#or lack thereof i guess

[yuesya]

Has anyone asked for an au of hxh zoldyk family with shiki??? Like shiki just drops into hxh and the zoldyk family goes crazy for her🤪

Thank you for blessing us with this amazing piece of literature

I vaguely remember seeing this at some point in Discord conversations! Sadly I am not very well-versed with Hunter X Hunter so it's unlikely that there will be any snippets from me.

[synesindri]

i had a bunch of thoughts on michael and raphael this week that should have been posts but i didn't write them down anywhere ://

[queer-coded]

Why did I wait so long to eat dinner now I'm lightheaded 🫠

[the-inglorious-king-of-dunces]

39th post

Hey! It's been a fucking while, hasn't it? Haven't really needed to post anything in a long fucking time, but I would really like to scream into the void today, if that's alright, internet.

So, yesterday, I saw my ex at a gas station I went to with the intent of filling up my car's tank. After I left, got home, ate lunch, and went to play video games and talk with my friends, I had a fucking micro panic attack that I was genuinely sure would have happened upon realizing I saw my ex at the gas station, realizing they were a foot away from me at one point, realizing that I was truly still terrified of them... Fuck! I'm still so not okay, and I can't talk to the person I used to about this because I found out within the last month that she cheated on my other friend and lied to me and another mutual friend of the cheater, the cheated on, and myself to make it seem like she was the one who was wronged by the one who was cheated on, so I dropped her as a friend like a hot sack of shit, and upon reflection with the friend who was cheated on, I found out that she intentionally did a lot of the same things to my friend that my ex did to me, so that bridge is now fully burned regardless of what happens to her in her life. And I really don't want to talk to my crush friend about how I'm feeling about all of this because I really don't want to overwhelm her with my issues when she has so much to deal with in her life as is, and I care about her too much to put my issues on her already overflowing plate. And then to add on to it, I had a nightmare about my ex being in my life again last night that made me wake up in fucking heaving tears that I really don't want to disclose to the internet because even remembering the nightmare feels like I'm being violated with their blatant lies again.

I wish I could talk with my crush friend about this, though... and I wish I could tell her more, I wish I could tell her without words that I'm always here to protect and help her if she needs it, that I wish I could have seen the eclipse with her the other day with our hands intertwined, that I wish she and I could just hang out sometime, not as a date, not as anything but just as two old friends catching up because the last time our friend group hung out mostly all together (the hangout where I realized I might have feelings for her) I had to leave shortly after she got there, I wish that I could just look into her eyes while she smiles and then smile earnestly back, I wish I could help her with the situation she is currently in, but I can't talk to her about it or do all of that. At least not anytime soon, because that nightmare, it proved to the irrational side of me that I don't deserve to be there for someone when I failed my ex, despite it being not my fault for the awful situation I was in, it not being my fault for failing them, it not being my fault for not being enough when I couldn't be what their ideal version of me was, the version of me they put on a pedestal and told me to keep steady or I'd fall and get hurt, and I'm too much of a shaky person to keep my hands steady.

I care for my friend who I have a crush on, I really do, and she knows I do care for her and that I like her, but I really feel like for her to have the best life, I can't be in it as anything more than a dude who's been one of her best friends since middle school, you know? I feel like I'm just gonna drag her down with me, farther and farther from happiness.

But she makes me so happy, and I think I make her happy too, she always seems happy to text me, and she wouldn't be the kind of person to keep the feeling of being annoyed or hurt by someone away from that person. So, maybe I can keep making her happy? I'd really like that, honestly

I'm rambling and have gone on way too much about this today, sorry, I just needed to get the worlds out of my head. I guess have a great day, everybody who may read this. Remember to drink plenty of water, eat well and plenty, and get plenty of sun. Remember to love yourself as you love other, and I wish you Love and Laughter always, and see you next time I see you, I guess?

[flatoatchi]

i cannot catch a fucking break with these meds

[tryingthoughts]

I've been wanting to cry so much lately. Crying feels like a helpful release, it feels comforting to me. It also feels like a validation of my sadness or frustrations...

But I've not been able to cry for a while now. Almost a month and no tears, but most of those days I have wanted to cry myself to sleep. I just haven't.

It's upsetting that crying is comforting while being unable to cry.

What to do instead? Sometimes I draw or write in a self help book my aunt gave me. I hate that book so I've decided to use it into destruction. Sometimes I listen to asmr and read. Sometimes I do my makeup. Nothing feels like crying, but it takes the edge off I think, disperses some of the overwhelming thoughts for a bit.

[crazymecjc]

look at yourself… you’re the true puppet.

[spidertroupeart]

I almost forgot to post this

[mariethefangirl]

Idk if I'm the only one like this. Probably. But. As someone who has about a gazillion F/Os, getting into a fandom that you really like, but don't have an F/O in feels STRANGE. Like... it feels like somethings missing. Not in a bad/good way. But more in a "why am I not frothing at the mouth and screaming like a banshee whenever I see a specific character pop up on the screen" way.

