#or maybe most things just aren't good idk
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the way i so rarely give really good ratings to the things i watch and read makes me think that i am, perhaps, a hater
#or maybe most things just aren't good idk#currently reading world war z and it's not great#i love love LOVE the format so i truly don't care that we don't get attached to any characters etc#which is something i saw in a lot of negative reviews#but idk it's kinda boring ? and i LOVE slow-paced shit so it says a lot coming from me#idk idk we'll see
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Was gonna make a vent post talking abt how everything sucks but then something good happened so I'm okay now, I'm cured
#Still gonna vent a lil...#So things kinda sucks as of late for me#I have all these little problems. That on their own aren't that bad. But they just. keep piling up and become one big problem for me#One thing after the other. I am tired. Like emotionally. My mind is exhausted#At this point I keep thinking that something really bad is gonna happen#I try to be positive. I try to make all these problems not get to me#But man. It's kinda hard#Idk. I just don't know.#I just feel unlucky#Whatever. At least I still have my ability to draw. That's one of the most important things for me!#If I feel bad I'll just draw something. Maybe even for someone! I've been having fun drawing other ppls ocs :]#I feel better now btw. Sorry for the vent tho I actually don't like venting like this but also. if I don't talk abt this I'll explode.#So yeah. Hope everyone has a good day!
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you know, i always find it really funny when dudebros complain about syndicate and odyssey being too "jokey" or not "taking its characters seriously" or whatever…
like, did y'all collectively sleep through "it's-a me, mario!", "i meant besides vaginas", ezio inventing the latte, bartolomeo's... just... *gestures vaguely* entire character, etc?
like, it's fine to have preferences of course, i myself prefer a more serious and grounded tone, but these are usually the same people who tout the ezio trilogy as "peak assassin's creed", call ac1 a glorified tech demo and hate on connor for being "too serious and boring", like? make it make sense!
#asscreed#ac syndicate#ac odyssey#dont get me wrong#i do have problems with syndicate and even more so with odyssey#but it's not the tone lol#honestly i think kassandra is the protagonist that's the most similar to ezio if you really think about it#but bc she's a woman she's suddenly 'overpowered' and 'unrealistic'#yall don't remember the insane things that ezio survives in revelations do you#speaking of which#been replaying the ezio games lately#and i have something to confess...... i really don't think ac2 is good#ac brotherhood was a BIG improvement#in terms of story pacing for one (none of those insane unmotivated time jumps... well aside from the strange montage at the end)#and the characters are a lot more fleshed out (probably bc there aren't like 20 of them)#and the handling of female characters is MUCH less egregious#maybe bc there's only really claudia and caterina left LOL#lucrezia is a little annoying i guess... but she gets a pass bc she's cesare's sister and really they're the same kind of crazy lol#and hey we actually get to see how dangerous sex work can be and how it's not just a way for sexy nuns to give inner peace to men#even cristina gets fleshed out!#and i like that we get so see ezio being a little bit of a selfish prick in her missions#and making bad decisions in interpersonal relationships#at least i THINK that's what we're supposed to take away from it... but who knows maybe it's just supposed to be a tragic love story...#i hope not.... i hope the player IS supposed to think that ezio's treatment of her is bad. otherwise.... :/#sorry for rambling#guess im just kinda surprised by how much i enjoyed brotherhood#it had been a long time since i last played it#also the modern day is really good!#that you can talk so much to everyone and also being able to read their emails and the mundane banter... idk i just think its neat :)
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i'm kind of amazed how most of the stardew marriage candidates just want you to be their manic pixie dream whatever by agreeing with everything they like and plying them with compliments or praise or whatever (which is fine but a bit. Much) but for shane his romance is just you being there for him while he figures his own shit out... dunno why i never wanted to romance him before he's so good
#i'm usually a sebastian kinda guy but i do think it's silly you have to say you like scifi to gain friendship points w him like cmon man#i will say though that. my bestie's baby daddy being named shane kinda does make it hard to like him 😭 unfortunate but not his fault#ik a lot of ppl are weird abt his recovery and his messy ass room bc they play stardew to make things look pretty or whatever#but i'm actually kind of glad he's a realistic depiction of addiction... the problem is his dependence on indulging in alcohol when he's#depressed not the fact that he drinks period... i think that a lot of ppl are unrealistic abt alcoholism (including me abt my dad's)#but concernedape did really good w him imo. anyways all this to say that i'm really glad shane never expects someone to be a certain way#i know most of the candidates are like. archetypes or whatever and i think that's fine they are very sweet and cute regardless but#i think maybe i didnt romance him before bc i related to him so badly that it hurt seeing myself