#or couldn't possibly know that the Problem Thing is already a compromise on a MUCH worse version

[rawliverandgoronspice]

It's genuinely wild to me how we managed to equate criticizing a game we are disappointed in with entitlement and gamedev harassment.

It's fine to have negative emotions about art somebody else made and express those emotions. It's literally fine. It's fine to disagree on what brings value to something and what doesn't (imho that matters WAYY much than complaining about bugs or fps drops or whatever, which are, on the other hand, always welcomed criticisms even though they are like the level 0 of game criticism but ok). Doesn't mean the companies have to cater to the fans or their opinion (what would that even mean), but passively taking anything made and only ever being allowed to express nuanceless joy is such a strange attitude to encourage? Disagreement is not bad! Conflict isn't bad! Conflict of opinion is not only inevitable; it can even be done respectfully!

also do people realize the first haters of a game are generally the gamedevs themselves --do you have any idea how hard the rants go when we got out for a beer after particularly spicy review cycles???? I'm literally incapable of stopping once I begin to rant about many game I worked on

made this for twitter since most people here that engage with my totk rants are the like-minded people my rants are intended for but i thought its kinda funny too and maybe it clears something up for anyone potentionally confused why i rant so much about it

[ravencantwrite]

Young Charles Xavier with anxious! Reader

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, allusions to panic attacks, mentions of skin picking and nail-biting, overall tried to make it as fluffy as possible.

Talks to you telepathically when you're too overwhelmed to talk

The sound of people, the lights, the crowd, everything was too overwhelming tonight. But it wasn't even just that, suddenly, every problem you haven't managed to solve by the end of the week has now decided to demand an answer. Were you ever going to finish writing your papers? Are you doing a good enough job at your report? Why are you out, enjoying life when there's so much work to do? Too many questions were swirling around in your head that you couldn't answer. Too much doubt. Too much of everything.

But it wasn't just your thoughts, you were starting to react physically to all the stress and anxiety that you were feeling. It was difficult understanding if you were actually breathing, any effort at thinking was diverted to constantly remind yourself to manually breathe through your nose.

Charles knows that when this happens you're most likely not going to be able to give any coherent answers apart from single worded, 'yes' or 'no' answers. He lets you hold on to his arm, and regardless of how hard you hold on to him he doesn't let it show on his face. Instead, he uses his other hand to place his palm on your face, your hand gripping on to his wrist trying to ground yourself.

You can hear his voice trying to calm you down inside your head. "Listen to my voice love, tell me what's going on". And while your thoughts aren't any more coherent than your words he pieces everything together and somehow understands what you're trying to tell him.

Gets your lip balm and helps you avoid skin-picking and nail-biting

You're used to picking on the skin of your lips, or biting your nails whenever you're too nervous or preoccupied by your thoughts. By the end of it, you'd end up with blood running down your lips, and uneven nails and no matter how much you tried to avoid it you would unconsciously give in to these habits.

The first time Charles notices blood on your lips he's concerned. At first, he attributes it to the weather or maybe even dehydration, but when you open up to him about your skin-picking problem he becomes more observant. He keeps a lip balm with him at all times and offers it to you every time he realizes you're about to pick at your skin and tries to help you replace your urge to pick at something by either distracting you with random questions or getting you scratch cards.

As for your habit of nail biting, he decides to use a fun way for you to avoid it. He paints your nails for you with your favourite shade, taking his time with the paint brush, painting each stroke carefully so as to not paint your skin. And when you ask him if you could paint his nails too, he looks at you with the biggest smile on his face and happily lets you paint his nails.

"Now we've got matching nail colors too"

Helps you practice conversations

Talking to strangers was often uncomfortable. You got it most days but when you're very particularly anxious, or self-conscious where it's getting you to second guess everything and that's when you tend to avoid talking to people at all because of the amount of stress simply having a conversation could give you. But that's gotten you to miss out on things quite often, including even compromising on things you would have liked to do.

Charles is very careful when he approaches you about trying to practice conversations with him. He doesn't wish to make you feel any worse about it than you already do and tries his best to find the best ways to help you.

"Now, if you're anxious to talk to somebody I want you to take a deep breath, take a moment, and prepare a script on what you want to say. Can you try that with me, love?"

He's very encouraging, always giving you pointers on how you could improve. He makes sure that you know how glad he is that you're trying, and how glad he is that you were comfortable enough with him to try this.

[polyamorousmood]

Ok scenario: What if person A was ok with a poly at the start but then realized that she couldn't really do a poly where A+b and B+c were together but now she doesnt want to bring it up cause its been some time and it is ok but still kind of,,, complicated feelings and probably should talk to her partner but doesnt know how to bring it up

And she doesnt want to make B choose bc thats just shitty, yknow

Well, in this hypothetical, I'd first extend my sympathies. Its a difficult situation to be in for anyone, and it seems like A's doing her best to handle it fairly. 🤗 I do think its possible to find a solution, but it will require you to face the uncomfortable feelings that crop up. Which. Won't exactly be fun :/ But I believe in A! She can get it, especially since she's already sussed out its going to involve talking it through with B.

As per usual, read more because I give long answers.

So firstly, I'd hope that when A and B were establishing the relationship/opening it to polyamory/whatever, detailed procedures were established at that time on what to do if anyone was uncomfy. Then A'd be able to follow those procedures, which should take of some of the anxiety about speaking up, since she'd've been explicitly authorized to do so.

Our alphabet friends are clearly past that point by now, so if that's not a thing, A will just have to rely on her own good communication skills 🗣️. I write about that and how to handle jealousy in depth here.

From the same post, I want to emphasize A knowing her feelings really well when she does go to talk about it. Riddle out as specifically as she can what bothers her. This allows A,B, and C to explore compromises and options aside from "making B choose," which A doesn't want to do (as a poly person, it does sometimes come to that, but thank you so much for trying to avoid it 🙏).

Similarly, things will be different if 🅰️ has a problem with C specifically or if she's got a problem with 🅱️ practicing polyamory generally. For the purposes of this, I'm assuming A is struggling with B being poly at all.

Now specific advice for A: Firstly, make sure you express what you've said here! That B being poly is okay, but its difficult for A. That she's struggling with how to bring it up, because its been awhile and she doesn't want to interfere with the established relationship between B&C, but she's struggling right now. "Complicated feelings" were mentioned on A's part; I hope she can also say some things she's okay with or even likes about B being in a relationship with C.

Here's how I would talk about it if I were in A's position "Hey B, you got a bit? I've been struggling lately and I want to talk it through with you. I know C is important to you, and I'm really glad they were there for you when [B was struggling with whatever] and I think its great you have someone to share [some hobby] with, but its been really hard for me sometimes. I don't want to, like, force you to choose, but I don't know how to be okay with [specifics A has determined are most uncomfortable for her]."

And then you guys can work on solutions. Remember its not A vs B or A vs C, its A, B, & C all vs The Problem.

I can't promise the solution won't involve a break up or de-escalation of a relationship. But other solutions may also be available if you choose not to address it, you are choosing to live in this dissatisfaction indefinitely.

Tell A to stay strong. She's not wrong for struggling or for needing things to change.

[unsoundgarden]

I’ve been thinking about my parents a lot lately. Now that I’m considering moving far away from them, it’s making my decision to not talk to them feel a lot more final. Part of me wonders if cutting them off is just taking the easy out. If I'm avoiding doing the work to repair our relationship by just leaving the relationship altogether. But then I think, what would be the goal of talking to them again? I want them to be loving and supportive, but I don't think I can just talk them into being that for me.

They never showed much care for my emotional needs. I'm not saying my parents are inherently incapable of providing love and emotional support, but it seems that a long time ago they decided that it just wasn't very important. They treat their role as parents more like being parole officers. Just make sure I follow the rules and everything else is my problem. My emotions were always my responsibility and I was very rarely offered any help or support with them. They just don't see that as necessary. And I don't know if I could convince them to start now.

I just mourn for what could have been. I cry that I never felt emotionally cared for. But my parents don't view this as a shortcoming. There was a complete devaluation and contempt for emotionality in that household. Having emotions was seen as weakness, an impediment to logic, reason, and obedience which were the things that really mattered. I remember distinctly how they would audibly scoff whenever a character in a movie decided to "follow their heart". Being true to yourself and honoring your emotions was a fool's errand and whatever harm came to you would be your fault. It all stems from their theology. I can't tell you how many times I heard "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"

I guess in the end they were just two emotionally scarred people who didn't know how to live honestly with their emotions in a way that wasn't painful and compromising so they threw them all away. I'm sad for them because of how far down this cold isolated tunnel they seem to have wandered. And that makes me come full circle and wonder if I should be the person to try to help them emotionally heal. It's crazy because that was my duty in the household growing up. I was the emotional regulator. The calmer. The peacemaker. They told me that all the time. I was the third parent. That burden should never have been put on me and now I'm expected to play that role again on the largest scale possible just so I can convince my parents of my humanity so that maybe I can convince them to love me? I can't. That's a years-long, life-encompassing, soul-draining endeavor. I've already had so much of my life taken away by them, I will not give them more just in the hopes that they will repay me with the love I should have received the moment they decided to create me.

But I want their love so badly, I feel its lack so deeply, that sometimes I think all that work might be worth it. Sometimes I think that because their love was what I needed so desperately in my childhood, receiving that love now would fill some deeper need that couldn't be fulfilled through receiving that same love from someone else. This is probably true to some extent. It would feel so good to hear my parents say how sorry they are, that they understand how harmful their actions were, and how they are committed to being there for me how they should have been all along. But that wouldn't repair the damage done to me by all those years of emotional neglect. And ultimately, I don't think this potential outcome, thought it would be extremely cathartic, is worth the massive amount of emotional labor it would take to get there. Especially given the very significant possibility that they may never see the error of their ways and they may never understand my needs.

I will find people who fully love and support me in the way that I wish my parents did. But regardless of who might become that in the future for me, it will have to be built over time. And I'm not going to start that process by spending immense effort to deprogram someone who thinks I'm delusional and doesn't believe that I know the truth about myself and my experiences. I deserve these deep loving relationships and I will do the work to build them. But it won't be with my parents. At least not as they exist right now.

When I said goodbye to my parents, I told them I was willing to try to rebuild our relationship. But first they had to acknowledge that neither they nor their religion know better than me on matters of my personhood and experiences. I'm not willing to drag anyone to the starting line so we can build a relationship. I think there's a voice that comes from others and lives in my head that says because they're my family I bear some responsibility to work harder for that relationship. But I don't owe that to anyone. Genetics don't give you a waiver for fundamental respect.

I hope someday they can reach that point. I so wish they were in my corner. But after the way they treated me, it's up to them to change.

[mypoisonedvine]

the martyrdom of st. valentine (and other romantic stories) || dark!Bucky & dark!(stepbrother?)Steve x reader

summary: you wanted to surprise your boyfriend on valentine's day, but he and your foster brother have a surprise of their own.

word count: 2.7k

warnings: smut (heavy dubcon to the point of pretty much noncon), kinda stepcest (as per summary, steve is the reader's foster brother), bondage, a lil touch of degradation

2/14 to-do list

get waxed

get Steve out of the apartment

pick up chocolate-covered strawberries from bakery on 6th

blindfold and handcuff myself to the bed

be waiting for Bucky naked when he gets here

You sighed as you looked down at the paper, crossing the first and third items off the list. The second was going to be a bit harder, unfortunately; your foster brother had a habit of hanging around and cramping your style as much as he could manage. He felt like a real brother in that way… okay, maybe he felt like a real brother in most ways, a consequence of knowing him for most of your life, but he was definitely not your real brother. You remembered that each time you caught yourself staring too long when he was shirtless, or returning from the gym all veiny and glistening with sweat.

But you also remembered that he was still the closest thing to a real brother you'd ever had, and you scolded yourself internally for ever acting differently.

It didn’t matter now— you had Bucky, and he was the most amazing guy you’d ever met.�� No, Steve was definitely not happy that introducing his best friend to his sister led to a relationship forming, but he couldn’t stop either of you in spite of his efforts to keep you apart.

Bucky had once expressed his suspicions that it was at least in part due to jealousy, if subliminal.  But you denied it unilaterally— he’s basically my brother, you told him, though it was more of a reminder to yourself than anything.

Perverted concerns about Steve’s motivations aside, Bucky was a great guy.  A bit of a sweet-talker for sure, and not exactly known for his ability to keep a long-term, serious relationship, but he was adamant that you had changed that and for once you were beginning to believe him.  You’d said from the beginning that you didn’t need this to be the proverbial ‘it’ for either of you but that you didn’t do hook-ups— especially with your brother’s friends, and extra especially with your brother’s closest and longest friend.  It only took a brief speech and two shots to convince you, now six months later and you were still going strong.

Days like this made you so happy you’d given in to his advances.  But they also made you regret giving in to Steve’s idea to be roommates in college.

“Stevie!” you yelped as he walked in, stuffing the to-do list into your backpocket.  “Just the man I wanted to see.”

“I doubt that,” he scoffed.  “It’s Valentine’s Day, I bet you want to see Bucky.  He’s coming over, right?  And you want me to fuck off so my best friend can go to town on my sister?”

You frowned, crossing your arms.  “I wanted to see you because I have a gift for you.”

“... you do?”  His eyebrow raised and you hoped your smirk looked just as smug as it felt.

“So do you want your gift or do you want to be an asshole?”

“Do I have to pick just one?” he joked.

“Just come over here,” you instructed, waving him closer.  He seemed hesitant, but eventually did as you’d asked.  From your other back pocket you pulled out two tickets.

“Rangers, center ice,” you beamed.  “For you and a date.”

“And this isn’t just an excuse to get me out of the house?”

“No, it’s a thank you for being such a great brother.”

“So, if I wanted to take Bucky…” he trailed off, already calling your bluff as you rolled your eyes.

“Okay, that’s just sad.  There’s no reason you can’t find a girl to take— god knows Bucky hasn’t spent a Valentine’s Day alone since the fucking eighth grade.  And you’re just as cute as he is!”

“Well, if you could alert the rest of the female population to that, that would be great,” he scoffed, “but until then I’ll take the tickets,” he decided as he took them from your hand.  “A Rangers game might be the only thing distracting enough to keep me from thinking about what you and Buck are gonna do while I’m gone.”

You were hoping for a little more enthusiasm considering how much the tickets had cost you, but at least he was going to go and give you the apartment to yourself for the evening.  “You’re welcome, by the way.”

After stripping and sprinkling rose petals on the comforter, you'd actually found a YouTube tutorial on how to blindfold and handcuff oneself, and it was a little odd that enough people had this problem to merit its existence but it was still very helpful: turns out the secret is to blindfold yourself first but keep it folded up with one eye able to see until you do the handcuffs, then use your arm to slide the blindfold down into place.

