#or! he doesnt even have to be a vampire just some weird kid thats fucked up bc he had no childhood or even real teenage years

[cursedauxiliary]

u.u I wanna write a dumb jojo oc story based on my weird dreams

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, episode 17-20 thoughts! finishing up season two! the finale is the THIRD 2-PARTER OF SEASON 2. that's so many! I wonder how many season 3 will have?

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-UERGH WHY DOES VLAD HAVE AN AI WITH MADDIE'S FACE ON IT. SOOO CREEPY. AND MORE 'CREATIONS' waiiiit. vlad is Dr. Frankenstein! (despite his ghost design obviously referencing vampires) HE HAS 'CREATIONS' HE MAKES THEN WONT TAKE REAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR!!! this bitch.

-danny was late and his friends immediately start going off about how hes inconsiderate, and has been treating them like sidekicks??? he just overslept, my god. chill. even if he has, be nicer about talking about it with him?? he really can't help that he sometimes has to chase the ghosts, or has a secret identity to protect...

-'what kind of ghost haunts a miniature golf course' umm. me as a ghost. next question

-imagine going home and theres a tiny child on your bed claiming to be your cousin. with as many cousins I have, I would probably believe her. but the 'ran away from home' BIT....SHES 12?? SHES SO TINY. I hate that they have her belly out in her ghost form, but I like how her colors are asymmetrical. something about her design...maybe the proportions?? are weird to me...anyway danny was good to feed her, but he shouldve taken her to his parents FIRST. or, tbh, probably jazz. (JAZZ DIDNT EVEN GET TO MEET HER!!! NOOO. I mean she said she'll be BACK BUT STILL)

-ANYWAY. shes voiced by AnnaSophia Robb, the girl who was in because of winn dixie, played as violet from charlie and the chocolate factory, and was the girl from bridge to terrabithia. (the movie that made me cry hysterically when I was 12 and I never watched it again because it Broke Me!) thats super cool.

-vlad sucks: the episode, basically. what's new!! I love how he's like, I'm Not A Villain. *immediately cuts to him torturing danny to make him transform, to get mid-transformation DNA, to perfect a Clone.* *immediately shows that he doesnt give a shit about his new daughter Dani and just wants a ''more perfect clone'' and will put her in danger to get that. will let her DIE to get that*

-Dani is danny's clone and is a girl? transgenderism....one of them has to be trans. or they both are.

-dani just. leaving at the end. WHAT? SHES 12. DONT JUST. NO!!! SHE WAS PROBABLY JUST BORN, A MONTH AGO AT MOST, RIGHT?? SHE NEEDS...SOMEWHERE TO LIVE. MONEY? FOOD?? A FAMILY?? AN EDUCATION???! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S LEAVING!!! OKAY BYE I GUESS!!! D: concern!!!

-the next ep opens with skulker chasing a ghost down. ...does skulker count as a ghost hunter in the way valerie and danny do? I mean, sure, he hunts the good guys too, but he. he hunts ghosts...also, we haven't seen his Real Form since his debut episode! tiny...

-the guys in white are back! ngl, I assumed they were a gag for that one episode. you're telling me they might actually be a threat? ok.

-valerie in her lil nasty burger uniform looks so cute!! glad shes not in that mascot uniform this time. I guess she stopped hiding that she's working there now?

-gregor having white hair, dressed in black and white...and green eyes...sam has a Type, I guess.

-danny being unnecessarily hostile about gregor. danny!!! hes been nice so far. he looks a little...tall to be 14, but. danny doesnt know anything about him! (he does Suspect, but...you cant just spy on people and be rude to them from a hunch.) also, gregor kissed her, and when she freaked out, he was like 'oh no!! sorry, we can take it slow! I understand!' which was NICE. I hate jealousy plots still tho.

-altho. umm. tucker, being concerned about danny spying on them??? SAM AND YOU WERE SPYING ON DANNY AND VALERIE A FEW EPISODES AGO!!!!! im not saying its RIGHT, but dont be a hypocrite!!! AND THEN SAM BEING MAD ABOUT IT, TOO.

-DANNY IS A 7 ON THE SCALE OF ECTOPLASMIC POWER!!! out of 10? so I want to know where the other ghosts rank...I mean it's a list from the guys in white, so, it may not even be accurate, like, they havent seen ALL of his powers, have they?

-Lancer being like 'im not cooperating with the FEDS' until they said they could access his tax records. they already did that joke with jack, but like, its still funny. kings of tax evasion.

-tucker's aggressive third-wheeling. but gregor being super into it. gregor/tucker is the real ship here. then gregor kissing danny on both cheeks after hugging him. bi poly king gregor. (he does turn out to be a liar with a phoney accent. unsurprising, BUT THE CONCEPT OF HIM BEING GENUINE AND THEM ALL DATING IS FUN)

-THE...GUYS IN WHITE THINKING GREGOR IS DANNY PHANTOM. LMAOOO. GET HIS ASS. or,, Elliot. lmfao

-sam saying tucker is part of the package because theyre friends was super sweet <3 but also 'part of the package'...polyships are obviously the solution to these dumb jealousy/love triangle plots.

-danny crashed a whole plane. the collateral damage...

-is he....

-you know....

.... (ITS NOT GAY IF YOU'RE DOING IT TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT, AND LIE TO A GIRL. RIGHT? he was getting a little too into pretending to enjoy tucker's company, and the above...c'mon, guy.)

-lmao, freakshow is in actual prison. I didn't expect a follow up, or for him to show back up! in the finale of this season, too!

-THE SICK TATTOO GHOST IS NAMED LYDIA!!! more Lore On her. freakshow seemed genuinely concerned about her. also, is she mute? I don't think she talked the first time we saw her, either. and we didn't know freakshow 'envied' ghosts, either, the first time, we just knew he was controlling them. interesting!

-...they literally stole the infinity gauntlet from marvel and called it the reality gauntlet. is that legal. what the fuck. even with the gems in the lil slots, having different powers...they had freakshow in jail, but didnt check his pockets??! hes just still in his lil outfit??? what kind of ...oh, its in amity park. yeah, all of the adults are idiots, okay, sure.

