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#or i will have myself a big cry over this and just say it was only a little one
gguk-n · 1 day
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Fading Shadow (Lando Norris x ex-Reader)
Part 2 of Last Straw Inspired by this request
Summary- Y/N moved on. Lando is still stuck, on what they had and what he lost.
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{Reader's POV}
The moment I landed back home, I felt relief wash over me when I cried in my mother's arms. I had been holding on to too much, it seems. My father brought my favourite food and we ate together and we laughed together. This was the therapy I needed. My siblings weren't very happy with Lando since they had seen everything unfold on social media but they were happy to have their sister back. I was happy to be back home. I needed this, I needed my people.
I decided I needed a change of pace, a change of scenery. I had been mourning my relationship while I was still in it. Now, I was a new me, I was going to do everything I wanted.
I applied at the company I always wanted to work at but due to there being no vacancies I was assigned a job in a different country and I was ready to take on the world. I knew Lando would never search for me, he never truly loved me but I still wanted to leave. I needed a fresh start.
{Lando's POV}
The silence after the break up was exactly what I needed, or so I thought. I could leave as I wished. I could go out whenever I wanted. I didn't have to explain myself to anyone. It's so much better to be single then to be tied down.
I didn't think I would ever miss Y/N, but I did. I remember exactly when I missed her for the first time; it was after a difficult race and I had finish decently with the shitty cards I had and I just wanted someone to tell me how well I did; but there was no one; no one who knew what I wanted to hear. I felt so alone even when I was surrounded by hundreds of people for the first time in a long time.
The second time I missed her was when I was stood on top of the top step of the podium. I wanted to have her around so I could share my highs with her. I didn't get a 'do you wanna go out to celebrate?' like the last two times and I aired her both time to party with random girls. Right now, I was in the club celebrating my third win of my career and season and I felt empty and alone. Not even the alcohol helped.
The house we lived in was a stark reminder of the time we spent together. All our dates we had. All the times she would teach me how to cook but we would always end up with a big mess and half cooked or burnt food since I would get distracted. In retrospect, I loved every second of it even though I never admitted it then. I love all the time we spent together or the laugh she would emit when I messed up. I missed her and I wish she was here; I was too stupid to admit it then but I do now.
Oscar was getting sick and tired of me using his phone to check on Y/N's social media accounts since she had blocked me every where. I would end up borrowing the other driver's phone to check, just in case. Until one day, her account stopped showing up for Oscar too. I went through almost everyone on the paddock's phone to see if she had blocked my friends. Turns out, she had deactivated her social media accounts; I realised that after one of the gossip pages posted about her deactivating her profiles, across all the platforms.
I would wake up from dreams about her and I would fall asleep to the thought of her. No woman interested me anymore; I wish I was this loyal when we were dating, when she could see that I loved her, not now when she couldn't even see I had changed.
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My PR team was losing their shit when I tweeted that. I had to sit through a stupid meeting after everything. It was miracle I didn't start crying in the middle of the meeting.
People had started to notice I guess, since Carlos approached me. "Cabron, what's up?" he asked while I was lying on my couch after media day. "Nothing" I hummed. "I fucked up right?" I asked. "I can't say no" Carlos said. I laughed painfully. "I didn't know how good I had it until it was all gone. I'm an ass and I deserve everything I'm getting" I cried. Carlos comforted me, hugging me tightly. "I just wish she would talk to me, at least once. So, that I could show her that I've changed. I really have Carlos. I love her so much, it hurts" I cried into his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Lando" he said patting my back.
There's a saying, You don't know what you've got until it's gone. I was living that nightmare and I will never stop living it.
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mustainegf · 1 day
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Hi Elena poo my beloved 👅👅👅I have a yummy request for youuuu
Current! James (who has like I DONT WANT TO SAY TROUBLE BUT…. A difficult time getting it up all the way) is in a relationship with younger!reader (not that big of an age gap.) and the first time they do it together James realizes that he’s like OVERLY hard like really hard and since he hasn’t been like really hard since he was in his 40s-early 50s and so he gets really overstimulated when he’s like doing the deed with the reader and he gets embarrassed but like it’s okay❤️
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Thank.
HI VONNIIEEEE!!!!!
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𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐓𝐘 ²⁰²⁴
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I ran my hand up the very distinct bulge in James black jeans, feeling it throb from below the denim.
