#or at least a facet of the topic

[procyongaaay]

I remember growing up my mom told me "one day you'll understand" meaning that when I had kids I'd understand how wrong abortion was.

My son was wanted. He was wanted so much when I told my spouse I was pregnant with him, I said "4th times the charm?" And cried into their shoulder because after repeated miscarriages I didn't know how much more I could take. He was our rainbow baby. But he grew, pregnancy was hard as hell (and absolutely not for the faint of heart) but we got through it together. Then, a few weeks before Christmas, there was some complications durring birth and after 10.5 hours of labour had to have an emergency C section. He had had his cord wrapped around his neck twice, and had his hand tangled in it in a way that ment he never would have been able to be born naturally. It took them 4 minutes to revive him once they got him out. And that was only the beginning of our troubles. Apparently there had been a transfer of blood between us, and we have different blood types. So some of his blood was in my blood stream, but I'm an adult, and it didn't do much more than a tinge of yellow in the corners of my eyes after a few days. But he was so little, not even 7lbs, and the bit of my blood that got into his system ravaged him. He had dangerously high bilirubin levels that just kept rising. He was in an incubator with intense phototherapy, both a light above and a biliblanket below, for 2 weeks. We had to flush feed him so his little body could fight through. He was too weak to eat or cry at first, and just made these tiny mewling noises that broke my heart to hear. Every time we'd take him out of the incubator to feed, change, or have a little skin to skin time the machine would complain the temperature dropped too low with a *beep beep boop*. But my little guy is a fighter and we pulled through. I fought to get my kid here and keep him here. And without medical intervention neither of us would have made it.

Just saying "beep beep boop" can almost bring me to tears almost a year later.

And then just a few months later in April, I had a sudden stabbing pain that came with an impending sense of doom. Something was wrong and I felt like I was going to die. I was in so much pain I threw up, which hadn't even happened durring labour. We rushed to the ER. I had a male dr look me over and tell me "it's probably just your period, they can be a little crazy after birth, and if this is your first cycle after giving birth it can be a little wild with the hormones, just go home and sleep it off." And while it's true that first cycle can be a doozie, I knew immediately that's not what was happening.

I asked for a second opinion and he said ok but it'll be a while before someone else can see you we're very busy. So for 10 hours I sat in the hallway of the ER, the pain getting worse and worse, starting to feel faint, and the sense of impending doom getting worse and worse till I was on the verge of a panic attack.

Finally there was a shift change at 5 in the morning, and a lady doctor came to see me. She was like "hmmm no this doesn't seem like a period to me, not even a first one post partum. Something else is going on." So she sent off some blood tests, but before she left to wait for those to come back she was like "hey is it ok if I do a bed side ultrasound? I just have a feeling that I need to check."

I remember watching her eyes go wide as she said "oh. That's a lot of blood. Oh no." And call for a nurse to immediately call to wake one of the surgeons and prep an OR. She said "hey it's gonna take them about half an hour to get ready, in the meanwhile we need to get a better look at you, we're gonna take you down to ultrasound to get better pictures." I called my spouse, who was at home with our then 5 month old son to tell them I had a lot of internal bleeding and they didn't know why yet. They said they'd get my mom to watch our son then come join me asap. I ended up passing out after they got the ultrasound images because I was too weak to stand at that point. They wheeled me into the red zone and that's around when my spouse arrived.

We were together when the dr told us that I had apparently become pregnant again, but due to scarring and adhesions from the C section, it was an ectopic pregnancy, and scarring was extensive enough if I ever became pregnant again, it would be ectopic again. My left fallopian tube had ruptured, and I was bleeding out internally. They rushed me in to surgery, removed both fallopian tubes and the embryo that had almost killed me, and patched me up, sent me home. The bruising along my sides and belly were truely impressive, but I only have a couple of tiny scars to show for it now, one of which is hidden in my belly button.

But did you know that that last surgery was an abortion? One without which I would not have survived. My son would be without his mama right now if I didn't have an abortion. My agressively anti-abortion mother refuses to call it one. Because to her there are no exceptions, and because I was going to die without it so it didn't count. But it does. It was an abortion. It being medically necessary doesn't change what it was.

Honestly I've always been pro choice. But especially having gone through pregnancy and birth, and having had an abortion myself, I don't know that its possible to be more pro choice now. I would never make someone go through all that, it'd be so incredibly inhumane. I'd rather have to string up someone and beat them than to have to force them to go through with a pregnancy. And mine wasn't even all that complex compared to some people. My body has permanently changed. My brain has changed. My sense of smell and taste has changed. The process of getting my son earthside has fundamentally altered who I am as a person. He was very much wanted and planned for but has still altered the very foundations of who I am as a person. And I can't imagine someone forcing me to do all that against my will. It's just horribly unspeakably evil snd wrong.

I love being a mama. My son is my world. His first birthday is coming up in just a couple weeks, he's big and strong and happy and healthy and amazing and I love him more than life itself. But I chose this. I wanted this. I wanted him. It's all been worth it because this was our plan all along, to start a family, to grow together. All the hardships and challenges, all the changes, even the more negative ones, have been worth it all because of that.

But for someone who wasn't wanting to be pregnant? Who didn't want to start a family? Or just someone like me for whom an abortion was medically necessary? Especially for women for who that pregnancy was wanted and then needed a medically necessary abortion? Well I have a kid now, and I understand more than ever that denying an abortion to someone who needs one is one of the most horrible things I could imagine. I will be pro choice till the day that I die and I will fight for people to get appropriate medical care. Wether that be at the polls, calling my reps, or calling out family members at Thanksgiving dinner. Mama bear don't give a shit.

giving birth sucks tbh. not only do you and the baby you’re birthing almost die, usually you shit yourself and often you tear your taint. then you have to push an organ out of your body (placenta) and if even a little of that remains in your body, you can hemorrhage to death or develop an infection that essentially rots your body from the inside out. even if you had a relatively “easy birth”, you bleed for weeks on end. even after that stops, your body and brain is changed for the rest of your life, the pregnancy leeched minerals from your bones, that can cause osteoporosis later. minor urinary incontinence is not uncommon, brain scans of people who gave birth show permanent changes in their brain, you’re never quite the same.

I say all of this not to say giving birth is disgusting but it is a harrowing and visceral experience. society downplays how fucking awful it is and makes it out to be a ~magical~ experience but it isn’t a magical transformative experience for everyone. it can be an extremely traumatic experience for someone who wanted to carry a pregnancy to term, much more so for someone who did not want to be pregnant in the first place or someone who knows their baby won’t survive the birth. anyway, abortion is a right. pregnancy and birth aren’t just inconvenient, it’s fucking awful.

[elizabethminkel]

hi i read your article on fanfiction culture changing and it reminded me of a comment i got on a fic in 2023. (i was going to say this year/recently but then i checked and wow time moves fast) it was phrased like i wasn't ever going to see it. which is weird bc there were only 2 other comments both of which i'd responded to. it was written almost to an audience that did not include me. idk what that says about the "culture" but i enjoyed your article!

Aw <3 thank you so much! (If anyone hasn't read it yet, this is in reference to "The Endless Appetite for Fanfiction.")

That's super interesting, and definitely relates to this broader ~thing~ imo. My first thought is about the (significant?) rise in people putting fic reviews on Goodreads. That's definitely part of the overall context collapse—and deeply annoys me!!—but it does make me think about the concrit conversation, and how fandom post-LJ has largely shut down critical discussion of fic, which was not a rarity back in the day. (I'm not opening that can of worms now lol.) Like, I have sympathy for the Discord fic book clubs, because you should be allowed to say whatever you want about a fic in private! But I feel like that needs to be just one component, especially if you have a lot of positive things to say about a work.

Funnily, I got a comment somewhat recently that felt, at least in one bit, like it was addressed more to the world than to me. It was a really nice comment! But I showed it to a friend in my confusion (and then just replied like it hadn't struck me as odd). I've also received comments in the last few years on older stories in which the commenter acts like I've long departed from my fandom—when I've published new works as recently as a few weeks prior, and post on my (linked from my AO3 profile) tumblr daily. Which seems related, too—like, me, the fan, is still right there, very easy to see?

I do think there's something to be said about depersonalization across social media, and the way people collapse "content creators" with their "content" (to be clear, I'm not calling fic writers or fic either of these things, but part of this whole situation is that a lot of readers are thinking of them that way). Like, the creator economy is structured to encourage people do that, even. And of course there's great commentary here on tumblr dot com and elsewhere about how people talk to strangers in ways they'd never dare to in real life. I mean, the digital disconnect led to plenty of...issues...back in the day, even when fandom and fanfic weren't as bifurcated as right now.

Anyway, I think this is all swirling together...and like, it's not great! (Haha this is like how I ended the article. "This sucks! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯") But thanks again for your message—this topic has so many interesting, if depressing, facets!!

[meomoicecr]

Some Thoughts: On Maxwell's Self-Perception, His Dynamic with the Others, and the Unique Nature of His Relationship with Wilson

Still Wilson/Maxwell ship content! In this second piece, I want to discuss how the camp members view Maxwell who was a "sinner", the differences between their perspectives and Wilson's, and also examine Maxwell's attitude toward his own crimes—plus another reason why the dynamic between Wilson and Maxwell is one-of-a-kind! (Okay, honestly, there are many more reasons, but let’s tackle them one by one…)

This is a long read with heavy in-game quote references www—I’ve written a lot about my interpretation of Maxwell’s character, and this isn’t even all of it…

Now, onto the main topic! First, interactions between Don’t Starve characters are plentiful, and most of these amusing exchanges happen in their quotes—like Wigfrid hitting Wilson and Woodie with a backscratcher or the lightbulb joke between Wilson, Maxwell, and Wickerbottom.

This is also pretty adorable—Wilson handles Maxwell's shift assignments, even notifying him personally, and Maxwell still manages to get them wrong before cheekily blaming Wilson… Although Maxwell is older, Wilson talks to him like he's Maxwell's guardian, belike he's the one responsible for managing Maxwell's affairs (more on this later in the piece)."

I want to discuss how the camp members' perceptions of Maxwell have shifted—given that he was once the Shadow King, the main antagonist of the previous game / the mastermind who dragged everyone into the Constant to suffer, but is now reduced to a mortal forced to rely on them for survival. Even the narrator describes this situation as "awkward."

Although I really love Maxwell dearly, in my view—even if the reasons remain unclear (initially, it was said Maxwell dragged people in out of boredom for amusement, but later character profiles suggested he was forced, and the stage play's depiction of this was equally ambiguous; to this day, Klei hasn't filled in this plot hole)—Maxwell's act of pulling everyone into the Constant is unforgivable. This single action yanked multiple characters out of their original life trajectories, severing them from their families or careers. Not only that, it flung them from civilized society into a perilous wilderness. Any player who’s experienced the game knows just how dangerous the Constant is—clueless new players (mirroring the characters’ own first-time arrival) can only die and revive repeatedly, struggling in agony until Wilson finally ends it all.

So even if Maxwell technically fulfilled some characters’ wishes (like Wigfrid or Wendy) or provided refuge for those with no place in the real world (Willow or Webber), everyone still has every right to hate him. This is abundantly clear in the single-player game’s examination quotes for Maxwell’s statue and NPC—almost every character expresses disdain. It’s safe to say that if they aren’t seething with hatred, they at least hold deep resentment.

Examining Maxwell’s Statue ↓

Examining Maxwell NPC ↓

The unquoted examination lines are all emotionally neutral, but it’s clear most characters have nothing nice to say about him...

Here, we can also see that initially, Wilson viewed Maxwell with the same hostility and distaste as everyone else. But after the single-player campaign concluded and the timeline shifted to Don’t Starve Together, Wilson’s perception of Maxwell diverged sharply from the others’. The bond between Wilson and Maxwell is undeniably closer than Maxwell’s relationships with anyone else in camp. As the sole survivor to complete Adventure Mode (our boy did it with zero special abilities, mind you), Wilson witnessed every facet of Maxwell’s nature: the silver-tongued deceiver, the vicious tyrant, the panicked schemer, and—most terrifyingly—the merciless monster of the Darkness. Yet he also saw Maxwell at his most pitiful and broken in the Throne Room (Maxwell’s behavior in Adventure Mode is the perfect embodiment of the phrase ‘paper tiger’… all bluster and threats, but utterly powerless against his advancing pawn. )

I’ve already covered the Throne Room scene in my previous piece, so I won’t belabor it here! The key point is that after Wilson freed Maxwell from the throne and took him in, the two spent a significant period alone together—likely a long stretch, given that their first meeting was in autumn, and the finished Florid Postern features a Deerclops Eyeball. This confirms they survived at least one winter together. (Others have noted this before, but it’s crucial.) They lived, worked, and relied on each other, even defeating the seasonal boss as a team before proudly displaying its trophy as a centerpiece of their shared efforts.

And it’s worth noting that many mechanics in Don’t Starve Together—including newly added items or boss health pools—differ from Don’t Starve. Wilson was the last to arrive in the single-player timeline (evident from each character’s chronological entry) yet became the first player to conquer Adventure Mode and dethrone the former king. Meanwhile, Maxwell is the ex-King of Nightmare who created this world. Wilson’s survival skills are indisputable, and while Maxwell’s single-player examination quotes reveal this cat’s practical abilities are… lacking (to put it mildly), his theoretical knowledge of his own creations remains encyclopedic.

But in Don’t Starve Together, with Charlie now the Queen, everything changed. Wilson and Maxwell became the first duo to test multiplayer mechanics, spending at least one winter in a two-person world. This means they had to explore all the new systems and changes together: the first death, the first revival via Telltale Heart, the first death penalty, the first use of a Booster Shot to restore max health, the first discovery of revamped caves, the first realization that bosses had beefed-up health pools… The list goes on.

[Insert headcanon here] Let’s be real—the first to die was definitely Maxwell. This fragile old man has half Wilson’s health, meaning a lot of creatures can one-shot him. Early on, both would’ve been wary of each other (former enemies, after all), and Maxwell wouldn’t volunteer his vulnerabilities. So Wilson, unaware his companion’s real health, probably assumed Maxwell could tank a hit—after all, he’s survived worse—only to turn around and find the old bastard dead 🙏.

