#or at least offer both side by side
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unpopular opinion i think but man.. i am already sick of this willy nilly sprayed edges shit
#i remember when soc came out and the edges were sprayed black and it was SICK#but that was like a decade ago. and its gotten out of hand#like i get it if its a really pretty special edition with art that ties into the theme.#but if you're just adding bright colors to add bright colors? stop please...#or at least offer both side by side#i get that it allows you to charge more but it also makes me want to throw up 9 times out of 10 so#jules talks (and talks)
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today on random languages my brain is going 👀 at is biblical hebrew and biblical greek
#the following tags will have discussions of my faith and christianity in general so if you're not interested in that then stop reading ig#some lore: in my early teens i did consider doing a theology degree at uni and becoming an ordained minister/taking a role in the church#this was before i found out a) in my denomination only men can be ministers (deaconesses exist but yeah) and b) the church as an institutio#is pretty yikes#and then finding out i'm queer and nonbinary threw other spanners in there but despite it all my faith is still so so important to me#i want to start learning about christian/comparative theology more broadly to understand both my own faith and others' better#idk why but today i randomly ended up on the webpage for the theological college in NI and was just looking through the courses they offer#maybe someday in the distant future i'll have the money and time to burn to do an online postgrad degree with them#but yeah they have a postgrad certificate in biblical greek 👀 which looked v cool#the internet is a wonderful place and i found a pretty comprehensive looking biblical hebrew course on youtube and i'd probs be able to fin#biblical greek somewhere if i looked hard enough#greek and hebrew are both such linguistically interesting languages and being able to read some would also help in my theological adventure#so new side quest just dropped ig? at least it's my reading week this week so I can dabble in them with no consequences#i've also been wanting to try and learn a language via an immersion focus - obvs can't do full immersion with biblical greek and hebrew but#yeah using a less grammar and vocab focused approach than i'm used to#i have access to digital bibles so i could just choose a v literal english translation and then try and parse what's happening?#yeah we'll see#langblr#ellis exclaims
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the downfall and execution of a tudor queen (2023) / the boleyns: a scandalous family (2021) / the king's pearl: henry viii and his daughter mary (2017), melita thomas / anne boleyn (tv miniseries 2021) / the mirror and the light (2024) / elizabeth (1998)
#web weaving#sort of?#i never feel like my edits really fit#they're more like collages#anyway...me on my island with the one other tudor fan that liked AB 2021 lol#'our expectations were low but holy fuck' sounds like a lot of consternation about a pretty...solid script?#what i loved most about it was moments like the above#the ability to summarize really complex dynamics borne of circumstance#in such a way that you can believe in the world and it serves as its own 'previously on' that a miniseries inherently lacks#esp when it only covers five crucial months#tl; dr there's a lot of smugness evident in many books of this genre#when it comes to anne's attitude towards her stepdaughter#bcus she was quote proven wrong unquote; becaues mary got quote the last laugh unquote...#when really. as per the quotes i've been posting#it doesn't seem like mary's reconciliation with her father was the idyll many have made it#thus we have anne's letter#and offer. knowing that others are offering her better futures#but saying this is the best future you could have. limited time only.#and it seems the future proved her right; not wrong (at least the immediate future)#bcs while matters; had she accepted; might not've been substantially better than they were under the auspices of a 'more gentle' stepmother#it also doesn't really seem like they would have been substantially worse#anne was right that her enemy's supporters wanted her disgraced and/or dead. she was right in that they wanted elizabeth disgraced#and/or dead. she couldn't have predicted what happened to herself in the exact matter it did- mainly bcus it was unprecedented#but it seems she had a pretty clear view of what mary was doing: playing both sides. attempting to ingratiate herself to her father while#also conspiring against him. and she knew it would have been better to have her on side#(and in a more jaundiced view: have her where she could watch what she was doing; who she was seeing)#but perhaps underestimated how impossible it would be to get her there in the first place#('on side' ; that is. not at court. although probably not that either. with the conditions she demanded)#but her fears of mary were not paranoia. they seem to have been grounded in realism#and a clear view of the situation at home and abroad
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There's this guy, Dr Russell Barkley, he does talks on ADHD. I've come across a fair bit of his content on various platforms.
Every time I see one of his videos I end up in tears. Usually within the first few minutes.
He speaks very plainly and clearly about the function of ADHD. He presents a realistic picture of what is happening and what is required.
I came across this one:
youtube
In typical fashion, I found myself crying within a few minutes.
Because other than schooling I have never had a support system. I have never had a single person in my life really hold me accountable. I have never had anyone work with me to create some kind of structure or consistency.
Everything he said, even within the first minutes, resonated with me so deeply. Because I honestly have no idea if I can do this alone. And it scares me that I might wind up getting nowhere because I am lacking in support.
ADHD is manageable. But it is damn near impossible to manage alone.
I just don't know where to go from here.
