#or at least thats what my doctors tell me lmao
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One could say ibs is indeed, sickness of mind...
curiosity killed the ibs haver
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November 18 - Monday
Hallooo everyonee!
Today I was struggling to stay awake and get ready for class, I was soooo tired. But I made it on time surprisingly so that's good! My classes went fine tbhhh, and nothing too interesting happened.
When I was taking my friend home from our classes like usual, she asked me if we could get McDonald's and honestly I was just looking for some excuse for what meal I had for the day, so I was like yeah sure. I got a diet coke (she paid actually lol), and then I went home after dropping her off.
I didn't know my step mom was gonna be off work today, but I brought in my empty cup and threw it away inside so at least there's proof I went to mcdonalds. I even told her I went with my friend and 'what I got.' Then I even took 2 pieces of her blueberry lemon loaf when I was going to school and I said "I'll tell you how good it is later." I ended up just giving it to my friend at school lol, but she said it was really good. I was a bit jealous, but it's not like I can't have it when she makes it another time, or it's not like I haven't had it before. If I really want it that bad I'll even make it myself LOL like it's ltrly fine.
Thennn while I was going back to school and through my afternoon class I was otp with Angel (YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY HIHIHI HIP HIP HOORAY)
Then I went homeee and I was otp with Angel (actually I still am), and I started making a food poll which was soso funnnnn. I'm still in the process of making it, it's gonna be pretty long so it'll probly take a bit, but it gives me smth to do when I'm having bad cravings plus it's smth I enjoy so it's good ^^
I went to archery practice just when Angel was going to sleep (sad face), and practice was rlly nice. I had a good time, I'm really happy I decided to do it again this year. It feels a lot different this year than last year and idk why, but it just feels so much more enjoyable.
When I was talking with my step mom earlier in the day I made sure to slip in that I wanted to ask my friend to go eat with me after practice since we haven't talked a lot at all since last school year. And she was like oh thats a good idea. So I asked my friend and took her to mcdonalds LOLLL and I just basically got her food and we talked for a bit before I took her home.
When I went home I just told my moms I got whatever my friend had actually gotten. Then my mom saw me drinking a monster and was like "less monsters and more calories"
um... excuse me..
And I was like "I literally don't know what you want from me I had 2 meals today, 2 mcdonalds"
and I did a funny/weird voice with it but likeee... I was being fr... (not rlly bc I was lying but you get the point)
And she was just like good or smth idk. also she like
pat my stomach....
...
dont do that.
ANDWHY DID MY DAD DO IT YESTERDAY NIGHT TOO. YOU GUYS. YALL ARE WEIRD STOP IT PLS.
And he omgg... guys. LMAO he was saying smth and was like "did you eat" or smth and I said yes, bc I did,,,, ltrly binged. And he was trying to get me to eat a tamale?? and I was like No I'm full I just ate so much
And he was like idk he made a face like he didn't believe me or smth and then he was like "You have to take her to the doctor" WHAT LMFAO HE SAID THAT BC I HAVENT BEEN EATING OR SMTH HE SAID LIKE THAT. BITCH I JUST ATE A PHAT PLATE AND 2 FUCKING CUPCAKES ECT ECT..
WHAT THE FUDSHVIGORJLGVAOG
anyways..
sobs. LMFAO
I'm 28 hours into my fast, I feel ltrly fine which is kindaaa.. invalidating? if I'm not on the verge of death feeling like a sickly little Victorian child when I'm fasting then I don't want it and obviously that means I'm not fucking starving enough and need to die-
OMG ALSO I FORGOTTT. this morning me and my step mom were talking right, and she was like "Eli, I just wanted to say I'm proud of you for going on your little health journey. It takes a lot of discipline that a lot of people don't have and they can't do it." "It takes a lot of discipline to not eat the food I put on the table." omg... guys. this was like... omg idk it just felt so good.
I'm watching coco rn (such a comfort movie <3), gonna go do some duolingo lessons
Total Cals: 0
Total Steps: 4.2k rn... *crashes out*
#th!n$piration#th!nsp0#thin$po#light as a 🪶#thinneristhewinner#thinspø#light as a feather#⭐️ ing motivation#tw restriction#3ating d1sorder#tw ed ana#tw ana bløg#tw ana rant#tw 3d vent#tw skipping meals#tw thinspi
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So I'm the anon from this post & I would love to be friend with you!! :D
I'm just kinda nervous about it because you're like super super cool and like so epic
I'd love to talk about Star Trek, Doctor Who or Queen! I just don't know too anything about Star Trek :( and barely anything about Dr. Who, I've been wanting to watch it for ages but I've had no time
Queen however, I can talk about! Probably way, way less than my buddy Frieda who I share this account with can, I think you and her would get along, she loves Queen
Sorry this is a little long lmao
-> Atlas
I AM NOT SUPER SUPER COOL I AM LAME AND WEIRD AND AUTISTIC, BABE. DO NOT BE INTIMIDATED BY ME IM LITERALLY JUST SOME GUY!!!
anyways um. do you have a moment to talk about our lord and saviour spirk? haha just kidding. unless?
you dont have to know anything honestly thats kinda the fun of it!! you can just ask me about it and ill tell you!!! i literally infodumped to a moot on discord like an hour ago about spirk and managed to convince him to watch star trek because i was That Insane about them lmao (shoutout @mostautisticangel, you're a real one)
but yeah um. im really not that cool. idk what gives people that impression. im just a silly little guy. im the least intimidating person ive ever met. i would hug a stranger. in fact. i have hugged strangers. I baby talk to worms when im moving them off the pavement. i apologise to my flatmates for existing like every day. i wear vintage jumpers and i have very soft hair. if you pay me one (1) compliment i would kill and die for you.
this kinda got off track sorry!!
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SOOOOO many more thoughts than last week ok
how much time has passed since ww's experimentation? i like the idea of him not ageing faster but just ageing to a certain point and continuing from there? or ageing to a certain point then being stuck like that? but bc the time is indeterminate and we dont know how old he was when he was sent off (kinda like the manga) im gnna keep assuming hes an adult and not caring♡ not my problem♡ also of we take the fact rollos whole thing was 20 years ago and the doctor still looked the same in both wolfwoods and rollos flashbacks then??? idk, im not jumping to anything yet, the time is still uncertain just like it was in the manga and honestly? thats fine by me im absolutely smelling an age discourse revival and i will be killing myself im abt to be so brutal with blocking new fans i can tell
nick been smoking that zaza since he was fresh out the womb
livio and nicks relationship. im bawling. they r brothers. im on the floor...
legato giving me mean twink vibes for this version im actually loving it hes such a petty insecure bitch "dont talk about my hair" *breaks nicks spine* LMAO i love him, he made me giggle, i love a petty gay villain whos genuinely a threat
meryl REFUSING to let the investigation go. her boss is like "its getting a little too dangerous for us we better scoot back 2 office" n shes NOT having it, her reckless driving and complete dismissal of whatever rob says, i love u queen
THE BACKSTORY SEQUENCES and wolfwoods hallucinations were animated so beautifully... omg.
not enough of livio yet to get a read on his characterisation but. please be a little similar to the manga at least. please.
lil nick n livio r so cute. they r so little. putting them in the blender.
rob couldve entirely been like "no meryl we need to go back" but the fact he still let her drive and still let her pursue the steamer with his only protests being stern warnings tells me hes a little curious to know what the fuck vashs deal is
wolfwood and vash absolutely fucking screaming at eachother. couples quarrel♡
i am SO excited for BDN next week
seems that the gung ho guns are basically blended with the eye of michael at this point, it did click they havent been calling them the gung ho guns so i assume they just. merged them together. pretty cool, not a bad choice
vash being quite cold toward meryl n rob, his honestly really mean response to wolfwood calling them his buddies stabbed me in the heart a bit, but is that a coping mechanism for him to not get attatched or is it an actual effect of him forcing himself to detatch from people so its easier to leave them. ouu. it hurted me a little. it did. EVEN WOLFWOOD CALLED HIM COLD FOR IT AND HE JUST KILLED A MAN LIKE. YESTERDAY
ok thats all i can think of rn gnna go watch the ep again see u all next week
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Foaming at the mouth for s/nzcanons of T/ighnari or Zh/ongli
HI YES OFC!! i love these two so i will do both :) i havent thought about zh/ongli in. so long sorry if his ones suck lmao
t/ighnari
obviously him being sensitive to spices and such is canon but i still felt i had to mention it
↳ strong spices will get a pretty substantial fit out of him, even more so when theyre cooking/in the air, and he probably wont stop snzing till he’s well out of the vicinity
otherwise, he’ll probably snz 2-4 times at once when there isn’t anything actively setting him off
whenever he gets sick he knows exactly how to deal with it since he’s like. a doctor. he knows alllll the remedies and will be diligently taking care of himself (but also keeping on top of work as much as he possibly can)
i think he’d be kind of germaphobic but on behalf of other people so like, he tells other people to not get too close cause he doesnt want them to get sick haha
his ears!! they sort of go down?? flatten?? you know what i mean. when hes building up <33 and they twitch when hes irritated
him having a sensitive nose in canon i imagine it gets red very fast/easily
snz itself is very soft, in volume and just in general - matches his personality i feel, kinda chill and subdued you know
↳ and he doesnt stifle honestly, i think he’s one of those people who are anti-stifle cause youll burst a blood vessel or something 😭
↳ also terrible at holding back. he’ll try but it wi fail disasterously
zh/ongli
stifler. i know this i know it in my soul !