It was tricky, and a little bit extra awkward while naked, but you figured it out and smiled proudly to yourself as you completed your last task on your to-do list.

Now, for likely the most difficult task of all: waiting in darkness and silence for Bucky to arrive.

Apparently it is, in fact, possible to be slightly bored yet titillated.  The thought of what Bucky would do to you when he got here was exciting, but it only made you crave his presence more which enhanced your quiet loneliness.  It wasn't like you could read a book or listen to music to kill the time, so you settled for humming to yourself as you waited.

Don't go changing, to try and please me, something something before, hmmm

I just want someone that I can talk to, I want you just the way you are...

But that grew tiresome quickly and you resorted instead to planning exacty how angry you would be if Bucky was late when you were waiting for him in such a compromising and inconvenient state.  For a moment you imagined he'd really gone to the Rangers game with Steve and became briefly livid over a hypothetical situation.

The crackling roar of Bucky's motorcycle outside was distant but undeniable, making you smile in anticipation.  You worried for a moment that you might have locked the top lock of the front door by instinct, but thankfully Bucky and to make it inside alright since next thing you knew, your bedroom door was opening.

The rattle of the doorknob made your breath catch; you opened your legs slowly in time with the quiet creak of the hinges.  “I’ve been waiting for you…” you purred.

“Hi there, babydoll,” Bucky’s voice answered back huskily.

The heavy steps of his boots made it clear he hadn't taken his shoes off at the door, a habit that had driven you crazy since he was your annoying brother's also-annoying best friend.  Was this the real reason he'd chained you up, so he could freely irritate you?  What next, was he gonna put a cold drink on your nightstand without a coaster?

"You really went all out for me, sweetheart," he noticed, his voice closer than you'd expected; it was fun to not know exactly where he would be, it made you squirm under the gaze you couldn't see but could somehow feel.

How weight joining yours on the bed was a good sign to his location though, along with his hands sliding up your legs.

“Look at this pretty pussy,” he cooed pridefully as he dove in suddenly and licked a thick stripe through your folds.

“Fuck,” you shivered, tugging on your handcuffs unintentionally.

“Feel good, babygirl?” he pressed, chuckling when you nodded.  “You want more?”

“Please,” you whimpered.

He didn’t get back to it right away, the weight on the bed shifting slightly, and it made you fear that he planned to make you beg more before eating you out— but finally his lips returned to you as his tongue explored your sex.

“Oh god,” you moaned, your back arching of its own volition.  It was a little different than he normally did this— less confident and measured, more cautious yet hungry.  Typically he teased you a lot more, knowing exactly the spots that drove you wild and intentionally leaving them understimulated until you begged him to let you come, but now as soon as he found them he was targeting them— perhaps a rare show of mercy from the guy who was normally happy to leave you on edge for hours.

You could feel his moans vibrating into you when he slid his tongue inside and against your channel; it instantly made your back arch as the handcuffs quietly clinked above your head.

He stopped just a little too soon, pulling your hips up until the back of your legs were resting on the front of his.  Being manhandled by him turned you on enough to make you bite your lip.

"Fuck, put your cock in me, wanna feel you," you moaned your plea as you heard the rustling of clothes; your mouth watered when you imagined Bucky stripping, with that insane body of his.

His thick head glided over your entrance and you were preparing to beg some more when he suddenly pushed in, giving you what you wanted so much faster than normal.  Not that you were complaining!

He was also much quieter than normal, which you were actually willing to complain about but didn't.

"Oh god," you groaned at the feeling of him stretching you open, gasping when his cock brushed right over your spot— it made your body jolt each time he pulled back and hit it again.

"Feels good, huh?" Bucky asked and you nodded happily.

"So good," you whimpered.

"I wasn't asking you."

Before you could question it, Bucky’s calloused fingers pulled up your blindfold— but it was Steve’s face above you, Steve’s body on top of yours… and, much to your horror, Steve’s cock inside you.

“What the fuck?!” you yelped, trying to squirm away as you tugged at the cuffs but failing completely.

“Fuck,” Steve winced, “you get really tight when you struggle like that.”

“Don’t act so surprised, babygirl,” Bucky cooed playfully as you turned to stare at his devilish grin.  “You wanted this… you just didn’t want to admit it to yourself.  And Stevie here always wanted this, too, and aren’t you so glad he told me?”

You shuddered as Steve continued thrusting, pushing his cock so deep it made you feel a little nauseous.  "Steve, you've gotta stop," you begged.   "If you love me, you'll stop."

"That's the thing: I love you too much to stop."

He moved faster, paying no mind to your confused whimpers, holding your hips tight as his head fell back slightly which brandished his thick neck and bobbing Adam's apple.

"There's no point in pretending," Bucky reminded you coldly, watching the whole thing with crossed arms and an expression that almost looked… bemused?  "You already showed us how much you love it, so don't waste your time acting so disgusted now."

You regretted more than anything saying that it felt good, literally asking him to fuck you before you really understood what you were asking for: you thought it was Bucky, yes, but that didn't mean it was an act.  It did feel good, and that must've been obvious to everyone since you were so wet already.  You could hear it each time he pushed all the way in, that telltale squelching noise that was somehow disgusting and hot all at once.

Steve wasn't so quiet now that he didn't have to be.  "God, you feel so good," he whispered, grabbing the backs of your knees and pushing your legs up.  It forced his cock even deeper and you choked on your own suppressed moan.

You heard Bucky opening his belt, and turned your head to see him pull out and stroke his cock while he watched Steve fuck you.  It was hard to imagine what he was getting out of this; he never seemed like the sharing type, if anything he sometimes became too possessive.  But clearly there was a lot about him and Steve that you didn't understand.

"Play with her tits," Bucky instructed, voice a bit deeper as he pleasured himself, "makes her come so fast."

Steve dropped your legs to rest on his shoulders so his hands were free to grope your chest, thick fingers twisting and tugging your nipples.  Annoyingly, Bucky knew his way around your body well by now, and so it was difficult to pretend that Steve's touches weren't sending shocks of pleasure right down your spine and to your core.

You had been biting on your lip so hard to stay quiet that you feared you would break the skin, until Bucky leaned down and gave you a little slap on the cheek— not very hard, but enough to make you gasp which in turn released the moan you'd been holding back.

"There it is, honey, don't be quiet for my benefit," Bucky encouraged.  "It's okay to like it, I'm not gonna be jealous."

As if that was your concern; angering your boyfriend by enjoying being fucked by your foster brother.  

"You really overestimate my interest in your— fuck— in your feelings," you panted as you glared up at Bucky where he was grinning down at you with a look that almost indicated pride.

"You're gonna come, aren't you?" he asked, ignoring your resistance entirely.  Whatever chance you had at pretending he was wrong was lost when, just for a moment, your eyes widened at his question.  "Yeah, thought so.  I can tell by that dumb look on your face.  I'm close too, babydoll, betcha wanna taste it…"

His free hand roughly held your jaw open as he stroked himself desperately, his weak groan coinciding with the moment you felt his hot seed spray into your open mouth, his taste familiar despite the entirely surreal circumstances.

It was purely coincidence that you came in that moment, your walls bearing down on Steve while you tried to stay silent so you wouldn't choke on Bucky's spend.

"Fuck, that's it, gonna fill this pretty mouth— god yes, you'd better swallow it all," he sighed as come painted your tongue and the inside of your cheek.  Maybe it was more than normal or maybe it was just that he was tightening his hand around the head of his cock to get every drop in your mouth, but either way it was enough to give you quite a mouthful to swallow, which you did without much question due to force of habit.

"M’close too," Steve warned as Bucky stepped back, "I'm gonna come."

“No, Steve, not inside,” you whimpered, hearing the way your voice had weakened after your orgasm, “you can’t…”

“I can,” he disagreed, “Bucky said so.”

Once again, Bucky's will was more important than your own, and your desperate pulling at the handcuffs was only another reminder of the way you'd guided yourself into his trap.

"Don't," you stammered one more time, but it was hard to focus when he was filling you exactly how you needed, when his thick hands gripping your waist felt just as perfect as you'd secretly imagined so many times… 

Denial is a powerful drug, but so is two orgasms in a row.

"Fuck!" you yelped as you felt a gush of warmth drip from your entrance, even further wetness spurring on Steve's fast and brutal thrusts into you.

"Knew you'd love it," Steve mumbled, growling slightly as he slammed into you.  "Knew you'd take it so well, make a pretty mess all over my cock— fuck I can't wait anymore, gotta fill you up, oh my god... gotta give you my load, honey, you want it?"

"Yes," you sobbed, "Steve, yes, come in me…"

He didn't need much more encouragement than that, groaning loudly as you felt his cock flex and pulse against your walls, his release overwhelmingly hot inside you.

You sighed in time with Steve as he finally stilled, and it was hard to know where to look when Steve and Bucky were both staring down at you.  “What happens now?” you found yourself asking, not so much a literal question about the next task but more about what the three of you were going to do with all the unfortunate truths that had come to light in less than half an hour.

“What happens now is I take my turn,” Bucky informed you sternly, pushing Steve aside.  “Did you really think I wasn’t gonna fuck my girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?”

[downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles]

We Met Within This Screen (chapt. 4)

[Donnie x fem reader]

sfw, chapt. 3, pt. 4 here

Sighing, you set your phone face-down after sending your last text to Bo. What an abrupt end to something that had been so good. You were confused, a little taken aback and honestly sad. You'd thought the two of you were getting along well. Bo was smart, well-spoken, funny, and all around, a really nice person. He listened to your venting and seemed like he had a response to everything. Always, he had some random fact to hit you with whether it was about biology, chemistry, astronomy, language—you weren't sure where he got all his knowledge from. He'd never mentioned school, if he went. He didn't mention a lot about himself, actually. 

People come and go, someone had once told you. You guessed that he was one of those passersby, as much as you wanted it to be more. 

More?

When had you started thinking that? More what? 

You were tempted to pick your phone back up, to check and see if there were any new messages. Not that you could expect much; Bo had been so curt about his exit from your friendship that it was left at his last text, "Again, I'm sorry." You wanted to say something, but what was there to say? It was his decision. A sudden, uncharacteristic, and frankly odd decision, but still, his. Thinking back on it, you tried to remember any instance you might have crossed a line, or maybe said something you shouldn't have. That's what made you open up the messages again, scrolling up and up and looking for anything weird, but finding nothing of the sort. It had all been normal up until when you texted him about the clamor you'd heard outside your apartment building. And then it went flat—he didn't even respond to it, just said his apology and his goodbye before going offline.

You wanted to take your mind off it with a game, but as you looked through your list and saw the one you and him had played together, you knew it was near ruined for you. It just wasn't the same to play alone or with your acquaintances. An otherwise boring game made fun by one particular person, but now it was barely what it used to be.

Unfortunate. 

The next morning might have felt more normal if it weren't for the fact that everyone was pretending like it was. For the sake of secrecy from their father. As far as Donnie knew, Splinter still didn't know anything was or had been going on, and he intended to keep it that way, too. He wanted to tell his father, he did, but all he saw coming of that was reprimanding, or at the very least an awkward discussion, and possibly, time in the Hashi. He was already feeling the aftermath of his actions; he didn't need any more. Especially as he checked the messaging app one last time, only to find it empty, aside from her goodbye. 

Donnie stood at the kitchen counter, mask off and groggy as usual, scrounging for something to eat. Maybe a cup of coffee (if they had any), which he was looking for when Mikey bounced in. Normally, his brothers would avoid him when he was in one of his "moods". He hadn't a passionate temper like Raph but a slow-brewing one, the kind that festers until it's alleviated or boils over. Cold quiet was his thing. 

But Donnie knew why he was here. So did Mikey. He had that familiar glint of mischief in his eye. 

There was no coffee, so he settled for some kind of pastry they'd found while looking through the dumpsters. Really, the item was fine—only the packaging and appearance was defective. It was a wonder just how much food grocers wasted over arbitrary reasons, but regardless, he was happy to oblige his secret sweet tooth. 

From the corner of his eye he could see Mikey waiting eagerly for him to turn around and regard him. To listen to whatever he was about to talk his ear off with. Their youngest brother was more often than not bright-eyed in the morning, something Donnie's morning fog could not always entertain. He picked at his food at the counter for a moment, mind wandering back to his night and subsequently,  the unresolved feelings. Dreadfully unresolved, he groaned inside. And they probably would continue to be, as after sleeping on what had happened the previous night, thinking about her, he realized something that made his face flush. Oh, no. 

He froze in his place, suddenly very awake. He looked over his shoulder and found Mikey was distracted rummaging through the food for his own breakfast, and with a faint cringe, tried to sneak out of the kitchen undetected. No way would he admit to Mikey's words on the rooftop that night, the ones that made him flinch with embarrassment. The same ones that bounced around his head despite all attempts to stuff it down. "You like her, bro." 

Things involving him could never be simple, could they?

Abandoning his plate, Donnie began tip-toeing out of the room right behind Mikey. His foot hit the leg of a chair and caused a creak—he winced. As he thought, Mikey looked back, "Why are you sneaking around? You didn't finish your breakfast. Can't go on patrol on an empty stomach, dude." 

Before Donnie could even answer, he continued in a whisper, "Plus—"

"Whatever it is, Mikey, not now," he cut his brother off, "last night was the end of it, alright? You need to let it go." It sounded harsher than he would have preferred, but he felt the need to drill it into Mikey's skull that it was over, that it was just something he'd have to deal with. There were a lot of things they dealt with despite not liking it. With time, he'd forget—more accurately, be able to ignore— and maybe he could find the same enjoyment in his brothers once again. That sort of friendship.  But at the moment, it was ruined for him—he got a taste of something more and it was taken away what felt like second later. 

Mikey's face fell. Donnie couldn't stand that, seeing him upset over something he'd said. He had a bit of a soft spot for their youngest, no doubt. Just wasn't always obvious. 

"Aren't you afraid you'll regret it?" he asked, voice soft. 

Fear was a strong word, but of course Donnie was anxious. It was the thing holding him back from being able to simply compartmentalize everything, to put it in a box and on the metaphorical "deal with this later because it's uncomfortable right now" shelf. Or to deal with it at all, as ignoring his problems with studying and unrelated research and experimentation wasn't exactly prime management. He knew that. 

After a while of thought, Donnie was able to give him an answer. "Well…I mean, how could I not be?" he inquired in return before leaning out of the doorway to scan the lair. Everyone was either in their room, the dojo, or there, in the kitchen. Mikey has always made him feel most comfortable, and he was sure that was the case for the other three, just that they had other ways of showing it. He was certainly easy to talk to; if Donnie weren't so careful of his mouth and what came out of it, he could probably spew way more to him than he liked. Mikey could come through sometimes, though, which prompted him to keep going, "It was a big thing for me. We've been disconnected from everything else for so long that it was just...exciting, to get a look into what it's like. Being 'regular', you know?" 