-'freakshow!' 'in the anemic flesh!' dude take some iron pills then. also, sure, the red eyes could be contacts for his aesthetic, but the whites of his eyes are yellow! does he have jaundice?! he severely needs more...like, every kind of vitamin. (this is what im worried about as freakshow attacks danny with giant robots)

-again, goth circus is a sick theme, and I love his goth train.

-oh FUCK every single person saw danny transform. on a stage. including his parents via TV. oh god. the guys in white and immediately like 'youre coming in for experiments!' SCARY. at least the crowd is willing to help him to escape...perks of now being a local celeb! even the kids at school are accepting :) this is what, the third time his family has found out? its always been an alt timeline tho. and danny fully intending to just rewrite things again instead of...I dunno, trying to roll with it this time? hes really worried his family won't accept him, huh...

-'maybe our son IS THE GHOST BOY, but its not as if our family's ghostly activities have EVER PUT YOUR FAMILIES IN DANGER' maddie. mmmmmmmmmmmm. okay.

-danny 100% prepared to run away from home because of this :( oh :( and saying his parents are 'looking for him, or a scalpel to dissect him with' ouch...

-THE GUYS IN WHITE TRYING TO ARREST A 14 YEAR OLD. fuck da feds.

-side note (another one about voice actors...) freakshow's voice actor, Jon Cryer, was lex luthor in pretty much every DC tv show, which is why I recognized his voice, because my dad loves those shows so I've seen a good bit of them without seeking them out...)

-the old man saying 'hey, i still had minutes left!' and danny saying 'you gotta watch those roaming charges!' about danny destroying the people in the diner's phones so no one could report seeing him...would kids today understand these things. can you even BUY minutes anymore...I remember my first phone being a flip phone, and the fact I always had minutes when my sister ran out super fast, because I didnt have friends calling or texting me like she did...:/

-the fentons being genuinely like 'why didnt danny trust us and tell us this, we love him :(' and JAZZ LAYING INTO THEM WITH THE 'DISSECTION/MOLECULE BY MOLECULE' LINES. LITERALLLLY. they need to apologize

-technically, lydias stronger than you! -jazz lesbianism moments! when did you even learn her name!!! but also get freakshows ass. lydia is also cooler looking. looove her design sm still.

-jazz psychoanalyzing freakshow... (also, her also having ghost envy? au where jazz is a ghost!! id like to see it)

-im glad the kids still got to go to their respective vacation things, even if they cant really stick around and enjoy them much...

-furry: confirmed. (also tucker calling her hot. tucker is a furry confirmed)

-danny being mad someone at the comic con is selling comics of him without permission, lmfao. give him his royalties!

-freakshow > thanos because hes a drama clown and does use his gauntlet to be FLASHY AND DRAMATIC.

-jazz's 'USE PYSCOLOGY' to danny about freakshow LMAOO. AND THEN IT WORKING. but, oh, freakshow's ghost form sucks. I like him as a clown better tbh. good thing danny took away his ghost powers!

-his parents hugging him and saying theyre proud :"( and saying 'of course you lied to us, we never gave you a reason not to!' and saying they were in the wrong basically for always talking about hurting ghosts aaaa :""(

-then he WIPED THEIR MEMORIES AGAIN!!! FUCK. I can understand him wiping the goverments/student bodies' memories, but why his parents?? they were being accepting!! ARGHHH. season 3 couldve been them all trying to adjust to them knowing!

-I know, on a meta level the showrunners probably wanted to just reset things to the status quo of him having a secret identity. But. We've been doing that for (2) seasons, I'd love if season 3 could be like, his parents adjusting to this and trying way harder to learn more and accept it (and the shenanigans that could come from that) and for fun, if he didn't wipe the students memories, it could be him being popular for a while, then everyone slowly realizing, oh, he's still Danny. Like. he might have ghost powers but hes Just The Same Guy instead of putting him on a pedestal (and seeing them all try and help him hide it from the giw/people who don't know!!)

-fuck they didn't even explain WHY he wiped everyone except sam, tucker and jazz's memories. he just Did It right when his parents were saying they loved/accepted him!! and sam and tucker didnt question it at all!!! HELLO??? very annoyed about this turn of events.

-anyway. onto season 3! I know its shorter than the first two seasons, and is the last season... I might just do it in 2 bursts if I can... :3c depends on the episodes' content and how much I want to say about each!

[apothe-scary]

LEVI GOLDSTEIN THE VAMPIRE, FACTS MASTERPOST

Any time i have new facts ill add them here!!!

Levis physical facts

Levi is two thousand years and some change old!

He ages EXTREMELY slowly. Though bitten at age 19, he now looks 21-23 years of age at this point in his life.

Levi is six feet tall

As cute as levi is, he makes the most HORRIFIC facial expressions sometimes. Eyes a little too wide, smile too big, showing too many teeth and too much gum. Creepy smiles Bug eyed looks and wrinkled noses. He doesnt mean too, but he forgets what he looks like sometimes.

Levi is blind in one eye if you haven’t noticed! He lost it in a fight! A sword fight!

Has a really fucking weird accent i wont even attempt to write but will try to at least describe

Personal facts about levi

No one believes hes a real vampire

Loves bloody steak

Loves animals

Loves kids

Loves all things occult

Levis is old, very very old, he’s two-thousand and some change. So he can bypass some of the things younger vampires cant. He can daywalk for a few hours without protection BUT all day with protection ie: sun hat or umbrella. He can turn into mist and bats and a wolf creature. He can have his head cut off and still live. He can regenerate limbs. But things that still get him are the laws of hospitality. He must be invited, he must treat his guests with respect and feed them, water them, ya know treat them well.

Pouts when he cant go outside to look at the pretty flowers because he forgot/got it stollen his hat/umbrella.

Levi LOVES dogs! He gets one any chance he has and has an extensive record of every dog hes ever owned. When levi and svetza go out, levi is the buffer for dogs. Dogs seem to dislike svetza on some level she can not fathom. (Or some dogs at least) Dogs however flock to levi in droves and become instant babies in his presence.

Levi sleeps in a large four poster coffin bed. Its a queen sized bed shaped like a coffin with four posters, heavy light blocking curtains, and its very cozy!

