#or artemis fowl

[jackattack20writes]

Adding to my earlier Percy Jackson post but I’ve had more revelations, like it was the first series I multishipped in. Like nowadays it’s more common that I’ll have multiple ships for individual characters (just look at my RWBY or MHA fics) and Percy Jackson was the first. Like I was into shipping Percy with everyone, he was also the first character in my head canon that was bisexual and that was a good 10 years before I did it to everyone or realised I was.

It’s actually really weird how much of my modern fandom attitudes can be traced back to how I interacted with Percy Jackson. Didn’t realise just how formative it clearly was for me… always thought the wizard school had the bigger impact but clearly not.

Kind of guess this ties into that post I made ages ago on twitter about revisiting stuff you liked as a kid and how you can sort of track how that follows you through your life and the fiction you enjoy now. I guess this got kind of existential for what started as a ramble about Percy Jackson… whoops.

[macroglossus]

forever obsessed with artemis fowl who, upon realizing that he needs a fuckton of money in order to keep searching for his missing and probably dead father, doesn’t reach for his impeccable hacking skills or his ability to flawlessly recreate artistic masterpieces in order to commit art theft but instead runs the most absolutely insane and convoluted plan that’s ever been constructed (rivaled only by the insane and convoluted plans he constructs when he’s older and aided by time and practice). based solely, by the way, off of what basically amounts to the fairy bible which is written entirely in verse AND in a language that no human being has ever been permitted to see let alone translate. and the plan WORKS

[af-answers]

[po1sonous-l0ve]

Headcannons!

Nico does gymnastics- he's super flexible.

Will is the complete opposite-stiff as wood but strong.

Jason (who is definitely not dead) loves teamwork games- football (soccer for the americans) basketball, rugby, volleyball, cricket, etc.

Sally and Paul legally adopt Jason and Thalia, and Jason stays in Percy's room when he goes to college.

Annabeth used to read Artemis Fowl and got a lot of tricks from the books.

Nico likes to play DnD, and is always pestering Hades to play with him.

Nico learns how to braid afro hair for Hazel, and does cute braids for her whenever she visits camp.

Leo and Calypso break up and part as friends (manifesting for a future book)

Jason and Leo get together (more manifesting)

Rachel is pan or ace.

Nico and Rachel are beasties, and he goes over to her house to listen to Olivia Rodrigo and MGK

[alcordraws]

Rereading Artemis fowl is so delightful. That child is committing atrocities but it's okay he has adult supervision

[andmaybegayer]

Trans Artemis Fowl is of course an S-tier headcanon already but I just thought: what if he transed his gender during the three years between Fowl Senior going missing and being rescued. Senior just gets rescued by his new son and absolutely no one mentions it at all.

[shortace]

Some fandoms are like, "You're only discovering this thing NOW? Newbie. Lame. It was made, like, a year ago. You're so fake for trying to join the fandom now."

The Discworld fandom is like, "The first book was published 40 years ago, and I'm so glad you're discovering it, you're in for such a treat, I love this for you!"

(The Artemis Fowl fandom is like "Yeah, we know it's kinda past its prime, but we're desperate, we love to see new content, pleeeeaaaaase?!?!)

[rayghosts]

jk rowling: wrote a childrens book series in the 2000s about a society of outcasts, which attracted a lot of queer fans because of its themes on acceptance. comes out as transphobic, tweets out "merry terfmas 😘," and proceeds to write a crime novel about a man who disguises himself as a woman to kill people

eoin colfer: wrote a childrens book series in the 2000s that he describes as "die hard but with fairies," which attracted a lot of queer fans because he accidentally gave his male protagonist a feminine name. is confused but supportive of his largely queer fanbase, leaves nice comments on trans artemis fanart, and proceeds to have one of the protagonists in the sequel series marry a ghost princess inhabiting the clone body of her evil uncle, which when she asks if its weird, the protagonist responds with “Maybe people would think you strange back in the olden days, but kids these days don’t care about stuff like insides and outsides matching”

[ionlymadethissoicouldleaveanask]

Imagine this.