Mikey sat down on one of the bar stools, feet idly shuffling against the floor as he folded his arms and rested on them. "You didn't hear it from me, but I'm a little jealous," he said playfully, but Donnie was aware that it was the case. "Maybe I'm pushing you to go after her because I'm trying to live vic–vicrous–v–…" 

Donnie smiled, he couldn't help it. "'Vicariously'?" he suggested. 

"Yeah! That," Mikey beamed, nodding. "You get what I mean." 

"I understand." 

The conversation died off soon after as Donnie decided to get breakfast over with and do whatever needed to be done before they left for patrol that night, darkness falling earlier due to the upcoming winter. It wasn't too cold for them to be out yet, though, so that still meant a chilly patrol in the Autumn breeze. He hated the cold. 

As Donnie was making himself busy at a circuit board in his lab, he heard the beads in the doorway shift, and to his surprise, Splinter came shuffling in. 

"Sensei?" 

He put down his soldering iron, spinning around in his chair. "Something the matter?" 

Splinter ran his fingers along a shelf on the wall as he wandered by, careful to not disturb any of the items lining it. Beakers, recently-repaired electronic parts, projects put on pause, things that would loathe to be broken. 

"There is always something," Splinter replied enigmatically, "I would not be here if that weren't true. Would you agree?"

 I'm compromised!

Donnie had a strong but hidden dislike for vague speaking, even if he did it himself sometimes. When spoken to you it's much more bothersome. 

Splinter waited for his answer, looking at him expectantly. "Donatello?" 

"Yeah, um…yes, I would—I would agree. I suppose. So...what is it again?" Damn his stutter, he couldn't get away with anything, hardly. He was only able to stifle it just enough. 

Picking a random pipette on the desk next to Donnie, Splinter studied the green liquid close for a second before his nose twitched, and he put it back down. "You have been very busy lately, it seems. What is it that you work on all day in here? Or are you playing games?" 

Donnie's heart thumped. His hand found that particular spot on his neck and began to scratch, and Splinter looked at him dead in the eye. He should have known; there was no hiding anything from their father, he was too good. Stupidly, infuriatingly perceptive. Donnie caught himself scratching that spot and slid his hand away, he hadn't even noticed he was picking at it again. He knows, Mikey told him, I probably look like a guilty idiot right now, I'm—

"I haven't been playing games," Donnie blurted out. 

Quizzically, Splinter gestured at the computer screen on the other wall, which had the menu of the game he'd opened up just earlier. Reminiscing over it even though it had been only a couple of days since he and his friend had last played together, but he stared at the screen as if it had been years. It made him realize how easily he'd gotten attached to that. Well, to her. He was on the fence about whether he wanted to try playing again or not and left it on.

Oh, you have to be kidding. I'm a fool in a man's shoes. 

Donnie laughed uncomfortably, "You caught me, Sensei," he said, "I guess I have been playing games more often lately." 

It was honest enough, right? 

Splinter hummed and cupped his hands behind his back. "I see."

Straightening out, Donnie dipped his head a little. "I'll...lay off on them. Sorry for lying. I've just been really distracted recently." 

"Liars never prosper, my son. Take care of yourself." 

He then left. 

So he didn't know. Donnie still couldn't say it with any degree of confidence, because Splinter would trip them up here and there, but it was assurance enough to know that if Splinter was aware of what had gone on between the four brothers and his new—rather, former—human friend, he would have confronted Donnie about it. Or all of them, considering it was now a secret they were all in on actively hiding. And on top of that, Raph and Leo didn't know Mikey was conspiring. Layers and layers, he sighed. 

With Splinter gone, he let out a breath of relief. Too close. Much. But, swiftly evaded. A chuckle left him, not of humor, but more because he was actually feeling a little confident. Just a little. They were really hiding something from Splinter; it was reason enough to pat himself on the back, nothing got past Splinter. Except for him.

Briefly, he thought of Mikey's outlandish idea as he spun back around in his chair. "Mikey, you are crazy," he mumbled to himself as he took his soldering iron, resuming his work from before. "But..."

Chapter 5

[mimisempai]

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you 2/3

Summary:

Loki would like to express his feelings to Mobius but doesn’t know how to do it, he finds a sympathetic ear in Miss Minutes, without knowing that Mobius is suffering from the same problem…

Chapitre 1/3 - Chapter 2/3 - Chapitre 3/3

A little story, of love, of friendship, of two idiots in love…

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32351812

3804 words - Rating G

"Good job Loki!" Mobius smiled at Loki before continuing, "I'm really going to believe you're trying to steal my job," and then he headed for his office.

On the way, he thought about the weeks that had passed since they had taken over the TVA and completely restructured it. Loki had settled in incredibly well and was completely invested in his job as a TVA agent. Mobius wanted to tell him more often how proud he was of him, but he didn't want to sound condescending.

What amazed him even more was how well they had both fitted in with each other. For two beings as different as they were, the life together was going pretty well.

Mobius found it quite amusing, even touching, every time Loki was confronted with ordinary things, such as doing the dishes or putting away the laundry. Loki, god of mischief, adapting to a domestic life, what an incredible concept! Moreover, although Loki was now allowed to use magic without restriction, he preferred to do without.

When Mobius decided to use Loki to catch Sylvie a few months ago, he never thought they would get that far, and yet here they were. Loki had managed to get into his heart, without even having to use one of his tricks. But what Mobius never expected was that his affection would be returned.

Loki seemed to be very fond of him, but Mobius always feared the day when he would realize that he could do better, much better. That's why Mobius hadn't told him. Loki deserved to be free, and Mobius didn't want to be the ball and chain that held him back.

Sitting at his desk, he let out a sigh and shook his head as if to chase away his gloomy thoughts.

"What a sigh! It looks like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders!"

"Sylvie!" The young woman was leaning in the doorway.

"Tired of married life already?" asked Sylvie impishly.  She stepped forward and sat down on one of the armchairs opposite Mobius.

This had been the second surprise, the friendship he had formed with the one who had been his nemesis for years, when he had been a pawn on Ravonna's chessboard.  Loki had told him that there was nothing surprising about it, because not only did Mobius' caring nature make him capable of forming bonds with anyone, but since Sylvie was theoretically another Loki, it was only natural that some of their common traits would have allowed Mobius and the young woman to form this bond.

"Tired of married life? It would be quite the opposite."

"That's perfect then!"

"It'll only be harder when he leaves." muttered Mobius softly.

"Huh?"

"Don't play dumb, you heard me just fine."

Sylvie leaned forward and replied genuinely surprised, "Oh I heard you very well, but I'd like to know what makes you think Loki is going to leave?"

"Everything! Look at me and look at him! What do I have that would hold someone like Loki back? I'm just a plain person, nothing extraordinary. "

Sylvie pretended to tear her hair out, "No, but really, you are the dumbest couple of idiots in the universe! Loki doesn't care about any of this, do you realize that the day you first told Loki that you didn't see him as a villain, you tied him to you for life?!"

Mobius protested, "That's gratitude, not am-"

"Shut up you idiot! You know what Loki once told me? That the day you asked him to help you catch me, he was ready to follow you, and you know why? Because it was the first time he had the possibility of a relationship not based on lies. You knew everything about him and you didn't lie to him about what you wanted. For Loki, that's extremely precious. You didn't see him after you were pruned, I did. He was devastated, Mobius! Devastated! I really thought I couldn't reach him. You don't feel that kind of emotion for someone you want to leave!"

Mobius protested again, more weakly, "but that was different, the context was different, he didn't have enough perspective to assess the situation objectively. Now that he has time to think, he'll quickly realize that he could have someone better."

Sylvie interrupted him again, "You're just a moron. You're not going to be like everyone else before you, deciding what's best for him, are you? You freed him from his destiny, so let him make his own choices!"

Mobius muttered, "But what if that choice isn't me?"

"I wonder why I'm wasting my time, it's not even me you should be talking to about this!"

She stood up abruptly, "Come on, come with me! And no discussion!"

"But-"

"No discussion I said!"

He surrendered and followed her. Seeing that they were coming near Loki's office, he stopped and said, "No Sylvie!"

"Shut up and follow me!"

He reluctantly followed her, not being at all ready for this kind of conversation. They arrived at the half-open door, she turned and motioned for him to be quiet. Loki's voice reached his ears.

"But it's true! I swear! It makes me want to take off those jeans every time!"

"Lokiiii! That's enough!" Miss Minutes gave him a little kick and Loki laughed out loud.

Mobius behind Sylvie could not see them well, but he heard perfectly what Miss Minutes said, "Loki, tell Mobius, tell him everything you just told me, I don't know any person in the world who wouldn't like to hear everything you just told me."

His lover's voice sounded sad as he said, "But what do I have to offer him? I am not a good person for him. And I'm still waiting for the day when he can't stand my kind anymore and tells me I have to leave."

"A couple of idiots, that's what I'm saying." said Sylvie loudly before Mobius could stop her.

Loki shouted, "Sylvie?!" then turned around and shocked, shouted again, "Mobius?"

Sylvie opened the door fully, pushed Mobius into the office and with her hands on her hips said curtly, "I've done my part of the job, come on Mimi, we'll let those two idiots talk.Two true kings of communication."

"I'm coming." The little clock jumped toward her.

Sylvie closed the door saying, "Lock up behind you guys, wouldn't want anyone to stumble upon you in a compromising situation!"

"Sylvie!"

Both she and Miss Minutes laughed as they heard the outraged shouting of the two men behind the door followed by the unmistakable sound of a lock being closed.

[helloneighborfan]

Chapter 4: "The Investigation Begins"

"... ..." You start to hear crickets, the wind blowing slightly like several leaves flying around and there she is, waiting for her sitting on that wooden bench putting her hand on the bench to finally be able to give her a hug and say sorry . She finally sits down and they give each other a warm hug that lasts longer than expected. She for a moment she closes her eyes and now she is in an empty place.

"How cold it is here" I say blowing my hands to warm myself, I walk around me and as I walk I see an extremely familiar figure but then the figure is distorted. That aura that I previously believed to be real is now just a whisper in my mind; the sky is wrapped in an extremely clear lilac and with an extremely beautiful dark purple the "sky" of the place while now I am in a dark house

"Who are you? I wait for an answer from the supposed figure but I don't receive any answer." I'm your subconscious "Says the hoarse voice." Look, I know it's not easy to explain but here in dreams everything you think about in the day will be transported at night; anyway you have never had these encounters on a daily basis, my girl, you have always longed to dream of being someone in this life, haven't you? In fact we have all had that thought. "Sweet dreams" At that moment my vision begins to turn black and a whip is heard.

Gah! I look around to make sure everything is in order, I see Roger as always there by my side and I am relieved with that. I grab a pillow and put it in a position between my legs to be more comfortable.

The next day I get up and see the window so that it is okay but everything indicates that today there will be a lot of cloud, which indicates that today it will be very cloudy. I go straight to the bathroom to get ready, take a shower as well as call the one with the furniture. Before she calls I see Adelle there in a deep sleep and lying on her side, she surely couldn't sleep well so she let her sleep and I go straight to the table to call the one with the furniture

"Good morning, ahem who do I like?" Ah, her voice seems like those bank managers it can't be and I don't want to fight with the server. "Good morning, miss, I am Roger Peterson who came 2 days ago to see about the furniture" Well it seems that they are already on their way, sir, the truck will arrive at 12:30 in the afternoon if you like. Perfect. I hang up the call and I already feel a little relieved that they are already on their way.

"Good morning" Someone says and I turn to look and it is her, it seems that she has already recovered the energy necessary to be able to go to work. We have breakfast and get ready to go and let the truckers know that they can accommodate the furniture there and it seems that they accepted that it is the good thing. We got in the car and headed there, I am very excited to know what will happen, I say this is something very serious besides that we should not risk our lives, they know why they would hate us ... they already know how to send us to hell in the future

We entered the place and the entrance is extremely large, which is what I like, there are several sections of subjects such as Mathematics, Literature and Civics in large black letters:

"Oh! Adelle, Roger I'm glad to see you here on time, I expected that from you. "

I greet her and she too, it makes me good to see her arranged with her perfectly combed but slightly disheveled bun, her gray plaid jacket, a short formal dress and her black heels, she says she is going to give us a little tour of the building now teach the climatology department;

While we are walking through the university I think about calling Mr. Mason to thank him for this job offer since this will benefit us, about the pregnancy I do not know what to say but if it is a child I promise to give him the best possible education so that it is not a poor exemplary son, if he is a girl I will also do the same because you know sometimes life can give you unexpected turns.

"Well here is the department of climatology and science can see without compromise." She goes to the address since they called her for something so she leaves us alone for a few minutes:

"Wow, this department is very very big here we can probably investigate" There are several posters, shelves with books but the shelf is medium, We sit on the plastic chairs there; to do our part we take a few books on tropical climates, on rains.

I love to make notes about the phenomena that we always investigate, I remember that one day we left the press open-mouthed about an in-depth scientific explanation about a Ball Lightning, what does this mean? It is a spherical structure that appears when there is an electrical storm, almost two theories (Internal Energy and External Energy) that explain almost antagonistic since almost not much is known about it but what would make perfect sense is that these rays have been brought somehow over power lines.

I write this down taking into account that, if the Mayak-O14 is the same as the ball lightning, something makes the sky turn purple, orange would make sense that it was a kind of artificial magic; what I mean is that an object could be causing all this, I read an article on Raven Brooks and I am realizing that storms are very common here and the weather is very unusual.

"Oh, there they are both, they gave me news that I have to inform them." We turn around at the same time stopping writing and paying attention to the subject.

"Well, I hope you like the News: The Tavish are financing Mayak 0-14 research, with the aim of solving the enigma of this phenomenon"

Well that pleases me but I think- "Don't worry, they only told me about it, they did not say the date of the financing, only the details." For a moment I had been scared since I'm not ready yet, far from it Adelle, let's go. We know that we barely made a move 2 days ago so for now we will be working here at the university.

"Hey Rita, for now we will be working here as well as investigating." Yes, no problem.

We spend a few hours late researching about the weather and natural phenomena so that we can distract ourselves a little bit until it's time to go home ...

PS: Credits to @da-radio-starz for the fanart of Piper!

[yuvon-writes-letters]

Hey guys,

Yu, Rai and both Jakes.

Actually..If I talk about my feelings I'm pretty well. Don't tell Jake I said that, but I couldn't be happier about our situation. I mean, we can talk again. Without me being kidnapped and finding a weird Tumblr profile of him. (Which we think was a set up by one of the entities of my world since he obviously doesn't have one. Jake thinks it was goldies doing, I on the other hand don't believe that. Don't ask me why, but it feels like goldie wouldn't do that. And it didn't help me either but only made problems. I was distracted because I was writing the profile (you read it, right Yu? I don't know about the others) and angry. Like, really angry.)

