#or even the little things like. cooking for myself every day or brushing my teeth or remembering to take my meds every day

[natjennie]

the middle ground after being a suicidal adolescent is truly fucked up like. okay so I learned that there is love in the world actually and I have grown to appreciate the little moments of beauty in my life and now what. I have to like get a job and feed myself and take my medicine every day and like. function? as an adult? it's like. I care enough about my life now to stop actively harming myself in overt ways but not enough to be responsible or sensible or healthy long term. I'm just exactly depressed enough to be able to find moments of joy, but not enough to believe I deserve them forever, and certainly not enough to be motivated into securing more moments of joy in the future. what the fuck am I supposed to do now.

[worstgenerationloser]

,, New Year's kiss! '' (1)

Luffy, Sanji, Zoro, Ace, and Shanks x GN! Reader.

Summary... how would they react to a new years kiss from you?

Contains... a little fluffy, but also mostly foolishness from your favorite characters.

A/N: Might be a bit late for some people, I don't really celebrate things like this but the concept was cute to me.

Monkey D. Luffy

will absolutely not give you a single chance to even get a glimpse of his teeth let alone his mouth, he will be stuffing his face like there's no tomorrow.

as the countdown gets lower and lower with everybody chanting, couples holding onto eachother, you finally get your chance— Luffy manages to finish every last plate of food on the large table Sanji set, and Sanji seems too preoccupied with a special someone.

"Oh, hey—" He will notice you a second too late, and your lips have already met.

cheers erupt and a few more kiss, and Luffy is merely confused.

"What the hell was that for?" He raises a brow, your hand still placed gently on his cheek, Sanji turns around with a new red handprint on his face, and he's flabbergasted.

"WHY WITH LUFFY?!"

you're left embarrassed after everybody in the vicinity turns around, and Luffy doesn't seem too bothered, actually you don't even think he cared that you kissed him...

that's what you would have thought, if he wasn't already wrapping his stretched out arms around you, giggling like a madman.

"No clue why you kissed me, but I don't mind, aslong as it's you."

he's always been an odd boy, anyways.

Black Leg Sanji

he's already right next to you. don't fight me on this.

he's been planning it since the very beginning of this year, waiting so that he could end his year in the absolute best way possible

kissing you for the first and hopefully not the last time.

actually, he's very nervous, but he's made sure that he brushed his teeth and even though he was so nervous he needed a cigarette more than ever, he wouldn't dare taint his mouth with nicotine before kissing your lips, for you are a saint, the very epitome of—

"5...4...3..."

clearing his throat, he gently tilts your head towards him, his eyes softer than they have ever been before, and once you recognize him, he kisses you like you have never been before.

the soft and tender side of him immediately dissolves into nothingness the moment you kiss him back, because his nose blood immediately gushes all over the front of your clothes, and he's paralyzed and falls to the floor with his mouth wide open.

"Ah, what a blessing... The heavens have shown me such mercy and allowed me to experience such divinity from an angel themselves... My dear, I simply must kiss you again..."

he mumbled to himself for the next five minutes, Zoro was already plotting his next batch of insults for the perverted cook, and you were a little disappointed in Sanji for losing himself so soon.

however, when Sanji comes back to himself, he's immediately apologetic and cursing himself for acting a fool.

"Mon amour, I forgot myself for a moment. I assure you this time I will show you how utterly important it is to me that you remain in my heart— may I?"

he, once again, forgets himself and passes out.

Roronoa Zoro

he WILL be drinking sake, and is probably off to the side somewhere while the crew parties. he tries to act nonchalant but he kinda wants to party.

when you break off from the group of partygoers, he gets suspicious, and his face begins to redden. Sanji, the romantic he was, had been blabbering about a New Year's Kiss for the past three days, and Zoro began to wonder if this was it.

his hand grips the bottle a little tighter, and he reluctantly places the bottle down, the countdown growing near.

his hammering heart had not been calmed by the alcohol at all. he thinks it's gonna break out of his ribcage when he hears the crowd growing livelier.

"FIVE SECONDS!"

no, he wasn't gonna stand for this.

he ends up beating you to it, his mouth crashing onto yours one second before fireworks begin to blow up, yells and screams echoed into the sky, and a second before your lips would have found his.

as soon as his lips meet yours, they leave you like a thief in the night.

"Did you just—"

you tried to question him, but he picked up the bottle before you could get another word in, closing his eyes and listening to the sounds around him.

he was absolutely blushing, anybody could notice.

you decide that, this time, you'll be the first to kiss him.

Portgas D. Ace

he's in the middle of an entire crowd, surrounded by what must be 50 people. you have one mission— kiss him right on his lips as soon as the countdown reaches zero.

you manage to weave your way through the crowd of people, and stand close to Ace, but not right next to him so you don't give yourself away and subject yourself to knowing looks. (especially from marco)

unbeknownst to you, he was about to seek you out, so he's rather shocked when he spots you right next to him. well, that makes things much, much easier for him, then!

he cannot stop looking at you, and every time you try to peek at him, he's already staring at you.

the countdown was nearly finished but for a few seconds, and he's already turning to you, but you moved far, far quicker.

you manage to reach his lips just as every firework in existence goes off, and surrounding people laugh loudly into the new year, but moments later they notice your little spectacle with Ace.

he's broken the bottle in his hands with the sheer force of his grip.

you, naturally, with so many eyes on you, run off into the night.

"Come back! I wanna kiss you again!"

he runs after you alarmingly fast, and you know there's no room for any protests or excuses, not that you were going to either way.

your second kiss is much, much more tender... and the tender kisses echo far, far into the new year.

Red-Haired Shanks

Shanks was always one for festivities, and he was certainly not gonna miss out on a new years kiss, almost every year of his life somebody was kissing him, or he was kissing them.

unfortunately for you, he locked onto you sooner than you realized, the moment the party began he was watching anybody who got too close, noting that he should probably distract them somehow, so he could keep your lips on him and him only.

he's a greedy pirate, afterall.

he was calm and collected, laughing heartily all while sipping on his favorite alcohol from the West Blue, though those who were close enough knew he was plotting.

"TEN SECONDS EVERYONE!"

"I'll be back." he would whisper to Beck, but the silver-haired man knew better, shaking his head with a soft chuckle.

he waltzes towards you with his head held high, his single arm itching to wrap around you, and you two manage to meet halfway.

he kisses you as if it meant nothing, and it looked every bit of casual to those who saw— but whoever was watching definitely wasn't feeling what you felt in the form of his lips, they didn't taste him the way you were, and they definitely weren't on the receiving end of his gentle touch, and you knew it wasn't casual.

he pulls away, though his body was reaching for yours as if you were two opposite poles of two different magnets, not wanting to leave you alone just yet.

"Just so you know, I'm really hoping this won't be our last kiss. How about I take you out for dinner?"

[miminaoiki]

Routine for school (Monday to Friday excluding Tuesday cos I come out earlier)

hii so I'm back and I'm making this schedule for when I have school and this is what I do to stay sk1nny, I'm excluding Tuesday cos I come out earliest it's basically the same thing with a few things changed

At 6 am I wake up, and get ready, I do try to do things like walking around to get steps in, and if I can I weigh myself to see where I am and if I'm on track, I usually e@t half a mini muffin and e@t slowly, and drink some black coffee for breakfast, usually if I am not in the mood for that I get some yogurt and fruit, if I feel like e@t1ng a sweet I brush my teeth so It ruins the flavor and restricts me I and go to school. I usually never pack lunch because of course, that's more shit, fattening c@l0ries added to my body and instead I drink a full glass of water in one go to get rid of the craving

Now at 8 am I sit in homeroom, and push my English and math classes through, making sure to drink lots of water to keep myself hydrated and full, I do make sure to focus hard, after all, it's true what L said, thinking does burn c@l0ries. ("If you use your head, you won't get f@t)

In PE, I usually wear my sweatpants and shirt over my shirt and over my jeans, I'll sweat more, which will also burn cálori3s

now lunch instead of eating, I do the good thing and drink water, and go onto the track, and each lap is a quarter of a mile, and every 4 laps is a mile, so I speedwalk them and try to do more then last time and as many as I can!! If I feel like quitting I remember what my goals are, and drink water

Now I do 5th and 6th period, there not much to say other then to drink water for in between periods and in class