"Someone's real excited..." I tease giving his clothes member a playful squeeze.
"Shockingly."" he winced softly, groaning at the hardness.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I smirk at him, feigning offence.
"No,no... not like that... I mean uh— let's just say my age has restricted, um... my performance.." he stammers, going a deep red.
His age isn't something he hides, nor am I naive enough to think he wouldn't talk about it. Just hearing the thought of an older man still having sexual desires makes me wetter than ever.
"Clearly not this time around... you've got me so fuckin' hard baby..."
I run my hand over the crotch, cupping his length under his belt. My hand slides down his fly, slipping underneath.
My fingers slide through his pubes, and I start to pull on them, moving lower until I reach the top of his cock. I move it left then right, slowly sliding it back and forth along his shaft.
I can feel every inch covered with tight denim, how large it must be beneath there. My pinky moves onto the tip of his head, circling it. He lets out another moan as my finger traces around his sensitive spot.
I then grab the base of his cock, gently pulling it free from his jeans. He gasps, his eyes widening when my hand wraps around his exposed member.
It feels even larger now than before. "Holy shit.." I mutter to myself as I begin to slowly stroke him. I feel my pussy get even wetter at the sight of his throbbing cock.
His moans become louder as I pump faster and harder. He grunts as I squeeze his balls, massaging them tightly while I jerk him off. "Ohh... that's so fucking good baby," he coos breathlessly.
"Shit... I haven't been this hard in years...' he groaned out, tipping his head back.
"Yeah? You that desperate for me?" I coo, tracing the vein on his underside before pillow back, teasing and tugging down my lace panties.
I place my palm between his thighs and push him backwards, guiding him to sit on his bed. I straddle him, resting my hips on his legs.
His thickening dick pokes into my clit as I grind against it, rubbing my swollen lips across its girth.
"Fuck… That's what I need.." I murmur lustfully, bending forward to press my lips against his.
James twitches at the sensation on his tip. "Ah-fuck! Oh God..." he whined, clearly overstimulated, he hasn't been this hard in a while.
James grips the sheets with one hand while grabbing my waist with the other. He pulls me close, kissing me as we both moan loudly into each other's mouths.
I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling my hips back as I guide his cock head towards my entrance. Slowly I insert myself onto him, taking in his thickness bit by bit.
"Oh god yes," James sighs with pleasure, digging his fingernails into my ass. I cry out in ecstasy as I take all of him inside of me, feeling my insides stretch around his impressive girth.
"Ah! Ahh... f-fuck... it's so.. sensitive," James whines, his member must be throbbing with being this hard.
With a loud yelp I pull away from him, arching my back slightly as I rub his wet cockhead. It still pokes up proudly, throbbing as I slide it side to side.
I'm playing with the head, making sure to hit every ridge and edge. Each time he moans or cries out my heart skips a beat, getting me even more turned on than I already was. I smile down at him.
"Mmm you're right... you're really hard." I ogle at how stiff he is, a sight I'm seeing for the first time.
James whimpers as I slowly sink back down onto him. This time I go slow, taking long and steady strokes.
As I rock back and forth, James moans softly, crying out as I squeeze my inner walls around him. "Ohhhh baby! "He felt way bigger inside of me this time around. I've never felt him this hard before, and it was stretching me in ways I could hardly fathom.
I moan at the sweet feeling, smiling as I bounce up and down on his shaft, knowing how big it is despite not being able to see. James pants heavily, trying desperately not to cum too soon.
I could tell he wasn't used to feeling like this either; his muscles were tensed and he was a whimpering mess.
The sound of my wetness smacking against his groin was driving us crazy. With a heavy breath, I slam myself down onto his length, burying him deep.
James gasps out sharply, throwing his head back. His whole body jerks as his balls tighten and he shoots rope after rope of thick, white cum deep into my womb.
He yelps as he feels me cumming around him, the heat of my juices seeping outwards. We hold each other as we come down from our orgasmic high.
Our breathing is heavy and shallow, chests rising and falling rapidly. "I.. fuck... haven't been that hard since... fuck I don't know when..." he heaved.
I stare at his face, blushing profusely at how red it had gotten during his climax. James chuckles, shaking his head as he looks down at himself.
James gently reaches for the base of his cock, carefully slipping it out as I immediately began oozing with cum. "That's it... look at that..." James groaned.
