worthy of being his girlfriend if he didn’t want to be convinced.

“You’re an idiot,” he stated and you turned to look at him with a face that read shock horror.

“Excuse me?”

He could see all the hurt and anger bubbling up inside of you, brows pulling together and nose scrunching up just like it always did before a fight. He knew you too well.

“I would try. For you,” he stated and there it was again, the flip of emotion on your face to one of confusion, your lip pulling up in confusion, brows still furrowed but softening to complexity, “I want you in my life and more than a friend,”

You shook your head because this was all so wrong. You stood up, head spinning. This was not the way that this was supposed to go. This was going to be you breaking this thing off with him and yet here you were potentially entering into a relationship.

He followed after you before you could reach the cabin door, hand sneaking around your waist to pull you closer to him, “Say yes,”

“Luke,” a hand came out, balancing against his chest.

“Say yes,” he repeated, nose nuzzling against your throat. You knew this was wrong but Gods, it felt so right.

“Luke,”

He hummed in response, looking up at you with those big brown eyes that you had come to love over the years.

”Say yes,” he hoped one more time would do the trick.

You nodded your head, leaning down to feel his breath against your lips, “Okay,” you nudged your nose against his, “Okay,”

“Be my girlfriend?” The words seemed so natural on his tongue and you couldn’t fight the warm feeling in your chest at being addressed in that way.

You kissed him then and there. There still were not enough words to explain this feeling but as you kissed against the door in the Hermes cabin, you knew you were going to regret this moment in the long run.

But right now, there was no regret.

A/N sorry for the lack of posts, I've been at uni for a while but I'm feeling the inspiration. This is good for you guys and bad for me because this is the most autobiographical fanfic I've written in a while so enjoy as my love life plummets to hell

[snugglesbunny19]

Yall dont match my lever of freak when talking abt the boat scene. (Talking abt what happens in my DR rn)

1. This is just a sceneria for my DR. There Wont be comma’s correct places. I have a name not y/n. My first laungage is not english so if You dont like it dont read

2. If You dont like it after u read it quite frankly i dont give a single fuck. This is my DR not yours and i dont Care what You Think of it.

JJ knocks Rafe out and i come in Holding some food i had gotten for Rafe “oh thats where Everyone wa-“ i get cut off as JJ panicks turning around slapping me unconcious too. “What the fuck did You do?!” Pope asks looking at JJ angrily while JJ’s sister Sophie slaps his head “did You just knock out my fucking cousin?!” Juliette asks and JJ looks around before saying “I PANICKED OKAY?!”

I wake up with a pounding in my cheeks and around my eyes seeing Rafe waking up too instantly seeing his Black eye worried but also turned on, before i get to say anything Sarah comes in with some food and i stare Down at the Ground, I hadent talked to the pouges for 1 and a Half year so i guess i was pretty dumb to Think it was all just going to be the same.

“I mean what would dad say if he Saw me like This huh? And why the fuck would You guys bring her too huh? She didnt do shit and You know it, i Can get You guys locking me in here but not her.” I look up as Rafe mentions me “Rafey, its fine” i say and only then foes the attention go over to me and Rafe notices my matching Black eye “no it is-wait. Why the fuck does she have a Black Eye huh? If i find out any of You fucking pouges laks a hand on her they’re fucking dead okay?!” Rafe says looking up at Sarah “Rafe! Dont say that!” I say quickly and before Rafe gets to respond Sarah does “You, Rafe are in here because noone trusts You. And you Hailee are in here because we dont trust You wont let Rafe out AND we know you’d be sad and misserable out there with him in here. Now i have some food and some aspirin for the pain just..Call if You guys need help with eating okay?” Sarah exolains and i nod thinking its a fair point as i look Down at the food Sarah set ontop of the closed toilet lid “asprin? What You gonna throw it in our mouths like we’re seaguls?!” I giggle a little at Rafe’s comment “as i Said before. No good dead goes unpunished. I was trying to help You shits and This is what i get? Being locked up having to see my girlfriend in pain right infront of me?!” Rafe says getting more and more angry as he sees my Black eye again and i so badly want to reach out and grab his face to calm him but i cant from being tied up “baby its fine okay? Sarah just go. Rafe we have eachother thats all i need”

i tell Rafe as Sarah leaves his eyes softning as he looks at me and nods and i awkwerdly move forward using my legs and manege to kiss him as he eagerly kisses me back before pulling his head back “stupid fucking restraints. Cant even touch my Girl” Rafe mumbles as he looks me over stopping at my dress the skirt slightly bunched up from the awkwerd position making my panties show.