When I get home, I don't eat a snack, instead I do some waist exercises, and change out of my school clothes, wash face and brush hair, then I wait for my mom to call me over for lunch, which is usually at 2-4pm, maybe even 5 depending on how busy my mom is when cooking

After eating I shower, and if I don't shower I do schoolwork until around 5-6, or when I complete the work

After that, I usually try to listen to music, paint my nails and brush my hair again, and watch videos, watch TV, call friends or look at f@tsp0 if I'm craving something (watch tiktok comp f@t girls who don't see their body is a problem, both appearance wise and health wise, 600lb life, and fatsp0 on tumblr) or working on my sketchbook, I also like working on German classes to learn

At around 7-8 I eat a little snack such as fruit, popcorn, sometimes some yogurt or low cal candies also treating myself to some milk or nuts

At 9 after my snack I start to maybe dance, making sure to burn off what I just ate

At 10 I wrap things up, putting my schoolbag away, refilling my waterbottle for tommorow and get into bed and organizing things

when I'm in bed, my body just kinds decides when it sleeps, maybe I'll practice German before bed too

that's how i stay within a low calorie day, feel free to take inspo, after all all of us here want to be skinn1er, and prettier 🌸

(Yoplait pineapple 1 cup 1 tangerine Half a banana, put a layer of yogurt in between the fruit, all of it in a bowl is only 233 cal's, might seem like alot but tastes good, filling and is easier to burn off💕)

[amessycozylife]

Some things I do to help manage my depression after a manic episode:

Find a good audiobook to listen to so i don't have to waste energy actually reading

Limit my time on social media

Let myself indulge in video games when I'm off work

Always have frozen foods for any meal in the freezer. I have pancakes and these honey meat and cheese crescent rolls I made for breakfast. I have random staples for other meals like diced cooked chicken, different types of veggies, mini potstickers, egg rolls, a pizza, etc

Stay stocked up with all sorts of soups. Sometimes a hot bowl of nutritious soup will set me right for an hour or so

Stretch in the morning and try to have a sip of water after

Use a water flosser and mouth wash when I don't want to brush my teeth

I like to make pasta sauce in bulk and freeze it so I always have fresh pasta sauce on hand

I make indulgent dessert teas with way too much sugar and chocolate

Make myself do a single chore a day no matter how awful it is. I sometimes cry the entire time even. Just 1 though dealers choice. I usually make the bed or do a load of laundry if I'm out of underwear

Blast music

If I feel the need to hurt myself, I do an intense workout instead

Sit in a small, dark room with a soft blanket and let myself be angry and sad and cry and kick and yell. I find being able to get the emotions out like this helps me a lot

Go to bed early and sleep in a bit

Play games on my phone instead of doomscrolling

Make myself have a glass of water in between other drinks so I can at least be semi hydrated. I get dehydrated very easy and it makes my mental worse

Give myself sweet treats as rewards. Things I normally wouldn't ever get

Go sit by the water and watch the snails or crabs walk around

Everyone is different so these things may or may not help you and that's ok. I'm just sharing things that help me. Some definitely take a lot of energy to do and I've found that pushing myself a little more every day helps me recover faster as long as it's paired with plenty of sleep and rest otherwise.

[withhertea]

HELLO WITCHES!

it’s me! through the mailer! how fun!

so i recently found out how many cute people are signed up to this mailer and spoiler – it’s a lot! i had also been thinking about ways to speak to u all more openly and honestly, and i suddenly was like, what if the mailer could become more of a personal letter service, from my brain to yours? i have been an avid fan of the lorde mailer for many years now (the girls who get it get it); i can still quote and remember specific excerpts from the release of solar power, and it’s always been such a welcome treat in my inbox, so i figured maybe i could take a little inspiration and start doing the same with you guys.

however, i can’t say it was all rainbows and bunnies. touring is hard, and as i get older i feel like it gets tougher to be away from home, from my loved ones, from the life i’ve built for myself in london. i get huge health anxiety for my voice, as i’ve had serious difficulties with it on previous tours and so immediately i become hyper aware; waking up every morning trying and then failing to sing a high note before you’ve even brushed your teeth is not an experience i wish on my worst enemies. i know online it can look like we’re all having the time of our lives, and as much as that is true in many ways, i also feel like it’s important to share all sides of the coin you know? im SO lucky to do what i do, and i never forget that, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t get pretty challenging. i needed a home cooked meal like i needed oxygen by the end!

i’ve also been working on MP3 – dun dun duhhhhh :O it’s definitely been a process throughout this year, working in little gaps between tours, slowly trying to piece together what it’s going to be. i think i have 6 songs right now that feel extremely right, and a dozen more that could feel extremely right with the right gift wrapping. making albums when you’re someone like me can be quite frankly exhausting – my bar is in the sky, my standards have never been higher, and whilst its amazing having such a big team behind me, sometimes it can feel like everytime you send a song across you’re waiting for your grade back. is it an A, or a B, or a C and a do better next time?? music should be made for arts sake, something i really am trying to remember, and i’ve had a great week in the studio this week with some long time favourites of mine, so im excited for what the rest of the months will bring :’) im writing from the heart, and i believe that is what matters most. i wrote a song called real thing this week that im pretty excited about, so here’s a little teaser for you :

‘love was a rumour, now it’s my morning coffee, and all of that heartbreak, oh it melted right off me’

it wouldn’t feel right to sign this off without talking about the election result in america. whilst i’m not an american, i spend a lot of time there and love a lot of people who live there. i was hugely disappointed and frankly terrified of the outcome, and i want to take this moment to say: to all of my BIPOC fans, all of my queer fans, trans fans, i am with you, i support you, i love you, and i will do whatever i can do over the next four years to be and create a safe space for you.

here are some quick recommendations to make your day a little better, and i will talk to you all again soon!

the new christian lee hutson album, paradise pop 10! (it’s all i listen to right now), water ballet and flamingos are my favourites

2. netil market in london fields, and then the everything seasoning pizza slices <333 slap so hard

3. BANANAGRAMS. a conan tour obsession that has infiltrated my whole consciousness. you must join the cult.

4. a book called greta & valdin – i read on the plane ride out to america, and it was such a fun, poignant, heartfelt read <3

love u all deeply <3 mais x

Maisie's newsletter (November 15 2024)

[twopoppies]

Hey Gina, this is awkward and not about 1D but you're a bit older than me and also a parent so I am hoping you might have some advice. I'm clinically diagnosed with depression, anxiety and ADHD. I hate it but that's the truth so I try very hard to make up for my shortcomings (especially the ADHD). I take all of my medication, I have regular sleep hours, I sleep pretty well, I try to participate in conversations with people. I'm really trying! Here is the hard thing though: I've hit this wall where I'm having trouble with self care. I don't have a job or and local friends so I'm almost completely isolated. And at some point I just let things go that used to matter to me: I rarely wear makeup, I don't shower very often and I wash my hair even less. I can't handle cooking for myself so I eat what's in the fridge and fast and not very much of it. I've gained weight which significantly adds to the self hatred. I struggle to be happy when people I love have great things happening to them. I know this isn't a sustainable way to live but I feel so frozen and don't know how to change anyrhing.

Sorry for the trauma dump but if you have any advice I would love to hear it.

Hi, sweetheart. I'm so glad you're not at that point, but I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much. I really get how hard all of that can become. Medication helps, but it doesn't always solve every issue. I'm proud of you for doing what you can each day.

I guess my first question is whether you've checked with your doctor to make sure you're on the right dosages/medication choices. Sometimes, it takes some tweaking to get it right (and even things like weight gain can change a medication's effectiveness). Have you had any sort of hormonal workup? Particularly if you're AFAB, hormones can play a HUGE role in exacerbating things like depression, anxiety, motivation, etc., and, if nothing else is a factor, you could ask about a birth control prescription/IUD as that could turn out to be really helpful in regulating your hormones.

Here in LA, I've recommended a mentoring program to a lot of kids who struggle with the stuff you're dealing with. I don't know if they have anything like that where you are or if it's financially feasible, but it's basically a person close in age (assuming you're younger) who's struggled with similar issues and who has similar interests. They schedule "dates" with you a few times a week. It gets you out of the house doing things you enjoy, but it's also a person to confide in/get advice from who isn't a parent or therapist but is more like a peer. I've seen this be super helpful.

Other than this, are you seeing a therapist? Is there one you might be able to speak with, even occasionally? Having some accountability to someone and voicing your thoughts is super helpful. Is it at all possible for you to get yourself out of the house a couple days a week, even for a short walk? Getting out into nature is free and is a proven mood booster. As is exercise. And you don't have to do a ton of self-care to do it.