#mine#adhd#executive dysfunction#dr russell barkley#D has of course offered his support#but i cant foresee this being feasible#i dont need daily governance but i do need it regularly#multiple times a week at least#and hes a very busy guy#and i dont want to portray myself as incapable#he is also literally the only person who is offering support#and he does know how to push me effectively without inducing guilt#i dont know if its reasonable or too much to ask#i dont know if he would be happy to accommodate or if i will be painting myself into a corner as someone who is not independent enough#yes. communicating this and receiving his support would help us progress this relationship which we both want#but what if disclosing this needs removes me as an option altogether?#i dont hate having adhd#and there are positive sides to it#i hate the culture of independence#i hate the weakness attached to those who need support#and i hate the shame and guilt that comes with it#im lost#Youtube
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I'm just gonna say it, I'm just gonna say it: to some extent I kind of remember why I liked reader-insert fics when I was a kid so I can at least intellectually acknowledge why it's popular, but I fully admit that I don't understand why multifandom exchanges (or at least most of the ones I've participated in) allow original work as a category for noms/requests/offers. Like? Babes?? That's not a fandom???
#and it's on both sides! why are you as a reader requesting original works and why are you as a writer offering original works#IN A FANDOM EXCHANGE??????#like reader-insert has at least one fandom character and rpf which i also fully don't understand but whatever at least is still related#but just fully signing up to write your own random crap?? like why would you do that in a fandom exchange??? just read a book???????#i don't get it i don't get it and it drives me crazy BECAUSE i don't get it#like i really am just getting stuck on the fact that these are explicitly FANDOM exchanges and original work. isn't fandom.#look maybe it's the autism maybe it's the contrarianism maybe it's something else but i don't get it and it drives me crazy#like original WORK on ao3 makes sense if you're a writer but don't care about print publishing i at least get that#but the rest i am actually baffled by#unnecessary salt
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thinking about how roger is the one to undo the last knot and let her go in the original scripts.
#126.#127.#scripts.#posting both because i'm not sure if i like him calling her by her first name or by miss winters more. both are good#LIKE.#it being roger's knife and burke's hand that lets her go in the version that made it to the screen is delicious.#wire boyfriend vs cloth boyfriend.#roger is sharp; malicious; a threat up to this point. everything collins about him made into a polished edge#that has heretofore been turned against vicki — now; freeing her.#and from a threat that is born out of his family and loyalty to them. matthew's axe; now roger's knife. but it needs burke's hand to#wield it; burke's insistence that they go save her; burke that caresses her; offers to carry her; kisses her.#but she doesn't go free without the weapon.#BUT AT THE SAME TIME.#''there. you're free; vicki.' !!!!!!!!!'#*roger* is the one bending over the ropes; undoing the last knot; ensuring she's okay?#careful; devoted — fingers and hands; not knives — side by side with burke. because their concern (love) for vicki outweighs everything.#(and implied at least to me burke and roger's shared history with the collins fleet from two very different perspectives.#and perhaps shared history with ropes and knots in other contexts. who can say)#the emphasis on *roger* being the one to free her when he's played her rescuer twice before#(once from the west wing and david; once playing white knight rescuing her from bangor)#both times a little less than sincere and the threat a little less pressing.#now delivering her honestly from danger; her white knight in earnest; this time.#anyway. it's a great ep. great scene for rvb freaks like me.
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If I don't find a new job before September, it's gonna be 9 straight weeks of polls starting in September, every weekend of September and October (including the weekend of Housemate's bday, and the weekend leading up to Election Day)
In addition, no cancels or sick days will be allowed for that period of time. Any cancels or sick call outs will result in disciplinary actions up to a fast tracked firing (to be fair they didn't say this exactly, but the Implication in this part of the email is quite strong lmao.)
Anyone wanna hire me on to do literally anything? Dig holes? Clean your house? Shine your shoes? Feed your cat/dog/fish/cow/etc? Stare at a pot of boiling water for your dinner? Paint your living room then stand there and watch the paint dry then repaint it a different colour and watch it dry again? Anything at all, anything you want, anything-
#text post#i want to think I will have a new job before then bc ive been trying to force myself to be optimistic abt the job things#that said. been trying to feel that way for months and it doesn't seem to be working or making anything happen (which isn't a thing anyway)#despite my consistent sending out of resumes and cover letters to anything i might remotely be okay enough at or could learn quickly enough#so feeling less optimistic more worried and more utterly frustrated with this job#our polls haven't even been chosen by the big news outlets over the last few months!!! everyone uses AP instead (as they should tbh)!!!!#whomst in the fuck are we doing this for??? especially when so many of our questions as of the last few surveys#feel designed to stir up emotions and piss ppl off on both sides and treat it like a reality show voting portion#rather than the extremely serious election that it is#like. are we actually doing something useful here or can we just admit that polling like this to some degree#in its current form at least is a part of the problem#god im sorry i'll end the tag essay here soon but fuck me#i was juuuuust feeling like things were calming down and maybe I could get into later fall w/out major upsets/issues#so of course this is the best time for my manager to drop this on all of us#at least they warned us i guess. the bar is under ground and my manager consistently has a shovel#but he poked his head out of the endless hole he's digging to offer this warning before he pulls us into it with him#im so tired man
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Was thinking about how I would write a Suicide Squad book if I got the chance to post (hypothetical) Absolute Power and like... I would totally rock this guys
Won't go totally into it here I don't think because time and also feeling pumped about the idea so may write something for it (which I have an AWFUL track record for finishing, but also if current Waller appearances piss me off enough who knows) but anyways it would have Amanda Waller and Ben Turner (Bronze Tiger) as dueteragonists, (especially for the first few arcs, although moving to a greater Waller focus [at least for a bit] around issue 10? 15? When she really starts to do things). Anyways the main story (at least at the beginning) would follow Ben Turner as he leads the squad both in the field and at home (essentially acting as the "Waller" along with his normal field leader duties) while secretly having Waller herself in residence at Belle Reve pretending to be a prisoner.