Levi has family. Lots and lots of family. Hes kept a record of his entire family. He knows everyone and sends them letters and gifts on hollidays. Everyone in the family knows about levi but not exactly who and what he is and what hes about. Hes just that one really weirdly supportive uncle /cousin that shows up to familyreunions. Like the family isnt even sure how they are related but they know they are. He keeps track of marriages and births and deaths. Anytime anyone if the family needs to know their genealogy they ask weird cousin/uncle levi. Only a few memebers of the family know what he is really. Others know but dont believe. Some suspect and the others joke about it. Levis home (an old castle) is filled with family photos and such. It just fills me with joy to imagine that instead of mourning the fact that everyone you love dies while you live on as a vampire, he just sees it as an opportunity to keep track of his family and history! He even takes in family memebers when they need a place to stay. So its not uncommon for him to have random members of his super extended family living with him.

Garlic also isnt a deterrent. Garlic is just...stinky. Really really stinky. But he likes the stinky.

hes always cool to the touch so he LOVES warm stuff. Hand warmers, sunny days, warm rocks, warm people, hot drinks or foods.

But his favorite days are sunless because then he can go out without a hat and umbrella!

Levi is extra about his fashion! He wears all sorts of fashion, the man is two thousand years old and has CHOICES! Levi really loves the grungy garage punk and jock with crop top n booty shorts looks. At home he wears booty shorts and crop tops to lounge in. Sleeps in a night shirt thats really just an oversized tshirt dress he got at a thrift shop. He will wear a dress. He gives zero fucks.

Levi loves kitchy vampire shit! Novels, Movies, games, costume, Decorations, ect! He ADORES THEM! He thinks its fun and creative and likes all the lore people come up with! They even get facts right sometimes!

Levi is a dinosaur. Hes only just now gotten used to using a dial phone. Let alone a cellphone. Help him. He still uses a rotary phone for gods sake

Levi owns several properties he rents out to people. Its where he makes most of his money.

Levis birth certificate year has to be refreshed every thirty years to stay current. But all the other facts stay the same. Parents, where he was born etc. He knows people who can make him new proper legal documents so he can fly under the radar.

Levis Religious facts

Holy items dont work on him at all! Especially crosses because “Oh yes, a jewish man hung on a torture device would be PLEASED to see them used to symbolize peace and love. And then bless it as a holy item.” Like get real, its a torture device, a symbol of death and malicious intent and not a holy symbol. (To him)

He doesn’t consider himself evil or unholy. So that has some impact on why the items don’t work.

The boy sports a star of david all the time because...jewish.

He also reads his torah and other holy books like a good boy.

Levis professional medical facts

He drinks peoples blood to find out what ails them! Then perscribes them the proper medicine!

being a medical professional he convinces people to donate blood! He uses half of them for his patients.

Levi is able to smell girls on their periods but politely says NOTHING

Levi runs several small medical clinics/apothecary shops where he hires local medical practitioners as employees. (They deal with all the new fangled fancy equipment)

Levis personal medical facts

Levi is two thousand years and some change old!

Also as he is a medical professional he knows hes being rediculous but he doesn’t care. Levi takes iron pills because of his iron deficiency from his vampirism. But he hates taking the horse pills so he Makes bloodshakes with red fruits or veggies to hide the fact hes drinking blood and everyone just assumes its red for the ✨ aesthetic ✨

Direct sunlight after a few hours gives him a WICKED sunburn

Blood transfusions work as well. He actually keeps half of all blood transfusions for himself!

Levi is blind in one eye! He lost it in a sword-fight! Why it hasn’t regenerated is beyond him.

Levi au facts

Ouran highschool Host club

Ok but levi being in the host club would be kinda perfect for him. Hes a goofy, sweet, caring, drama loving, tall (six feet is tallish) pretty, twink boy. Hed fit right in.

People refer to levi as the vampire prince. He isnt sure why but it seems to make them happy so he just lets it be.

Loves occult stuff

Loves kids

Levi is on iron pills for his iron deficiency. But Levi refusing to take his iron pills because they are HORSE PILLS (aka huge af) He hates taking the horse pills so his friend crush them up and put them in his bloodshakes, blood pudding and sausage for him to eat/drink.

His friends know damn well he can swallow his pills (though he insists he can not) because they have seen him jokingly deep throat bananas and swallow hotdogs whole. But they just roll with it and crush them into his food and drink.

Levi Makes bloodshakes with red fruits or veggies to hide the fact hes drinking blood and everyone just assumes its red for the ✨ aesthetic ✨

Blood transfusions are also be a thing he does in rare extreme cases

Levi is a dinosaur. Despite only being 19. Hes only just now gotten used to using a dial phone. Let alone a cellphone. Help him. He still uses a rotary phone for gods sake

Levi sleeps in a large four poster coffin bed. Its a queen sized bed shaped like a coffin with four posters, heavy light blocking curtains, and its very cozy!

Levi lives with family friends who live in a castle!

Loves bloody steaks

Also cant be in direct sunlight for long due to also having sun sickness, so he wears a big hat and carries an umbrella all the time.

Pouts when he cant go outside to look at the pretty flowers because he forgot/got it stollen his hat/umbrella.

No one believes hes a real vampire

[cometcrystal]

favorite & least favorite scooby monsters by series

stipulations: the racist ones (zen tuo, the witch doctors, etc) would all get “least fav” by default so i’m gonna exclude them from this list so i’m not being redundant. we all know the racist ones are the worst. so these are my least favs that aren’t like. problematic.

ALSO it has to be a person in disguise OR an actual monster. it can’t be a villain that’s grounded in reality. so while i love professor huh, he doesn’t count here cause he’s a human and just Like That. likewise, i hate pericles, but he doesn’t count here cause he’s a bird and thus neither a guy in a mask nor a monster

sdway

fav - honestly a tie between the space kook and charlie. literally the GOATs. legends. 

least fav - THE ZOMBIE. FUCK THAT THING I HATE IT SO MUCH IT DOES NOTHING AND YET IT GETS MERCH

new sd movies

fav - moat monster. its just a big ol frog!