↳ and he does it anyway despite his snz really not being loud or attention grabbing at all .. hes just that guy
↳ however if you do hear his unstifled snz i feel like it would have the same sort of sound his voice has. like its distinctive you can hear his voice in it but it isnt overly forceful… again kinda matches his personality in a way
but when hes sick there will be seismic activity just because i think its funny
↳ do gods even get sick. idk. i think its a once in a blue moon thing for him so when it happens he’ll probably shut himself away and wait it out unless he has anything really important to attend to
“excuse me” every single time he is so polite about it
honestly i dont see him as an allergies kind of guy. sorry to be boring…. maybe dust though thats kinda ,
↳ i see him as someone who likes to keep things clean and organised so perhaps thats to avoid dust collecting
↳ maybe strong perfumes/scents get to him too.. he cant go past whatever that perfume ladys shop is called without snzing a few times at the very least
mmmm these are a little on the short side im sorry 😭 my brain is all over the place atm but i hope you still liked this anon!! ty for the ask <3
#i do enjoy writing these it makes me consider characters i wouldnt really before#snz#snzblr#snz kink#snz blog#snzcanons#g/enshin i/mpact#g/enshin
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more medical garbage bitching dont mind me (feel free to blacklist camyellsOW to ignore these)
im liking being able to look back on these before other appointments
im currently on hold with my insurance because my rheumatologist listened to me and he wrote me a prescription for ring splints and I called around to physical therapy offices and found one that has hand therapy and can take my and my appointment is in less than 3 weeks which for PT in my area and PT as specific as this thats AMAZING holy shit. Its actually closer to two weeks than 3 but I feel like im doxxing myself if i say specifics lmao
so im calling my insurance company to see if they can tell me ahead of time if there are a fuckload of hoops im going to have to jump through in order to get my splints
for the first time ever I feel kind of hopeful about my joint health. Were doing a lyme disease blood panel to see if thats the source of my nausea, dizziness, fatigue, and headaches. He ordered a couple more things Im going to google
I told him that I know we need to do physical therapy first but eventually id love to talk to him about a wheelchair and he said no and I started crying again and he was like I think thats a bad idea let me tell you why and I was like NO thats internalized ableism and thats a YOU problem! Wheelchairs are mobility they are FREEDOM. I cannot currently lift enough laundry at once to fill the washer without subluxing my shoulder/collarbone so I have to take multiple trips and frequently have to sit down between trips but with a wheelchair Id have the freedom and capability to just do a load of laundry. I already cook having to sit down. You can have an amazing wonderful fulfillling life in wheelchair that you cant have when youre in bed every day because everything hurts so much. You can tell me not right now or maybe in the future but just a no is the most hopeless answer you can give me. That is a YOU problem.
and he like did a little head tilt like a dog and was like. You know what? Youre right. Thats something I need to reevaluate in my own head. So, youre right I wont tell you know, but Ill tell you first we need to try physical therapy
that fucking honesty is why I love him so much. He was like "you need a therapist" and i was like dude if you tell me that one more time im going to start crying again I KNOW
and I apologized and thanked him for dealing with my anger because i just angry cried at him basically the entire appointment and he just said Its okay, I know Im not who youre mad at. I wont take it personally and holy shit that was just the biggest load off of my back and I was like no youre right im literally just mad at my body. At one point he said "you know im empathetic, I bet it does hurt that bad." Like holy shit Dr G you are a king amongst doctors. He had knee surgery recently and I used it against him and he didnt even get mad. In my angry crying I was like you just had knee surgery. Sitting in bed wallowing in pain all day. It fucking sucks doesnt it? Imagine twenty five fucking YEARS of that! and he just nodded and digested that and was like yeah, I hear you.
This man is the best doctor in the world
at the very least im on my way to my ring splints which will help my quality of life SO fucking much holy shit
I also told him about the highly unprofessional cardiologist i saw who just told me I was fat and showed me his grandsons fortnite youtube channel and he was like wow literally what? and I was like I dont know man. And then he talked shit about cardiologists and how they tend to be fuckin weirdos with egos and i was like yo go off my shady king
but on the bright side in less than a week were placing that heart monitor and it will be recording for two weeks and hopefully after that i can obtain my POTS diagnosis and hopefully thatll put me one step closer to being an ambulatory wheelchair user. Id love to still be upright and use my cane when I can but a wheelchair for bad days would be lifechanging
my oldest childhood friend is able bodied the idea of being able to just get a coffee and walk around target with her pain free makes me want to cry THAT is a hopeful future
#camyellsOW#i keep almost doxxing his name cuz im like dr g my beloved#and i say that out loud cuz his name is fun#anyway that man is wonderful#im still upset and reeling from my appointment at this point reliving my pain telling it to people over and over and fielding their#responses as an autistic person is like boarderline retraumatizing#but i feel hopeful for once#PT here i come!! :)
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sleeping with the enemy:
URGH alicia waking up in sam's bed😠 who's idea was the whole alicia slept with sam fakeout? i just wanna talk...
is there no operational duty manager? why is iain able to just bring gem along without anybody noticing?? obviously there isn't a character one but you'd think there would be someone off screen at least
sam telling the staff he has to make cuts so all the consultants have to reinterview for their jobs... and so it begins
cal's like "tough job. someone's gotta do it." he doesn't take issue with it until it affects him too lmao
"our beloved leaders continue to treat the NHS as an experiment in darwinism"
lmaoo alicia's bra is sticking out her sleeve and ethan points it out bc she hadn't realised and she says she got dressed in a hurry and he's like "anyone i know?" and she's saved from answering by connie telling her to get changed and then cal tells ethan that he recognises that underwear and it was her party lingerie and "i wonder who the lucky guy was this time" and ethan goes "nothing to do with us" and walks off and cal's practically GRINNING because i guess he's thinking/hoping that alicia's played ethan like she played him shjshjfjfd
ethan's saying that it's the consultants now but it'll be the doctors next and lily says it doesn't bother her because she knows she's too good to lose and cal's still defending sam saying he's just doing his job "if you want to get to the top, you have to be prepared to make difficult decisions" and ethan goes "stabbing your colleagues in the back? i can see why you empathise." SJSJSDJDFJDF
lmao dylan randomly joining the juniors' conversation going "i worked one summer on a building site as a young man. good, honest, hoary-handed work. i miss that. still something to fall back on isn't it?" shsdhjjsdf
alicia confronting sam who asks her how much she remembers of the previous night and she says she remembers enough and that'll it'll be the junior doctors next and she's the most junior and he goes "you do have one advantage the consultants don't have" "what's that?" "you're cheap............... your salary i mean" oh i am going to STRANGLE HIM
lmaoo connie and elle team up to corner sam in connie's office and he says it's unusual to see them working together and connie's like "it's amazing what a common enemy will do for a relationship" GAYYY
connie's not even worried for her own job because of course sam isn't gonna fire the mother of his child, but she actually cares about the department and her staff
ethan gives alicia a coffee and a muffin saying "i got you a scooby snack" SCOOBY SNACK SJSJDJFD and she's like "nibbles! you ledge!" sjsdjfsdj i love themmmmm
why is sam continuing to let alicia think that they slept together?????
iain's being scared of snakes sjsjdjf
oop the snake going into the ambulance bag when they're not looking😬
"excuse me, i don't suppose you'd want to see my snake sometime" "are you on drugs?" "i am actually, yeah" HELPPSDKDF
cal telling alicia and jacob to tell sam what a good and efficient job he did with his patient SJSJSFJ
alicia whacking the man attacking her patient with a fire extinguisher THATS MY GIRL!!
and of course in comes sam demanding to know why she attacked a patient🙄 get lost man no one likes you
"some men are like that, women are just disposable commodities to them" *cough*sam*cough cough*
iain telling the snake guy he needs a new hobby "and women are way more fun than snakes" ??? now i think that just sounded worse than how he actually meant it but what did alicia JUST say
sam finally telling alicia that nothing happened between them. it nearly did but he slept on the sofa. then he goes "you did mumble in your sleep about dr hardy, though. quite a bit actually." sjsjdsjdfjsdj ohh alicia's got it soo bad
sam telling everyone that the board has forced him to choose between losing 1 consultant, 2 junior doctors, or 3 nurses, and he decided 1 consultant would be the least damaging option... well that lets you know how little the nurses are being paid doesn't it😭
lmaoo connie had noticed sam and alicia talking so she goes to him "really, sam? finished with the pretty nurses now starting on the f2s?"
oop looks like ethan noticed too bc he's now asking alicia "so you slept with sam?" she says nothing happened and he seems to remember they aren't actually together and literally shakes himself out of it shjshjd and says it's none of his business and asks if she's coming to the pub with everyone but she says she just wants to get home
"ethan, look, you and me, it's just not-" "no, i know, it's not." "you know cause of your brother and-" "yeah." "it is best, don't you think?" "yes i do. don't you?" "i do." CLEARLY neither of them are happy about what they're saying AT ALL😭😭😭
aw alicia :( she is a little bit of a mess lol but i love her anyway
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“Never say never.” At that, you lifted your head and playfully glared at him. “So in less than 24 hours, you go from not wanting kids to wanting multiple? Didn’t realize my being sick was such a turn-on for you, Seresin.”
😂😂😂
“Don’t want to open the cut on your foot. Besides, you’re already doing all the work, so it’s the least I can do.”
I'm not gonna argue with him on that 🤷🏻♀️
“Is it killing you that I’m drinking something other than water or coffee in bed?” you teased before taking a sip. He tucked your hair behind your ear and smirked. “Since we’ve gotta renegotiate the contract anyways, might as well throw in anything that’ll make sure you’re not dehydrated. You scared the shit out of me yesterday, and we don’t want a repeat of that.”
Oh those are gonna be some though contract negotiations
“Been neglecting my girl?” You snorted. “Clearly not, since you managed to get me pregnant.” “That,” he said, punctuating each word with a kiss to your stomach, “I. Did.”
Oh and he is ro proud of it now too 🤭
“Don’t care how many bids you have to get through or if the damn president is visitin’. You don’t feel good, you take care of yourself. You’re carrying a precious payload.” His hand covered your stomach again, stroking softly.
Cute and hot at the same time 😌
“We have to tell our parents. Oh god, they’re gonna know we had sex.” Jake couldn’t help the laugh that burst out as he crossed the room to tug you into his arms. “There’s knowing hypothetically and then having the physical proof of it.
This cracked me up 😂
“We’re old enough to deal with an unplanned pregnancy. We’re not teenagers; they won’t be mad at us.”
