#or at least it is to me

[nonrebloggingviewerswillbeshot]

A Dellamorte PSA

Disclaimer: Not only do I have the privilege of talking about this topic because I suffered from emotional, psychological, physical and sexual abuse from my family, but this post will contain game spoilers. You have been warned!

Just a friendly but also scathing reminder to those who think otherwise, that what Caterina did to her grandsons was abuse!

Abuse comes in many forms and just because no one is going to argue that her treatment of them did in fact give them the skills they needed to survive, taught them how to close themselves off and push through, in a world that would have chewed them up and spat them out, it doesn't make it any less abuse.

Illario didn't get to be the way he was because Caterina was fair with them. He didn't just up and want to kill Lucanis because Grandmother dearest didn't play favorites. Its practically drilled into you from multiple people in the game(and even the book to an extent) that Caterina adored Lucanis and pushed Illario out into the cold.

Those boys lost everything because rival Crows killed their family. They were already in a raw and emotional state before they ended up with her. Just because you're raised an assassin it doesn't mean you aren't going to be completely hurt and devastated over your entire families deaths.

Just look at how unhealthily and toxically Lucanis clings to any scrap of family he has left, even Illario, that inadvertently sent him to a year of(to coin one of Astarion's lines) PURE SHIT!

That's a man who has been hurt by his past. A man who can't lose anything else. And his Inner Demons quest does a good job of explaining this.

So, if you think that a child, Illario, coming under Caterina's care only to be largely overlooked and neglected because Caterina was always going to see Lucanis as her favorite and golden child, never him, wasn't going to fuck him up in the head, you're delusional. And ignoring the basic human psyche.

He lost everything and wanted some love as all children do, from their guardians and caregivers. Instead all Illario got was the repeated swatting away of his hand as he reached out to try and hold what he wanted and needed while he was vulnerable.

I understand Illario, more than I thought I would. If I had grown up a Crow, I very much so would have offed my siblings much like he tried to because I was Illario in my household.

I feel for him, despite recognizing that he was very much in the wrong and shouldn't have done anything he did end up doing. I don't even like Illario, but I don't have to like someone to understand them, and pity and sympathize with them.

What Caterina did to both of them, wasn't fair, especially since Lucanis never even wanted to be the First Talon, and still doesn't even if after finding out what Illario did he wanted to 'take everything from him' and all Illario had left at that point while Lucanis still believed Caterina to in fact be dead(and that Illario himself was the one who killed Caterina because Zara reveals she didn't do it, with Emmerich's corpse whispering), is the oh so coveted seat of First Talon.

The thing that started it all, the title, the seat of power. The thing that destroyed the relationship of two cousins who were as close as brothers. It never should have happened, and despite already losing so much, Caterina is directly responsible for destroying what little they all had left.

Its a sad, pathetic state of affairs, that Caterina's own trauma over losing so much of her family as Velardo sought to steal her throne, caused her to abuse her grandsons, who she would have eventually anyway in one form or other because Lucanis states they would have ended up with her regardless.

None of it should have happened, but it did. It turned Illario into a jealous/envious monster who both loved and hated his newfound brother, because Lucanis feasted while Illario was left with scraps and crumbs at the foot of the Dellamorte table.

And it forced Lucanis into the role of favorite and golden child that he himself never wanted. He never wanted that animosity to come from Illario because of something he couldn't control and that closing scene in Wigmaker about how the rift between them was suddenly much wider than a table, spoke volumes.

Because you don't say no to family. You only nod and bow your head, silent and submissive to shoulder whatever family chooses to lump onto you. That's how they were raised. And Lucanis has, for want of a better turn of phrase; No spine to deny his grandmother anything.

.

I could go on for longer, but I've ranted enough and said what I needed to say. As always feel free to reply to the post, open a conversation, but be respectful and civil.

[coelestiuminfernum]

Ciel Phantomhive's Agency Analysis 2/3

Ciel's guilt is most thoroughly illustrated in the emerald witch arc.

this arc is so fascinating to me because of how it redefines who Sebastian and Ciel are to each other again. 

a huge symptom of PTSD is needing to be in control, and under the affects of the miasma, Ciel loses all of it. even Sebastian’s body is affected, he’s at a loss for how to save Ciel. Sebastian is the pillar from which Ciel maintains his control.

when Sebastian threatens to eat Ciel’s soul for seemingly abandoning his revenge, i really don’t think he was being mean or necessarily cruel here. in fact, i think in a way it was quite the opposite.

would his methods to reach ciel have been so extreme if they weren’t running out of time?

it’s also worth noting that neither Sebastian nor Ciel would be who they are without one another. it’s been stated several times that Sebastian likes playing the part of the butler, and it’s especially reiterated at the end of this arc that he finds this game more fascinating than anything right now.

he enjoys that this is taking time, he’s trying to snap Ciel out of his psychosis in the only way that he can think of; he reminds Ciel that he did this for himself.

part 1

part 3

[sleepiest-ghostie]

okay so you guys know how tiktok made their own goncharov? well i already see multiple people who are so done with it that they are getting Angry. like, Actually Angry, and i think that’s one of the key differences between tumblrinas and tiktok users. one can take a joke and run with it till it’s internet history and the others get bored within less than a week. it’s interesting, at least to me

[oldblood]

being sent on business trips outside of the country feels like a joke. higher ups how come you can justify so much money for a meeting or two but can’t afford better pto.