Early issues would focus on Ben saving the world (and keeping the squad in check) while also struggling to hide Waller from the government, heroes, and the rest of Belle Reve (save an accomplice or two). This of course works great, until it doesn't
#not sure what the full squad setup would be here but on the more administrative side you would have john economos returning as belle reve#warden from the 87 series (with a focus on 'hey! this guy is corrupt!' in both a loser and maybe a threatening way)#and richard dragon i think. because ben will be under a lot of stress and should have a trusted friend there#and also for character reasons of course. yay character development!!!!!#richard would only be around for the first few arcs though like even before waller gets out of her cell hes gone#mainly i need him there to prompt a realization and some development for ben#also for when either shiva and/or cain shows up. because i love drama (and the kung fu trio <3)#there would be a justice for carolyn wu san moment bc i love her. but also like gap between what someone 'deserves' and what you could give#and the kind of person your loved one and you want yourself to be#(yeah ben spares cain's life. breaks some bones but yeah)#anyways eventually amanda gets found out. which ofc causes PROBLEMS. but at least it means she gets to do things in the plot and be all#waller like as opposed to being waller still but mainly focusing like character stuff. offering advice. small scale conflicts. near misses#w being found out etc.#but yeah this idea is very dear to me#amanda waller#ben turner#suicide squad#swishy aus#blah
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Okay, but like
With his full powers now, COULD Neuvi make Furi functionally immortal by imbuing her with his power/tying her life to his?
#//Now I know what you’re thinking#//‘But Allie; they both would not WANT that for her; considering the past 500yrs’#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//But consider: Her being Afraid of it; yea; up until she realizes that THIS time#//She’s not condemned to solitude and facades#//THIS time; she has the one person who adores and loves her more than anyone else by her side#//THIS time; she can do right by him by ensuring he will Never be lonely again; that he will not be Saddened should he lose her to mortalit#//She would prolly be the one to approach him with the offer; esp if they are an item already#//Her trust and love for him being more than enough to quell her fears#//At least; enough to prompt her; even if he might voice his concerns#//ESP if he voices his concerns; bc that’s the greatest show to her how much he CARES for her#//She can bear many centuries more; if she can stay by his side. to live and die precisely when he does#//It’s the greatest gesture of love and gratitude she could ever hope to give him; she would reason#//Nobody perceive me; I have shifted into Neuvi.Furi Mode jfnfn#//It deffo won’t be easy; she’ll have moments when she’ll be terrified or be Reminded of pats sufferings#//But so long as he’s there to ground her; she can make it through each and every one#//Not like Neuvi would Ever let her suffer alone. Never Again
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Uncle Tian. The importance that is Uncle Tian. ... With a "cameo" of Yelan in the second half, exactly at 1:00, which is incredibly so very important if you really want to get a proper glimpse into her 'professionally'.
#[ important. important. important. ]#[ he's /so/ important. ]#[ he has so many lines that i'm gonna actually end up replacing numerous of yelan's current tags with because they... ]#[ embody her more than i realized. ]#[ he's such a peaceful man and she's quite a peaceful woman at the heart of herself-- but ruthless in what she does. ]#[ not a 'killing machine' by the way; not by any means. but the thing is; when you look at her-- you might THINK that she is. ]#[ she plays that line so incredibly well and while i'm not one to draw correlations-- ]#[ it really does make me think back to for example wriothesley during the final confrontation in his sq. ]#[ despite his history-- we don't know him as a 'mean' or 'bad' man. but in that moment; you don't know what he wants to do-- ]#[ to dougier. ]#[ and while yelan is different-- it's this reality of; she's explaining zhiyi the risks of essentially playing from both sides. ]#[ but then offers him a deal that either forces him to betray the other side. or at /least/ work with both. ]#[ which is exactly what she warned him against a moment prior. it's insanely dangerous for him; but she doesn't flinch. ]#[ if he gets hurt; from this scene alone-- you don't know whether she'd care or whether the outcome/reward would be worth it. ]#[ but also; every time uncle tian speaks and it's not often; his lines just play so well into how she operates. ]#[ that almost intimidating patience; the ability to just wait. and wait. it's literally like-- god. what video is it in; hold on. ]#[ “a spider doesn't need to be in the center of the web to feel the slightest vibration from each thread.” ]#[ /shakes everyone on the dashboard. ]#[ i hate that my two biggest muses have spider imagery but way differently so. well-- kind of. ]#[ but /this/ level of patience? oof. that's yelan. ]#[ but also-- 0:35. that ost. this version of the ost. help me. save me. ]#[ also yELAN WHAT DID YOU WHISPER TO HIM BY THE END. U G H. ]#[ ooc. ] don't try to make it logical or edit your soul according to the fashion. rather; follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.
