#or just stopped picking up after them
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actual-corpse · 1 year ago
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Why am I, the Woman, villanized?
I'm a full-time student, and I work 30 hours a week (that's 6 hours short of full-time), and yet, I can't sit and relax without someone huffing and puffing about something being dirty.
I'm not the one who fills the sink.
I'm not the one who fills the trash.
I'm not the one who leaves my dirty clothes all over the bathroom floor (and those clothes fucking stink... They smell worse than the literal boxes of cat shit that sit in the same room)
I'm not the one that hogs the clothes machines for DAYS at a time because I can't be arsed to move them.
There are two cats. One isn't mine, but I am the one caring for both cats full time. Emptying the boxes, buying and administering the flea meds, cleaning and filling water/food bowls.
I'm afraid to start a video game. 1. Because nobody can fucking respect that I'm trying to enjoy something and 2. Because when the dishes pile up in the sink, I'm the one stuck dealing with it.
There are fast food cups rotting in the bedroom because I am not cleaning up after a grown-ass man (they've been accumulating since we broke up (August))
There is shit accumulating on the table.
I will move out when the lease is up. And when I do, I hope these boys fucking suffer as they realize they ran off one of the most patient women they'll ever find.
#im mouthy sure#but im pretty patient#i can think of so many people who would've already left#or just stopped picking up after them#i hate this fucking country#because I SHOULD be able to live independently like the adults my age did 20 years ago#i feel like a prisoner#unfortunately women shoulder an immense emotional burden that men dont fucking understand#and that burden is DRAINING#its hard to work a job that drains you and then come home to man-children who drain you#i just wanna live alone in a one room one bathroom hole with a veiw#WALGREENS KEEPS PROCESSING MY FUCKING REFILL BUT NEVER ACTUALLY FILL IT#FUCK#god damn groundskeeper makes hos job harder on himself by pointing the blower into the corner and blowing debris into the apartment#fucking roomate who doesn't fucking understand how fucking doors work tries to tell me im wrong#THERES A GAP IN THE DOOR WHERE THE FUCKING BUGS GET IN THIS PLACE WAS BUILT CHEAP#I FUCKING HATE HOW INCOMPETENT SOME MEN ARE and they like to act so smart#AND THEY FUCKING MAKE SNIDE REMARKS ABOUT YOUR AGGRAVATION but YOU cant do it back#Most of the men Ive met are so GODDAMN SELFISH#i wish my mom would let me be gay. Not only do I want to try it but also... women have a tenderness that most men lack#im so fucking tired#and fucking annoyed#i cant do my fucking laundry#yeah the washer is available but I cant dry the clothes. and leaving the damp clothes in the washer is fucking stupid#thats how you get mildew stink#can you guys hope i get the LBL internship? 🙏#it provides money and lodging (and experience lol) and its IN THE WOODS THE FUCKING NATIONAL PARK YALL#LBL is Land Between the Lakes National Park in KY and I wanna be there#Id actually like to work there too ngl#in the nature
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schneiderenjoyer · 11 months ago
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I REALIZED SOMETHING AND I'M NOT OKAY
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medinaquirin · 7 days ago
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The utter blind hypocrisy of people criticizing Dems for trying to court too far Right while gleefully upholding the Right's obsession with moral purity and making the "right" people suffer.
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Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.
I don't have external meltdowns.
I could. I don't let it happen.
I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.
So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.
She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.
Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].
It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.
They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.
I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.
I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.
I couldn't understand what made her like this.
But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.
If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.
And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*
And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?
My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.
Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???
And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.
I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*
She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.
I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.
So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.
But I told her hundreds of times.
I probably should have just screamed at her.