Rafe sees it quickly smirking “you’re such a tease, in This micro dress with You panties showing for daddy huh?...if any of thoese dirty fucking pouges Saw that im gonna pluck out their fucking eyes and feed it ro the fish.” Rafe says possesively making me Roll my eyes “You know...your Black eye looks kinda good..” i whisper and Rafe smirks leaning back a little “what was that honey i didnt hear You” Rafe lies wanting me to say it again “i Said your Black eye looks kinda good..” i say a little louder as Rafe licks his lips “oh yeah? This pussy wet just Cause i have a Black eye huh?” I shyly nod and Rafe licks over his lips getting an idea “You know...the walls arent were thick on This boat...since they locked us in here why dont we have some fun and disturb Them huh?” Rafe says moving his legs trying his Best to get me onto his lap and i giggle climbing onto him and smilling qhile nodding slowly grinding on his bulge on his pants. “I Can feel your wetness through my pants sweetie Who made You This wet huh?” Rafe asks while smirking “y-You did daddy!” I moan out and Rafe nods “fuck yeah i did. Moan louder while i try and figure out how the fuck we do This okay?” Rafe saya and i nod doing as he says while he tries to figure something out “okay, You Think You Can take my pants off with your feet baby?” Rafe asks and i nervously nod and he lifts himself up a little and i quickly take Them off “good girl, okay baby now you’re already tied up so submitting shouldent be so hard, just do as daddy says unless You wanna be fucking punished. Now come bounce on daddy’s cock” Rafe says and i moan loudly eagerly doing as he says.

I wont go into details of what we did just know, the pouges came over knockout around 6 times the first Day asking if we could quiet Down. JJ, John b and Kiara all couldent sleep the first 2 days Cause of the noises, me and Rafe lips end up both swollen and massive and when we’re almost drowing Rafe is carrying me Cause i feel asleep in the middle of it.

[chancedarling]

As Darcy natters, chatters and chirps next to him, Chance just lays there staring at the almost cloudless sky turning over all the potential and possibility inherent in Darcy's ability. Astounding... To be able to dematerialise in one shadow and step right out of another. He's trying to calculate the distance - she fell a fair way, but from mid tower to the ground - had to be a good eighty to a hundred foot? He'd have to come back with some more accurate measuring tools to try to gauge.

-- What was her range? -- How deep or dark did the shade need to be for her to make use of it? -- Was it specifically absence of light (more potential and therefor opportunity at night), or was it a shaded area in daylight or a combination of both. -- Could she only transport herself? Could she pull someone else through? Could she carry larger objects?

A hum of infinite possibilities reeling through his mind. Now all he has to do is figure out how he can use it... Her... To his advantage.

As she holds up her palms, he turns his head to look. A wince in sympathy at the rust covered bitten skin. Blood mingling with the deep brown and red flakes of the railing. It mush have been like holding onto broken glass. Perhaps he's even slightly more impressed that she'd dangled for so long. And at that - he does have to admit - this little revelation makes him rather glad that she didn't become the human equivalent of a bug on a windshield.

"I'll see if I can snag some antiseptic from the medicenter. Dont want that getting infected. Tetanus and... Stuff... I dunno - but better safe than sorry, huh?"

Better safe than sorry. That's a laugh. Safe would have been staying away from this damn tower. Safe would have been Chance walking away when she'd first blipped up there. Safe would have been heeding the clear warnings that were sprayed on the walls...

S a f e was fucking boring. This was so much more fun. And rewarding.

"It was probably a stupid idea."

Chance mumbles softly. It wasn't stupid. It was a fucking genius idea. And lets be honest, really the only thing that had come to mind at the time.

"I'm just glad you're safe."

Chance the humble. But he's entirely milking the moment.

She rattles on a little more about the tower and whatever mysteries or secrets may lay within. Chance is entirely in agreement. He HAS to know what's inside. And if he can use Darcy as a buffer between himself and any overt harm, then he'll encourage her curiosity.

As she hugs him though (...weird. Odd... Physical contact had been so absent here, that he'd hardly noticed he'd missed it until now)... Chance just pats her arm. Turns his head again and headbutts her softly in return. If he allows himself to enjoy the closeness and her presence and tactile offering, he'd never tell...But maybe he does. More than he'd like to admit to even himself.

Lingering there for the span of a few breaths, it's almost a wrench to move. But he does eventually sit up. Carefully taking her hands in his and examining them more closely.

"C'mon then you little astronaut. No more boldy going for now. We'll figure this place out another time. Maybe with more people. And a big arse ladder - just in case."