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I just realized that in the movies Teresa died without knowing that the cure would never reach Newt
(discussion of death and brief mention of suicide in the tags)
#Thomas woke up and that was it. He never told her that Newt was already dead#she was trying to save both of them#the only reason she ever offered the cure to Janson was that she couldn't make a replacement if she and Thomas both died#I suppose she could have figured it out along the way#but I like the way the idea of her thinking that when Thomas got on the Berg with that vial#she saved as many people as she had the power to in that night#And she really did#she didn't work against the boys after they kidnapped her#she was honest and didn't get in their way#even though she likely knew that Thomas wouldn't let them hurt her#I think after Minho's torture she was already starting to want to fight for both sides#it makes her death more tragic as well#the way she looks up at Thomas. knowing she's about to die#she's not scared or closing her eyes even as she falls. She keeps looking at him and the Berg#to make sure that she succeeded in doing as much as she could to make up for what she'd done#to Thomas and everyone else#and Newt personally of course. because he wasn't immune and with her memories back. she would have realized that eventually#like she had this potential bit of comfort that in saving Thomas she saved Newt too#and the story lets her die (I do interpret that moment as suicide tho). lets her story end with that belief#that she's at least succeeded in saving someone she cares about both immune and infected#it allows her some residual hope for a cure even though she's chosen to abandon WCKD's cruelty#she lives and dies under a false hope of saving/having saved people
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More WIPs from a project that was supposed to be a quick joke and is now A Whole Thing!
Here is a preliminary Hikari, and Samo's big brother! He has also escaped his genre, and he is not aware that most of the things he says sound incredibly threatening! Although only Hikari seems to notice anyway. (Luckily for Hikari, he really is a nice guy!)
@adamofingolstadt - a Hikari for you! 😊
#wips#i escaped my genre#once I finish these pieces I will post them with full image descriptions#original characters#the brother character has the same issue as tatsu from way of the house husband. he's a sweet guy who always sounds like a murderer!#Ya know for the last 2 years or so I have been pouring my heart and soul into a graphic novel (link to drafts in my blog description;#I've been told they are fun to read!) but somehow I have posted less art from that than I have for this! 😅 at least as far as tumblr goes.#There's a bunch on ao3. all this is quite alright tho - Silly side projects are actually absolutely vital to keep my love of art alive#and in the long run it will actually help me build the skills and passion I need to finish my novel!#I'm just hoping i have the juice to finish all this stuff in the next week so I can get back to the novel#but I am ultimately subject to whatever the ADHD decides. I hope if I take a break from this that I do come back to finish my other pieces#I am getting faster though. I drew both of these pieces in one day and also have time to work on the comic.#today was a wildly productive day. tomorrow I am going to concentrate on being a vegetable. 😤#I must respect my body's rare gift of productivity by offering it rest and care.#I may change hikari's design a little bit but I think it's looking pretty good. added the ear piercings bc of the wonderful fan art I got!#honestly the fan art may be better than what I've made here - the bat with nails and the hands were SO good
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No, you don’t understand, I’m actually so upset that Silvana was only in two episodes of Noir, her every line rattles around in my brain at all seconds of the day, why didn’t they expand her weird relationship with Mireille more, BEE TRAIN EXPLAIN.