Putting that aside, Jake called me, like he promised :) And it was the longest phone call I had for some time. Most of the time I talked and he didn't get distracted once, just listened to me and everything that happened. And then he started cursing, which is kind of understandable. He apologised for being into stasis. And for this other version from before the 'time setting back' thing. Because I don't find a name I'll call it TSB from now on.

The only problem I have now is going to work, I guess I'll take me some vacation...But at least I'm not as scared of the raven-ass anymore. I mean, I still am, but in the moment I know his steps. And I am not alone.

Jake, I intentionally write the next part in red, please don't read it. That's for Yu.

I know you think that Jake sees you as a threat. If it still is like you wrote in the letter. Jake knows that, too and he doesn't like it. You know him better than I do, of course, but without saying too much...I think it's quite the opposite. Talk to him about that. Even though it's probably not the best circumstances I think he enjoys being with you :)

The next part, purple (damn, I need more coloured pens), is for you Jake.

You already told me that you don't like that Yu thinks you see her as a threat. I only have to say one thing, if it still is like that, talk to her about it. Earlier than later.

The new thoughts about the blood ritual are really interesting. But please don't put yourself in this danger (or not, but I think it's understandable what I mean?) if it isn't necessary. But I also agree with Rai, I thought the same thing for a while. That you desired having someone, Jake, with you. It sounds plausible.

What more was there...Wait, let me reread the letters.

Oh yeah, Rai! One, till now my crow crew seems to still be in stasis (Jake realised that now, too) and two..Please try to take care of your health, yeah? I'm worried for you.

Lis🐾🔥

Ps. Damn...I'm writing this exactly when I wanted to leave the house (I mean, I sadly cannot hide my face forever).

Two new things...I got a message. I mean, it was a threat (because I am the obviously the bad girl that kidnapped Hannah), but I don't care. Maybe that means the stasis is slowly dissolving!

But number 2...I didn't get the vacation. My boss called me almost immediatly. "Under no circumstances [a word is blacked out] Liska. We have July and Alice, Tim and Jenny all want to take free time, too. You are one of our best workers and we can't afford you leaving now. You have no children so you have to wait. Also Max told me that you don't have any problems in family."

So long story short: He wants me to be there tomorrow. Argh, if he would pay me like he's talking that would awesome. And I'll kill Max when I see him next time. (My cousin that thought it was fun to try and steal my work so we both got the rank of 'one of the best workers'. The only problem: Max' title is official. -.- Overall, I'm so much more annoyed than some time earlier. Maybe I should ask Jake for help

Lis,

Okay, the Crow Crew drama is fading a bit, so I'll answer this now. Sorry if I seem disjointed at all, I'm probably going to be going back and forth from conversations to this letter a lot. I can't afford to have them all think I'm compromised, I need to focus on getting out of here and I don't want to deal with their pressure on top of everything else.

Yeah, I don't think the Tumblr profile was Goldie either. Goldie seems to try to be very much a "hands off" sort of entity, like my own. The Tumblr profile thing seems a little out of character for at least my Jake. At least, publicly answering your submission certainly was, though he may have panicked since you sent it in on anon and answered publicly without really thinking about it. I guess I could see him having a Tumblr profile for purposes of following people on social media and watching what they post, though. And then deciding he likes the media and posting a little bit of impersonal things that can't lead back to him. Probably my Jake will say something about that when I hand this letter over to him, stay tuned.

Yeah, I at least read some of the things you sent that profile, and I showed what I had to my Jake too. I'm not sure if I read all of it, since it was a bunch of printed-out screenshots in an envelope, but I read the ask where you told him you hated him (fair at that point but ouch that's got to have hurt) up to when you said you'd found Hannah. After that you sent me your letter telling me time had turned back and the Tumblr screenshots ended.

I'm glad you and Jake managed to talk things out. I was sort of worried about how he'd react, but it sounds like he took it pretty well, considering. I'm... not exactly sure he should be apologizing for the stasis, though. Or the TSB!Jake. Maybe especially not the TSB!Jake. Jakes seem to be oddly different from timeline to timeline, just based on what I've seen of them. TSB has been one of the most different so far.

Oh. One thing I should mention that you might not have seen from the profile: The MWAF used your phone to mock the TSB account, and mentioned that TSB wasn't the only person who could hack, and the MWAF blocked TSB from finding your location. Might want to warn your Jake about that.

A vacation sounds like a good idea :/ It's really hard to go back to normal life right after tragedies or trauma. It feels like the world keeps moving on and you're still stuck in place, and you just want to scream at them that they need to slow down, can't they see that the world is

Good. I'm glad you don't feel alone. It's easier to deal with this stuff when you're with someone else, even if it's not physically.

(Jake, my Jake I mean, if you're reading over my parts of these letters skip to the ||| now please.) I'm not saying he doesn't also enjoy my company. I can tell he does. That doesn't make me not a threat. Like how early on I suspected Thomas, but still thought he was a nice guy and enjoyed talking to him. (Obviously I don't suspect him any more XD ) Still, if you think I should talk with him about it, I'll try to find a tactful way to bring it up.

Yes, because obviously tact is my greatest strength. Sigh.

Like I said to Rai, the underlying desire thing is definitely possible. That'd either mean I'm more obvious about how I feel for Jake than I think I am (very possible, I'm not great at hiding how I feel in person) or the entity has some level of telepathy/mind reading. The reason is that chessboard. Since Jake likes chess, it's clear at least to me the entity expected him to come here at some point. I THINK, if the underlying desire thing is true, I can manipulate myself into wanting specific things by doing things like writing it over and over and repeating it out loud when doing the ritual, but I'm not sure.

|||

It's probably good that your Crow Crew is in stasis, like how it's objectively probably good my outside life is going on without me. Less drama, less pressure.

Huh. The harassment is definitely a promising sign. Maybe you should try contacting Darkness again, same way as I suggested near the beginning? That feels so long ago, but it really can't have been much more than a week, can it?

You... didn't get the vacation. Fucking hell. Is there ANY way you can convince your boss? You really should have time off. Maybe your Jake can help you come up with ideas.

Or at least maybe he can come up with a way to have your boss give you a bonus for your trouble -_-

Oh shit Cleo's interrogating me I'm gonna hand this to Jake now

(The handwriting changes to Jake's.) Hello, Lis.

I agree with Yuvon: "TSB" acts markedly different from myself. There would be no benefit from me promising to be there to find you in the moment, and indeed I would have been falling for a very transparent trap. Even in my possible state of panic, I cannot see myself being there physically, much less revealing myself physically to authorities in the process, unless I was playing the role of bait in a counter-trap. While it is plausible that this was TSB's plan, TSB gave no indication that Yuvon or I could tell that this was the case. Of course, I would have done my best to be there physically in the aftermath of the kidnapping, but not in the moment.

I also agree that the Tumblr profile seems to be out of character for both myself and for "Goldie", though I hesitate to judge TSB's actions by what I myself would do. I seem to vary in surprising ways across universes and even from timeline to timeline, based solely on your current Jake's reactions thus far. I do actually own a Tumblr profile for the exclusive purpose of following social medias I wish to track, but I used a random username generator website for the username and not my own name, and I certainly never posted anything.

The news about the MWAF being able to hack is new to me; I must have missed that the first time I read through the screenshots. That is quite troubling. I suppose I will need to be more careful in future.

I am sincerely sorry your request for a vacation was rejected. I do not know how much you intend to separate your personal life and the Duskwood case, but if your stasis is truly wavering, you may be able to reveal some measure of the danger you are in to convince him to let you flee the area for a small while. Especially since you mentioned in your Tumblr post that you saw a raven note in your wor

Oh.

You need to leave that place. Now. Do not inform your employer of the danger you are in, reveal nothing to him or to anyone, take unpaid time off if you need to. Get your cousin and anyone else you care overly much about out of there too. Invalidate any information you can your employer or coworkers knows about you. Do not tell the truth to anyone, even your cousin. Make up any excuses you need to, ask your Jake for help with ideas if you need to. You may also wish to check that the coworkers your boss listed who are going on vacation are ACTUALLY going on vacation.

This is a priority, Liska. You need to tell your Jake all of this too, especially the part with the note in your workplace. You need to get out of there.

Good luck.

—Jake & Yuvon

(The letter tucks itself into the paper clip with the others.)

[sunnykeysmash]

S14's theme of Trust: How Global Warming reaffirms the Macden meta we already know

Or, a half reworked set of discussions from my Twitter about the underlying themes of FAITH/TRUST and CHANGE present in this season. Particularly between macden because I don't give a damn for the rest. Sidenote: my twitter thread about trust that takes up half of this post was actually written BEFORE GW came out, and despite that it got reinforced thanks to GW meta.

I apologize in advance if the reading isn't as fluid as it could be, it's hard to order the threads in a single cohesive explanation but I still tried my best. Plus, english isn't my first language.

This post contains speculation that links to my previous meta posts, tagged under "iasip meta". That's where I discuss the theme of change more in detail, not here. They're a little outdated in terms of episode prediction but the meta analysis in them holds up and was reinforced in GW.

The bible = Trust/Faith

So, how does faith/trust get in the way of their relationship? Who has it, who doesn't?

Let's address it. This might be long but bear with me I guess. First we need to address what broke their trust.

North Dakota

(aka the element that broke the link of trust between macden for good, from which they are still trying to recover; and how we got there; their shift in dynamic because of it and how it's a vicious cycle that feeds itself until a breaking point, with no possibility for rational discussion. "How Mac will reject Dennis as a final test to restore their trust")

Part 1: how it affected Dennis

It is my understanding that dennis has been left profoundly scarred by how his decision to leave to north dakota went and he has been blaming the gang for failing to stop him from leaving, and especially blaming Mac. Which lead to the events in Chokes.

Where he felt frustrated at Mac for doing everything Dennis says and never going against him. He's constantly pushing him and being abrasive because he wishes for him to snap and act on his own volition.

Because aside from feeling like he can't trust anyone, and like no one in the gang cares for him, he most of all feels like he can't trust himself. He has been scarred by the consequences of his own actions, and doesn't know what else he might do that could have a similar effect.

Of course a person who can't really trust himself would feel paralyzed, they would not act or do anything. Which is why we are moving away from that, slowly. We need to have this progression in order for Dennis to Realize anything at all.

So Chokes as an episode is sort of a milestone, it runs really deep in multiple overarching events and developments. It's not just fixing macden's dynamic, it's beginning to fix a core problem that stops dennis from reaching macden and that has been prominent at least ever since Tends Bar.

It's something that has been going on in the background for a while, that is touched upon sometimes. Dennis desperately wants the gang to care about him.

So when he is surprised by the RPG on the day that for him is most emblematic of the gang not caring, I think it hit deeper than what we're assuming. His feelings were challenged.

DDL is a result of many things. On the surface it's him wanting to be a dad for his child the way Frank never could for him. I think it was also a test though. If they truly cared, they would stop him. They wouldn't want him to go away.

Now. They don't. That stings. Then things possibly go south in North Dakota. That also stings. It's easy to mentally connect the two and realize the hurt he's experiencing. "If they had stopped me, none of this would've happened" I assume is the correlation he made mentally.

So then he probably thought about Mac, and the gesture he made. He thought that meant something, but then him, like the rest of the gang, did nothing. So he's even more angry at him. "For a moment I really thought he cared, why wouldn't he do something?" Betrayal.

So that to me explains why he's been acting like shit towards Mac. And he's been slowly trying to work through his feelings on the matter, as S13 sorta showed initially, with him not wanting to address it at all for a while, and when he tried again no one cared. He's been trying.

I wonder if it's a possibility that, as we reach the resolution to this circumstance, he will try to bring it up again. I wouldn't count on it necessarily, but character wise it would simply make sense. If he's getting over the problem, he's leaving ND behind. He should, I mean.

Part 2: how it affected Mac

But this isn't just a circumstance that hinders Dennis, it has deeply afflicted Mac too, in a way that is just as personal. "No matter what I do for a person, they can still choose to leave me", it is no wonder to see that side of him exacerbated, then.

Before ND, Mac trusted Dennis' words, enough to let him leave if he said he wanted to, even if it hurt. Before ND, Dennis trusted that Mac would always "be there to catch him if he faltered", that he cared, especially after the RPG moment.

These were true. They could always count on each other, trust each other. ND changed everything, and altered their dynamic in a way that we are still feeling, and still trying to remedy. That Mac and Den especially are still desperately trying to remedy.

They /want/ to go back to their codependent dynamic, they /need/ to. But the way they are desperately trying to is only making things worse and worse, and it's a terrible cycle.

[ The more Dennis rejects Mac in hope that Mac will finally go against him, the more Mac is desperately trying to appease Dennis so that he won't leave him, the more Dennis is annoyed and dissatisfied of Mac's submissive behavior and becomes more abrasive in return. ]

Which is why I think discussing that event is a necessity in order for macden to even happen at all. They theoretically need a face to face conversation to resolve these core insecurities that are getting in the way of their friendship (and possibly more).

It doesn't have to be a romantic thing either, it is just necessary for this conflict to be addressed in order for their dynamic to go back to normal. But that can't happen without a breaking point. We know them enough to assume that they're not gonna just discuss it rationally. It would be the correct way to handle the situation, but they're not like that.

Whether everything resolves positively (as in, their dynamic finally shifting back to before ND) depends on how much they want to stay together and what they are willing to sacrifice or compromise for it. Whether certain grievances can be stronger than their bond itself (and I'm pretty sure they can't, or mac and den would've parted already, long ago).

Mac's internal conflict is likely what will make it so that we have to wait a year. If it just isn't resolved, then he would want proof that Dennis isn't /just saying/ stuff. Den might assure him that he isn't but is that enough for Mac?

How do you resolve a conflict that is basically just a huge almost debilitating fear of abandonment and mistrust of the other person's words? In what way can you possibly prove it wrong?

We know Mac loves Dennis, of course he does. But does he trust Dennis? The way he has been behaving towards him tells me otherwise. He doesn't stand up to him.

Not only that but, more specifically, he's always "interpreting" everything Dennis says, you can see it in Texts for example. He knows den never means what he says, and always has an ulterior motive or hidden meaning. He doesn't take den's rejections at heart too much because he knows they're fake.

So now imagine Dennis has a change of heart. Now he goes to Mac, and he tells him Exactly How He Truly Feels. Knowing the way Mac is used to interpreting Dennis, I don't think he'd believe him. He'd want to, but he probably couldn't.

And I don't think Mac even realizes this lack of trust at all. I think it's gonna hit him exactly as it's happening. He might feel happy at first, then be confused at his sense of uneasiness like he's been used and lied to, like Dennis is saying it to manipulate him.

