#also - you will feel LESS OF THE BAD HORRORS if it is clean

[foxtrot91]

Do you think Buddietommy has any habits that drive each other crazy?

In my head, Eddie and Tommy have forbid Buck from baking past 9pm. Because otherwise, he will be running that KitchenAid mixer in the middle of the night and he insists that "it's not even that loud" but it almost always wakes the entire household up.

So it’s so funny you bring that up because as a baker - this is a valid fear.

Back when I had time to bake as regularly as I wish I could now I’d legit be up baking late into the night and back when I lived in a basement apartment where you could hear EVERYTHING the upstairs tenants would get pretty pissed with me (especially when I’d make mini cheesecakes and would tap out the air bubbles) 😬

Anywayyy yes, they definitely have habits the drive each other bonkers and I can absolutely see that being one of Buck’s.

For Eddie, I like to think that since finding his joy he dances a lot more though this isn’t a habit that annoys Buck or Tommy, I think it annoys Christopher. He’s a teenager and is at the age where he’s probably embarrassed by everything Eddie does, it’s practically a rite of passage. I’m imagining Eddie dancing around the kitchen and Christopher walking in with a friend and just being mortified.

Tommy and Buck would love his dancing though and probably join in (however terribly) much to Christopher’s horror.

Habits that annoy Tommy and Buck though 🤔

I think Buck is a clean freak and Eddie doesn’t really strike me as one. I don’t think he’s a slob by any means but I do think he’s more comfortable with a little bit of clutter in a way that Buck isn’t (have you seen his loft??). Eddie probably occasionally leaves some dirty clothes lying on the ground (usually next to the hamper because he likes to ball up his dirty clothes and throw them like a basketball and sometimes he misses). He may even be the kind of person who leaves the cap off the toothpaste when he’s done with it (I think out of all of these this would be the one that drives Tommy nuts).

He’s probably also someone that doesn’t immediately do his dishes - he doesn’t let them pile up, but he’s fine with letting them sit in the sink through the day and then doing them all before he turns in for the night.

Buck is the opposite, he cleans up his messes immediately and often ends up doing Eddie’s breakfast dishes because he hates leaving them until the evening (this probably drives Eddie nuts because he definitely would’ve done them later). I’m not 100% sure where Tommy would fall on this but I don’t think he’d be all that annoyed by it but he is silently amused by a perturbed Buck.

Annoying habits of Tommy’s? I think his most frustrating one for both Buck and Eddie is that he tends to turn inward whenever he feels frustrated or insecure. Buck is a talk it out kind of guy, and Eddie, well, he’s getting there (hello therapy and hot priest) but he also sees both sides of it. He was that guy who kept everything inside so he understand it, but it also means he knows how bad it is for the individual so when he sees Tommy get in that headspace he takes steps to draw him out.

Aside from that, with Tommy’s hobby of tinkering with old cars comes a lot of motor oil stains and I think Eddie and Buck both flip back and forth between finding it sexy and frustrating 😉. Sexy in the moment - Tommy, arms bulging in his white tank top with black smudges down the front etc etc. but frustrating when those stains end up on their walls because Buck and/or Eddie couldn’t wait until after he’s had a shower to jump him and his hands (which are still covered in motor oil) end up braced against a wall.

For Buck, I think another annoying habit of his would also be one that they find super endearing which is his research dives. Adorable as they are, they are less so at 2am when they’re trying to sleep haha.

Anyway, thank you for the ask! Love thinking about them being all annoyingly domestic! Decided to add Christopher in there as a bonus 🥰

[highwaydiamonds]

As someone who hates the sisyphean task of cleaning, how dare my mental health prefer a clean room.

[duskier]

rosemary

price x reader .... dark content / noncon / kidnapping

Okay I love ex husband Price as much as the next person but also consider, slightly more fucked up: widower Price. He handles it really, really well, all things considered. His beautiful young wife, Rosemary, died in his arms from a terminal illness. They knew it was coming, had been for a long time. It was a good death, as good as one can be but it was still too soon and it broke something in Price.

He takes a few months off to grieve, to pack Rose's things away and clean their house. Goes to therapy, walks through every step that has been laid out for him that is meant to guide him to "getting better". It works.

...But then he sees you one day, only a week before he was supposed to return to work.

Relief floods his body as his knees nearly buckle beneath him when he sees you through the shop window. Price knew deep down you'd never leave him, his Rose. It must have all been one big, fucked up dream he'd had, or maybe he had gotten confused.

Look at you, his darling wife... since when did you start working at a coffee shop? Never mind, you probably picked it up while he was working, something to keep that pretty head of yours busy. You always have so much energy, and you love people, it made sense you'd take the job.

Where was your ring...? You probably took it off during shifts, knew you'd get better tips from male customers if you looked single. Price didn't worry, he knew you were a good girl- his good girl. You deserved all the tips.

He waited patiently for you in the corner of the store for your shift to end, you didn't seem to have time to stop by and say hi. His hard working beauty. He was so lucky to have you, his eyes following you the whole time, admiring your dilligence.

When you took a wrong turn driving the wrong way away from your shared home, Price frowned a little, but followed your car closely anyways. You must have worked too hard, maybe you were getting lost. Alarm bells were ringing in his ears- you needed his help.

He helped you into his car without any issue after you parked in an apartment complex. You protested a ton, but Price was stronger- you must have forgotten all those times he won when you play fought.

Silly girl, where did you think you were going? You needed to come home, to your nice suburban home you bought together a few years ago, remember? We can pick your car up in the morning, once you've had some rest. Price would make you dinner, run you a warm bath- you must not be feeling well after all.

Don't worry darling, Price would remind you that you didn't have to work if you don't want to, especially not if it was going to leave you so exhausted you couldn't get home safely. He vowed to never let anything bad happen to you, his lovely bride, and he was going to make certain of it.

And if he feels you crying when he fucks you that night- your body passive and yielding to him simply out of horror at the life you were suddenly being forced into- he kissed and licked those tears away. Holding you so tenderly, so lovingly, it confused the life out of you- you thought for sure he was planning to kill you but the longer you stayed the less you were so sure- he whispers into your hair, "Shh, it's okay my Rose, I'm here. I'll always be here to take care of my girl. I love you."

[elizakai]

I like thinking about their more canon adjacent dynamic (character wise)

MINI ANALYSIS TIME

Because while I love the soft interpretations, even WITH those let’s be real; that’s not how they’d act off the bat

Horror would be extremely judgmental (fair) and hate Dust for what he did. He’d despise him and probably be very passive aggressive. Making jabs and making his disdain apparent when they have to interact. I think getting a read on Dust is also difficult and would piss Horror off. Horror is unpredictable and has a sadistic streak, if he was mad or manic and had Dust in a corner he’d have no qualms about manhandling the guy. (And Dust probably wouldn’t do much to stop him.)

Meanwhile, Dusttale’s creator was asked once how Dust may feel if he met Horror, to which they said he feels bad for Horror. He likes him, sees him as someone who went through something horribly undeserved. In my mind Dust is somewhat protective of Horror.

I interpret these clashing of dynamics as Horror’s just utter disdain for this guy, and Dust’s resigned acceptance of Horror’s judgment. He’d agree with him if he were to judge himself, but I think a part of him wants Horror’s approval. He doesn’t EVER expect to get it, but Horror is….

While he’s seen hell, he’s almost a less tormented version of Dust himself. Deep down they are the same. Horror has suffered greatly, but even still hasn’t hit the deep end dust has, and I think he’d want to protect that sort of innocence he’s granted. One could think of it as him protecting a piece of himself he himself has already sacrificed. And wanting APPROVAL from him, wishing to be forgiven, craving that small piece of validation or understanding as he tries to reconcile with himself.

Horror’s formed opinion makes sense, he agrees with it, and simply wishes he disagreed, that he could have proof of himself being a FRACTION worthy of forgiveness or understanding.

The judge in both of them has both formed an opinion of the other, and they happen to differ greatly. Horror sees Dust as an abuser and Dust sees Horror as a victim.

I like to imagine that, while reluctantly thrown into the same general vicinity, Horror would grow to be more understanding (again if we are going with a PROGRESSIVE plot line) and come to understand that, yes, he wasn’t WRONG, but there is nuance to the situation. They both have a very grim understanding of what it’s like to be trapped. I think he has the capacity to understand Dust better if he was given time. His hands aren’t clean after all, and he knows what it’s like to be forced into a situation and to feel backed into a drastic decision. He knows what it’s like to lose your autonomy and to feel your mind break itself under pressure.

I think the simple fact that Dust wouldn’t TRY to change his mind or justify himself would be part of why Horror could come to understand him. He’s devestated by his actions, he is by no means a sadist.

Horror coming to understand Dust and sort of reconcile/forgive him I think would be rather BIG for Horror, especially if you factor in other situations he now has to consider. (For example, his Undyne and her drastic attempt at freeing the undergroud…) reconciling his OWN arguably cruel decisions he has made with pure intentions, when he feels there’s no other choice (like his Papyrus and tricking him into doing something so outside of his beliefs, to protect him)

It would also be healing for Dust to get that reconciliation with Horror because again…Horror’s opinion actually may MATTER.

And in the same way that Dust may see Horror as a sort of person to be protected from further harm, Horror would probably pick up on all of the VERY bad habits Dust has that (in my observation at least) are EXTREMELY similar to his own habits/past habits (isolation, obsession, deprivation, paranoia, bringing harm to self etc) and I could see him being sensitive towards those and trying to prevent it worsening (it’s a sore subject💔) Horror is shown to prioritize taking care of those he cares about, even when he’s a bit mad, and he has the capacity to grow an understanding for someone he doesn’t like initially :))

I think they have potential to be VERY good for one another, Horror (while being fucked up) encourages (and maybe forces) better habits and actually has an opinion that matters to Dust, and Dust is inclined to be VERY loyal (Horror needs someone to show him loyalty.) to anyone who cares to give him the time of day, as it’s far beyond what he’d expect, and he’s got the sympathy/protective streak towards Horror as an actual in character detail.