#good stay out of our yard' and he didn't seem to know what to say to that#but other than that I don't think anyone in my adult life has ever seen me turn aggressive at all to the point where people 100% like to#play games of testing my patience and my boundaries because they think my tolerance is infinite#but like I have autistic rage tantrums on both sides of my family and they are just happening inside my head#And somehow it took me until now to realize that being that way was actually -expected- of me by my parents and especially my mother#and that by keeping myself outwardly level headed to be considerate I actually took away whatever signals she can understand#to have empathy for how I must be feeling#I mean it's still all on her#but it makes so much sense of why she's fucking *like this*#And why my sister thinks I hate her just because -she- stopped texting -me-#but that fucking guy#Every time I was like#In my adult life I have screamed at someone ONE whole time and it was 1000% deserved#And I threw heavy objects around one whole other time and in my defense I didn't do it in front of the guy he just felt the ground shaking#heard the thuds and came back to the logs blocking his path because that fucker wouldn't stop parking in our yard after being asked#and then TOLD not to about 10 times because he was acting entitled to just park in our yard and was crushing my plants???#seriously I don't know what his deal was but he wouldn't stop telling me how much the ground shaking scared him like it was supposed#to get my pity like I think this guy took one look at the logs I had just tossed down and was suddenly afraid of this “woman” he was#bullying in their own yard and so my ability to feel bad for scaring him had gone straight out the fucking window#I looked at him and said stop parking in our yard instead of your own you are killing my plants#he'd just fucking be like 'well the last people to live here let us D: :)“ and I'd be like ”good for them?“ ”stop“#and he'd just keep doing it#I was having a week of insomnia and was finally having the best dream#the kind of sex dream you have like twice in your life#and this fucker had just gotten some noisy ass little bike with a spoiler on it#and starts it up right under my window at 3am from IN OUR FUCKING YARD#so I had a nice long anger nap and just after he got home from work and was sleeping in his house#I picked up these chunks of deadwood tree from the back#there was like 3-4 logs that used to be a WHOLEASS fucking oak tree Like these logs were not as heavy as they -looked- but they were still#this fucker deleted half the tags I wrote and I am not retyping that fuck you tumblr so fucking hard
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dukeofthomas · 4 months ago
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why is everyone so obsessed with absolving bruce of all responsibility and fault. like no actually he is not 100% innocent in the child vigilantes he did in fact literally just Yoink Jason and make him robin at the ripe age of 12. jason would Not have become a vigilante (or died!) if bruce hadn't made him that. like he is actually 100% responsible for picking up a kid and turning them into a soldier
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bacchuschucklefuck · 4 months ago
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holding onto nsbu with both hands you are my saviour my everything. why is izzy doing the Most
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hatkuu · 11 months ago
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KYLAR USED TO PLAY THE VIOLIN ‼️‼️‼️ i wanna encourage him to pick up his old hobby :3 i want him to play me a song :D
the way i sobbed with joy when i saw madison's post. so smart of them to ask vrel that ofmfmfmfkl
like. i bet he was really good when he was younger too!! his parents probably bought him a tonne of music lessons when he was younger, so he'd have the foundations to be a really good player... but he most likely lost interest in the violin entirely after his parent's transformation.
i think if you were to subtly bring up that you LOVE a man that can play music he's picking back up soooo quick. would play any song you'd like but you have to promise to kiss the tips of his fingers better bc they have blisters now :(
i also think it'd be healthy for kylar!! (YAY) and it'd give him something to do rather than stalk you!! now he plays an instrument!! albeit for you but it's really nice to listen to soooo... you choose to ignore that he picked up his old hobby just to impress you <3
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sparky-is-spiders · 10 months ago
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Jonmelanie would communicate near exclusively in arguing and nobody would find out that they were dating for three years.
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crybabydraws · 2 years ago
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Big Tenna lore drop just happened recently. I just had to draw this moment. It was too good.
Tenna belongs to @tvlandofficial (go follow them if you haven't they're fucking cool)
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faaun · 1 month ago
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ive talked to a lot of ppl who have taken vyvanse now and i think ik a bit more on how i need to live on it
#1) dopamine drops on lower dosages or high dosage but in the evenings feel like hell and it wont ever stop you have to just breathe#you will stop breathing well and you wont notice it so you have to remember to breathe deeply. this helps immensely for some reason#2) you will stop processing the existence of food as a consumable thing and not just an object like Table or Cardboard. you will not want to#eat anything. you have to buy meal replacement shakes. sweetness is one of the only pleasant flavours. eat protein. eat as much protein as#you can. down those meal replacament shakes. get enough for a day. try not to into calorie deficits on vyvanse.#3) your mind will be searching for cognitively complex tasks and everything else dwarfs in comparison. dont lay down. do something.#4) you have to exercise. fully exercise at the gym not a home 20 min work out. you need to push your body right now so that you can be ok#5) nothing will be as intense and vivid and beautiful and there will be a layer of seperation between you snd reality even on a lower dosage#this is fine. this is the primary price. sunlight helps and so does doing complex tasks but you cant avoid this. remind yourself that this#is a self-induced thing and its temporary and itll fade.#6) youve been ship of theseus'd into a new person and this effect only increases later into the day. any conclusion you reach about yourself#is most likely not applicable to your non-vyvanse self.#7) carry chapstick around. keep drinking water. dry mouth starts 5 minutes after taking it#8) some of your friends have a reduced range of emotion and this makes them more stable but less capable of experiencing intense joys#and sadnesses. look at them. listen to their perspective. live like them when youre on the medication.#9) music is still gorgeous#10) you will feel very hot very fast. wear layers you can take off.#11) pick up a bow and shoot. keep shooting. keep going. shoot at least 50 arrows if you can. feel the pain in your arms and your shoulders#and then keep shooting.