James grabbed his still throbbing cock and gave it a few more pumps, milking the rest of his cum from it. "Well look at that," he said, staring at the amount of cum he had produced.
A stream ran down his shaft and landed on his stomach, followed by another two drops which fell on his thigh. James moved closer to me, pressing his lips against mine.
I smile, gazing down at the huge load of sperm he had shot inside of me. He brought his fingers up to my mouth, placing them there for me to taste. My eyes widened as I tasted his potent seed.
It was warm and salty, lingering on my tongue for a moment before disappearing down my throat.
James smiled widely as he watched me swallow every drop.
“Fuck… the things you do to me…”
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googleitlol · 2 days
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Two questions! Well, one’s more like a prompt/scenario, but I’m still saying it!
Do you have any plans on getting back to your “The Memory of You” fanfic in the future? Because I’m a certified Macaque wimp (right there with Wukong) and I’m dying to know everything that happened between him and Lian!😭
And second:
I just got myself Black Myth Wukong brainrot and I randomly thought of a situation where Dove would wake up from a nightmare about Wukong’s death, and she instinctively places a hand over the Destined One’s heart to hear it beating because of his resemblance and everything. And the Destined One just helps hold her hand to his chest and resting his own hand over hers until she calms down🥲💘💞
1) Omg tbh I didn't realise ppl were still reading that one! I'm focusing on PoM rn so I don't think I'll be getting to it anytime soon unfortunately. I do wanna continue it tho, and rewrite some stuff too! My google doc is so big for TMoY that if you wanted, I could totally answer some asks about it. Since I'm focusing on Dove and Wukong rn, I wouldn't mind sharing some secrets about Lian and Macaque's past (I will yap so much abt them, I love Lian she's my sweetheart).
I also took a break from writing that fic because, uhhhhh… I had only seen part of season 4 when I started writing the backstory for Lian, did some research into chinese mythology and legends I could pull from… then after posting a bunch of chapters, I watched the rest and realised I accidentally made her backstory/creation extremely similar to someone else (if you're caught up on the show, you'll know who I'm talking about). They both involve, uh… similar people?? So I got spooked and decided to wait a bit to see if that character's backstory would be like what I'd written for Lian and… it's starts out very similar 💀
But honestly, I think I'm gonna keep it the same cuz I love Lian, and I love the story I've made for her and Macaque. So if you've got any questions abt them, I'd be happy to answer until I shift my focus back onto TMoY.
2) Oh, and… my god. I love this idea of yours. That dream. Hoo boy, that dream. I love it when people understand the sort of angst I wanna put Dove under. Running to her love, knowing what's about to happen but too far to stop it. Maybe if he saw her, if he knew she was coming, maybe he'd still be there. But no matter how much her throat scratches as she screams, no sound is made. No matter how fast she runs, how far she pushes herself, nothing changes.
The Destined One frowns, he's seen her like this on so many nights. There's something that's plaguing her… he just doesn't know what. She shuts him down at any and all moments he has to inquire about her night-terrors. Still, he's found a subtle way to help in the best way he can. After one night where she reached out for him and he let her hand press against his chest, he noticed how she calmed a bit.
That becomes their nightly ritual. Whenever he notices how she starts to mumble in her sleep, shout and cry, he'll cuddle up next to her and hold her in his arms. He'll keep her head pressed against his chest so she can hear his heart– that always calms her down. As long as she has something, her hand or even an ear pressed to his heart, she'll calm down. Maybe the first few nights he started doing this, she'd cuddle up to him a bit. He'd be awkward about it at first, but eventually grow used to it. After a while, he'd find that he actually really enjoys spending those nights with Dove in his arms.
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tojiscrack · 3 days
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Guess who found your fic on ao3 at 11pm, not noticing the 108k words on the bottom and got so hooked even by the half quarter of the first chapter that resulted in her staying awake until 10 am, reading all 108k words in one sitting. Yes me. Me, who got so hooked she read it all in one sitting. Me, who’s now so emotionally attached to this fic that she’s anxious about your comments under the chapters, stating that THE MAIN PLOT hasn’t even STARTED YET. Me, who knows DAMN WELL the little caterpillars and butterflies and the moths story Megumi and y/n read out is for sure foreshadowing. Me, who’s noticed several butterfly symbolism used over the course of the story. Me, who screamed into her pillow when it was stated that y/n’a dress resembled a butterfly. Me, who’s seen your comment replying to someone, stating that there MIGHT be some kind of drifting apart. Me, who’s well ware of the Heavy Angst tag on the fic. Me, who knows that an author who’s this good at delivering humor and fluff is gonna DESTROY me when the angst is gonna be written. Me, who half regrets now that she’s discovered the story because she’s scared of all that’s about to come.