And from there it would be wonderful to explore their dynamic in whatever way you like to interpret it🤫💥

I could go on but I’ll stop here, if you read this all CONGRATS!!!

Share your thoughts I love it

[pinovapie]

DRDT Headcanons!! (1/idk)

Decided to post some headcanons for various characters!! (there might be some mild projection on my favourites lol) idk if i'll do more for other characters?? Also, sorry for less Teruko HCs,,, i meant to do 5 for each but uh,,, you can tell who my favourites are i guess??

Also, disclaimer, these are headcanons!! I wrote these before Chap 2 Part 2, they may be disproven and become out of date in the future!!

Under a read more to not clog up space,, also TW: (unintentional) Self harm

Ace:

He grew up on a farm.

His parents had a ton of kids in the hopes that at least one would be successful. Whoever got the best test results/ won an award/ has the highest salary (based on age, idk how old Ace's siblings are) was the favourite and showered with attention.

This meant Ace and his siblings grew up willing to literally and metaphorically shove eachother face first in the mud to be the favourite child. There was a lot of sabotage, insults and threats constantly.

He struggles to form meaningful friendships due to trust issues.

He'll hold a grudge for years. He probably still despises and talks shit about some kid who stole his chair when they were 6 or something.

He used to love animals until one day he woke up and the world was more terrifying than he remembered. The comforting bark of a dog is now a horrifying sound that sends him spiraling with panic.

He's overly sensitive to light and sound.

He chews his lip, bites his nails and scratches his arms/wrists when bored or uncomfortable. Maybe that's why he always wears gloves, to do less damage?

Nico:

Sometimes when it's too much they'll go non verbal. They're fluent in sign language as a result.

They sometimes judge the things people name their pets. They'd never say it out loud but they think certain pets have really stupid names.

They struggle with tone, often coming across as sarcastic and fed up when they're being genuine.

If they get postively overwhelmed (like flustered due to compliments etc.) they make cat noises instead of speaking (like meows, chirps, etc.). They find in really embarrassing.

If they are in a downward spiral, they'll grip something (their cloak, hair, a soft toy, etc.) and just hold on to try and ground themselves.

Nico took a couple skirts from the dress-up room to wear in private.

In a non killing game au, they'd join Rose in painting more frequently. They end up preferring watercolours though.

They may have a journal where they might talk shit about certain individuals in the class.

Teruko:

Despite her trust issues and bad luck with relationships, she's a romantic at heart. It may take a while for her to admit her feelings but she'd like someone to give her flowers and take her to dinner just as much as anyone else.

She likes horror films because she can experience the thrill without being in danger. I think she'd also like those rollar coaster simulators since an actual rollar coaster would probably be too dangerous with her luck.

She loves sliced cheese because she can avoid having to cut cheese with a knife. Similarly, she'll spread spreads with a spoon because it's less risking than with a knife.

Due to constantly moving, she owned a couple of those plastic picnic sets (the plate, bowl, cup sets) and had to wash them frequently. As a result she's secretly super grateful to Hu and Eden for cleaning after meals because it's one less thing to worry about.

She had to remind Charles to seperate his dark and light washing a couple times, even after the initial explanation of washing machines.

Levi:

He's on the Asexual spectrum. Like he'd never consider it himself but if his partner wanted to, he'd be comfortable with it because he likes making his partner happy.

He's usually trying to keep the peace but he will argue with friends or customers if they try to pick/buy a god awful outfit.

He worked at a boutique before becoming a personal stylist. He kept giving customers unwanted fashion advice that made their outfits the talk of the town. Word spread and after a little while people started showing up for the advice.

Does not understand humour or sarcasm at all.

He's fond of baby animals but would never hold one out of fear of hurting it.

In a non killing game au, he'd probably find out peoples fashion preferences so he can get them suitable clothes as presents.

He's probably the only cast member to politely listen to Veronika's rambles without wanting to throw up. He'd probably get roped into movie nights after Arturo and Ace triple locked their doors to avoid such movie nights.

Various people have caught him raiding sweet foods (sometimes even just eating sugar straight out the bag) at like 3am on multiple occasions.

[mikimakiboo]

Muffins

Inspired by @ancientschampionau 's Real Age AU, in which Nightmare loses his corruption and goes back to his six year old form and the gang takes care of him as they all live in a farm (there's more things happening but I ain't gonna spoil lol)

I have already done fanarts, headcanons and comments, all that was left was a fanfiction ! (I think it's the first time I have been so invested in a story) Hope you'll like it and hope I got their personalities right :')

I've been everywhere in your asks and comments lmao I hope I'm not being annoying :')

English still isn't my first language so please excuse the grammatical errors ♡

The moon was high in the sky, it was very late, or very early depending on the point of view, everyone was sleeping, the four adults piled up on each other. Nightmare looked at them before slowly getting out of bed, the small skeleton had a mission and he needed everyone to be asleep. He carefully walked to their pillow nest to grab his giant bat plushie, Batsie he called her, and walked to the bed again, sitting Batsie near the edge in front of the sleeping pile.

- You watch them for me.

He commanded the bat. If anyone saw him talking to the plush he would never hear the end of it. Batsie fell over. Nightmare sat her straight again and put pillows on each side to prevent another fall. Once the bat was secured and after making sure no one woke up the small skeleton left the room, slowly closing the door behind him. He needed to be fast, Horror and Cross usually woke up quite early, he needed to be done by that time.

He could feel the cold floor through his socks, it was an old house, they hadn't install everything yet and for now their only source of heat was the fire place, so Nightmare had to wear socks in and out of bed so he wouldn't get cold.

He went to the kitchen, grabbed a chair and dragged it next to the counter before climbing on it and standing up slowly, he didn't want to fall after all. He grabbed the big cooking book, a gift from Crop as he never used it, and opened it to look through the pages until he found the recipe he was looking for: muffins. He wasn't allowed to help around in the house or with the farm work, everytime he tried they would grab him and put him back in the nest, but he couldn't just stay there and do nothing ! They all worked so hard to protect him, to take care of him and to renovate this house, he felt bad about not doing anything for them in return, so he decided that he had enough, he will bake them muffins and they will enjoy them because he will make them with love ! And chocolate. Cross loves chocolate, so if anyone says anything he could turn to Cross, he will surely stand on his side.

He rolled up his sleeves and gathered everything he needed to bake: two bowls, a whisk, a spoon, muffin molds, flour, sugar, cocoa powder and chocolate chips, baking soda, yogurt, milk, vegetable oil, an egg, and vanilla ! He stopped for a moment to make sure there wasn't any noise coming from the bedroom but all he could hear was silence. All the ingredients were there, good, because climbing up and down the chair was starting to hurt his back, and even if it hurt less thanks to the care Dust was putting into cleaning his wounds he still needed to be careful.

He read the instructions out loud to himself.

- First, mix the dry ingredients in a bowl...

Carefully, he measured his ingredients and put them in his first bowl: flour, sugar, baking soda, chocolate chips and cocoa powder. He looked up.

- Oh, I forgot to heat the oven !

He had seen Horror using it before, so he knew which buttons to turn. The oven biped, making Nightmare flinch and turn to the bedroom, but no one came out. He sighed in relief, he wanted this to be a surprise, if they woke up now and saw him then it wouldn't be a surprise anymore ! Also they might forbid him to finish baking.

He went back to his recipe, now mixing the wet ingredients in the second bowl: the yogurt, the milk, the egg with some parts of the shell that he had to pick out, the oil and the vanilla extract, before adding it to his first bowl and mixing again. He had to take a few breaks, the mix has started to thicken and it was hard stirring it with his little arms. Horror would have done that effortlessly, but the big guy was sleeping and Nightmare didn't want to wake him up for that, he could do it himself ! He was a big boy ! He has lived for five hundred years ! His body and mind got stuck at six though, but still ! He was perfectly capable of baking muffins for his parents gang.

The mixture finally got smooth after ten minutes of stirring to get rid of the lumps, he could now pour it into the molds with the spoon as to not make a mess. He filled each mold equally, opened the oven's door slowly, put on the thick oven mitts and carefully put his molds inside the oven, closing the door again.

- Twenty minutes.

He said, looking at the time on the oven's clock. He had a timer, but he didn't set it because the noise would wake up the others, and he obviously didn't want that to happen.

- Have to clean now.

Everything went well ! The muffins were in the oven and no one woke up ! Now all he had to do was put the dishes in the sink and the ingredients back in the cabinet, easy ! He grabbed everything and put it back in place, feeling proud of himself and very excited to show his surprise to everyone. He grabbed the bag of flour, the last thing on the counter, and got down of the chair. He tripped.

Danger. Something happened. Dust's soul clenched in his chest, waking him up in a jump, his breath fast and eyelights frantically looking around. Horror was under the others, Cross had his head on his chest, Killer was taking all the space as usual, Batsie was sitting at the end of the bed, Nightmare wasn't there. Nightmare wasn't there. Dust looked again, Horror, Cross, Killer, Batsie, no Nightmare. Panic started to take over, where was Nightmare ?!

He jumped out of the bed, looking everywhere in the room, maybe Nightmare was reading in a corner ? But there was no baby in sight. He stormed out of the room, quickly spotted light in the kitchen, and immediately teleported there. What was he doing this early in the kitchen ? Horror wasn't even awake yet !

A mess. Nightmare had made a mess. There was flour everywhere, from the floor to the cabinets and even himself. He sat on his knees, looking at the mess he made. Of course he made a mess. He always made messes. Back in Dreamtale he always made messes, that's why everyone hated him, because he couldn't do anything right, and now he had made a mess again in the kitchen when he was supposed to make his family a gift. He felt... terrible, his soul hurt, his arms hurt and his cheeks burned. They were going to be mad at him, so mad, he knew he didn't have to right to be alone near the kitchenware, it was too dangerous, he could hurt himself, and not only he did just that, but he also made a mess with the flour.