The self-care thing can be really tough. What I've found to be helpful is to first acknowledge that some days, all you can do is brush your teeth or put on clothes. Even getting that one thing done is still something to acknowledge and be proud of yourself for. Does having pretty/nice smelling things help you want to shower/wash your hair? Maybe getting a cozy robe or new bath products could motivate you to do it a little more often.

I wish I had some foolproof ideas for you. I really know how hard it all can feel. I'm sending you some extra love. ❤️

If anyone is reading all of this and has some better ideas to help this anon, please feel free to add on!

[enbysaurus-rex]

So maybe life is hard sometimes

and it would be nice if it were easier. It might not be any one thing, but maybe there are a lot of little problems that add up or thinks that are just exhausting? Disability/executive dysfunction/life/burnout maybe has you down, that’s all, and you know you can make your space yours to make it better, but what does that mean???

An incomplete list in no particular order about the Weird Shit I do to make my life less fucking exhausting, sometimes. I’m a certified adult, I promise.

More garbage cans! Put them everywhere! Next to your bed and your chair and your couch and both ends of your counter and your litter boxes and-

Hair ties, everywhere! If you have tie-back-able hair! Brushes, maybe, or combs! I keep them in my desk and in my kitchen and my bathroom and my car and my floor (I have cats) and my trunk and my bag and-

Toothbrushes and toothpaste! Gum! Those weird little single use toothbrush fuckers! Everywhere! I keep a toothbrush and kids toothpaste in my car cup holder! I brushed my teeth at 3pm while running an errand for my boss! I use kids toothpaste bc my hands hate me and it’s easier to squeeze! Big packs at the dollar store for the toothbrushes, and you can get cheap toothpaste! Hell, even if you just use the brush it’s better than nothing!! I keep another set in my shower and in my kitchen and in my bag

Loads of chairs! Seating! Everywhere! Stools in the kitchen, chairs by your vanity, shower chairs, literally??? There’s no law that says you have to stand up??? Sit on the goddamn floor if you’ve been standing in line for too long? I do it all the time? Live your best life!

Pre-chopped/cooked/peeled/whatevered food!! Whatever makes food edible for you, fckn do that! No need for extra steps! I throw a handful of craisins in my jar of peanut butter and then eat them out of the jar with a plastic spoon! There’s a food truck out there where they get worried if I don’t show up every day! I eat beans straight out of the jar if I’m not up to cooking! (I like cooking and I love my slow cooker but??? If you’re not up to it? Who gives a shit??? Get you some minute rice and some beans and microwave that shit!)

Disposable! Dishes! Fuck! Throw them away! Dishes are the WORST?? Buy some plastic bowls and some utensils and just!!! Yeet em!!! (Meal prep containers are great if u can bc you can keep reusing them if u want but u don’t have to? You can put them in the fridge if you don’t finish, take it to lunch the next day, rinse, repeat!)

Changing clothes totally depends on your work wardrobe? But fckn sleep in the next days clothes if you have to/can? Or sleep in some of it and leave the rest laid out next to you? Sometimes getting all the way dressed and undressed is too goddamn much?? Fuck knows I can’t!

Cleaning!! Clorox wipes are the love of my life and I would kill for them! Leave a box of those fucks everywhere! Esp the back of the toilet, where you bathe, and near where you meal prep, cuz that’s where you’re gonna have Waiting Time! Which means your bored little gremlin hands could clean!

Put things close to the floor if u gotta! I used to keep all my appliances (my slow cooker, my microwave, tea kettle, etc) on the floor bc I was too tired to stand up very often? So I propped myself up on walls and did my veggie chopping on the floor

If u gotta crawl, crawl. Butt scooch? Do that. Lean on walls, hang onto counters, do whatever. I’m usually dragging myself around the apartment like a shitty legless zombie extra and my cats love it. Maybe put extra pillows around for yourself if you’re a spontaneous napper

If keeping food fresh/using food before it goes bad is hard, buy frozen or canned or eat out. I sure as hell have no idea when the things in my fridge got there, and I’m lucky I’ve only gotten food poisoning like once that way lol, so just?? Yeah

Medicine bottles can come with easy open caps! You have to promise there aren’t kids in the house, but if u ever have grip strength issues or even if it’s a reason you sometimes don’t take your meds (CVS bottles, I’m looking at you), just ask your pharmacist to switch them out. They’ll do it so fast!

Charge cords everywhere! None of that ‘idk where I put my cord 😭’ shit cuz I have like? So many? All of them cheap? But they do the job

Please add more if you have them? These are ones I can think of from bed because someone reminded me that I Do Things Like This Now and it might be useful to someone

[baileypie-writes]

~Human!Panchito Pistoles and Human!José Carioca with an S/O Who has Depression~

Artist: chacckco on DeviantArt

(please correct me if I’m wrong!)

~~~❤️~~~🖤~~~💚~~~

Fandom: The Three Caballeros

Fanfic Type: Headcanons

Reader: Gender neutral, has depression

Relationship: Romantic

Characters Included: Human!Panchito Pistoles, Human!José Carioca(seperatly)

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Rating: PG

Warnings: Depression(Reader), mentions of Reader not taking care of themselves, probably unrealistic dialogue

Requested By: Anonymous

~Masterlist~

~The Three Caballeros Masterlist~

As someone with depression, I understand that it can be really hard. So to others like me, you’re not alone! If it’s getting really bad for you, and you’re having not-so-good thoughts, please reach out to someone close to you!

~~~❤️~~~🖤~~~💚~~~

~Panchito Pistoles~

~~~🐎~~~🐎~~~🐎~~~

~ Panchito has never personally struggled with depression. He’s just such a happy guy, so he finds it hard to relate to your feelings. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t understand them!

~ He obviously knows what depression is, and how it affects people. So he does his very best to help you. He just finds it unfair that he gets to be happy, but you don’t.

~ Sunshine is good for you, so Panchito makes sure you get plenty of it! He goes on walks with you, or just sits outside. If you wanna be stubborn, too bad. Because he is too. And he will get you to see the sun, whether you like it or not.

“C’mon (name), let’s go outside! It’s a beautiful day!”

“Mmm. I don’t want to…”

“Sorry Corazón, but I’m not taking no for an answer! Some vitamin D will be good for you!”

(Translation: heart/sweetheart)

“Ugh… fine.”

~ He’s always there to comfort you. He knows that depression is hard, so if you need a hug, or a shoulder to cry on, he’s there. He’ll give you all the affection you want! You deserve it!

“I just don’t know what to do. I want to be able to do normal things, but my depression stops me. Sometimes, I can’t even get up in the morning. It sucks.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry (name). I know it sucks. Ven aquí. It’s gonna be okay.”

(Translation: Come here)

~ If you can’t find happiness on your own, he’ll help you! He’ll take you somewhere fun; a park, a movie, the mall or anywhere you want! He’ll do anything to help you forget about being depressed, even for just a little while!

~ If you have trouble taking care of yourself, Panchito helps you! He’ll make sure you eat and drink water. He’ll even cook for you! He’ll also help motivate you to shower and brush your teeth. Afterwards, he always praises you. He hopes that’ll motivate you more.

“Here (name), I made pancakes for breakfast!”

“I don’t wanna eat.”

“Aw c’mon. You’ll feel better if you do. Here, I’ll feed you!”

“No, no. It’s okay. I’ll feed myself!”