least fav - the ghost of redbeard. come the fuck on guys

the rest under the cut

tsds

fav - 10000 volt ghost and the technicolor ghosts. ik theyre just recolors of the giggling green ghosts but THEYRE ICE CREAM THEMED!! the creepy heap from the deep is also scary to me like if i saw him i’d run. honorary mentions are the skeleton men bc theyre cyclops but scooby doo doesnt care about calling stuff what it is and i think its funny and also i like the pterodactyl ghost. this show had a lot of good monsters

least fav - the rambling ghost. i dont dislike him but i dont rly DISLIKE any of the monsters from this series so i just picked the sports-themed one

scooby & scrappy

fav - the star creature. this thing is SO damn cool and unique. i also like the neon phantom because... what a weird concept

least fav - the blue scarab. BORING

new scooby & scrappy

fav - i guess the great white shark wins be default because i dont really care abt any of the others from this series. this show’s strength was daphne being back, not the monsters

least fav - phantom of the soaps. what a fucking loser

new sd mysteries 

im gonna keep it real with you chief! i was looking over the list of monsters and i literally dont remember a damn thing about any of them so i must have been disassociating for this entire series

13 ghosts

fav - DEMONDO. a comic book monster??? GOD thats so cool

least fav - nekara. dont take van ghoul away from his kids they need their dad

pup

fav - stinkweed cause i think its one of the only plant monsters scooby has had so far. also the design is very good

least fav - headless skateboarder. simon seville voice marijuana an unlawful substance used to experience artificial highs

wnsd

fav - the leeland brothers but i think its just because i love the chase song from that episode. also the mystery machine because i like when the mystery machine becomes evil and twisted. AND the toxic terror because fight capitalism + good design

least fav - headless snowman. it’s not even headless for god’s sake

sdmi

fav - the entity is honestly a shoo-in. name another scooby villain more evil and with as much impact. honorary mentions are the ghost truck, junk, the horrible herd, and the cicada monolith for some truly unique and scary monster concepts, and to the manticore for being marcie. sdmi had a TON of good ones

least fav - daphne’s writing wakka wakka. for real though fuck the dandy highwayman

bcsd

fav - the ghost of mother wins by FAR. probably the only tv scooby monster that actually legit creeped me out. also the rebooted space kook bc he’s had a glo up. bcsd also has a ton of good monsters!

least fav - the yeti bc the joke about it making no sense was funny but also the yeti itself doesn’t really do that much

guess who 

fav - i love the just so fucked up and twisted sia. its just sia but now shes evil. ALSO the screaming skulls of london & the dinosaurs in weird al ep are very good

least fav - the man-bat because it’s not even the actual dc man-bat it’s just the fucking joker again

scrappy era movies

fav - mirror shaggy. WAY better than werewolf shaggy imo

least fav - i wish i could bash in the skulls of reluctant werewolf’s version of count dracula and his two minions

zombie island era

fav - giant turkey :) & phantom virus! extremely cool monster he’ll zap ya!

least fav - as much as i LOVE the visceral horror and discomfort when fred rips off the zombie’s head cause he thought it was a mask, i just dont care about any of the monsters in zombie island

wnsd movies

fav - the loch ness monster. GENUINELY impressive. also the ghost of cleopatra bc god queen shit. bonus points go to everything in the goblin king

least fav - the chupacabra because THE CUPACABRA IS A DEMON DOG, NOT A BIGFOOT!!! and the yowie yahoo because THE YOWIE IS A BIGFOOT, NOT A VAMPIRE!!! literally how hard is it to do a google search before you design a monster

2002 & monsters unleashed

fav - its gotta be the 10000 volt ghost again. he’s my man

least fav - THE ZOMBIE!!!!!! FUCK THIS THING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

cartoon network live actions

fav - the ghosts in the first movie SO good guys theyre SO good

least fav - shelma

2010s dtv movies

fav - THE PHANTOSAUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELL YES & the red ghost from the bobby flay movie is also extremely good imo i LOVE its design. & the multiple phantoms in stage fright. literally name something more iconic than the multiple phantoms

least fav - the big top werewolf.......scooby doo one of the things i love most dearly about you is when you make out-of-place monsters WORK (ex. a gryphon in a stage magic movie) but i really want something more exciting for a circus movie

dtv 20min shorts

fav - cornfield clem is my boy because i never cared about scarecrows before i saw this and he made me care. he and the scarecrow in scary stories to tell in the dark both showed me scarecrows can be interesting. thank u clem i love you.

least fav - i like all these monsters but ill list the sea monster here because just drink him up lol

[propfortytwo]

heres the entire plot of homestuck explained mostly

the story takes place over 4 (technically 5 counting the end) alternate universes, and starts in the 3rd one, but it makes more sense if we start from the beginning chronologically.

a race of humanoids called trolls who are basically just humans with grey skin, orange horns, multicolored blood, and varying degrees of psychic powers exist on a planet called beforus. things are relatively uneventful, until the abdicated heiress to an empire, meenah, discovers The Game(tm) on the moon.

the game, otherwise known as sburb (or sgrub to the trolls) exists to propagate the universe; a successful session of it creates a new universe entirely. it involves a server player manipulating the real environment of a client player to bring them into a type of pocket dimension called the medium aka the session aka the incipisphere whatever, point is, you get there. the client can then, from that dimension, host the server of another client and bring them into the same session, and so on; the trolls sessions have 12 players, and human sessions have 4. each player has their own ‘land’, a small planet vaguely themed around them with a unique poorly defined quest, but that doesnt come up too much so dont worry about it immediately. each player also has a unique mythological role consisting of a class and an aspect; there are 12 of each for a total of 144 possible combinations, for instance john egbert is the heir of breath. this not only defines their abilities, but also their personality and role in the story.

each session has a few constants: a ‘planet’ in the center called skaia, which is a bright ball of just sky, with clouds that show you visions of the future; at the center of it is the battlefield, a chessboard which gets bigger and more complicated as things go on. a session will also always contain prospit, a yellow planet that orbits close to skaia, and a purple planet called derse that orbits far away from it. in a game session, prospit and derse are at war, with derse seeking to destroy skaia and the battlefield by sending an asteroid belt into it; coincidentally, this also destroys the home planet of the players, as many asteroids are teleported into reality. in the sessions weve seen so far these asteroids also are used to paradoxically send baby versions of the players and their ancestors back in time but that isnt too important right now. each player has an alternate self called a dream self, which exists on one of the two planets (but doesnt have any bearing on their morality or allegiance, just personality). dream selves, along with the session itself, always exist alongside the normal universe before the game even begins, and under certain conditions your normal self will, when asleep, awake as your dream self and vice versa. in addition, a player who dies can be revived, but only as their dream self.