reflected LMAO dead end life and being#suicidal about it like. i've never had a drug dependence but i'm not really in a position where i can ever make my own decisions anyways#but regardless. there is smth to someone who slowly warms up to you when they can't ignore your kindness any longer and have no reason to#act like an abused dog anymore which. does make me sad just to say but that is how he acts beforehand#idkkkkk idk i think people are always too caught up with his addiction and his messy room to actually see him without realizing that#getting better is a lot harder than it appears and that having a dirty room doesn't mean you aren't trying to be better. sigh#besides it's not like. the end of the world that he has a beer sometimes. have you tried going thru life completely sober? it sucks#ok im done LMAO but yeah i've found myself gravitating towards him this time around when i've romanced sebastian literally every playthru#til now. hmm!#ACTUALLY ONE MORE THING. i like how he's basically a twist on the classic useless husband trope in media where they love sports and drinking#but he's not a bad person and the only reason he's mean to you at first is because he hates himself and his own life and he makes an effort#the more you get close to him instead of the opposite. i like that a lot. ok now i'm done
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✨ official art account ✨
hi!! i know i'm not on here that much anymore, but i do still lurk and i really enjoy talking to you all! plus, i'm definitely still in touch with my creative fan-art side.
if you're a new follower who likes my art now or an old fan of my supernatural art, good news: i've started an instagram to store my best work! i also want to get in touch with more independent artists like me!
if you have instagram, you can follow me @ mroepe_art over there. almost everything there is already cross-posted here on tumblr in my art tag, but there's also some new stuff over there you've never seen before! i'll also probably be posting some progress shots and updates on my stories, and that's also a place to check in about commissions if you have the interest! could be cool to check it out!
in any case, thanks for reading!!! thank you all for your support so far 🌈 💖
#tumblr is making me sad lately. it's so dead and nothing does well anymore#plus the whole ai thing idk#i figure it's good to spread out my stuff#and most people i know use instagram anyway#so i think it will be easier to get commissions over there and maybe reach some people who aren't supernatural fans#anyway i'm not going anywhere or anything! i just think it's probably a good move for me <3#i've been thinking about it for a while!#not spn#about#text#my art
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Between TF and my other fandoms like BG3 and TES, I keep finding myself making OCs that have some element of "battle hardened hero who is actually good and righteous, but so traumatized by the toll of war that even after the war ends they feel empty/wrecked and can't enjoy the fruits of victory" and I'm not sure if it's bc I gravitate to a certain type of media where such OCs fit in best, or bc I have a specific character archetype I like and gravitate towards media that contains those things.
#squiggposting#possibly a mix of both bc idk if i've gone into detail here but war stories are one of my favorite genre of stories#like for fun fictional reasons but also for real life political and moral and emotional implications#war stories are literally so fucking cool man i feel like they get a bad rap for just being propaganda tools#and obv a lot of them can be/are explicitly made to be but also like#(i feel like i'm stealing a quote from one such story) war stories are also a method for the soldiers of the war to tell their side#and usually the soldier's side of the story tells of the LESS glorious and propagandistic sides#maybe ive just had the pleasure of having really good teachers/professors but like#most of the war stories i've read are specifically ABOUT the bridge bt war propaganda and the actual experience of fighting in a war#and i think even the ones where the soldier in question supports the war (american sniper comes to mind)#it's very interesting and dare i say important to read it and understand when and why and how they came to support war#like idk i think it's one of those things where ppl shy away from war stories bc#'ew gross it's all pro war probably american imperialist propaganda written by oppressive killers trying to make us feel sorry for them'#without understanding... idk. the difference between an individual soldier's evil and the evil of an entire institution?#some sort of anti intellectualism regarding soldiers as being inherently evil ppl who aren't to be listened to or taken seriously?#it's not a matter of like. you don't need to like or sympathize with them per se. but i think part of understanding and criticizing#the institution of war is getting the ground level testimonies about it. and more of them are critical than some ppl believe#plus i mean FUCK usamerican imperialism it doesn't need to be about US wars! other countries lived thru other wars that are also important!#war stories may have their strongest association w american imperialism but that doesn't mean other war stories don't exist#idk sorry for rambling in the tags
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baking never feels more like science to me than when i'm trying to cobble together an intricate multi step recipe together from several different recipes and tutorials online because the recipe I'm imagining doesn't exist....