~~~🐎~~~🐎~~~🐎~~~

~José Carioca~

~~~🚬~~~🚬~~~🚬~~~

~ José definitely understands depression more than Panchito. He’s been depressed a few times in his life. Though, of course, that’s nothing compared to what you go through. But even so, he still gets it.

~ His top priority is to make sure you don’t just stay inside and rot all day. He knows that’s what a lot of depressed people do, and he understands why. But still, it’s not healthy. So he makes sure you get out of bed and go outside, even if it’s just in the backyard.

“Okay (name), it’s 9:30. It’s time to get out of bed.”

“Ugh. Okay…”

“That’s the spirit! Come on, let’s get some breakfast. And let’s eat outside, yeah?”

~ He makes a little routine for you. It’s just a list of things to do throughout the day, just to make you get up and about. Again, he doesn’t want you to just rot in bed all day.

~ José always makes sure you’re taking care of yourself. Every day, he asks if you’ve eaten, drank water, showered, etc. . If you haven’t, he doesn’t shame you at all. He just reminds you to get them done. If you don’t have the motivation to, he’ll offer to help you.

“How many cups of water have you had today?”

“Dunno. Maybe two?”

“(name), dear, it’s nearly 6:00. You need to drink more.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll go drink some now.”

~ José is good at reading people. So he knows when your depression is particularly bad. Even if you try to hide it, he knows. He can be gullible, but not in this case. You can’t fool him!

~ He knows that people like you can feel like a burden to others. So he always lets you know that you’re not. He also tells you that you can always come to him for help. He loves you, and will always be there for you.

“I’m sorry that you have to deal with me all the time.”

“Please don’t say that, (name). I’m not ‘dealing with you’, I’m helping you. And I’m doing it because I want to. I don’t want you to think like that, okay?”

“Okay… but are you sure?”

“Yes (name), I’m sure.”

~~~🚬~~~🚬~~~🚬~~~

~~baileypie-writes

[jestersprivilegee]

Hey, roomie! ch. 5

thomas j. x reader

wc: like 2.8k I think

warnings: swearing yada yada the usual

You confront Thomas after he ignores you for the millionth time.

It has been four days with Thomas upset. It was starting to become worrisome.

You did what Peggy advised: give him space. You’ve given him tons of time to think, and he’s still failed to have a full conversation with you. It was starting to become childish. But you figured that he’d come around eventually and things would go back to normal, so you’d play the waiting game if necessary. It was hard when he was always gone though. When he’d left for work on Monday, he didn’t come back until the late hours of the night when all was quiet.

Even on Sunday, he was gone most of the day. Sometimes he would pop in but majority was spent god-knows-where doing god-knows-what.

On the fourth day, you noted he started speaking to you more. He wouldn’t avoid you and rush out of the room anytime you entered. He sat with you at dinner and breakfast (typing frantically on his phone, but still there nonetheless). He left some coffee in the pot for you after he brewed himself some. Progress was being made.

Although you wondered why. Why did you care so much if he was happy with you or not? The thought plagued your mind and you found that every time you looked at him, you wondered what things would be like if he was happy with you. You wondered what you’d be talking about, what new adventure you’d go on, what petty argument would be sparked that ultimately wouldn’t matter, because it’d be over some stupid shit like ‘who has to do the dishes?’ Or ‘which shitty childhood film was the best?’ (The answer is shark boy and lava girl, by the way.)

Instead, you had to wonder what he was thinking about. What his twisted look of confusion, angst, grief, sorrow, and guilt muddled into one means. Pondering what the occasional brush of fingertips meant to him, and if it sent his heart racing as fast as it did yours.

At times, you would catch him staring at you. He would quickly snap his eyes back to whatever was at hand, and pretend like he didn’t get detected. It started getting on your nerves, and you found yourself growing angry every time he’d act like you weren’t there.

It got to a point where you were in the kitchen, cooking mac and cheese because you know it’s his favorite (not that you keep track of what he likes or anything) when he entered and barely acknowledged you. He looked at the pot of mac, nodded to himself, then sat at the table on his phone. By that point you were about to boil over with frustration.

“When is this little game gonna stop?” You snapped.

Thomas peered up at you with furrowed brows. He opened his mouth to speak, but you kept talking before he got the chance to.

“I mean it’s been what, four days? It’s immature. Whatever problem you have, just fucking talk to me instead of ignoring me.”

“Can I speak?” He gives you a pointed look and you glare at him before nodding slightly. “Great. I don’t have a problem with you or anythin’, I’m just tryin’ to work out my own feelings before I talk to you.” He explains calmly, but his tone held impatience and annoyance.

“What feelings? Jealousy because I’m close friends with Lafayette?” You scoff. His eyes widen and he sits up straighter.

“There’s nothing to be jealous of, sugar,” he laughs bitterly. “You can do whatever the hell you want, I’m not your dad.”

“So then why have you been avoiding me?”

“Like I said,” his jaw twitches, “I’m trying to figure out myself first.” Liar. Liar liar liar LIAR!

“And that doesn’t allow you to be able to have an adult conversation with me?” You retort. He sighs deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Yet you call this an adult conversation…” He mutters just loud enough for you to hear. You roll your eyes.

“I’m trying to confront the problem. Face it, fix it, and make it better.” You cross your arms, grating your teeth.

“Is this really makin’ it better? I mean, c’mon, you confront me out of the blue and keep attackin’ me, then expect me to do all the work in makin’ up!”

You let your arms fall to your side, shoulders slumping and a guilty feeling gnawing at your stomach. For once, you couldn’t think of anything to say back. He was completely right, you started attacking him then wouldn’t let him speak, and you were being a giant hypocrite. You stare at him, his rant processing in your head. When you finally could speak, the first two words that came from your mouth just happened. You didn’t think, you just said.

“I’m sorry.”

Now it’s his turn to stare at you. His jaw is hung slightly ajar as he studies your face for any dishonesty. Then, he sighs—softer this time, less aggravated and more relaxed. There was an excruciatingly long period of silence, of him processing your words and working out his next move. He could either A) choose to forgive you or B) decide to keep the argument going. It’s in his hands now, and there wasn't much you could do other than hope.

By the time he replied, the anger inside of you calmed, but you were still full of questions, and unsaid arguments running rampant through your brain.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry for ignorin’ you, I didn’t know it truly bothered you,” he admits, standing up. “Hug it out?” A cheeky grin spreads on his face.

“Hell no, words are enough,” you laugh. You knew it wouldn’t be completely normal, not for a little while longer, but this came as a relief. It felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. You hated fighting with people and walking around knowing someone is pissed at you, so it was nice knowing this feud was finally done.

“C’mon, we gotta hug it out.” He walks closer, his arms open wide as he approaches you.

“No we don’t—oh, you’re doing it anyway okay.” He engulfs you in a bone-crushing hug. The scent of his cologne overwhelmed you, and every pat on your back made your stomach flutter.

“‘M not letting go ‘til you hug back,” he murmurs in your ear. You sigh, allowing yourself to melt into his embrace and wrap your arms around him. You stayed like that for a good five seconds; you were so close your heartbeats synchronized. For some reason, his warmth made you feel safe. Comfortable.

He pulles off, a wide smile on his face, and a look in his eyes you haven’t seen. “That wasn't so hard, was it?” He whispers, his voice gentle.

“Do you have to be an asshole with everything you say?” You joked. He rolled his eyes playfully, the smile never faltering on his face.

“Whatever. You love me. If you didn’t you wouldn’t have made mac ‘n cheese, which I am really looking forward to, by the way.” He beams, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“I made mac ‘n cheese because I wanted mac ‘n cheese,” you lie. He saw right through it.

—

“This is the best goddamn mac I’ve ever had,” Thomas exclaims, his mouth still full of food after his first bite. A shy smile creeps on your face.

“Thanks, it’s Tini’s recipe,” you admit. You’re just glad the way your heartbeat sped up from his compliment wasn’t visible.

He scarfed down his first place and went back for seconds, completely ignoring any vegetables you made on the side to balance it out. Man had only one thought in mind and it was pasta.

“If you don’t slow down, you’re going to choke.” You set your fork down in concern, watching him shove as much sustenance in his mouth as possible.

“Hmf—ha’s wha she saih,” he giggled.

You shook your head but you couldn’t deny the grin that fell upon your lips after hearing his shitty joke. It felt a little weird laughing with him so naturally when not two hours ago you would bicker. The switch left you wondering if he was growing tired of fighting. If he longed for talking to you like how you had grown to miss his presence.

The subject bothered you so much, you didn’t wait for him to stop chewing before you asked the question burning in your head.

“Why did you react that way when your friends were over?” You blurt, impatience evident in your voice.

He pauses, swallows his food, and thinks on the matter.

“I was just tired.” He says stiffly. You didn’t think his bullshit excuse was true, but you decided not to push it. For now.

“Hm. Alright.” You stand abruptly to rinse your plate and set it in the dishwasher. He joins you shortly after, a thick silence falling over you.

You knew there was something deeper to his attitude these past days. There had to be. No one just ignores someone for five days because “they were tired.” Part of you wondered if Peggy was right. Did he get jealous because you were play-fighting with Laf? Although what he said earlier was true, much as you hate to admit it. There’s no reason for him to be jealous. There is nothing between you and Thomas, and there is nothing between you and Lafayette.