back to the plot; the beforus trolls aren’t very good at the game; in fact, they fail and spend a few years not being able to do anything until they discover a way to reset both their game and the universe itself, which will retroactively swap them with their ancestors as players and do some other things as well. they should logically not even exist anymore, but due to some shenanigans that happen in the 2nd universe, they exist as ghosts in a sort of afterlife formed by dreaming players whose dream selves are dead or missing. overall, only two of these 12 trolls are actually important to the plot, meenah and aranea.

this brings us to the second universe; beforus is now called alternia, and it is a considerably more violent and horrific place, with troll society being murderous as pretty much a standard. as you can imagine literally everyone is traumatized by this. the first 12 trolls to get introduced in the comic come from this timeline, and include funny lawyer girl terezi. there’s also a considerable amount of infighting, most of which is vriskas fault. she comes up later.

the 2nd troll session is considerably more successful than the 1st, and finishes the game creating a universe, though this new universe contains a “small” defect due to negligence on the part of the players. before the trolls can enter their new universe, however, they are unexpectedly attacked by an angry teleporting chess dog with wings and a katana, who murders all their dream selves and blows up prospit and derse. the trolls go into hiding on a meteor, where they learn that this strange murderous furry came from a session inside their new universe. they elect to constantly harass the players of this session. also around the time of furrymans rampage, a girl named feferi convinces some eldritch creatures to create the aforementioned afterlife, while another girl named aradia who was briefly a robot comes back to life as a god tier and freezes furrydude in place. a god tier player is someone who has died in a particular way and as a result been revived with conditional immortality (if they die they are immediately revived UNLESS their death was either heroic, or just ie they were a piece of shit), powers based on their class and aspect, and a new outfit also based on their class and aspect. meenah in the first universe did this, as did vriska in the 2nd, though only because aradia beat the shit out of her for being awful. speaking of which she murders her childhood friend who she has abused and tormented for years because thats just how vriska is.

this brings us to the start of homestuck, the comic. there are four kids at the moment: john egbert, an overall lovable dumbass who is the first to enter, rose lalonde, a goth lesbian obsessed with wizards and psychology, dave strider, funny sunglasses memelord and horrifically abused swordsman, and jade harley, the prophetic scientist heiress of an old colonialist who was raised by a magic dog. through some difficulties they enter their session, and things IMMEDIATELY start going wrong. they just barely get everyone into the session before earth is ruined, and before that can even happen, the aforementioned murder furry is created when a bureaucrat named jack noir kills the black queen and steals her magic ring. a different jack noir was also present in the troll session, this one became a mobster named spades slick. (yes, that stupid fucking intermission was actually important). this happened because like the players, several ingame npcs also are brought to the dying planet, after it gets fucked by rocks. these include, on earth, WV aka the mayor, PM who will be important later, and two other jackasses who arent important. PM is cool because shes a mailman who fights through the fucking legions of hell to deliver a package to john and then later receives a copy of jack noirs magic ring and proceeds to chase him across the void for 3 years and finally beats the shit out of him. love her. anyway;

like the 1st universe, the kids are informed by a creepy man who talks in white text on a white background like a fucking tool that they cant succeed and will have to reset their session, though with coordination from the trolls, they have a plan to survive it. they also plan to use a very large bomb created as part of that defect i mentioned before to blow up something called the green sun, which is where jack noirs magic furry powers come from. this will also coincidentally kill spooky white man who has a cueball for a head and release an eldritch horror known as lord english into the timeline. meanwhile in the troll session, a clown troll named gamzee is driven into a rage by a video of the insane clown posse sent to him by dave and murders several of the less relevant characters because hes a piece of shit. also meanwhile a troll named eridan ALSO kills some people including someone named kanaya who is a lesbian vampire with a chainsaw who eventually marries rose. kanaya then cuts eridan in half because she Is Too Fucking Angry To Die. love her. ALSO ALSO meanwhile vriska is about to fly off and expose their hiding place to jack noir, but is killed by her childhood friend terezi. she dies for good because its considered a just death. anyway back in the kid session, things go awry and its revealed that white bread tricked them, as the bomb actually CREATES the green sun retroactively. also, because of the properties of the green sun and where the bomb was set off, the two kids who set off the bomb, dave and rose, meet up with the remaining trolls outside of the kid session. meanwhile jade fucking dies to a bomb made of shaving cream but is revived as a god tier and for unrelated reasons also fused with her magical dog. dave and rose also ascend to god tier as they died when a massive fucking sun spawned on top of them. john was already god tier due to some shenanigans by vriska earlier. basically everyone has their signature look now.

jade uses her new god tier abilities to shrink down every planet in their session including the battlefield, before bringing herself, john, and an alternate timeline dave onto a battleship and literally fucking launching it through the fourth wall into Poorly Defined Author Space which is technically on the moon of alternia. andrew hussie is here. as they leave the session before its reset, they stay alive, same with rose and dave. also meanwhile with rose and dave, one of the surviving trolls, sollux, uses his psychic powers to launch the meteor towards the newly reset session at relativistic speeds (all sessions TECHNICALLY exist in the same dimension? its weird), while jade does the same with her battleship.

thus begins the 4th timeline/universe. shit only gets stupider from here, consider taking a short break.

ok, ready?

the new universe is shown off, with the new kids; jane crocker, an average young woman who stands to inherit the betty crocker company which in this timeline is like amazon (shes an alternate version of johns grandmother); roxy lalonde, who is literally the best character in homestuck (alt. rose’s mom); jake english, a dumbass who lives on a deserted island, speaks in horribly inaccurate british slang and dual wields pistols (alt. jade’s grandfather); and dirk strider, a canonically gay nerd with pointy anime sunglasses and a sword who builds robots and canonically watches mlp so like fucking make of that what you will (alt. dave’s abusive brother). their entry into their session is different; their session is called a void session, and is inherently unwinnable because of retroactive time bullshit, and for related reasons, the meteors that would destroy earth are never sent. you may ask “well how did the kids get there then?” to which the answer is when the reset happened the destination of the kids guardians was switched to be this new session. doesn’t that mean the guardians never existed, you say? stop thinking.