[cepheusgalaxy]

look guys i very strongly disagree with the "trans men hold privilege over trans women" point of view and i'm finally able to articulate why:

I think trans men don't hold privilege over trans women, because privilege is kind of a consistent thing.

Like, bear with me: I'm an abled person. I have privilege in relation to disabled people. Because, if me and a disabled person are in a Situation where this distinction is relevant in some way...I'm literally never gonna come out with the worst hand. Never. No matter what the situation is. This is a consistent fact.

Now, when we talk about different transgender identities, I think this gets more shady, because the "who has privilege in relation to who" is a relative statement. One example I saw of people explaining why in their view trans man have privilege over trans women is kind of like this: Imagine there are two passing and stealth trans people, a trans man and a trans woman, in a workplace. Then, it comes a coworker, being blatanly misogynist. Regardless of their views on trans people, in this situation, the trans woman is gonna get the worst of it, in relation to the trans man, because he will be viewed as a man.

It makes sense, and I don't think this hypothetical situation is inaccurate or anything, but I'd also like to point out why it doesn't work as a good point to why transmascs have privilege over transfems. Imagine we change about any variable in this situation. Let's say the trans woman is closeted as a guy, and the trans man is openly transgender. The misogynist coworker then would very much target the trans man in their points, especially if they are particularly transphobic. Now imagine both of them are out and openly trans, with the bonus that now both the man and the woman are gnc. Depending on other specifics, the misoginyst coworker might be bigoted to just one or both of them.

Like, do you see? In different situations, the different trans people have the worst hand. So that doesn't mean that because of the first case, trans men have it generally better. Because there are many kinds of trans men, and simply not all of them have privilege over trans women. In some cases, they might even have it worse precisely because they are trans man. So the privilege the trans man in the first example has is not a consistent thing over trans man! Maybe it's common, I don't know, but when we compare it with someone who has real privilege, like me, an abled person, I ain't ever encounter myself in a situation where I'm having it worse because I am abled in comparison to someone who is disabled.

That's why I think trans woman and trans men simply don't hold privilege over one another, simply because it varies. It depends on who the trans men and women are, it depends in what situation they are in, it depends on the people around them, it depends of so much!!! So saying that trans men have privilege over trans women sounds simply surreal!

I think that, also, the different patterns of the situations in which trans woman have it worse are important to be discussed, and that's why we have the word Transmisoginy, to discuss these issues pertinent to the nuanced oppression trans woman face (and on a similar note, that's why it's also important to have fucking words like Transmisogynoir, because a black trans woman's Situations will be different from a white trans woman's Situations and it's important to to recognize that). THAT's why I also think that we need words like Exorsexism and Transandrophobia, to identify the patterns of situations where trans men have it bad precisely because they are trans men and not something else or because nonbinary people have it bad precisely because they are nonbinary.

SO, in short, my opinion on the "trans man have it generally better than trans woman and that's why they have privilege" debate is that trans man don't generally have it better than trans woman, but some trans man in specific situations have it significantly better than trans woman and that in other situations trans woman have it significantly better than trans man and that is basically a case-to-case scenario and that's also why we need the specific words for different shapes and faces of transphobia to better understand these cases and why x happens with y at z situation. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[1sick-puppy]

Or maybe they're commenting on my body, how boyish and manly my figure is looking these days. They'll crowd me against the wall and roughly grab at my face, cooing about the stubble I have on my chin and how much of a handsome boy I'm becoming. They splay their hand on my tummy and slowly reach down to grind the palm of their hand against my clothed dick, how I'm getting big down there too. How much of a good boy I am, getting all big and strong just for them, their lovely, sweet boy. I can't help but push back against their palm, whining like the mutt I am

[skunkes]

[friend-of-a-cat]

I've been debating on whether or not I may be agender (or something similar) for the past two weeks or so, and I'm legitimately so confused about the entire thing. I feel like it's breaking my brain, because, on one hand, it feels somewhat right, but on the other, I also don't give a shit if people see me as a woman? And I'm fine with being a woman I think, but I also think I just generally don't give a shit about gender, so I don't know if that just makes me gender indifferent or if it means something else.