#genuinely feels like a science experiment making something fancier than a frosted layer cake#have to do all kinds of volume and weight conversions because one recipe is japanese and the other is indian and the other is english lmfao#none of the recipes are probably the exact volume I need so i might have to make some minis with my extra stuff#i have to find a very precise sheet pan size tomorrow for the patterned cake i'm gonna use as the outer bit#otherwise i'll have to make my own from parchment paper??? or tin foil??? man idk.....#i had to write out all of my instructions and ingredient lists so i don't have to go between 6 different websites tomorrow/sat#i had to do research on fucking. gelatine 😭because it's impossible to find gelatine sheets here and they're used in EVERY mousse recipe#and there's apparently a huge debate on what the ACTUAL conversion of sheet gelatine to powdered gelatine is for baking#I also had to type up like an exact order to make each component because most need a significant amount of cooling time#grayson im gonna try my hardest to make you this fancy ass lemon cake and i pray i succeed this time where i failed on my own birthday#2 yrs ago but also i think this will go better bc i'm not doing a jelly insert or a candied mirror glaze#I'm also making my own candied lemons and lemon curd even though i don't have to#mostly because i wanna try doing it and the sheer power of getting to say i made the whole thing from scratch *#minus the actual cake mix because i don't have a good from scratch cake track record and box mixes are so so reliable#and i have too many moving parts to worry about finding a new cake recipe#every fucking cake recipe now is a fucking genoise sponge for SOME REASON#which is NOTORIOUSLY DIFFICULT AND A HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS BECAUSE IT USES NO RISING AGENTS#i want to throttle whoever it was that made online recipe people turn to only using variations of a genoise sponge for their cake recipes#honestly i need to maybe join the baking subreddit and ask for some good old baking/cookbooks with reliable baking recipes#ones that aren't crazy labor intensive for fucks sake i'm not a french patisserie#my stuff#it would be cool to one day have baked enough and have enough know how of how standard baking recipe components work#so i can just come up with my own recipes on my own#and just use whatever flavors i want#i feel like i would enjoy being a baker except if i had to make wedding cakes
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my uninformed american opinion is that i will be calling it derry not londonderry because im american and therefore will always support ireland if its ireland vs the british.
(i wasn't even going to post this but i wrote a whole essay in the tags so i don't want to waste that)
#i feel like i'm getting into very controversial waters here idk if i should say any of this#also. what do the actual people that live there call it bc i think that should be the end of it.#i saw on tiktok that the only foreign alliance that could make america turn against the uk would be ireland and i fully agree#(i live in new england. uhm. almost everyone here is irish) (irish american i suppose.)#i could talk about ireland and american relations. maybe i will.#here's my understanding of irish-american relations as someone who has never studied the topic in particular#but does have an interest in american history#first off. yes america is very good allies with the uk but culturally it's like. a bullying sort of thing. leftover resentment from the rev#i'm sure it's somewhat similar to everyone's resentment of america. maybe idk im not european#anyway america is built on underdog stories. thats like the foundation of our national culture. the american dream#and these stories started showing up innnnn .... the mid to late 1800s!!#do you know what also happened in the 1800s?#yup! irish people started fleeing their homeland to a better life (cough cough the americas)#so! in the time when stories about immigrants coming to america (the american dream- the most important part of us culture)#a ton of immigrants were irish! wow. do you see where i'm going with this#anyway about 9.5% of america is irish. which is A Lot (3rd most prominent ancestry)#and here in america bc being an immigrant and coming from immigrants and etc is kinda A Thing here#people typically hang on to their non-american identity#i mean i do. you can catch me talking about being french canadian a lot on tumblr.#another thing! even if you aren't irish american sometimes places r so irish that it kinda. blends into ur identification with a city#cough cough boston. cough cough massachusetts.#anyway . so. to recap#ireland and america share a common sorta not really enemy : the british. also they r the underdog which makes us sympathetic#And a lot of america has irish heritage and bc it's the us there's heritage actually matters (sorta)#and therefore the usa will always like ireland A Lot. or at least the people will.#rereading that i hope it makes sense#once again i am not a scholar and have not studied this topic these are just my inferences and observations#rain feathers talks#i will not be tagging this
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watched nimona. it was ok.