He heard a teleportation noise behind him. Oh. Oh no. He didn't want that, he didn't want to wake them up, it was supposed to be a surprise ! It was supposed to be perfect ! Why did he have to trip and fall ?! Why did he have to be such a good-for-nothing ?!

- Nightmare ! Are you okay ?! What happened, are you hurt ?!

Dust rushed to his side, kneeling in front of him, not caring that he just stepped in the flour, his baby was on the floor, not responding, he couldn't care less about what he stepped in. He quickly but gently made him look up, a hand on Nightmare's chin, looking for scratches, and was deeply relieved to find none.

- What were you doing here ?

He asked, but Nightmare just looked at him, his eyelights and little lips trembling, he sniffed. Dust quickly pulled him against his chest, sitting correctly to put his baby on his lap as he began to sob, grabbing his shirt with his tiny fists.

- It's okay, I'm not mad, I promise.. I'm not gonna yell at you.. I'm just worried..

He gently pat his skull, avoiding his back as he didn't know yet if Nightmare hurt himself there. The small skeleton pressed his face against his chest, he didn't want that to happen... his surprise was ruined now...

Dust looked around them, letting Nightmare calm down at his own pace, he noticed the bag of flour on the ground and the oven turned on with something inside of it. If Nightmare was hungry, why didn't he just grab a snack ? Why didn't he call him or the one of the others ?

- I'm sorry...

Nightmare sniffled. Dust looked down at him.

- What happened.. ?

He asked again, calmly, still peting his skull.

- I wanted t-to make muffins... for-for when you wake up...

He choked on his tears. Dust hated hearing him cry, he hated it so much, he wasn't supposed to cry, he was supposed to be happy, not hurt.

- It-it was supposed t-to be a surprise...

- You should have called us...

- No.. ! I-I wanted to make it myself.. ! You always do everything an-and I never do anything...

He protested. Of course it was the reason. Dust knew Nightmare felt like he needed to do something in return, to thank them, no matter how much they told him he didn't have to he kept insisting. The adult sighed.

- Night.. it's very sweet of you, really, but we are not here because we expect something from you, we are here because we love you, because we care about you, and love isn't something you need to be thankful for..

Nightmare sniffed, wiping off his tears has he listened to Dust. All his life he had been a burden, he just couldn't imagine that a whole group of people got together and collectively decided to unconditionally love him... it was just... too good to be true... they were too good to be true...

- If you wanted muffins we could have baked them together, it would have still been a surprise for the others...

Nightmare simply nodded, looking down. He felt Dust's lips against his head. A kiss.

- Did you hurt yourself.. ?

He nodded again.

- My arms and back hurt...

- Okay, stay here then, I'm going to clean up..

Dust got up with Nightmare to sit him back on the chair, giving him one last pat before grabbing the bag to put it back on the counter, he then took a broom and began cleaning the floor. Nightmare still felt bad, but not quite as bad as a few minutes ago, Dust wasn't mad, he didn't yell, and the others were apparently still sleeping.

Twenty minutes passed.

- I'll take them out.

Dust said before Nightmare even had time to lift his arms. He took the muffins out of the oven and put them on the counter to cool off. It smelled so good, and they looked good too ! Nightmare smiled as he looked at his creation, he was happy.

Now all he had to do was wait for the others to join them and then they could all enjoy some warm muffins made with all the love he had in his little body.

Some things didn't go as planned, but... it was still perfect to him, everything was perfect... and the muffins were delicious !

- the end -

[luveline]

Hello! I’m usually a silent reader but OMG the zombie au 😭😭 this series hits me right in the heart, but honestly everything you post is amazing!! You’re such a talented writer that your words create feelings, not just images, and they’re the most comforting, relatable, and heart wrenching all at once. No pressure, but I would love to see more of r’s recovery from her cuts! Maybe something happens when the survivors are moving that causes Steve to be extra worried? Thanks SO much either way!!

thank you so much 😭 I hope this is okay!! sry it took me ages. steve zombie au —steve looks after you again !!

You haven't been able to tell Steve why you're covered practically head to toe in little cuts beyond what you remember. Days now since the attack on The College, you vaguely remember an impact, which might explain your poor memory. Someone or something had hit you down, and when you woke it was in a pool of crushed glass, darkness like velvet enveloping the sky. 

"I don't know how you did it," he says, sitting between your legs, unperturbed by your state of undress. 

You're wearing a pair of mens boxers as shorts to grant him access to your sliced thighs without feeling naked. The worst stretches across your left thigh, stitched closed and weeping miserably. It's a horror —the cut isn't bad but the infection is, and if it doesn't get better, there's going to be a problem. 

"Desperate to get back to you," you say. You're not lying, but you say it like a joke. 

Steve laughs and rubs your one unscathed knee gently. 

"My poor love," he says under his breath, focusing on your stitches. He cleans around them with a damp strip of cloth poorly shorn. 

He moves up with a new strip to clean the top ones. You could do it yourself, but his fussing is nice. Relaxed against a pile of bed rolls, your arms crossed to avoid touching your stomach, which is also blanketed in cuts, you wince as Steve grows closer. 

"Can we take a break?" you ask. 

"Yeah." He puts down the bowl of linen strips and screws the lid back on the isopropyl. "Sorry, honey. I know it sucks. You've dealt with it all so well–" 

"Steve, you say this to me with a sprained knee." 

"It's not less true," he says, easing down with a boyish groan beside you. 

He turns to you as you turn to him, actual dirt on his cheek, stubbly and waxy in the dusk. You rub at the spot of dirt unhappily. He lets you touch him without complaint. 

"Sorry I'm a mess." 

"As long as you come back to me," he says. "I don't really care how much of a mess you are." 

"Don't, baby." You rub your face into his shoulder, feeling the muscle of his bicep under your palm. You don't want him to be nice to you like that, not while your skin is stinging like this and you're still feeling hopelessly terrified of the uncertain future again. 

"I gotta. I'm playing the romantic, doting love interest in our book." 

"What book?" 

"One I'm gonna write. Me and you and Robin at the end of the world," Steve says, dropping his head on yours. 

"Who's gonna read the book?" you ask quietly. 

"Everyone. When the world gets back on its feet again and the next generation wants to know what it was like, they'll have a great answer. Boy falls in love with girl destined to be constantly injured and reluctantly taken care of." 

"Ah, but I'm not reluctant," you say. 

"I can do your other leg?" 

"No," you whine. 

"That's reluctance." 

You sit together for a while. 

"You have to let me finish," he says firmly.

"I know… just. I love you," you say quietly. It's hard to explain it, but sitting with him as you are in the corner of a crowded room, it doesn't matter where you are, because you're with him. All these cuts and bruises don't mean a thing. 

"I love you, too." He wraps his arm around your shoulders. You wish you could see his face, but this is nice. 

"Do you ever worry we say it too much?" 

"No." He turns his face into the top of your head. "This is the right amount. But you can definitely tell me again, if you're worried." 

You thumb along a scabbed cut. "I love you. Thanks for taking care of me." 

"You're welcome. And you can make it up to me. I want a neck massage, you know, where you dig into my literal bones and–" he imitates a cracking sound. 

"I don't know why you like it so much." 

"Cos it's you doing it. Deal?" 

You sigh. Somehow, you feel as though you might have taken the short end of the stick. "Deal." 

[witchofsparkles]

Soap groaned in front of the mirror while scrubbing his bloody face with a dampaned rag because washing it with handful of water would make his bathroom look like a murder scene. Which he just came from. And he wasn’t in the mood for more of it.

This time the mission was especially bloodier. Merchaneries popping out of everywhere and bullets flying, only the glint of a very fast knife seen and gurgling voices mixed with screams. They successfully obtained the data they went for, but the cost of it was more nightmares and horror – like always.

After freeing his face from dirt and blood, Soap showered before treating the small cuts on his face and the bullet graze on his left bicep which the meds told him to care for. Soap was already out of the infirmary when he didn’t hear anything about his life being in danger and run for the comfort of his room instead. He could care for it in solitude of the four walls of his bathroom.

He left the shower with a sour mood, nothing he would do now were to solve his post-duty problem. Not before sleeping like a dead man in a coffin for at least 8 hours. With that in mind, he mindlessly stepped towards to the mirror again, to see his face. But he had to bit down on his lips to stop himself from screaming his head off and probably gather every soldier on the base with guns ready in his room. Between the foggy surface of his mirror and the reflection of his face, he could’ve sweared he saw someone else. It was a faint shadow of a white skull, with very alive and brown eyes. When Soap blinked, it was gone.

“I’m losing it this time, ain’t I?” Soap took a step back from the mirror but his hands were gripping the sink like it was the reason why his life was a miserable mess and his brain was going out of it. “What the fuck?”

After the jump scare of his life, Soap intented to act as if nothing happened and he cleaned his injuries before going to bed. But everytime he closed his eyes, a pair of brown eyes were looking at him througha skull -a skull probably belonged to a very, very dead man. Soap shook his head and sighed into his pillow. If he were not to sleep in twenty minutes maximum, everybody in the base were gonna be in need of a psych eval because Soap was about to start making his own problems everybody’s bussiness.

At the morning, Soap run into Gaz. Gaz eyed him like he saw a ghost. “Man, what the hell? You gonna carry groceries in those bags under your eyes?”

Soap, who couldn’t sleep because of a mind so fucked up that kept showing him skulls and eyes and blood and everything bad, felt his eyebrow twitching. “No, it’s for your dead body if you don’t shut up and let me eat in peace and silence.”