You seriously have a way with words, dialogue, symbolism, humor, the bond between every character. It’s not so simple to put more than 5 characters in a setting and deal with them all while trying to make it as natural as possible but you SOMEHOW do it SO WELL. I’m just. God. All the thoughts I have on this fic would maybe even rival the 108k words you’ve written up until now but I don’t have the capacity to put them into words as well as you do.
just know that this fic impacted me so much, so badly, years from now on after it's finished, I'll still think about it and re-read it.
so excited (and scared as hell ngl) to see where you'll be going with this story. I may havw joined late but I am sticking around till the end.
love you, great work <3
liar, liar masterlist here:
yayyy, another ao3 reader 😫 welcome to the tumblr crew, i’m so glad you’re hereeee ❤️‍🩹
i had to go back and check whether it really is 108k words and i found myself shocked bc damn, i really wrote that much? 😭 if i put half the effort i put into this story into my essays instead, maybe i’d be a better student but we live and we learn ig 😬
“emotionally attached” to the fic is mind blowing to me 🥹 i didn’t know it’d have this big of an impact on someone but i can’t say i’m displeased. that’s one of the nicest things i’ve heard on here (among other things ofc). ugh, you’re so nice for sending a message on that 🩷
and yes, you are absolutely right. the main plot does not start until next chapter (or more accurately — in terms of drama — somewhere down the line AFTER that) 👀 idk which comment i said that on but i trust ur judgement ‘cause i remember mentioning that somewhere 😭 DON’T BE SCARED, IT’LL BE FUN (and thrilling and scary) BUT STILL 😊
the butterfly thing you mentioned is interesting, actually 🫢 maybe i just really like butterflies (even tho they scare the ever living shit out of me and i nearly killed a few in the london zoo YEARS ago as a child cuz i was fidgeting since they just let them roam free in that greenhouse thingy and i was scared for my life and dying of heat with the humidity?).
YOU MUST HAVE BEEN STALKING MY PAGE BC I DO REMEMBER SAYING SMTH ALONF THOSE LINES I JUST CAN’T REMEMBER WHERE 😭 but i invite you to continue doing so bc i like watching my lovely little liars squirm and then send in their predictions and fear 😋 and this long, juicy message has me giggling to myself and REELING 🤭
yeah, but we’re not holding back on the heavy angst tag… er… buckle up? it’s gonna go downhill from here on out 😟
“you seriously have a way with words” — stop.
“it’s not so simple to put more than 5 characters in a setting and deal with them all while trying to make it as natural as possible but you somehow do it so well” — DOUBLE, TRIPLE, QUADRUPLE, INFINITY STOP OR I’LL CRY 🥹 no one has ever said that about my writing, and in fact, i hadn’t even noticed that myself 😭 i think i’m gonna levitate in glee ✨ to know it flows well enough for it to be commented on (out of ur own free will and not me pressing a gun to ur forehead), it’s just UGHHH so nice and sweet and i’m so glad you’ve joined the liar, liar community 😫 warmest welcome ml <3
gosh you’ve put this story on such a high pedestal, i’m almost scared i won’t be able to meet ur standards, even with everything planned beforehand 😟 but i’m willing to try. if you’re here for the super long ride (my updates are sporadic and will continue to be a such as the time goes on).
it was definitely not a LATE arrival per se — the liar, liar family is still pretty small. i’ve only got about 321 followers, so definitely not as much as the bigger jjk writers on here, and half of those are split between my megumi fic readers and levi fic readers. i now consider you an og just bc this analysis was so in depth and interesting, i found myself smiling so hard my cheeks hurt 🙂‍↔️
but i love you SO much for this. i’d love to see more comments and messages from you. don’t be afraid to spam me if you must (in fact, i encourage it!!!) 😁 i get so giddy and excited and motivated when ppl send me their predictions. it’s one of the greatest things about writing (and the best part imo).
have a lovely day! and i can’t wait for you to see the next chapter and what i have in store for you <3
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bellamyblakru · 2 months
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i will never understand how some people can actively shit on something they know someone loves and finds joy in right in front of them. how can you hate something that makes someone else happy in this absolutely fucked world in front of them.
its the passive aggression for no reason i will never ever understand or do to others. if you have a passion, fucking LIVE it. if nothing else, passion gets us through every shitty day, and i will always support it.
have passion in spite of those who hate.
