#or premade pasta sauce

[irlusa]

Dinner so far has been 7 olives but everything I can think of making (that i actualy have ingredients for) either takes forever + makes a million dishes or I'm sick of the ingredients bc I've eaten them too often in the past few weeks :(

[finding-flight]

Nothing like not having your daily pain meds to remind you how disabled you are (very)

[lesbiansanemi]

In a turn of shocking events absolutely stunning no one more than myself, I might actually enjoy cooking and not only that, be good at it

[jorvikzelda]

this spring when I got hit with two really horrendous colds like a month apart I was like okay I've learned my lesson now I will always keep a cold survival kit at home. and then I did not in fact learn my lesson

[clorofolle]

Longish rant about gluten free restaurants and the way they handle contamination under the cut!

Today I went to a pizza restaurant that offers gluten free options. I ask if there's a separate menu I can choose from, get told that nah, but also it's up to my discretion, depending on how much I react to contamination, to choose wisely. He gives me a short list of very bland/simple pizzas and says those are guaranteed contamination-free, while every other topping gets made in block but I can put them on the gluten free pizza base.

I'm blown away - it's hard to find people in food service 1) knowledgeable enough about contamination to understand that different people might take a different approach to them, and 2) honest enough to tell you how their process works!

I don't show symptoms/don't feel sick from a little contamination, and do blood work yearly to make sure I'm not accidentally ingesting too much gluten, and I've been 100% clean n good since I was a kid. I have an Extremely rigid gluten free diet at home, precisely so I can account for a little bit of contamination the few times I eat out. I never eat things with wheat in them of course, but I also can afford not to care if there's been indirect contamination in tools, kitchenware, frying oil etc. I know this because I've been celiac since I was a kid and know how I work by now.

So when I place my order and another guy comes out and tells that No, Actually I can only choose from those three bland pizzas, they have a responsibility, they cannot put toppings that they can't assure are not contaminated in the slightest, even if I take full responsibility, that's really disappointing!! Like I'm not gonna give the restaurant shit for it, it's good that they care about this stuff, and the guy was absolutely just doing his job.

But also - it very much feels like them trying to tell me how *my* health thing works. I wonder what kind of weird system they have in place - I suppose there's gotta be some legal reason for them to be soo strict about this, maybe they can legally be sued if they served that pizza as "gluten free"?

The best way I've seen a restaurant handle this, was saying that they offer burgers "with gluten free bread". So they can't say it's "gluten free burgers", and most sensitive individuals can avoid that place. But also, the other ingredients don't CONTAIN any gluten, per se, it's a way to say "there COULD be some contamination", and it's really smart, imo.

Fun thing is - pizza restaurant I went in didn't even have a second oven just for the gluten free stuff. I can tell bc my pizza had the classical "circular aluminium container" shape. And AFAIK, that's another actual red flag for very sensitive individuals, because Neapolitan style ovens are not usually kept too much clean, and there's like flour all around inside them (if your pizza gets a burnt bottom, it's probably bc of a dirty oven). So like uhh? You only have one oven? And you couldn't put a non-fried vegetable and cheese on my pizza?

Anyways I hope they find some legal loophole to get ppl like me more yummy pizzas. Because I actually LOVE when places are upfront about possible contaminations - it helps me keep count. I've definitely had places that claimed to be "gluten free" and then what I received had me doubt they even knew what that meant. A good compromise CAN be reached.

[wineaunt420]

Uni meal log.2

You don't have to sat it guys, I already know I am the epitome of health 🖐🙄 getting my whole food wheel in ain't easy but I still manage

[housecow]

i have a lot of cute ideas

my feeder travels a lot—he’s lucky enough to have a job that can take him all over the world. his cow, however, cannot really follow.

i outgrew a regular plane seat sometime after 300lbs. we discovered that after a particularly fruitful trip to spain; although eating our way through each city racked up a lot of steps, the funnel sessions and late night snacking really did me in. neither of us were really surprised that my hips just didn’t quite fit. rather, i could tell it was all he could think about the entire way back. his hand on my soft thigh, slightly clenched and almost possessive… the way his eyes flickered to mine and there was this look.

our trips together became rarer but neither of us minded. as i’d grown, a lot of what we used to do together faded. i couldn’t keep up on the hikes, biking was out of the question, and even the long walks we enjoyed wound up split by breaks so i could catch my breath.

throughout it all, however, my feeder just grew more enthusiastic. he’d tell me he was so proud after we made it back to the hotel each night. his hands would massage my softened shoulders, he’d hold the shake to my lips, and he’d coo into my ear, “it’s okay, i won’t make you do this again,” “there’s a buffet tomorrow morning,” or, “you can really feel how fat we’ve made you now, right?”

i’d melt with whatever he said and he’d fill me up, every way i needed. funnels and shakes, expansive platters of pastries… him inside me, i’m so full and he’s telling me how good i’m doing for him, my belly touching the bed while he’s breeding me…

neither of us minded when we had to do things separately. he’d be off on a trip, sending me photos of the views and the food (“wish i could be feeding you these!”), and i’d return the gesture. belly pics, selfies of my fatass planted on the couch working on the last bit of the gallon of ice cream that was supposed to last the week, meal ideas and articles and excitement about all he’s getting to experience.

the best part, however, is when he’d get back. over the longer trips i’d have settled in a bit too much. nothing was overly dirty, of course, but the fridge was overstocked with takeout. i’d finished almost everything and move on to whatever was next, absentmindedly leaving behind remnants of everything i’d made my way through. the trash would be full of boxes and candy wrappers, vegetable skins and soda cans, too. and he'd be able to see what it all did to me.

i was bigger every time he came back. it wasn’t too obvious, maybe just a pound or two, but it was enough to excite him. he’d admire the way i had to focus and gather momentum to heave myself out of the car, how my belly hang hit my thighs just enough to make a sound when i tried to move quickly, and how he could always count on me to gorge myself while i missed him.

he never made a comment though. but every time before he left the pantry would be replenished—zebra cakes, brownies, chips, pasta, sauce, boxed mac n cheese, everything he could think of would be left there for me.

he once said, “i won’t let a moment pass where you can’t reach for something to eat,” and it was true. a candy bowl mysteriously appeared on the coffee table one day, each time i reached the bottom it’d be refilled. the mini fridge side table was “cute and functional,” he reasoned, as he showed me where the sodas and premade shakes were going. i’d thank him, a soft kiss and several grateful expressions, before admitting that i was relieved at having one less trip to the kitchen now when i was settled in.

and he’d just smile. enabling a cow like me is easy, he just has to set the food out. i know what to do.