I'm in my mid twenties and if I see that one of my former classmates or something is having a baby my first reaction is still: "omg what are they gonna do? They are having a baby, thats crazy!"
Which is the same reaction I had in my teenies, I will probably never get over this, everyone my age (+/-2 years) having a baby feels like a teen pregnancy to me lmao
Boyfriend. He didn’t like how that sounded, not when you were scheduling a doctor’s appointment about your kid. It sounded… impermanent. Fleeting. Like he wasn’t as committed as he was.
Alexa play "chapel of love" by The Dixie Cups
“You gonna be like this the whole time?” “Like what?” “Overprotective.” “Better get used to it, Mama.” “You’re ridiculous.” “Marry me.” You froze. “What?”“I love you so much. Will you marry me? I have your ring at home, and I know this isn’t the most romantic way to ask, but - ” “Yes.”
Ahhh I loved this proposal 🥰
“Can’t wait that long,” he replied, stepping over piles of hangers and shoes to set you on an empty corner of the bed. Laughing, you watched him clear the space as you moved towards the pillows, stripping off your shirt and bra. Finally satisfied, Jake shrugged off his flight suit, pausing to look at his right hand. “C���mere,” he rasped while kneeling on the bed. He twisted his Naval Academy ring off his finger and took your left hand, sliding it onto your ring finger. The metal was still warm from his body, and the band was far too large - the ring twisted so the stone pressed against your palm. But tears sprang to his eyes as Jake looked at the silver band on your finger. “Just until we get home, and I can get yours.” “You’re lucky this is too big, or I’d never give it back.” Smiling, he wiped the tears from your cheeks and slowly lowered you onto the mattress.
It's such an intimate and simple gesture but it's so beautiful, I loved this part 🥰🥹
Coyote, who knew about the original proposal plan, had rightly called him out for what it was: poor impulse control.
Hahahah at least Jake held out longer than last time 😅
D-Day by TrickPhotography | Chapter 11
Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x female!reader
Word count: 4.2k
Synopsis: After finding out his girlfriend is pregnant, Jake is ready to move in and get married. The last thing he expected was to be hit with a six-month deployment at sea and missing the birth of his first child.
18+, minors DNI
Chapter 10 | Master List | Ao3
---------------------------------------
Chapter 11
Jake jolted awake as the blanket hit his chest, turning in time to see you lurch out of bed and toward the bathroom. Sighing, he scrubbed a hand down his face before getting up, adjusting his morning wood, and going to the kitchen to get a glass of water, a sports drink, and the anti-nausea pills he’d picked up from the pharmacy.
G-force training had taken away a lot of his aversion to vomit. Hell, once you carried your puke bag across the tarmac to the amusement of all the senior pilots, your tolerance was pretty high - but seeing you suffer was the worst. He also felt like shit for not picking up on it sooner. Hearing you tell the med student and doctor your symptoms yesterday made him realize how little you’d talked over the last two weeks. Thankfully, he only had one more week on mids before going back to the day shift.
The toilet flushed as he set the items on your nightstand. Knocking on the bathroom doorframe, he peeked around the corner to see you sitting against the wall, knees drawn up and head in your hands. “How’re you feelin’, darlin’?” Rather than answer, you gave him a thumbs up. “That good, huh?”
“Ten out of ten, never doing this again.” Chuckling, he crouched beside you and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.
“Never say never.” At that, you lifted your head and playfully glared at him.
“So in less than 24 hours, you go from not wanting kids to wanting multiple? Didn’t realize my being sick was such a turn-on for you, Seresin.”
“Learn somethin’ new every day. You okay to get up?” When you nodded, he extended a hand and helped you to your feet, guiding you into his arms. You could feel his cock against your stomach as his fingers slipped under your shirt to draw small circles on your lower back. His lips grazed your forehead as you rested your head on his shoulder. “How’s the headache?”
“Still there, but not as bad as yesterday.” Jake nodded, feeling a bit better about forcing you to eat. If the doc said hydrating and eating would make you feel better, he would ensure you did it. His hands slipped down your back and wrapped around your thighs, lifting you off your feet and setting you on the vanity.
“That’s good, sweetheart.” He grabbed both of your toothbrushes and handed you yours with the bristles damp and a dab of paste. Sighing, you rested your head on his shoulder and closed your eyes. His cheek rested on the crown of your head for a moment before he pulled away, and the buzz of his electric toothbrush started. You gagged while passing the bristles over your molars and had to focus on your breathing. He gently squeezed your thigh while glancing at you worriedly. His toothbrush turned off, yours doing the same a moment later. The water started as he spit, and when you turned to do the same, Jake's hand curled around your cheek, drawing you closer to press his foamy lips to the tip of your nose.
“Gross,” you scoffed, pushing him away as he laughed before rinsing his mouth. When you moved to get off the counter, his arm shot out to pin your legs down, fingers curling under the counter lip.
“I gotcha,” Jake said, stepping between your thighs and guiding your legs around his waist.
“I can walk, you know.”
“Don’t want to open the cut on your foot. Besides, you’re already doing all the work, so it’s the least I can do.” Your arms wound around his neck as he lifted you, the tip of his cock grazing your core. You groaned as he palmed your ass, holding you tightly.
“Don’t remind me,” you huffed against his ear. “You get off with five minutes of work, and I’m stuck doing this for nine months.”
“Darlin’, we both know it was more than five minutes, but it certainly wasn’t work,” he chuckled. Gently, he set you on the edge of the bed and handed you the glass of water before shaking out one of the nausea and two headache pills. Once you’d dutifully swallowed them, he cracked open the sports drink and swapped it for the water.
“Is it killing you that I’m drinking something other than water or coffee in bed?” you teased before taking a sip. He tucked your hair behind your ear and smirked.
“Since we’ve gotta renegotiate the contract anyways, might as well throw in anything that’ll make sure you’re not dehydrated. You scared the shit out of me yesterday, and we don’t want a repeat of that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Shoulda stayed in bed with me… for medical reasons.” Rolling your eyes fondly, you set the drink on the nightstand and scooted back on the bed, flicking the blanket over your lap.
“Well, seeing as I’m not going to work today, and you don’t have to go in for a while, it looks like you got your wish, Lieutenant.” Grinning, Jake capped the drink and moved to his side of the bed, pulling you into his arms so you shared the same pillow. His nose brushed yours before he shifted closer to kiss you. Your hand slipped under the blanket to rest on his hip, fingers sliding into the band of his boxers and thumb tracing the grooves of his muscles. His tongue traced the seam of your lips and, when they parted, he tentatively deepened the kiss, testing the waters with how far he could go. Teasing out those sweet little hums and contented sighs that he loved so much. Slowly, he rolled you onto your back, his knee pushing between your thighs as he braced himself on his forearms. His weight was a comfort, grounding you with all the uncertainty you faced.
Your stomach clenched, and you whimpered while pushing him away. “Okay?” he asked, cupping your cheek as you breathed deeply. He watched you slowly open your eyes and meet his gaze, your breath washing over him. You hummed, smiling tiredly as his thumb traced your lower lip. “Miss wakin’ up with you, darlin’. Feels too much like when we first started dating, an’ you wouldn’t let me stay over.”
“Well, you got clingy really fast, and someone had to tap the brakes.”
“Clingy, huh?” he smirked, hand drifting under the blanket to rest on your waist, his thumb sliding under your shirt to press against your stomach. “Well, you’re stuck with me now. For better or worse.”
“Damn.” You wrapped your arms around his neck, drawing him down to trade lazy kisses. He moved, forcing your legs wide to accommodate him as he lay between your thighs. You could feel his hard cock twitch against your entrance.
“Once that pill kicks in,” Jake rasped, “wanna see what we can do about that headache?” Rather than answer, you curled your leg around him and lifted your hips. He smiled against your mouth, drawing your shirt up. The material pooled across your neck, and you quickly pulled it off as he turned his attention to your tender breasts. His green eyes flit up to meet yours as he gently stroked you with his tongue, gauging your comfort level - after all, you hadn’t been joking about punching him in the throat the last time he’d touched you there. But thankfully, the sharp pain that had made it difficult to wear a shirt had lessened to a dull ache. You sighed when he covered your breast with his mouth, tongue gently flicking as his thumb circled your other nipple. The warm heat felt so good. He pulled away enough to whisper against your skin, “Lemme take care of you, darlin’.”
At your nod, his hand left your breast to brace himself under the pillow while his other lightly traced your core, smiling at the growing damp spot. “Missed you,” you said, carding your fingers through his hair and holding him close.
“Been neglecting my girl?” You snorted.
“Clearly not, since you managed to get me pregnant.” Jake chuckled and flung the blanket and sheets off. Goosebumps erupted on your skin as his lips trailed down your chest.
“That,” he said, punctuating each word with a kiss to your stomach, “I. Did.” Sitting back on his heels, he replaced his lips with his palm, nearly spanning your waist as he spread his fingers and lightly pressed. You covered his hand with yours, and his eyes lifted to meet yours.
“You’re gonna be a daddy.” A slow smile crossed his mouth as he gripped the sides of your panties and drew them down your legs to drop them off the side of the bed. He was less graceful as he kicked off his boxers before covering you with his body.
“Feelin’ okay, Mama?” You nodded, and he nudged your legs further apart. He reached down to dip his middle finger into you, gathering your wetness before drawing lazy circles around your clit. Your eyes closed as you settled back into the pillows, lips parting. Jake took advantage and leaned down to kiss you, tongue sliding along yours. When your hips rolled to meet his touch, he smirked.
“Thought you wanted to help me feel better, not tease,” you groaned.
“It’s been a little while, darlin’. Just wanna make sure it feels good for you.”
Huffing, you grasped his cock and lined it up with your entrance, using your other hand to tug him down to say against his lips, “Fuck me, or I’m going to go take care of myself in the shower.”
“And here I was tryin’ to be nice and sweet.” When his tip breached you, you shifted your hand to his ass, digging your fingers in and making him grunt. He pumped his hips slowly, teasing you with every inch until your hips were flush. Then he stilled.