#(i'm very mean in the tags sorry :()#i havent seen the comic so my criticism is purely of the movie.#idk just kind of a mid kids movie. balister is very cute i liked him.#nimona......i want to like her but idk. i think her backstory should've had more attention put towards it. more hints about it#instead of the really abrupt scene near the end that explains everything. that was stupid.#(honestly better yet don't show anything have a big heartfelt outburst where she half explains what happens#(gross crying optional but preferred)#and leaves the rest to the audiences imagination. maybe a scene with voiceover that doesn't quite reveal everything)#the setting is pretty cool. story didn't make much sense to me.#''the wall is there to protect us against monsters!!'' but there's literally only one monster and it's nimona.#which could have been ok if the movie had been...better written i guess??#like do the guards just sit around doing nothing. is it a police state?? i mean obviously they're cops but. they don't do anything.#they aren't even shown to be especially bad or anything just incredibly incompetent#uhhh the romance is cute. it's nice. i wish it was more fraught and bitter.#the passage of time isn't clear it seems like it happens over the course of like a day???#balister learning to accept nimona was clumsy and rushed#the message of the film is nice. would be better if the movie was good.#i think the movie could've been longer and it would've fixed most of these things#i REALLY liked the animation though. the eyes being permanantly dilated was ehhh but forgivable on account of balister being very cute.
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one thing i have been finding with books recently (especially fantasy, and especially YA fantasy, i think) is that so many of them treat life so cheaply. characters die and others immediately move on, skim past it, even if they were responsible or even if they cared about the person. the depth of grief isn't there, and because death is not given the weight it feels like it should have, all of the other emotions also seem... hollowed out, shallow somehow. like, if life is not precious and if these characters are not grievable, why does any of it matter?
and i guess. not every book has to be About Grief™. but books that treat death casually run the risk of making me not care about anything, because the lives of the characters are not valued, are not seen as worth grieving, and so therefore they are not worth my emotional investment, either. it's like they've told me i don't need to care if these people live or die, because none of the other characters will
on the flip side, it means when books DO dig deep into grief and death and the absolute profound awfulness of irreversible endings, i get a lot MORE emotionally affected than i would otherwise because i've got so used to skimming over the surface of characters and never being dragged down into caring, so it catches me out a bit more
#you may have noticed i write about grief quite a lot#i guess for me death just seems like the absolute most awful thing that can ever happen#and i struggle to engage with narratives that don't seem to also see it like that#is this a side effect of all the mormons in ya fantasy? MAYBE#i never thought of it before but if your authors all believe in an afterlife then maybe they don't see death as Super Awful#but more likely some of these people just aren't that good at writing death scenes...#anyway idk. have read a few books recently that Did Grief Properly#but am also reading one right now where NONE of the emotions are hitting#and the cheapness of death seems to underpin a lot of it#néide has opinions about books