And there never will be. It is what it is.

You glance at him, studying his features. He was focused on the dish in his large, strong hands that could easily pick you up and pin you down—wait. What was that last thought?

You swallowed, regretfully tearing your eyes away from him. A sudden wave of nausea washed over you, causing you to stumble to the couch to sit down. Or was it being flustered? The line was blurred.

“You alright? You look a little queasy,” he frowns, joining next to you.

“Yeah, I just ate too much, I guess.” You shrugged it off, trying to ignore how the way his leg brushing against yours sent electricity through your entire body. He didn’t seem to notice, and if he did, it didn’t bother him.

“Alright…Wanna watch a movie?” He narrows his eyes at you momentarily before straightening up, then holding the remote up as an offer.

“Sure. Your pick.” You nod and shift to get comfortable. He grabs the blanket that sat next to him and drapes it over the two of you. The couch was small enough to where you almost sat shoulder to shoulder, and the blanket was comically large.

About halfway through Interstellar, you started feeling a little drowsy. Your blinking slowed and your head suddenly weighed like a ton of bricks. Another 40 minutes or so goes by and the voice of Matthew McConaughey droned on and on, blurring into what sounded like the perfect environment for sleep. You fought to keep your head upright, but alas, Thomas’s shoulder seemed like the perfect pillow to lie your head on. Only for a minute, you told yourself. It was the last thought you had before you were lulled into sleep.

You weren’t awake to watch Thomas’s reaction. His features softened, he stayed dead still, and turned down the TV so you could sleep better. His chivalry would’ve made your cheeks flush had you been present to witness it.

—

“The wedding is only a week away! I’m so excited!” Eliza exclaimed.

She was referring to her courtship with Alexander, of course, as they had been seeing each other for more than four years. He had finally popped the question about six months ago, and Eliza merrily accepted him with tears in her eyes.

You were extremely happy for your friend; she was to be a wife in only one week. For most, this tradition is considered the happiest day of their lives. You weren’t sure if you’d ever get married, no, not with your luck around guys. But at least you could support Eliza and Alex.

They were perfect for each other, too. She was just as witty as he, if not more, and both were extremely intelligent. Alex had the penmanship of a poet and Eliza lived in books. It was truly a sight to see them together; neither could stop sneaking glances at the other then smiling, a fierce blush adorning both of their faces

You saw firsthand how he became enamored with her, how he wooed her by sending flowers with letters attached to it. It seemed that any time you spoke to Eliza before they started dating, she always mentioned how sweet Alex was and the latest thing he did to charm her. Typical talk of someone in love, always speaking of their interest.

When she asked you to be one of her bridesmaids, you were ecstatic. Angelica was the only other person to ask you to hold such a title, and that was an honor to you. Of course you said yes, and she went on about her ideas of the wedding.

Eliza wasn't much for “girly” things like that. She had always been the bookworm of the sisters; the one that picked up on studies the easiest and advocated for what she thought right. So it came as a shock when she ranted about her dream wedding, and she was thankful Alex let her do most of the planning.

She just seemed to light up whenever chatting about Alex or the wedding. She went on about how perfect it was when he proposed, and she’s extremely grateful he was able to win over her parents. The Schuyler family only accepts the best of the best into their circle, and Alex wasn't exactly someone that should even go near the Schuylers. Hamilton was a poor, orphan, immigrant who barely had his own name, let alone anything to it. The Schuylers were notorious for their wealth and social status, with Philip Schuyler being a senator for New York.

“You never did tell me what dances I’m supposed to learn,” you say.

“Oh! Right, well there’s going to be a slow-waltz,” she starts. For the next few minutes, she goes into detail about what dances there will be and how it will operate. You, being a bridesmaid, will dance with the groomsmen for a couple waltz’s to please her parents. They were quite traditional after all.

You visualized how it would go: you’d ask either Laurens or Mulligan to dance (Lafayette is completely off the table since he is absolutely hopeless, you’ve seen how he acted at Angelica’s wedding), and then…shit. How do you dance?

You should be able to slow dance from Angelica’s wedding, but upon remembering, you were too drunk to truly dance. You kinda just swung around with Lafayette and laughed every time he stepped on your feet.

Well. This would be a problem. Put learning how to dance on your to-do list for the week.

“Oh god, you don’t know how to dance, do you?” Eliza asked, a worried look on her face. She was very observant, she must’ve noticed the way your face contorted into discomfort after she described the slow dancing.

“Not…really, no.” You give her a sheepish smile.

“Do you think you could get anyone to teach you?” She asked.

You pondered for a moment. How many people do you know would be willing to teach you to dance, and dance well? You know one who absolutely can’t; you know Alex can dance but he’s the groom. You’re not entirely sure how good Hercules or John would be at that type of stuff, and you weren’t sure if you wanted to ask them. Peggy and Angelica could, but they’d likely be too busy to give you lessons. It won’t hurt to ask but you can predict what the answer will be.

That left one person you are in close proximity with.

“I bet Jefferson wouldn’t mind,” Angelica wiggled her eyebrows. He had just entered the living room from the kitchen, and must’ve been eavesdropping on the conversation.

“Can’t you do it?” You whined. She formed her mouth into an awkward line.

“Busy. My husband and I are gonna be out of town for the next couple days, but we’ll be back in time for the wedding.” She shrugged. You huffed, rolling your eyes at her predictable answer.

“What about Peggy?”

“What about me?” Peggy popped her head in.

“If you could teach me to dance,” you pleaded. She stared at you blankly, glanced at Angelica for a prolonged period of time, then smiled devilishly at you.

“I can’t. Ask Thomas to teach you. You live with the guy.” She teased. “Besides, didn’t you say you’re good now?”

“Well…yeah, but that doesn’t mean I want to dance with him,” you squirm uncomfortably. The sisters share a look as if to say bullshit detected. “What?”

“Didn’t you say you fell asleep on his shoulder last night?” Peggy gave you a pointed look.

You paused, opening your mouth for some quick quip, but nothing came out. Instead you flushed with embarrassment and huffed in annoyance. It was true that you fell asleep on the man you claimed to despise. Even if he was maybe—but only a little tiny bit—growing on you. When you woke up that morning, you were in your bed, a blanket neatly draped over you. When you greeted him at breakfast, there was a twinkle of amusement and mischief in his eyes.

“You’re seriously gonna make me ask him?” You crossed your arms and glared at all three of them. They weren’t fazed.

“You might as well. It’s not like it could hurt you or anything,” Eliza shrugged. Easy for her to say, when she danced with Alex for the first time it was ‘the most magical experience of her life.’

“I hate you guys so much,” you sighed. They laughed and Peggy patted you on the back.

“Oh, cheer up, it won’t be that bad. Maybe it’ll be good for your…relationship.”

“I dunno if relationship is the right word…”

[cryingabtab]

Save Me A Spark (Part 9)

Warnings: Fluff

Word Count: 1.2k

Over the next week, Cassie and Austin had found the time to hang out fairly often. It wasn’t the easiest feat with Austin’s filming schedule and Cassie’s rehearsals; but they made it work. In fact, a couple days after Austin brought Cassie to set, Cassie had taken it upon herself to schedule a date at the end of the week for them at her apartment. She didn’t tell Austin many details; just that he needed to dress nice, bring an overnight bag just in case, and nothing else. She was very specific about that. 

He stood in front of his bathroom sink as he finished brushing his teeth. He rinsed his mouth and wiped his face before looking at himself in the mirror. He smoothed out his black silk shirt and undid one more button at the top. He wiggled his eyebrows at himself and then made sure every hair on his head was in place, even though he knew that it would probably get messed up later. He straightened up and gave his reflection a quick once over before clicking his tongue and shooting finger guns at the mirror. 

He grabbed his overnight bag and slung it over his shoulder before quickly walking to the kitchen. He grabbed a bottle of red zinfandel that he’d picked up earlier that day. Cassie had told him it was her favorite earlier that week. Even though she had told him not to bring anything but himself and an overnight bag, he couldn’t possibly show up empty handed. Especially not with the news he had to break to her.

With his overnight bag and wine in hand, he stepped up to Cassie’s door. He brought his free hand to his mouth and did a quick breath check before nodding to himself and knocking at the door. As he waited for her to answer he heard soft music start to play from behind the door, as well as the clacking of her heels against the laminate floor. When the door finally opened, Austin’s eyes nearly bulged out of his head. Cassie’s silky black hair was curled to perfection, she wore a stunning off the shoulder black dress that hit just above her knees and laid on her body like it was made for her, and her legs looked so beautifully long with the black heels she was wearing. 