Gaz made him a face while sitting across the table and put his tray on it. “I mean, we all had hell of a fight yesterday but it’s nothing new after 5 years in it and I sure hell am not looking like a mad scientist. And this is probably the first time you wanted peace and silence. Did something happen?”

Soap sighed into his breakfast. He didn’t know why a simple illusion threw him off like that. It was just for a millisecond and his mind was most llikely playing him games after a long day of fighting for his life. But something in that millisecond was keeping his mind busy and his heart heavy. After the first shock of a seeing… ‘someone’ in his mirror, that fear changed into discomfort. Like he had to do something but he couldn’t and it kept him awake at night. He was feeling very dumb for it. Also saying shit like ‘I saw someone in my mirror last night’ in army was a sure way of kicked out.

“Nothing happened. Just tired. Couldn’t sleep.” Gaz didn’t buy it, Soap could see but he couldn’t care less. Before any of them even breathed, they heard Price’s call for them. “Soap, Gaz. Follow me.”

Soap’s mind was occupied but he finally finished what Price wanted –paperwork. And more paperwork. He was actually glad for it, he finally let his thoughts scatter around and picked them up back when he was done. Soap gathered the papers and head for the door but something on the window stopped him. He faced the window, the sun was setting and the orange sky was reflecting on the glass. But it was not the scenery that caused him to stop and look. It was something on the glass -someone. That same face he saw the night before on his mirror was there again and this time he actually stared at it. Then the image disappeared like it came, in no more than a second he was looking at an ordinary window again. Soap’s fists was clenched around the papers. This time the face was there longer than before and he actually stared at the skull. Hell, they locked eyes. In his brain, there was a war going on now: He was seeing things because he was going mad or he was seeing things… because. And he didn’t know which one was worse.

Soap went straight for the bed after that, didn’t even waved back to his friends. His mind was somewhere else and his eyes were unfocused, he only realized he was back at his room when he reached to the door. He muttered to himself. “What is my problem?”

“Me?”

[hatchetmanofficial]

Why does Alan seem less supernatural than his coworkers?

Of course he’s just as dangerous but a lot of his unhinged behaviour and readiness to break the rules can be explained by the way he grew up abused, was being forced to be aggressive to defend himself, his lack of socialisation, being rebellious against a society that didn’t help him, and even an underlying mental condition (maybe inherited from his dad). With the trauma, isolation and demands of his job then turning it all up to 11. I mean, despite being axe crazy and a bit sociopathic Alan still seems mostly human. If a little animalistic. He’s very strong and fast and completely ignores the norms of society but still looks and acts basically human.

Whereas you’ve got dudes like Carver whose whole appearance has warped, and Stitches who was literally created a month ago from components and kills in a body horror way. One look and you know something is very wrong.

Alan also seems to be the only one with the wish or ability to defy the boss. Is it because he rejected the work name and mentally kept his own identity? Are names power here? Literally or symbolically.

It feels like the Boss employs vulnerable drifters, the lost souls. Does the Boss find it easier to control you if you want to reject/forget your identity, are running from your past or a bad situation, or (like Stitches) never had one?

Obviously it is a predatory Leonine contract, basically a deal with the devil. Nobody ends up like this coming from a good situation or with any better choices available. And the horrific consequences if you leave or disobey are a huge factor. But I’m covering subtleties and the differences between the coworkers.

Or is it because in spite of how cruel life and people have been to Alan he still has a tiny scrap of humanity left? Before he only had the solace of animals. Doe Eyes has reminded him how starved he is for kindness and love, maybe recalling the time before his mom died when he had a family, and Doe Eyes is human.

It makes it hard to obey the solitary rule. To stay misanthropic and emotionally shut down enough to continue indiscriminately killing people for the Boss.

(I’m the shy anon who suggested the idea of untraumatized Ranger Alan a long while back 👋 Wherever he is, whenever he is, I hope he’s happy and well adjusted.)

(I love this question and I love your username!!!)

I like to think that Alan still has a part of him, that wants to weasel his way back into society, especially after meeting his Doe-eyes. But he can never have it. It's selfish of him to want.

Boss is unpredictable and very much so picks those who believe they are someone without a cause. I'd like to think that The Beast's song "Come Wayward Souls" applies to him. However, he can still influence his employers. If he sees someone get out of line, he would simply have to put them back in place. Alan, however, never gave Boss any hassle, not even when he first found him. You could say he has a clean track record when it comes to his job. Until doe-eyes that is.

When I say that Boss kinda has favorites.

He truly does.

[bruisedkisss]

𝐌𝐈𝐃𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 || 𝐄𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐦𝐬 ➶

 summary: you spend the night with ellie after accidentally getting locked out of your home

18+ smut warnings: making out, mutual pinning, language, sub ellie idc, r gives ellie a hickey, fingering (e receiving), oral (e receiving), overstimulation, tit groping

word count: 2.6k

It’s been a long day.

You and a couple of friends had volunteered to help clean up the alleyways on the far side of Jackson— the alleyways people don’t usually walk by. You were supposed to go alone, you used cleaning as some sort of way to reduce your anxiety- something to clear your head. 

However, when you were heading out to your what you called your daily manic cleaning episodes, sweeping alleyways that were anything less than clean. Your friends saw you on your walk over there— almost sneaking up on you – and decided to tag along, saying phrases such as, 

“It’ll be good for our community.”

“Group bonding.”

“Karma points, right?”

Really they felt bad for you. You could tell they didn’t want you to be lonely– but that was exactly what you wanted.

Now here you are— a quarter after midnight on your house porch. Locked outside your house. Trembling from the frigid air– your hands wrapped around your arms are barely warming you. All you want to do is take a hot shower and snuggle in bed, maybe sleep in for one time.

Was it always this cold at night? Shit- you don't know, all you know is that you’re locked outside your house with nothing but a street lamp lighting up your porch.

You could have sworn you had had your key on you. Fuck– maybe you dropped it on your walk back. 

You’re never finding it in this dark and there’s no way any of the town’s locksmiths are awake.

Fuck it.

You start franticly tugging the doorknob and your shitty door hinges allow your door to look like it might open– but it’s getting you absolutely nowhere. It starts squeaking, you’re making so much noise– but you don’t care.

It’s too cold to care.

You’re about a minute in looking like you’re about to burglarize your own home until you hear a voice call your name. You turn around almost immediately.

“Ellie??” You noticed the voice right away– you can't help but feel excited “Holy fuck you scared me!” you shiver from the cold air– seeing your breath as you exhale. “Oh fuck sorry...” Ellie curses, “I was just getting back from patrol, and well I um– heard noise coming from your house and was just checking to see if you were okay” she stammered.

Oh well, you feel embarrassed now. Just when you thought things couldn’t get worse, the girl you like catches you locked outside your house in the middle of the night.

Ellie was your neighbor. You met her a while back when you first moved here. Away from the horrors outside Jackson. She was so pretty— from the way she carried herself, she was so charming without even trying. You would always try to get her attention, finding ways to have a conversation no matter how brief.

With her living right next to you... those conversations happened almost every day.

You know, the regular neighborly acts.

It usually went from you asking her if she had any spare movie DVDs she could lend you (and vice versa), to you wishing her luck whenever she went on patrol. You noticed Ellie could never look you fully in the eyes.

You would also hang out every now when you saw her at events held in Jackson. Mostly with a group of other people. It still counts, right? 

You could never tell if Ellie liked you back. She probably didn’t even know you liked girls.

“Oh.” you chuckle. “I just got back from volunteer hours and got locked out.” your hand gestures to your door.

“I can see that.” Ellie laughs as she walks up the steps to your front porch. Ellie approaches where you stand you can’t help but feel your cheeks heating up.

You hate that about her. All she does is exist you can’t help but be all over her.

She not-so-subtly looks you up and down– noticing your stiff frame. “You must be so cold.” Ellie grins.

“Freezing.” 

“Well um-” she starts, you already know what she’s going to say, trying to hide the way the corners of your mouth twitch up.  “You can come over and bunk on my couch for the night,” she uttered.

“There’s this DVD I found while out on patrol a few days ago and,” she tilts her head slightly, “I thought you would like it so I was saving it for you… I just couldn’t find a good time to give it to you,” Ellie’s so close to you. You can smell firewood and a hint of metallic whiff. Maybe from blood.

 “If you want we could watch it together,” she mutters.  If it was anyone else, you would have declined and just suffered in the cold– you wouldn’t want to bother people because you were dumb enough to get locked out of your own house. But this wasn’t just anyone else.

It’s Ellie– plus she’s asking you to spend the night. You weren’t going to waste an opportunity.

“Alright… since you’re offering” you whisper in her ear. “It’ll be like a sleepover.”

“Well let’s hurry.”  she lends you her hand, urging you to grab it. You feel just how rough her palms are. “I swear if I’m out here for another minute my ass is gonna fall off.” you laugh as you both make your way along the pathway.

After you both arrive at her house, you and Ellie take turns showering. She insisted you shower first since she knew you were already having a shitty day. As well as lending you pajama shorts and an oversized shirt to borrow. While it’s Ellie’s turn to shower, you’re seated on her bed as you observe your surroundings. Her house is pretty tidy for someone as frantic as she can be. Layered with a cozy brown and gray shade– pretty tiny which makes sense since it’s only her here. In front of her bed sits her wardrobe with her TV on top. Along with it are a bunch of film DVDs from the eighties, nineties, to the early two thousands, next to a few comic books. 

Just when you decided to lie down while you wait. You hear the bathroom door open. Ellie comes out wearing plaid sweatpants and a plain black t-shirt. Her short auburn hair is wet and her eyes seem to have more light in them than they did right after she got off patrol. “Comfortable?” she remarks.

“Now that you’re here,” you say with a grin on. You’re flirting with her now– you’re on her bed and flirting with her. “So are we watching this movie or not.”