[bitchfitch]

writing advice for characters with a missing eye: dear God does losing an eyes function fuck up your neck. Ever since mine crapped out I've been slowly and unconsciously shifting towards holding my head at an angle to put the good eye closer to the center. and human necks. are not meant to accommodate that sorta thing.

[reasonsforhope]

By the way, you can improve your executive function. You can literally build it like a muscle.

Yes, even if you're neurodivergent. I don't have ADHD, but it is allegedly a thing with ADHD as well. And I am autistic, and after a bunch of nerve damage (severe enough that I was basically housebound for 6 months), I had to completely rebuild my ability to get my brain to Do Things from what felt like nearly scratch.

This is specifically from ADDitude magazine, so written specifically for ADHD (and while focused in large part on kids, also definitely includes adults and adult activities):

Here's a link on this for autism (though as an editor wow did that title need an editor lol):

Resources on this aren't great because they're mainly aimed at neurotypical therapists or parents of neurdivergent children. There's worksheets you can do that help a lot too or thought work you can do to sort of build the neuro-infrastructure for tasks.

But a lot of the stuff is just like. fun. Pulling from both the first article and my own experience:

Play games or video games where you have to make a lot of decisions. Literally go make a ton of picrews or do online dress-up dolls if you like. It helped me.

Art, especially forms of art that require patience, planning ahead, or in contrast improvisation

Listening to longform storytelling without visuals, e.g. just listening regularly to audiobooks or narrative podcasts, etc.

Meditation

Martial arts

Sports in general

Board games like chess or Catan (I actually found a big list of what board games are good for building what executive functioning skills here)

Woodworking

Cooking

If you're bad at time management play games or video games with a bunch of timers

Things can be easier. You might always have a disability around this (I certainly always will), but it can be easier. You do not have to be this stuck forever.

[yardsards]

everything in this life is temporary. except that fandom hyperfixation from when you were 14. that thang will be with you forever there's no escaping.

[thought-begone]

I guess the real glorious evolution was the homoerotic yearning we made along the way

[kochei0]

I turn to Ares.

Thanks to Tyler Miles Lockett who allowed me to draw inspiration from his ARES piece for page 2! Look at his etsy page it's SICK

⚔️ If you want to read some queer retelling of arturian legends have a look at my webtoon

[technovillain]

i come from the universe where everything is the same except disney heroines get like an ounce of their fathers' obviously dominant genes and their clothes are like 80% more historically accurate. it's beautiful here.

[2] [3]

[thelaurenshippen]

watching bridgerton and obviously there were a lot of things wrong with the way socializing has worked in the past, but honestly the idea of a "calling hour" is so appealing. office hours for friendship. you can show up unannounced at my home between 1 and 3pm. you must leave by 3pm. I may give you a pastry. lets bring that back

[coelestiuminfernum]

Ciel Phantomhive's Agency Analysis 3/3

part 1

part 2

later, after the boyband arc, we’re shown that Ciel didn’t really like who he was before Sebastian. not that he hated himself, but he saw himself as completely disposable. the past and end of his fate may be sealed, but he now has agency over how it plays out.

he didn’t choose to be the spare, he didn’t have any control over his family’s slaughter (on his birthday!!), he didn’t choose to be abducted and sold to a cult, he didn’t get to choose who lived or who died between he and his brother.

it wasn’t until Sebastian that he got to have some agency in his own narrative. he decided that if he was going down, it was going to be victorious.

from the depths of the cage, past all of the dreadful deaths and departed loved ones, stands Sebastian- and he chooses him again.

he chooses to be this Ciel Phantomhive that he created, alongside his butler, Sebastian.

[bamsara]

"youve already written that trope" yesss. i like it a lots. i will be writing it again. 1000 stories of the same trope over and over again for ten million years

[taffy-glitch]

it should be illegal to put ads in apps or sites for solitaire or picross or sudoku tbh. playing classic puzzle games uninterrupted needs to be a HUMAN RIGHT

[tomwambsgays]

unadulterated loathing

[marfian]

So act 3 huh