[bellysoupset]

Wendy and Vince - Purposefully overeating part 2. NSFW

Hi, hello. This is kink. This is fetish writing. No one look at me for one thousand years. 😳

Read part 1 here

-----------------------------------

“Can I sleep with you?”

Wendy let out a sigh, crouching down in front of Livia and brushing the girl’s hair back, “how about you sleep over tomorrow night? Then Monday I can take you to class with Vin?” 

The little girl’s pout cleared up as she nodded eagerly, “can you braid my hair?”

“Yes, I can braid your hair,” Wendy grinned, planting a kiss on Liv’s brow, “now up to bed, c’mon. I’ll help you brush your teeth.” 

“You’re getting exploited, Wendy,” Giuseppe warned her from the couch, as Wendy guided the little girl up the stairs, holding her hand, “keep giving her an inch and she’ll take the whole mile.”

“I don’t mind,” Wendy shrugged and she really meant it. She had never been the type to like children, but she didn’t actively dislike them either. However, Vince adored Livia so much that Wendy couldn’t help but have it rub off on her. It helped that Liv was very much like her brother, all touchy and sweet, it was like looking at a little girl version of him.

“Vincenzo, help me with the tupperwares, will you?” Wendy heard as Ma called from the kitchen and Vince got up with a small sigh from the dining table. He had already polished off two servings of dinner — veal chops with fava beans and radishes — and had been previously munching on cookies while helping with the dishes, before his mother banished everyone from the kitchen as she sorted through the leftovers. 

Livia was sleepy already, so it wasn’t hard to put her to bed, watching her brush her teeth and change into PJs, before crawling under the blankets with her stuffed animals. Most of them were purple and Wendy snorted as she wondered how did the child not suffocate with that many plushies surrounding her.

“Goodnight, Wendy,” Liv whispered, curling up and pressing her face to the belly of her stuffed bear.

“Goodnight, sugar,” Wendy leaned in, kissing the top of her head and then making sure Liv’s night light was on, casting stars on the wall it was plugged to, and walking out of the bedroom. Vince was just outside, in the hallway, and she jumped, “how long you’ve been there?”

“Just got here,” Vince shrugged, as Wendy pulled the door half closed, “just wanted to kiss Liv goodnight, then we can leave.”

“Are you still-”

He rolled his eyes, circling her and whispering in her ear, “yeah, I’m still sure.” 

Wendy’s face burned and she fought the urge to squirm, leaning against the hallway wall as Vince disappeared inside the bedroom to kiss his baby sister goodnight. 

She walked back downstairs, instead of waiting for him, and paused in the staircase, watching Giuseppe and Magda cuddled up on the couch, chatting over some soap opera, while Sophia was sprawled on the opposite couch with her face buried in her phone. It was such a domestic, mundane scene and yet Wendy couldn’t remember ever seeing her parents do that. 

“Let’s go?” Vince wrapped his arms around her from behind and Wendy nodded, leaning her back against his stomach. She could just feel his belly pressing on her back and it was comfortable more than anything. 

“Wendy, the basket on the left is for you,” Ma called as they entered the living room, Vince passing Wen her purse and going to retrieve all the leftovers his mom so happily separated for him. 

“That’s too much, Ma-”

“Nonsense,” the woman scoffed, “you live alone, you’re a doctor, you don’t have time to cook and I don’t want you eating garbage. I put in some jars of my sauce and the premade pasta, there’s torrones- Oh! And the big metal jar is for Leo and Jonah, tell them congratulations for the engagement. It’s chocolate coated cookies- Leo likes chocolate, right?”

“He loves it,” Vince said truthfully, while Wendy eyed the huge amount of food with a guilty conscience. Ever since her and Vin had gotten back together and gotten in the routine of long distance, she had been barely feeding herself. 

“It’s still too much-”

A string of annoyed italian words interrupted her, Ma getting up from the couch and angrily grabbing the basket, shoving it in Wendy’s hands, “don’t be rude,” the woman berated her, “buona notte, bambina. Buona notte, mio cucciolo.” 

Wendy hugged the woman with one arm, the other one busy holding all the things she had been given, “buona notte, ma,” she felt very proud of mimicking the accent. 

Vince answered his parents in Italian, exchanging some rapid fire words with Sophia, who didn’t even bother looking up from her phone and then they were out of the house.

“You have got to stop fighting her,” Vince berated lightly, as they entered the car, “the more you say you don’t want food, the more she thinks you’re embarrassed and she needs to feed you.”

“I need to start paying your mom somehow,” Wendy scoffed, putting the seatbelt on, “she’s spending a fortune.”

“She can quit whenever she wants,” Vince shrugged. He started the car and then planted a hand on his stomach, rubbing it lightly. All thoughts about his mother flew out of Wendy’s mind and she stared at his hand.

“So what’s for dinner?”

“Pizza,” Vince drove out of his street, “I’m thinking vegetarian?” 

“Uhum,” Wendy licked her lips, then reached in and touched her boyfriend’s stomach. A jolt went up her hand as she felt how full his belly already was, rounding out nicely under his sweater, “you ate a lot already.”

“Please,” Vince snorted, “that was nothing.”

It was still early, barely past nine, and most restaurants were open and with people coming and going. They parked across a small cantina, near Vince’s place, and sat in the far back, in the most reclusive spot. 

If Vince was honest, he was already feeling quite full. Ever since deciding they’d do this, five hours ago, he had been eating non stop. Two sandwiches, two servings of dinner and who knows how many cookies and juice were packed in his gut, so he was far from hungry… But nowhere near queasy, which was their end result.

Vin leaned back after they ordered, half listening as Wendy rambled on nervously — she was always chatty, but when feeling awkward it seemed to go up a notch —, too preoccupied taking all of her in. 

He missed her so much, it wasn’t even funny. Wendy continued to talk as he reached in, pushing a wavy strand of hair behind her ear and letting his hand linger, tracing the soft curve of her jaw. She had baby cheeks and he loved them, freckles dusting the bridge of her button nose, lips that curved up on a perfect, pouty shape, no cupid’s bow. 

Tonight she was wearing glittery eyeshadow and dark mascara, speckles of pink glitter clinging to her lids and the inner corner of her eyes, making her green eyes sparkle. 

