#or i could sleep bc it’s 3am
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Snoopy #14
15/10/2024
#peanuts#snoopy#art#14#oh well u know. why go to bed at a reasonable time when u could just stay up until 3AM and then feel like garbage the next day?#it's brown to represent coffee which everybody of course knows is the keepsyouawake drink#just kidding i do not drink coffee because i have a toddler drink palate and can't handle bitterness#going through life sleep deprived and uncaffeinated can i get a Hell Yeah!!!!#(don't hell yeah me for my unhealthy behaviours)#it's just brown bc i don't think i've done a brown background yet!
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honey as a hair mask & face mask while drinking honey water & googling abt the benefits of honey; immersive experience, Winnie the Pooh core etc
#there have been times I’ve felt better physically so honey yes#but had just some basic pretty much the cheapest honey I could find at the grocery store so got worried if that’s actually not good for#your skin/has any benefits#but turns out all honey here is that ’’raw pure unpasteurized honey’’ bc otherwise u couldn’t sell it as honey#so all good#u know tho what would help? sleeping more than 6h after that 36h of being awake#idk I went to sleep at 6pm but woke up at midnight and couldn’t get more sleep#so now it’s 3am and I’m up googling abt honey#march 2024#2024
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👍
#i went to sleep at 3am and its 6am now bc i criedmyself to sleep 👍👍#sorry to ventdump my annoying insecurities again#i cant bring myself to do something i really want anymore#been having these thoughts since last year but this year its a lot more apparent#ideas are not scarce but the motivation/time to execute them are#i wish i could take an indefinite break on taking commissions bc by the time im finished with all of them im too burnt out/1#to draw for my blog and by the time it passes my motivation for these ideas also vanishes/2#I cant actually stop now bc im still an unpaid internee working for experience+portfolio so I need the money#I feel like shit whenever i can't get art done at the appropriate timing (ex: thematic holiday/character bday/event etc)#everything passes too fast and its already too late and the hype dies#its so hard to stay relevant and charismatic enough#Looking back I can't say im 100% satisfied with ANY art i posted this year#“was it worthy? is it still relevant? did I waste my time doing this?��#im too overly emotional over this (unfortunately) popular fictional lion beastman#“I want to yume/draw him more often/talk more about him!”#why? hes already popular enough. He has louder and more popular users who do that for him. nobody would care if it's you.#you'd get a swarm of hate. nobody would send you nice asks about it.#you don't get nearly half of the asks you used to receive back then. people just aren't interested in you anymore.#maybe you should delete your blog and start drawing trendy doodles of whatever is being hyped up at the moment.#.#if I can't execute original ideas what's the point of it?#I hate HATE having to do trendy art of whatever unfunny meme is being hyped up at the moment#but sometimes its necessary for the algorithm to boost you and to get some actual crumbs of engagement and new followers#what else can I do? being interesting on your own or having an interesting oc is no easy feat. I envy those who manage.
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i love ryomina
no but seriously. even when i’m thinking about other things that captivate my interest, i find myself coming back to them and feeling like i fell down three whole flights of staircases every time i do. they are one of my favorite pairs in media and are very special to me.
it’s the way that ryoji and minato’s lives are inevitably intertwined with each other due to the circumstances 10 years ago on the moonlight bridge. without no minato, there is no ryoji. minato as he is today is because of ryoji. they have irreparably affected each other’s lives that you cannot discuss one without bringing up the other one.
ryoji mochizuki, who is death, pharos, thanatos, nyx avatar, the man of many names and identities, is the perfect summation of p3′s messages and themes.
minato arisato, the wildcard and protagonist, who has boundless kindness in his actions despite the unfortunate cards handed to him.
the two of them complement each other and tell a beautiful story from start to finish.
minato’s personas capture this perfectly. he awakens to orpheus, who’s flames burns bright, is snuffed out by thanatos during the encounter against the arcana magician. a visual precursor of the idea that ryoji stole from the life that minato could have had.
it’s the way that over the course of the game as minato interacts with pharos, talking throughout the dark hour, forging a bond that cannot be broken, that allows ryoji to exist. minato humanizes death.
november. the bells toll, calling the appriser. and yet, it’s peaceful... quiet, and full of life. ryoji, who breaks free from death’s chains, refusing his role, is given the chance to live for a month. to make the most of the humanity that minato has given him over those ten years. and what a life he lived. ryoji’s life is a reflection of what minato’s life could have been like in another universe.