“Please,” you whined, clenching around him. Jake’s jaw ticked, fighting the urge to move.
“Gonna be good for me?” he asked through clenched teeth. “Gonna tell me when you’re not feelin’ good and take care of yourself?”
“I - ”
Jake snapped his hips, cutting off your response as you gasped. “That’s a yes or no question.” You nodded when it was clear that he wouldn’t move until you answered. “Words, darlin’.”
“Yes, fuck. Please.”
“Good girl,” he smirked, setting a leisurely pace. “Don’t care how many bids you have to get through or if the damn president is visitin’. You don’t feel good, you take care of yourself. You’re carrying a precious payload.” His hand covered your stomach again, stroking softly.
Groaning, you planted your foot on the bed and pushed, rolling the both of you. Jake huffed in surprise as his back hit the mattress with you straddling him. His hands closed around your hips as you sat up slowly, bracing one hand on his chest to ensure you didn’t get dizzy. As soon as you were steady, you dug your knees into the mattress and lifted yourself before slowly lowering yourself back onto his cock. “Fine,” you breathed. The tendons in his neck strained as you set a languid pace, little moans of pleasure escaping your lips as you rode him.
“That’s it, baby,” Jake grunted, tightening his grip before thrusting up hard and breaking your rhythm. It was your turn to stop. Smiling, you broke his hold on your hips and kissed his palms.
“You had your chance to do this the way you wanted. Now be a good boy and grab the headboard.” When he looked like he wasn’t going to do it, you raised an eyebrow. “Don’t make me dig out the straps, honey. You know how much I love seeing the velcro around your wrists.” His cock twitched inside you, probably remembering the way you’d teased him for almost an hour the last time you’d talked him into using them, and you responded by rolling your hips. Sighing, he thrust his hands under the pillows and gripped the bottom of the headboard. “Thank you,” you said, kissing the tip of his nose. “Now, watch me take care of myself.”
And he did just that, hands flexing on the wood as you used him. You banded an arm across your breasts to ease the ache as you bounced on his cock, your free hand circling your clit. Your teeth dug into your lower lip as you watched Jake’s biceps strain with the effort of not touching you. When the coil of pleasure snapped, you gasped, planting a hand on his chest as you fluttered around him. His hands left the headboard and gripped your hips, holding you still as he thrust into you, fucking you through your orgasm until he came with a grunt.
Panting, you collapsed onto his chest, his arms wrapping around you tightly as he continued to pump his hips. A satisfied smirk crossed his mouth when you whimpered, fingers digging into his pecs. “How’s your head, darlin’?” he asked, brushing the hair from your sweaty forehead. Rather than answer, you gave him a thumbs up, and he laughed into your hair.
“I’ll get rid of it.”
“Just move it to the garage,” you countered, leaning against the doorframe as Jake looked around his home gym. The treadmill you sometimes used was tucked into the corner, with his bench press in the center of the room.
“We wouldn’t be able to park both cars in there. And my truck’s not sitting outside, and you’re not gonna be parking in the driveway. Besides, I go to the gym on base more often than I use this.” Rolling your eyes, you crossed your arms over your chest.
“I don’t want you to lose your space. We can use the guest room.”
“I have a feeling that we’re gonna be getting more use out of that once the baby gets here. We can move your bed in there and get rid of that one.”
“Oh fuck,” you groaned, clapping your hands over your face.
“What? What’s wrong?” he demanded, ready to follow you into the bathroom if your breakfast decided to make a reappearance.
“We have to tell our parents. Oh god, they’re gonna know we had sex.” Jake couldn’t help the laugh that burst out as he crossed the room to tug you into his arms.
“I’m pretty sure they know we have sex.” Shaking your head, you leaned into him and groaned again.
“There’s knowing hypothetically and then having the physical proof of it. And it’s not like this was a planned thing, either. They’re going to think we’re so irresponsible. This isn’t funny, Jacob!” you snapped, pushing against his stomach when he continued to laugh.
“It’s kinda funny, darlin’. Look at me.” When you shook your head, he gently peeled away your hands and forced you to meet his gaze. Even though he knew he shouldn’t, he chuckled at seeing the gleam of tears in your eyes before leaning down to kiss you. “We’re old enough to deal with an unplanned pregnancy. We’re not teenagers; they won’t be mad at us.”
“Your parents already hate me, and this is just gonna give them more reason to.” The laughter died on his lips as Jake realized that he hadn’t thought about telling his parents - he’d been picturing telling yours. Given their excitement when he asked their permission to propose, he knew they would be ecstatic about a grandchild.
But his parents? They hadn’t even crossed his mind. Other than a call to check in every few months, he rarely talked to them. Lina texted him every other week and tried to loop him in on what was happening with them, but he didn’t engage. It was easier to love his family from a distance.
There was no telling how a baby would change that. His mom had been open about how much she wanted grandkids when he was married, to the point where he’d sometimes felt ganged up on by his mom and ex-wife. From what Lina said, she was now also getting pressured to get married and start having kids. Once his mother found out that you were pregnant, she would want to be more involved.
And, unfortunately, that would mean interacting with his father more.
“Where’d you go?” Pulling himself out of that mental spiral, Jake met your concerned gaze and forced himself to smile.
“My parents don’t hate you, but you giving them their first grandkid isn’t gonna hurt.” Choosing to ignore the beginning lie, you drew him down to press your lips against his.
“Can we wait to tell anyone? Just for a little bit?” Feeling a bit guilty that he’d already told Rooster, Jake nodded.
“Whatever you want, darlin’.” A playful smile curved your lips.
“I’m gonna make you regret saying that.” When he opened his mouth to reply, you frowned and held up a finger, pulling your phone out of the pocket of your leggings and glancing at the caller ID. “It’s the doctor’s office.” Gently pushing against his chest, you stepped into the hallway before answering.
Jake half listened to the conversation while casting a critical eye over the room. It was the smallest of the three in the house but big enough for a nursery. He was sure Bob would take the treadmill, and Payback had mentioned that he was in the market for a weight bench. The full-sized bed in the guest room would be easy to get rid of with all the families moving, and he could rope Coyote into helping him get yours from the apartment. Hell, he could set all of that in motion at Phoenix’s party on Sunday. Now that there was an accelerated timeline for getting you moved in, the sooner it happened, the better. There was no way he was letting you deal with being sick without him, even if it meant operating on less sleep for the next week.
“-Any late morning or early afternoon appointments? My boyfriend’s on mids and… Two o’clock on Tuesday?” you said, turning and raising an eyebrow at Jake’s frown. He nodded, and you confirmed the appointment.
Boyfriend. He didn’t like how that sounded, not when you were scheduling a doctor’s appointment about your kid. It sounded… impermanent. Fleeting. Like he wasn’t as committed as he was.
Scrubbing a hand down his face, Jake trudged up the stairs to your apartment, glad he’d accidentally opened the location app before pulling away from the hanger. After a long night in the air, shooting down baby officers who thought they were hot shit, he wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed with you. But instead of being at home, you’d apparently decided to go back to your place.
When he unlocked the door, he realized why. A handful of plastic tubs were stacked in the corner of your living room, a few picture frames propped against them. Bubble wrap sat on the kitchen counter beside your wine glasses. Clearly, he wasn’t the only one who realized that you’d be moving in sooner. He only wished you’d waited for him to help.
Jake couldn’t help but smile at the sight of you asleep on the couch, one hand resting on your stomach while the other hung off the edge. Your knees were propped against the back cushion, face turned away from him. The TV laugh track sounded as he unlaced his boots and toed them off before walking towards you. Kneeling beside you, he remembered the first night he’d been at your place. He’d been attracted to you when you opened your mouth and compared the F-35 to his Super Hornet. He’d wanted to know more about you after you called him out on flirting with you at the coffee shop when he was on a date.
But that night… that was the night he knew he needed you. He would have waited hours for you in that parking lot to make sure that you were okay after the car accident. Teasing you was the closest he felt to the rush of being catapulted off a carrier. And now he was in for the craziest ride of his life.
Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin was going to be a dad.
It had been on the tip of his tongue when Coyote stopped by the hanger on his way out to confirm that you were still attending the party on Sunday. It was what he thought about during the evening briefing, while observing some of the pilots during simulation training, and when he climbed into the Super Hornet cockpit with your picture tucked into his flight suit. So he may have crowed a bit louder when he got tone on one of the other instructors, winning the exercise for his team, and whooped while pulling Gs.
And it was in the forefront of his mind as he took your left hand and stroked your knuckles, squeezing gently. He’d had a plan: rent a plane and take you flying. When they reached altitude, he would hand over the controls to you so you could finally feel what it was like to be a pilot. And once back on the ground, he would take you for cheap burgers and fries on the beach.
But that didn’t matter.
He ran his knuckle along your cheek before gently grasping your chin and turning you towards him. Your brows furrowed as you made a discontented little hum. Jake smiled, covering your hand on your stomach with his own and lifting your left hand to his lips, kissing your palm. “Open those pretty eyes, sleepy girl.”
Slowly, you blinked awake, smiling at Jake’s soft expression. “Hey, babe.”
“Hey, darlin’. Looks like you were busy.” Groaning, you closed your eyes.
“Didn’t mean to fall asleep. Was gonna go home, but ‘m so tired.”
“‘S okay. You coulda waited for me though - you shouldn’t be lifting anything heavy.” Scoffing, you curled your hand over his jaw, thumb stroking his stubble.
“You gonna be like this the whole time?”
“Like what?”
“Overprotective.”
“Better get used to it, Mama.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“Marry me.” You froze.
“What?”
“I love you so much. Will you marry me? I have your ring at home, and I know this isn’t the most romantic way to ask, but - ”
“Yes.”
“Yes?”
“Yes!” you laughed. Jake grinned as you sat up to kiss him before throwing your arms around his neck. Sliding one arm under your knees and wrapping the other around your back, he quickly stood, laughing as you shrieked at the sudden change in altitude.
