#or an easier simpler life
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look-a-diversion · 1 year ago
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call me a sap because i am one but god i am such a sucker for that thing in movies where a montage of lovely mundane human experiences plays with a soaring soundtrack over it and once the whole audience is crying, it cuts back to our protagonist looking like a truck hit them and they choose yes, that, that complicated, painful, ugly, beautiful life, i want THAT over anything else i could possibly have, yes, i want to live
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akechi-stole-my-heart · 1 year ago
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broke: haru hates akechi and doesn't talk to him ever again after he comes back
woke: haru chooses to be kind without forgiveness and akechi doesn't know how to live with her genuine compassion because it'd be so much easier if she hated him instead
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nic-coughlan · 7 months ago
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i just wish i could walk up to j.k rowling, place two hands on her shoulders, lean down to look into her face and whisper...
shut...the...fuck...up
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theskoomacat · 25 days ago
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M*uthwashing was good, the only things i didn't enjoy lie in the area of writing (but so do some things i enjoyed the most!) - but I expected more from it? kinda?
#putting this into tags because spoilers ->#like ok let me get this out of the way. the only woman on the crew is the doctor and has problems related to pregnancy. groundbreaking.#but i have no problems with the rest of the cast. swansea's monologue was top notch#and you can see that everyone loved the cast because 90% of posts in the tags is JIMMY MUST DIE#so whatever.#my biggest gripe is that one delusional asshole is basically the root of all evil in the story#it makes the story not about how people deal with a horrific situation but about one man ruining everyone's lives. that seems flatter to me#so up until The Reveal the game is stellar to me#it would be so much tastier to me if it was curly after all. life sucks so much for everyone that the captain#decides to commit murder suicide - and then doesn't even die and condemns them all to a slow painful death#but instead it's ''a violent man with inferiority issues cracks under pressure and betrays everyone'' which. okay now that i've typed it out#doesn't sound too boring but still#my commentary#also since i'm here#watched another small sci-fi game about an au soviet 70s? space station manned by an AI and it reminded me how much i love sci fi#it's a 2001 a space odyssey-inspired game where you are woken up from cryogenic sleep on a space station#but it turns out that the station ai used alien mold to clone you and your coworker and thus circumvent the 3d(?) law of robotics#because neither of you is strictly speaking human anymore#the point was that the ai was like a child (and the mc who is a female psychologist in charge of working with the ai who had developed this#kinda mother-daughter relationship with the ai OF COURSE#anyway aside from the visuals and vibes/design the game is mid#but it made me crave a story where the ai is a child simply because it is easier to make a simpler ai and then to teach it instead of making#a full grown human-like intelligence#but then it does behave like a child. make a mess on accident and does its best to hide it. a staff member dies and it clones them to fix it#a chain of unfortunate events that happen only because this god child put in charge of the station wants its caretakers to not be upset#that would be mwah#i will need to check this wall fo text for spelling when i get home!
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haarute · 6 months ago
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was thinking earlier about this distant cousin i met once like almost 15 years ago when my godparents visited their relative's house and brought me along and she was super fun and we bonded over a mutual love of naruto, which i was very into as a 13-14 year old. and i still remember how we right away had this really involved conversation over things that we both liked, and i was thinking about how this is an event that stood out to me so hard that it's still in my mind to this day very clearly, because i just don't think i've had another moment like that happen to me in real life? you know, meeting someone and immediately clicking and talking about fun things together very excitedly? which i'm not sure if it's a normal thing, or a very sad thing lmao.