“-I don’t know, I just think if the concussion rate is so high, why aren’t they doing anyt-” Wendy interrupted herself, “are you listening to me?” 

“I am,” Vince nodded, but instead of repeating what she was saying, he tugged on the belt loop of his girlfriend’s jeans and pulled her closer to him in their little booth, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, “I was just looking at you.”

“Staring,” she corrected, but melted against him, sliding a hand around his middle in an inconspicuous manner. It made his tummy fill with butterflies. Vince pulled her even closer, pressing a kiss to her temple as Wendy hugged him by the middle. 

They had ordered a large veggie pizza with a side of pesto sauce and Vin immediately went at it, while Wendy slid from under his arm, aimlessly biting on the crust of his pizza. 

“You’re not gonna help?” Vince whined, after he cleared up his first slice entirely and opened the sparkling water bottle. Wendy wrinkled her nose. 

“I’m not hungry anymore,” she reached in, wrapping a curl of his around her index finger, then letting her nail trace his prickly cheek, “you’re gonna finish the whole pizza?”

“Not sure,” Vince tore the second slide apart, fidgeting a little on his seat. He was already starting to feel his pants dig on him, “gonna try.”

Halfway through Vince was forced to pull back, breathing strongly through his nose and planting a hand on his stomach, grateful that they had picked such a reclusive corner and that their table disguised his movement. He was packed full, it was hard to breathe, and Vince let out a groan. 

Wendy leaned in, her whole face flushed. For the longest minutes she had been trying and sort of failing to strike up conversation, blushing and squirming whenever he let out any noise indicating how full he was or had to pause before taking another bite. 

“Vin?”

“Just- Just a sec…” he cupped his mouth, trying to force up a belch, but nothing came up. His belly throbbed with the sheer volume of what was inside of it and Vince groaned, throwing his head back, “fuck.”

“Vince,” now her voice wasn’t just breathless and excited, but there was concern tinging it, “honey, let’s stop-”

“Wendy,” he leveled her with a glare and his girlfriend snapped her mouth shut. Vince gulped down the tight knot in his throat and forced another breath, “just give me a minute, okay?”

“Okay,” she moved even closer in the booth, pushing his hair back, unable to keep her hands to herself, “deep breaths.”

“I’m not even nauseous,” he said quietly, blushing and looking around. It was getting rather late and no one was paying them any mind. Across the restaurant, leaning on the bar, the waiters were talking, just occasionally sparing them a glance. There were two other couples, far from them, enthralled with each other. “Just full.”

“Do you wanna get the rest of this to go?” Wendy leaned in, whispering in his ear, “and maybe dessert too?”

The thought of eating dessert on top of all that food made a twinge of nausea blossom inside his gut. Vince thought about it, then nodded, turning his head to capture her lips into a kiss. 

Wendy let out a little happy noise, cupping his cheeks and then pulling back just enough to breathe. 

She didn’t say anything else and Vince didn’t need her to. With the help of their seat, he pushed himself up and then groaned out loud as the movement made his insides start to churn. Wendy got up as well, squeezing his arm in a sympathetic manner.

“Go sit in the car, I got the bill,” she tiptoed to kiss his cheek and Vince lowered himself slightly to allow her. He stared at his shoes, trying to muster up the energy to walk to the car when it felt like there was a huge brick sitting in his middle.

“Did you see who was inside?” Wendy asked, carrying a white to-go box as she walked out of the restaurant; There was an excited thrill in her voice, green eyes alight with mischief.

Vince was leaning against the hood, near the headlights, staring at his feet and grimacing as he felt the bellyache build. The little nausea twinge was still there, making him reconsider the idea of eating another bite.

“Uhm?”

“Your new bestie,” his girlfriend teased, putting the food in the dashboard and then circling the car, slotting herself between his arms, “Daniels.”

“What- Wendy,” Vince waved the subject away, he didn’t care if Daniels had been inside the restaurant or not, he cared that he was feeling increasingly pukey and he didn’t want to barf outside of his place. That would ruin the whole night, “honey, let’s go home.”

“Yeah?” Wendy pressed him back against the car, on her very tippy toes to keep kissing him, clutching the front of his shirt, “you ate too much?”

“Fuck yeah, I ate too much,” Vince sighed, “you don’t want me to puke on you, let’s go home.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time,” she teased him, causing Vince to let out a surprised, startled chuckle and clutch at his stomach. 

“Oh my god, Wendy, get inside the car, you perv!” he exclaimed, still chuckling, a cramp gripping the insides of his stomach. He tried to swallow air and force up a burp, but the bubble he could immediately feel forming in his belly came up and then fizzled out in his throat. 

“Okay, okay,” Wendy pecked his lips, “just hold on a little bit more, Vin…” 

There was no way he could drive, nor did she want him to. Wendy was focusing on the drive, but her cheeks were a delicious strawberry shade and one of her hands was off the steering wheel, resting on his thigh… Tracing little invisible patterns there, up and down and then a circle…

“Hurts right here,” Vince bit the inside of his cheek to suppress a smile, as he took his girlfriend’s dainty hand and pressed it to his stuffed belly, "it's so heavy, Wen…” 

She let out a forceful breath through her nose, squeezing the steering wheel, “you’re terrible…” there was a whine to her voice and Vince felt a smidge of pride bubble in his chest. The fact he knew she was so turned on by him, every little part of him. 

Vince squirmed, planting his hand over hers and pushing it in, leaning in and almost pressing his forehead to the dashboard. The added pressure caused his overpacked stomach to gurgle angrily and next to him Wendy let out a noise in the back of her throat, her fingers curling against his shirt. 

“Don’t… Don’t puke yet,” she bossed, voice all breathy and Vince shook his head, sitting up straight. 

“Not gonna,” he thumped on his chest, forcing up a tiny little burp that brought no relief, “not there yet.” 

“Good,” she pulled her hand back, clearing her throat and rolling down the window, as if the car was too stuffy. Vince appreciated it, even if it wasn’t done for his benefit. The light breeze helped some.

His tiny house was really just a large living room with a bathroom, that he had slotted in separate rooms, creating his tiny bedroom, kitchen, living room. He didn’t fit lying back on the couch, but that didn’t stop Wendy from promptly pushing him against it as soon as they got inside. 

“Easy,” Vince glared at her, sitting down and spreading his legs, throwing his head back, “c’mere, honey.” 