it is the way the two of them are reflections of each other. ryoji with his hair down is just like minato. they are both stubbornly committed to choosing to be kind, to love life, yet are chained down by the cards the narrative dealt them with. they finish each other’s sentences, knowing each other intimately in a way no one else does.
how is that, a boy who lived for only one month, profoundly changes the course of the narrative? he is simultaneously relevant and irrelevant. blink, and you miss it, the beautiful life that he led.
ryoji is horrified at the revelations of being the appriser. he who so desperately wished to forget that his existence was meant to bring the end to all life, was unable to escape the inevitability of death. in a non-human way, of course. he becomes remorseful. a shadow of his brief time as a human who was enamored by the small beautiful things that life had to offer.
he is swallowed by grief. grief knowing that his very existence will take away not only minato’s life, but everyone else’s. the very thing that ryoji loved- life, fundamentally went against the role he was born for- to be the harbinger of death. and unable to grapple with this sadness he believes that the best thing for minato to do is to kill him, so that SEES can live in bliss not knowing about their inevitable end.
SEES is left rattled, calling into question what the meaning of life is and what they do when faced against the inevitability of death.
and!!! minato chooses!! for ryoji to live!! even in spite of what ryoji is MEANT to embody, minato still stubbornly chooses to defy death itself! and if that’s not cool i don’t know what is!! minato wants everyone to have the chance to live!!
so he climbs. he ascends tartarus, to meet ryoji, again, who is now the nyx avatar. and i just think there’s something so so beautiful about being able to use messiah, minato’s ultimate persona, against nyx avatar.
messiah, being the fusion of orpheus and thanatos is peak ryomina to me. because ryoji and minato have established an unbreakable bond from having been entwined for 10 years, minato still has a piece of death with him, and by proxy!! ryoji is able to defy and rebel against nyx trying to bring the fall! and i think that’s fucking cool shit if you ask me!
even when all of the arcanas have been gone through, it’s still not enough to stop the fall. and yet. minato knows. in the way that ryoji was sealed in minato 10 years ago by aigis... minato becomes the great seal so that everyone can live. it comes full circle.
march rolls around. he fulfills his promise to SEES on graduation day. minato dies from exhaustion. but goddamn does his sacrifice make me weep- he’s had such, such a tiring journey. he’s been through so many things because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. but at the end of it all, he’s reunited with ryoji in death.
and i think this is why ryomina continues to evoke so much emotions for me, to this day. the relationship that they have embodies so much of persona 3′s messages and themes that it makes me feel like a microwave with nothing running in it.
p3′s message is very hopeful, for me. my favorite takeaway from it is that even if death is inevitable, appreciating the life that we were given and choosing to live as best as we can with kindness (even if we can’t feasibly do everything), is just? really nice? and you see this manifest in both ryoji and minato’s personalities and what they do for the other characters.
ryomina just feels so distinct to me, the flavor that their relationship ties back to my favorite takeaways from this game and im just!! god!! i love you minato arisato! i love you ryoji mochizuki! im so glad that i could meet them! i’m happy that they changed my life! they made me want to appreciate the connections in life even if they were fleeting! they made me!! want to pay attention to the good moments in life and cherish them!