anyway janes entry into the session coincedes with betty crocker revealing herself to be a hostile alien empress who slowly takes over the earth with the help of the insane clown posse and guy fieri. she’s also the alternate version of meenah, who in the alternia timeline was the empress and also kind of a horrible person. shes here because of nonsense involving lord english, who she works for but hates. in fact, theres an interesting side effect to this; dirk and roxy actually live 400 years in the future from jane and jake, from after betty crocker aka the condesce killed everyone and flooded the planet. they still enter the same session, through dirk doing some stupid shit and controlling both his dream self and his actual self at the same time and moving everyone around.

there’s a long period of absolutely nothing happening in the 4th session while the trolls and kids travel to it, and during this were introduced to two characters; calliope and caliborn. theyre brother and sister, and are part of another race called cherubs who look like green skeletons and which share a body with each other and fight for control of it. caliborn is the fucking worst and actually becomes lord english eventually, while calliope is a nice down to earth person who makes fan characters and cosplays a troll. they also technically exist in a... 5th, separate universe, on a dead earth?? which is probably the future earth from the ending? i dunno it makes no fucking sense.

anyway calliope dies due to some plotting but death means fucking nothing in this story so shes off hidden in the afterlife. the meteor group and the battleship group pass through this afterlife like physically several times during their journey through the void and meet many of the dead trolls, including dead vriska, meenah, and aranea, who come up with a plan to lure lord english, who is currently destroying reality and murdering ghosts, to a place where they can hit him with a magic ghost weapon. they find it, and john touches it out of curiosity, whereupon he gains weird powers that let him travel ANYWHERE in canon at any time, though he cant really control it. during his random zaps around he beats the shit out of caliborn which is cool and good. partway through, aranea leaves and uses a magic ring to come back to life JUST as the two groups arrive at the new session and the 4 new kids ascend to god tier, at which point everything goes wrong all at once.

through a contrived series of events, jade and jane are mind controlled by the condesce, and a long fight scene ensues where jake unleashes his true power and then dies, aranea tries to usurp the condesce but fails miserably, and basically fucking everyone but john and roxy die horribly, planets are smashed into each other, the session is falling apart due to interference from caliborn who has limited control over the narrative for some reason; its not good.

fortunately, john in theory has the ability to fix this by retconning events in a particular way. he has no idea how to though, until a dying terezi headbutts him, writes instructions on a blindfold in her own blood, and then dies, falling into a chalk outline of her own corpse she drew immediately beforehand because shes fucking metal. john also, during this time, uses his new powers to move his planet out of the session into a white void apparently outside everything. as a consequence of this, in an alternate timeline his planet explodes and roxy dies, though in THIS weird space, he and roxy are still alive.

following terezis instructions, john changes some subtle things in the past, before ultimately preventing her from killing vriska by knocking vriska out. this, surprisingly, actually has a positive effect; vriska has powerful mind control abilities that allow her to put jane and jade to sleep upon arrival and prevent the bad timeline from happening, but she also mellows out a bit and keeps everyone from losing their minds during the journey, while also forming a plan to fight the condesce that works out pretty well. the person she murdered gets revived as well, though she still treats him like shit so im not giving her points for that.

john and roxy arrive from the bad timeline with johns planet, and roxy uses the magic ring to bring the dead calliope back to life. also around this time calliope meets an alternate version of herself who killed caliborn in her timeline and is spooky and mysterious and super fucking powerful and will be able to help kill lord english, so thats cool.

some nice, genuine heart to hearts happen between the characters as they get set up for the final battle, at which point it happens, in a 20 minute flash. the condesce gets defeated, lord english's influence is cut out from the session, and the new universe is created; its actually a pretty happy ending.

and THAT is the end of homestuck.

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

oohohoho you just opened the deepest can of worms on the planet

-mod dave, who wrote a fucking ten mile essay

first off, addressing the second anon, no theyre all humans. h., half humans at least. cause yall know me i fucking love my humanstuck aus off my ASS

(that would be funny as hell though. a troll from space walking into a camp on earth going “I AM THE SON OF ONE OF YOUR EARTH GODS. BITCH” like... holy shit)

so first things first their parents. im gonna lay this out, the beta kids and trolls are all greek (EXCEPT sollux hes roman cause his parent has no greek equivalent), and all the alpha kids and trolls are those gods roman equivalents (,,EXCEPT dirk cause he kinda balances sollux being roman out). i havent figured out how thatd happen like 16+ times yet cause in the percy jackson books theres only ever been one instance of two siblings of the same godly descent being greek and roman respectively in HISTORY so like.. i guess th. i guess thats just not a problem in this au

anyway this gets really long so im gonna talk about the beta kids and trolls cause i havent elaborated on the alphas at all ((peep the tags if you wanna see their parents though))

johns the son of zeus, rose is the daughter of athena, dave is the son of apollo, and jade is the daughter of demeter. they were all raised in their respective states, all had to come to new york for various reasons. jades been there the longest, shes been there 9 years and shes been on a couple quests. her biggest accomplishment so far is how she protected the camp from this big vicious angry hellhound that got past the barrier. naturally the girls fluent in Dog Training, so she steps up and instead of trying to kill this thing, she reaches out and tames it as fast as she can. it ends up actually working, and ever since that day she, her cabin, and the camp have a whole bodyguard sleeping right outside the demeter cabin! hes her steed in battle and hes a Very Good Boy. and his name is becquerel

johns the newest kid at camp, he has no idea who he is or why the fuck his school got attacked or why in the hell those anemoi thuellai were so fixated on him or HOW in the hell he absorbed the lightning one threw at him and ended up fine,,, hes just a big mess right now. a big enough mess that when he got claimed by literally zeus, no one else was around, he shrugged it off as some basic magical happening, and he stayed in the hermes cabin far longer than he should have cause no one! fucking knew he got claimed! by zeus of all people! dumbass. he ends up figuring it out though. like an off-hand mention about how this “weird lightning thing appeared above my head a couple weeks ago, haha weird right?” once he figures it out he realizes “hey i might be able to fly” so he sneaks off into the woods to try it. he succeeds fairly quickly but god almighty everyones face the one day the dude just yote himself off a small cliff without warning,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

dave and rose are really tight, theyve been there roughly the same time length, and since their cabins are across from each other they just bother each other all the time. daves the resident Doctor even though he really doesnt look it cause hes got the apollo powers. apollo is the medicine god. so if you wound your stupid ass in battle daves in the ER room patching you up with his glowy hands. rose on the other hand is a very good strategist. shes one of the only athena kids ever recorded to actually have a power - telekinesis. she has no idea how she developed it, she thinks its from birth, but it freaks her out. shes training it though.