She took his hand in hers, but instead of sitting on his lap, as Vince was pulling her to, Wendy sank down to her knees between his legs and reached for his jeans. The buttons were pressing against his belly and Vin let out a moan as she undid his fly, tugging on the pants to give his stomach more space. 

“Better?” 

“Uh-hu,” he cupped her face, thumb on her chin, forcing their eyes to meet and making an amused face, “sorta counter intuitive with your goal, though.” 

“I’m not in a rush,” Wendy shrugged, although the rasp in her voice said the opposite. She leaned in, kissing the little sliver of exposed stomach, then grabbing his shirt and rolling it up, lips pressing against his full belly as she continued kissing up. 

Vince stripped down the shirt, throwing it to the left and letting out a groan as Wendy moved up, body draping over him and capturing his lips with hers. It felt like her hands were everywhere. Pressing against his unsettled tummy, index finger circling lazily against his belly button, roaming up his chest, curling in his hair-

He turned his face and muffled a thick, relieving burp against her neck and Wendy moaned in his ear, haphazardly grabbing his face and kissing him with renewed fervor. Vince pulled back after a second, pressing his forehead to hers and taking a measured breath. The bigger belch had cleared up some space, so he whispered, “didn’t you say something about dessert?”

Wendy pulled back, stunned and then glared down at his packed belly. It was rounding out, still gurgling and snarling, “are you sure?”

“Yes,” Vince’s voice was decisive. There was a manic glint to her eyes that made him feel warm all over, he wanted to see how much more he could push. If he could make her cum without even touching her. Probably, judging by the way Wendy’s chest was heaving as if she was the one struggling to breathe. 

She got up to retrieve the to-go box from the small table that marked his “kitchen”, then walked back to the couch, crawling on it and sitting on his lap with a happy sigh, “I got you blueberry pie,” she opened the cardstock box, “I figured you didn’t like it too much…?”

“I don’t,” Vince frowned, “so why…?”

“I don’t want to ruin a dessert you actually like,” Wendy shrugged, tearing the lid of the box off without a thought and throwing it on the ground. There was a plastic fork and she dug into it with glee, squirming on his lap to get more comfortable. Vince opened a smile as he could feel just how turned on she was, a hard on pressing against his thigh. 

He leaned back and obediently opened his mouth, resting his hands on her ass. 

It wasn’t his favorite, but it was still really good. Even full as he was, Vince’s mouth still watered at the sweet taste and he happily ate the two first bites. It was the third bite that turned sour.Wendy had gotten him two slices, about 5 bites each, and Vince eyed it wearily as he struggled to swallow. 

Her eyes were trained to his face and she pulled back, raised the fork and an eyebrow, “Vin?”

He forced the bite down, then grimaced, smacking his sticky lips together and clearing his throat, “not feeling so hot, honey.”

She bit down her lip, looking conflicted, cheeks aflame, “do you want me to-”

“Gimme another bite,” Vince opened his mouth, squeezing her thighs and Wendy didn’t need to be told twice. 

The smell, fruity and sickening sweet, made him want to gag, but he took the fourth bite and then the fifth, finishing the first slice. Immediately he brought up a hand to his mouth and let out a little sickly burp, followed by another… A bigger belch, thick and tasting disgustingly of his dinner and Vince heaved, but didn’t bring up anything. 

He whined, leaning forward and his forehead met her collarbone, since Wendy was taller sitting on his lap.

“Shhh,” she whispered in his ear, a hand rubbing up and down his back, “I got you…”

It wasn’t enough. A horrible threshold between feeling like absolute garbage, but so horny and unable to act on either. Vince moaned, swallowing air and forcing up a little burp, squeezing her close, “my stomach… Fuck, Wen, it’s all churning and…” his mouth watered, not with hunger, but revulsion and Wendy squeezed her legs around him. 

“It’s not sitting well…?” This was dirty talk and Vince knew it. Thinking of everything that was packed inside of him only made him feel worse – the sandwiches, veal chops, the pizza, pie –, and yet he leaned into it, voice thick and words sticking together. 

“No… No, I think the pie- I think it wants up,” he gagged and a thin dribble of saliva rushed up, bringing with it the crumbs– Vince wasn’t playing it up as he retched suddenly, grabbing Wendy’s shoulder and pulling her back to avoid puking on her. A thin, watery dribble of sweet smelling vomit fell on their laps and Vince’s back arched with another violent heave, but nothing else came up. 

He forced up a burp and Wendy cupped his face, “oh honey,” she sounded more than breathless, almost dizzy. In his badly lit living room he could see the green of her eyes was almost gone, pupils blown, “darling…” fingers caressing his cheek, so gentle and then saying, “do you want more?”

“Fu-Uck!” The thought of eating even another bite had his stomach squeezing and Vince retched, bringing a much thicker wave of vomit. It splashed on his undone jeans and Wendy’s baby blue ones, a terrible shade of brown mixed with streaks of blue, splatters hitting his naked stomach and pure disgust washed over him, causing him to heave again.

Wendy let out a little noise, squeezing his nape, nails sinking on him and Vince gasped for air, closing his eyes and trying to quell the nausea. This was enough, he was done- A rumbly burp came from the pits of his stomach and he gagged, bringing up a thin dribble of puke and breathing heavily. 

“Wen-”

“I’m here, I’m here-” she pressed her lips to his temple, “deep breaths, baby, it’s over. Let your tummy settle-”

“No, Wen-” he squeezed her arm, squirming on the couch as hot nausea continued to churn in his belly, “Wen-” her name up in a retch and he thought of the sheer amount of food, flashes of everything he had consumed appearing in front of his eyes. It was like he could taste every bite all over again.

Vince pushed Wendy off his lap slightly, spreading his legs and grabbing his bloated stomach, shame be damned, no longer giving a crap about the mess- Wendy’s hand found it’s way to his tummy as well, pressing in. Gentle, but steady, deeper- 

The next heave was productive and Vince made a horrible choking noise and a large wave of vomit covered his jeans and splashed between his boots. He gasped for air, goosebumps running up and down his arms, head twirling with the lack of oxygen. 

Wendy was rubbing his back, her mouth pressed to his naked shoulder, no longer bothering to say anything- He wiped his mouth and the tears clinging to his lashes and then groaned, falling back against the couch’s back. 

“Vin?” Her hand on his naked chest, massaging it in circles. Sweet, voice concerned, “honey?”