i love ryomina so much!!! i’m so glad that these two could bring so much joy into my life! and i hope that others can have this joy too! 💛💙
#lizzy speaks#persona 3#ryomina#ryoji mochizuki#minato arisato#meta#long post#(literally)#HI SO UM YESTERDAY I COULDN'T FUCKING SLEEP so to cope i was like 'i will talk out loud about anything and everything'#and somehow that turned into me talking about ryomina out loud and something about verbalizing my thoughts made me feel crazy about these-#two again. i mean for the record i continue to love them always very dearly but like my p3 braincells sometimes go into hibernation bc-#ive been on a really huge splatoon kick. but anyway my voice was like cracking at 3am because i was tearing up#i was like 'THE!! IM! SO NORMAL ABT WHAT ORPHEUS AND THANATOS AND MESSIAH SYMBOLIZE' etc etc etc#so i kinda just went to sleep like 'ok well you GOTTA type it out. everyone needs to know about this.'#and um i didnt mean to make 1069 words! sorry! not really! but i love them!!! even if im very quiet these days!#ohhh how lucky i am to have had the chance to experience ryomina they are such a gem. they make me so goddamn emotional#they really mean a lot to me because of well. (gestures at the entire post) but also they came at a really good point of my life and FUCK!!#im so so grateful to them!!! i love them!!!! the themes that their relationship and characters convey just !! IM SO NORMAL ABOUT IT!!!#they've affected me so profoundly and deeply and i wish i could make better art to get this across. but its ok. one day i can. one day#they make me so fucking talkative like actually but um. i had a lot of fun writing this! i dont think ive had like. a proper appreciation-#post for them that articulates why i like them so much (unless you count the essays i write in my art tags) so it was nice to make this.#admittedly theres a lot abt p3 that im rusty on since its been a goodwhile since ive interacted with the source material#and in a way you could say that like. i need to renew my p3 license LMAOOO but god some parts of p3 still have such a huge death grip on me#and what i mean by that is that the big Fucking Events have such!! clarity!! in my mind!! i recall them and i wilt on the spot!!#oh god i cant fucking shut up. the tags are probably 500 words long. enjoy my ramble. i wish every ryomina enjoyer a Good Life <3#actually no. i hope that EVERYONE on the dash today has something that sparks joy for them the way ryomina does for me.#everyone deserves 2 have something that makes their brain do a little excited dance that makes them blow up and explode. its good for u!#BYE FOR REAL this is why i have to post my thoughts very spread out otherwise yall would have so many WORDS on ur dash pls help i have so#many emotions and i am so tiny i cannot possibly fit all the feelings i have about ryomina and other things inside my tiny little body
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inspiration saturday
decided to make a lil moodboard for the ryan/taylor fic I posted a snippet of yesterday - not really sure where exactly im going with it, but this is more or less the vibes haha - reuniting, sort of getting back together, long distance relationship, plus a bit of family vibes haha
prev snippet
no pressure tags: @gaydiaz @diazass @silentxxsoul @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @arthursdent @911onabc @housewifebuck @rogerzsteven @watchyourbuck @underwater-ninja-13 @eowon @loserdiaz @evanbegins @ladydorian05 @pirrusstuff @theotherbuckley @wildlife4life @fortheloveofbuddie @nmcggg @diazpatcher @lover-of-mine @exhuastedpigeon @king-buckley @monsterrae1 @thewolvesof1998 @hoodie-buck @spotsandsocks @jeeyuns @callmenewbie @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @weewootruck @hippolotamus @steadfastsaturnsrings @malewifediaz @honestlydarkprincess @buckaroosheart @spagheddiediaz @rainbow-nerdss @giddyupbuck @jesuisici33 @jamespearce9-1-1 @daffi-990 @elvensorceress @thebravebitch @disasterbuckdiaz
#istg i'll be back to buddie tomorrow haha (actually made some progress on my buddie fics haha)#inspiration saturday#ryan x taylor#fic snippet#wikiangela writes#my writing#my wips#ryan atwood#taylor townsend#the oc#the oc fic#fic moodboard#moodboard#just made this last night when i was procrastinating going to sleep at 3am so why not share haha#also obvi had to include the gif of the lil nose boop bc it gets me every single time#it was right after their first kiss and the kiss itself was amazing - he ran in grabbed her and kissed her and it was 🥵😍#and the kiss was to convince someone they're together so she could get a divorce!#istg this is the second best ship that's ever happened to me I'm so obsessed with them 😂#but anyway who tf cares lol#back to buddie tomorrow!!
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Starting to slowly realise I'm really not doing well mentally and it's. concerning. I feel like I should take a break from tumblr bc it takes some of what little energy I have but it's also my source of joy with friends so idk what to do, like I'd miss y'all more than I'd feel good about being away. But if you notice me talking less/not responding in days it's bc I just cannot. I leave your message notifs up so I don't forget tho <3
#Personal#Feeling dreadful bc so many friends have shared with me things they wrote that I SO GENUINELY AM EXCITED TO READ#I've just had literally no time nor energy for ANYTHING I enjoy in like a month#And I'm also literally not sleeping. I'm either not sleeping or I have recurring nightmares that wake me up. It's god-awful#Therapy isn't helping either cause atp I already know everything they're advising me about it's just not working#Nothing's changed either which ofc makes me feel worse. No meds changed no habits changed nothing crazy happened#I'm just suddenly worse than I've been in years which is Not Good#I feel awful for not being able to read my friends' things if I could let y'all see my mind you'd know I want to read what you write so bad#I just can't right now. I'm sorry#Not to mention work and school have been especially more demanding recently and I literally get home after 8 every single night#Don't even eat dinner til past 10pm#Doing hw until 3am etc etc#It's like high-school all over again but I'm an adult with more responsibilities than ever
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not to sound too horny but i want a chenford sex scene so bad.