“Hey handsome.” Cassie hummed, moving to the side to allow him to walk inside. 

“Hey gorgeous,” he said, slightly breathless. He held up the bottle of wine he brought. “I got this for you.”

She rolled her eyes playfully, “I told you not to bring anything but an overnight bag.”

“I know, I know,” Austin chuckled. “I couldn’t just show up empty handed.”

Cassie couldn’t help but giggle a little bit as she pressed a kiss to Austin’s cheek and took the bottle from him to examine it, “Oh my god. This is my favorite. You remembered?”

“Of course I did,” Austin said softly.

“Thank you so much, Aus.” She grinned, “Go put your bag in my room and we can eat.” Then she turned around to set the bottle in the kitchen. 

When Austin returned from putting his bag away, he finally noticed how the room looked. It was dim aside from the warm glow of flickering candles and delicate fairy lights. A small circular table sat by the balcony window, plates and silverware set, two long white candles in the center along with a small vase that held a single red rose in it. A bluetooth speaker was playing slow love songs.  A dopey smile spread across Austin’s face. The amount of effort that Cassie had clearly put into this warmed his heart and made him feel giddy. 

“Wow Cass,” he started as she walked in from the kitchen. “You really went all out.”

“Of course I did.” She shrugged nonchalantly, “Just wait until you try my food.” 

As they ate, they chatted. 

“So you really made everything here from scratch?” Austin questioned.

“Yeah,” Cassie said as she twirled some pasta on her fork.

“Even the pasta and bread?”

“Yup. I learned how to do it during the lockdown.” She said it like it was the most normal thing in the world. 

Austin chuckled in disbelief, “I think we should cook together sometime. I like to pride myself on being a good cook, but it seems as though I could learn a bit from you.”

“That sounds like a lot of fun.” Cassie offered a small smile. “I have some good news.”

Austin raised an eyebrow, “Do tell.”

Cassie set down her fork swirled with pasta. “So about a month ago we sent out demos to a couple of record labels.”

Austin nodded to acknowledge her as she spoke.

“We got an email back from one of them. They want to set up a zoom meeting.” Cassie beamed, “Of course, I’m trying to not get my hopes up but I’m really excited.”

Austin broke out into a huge grin. “Babe oh my god! That’s amazing!”

Austin approached Cassie as she did the dishes. “You want some help with that?” 

Cassie let out a quiet giggle, “Yeah. You can dry.” She tossed him a dry kitchen towel.

Austin caught the towel and stood next to her, drying the clean dishes as she handed them to him. His nerves began to kick in. He needed to tell her something important. It seemed she felt his nervous energy. 

“You okay?” She questioned, setting a plate back down in the sink as she turned to look at him. 

Austin looked up at her with a hesitant sigh, “I have some news of my own.”

Cassie turned to face him fully, leaning against the counter and crossing her arms. “Do tell,” she spoke.

Austin pressed his lips together and let out a long sigh through his nose, “In a couple weeks, the day after your next gig actually, I have to fly out to LA to do some awards promo. I’ll be gone for a week.” 

“Well that’s okay,” Cassie said softly, “I’ll miss you, but I’ll be here when you get back.” 

“I just feel bad. We’ve been having such a good time together. I wish I could just do the promo here.” Austin mumbled.

“It’s your job, honey. Don’t feel bad” Cassie placed a hand on his bicep, “You’re still coming to my show though, right? It’s gonna be killer.”

Austin laughed softly as he nodded, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” That was when he noticed the song on the bluetooth speaker changing. He recognized it as All I Need to Hear by The 1975. He held out a hand to Cassie, “Dance with me?”

Cassie playfully rolled her eyes, taking his hand and allowing him to take the lead. Austin pulled her close and they began to sway to the music. His forehead was pressed to hers as he hummed softly to the melody. 

“Thank you, Cassie,” He whispered. 

“For what?” she whispered back, looking into his eyes and fighting a smile. 

“This,” he murmured. “This is probably the best date I’ve ever been on. I think I’m falling for you.”

Cassie finally let the smile win as her face burned red, “Aus?” 

He hummed in response. 

“Kiss me.” 

Austin smiled as he slowly and softly pressed his lips to hers. The kiss was different from the others they’d previously shared. This one was soft, tender, and most of all, filled with love. When they pulled away, Cassie shyly spoke up once more. 

“I think I’m falling for you too.”

[guvato]

Tamalog Day 16

Our Monday started at 7AM with fairly simple things to do as per usual, everyone was doing good and happy, so i just got to calling the Sitters when possible, and also woke up Kuchipatchi for from his beauty sleep to get him to House-Sit and then i went to bed since i was pretty tired.

At 1PM i woke up and after brushing my teeth i grabbed my Tamas and went to my "office" with them to eat a meal and wait to go to work. After picking everyone up from the Sitter, i made sure to check on them once again just to be certain that they didn't need anything, and they didn't, so i could take some time for myself until duty called, and soon it did. Ginjirotchi just had alerted me that he has pooped, but when i went to clean it up the doorbell rang, and Valettchi entered the house and i just had to sit there, embarrassed as they circled around the living room and danced while the poop was still there. After that horrifying situation, i cleaned the poop up and fed Ginjirotchi some Hamburguer at the Restaurant, and after going back home we cooked our meal of the day whitch was a Blancmange, two new foods to the Recipe Book, oh yeah! Picochutchi told them to bring out the Lobster Sub, and Kuchipatchi just had some Soup and some Curry.

Afternoon was pretty chill, Picochutchi and i did some Tama Searching since i went to work today, and we made some good progress towards our Tama Friends stickers, we just didn't find anyone new yet. Ginjirotchi also went exploring today and met Kyawatchi, but sadly i wasn't able to take a picture of them together due to being kinda busy at the moment, but hey, add a new Tama to the Tama List. Kuchipatchi and i went to Tama Work and danced quite a bit since i needed some cash to buy him more food, and luckily today we had sales all over, so we grabbed a whole lot of food to last until...tomorrow. Ginjirotchi was also eating a lot today, since after having a Dessert Platter he had yet another embarrassing moment today which was not having enough money to buy some food, which we dealt with really quickly, going to the arcade and picking some fruits to gain some Gotchi Points that went straight to more food.

Evening came fast today, seems like every day just goes by in 10 minutes nowdays. When i came home i found Picochutchi really bored and laying on the floor, so i did the best thing to do when you want to cheer up your Tama, i went to the TamaVerse with her and we checked out some new clothes (nothing new or interesting to us today), and when we came back, i gave her some snacks, and that was enough for her to get back to happy mode. Ginjirotchi asked me to play at home also, so we played some matching game and got all but one match right, which means we are now the best buddies in all of Tama Town, after that i fed him the delicious Chicago Style Pizza, which he didn't love, but he liked it. Kuchipatchi didn't need much as i fed him pretty good and he was happy, so i just let him be. But them a little later my Smart needed charge, so i put it on charge and when it charged Kuchipatchi was CRYING calling for me, hungry as a horse and i was like "what? didn't i feed you already big guy??" but i couldn't let it stop me from giving him more food, cuz you know, he was really hungry, poor thing.

I barely had any time to react when Kuchipatchi was asking for help to fall asleep, and i was really gotten by surprise with how much time had gone by since i got home. I am really losing track of time lately. After helping him, i checked on Ginjirotchi and Picochutchi, and they were doing great, Picochutchi was just getting ready for bed and Ginjirotchi was...doing what he does best, which is running around the living room and being cute. So i let wished them good night and let them just do whatever before they slept. And them our Tama Day was over. Our friends had gone to sleep and i was left to attend to my own business the rest of the night, which kinda makes me sad not having to check on them, usually feels like something is missing. Anyway, thank you for reading this Tamalog and i will see you tomorrow. <3

[lastoneout]

just me venting about being disabled and having migraines dwbi

I honestly think the worst part about this whole migraine thing is like, how much shit I genuinely just cannot do anymore. I mean I thought not being able to have gluten was alienating, but this? It's a whole other level.