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new-austin · 1 year ago
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I don't think I was meant for capitalism I think I can only be happy if I got to tend to the livestock and/or make clothing and tapestries for my family and village and tribe and stuff and I was taken care of by the people I love and live with
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0tul1ss · 1 year ago
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#mannn i literally assumed he ghosted-- why on earth would he text me after so long????#i was fully like 'ok the last msg i sent literally makes me cringe a bit to read but its been months so ig im never opening the convo again#it was simpler before when there felt like there was nothing else to do and easier to move on. i even had a little crush on someone else !#now i have a whole wheel of decisions to choose from#and idek what i truly want from this guy anymore bc even just platonically he kinda fucked it up like. idk#or rather i want a lot of different things and idk what to choose#i want my friend back. i want to never see him again. i want him to know every truth of what ive felt and i want him to know none of it#i want him to miss me or maybe wonder about me sometimes down the line. i want him to not spare me another thought for the rest of his life#i want to reply only 'go fuck yourself' and i want to write him a letter and i want to ghost him better than he ghosted me#i want to tell him i love him and i want to tell him i hate him and i want to say nothing at all#i want the closure i was denied. i want to protect the closure i now have#<-going insane#anyway its soooo stupid like i already grieved for this shit bro. i accepted the end of this years long close friendship#anyway idk why im doing so much processing of this in a vent post nor do i know why i always feel compelled to post these when i do#good thing i keep a small presence on here lol. but yea uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh send post#ok wait i saved this as a draft and went to go look for what i had been tagging vent posts with#[couldnt find one i had been using consistently even tho the whole point is so ppl can blacklist it if they want whoops!!]#and i saw another vent from another time he just kinda disappeared on me#and while this time was a lot worse for a lot of reasons i think its important to say this--#that the last thing that i want is to go back to square one of this stupid awful cycle#vent
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highwaydiamonds · 2 years ago
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As someone who hates the sisyphean task of cleaning, how dare my mental health prefer a clean room.
#like come on brain - you could have made this one easier on the rest of me but ( as usual) NO You didn't#did i think about this as i sit in my tidy bedroom where everything just looks a lot cheerier and cozy and happy now that it's clean? yes#did it literally take me DAYS to get it this clean - and by this clean i still have laundry and stuff to do - so it's not perfect#but it looks like it p much is#and while my skin has not been cleared no my depression cured - it certainly is a boost to feel like this is a refuge#i actually want to spend time in her and feel like it's a nice room to be in - awaaaaaaaay from the other people i live with#and lbr - i need a plce to get awaaaaaaaay from them (and ok fine vice versa most likely)#but still - it would be a lot simpler if my brain liked a messy room more- my lazy parts would prefer that- but no#depression brain says -BITCH CLEAN UP - you will be happier and capable of doing some of the things if it's clean#also - you will feel LESS OF THE BAD HORRORS if it is clean#so UGH - FINE i will have to work to keep it clean - I GUESS.#i should reread camus's myth of sisyphus because iirc he didn't talk about dishes or laundry or room cleaning in that#he probably talked about death - been too many years since i read it - i don't remember - probs death and suicide#but not cleaning - he should have talked about cleaning. or wanting to die when you realized living means more cleaning#that would have been way relatable - but anyway - here we are- i'm not dead - and not planning on being so any time soon hopefully#partly because there is shit i still wanna do - but also partly because this room looks p decent and i'm not gonna make it messy#especially not by dying in here when it takes forever to get it clean#moral of the story: cleaning makes you feel like you wanna die but when it's done for the moment you'll be like i'll do that another day#because now the room is clean and dying in there would be a waste of the efforts of cleaning. just appreciate the space - vibe w/ it#and then you realize - ok life is maybe okay - and there's art and books and flowers and sex and chocolate and cute animals#so even if there are sisyphean tasks - and there are many - well do em anyway - brain will like it and then get back to the good stuff#thus endeth the tag saga after a short text post#welcome to how shit is around here sometimes
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odetolovers · 1 year ago
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hit with the realisation that there are so many past iterations of myself i don't like and that's going to continue to be the way year after year and i have to make the conscious choice of not judging them but appreciating them for the lessons they taught me and UGH.