so the beta trolls, are also all human(ish). aradias hades kid. but i pulled a pjo trope on her based on one of my favorite characters (im not saying for spoilers, but if you recognize the situation, You Probably Know Who Its Based Off) and aradia died. her mom, the handmaid, had been pulling some Shady Ass Shit and ended up getting herself killed, but aradia tried saving her and ended up going down with her.

so handmaid gets sentenced to the fields of punishment in the underworld, and aradia gets sentenced to elysium, heroes paradise. shes like “no i want my mom to be okay” so they take that away from aradia and they put them both in the fields of asphodel, the neverending grey space for Not So Good But Not So Bad people. her mom becomes a shade (shadow spirit, no human resemblance), as all people do, but aradia. doesnt? and she gets dunked in the fucking river lethe and if you dont know what that does it erases your memory. so she just. comes out of the river like “hello? wgat tae fukc goin on??” but she still remembers one thing. there was an “a” in her name.

tavros is the son of hermes, hes just kinda taken on the role of backup counselor for when the actual cabin counselor is out. hes in a wheelchair, but he also has prosthetic legs for when he needs to actually stand up and fight. hes really good at it too. also catch him in winged converse cause he Owns Those and Uses Them To His Advantage. hes trying his best to keep focused on the camp, cause aradia was his childhood friend, he misses her a whole lot, she never got to camp in the first place. and to his knowledge, shes still dead.

sollux is a janus kid. thats a problem cause janus is roman, and this is a greek camp. he grew up with dave, he showed up with dave, hes been at camp as long as dave. but hes been unclaimed since he showed up so he thinks hes unwanted by whatever parent he has. he knows hes a demigod, he got through the camp barriers, so what the fuck is wrong with him? he also feels shitty cause hes shit at the greek lessons, he cant read a lick of it which literally every demigod without exception should be able to do, he cant name any gods- well, he can, but.. he gets their names mixed up. why does he keep calling poseidon “neptune”? and he has a much, much different way of natural fighting than other kids. they slice, he jabs. he wasnt taught to jab. 

karkat is an aphrodite kid with vitiligo, and to make matters worse, hes ace and on the aro spectrum. to make matters WORSE, the aphrodite kids are kinda notorious for being really shallow, really materialistic, and really mean. karkats been dubbed the “runt” of the cabin, he gets made fun of for his spots to the point where he uses make up and magic to conceal them. worst of all? hes the kid of the goddess of love, for fucks sake. being reminded that “loveless people shouldnt be able to stay in this cabin, mom must have made a mistake claiming you” is kind of.. a blow to the self esteem. long story short he hates aphrodite for claiming him, and would have rather stayed in the hermes cabin. but he eventually goes on this big quest thats vague as fuck right now but Its The Main Plot, he ends up proving to himself that hes worth something and that his siblings are wrong, and my FAVORITE LINE IN THE WHOLE THING i came up with is HIS when he deals a final blow to some big monster: “REMEMBER MY FACE THE NEXT TIME YOU REINCARNATE. MY NAME IS KARKAT VANTAS, I’M THE SON OF APHRODITE, AND LOOKS CAN KILL.”

nepeta isnt anywhere near developed as others are unfortunately, shes a daughter of ares and shes really really good at hand to hand combat. shes small but she leads groups of people in things ranging from camp volleyball games to actual literal wars. shes a tough little shit

kanaya isnt really developed either, i have yet to figure out most of her powers too actually, shes a daughter of iris, the rainbow goddess though. (blatant reference to both kanayas vampirism and. h. her. sh. es ga. gay) ONE THING SHE CAN DO THOUGH is iris message at will without water or drachmas so really shes just everyones go to cell phone and its fucking hilarious cause people just come into the cabin like “KANAYA I NEED TO TALK TO [X]” and shes like “You Better Fucking Pay Me I Am Not Your Personal Cell Phone”

terezi is the daughter of nemesis and she has this really peculiar power she hasnt really gotten the hang of yet. she has synesthesia, so while she cant see she can smell and taste the colors of her surroundings and its really helpful. sometimes though she gets messages from her mom. they dont even come as dreams half the time, they come as almost a different plane altogether. tez has the power to literally tip the scales, pretty much. and when she gets like that, she can see. shes not on earth though, shit on earth stops when shes like that. shes just kinda In Her Own Head, i guess? and in her head she holds the two scales in her hands. she is the arms of the scale. and depending on which one she lifts up, she can literally alter the fate of the battle or happening thats going on By Herself. once she chooses she just whooshes back to real life though and nothing has changed. the only downside? it takes a LOT of energy and cant be exploited for little things. her one thing on her bucket list is to tap into said powers while getting something from a vending machine so like three things will fall out but it hasnt happened yet and shes upset

vriskas a daughter of tyche, the luck goddess, come the fuck on you knew i was gonna, i havent really elaborated on her either and im upset about that. but hey now you get a break from all those fucking paragraphs

equius is a hephaestus kid, and he kinda stays in the background. hes a range fighter, he spends a lot of time in the forge, and even though its been a project looooong since forgotten, hes been excavating the tunnels under cabin nine for years. by himself. he has no idea where they lead, but dammit hes gonna find out where. he has no idea about a certain bunker in the woods though...

gamzees just there for a fucking laugh tbh hes a son of dionysus and i love that cause hes the god of wine and parties and insanity. usually gamzees just zoning out somewhere hes Not supposed to be, and hes not affected by the maenads FUCKED UP BULLSHIT that goes down the forest sometimes. also hes so fucking scared of tavroses wing shoes he tried them on once while he was high and JESUS CHRIST

eridan is the son of kymopoleia, a SUPER obscure goddess. lets just say dont fuck with eridan cause his mom is the goddess of violent sea storms,

and naturally, feferi is the daughter of poseidon. cause who the FUCK else would she be the daughter of. WHO. NAME ONE GOD