But that's just for words. Physically speaking, I think Mac is very much aware that Dennis has no intention of ever leaving again, nor can he really. That's how it seemed to be in tggr at least.

The abandonment Mac is afraid of is purely emotional at this point with Dennis. It doesn't need to be a "what if he moves out". More of a "what if he doesn't like me anymore and is using me".

So anyway, about the cycle I mentioned earlier.

This feels like a build up. They can't go on like this forever, they will reach a breaking point. I don't expect them to have an honest and open and calm confrontation and solve their differences before a huge snap of both of them happens, I expect the snap.

You know, either Dennis gets too abrasive and Mac finally "snaps out of him", or Mac gets too submissive and Dennis grows tired of him.

However thanks to Chokes and now Global Warming, we can safely predict it'll be the first one. Chokes set us on a path of Mac making his own decisions, which thanks to GW we know will backfire.

They'll fight, Dennis will be overwhelmed by it as Mac ""leaves"", more on that later, first let me finish my discussion on trust.

I find it suspicious how all the episodes with a semblance of resolution that we have had so far only seemed to fix Dennis' conflicts with Macden. We have failed to address Mac's lack of trust in Dennis' words, even in Texts I think. Especially in Texts.

In Texts it wasn't communication that solved the problem, it was an act, a stare. And we only ever heard Dennis' side of it. Mac at this point already believes that Dennis likes him, so there was nothing new for him to discover at the end.

If anything, it reinforced his belief that Dennis says the opposite of what he thinks, that he isn't honest. Because despite how he's been acting all day, he still saw affection in his eyes, I assume.

But Mac has already always paid attention to what Dennis "really meant", I mean, he does it throughout Texts, thought in the wrong way because it was still through text (miscommunication) and he didn't like to consider the alternative.

I put "really meant" in quotations because Dennis doesn't really work like that. Sure a lot of times Dennis doesn't say what he really means so of course Mac would start interpreting him like that, but there are still many times when he's actually honest. This is just Mac's black and white way of seeing den.

Anyway.

As a result of not feeling heard, Dennis actually developed a heavier and more frequent use of sarcasm. Because if people won't do what he says, then maybe if he says the opposite they'll listen to him. It's a reflex born out of frustration.

Back to the "trust" thing now, because see, all this time Dennis has been acting under the underlying assumption that Mac will choose Him every time. Mac doesn't have this assumption, he has been acting to Prevent Dennis from NOT choosing him.

It's gonna be really interesting, if this turns out to be correct, to see the tables be turned and find out that Dennis was the one with faith. We are used to see Mac believe have it, in god and in their relationship, but ultimately it's Dennis that is trusting Mac to make the right decisions. Which includes choosing Dennis every time.

That's a bigass trust to have for someone who says they have no faith. In contrast to that, what faith has Mac put in Dennis? None that I can think of, he actively does stuff that will please dennis, so far.

"leaving"/"rejecting" Dennis in the finale would constitute, again, Mac's faith in Dennis. He would be choosing something that goes right against everything Dennis wants, having faith that this won't mean they grow apart, and maybe even trusting that it's what Dennis actually needs. And it's what Mac would need as well, as proof that Dennis is serious. Because if he doesn't change his mind, then he is. And you can finally see how the whole season has been constructed as a way to move away from the ND conflict in order to fix their dynamic and broken trust in order to make macdennis work.

This calls back to my meta reading for the first half of the season. Again. This is old stuff. But still accurate.

Some snippets.

I now have a more detailed speculation on how Jumper will go which is no longer the one I had in that meta post, but I will spare you the useless talk and get back to my point. Maybe save that for another post. All I need to say here is that Dennis will be adamant that the answer is SHOULD WE: NO, Mac will want to prove him wrong but Dennis will be proven right, subsequently starting the path for Mac's change of outlook. And what will make him say "no"(t yet) even once Dennis believes they should. Boom, karma.

ANYWAY.

Dennis knows he can depend on Mac or at least he's learning so, Mac isn't sure if he can do the same.

As the two bicker over who had trust in who, and who broke the other's trust, it'll come to the surface, through text, that the roles have shifted. Dennis was trusting Mac all along, Mac wasn't.

Which is why Mac deciding for himself, deciding something that goes against Dennis, saying "no", is the biggest leap of faith Mac can take, the thing that would show us that yes, finally, Mac believes Dennis will still choose him.

TGGR's final part of macden's plot itself shows us Mac accepting Dennis' cynical point of view and losing faith. "I guess we're not gonna get that romantic comedy ending after all". But that is not the note the episode ends with.

Right as Mac accepts that it's not happening, we see Charlie and Frank's ending part of their plot. They're reaching back, they have a new realization. Nikki says that they feel the same way, but they still say no for the time being.

How does this all link to Global Warming, finally?

The Global Warming meta

The jump, the realization, the acceptance, in all the meta I have analyzed in the episodes, it all comes AFTER the explosion, the rejection. First things explode and Mac "leaves", THEN Dennis is overwhelmed and changes his mind, reevaluates. Think of the Nikki&Alexi and Charlie&Frank plot as a frame of reference for this. Think of Chokes also, first Mac says "No", then Dennis is satisfied.

NOW, Global Warming macdennis meta, at its most basic, goes as follows:

Dennis thought what he liked was the sexy girls dancing, then they revolted against him and literally overpowered him, and in the aftermath he has a new outlook on the japanese guys that he once disliked. At the same time as this happens, Mac isn't there to help him.

At the same time, we always see Dennis trying to rationalize his way out of conflicts, and it never working, not with Mac, not with the people in the bar.

Basically, we reach a breaking point in the conflict, and Dennis is overwhelmed by it, Mac doesn't help him in GW, he "leaves", I imagine this symbolizing that Mac finally agreeing with Dennis in the actual final conflict would feel to Den like Mac is "giving up on them". Dennis took Mac choosing him for granted, and he now learns how much trust he had in Mac despite saying otherwise (Chokes) and how much it meant to him. Dennis comes out of it changed.

They both do.

This, as I posted about previously, is all part of "God's plan". Dennis gave Mac back his "free will" in Chokes so that Mac's harsh final decisions could ultimately aid their relationship and trust.

We need Mac to turn Dennis down for the time being AND for Dennis to not change his mind during the wait, for the trust to be restored for both of them. To remedy North Dakota once and for all, and move into the macdennis territory. In a year, aka next season.

So finally, we can see how TGGR, Chokes, Texts and now GW all work together as milestones that set us in that direction.

[romance2d-otomegame]

The Route Thief

Sumary: Everybody used to tell me to stop playing those games, but what can I do? An otome game is pretty addictive and specially if is one like Wizardess Heart. This game is my life! Wait, I didn't mean literally... Then, why I'm suddenly inside on my game!? Is that Hiro and Zeus? When I said this game is my life I didn't mean to want that this game BE my life!

Pairing: Hiro x Marian

Chapter 4

After dinner, Zeus and I went to a walk by the garden. Some orbs of light were flouting on all the way lighting up the path. I tried to touch one, I was wondering if it was hot. But actually it was just warm, and it was beautiful, some how, it make me relax and smile.

"What the heck are you doing?"

And stress came back

"I was just curious."

"I was talking about you coming to Gedonelune. What are you up to?"

Zeus approached me and blocked my way.

"I... Don't know what is happening either. I didn't know anything About it, I swear. "

"Like I'll believe that!"

He seems to be very angry. But why? Do he... He doesn't like his fiance? If I remember well, there's never mentioned that Zeus have a fiance. Like ever! But, it can be that he hides it. I need to know on what timeline am I. Is this before or after Night Class is revealed? The things will develop just like in the game or I'm in another time of story? Any way, why do I have to be Zeus's fiance!? If that was the deal well, I might had been Hiro's fiance, or Alfonse, or Elias. Not that Zeus is that bad, I know he's an idiot but he's very soft on the inside. But it seems like right now, I'm on his bad side. What should I do?

"Why are you against it? You don't want people to know that you have a fiance?"

"What I don't want is you saying everyone that I'm your boyfriend and then trying to boss me around all day!"

Huh? Could it be...?

"Listen, don't tell anyone that we're engaged, if you wanna go to the Academy well, go ahead. But I don't wanna you keep bother me all the time! I won't do all that you say just because it please it you! Understood? After all, is just a matter of time for me to find a way of cancel this compromise. "

I see, Clarisse said that between Zeus and I was an "enthusiastic" relationship. I guess it was her way to say that we discuss all the time. Boss him around huh? Is that what Marian does all the time? So Zeus is against it uh? That explain a lot but still...

"Ho-How rude, I already told you that I didn't know anything about this."

Even when I was trying to keep myself together, I'm weak when somebody rise his voice at me, and my voice shakes a little. I need to calm down. I avoid it him and continue the walk. I took another pat, I needed to stay away from him for a while.

"Gosh, what a big problem."

"You need help?"

I jumped in surprise and turn to see Hiro looking at me. I felt restless, I mean, I always enjoyed looking at him on my phone but here, I can't do that.

"Yo-You scared me."

"Sorry."

He stayed quite for a few moments. What should I do? What kind of relationship have Marian and Hiro? I might make another mistake.

"Oh, look, the flower I send you the other day is already blooming."

"Eh?"

I saw to where he was pointing and I saw a big blue flower on the center of a path. It was really beautiful whit the faint light of the moon upon of her.

"Ah, yea, it has become so pretty."

I smiled to him but he looked at me dead serious at the face. What? Did I mistaken again?

"So, is true?"

"Tru-True. What thing...?"

"It is true that you lost your memories."

My heart that was beating strongly a moment ago, it stopped suddenly. So, he knew. Of course, is Hiro, he can be sharp.

"You... Knew. Since when?"

"I just hear the maids saying something like that so I came to check myself. Of course I never sent you a flower, you neither speak or look at me like ever anyway. But today when we arrive your eyes were glued to me. It was strange since then. But now I see why."

I felt my face burning for embarrassment. Unfortunately there's no other pat I can take to run away.

"P-Please don't say anything. They told me that nobody should know. She'll punish the maids if she finds out too. That'll be unfair."

Hiro's eyes widen.

"Okay, this is kind of strange."

"Why you say so?"

"You're totally different from the Marian I know. She will never worry for the servants. She never smiles or speak softly at least she's plotting something."

"You're making me sound just like mother."

"Mmm... Yea, that's exactly how you are. Both are exasperating. No offense."

"Don't worry, I think I can agree whit you. It seems like I'm such a horrible person uh?"

Okay, now I see why I'm on Zeus bad side. Of course he never liked those things.

"You really hit hard from that fell huh?"

"Ah! Eh... It seems so, he hehe. "

How can I say that actually I'm not from this world!? Losing memories sounds more credible. I'll have to go whit that for now. And if is that the case then, I better gather all the information I can.

"Say, Hiro, if Zeus and I don't get along, why are we engaged? He even said that he'll find a way to cancel it. Why hasn't he done it yet?"

"Well, your mother, and you I think, convinced Zeus's mother to this."

Ah, Zeus's mother is scary to him. That makes sense.

"They're good friends so, Zeus's mother though it was a good idea. Also, your father and Zeus's father have a business right now so, is difficult for Zeus to say something like canceling."

"I see. Even if I also wanted, it seem difficult from my part too."

So basically, mom wants his daughter to marry into nobility. And they trying to caught them by business matters, so they think that a marry is convenient. How typical.

"That's right. But, you can change it if you want."

"What do you mean?"

"You seem to be nicer than before, no offense. So, why don't try to fix things whit him now? Tell him what happened."

"What? They told me to especially not to tell Zeus about it."

"Yea but that can clear a lot of misunderstandings don't you think? Zeus is not that bad as you think."

I know he's not a bad person. He always was a kind person and even when it doesn't seem like it, he was unexpectedly gentle and supportive. Maybe, Hiro is right and I should tell him. He might soften to me.

"Okay, I'll go tell him."

"Good."

I went to search Zeus again on the garden. And when I found it he of course, send me an annoying glance.

"Zeus, there's something I need to tell you."

"uh? What is it this time?"

"Well, you see, it might be hard to believe but, due to the horse falling, I get hit on my head and when I woke up, I've lost my whole memories. I didn't even remember what my name was."

Zeus stayed silent for a moment, he didn't even blink when I told him the story. Did he hear me at least?

"Mmm, I see, so now you don't remember anything uh?"

I looked at him whit hope. Does he believe me?

"Is this just another one of your tricks!?"

"Uh?"

Suddenly, my hopes shattered on pieces.

"What kind of game is that!? Do you really think I'll believe a nonsense like that? You always made up lies like that just to toy with me. That's why I didn't believe that thing of the horse when they told me at first. I just came cuz my mother forced me. And now you have amnesia? Yea right."

Zeus passed me and start walking towards the exit.

"There you are Hiro! Come on, lest get out of here. I'm sick of this place. "

Zeus really is an idiot uh?

"Umm, Marian?"

Hiro approached me from behind. I... Wasn't feeling quiet right.

"Hey, uh, I'm sorry, I... Know I encourage you to tell him but... I guess, I forgot that Zeus is also a big idiot. I should've think on that before."

"No, is okay. He's right. I'm a horrible person after all,. I shouldn't expect him to believe me. "

I felt so frustrated. Nothing of this is my fault! Why I have to bear all of this? I couldn't see Hiro in the eye so I just turned and started to leave. But a ruffle of my dress got caught on a root. Gosh! What else can go wrong! I stared to pull my skirt to free it. Stupid dress!

"Calm down, if you pulled it like that you'll ripped it."

Hiro kneeling down and carefully loose the riffle.

"There you go."

He stood up again, and my eyes fixed on the sword he was wearing on his waist. I saw his tattoo on the other arm too.

"Are you okay?"

He asked me.

"I... Remembered that I'll be going to a Magic Academy next week. But, I don't know anything about magic."

"You also forgot it?"

"I guess."

"Well, it always exists the possibility for you to remember. We still don't know how much time this will be."

"I don't know if I want to be back to who I was before. It seems that I'm not a good person."

I miss my home, I miss my family, I miss my friends. This is not what I wanted. Will I ever go back to my own world?

"Well, it doesn't matter anymore, right?. You are the one living now. Whoever you were in the past it has stayed behind, you don't need to behave like someone you don't know. The one you are right now is the one that matters. And while you are here you can, you know, take advantage of this life and live it to the fullest. Don't you think?"

Hiro's words sounded like he'll know about the real me. It felt like... It really makes sense... In a strange way.

"Hey, Hiro! Hurry up! What is taking you so long!?"

"And that's my call. You should come too, to say goodbye. "

"Uh, right."

"The name is Hiro, by the way. Just in case."

"Hiro. Thank you, for being so nice even when is obviously that I haven't been nice to you before. "

"Don't mind it."

He briefly smiled at me and then keep walking, he is so considerated.