He turned his head lazily and then let out a drained smile, noticing the wet spot on her jeans that was not caused by him, “fuck me, Wendy, without even touching you?” Vince said proudly, his voice hoarse and his head swimming with the remaining queasiness, but there was a burning deep in his belly. Down in his groin, so pleased with himself.

Wendy’s cheeks turned red and she looked away, but Vince darted out a little uncoordinated hand and grabbed her by the back of her neck, pulling her in. He smashed their lips together and his girlfriend let out a small noise, startled, before she wrapped an arm around his neck and kissed him back.

Her tongue pressed against his, teeth on his bottom lip, nose pressing to his cheek, “you’re so fucking hot,” Wendy whispered in his ear, “so fucking hot.”

Vince pulled back, pleased with himself, then wrinkled his nose “and I need a shower.”

Wendy chuckled at that, giving him a peck, the fire in her eyes clearing out, “can I join?”

“Can you join? Girl, you’re gonna be doing all the washing, this is your mess,” Vince scoffed, smoothing a hand up her back, curling his fingers on her wavy hair and basking on the sex dazed eyes she was giving him. Wendy opened a bright smile. 

“Damn right it is, you’re my mess.”

[or0ch1maru]

I don't know if you're still doing requests but ahhhh

Could you maybe do one with the Akatsuki where y/n and a member are having play banter/teasing eachother for a bit but then one says something too far/or mentioned something their sensitive about and it hurts the others feelings? .3.

I love your writing:3 especially Kisame stuff *giggles*

Here’s a big smooch *MWAHH😘*thank you so much love😩 I love kisa so much and I feel like he’s SUPER underrated.

Here’s a gift from me to you as I write about our big teddy bear🧸

•you’ve been with the akatsuki for about two years now, and they’ve become more than just comrades. They’re family

•and with family comes some hardships, arguing about something like bills, or missions

•then there are the times people bicker between each other like siblings; some that you’ve heard or been apart of that consisted of “move your fat ass Tobi, I wanna sit down” said by Deidara when he wanted a spot on the couch. Then there was the one time someone ate your Onigiri, you questioned everybody and couldn’t find out who the culprit was

•but for the other 95% of the time, you guys love each other and get along as best friends

•today is like any other day

•you find yourself looking for a snack in the kitchen

• “whatcha lookin’ for short stop?” Asks Kisame when he enters, watching you rummage around for something that catches your interest

•everybody, except for Kakuzu is short compared to Kisa, you just happened to be the shortest. Which of course Kisame finds hilarious, but also really adorable.

• “I need sustenance” you comment back lightly, pushing boxes of pancake mix out of the way in the closet to see what’s behind them

•you take a step back, your body hitting Kisame’s torso, you tilt your head, craning to look up at him as he starts shifting things around on the higher shelves. Helping you out

• “we’ve got chicken noodle soup, clam chowder. I’ll actually take that. We also have a few boxes of noodles up here with sauce if you don’t mind waiting a bit.” He lists off

• “hand me a box of noodles, don’t care which, we got pesto up there?” You ask, trying to see if there’s a jar of the green sauce. “Hm” Kisame hums out as he searches. “Ah, here we are. He grabs a container and brings it down to you. You take the jar of pesto and the noodles from him and slip out of the pantry

•as you put a pot of water on to boil you hear the snap of the can opening behind you. You watch as Kisame grabs a clean spoon from a drawer and digs into his soup

•you roll your eyes playfully, “do you not want to heat that up? Or at least put it in a bowl or something?” You ask. Most of the time when out on missions, all you guys bring are canned food, or things that are premade. Not really having much time for anything else.

•you’d think at home, most of your comrades would put a little more time into what they eat

•he shrugs, finishing up the last of the chowder by drinking it out of the can, tossing the spoon into the sink.

• “so uncivilized” you mutter playfully as you dump the noodles into the water. You put another pot on the stove, this one much smaller as you dump the pesto in it. Keeping it on Low so it can be nice and warm

• “I am civilized” Kisame responded, his tone cheerful as it is most of the time, especially when around you

• “hm, whatever you say” you joke, now stirring your pasta to keep the noodles from sticking to the bottom

• “list five times where I came off uncivilized” Kisa says from behind you, leaning up against the counters on the opposite side of the kitchen

• “I’m not gonna go into full detail but you remember that one time Pain decided to treat us to a nice dinner in that village nearby?” You start, holding back giggles when you remember how bad that dinner ended up

• “oh fuck” Kisame replies, trying and failing at holding in his laugh. “It wasn’t my fault their chairs weren’t up to the task of holding me. I didn’t mean to crash into the waiter!” He exclaims, holding his sides as he defends himself.

• as the two of you calm down from laughing , you dump the noodles into the strainer.

• “but but-..” Kisame starts, clearly getting ready to burst into laughter with whatever he’s going to say next. “You remember when we were visiting the Hidden Leaf and you snapped at the waitress because she spilled hot tea in your lap? She looked so embarrassed. Think it musta been her first day or something”

•you shake your head, “yea yea, get it oughta your system. I apologized to her” you mutter as you scoop noodles into a bowl and cover them evenly with your sauce. You mimic Kisame’s earlier movements and grab a fork from the same drawer before haphazardly blowing on a mouthful of noodles

•you shove the still hot food into your mouth, puffing your cheeks out as it burns your tongue. You turn away and swallow, not wanting Kisa to see how ridiculous you just looked as you burned your mouth

• “then remeber when we had that one mission where it was you, Konan, me, and Itachi?” He asks, small giggles slipping between his lips

• “you and Konan were both irritable as fuck because of your periods syncing up or some shit like that?” You freeze, you tried pushing that out of your head. Mid travel, Kisame had noticed that you got blood on your cloak, and he thought it was from the enemy you had taken out an hour prior. He even tried using an old rag to scrub it out for you

•it wasn’t until he saw the look of horror and embarrassment on your face that he knew he was missing out on something

• “I can still remember the face you made. Oh my fuck, it was so funny” Kisame blurbs out, and your face heats up with embarrassment. You and Konan sent Itachi and Kisame off ahead of you two while Konan gave you a spare tampon since you had bled through the one you were wearing.