Wilson was stunned—suddenly stuck with a ghost companion while his PTSD from Maxwell’s disintegration flared, sending his sanity plummeting ↓↓↓. Maxwell’s death in the throne-room was the closest thing to true death the Constant had ever shown… Wilson had died and revived countless times . He’d watched slain Pigs respawn from houses, Spiders crawl back from nests, even seasonal bosses return year after year. In this world, nothing dies permanently—until Maxwell did.

Sure, it was terrifying, but part of Wilson must’ve assumed Maxwell would reappear too… except he didn’t. The old man was just gone, not a trace left. And he stayed dead for a while (…). Wilson remained on the throne, enduring Ragtime’s ear-grinding, then met Charlie, got dumped back into the Constant, and built a camp—all before Maxwell finally respawned. To Wilson, that interim was absolute death. He’d never seen anything like it! And that disintegration scene? Traumatically vivid, followed immediately by his own despair (throne bondage). So I think his PTSD is very justified…

In Don’t Starve, Wilson always revived via Touch Stones or Meat Effigies—or just reset the world. But with the new rules? He had no clue what death meant now. (‘What if Maxwell got yeeted to another dimension? What if I’m alone again?’) Turns out Maxwell just became a floaty ghost, watching Wilson spiral into madness while crafting a Telltale Heart (Maxwell, baffled: ‘Why’s he freaking out so hard? Since when do spider glands and blood resurrect people? Higgsbury, what kind of science is this?’).

Sanity in freefall, Wilson zombied through the steps and revived Maxwell—who, upon waking, saw Wilson fighting Shadow Creatures and assumed his ghostly presence was the cause (awkward!). Little did he know his own death was what traumatized the poor guy. Not that Wilson would ever admit it, of course.

(And this isn’t the rambling—the narrator said the same situatiion)

(Of course, we can't overlook moments like Maxwell instinctively trying to recognize a boss as "family" only to be yanked back by Wilson, or how—after dying once and becoming even frailer —Wilson invents a Rot-stuffed Booster Shot to inject him, sparking violent resistance from the old cat... All utterly adorable!)

In this environment, the two survived alone together, solving problems and relying on each other. Though their initial distrust ran deep (Maxwell, in particular, was guilt-ridden), their forced cooperation in isolation created the perfect setup for a classic enemies-to-friends(-to-lovers) arc via the good ol' suspension bridge effect. After all, in the wilderness, they were each other's only companionship—their lives literally in one another's hands... Over time, Wilson gradually realized the "evil old cat" was really just a deeply traumatized, prickly creature—not so irredeemable after all, and even growing tamer under his care...!

So by the time the portal was built and everyone gathered, the dynamic became... complicated. Wilson, as the sole Adventure Mode conqueror who'd seen Maxwell at his most broken and spent months alone with him, naturally understood him on a fundamentally different level. Meanwhile, to everyone else Maxwell remained the same smug demon who'd tricked them into this hellscape, watched them die countless times, and laughed at their suffering!! The Maxwell in Wilson's eyes and the Maxwell in theirs might as well have been two entirely different creatures!! (...)

↑This is also why examining Maxwell’s quotes reveals the pattern I mentioned earlier→ He’s visibly more relaxed around Wilson, but when he faces to others, he still reflexively puts on his "Kingly airs" or reverts to that "villainous gentleman" act from his King of Nightmare days—because he’s subconsciously performing the version of himself they expect. But Wilson? He’s seen Maxwell at his rawest: that numb, despairing, broken puppet on the throne. That was the one time Maxwell wasn’t masking himself—couldn’t mask himself—and Wilson was the sole witness. So around him, Maxwell drops the act, belike ‘You’ve already seen me at my worst—what’s the point of pretending now?’

(Yet even with Wilson, Maxwell can’t fully open up… Since his days as William Carter, he’s been the type to bury his true thoughts and circumstances—even from those closest to him, like his brother or Charlie. And this habit directly catalyzed nearly every tragedy in his life.)

Anyway, in the end, everyone still gathered together. You can bet the moment the deceived crew saw the mastermind himself standing right there, they were ready to tear Maxwell limb from limb—Maxwell himself was terrified, with only Wilson standing in the way. Neither side could understand the other, but ultimately Wilson went belike: ‘Look, regardless of anything else—this is my camp. I’m the host here. I’m providing shelter and food. I’m the one sharing my resources with all of you. So if only for my sake, let this man stay. As the one who defeated him, I’ll vouch for him now. He won’t—and can’t —hurt anyone again.’

(Okay, yes, this is peak fanfic cliché—but come on, it’s absolutely plausible, if not outright inevitable!! In Don’t Starve, everyone’s examination quotes for Maxwell’s NPC/statue drip with hatred. When reuniting in DST, they don’t get Wilson’s gradual reconciliation arc—just a group of victims suddenly face-to-face with this pathetically fragile old man…Without intervention, I genuinely can’t fathom how Maxwell wouldn’t get torn to pieces!!

Faced with this, Maxwell would of course put on his usual ‘unflappable tyrant’ act in front of the group—while internally panicking, utterly baffled by Wilson’s defense. All he can think is: ‘Another debt to him…’ (Just how many cat-rescues is this now?... Wilson’s favors are truly unrepayable!)

(And those habits they developed or experiences they shared during their time alone together—those private moments only the two of them would know, that deeper understanding of each other's quirks, flaws, routines, even preferences... A kind of irreplaceable bond forged in isolation. Solitude good! Solitude great!)

Getting back on track—compared to single-player, the group's perception of Maxwell in Don't Starve Together has shifted significantly (though Maxwell himself has also undergone major changes between versions, which is equally fascinating and deserves its own separate discussion). This contrast becomes especially clear when comparing how characters examine Maxwell's statue in single-player versus multiplayer.

Where single-player responses were overwhelmingly hostile, the Together version takes a noticeably different tone:

The tone has largely shifted to teasing and doting (…). Realistically speaking, regardless of what Maxwell might have done during this time to alter their perceptions of him, the change in everyone’s attitude toward him has improved so drastically—to the point of being almost perplexingly amicable—because, let’s not forget, his past actions did irrevocably alter all of their lives. That they could extend such forgiveness and acceptance only goes to show how extraordinarily kind-hearted and tolerant the people he’s encountered truly are. 🙏🙏🙏

(Okay, but also—let’s be real—this cat still doesn’t present himself well!! He’s daily rude, mischievous, complaining about everything, lazy, gluttonous, and just generally insufferable . Yet somehow, they all collectively picked up on his ‘tsundere’ act—that awkward, soft-hearted, easily bullied core beneath the bluster (Maxwell’s trying to play the villain, but his true nature keeps leaking through…).

And so, they genuinely dote on him now. They care for him, treat him as a friend and proper member of camp, consider his feelings, and even try to help him become better.

Even in his short anime video, when Maxwell gets knocked out avoiding the rook's attack (I can't believe it—he wasn't even hit by it, just jumped aside and fainted from the landing—how is anyone this clumsy?), not only do multiple people come looking for him, but when he wakes up, their gazes are full of relieved, warm smiles. The rook that attacked him lies shattered nearby. It's clear evidence they've genuinely come to care for him—really treating him as one of their own now.

And yet, Maxwell remains trapped in his spiral of self-loathing, seemingly oblivious to their kindness—still convinced everyone hates him, completely unaware of their doting affection.

(Examining the Glossamer Saddle ↓)

(Examining Pearl's Pearl ↓)

(Examining the Cracked Pearl ↓)

(↓Examining the Giblet. "Fowl" here is clearly a pun on "foul" - entirely derogatory in meaning.)

He only trusts himself—instinctively wary, convinced everyone around him is hostile, completely lacking any sense of security (though his behavior is understandable, it somehow makes him even more rabbit-like...)

So in truth, Maxwell acts all high-and-mighty like he looks down on everyone, but subconsciously, he places himself at the very bottom. He uses self-deprecating puns, feels utterly insecure, believes he’s unworthy of trust, and has alienated everyone he possibly could (which adds a self-destructive undercurrent to his ‘villain’ act). He reflexively assumes every glance directed his way is accusatory, leaving him no room to escape. All this proves that, in his eyes, he’s fundamentally different from the rest of the camp—while everyone else interacts as equals, he remains an outcast, a guilty aberration. To him, he’s long since forfeited any credibility or right to kindness, let alone belonging. Others’ hatred is just deserved—and the sole architect of this isolation? His own past sins. So really, he ‘deserves’ to be denied normal relationships.

(Let’s be real—the gap between Maxwell’s arrogant facade and his deeply insecure, self-loathing core is delicious … but truthfully, his psychological issues trace back to his magician days. After Charlie fled upon finding him, he’d hide in secret rooms tearing up his own posters (…). And yet, objectively speaking, everyone’s been remarkably patient and forgiving toward him! Given how unforgivable—and frankly, irreparable—his actions were, Maxwell’s guilt complex and Charlie’s outright hatred are probably the only normal reactions here!)

But Maxwell’s perspective isn’t entirely baseless. His quotes reveal a genuinely sensitive, observant side, with a thinking style skewed toward emotionality (somewhat like Wendy’s, though his niece clearly outclasses this dumb cat in both depth of thought and articulation—most of Maxwell’s reflections remain stubbornly emotional and self-centered).

He constantly anthropomorphizes animals around him, projecting his own emotions and circumstances onto all sorts of flora and fauna—seeing himself in them and spiraling into melancholy (depresso mode activated).

(The contrast with Wilson here is stark—he maintains a firm distinction between humans and animals. He might find creatures cute, but animals are animals: meant to be utilized to their fullest, alive or dead. I’d argue this stems from their professions: as a scientist, Wilson likely has medical training (he volunteered to amputate someone’s leg when he examine the Peg Leg, and his Victorian skins/Forge Mode literally depict him as a doctor) (Meaning he’d even chop off a healthy leg)).

—This inevitably made animal experimentation a routine part of his work. Even while showing them respect, daily operations involved euthanizing subjects post-experiment—to him, animals were indeed primarily utilitarian, a perspective only reinforced by survival in the Constant. Hence why this man can call a Koalefant adorable before immediately slaughtering it for meat (then praising its corpse as cute) (…) (He also called frogs cute—Wilson, what even is your aesthetic standard? Okay fine, does this mean perhaps he don't think Maxwell’s ugly?).When he examining Carrot Rats and Rabbits, he considers them lab animals (accurate given their experimental use), wants to capture the Rabbit King for experiments, gets ideas upon seeing Merms, and calls Carrot Rats 'excellent lab rats' or 'just sentient vegetables'. Meanwhile, as a magician, these small creatures were long-term companions in Maxwell’s performances, naturally fostering his habit of anthropomorphizing them. So we can see Max launches into full animal conversations, arguing with his rabbits and their 'entourage' despite their obvious incomprehension.

(Even Maxwell's quotes imply Simon the Rabbit King was a mischievous troublemaker who often ruined his performances - yet he still uses affectionate nicknames like 'scallywag'... Vibe check: that one aunt in YA novels who shrieks and tattles to parents when the protagonist's gang pranks her.)

He also constantly delivers similarly emotional, melancholic monologues—

So honestly, you can tell that compared to Wilson's mostly factual, objective expressions about his direct observations/descriptions of reality, Maxwell's thoughts are clearly more sensitive and emotionally influenced. He unconsciously projects emotional associations onto what he sees, and these reflections—colored by his own experiences and mental state—are usually negative (sigh... depresso).

Additionally, his careful use of pronouns reveals another thoughtful side of him—as others have noted, with WX-78 being a canonically genderless character, Maxwell even specifically uses "Mx." (the honorific for those who prefer not to specify gender) when addressing them. Maxwell is a man from the early 20th century. Even in that era, he still made sure to consider everyone's pronouns, ensuring they felt welcomed and unoffended—which shows that, when he wants to, he does put genuine effort into considering others (though granted, only if he feels like it... but he has done it).

But circling back—what do others really think of Maxwell? This becomes clearest in extreme scenarios, like when characters burn items/assault/kill. Below, I'll list all the reactions toward Maxwell from characters who experienced his reign—those who transitioned from DS to Together.

Honestly, it's clear everyone's being unusually lenient with Maxwell... When examining his pyromaniac version, Wickerbottom treats him like a misbehaving toddler needing placation. But their true feelings surface when checking his assault/murder variants—though usually restrained, they're no saints. None (Wilson and Webber excepted) can genuinely erase his past transgressions from memory, so some lingering tension inevitably persists. Maxwell's surely picked up on these subtle cues—that he remains the camp's perpetual outsider, that they're constantly monitoring him, gauging his threat potential, fully prepared to combine past grievances with new offenses should he misstep again (...). And considering he's still covertly exchanging messages with Charlie behind their backs... yeah, absolute forgiveness seems impossible at this point!)

Even when 'Bad Maxwell' gets examined by normally gentle souls like Wickerbottom and Warly, their verbal lashings are brutal—the fact he can provoke such ire from them is almost impressive...

Wurt's examination quotes reveal glimpses of their underlying stance:

LMAO, From the perspective of an indigenous child bystander the ultimate verbal gut-punch. Part of me pities him (well, self-inflicted misery, really).

Similarly, no one in camp would discuss Maxwell’s sins around the children, so Wurt’s remark must stem entirely from her own observations—if even a sensitive child perceives this, Maxwell himself can’t be oblivious.

From this, we derive two key points:

First, Maxwell possesses profound awareness of his past crimes and harbors genuine guilt. To him, any hatred or retaliation from the others is entirely justified. This isn’t just evident in his self-loathing quotes. During Adventure Mode’s finale in the Throne Room, if the player silences the ragtime record he’s endured for centuries, he whispers “Thank you.” But reactivating the music to torment him prompts: "I suppose I deserve that." ← This line alone crystallizes his stance. He believes he deserves retaliation, malice, false hope followed by cruelty. With the throne denying him death, the music is the sole means to inflict suffering—and he’d accept worse, internalizing it as his due. “I deserve that” fundamentally means he fully acknowledges his crimes, accepts any retribution from his victims andviews all suffering as rightful punishment.