Standing, he jerks his head in the direction of the little commune.

"Secrets are secrets for a reason, Darcy."

He offers a quick wink and a grin.

"And that reason is for us to find them out."

Chance came to stand over her, face concerned and shocked and Darcy knew that she probably looked like somebody insane lying on the ground laughing, but she just couldn't help it, her entire body needed to release the adrenaline she accumulated in the last-- what was it? Maybe two minutes? Three? Couldn't have been longer than five, even though it felt like five whole lifetimes while she was holding onto the ledge at the top of the tower.

"Yeah, it was me. I just-- While falling I felt the same tug. Something changed and I just-- I followed it and then I was here." It was sheer luck and she was painfully aware of it, but still, it didn't truly sink in, or not yet anyway.

"But I think I'm okay. My palms--" Darcy held up her hands, looking at her palms - several of her nails broke off, both of her palms were full of scrapes and scratches and both of her hands felt extremely fatigued and unusable at the moment, but it felt like a small price to pay for what actually happened.

"Well, it'll heal," she said, showing her palm to him too. "I survived worse." She really did.

Chance lied down next to her and she turned her head towards him as he explained what he was doing right before her fingers gave up, the reality of what actually happened sinking in. "You-- It was you. You asked me if I did it, but really, I couldn't have done anything without you. The birds, they were what provided the shade that I needed," she breathed, her voice full of awe as she did.

She never would have thought of something like this. She wouldn't have even known how to actually help if their roles were reversed, really.

A wave of gratefulness washed over her as he suggested no more exploration for today, and another set of laughter bubbled out of her, one that was much more genuine, much more relieved and true. "Yeah, I can get behind being done for the day."

Darcy couldn't help but add, though, "But what I found up there-- Chance, somehow we have to find a way to get inside. Sure, not the way I tried, but what happened just proves that something important is in there. That it could be the key to understanding so many things in here."

A pause, and then she moved and as they lied there, she reached over and hugged Chance - a little awkward, little weird positioning due to both of them being on the ground, but Darcy didn't care. "Thank you. Thank you so much for the help, I wouldn't be here without you and the birds. I am so so grateful, truly. I owe you one."

[aeviare]

nb4 Lyney pulls a dong out of his hat

unprompted asks

"i would never show my toys to someone just randomly. what kind of magician do you think i am!"

[deus-ex-mona]

when the slowburn makes the ship extra cute~~~

[locallygrowndaikon]

Woah this is actually pretty sick

[triglycercule]

thinking about mtt literally physically dragging eachother down and being restrained to eachother because theyre genuinely that fucking ass for eachother but then it means i'd have to decide which of them to humiliate by putting a collar on them. and i can't choose. if they dont all equally suffer than whats the point man 🙁🙁🙁

[bunnihearted]

꒰୨୧꒱

[the-knife-consumer]

I feel lame for not having many ocs tbh. Whatever i do what i want forever

[mejomonster]

I hate panic attacks

[burning-thistles-bt]

i wanna talk about the burning thistles reflamed au sooooo bad but i cant and its killing me

[apple-os]

ppl who like making friends solely with one-note cardboard boxes who will hang out with them when it's convenient and never open up about who they are as people and what their lives are like dni

[anaalnathrakhs]

it's rlly fun how my parents just straight up. do not care. about the disordered eating. we had all this talk back when i went through a big suicidal crisis a couple months ago, i explained what was really difficult for me, eating socially, restaurants, not choosing my food, etc, and now it's like. okay it didn't exist actually.

mother i am not going to order you around, either you accept that i'm gonna have difficulty dealing with "normal people behavior" or whatnot and you stop looking at me like :/ anytime i am anything but ecstatic at the idea of eating anything anytime anyhow, or you adapt your behavior to avoid the results you don't like to see. i'm only doing my best to handle things from my side, and i am certainly not going to try measuring for you how important family social eating occurences are to you.

[vampyroteuthid]

i was hoping to do a bunch of fun things while i was down here but i've realized it takes like 60% of my energy just to get to a place so i'm afraid to plan a trip for longer than an afternoon. which would be anywhere in the city proper because it takes two goddamn hours to get there. and also everything is fucking expensive. but even if i did have the energy and money my brothers emotionally dysregulated dogs are so anxious i'm worried about leaving them for too long.

[pendraegon]

hey that post is ominous as fuck. what is your inkling 👀

here's all i can say. make it so billboard big that it goes over everyone's heads from the very start.

[thehardkandy]

Travelling back home tomorrow hoping for a smooth groove