And like thankfully I do think we're going to be able to solve the problem, I have an appointment with a neurosurgeon and physical therapist, it's just taking a while, but in that time I have had to give up just about everything that I had left that I could do. Going outside gives me a migraine because it's hot and sunny so if I have an errand or appointment that is legit the only thing I can do that day. I can't cook anything more complex than like scrambled eggs and even then some days the pain is bad enough that I can't even cut up an apple to eat. I can sit at my desk for like maybe 6 hours before I have to stop, and I'm usually still in pain the entire time, I just ignore it bcs if I legit spent every day in bed I'd lose my mind. And even when I'm in bed I have to be super careful about using my phone or tablet or switch bcs angling my head down instantly makes everything worse. I can at least shower and brush my teeth but like, barely.

Streaming is like the one thing I save my energy for because it makes me happy and pulls in a little money, and even then I keep having to cancel to take care of myself and rest. I want to do collabs and stuff with my friends so bad but I can't because I never know until the day of if I'm actually going to be capable of streaming or not. I've had to cancel streams an hour in because I thought I'd be fine but then the pain hits. I haven't been able to hang out in my friend's streams or be a mod in the ones I'm a mod in because I just can't. I haven't even been talking to anyone bcs I'm so fucking tired that I can barely muster the energy to be social.

I can't do chores because ALL of them involve Looking Down and I can't do that, and my fiance works full time so the house is messy. And he does help take care of me as much as he can but again, he has work and so I do have to take care of myself as much as I can, and there's no one else I know in town who can help take care of me(plus I'm still trying to socially distance bcs I do NOT need covid on top of this and barely anyone I know IRL masks).

And like I don't have any pain meds that help. I have a migraine rescue medication but I can only take it four times in thirty days and I have already taken it like seven times out of desperation, and it only gives me a day of relief, that's it. Ibuprofen helps, but only a little and only if I take like 600mgs and I can't do that every day or I'll get sick and the migraine pain already makes me so nauseous I can't eat sometimes so like, I don't want an ulcer on top of that. And there's no point in going to the ER because even the hardest migraine cocktail (toradol, steroids, benadryl, zofran, and morphine) at most gives me 2 days of peace before the pain is back. Even a steroid taper pack, which usually will break me out of any migraine cycle only took care of it for a week and I am SUPER sensitive to steroids, they make me feel like complete shit, so it's just not worth it to take one.

I could ask to see my neurologist but she sucks and just told me to take ibuprofen the last time I brought this up, and legit suggested I simply see a different doctor about the condition causing the migraines so really what's the point. She won't help me.

I could go to the ER and like beg to see a neurologist if there's one on staff who is willing to talk to me, but that's not really How The ER Works and they've already done CT scans of my neck to see if anything is being pinched and nothing is, and if they give me meds it will only help for a few days at most. Plus I kinda hate it there so like, I don't really want to go anyway. And urgent care straight up will not be able to help me.

And I don't even want to try to explain all that to any of my friends because it's such a major bummer and they can't do anything to help, but I also don't know how many times I can say "sorry I have a migraine that isn't going away and I just can't do most things" because like, it's the truth but like it doesn't feel like a good enough excuse? Idk.

I miss doing things. I'm in so much fucking pain all the time. My fiance's birthday is this month and idk if we're even going to be able to DO anything because of how fucked up I am and that makes me feel horrible.

I just want all of this to stop. But it isn't going to, at least not yet. So I just have to make peace with not being able to do anything for the next like three weeks.

I'm so tired.

[the-fiction-witch]

Prisoner P2

Media IRL X Scifi

Character Thomas Brodie Sangster

Couple Tbs X Reader

Rating joyful

Concept Lab Rats

I accepted, because of course I did. Living out the rest of my sentence in a place like this seemed like utter paradise, and so far it had been.

They gave me  a new port on my neck and every morning a nurse would come and put a small purple vile into my port wait till it emptied and then they'd go typically without a word. the vile was always turned in such a way I was unable to see the words written on the side of the vile, and they always took it with them only removing it from their pocket or hand Immediately putting it into my port twisting twice, waiting and then pulling it out adding it back to their pocket again.

I didn't argue, It didn't make me feel strange or anything not even sleepy or anything. 

Then I'd be left alone in my room to watch tv, make food, do any number of hobbies, sleep, shower, do whatever I wanted, and every day on the dot at two seventeen a analyst arrived. 

He would come and sit with me for an hour or so talking about things, most of which didn't seem to matter all that much but I answered honestly. 

Thing had been fine for months now, I had gotten into a good routine and never had issues...

Well except- Some nights I'd be tossing and turning in my bed. I'm awake, but not. Paralyzed but not. Aware of my body and yet somewhat aware I'm away from it. My body would ache, burn and go though the most horrific pain I could imagine but I'd always wake up the next morning with no scars,  no soreness. I just assumed nightmares. 

And given the life I had lived... I could be forgiven if it haunted me. 

As soon as I told the Analysis about it they began to fade away so I didn't much question it. Maybe this stuff had side effects or something. 

I got up and began my day I went on a run on the treadmill, then had a hot shower and brushed my teeth. I got dressed and made myself fresh toast for breakfast from the pantry that refilled from the other side, I ate my breakfast while watching some old cartoons when the door opened to a nurse I finished my food and went sitting on my bed, he didn't speak he merely put the vile to my port and watched it drain removing it quickly "Oww" I said  a little aggravated given he pulled it so fast and so hard he didn't respond simply noting on his forms something ands then scampering out of my room, I did a few things around the room making my bed, doing some knitting, watching tv having nothing more then a banana for lunch and soon enough the analysis arrived right on time and we sat at the table,

"Any more of those strange sleep paralysis and night terrors?" 

"No, not the nightmares. Paralysis yes. But that's normal"

"Right oh." he nods noting things down "Breakfast?"

"French toast"

"Lunch"

"Banana.

"That all?"

"It was a lot of French toast this morning"

"Plans for dinner,"

"I don't know. I might make jacket potato not sure yet." 

"What did you do today?"

"The usual"

"any flashes?"

"No"

"Did you knit today?"

"I did."

"What did you make?"

"...nothing,"

"What did you make?"

"Not sure might be a hat. or a scarf, only just started don't really have any plans"

"Right oh. Question"

"sure"

"When you cook, you over cook. then make yourself skip other meals because your not hungry. Why? why not cook less."

"I don't know. haven't cooked in so long guess my portion measurements are a bit off, And whenever I did use to cook I wasn't alone"

"Right Oh." he nods "That'll be all for today" he says closing his file and heading to the door 

I nodded but I got up as he stopped short of my door 

"Ohh, One more thing." he says "Dr Lumis says you've been here a year now. Congratulations" 

"Thanks. It doesn't feel like a year"

"It'll fly by" he says "But Dr Lumis and I have been thrilled by your progress. and we wanted to give you a little gift"

"No no its fine I'm more then happy to help. this place is far more then I deserve" 

"If you will accept, it is a part of our work too."

"Of course, what is it?"

"A roommate." he says tapping on the door to my room 

I didn't know what to expect but I guess it makes sense I'm a lab rat they are running experiments on me I'm sure even if I'm not always aware of them, and surely they don't give every lab rat a room like this, I suppose sharing won't be too bad. I didn't want to look as I heard the door open and close, don't know why but I worried about getting my hopes up. 

But I would never in all time have expected this, "Sugarcube?" 

That voice. That name. 

I looked to the door tears already welling up so much it became hard to see until I wiped my eyes, my knees week, resting my hand in front of my mouth to prevent my screams as I saw him there. 

his thin body wrapped up in some old jeans and a button down, everything about him much the same as I last remembered his eyes full of tears to see me too I bolted across the room into his arms and he held me tighter then I'd ever been held before, it hurt but I didn't care at all. he felt the same. He smelt the same. even the sound of his breathing was the same. I cried into his shirt and he too cried into me both of us unable to form anything more the the sounds of joyful tears, when my legs gave out he went with me cardling me as I knelt on the floor with my arms around him and he pulled back just enough to see my face 

"Please god tell me your real? Please tell me its really you" he cried desperation in his voice 

"it's me! It's me I promise. I've missed you so much"

"I don't think missed even comes close. I've been lost without you" 

"I never though I'd see you again" 

"me either."

"I take it then no complains about your new accommodation?" The analysis asked us both 

"No! no complains" Thomas told him 

"Happy with your new roommate?"

"Thrilled" I giggled still holding back tears, The analysis left the room leaving us alone. "I can barely believe your real"

"me either, I can't believe they let us near each other let alone be together."