(Thus, any act framed as “payback” would likely paralyze his resistance…)

And in the stage play, the King (Maxwell) delivers this soliloquy:

On the surface, this appears as Maxwell reflecting on his past greed, but in reality, his tragic fate wasn’t determined by ‘one more show or one less.’ Them had chosen him from the start—the moment he obtained the Codex Umbra, his destiny was sealed. Yet without it, William Carter would’ve been crushed in the train accident rather than saved by the Codex’s power—or stranded eternally in the Constant without the Throne, doomed to wander alone. Thus, his claim of ‘never sought the crown’ carries two implications: either guilt over dragging others into this mess (‘Let me suffer here alone’) or belief that his death/nonexistence from the start would’ve spared everyone.

—Hence his follow-up line: ‘What a terrible thought.’ Because it’s essentially suicidal ideation… The fact he entertained this is terrible! Maxwell’s persona radiates arrogance, selfishness, and egocentrism, yet beneath lies a man so consumed by guilt he’s imagined scenarios where the Codex never existed—or where he never existed. (Notice he fixates not on his fate without the throne, but the world’s… implying he wonders if others would’ve thrived without him.) (Seriously, Maxwell should get therapy. His psyche is uniquely catastrophic even by this camp’s standards)

Secondly, even if the other camp members still harbor resentment and distrust toward him—however well-concealed behind politeness and their own inherent kindness—Maxwell’s acute sensitivity allows him to detect the subtlest cues in their behavior. Inevitably, his mind spirals into negative interpretations, even when no malice is intended. His hyperawareness latches onto every flicker of displeasure or hostility, and like a form of self-flagellation, he obsessively dwells on them, sinking deeper into emotional turmoil. The guilt he feels toward others and the self-loathing he describes in his quotes truly leave him no escape—a phrase with dual meaning he’s forced to coexist daily with the living victims of his actions, even relying on them for survival, at the same time, he can’t evade the weight of his own culpability—these consequences are undeniably his to bear.

But Wilson is the exception. As evident from the earlier quotes, Wilson and Webber are the only two characters who transitioned from DS to Together—who lived through Maxwell’s reign yet never bring up his past misdeeds when examining ‘Antagonist Maxwell.’ Webber’s a child who doesn’t hold grudges, but Wilson’s silence is remarkable… He was one of Maxwell’s victim, enduring countless torments for no reason. Yet he’s also the one who defeated Maxwell, personally drawing a line under their feud. He’s seen Maxwell at his most broken, witnessed the shattered soul beneath that pristine suit. From the moment he handed Maxwell that meat skewer to this day, Wilson’s been consistent in his stance—as discussed last time, he refuses to dwell on the past, treating Maxwell with equality, respect, and ease. He’s the only one who’s given Maxwell a real chance to start over and interact normally. The past stays past. Even if Maxwell misbehaves now, Wilson judges each incident on its own merits—no dredging up old wounds. This attitude isn’t forgetfulness or full forgiveness, but conscious letting-go. And Wilson’s the only one positioned to do this. He defeated Maxwell, reversing their power dynamic, his ‘revenge’ was seizing control from Maxwell—suppressing him without cruelty.

Most crucially, he’s just a genuinely good man. Max suffered for decades—meeting Wilson was your one lucky break.jpg

This is why Wilson holds a unique place in Maxwell’s psyche. As noted previously, he’s the sole source of safety Maxwell’s felt in ages—the only one whose care and tolerance let him drop his guard. Like a spoiled old cat, he dares to bicker and banter freely with Wilson. In an environment where Maxwell feels trapped, Wilson’s presence alone doesn’t suffocate him. Because Wilson has moved on—even when Maxwell assaults, burns, or kills. Around him, the cat finally relaxes… and thus, dependency forms. That’s why we see Maxwell’s (seemingly prickly but actually) clingy antics: mimicking Wilson’s speaking, jumping into his conversations, obsessively name-dropping Wilson in quotes—as if proving to others, ‘See? I have someone this close too.’ (Adorable. Will analyze next time…)

To Wilson, who doesn’t overthink this It’s just: ‘Why’s my cat rubbing on me all the time? Fleas?

And let's be honest—Wilson attitude toward Maxwell is truly one-of-a-kind… Relaxed (.), or more accurately, compared to others, he doesn’t really take Maxwell all that seriously (okay fine), also remains unusually patient and tolerant with him.

First, we have to address Wilson’s examination quote for Assault Maxwell: ‘Seems you've gone from "dapper" to "slapper."’ Here, Wilson deploys a vicious pun—while ‘slap’ means to strike, ‘slapper’ as a noun is (…) 

Is this teasing or flirting? And coming from someone as gentlemanly and polite as Wilson—just how close are you two behind closed doors to be tossing that word around in broad daylight?! (What’s next, Wilson whispering it during bedroom activities?? Mind the kids in camp!!)

The contrast with others’ reactions to Assault Maxwell is stark. Most tense up, expressing disappointment—‘Same old villain, what destruction will he wreak now?’ Only Wilson drops this aggressively suggestive pun (…). Even with Pyro Maxwell, he quips: ‘Maxwell's just asking to get roasted.’ Like… dude treats Maxwell’s crimes—assault, arson—as jokes (‘no big deal.jpg’). Problem is, this isn’t some random troublemaker but a felon with a rap sheet!! Why the blasé attitude?!

His Murderer Maxwell quote is eerily calm compared to others—angry yet composed. Even when faced with murder, ex-villain-boss edition, Wilson stays unshaken, fully in control… radiating absolute confidence in handling him. And why wouldn’t he? This is the man who single-handedly dethroned the Shadow King—current fragile-old-man Maxwell doesn’t stand a chance.

Compare this to how Maxwell panics when facing 'Murderous Wilson,' and invoking their truce agreement (…the fact he even remembers the truce)

↓ Maxwell’s examination quote for ‘Reviver Wilson’ is gold! This cat who’s normally too awkward to show affection—even with Wilson, whom he calls ‘acquaintance’ at most—actually mutters ‘a real pal’ here. Those ellipses… they carry the weight of genuine vulnerability…! (Alright, friendship meter: 100% unlocked)

So it all makes sense now—why Wilson handles assigning Maxwell’s tasks! He essentially functions as Maxwell’s de facto guardian in camp. During the initial gathering, Wilson was likely the one who vouched for Maxwell’s stay, so everyone naturally deferred to him, thinking, ‘If he’s willing to shield Maxwell and bear responsibility for him, let him manage the old man.’ The others don’t even know how to interact with Maxwell normally, so task delegation flows through Wilson—the only one fluent in ‘communicating with this creature.’ When Maxwell acts off, they report to Wilson first. Maxwell always claims he’s ‘built a wall between himself and the world,’ yet Wilson kicked a hole through it, dismantling their conflict while becoming Maxwell’s sole bridge to others. (Wilson’s motive for breaking in might as well have been: ‘Is this the way home? Wait, did I take a wrong turn—’)

On the other hand, Wilson can suppress Maxwell from every angle—he’s practically Maxwell’s natural counter. Even at Maxwell’s peak during his King of Nightmare era, wielding power beyond mortal comprehension, Wilson still overthrew him. Post-throne, the frail old man gets pinned to the ground without resistance. Conversely, Maxwell only feels at ease around Wilson. This cat needs Wilson’s oversight precisely because a guardian’s role is both restraint and protection.

 I realize this piece has focused heavily on Maxwell—but honestly, his characterization is fascinatingly nuanced. At first glance, he appears to be that tired trope of the unlikable, stereotypical villain (an old white guy, no less), but deeper analysis reveals something far more complex. Even within DST's deliberately fragmented narrative, his backstory and in-game quotes paint him as a profoundly conflicted individual—simultaneously childish, stubborn, emotionally contradictory, and prone to melancholic spirals (...frequently, at that). Yet when contextualized with the game's lore, these traits aren't just shallow 'tsundere' quirks—they're the direct result of his traumatic experiences. That depth transforms him from a one-note antagonist into a genuinely textured character.

And so, even when we circle back to the fact that he's still ugly, still rude, and still morally dubious... it's impossible not to feel oddly fond of him. (And hey—if Higgsbury himself likely thinks the same way.)

Finally, a shoutout to my friend shippers! Many of these details emerged through collective lore-digging, which has been the real joy of analyzing this pairing. See you in the next essay!

[satubby]

◇Yandere Concept◇

•○ 《Ryu Shi-Oh》 ○•

『This is just my own concept but not the general and true view of the character as a yandere, although canonically he may or may not present these... behaviors』

〔Warning ⚠️: This may or may not contain Spoilers for the show in question, please do not read it if you have not yet seen the mentioned K-Drama. In addition, somewhat sensitive topics such as child abuse, drugs, mentions of sex and among others will be included.〕 Postscript: There may or may not be spelling errors, misplaced character pronouns (I'm dyslexic) so I'm sorry for the inconvenience because this was written at night and I was sleepy, and I'm not a fan of English, so this might be bad.

A puppet of the Russian mafia, Ryu Shi-oh is ruthless and unscrupulous. Depending on how you have met him, he will treat you differently. He would most like a Darling who is as lively, positive and almost like the protagonist of the K-drama where he comes from.

》☆ Obsession:

Ryu Shi-oh will take quite a while to trust you, since he has the police and other enemies after his head. However, if you're the gentle type (if you go all in with this yandere, it would be best for both of you), he'll see you as his emotional refuge, the only source of light in his dark life, though that doesn't mean it won't take a little effort for him to be open to you. Despite his yandere tendencies, he feels a desperate need to protect that vulnerable part of himself by sometimes seeming distant (or perhaps he is at first).

Once he is aware of his feelings for you, then things will change (not much but at least he won't always be on guard with you). You will see him as shy, loving (in his own strange way). Of course, he will be somewhat slow in his feelings but VERY loyal once he is sure of them.

》☆ Obsessive Control:

Russian mafia upbringing has instilled in him either consciously or unconsciously, a need for absolute control and even to the point of violence. Ryu Shi-o monitors every move you make (that's only in his facet of having just met you), from his daily interactions to his friendships. Since if it's at the beginning of getting to know you, he wants to make sure there are no betrayals or double-crosses on your part.

On the other hand, if you've known each other for a while, then his vigilance will be more about getting to know you in depth since he is somewhat clumsy in interactions (other than about his work or murder). He will know everything about you, even things you may not even remember. What kind of flowers you like, X item you've been lusting after and so on.

》☆ Dark Gifts:

To express his love, Ryu Shi-oh tends to give you expensive and luxurious things (When he is getting to know you they are more like decoys) But then he gives you things that you might like, as I mentioned in the previous post, but often these carry a hint of double interactions (He stressed, Ryu Shi-oh doesn't trust people much, he has traumas.... Someone get this man some therapy for god's sake!!!).

》☆ Intense Jealousy:

The thought of losing you arouses a fierce rage in Ryu Shi-o. He can become possessive and jealous, going to extreme lengths to keep you tied to his side. His traumatic past contributes to his constant fear of being abandoned or betrayed, he horribly hates lies (This is Canon by the way, he said so himself).

Since he grew up in a precarious and horrible environment, his concepts of love are null to say the least.... he doesn't know anything about the real meaning beyond what is written in books or Google. So when his jealousy is present, he usually lashes out in anger because he doesn't understand or know how to handle his emotions well, that's why he is always stoic and avoids emotional contact with others.

He thinks at the beginning that these emotions are a weakness (because of his upbringing obviously) so you will understand his attitudes and actions at the beginning.

Back to the scenario (depending on whether you work for him or otherwise were Nam Soon's sister, so to speak). However it was, before and after he met you until he gained your trust, his jealousy is powerful and terrifying.

For example, if you deny him or are somewhat alien to his feelings (ahem! Nam soon) then Ryu Shi-oh may or may not threaten those you hold dear or end up killing the subject of his jealousy if provoked enough.

He may or may not send you videos of it, who knows, he's a fucking mafia-bred man.

》☆ Demonstrations of Power:

As CEO of Doogu, Ryu Shi-oh uses his influence and resources to protect you from his enemies, though also to investigate you, but often does so ruthlessly. He uses his position to eliminate any perceived threat (whether real or not, as in the case of being jealous), regardless of the consequences.

When it comes to, for example, demonstrating how happy you could be (excluding that he is a mobster and has a front business for the real thing, drugs) he can afford a whole restaurant for just the two of you or go on trips when he is not busy.

Also when it comes to dealing with you, depending on whether or not you agree to go out with him, he will use his resources. Either way you will end up with him (if you don't want innocent people hurt).

》☆ Hidden Insecurities:

Despite his confident facade, Ryu Shi-o harbors deep insecurities. Fearful that the reader will discover his dark side, he struggles not to show his vulnerability. This can manifest in moments of emotional self-isolation. More common when they are getting to know each other, refusing to accept their emotions more as a passing interest.

When he already falls for you, he refuses to see you leave him for someone else (Or when you don't want more than a friendship) He clings to the feeling you give him or your kindness/courtesy. He has never felt the comfort you give him, you treat him as human and not the tool the Russians used.

》☆ Future plans:

Although his methods are questionable, Ryu Shi-oh looks for love in you. He sees in that relationship an opportunity to find peace and redemption for the sins of his past, even if his actions may be morally ambiguous. He really is a yandere who would give everything for you, though of course after fulfilling his goals.

Since he has experimented on himself, his strength is inhuman and that may or may not lead to use on special occasions... special occasions. Going back to his plans with you,if you behave just by staying out of it, you will have a dream life.... On the other hand, if you are a treacherous liar like Nam Soon (Ryu's own words) Even if he loves and cherishes you, he won't go easy on you.

He will first take it out on your loved ones, then ruining your life until everyone forgets you even exist.... Only then he can stop being angry with you, he is cynical about it.

He will tell you: "But Honey! You did that to yourself... You shouldn't have betrayed me, I gave you everything, I trusted you with my secrets and you were a spoiled whore..... Accept the consequences, only then can we forgive each other."