#on today's episode of: thinking too hard about side characters nobody cares about#'revenge is the greatest form of forgiveness' HOW DID A TWO-EPISODE CHARACTER GIVE THE™ LINE OF ALL TIME#they should have been exes tbh#once again I am offering to helm the live action version of this that got lost in development hell for payment in corn chips#also she's somehow both unhinged AND beholden to Rules™ like The Mafia Code supercedes EVERYTHING and she keeps her word#to mireille and loses gracefully even though there's no reason for that I NEED TO STUDY HER BRAIN#I NEED TO STUDY ALL OF THEIR BRAINS#I ALSO NEED FULL ALTENA BACKSTORY EPISODES#I do have a friend who told me she would be writing something about silvana soon so I have THAT at least#lmao once again I am hyperfocusing on the Antagonists™ and missing the point of everything else how very on-brand for me#ian sinclair voice: anime villain brain
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Happy Valentines Day!! 💝 I hope you spend the day being haunted by someone you love 👻 (or if you're like me, just eating a lot of heart-shaped candy)
Poll:
#I really REALLY wanted to make a little video for valetines day but I ran out of time 🥲#maybe I'll do something late over the long weekend#for now I offer you my hot takes that absolutely nobody asked for:#the Arondekars- LOVE LOVE THEM. they're everything. just like wwdits‚ the married couple is my favorite ship. idk what this says abt me#Isaac/Nigel- I think they're really sweet!! I don't think I'm as into them as some people but I do like them a lot#the concept alone is so charming and it's a choice that establishes the show a bit from the original that I think works really well#Isaac's awkwardness and hesitancy to move things forward is SO relatable to my experience as a baby lesbian and I find it really endearing#Flower/Thorfinn- I'm not super into them I'm sorry 😭 I don't hate it but I also don't really feel the chemistry#although maybe this week's episode will change my mind!!#Pete/Alberta- oughh I didn't realize how much I loved their dynamic until I thought about it more#their opposites attract kind of thing is really cute‚ with Alberta helping Pete step out of his comfort zone#and alberta knowing she deserves someone a bit more stable who will treat her better than she was in life (she already knew this but still)#it's a shame bc they're probably the couple with the least chance of getting together 😭#Sasappis/Shiki- unfortunately there's not much they can really do :') however sass' shiki tree was adorable. what a dork#Sass/Jessica- cute while they lasted!! they weren't able to spend a ton of time on their relationship but it brought out a different side#of Sass that was fun to watch#Hetty/Trevor- absolutely hilarious. I never knew I needed it. I don't ship them in a capital r Romantic way but their chemistry is great#I'd rather see it stay just a fling tbh. also when the other ghosts find out it's going to be SO juicy I can't wait#last one- I really don't want to see the entire house coupled off. The ships are fun but also the friendships between the ghosts and how#they function as a group is the real heart of the show for me I don't want that to get lost. I don't think it's impossible to balance both#so it's ultimately just a personal preference 🤷♀️#wow I didn't realize i had so much to say about this aksjsk#anyway. my prediction for this poll is a close race between isaac/nigel and h-money#cbs ghosts
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You get it you get it they are siblings in every way that matters
Senticousins textposts 💚🐈⬛💜🦚
+ Shadow Strike bonus under the cut:
#Because really. WHAT matters here?#Magic? They’ve both spent their entire lives trying to burn the blueprints drawn by their parents. Blood? Even less relevant.#What matters is CHOICE and LOVE and don’t get me started on these two and CHOICE and LOVE#Felix was created out of jealousy over Adrien specifically. Which means the deck was stacked against them even before they were born#Let me repeat this: he was born to hate his cousin. His intro episode led us to believe he was at least somewhat resentful of his cousin#BUT HE ISN’T. He loves Adrien so much even though he was BORN TO HATE HIM. Even though they were ordered apart#EVERYTHING HE DID HE DID FOR HIM#And Adrien who has no idea of the very real challenges Felix faces and who faces very real challenges himself#Continues to give him grace and offer his forgiveness over and over again#They LOVE each other. They CHOOSE each other they KEEP ON CHOSING EACH OTHER#DESPITE EVERYTHING THE WORLD HAS DONE TO THEM. DESPITE EVERYTHING THEY INADVERTENTLY DID TO EACH OTHER#Mostly from Felix’s side but come on. Gabriel’s influence means Adrien had a part to play in their estrangement too#If he wasn’t the first to pull away (which I firmly believe he was without even noticing)#SO YES. SIBLINGS. THAT’S WHAT THEY ARE THAT’S WHAT THEY KEEP CHOOSING TO BE#Thank you for coming to my DUUSU Talk#miraculous ladybug#adrien agreste#felix graham de vanily#senticousins
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AITA for telling my boyfriend’s coworkers that he’s lying about his body count?
I (35f) have been dating my boyfriend (32m) for four years. It’s honestly been the best relationship until last Friday when it all went down. I feel like I’m in the right, but now I’m wondering if I overstepped.
For context, my boyfriend has been a professional Slasher for about eight months now. He’s always really admired Cryptids, Monsters, and Nightmares so when his application was finally accepted, he was over the moon even if he was starting in a lower position than he initially applied for.
At his company, being a Slasher requires a lot of travel which we knew when he accepted the position. The end goal is for him to get a promotion to at least regional Nightmare (he wants Cryptid, but that position doesn’t have a lot of turnover) but to get that he needs to be in role for at least 12 months OR meet his goals for three months in a row. Once he promotes, we plan to relocate to his new region and “start talking about our future.”