•it definitely wasn’t one of your proudest moments but you gotta do what you gotta do

•luckily your back is still turned towards your large comrade, giving you a chance to blink away the tears that are now burning your eyes, threatening to fall

•you sniffle, bringing your sleeve up to wipe them away quickly. Acting like you got food on your face. But even you know, the effort is futile

•Kisame is always able to pick up on mood swings(before they even happen), can hear when one’s heart rate changes, and you’re pretty sure he knows whenever you or Konan are ovulating(only because he’s always distant during that time)

• “ah shit…” you hear Kisame mutter quietly. You go to turn, ready to act like you’re fine, putting on a brave face when you’re met with Kisame’s torso right in front of you

• “I realize now what happened. I’m sorry” Kisa says from above you. Your cheeks flush and you cock your head to the side, trying to hide your slight embarrassment

•you feel two large hands on your back, pulling you towards him until your face is buried in his chest. The scent of his cologne filling your nose. Something about that and being wrapped up in his arms is soothing.

• “it’s ’Kay” you mutter into his chest, your words coming out muffled.

•something about how you sounded causes both you and Kisame to burst out into another laughing fit.

•Kisame bends down to hug you tighter, causing your giggles to hitch, and come out sounding broken, which in turn, make you two laugh even harder. Your sides hurt, and you know his must too

• “if you-ever-bring that story up again, I will kill you” you threaten playfully from his chest.

• “I’ll hold you to that short stop”

(Guys guys! Who here would like a Kisame x ovulating reader blurb?!?! Because it came to me when I was writing this and omg)

[angelmush]

today i made a from scratch chicken stock w veg scraps i’d frozen and then dinner was a creamy sage-y pasta dish w ground sausage and a pumpkin cream sauce w big farfalle bowties and sage toasted breadcrumbs and parsley on top and it was so easy and yummy and then we lit candles and put a record on (angel olsen) and my gf did her homework and i put some brown butter chocolate chip cookie dough in the oven to bake (from a batch i premade, scooped, and kept in the freezer for emergencies) !!

[i4bellingham]

“I’ll blow on it then you can have a taste, yeah?”

Trent holds the silver spoon in between two fingers, the pink and slightly undersized apron hugging his frame nearly taking you out with a fit of laughter. However, the seriousness and anticipation in his voice kept you from doing so.

It was his first time cooking you something for dinner, let alone a meal that should turn out edible.

Trent opted for the safest (in his words, not yours) option to make and decided to prepare you a simple pasta dish that shouldn't be too hard to make; especially because the pasta’s already premade.

He had been prepping things in the kitchen for the last ten minutes, no signs of struggle coming from your man.

Trent had only decided to call you over when it was finally the time to taste the fresh tomato sauce that he had made from scratch, his phone with the instructions he pulled from a cooking website was left open leaning on a jar of sugar near his cooking counter.

You shut your own phone off, stuffing the device in your back pocket before you're walking over to where your boyfriend was.

“Is it done?”

Trent pauses from blowing cool air on the tomato sauce with a shrug of his shoulders.

“I think so, but I still need to hear your opinion about the sauce.”

You say no more as you stand in front of him, watching as his eyes basically sparkle with a deep-rooted anticipation mixed with the excitement as he cups his free hand underneath your chin before he feeds you the sauce on the spoon.

The tangy and slightly sweet sauce explode on your tongue, the hints of the herbs and peppers he added to enhance the flavor created a balance and a perfect harmony for the simple yet savory tomato sauce. A spoonful in and you know that the sauce is already ready and perfect to be served.

“That's quite delicious.” You tell him, wide eyes blown from the astonishment as he merely replies nothing but a chuckle.

Trent wipes a thumb on the side of your lips before he's sending you back off to sit with a pat on your hips.

He takes the colander off the sink, dunking the drained pasta noodles inside the sauce pan before mixing them all in together.

“Alright, dinner will be served in a few moments me missus.”

[frickingnerd]

dating jake marshall

pairing: jake marshall x gn!reader

tags: spoilers for jake's backstory, wholesome fluff, established romantic relationship, angst (jake worrying about reader's safety)

jake seems like a laid back guy, who doesn't care about much, but this is just how he presents himself

he actually cares a lot, about the people he loves and especially you!

he's a very determined and caring person, but you're one of the few people who actually gets to see this side of him

after the loss of his brother, he doesn't want to lose anyone else, which leads to him being a overprotective of you, always having an eye on you, just to be sure

while jake seems very calm, he can get really upset, if you put yourself in danger. he lashes out at you, for being so reckless and careless, only to quickly feel bad for yelling at you

he doesn't want to lose you! he's so desperate to keep you safe, that sometimes his emotions just get the better of him

he always apologizes right after and you can always see he's genuine! he's been through a lot and those wounds just haven't properly healed yet…

jake isn't a good cook, so he can only really make rice and pasta, with some premade sauces. so most of the time, the two of you get take out for lunch and dinner!

you occasionally visit jake at work, bringing along some sandwiches or a bento box you made!

while at work, he always shows you around and he'll let you wear his cowboy hat, as he just loves how it looks on you!

[thedepressexpress]

hi! when I get depressed it's really hard to make sure I'm eating as much as I should so here are some things I eat when I don't have the energy to do shit

these are depression meals so they are in no way balanced and an ideal diet, this is to get you through it. if you have depression, some of these on your shopping list are a good idea. I update this list whenever I remember something

I'm also assuming the only equipment you have is a bowl, spoon, sink, microwave and at most, a can opener. in no particular order:

granola bars and adjacent things like nuts, dried fruit, etc

frozen sausages: break them in half and microwave, if they're too cold to break you can run them under hot water or leave them out for a couple minutes, you need the break them or they might explode

canned corn: open and eat with a spoon, you can strain and microwave if you want it hot

cheese: put it in a bowl and microwave till it melts or till it's crispy, your choice but if you do just cheese don't use a porous bowl

instant noodles: don't use a pan, use a bowl, empty the contents in the bowl, add water till at least half of the noodle thing is submerged, microwave for 2-4 minutes, mix and eat

regular noodles: use a bigger bowl than you normally would, add some dry pasta to it and enough water to cover the pasta but not much more, it might overflow, and microwave for a few minutes more than the package says to boil, drain the water and put in whatever, condiment, sauce, cheese, sausages, frozen veggies, and microwave again, it's more time intensive but also more nutrients so