》☆ Violence as a last resort:

Although he doesn't hesitate to resort to violence towards his subordinates (regarding the real drug business) He never uses it with you as he doesn't want you to see him as someone bad, he tries to keep it as a last resort (We already gave vast examples of which situations can lead him to that) The contradiction between his desire to protect and his ability to be brutal reflects the complexity of his character.

You will always see him as the suave and polite gentleman although distant in his interactions, but as you get to know him better he is just someone traumatized and hurt by his past (He doesn't justify his current actions but he explains why) He never touches a hair on your head if you treat him well (Ryu Shi-oh has the philosophy that his enemies he treats harshly and his allies worse or something similar, what do I know I am just a brat of 18 years old).

》☆ NSFW

》☆ This will be short, but having sex with Ryu Shi-oh is the most sensual thing you could imagine. I won't add much because I need to learn more about the character, well he likes to bite and scratch. He will be slow and very gentle with you when starting this, but when he gets excited like every man he loses his mind and you may or may not end up with whippings or broken bones given his superior strength (literally).

》☆ Ryu loves when you suck his cock or his neck, his favorite parts of your body are those where he can squeeze (female breasts or buttocks). He likes to suck your breasts and play with your neck. His cock is introduced slowly so when you are ready, he gives you everything he has.

》☆ In the end, you will end up tired but satisfied (Unless you have done wrong and Ryu is angry when making love, there it is not smooth and he could even take it out on you due to his jealousy) Afterwards, the care he gives you is soft and sensual, always apologizing for breaking some bones.

In general, having a yandere like him can be a double-edged sword. Ryu Shi-oh can be so kind or cruel depending on your reactions and treatment towards him. It's like swimming on nails, you have to watch where you're going or you'll end up getting hurt.

This is all independent of the K-drama "Nam soon Super Strong Girl" since it is merely my interpretation of this beautiful villain who, from my perspective, didn't deserve so much pain even though he brought it on himself in the end.

[For those anons who asked me for something, I promise that as soon as I get my ideas together I will start writing because I am a mess at this. I could barely do anything right with this yandere concept.]

[brynnterpretations]

Hi! Could I please request Frenchie x Reader HCs?

Frenchie x Reader Headcanons ☻

GIF Source: @amazingmaeve ★ (link)

Frenchie isn't someone who immediately feels romantic attraction towards someone, so it would happen pretty casually and slowly —  AKA no "love at first sight" for the guy, who believes love is a very purposeful thing (and action). Sexual attraction is another case, though, so if Reader experiences it and/or is comfortable starting out that way, I'd say it would start out with hookups. If that's not in-line with Reader, it would start as a friendship or a close working relationship.

What would transform this relationship to romantic would likely be a shared sense of hope, strength, and willingness to overcome all the shit that plagues the universe of "The Boys". We all know that Frenchie has been through a lot, and he forms very strong bonds with people who have been through shit, too, but are still trying their best every day to be and do better, even if just for their close social circle.

He wouldn't be opposed to you working with The Boys — in fact, he'd prefer it, since the coup is an extremely important facet in his life. He would appreciate not feeling like he had to hide anything from you.

Frenchie is very publicly affectionate with his friends, and that would be the same for a significant other. No matter where you are, he'll always have a hand on your back, plant a kiss on your cheek, rest his head on yours, etc.

Cooking drugs also gave him a lot of talents in the kitchen with normal food, so the guy's a serious foodie and would love cooking with you. He's someone who sees food itself as something very romantic, so he would really love the intimacy of cooking with you. He has a fondness for baking (particularly because he'd enjoy throwing powder at you).

Frenchie would dance around the topic of his past for the first few months of the relationship, but would start telling you about through bits and pieces before eventually opening up to you about it. If you respond with non-judgment yet an empathy that shows you know how much what he did hurt both him and others (because Frenchie knows what he did was wrong, and he doesn't want to be absolved and excused), he's yours. Forever. Enjoy your puppy.

He's a very spontaneous guy, and would love taking you to dives around the city, whether they're bars, hole-in-the-wall diners, or dinky antique stores (that you two may or may not get kicked out of at least once for knocking something over).

You learning French would be huge for him, and it would endear you to him forevermore. It doesn't matter if you butcher the words — if you speak and/or learn French for him, he will fall head over heels for you. Communication is extremely important to him.

Whether you know English (which he's mostly fluent in, but does struggle with a bit) or any other languages... he would immediately start trying to learn it. M.M. would be driven crazy by those Duolingo pings you get from completing a level.

Expect tons of cuddling. Frenchie would love being the big spoon, but on difficult nights, him being able to be the little spoon would be very comforting and dear to him. Frenchie often has night terrors due to his past, but they reduce significantly when he sleeps with you and when you hold him.

[imalwaysaslutforthevoid]

The Summer Hikaru Died and onomatopoeia

I've wanted to gush about this topic for a while and i have no organized thoughts but a lot of feelings i need to get out. First and foremost being "Holy shit this manga is so damn loud" which is a weird feeling to have since manga is generally understood to be a silent medium.

And yet the Mangaka MokuMoku Ren has filled their work to the brim with sound. Now comics using onomatopoeia (words that echo a noise ie: crunch) is nothing new the sound of a fist hitting it's target and walls being wrecked is nothing new. But usually onomatopoeia is worked into whatever action is resulting in the noise

adding both a sense of motion as well as sound. Which is what makes The Summer Hikaru Died's use of it so unique and compelling. To utilize onomatopoiea you have to give up on space that could otherwise be going to deatil work in the background or foreground. Now this is fine with smaller unobtrusive effects like Wolverine's claw extending, and there's numerous example's where a sound will take up large portions of the page to show how loud something like a bomb going off is. But i've yet to see another comic western or otherwise so consistently use this facet of the medium to instill such claustrophobia and dread. As a slower paced horror manga The Summer Hikaru Died builds it's suspense mostly through atomosphere, the supernatural happenings weighing on the surrounding evironment until they break the surface

The use of sound is heavy, it's harsh, it's a vehicle to show how wrong things have gotten from the whisper of "it's coming" heard in the ringing bell of a train crossing to the omnipresent call of birds, bugs, and frogs that pushes in on the paneling shrinking the world with their cacophony.

the way sound shrinks the world making reader and character both feel suffocated by the drone is matched by how the manga uses silence as a way to make the characters feel exposed and vulnerable. the page is now empty of distraction the world of the story on full display and it still feels wrong it's agorophobic, at least amidst the din there was some sense of anonymity being just one voice among hundrends.

even the speech bubble feels out of place as it wanders off desperate to fill the space. The manga is full of these moments of sound and silence in some dance with eachother always too much or too little, never comfortable. It adds a lot to the horror of the manga, and is just one part of many that makes The Summer Hikaru Died such an excellent manga, every chapter I can feel my skin crawl as the setting becomes more hostile to the charactres while they uncover more of the truth of their circumstances.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Are You Sure?! - Episode 1 Observations

Who said it during the Bon Vogaye S3 interviews? "We click". Was it Jimin or Jungkook? Either way, it's clearly mutual and and we've heard iterations of that throughout the years in other contexts, particularly in terms of work ethic.

The first night they spent in Connecticut at that cabin in the woods showed us a different facet, in a more domestic realm. The delegation of each role during cooking pointing out what the other one likes, knowing exactly how to prepare something based on a word. It was like a well-oiled machine that has been functioning for ages. It also gave us a taste of what was to come the next evening when Jungkook cooked pasta, an entire scene worthy to dissect.

But what stood out to me more was what happened next. I know we've all joked and talked about poor Jimin and his stomach bug. A very unexpected topic, but here we are. The level of candidness might have felt surprising (at least for me initially), but they are also guys and perhaps coming from a place socially and culturally in which it's not unusual.

But it did contribute to that element of authenticity I mentioned in my first post about the series. I want to digress a bit here because the entire situation reminded me of a conversation I had perhaps more than a decade ago. I was talking to an acquitance about elements that are usually kept out of films, part of the mundane. What is left out of the story due to its lack of relevancy. And he said that scenes of people urinating are common in films, but we don't see/hear people taking a shit, or even talking about it. Yes, the language was that crude. (And no, Salo doesn't count). Shortly after, Godard's Adieu au langage was released and if my memory serves right, it had that exact scene that my acquitance was talking about. I don't think it was a matter of authenticity, the film was a lot more complex than that in its experimentation, but it did go as far as to show somehow the hidden parts of human behavior on screen, now suddenly at a forefront.

What's the purpose of that in a travel show? What does it say about the choice to show it and about the people? In variety content including surviror type, travel or even food show, issues connected to the body are not something foreign or unusual. But in AYS, it's about the length and how it became a way to show the care a person has for the other and consequently becoming another example of that authenticity.

Both Jungkook and Jimin kept a light tone over Jimin's progressive state of sickness, but in no circumstances has Jungkook ever treated it like he needs to keep his distance. The man was sitting in bed, telling Jimin it's alright, while he was fighting for his life in the bathroom.

Despite keeping a light tone, in Jungkook's case it's often about his actions. His own way of showing that he cares more than what appears to. He might laugh and joke that Jimin is dying, all the while being the one to give him the medicine. He keeps on making jokes as he goes outside, only to immediately decide to build a stone temple so Jimin can get better.

I found it all very moving. I know it might also seem trivial, but I choose to see some gestures for what they appear to be a sign of: complete comfortability, with no uneasyness or shame or lack of aknowledgement. It's a result of seeing that person going through everything and knowing that person intimately, at whatever level any of us choose to interpret it.

To be continued...

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi sex witch!! First off thanks so much for all the educational content. My sex ed has never been lacking but I've still learned so much following you. Second, I've seen you talk a bit about herpes before and your opinion of it and I'm curious to hear more. I have oral herpes that I contracted as a child and it's just kind of a fact of life for me, I mostly just wanna hear more about it from someone knowledgeable about the topic

hi anon,

well my opinion of herpes is the same as my opinion of, like, left handedness or bilingualism or having tattoos, in that it's a teeny tiny facet of who most people are that might be kind of interesting to know about but is only important in extremely specific contexts and is otherwise none of my business. for the most part I consider it rather gauche, to put it mildly, to hold any opinion about other people's health.

it does sadden and frustrate me to see how many people are seemingly unaware that herpes and the vast majority of STIs are both common and curable, or at least manageable. subpar sexual education has left a lot of people uninformed and ignorant about STIs as a normal part of sexual activity, and so many people—especially in America, where the miserable influence of protestantism is never far away—see it as a personal moral failing if they do something a borderline inevitable as getting sick. the way that many people talk about themselves after contracting herpes or another STI as if they've become a walking biohazard unfit for society is devastating.

if you want more herpes-specific chat you can check out previous sex ed posts like the ones here, here, here, here, and a silly one here.

(apologies if any of those links are repeated, attaching links from desktop on my phone is a shitshow)

[charrfie]

no offence but the fact that normies found clinical trial is my 13th reason

Please forgive me anonymous, your use of the word "normies" made me giggle quite a bit..... but rest assured I understand your sentiment and I most definitely agree with it (even if I wish you had been a little nicer about it, lol). I have a lot of issues with the way clinical trial has been approached by a vast majority of fans, honestly. It's hard to know what to start with even. But I do feel that at least part of the reason people have had such a hard time understanding the source material is due to popular creators covering the game and exposing it to a general audience that otherwise would not engage with the game. Not to say I find said creators themselves at fault for this, since it's partly the reason I discovered it as well. It is a double edged sword, for sure. And there are a lot of people who DO understand it! Excellently, at that! This just sometimes seems difficult to appreciate if you- like me- check the tags every morning/night like the newspaper and come across multiple posts in a row either misinterpreting characters personalities, intentions, or.... you know. A million other things. Expected for a game with layers of nuance intertwined with each story beat, but still. For those that do understand, I appreciate you haha

One thing that I believe a lot of people don't understand when analyzing the game is that..... it's not exactly meant to be. Pretty? I guess? And that's part of the reason I connected with it as much as I did. In a majority of the media I've come across in my lifetime that has to do with people who aren't "good" at being people (for lack of a better term), never have I seen something so shamelessly depict the way isolation and mental illness make an impact on every single little aspect of someone's life. There is no self-censoring, no cushioning of the blows, nothing. And its fucking genius!!!!!!! I have seen so many arguments about angel's reactions to certain things being outlandishly stupid, lee's actions making him undeserving of his true ending's fate, etc, but I couldn't disagree more!!!!!!! People are weird. Weirder, when they are lonely and often taken advantage of. And that is SUCH a core part of what clinical trial is all about. The game makes you sit down and swallow the fact that lee is not an innately evil person without feeling the need to make his actions more palatable. Without making angel need to excuse it. Clinical trial has such respect for both parties and their feelings/experiences/autonomy, while not needing to say "this is bad" or "this is good" about anything. And especially when handling such a delicate topic. It's fucking genius. And I could talk about it for forever. But before engaging at all with ct, people HAVE to acknowledge this shit. That maybe good people can do bad, bad things, and that maybe "good" and "bad" aren't concepts applicable at all sometimes. Maybe sometimes, people are just people.

This sums up my thoughts on the general game here well enough for now (especially given how short of an ask it was haha), but before I conclude this post I do have to speak on how much the common perception of angel's identity bothers me. Especially considering how much of a core element of the story it is; I would be remiss not to bring it up at least once. Please note that I very intentionally use the word "identity" here rather than "gender" because that's only a singular element of who they are as a character. I'm talking about everything: their identity as someone that's mentally ill, as someone who's physically ill, as someone nonhuman, and as a nonbinary individual. Even still, I leave certain facets of their identity out that I can't possibly cover in the scope of this ask right now!!!! But bear with me in what I do feel equipped to talk ahout currently.