We said goodbye at the entrance, and while they leave I keep thinking on Hiro's words, he made me feel a lot at ease. Hehe, he is just like in the game huh? I should live this life to the fullest uh? I headed to my room, but before climbing the stairs, someone grabbed my hair and pulled me up stairs.

"Kyaa! What...!?"

I briefly saw that it was mother the one pulling me from my hair. And she didn't let me go until we reach my room. She pushed me inside and I stumble whit my dress and fell on the ground.

"Can I know what we're you thinking?"

Now, why is she so angry now?

"What were you doing talking whit that servant?"

"Servant? You mean Hiro?"

"Your goal is Zeus! You don't have time to lose on a servant, I've told you thousands of times! The only reason that you will be sent to Gedonelune is to be closer to Zeus and marry him, that's the only way we can enter the nobility, keep that clear on your mind! That's the only thing you can do for your family that it has giving you everything. Don't forget it."

She turned and slammed the door. I didn't even have time to say anything. Is this the kind of circumstances that Marian lives then? So I guess that's the reason why she's so desperate. Oh, look at my dress! It ripped. Hiro untangle it so carefully just a minute ago. I stood up and headed to the window. Is such a stary night, Hiro's word keep sounding on my head. It doesn't matter who I was before, this is what I have now. Let's take the best of it while it last! The good part is that I'll get out of here and I'll be on that place where so many adventures happens! Let this dream last all that it wants!

To be continued...

[clairecrive]

Come back (Part 2)

It has been highly requested and here it is! Buckle up, because this image is very very long.

Tag: @mschellehitt

***

Crap Crap Crap, did I already say crap?

I couldn't imagine a more embarrassing situation.

Maybe he's just arrived and he hasn't heard anything. Yeah, that's possible.

Clinging desperately onto this possibility, I act like nothing compromising has happened and I smile and wave at him like I normally would.

He doesn't react, his face still emotionless while he starts walking towards our table. So I turn back so that I was facing Elijah.

He was the only reason why I wasn't freaking out. With him present, the conversation couldn't turn too personal, right?

But as always, nothing goes like I want and when I turn around, I see that Elijah is about to stand up.

"What are you doing?" I ask worried

"You two need to talk, I'm going to leave you alone." he says and stands up when Klaus is standing beside me

I stand up too, in hope to convince him to stay with a panicked expression but he doesn't budge. Stubborn stubborn man, ugh.

Instead he gives me a big smile and a tight hug to reassure me.

"It's going to be okay, just be honest with him. Don't be afraid." he whispers in my ear before pulling away.

He gives a nod of recognition to Klaus and leaves us alone.

I quickly sit back down, to avoid his eyes. I had already drunk my coffe but I thought that staying in a public place is better for this kind of situation.

He also sits down and doesn't utter a word. I can feel his eyes on me though so, before he could ask anything I break the silence trying to do a little small inoffensive talk.

"It's a beautiful morning, isn't it?"I ask. Lame I know but whatever.

"Indeed it is." he replies

Great intervention, 100 for the effort.

"It's the perfect weather to do an outdoor activity. Do you have anything planned for today?" I dare to ask.

I mean it's still a safe question but only now I realize that his answer could involve his girlfriend.

"It's not exactly an outdoor activity but I was thinking about some truth spilling. What do you think?" he says hinting at my previous conversation with Elijah not so delicately.

"Well, I mean if you have something on your chest then yes, go for it." I cluelessly reply

"I like to believe that I'm always very forward in my relationships. However,there is someone among us that needs to let something off their chest, but it's not me."

Shit, shit shit.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I mutter in a weak and lame attempt to keep up pretenses.

He angrily hits the table startling me and getting the everyone's attention. I should have seen this coming, he has a bit of a temper. Just a little bit.

"Enough with these lies. Since when have you been lying to my face? After everything that we've been through, don't you think I deserve to know the truth?" he asks apparently fed up with my lies

I had hoped to never have this conversation with him because I knew that if had had it, I wouldn't have known what to say.

I know he's hurt by my lies, and that was never my intention. Our relationship has always been based on mutual trust and honesty. So I guess his reaction is not so dramatic after all.

Now I'm faced with a choice, do I tell him the truth consequently putting me on the front line, or do I just dismiss this conversation by leaving?

Would he let me leave though? And more importantly, do I have the strength to get up and leave him here knowing that this is my last chance with him?

The internal battle was pretty clear but as cliché as it sounds, as soon as I looked into his beautiful enticing blue eyes, I knew that I couldn't leave him here or lie to him anymore.

I've already hurt him enough, he deserves an explanation.

I take a deep breath and leaning away from him towards the back of the chair I nod, letting him know that I was going to tell him what he wanted.

After that, a couple of minutes pass in silence, in my vain attempt to find the right words. But I mean, what better words than those who come form the heart?

"Before I say anything, I want you to know that if I didn't tell you anything it's because I thought it was the best thing for you. I haven't exactly been lying to you, but I do have been omitting some things. I don't know how much you've heard before, but I'm going to start from the beginning." I start explaining looking at him

"I think you probably know this, but I don't trust people easily. I'm sure you understand, although it's not for the same reason. When I'm getting to know someone, and we get along well I almost immediately get attached to them. After a while, I saw that this was not good for me seeing as almost everyone I've ever met has screwed me over. So, I guess you could call it a defense mechanism, but now I only let some people in and after a while." I open up to him. My voice was very low but I didn't worry about not being heard for his supernatural hearing and all that.

"I think it's safe to say that you and your family were let in. Pretty much after a day I've met you. And before you ask, no I don't regret it, I do trust you and you all know that. By now, I'm sure you're wondering, so where's the problem?" I rhetorically ask him

His eyes never left mine during this time so I know he was following me. Now shit gets real and I don't have it in me to look at him while I confess this. So I decide to play with the cup of coffee in my hands.

"The thing is, that now we enter in a new field kinda. I'm not ashamed to admit that I've never been in a serious relationship. The only guy I've ever trusted enough to let him completely in (no pun intended) has royally screwed me over and thrown my trust for guys into the bin. Since then, I've never been romantically involved with anyone. And I was fine with it, really. But then you came into my life and everything changed, cliché I know." I pause for a moment because I hear him chuckle and oh boy how I missed that sound.

"Well, almost everything. You see, I'm still scared that things will end on the worst terms and I don't want that. Not with you." At this, I can't help myself but glance at him. His look on me was so intense that I wondered how come I haven't melted yet.

"Yes, I do have feelings for you. Yes, I guess it would make me very happy to be with you. But that's not the point. I realized it too late, I let my fear win and now I've lost you. I didn't want to tell you because it's not fair to you, you've found a beautiful girl that makes you happy. I was too late, end of the story." I finish still not looking at him.

When I do though, his gaze was almost scheming, like he was figuring something out. I look at him in silence, giving him the chance to take all of this in.

After a while, when I was ready to admit defeat and retreat into my house of losers, he smiles leaving me breathless and speechless.

He's always read me like an open book, even better than Elijah, so my bewilderment was pretty evident for him. That's why he let out a little laugh.

He leans towards me and takes my hands off the cup and into his before speaking.

"You know I'd never hurt you, right?" he asks

"That's beside the point, Klaus. I'm not worried that you'd hurt me, not voluntarily at least" I admit

"Then what are you afraid of?"

"What if you get bored of me? What if you get fed up with me and fall in love with someone else? I mean, you do have eternity after all, so why would you settle with boring plain me?" I explain

"Why wouldn't I?" he smartly asks

"The question is, why would you? I'm sure you can find someone better than me. Maybe you've already found her." I hit at his current girlfriend.

"You know, I think that your fear is not the problem here, rather it's your non-existent self-confidence." Ehm, what?

"You once told me that in order to make another love you, you should love yourself first. But you see, that's not quite right. Yes, you should love yourself but if you don't yet that doesn't mean that no one will too." he says not really waiting for a reply

"I love you, I've loved you since the first time I saw you. It took me a little to figure that out, you know me and my paranoia."

"It's okay to be scared, I am too. I've never done this with anyone either. Didn't you think that I could be afraid of losing you too?" he asks now waiting for me to answer

"No, I didn't." I admit

"I really wish you would have told me all of this earlier, it would have saved us some time." he finally says.

"I know, I'm too late." I say trying to pull my hands away from his. But his grip is strong and prevents me from doing so.

"No, you're not. There's no such thing as 'being too late'. Haven't you heard me before when I told you I love you?" he asks

"So what exactly are you saying?"I timidly ask.

"I'm saying that if you come back to me, I'll come back to you." He says with a smile making my heart flutter

I can't believe this, how I was blessed with this amazing guy still goes over my head.

"And what about your girlfriend? I don't want to be 'the other girl'" I state making him laugh

"There's no girlfriend. She's just a really good friend. You're the only one for me since the moment you walked into my life." he sweetly admits

"Oh please, enough with the cheesiness. You're lucky I love you" I lightheartedly admit. It felt so good to finally admit my feelings out loud, it was so freeing. It was amazing. He was amazing.

He doesn't reply right away, probably enjoying the fact that I had finally said that I loved him too.

"I love you too, Y/N." he says and leans towards me. I also lean towards him to meet him halfway and our lips finally meet in a beautiful kiss full of love and longing.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi everyone!

I'm so happy that you've loved this idea that I've decided to post part 2 as soon as I could

Just joking, but I would like to take to this opportunity not only to thank every single one of my readers but also to let you know that I deeply enjoy writing request. It really makes me feel appreciated as a writer.

So yeah, if you have a request do let me know and if not well just let me know what you think of this imagine.

Byee

[kinkyquirk]

Dumb it down? Heck no! This is my first request and I'm doing this shit RIGHT. Hope you like it. 😁

------------------------------------------------------------------

Aizawa was late. As per usual.

Class was supposed to start 5 minutes ago and Iida had been dutifully instructing students to get to their desks, encouraging them to remain seated when they became fidgety in the continued absence of their teacher.

You eyes darted between the door and the boy sitting in front of you, trying to decide if you could spend a little time with your freckled boyfriend before class started. Just as you had made up your mind - the class slowly begining to murmur amongst themselves - he turned in his seat, smiling back at you with that innocent grin you adored, "Well, looks like we'll be waiting a while."

Ugh, he was just so cute. When he had accepted your feelings a few weeks ago, you had been over the moon. You had fully expected him to turn you down because he was so busy training hard to become the number one hero. And sure, you and him didn't spend as much time together as the average couple, but you were okay with that. Studying together and the very occasional date was all you needed as long as he was with you.

You were smiling back instantly, leaning you head on your hand, "Looks like it."

A rosy hue dusted his cheeks suddenly, his fingers fiddling together on top of the back of his chair, "You, uh...you look especially beautiful today..," he mumbled softly.

OH GOSH, YOUR HEART.

You couldn't help the blush that sprung up on your cheeks at the unexpected compliment, smile brightening, "Why thank you my especially handsome boyfriend," you fired back, relishing in the way the entirety of his face and neck became as red as Kirishima's hair. He was just so easy to fluster!

He tried his best to compose himself, clearing his throat and ruffling his already unruly hair, "I-handsome is a-," but he stopped, remembering your talk with him about accepting your compliments and to have more confidence in himself, "uhm, th-thank you."

His smile began to fade then, and, in turn, yours dropped off your face in worry. Izuku was known to over think things and cause himself grief over problems that weren't as big as he thought they were, but this expression was different. Something was really eating at him this time.

"Izuku?" You questioned, leaning forward to get a better look at him.

He met your eyes and gave a small, forced smile, "It's just...," he began, sighing and slumping slightly in defeat. Panic spiked through you for a moment, afraid you had done something to upset him. He reached forward, gently taking your hand in his own scarred one and rubbed your knuckles with his thumb, effectively ending your worries and sending a completely different spike through you, "You're such a wonderful girlfriend and I...I don't treat you the way you deserve to be treated."

It was very possible that this boy would give you a heart attack sometime during this relationship.

You sighed in relief, "That's what's bothering you? Izuku, I don't need anything special-" you began, but he cut you off with a shake of his head.

"But you deserve it!" He stressed, squeezing your hand softly, "You deserve to be taken on nice dates and to have so much more of my attention. I should be showing you how much I cherish you and instead I'm just...treating you like an afterthought..."

Well, you hadn't seen this coming. You supposed if the roles were reversed, that would feel like a lot of weight on your shoulders. It upset you that something like this had been burdening him and for a moment wondered...if you should have kept your feelings to yourself. You had just complicated things for him.

"Do you think of me as an afterthought?" you asked, prepared to prove to him that he was anything but neglectful.

He jumped at the question, eyes wide, "No! Of course not!" he assured, "I can't get you out of my mind!"

The classroom went silent.

You were sure the both of you were the same, glowing red color.

"Lady troubles, Deku?" Denki chortled, followed closely by the familiar sound of Jiro smacking him with her ear jacks. Uraraka suddenly and conveiniently remembered a funny story and began ethusiastically regaling the classroom of her scuffle with a pizza box and squid mascot. Bless her.

You fanned your cheeks, attempting to cool the flames beneath them while Izuku took his own time calm himself.

"Sorry, I-" he began, but you cut him off this time, shaking your head with a sympathetic smile, "No, I'm sorry. I should know by now how you'd react to a question like that."

"I meant it, though."

You looked up, surprised to see him watching you with a determined intensity that you're a bit embarrassed to say nearly had you fainting in your chair. He pressed onward, "You're always on my mind. From the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. And sometimes when I dream."

Okay, now that was bordering on cheesy, but it sent your heart fluttering uncontrollably in your chest.

He grabbed his backpack, rummaging through it for a moment and hesitating a moment before pulling out what he was looking for, "I was going to wait until lunch to give this to you, but...now seems better," He smiled, "I know it doesn't make up for all the time we should be spending together, but-"

You almost screamed at the box in his hand, hardly believing what you were looking at, "IS THAT THE ULTRA RARE SUPER LIMITED EDITION AMERICAN SOLDIER ALL MIGHT ACTION FIGURE? MINT IN THE BOX?"

At this point, you didn't care if you had once again drawn the attention of the entire class. This was a unicorn in the wild. A collectable that you were certain you would never see anywhere other than on your computer screen.

If there was one thing you and Izuku had in common, it was your love for the number one hero, All Might.

Izuku was quick to join in your excitement, "EXACTLY! I KNEW YOU'D RECOGNIZE IT! ONLY FIFTY OF THESE WERE EVER MADE!"

"I THOUGHT THESE HAD ONLY BEEN GIFTED TO AMERICAN POLITICIANS DURING THE INTERNATIONAL HERO TREATY OF 2002?"

"THEY WERE! 12 POLITICIANS WHO VOTED AGAINST THE TREATY SOLD OR TOSSED THEM AND MY MOM'S FRIEND FROM WORK KNEW A GUY THAT-"

Your smile fell as you listened to the story of how he had ended up with such a priceless item and realized...you couldn't accept this. No matter how much you loved All Might, you couldn't take this from Izuku.

