#or maybe im just justifying it cause i cant admit i really am that pathetic | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

playingonedchess · 11 days

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how is it that i can feel nostalgic about the time i was sitting on the pavement under an overpass in a foreign country crying because something didnt go my way and gave me a bit of a largish bill but clearly really cause there must be something wrong with me

#this post started out being about nostalgia being for the past not just fun stuff but then it turned into what the fuck is wrong with me #nah like i dont actually cry in public or anything #there was no one around and i had my hood up #also when its strangers in a foreign country youll never ser again who dont notice your existence that princippal becomes less important #and yes it wasnt actually that much of a big deal im just stingey and think it was unreasonable and it wasnt my fault #only it actually sort of was if id actually bothered to use google and translate or actually ask someone and if id been less stingey in #the first place there wouldnt have been a misunderstanding and i wouldnt have got in trouble #but yes the point is the fact that i was cyring about it was a total overreaction and completely pathetic #even though cyring in privates like actually fine and this was basically private its still pathetic #i can say it was general stresses or whatever i guess which is probably true i dont know why else id do it #except that im a stupid pathetic self pitying loser thatll jump on any chance to feel sorry for myself #i suppose since i dont have much of a life i never feel emotions much any more cause theres nothing happening to make me feel them #so considering that it does make more sense and doesnt sound so bad #well whatever reason in general i dont think its a normal or balanced reaction #but thats how it works isnt it lots of small things build up and you ignore them but eventually something tips you over the edge #and i get pissed off or very very occassionally might cry about it #maybe it isnt even that unbalanced when i put it like that #or maybe im just justifying it cause i cant admit i really am that pathetic #but anyway the nostalgias more fun to think about #even though it was only a few months or so ago #maybe its cause i feel like i have to grasp onto any past i have at all to show i have an existence so i feel like i have an identity #or whatever im too tired its like 2am #am i actually going to post this #i shouldnt #not that being pathetic on the internet where theres such a minute chance some random stranger might see it makes any difference

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