You are a Butler. Not a butler, but a Butler. In fact, you're probably the most impressive member of what was already an incredibly storied line of elite bodyguards. You are in your late 30s, taking charge of a prepubescent child who has just lost his father and whose mother is all but comatose in her despondence. The thing is, this kid is… weird.

Rather than sit in his room and cry, like a twelve year old should after being left practically orphaned, this twelve year old plots. He schemes. He pulls off a series of crimes to keep his family’s supplies filled with ill-gotten funds, as is custom… but he’s twelve. Even in a family of criminal geniuses, this kid takes the cake.

Finally your young charge starts to talk about something that real life twelve year olds talk about - fairies. He’s practically obsessed with them. Talks about them day in and day out. Yes, he’s hitting his “fairy stage” a little later than most kids, but it actually feels right… he’s clinging to his childhood, the one he felt like he lost when he lost his father.

Then one day he calls you to his father’s study. He has a smile on his face, but it’s not the smile of a child. It’s small, contemplative, cold… predatory.

“Butler,” he says, staring past your eyes and almost into your mind itself, “gas up the jet. We have some business to conduct in Ho Chi Minh City.”

You find that odd, but it’s certainly far from the oddest request he’s made. “Certainly,” you reply. Your voice is crisp and clear; all business, no fluff. “What business do we have to conduct, Master Artemis?”

Artemis grins again, and you can almost see his canines grow longer as if they yearn for blood. “Why Butler, I expected better from you,” he says, and you almost forget that it’s abnormal for a highly intelligent, highly qualified grown man to feel like an idiot beside an actual child.

His smile doesn’t waver but somehow the air in the room grows colder when leans forward and explains, “We’re going to have a talk with a fairy.”

From any other child this would be nothing more than a flight of fancy. From this child, though?

You subconsciously reach out to pat the Sig Sauer holstered under your left arm, a rare nervous tick from the man who feared nothing. Almost nothing, anyway.

“Of course, Master Artemis,” you answer, because Artemis Fowl has never experienced a flight of fancy in his life. If he says that you’re going to meet a fairy…

All that’s left for you is to wonder what they’ll look like.

[silverowl102]

Hi, reader. Remember that children book series you adored? Here’s how old the characters would be now.

Percy Jackson - turning 31 this August (The Lightening Thief was published in 2005. Percy was twelve.)

Amy and Dan Cahill - 30 and 27 (The 39 Clues wiki page puts Amy as born in 1994 and Dan in 1997.)

Sabrina and Daphne Grimm - 30 and 26 (The Fairytale Dectectives was published in 2005. Sabrina was 11. Daphne was 7. Some disagreement on the fandom wiki for their birth years compared to publication date.)

Artemis Fowl - 38 (The first book was published in 2001. Artemis was 12.)

And the real kicker?

Junie B. Jones would be 37. (The first book was published in 1992. She was 5 in the series.)

I hope you all feel as old as I do.

[checkoutmybookshelf]

I mean...this combination of depth and toilet humor is literally Shakespearean, so A+ for Eoin Colfer.

[aprill-99]

There’s a whole category of fictional character describable as “the narrative is forcing me to be not just the hero, but also the good guy, and literally nothing has ever made me angrier. All I want in the universe is to go back to being morally ambiguous and self-interested.”

And the universe said “No. Also here’s a found family 😘.”

[beedokart]

The fairy definitely did not expect the walrus.

(And Artemis is just in a mood.)

[yakkety-yak-art]

I was going thru my google docs and found notes that I apparently took while watching the Artemis fowl movie when it first came out and some of my notes r so funny out of context

[yoghurt-bimbo]

the transition from reading artemis fowl as a kid and seeing him as this insanely cool character to reading it as an adult and going. you're a child. you should be on a playground. why are you kidnapping people. wear shorts or something.

[ahren-the-puppeteer]

Artemis and Jay Jay ✨