#its absolutely mind boggling to me#and genuinely makes me so fucjinf upset#i was sitting next to my sister who has been nicer to me than usual as she is talking to her online friend and im doing my nails silently b#its her polish and i didnt wanna take it out of her room. but i look up and shes ranking music genres which is all cool. but without#hesitation as the first one at the most bottom tier she put kpop. like i understand its not her cup of tea but i was like okay thats#something that actively makes me wanna keep living yaknow. and she knows that. so i was like#‘interesting placement for kpop’ and she didnt say anything so i said ‘im not sure youve listened to it enough to have such a violent#opinion on it’ and she immediately got angry saying shes ‘heard enough’ and then got mad at me for saying that saying why was i being ‘like#this what the fuck’ and my heart genuinely sunk into my ass but i couldnt leave even though i felt like crying bc i only did one hand and i#was drying at that moment plus i didn’t wanna make it a big deal. but this is not the first time she’s actively hated on my music without#prompt from me and it just makes me ????? like. music taste differs with everyone i understand this and i respect it. if something brings u#happiness then i would love to hear and listen even if i wouldn’t choose it myself. but being a bitch about it. idk#ultimately its the fact of being mean for no reason over someone else’s passion makes u a fucking asshole#:)))) im not crying bye#ashley rambles#to delete later#my mom and brother do it too btw. hating on it and making sure i hear it.#my mom was doing it the other day and my 7 year old nephew kept saying ‘pook i love it. i think its cool’ and it made me cry because kids#have the capacity for such unaltered kindness as the world has yet been cruel to them#idk man
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grocerystoreanxiety · 12 days
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watching a tv-show that’s done in my country and fuck it’s got me sobbing. Forgot how much more things hit when it’s like in your culture & language; every american tv-show has that distance bc can relate like maybe 50%. So idk, if you’re in need of a good cry; watch something sad that’s from your country, it hits where it hurts so much better !!
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toytulini · 1 month
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I think making sweeping generalizations of specific traits being considered "ugly" is not great the same way i think its rude and unnecessary to call others ugly, i also think its worthwhile to acknowledge that certain traits ARE considered "Ugly" due to societal beauty standards, that doesn't make them ACTUALLY ugly, bc beauty is subjective anyway, and can be found Anywhere, and even someone who seems to tick every single box of societal beauty Ideals will almost certainly have at least one trait or feature about their appearance that they are insecure about or feel is "ugly", bc even within the constraints of conventional attractiveness theres subjectivity
also this fish was so fucking Ugly and i adored it so much. i miss him.
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he was also gorgeous.
#toy txt post#toy pic post#he passed in like. man. i want to say 2019? his name was Gus. he was a pink kissing gourami#the thing about albino fish is that they always look a little bit sickly and concerning. his head always seemed a little big for his body#like he was really old. when i got him he looked so bad cos he had wounds all over him from dads fish that got infected and the dude#straight up looked like a zombie. every day id wake up and prepare myself to find him dead. but he recovered and never went back in w the#fish that injured him. his face was hideous. he looked pale and sickly. his head was a little too big like he was super old#his scales were iridescent and pretty and shimmery. he had no concept of giving a shit about me finding him beautiful or not. not even on#his mind. simply not something he would think about. now. im sure he'd have some sort of beauty standard to hold himself to for mating if#that had been an option for him. but it wouldnt be the same. idk. i just. i love the idea. of animals that are not traditionally cute or#beautiful or charismatic and the fact that they do not give a single fucking shit what we think of the way they look. BOTH ways. a#a butterfly does not give a single thought tohow beautiful or inspiring you find the colors of its wings. the wolf fish does not care that#humans find it hideous and terrifying. it just looks the way that it does. its fine. its vibing. it just wants to live and survive and get#enough food. yes beauty is everywhere but so is ugly. and there is beauty in ugly. to me. there is beauty in not even thinking about#standards to be conformed to or not. the beauty is irrelevant. its not For You. it doesnt Matter. its just Existing. if you like how it#looks while it exists? great! good for you. if you dont? okay cry about it i guess. this ugly ass fish doesnt give a shit if humans find it#beautiful or not. he was just going to continue to use his lips covered in teeth to scrape biofilm and algae off the surface of rocks and#driftwood and play in the current of the filter.#let girls be ugly the way marine iguanas dont give a shit if humans find them pretty cos theyre just sunning themselves and eating seaweed#off rocks. all humans are beautiful. all humans are ugly. it doesnt matter. let us go dive into the ocean and scrape seaweed off the rocks#and then bask in the sun on a warm rock and not fucking worry about that#anyway also Yes ive seen uglier fish than him.i know they exist. but he was also special cos he was My Fish u see
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floral-hex · 2 months
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One of my brothers is moving away to college today + I have to skip therapy, so it’s a lot of… a lot. a lot.