#*carly catalogs#started giggling thinking about them running off to go have some quality naked time at nolan's wedding#because they'd probably be making love like it's THEIR wedding night sszrdftyghjkl#i can just picture the rest of the gang back at the reception sipping their drinks like 'nah not gonna go up there for awhile' 😂😂#the rookie#tim bradford#lucy chen#chenford#otp: you knkw me so well#gotta say i am insanely jealous of stellarider's and that shower sex scene they got 12x01????#even if it was a split second thing like i could almost start watching the show just bc of that#(but i'm not going to cause i don't care enough to commit anymore to 12 fucking seasons of a show lol)#(maybe if i had started it earlier)#sorry it's 3am and i'm losing sleep cause we're getting the s6 trailer today#give it to me rn i need it
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#3am and can’t sleep bc stressed#not only bc i’m moving in about 4 weeks and i’ve barely started packing (2 boxes done of idek how many) + the whole big cleaning i gotta do#but also bc my rent was due this past thursday and if it’s not paid by friday it’s going to the debt collector#tried talking to the landlord but they say there’s nothing they can do#i’m still waiting on a decision from the city on whether i’m approved for social assistance#they said it takes 2-3 weeks but if i’m lucky it could take only two#it’s been just over 1 week and i’m not feeling particularly lucky#so i’m panicking and my anxiety meds aren’t working#and that’s why i’m currently cooking tomorrow’s (today’s really) dinner in the middle of the night#also feeling like i’m THIS close to breaking down#i do not handle stress well
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#rlly not looking forward to tmrw ughhh#it's almost 3am.. and i need to get up at 8am...#then i have to call the surgery clinic at 9. hopefullt i get thru immediately nd can have my obligatory pre surgery phone call#then i have to hurry and WALK to school (around 1hr) bc i dont have a buss pass#nd they have started using controllants who are dressed in civil clothes so we cant recognize them. i dont need to be fined again.#it's like $150. half my monthly moneyyyy. so yeah i cant risk taking the buss. im gnna walk...#i will be late for class bc class starts at 10. but i have to call before bc class ends at 12.30. and their call times end at 12 lmao#so thats gonna be fun!!!!#then i have to sit in class and try to concentrate bc if i dont send in assignments in each class they're gonna suspend me :((#but ig then i can go home and crash#i just have to force myself to do it and endure it even if it will suuuuuuck#ugh i wish i could at least get sleep before that.. but i just cant fall asleep. nd the hours pass me by whoops#well.. life sucks a lot sometimes thats just how it is i gotta power thru it#why cant nothing ever be easy sigh
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I miss when this illness was just me being sore and sleepy instead of coughing so violently and badly that I can't sleep and have to use my mums inhaler bc I'm wheezing and short of breath 😭
#s.txt#AT LEAST I COULD JUST SLEEP THROUGH IT BEFORE....#last night i couldnt sleep until well after 3am bc i was so uncomfortable#and only slept 2.5 hours before i woke up to hack my lungs out again#when the sharp dry chest cough hits 👍
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Anyone have any drawing requests?