“Yeah yeah,” she says rolling her eye. Walking over to the disc player by her TV. You see the case in her hand. Sixteen candles. Looks like it was filmed in the eighties, you remember her mentioning she preferred older films.

Ellie carefully takes the disc out of the case and inserts it into the player. Plopping herself on the bed, making an effort to smooth out the bedsheets. Something tells you that you won’t be sleeping on that couch tonight.

 As the movie goes on she shifts herself closer to your body. You can smell her body wash from the shower, and you pretend like you don’t notice the glances she gives you every now and then. You both haven’t spoken since the movie started- besides the few remarks whenever the movie got interesting. 

You raise your arms so you can sit up on her bed. “You said you found this movie on patrol and thought I would like it right?” you lay down on your side, facing her now. “Why’s that?” 

“Oh uh, you know.” her frame mirrors yours as she moves on her side, propping her arm so her head is resting on her hand. “It’s romantic, a comedy and you're a pretty funny person and naturally romantic from what I can tell.”

“I am?” you say scrunching your face. She laughs at your visible confusion. She’s sitting up now– focusing all her attention on you. If it was even on the movie, to begin with. “Yeah?? Have you heard your jokes? It's like you’re a human joke book except less cheesy, remember that one time when-.” 

“No I meant the romantic part,” you cut her off. Sitting up crisscrossed as you lean towards her frame. Your hands resting on your lap. Ellie looks up at you as she does the same, carefully thinking about what she’s going to say next. 

“You have your moments,” she leans forward– her hands grab the ones on your lap. Her palms are sweating but you don’t mind. Her cheeks start to grow flush and that’s when you realize your effect on her.

 “I’m not sure if you do it on purpose,” she whispers “In the morning when you look at me with,” she pauses, looking over to her right as she tries to avoid your gaze. “I dunno.. those eyes as you tell me to be safe on patrol, or when you touch my shoulder when you tell me how good the movie I recommended to you was.”

You’re shocked, nevertheless. You softly smile as Ellie begins to ramble. “It happens every time. But I can’t help but hate myself because I didn’t flirt back when I knew how much better my life would be if I had you.”  

When she sees your widen eyes and a grin forming, a look of regret starts to plaster her face. “It’s stupid I’m sorry, I guess that’s just what I want to believe, that you were flirting with me because you wanted me, not just as a friend but-” her sentence is cut short as you press your lips on hers. Ellie’s lips feel warm and soft in this manner and you both lean further into the kiss. Your hands let go of hers– grabbing the sides of her face as her tender hands land on your waist. 

Ellie’s plush lips move against yours in a breathless motion and you feel your heart pumping faster. As your grip on her face tightens, your hands quickly heat up her cheeks. Or is she just blushing— you can’t tell at the moment. Ellie’s whole face and body searingly yet gently lean into you, and the struggle to sit up straight creeps up on you.

The soft kiss quickly becomes more wet and erotic as you moan into it, giving her tongue a way to slip through your lips. “Lay back.” you moan against her lips. She brings you with her when she does, pulling your hips to straddle her waist. Your mouth is on hers again in an instant as you slowly grind against her, Ellie’s hands flow with the rhythm of your moving waist. Encouraging your movements. 

Your lips start traveling down, giving her jaw a few pecks before you start kissing the side of her neck. “Oh fuck,” Ellie gasped between moans when you start sucking the front of her neck, backing up and panting at the sight of a mark forming.

Ellie chases your lips with hers when you begin to undo the strings of her sweatpants. Her hands cup the side of your face as she maneuvers out of her pants along with her shirt– revealing her braless chest. The only thing attached to her body are gray panties with a wet patch on display.

The feeling of her tongue getting lost along yours as if you both weren’t thinking at the moment. Ellie knew she wouldn’t forget this anytime soon and will definitely remember the touch of your hands as they fell on her boobs.

“Mhm fuck,” Ellie whines as your hands make contact with the flesh of her tits, massaging them, her tongue tracing your lips, softly biting your bottom lip before letting it go with one last kiss.

“Take your shirt off,” Ellie whines as she feels up on your stomach and breast through your shirt. “Please, it’s not fair I’m the only one practically naked.” 

“Alright, since you asked so nicely,” hands are placed on the hem of your shirt. Ellie stares in awe as the girl straddling her hips unclips her bra. Her hands are already on the move to grab your breast until she sees your body move further down the bed as your head passes her belly button. This way, your head is between her thighs.

She sees your seductive face looking up at her, asking for permission. Ellie gladly gives you it– lifting her hips as you take off her underwear. Ellie’s soaked as your middle and ring finger rub along her entrance, slipping in so easily. Ellie begins to whimper out your name when your fingers penetrate her needy cunt.

“You like that?” you asked, slowly curling your digits inside of her, turned on at the sight of her biting her lip. You continuously move your fingers in and out of Ellie’s wet cunt as your other hand pushes down on her stomach when she tries arching her back. She couldn't help but navigate her palm on the back of your hand, interlocking with your fingers.

“-fuckkkk” she drags out, “that feels so fucking good, fuck- keep going baby.” Ellie moans even louder now as she feels the liquid from her drenched cunt drip onto the mattress. The more your fingers thrust in and out, the wetter and more desperate she got. Ellie began moving along the fingers gilding inside her pussy when you took your restricting hand away from her stomach. It wasn’t long till Ellie felt the excitement in her lower stomach grows hotter before cumming all over your finger.

“I can make it feel better,” your voice lowered as your mouth made its way to her clit, you sucked hard, giving Ellie a sting of overstimulation. 

You resume thrusting your finger in her, curling them into her sweet spot or sucking firmly on her clit if she got too quiet. “Mm fuck I’m close babe don’t stop,” she pants out, head tilting back as her orgasm takes over.

“That’s it, Ellie,” you respond against her clit, keeping a steady pace until you felt your fingers become damp once again. “There you go babe” you stare at Ellie’s face, noticing how pink she’s gotten from what just happened. It made you feel so satisfied you could get a girl like Ellie to blush so deeply.

Ellie tilts her head down so she’s staring at you. There’s nothing less than lust in her eyes when she looks at you and down at the mess she caused. Her eyes follow your frame when you lean down from the bed. You reach over to grab your discarded shirt on the ground to wipe her down. Ellie whimpers at the feeling of the cloth touching her core.

You break the silence as you lift up a blanket to cover the both of you up, “It’s very late now Els– and we both have to wake up early tomorrow so we should-”

“Hold on a second,” You’re cut off when Ellie suddenly grabs your waist and shifts on top of you, caressing your cheek as she does. “I don’t think it’s fair you gave me the best two orgasms of my life while you haven’t even been touched yet.”

“Ellie I-” you stammer, feeling her hand grope your bare breast, and they hastily move down to your hips. Ellie removes both your shorts and underwear at the same time, revealing everything she wanted to see.

You look over at her small television as the movie credits come along, glancing over at the digital clock next to it that reads 3:02 AM.

It looks like you’ll have to rewatch it with her another day.

a/n: svudjfrsdhufe first fic on my new blog what. I was a little doozy on sleeping pills while writing this and I'm not sure if ellie’s ooc or not 😭. Feedback and reblogs are appreciated!

[fantasticallyfruity4]

Okay idk abt where y’all are from but my local HS had a paramedic on site for football games at all times.

And considering we’re all down bad for paramedic Steve rn, this feels like a great au (Also, has to be punk Steve bc like, it’s me come on, I want to give Eddie a heart attack.)

Lucas decides he wants to try out for football fall of sophomore year and the part is, begrudgingly supportive.

And max and Dustin are on marching band, so they’re at the games to. And Mike and el and will and Jonathan are just there on the basis of comradely and good friendly support. And of corse Eddie and his van have to be the kids chief mode of transport.

And Eddie doesn’t meet paramedic Steve (cute paramedic Steve with the lip ring and the nose ring and the eyebrow stud) because poor sweet little Lucas got squished by some freak out on the field, or bc his good friend chrissy took a hell of a tumble coming down from a cheer and he’s such a worried friend fussing over her like a mother hen, or bc somehow someway Dustin got whacked in the nose by a flute.

No, he does this all by himself. All his own brilliance. He went to check on the Byers + co contingency before going back to hovering over his little band babies + his two accidentally adopted jocks, and takes a fucking header off the bleachers. Clears a good 3 feet if he doesn’t say so himself.

So sweet pretty paramedic Steve of corse rushes over to him in an instant, sitting him up against the side bleachers, shining a light in his eyes, asking where he is, when it is, his name, and they’ve got a little crowd of the byers + wheeler + the little Mayfield and Henderson but Steve’s paying them no attention and Eddie doesn’t even see them.

The paramedic introduces himself as Steve, he says “I’m Steve and I’m gonna make sure that you’re feeling okay tonight, okay sir?” And eddie nods dumbly.

And Eddie is answering sure, but he’s really making Steve worried bc he’s so wide eyed and taking a second to answer and it’s just worry some (he’s having a very in love mental breakdown, okay, let him be. He’s speed running visions of a life together. He’s understanding what “love at first sight” means for the first time in his life.). He’s got a the man he didn’t even know was in his dreams fussing over him. He’s going to explode.

“If I knew I’d have such a cute paramedic I’d have fallen off that wayyyy earlier tonight” Eddie says then slams his mouth shut and goes wide eyed in horror. Steve just laughs, a beautiful sound. Not at Eddie, no it doesn’t feel taunting, it’s a beautiful sweet sound.

“We’ll, if you’re thinking clearly enough to hit on me I think you’re heads definitely okay. Do you have a headache at all? Any dizzyness? You took a hell of a header, Eddie.”

Eddie shakes his head. “No just like my actual nose hurts from smacking into the dirt”.

Steve nods. “May I?” “Corse man it’s your job”.