#he was just a baby! he was just a little kid I carried around and took care of!#no nope. not gonna get into it right now. I WILL cry. it’s not even 6am and I do not need that right now#and I don’t really know if therapy today would really help#if I got into it I’d just start crying in front of this nice dude for an hour#though yeah… might be nice to.. I dunno… just talk about it.#I am always simultaneously ‘therapy is good’ and ‘what’s the point in talking about it?’#so maybe I do need that person that’s like ‘this is your time. just fucking talk.’#but also right now it’s like… talking about it won’t take me back to when my brother was little and far off from leaving#blegh…#whatever. anyway. it’s gonna be a sad day. I’m gonna cry A LOT. I’m gonna be alone in this apartment and just sooooobbbbbbing#and then keep this inside for another week before I can go to therapy and talk about this bc god forbid I talk to a family member about it#ok now it’s 6am. I think he’s leaving in about 4 hours. it’s cool. it’ll be cool. 😎 I’ll just miss my bro so dang much#but maybe I’ll walk down to the dollar store and stock up on snacks and I’ll get blasted and fatter and try to stay positive#uggghhh#I’m too emotional#time just keeps moving for us all. to my dismay.#’time is the fire in which we burn’#you can ignore this#I don’t think I’ll ever have kids. I’ll never have kids. and being there. with him. with my brothers. that was the closest I’ll ever get.#and it’s over… so… 🤷🏻‍♂️… it’s just done… they’re grown. and I’m still here. I don’t know what else to say…#but that’s life. they’re doing their thing. I’m happy for them and I want them to be happy too. I’m just a big crybaby#IAN!… stop typing!#just making myself sad at this point#it’s fine. it’s fine. I’m fine. I’m cool. everything’s… cool 😎#this isn’t important#text
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stereax · 2 months
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saw you post 'listen before you go', thought you'd enjoy this:
oh...
#sterechats :)#going through It. and by It let's just say. the worst loss of my life lol#but I don't think anyone wants to hear how I ruined it again#and how badly I miss them#and if they'd give me one more chance I'd be the happiest person in the world#they put up with so much shit I should never have put them through#I can't blame them for leaving I just wish I could show them how much they mean to me#that behind all of my masks and my anger I cared about them more than anything#and I'm just so damn scared of being vulnerable because I've learned vulnerability is weakness#and even though that's wrong and I know it is it's less vulnerable to close myself off and respond with rage#than it is to actually confront my own emotions and realize that I'm not a robot#that I have feelings and they're usually really big and overwhelming for me#and I have to step back and process these things on my own because it's unfair to others#because I can't keep treating my friends like they're responsible for my emotions and at fault for them#because I need to actually communicate my needs instead of assuming people know them#because these same patterns are why I keep losing friends over and over again#and if I don't fix them I'm never going to be able to maintain a friendship#god. if they're ever going to read this I hope they know how much they mean to me#and how deeply and truly sorry I am for everything I've done#and how I never want to hurt them ever again#and I'm crying again. it feels like all I'm ever doing recently is crying#you know that saying 'you don't realize what you have until it's gone'? yeah.#for all the shit I talked I'd do anything to hear them tell me about their f1 drivers again#I miss them so much it's killing me it feels like#I just. I don't think they're coming back#no matter how much I tell myself they just need a few weeks or months#I think I really fucked it up this time and I don't want to admit it to myself#because I don't think I can mentally accept that they're gone forever most likely#I just want to hope that they'll give me that one last chance and I can prove myself#I just want to talk to them again and it hurts so much
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hecksupremechips · 5 months
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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over
Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰
#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually#very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds#like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd#but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga#and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit#and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road#its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control#which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way#like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health#i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to#be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game#is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me#cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused#but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone#like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways#and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed#but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child#shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING#HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY#like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work#apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs#his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be#better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy#and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad#how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel#makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired
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scattered-winter · 1 year
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horrifying self recognition through the other aside this has been an actually not terrible start to The Family Gathering tbh
#my cousin who i havent really seen in a while came up to me and asked abt my pronouns because i came out to the fam a while ago#and he didnt really remember what id said (which. fair. its a big family w lots of things to remember)#and so he asked what my pronouns were and i told him and he promised that if he ever messed up i needed to make him#do like 5 or 10 pushups lmao#and ngl. its the sweetest thing anyone in this family has ever said to me abt that#everyone else has kinda just. moved on. and either forgotten that im not a girl or purposefully ignoring it.#and idk maybe i should stand up for myself a little more but ive been practically a doormat all my life#and idk. its hard using my voice and establishing boundaries when ive let ppl bulldoze over me for almost 20 years.#sigh. anyway.#im gonna be thinking about that all day tbh it was genuinely so sweet#and i am also being consumed by The Loneliness again <3#just. i want someone to just talk to about all this??? someone who isnt in my family because they all have stakes in it too?????#we're all grieving. i aint special.#i just want to talk to someone about it in person so they can hold my hand while i cry myself to sleep because ngl#thats what it looks like we're doing tonight#im just. tired of feeling alone in this enormous family where it seems like im the only odd man out#and also ykw the Not Having Any Irl Friends loneliness too. thats also pretty significant.#not saying my internet friends arent great i love yall so so so much but it has just been .#a really really long time since ive had a good cry n hug session w someone.#sigh. im tired i need to go to bed#winter speaks#personal
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myname-isnia · 8 months
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It's that "spend hours sobbing my eyes out in bed for several reasons, including but not limited to the fact tomorrow is Monday, the fact my social battery has been completely drained and won't recover anytime soon, the fact my landlady is due to show up tomorrow evening and will likely piss me off again, the fact I've had the urge to write since Friday and ended up not writing even a single fucking word, the fact exam pressure keeps rising and I still don't know what to do with my life after I'm done with school, and the fact I'm both completely overwhelmed and so terribly lonely at the same time" kind of Sunday evenings
#I'm so fucking exhausted. both mentally and emotionally#I spent the night at my grandma's and then my friend came over and spent the night the following day#and I don't count it as a day off unless I don't go anywhere or see anyone#so you could say I didn't really have a weekend#idk how I'll go to school tomorrow. I think even one person talking to me would make me fucking explode#and yet. despite all that. I feel completely alone#because no one I know irl can provide me with the comfort I so desperately need#spending time with people is all a big distraction from my depressive thoughts#and the second everyone leaves.. I feel more alone than ever. so completely and utterly lonely#I try to fill the void with my imagination. lose myself in my oc verse. and it helps sometimes#but when I'm not feeling particularly inspired or can't some up with anything good... I just end up feeling worse than I did before#everything I do is to distract myself from my mind because the second I'm left alone with my thoughts..#they go to a very dark place very quickly#like now. when my wrists itch and I can't stop crying and know full well that I'll go to bed in a few hours wishing to never wake up#and I'm left with nothing but a gaping hole in my chest. aching for arms to fall into and a shoulder to cry on#despite knowing it's not something I'll ever have#so I grit my teeth and bear it and hold on. for whatever reason#I don't know why I haven't give up yet. it's all arbitrary reasons like 'my friends would be sad if I was gone'#even in matters like these all I end up worrying about is what other people would think. not my own feelings#well. nobody has anything to worry about concerning me anyway. I'm too much of a coward to do anything#if I wasn't I wouldn't have lived to see my 14th birthday#and yet 4 years later I'm still here. wishing for an instantaneous way out that didn't involve me raising a hand against myself#because I really don't know how long I'll be able to take all this for. I don't have much left in me#I'm holding on by a thread. one too close to snapping. I'm scared of how few reasons I can come up with to keep going#I don't see a future ahead of myself. no college or uni or job or relationship or anything that might be worth staying around for#any attempts to imagine what life would be like after graduation are just.. dark and bleak and empty#I haven't got a single clue what I'm going to end up doing. maybe that's why I see so little worth in trying to figure it out#nothing in this world will make me truly happy. I don't have a future#and if I don't have a future... I don't have any reasons to stick around any further#if only I wasn't so much of a coward
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starlooove · 8 months
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Me realizing that when I’m doing it in the privacy of my own room with nobody around there’s no possible way I’m faking it or being over dramatic for attention.