“I’ve got you,” he assured while walking towards the bedroom. But when he flicked the light on with his elbow, he groaned - the bed was covered in your clothes and an open suitcase. “You’re killin’ me, darlin’.”
“Let’s go home,” you murmured, pressing your lips to his throat.
“Can’t wait that long,” he replied, stepping over piles of hangers and shoes to set you on an empty corner of the bed. Laughing, you watched him clear the space as you moved towards the pillows, stripping off your shirt and bra. Finally satisfied, Jake shrugged off his flight suit, pausing to look at his right hand. “C’mere,” he rasped while kneeling on the bed. He twisted his Naval Academy ring off his finger and took your left hand, sliding it onto your ring finger. The metal was still warm from his body, and the band was far too large - the ring twisted so the stone pressed against your palm. But tears sprang to his eyes as Jake looked at the silver band on your finger. “Just until we get home, and I can get yours.”
“You’re lucky this is too big, or I’d never give it back.” Smiling, he wiped the tears from your cheeks and slowly lowered you onto the mattress.
“Congratulations, Hangman,” Rooster said, handing Jake a beer as they stood in Phoenix’s backyard. Jake shifted his gaze from where you were chatting with Bob and Halo, probably spinning the better version of his proposal you’d given your parents - something about recreating your first date, minus the car accident.
Coyote, who knew about the original proposal plan, had rightly called him out for what it was: poor impulse control.
“Thanks. You too. TOPGUN’ll be lucky to have you as an instructor.”
“I'm just happy to be getting the hell out of Virginia again. Mav told me they’re trying to get a couple of us back. Who knows, maybe we’ll be stationed together again.” Jake snorted.
“I hope not. Got enough things going on now without having to deal with a PCS.”
“Payback says you’ve been filling in with the Weapon School, so who knows.”
“Shit.” Jake watched as you quickly excused yourself from the conversation and hurried towards the house. “Hold this.”
“She okay?” Rooster asked, taking the beer shoved at him. Bob and Halo frowned at your retreating back.
“Fuckin’ morning sickness.”
“It’s six at night.”
“What can I say? She’s an overachiever,” he huffed, following you inside.
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Author's Note: Jake may not think that it's romantic to propose on a night in, but I definitely do. I had 2 more scenes that I was going to put into this chapter but decided to hold off for the next ones.
Side note - PCS is 'Permanent Change of Station', meaning you move locations (e.g., Rooster moving from VA to CA). Jake is hoping for a PCA, a 'Permanent Change of Assignment', where he could stay at Lemoore after doing his tour with the Vigilantes and just shift to a different squadron.
Thanks for reading!
Read Chapter 12
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Hi its me again and i am absolutely back with my strabger things/doctor who brainrot
Because it is insane how easily these two shows can be combined. Like, literally enough for the doctor to show up in hawkins, 1980-whatever, maybe just wanted to checkout the vibes but suddenly hears of some kid disappearing??? Or strange deaths- so goes to investigate, meets this kids in the mall or just wherever and boom, adopted a whole crew of sidekicks for the adventure and ready to kick some alien (demogorgon) ass
I can imagine dustin trying to label them as something frim dnd but the doctor is just like, actually this is an ancient species predating [...] from planet [...] and everyone just staring blankly back.
Also, definitely using the psychic paper to get into the hawkins lab ... and would probably close a baby gates with a sonic screwdriver lol or at least try to analyse it
So yeah, thats it for now. Sorry lmao. Hope you have a good one 💖
i am absolutely obsessed with this au oh my god please always talk to me about it
LMAO i love the idea of the doctor looking at the spore-destroyed plants and like sonic-ing them to try and figure out what's happened just for dustin to be like "oh thank GOD you're not normal" and to suddenly infodump everything about the upside down onto the doctor who's just like. what the fuck are any of these words
and even if the doctor were able to define the actual species of the demogorgon and the actual name of the upside down, the mind flayer, vecna etc, the party would still use dnd terms to the point where even the doctor just gives in and starts calling it all their terms for it
maybe since there'd be more extra-terrestrial stuff in this au, dr brenner would have been using alien tech of some kind, or would have been studying alien dna and trying to create a hybrid race, either way i think the doctor being able to tell el what she really is and how she came to be would give her a bit of an existential crisis, that'd be like the main arc of the doctor being there, is that even the doctor needs el's help but she's gotta come to terms with who she is, why she came to be and what the full extent of her powers could be
and even the older teens would be instrumental in helping the doctor figure stuff out, like jonathan would have taken just the right photo that looks inconsequential to the everyman but fills a v important hole in the doctor's logic. nobody could figure out what the flaying process is until nancy follows someone looking suspicious towards the steel mill. robin would sneak off to follow her own gut, almost get everyone killed in the process, but would find a way for them to gain access to even the most deadlocked parts of hawkins lab. and, of course, there would be the Classic Human Moment(tm) where steve would suggest something that everyone laughs at him for bc it sounds so ridiculous but the doctor. the doctor calls steve the most brilliant mind in the whole entire universe (dustin doesn't know whether to be more proud, horrified or offended) bc he's helped the doctor to crack the whole entire thing.
ohhhhh i really love the idea of the doctor coming to hawkins nowwww
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#oh god everythings bad so i need to keep busy#oh god is this me?#diary#personal#god i am so fucking sad today. its probably still hormones. ill probably be fine soon. but god i feel like crying so badly#ugh. i dont even cry a lot. its very rare.#but idk i think im hitting the section of this depressive episode.#im debating about buying something super expensive bc of it lmao#haha. ill do anything to find a reason to live when im like this sometimes.#haaaah i have a doctors appointment coming up and ive just noticed just now that im terrified of what theyll say haha.#thats why i feel like shit rn. well...partially at least. irs why i want to cry rn.#i hope nothing gets found out that i dont like. i really dont wanna hear it.#its so weird when my brain is this fucked. i can easily tell the difference. it *feels* different.#and my thought process is completely different.#its so strange. just. so strange. i feel like a different person whenever i change like this.#im used to it. but by god is it weird. ive always thought that. just. every time i shift one way or another its so different.#i become entirely different people almost. i still hold the same values but my thought process is always so different.#i guess things like this are good proof for what mental illnesses are.#i wonder what causes these shifts.#disordered eating#i looked in the mirror today for the first time in a long while after weighing myself. and i just thought#i looked so thin. to me at least. idk. it was strange. i looked too feminine maybe. i both hate and liked what i see.#gender dysphoria#haaaahhh. i really need to get a therapist to help me with certain things i always have trouble with.#i wish i could have people help me more. im so scared. i *should* go back on t but im scared.#and im not quite sure how to communicate that?#god i feel like shit. this has to stop. i need to make something change. i think im gonna fixate on this again#...fuck. haaaah in order to change anything i need to phone to book an appointment with one. or i need to email one.#both are terrible options for me. cause someone like me is just. bad at doing things. everything really.#why do i have so many troubles with basic functioning. god id feel so much more stable rn if i was on t.
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Ok i think i have ascended to new levels of simp with this guy, i have never simped as hard for anyone than i do for this toxic ratman like pls even him killing me will be a blessing at this point
Ughh smoke into my mouth . Blow a ring and i'll suck it up istg😩👌
Like why is everything he does so fucking suave like pls even him looking in my general direction will bring me to my knees
Omg i cant even- i would literally beg him to fuck me right then and there i dont care if he brought me there for business, as punishment for not paying up for something, or whatever it is. If i see him i'm gone. My brain is mush. He could very well kill me afterwards for the audacity of what i'm asking but i'd still ask. Let him kill me, at least he looked at me like this i'd die happy.
He'd be so done with me but if i somehow got under his employment like fuck it i'd try to compliment him whenever i can on whatever i can. He holdin a sigarette? Compliment his pretty, long fingers. Looking to the right? Compliment his side profile. I'd compliment his arms, wrists, legs, shoulders, scar(obviously), eyes (either or both), hecc even his ass (and if by some miracle i haven't been killed yet i probably would then lmao) and i'd love every second of it.
He'd probably (and hopefully) take notice of me not kidding very fast and if he hasn't killed me i assume either doesn't mind or is into it as well and either would be fine tbh.. but the last is preferred ofc~
Alskd but me being the simp i am i would definetly jump in front of him before any danger could befall him during fights or scuffles and if he got even a little attached to me he'd berate me for it (which i'd love) like yes for you i'd be anything lmao
Thats probably also why i'd ask again at that point with him hopefully saying yes XD although he'd definetly look at me weird. Like "seriously? Is this woman still going on about that?" Has she seen my eye?
Alskdk but look at him you cannot not want to idk what he's going on about but i actually prefer him without the concealer and i'd tell him as such.
Like ugh even when chocked he is way too hot 😩✋ whats wrong with me. If this wasn't a trauma point for him i'd choke him very lovingly any day.. hecc maybe i still will if he somehow turned the trauma into a weird form of kink
But silco dying though, i would not let that happen at all. Like i'd probably find a way to bring him to a doctor or something and try and save his life lmao..
And my brain still refuses to believe this scene happened at all btw XD. Like in my head jinx just went back, found that her bullets didn't leave him that wounded, just knocked tf out from bloodloss, but still alive. And she'd just rush him to singed's like he'd done for her once. . Yeah i'm in denial and i can't get up. But what can u do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Anyhow that was my weirdly long TED-talk on how much i simp for silco. Thank you for listening and i'm sorry for anyone actually reading this far lmao i've made this way too long
#silco#unhealty simp levels#i simp so hard#pls marry me#or step on me#both is good#arcane#like pls his scar makes him even hotter#i cant#simping hard#simp#like this is getting towards yandere levels of simping#i need to touch some grass#nvm f touching grass shove it up my nose maybe that'll help#ok this turned into a full on rant on him#not like i'm complaining#damn#sanity whats that?#can you eat it?#somebody stop me#this almost sounds like a fic#complimenting#ok thats it idk what else to put here#compliments to those who actually went and read it all#also an apology#whichever comes first
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I know that I'm boring and that you'll probably block me if I request something again, but you're the only one who always writes request, so thanks in advance. ❤💕 Well, I thought of this, Henry as my husband entered the bedroom where I'm in bed with Kal sleeping barely covered by a blanket in panties only because I started to sleep like this like Henry. It can be always smutty smut like you perfectly write it. ❤
Big Brat
Pairing: Henry Cavill x Reader
Warnings: Smut! Fluff, bratty Henry (like big brat), use of sign language, slight angst at the end
A/N: I would never block you love! I absolutely love getting requests! I’m sorry this took so long to get to, I just started my second semester of college, and I have way more classes, plus a baby and some other drama which I’ll probs rant about later lmao. I hope you enjoy!