Steve chuckles. “Stop making me laugh man, I’m on the clock. Does this hurt?” “No” Eddie answers in the most nasally voice with Steve’s fingers still squeezing his nose and he wants to die because what was that sound? But Steve just smiles softly. “Good, awesome. No pain? Breathing okay?”. Eddie nods dumbly. “So I’m gonna bet it’s just sore from smacking into the dirt, not broken.”.

Eddie nods dumbly. Again. For the 20th time that night. He can’t function. “So why don’t we just get these cuts here cleaned up?” Steve decides, reaching into his bag for a million supplies. “Think I’m gonna get any cool scars?” “Nah sorry man, not with these little guys. But it’s for the best, why mess with perfection anyway, right?” Steve winks dabbing some shit that BURNS on Eddie’s cheek before putting on a bandaid and Eddie might be going into cardiac arrest.

“I like your uh, piercings” Eddie spurts out like an idiot.

Steve grins. “Thanks. Got a peak of those bats when I first came over, got any more?”. Eddie snorts a laugh. “Yeah a shit ton. Nothing easy to see though my uncle would hang me if I made myself any less hirable”. Steve chuckles at that. “Hey man the whole f-d is all old military dudes covered in their shitty navy tats, i wouldn’t be too worried.” “Oh so there’s more where this came from? Maybe I should fall more” Eddie taxes, just a little. “Watch it” Steve chuckles.

“Okay I think you’re pretty patched up, handsome. But considering everything don’t drive tonight, especially if you have passengers. You have a ride home? Someone to call?” “Yeah I’ll just make it one of my friend Jonathan’s problem, that’s fine”.

“Okay, good” Steve nodded, taking out a small pen and pad from his pocket and writing something. “And this friend Jonathan… he’s not a boyfriend, right?”.

Eddies jaw fucking drops. Literally drops. He’s going to spontaneously combust. “Nah, no, nope man” he stutters out. “Okay, gotcha. If anything starts hurting tonight, if you get dizzy, any nose bleeds, give me a call. Or… you know, when you’re feeling better give me a call too”. He hands eddie the piece of paper with a smiley face and the name ‘Steve (the paramedic)’ with 10 scrawled numbers on it, as he stands up, offering eddie a hand up himself.

Eddie doesn’t want to think about the strength steve has that this that easy to lug his 160 pounds of trailer trash ass up. Or how he feels about what looks like the singular inch steve has on him, even in his boots.

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #28 – The Dead Take The A Train by Cassandra Khaw and Richard Kadrey

Oh I wanted to love this book so very much. On paper it’s basically made for me – incredibly messy fuckup of a heroine, cosmic horror through the idiom of wall street corporate sharks, grimy and gory urban fantasy full of knifing people in back alleys, the works! For the first fifty pages or so, I thought I was in love – which just made the disappointment as the wheels came off all the more bitter.

The book follows Julie, ‘barbed wire magician’ (it’s at least as unpleasant as it sounds), professional monster hunter, and all-around personal disaster. Her life takes a turn for the even messier when a) her best friend/comically oversized unresolved crush shows up at her door begging for help running from her abusive husband and b) unrelatededly but more or less simultaneously, her ex-partner-and-also-boyfriend, looking up to clean up embarrassing loose ends on his rise up the elldritch corporate ladder, baits her into trying to summon a guardian angel from a sabotaged tome and ends up releasing a metaphysical parasite that starts murdering its way through the city’s occult underground. From there things just get messier.

Drilling down as much as I can, my issues with this can be summed up as it feels like a first draft. There’s stuff there on the page – character arcs, relationships, bits of scenery and action setpieces, even themes! - but it’s all just..there. Exaggerated line sketches no one ever went back and turned into full illustrations. It’s most painful with the characters – every one of them is a caricature, precisely and exactly what they first appear to be with the same beats hit again and again every single time they appear on screen. Which more or less for the quirky supporting cast but like – we get multiple chapters from the perspective of the aforementioned abusive husband, and something like a fifth of the book is from the POV of the sleazy corporate striver ex. At no point does either one get the slightest bit of nuance or pathos – Tyler’s chapters in particular end up reading like bad SCP field reports, with so much self-destructive instituional backstabbing and betrayal it all ends up being slapstick.

Sarah the love interest gets a special anti-shout-out here. Like, I know I’m just picky about and have a low tolerance for romances, but I swear – the single most important dynamic in the book in terms of both wordcount and narrative signposting is her and Julie’s romance, and it is just So. Bad. Every single scene she’s in is dedicated to rubbing your face in how fragile and traumatized and selfless and adorable and good-hearted and damaged she is, and the entirety of the romance is essentially one of those jokes about how lesbians will spend six years living with each other awkwardly waiting for the other to ask them out but stretched across 400 pages. I spent half the book patiently waiting for any hint of hidden depths or surprising twists to her character, but nope! Just a perfect domestic angel.

The setting actually has something of a similar issue. It feels like an exaggerated pastiche of urban fantasy, assuming the reader is already familiar with all the tropes and conceits and making only the most perfunctory possible gestures towards exploring or justifying them. This can absolutely work, but if you’re doing it you kind of need to use the genre as the background or setup for something else that the book is actually about – deconstruction or satire or character study or Wacky Hijinks or something. When what’s gruesome action and drama is supposed to be the star attraction, the grounding and verisimilitude of the world is actually pretty key.

A really tight, tense plot could have absolutely redeemed the whole but, well, nope. The literal entire plot hinges on Tyler, in the course of one conversation several drinks in at a crowded bar, baiting Julie into looking for a particular type of tome from a particular store so she’ll try the ritual he had swapped out with one to curse her – but then also that he didn’t know what the ritual he swapped in actually did. The big evil wall street law firm has a corporate culture that should have collapsed about 48 hours after it was founded, and absolutely nothing about it makes sense for a place with lasting institutional power. Everyone’s morality and perceptiveness changes as the plot requires. The pacing feels like they had to pull a happy ending out of their asses at the 2/3 mark and shove the rest of the book into a sequel. It’s just, it’s bad!

Also the prose starts at fun and evocative and keeps pushing into Lovecraftian levels of adjective-addiction, and neither the A-Train nor the dead are actually at all important to the story.

Just, argh. This could have been good! The first 40 pages were a really fun schlocky monster-of-the-week story! The first ritual summoning the Proctor was basically perfect! I wanted to love this!

[fountainpenguin]

Riddle watches New Wish - Post #12

Stanky Danky

Me: Huh, Mark's extended family must have stopped dropping by to eat the pollution. Mr. Guzman: There's even trash in space! Me: oh no

I like how Hazel consistently wears her hair covering at night. The first time I heard this show would have a black girl for a protagonist (like a year+ ago), I was really nervous about whether it would be handled well- I'd braced myself for "trying too hard to score diversity points."

I have to say, I've liked the hair style variety within her own family, and I feel like there have been more black background characters than I remember from the OG show (though I didn't go practically frame by frame in the OG like I'm doing for this liveblog).

I didn't say it in "Trial or Hair-or," but I enjoyed how Hazel formed a stronger bond with and love for her hair, as I feel like that would be important to her personal identity. I like how she always wears this hair covering to bed. Little details like that make me feel so much more at ease about something I was really nervous about for what feels like 15 months.

SLKDJFSLDKJF Cosmo and Wanda are still sleeping in separate beds. I mean, that's standard Fairy culture in my 'fics, so it works for me.

Trash monster is nice! Didn't see that coming.

Hazel: I wish he could speak at least a few words? /wish granted and he can speak only a few words

I knew it, Kennueth IS on a cliff in that poster. I'm surprised Hazel had to wish for him to breathe air last episode.

Uh-oh, it's Dimmadome time- WHAT DO YOU MEAN "one-time use helicopter??" Sir, you can't bring that to an event about polluting less and saving the earth! ... Is Dale in there? I have to assume so. I've been missing him.

Me: Aww, Dale looks just like his old self! Awesome, and easier to recognize when he's not panning across the- OH MY GOSH!!! Dale: When I was your age, I spent my Saturdays working in a factory underneath a lemonade stand >:/ (Pulls out photo of him from "Nectar of the Odds"

Sir. SIR!! Do not repeat the abuse cycle with your son!

-> I hate that he just carries this around. Dale, you need to let it go. And maybe sue Vicky, idk.

I'm CRYING, I love how they gave him false teeth. That's hilarious.

The boots... That's a Dimmadome, all right.

Like, on some level I'm glad Doug spoiled him after he was rescued from Vicky's lemonade horror show, but I'm gettin' a bad feeling...

I can only assume this family tells horror stories about Vicky. This is the funniest anti-hero backstory ever. I was also going to treat Dale's torment 100% seriously in 'fic, but this is way more fun.

They are not cutting any corners. They didn't even change his backstory; he literally got tormented underneath a lemonade stand for 7 years. That's the one piece of canon he was given in the OG show and by golly, are they sticking to it.

Did Vicky take over the lemon torture pit from someone else?? Did she start this gig when she was 9? Is she gettin' retconned? Hm.

They definitely do not drink lemonade in the Dimmadome house. Please let me see Hazel offering Dev his first taste. If we don't get that as an episode someday, I'm writing a 'fic.

Dev trying to get out of pollution clean-up day: But... is our company even earth-conscious?

Too funny.

Okay, I've been thinking about it ever since Episode 1, but why didn't Dale get a fairy? I was waving it off under the assumption he'd only been underground for a couple days max, but... with 7 years, now I have questions.

-> Did Vicky move her lemonade kids around? The stand wasn't always on Timmy's front lawn, but... Surely Cosmo or Wanda would've detected him if he WAS under Timmy's lawn for 7 years.

WELP, trash monster's upset there's not gonna be more trash to eat if they clean it all up. I can see the problem. Uh-oh...

Why do I get the feeling that Dale has said "Come to Daddy," to the trash monster more than he's said it to his own son?