It is- without hyperbole- IMPOSSIBLE to understand angel without taking into account all the external and internal factors impacting who they are, what they think, and what decisions they make. IMPOSSIBLE. You, the person reading this right now, are an individual with YEARS AND YEARS of experiences, memories, and interests. The way your brain works, how you label (or don't label) yourself, how you think and do things, how you even talk... ALL of this is a culmination of the people you have known and the experiences you've lived through. That is a beautiful thing. A gift. Would it not be ridiculous of someone to claim that all of that is entirely irrelevant in the way you live your life? You might think that asking you to understand everything intricacy of a character before engaging with the material they're from is asking too much, but I disagree!! Clinical trial is about complicated people and complicated relationships that have been molded by their surroundings. I do not feel that asking that be acknowledged is a bad thing. Do your reading homework to prepare for the quiz, essentially.

All this is to say that I wish- just once- people would consider why angel chooses to act the way they do. I wish I could see even one piece of art of angel having to get up slowly from seated positions or wearing compression stockings all the time lest their orthostatic hypotension gets the best of them. I wish the shit that messed with their every action in the game had more of an impact in the fan media I see. I wish people might stop addressing them as human at all, because when angel says that they feel inner peace thinking of existing as an animal, that's not symbolism, that's not metaphor, that's truth. I wish every other post I see of them wouldn't address them as a girl or a boy. I wish nonbinary people stopped getting fucking erased. I get wanting to project. I get wanting to see yourself reflected in fiction. Trans representation is much more rare than cis rep, but I promise you there are infinitely more binary/binary-leaning trans characters for you to project onto than the things that I and others have. I wish people would GET who angel was before bothering to have anything to say about them.

I think angel and lee are some of the most authentic and transparent real life people I have ever seen in fiction. It is a crime they are difficult to be recognized as that.

I fear that I sound sort of pretentious talking about the game in such a manner as this but....... alas. I am allowed to be a little bit pretentious about media that speaks to me on such a level, I suppose. Please don't think I mean to diminish the efforts of those who DO get it. All of your work is fantastic. At the end of the day, this is just the internet. You are allowed to have fun on it. I am in no position to stop you. I even hope that you might find the joy you seek in doing so! But if I might ask you to consider the story and characters with a bit more depth.... I would very much appreciate the effort :^]

I hope that for both your sake and mine, anonymous, that people will start engaging with clinical trial in a better, more earnest way soon! Thank you for your ask~ peace and love

[arcane-ish]

So, my new fandom is real life politics or how Silco and Vander sort of changed my life

I actually wrote this back in the fall of 2024, before Arcane season 2 aired. I thought about posting it like … the week of Arcane premiering but it felt odd because the US election was around the time and in that context… it just felt wrong.

Anyway, you probably don’t know me, but it was like this: Back when Arcane originally aired for a while posted slightly crazy amounts about it. I’m the kind of person who loooooooves long philosophical and analytical exchanges and collecting information.

And then I dropped out cold turkey.

This is not unusual for me, I’m a fandom switcher. Except in this case the new topic I switched to, the two “fandoms” were somewhat oddly related.

I love the concept of Arcane and the themes and dualities it portrays. I love many facets of it, but a major poison of choice for me was Silco x Vander, followed by Timbomb aka Ekko x Jinx. And a big part is pondering the conflicts and different politics of their world view.

And just one major factor was imagining what the politics and lives of the young Vander and Silco looked like and why they fell out. I’m not a fic writer but I’ve tried to dabble (usually too scared to post stuff or too waffly to finish stuff). I thought a lot about what their younger lives might be like (inspired by some fanarts) and doing a litte bit of research into other political figures and how their political movements started out, just what the dynamics in a group like that might be, or just what kind of plots would make sense.

This kind of crossed into my genuine dissatisfaction with real life politics. And now, it’s not the big one that affects the most people, the US, with Trump and everything. I’m from a small European country, our elections already took place and the also sucked (and though it’s probably hybris a lot of the time it feels like we started it or at least were very early). I think a lot about the rise of the global right and how to oppose it, how it interlocks with and blocks so much having to do with climate change, how modern technology promotes radicalism in various shapes, how the right is straining for culture dominance again and is building its own ideology and whether or not the fracturedness of of public and cultured life influences this.

The main reason why I wanted to get involved is … I just really, really hate the guy who leads the way too successful far right in my home country. I hated all the ones before him too, but for various reasons this one feels even worse and not just because of the global influence of Putin. I just didn’t want him getting into power and me wanting to do something to help the opposition to him. I just felt that there was something bad in the air and I wanted to get involved even though the next election was quite a bit away at this time.

And yes a tiny bit was thinking of it of fic research of what discussions and relationships in small pub backroom political groups actually feel and work like. Like even if I washed out of the scene again, at least I would have fic idea, no?

I feel like I’m kind of lucky because my home country actually has some deep old political structures and it’s been kind of interesting trying to navigate through them.

To be honest: trying to get involved was a huge leap. If you try to look at it as a “fandom” it’s just so unfamiliar that it’s just all in real life, giving tons of real life people your phone number. Especially since I’m a person who has always tried to stay deeply pseudonym-based in fandom and never attend any fandom events, I always tried to keep real life and fandom life very separate and to now have a hobby, a “fandom” that doesn’t allow it, was very harrowing. But I decided I wanted to do, because I think the situation is serious and it’s worth it.

One thing that I found interesting how in some parts, the kind of low level politics I do actually does remind me a ton of fandom. To have those low level, normal people sitting around and trying to organize a party or a march or a discussion event and advertise it, form or revive a club, it reminds me so much of fandom and all the fandom weeks and zines and big bangs and art contests and fanfic gift exchanges that people are doing. Fandom I think has taught me a lot about people’s generosity and what people are willing to do just for passion and community. Fandom actually is a good example of something great and amazing that doesn’t run on straight self interest logic. And if it works in fandom, why shouldn’t that work in politics as well? I certainly know that I want more of that out there in real society.

I’ve always felt a little bit on the margins of fandom, because in the end I’m not a fanfic writer, I’m not an artist. But I’ve found my niche I feel in mostly writing long rambly metas and identifying the people who also do that and who like me get joy from gabbing on like that. And by cheerleading and encouraging the talented people in fandom and maybe trying to connect then, carry together and compile information. This is ultimately what I kind of hope to do in politics as well. I don’t want to get elected for anything. I don’t want to stand in front and give speeches. But I do want to identify the people who do that and who I like and believe are well meaning and encourage them and help them be more well known and maybe try to carry out some of the ideas that I think are important. And maybe on occasion find some people to have the real world version of the long fannish conversations with that I enjoy so much in fandom.

So yeah, because of Zaundads, and the fannish encounters and discussions I had because of them, I asked myself a lot of question, about myself, about sexuality, about organizing, about good and bad and what I believe in.

Generally, my plan was to just take a short break from my political stuff doings just long enough to watch season 2, shout about it like maybe till the end of the year and just like before dip out. I fully blame the @zaundadsbigbang for forcing me to stay in at least till that is done. XD

Right now I try to juggle both.

It’s funny. I was hoping to also do politics like I do fandom, where I dip out after a certain amount of time. Ideally, after “the job is done”, where I have encourages the local opposition parties to suck less so they can stand on their own.

But yeah, now with Trump in office, it sure looks like the job isn’t going to be “done” any time soon or just bewhere I think I can just let it slide and trust other people to handle it while I do nothing.

I dunno, I’ve been thinking on whether I should post at least some of my politic-y thoughts to tumblr. Or at least share some real life stories/historical stuff that I think kind of fits Arcane.

Like, one thing I have been thinking about a lot in regards to Arcane (and how it wasn’t a story concerned with politics and revolution in the end) how exactly how we tell those stories and how we can forge them and make them be appealing and believable. And I think Arcane is just a very good sample or jumping off point in that regard.

I dunno, I haven't decided yet.

[sroloc--elbisivni]

a couple of years ago, I learned the extremely useful term 'bikeshedding', which is also referred to as the 'Law of Triviality'. the term stems from an argument by C. Northcote Parkinson that 'the amount of time spent on an issue will be an inverse proportion to the sum of money involved', with the example given of a committee meeting to discuss the construction plans for a nuclear power plant where the largest amount of time is devoted to what color to paint the bike shed. hence the name.

what the wikipedia article I linked goes into in the 'argument' section, and the part I find endlessly applicable, is that people spend the most time and energy arguing over what they feel they understand. big, complicated issue like a nuclear reactor? hard to understand. hard to summarize in a committee meeting. bike shed color? small enough to understand, have an opinion on, and fight over--and therefore look as if you're engaged and active and informed.

it's been useful to keep in mind any time I'm in some kind of discussion-based environment where I'm going 'wait why are we off-topic again.' if, for example, the students in a seminar are more interested in bringing up things they know from social media or current events than discussing the topic of the class, it's a safe guess that they haven't done the reading so they're grasping at what they've managed to absorb from the discussion so far and relating it back to what they're familiar with. (which, a certain amount of that is fine and expected and good, but too much of it defeats the point of having a class with assigned readings at all.) if in a meeting at work everyone except the boss is fussing endlessly over the small details of a new proposal it probably means the overall proposal is entirely the boss's idea and hasn't taken anyone's feedback into account, or even explained it well.

in general, it's just very handy to be able to with one word distinguish--even if only for yourself--'is this topic generating a lot of discussion because it is important, or because it isn't--it's just the small facet of a larger issue that people I'm in a room with currently have the background to grasp, they just want to keep talking about it so they don't look ignorant?' it's also a great tool to ask yourself 'wait, do I actually understand what's going on here, or am I latching onto a small and irrelevant detail because it seems the least intimidating instead of actually engaging with the larger picture?'

[effervescent-experience]

On the TikTok Ban

Hello, everyone. This is not my usual content. However, as a leftist and someone who has been on the app for a while, I feel that I should address the potential TikTok ban on January 19th and why it doesn’t sit right with me at all. 

I believe that the ban is bad. This is somewhat of a polarizing statement, but I genuinely think that banning TikTok would be unconstitutional because it would undermine American users’ First Amendment rights by preventing freedom of speech and expression. The ban would eliminate a significant facet of popular culture, limit how people can make money to provide for themselves and their families, and prevent citizens from accessing a major news source (I’m not saying you should get all of your news from TikTok, but it does help to bring surface level awareness about issues so people can go out and learn more about them). Doing this on speculation is wrong and will significantly prevent communication and the exchange of information that has become vital in society. 

Speculation and National Security Threats: 

The concern about TikTok comes from its owner, ByteDance, headquartered in Beijing and is therefore legally obligated to “turn over data to Chinese authorities on request.” This would mean that sensitive information about American users could be directly accessed by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), which could lead to the spread of deliberate misinformation and more sophisticated foreign monitoring of online activity (Espada and Popli par. 3-5). 

To this, I would respond that there is already extreme amounts of misinformation on TikTok within U.S. borders - sensationalist content without actual evidence is an issue. Especially around elections, natural disasters, or events that may trigger an emotional response, there seems to be an uptick in misinformation and disinformation, as people create false news and others repeat what they see because they believe it to be true. Recently, we have seen this with the fires in California and all of the AI videos. This aligns with my point because any foreign misinformation, political propaganda, or sensationalist content would likely be more extreme than but still comparable to the lies already spread on the app for the sake of garnering more views. I cannot deny that political propaganda is dangerous, nor can I deny that the idea of being monitored is extremely frightening, but skeptics and well-informed audiences will do the work to fact-check such content. 

The Spread of Information: 

Because I am not an influencer, my biggest personal gripe with banning TikTok is that it would prevent easy and immediate access to all types of information. Like the internet, TikTok is an incredibly vast information collection about nearly every topic. Look up anything, and you will quickly find infodumps, tutorials, and a large crowd of people who can answer your questions. I was working on an embroidery project yesterday and needed to know how to do a particular stitch. Within thirty seconds, I had my answer and could return to work, saving much more time than if I had gone to Google or this website to ask the same question. 

It’s much more serious than arts and crafts questions, however. On TikTok, people can better understand important events that people in their “real lives” are not offering explanations for. At least for me, this allows for a much more complete account of the event from numerous perspectives, many of which are likely different than my own. Instead of knowing about the event but only understanding how it impacts me, I can form my opinion with reliable firsthand accounts from others and consider how it impacts everyone, not just myself. As a global community, this is invaluable; understanding each other prevents stigma and the pushing of only one narrative. Banning TikTok would eliminate this, leading to a much less knowledgeable audience and self-centered takes on world events. 

Influencers and Creative Spaces: 

This is also an extremely concerning facet of the potential TikTok ban for me. Although I am not an influencer, I understand that thousands of people make their living from TikTok and have no other form of income. I support this fully and think it’s great that people can live comfortably by doing what they love. This is why it’s exceptionally alarming to me to think that if TikTok is banned, these people will be wholly cut off from their careers. Digitally or not, that is not fair to do to someone, though society does not care about that. Twitter user (I am not calling it X because fuck Elon Musk) Spirituali_tea wrote, “So who’s gonna tell the Biden administration that some of us have built our literal careers on TikTok, and if it gets banned, we will actually have nothing?”.

TikTok also serves as a source of income for displaced families, people rebuilding after natural disasters, medical bills, and everyday necessities. For those who say that these creators should “pull themselves up by their bootstraps” and get a “real job,” some people simply cannot because they are disabled, homeless, or otherwise displaced or marginalized. It is unfair that we should be so limited in a society so diverse. People rely on this app; if it is taken away, they will be left with nothing. I’ll repeat it: that’s just not right. 

Additionally, people in creative spaces use the app to promote themselves, bring awareness to their content, and make money. Without it, small businesses and creators will likely get less exposure, meaning some people can no longer do what they love. Artists will likely lose the fanbases they’ve built and a source of income. TikToker la.fumettisa shared a video with the caption, “heartbroken over the imminent TikTok ban, loss of community and income for my small business,” and Tiktoker dollrust0 wrote, “I know it’s just a TikTok ban, but it’s hard not to be sentimental about losing what has essentially been my digital diary for years. I felt seen.” TikTok is an essential platform for artists, creative types, and people who, like dollrust0, want to feel seen.