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longagoitwastuesday · 3 months ago
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I have learnt things about Geto that I wish I could unlearn
#I think I'm getting about the same amount of spoilers as a few weeks ago except now I understand them#But like. I expected so much of him#Seeing gifs of that one scene in which Gojo gets distracted because of Geto almost made me watch this a year ago#Geto was actually my favourite character in that one JJK fanfic I read that I mention so often even if he had literally one scene#I know so much of the emotional turmoil and conflict in JJK and Gojo in particular depends on him#And you're telling me he's Thanos?#I learnt a few days ago that everything pretty much happens in one year. That there's one year between Geto's death and Gojo's#I thought it would be like ten years. Ten years of the act haunting him#But no? So it's not a broken teenager who has these ideas and is killed by another teenager to stop him?#It's a what? ~30yo man saying Light levels of stupidity? Even worse perhaps?#Goodness I hope this is not so. I hope this is better written than what I am seeing#Because goddammit I can't do it. It would kinda ruin every emotional scene from then on?#That one scene I was so looking forwards about patting Gojo's back or whatever. The one in which Gojo gets distracted. It just. I don't know#I won't be able to be moved if Geto doesn't work xD#I was fearing I wasn't going to like him a lot because my expectations were big but oh my god please not like this#This is way worse than I expected. Someone tell me he actually makes sense. What's the point of this whole political play#in which no one is fully wrong and no one is totally right otherwise? What is the point of the haunting. This feels just idiotic xD#And I don't care about the traumas and all that. That works for the teen not the ~30yo man#It would have worked if Gojo would have killed him like 1-2 years after everything not like a few months ago. Last winter#After like ten years a 30yo man should have realised this plan sucks.#Even if it's utilitarian. Who is going to make clothes? Buildings? Streets and railways? Bread??? Go have a talk with Nanami please#We have been told there are not a lot of jujutsu sorcerers. How are you going to fulfill all those needs out of nothing?#And even if it were little by little so the needs could be getting fulfilled little by little too#If you decimate humans won't that cause more curses? I guess he's thinking on the long run but still this plan seems like a mess#I hope it makes more sense than it's looking it will make because of my god this would truly be the last nail on the coffin xD#I am being more and more tempted to get to Utahime and then just drop this. This is breaking my heart xD#It could be soooo good and it always almost is#And then. AND THEN. Abfksbfndbfkan#Jen pick me up. Come solve this. I am scared xD#I talk too much
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ruby-static · 9 months ago
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"Anyways, this here is where I was buried!" "...Remind me again why I keep agreeing to follow you?"
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twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 5 months ago
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thinking abt tattoo artist!sugu and the codependent relationship he forms with his (least) favorite customer
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capricioussun · 5 months ago
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ohhh glitchfell???
Glitchfell!!! It's funny you mention that specifically, because originally it had just been to separate Dos specifically, but I've actually been developing it on its own on the back burner...
Dos is still sort of the star of the show, since, well, he’s the reason it's glitchfell. Dos is [REDACTED]. However, his creator made a fatal flaw when trying to fix a previous mistake and it completely fucked Dos' code. At first, it was just minor glitching and stat instability. But as he got older, and the attempts to fix the mistake only continued making it worse (sort of), by the time he was a young teen, the glitching was causing problems in the Main Code, so when a particularly bad episode hit, he unintentionally collapsed the timeline and threw himself to a "neighboring" au.
...or so he thought (and how I'd initially written it lol).
But I've been working with, at least an alternate "timeline", where the au didn't actually collapse when Dos was thrown. Rather, it became corrupted. It wasn't too bad at first, more like Glitchedswap, where there were new tics here and there, but things could continue on as normal.
Unfortunately though, a tree cannot grow from a severely damaged trunk. At least not well. The damage was done, and as time went on, the corruptions only continuously worsened. There's a good likelihood it would have collapsed on its own by the time Dos met Void, there's just no way an au like that could sustain itself after a point, but it's incredibly interesting to think about how far it could've fallen before that point, and if it's possible anyone from it could've been saved before then...