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sunnys-sonnets · 1 year
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What was your favorite part about writing A Funeral Prye?
I think my favorite part was when Atreus becomes Loki completely even if just for a few minutes. He's suffered already and there is no undoing what happened to him and yet he attacks with what misery and fury he has and is upset about the little things and not the bigger picture. He suffered something that I consider a type of torture and here he is thinking about how Svadilfari "saw him" and how Svadilfari is "taking his funeral pyre" since Atreus was creating that fire so he could die and go to his mother because Atreus didn't want to be trapped cold and alone forever. He's so irrational in this scene. There's so much happening and so much that he's feeling and he can't undo what happened. No one saved him. Not Heimdall. Not his father. Not even himself. It's just a tragedy that is only barely mitigated because he beats the everloving shit out of Svadilfari and then Heimdall finally kills Svadilfari.
It's also a fantasy. Hear me out. It's a dark "fantasy" and I use that word broadly. So the terrible evil happened and it was awful, yes, but Atreus gets his revenge and in the most brutal way possible. It doesn't fix anything. Maybe it doesn't even make Atreus feel better, but it's this fantasy that the Evil Abuser immediately pays for his crime in the most painful way possible. The audience routes for this go on and for Svadilfari to suffer because of the injustice because it's the little ray of light in the tunnel that we can get. Atreus gets his revenge. It's better than not getting it... but... does it change anything?
I don't know. It's a dark fic that can be just that or maybe it can make you think or maybe it's just the filler chapter to show what happened in Chapter 2 of "Mischief and Foresight"
I also really like the scene in the beginning where Atreus and Svadifari are getting along and it's all special and soft! And how Atreus even thinks to himself how he's having a great time until he suddenly just feels uneasy and uncomfortable and then it's just too late. It was always too late.
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tsundere-isopods · 2 years
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I. Will. Start. Biting.
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playingonedchess · 16 days
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how is it that i can feel nostalgic about the time i was sitting on the pavement under an overpass in a foreign country crying because something didnt go my way and gave me a bit of a largish bill but clearly really cause there must be something wrong with me
#this post started out being about nostalgia being for the past not just fun stuff but then it turned into what the fuck is wrong with me#nah like i dont actually cry in public or anything#there was no one around and i had my hood up#also when its strangers in a foreign country youll never ser again who dont notice your existence that princippal becomes less important#and yes it wasnt actually that much of a big deal im just stingey and think it was unreasonable and it wasnt my fault#only it actually sort of was if id actually bothered to use google and translate or actually ask someone and if id been less stingey in#the first place there wouldnt have been a misunderstanding and i wouldnt have got in trouble#but yes the point is the fact that i was cyring about it was a total overreaction and completely pathetic#even though cyring in privates like actually fine and this was basically private its still pathetic#i can say it was general stresses or whatever i guess which is probably true i dont know why else id do it#except that im a stupid pathetic self pitying loser thatll jump on any chance to feel sorry for myself#i suppose since i dont have much of a life i never feel emotions much any more cause theres nothing happening to make me feel them#so considering that it does make more sense and doesnt sound so bad#well whatever reason in general i dont think its a normal or balanced reaction#but thats how it works isnt it lots of small things build up and you ignore them but eventually something tips you over the edge#and i get pissed off or very very occassionally might cry about it#maybe it isnt even that unbalanced when i put it like that#or maybe im just justifying it cause i cant admit i really am that pathetic#but anyway the nostalgias more fun to think about#even though it was only a few months or so ago#maybe its cause i feel like i have to grasp onto any past i have at all to show i have an existence so i feel like i have an identity#or whatever im too tired its like 2am#am i actually going to post this#i shouldnt#not that being pathetic on the internet where theres such a minute chance some random stranger might see it makes any difference
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