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#aren't hyperfixations funny like. i must think and talk about this all day everyone i know should also watch this#and then WAIT ACTUALLY having someone watch/listen etc can feel terribly vulnerable or anticlimactic#or like some of the joy of ohmygod secret new thing just for me disappears right?? bc then it's a Thing#(at least for me all of these can happen to varying degrees for different things?)#and it's just interesting to witness it with friends as well like we watched one of my friends' dnd show today#and she's so down to earth and laidback but she was definitely having conflicting emotions about it i think#and then she was like we'll watch your mafia show too im curious!! and i love her#and also yes/no/yes/no/yes yk? (probably yes HSJSHS)#please read this as lighthearted im just musing but yk#and then getting into your friends' hyperfixations also always feels a bit like intruding while also being exhilarating and fun#and idk it's just interesting to see it go back and forth and i hope im okay about it both ways#(if not please tell me dhdjdjjd)#but yeah!#again this sounds so serious it's all good dhsjshdh and i maybe seem possessive or something and no i wanna share (and by god do i GSHSHS)#you just notice your own/others' reactions and it's Something#ive now repeated myself enough times g'night i hope you're all well <3#tell me about your most recent hyperfixation or interest/fandom if you want <3
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this may be a controversial opinion but if you're still exploring your identity, some labels should be put on hold until your understanding of yourself is a little more concrete
#butch and masc aren't interchangeable and the difference does matter#butch is a lifestyle. its not just a way that you perceive the world its also how the world perceives YOU#and idk if butch is lesbian specific but it's definitely weird to call yourself butch when your partner is either a cis man OR not out yet#if you've got a bf who MAYBE is a little curious about his gender lbr you're probably not a lesbian so dont pull 'i MIGHT be a lesbian!!1!'#and most importantly. being uncomfortable with new information when you're corrected about a misunderstanding is a GOOD THING#being told 'hey there's a difference between butch and masc' and then BARELY doing research to try and defend yourself is just obnoxious#certified protectcosette original#discourse#i've had issues with this same person trying to tell me (a lesbian) that men can be lesbians#and then when i told them to stay in their lane bc theyre bi they said they might actually be a lesbian#if ur ONLY ever saying 'actually i might be a lesbian' when someone calls you in for not staying in ur lane? then you suck. end of story.
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i watched like 3 seasons of Hannibal and looking back on it i'm realizing it didn't really make me feel anything or think about anything in a new way. the only thing i thought while watching it was "wow these guys are fucked up" and the main thing i felt was "this is awesome lol"
#and i would recommend it#it just didn't leave any impression on me except for interested in hannibal and will's dynamic#i guess i was pretty interested in the way will saw the world too but a good show usually makes me think about the big things#i guess what really surprises me is that the biggest thing in the show was the relationship between will and hannibal#and in most similar shows aren't like that. the biggest thing is usually the action and plot#idk if i want to put this in the show's tag bc it might be taken as hate or maybe most people feel differently#maybe the story at large was more interesting than i remember or i missed some nuances#i'm not good at analyzing movies all the time#especially cinematographry and lighting kind of stuff. it doesn't really click for me#hannibal#i was probably supposed to think about relationships and abuse in general but it really doesn't#i have trouble comparing their dynamic to any other couples or groups in media or real life#but like when the guy put a body in a horse. was that supposed to represent something meaningful? like hannibal explained what it meant#but i didn't really care about whether or not i agreed with the statement it was making
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How do you fucking. Share art without feeling like it's the end of everything good in your life forever.