Henry had been downstairs in his office, playing Cyberpunk for hours. Due to an injury on set, he couldn't film, so he was stuck at home. You had hung out with him for a few hours while he played, but eventually made your way upstairs when you became too tired.
“Text me when you’re done so I can help you up the stairs, kay?” You had asked. He agreed with a smile. His injury wasn’t too bad, but he still had trouble going up and down the stairs, and his pain got worse at night, so you made it your full time job to help him.
However, you should have known he wouldn’t listen. While he was grateful for your help, when he glanced at the clock and saw that it read 2:13 am, he knew he wouldn't wake you. He wasn’t THAT injured.
He saved the game, and turned off the computer before slowly limping his way out of his office. He glanced around the downstairs of his home, and didn't see Kal, so he knew that the big bear was upstairs with you. He took a deep breath before making the journey up the stairs.
He walked into the room, and his breath caught in his throat. You were nestled under the covers, with Kal snoring beside you. You had pulled the majority of the blanket to your chest, and had your right arm and right leg thrown over top of it, cuddling it. His eyes made the journey from your face, down your body, and stopping when he noticed you weren't wearing any pants, only blue panties.
He let out a low groan, and quickly stripped out of his clothes, before sitting down on the bed in his boxers.
He pet Kal in between the ears, gently coaxing the Akita awake.
The bear let out a low growl before turning to look at his dad in annoyance, sending a chuckle through Henry’s chest.
“Sorry, buddy, daddy’s gotta go to bed so you have to move,” He whispered, and watched in amusement as the dog grunted in annoyance, but complied, jumping off the bed and making his way to his own.
Kal jostled the bed as he jumped off, which woke you up.
“Henry? Why didn't you text me?” You asked, and watched as he slowly laid his body down, gripping his injured leg and easing it up and onto the bed.
“You were asleep, I didn’t want to disturb you,” He reasoned, as his head hit the pillow.
You sighed in annoyance, propping your arm up on your elbow, your head in your hand.
“You could have hurt yourself more,”
Henry scoffed, and ran his fingers through your hair. “But I didn't,” He whispered, and pressed a sweet kiss to your lips. You smiled into the kiss, your annoyance melting away the second his skin touched yours. “God, you look beautiful.” He mumbled into the kiss, his left hand running up your legs and coming to rest on top your panty covered hip.
You giggled whilst pulling away.
“Hen, your doctor said no strenuous activity for a least two weeks while your leg heals,” You reminded him, a knowing smile on your face. His head fell back once more, before sighing. “You don’t want to have to tell Lauren that you can't film for even longer because you had sex with your wife and hurt your leg even more, do you?”
He gave you a side eye look. “No.” You chuckled as he covered his bare chest with his arms, crossing them. “it’s not fair,” He complained.
You rolled your eyes, and laid down. “Sometimes life isn't, my dear.” All you got was a grunt in response.
You rolled over, laughing at your husbands childish antics. You threw the comforter over your body, and tossed some to him, choosing to ignore the way he pushed it off moments later, obviously deciding to be a brat about the whole situation.
“I love you,” You said in a singsong voice.
“No, you don't.” He grunted, a sniffle following moments later. You flipped over and almost laughed in annoyance at what you saw. He had his arms crossed over his chest still, his eyebrows were furrowed in annoyance, and tears were streaming down his cheeks.
“Are you seriously crying because I won't fuck you?”
He snapped his head to glare at you. “Yes,”
“Why?” You asked, exasperated at his attitude.
“Because, I walked in and saw my beautiful wife wearing the blue panties I bought for her while filming Mission, and she won't even let me sleep with her because I’ll ‘hurt myself’,” He said, putting the last two words in air quotes.
“First of all, you're being a brat, second of all, you will hurt yourself.”
He scoffed again before answering. “No, I won't!”
You breathed out through your nose before continuing. “Hen, that’s exactly what you said about the stupid stunt! And guess what, you hurt yourself, which is why we’re in this stupid situation.”
He sighed, before rolling over, you following and rolling to the other side.
You felt him roll back a few minutes later and had to mentally prepare yourself for the sheer stupidity that was sure to spill from his mouth.
“You could ride me.”
You eyes flew open, and your body flipped to face him again.
“What?”
“You heard me.” “Obviously I heard you, you dingus, but no, I am not doing that.” “Please?” He begged.
You laid down again, and closed your eyes. “I’ve said no. You haven't listened to a word I’ve said, argued about every little thing, and are refusing to stop being a brat and just go to sleep! Its almost 3 am,”
He sighed again, and you felt your patience running out. “But, baby-” He began to say before you lost it.
You sat up and threw the blankets off of you before tugging off the panties and tossing them on the floor. You pushed Henry on his back and climbed on him.
“Shut up.” You demanded, and he opened his mouth to speak, but you cut him off, your hand slapping to his mouth. “I said shut up. You’ve pissed me off, so I’m going to ride you until I cum, and then I’m going to bed. I don't give two shits wether or not you finish. Now. Shut. Up.”
His eyes widened, and his hands ran up your legs, before you slapped one of them.
“You don't get to talk, you don’t get to touch. You’re in trouble, this is your punishment.” He sighed in annoyance, but accepted his fate.
You fished him out of his underwear and to your surprise, he was rock hard. You pumped him a few times, and glared up at him when he let out a moan.
“I said no talking!”
He opened his mouth to speak, but decided not to, instead communicating through sign language.
‘Thats not talking.’ He signed. You mentally cursed yourself for helping him learn sign language when he saw you communicating with a child at work who was deaf.
“No sounds.” You growled. He rolled his eyes and brought his straight hand up from his neck to his chin and pointing at you.
“Yeah, yeah, fuck you too,” You said, before guiding him inside you.
You didn't give him time to adjust being inside you, instead you immediately started bouncing on him, and letting out moans.
Henry had his eyes squeezed shut, and his lip was trapped in between his teeth in an attempt to silence his moans. His hands were balled up and gripping the bedsheets underneath him as well.
You chuckled at him and stopped bouncing to grind your hips against his.
“If you would have waited until tomorrow morning, I would have willingly rode you,” You growled out, the pleasure from riding him quickly growing in your lower belly. “But, no, you had to be a stubborn little shit and piss me off.”
Henry locked eyes with you, pleading you to let him touch you.
“I said no.” You grunted, riding him even faster. You could feel your clit catching on his hip every once in a while, and it was slowly bringing you to the edge.
By the look on Henry’s face, he was close too, but you didn't care about his pleasure. He had been selfish, now it was your turn.
You bounced on him as fast as you could, your head thrown back, and your hands gripping your husbands large pecs.
“Fuck, even when I’m mad at you, you still make me feel so fucking good,” You cried out. You were teetering on the edge, so you reached your hand in between your legs and rubbed your clit quickly, which threw you over the edge.
You came on Henry, crying and rocking, the waves of pleasure that crashed down on you seemly never-ending.
You felt him tense up just as you were coming down from your high, and immediately moved off of him. He stared at you in confusion as you grabbed your panties off the ground and slipping them on, before grabbing your phone and walking towards the door.
You turned back to look at him. “I’m still very mad at you, so I’m sleeping in the guest room. If you touch yourself, I will not sleep with you until you’ve finished filming.” You said, before walking out the door, letting it slam shut behind you.
Henry sighed in desperation, but let you go. He’d make it up to you tomorrow, but he was too tired to do anything tonight, even finish himself off.
He rolled on his side carefully, and cuddled your pillow into his chest. He drifted off to the thought of you, wishing you were sleeping next to him.
#henry cavill#henry cavill smut#henry!holmes#henry cavill x reader#henry cavill fluff#wow he was bratty in this#idk where this came from#my inner demons are out to play oof#fluff#smut#angst
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Hiiii can i request prompt 53 with tsukki? My annoying cousin u may know @chibiiichan(i cant tag her its a surprise) recommend ur account and well she never been right more than now I LIKE UR ACC TOO URM JUST TAG HER IN THE POST (bcs its actually her birthday next week monday so....the least i could do this bcs she likes tsukki and shes recently talk abt the iwazumi story of yours....lmao shes cringe but in the same time got mad n i was besides her hearing her whining like bruh 'its 1 am'...i know i should buy something for her but she got spoiled enough 💅...that mf-) thank you ✨
‘ALWAYS AND FOREVER’
TSUKISHIMA X READER
2K WORDS
GENRE: ANGST,FLUFF
TW: SLIGHT AMBIGIOUS MENTION OF SUICIDE/ASSISTED DEATH, AND DEATH, CURSING (IN MY A/N)
THIS IS FOR @chibiiichann Happy birthday, I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS (BECAUSE I HATE IT :D ) SOOOOO YEAH I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR BIRTHDAY.
NOT PROOFREAD AT ALL. EXPECT SLIGHT MISTAKES
You were dying. You knew it. Your husband, Kei, knew it. Even friends you haven’t spoken too since high school knew it.
So why did you all pretend that everything was okay?
5 year old Y/N:
You were running around your neighbourhood park chasing after butterflies, without a care in the world. As you were frollicing in the grass, you manage to trip over a rock tumbling to the ground scraping your knee making it bleed. Looking down at your slightly injured knee, your lip begins to quiver which eventually leads to wails of tears streaming down your face.
“you don’t have to cry you know?” said a slightly quiet voice towering over you. Above you was a boy, quite tall with a fat pair of glasses, golden eyes and a head full of blonde locks.