canned beans: you can eat as is if it comes in a sauce, but if you got the ones with the clear liquid you can strain and rinse and if you don't have a strainer, open the can just a little from the tab and open a faucet, let the water run into the can and adjust the position of the lid till the water can go in without any of the beans coming out, it'll dissolve the liquid and it'll flow out, leave it for a bit then shake it, turn it upside to drain, let it refill then leave it again, repeat till the water over flowing isn't that weird liquid

crackers/biscuits: keep a stash of biscuits that you can eat, bonus if you can eat them with milk or tea or coffee or juice

juice: buy your favorite and keep a bottle in the fridge or frozen if you suspect you're starting to spiral and might need it in a few hours

readymade meals: whenever you go to do your grocery shopping, buy just one premade meal

vegetables: keep a vegetable you like that you can eat raw like cucumbers or carrots

fruits: keep a fruit you know you can eat or you know you can drown in something else, for example I don't like apples but I can eat them if they're covered in peanut butter

sweets: you can keep a favorite hard candy to get yourself salivating idk for me if helps activate some hunger while getting rid of the painful part of being hungry

butters and spreads: you can find premade sandwich spread with chicken in them, or jams or spreads that are savory like peanut/almond/cashew butter or sweet like a chocolate/vanilla spread

rice: if you make rice and ever have some left over you can freeze it and eat it later, you can also do that with rice in a bag

tofu: you can eat it raw as long as you drain the liquid it comes with

condiments: almost all of these things can be improved or 'seasoned' with ketchup, mayo, mustard, ranch, tartar sauce, marinara, etc. it'll give some flavor and make it taste better but don't microwave sauces unless they're properly mixed with the food especially mayo based ones, they can get weird

frozen vegetables: any time you're using the microwave to make these things, throw in a handful of frozen vegetables and microwave for a little longer

cereal: pair cereal with foods like yogurt instead of milk, you can add chocolate drink powder to the yogurt before adding the cereal which is really nice, you can also make it directly in the yogurt container if it's small enough

electrolytes: you can make them a bottle using two dashes of salt (1/4 tsp), a 2second squeeze of a honey bottle (2 tsp) and some kind of juice for a better flavor

potatoes: stab them all around with a fork, microwave for about six minutes, turn it over then microwave again, keeping microwaving and turning till it's soft on the inside and you can eat it

order out: if you can afford to order food, order it, some tips to get the most out of what you order 1. order a family box of food to store in the fridge 2. when you microwave it, do it with some water in a glass with your bowl/food in the microwave

if opening the tab on a can is keeping you from eating, try this. it'll open the can, you can use a knife, the back of a spoon, etc.

if it keeps you from spiraling, it's worth doing. and if it's worth doing, it's worth doing poorly. eating something is better than eating nothing.

hope this helps, if you can, please add more things!

[baradragon]

i think the tenets of “knowing how to cook” are

1. boil pasta and add premade sauce to it

2. chop and caramelize an onion

3. roast a sheet pan of vegetables

4. pan fry any piece of meat

5. make a pot of rice

[bugbyte]

Recent discoveries from the land of Bug lives with a chronic illness and is tired all the time:

This is probably obvious to everyone but holy shit, crock pot. I used to use this thing mostly for a few very specific recipes because I feel like there’s something about the cooking method where things can tend to lose flavor or texture (might just be a me thing) but lately it’s been a lifesaver when I am hurting and exhausted, which has been a lot.

I’m trying to cut back on premade or processed stuff where I can because I don’t think it’s good for me personally or for our budget. (No judgement from me if that’s what’s easiest for you, we all gotta eat somehow.) Cooking has become a mega effort for me when I’m having a flare up and it’s been tough. I used to do all the cooking for us because I genuinely love to do it, but it’s gotten so hard for me recently and I’m trying new methods.

More chatter and recipes under the break~

This is all kind of a medium effort (unless you have someone to help, which I am lucky to have) so it might not work for everyone, because the ceramic piece of the cooker is kind of heavy to get out and clean if you’re prone to dropping things (I am) but it can go in the dishwasher. Also chopping things can be a pain; I have a little chopping thing that helps when I’m cooking alone, it looks like this:

Anyway, if you can get past those hurdles via tools or help or buying pre-chopped veggies, you’re halfway there. You can also prep veg when you’re having a good day and freeze it so you have it ready on a bad day.

Here are a few of my favorite recipes, all are kinda chicken-based and the method is basically the same but you can probably substitute another protein, this just works for my budget and dietary needs. The only thing I might not use is ground meat; something funny can happen with the texture of it, I think because you’re not necessarily stirring all the time. It can cook kinda weird if you’re not attentive, and we’re going for as hands off as possible here.

Today we chopped up a bunch of veggies and dumped them in with chicken breast, a bunch of seasoning (curry, garam masala, garlic, ginger, a little Trader Joe’s sriracha seasoning for a little heat, I mean, I don’t think you can really add too many spices here?? Add and measure with your heart, as they say), and a jar of tikka masala sauce. Then we just have to make rice later and it’s all set. 4-6 hours on high, 6-8 on low seems to be the standard and works for basically everything I’ve tried so far. Yeah, it’s kind of premade with the jar sauce, but having something hot with real veggies and chicken when you’re not feeling good is a real morale boost at the end of the day. Plus, a ton of leftovers.

Another easy one I love is chopping up an onion and a bell pepper or two, pour in either a jar of tomato pasta sauce or a big can of crushed tomatoes + whatever garlic/basil/etc seasonings you like, and throw a couple of chicken breasts on top with some seasoning on those too. Same timing as above. By the end the chicken just shreds apart by pinching it with tongs really easily (I have hand grip issues and I can do it) so shred that and stir it all together. This stuff is great on pasta, probably also would be an amazing sandwich on a bun with some mozzarella?? Last time we used a can of tomatoes so there was a ton of extra liquid and I just dumped in a package of farfalle at the end of cooking (or 30 minutes to the end, ish) and mixed it well, gave it 30 minutes to soak up the sauce, and it was really tasty. You really only have to pay attention at the end to make sure the pasta is the way you want it, not over or under done.