(Side note: no this isn’t about him not popping the question yet. We are both in agreement that marriage comes after financial stability. I run a small business doing scare consults and, while it’s been growing, I wouldn’t call it stable yet. So neither of us are ready.)
I told him it’s completely normal for it to take a whole year before he’s ready to promote and he really should focus on adjusting to the company before thinking about next steps. I used to work for a competitor (I’ve been retired for five years now) and I know it can be hard to go from only taking the occasional human life to having to take over half a dozen a week. It’s not a light workload, no matter how easy it looks in the movies. One of my best friends Slashes part-time and she still only averages about five lives a week despite having done it for years. Especially these days, it can be really hard to meet quota. Humans are getting smarter, no matter what the Council wants us to think.
Anyway, boyfriend didn’t do as well as he thought he would in his first couple months. Totally understandable, of course, which I told him. I suggested he ask his boss if he could be put on a couple team assignments or even a duo until he got the hang of it. That was our first real fight. He thought I was doubting his ability to kill. He brought up how I told him it would take over a year to promote and how I said that this job wasn’t for everyone (His first assignment ended with a 0% kill rate, but that’s a different story). He said it felt like I didn’t believe in him and he said that if that was the case then maybe we shouldn’t be thinking about marriage so soon.
It got pretty messy after that. I felt like he was forgetting that I’d worked in the same field and, arguably, had a lot more experience (not to brag, but I averaged a 98% kill rate). Also, four years is NOT too soon to talk about marriage. He said I didn’t understand how he needed to focus on his career right now. I told him I thought he was taking Slasher too lightly just because it wasn’t Cryptid. He accused me of not respecting him and then things spiraled from there.
We both said a lot of things we didn’t mean and I’m embarrassed that it turned into a bit of a fang measuring contest. I ended up sleeping under the bed for a few nights until he coaxed me out to apologize.
It was a rough patch, but we talked it out. We agreed that, going forward, I wouldn’t offer advice unless he asked and he would try not to take so much of his frustration home with him. He took a weekend off and we went on a recreational haunting trip in the Montana woods.
Things did get better after that. I tried not to give him consults every time he came back from a work trip. He started bringing me souvenirs like roses and cursed puzzle boxes his work said he could have. It became easier just to hang out with each other and it felt like we were back to normal.
But then, four months ago, he came home super pissed because his boss put him on a PIP. (A performance improvement plan.) Apparently, boyfriend had not been doing better at work, he had just stopped telling me when he had a bad assignment. I saw the paperwork he got (he left it in the dungeon under the house, I didn’t go through his stuff) and he’s been missing quota by a LOT. As a junior Slasher, he was supposed to be executing at least 6 people a week, but he’d been lucky to be maiming half that.
Obviously, I had to talk to him about that. We rent our house and, even though I could have afforded the rent on my own, I didn’t want to jeopardize the investments I was making in my business (I was in the process of hiring an assistant to handle my scheduling). Plus, we agreed from day one that we would be 50/50 on rent and I would take care of the rest of the bills because I earned more. I felt that if his financial situation was in jeopardy, he needed to talk to me about it.
I tried to approach him a bit differently than last time. I asked him if there was anything I could do to help. I told him about my slasher friend and how maybe she could give him advice if he didn’t want any from me. But he said he needed to figure stuff out on his own and that if he couldn’t get himself off the PIP then he would go back to work for his dad’s janitorial company.
I let it go. I was worried but I didn’t want to fight again just after patching the holes from the last blow out. It really bugged me that he thought I didn’t believe in him so I committed to giving him the benefit of the doubt. I said okay and asked him if he needed me to meal prep for both of us that week. He offered me grocery money, but I said it was fine since I’d had to deal with a lot of humans breaking in lately and I still had some leftover in the dungeon.
Fast forward a month. Boyfriend got off the PIP super fast. He worked his way off of it over Spring Break and started taking on a lot of extra assignments. In just four weeks he went to Miami Beach twice, New York City twice, and to three separate summer camps. I missed him and it was hard not having him around but I remembered how he said he needed to focus on his career and I tried not to nag.
It was hard not to nag though. With him gone, all the housework fell on me. We rent a 19th century manor, and its upkeep really does need two people. Doing all the chores plus running my business started to really drain me. Even when he was home, he forgot to banish the ghosts (my chore is to kill all invading humans, and his chore is to banish their ghosts) and he never took out the trash. I think he cleaned blood off the dungeon walls once, but then I had to basically redo it because he missed a lot of spots.
But still, I didn’t say anything because he was doing really well at work and I didn’t want to ruin that for him. Even when Humans started breaking in every week, I didn’t complain even though it interrupted my work day.
Last month though, I did ask him if we could move somewhere that needed less maintenance. There were just way too many Humans breaking in and I didn’t have the time to deal with them anymore. Even if I don’t do all the theatrics I used to as a Cryptid, killing humans through fear still takes a lot of time. He asked me if I didn’t appreciate the free meat, and I said I would appreciate it more if I wasn’t the only butchering it.