Hazel's parents didn't come to the trash clean-up?

sldkfjsdklfj he's still got the boots... I hate him /affectionate.

There is something severely funny to me about how they've made it clear they took inspiration from Dale's canon design, but his adult design lost his fluff and cowlick and has sleeker, professional hair. Something about this feels very correct for this art style because I feel like a lot of the adults have shiny hair without little tufts and decorations. I might redo my adult designs.

Oh, Hazel doesn't even know that's Dev's dad because she didn't see his mental pictures in Episode 1. This keeps getting better. I love how she also said "That guy with the ridiculous boots" after I pointed out the boots. Yes, Hazel, we've been over this... He's a Dimmadome.

Cosmo and Wanda in their apartment again! Just chillin'.

I don't know why I didn't expect Dev's drones to be called Dimmadrones.

Dale to the trash monster: You're like a son to me! Dev in the background:

The moon is still a waxing crescent when you're in space? ... I mean, I guess.

Peace of Pizza

Ya know, I'm surprised we haven't seen the Ya Boix drinks come up more than the fact that Kev sponsors them (mentioned in 2 episodes). I guess it's nice that they were depth for a side character, but that surprises me since they're the first thing you see in the theme song.

Ooh, Dev's in the title card! Where's this going?

I like how Hazel was using Cosmo pencil to stab Wanda eraser. She may have fairies, but she's still a bored schoolkid.

I... I was going to cheer that we had a list of names for classmates, but uh...

The Kindness Chart isn't in alphabetical order. I feel like putting Dev at the bottom was a targeted move.

Or it's reverse alphabetical since she's Hazel Wells and he's Dev Dimmadome.

It's still a waning crescent?

Maybe I'm old-school, but "pea pod aliens" is setting off all my alarm bells.

... Aliens are insisting everyone loves pizza, but what if someone's lactose intolerant?

Okay, since we're just coming off the episode where Dale reminded Dev he was locked underground making lemonade for 7 years, I feel like I don't blame Dev for not trusting anyone?

Like, I get the feeling his dad is emotionally absent, but this might not entirely be his dad's doing. I'm not sure I'd trust people either if my dad got yoinked for 7 years when he was my age.

Especially since Vicky's whole thing is that she's nice until she starts bullying. Yeah... don't trust.

sdfklj, Dev slam-dunking his stuff in the trash can and backflipping away. That's so unnecessarily extra.

Does the news never have anything important to report? ... I'm glad Winn brought up the thought of getting their own pizza, since I was wondering about that myself.

SLKDFJSDF...

Hazel: Dev, I have someone here who wants to talk to you! Dev: What's she doing? The Closer: She's trying to use someone close to you to appeal to your emotions. Dev: ... ?? No one's close to me. wtf. /scene change where Cosmo is dressed as Dev's dad.

Oh, this is gonna go great.

Dev, instantly switching gears after hearing "his father"'s voice through the door: ... Dad? You took off work for this?

Ruh-roh.

-> Wanda can read him like a dog-eared book.

So... She- she's gonna report this to Jorgen, right? I feel like she's supposed to do that. She's gonna tell him this kid is ticking multiple misery boxes, right? She's not just gonna ignore this... Wanda, please.

Not sure how I feel about the running gag that so many adults look like Timmy's adult self from "The Big Problem." Throws me off every time and I wasn't a fan of that design anyway, so it feels weird.

HE'S LACTOSE INTOLERANT, I KNEW IT! ... Well, not really him specifically, but I was on the right track.

Oh, this is terrible. Am I mistaken, or aren't lactose intolerant pills like, $10? Does he know? Does he know.

Dev: I thought lactose-free pizza was just a myth?

Dale, you're a terrible father.

Also, I like how a lot of effort was put into converting their designs to 2D, right down to Dev's yellow zipper stripe:

Okay, that's enough for this post... On to "A New Dev-elopment"!

[hypnogogyc]

hi i was wondering if you had any terminal velocity hcs (also I **love** your art, the way you colour is just [unintelligible noise] /vpos)

Blam triple threat TY FOR THE KIND COMPLIMENT!!! I really love the coloring part the best so im so glad you took to that alot!!

I have a couple scattered around my terminal velocity tag. Here’s some more!

- Oliver doesn’t sleep sometimes (his sleeping schedule is less a schedule and more some online wheel spinner) and likes to lay his hand on Mike’’s chest as he falls asleep so Oliver can watch and feel his pulse get ever slower and slower and he revels in both the undeniable pulse and the thin line he equates sleep to.

- Mike likes to travel. In fact he will actually go ballistic if in one place too long. Sometimes he says he just doesn’t know how to sit still. Oliver is content to follow 5am travel whims. Mike senses coming storms and chases them. His nighttime melts to his patron too, and when a storm approaches, the rumbles enter the background of his dreams. His eyes snap open in the middle of the night and shakes Oliver awake, who nods as they both dress quickly and pack for a drive.

- Mike fucking loves his car. Its kind of embarrassing how much money has gone into the old vintage machine but it’s a nice clean design minus the rainbow led lights under the rims. He didnt name the car but he commonly calls it “her” and “my baby”

- Oliver is veeerrrry very patient which leads to Mike naturally losing alot of their bits that dont end and become about endurance. Mike has switchups between instant gratification and the ability to pursue one thing uninterrupted.

- Mike has poor circulation which is a shame since Oliver is very much not making body heat. They sleep with several blankets and sometimes a heating pad.

- Oliver is on friendly terms with Simon, who knows Oliver as “my basically-kid’s VERY polite and vast aligned boyfriend” and Oliver picks up some painting from him, much to Mike’s chagrin.

- Mikes favorite music genres are rock, house, and sappy songs. Oliver likes psychedelic, edm, and anything that sounds like a halloween song.

- Mike likes any competitive or open-world game and dislikes games that time cap you daily in progression or get too grind-y. Oliver likes all things horror (he can still spook easy) and dislikes games that have over complicated lore and bad lighting

- Mike got a place with a balcony for easy smoke access, which ends up also being where he leaves and comes back often. He only ever caught Oliver there a handful of times smoking, was scandalized to know Oliver had smoked when he was younger. Then realized his lungs don’t work anymore so free immunity. His Balcony was different in all the places he stayed. Sometimes a backyard. Sometimes a front yard. Often a car. Having someone else there was one of the large invisible steps into intimacy he’d have to wrestle with.

- Oliver is an avid spender of Fairchild money. He was incredibly reluctant to at first but eventually the silks and threadcounts got to him

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale Reviews: Netflix Avatar: the Last Airbender (Book 1)

(Thanks @knightsweeties for this cute GP)

Now I have AVOIDED looking at spoilers, and opinions of others until After I had made my own conclusions.

A lot of people are mixed on this series. With only one thing being consensus:

The last airbender movie < Netflix Avatar the last Airbender < Avatar the last Airbender

Aside from that, opinions have been all over the places. On how great or how bad the show is.

I will be going over my thoughts on it in the following categories.

The Action (fight scenes)

The Effects (from bending, CGI, and costumes)

The characters

The Plot

The changes

Does it capture the Spirit?

How does it stand on its own?

Conclusions.

(Spoilers below, but let’s get Right into it)

____________________________________________

The Action

So I’m going to say this. The action in this series is great. In my opinion it’s the strongest point in the series.

The battles from invasions, to simple one on one fights are very well done, some aspects even surpassing the original. Like the invasion of the Northern Water Tribe, you really feel the place is under attack.

And the bending battles are pretty gorgeous. It’s impressive to see the fight between Katara and Paku done serviceable well.

Though one flaw is the fact that sometimes showing the fight or attack actually took away from the impact of story beats done in the original. Seeing the attack on the Air Nomads actually took something away from it. Seeing Aang discover that horror is much less impactful.

And seeing Zuko fight in his Agni Kai against his Father also took a lot of bite from the scene. If Zuko never fought back it would have been so much more traumatic.

But they were still good fighting scenes.

Solid 9/10

____________________________________________

The Effects.

The Costumes in this are Gorgeous! Especially Kyoshi warriors. The characters mostly look as if taken straight from the cartoon. The Face stealer himself being ABSOLUTELY HORRIFYING to look at in Live action. He is a sleep paralysis demon.

Appa and Momo both look great. The effects of the cities, and the blending are beautiful.

The bending also looks pretty clean. Though I admit the water bending was a bit lacking but the Fire looked ESPECIALLY fierce.

There is so much detail jam packed in this it’s amazing.

Though, I will say that it’s not flawless, some of the things do come off a touch goofy. But that could be more of uncanny valley with some of the bending.

8/10

___________________________________________

The Characters

And it wouldn’t be Avatar without the Characters in it.

And before we do anything, let me say, ALL of the characters look like the character they are playing. It’s like Netflix genetically modified them to Look like the character.

Dallas James Liu’s Portrayal of Zuko is PERFECT. Matching Season 1 Zuko’s personality to a T.

Zuko actually gets more development and his relationship with Iroh and the Crew are expanded upon more. That Funeral scene with him and Iroh broke my heart.

Maria Zhang’s Suki is also an incredible performance.

DANNY PUDI AS The Mechanist. (They cast Abed!) that was a fun surprise.

But now that we talked about what I loved about the characters… now to get to the negatives.

Aang feels so mopey. Yes Aang has his sad moments. But instead of being a hyper optimist with a penchant for fun, he is more like a depressed kid that has occasional bits of being a kid. I don’t blame the Actor, I just feel it’s more the writing

But if Aang got a downgrade in character, Katara was SHREDDED to practically nothing. The strong yet caring Katara was so… Passive. Even her big moment fighting Paku felt so… lack luster. It pained me to see this girl who was so strong come off so… passive.

Sokka did lose a chunk of character and development, but it wasn’t AS detrimental as one would believe. It’s still cruddy. But there was some stuff added that helped cushion the blow.