Lastly, tacos. Chicken, in whatever quantity you want. We are 2 people and 2 breasts is enough for a bunch of tacos and leftovers for lunch the next day. Add a little olive oil (just a dash to help stuff stick) and half a packet of any taco seasoning you like (save the rest for the end). Mix in one of those little cans of chopped green chilies plus about one tiny can of water or chicken broth if you’re feeling fancy. Cook either high or low (as above) but I find low on 6-8 hours actually does come out better on this one. When it’s done, shred the chicken like the tomato recipe. It should just fall apart with very little effort. Then add in the rest of the seasoning packet and mix; it helps thicken any liquid into sauce. If you still end up with too much liquid somehow, just scoop some out with a ladle. Then just put it on tortillas with whatever taco stuff you like. This one also works pretty well with a big chunk of pork, like pork shoulder. You may need some extra seasoning and stuff because it’s bigger, and I would also add some garlic to the pork version for better flavor. If you have the energy or assistance this stuff is also great shredded up and thrown under a broiler for a couple minutes for crispy edges, but that’s totally optional. Still tasty without it.

Anyway, just thought I’d share some of the easy stuff I’ve come across and liked because I love cooking and I hate how much trouble I’ve had making good food without running myself to exhaustion since I started having health problems. It’s a learning curve for sure.

[dear-ao3]

Favourite pasta recipe??? :) I need new recipes to try out. doesn't have to be very detailed if u want. Alternatively, dessert recipes for holidays!!

Tysm

Okay So

i love fucking around and finding out with pasta. its what my dad always did with pasta when i was a kid and it’s so fun. i’ve made some good stuff. tho, i must warn you, this might be some absolute white bs seasoning so feel free to adjust that as needed

the absolute ride or die of pasta recipes that i make at college is called tuna noodle casserole. is it mid? to a degree. but it’s better than the dining hall and it makes good leftovers and you can kinda add whatever you want. this was one that i grew up eating and i think it came out of an ancient cooking light cookbook. here is my version:

what you need: 2 packets of cooked tuna, 1 package of egg noodles, frozen peas/corn/ whatever you really want, 1 can of cream of mushroom soup, some kind of grated/shredded cheese, a decent amount of bread crumbs (like a cup), half a chopped onion, like a cup of milk, a dash of lemon juice or some kind of acid, salt and pepper and whatever else you want for seasoning

preheat oven to ideally 450 but you can also do 350

sauté your onion in your preferred oil until it has some color and smells good

while that’s sautéing boil your egg noodles to just slightly aldente cause you’re gonna bake them eventually

once your onion is sautéed, add in your can of soup, milk, lemon juice, and salt and pepper/whatever else spices you want.

once that’s in a good sauce consistently, take your cooked noodles and put them in some kind of oven safe container. dump the sauce on top of the noodles along with the peas and corn or whatever vegetables you want and your tuna. break up the tuna and you can put in the juices if you want but i never do. mix it around pretty well.

combine your breadcrumbs and your cheese. you can also add seasoning and spice here. i’ve put in old bay before and my boyfriend likes it with his moms balachong. sprinkle over the top evenly.

bake until the top looks crunchy (usually a half hour or so but keep an eye on it)

and that’s it. it tastes decent and it’s good leftovers. making it in a wide pan is best for maximum breadcrumbage. it’s also pretty cheap. i’ve made it for less than 10 dollars before when i’ve bought everything at target.

i’ve also made this funky pasta and sausage thing before a few times. i absolutely invented this based on whatever i had in my measly fridge and what was on sale so.

what you need: a pack of chicken sausage (i had chicken soup sausage but anything works), some chicken soup (a can, a premade thing, i think i had a small cup of wawa chicken soup), pasta of your choice, seasoning, vegetables if you want (carrots, celery), seasoning (i used garlic powder, onion powder, chili powder, thyme, worstershire sauce, fish sauce, and dried basil) and an onion/few cloves of garlic if you want

sauté your onion/garlic in your oil if choice

slice your sausage into little coins (i use all 4 links cause my boyfriend is a himbo weight lifter who can and would eat a refrigerator, but 2 is fine for a normal amount) and add it to the pan along with any vegetables

cook until it has some color/ vegetables get soft ish

add in your chicken soup. if you don’t want to add the chicken, you can just add the broth. the sausage shouldn’t be swimming in the broth but it should be nicely covered (you wouldn’t need more than a can)

continue cooking down the broth, ass whatever seasoning you want to make it taste good

while that is happening, boil your pasta

once the pasta is boiled and you have a nice soupy ish sauce going on, add in the cooked pasta. the pasta should soak up the rest of the broth (especially good if you are making this to have leftovers)

and that’s that one. i suppose you could do this with any meat and soup combination.

another good and easy one is basically just some pasta and vegetables that i add some funky chickpeas to. my boyfriend really likes this one cause of the flavors because he is asian and if it doesn’t have flavor he doesn’t want it

what you need: pasta of choice, broccoli or green beans, a can of chickpeas, cheese for putting on top, meat if you want it, cloves of garlic, chili powder, garlic powder, onion powder, maple syrup, pepper, soy sauce/fish sauce, seasoned salt or regular salt and olive oil.

preheat the oven to 350

open the can of chickpeas and rinse them off, place on a baking sheet covered in foil or parchment paper

combine some garlic powder, onion powder, chili powder, seasoned salt soy sauce/fish sauce and maple syrup in a bowl (measurements don’t really matter, we cook with vibes here) in a bowl and then spread over the chickpeas, coating them well

put the chickpeas in the oven, checking on them and rotating them around every 10 minutes. they take about 30 minutes.

boil water for your pasta

chop your garlic and sauté in some olive oil

add the broccoli or green beans and your meat if you’re using meat

once that’s all done put the vegetables in the pasta and top with the chickpeas and some cheese and munch

as far as dessert goes. i’m ukrainian and we mostly just eat whatever generations old recipes my great aunt uses for dessert. but, there is a cranberry bread recipe in the back of the cranberry thanksgiving book that is very very good (esp with cream cheese). my grandma used to always make raspberry squares which were SO GOOD but i don’t have that recipe and we haven’t made them in literal ages.

the cranberry bread:

there is a really good and really simple butter cookie recipe tho that’s like basically three ingredients. i’ve made it gluten free before and it works as long as you have the 1:1 complete flour.

what you need: 2 cups of all purpose flour, 2 sticks of unsalted butter, 1/2 cup to 1 cup of white sugar, a bit of salt

beat the room temp butter and sugar until combined. add in the pinch of salt (can also add in vanilla if u want)

add in the flour little by little

roll out dough on floured surface

cut into shapes and add sprinkles if you want and cook in a 350 oven for 10-15 minutes each batch.

we make these literally every year, they’re perfect for gifts cause they’re easy and not very expensive. everyone loves them. i love them. i’m going to go make a batch now.