He said he didn’t want to move because he was really close to getting promoted to regional Nightmare and he didn’t want to take time off work to move. I was so surprised that I couldn’t hide how surprised I was. He saw and got offended. He asked if I still didn’t believe in him. I said that I did, but it was a huge jump to go from an 8% kill rate to getting promoted.
He got even more mad at me for bringing up his stats and he said that he had nearly 80% kill rate since being put on the PIP. I asked how many humans a week he was slashing and he told me I was being too nosy and that was proof that I didn’t believe in him.
I asked him if we could at least hire a ghoul then to keep the humans out of my office and he said he didn’t want to waste the money that we should be saving for our new house. I asked him what he wanted me to do then? I had to take phone calls for my consulting business and it was really hard to stalk humans all around the house while trying to sound like a professional to my clients.
He asked me to be patient for one more month. He said if he met quota for one more month, his boss said he’d get promoted. So I said fine and let it go.
Fast forward to now, almost a full month later.
Last Friday, I attended the Eldritch Conference. For those not in the scare field, the Eldritch Conference is the most prestigious event in our industry. It’s invitation only and is a chance to network with all the big players in the field. Mothman, the Jersey Devil, Bloody Mary and Bigfoot all spoke this year and both my former company, Grudge Industries, and my boyfriend’s current company, Forgotten Summer Solutions, were invited.
I was surprised to get an invite as a solo contributor to the field. However, my consulting firm has really been doing well and I did land a seasonal contract with the Yeti Co-op which I guess is how they heard about me. Plus, I’ve been a speaker before so I think the organizers knew I would behave myself.
I was planning on telling my boyfriend that I was going, but he was out of town on a co-ed sleepover assignment. He usually doesn’t have his phone on during his assignments, so I didn’t bother calling him. I just figured it’d be nice if we ran into each other at the conference if he made it back in time.
Which brings me to what actually happened (apologies for the long post).
So everything went great for my part of the day. I got to network with a lot of individual businesses and even got to reconnect with Blood Mary who I knew back in my Cryptid days. I told her I was dating a Slasher from Forgotten Summer Solutions and invited her to come with me to check out their booth. I thought it would be fun to grab dinner with her after since I assumed if my boyfriend was there, he’d be going out with coworkers which he often does. Plus, I admit, I was showing off a little. I don’t often get the chance to brag about my Cryptid days.
She agreed and we went over to see if my boyfriend was there.
I introduced myself to the people manning the booth. My boyfriend wasn’t there, but a few Slashers recognized my name and greeted me. They were definitely in awe of Bloody Mary (she came in full uniform) and invited us to look at their displays. They had portfolios for each Slasher on the desk as a sort of preview of what their services looked like.
While Bloody Mary looked through the portfolios, I chatted with my boyfriend’s coworkers. They said they were thrilled to work with him and that, even though he had a really rough start, it was impressive how quickly he started meeting his goals. Something about how they talked about his work kind of didn’t make sense. They were talking like he was killing a dozen humans a week, but he’d told me that he was at 80% on his assignments which typically only offer about ten humans each.
I asked them about it and they said that he’d been Slashing during After Hours which is a new goal supplement program his company launched a few months ago. Basically, anyone can sign up for After Hours and the company counts human kills done in uniform as part of their quota. I asked them if this was available to them while they were on assignment and they said no, it had to be done when they had down time. I asked them how my boyfriend was part of that when he was traveling all the time and they looked confused. One of them said that my boyfriend is still getting one assignment per week and is then supplementing his kill rate with After Hours.
At that point, I was even more confused. It sounded like my boyfriend had been lying to me then, because he told me that he was getting at least two assignments a week. If he was only getting one, then where was he going when he said he was traveling?
Bloody Mary interrupted before I could say anything and asked how their Slashers did their kills. They said that every Slasher at their company is required to use a standard issue weapon (like a machete or axe) for their kills to count. They said their company doesn’t count accidents as part of their quota (like falling or heart attacks).
Bloody Mary pulled me aside and showed me the portfolio she was holding. She said that she was going to give me a chance to explain without them overhearing and showed me the book. She said that a bunch of kills in it looked Cryptid kills. And she said, specifically, it looked like the kills I made when I was a Cryptid. I took the book from her and flipped through it and she was right, they really did look like Cryptid kills. Worse, I recognized a few of the Humans from the past few weeks. They were actually my kills!
Kill stealing is a major taboo in our industry.
I told her I didn’t know anything about this. She looked really relieved at that and said that even though I wasn’t a Cryptid anymore, it would look really bad for me if I was caught helping a Slasher cheat at their job. It could affect my business which she’d only heard good things about.
I’m embarrassed to say that I tried to defend him. He’s new to our industry so I thought it might be a mistake. He might not be trying to cheat, this could be a misunderstanding.