As someone who loves to write and make things but has chosen not to do it professionally, I find this fucked up to the highest degree. Society encourages art yet takes every opportunity to limit it when done professionally. How will artists bring attention to what they do? How many beautiful, amazingly talented people will we miss out on if the ban goes through? I love engaging with people on TikTok, and as a small creator on other platforms, the thought of losing everyone I have met or interacted with makes me unbelievably sad. 

The Potential Power Struggle and Precedent:

Because the legislation around the bill dictates that the app can stay un-banned if it is bought by someone else within a year, there is a potential that someone who has bought other platforms or shown interest in it could buy TikTok, allowing them to control the flow of information in the United States and narrative pushed out to the masses regarding political events, natural disasters, and controversial topics. Like misinformation, there is extreme danger in only one narrative being told. It prevents the varied perspectives I mentioned earlier and allows the people in charge to guide the opinions of American TikTok users (170 million people, by the way) to garner support for their ideals. This is where a ban such as this becomes dangerous and sets a precedent for censorship in that it allows the government to interfere with the speech and writing created by the people.

In a conversation with NBC News, “cyber-diplomat” Chris Painter, who has worked with the Obama administration, says, “If the U.S. was certainly trying to shut down a social media platform or something because they didn’t like what was being said on it, absolutely our moral authority would disappear…it sends the message that this is acceptable…obviously that deserves an outcry (Collier par. 14-16).” The proposed ban directly infringes on the American right to freedom of speech and the press, whether the Supreme Court rules it to be this way or not. If the ban goes through, we will see this again, potentially sooner than we would like. If it can be bought, it is under threat. 

Conclusion:

Again, I must assert that the looming ban on TikTok is terrible for various reasons. I am wholeheartedly against it for the threat it poses to Free Speech and its similarities to authoritarian control tactics seen with fascist governments. TikTok is about more than dancing or brain rot. It is vital to spreading information and interconnection between people worldwide, bringing people together around common interests. People use it to make their lives easier and, in some cases, possible. For the government to make such an issue of one app based on speculation when the threat of large-scale war is immense, California is burning, climate change is worsening, gun violence is rampant, and people are dying because they don’t have the basic resources they need to live is, quite frankly, extremely scary.

It is incredibly disheartening to think that our leaders care more about a “silly dancing app” (TikTok user not_tgg) than all of the loss and devastation in the world. Writing does not seem nearly enough to compensate for what is at risk, but we must be aware of what is happening. I’ll leave you with a quote from whistleblower Edward Snowden: “Your rights matter because you never know when you’re going to need them.”

References: 

Collier, Kevin. "A TikTok Ban Could Embolden Authoritarian Censorship, Experts Warn." NBC News, 17 Mar. 2024. NBC News, www.nbcnews.com/tech/tech-news/tiktok-ban-embolden-authoritarian-censorship-experts-warn-rcna143476. Accessed 12 Jan. 2025.

Espada, Mariah, and Nik Popli. "Why the U.S. and Other Countries Want to Ban or Restrict TikTok." TIME. TIME, time.com/6263851/why-us-wants-to-ban-tiktok/. Accessed 12 Jan. 2025.

I have fact-checked all of the information in here to the best of my abilities and would never deliberately spread misinformation, but please correct me if I missed or should add anything. Feel free to reply, but please be polite, even if we share different opinions.

[lobautumny]

So this toy's been, over the last couple weeks, keeping up with this series on Youtube of someone playing a Minecraft world with this horror mod that's been a super hot topic as of late, The Broken Script. The series is pretty entertaining, and the mod itself is… pretty decent, at least in comparison to every other Minecraft horror mod ever.

You see, rather than the mod just being "what if there was a big scary man who screamed and then killed you," the mod has dozens of different events that can happen (ranging from subtle things like placing a single block of netherrack near your bed to much "louder" things like deleting an entire chunk from your world), and only some of these events spawn some big, loud, angry creature that one-taps you.

The Broken Script is also a lot better about pacing than, like, any other horror mod out there, though despite being described by both the mod author and everyone who plays it as a "slow burn" where things don't happen very often, it's, uh… still not a particularly slow burn at all. Like, this Youtuber this toy's been watching has been experiencing so many instances of hostile entities in every play session that he's dissected their AI and capabilities to such an extent that he's developed specific protocols to counter them. Now, this is cool and drives interesting gameplay in its own right, but also, there's still kind of just too much going on.

Despite the fact that it's still not actually that slow, though, when this toy watches other people play the mod, it notices a lot of comments along the lines of "man, I've been playing this world for a whole hour and a half and a big scary man hasn't screamed at me yet. All that's happened is weird atmospheric stuff. This is kinda boring." And this highlights a really interesting facet of Minecraft horror mods and the community that has built up around them: All of these mods except TBS, it feels, are purpose-built for short-form video. They're designed to be dicked around with for a couple hours and uninstalled, not to be properly played like a regular mod.

Now, TBS might have pacing issues, but it's… passable enough, and most of the scares are actually pretty okay, even if the audio is mixed way too fucking loud. The mod tends to quietly spawn an entity in and wait for you to stare directly at it or approach it before it makes a loud noise or starts chasing you or whatever. There's a few instances of random, cheap jumpscares, but they seem quite rare so whatever. Once again, it's excusable.

What this toy cannot excuse, and is the reason it's typing all of this up, is the fucking anachronisms.

So first off (and the most egregious part of the mod by far) is the fact that for some fucking reason, there is a shitty VHS filter enabled by default when you boot up a world with TBS. There is no context in which VHS footage of Minecraft makes any amount of sense. Minecraft started development in 2009, well after the death of VHS as a medium. If they wanted to go with an "old found footage" angle, they should've put, like, a Bandicam or Unregistered Hypercam 2 watermark on the player's screen instead, because that's the actual way a lot of people were recording their gameplay back in ye olden days. At least you can disable the VHS filter, but like, the fact that the mod author included it in the first place genuinely makes this toy angry.

But that's not the only anachronism. No, the mod also includes a built-in resource pack to replace the game's textures/sounds with the old alpha textures/sounds and makes (most of) the newer textures uglier, and it also undoes the combat rework and runs a function to replace all deepslate with stone. This is… weird, but this toy could be convinced it makes sense if the mod's lore were written in the right way. However, the VHS filter is a very telling sign that the mod's lore was probably written with no respect to chronology. And sure enough...

So there's a world hidden in the mod's .jar that you can extract and boot up, and it's basically a cute little lore-dump partially explaining what the fuck is actually happening in the mod. The lore centers around a server that hypothetically existed in 2018 before it was destroyed and all of the members got creepypasta'd. Now, this is not an alpha world. It could've been, even with the lore being that this happened in 2018 (I mean, shit, people are still playing and even modding alpha versions to this day) and that would've made the previous point make more sense, but it simply is not. Beyond clearly not being an alpha world and thus making the mod's alpha aesthetic make no sense, though, this world contains features from updates released in 2020+. The other side of their Nether portal leads to a fucking basalt delta. So not only could this not have been an alpha world, it couldn't have existed in 2018, either.

"So what, Autumn? Surely this one goofy little Minecraft mod cannot be worth getting this bent out of shape over." You would be right if this were an issue exclusive to this mod, but this is simply the entirety of modern popular online horror now. Horror, the masses have decided, is when there is a shitty VHS filter. It's when what you're looking at is #SoRetro. It's when the imagery of something being old is evoked because old things are understood to be creepy, without any real thought put into justifying why or how the story is being conveyed through VHS (or whatever).

When Marble Hornets had creepy, distorted tapes, that's because within the story, those tapes were old. They're from when the characters were film students at a point in time where tapes were simply the most available/affordable format for recording video. The stuff that was being recorded at the present within the story was recorded digitally because by 2009, the world had moved on from tape. The tapes were a neat world-building detail grounding the story chronologically and giving a better sense of past vs. present. In Local58, everything is told through VHS recordings because the events of the story are seen through the lens of a news station getting repeatedly hijacked in the 1970s-1980s. Obviously the format the recordings would be in is VHS.

When The Broken Script puts a VHS filter on your screen, this isn't for any in-universe reason. It's because analogue horror is trendy right now. The Mandela Catalogue was super popular so now everything is VHS for no reason, and this toy is fucking tired.

When this toy says that it kind of loathes the landscape of modern, popular online horror, everyone expects it to bring up the thing that everyone's been bitching about constantly for the last, like, 5 years, which is mascot horror. Truthfully, it couldn't care less about mascot horror. It thinks mascot horror is, like, fine, overall. Some of it is good, some of it is bad, and the only truly egregious cases are when a company announces a game, releases it episodically, and rushes each episode out the door as a buggy mess so that they can focus their money on what's truly important in life: Merchandise marketed directly at children. But like, that's not inherently a mark against mascot horror, that's a mark against capitalism.

And yeah, sure, we can talk about market saturation all we want, but market saturation isn't inherently bad. Much like mascot horror, this toy's issue with analogue horror isn't that there's too much of it. It's that the so much of it is just using the aesthetic for the sake of it when the aesthetic is, inherently, a worldbuilding detail that breaks the story if you cannot justify why an analogue format is there in the first place.

Same thing goes for goofy over-the-top "scary" face edits. It's just a bunch of people invoking the aesthetics of The Mandela Catalogue because The Mandela Catalogue is one of the most popular online horror projects in recent memory and everyone loved it (this toy thinks it's only okay, personally), but there's no sense of why there are distorted faces in the first place. In The Mandela Catalogue, there were weird distorted faces because the story was about, like, body-snatchers or whatever.

Meanwhile, we've got Youtubers making resource packs to edit "scary" fucking Mandela Catalogue-esque faces onto the monsters from The Broken Script because The Broken Script is considered "analogue horror" even though it's fucking Minecraft because there's a VHS filter, and analogue horror is also inherently when there's distorted faces because analogue horror is when you're trying really hard to be The Mandela Catalogue. These videos are popular enough that in the FAQ section of TBS's Modrinth page, one of the listed questions is "how do I add faces to the monsters," and the answer is just an ellipses.

We are living through a really weird time for online indie horror, and this toy's just glad we still have no shortage of genuinely incredible projects. To end this post off on a more positive note, if anyone wants any personal recommendations from recent years, check out hiimmarymary, The June Archive (this one's still going and should be getting more updates in a couple months), 2h32, Vermis Malum, I Am Sophie, and CatGhost. This toy also has reason to suspect Angel Hare is very good, though hasn't actually gotten around to watching through that one yet.

[getvalentined]

I've never done a full breakdown of everything that happened to my version of Vincent while he was under the knife (although there is a partial breakdown from like 12 years ago on Ask Vincent Valentine), but @spinejackel tagged my recent Vincent doodle gushing about autopsy scar (Vincent Has a Y-Incision headcanon supremacy!) so I figured it was probably a good time. This is also probably the best method, since I can apply the right tags and trigger warnings to hopefully keep it from hitting the people who would be disturbed.

For anyone who doesn't know, figuring out the fucked up physiology of victims of science is like my entire jam. I think this is what happens when you let a chronically ill child watch Akira and the original Bubblegum Crisis OVA and most of the works of Masamune Shirow. All that before FF7 even existed. This means that the explanation under the cut may seem excessive, and this post is very long. I've been building it over over a quarter century, I don't think there's any avoiding it at this point.

Warnings for body horror, nonconsensual body modification, medical horror and torture. Basically, if there's anything you can think of related to becoming a victim of science under the rule of an unethical sci-fantasy oligarchy, it's probably in here to some degree. It's explained plainly and simply, in clinical but not visceral detail.

My headcanons for what Hojo did to Vincent are pretty specific, albeit not precisely comprehensive; 27 years later I still don't really have a particularly solid concept for how he turned Vincent into a shapeshifter, although at least we know it's not something entirely specific to Vincent—Hojo repeated that facet of the experiment in Azul, but not in any other SOLDIER operative even in DeepGround, implying that it's only possible if very specific physiological conditions are met. The minimal concept I do have involves a twisted application of the concept of incarnate summoning as it appears in FFXIII-2, but it's very vague and also not the topic of this post. Maybe later.

Regarding the Y-incision/autopsy scar, my headcanon is that once Hojo tweaked Vincent into being able to regenerate from any injury—an enhancement that is confirmed to be entirely Hojo's work in Dirge—the professor of course felt it necessary to run various tests quantify the usefulness of his handiwork. He did this first by inflicting various surface injuries, then by causing more extreme bodily trauma, which eventually culminated in Hojo removing the majority of Vincent's internal organs in order to measure how long it took them to grow back and, assuming they did grow back, how the new ones compared to Vincent's original parts.

To be able to observe this as closely as possible, Hojo kept Vincent's torso open for the entire process—which he repeated twice more in order to check the weight, size and structure of the newly-grown organs in comparison to the originals. This study proved that most of them did grow back, but the majority of them stopped developing much earlier than was appropriate for Vincent's age and size. The difference was consistent, Hojo just never figured out why most of them grew back smaller and less-developed.

The reason this happened is based the fact that most of the organs in the human trunk are used in digestion and other related processes, and Vincent's regeneration means he doesn't need to eat or drink anymore. His body only expended as much energy as was completely necessary to develop those organs to the point of being functional rather than normal, because they're not really necessary. Vincent is glad he still has them, though, because he does still occasionally eat (usually in social situations) and also he'd be really sad if he couldn't even have coffee.

Vincent's brain activity remained normal during the entire process, although that may have something to do with Hojo driving a bunch of fluid lines into his head and flooding the inside of his skull with mako to keep him awake the whole time even while deprived of oxygen. (Rebirth spoilers, but seeing the bit in the Nibelheim Protorelic questline where Hojo does something super similar to this, after this has been my headcanon for decades, was a trip.)

Two organs didn't grow back at all: Vincent's appendix and one kidney. This was also the result of efficient energy expenditure, as the human appendix isn't necessary for survival, and only one kidney is really required. (Each time Hojo removed the new kidney, the one that grew back would be on the opposite side, which bothered Hojo to no end.)

His lungs grew back a little larger, possibly because his skeletal structure never quite recovered after his first transformation into Galian—his arms and legs are noticeably too long for his body, although not to the point of looking impossible, and likewise his ribcage settled to breadth that would allow for larger lungs. He doesn't really need these anymore either, related to his brain being exposed to so much mako during the process that it can now operate without oxygen if necessary, but switching himself over from aerobic to anaerobic respiration is really unpleasant and Vincent tries to avoid it when he can.