"Clearly they must think pretty highly of whatever that purple stuff is they've been shoving in us"

"...purple? huu mines green"

"Whatever, come on I'll make you a tea"

"Awww okay sugarcube," 

[frogofalltime]

day 9

as you probably know i stayed up until 5am last night because of the Hospital Situation (don't worry @etherealspacejelly is at home and doing alright now !!) so i didn't set an alarm for the morning as i knew i needed to sleep

i woke up at 11am, took my meds with some water, and then went back to sleep for another two hours

then i woke up again and just lay in bed on my phone for two hours. and when i finally got up, i just sat / lay down in various places in my room and did nothing at all until 6:30pm when i eventually gathered enough spoons to cook. i was going to study because i have an exam next week, but i really couldn't make myself do it, and i knew i needed to eat before i did anything else, but it took me so many hours to be able to do that.

i felt nauseous and sick, probably because i didn't eat all day. when i am unwell mentally, i find it impossible to eat, and also being hungry makes me have an even worse time because i don't have any energy, so it is a negative feedback loop

finally i heard my flatmate leave the kitchen so i went to cook some food. i don't like going to the kitchen when other people are in there. i live with three girls, none of whom i am out to. one of them is barely ever here but the other two are often in the kitchen. the muslim one talks to me every time she sees me even when i am overwhelmed and can't talk, and she's assuming i'm a girl so she says things like "i am glad we have an all girls flat so i don't have to wear hijab in the kitchen" that make me feel really uncomfortable and guilty. and the other one is always talking on the phone loudly and cooking strong-smelling food. so it is very overstimulating to be around them, hence why i usually avoid going to the kitchen until it is empty.

also i haven't been feeling as hungry as usual in general. the first few days on my meds i was hungrier than normal but now i just don't feel like eating at all.

i made vegetable curry and rice, enough to last me 4 days. it wasn't spicy at all, because i used a different spice mix instead of the one i brought from home, and i guess it is catered towards people who can't handle chilli. it still tastes nice though

i ate while watching an episode of the percy jackson series (the one with the lotus casino) and it was interesting to me how they changed the plot from the book. it made me feel a little better because percy jackson has been an obsession of mine for more than half my life.

then i curled up on my bed and scrolled on my phone for many hours. suddenly it was 11pm so i washed my dishes, put the three extra portions of curry and rice into bowls and put them in the fridge, and got ready for bed. that didn't take long because i did not change my clothes from my pyjamas today so i just had to wash my face and brush my teeth.

i have had a really bad headache all day and my eyes hurt a lot but it's probably from crying so hard last night and looking at my phone screen too much and not eating or drinking enough today

the pain in my left side isn't as bad as yesterday because i did not move much all day. it doesn't hurt constantly anymore, it just hurts when i move or cough (i am still coughing a lot from the cold i caught 5 weeks ago, its really annoying)

i also feel kind of feverish, maybe it's from lack of sleep, maybe it's from eating only one meal today, or dehydration, maybe it's a side effect from the meds, who knows.

overall a really bad day. the eating disorder that i have struggled with for 10 years has been flaring up recently and i'm feeling more depressed even though i'm still on antidepressants. tomorrow i will try to get up earlier and change my clothes and go outside and study and maybe i will be okay. even if it hurts my ribs to walk i would rather that than another day trapped in my room with my brain.

i hope it gets easier.

[howboutsometoast]

Here are some not-so-pretty depression life hacks I use that help me feel less shitty about myself that I don’t see people talking about:

When I’m feeling too sick to shower but know I’ll beat myself up about dirty hair, I use dry shampoo. Let it sit for a minute after spraying it in layers and then brush it out/massage it with clean hands

Sometimes getting the motivation to get or make food is just not an option, so I get a handful of pre-cooked food items and throw them in the microwave or oven (oven is great because then you can use tin foil and not have dishes). My go to right now is kabobs

For really rough days, I’ll keep some disposable toothbrushes next to my bed so I can’t give myself an excuse to not brush my teeth

Smelling nice is good for my mental health I’ve found, so I get body mist and just spray that all over. It’s not too strong, like perfume, so go wild. You can even spray it on your bed if you want, it’s meant for skin, unlike typical air fresheners so it’s less likely to irritate your skin if you’re sensitive

Admittedly I don’t change sheets as often as I should, I have very little energy to spare for that. I do however, try to change my pillow cases regularly. Even if my sheets aren’t the freshest, I at least aim to have clean pillow cases

Doing laundry is tough sometimes, taking a little extra time to hang up your pants or neatly drape them over a chair will let them air out so you don’t have to wash them as frequently

To keep my depression nest under control, I have my dirty clothes in one corner of the room, and the clean but unfolded clothes in another spot. Fold one thing at a time; whenever you pass your clean clothes pile, pick up one thing, fold it and put it away, then go about your business

Wash your clothes in little batches. You have reds? Pick all your reds up and toss them in the wash. Want clean shirts? Just wash your shirts. Underwear? Tiny load, it’ll take like 15 minutes on hot

If you have ADHD and depression (I hear this is helpful for some autistic people too) set reminders on your phone with the persistent alert setting turned on. You won’t be able to ignore your tasks as easily

Even with depression, you still have social needs. Reach out to/make some online friends and see if they want to play games with you, or chat and send memes. Discord is great for this

When you go to the grocery store, find a fruit/snack you have never tried before. Monotony is not your friend. Change things up if you can

And last but not least:

Get dressed every day. You don’t have to wear going out clothes, just put on something clean. It could be another pair of pajamas. Just try not to stay in the same outfit for more than one day at a time. I’ve found that just changing into something clean, even if I didn’t shower before changing, makes me feel less icky

If anyone else has things to add, feel free! Just know you’re not alone and that recovery is possible.

[cas-rolled]

2025!!!

I'm hoping to do a little better at a few things this year. Practice for whenever I'm able to move out (hopefully sometime this summer, if I get an internship), just getting some better habits and such. There's a LOT with that so I'm gonna discuss those in below the readmore. I'm planning on using the smart goal technique (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound) for these.

Dental Hygiene: I've noticed that when I don't have a scheduled "leaving the house now" time, for school and such, I often forget to brush my teeth in the morning. Not great! I also need to be better at flossing regularly and actually wear my retainer. I'm planning to start using a daily checklist to keep track of these, and start the retainer wearing with maybe 30 minutes while I'm awake and build up to wearing it at night again.

Face: Similarly to the brushing teeth issue above, I also don't wash my face in the morning if I'm not leaving the house. This isn't as bad, but I've been breaking out a bit more and also just find it soothing and a good way to wake up. I'd like to wash my face in the morning and evening, as well as exfoliate a couple times a week.

Skin picking: This!! Is!! A problem!!!! I get distracted by this very often, it's not hygienic, it aggravates my skin...I'm going to work on getting in the habit of washing my face AND avoiding picking at my skin, then once that's comfortable hopefully work on avoiding it at other times.

Drinking water: This needs improvement...I'm planning to have at least one glass of water with every meal, and to keep a glass of water with me when doing a seated activity. This shouldn't be very difficult to reestablish as a habit for me.

Eating produce: Fun fact, I'm vegetarian! This means that fruits and veggies are very important to my health, but effort in cooking is one of the first things to go for me when I'm tired. This is something I'm going to try to keep in mind...one fruit or veggie with every meal, and hopefully it'll build up from there. Eventually I want to get better at planning meals and cooking as well, but baby steps are important. I'm also generally better at that when I'm not living at home, because then I'm just cooking for myself and on my own schedule, so I'm less worried about this. It'll mostly be related to meal prep for school lunches.

Working out: I am very on-off when it comes to exercise routines. I enjoy working out, but once I miss a few days, it turns into months. I'd like to start with stretching in the mornings, which will just be good for me generally, and then build up into light jogging or doing some weights depending on my schedule for the day. This is something I'm going to be flexible with, since my cardio health is pretty much gone (sob) but we'll see how it goes!

Time online: I spend a lot of time on youtube and tumblr and sometimes instagram, which is not something I feel good about. I'm going to use the extension LeechBlock to address this on my laptop, as well as my phone. I don't have instagram on my phone (I only download it when I want to post something and delete it 24 hours later) but I use tumblr on my phone quite often. So, limiting that will be good. It will make me feel less dependent on screens, open up my time for other activities (bass, painting, cooking, chores, exercise, reading, etc.), and make me more comfortable with a lack of stimulation.