She said she didn’t think so because a mistake would be one or two of my kills mixed in with his, not the entire book.
I counted up how many photos were in the book and, all told, of the 146 kills, at least 100 were mine. I couldn’t really say it was a mistake at that point and I was just staring at his portfolio like an idiot. Bloody Mary asked me what I was going to do because, mistake or not, this looked really bad and could damage my reputation if it got out.
At that moment, another man walked up to booth and asked us if there was a problem. I knew that if I said anything, I would be jeopardizing my boyfriend’s job, but if I didn’t say something, I was jeopardizing my business.
I told my boyfriend’s coworkers that he was lying about his body count. I said I didn’t think that they knew he was doing it, but over half of the kills in his portfolio weren’t his and I suggested they remove it from their display before another Cryptid came by and realized it.
The other man thanked me for bringing this to his attention and asked how we knew. Bloody Mary said that she knew another Cryptid’s kills and I had to tell them that I was that Cryptid, though I was retired now. He asked me if I knew my boyfriend was doing this, and I told him no.
I told him I really didn’t want to get my boyfriend in trouble and suggested that maybe he didn’t know those kills didn’t belong to him because they happened in our house. I was grasping at straws and Blood Mary even looked sad for me. His coworkers looked skeptical but tentatively agreed. The man – who turned out to my boyfriend’s boss – said that they would investigate this thoroughly and apologized personally for his employee’s misconduct.
I was spiraling at that point so I thanked him and said I wasn’t mad, I was just looking out for both of our reputations. He promised to keep it between us and I agreed.
Then I apologized to Bloody Mary because I didn’t feel like eating dinner anymore. She said she understood and wished me well.
I went home and did a quick perimeter search of the property. Sure enough, there were human summoning stones ALL OVER the yard. Which means my boyfriend was intentionally luring humans to our house to get me to kill them so he could take credit. It wasn’t a mistake at all.
My boyfriend came home later that night in his work clothes. As soon he got inside he started yelling. He said he was suspended without pay and that all his hard work was for nothing.
I said I knew he’d been stealing my kills and he almost ruined my reputation. He said they still counted as his kills because he did all the work of luring the humans to our house.
I told him that wasn’t how it worked and he knew it. He said it was the same as setting a trap and I was taking this too seriously. I told him that, as a Slasher, he has to use a weapon to get his kills, not me. He said I was basically the same thing since I had such a high kill rate. I asked him if he was calling me an object.
(My parents exploited me by selling me as a haunted doll through a lot of my childhood and he knows I’m sensitive to being called an object.)
He backpedaled at that point and asked if I didn’t want to buy a house together. He said he was doing it for us and I should’ve understood and not said anything. I told him that when I was a Cryptid I had my pride and would’ve never done this.
He said I needed to tell his boss that he was the one who made all those kills. I said it wasn’t me who recognized them as Cryptid kills and now his boss knew too. He accused me of thinking I’m better than him because I have telekinetic powers and can move through shadows and can possess people, while he’s basically a human himself. I told him of course not and that I worked hard for those powers unlike him.
He got really mad at that and actually charged at me with his machete raised. I don’t think he was going to actually hit me, but I reacted like he was. It was all instinct. I disarmed him and I swear I heard a crack when I grabbed his wrist. I shoved him into the wall.
He crumpled to the floor and started crying. He said sorry and sort of curled up around his wrist. He said he didn’t ever feel like he was enough for me and he didn’t even know why I was still with him. He called himself a bunch of names and said I would be better off without him.
I sort of awkwardly stood there for a minute. On one hand I wanted to assure him that he was enough and that I loved him, but, on the other, I wasn’t sure I could forgive him. He nearly ruined my reputation, and he embarrassed me in front of Bloody Mary. Plus, I still didn't know where he’d been going all those times he said he was on a business trip and apparently wasn’t.
So I ended up not saying anything. I went to our room and started packing a bag. He followed me. He was still crying as he begged me not to go. He said he would own up to his kill steals at work and he would make it right. He pleaded for me not to leave him and that he would give up slashing.
I told him I needed space to think. He tried to grab me, but I shadow walked out of the house. I heard him screaming from outside and I hurriedly drove away.
Now I’m at my friend’s house and I told her everything. She agreed I did the right thing walking away from him, but when I asked her what I should do she hesitated. She said that my boyfriend wasn’t right to kill steal but, as a fellow Slasher, she understood what he was going through. She said I wouldn’t understand the pressure to meet quota because I was always surpassing mine when I was in the field. She said that a Cryptid could never understand a Slasher.
She also said that nobody would have found out about his kills if I hadn’t brought them to his boss’ attention. She said the only time kills are on display like that is at the Eldritch Conference and by the next one, he’d have had kills of his own. She thinks that if I’d just confronted him at home, he wouldn’t be on suspension.
So now I’m worried that I overreacted when I told my boyfriend’s coworkers that he was lying about his body count.
AITA?
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