#could b anything. but would appreciate objects. vibes. and nature-y things#im just trying to stay up late enough to see the sun set bc getting up for work at 3am has fucked my sleep schedule beyond repair#and my left arm is fucked from carrying hangers lol. also i close my eyes and im sorting bras#so many bras. no one knows where to put them. theyre so disorganized. no one knows how to sort them.#unrelated
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'you have insomnia so you can stay up later to let me in right?' girl. i have insomnia. which means it'll take me 2+ hours from the moment of ATTEMPTING sleep to actually achieve it. that means if i start trying to sleep at 11pm, earliest it'll happen is 1am. if i start at 1am, it'll be 3am. can you see the problem here. if you do not get your ARSE through that DOOR
#in a wild turn of events there is a random girl staying over at my flat tonight#which is not a problem bc ive always made it clear since coming to uni that my flat is the Go To for ANY stragglers#like there is no adult presence here and when a lot of my friends live locally with strict indian households that's usually a godsend#so im used to people crashing on my sofa as and when and i dont mind it i LIKE IT#so when i went out tonight with my uni mate and her hometown friends (just the friends she knows locally from the city)#one of them was like 'oh im going to meet someone but if i come to yours at like 11pm could i stay the night?'#and she made it clear id really be helping her out and i was like babe it's literally not a problem#and she was like 'are you sure? i feel bad making you wait up for me!'#and my uni friend was like oh dont worry she's an insomniac she'll be up until 3am anyway#and now this girl has taken that to mean she can stay out later like it's 11:30 and she's still not here#and im not trying to mother her but also I CANNOT ATTEMPT TO GO TO SLEEP UNTIL YOU GET HERE#AND THE LATER THAT IS THE MORE FUCKED I AM#BUT IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN THAT TO SOMEONE WITH A NORMAL SLEEP SCHEDULE#SO IM JUST SAT HERE LIKE AN ANGRY PARENT WAITING FOR THEIR TEENAGE DAUGHTER TO MEET CURFEW#hella goes to uni
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praying and hoping and begging for things to get better or at least more tolerable soon because i dont know how many more physical symptoms of stress my body can take
#me when i get eczema when the only time i had eczema in the past was when i was about to kill myself lmao#things are Preddy Bad actually fjfkfkfl#theres so many things i have happening and i look them up and its like ''reduce stress :)'' THANKS I WISH I COULD#UNFORTUNATELY. I LIVE IN THIS WORLD. AND THINGS AREN'T GOING WELL.#i actually cant think abt this all anymore tonight or I'll end up crying and i rly dont want to deal w crying rn fhfkdl#but man. things were supposed to go in such a better way. im literally a failure rn#all my siblings are doing way better in life and have a shot at things#and im stuck in my parents basement alone and a loser burn-out#this is so fucked#i realized the reality of my situation at 3am lying awake unable to sleep last night#like. i am.... alone and stuck living in my parents basement. no career prospects because im useless and too exhausted all the time#thats so fucking lame and awful and Peak Failure in society's eyes#man!!!#so unbelievably bleak!!!#anyways i hope this eczema goes away bc wow i rly have not had this except once or twice when i was engaging in suicidal behaviour#i dont want to be doing that again 😭😭#WHATEVER. it is what it is. live fast die young or whatever#maybe tomorrow something good will happen#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#suicide tw
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There's gotta be more in-universe video games than the three we can actually play in-game and I am saying this Specifically bc the mental image of North playing some sort of chill farming game on one of those Zariman tablets with Higgins watching and slowly dozing off next to them won't let go of my brain
#chatter tag#oc: drifter north#oc: higgins#wonderful vibes and also limbro-related yearning#if i could draw rn this would already be a sketch#theyd be staying up until like 3am doing this. north unintentionally talking higgins to sleep#even tho warframes need less sleep than humans do/can go longer without bc catching up goes easier for them
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Idk how people impulse buy shit i spend all day thinking about it buy it too late in the evening and then can't sleep because I'm insane
#literally lying in bed at 3am rn mind racing bc i bought a coat 6 hours ago like WHY DOES IT MATTER!! GO TO SLEEP!!#but i can't bc i have to think of all the ways this could be a mistake#I've been thinking about this coat for 3 weeks btw. fucking bonkers.
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next time i pick up a book i need to know if it has university related emotions bc man
#maybe i just hate change#maybe i just hate doing my work in the way i should and am subconsciously stressed about it#maybe i just hate that i haven’t seen any of my friends this break and still haven’t done any work and maybe i don’t deserve to see them bc#i haven’t done the stuff i need to#but also i miss them BUT ALSO i’m shit at making plans and i miss everything i could do bc i’m a fucking flake#maybe i’m just too in my head about everything#and MAYBE I STILL NEED TK ASK ABOUT THE BALL#and also maybe i should just go to sleep the 3am ramble is hitting#maybe i could also ask that no one read this or mention it to me bc maybe i’ll explode
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