#I guess. okay. like. no nothing can ever be perfect. but I don't know exactly what the threshold for 'too many mistakes' is for the average#person. at what point does art shift from 'good' to 'not good.' just HOW imperfect can I get away with being?#yeah yeah there are no answers to this you can't quantify artistic expression I KNOW.#but there IS a limit somewhere. and I keep trying to find a REASONABLE place to imagine where that limit might be.#like maybe something needs to be. idk. 60% as 'good' as it could be for it to register to most people who aren't annoyingly pedantic#as Art Worth Keeping Around. but maybe it actually has to be 90% as 'good' as it could be to reach that. I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW.#and I can base things off my OWN perceptions but how I view the world is VASTLY different than other people it seems. at least based on#the things I hear people say. so it's just...I need to create and I need to SHARE in the act of creating to stay sane but if I do it BAD#and people TELL me it's bad and people judge me and hate me and act horribly toward me BECAUSE it's bad then well that doesn't#actually do much to keep me sane now does it.#I'm trying SO hard. but I just...hate everything I do. and I don't know how to not do that. I don't know how to evaluate myself with#any degree of accuracy. and then that means it's 3 am and I can't sleep and I want to destroy something.#mc13's complicated relationship with art
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#there's something so wrong with me#idk why I can't just function. in the world.#and I'm going to therapy and trying to put myself out there at least a little but really what do I have? what do I do?#who does things with me? who plays games with me? who cares about me?#how much can I just take a walk or listen to music or read a book or do a project or whatever else#cause I try to do the things and keep a positive attitude and 'hey look! i'm doing a little more than the bare minimum! that's good!'#but also like.. when they say on the news that there are unemployed lazy people who just aren't working. they're talking about me.#and I feel like my life has completely devolved but also if I look back on it.. I'm not sure if I've ever had one#I've only been keeping it together forever and ever and ever#and it's so exhausting and it makes me sick#and I feel like i'm already dead#my therapist has used the term neglect and yeah okay maybe that can explain whatever feels like a hole in me#but how much can I sit in a room and talk once a week while the world turns and life moves on around me#I feel like I take one step towards something more and it's doing the most#and I hate it I hate being alone and I hate having almost no support feeling like I don't belong in the world#but there's no way I could ever feel anything els#I'm going to be stuck in my head forever even if my circumstances change#I don't know if I can take that#vent
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There's no feeling stranger than knowing that something is bad but liking it anyways. Not in a 'it's so bad it's good' way. Because that implies that it has become good. I'm talking like this thing is just kinda bad in the normal ways things are bad, but i like it anyways.
#honestly I'm talking about Batgirls rn#because like...it has its moments but I wouldn't call it good. it even has some of my own personal pet peeves#specifically the overabundance of narration boxes that aren't from a character and rather the author is speaking to us.#if I wanted an overabundance Authors Notes I would read fucking early 2000s fanfics#and Babsgirl existing but I've made peace with the fact that we'll only get an Oracle story in a Black Label or similar thing at this point#I love the art and it has among my favorite designs for both Spoiler and Black Bat#don't get me STARTED on the covers holy fuck. the 90s rewind in particular lives in my head rent free because ajlkdfjdsalk;fjdlsa;kf#it also has both moments of REALLY FUCKING BAD characterization and REALLY FUCKING GOOD characterization#Cass being like 'ok but do we HAVE to save Seer?' horrible! demonstrates an egregious misunderstanding of her. what the hell?#Steph being abnormally good at solving the Riddler's puzzles and knowing basically every cipher because of Arthur? then getting incredibly#upset at even the MENTION of him to the point that she gets fucking stabbed by the RIDDLER of all people?#wow thanks for actually addressing a very interesting part of Steph's character that is often left by the wayside. good job.#issue 14 is amazing and it makes me want to implode every time I read it. like I actually recommend it without any caveats attached#it is straight up good. it's the high-point of Batgirls and it's not even close imo.#and wow! there is almost no dialogue and NO NARRATION BOXES??#it's almost like the whole appeal of comics is telling incredible stories through art or something. and that when you have good art#and good art direction you should just fucking let it speak for itself or something#and that maybe using what words you DO have to let your CHARACTERS speak in a way they normally wouldn't is a good idea#even if the in universe reason is that Steph is basically leaving this note as a 'I am either dead or close to it' type of thing#like holy fuck how did they do that?? AND SO LATE IN THE GAME THAT NOBODY FUCKING TALKS ABOUT IT??#and obviously there is a conversation to be had about 'was Batgirls queerbaiting' but honestly since it was cancelled IDK#I could see a universe where given time it could have made a natural shift to a love story between Steph and Cass#I'm not upset about it but I get why other people might be. there are some panels that like...come on.#and as always I am most fascinated by missed potential. because Batgirls showed that it COULD be good with Issue 14#and arguably other of the better issues. the art was incredible and as the issues went on it felt like the kinks were getting ironed out#plus getting a series focused on 3 of my favorite characters was a dream come true for me. ESPECIALLY because we rarely get good#stuff for Cass and Steph.
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