"-what's wrong?" he looked crestfallen at your sudden loss of enthusiasm.

"Izuku, I couldn't possibly accept something like this," you shook your head sadly, "It's worth way too much."

"But, I want you to have it!" He insisted, holding it out to you earnestly, "It's okay, I have lots of rare All Might merch!"

You gently pushed it back towards him, shaking your head once again, "I know, but this is just-"

"Then keep it safe for me," he compromised, taking your hands and holding them to the box. God, his hands. You loved how they felt on yours. So strong and warm.

He leaned forward, and - to your shock - placed a soft kiss to your fingers. Your heart did maybe 15 flips. His smile had the smallest hint of mischief in it when he pulled back, "I'm counting on you."

The very next instant, you had your arms around him. The noise you made was, in retrospect, pretty embarrassing as you crushed him to you, bouncing happily. Now that was a compromise you could deal with. And that sneaky little smile peppered with those adorable freckles? GOD HE WAS JUST TOO MUCH!

"MIDORIYA!"

The scandalized voices of Denki and Mineta reverberated around the room, bringing you to a startled halt. There was a dark aura radiating off the two of them as they glared at the boy in your arms.

That was when you noticed the reddened faces of your classmates...and the...warmth between your...

Izuku's face was consumed. Disappeared to the ears -which were positively cherry - between your breasts. You had never pulled away from an embrace so quickly.

"YOU ALREADY GET TO DATE THE GIRL WITH ONE OF THE BEST RACKS IN CLASS! YOU GOT SOME NERVE RUBBING OUR NOSES IN IT LIKE THAT!" Mineta screeched, eyes completely white as blood spewed from his nostrils.

And then they were face down on the classroom floor, Tsuyu and Jiro standing over their battered forms. You hardly noticed their beatings, wide eyes gauging your boyfriend's own shocked expression.

The corner of his lip twitched.

Was he-

Aizawa chose then to enter the room, nonchalant as he made his way to the front of the class, scratching his cheek, "Sorry. I overslept."

You quickly - though carefully - placed the action figure in your bag while the class settled down, taking seats and facing forward. Your face was still burning to ashes, eyes unable to stray more than a minute from Izuku's trembling shoulders when he sent small wad of paper over his shoulder and onto your desk.

Sure that Aizawa wasn't looking, you opened it.

Steam hissed from the collar of your shirt.

Don't be too embarrassed. I liked it. A lot.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Class 1-A's thoughts:

Aoyama: Such an intimate display in such a public place! How very avant-garde. *twinkles*

Bakugo: What the hell? What is this, some kind of porno? Get a fucking room! *blushing slightly, but mostly pissed off*

Hagakure: What is Y/N doing?! We're in class! * *

Iida: THAT IS HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE! SCHOOL RULES SPECIFICALLY STATE THAT PDA IS PROHIBITED ON SCHOOL GROUNDS! NO MATTER HOW SOFT AND FRAGRANT HER BREASTS MUST BE, THIS IS- WAIT NO I-! *red and denying his last thought even happened*

Jiro: Holy shit. Get it, Y/N. *unimpressed, but supportive*

Kaminari: No way! She's-! SHE'S-!

Kirishima: Whoa, are they for real?! Do they even know everyone is looking at them? Man, Midoriya, you're full of surprises. *is shocked and blushes*

Koda: Oh, gosh! That's so naughty! *hides his face in his hands*

Mina: Whoa-ho! He's been devoured! *wide eyed and covers her mouth*

Mineta: TH-THE LEGENDARY MOTORBOAT! AND BY THE GIRL WITH THE SECOND BIGGEST RACK IN CLASS? MIDORIYA!!!

Momo: Oh, wow! I've heard about this courting ritual! But it seems a bit inappropriate to be carried out in class... *blushes and looks away*

Ojiro: What the-! Geez...my heart can't take much more of this... *blushes, looks away and sighs*

Sato: *sato.exe has stopped working*

Sero: IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING? HE'S NOT EVEN TRYING TO STOP HER! LUCKY!

Shoji: *shocked; his mind genuinely goes blank*

Todoroki: What is...she doing? *is genuinely confused*

Tokoyami: Er...hm. Those two are always so loud. *a little flustered, but mostly unimpressed*

Tsuyu: Y/N is a lot more bold than I thought. *blushes a little, but expression stays the same*

Uraraka: B-BOOBS! *red and shellshocked*

[unluckyxse7en-moving]

So. Been thinking about being neurodivergent and struggling to fit in lately. It's a conversation that's come up multiple times - with friends, with family, with myself - and with each discussion I find this common factor always crops up - those involved in the conversation, always bring up the frustration that they can't measure up to their peers. That they can't seem to replicate their peer's seemingly effortless performance no matter how the nd person themselves works to match it. And lately, I've been saying- and reminding myself- the same key advice, that I'm not sure I see around a lot: Don't compare yourself to them - and, stay with me here - because you're not similar enough to BE comparable in those respects you struggle in.

The closest, if sloppy, analogy I can come up with to liken it is this way - you are, in short, the left-hander in the right-hander's world. Now if you're a leftie like me, you already probably see where I'm going with this. Hopefully you don't focus on how "lacking" you are for not being able to fit in as easily as right-handers do. If you do? Stop that. Right now. Because we're gonna get into why that's unreasonable for you to ask of yourself.

Now right-handers, I'm sure you're a little confused, so let's illustrate with some visuals:

[ID: a photo of a person's lap. They are sitting in a chair, with an armrest/cupholder visible in the left corner, and a miniature table that's part of the table on the right. The person is holding a half-eaten, gooey cookie in their right hand, holding it over a plate on the miniature table to avoid crumbs falling on them. End ID]

Simple enough, right? Now my ID is a little more subjective and includes non-visual details to add to the picture, but there's a reason I did that, so I encourage everyone to read it along with the following ID:

[ID: same photo as above, only now the person in the seat is holding the cookie in their left hand. Instead of holding it with their arm on their left armrest, they are holding the cookie over the plate as in the image above, reaching over themselves in the process. Also in the image now, which had been blocked from view in the first image, is a bowl of empty soup with a spoon resting in it. The spoon's handle is pointed towards the left. End ID]

Now, that suddenly looks a lot more complicated, doesn't it? Guess what I, a left-hander, was doing their entire mealtime. Reaching and stretching and contorting to keep food over the plate and bowl as much as possible.

"Why didn't you move the table?" You might ask - because I couldn't. The chair was manufactured with the table bolted to its right. Many schooldesks are built the same way. Why did i sit there in the first place, when a normal chair and table are clearly visible right in front of me?

Because I'm already trying to find a way to comfortably dine out in a way that requires accommodations - my sensory overload means I need a quiet corner as far from people as possible. As it happened, this was the furthest, quietest corner during lunch rush, and even that seat in front of me would have meant subjecting myself to more sensory information than necessary. A crossroads between my experience as a leftie, and my experience as a neurodivergent person. And, since my neurodivergent struggles often come with discomfort or pain when compromised on, it wasn't much of a choice.

Which circles me back to the reason I made this post. As a leftie, I've grown up with this unspoken handicap (if you'll pardon the pun) - not a handicap in disabled means per se, but I've encountered infinitesimal struggles righties aren't as likely to run into - trouble with handwriting smudging, cutting with right-hand oriented scissors, sitting at desks for right-handed people in school. When I was learning how to write even, my mom struggled to teach me to put spaces where I was supposed to and to this day I still have that problem - I can't see the words I just wrote when I write, my left hand blocks them and it messes up my ability to judge how big a space is needed. When learning how to dance, most dances start with the dominant side - if your dominant side is your right. I always had to unlearn starting on the left before properly learning the dance steps with my right, which meant I didn't pick up the moves as fast as my peers. could probably go on, but basically I've run into all sorts of little hurdles that I had to jump and navigate - and I have. And this isn't meant as a wahh pity post for being a leftie. I've had very few complaints. But it sets me apart from peers and requires me to put in extra effort to match their results. It also makes me stand out in ways that aren't always flattering, like when someone reaches to do a handshake and I put out the wrong hand. But this is just how I am, for better or worse, and it can't be changed and shouldn't be considered a fault. Being neurodivergent very much falls into this same category.

Now reading all of this, I know. How can there NOT be a problem? Being set apart from peers, struggling with things that come intuitively to them, etc. doesn't sound good. But! My analogy doesn't end there! There's one very important aspect to being a left-handed person that you could argue easily makes up for it in a noticeable manner- lefties can think and problem solve differently, in a way that righties aren't as inclined to. Being a leftie means a different part of your brain works more, and you have a fresh perspective on things that is beneficial in so many ways. So, too, does neurodivergency work in a similar vein. You may struggle with the ""easy"" tasks, the things that are portrayed as simple and obvious. But to make up with it, you have innumerable strengths that neurotypicals don't! You can do things they couldn't do, calculations in your head, problem solving, recognizing patterns, excellent observation of minute details, creative flow that's unparalleled and unmatched.... the list could go on and for each of you it's different. But you have strengths. Being the "lefty" isn't bad. It's a struggle, true - because our society is tailored to "righties", a specific subset of people who work a certain way. That needs to change. But you? You don't. And every time that you, the lefty, are reaching over yourself, correcting yourself, teaching yourself ways to adapt to the righty world, you're showing more effort and dedication to your work, more perseverance than the righty may ever know. And if that's not admirable, and impressive, and a feat to be proud of, that gets repeated daily, I don't know what is.

You are in a biased situation where the cards are stacked against you. That's unfair and deserving of your frustration. But never turn that frustration onto you. You can't help being the way you are, in handedness and in your brain's functions. But you're already working so hard to make up for it, and have your own natural strengths to make up for it. So if you worry about not measuring up in one field... just remember you have strengths that the others don't have.

[littlethingwithfeathers]

Alternate Endgame fix-it for “Friendship is Unnecessary”

So there’s no update this week for my Steve/Nat and sometimes Steve/Nat/Bucky series “Friendship is Unnecessary” because I’m still editing the next installment. It’s due out next Monday, but in the mean time, I thought I’d share a little of what might’ve been. I usually try not to work ahead of canon, but as Endgame grew closer and closer, I couldn’t help but start turning over ideas and what-ifs for a post-Endgame fic for my series. I had a feeling that this would be the end of the line (har har) for this story, but I still had no idea what shape that would take. But I was about lets call it 70% certain that Cap was a goner. And with that certainty came creativity. I knew Bucky and Nat would under no circumstances let Steve stay dead... so what would they do? How would they get him back? And I came up with an idea. So here you go... to tide you over to next week, I give you a little taste of what might have been had Steve been the one to make the sacrifice play. *** “I’m tired, Bucky. I’m tired of not having people to bury.” ***

"Hey Natasha?"

Both Natasha and Bucky peeled themselves out of the space of misery they shared to look back towards the door.

"Hey Clint." she said, looking mildly surprised at his greeting. It was strange to hear people speak these days. Grief and shock seemed to have stolen everyone's voices.

He didn't immediately come in, clearly conscious of the fact that he'd interrupted something. Well, not anything scandalous. He'd interrupted their grieving, and that was worse somehow.

"Nat, I… can I ask you something?"

"Sure, Clint." Both she and Bucky turned to face him a little more, and Natasha beckoned to him. 

Clint took a few steps into the room but still more or less occupied the doorway. Natasha saw that he had a folder in his hand. One with crisp edges and a tightly wound twine closure. And the front was stamped with a familiar stylized eagle.

The SHIELD logo.

“What is that?” Natasha heard herself ask, her eyes on the folder as if it were a coiled snake. Or maybe more accurately, a loaded gun.

Clint pressed his lips together before he replied. As if he were tasting his response before letting  it foul the air. "When you dumped all of the SHIELD and Hydra files onto the internet for the world to enjoy�� did… did you read any of them?"

She pouted in thought. "Some. The STRIKE personnel files mostly. The ones we had to track down after the fact. But I stopped digging after awhile. Seemed like the deeper I got, the more people kept shocking me by being allied with Hydra. Decided it wasn't worth it after awhile. I have an archive of all the data, but I only go dumpster diving when I need something."

Clint just nodded, thumbing at the edge of the folder and finally stepping into the room.

"What is it, Clint?" she asked, the edge of her voice filed sharp. Not with malice or impatience. Just with a keen desire to cut through the haze of grief and disbelief that had them all bound up and silent these days. "What did you find?"

He huffed out a deflating sigh and then held out the file. "You… might want to look at this."

"What is it?" she asked, taking it and laying it out on the couch between her and Bucky.

"It's… Phil's file."

"Phil?" Bucky asked, scooting a little closer. He'd been quiet so far. Just watching the exchange.

"Agent Phillip J. Coulson." Natasha said crisply as she unwound the twine closure.

"Your old handler." Bucky said, eyes flicking between them. "And…"

"Yeah, that too." Clint filled in when Bucky had trailed off.

Natasha wasn't looking at either of them. She was flipping through page after page of familiar mission reports. "What am I looking for, Clint?" She asked, pausing after several pages of debriefs to look up at him.

"Keep going." He said darkly, folding his arms across his chest so that his tattoos peeked out the bottom of his sleeve. "You'll know it when you see it."

At first it was just mission briefs and records. All very much the same. Eventually, she got to the autopsy report. Gruesome pictures that she flipped through without so much as flinching. Though Clint clearly wasn't interested in this part. His eyes were everywhere but the file.

But then… they were suddenly back to mission reports. A physical. Working with a team on one of the Zephyr class aircraft. Another physical. Requested by Phil this time. More missions. New team members… then it all abruptly stops with the rise of Hydra.

Her brows crowded down around her haunted eyes as she checked and double checked dates. The new sets of mission briefings… they were all after the Battle of New York. But that… that couldn't…

"Clint, what is this?"

"Coulson was alive, Nat." Clint said finally. "He died on the helicarrier when... " his voice caught on the truth, but he tore it free. "When I broke Loki out of holding, but Fury couldn't leave him dead. He used some kind of alien voodoo to bring Coulson back to life. Gave him a new team. A new objective. Kept them all way off the radar."

"Even planned to make him director when he dropped off the map after Hydra took over." Natasha finished for him, her voice gone vague. "He… he's alive? He's-"

"As far as I can tell? Yes. I did a little digging once I found that file. Course, the trail goes cold after SHIELD falls. But Phil pops up in a few places. Mostly in conjunction with that ATCU and a U.S. General named Talbot. But… it's been a couple of years since anyone's really seen him or his team. Aside from an enhanced girl who went vigilante. Called herself Quake."

"I remember her." Natasha said, her voice still soft and feathery. "They… Fury brought him back to life and then didn't tell us?"