Ultimately, I know that if I want to take up the agender label that's totally up to me if I feel it fits, but it's just... confusing. I don't know if my indifference to gender stems from something like my asexuality and sex aversion or my upbringing (my mum didn't necessarily raise my brother and I as 'genders', we just did whatever and dressed however and liked whatever) or a general dislike and rejection of gender stereotypes or something else. But also... I don't know. I feel like I also have a kind of blockage to the idea of me being agender from living my life as a woman up until this point. Like, I feel conditioned to it, if that makes sense. I feel biased. Though I also think, at least right now upon writing this, that if I could have picked a gender earlier in life, and I wasn't conditioned by society to be a one already, I would have picked none if I had've known that was an option? But I'd also just go along with anything. Like, if I were born male I think I would have just cruised by in life as a guy and not really cared (except for the fact that I also would be thinking the same things I'm thinking right now I guess lol). I've realised that I don't really feel connected to 'woman' as a gender (I mean, I relate to being a woman, but also not), or even really the concept of gender, because I think it's kind of stupid and pointless to me. I mean, in saying this, I am still attracted to guys romantically, and that has to do with gender, so...?? I don't know. Like, I know that you can still be a woman and not be feminine and shit, but like... I've never related to people of my gender. I mean, I like feminine things and I like masculine things and I like gender-neutral things but I also don't think we should label things as 'feminine' or 'masculine' or 'gender neutral' or whatever because who cares?? I mean, some people do. Lots of people do. People do feel a strong connection to gender, and I think that's great, and I'm happy it exists because it makes people happy, but like... I don't think I've ever thought to myself "I'm glad I'm a woman". But I'm also not NOT glad to be a woman. I just haven't really felt a connection or a 'pull' to any gender, really. I mean, kind of. But not really. I'm relatively indifferent to the concept as a whole. In saying this, I've related way more to guys throughout my life, and many of my friends have been guys because I've just... had more fun and related to them more? Though this wasn't entirely because they were guys - it's just because of the people they were. But I also don't exactly feel like I'm a guy, either. And I don't exactly feel like I relate to being nonbinary. The concept of calling myself trans also doesn't fit. Some days I do feel like it would be really cool to just... be able to shapeshift and try out different things just for fun and to see how I'd feel? Like try out a different sex and gender and appearance and see. I like the way I look, though. And I'm fine with using she/her because I don't know what other pronouns I'd use?? Like I've been referred to as such my whole life and I don't really care but also right now I'm kind of like ehhhh. But I don't know if I'd want to go by they/he/whatnot. I know there are tons of other options but ehhh. If my pronouns were 'none' I think that'd be cool. Maybe. Maybe it would be less complicated. Dude, I don't know. It's 2:28 a.m. and I'm confused and I don't know if this makes any sense. I also feel like I'm flipping between feeling like this and then also not. I think just needed to ramble a bit to some strangers on the internet to get my thoughts in order lol.

I guess another reason I made this post is... does anyone else feel the same way? I mean, obviously people do, but yeah. I also know a lot of ace people (and aros, as well) experience a kind of disconnect with gender as a whole or their body - not that I personally feel disconnected from mine, per se (though if I didn't have fucking boobs and a reproductive system that'd be swell, but it also just is what it is, you know? I don't really see that as dysphoria, it's more like they're annoying and useless to me lol). I don't know if this is that - a disconnect from gender due to my asexuality. Like... for the people who do 'feel' gender... how? How do you 'feel' it? What is it meant to 'feel' like? I think I might need some helping sorting out my thoughts. Or not. I don't know.

Anyway, I think, first and foremost before any label, I'm just me, and that's okay. Even though I love that we have more terms to express ourselves in such ways now, it's still limiting. I'm ace and I love that the term exists because it's felt empowering to me (also pretty lonely, too, but... you know). Like... I'm ace. I'm ace and it feels so good to say it. Demiromantic fits me the best in that department at the moment, too. I don't know if agender fits me or not yet. This has been stewing for two weeks though and I don't know what exactly set me on this line of thought. I've decided I'm going to sit on it for a while and think - and by 'sit and think' I really mean probably forget about it because gender is something I rarely think about in any context (besides when I'm angry at people for being discriminatory). Though, the reason why I didn't realise I was ace until a few years ago when I discovered what it is is because I never thought about sexual attraction because... I never felt it, so... I could use that logic here, too. But it's sadly not that simple to me right now lol. It's hard to express stuff like this. As in, stuff you DON'T feel. I know it doesn't have to be hard, but I'm finding it hard lol, and I don't really know how to go about it. And again, I keep changing my mind on my thoughts and feelings because the whole prospect is daunting to me.

Anyway, thanks for coming to my TED Talk. As per usual, thoughts and discussions are welcome. I kind of feel like I'm oversharing my life, so I'm so sorry lol. Also this is a long post lmao. But it was kind of nice to put this into words.

It's also kind of funny that this crisis is happening in pride month. I fully came to terms with the fact I was ace last pride month and actually told people then lmao (I did know a year or two earlier but didn't tell anyone about it besides my mum briefly and vaguely lol). Anyway, happy pride?? Lol.

[enniewritesathing]

⚠️

I'm giving yall a heads up about the next scene, "asunder".

it is 3 posts long. it also has major content warnings-- they're listed at the top of the post itself like last time but I will tell you what they are now:

gore

blood

death

guns (only in the 2nd post. maybe the 3rd but err on side if caution)

so if that's not your thing, wait a week since I post every other day. if it is, I await your reaction 👀 🍿

[that-crazy-five-foot-two-chick]

Quick, somebody think I'm funny for the sections on my Genshin Pinterest board

[thetwilightroadtonightfall]

new concept that’s making me go feral: My Goodbye from Epic the musical but it’s the Ava and Player at the graveyard