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kingsroared · 2 years ago
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silly little guy
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melodiesblue · 11 days ago
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Oh God I'm never going to feel the same as I did at ten am I
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neverendingford · 2 months ago
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#tag talk#said out loud “I've felt drunk for the past week” and suddenly realized no you idiot that's dissociation#anyway. I've been floating on clouds for a while and I'm absolutely not complaining it feels nice#restarting my meds is maybe what's doing it.#going off and then back on my meds has just been a wild ride all around#oh well. I gotta stay quirky and weird somehow right?#I've been thinking a lot about my breakup and how it wasn't even because of anything except that I got bored of him#and even playing aoe with him is getting boring cause his skill level is way behind me#the only person who moves the same speed as me is my brother. so I'm gonna go with him wherever he goes#I do like him a lot. but also there's the knowledge that if I don't stick with him I'll be way more lonely#moving out with someone else would guarantee that I'm leaving the only person in life who actually gets me#and I would be depriving him of the only other person who even kind of gets him (I won't say I get him fully cause that's a lil arrogant)#idk. I don't dislike it. but I'm trapped nonetheless. my course in life is laid out for me because I have no one else.#I love him but I wish I had more than one person who I could stand being around longer than a few months#idk. I do feel more conscious right now. more aware. I'm glad I have him.#I just wish I wasn't so fundamentally incompatible with every other person except him.#we're damaged in very similar ways and so we match. even the rest of my siblings don't click with me the same way#I guess I'm lucky to have him. if I didn't I would be 100% dead right now#which... certainly would be the easier simpler option#but oh well. I'm cursed to live on this earth until he eventually offs himself#we have a pact that we're gonna talk about the suicide beforehand to turn it into a murder mystery or something#he said he wants my skull if I go first. which honestly would be cool as hell. I'd be happy with my skull sitting on his bookshelf#he wants to travel and he's lined up to have a good job to let him do that. so I think I'll end up coming along#idk. we're together for life because both of us are so incapable of making other meaningful friendships#even his closest friends bother him constantly and he struggles to connect with them#so we vibe in that regard.#sorry if this is depressing as hell. it's just.. idk. we both are likely and certain that we won't die of natural causes#but life keeps getting better. I've got plans to go back to nursing next year and I'm medicated so I should be able to make it through#I've had my current job for over a year which is a personal record for me so I'm kinda stoked about that#I'm getting bored of it but so it won't last forever but nursing should get me something new to work on
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aixue198512 · 2 months ago
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surqrised · 21 days ago
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Don’t wait for things to get easier, simpler, better. Life will always be complicated. Learn to be happy right now. Otherwise, you’ll run out of time.
Unknown
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producedbyjxdemidnightt · 8 months ago
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youtube
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slugandthorn · 8 months ago
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pain and agony of having so much to learn to make more things but I need a job/further schooling to learn but I have to have made the things first
#.txt#Painful cycle unable to find value in my art but I already gave up and I'm already trying again some one needs to make this easier#And I think my life would be simpler if I just focused on drawing over 3D and tech anim but the time it would take#To function at a professional level as some sort of concept artist.#Also fine artist and concept artist community is well. Unfortunately unbearable.#Lacking so much animation experience in 2D and 3D I'm having trouble focusing on it to move forward.#The most experience I have is in 3D character art at this point probably but inability to finish things which also plagues#Every other concentration. As well.#I am sitting alone in the room trying to find something of value to express and it will never reach anyone. Existential dread like.#I think it's the searching for storytelling skills limiting me because I do not have the competitive nature#To be that into raw technical skills. Which is killing my ability to make a portfolio.#If I had more time to just keep on keeping on at my part time job I think I would just make the graphic novel I want to make.#To have something expressed and in the world. And then I could actually focus on technical things.#But this thinking has just become a roadblock it is not feasible but I do have several paths planned I just have to.#Recognize what is useful to me. But not just giving up anytime I have a new idea.#My interest goes between implementing animation within a greater scene and also the technical minutia I think is whats killing me.#Making multiple portfolios at once. Which isn't so bad bc ideally I'd be doing generalist work. But generalist means more time limitations.#My brain is convinced it can just work past time as a factor. Which is how we reach the problem I am having now (need money).#I think something I need to recognize is I've always thought my perspective and understanding of stories held some value.#But that only stands from my own perspective and it does not have value outside of that.#Even if it does reach other people it does not retain interest. And while it benefits me internally. I'm not making a career of it.#Which is fine.#I think the things I valued from story can still be found in technical skills. And anyone can develop a technical skill with some time.#If I keep my focus.#I think that's something close to a resolution I've been looking for. Been needing some profound change in my life and I think the desire#And constant failure of communication has been what's preventing me from moving forward.#I want to go out and do things. That is possible. Focus on skill and ability. Maybe the other stuff will come later.#Digesting this and hopefully not spending my days sleeping anymore.
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