His heart was pretty normal by the time Hojo was done with him, although his heartrate had dropped to like 20bpm even when elevated. Again, if respiration isn't necessary, there's not much reason for the system to be active. (By the time Lucrecia was done this had dropped to around 5bpm on average, although it's completely arrhythmic and jumps all over the place when he's not either particularly active or on the verge of a transformation.)

This was the experiment that left Vincent susceptible to degradation, which Hojo didn't realize until after finally closing him back up. Upon realizing that Vincent's body wasn't responding properly to a different test (a repetition of an earlier experiment related to the regeneration of external tissues and features), Hojo just kinda threw him in a tube to be disposed of at a later date, kinda like that scene in Arrested Development where there's that dead dove in a bag in the fridge. The incision healed at some point during the period that Lucrecia was working on him, but early enough in her work that the tissue couldn't flawlessly regenerate (like it does in the present), leaving him with one more gnarly scar on top of all the rest.

Vincent is self-conscious about all the physiological changes brought on by what was done to him, often to the point of loathing. His left arm is the worst—it rotted off while he was in the throes of degradation and grew back as something that he hesitates to call his arm—but Vincent hates that Y-incision scar almost as much. Some days they tie.

(It has come up in appropriately horrified conversation with Shalua that, considering how his regeneration works, Vincent could probably get rid of all the scars on his chest if he somehow peeled the skin off his torso in a single swath. He will not be doing that. Besides, it might grow back the wrong color/texture/etc, like his left arm. Not worth the risk, much less the suffering.)

Also I gotta finish off this entry with the extremely stupid headcanon reveal that Vincent's (honestly fairly impressive) dick was cut off during the first round of bodily trauma regeneration tests—and Hojo has never felt the sort of rage he experienced upon discovering that it grew back bigger than before. This occurred early enough in the experiments that Vincent was not awake for it, and thus has no idea how the fuck this happened, and does not want to talk about it ever thank you very much. I've never mentioned it in public anywhere because it is extremely stupid, but I hope someone out there finds it as funny a concept as I do.

[thrawns-babygirl]

The Gallery (Thrawn x F!Reader 18+)

SO! A few things before we get started.

I know nothing about art. I tried my best to make this seem somewhat believable but I'm not an artist, nor will I ever be.

The "dates" I used were in the form of the 'Coruscant Reckoning Calendar' or C.R.C since the battle of Yavin hasn't happened yet and I hate BBY and ABY as in universe measures of time. However they aren't real dates I just threw random numbers into the format and hoped it looked semi believable

I am aware this is really derivative and I'm sorry in advance lmao

This is my first time writing Thrawn, and while I read copious amounts of Thrawn fanfic, I'm still nervous about how I write him so constrictive criticism is encouraged.

I hope y'all enjoy this, I had fun writing it. Been over a month since i wrote anything and it shows.

Rating: E (18+) Word Count: 3800+ Warnings: Unprotected PiV, Oral (F receiving), the tiniest breeding kink if you squint and tilt your head sideways, Art

Masterlist

You looked around the halls of the Imperial Palace and sighed. These galas were boring, atrociously so. But alas, if you wished to maintain funding for your gallery you had to at least make an appearance, rub elbows with the Imperial elite, sweet talk some moderately intoxicated senator or delegate into agreeing that your program was in fact not a waste of credits, and was actually something that the Empire should foster. A civilization without the arts was barely a civilization at all. You sigh, swirling the obnoxiously expensive drink you have in your hand as you stare up at a large canvas painting on the walls of the hall.

Pre Republic era, oil on canvas, looks to be-

“Coruscanti in origin, an interesting blend of ancient human styles native to the planet with a Duros influence, I’d date it around 3591.39.5, what do you think?” as smooth, calculated voice drawls from beside you.

You hum in thought, as you continue looking up at the artwork. “Perhaps earlier, the dot work is absolutely indicative of Duros influences, maybe even around 2280.124.43, when Duros traders started using hyperspace routes to explore the galaxy and foster trade” you turn to face the mystery man and stiffen as you notice the crisp white uniform of a Grand Admiral, but perhaps even more intriguing was his cerulean blue skin, and more intriguing than that, his red eyes that glow softly.

Without taking his eyes off the painting he continues “an interesting theory, however, I would date it after that. The artist was obviously human, their style indicating that they grew up around humans, the brushwork is similar to most works of that period, however the Duros influence would indicate it would have been some time after Humans had made contact with other races. Humans of that era were exceptionally isolationist, their artwork reflects that, this piece shows of an artist who is comfortable with outsiders enough to incorporate them into their medium” the man takes another sip of his drink before turning to you, fixing you with those enchanting eyes “what do you think?”

You’re taken aback, this man, this Grand Admiral, knows what he’s talking about, in fact he may even know more than you about the topic, you scramble to think of something, anything to say. Your face heats up as you think back on human art and history from that era and realise, he’s right. You take a sip of your drink to steel your nerves, warmth flooding your cheeks that you hope he doesn’t notice as you turn back to the painting.

“I think you might be right; I forget about how isolationist humans were back then; it would have taken a long time before they would have taken on facets of other species art in their own” you say thoughtfully as you look up at the painting. It really was a beautiful piece of art. You look back at the stranger to find him also gazing up at the painting with a thoughtful look on his face. Perhaps this art enthusiast of a Grand Admiral was the person you were looking for this whole time? Steeling yourself again you turn and give him your name.

“I curate the Royal Imperial Gallery here on Coruscant, a pleasure to make your acquaintance” You incline your head respectfully as he turns to face you again.

“Grand Admiral Mitth’raw’nuruodo, however you may call me Thrawn, and I am aware of who you are” Thrawn takes another sip of his drink as he turns his gaze back up to the painting. You eye him curiously as he drinks, his throat bobbing as he swallows and turns back to you.

“You do?” your tone slightly more accusatory than you wanted it to be, Imperial Grand Admirals tended to be the types of people who rallied against your requests for more funding, claiming that the money could be better spent on the Imperial Navy or the Stormtrooper Corps.

Thrawn’s mouth quirks slightly, as if he were attempting to stifle a smile before he speaks again, his voice low “Of course, I am a regular at your institution, I also appreciate your holo galleries so that I may appreciate new instillations while I am away on long campaigns. It is obviously, a crude imitation of having the original piece in front of me, but I will make do with what I can” he eyes you seriously. “I especially appreciated your most recent display of Pantoran tapestries. Pantora is a hub of so many different species and cultures, their art always provides an interesting challenge to see what visiting species influenced what pieces”.

You stare at him wide eyed as he speaks, this man, this Grand Admiral, was an art enjoyer, no an art enthusiast. Perhaps this meeting was destined, perhaps he was the one who would help you retain funding for your gallery before it was all syphoned off and spent on warfare. You open your mouth to speak but it’s like he could read your mind. “I have already spoken with the Emperor, he agrees with me that maintaining the fine arts is important for any society. Your funding is secure” he turns back towards the painting and takes another sip of his drink.

He spoke to the Emperor himself? And the Emperor himself agreed to maintain your funding? Your head was spinning. This is not at all what you expected when you came here tonight, you were expecting to have to plead your case to stuffy senators and businesspeople for them to even consider the possibility that your gallery was worth it. You shake your head as you realise you’ve been staring at him in stunned silence for longer than what would be considered polite. “I… Thank you Grand Admiral. That is… that is wonderful news” you fight to keep the emotions out of your voice, finishing your drink quickly “I don’t know how I can repay you” his lip quirks again in that almost smile before he too finishes his drink.

“No thanks is necessary, and please call me Thrawn, although I would love to hear about what new instillations you are planning for the gallery in the coming months, I have some time planetside and would be remiss to not attend a new display should you be preparing anything exciting” he waves over a serving droid as he talks and takes two more glasses of the overly expensive amber liquid, offering you one which you politely accept before he takes a sip of his.

And just like that, the hours melt away as you walk with Thrawn around the hall, speaking quietly to one another about the intricacies of the art hanging on the walls, from paintings to tapestries to the small statues lining the hall, Thrawn had something to say about all of it. For a military man, he was very, very well educated.

And very, very handsome.

You shake your head as you finish your drink, maybe you have had one too many glasses of Chandrillan Sweet Wine you think to yourself as Thrawn continues speaking about the techniques used to weave a particularly intricate tapestry the two of you were standing in front of. You wanted to listen to him, you really did, but watching the way his lips wrapped themselves around the words he was speaking combined with the melodic sound of his voice had your mind wandering to places that could be considered vastly unprofessional.

As if sensing your fleeting attention to what he was saying he turns to face you, raising a single eyebrow as his lips quirked once again in a ghost of a smile. “Apologies my lady, I do tend to get ahead of myself when discussing art, if you wish to take your leave I will not be offended” you falter slightly because no, you don’t want to leave, you could spend forever listening to his peculiar accent and you rack your brain for something that would keep him in your presence. So, you decide to take a small risk.

“No Thrawn, not at all, in fact I was just wondering if you would perhaps like to join me for a small excursion to the gallery. I could give you a sneak peek of the next exhibition we will be opening in the coming weeks, provided traditional Rodian woodwork is a topic you would be interested in?” you say hopefully, willing the heat away from your cheeks as you place your empty glass on a passing serving droid.

He smiles this time, not just a slight movement of his lips, but a genuine smile that has your heart beating slightly faster and your face burning. He too places his glass on a passing droid and gestures with his hand towards the door. “Lead the way”

The speeder ride towards the gallery is quiet, the lights of Coruscant illuminating the cab as the pilot droid takes you both towards the gallery. You shift in your seat, gazing at his profile from the corner of your eye. His long nose and pronounced cheek bones illuminated by the slight glow of his eyes. You wish you could think of something to say as you fiddle with the hem of your dress, but he doesn’t seem to mind the silence, in fact he seems to be the type that enjoys comfortable silence over inane small talk, so you keep your lips sealed, willing yourself to stop acting like a blushing schoolgirl as the cab stops in front of the gallery.

The gallery is dark, quiet, giving it an almost eerie quality as you walk through the halls, you unlock the door to your office and step to the side to allow Thrawn through, turning on the lights to reveal a small room, a moderately sized desk with a few shelves and a window that looks over the city.

“We haven’t gotten all the pieces yet, so this is only a taste of the style of art we will be displaying soon” you unlock another door that leads to a storeroom, pulling on some gloves, passing him a pair and grabbing a few of the intricately carved wooden sculptures to show the Grand Admiral. He takes them off you and studies them closely, his intense eyes scanning over every detail of the wood before moving over to another sculpture, then another. At the last sculpture he pauses, studying it even more intently than the others before looking up at you. “Do you know the importance of this piece?” he inquires as he holds the small wooden figure towards you.

You take it off him, studying it closely, noting the ridges and bumps. Unfortunately, Rodian art and wood carvings in particular have never really been your area of expertise, although you have a feeling that you’re about to learn. “Unfortunately, Thrawn I am not very well versed in Rodian woodworking, I have a few on staff that would know more than I do” you place the statuettes back into the storeroom and lock the door before turning back to him only to find him looking at you intently.

“That particular sculpture is known as a ‘Prwiss’ it was used as part of a fertility ritual on Rodia centuries passed. The statue would be placed near the bed of the couple attempting to conceive as they partook in intercourse in order to increase the likelihood of fertilization” he explains evenly.

You feel heat rising to your cheeks. ‘Definitely too much wine’ you think to yourself. The words ‘intercourse’ and ‘fertilization’ shouldn’t have such a visceral effect on you. All you can think of is having such a statue over your own bed as Thrawn runs his large hands all over your body, as he thrusts in and out-

“Do you know of my species?” Thrawn asks suddenly. You shake your head, mouth dry as you respond “No… I don’t” his shoulders rise and fall slightly, something that could potentially indicate a chuckle from the stoic man.

“I am Chiss” he says slowly walking towards you “and being Chiss has many benefits” he continues approaching you, in any other context, you could almost compare his slow steps to a predator stalking its prey.

“My eyes for example, I am able to see things that humans cannot. Heat for example” he says as he stops directly in front of you. You blush again, a fact made worse now knowing he’s been able to see your blushing so clearly the entire night the two of you have been together. You swallow, not trusting your voice as he stares you down. You take an unconscious step backwards, Thrawn following you until the backs of your legs meet the solid material of your desk.

“At first I simply thought that you were flushed from the alcohol but… now I have come to a different conclusion” he leans his face closer to yours, you can feel his warm breath against your lips as he holds his lips above yours. A moment for you to back away should you not wish him to go further.

You stare into his bright eyes as your face warms further and heat pools between your legs. Would he be able to see that beneath the layers of your dress? Your thoughts are abruptly cut off as he places his lips over yours, one hand coming up to cup your cheek as he presses you against your desk. You meet his lips in a passionate kiss, the heat from the night reaching a boiling point as he removes his gloves and places his hands on your hips, following his lead you do the same before tangling your hands in his soft hair.

After what feels like an eternity he pulls back, his lips slightly swollen from the kiss and a faint dusting of purple along his sharp cheekbones. He presses you further against your desk and you get the hint, moving some small items out of the way before sitting on the desk.

Thrawn attacks your lips again, a hunger present behind his movements as he situates himself between your legs, his fingers digging into the skin of your hips as he begins kissing along your jaw, down your neck. You gasp as you feel him suck a dark mark into the skin just above your collarbone, you tug at the soft strands of his hair eliciting a low growl that rumbles through his chest as he moves his hips against your core. You can feel a definite hardness in the front of his pristine while uniform pants as he moves his body against yours, dragging small sounds of pleasure out of you.

His hands begin moving all over your body, running up your sides around to your back where he begins unfastening your dress, his movements pausing for a moment as he looks at you. You answer his unspoken question with another fiery kiss as his hands work methodically behind you to unfasten your dress, letting it pool on the desk as he moves over towards your breasts. His long fingers tweaking and pinching at your nipples through the thin material of your bra as his other hand moves down your side to help totally remove the dress from you.