“Well when I get hurt, I cry” you say matter oh factly (is that the phrase?) rubbing your nose as you sniffle. He held out a hand to you, which you immediately took shooting upwards and brushing yourself off.
The boy, after looking at you wildly, turns around and walks back to the actual park. “Oi wait,” you call at the boy swiftly following him “aren’t you going to ask my name?”
“no.” he says simply, proceeding to walk ahead.
“well my names Y/N L/N pleasure to meet you,” you say jumping in front of him so he doesn’t move, waiting for him to tell you his name...which he doesn’t. “you don’t have to be so rude you know”
“I’m not being rude” he says stiffly “ it’s just my brother says not to speak to strangers” a smirk appears on his face to say ‘you can leave me alone now.’
As if on cue, his brother approaches the both of you given the boy a slap on the back making him cringe “Hey Kei, who’s the friend you’ve made here?”
“My name is Y/N L/N and I'm here to be KEI’s best friend!” you said putting the emphasis on the word Kei after just learning that was the blondes name.
Kei rolled his eyes and sighed saying “nii-chan can we go home now” he folded his arms in annoyance.
“No Kei, you’ve got to get to know your new found friend Y/N-Chan right?” his brother said teasingly, knowing it was the last thing Kei wanted to do.
“Yes ofcourse!” you say with a toothy grin, dragging Kei along with you to his demise.
Until the sun went down, you spent the rest of your time with Kei getting to know eachother (well him getting to know you more, since you did all the speaking.) Regardless of his previous annoyance in getting to know you in the first place, Kei would be lying if he said he didn’t want to know you now.
As the sun was setting, Kei’s older brother (who’s name you learned was Akiteru) called him to tell him he had to go home because dinner was ready. Before he left, you grabbed his hand and wrapped your pinky finger around his saying “As long as we shall live, we will always look out for eachother as we are forever bestfriends, agreed?”
back to present -
In some odd way, this was Kei’s way of looking out for you. He knew what you had was uncurable and would weaken you even more as the days go by, so pretending like nothing was wrong seemed to be best in his eyes.
Everything you and Kei did was a game or some nostalgic act that you once did when you were children. It was sweet to say the least, seeing Kei all engrossed and determined to make you happy.
Your alarm rings snapping you out of you daydream, ‘it was time for medicine’ you thought with your face scowling at the thought. Immediately on time, as always, Kei comes In the room with all your medicine thats needed.
“Aren’t you my perfect little nurse Kei” you say teasingly giving him a wink, laughing as you see his face turn red.
“Do you have to do this every time y/n?” he asks rolling his eyes at your childish behaviour.
“Oh I'm just showing love to my best and favourite nurse” you continue laughing at your own words
“Im your only ‘nurse’” he deadpans giving you your medicine as you talk.
“Well that is more reason to make you the best nurse.” you say smiling.
Silence falls between you, and you stare down at your arm watching as your husband gives you the medicine making you frown. “Do we have to keep doing this?” you ask which is probably the 1000th time you’ve asked.
“Of course we do Y/N as I’ve said yesterday and the day before that and the day before that it-”
“But do we really?” you interrupt “I can’t keep doing this. You can’t keep doing this.”
“Do you doubt me Y/N, I can do this forever” he says “ I can take care of you forever”
“But I don’t wan-”
“I’m finished, I’m going to start on dinner” he gets up and leaves the room yelling “I’ll call you when it’s done.”
Sometimes you and Kei have these conversations. And all the time it ends the same way. You complain, he ignores and then you go and have dinner.
You can understand why he doesn’t want to have this conversation. Who would want to hear about their partners complaints about practically being alive. Kei was torn, ever since he met you all he wanted to was to keep you happy. But could he compromise his own happiness for it.
15 year old Y/N - flashback
“Kei Kei, aren’t you excited!” you yell smiling widley
“Excited for what?” he asks, amused by your enthusiasm “it’s just highschool.”
“Well it’s a new highschool! Karasuno high school, to be exact.”
“And that is still just a school.” he says
“Not just any! That’s the school nii-chan went too, and even tho he lie-”
“Let’s not talk about it Y/N” he murmurs “we should go now, don’t want to be late on our first date.”
Going to Karasuno was fun, at the start everyone was pleasant and nice. But after a week or two when you and Kei were still stuck to eachother like glue, people weren’t so pleasant. Kei was like a pop idol, being gorgeous and over 6ft at just the age of 15, caused alot of attention, especially when he was always around you.
At the start, the hate you got was bearable, it was the petty bitchy notes in your locker or just people blatanly talking badly about you infront of you. People didn’t do it when you weren’t around Kei, so when he had volleyball practice (which you were so excited that he joined the team) you were a big target for the bullies to come around.
Kei didn’t really know of the bullying that happened towards you, especially since he was mainly in practice or not around when it happened. But one day in practice he heard some of his teammates, kageyama and hinata who seemed to talking about a student in one of their classes that was always getting picked on by the other girls in the year.
“Yeah and I heard that Nana-san was planning on getting her and her friends to attack Y/N-san soon.” said Hinata
“Shrimpy, who are they planning on attacking?” Kei asks to make sure he just heard the ginger correctly.
“Oh this lovely person in our class their name is Y/N-san” he says, looking at Kei’s reaction he also asks “Why? Do you know them?”
Kei doesn’t respond, and immediately leaves the gym, ignoring Hinata’s and the other members of the teams yells of ‘Where are you going tsukishima.’ He didn’t care, he just had to get to you.
He searched all the classes, asking every student if he knew where you were. Someone directs him to the toilets, where he burst through the door to see the other girls in your year surrounding you and beating you up.
“What the fuck are you doing to them?” he yells startling the girls.
“T-T-Tsukishima-san" one girl says “It’s not what it looks like.”
“Oh fuck off” he says, with them still frozen in shock “I said go!”
“And don’t think I don’t know your names either” he calls after them.
He rushes towards your bruised body on the ground and cradles you gently, confused on what to really do. “Oi Kei,” you say weakly catching his attention “I would’ve won if you didn’t come to stop the fight.” you joke making him scoff.
“Whatever you say Y/N.”
After you heal up, Kei already told on the girls that beat you up getting them suspended, and you explain how they were treating you because of their infatuation of him. And how they only did it when he wasn’t around.
Once he learns this information, he decides to quite the volleyball team, to your surprise. But you demands on making him not quit were ignored, as he excused it by saying “I have to make sure you’re always alright remember, and if that means quitting some volleyball team then so be it.”
That was one out of the many times that Kei put his happiness before yours.
Flashback over.
When you first got diagnosed, Kei was immediately researching on it as it was a very rare condition. But sadly, he only found what the doctor already told you both. It was uncurable and your immune system and your body will weaken as the days go by.
Which it did, you were a shell of your past self. It was always shocking for Kei to see, especially with you only being 25. ‘It wasn’t supposed to be this way,’ but he never let you see his sadness.
Whenever you knew Kei was sad you always reminded him “Kei, I may be dying but please don’t cry over me” every time you said, there was a slight undertone of humour in your voice which always worked in boosting Kei’s spirit.
AN: IVE GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHERE I HATE THIS SOOO IM SORRY IN ADVANCE FOR THE SHITTING RUSHED ENDING IM GOING TO PROVIDE FOR YOU LOL.
The days passed and the years went by, and you and Kei were still alive and kicking it. Doing your daily routine of you making some joke, Kei giving you your medicine and then you eating dinner. You eventually stopped complaining, realizing and remembering your promise you gave to Kei at 5 years old in that park. “As long as we shall live, we will always look out for eachother as we are forever bestfriends, agreed?”
Of course you had your rough days, everybody did and it was even harder being sick with a terminal illness. But having Kei to guide you through the storm made It better for you.
However, Kei isnt a miracle worker. He couldn’t save you, noone could. And you both knew that. That didn’t mean it made it any easier when the medicine stopped working and your pain got too hard to bear. Kei couldn’t watch you do this anymore, “the choice is yours” he said with tears in his eyes.
So you knew what you had to do, you got in your bed pulling Kei with you, and letting him envelope you in a big hug as you both cried.
“I love you,” you say “You know that right?”
“Of course I know that, idiot” he replies “And I love you.”
“Always and forever?”
“Always and forever.”
AN: how did I END UP CRYING WHILST WRITING THIS WHEN IT MADE NO FUCKING SENSE, I WAS TRYING TO DO THIS COOL NOTEBOOK (I HAVENT EVEN WATCHED THE NOTEBOOK) ENDING WHERE ITS AMBIGIOUS AND SHIT AND I JUST GIVE UP OKAY? I APOLOGISE LOOOOOOL. I HOPE YOU ENJOY ATLEAST A SENTENCE OF THIS AT LEAST.
#haikyuu x reader comfort#haikyu angst#haikyu x reader#haikyuu fluff#haikyu scenarios#haikyu headcanons#haikyu#tsukishima kei#tsukishima imagine#tsukishima fluff#tsukishima angst#tsukishima x reader
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im indian (diff anon tho) and ya idt andrea is toxic or a bad wife/mother lmao like if shes the standard for being a bad mom i beg for her. like at the very least, taylor had a dream and she did what she could to get taylor to achieve it. she didn't discourage her, she didn't tell her she would be a failure, she just drove taylor to nashville every fucking weekend and got her a record deal. thats fucking incredible and imo makes her a wonderful mother (if i told my parents i wanted to become a pop star theyd laugh in my face, tell me thats never going to happen and then tell me to go study to become a doctor. like they go more out for me than i think andrea ever went for taylor, but not for the career path i actually want to pursue). also idt the taking money is a bad thing or makes her toxic??? like shes not jaime spears at all. she works for taylor, she gets a paycheck. i do agree that its not a typical american family dynamic (again, being indian, thats completely normal to me like my dad, my mom, my dads uncles, and my grandpa all do business together so) but shes not like using taylor for her money or stealing from her or anything. i do think this conversation is v cultural tho
Yeah I mean I just don’t think they have a traditional WASP setup at all but that’s what they sell on main like they SELL “oh we’re such a cute wholesome all American family” and that’s one of the interesting vibes about them.