Appa and Momo were not as present because expenses (but at least they were fine)

King Bumi is dead. I don’t know WHAT was the plan behind Bumi, but this felt so… twisted and off. This isn’t the Bumi that taught Aang the lesson about how not everything is as it seemed. It hurt me to see such an accurate look be so inaccurate.

Azula and her friends felt like a down grade. I know what they were trying to go for. But I just didn’t feel that EDGE she had. It felt so.. pitiful.

On a positive

Jet and his team were still fun and a bit psychotic.

Ozai actually coming off as more competent.

And Admiral Zhao being incompetent yet super Egotistical was a change I welcome.

The bounty hunter Jun, flirting with Iroh was a change I wasn’t expecting but loved.

The Face Stealer may have looked more terrifying… but his actual action was mid… aside from the nightmares.

The rest of the character acting was a mix.

I gotta put this at… 5/10

When most of the main cast feels so bland it really takes away from the story.

____________________________________________

The Plot

So the season still follows the general plot of Book 1 of ATLA.

Katara and Sokka find the Avatar who got frozen for a long time. They go travel to help Aang find a Waterbending master so he can start learning to bend and save the world.

Now interestingly since it only has 8 episodes it sort of Blends together several plots into one episode. And this causes a lot of changes… and the effects of it are… well… a mixed bag at best and almost completely undefinable at worst.

Episode 4 being especially messy.

Now there are additions and changes from the original because of the constraints of Live Action.

Like not specifying that Aang has been gone 100 years, and actually changing certain story beats to references in order to save on time.

In some cases, it’s understandable. In facts being a one to one retelling would be boring.

The problem is that the story feels more like it’s pushing the characters rather than the characters pushing the story. Aang had agency, but now there is even more forced Agency.

I did like the changes that made the fire nation more competent. (I’ll discuss further in the next section)

But overall, I felt that the story was speed blitzed and super monologue heavy at its worse. It’s nothing incoherently awful. But it’s very lacking.

4/10

_________________________________________

The Changes

There were a Lot of changes done to this in comparison to the original series. So for this. I decided to make a new system.

I will list the change. If you see this Symbol (+) it’s a change I am fine with. If you see (-) it’s a change I didn’t like. And if you see (\) it means I’m indifferent to it.

-Fire Lord Sozin wiped out Air benders in person (/)

- Aang got lost in a storm by accident, not actively running away (-)

- Katara and Sokka lose the feminist development (-)

-No penguin sledding (- -)

-No Haru (-)

-Avatar Kyoshi take over (+)

-Zuko has a journal about the Avatars (+)

- Jet in Omashu (/)

-Teo and his father in Omashu (+)

-Bumi is jaded. (-)

-Secret tunnel early (-) (it’s weird that Sokka and Katara go in there, there is more I don’t like but I will just leave that out for now)

-The Funeral for Iroh’s son. (+++)

-The Agni Kai with Ozai was changed (-)

-The crew of Zuko is revealed to be the division that would have been sacrificed. (+)

-Aang never Water bends (-)

-Azula’s whole character alteration, and earning the blue flames (-)

-Less Serious Roku (-)

-Koh’e whole deal (-)

- Zhao’s death is different. (-)

-Yue having a bigger connection to Sokka (+)

-Fire nation demonstrates far more competence (+)

-

There are more but most of them I’m more understanding because of Time Constraints.

I will give credit that a lot of the changes I didn’t like but they did try something.

3/10

______________________________________

Does it capture the Spirit?

This is where I have to say Kind of.

When you see the references, Cameos, and the small details. You can tell there is some love for the original series. The attention to details and the bending choreography is gorgeous and Almost seamless.

It’s where we get to the core of the show that feels different.

For example. The Netflix version of One piece. There are a TON of differences, but the core of the characters felt the same. The spirit of the show was still clear. It was handled with love.

With this series, I can say there is a respect for ATLA, but the core seems to have a different focus.

So I put this at 5/10

As there are some things that you can see have reverence, but other things that don’t.

_________________________________________

Conclusion.

The stark defenders of the show say you shouldn’t compare it to the Original because it will seem worse. While also then comparing how much better it is compare to the live action movie.

Here’s the truth, if you watched ATLA, you are not going to expect this show to be better than the original.

If you didn’t watch the original show, you would probably be entertained, and since this show explains basically everything, you won’t need to know as much as the viewer going in… but there is also a lot going on.

If you were to go in and watch this show with 0 understanding of the show. I’d say 6 maybe 7 out of 10.

But if you are a fan that cares about the show. I have to put it at 5/10

And that’s where I put it.

5/10

It is watchable, but I’m not absolutely smitten with it.

I’m willing to give book 2 a chance… but I’m iffy. On it.

[bubblesthemonsterartist]

Completely out of context collection of words from @onedivinemisfit's camboy!au. Enjoy!

He’s heavy, dead weight, and even a youth of carrying in crates of liquor from the back of her grandfather’s pickup truck hasn’t prepared her for his noodily flopping. Also. He stinks. Of booze and god knows what else. Which is why she’s dragging this incapacitated lush straight to the bathroom even though her couch is right there.

Thud.

The dead speaks. “Ow, fuck.”

“Sorry,” Shirayuki grimaces, and presses her back against the door frame so she can wedge him through the narrow turn of the century opening, as opposed to knocking his face against the molding. It’s a difficult transaction. For someone so skinny, he weighs a whole lot more than he looks.

Obi lands gracelessly on the closed toilet seat with a grunt and it is only when the bright fluorescent light above the sink stutters to life that she’s able to take stock of him. He’s a hot Saturday night mess.

Long legs squeak inside their shiny pleather pants, the button of his fly unsurprisingly undone and giving her the faintest peak of curly hair before she quickly redirects her appraisal north of the bellybutton. His chest is bare beneath the leather jacket, rose ink mixed with faint bruising that crawls up his neck. His makeup has smeared. Or maybe it’s someone else’s. She would imagine a professional would invest in smear proof. Or not. What does she know?

“Busy night,” she remarks dryly.

“Say that with a tad more judgement,” comes the hazy response. “I want to feel even more like shit.”

Shirayuki manages to hold back her sigh. Barely. “What happened to the live stream?”

“Did it.” There’s only the barest hint of gold between his lashes before he winces, slamming them shut again. The light must be a bitch. Too bad. “It was a little slow and the transaction fees are eating up my bottom line. Landlords don’t care if my clients’ stocks are down.”

She may or may not have heard Zen make mention of market volatility on Tuesday. She didn’t understand it then. Still doesn’t, to be honest. “Don’t you have savings?”

His dry, mocking laughter tells her that was… uninformed. “Savings?” he says, and embarrassed guilt lands like cold lead in the pit of her stomach. “Oh, look at our fierce social justice warrior, ally of sex workers. Thinking the job comes with savings.”

Heat creeps up the back of her neck and she squares her shoulders. “Well. I read--” Her teeth click together and she turns neatly on her heel, fiddling with the water faucet before she can walk into another debate about data versus lived experience. “I thought you’d put something aside for a rainy day.”

“Oh, Miss,” he sighs. “They’re all rainy days.”

That really isn’t helping her sudden bout of indigestion. Thankfully, she’s unlocked the correct combination of half and quarter turns and water sputters and spits before flooding out in a steady stream. “How hot do you want it?”

“Eh?!” His whole face is wincing against the light, but he seems compelled to battle it if only to let her see his horror. “What the hell are you doing?”

“You stink,” she says over his shoulder, giving him a… less than kind one over. “You’ve got to want a bath.”

“Your soap probably smells like rainbows and butterflies,” he complains, and no it doesn’t. Chemical fragrances give her a headache. “How am I supposed to sleep knowing that I smell like… unicorn mating musk?”

Fine. If he’s not going to give her an answer, luke warm it is. “Unicorns aren’t real.”

“Just leave me in here.” His eyes are closed again, hands gesturing vaguely at nothing. “I’ll clean up any vomit before I leave.”

“Why did you even come here anyway?” Shirayuki runs a wrist under the water. Maybe a touch warmer. “Not satisfied with contradicting everything I say during two-hour seminars twice a week?”

“Wanted to give you a sneak peek at what the business looks like outside your glossy books.” He peers at her beneath heavy lashes, the thin bands of gold nearly as vivid as his hoops. “See if you're still so keen to write your glowing reviews of the trade.”

Heat surges up from her chest, burning her throat and she just manages to bite her tongue before she falls habit to her fundamental need to be right. “Look," she grits through her teeth. "I think we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot.”

He snorts, and the steam is making the room humid, making her skin clammy in precisely the way that sets her teeth on edge. She opens the window by the sink and cold winter air pours in. She’ll be useless if she loses her temper here. Diplomacy is what is needed.

“You are in my house." She's careful to enunciate every word, measuring them out syllable by syllable. "Therefore, you are my guest and I am here to take care of you.”

He’s staring at her, frowning in a way that’s hard to look directly at. But he's quiet (for once) so she presses on. “Because you are under my care, you are going to take a bath.” This was a non-negotiable. “Then you are going to drink some water and maybe eat something before brushing your teeth and going to sleep. I’ll go digging to see if I can find something clean for you to wear."

"Who even talks like this?" he mutters, almost to himself. She ignores him. "Are you from a video game or somethi--"

"Also!" She reaches under the counter, pulling out a fresh towel. "Also. I have a cat that may or may not decide to sleep on your face. There’s nothing I can do about that last part.”

“Wait.” He’s looking towards the dark living room with interest. “You have a cat?”

“Yes. Her name is Shadow and she’s cooler than you,” she informs him, placing a toothbrush, still in its packaging, atop the towel next to him. “Now are you sober enough to handle taking a bath or do you need my help?”

“I—” He looks around the bathroom like he’s not entirely sure how he got here. “Can I take a piss first?”