"Didn't tell anybody, best I can tell. The only people in SHIELD who knew he was alive and weren't Hydra were his team, Maria Hill, and Fury himself."

"How did they do it? It…" She thumbed back through the autopsy record. "It doesn't say anything here."

"Did some digging on that too." Clint said. "Turns out Fury had a pet project with roots that go all the way back to the late 90′s. Research into some kind of alien tech with the goal of securing a means of resurrection should an Avenger bite the dust."

"And he found a way, and tested it on Agent Coulson?" Bucky said dubiously.

"Didn't test it on him. Used it on him." Clint corrected. "He already knew SHIELD was compromised. Already had his doubts about the Security Council. But no one in their right fucking mind would doubt Phil Coulson."

"Sounds like someone we know." Bucky said, cutting his sullen gaze over to Natasha.

"Yeah. And that's kinda what I'm getting at with all this." Clint said. "Fury's toolbox is the only place the records of this resurrection tech were kept. Project T.A.H.I.T.I. it was called. You'll have to go get it from them at their new base."

"Well, where is it?" Natasha asked. "Does Phil still have it?"

"While I was skipping the fringe as Ronin, I did hear tell that SHIELD has changed hands to one of Phil's teammates. One Alphonso Mackenzie."

"I know that name. Mack, right?" Natasha flipped through the file again, looking for his profile. "Counter-terrorism unit? He was a mechanic. Worked with Agent Morse's squad." 

"The very same. Switched to field agent when SHIELD fell, and worked under Coulson for years. Then Phil handed directorship over to him at some point. Details aren't super clear. Like I said… trail kinda goes cold after Hydra." Clint replied. "I suggest you track him down if you want to find out how they got Coulson back. So… y'know. We can get on with getting the band back together."

Natasha flipped around through the roster of the Zephyr team. Some faces were familiar. May. Tripplet. Ward. But others not so much. A pair of young scientists, Fitz and Simmons. Daisy Johnson, also known as Skye. She was an ex-hacker with Inhuman powers… she must be "Quake." 

She flipped. And flipped. And considered.

"You really want to raise Steve from the dead that bad?" Bucky asked, as he watched her leaf through the pages.

"Look, the world's not going to stay quiet." Clint said, lifting one shoulder. "There's no use pretending that we won't be needed. That there isn't possibly something bigger and badder than Thanos out there and whatever it is has our names written on a very big stick. I don't want Tony to be right again. I've learned that lesson. I stuck my head in the fucking sand twice. I'm not doing it again. And I don't think you want to do that either."

Natasha cut her eyes to Bucky who still looked quite dubious of the whole thing. But then as he met her eyes, something cold, and black, and nameless rolled over between them and stretched its claws. Nameless because if they spoke its name they might cut their tongues. A bladed thing. A dark thing. But not something easily forgotten.

And something they could be together.

A solve to this problem.

They were good at solving problems.

"It can't hurt to ask." she told him finally. "Especially…" she sniffed, her hand falling over a picture of Phil on location during a mission… it looked like he was somewhere in the south Pacific. Sunglasses and a hat... "Especially if Phil's still alive… Like you said. We will need all the help we can get."

Bucky nodded. "Okay." he said. "Let's see if we can find Director Mackenzie and… get started."

[downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles]

We Met Within This Screen (chapt. 2)

[Donnie x fem reader]

Sfw, part 1 here

Intellectually, Donnie was the best matchup for their leader as today was sparring day. He'd gone against his oldest brother many times, sometimes even coming out the victor himself, but today was just not his day.

He held his staff with that iron grip of his and waited for Leo to come at him. Donnie was more on the defensive than any of his brothers; he had to be. Out of all he was weakest physically but superior in calculations, but he was missing range in this matchup. Leo had a hard time disarming him as his katana could sometimes get lodged in the solid wood staff, giving Donnie leverage to perform the finisher in the short time it took him to dislodge his sword. He thought this time would be how that would happen.

"You're slow today, Donnie," Leo said as he lunged at his brother with a swing of his katana, forcing Donnie to step back. He was too focused on blocking Leo's rapid succession of attacks to respond.

Leo reeled back to swing his blade again but Donnie parried and struck his arm with his staff, shoving it aside. For a split second, Leo actually thought he was fixing to go down by this move if Donnie could hit him again quick enough. But his brother hesitated in thought, and without any reluctance himself, he used his other katana to put him in a compromising position. The match was over and Donnie was forced to stand down.

"Why did you hesitate?" Leo questioned him, lowering his blade. Raph watched from the sidelines with Mikey as they prepared to go up next. Since Leo was the winner, it was Raph's turn next to spar in his younger brother's place.

Donnie huffed and dropped his stance, putting his staff away. "It's just an off day," he replied. Splinter wasn't there to dictate today's training session and tournament, so Donnie was already on his way out to go to his lab by the time Raph stepped up to spar. But Leo sheathed his sword and put a hand on Donnie's shoulder, stopping him in his tracks.

"You've been pretty eager to run back to your lab lately," Leo said matter-of-factly. He was wondering what was going on, why Donnie seemed weirdly distant the last couple of weeks. He had gone through a very withdrawn phase in earlier times upon entering his teenage years, but now, he was legitimately making everyone guess. He didn't snap at his brothers, and he wasn't any more impatient than usual. But something was different. He'd been spending a lot more time holed up in his lab, which everyone began to notice. Leo wanted to know what was wrong.

Donnie shifted and shrugged, "Like I said, I've been busy with some projects. Also, it's not like I have much to do out here beside training and patrol."

Leo opened his mouth to speak, but Mikey jumped on between them. "You missed game night last week! You never miss it," he butted in. Both Donnie and Leo gave him a look as if to say really? and he added in, "Well, uh...not usually."

Gently moving Mikey aside, Leo wanted to continue, but he saw Donnie staring at him expecting a follow-up when he didn't really have one. Whatever this was, Leo knew that coming at Donnie with questions was not the way to go about it. So he stepped back and gave his brother some space.

"We all have off days," Leo said finally after an awkward moment of silence. "Just work on your speed, Don."

"Got it."

With that, Donnie turned to leave, and Raph entered the ring to go against Leo in the last match of the night.

Once Donnie was gone, Leo got ready to spar with Raph. As they got into position, he contemplated bringing this recent development up with the other two, but decided against it in the end. He didn't want to incriminate Donnie, especially with Raph's assertive approach to handling things. Donnie could be somewhat flighty at times when it came to resolving matters of emotion, at times a little too introspective, but Leo couldn't fault him—he had his own struggles with that very thing, too.

Done, finally, Donnie thought as he skirted into his lab and started up the game. He was late to the party quite literally; training lasted longer than he'd thought, and he was disappointed to see that his newest friend was online, but not responding to his invite. Did everyone get together and play without him? After a few minutes, he almost decided on giving up. The instance made him contemplate whether he even wanted to continue this. Perhaps he'd been too eager.

He sighed. And then the menu pinged, and he was there reading the message in an instant.

Hey, sorry I partied up without you, I just didn't know if you were gonna be on or not :/

Without even thinking, he licked his lips typed back, repeatedly deleting and retyping his message to make sure it was casual but not too casual, apologetic but not desperate—

It's okay, don't worry about it

Likewise sorry it took me so long to get here.

That would do. He'd be lying to say he wasn't feeling that flutter in his stomach; the excitement of something new got to him in a way that only a discovery in his research did, or how he felt when he mastered a new technique in his training.

Let's get started then :)

They started the game, and this time he kept the mic on, as she did. They talked back and forth as they fought creatures and enemies and looted things, eventually coming to learn that she herself was in New York City. He was surprised; suddenly, the world felt a lot smaller, and he couldn't concentrate on just playing after that. The time they spent became more of an opportunity to converse than to play a mundane game for hours on end.

At some point, she switched the topic to his whereabouts. Donnie's breath hitched.

"I'm...not anywhere near. So it doesn't really matter," he told her, cringing. If the guys found out—if Splinter found out—he would be in such trouble.

"Oh," she paused for a moment, trying to find something to say. "That's alright, I don't want you to feel like you have to tell me, you know?"

He'd muted his mic to release a deep breath. He got lost in thought thinking about how in that moment, he wanted to be human. If he weren't a giant mutant turtle, he could actually form a connection with someone. It was a very "Mikey" thing to think, he reckoned, but at times he wanted friends just like his brother did.

"Yeah, sorry, I just…"

"It's really no problem, dude."

He felt as though he could hear the smile in her voice. What did she look like, he wondered. He wanted to see her, but he couldn't ask for that when he could never do the same. If he could get her name, he'd be in the clear to do some preliminary lookups on this person, but so far, she'd been dodgy about sharing info about herself as well. He couldn't blame her. They were two strangers online, one with a huge secret and the other completely in the dark about who he truly was. For all she knew, he could have been a creep, looking to stalk her online and perhaps do even worse. The thought made him feel almost nauseous, how she could be considering that about him as a possibility as they spoke. But she seemed comfortable enough. Unlike him, who was still slightly skeptical of the entire thing, because after spending his whole life in practical isolation, he was at a loss as to what to say or do after a certain point. The conversation died off and both of them thought simultaneously about how weird the sudden silence between them felt.

She hummed, as if searching for something to bring up. When she spoke, he was taken aback—"Hey, I'm gonna be honest, I really like talking to you but this game is getting boring. Do you wanna chat somewhere else?"

"Uh…" he trailed off, mind shooting blanks. Oh, was it just a horrible idea. He couldn't keep the jig up forever; the truth was bound to get revealed somewhere down the line. He was fixing to reject the proposition, tell her that he didn't want to take it that far. She could be anyone. The likelihood of it being a clever ruse on account of the Foot Clan was slim, but the paranoia still worked ambiently in the background noise of his mind. But his other doubt stopped him—when would he ever have a chance at this again? He wanted to have the strength to say no and leave it at that. The loneliness that crept up on him from time to time had something else to say.

"Yeah," he answered after a terribly long pause of mumbling, fighting with himself all the way as she told him where to add her. He could have kicked himself had it not been for the fact that he knew how to encrypt data, and that as long as he didn't leak a word about his inner circle or life, it would be okay. It didn't feel okay, though.

"Nice! I'll text you, see you later, Bo. I had a lot of fun tonight," she chirped.

Before he could respond, she was gone from the party, and the mic went silent. It happened so fast. He was barely caught up with the fact that he was now receiving messages and prompts to talk, but he couldn't bring himself to answer right away. He had to refocus his logic; how could this be used by the enemy as a way to get to them? Could they have somehow anticipated he'd download this game and find this random on there? The more the thought about it, the more glaringly obvious it was that it was not the case. It was just too improbable.

"The probability of the Foot being able to simulate such a specific scenario in order to get intel on us is so slim, it is practically non-existent," he told himself as he finally pulled up the messages. He read through them. "Approximately a zero-point-zero-zero-zero..."

My name is (Y/N), by the way :)

Well, that was easier than expected. He figured that somehow, the name suited you—a fitting name for such a personality. But it also gave him a glimmer of hope. It made him want to ask why you appeared to trust him, as he could be anyone on the Earth over the screen, not his benevolent self. Which she had no way of proving, technically. But he soon came to realize the screen painted him in a whole new light that it casted on him. It hit then that he could be anyone. He didn't have to be himself; not necessarily. She'd never have to know, as he could wear a human mask and she'd be none the wiser. Problem was, the lying made him feel guilty, and slowly would develop to be the thorn in his side.

Donnie thoughtfully stared at the screen. Now that he was here, some of his anxiety began to fade. He found himself actually able to talk, someone to listen to his tangents and even build upon them. They spent hours texting back and forth about anything and everything until it was almost time for him to put the phone down to leave for patrol. He felt giddy, like a kid, all over again.

________________________________________

Had you ever been able to talk to someone this easily?

You asked yourself that question as you exchanged with the faceless and nameless stranger over your screen, chatting from afternoon to night. Time flew by in an instant, with him, and you loved every minute. He was someone intellectual, but funny and so easy to talk to that it was as though the conversation carried itself. After some time he came out about his age after you revealed yours. Oftentimes, he'd just present to you a random question when the subject tapered off and run with it, like now:

What do you think of reptiles?

Puzzled, you took a second to reply. Odd question.

Why do you ask? Do you have one?

I was just curious

What do you think of them?

The chat indicator flip-flopped between "typing" and "idle" a few times before a message finally popped up, and you smiled. You'd learned over this short time that he was a dork in a cute way.

Well...I think they're pretty cool.

They've got natural armor and you would be surprised to know just how fast a turtle can be

You laughed a little to yourself. It was such a random thing to bring up, yet you were endeared. Deciding you'd go along with it, you asked him what else he knew about turtles.

Well...

__________________________________________________

Donnie was wondering what he was talking about just as much as she probably was. Stupid, he thought, facepalming. His first time really speaking with a human as an equal and he starts talking about turtles. Of course he knew a lot about them, he was one himself—but for some reason he found himself wanting to dispel myths and misunderstandings about turtles as if they reflected on him, when as far as she knew, he was just a human guy like herself.

He groaned lightly and typed, thinking up a fact that wasn't too conspicuous.

Red eared sliders are semi-aquatic.

As he typed the next part, he caught himself writing "we" instead of "they", to his dismay. He quickly fixed the error and continued, feeling weirdly exposed as it was almost as though in sharing this information, he was putting himself under a microscope for her to inspect.

They can hold their breath for up to thirty minutes, usually

Holding his breath was something he'd tested numerous times before. He and his brothers had actually made a game out of it on a few occasions, with Leo leading at thirty-three minutes, Donnie in second at thirty-one. Raph broke at twenty-nine minutes and Mikey followed behind in last at just twenty-seven. The ability could be trained, nonetheless.

That's interesting, I wonder what it's like to be able to go underwater so long?

It's kind of cool, you should try sometime

For THIRTY MINUTES?

Shit. He promptly replied:

No—not like I can hold my breath that long, I just mean you should try to see sometime I guess

I tested it just for the fun of it.

Looking up how long humans could hold their breath on average (between thirty seconds and two minutes), he bumped the number up a little bit and added:

Personally, I'm at two minutes and forty-five seconds

He was embarrassed, partially covering his face as he waited for a response. Such a foolish slip-up; he couldn't afford to say anything cryptic. But he still was fairly sure that he had recovered that alright. He couldn't help but think about how awkward or weird he seemed to her. Who talked about this?

I don't think I could hold my breath for more than a minute, kudos to you haha

Anyway, sorry to switch gears all of a sudden but if you don't mind me asking, what's up with your family? You have any siblings?

He told her no. He would not bring his brothers into this, lest it be the slim chance of a ploy, after all. He said his family situation was unconventional and left it at that.

With that, he said to her goodnight and put his phone away, getting up to go get geared for patrol. It was only then he noticed the figure leaning against the doorway.

Chapter 3