He pulls the dress over your head, pausing to haphazardly fold it and place it on your desk before his hands are all over you again. One runs along your thigh while the other expertly unclasps your bra, he pulls the fabric away from your body before moving his lips to your jaw and neck again. You move your hands to his hair again as he kisses down your neck towards your chest.

“Watching the blush crawl up your skin” he mumbles against your neck, voice husky “is truly the most beautiful thing in this entire gallery” he says before taking one of your nipples in his mouth and sucking, rolling the nub around his mouth, his tongue lathing over it. His tongue has an odd texture to it, you note, as he shifts his focus to your other breast, and you can’t help but wonder what that tongue would feel like against your clit. You arch into his touch as he kisses along your chest, lightly biting into the soft flesh, leaving dark marks against your skin as he slowly begins moving to his knees, kissing down your body as he goes, pausing at the fabric of your panties and placing a long passionate kiss on the damp fabric before he pulls the delicate material to the side and sinks his tongue into your cunt.

You moan, throwing your head back in bliss as he eats you like a man starved, lapping at your juices with fervour, your hands finding their way back into his soft hair as his tongue works magic against you. He alternates between rolling his tongue around your clit and shoving it as deep inside you as the muscle will go, bringing you closer and closer to the edge.

You tug on his hair causing him to groan into you, the vibrations making your walls clench as he focuses extra attention on your clit and suddenly the wave of pleasure crests as you climax, your eyes screwed shut and hips moving on their own accord as you all but ride his face through the precipice of your orgasm.

As you come down you open your eyes and look down at him, noting the sound of flesh on flesh and the movement of his arm another white-hot wave of arousal runs down your spine as you realise, he’s stroking himself.

A Grand Admiral of the Imperial Navy, on his knees in your office, touching himself while pleasing you with his mouth. The thought alone is almost enough to send you over the edge again.

His glowing red eyes look up at you, and he slowly stands from his position kneeling on the floor. You hold your breath as he rises, trying not to look too eager to get a look at what is between his legs. Do Chiss look like humans? Is he totally alien down there? Your eyes widen as your question is answered, despite the colour and a few, quite pleasurable looking, ridges, he looks remarkably human. Remarkably human and remarkably large.

The vision of the stoic Grand Admiral, still dressed in his white uniform with his trousers open and his rock-hard length on display is enough to make you lick your lips, your pussy clenching around nothing as fresh wave of arousal washes over you.

He takes himself in his hand, stroking himself a few times, placing the blunt head of his cock against your wet entrance before pausing. “A moment” he says as he looks around your office, retrieving your key card from the desk next to you before walking over to the storeroom and taking out the statue he had spoken about before and placing it on the desk next to you before taking his place between your legs at your entrance again.

He places both hands on your hips as he lines himself up with your slick cunt and slowly pushes inside of you. His uniformed chest rising and falling as he struggles to maintain his tenuous control over himself. The feeling of his girth stretching you open has you gritting your teeth, and screwing your eyes shut. Each ridge of his cock rubbing perfectly against every nerve making you see stars.

You’re both panting as he bottoms out, a low rumbling groan coming from deep in his chest as the feeling of your walls choking his length has him gritting his teeth as you wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him even closer, even deeper.

He lets out a hiss as he begins moving his hips, you resist the urge to close your eyes at the pleasure, wanting to watch each reaction you could earn from the usually pristine grand admiral. Watching the way his jaw clenches, the muscles around his neck tensing, the way his nostrils flare as he struggles to maintain his composure is like a drug to you.

You moan as his thrusts begin to become more forceful, the sound of flesh against flesh filling the confines of your office. He leans over your body, his lips finding yours again as his hips move with more purpose, harder and faster, the ridges of his girth causing you to cry out, his mouth swallowing your sounds as his pace continues to get more intense, more passionate.

He brings one of his hands down in between your bodies, his long, skilled fingers expertly finding your clit, drawing tight circles over it as he pounds relentlessly into you. The sensations becoming too much too quickly as another orgasm begins building in your core, your muscles tensing around him as your walls flutter and tighten, forcing his mouth to part from yours as he lets out a low moan of your name.

Hearing his voice, full of hunger and desperation moaning your name is what does it for you, pleasure cascades through your body as you wrap your arms around his back to ground you, the course texture of his uniform heightening the experience as wave after wave of pure ecstasy rips a harsh moan of his name from your lips.

His pace becomes even more forceful, his hips slamming almost painfully against yours as he chases his own high. His mouth finds your neck again, biting down as you feel his muscles tense, letting out a long low groan against your neck as he finishes inside you. You feel each throb and pulse of his cock as he fills you, his hips moving in short thrusts as he rides out his own high, his breathing ragged.

You both stay there, panting, bodies entwined as you come down. He gives you a long, passionate kiss before extracting himself, pulling out slowly, he looks down at your cunt, his cum slowly beginning to leak out of you and his mouth quirks again, into that ghost of a smile, like he’s proud of himself, before he moves your panties back into place and begins to straighten himself out.

You have no idea what to say as he tucks himself away and smooths his hair, after a short time, he looks immaculate yet again, barely a hair out of place, nor a crease on his uniform, meanwhile you look like well fucked mess, hickeys and love bites litter your neck and chest as you move off your desk on unstable legs to grab your bra and dress, you pause as you see the small statue, the ‘Pwriss’ as Thrawn had called it sitting on your desk. You blush as you move to put it away in the storeroom again.

Thrawn is standing, back straight as he looks at you from across your office, hands clasped behind his back. “I appreciate you taking the time to show me the artwork the gallery has to offer” he inclines his head politely “I’m glad the sculptures were to your liking” you smile at him as you redress.

“Oh yes, I suppose the sculptures were lovely too”.  

Not tagging my usual Crosswhore taglist because IDK how many of you are interested in Thrawn, but I'm tagging some people I think might be interested. Let me know if you don't want me to tag you in the future.

@khapikat222 @vibratingbonesbis@al-astakbar

[joys-of-everyday]

SJ and the Pitfalls of Toxic Masculinity

Liking women wasn’t shameful in the least, but treating a woman as your savior, shrinking into her embrace in search of self-confidence—Shen Qingqiu needed no one to tell him how incredibly shameful that was. So he would rather die than tell anyone, particularly not Yue Qingyuan.

- Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu Extra

Hot take: og!SQQ had toxic ideas about masculinity, and it ruined him.

SVSSS is all about the ✨Toxic Masculinity✨ but this seems to be more associated with SY than SJ??? So yeah, lets talk about SJ (my poor meow meow).

There’s actually some subtlety here, because talking about SJ and masculinity naturally involves an interplay between historical and modern views on masculinity in China, which is something that has developed over time and has influences from other cultures (e.g. the west and our views on masculinity). (Interesting thing if you haven't already come across it) I am… not qualified to read the subtleties here.

To note, SJ is coded as masculine… sort of. He’s the head of the scholarly peak, a master of the Four Arts, which is one facet of ideal masculinity in traditional Chinese values. (Fluttering a fan around was very gentleman-like. Although also, expressing your emotions through poetry and copious amounts of tears was very masculine back in the day. 'Traditional masculinity' has and always will be an elusive ideal.) But I get the feeling nowadays ‘scholarly’ has more feminine connotations than ‘martial’, albeit a slightly weaker one than in the west. Also, on the topic of toxic masculinity, certain groups of people Who Shall Not Be Named would like you to believe that Real Chinese Men are stoic warriors and ‘gayness is a western thing’ (my rage is unreal but we will not talk about that).

Anyway, broad strokes, broad strokes.

Arrogance and Insecurity

A big part of toxic masculinity is a need for social recognition, to be the ‘alpha male’ (not an ABO pun and on a side note I literally cannot take anyone talking about alpha males seriously now, for many reasons, but this is the funniest).

SJ is obsessed with his cultivation, but more pertinently, he is obsessed with his reputation. He demonstrates this in a few ways. Firstly, he works his ass off, which is not bad in itself, but he does this to the extent it is detrimental to his health (that grindset lol). Secondly, he projects a certain image with his actions and mannerisms: reading in order to seem intelligent, looking down at people to seem superior etc. Thirdly, he responds to any perceived slights of his ability with violence. (Fighting with LQG is an example, but also drawing a sword on SQH when he pointed out that he was reading an upside-down book.)

Now interestingly, the unanimous vibe that Cang Qiong seem to get from SQQ is that he is ‘arrogant’. When in truth, all of this is compensating for his insecurity.

Shen Qingqiu was overly suspicious, always feeling as if everyone was talking behind his back about how he was still incapable of forming a core, didn’t accept his position, wanted to sabotage him in secret, and so on and so forth.

- Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu Extra

Sadly, SJ is justified in being afraid of other people’s opinion. His comfort and security rely entirely on his status, which in turn rely on other people’s opinion of his competence. Of course he wants to get to the top – he’s been under other people’s power before, and suffered terribly as a result. Why should he not desperately defend what he has worked so hard for? Yet ultimately it works against him, because when he’s in serious trouble, he hasn’t been able to build the human connections he needs to get help.

The problem is with the system. The idea that having strength allows you to do whatever you want hurts not only the people regarded as inferior, but also creates a collective sense of anxiety for those who find themselves ‘at the top’. Anyone can be kicked down and treated like scum. Everyone is afraid.

Dominance and Bullying

The phrase ‘toxic masculinity is fragile’ quite often, but to elaborate, these kinds of rigid ideas of masculinity are by nature constantly under threat. Because any crack in the perfect shell is regarded as failure, it requires constant, aggressive maintenance, which takes the form of bullying the weak in order to elevate oneself.

SJ’s treatment of LBH is complicated, but here I want to draw attention to a different character – Ming Fan.

SQQ (SY) would have you know that MF is not a bad kid, other than the fact he’s a huge bully to LBH. And in part that comes from jealousy of NYY’s crush on him, but what allows it to happen is the way SJ runs the peak. It's interesting to note that so much of SJ's bullying of LBH happens through MF, whether it be giving him the faulty cultivation manual, giving him chores or physically assaulting him. In doing this, SJ creates a system that firmly establishes himself at the top, likely in order to give himself some semblance of security.

But ironically, this is the very system that SJ has suffered under his entire life, recreated to it's extreme on the peak that he controls. When he was completely under the power of others (QJL, LBH) he suffered. When other people were under his power, he inflicted suffering. He encouraged other people to do the same. Again, the whole thing is a scam! He is putting all of his energy into things that aren't helping him, things that ultimately bring him down.

Real Men Don’t Cry – the Dangers of Emotional Repression

SJ has many, very justifiable reasons in life to be upset and angry. The things he went through are both terrible and extremely unfair. Being angry at everything is not a healthy outlet for these feelings, but he hasn’t exactly been taught an alternative either. On the streets, tears would have gotten him absolutely nothing. Anger at least gave him energy to fight back.

And this destroys him. He is angry at the fact he had no one in his life who loved him, his talents were wasted because of QJL/WYZ, nobody takes his abilities seriously… and with no healthy way of expressing this, he goes onto bully LBH. LBH then returns to destroy him, literally. More subtly, he is unable to express his fear and anxiety in healthy ways, so acts standoff-ish and aggressive to his those around him. As his relationship with them deteriorates, his fear and anxiety increases. Feedback loops.

SJ puts on a mask of anger and stoicism to the point that everyone around him (including himself) is convinced that he is unrepentant and evil. Suppresses and suppresses until it breaks him, until he has nothing – not his comfort, nor status, nor the one that he truly cared for:

He had single-handedly facilitated Luo Binghe’s today, and now who had single-handedly created this outcome for him? Yue Qingyuan was never supposed to have an end like this. In order to come to a decades-late appointment, to fulfill a completely useless promise. A broken sword and a dead man. It shouldn’t be like this.

A Note on Ambivalent Sexism

It’s funny because I think there’s a fandom vibe that SJ was the secret feminist of SVSSS. Don’t get me wrong, I love this in fanfics. Badass feminist SJ all the way. But my honest opinion is that I don’t think that was the case.

More explicitly, I don’t think SJ took women seriously. NYY, for example. Certainly, SJ valued NYY. But the expression of this care involved doting on her, hiding his treatment of LBH from her, and not particularly pushing her to grow. And PIDW!NYY wasn’t implied to be the most mature of the lot. Okay, while we don’t know a lot about PIDW!NYY (narrator unreliable), it’s probably safe to say some distance from SJ helped her a lot.

Another point – the Qiu massacre. SJ killed the men, but not the women. And while this says more about his distaste for men, it also indicates (possibly - I will float this idea but I won't die on this hill) that he straight up doesn’t see any woman as an enemy, or capable of being a threat. Which is possibly a natural conclusion he’s drawn from his experiences (QHT was not very perceptive, or very threatening) but also inaccurate as a worldview.

And his attitude towards the women he sees as saviours? Has the same vibe as ‘it’s so embarrassing to be protected by a girl’.

Okay, so being doted on and not being killed are positives compared to being abused or murdered, but this kind of attitude is the opposite side of the same coin to ‘women are incompetent and inferior’. And when it comes to raising kids, not allowing them to grow can be extremely harmful as well. See e.g. Ambivalent sexism.

Although I do want to mention that I do not think SJ was like… actively misogynistic. I think he genuinely liked women more than men. The point is you can be sexist without realising it.

Conclusions

To conclude, SJ had ideas of success and self-worth associated with toxic masculinity which were instrumental in his downfall.

Masculinity doesn’t have to be toxic. While the Cang Qiong family aren’t exactly the healthiest bunch, YQY’s calm and patient leadership, LQG’s steadfast loyalty, LBH’s ability to cry like a maiden and still be the strongest… these are all traditionally masculine traits that can be very positive. These are also people who can have feminine traits and explore their gender identity without being prissy or weak.

It's the great tragedy of SJ that he had many positive characteristics. He was talented, intelligent, articulate, perceptive, loyal, and caring… under the right circumstances, he could have grown into a great person.

And maybe he still had that chance, right until the end.