Or if anyone would've put them out of their misery before it got so bad.
#I wanna make fucked up designs for all of them so bad </3#it's like. really sad too bc no one really understands what's going on. at first they don't even realize. and then they just start getting#confused. sans of course picks up on it immediately (especially because he can't find papyrus) but eventually him and Alphys are trying#desperately to figure out what's happening and stop it. but it was already too bad by that point </3#id love to explore scenarios like Dos finding out it's still around way later down be line only to return and see everything completely#*shattered*. broken beyond the point of reason. and knowing it was his fault. would've been better if it *had* collapsed#or finding out about it after the fact and realizing Void had known and kept it from him#maybe Void had found it after meeting Dos and checking. but finding it in such a horrible state...all he *could do to help them would be...#and Dos finding that out? that Void never told him he found it? that he *manually* collapsed it after he did?#MAN. that'd be so fucked up#Dos would be able to come around eventually but he'd be SO furious and hurt#and that's 100% the kind of thing Void would do lmao#maybe not even initially tbth. the whole thing with Dos stretches out over *several* years. there's a chance Void honestly just forgot by#the next time he re-met Dos#ough...#uselessundertalefacts#ty for the ask sorry for hijacking it with Void#well. only in the tags. still tho#🌟❕💗#clear sky sunset#sun spots#gf dos#glitchfell#glitchfell papyrus
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voidscreamns · 2 years ago
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#i dont think i’ve talked my nonverbal!Diluc hc on here yet#but i keep seeing posts abt disability/chronjcally ill/neurodivergent hcs for genshin characters so here’s one from me#idk i feel like after That Night™️ and being on the run from the Fatui/working with a secret organization#diluc not just learns the ‘value’ of keeping secrets and staying quiet but also internalizes his guilt and trauma of saying smth that could#hurt people#it started with him telling Kaeya that he’s not a Ragnvindr anymore and then is exacerbated by his 3-4 Year Fatui Murder Rampage thru Teyvat#and with all ghat trauma and self-deprecation and paranoia he just. stops talking.#he picks up sign language in Fontaine and still writes but at some point he just stops talking and never speaks again#when he comes back to Mondstadt it was hard to adjust to for both him and the people around him#Kaeya initially assumes that Diluc just refuses to talk to him until he later hears gossip abt how no one has ever heard him speak since he#came back. he goes to Adelinde and/or Elzer abt it and they tell him that they neve even hear Diluc so much as hum or grunt#afterwards everyone changes up real fast— Kaeya and Venti drinking at the bar and seemingly just talking at Diluc but they’re always#observing his reactions and body language even when they’re drunk#Jean tries her best to be patient but she has a hard time reading him bc he’s changed so much in the time he’s been gone#Adelinde & Elzer and the winery staff are the most communicative he’s with— Diluc is far more likely to write with them to communicate#at some point Diluc has a business meeting with some rich dude from Fontaine or smth#Kaeya walks in bc he has an actual important mission thinf to discuss and he sees Diluc and this Fontaine dude and the dude’s wife#moving their hands so fast and with all kinds of gestured and stuff#and it’s the first time Kaeya sees Diluc look so EXPRESSIVE— he’s frowning and raising his eyebrows and mouthing words and all this#and Kaeya just goes ‘what’#turns out the Fontainian dude is deaf and both him and his hearing wife know sign; she helps interpret this to kaeya for the dude and Diluc#and Kaeya is like ‘oh okay’ and goes to the kitchen like ‘i’ll just wait here till yall are finished’#and he sees Adelinde and Elzer there with stoic faces and they just. stand there in quiet for so long.#Kaeya finally says ‘…..so. sign language huh’ and Adelinde and Elzer have the most pained looks on their faces#later that week Diluc finds like everyone around suddenly doing basic signs with him#he later learns that the winery has ordered a shitton of signing books from Fontaine and are trying to learn#+ Kaeya and Jean too with help from Lisa bc like dont you know learning several languages is a requirement for graduation from the Akademiya#soon the use of sign starts spreading in Mondstadt— there might be some small communities where they have their own native sign but it’s not#as standardized nor widely known as it is in Fontaine#this is getting really long so I’ll stop here but yeah. nonverbal Diluc who signs fjskdjs
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bunisher · 6 months ago
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rewatched nwh and currently having frankpeter brainrot
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