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How i personally think the haikyuu characters would react to their kid asking "where do babies come from?"
✒•••Pairings with:
sugawara x gn!reader, hinata x gn!Reader, tendou x f!Reader.
↪ P.s: the reader isn't really going to be involved its just the character and the kid :)
✒•••Genre🎭:
fluff, comedy?
✒•••Warnings⚠️:
marriage, kids idk 😐, time skip spoilers!!
✒•••authors note📄:
I took inspiration from one of my favourites ever @dokifluffs ♡
✒•••General notes📝:
🔴D/N = daughters name
🟠S/N = sons name
Also the child is between 5-7
✳Sugawara koushi✳ :
》 I feel like sugawara would just be VERY awkward like "heh um.."
》probably lie and say that he doesn't know how
》 or say it in a way a kid would understand and not get traumatised
》 he's a teacher he knows that this would happen but it just came from no where yk?
"Dad?" D/n and suga were sitting in the living room watching TV everything was going smoothly until d/n decided to ask an unpleasant question. "Yes sweetheart?" Suga answered "where do babies come from?" Sugawara almost choked on the tea he was drinking. That was very unexpected to say the least. "Uhm that.. is? Actually I dont know heh" d/n looked at him straight in the eyes "dad im 6 I know your lying just tell me please?" "Fine fine ahm ahm its like something magical! Only big people can do it tho thats why its a big secret." "Wait bu-" "OKAYY LOOK AT THE TIME ITS 9:00 BEDTIME"
Its definitely something fun to witness
❇hinata shoyo❇:
》he would simply pass away
》he DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY
》"😕😟😦🙁"
"Hey, dad?" hinata and s/n were sitting in the living room watching a Disney movie. It was MSBYs day off which you were so happy about! But Of course you couldn't spend all day with them. Not just because of your job and all the work you had to do but because of pregnancy. Your doctor had told you that you need time for yourself, to relax take a nap or a bath just anything that would make you feel relaxed. Its good for you and the child. And from that you had to excuse yourself to follow the doctors orders. The boys were left alone watching Disney movies. "Uhh yes?" "Where do babies come from? How did mom get one?"
Mf took a screenshot istg.
"Uh so you see...😕"
"Mhm??"
"Its like? Very big"
"What? What's very big?"
"The yk heh 😆"
"Why can't you just tell me?"
"You're way to young to know sorry buddy"
Basically kinda ignores the question until the kid just stops asking about it lmao (ik its a terrible idea to ignore such question but he'd tell him when he grows up just a bit more.)
✳tendou satori✳:
》 ngl it would be a very funny conversation 💀
》 he's still scared he would say something that may traumatise the kid so yeah
》 extra points for creativity 👏
"Ugh why cant you let me win at least ONE game?" You were out with your friends leaving tendou with D/n. They just came home from the grocery store after buying shit tons of sweets and snacks. Both of them were sitting on the living room sofa playing random video games. "Not my problem you don't know how to play the game" "its not fair! You actually know how to play it" tendou laughed "are you going to eat these chips or not?" "No thank you, im full" tendou got up and took the bag of left over chips and close it with a chip bag clip. While tendou was putting the extra sweets and bags of chips in the tapestry D/n had a question in mind.
"Dad, do you know how babies are made? Where do they come from?" Tendou smiled as he rested his body on the counter that was near him. "you see, when two people are ready to have kids they would make a spell that only they can master. Most important thing when doing this spell is that you have to keep the window open at night. If the spell works the universe would send strong light to mommy's stomach and boom! Baby" "wow, that's alot of work.." "uh yeah 😳"
Hnnng hello!! I was actually working on this for like two fucking days and TODAY I WAS SUPPOSED TO FINSH IT but my body said no. Not only i got sick very badly for no reason but I was on my period ☺
I really wanted to add tsukishima and kita but i couldn't :(
But other than that I hope its okay sorry if there's any errors :D
#haikyuu fluff#haikyū!!#haikyu x reader#haikyuu senarios#anime#sugawara scenario#sugawara koushi#sugawara x y/n#sugawara fluff#hinata fluff#hq hinata#hinata shōyō#hinata shoyo headcanons#hinata imagine#sugawara headcanons#tendou imagine#tendou fluff#tendou satori#tendou headcanons#fluff#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu imagines#haikyuu x y/n#haikyuu x reader
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lmao im actually so desperate to die im considering swallowing two peach pits just to see if i will choke to death because nothing else ive tried has worked so far . you know what my life doesnt fucking matter ill do it. with my luck it wont work i feel im being punished and thats why i cant die. ill do it. if i dont get back to you something happened but i doubt it. im tired like you said i deserve peace. we do. bye maybe i hope this works this is pathetic but im desperate to die
hey, i'm really sorry to hear you're feeling this way. it seems like you're totally overwhelmed right now and i completely understand how debilitating that can be. i know there's nothing i can do or say that will really change how awful it feels, and you're probably not in the headspace to read all this. but if you ever want to come back to it, it'll be here. maybe you could try some of these grounding exercises, here / here and here beforehand to get you in a place where you can focus a little. it's alright, there's no rush or pressure. i just wanted to say first of all that this is not pathetic in the slightest. sometimes the world gets on top of you and you go througn so much trauma and hurt that it really does feel like giving up is the only option. people can only take so much, and i get it. that's the trick of the suicidal brain though, i think. it uses life's suffering and your own past experiences to convince you that it is always going to be this way. to romanticize death and make it into something it isn't in your head. it is actually very hard to die, as i'm sure you know. and it's not the peaceful option or escape you're looking for, either. and the most paramount thing i want to say is that your life 100% does matter. this was never up for debate. you were born with an inherent worth and it hasn't went away just because you can no longer see it. you honestly can't fathom how you've impacted peoples lives, directly and indirectly, and even just the world itself. you don't have to be anybody but who you are, i promise, the whole point is just having the human experience you're having. you're fulfilling your purpose by existing, no matter how hard it is at times. i think it's a good sign that you reached out to me, i honestly think it shows that you have a lot of self awareness regarding what's going on and that you're truly capable of asking for the help that you need. you're not in a place right now where you can trust your thoughts and feelings, so it's good to seek an objective perspective from somebody else. this state of mind is so transient, it's so intense that it's not built to last. i'm not trying to downplay how unbelievably hard to live with, of course, but it can be freeing to acknowledge that this is not all there is, no matter how difficult it is to endure currently. you deserve to be here and to exist in a way that heals you, no matter what your mind is telling you. there can be a variety of underlying causes for suicidal feelings, and obviously they're very serious issues that need real medical attention in order to begin to overcome. but with that and with time, it is totally possible to learn to live a full live along side all you've been through. even though right now i'm sure that's the lastthhing on earth you want to do.
are you currently working with a mental health professional of any sort? your doctor, a therapist, a support group, even a hotline? if not, i would really urge you to get in touch with them as soon as possible. and if you already are, let them know where your thoughts are at lately so they can focus on upping your level of care. if you're worried about money, there are cost-effective choics available, like finding a therapist who offers a sliding scale price, or looking into mental health resources within your community. i know your brain is probably screaming at you to do the opposite, but i promise any baby step in the right direction is going to pay off. the prospect of reaching out and being honest is a daunting one, and i'm only bringing it up as something to consider at the moment (or when you feel able to) so please don't write it off all together. you don't have to do anything right now, just know you have options. you honestly do. and talking to someone really is not as bad as your brain is probably building it up to be. just like with physical illness, mental illness can be confronted and treated. it's all about learning how to manage your unique mind, and even if it takes a lifetime, it is so possible to lessen the frequency of episodes like this. or to become more prepared for them so they feel less erratic when they do occur. discussing about what you've been through, pinpointing root causes of your suicidal thoughts, learnng how to implement healthy coping mechanisms into your daily routine, building a support system, finding the medication for you if needed - all of this is going to make a tangible difference. it is not going to fix everything, obviously, but it is going to lighten the weight and broaden your perspective on yourself and on living. you deserve to be supported without judgement and with genuine care, you deserve to be listened to. there are a lot of people, professionals or otherwise, even just strangers like me, who are willing to filling that role for you.
idk how it is for you and i won't pretend to, but sometimes suicidal people don't want to lose their lives, they just want to stop living the way they are. with so much chaos and unresolved pain and exhaustion. you don't have to hurt yourself in order to get there. i know when you're in this mindset, any even slightly positive piece of advice just feels impossible to believe. but even if you can't seriously take it on board at the moment, i hope when you're in a more grounded place, you can at least consider as an alternative to absolute hopelessness. you may as well, because you are alive and that is not always going to feel like a curse. it is so hard to believe it, i get that, but it is a fundamental truth. you are in an extremely difficult moment but that is not your whole existence. the future is ever changing, and you've already made it through the past, so the only thing that really matters is this moment. focus on what you need, not what you want, but what you need to do right now to truly self - prioritize. even if that feels like the last thing on earth you want do. if self destruction and self harm was gonna make you feel better, it would've by now. welcome the idea of trying something new, maybe just the notion of attempting to guide yourself through this with a bit of self-compassion. please, if you feel like you are an immediate danger to yourself, please exercise any sense of self preservation/ survival instinct and call the authorities, a hotline or a friend/family member right away. no matter what bullshit your brain is telling you, no matter how heavy your heart is right now . everything is always always always changing and things are going to change beyond recognition, it's the one thing you can count on. you deserve to stick around to see it all, and once you've made the decision to do so, you won't feel so stuck and conflicted anymore. i'm going to leave some links that i think might help a little in this moment, but like i said, please call someone if you feel you can't be alone right now. i'm rooting for u a lot and i really hope you are able do the right thing for yourself. if it's all too hard, focus on getting through the next hour. if that's too much, the next minute. and if that's too much, the next second. break it down into what you can handle and let yourself live. and then just go from there. sending you all my love.
list of hotlines
coping with depression
coping with suicidal thoughts
so you feel like shit?
template for creating a safety plan
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