OH AND JUST CAUSE I FORGOT CALLIE AND CALIBORN ARE SATYRS IN THIS AU. CALLIE HAS PAN PIPES. and caliborn still has a gun

[edsbev]

im SAD and in PAIN can i get sum reddie hcs

sorry for not answering this earlier !! i was struggling to think of some but then i went into my drafts and found this long headcanon of young richie and eddie being idiot best buds who are lowkey crushing on each other and its so dumb which is why i never posted it but here u go

ok so. imagine.

the losers all have an elaborate walkie talkie set up, stranger things kids style, but richie and eddie have their own special station/channel where they can just talk to each other

and a lot of the time, richie uses it to call eddie late at night to invite him to some crazy shenanigan

like richie thinks his neighbour is a vampire or a serial killer or somETHING weird bc the guy is always shifting around in his yard and garage at night so richie always calls eddie to come spy on him with him (bc eddie is the only one who also believes that something is up with this guy) (bc if either richie or eddie believes some dumb shit then u can bET the other one does too)

so anyway thats how richie and eddie end up spending a lot of their summer nights hiding behind bushes in richies neighbours yard, trying not to go red when they have to huddle together, whisper-arguing abt whether or not richie pushed eddie into the bush on purpose or not, whisper-laughing abt some lame jokes they came up with on the spot bc they got bored or distracted, whisper-shouting and then actually shouting when they get caught

they try to bolt but the guy grabs them by the collar of their shirts and drags them to richies front doorstep. and they both smile sheepishly when maggie opens the door and finds them with their very angry neighbour again

(because this has happened multiple times and yet richie and eddie always go back bc theyre dumbasses)

maggie sighs as she lets the two boys inside and richie immediately begs her not to tell sonia bc she’d probably lock eddie up if she found out they were doing this and thats not even an exaggeration she’d rlly whoop eddies ass and look at eddies cute, innocent face mom how can u let her do that to him please dont tell…

maggie looks at eddie, who is giving her his very best puppy dog eyes

(the last time they’d gotten caught and dragged up to the toziers house by their neighbour, maggie had threatened that she’d tell sonia if it ever happened again. so now richie is literally on his knees pleading for her not to, bc he doesnt think he’d be able to manage if eddie got grounded and wasnt allowed to see him for a week)

and maggie relents bc despite everything, eddie actually does keep richie out of trouble most of the time.

once, she had seen richie about to attempt chugging a whole carton of milk in under a minute. and before she could interject, eddie had said, “dont do that idiot” and richie had said “yeah ok” and put the milk back and maggie had been dumbfounded bc richie literally never lets anyone tell him what to do ever

so she says she wont tell and lets eddie stay on the condition that they will never go into the neighbours yard again. and the two boys shout excitedly, richie wraps her up in a hug, and they ramble their promises over each other before racing upstairs to richies bedroom

where they pull out binoculars and continue to spy on the neighbour

they spot him out in his back yard. digging a hole in the ground.

“what do you think thats for?” eddie asks. he is using the binoculars. richie is pressed up next to him, his face pushed against the window to get a good look. (there is plenty of space by the window btw, richie is pressed against eddie bc he wants to be)

“probably to bury us in when he finally kills us,” richie jokes. eddie laughs ‘ha’ and then gives richie the binoculars so he doesnt have to look at the neighbour so closely anymore.

neither of them say anything after that. but something abt the joke rlly spooks them. maybe its the fact that its getting dark, the fact that they can hear the faint sound of the shovel scraping against the ground, the lingering memory of the angered look on the neighbours face when he’d caught them

theyre both a little on edge. so much so that when they finally call it a night, eddie hesitates by the made-up bed on the floor before deciding fuck it and climbing into richies bed with him

“what are u doing?” richie asks. his bed is small enough that eddie bumps against him as he shuffles under the covers

“nothing,” eddie grumbles. he turns so his back to richie, but their feet are touching. “kick me in your sleep and you die.”

“noted,” richie says. he stares at the back of eddies head and his heart flips up into his throat. he wants eddie to look at him. he also wants to tease eddie for being scared but hes scared too. so he ends up with: “you know if that guy rlly tries to kill us im sacrificing you for my own safety right?”

eddie doesnt miss a beat: “yeah right. i could just step on your glasses and you’d be done for. blind-y.”

richie kicks at eddies shin and eddie kicks back. richie laughs and eddie laughs. and they rib at each other until they fall asleep.

(but richie has a nightmare in the middle of the night and in his half-awakeness hisses at eddie until he also wakes up. and when richie tells him he cant sleep, they make a sleepy, fumbly deal to hold hands until theyre both knocked out again)

(and they think nothing of it. bc theyre not rlly awake and also theyre bros)

and the next day they sneak back into the neighbours backyard to check out the hole he was digging bc theyre idiots who never learn.

the hole looks body-sized.

theyre both convinced its for their soon-to-be-dead bodies

no one else can convince them otherwise, bc richie and eddie are two chaotic tinhat conspiracy theory believers 

and also best buds who like to rile each other up until they actually get scared

eddie sleeps in richies bed again that night

[c0untb00z]

I would just like to clear, I don't hate the BBC Dracula 2020 Show. In fact, I actually like the idea of Dracula being set in modern times like in the show, but I would like it a lot better if it wasn't written like a fucking reader insert fanfiction.

Don't get me wrong, I love me some reader inserts every once in a while but they're meant to be on Wattpad. Sometimes, you can find really fucking good fanfictions that could genuinly be movies, but this really just feels like someone wrote an erotic fanfiction for Dracula. It almost reminds me of a worse version of 50 Shades of Grey with less kinky sex.

First and foremost Agatha Van Hesling. I actually kinda liked her personality, how driven she was and determined to never give up, but she was literally created for a love interest. In Dracula by Bram Stocker, Sister Agatha is a nun that nurses Jonathan back to health, claiming he was 'sick in the head' as he ranted of what he had seen and warning others of Dracula. She doesn't even have a last name.

However there is a Dr. Van Hesling in the book, hes dutch(???) Professor that mentors and taught(????) Jack Seward who was in love with Lucy, who was fed off of and eventually killed and eventually undead by the means of the one and only Dracula. Dr Van Hesling plays a large role in the plot of the book. He has an open mind and was able to draw connections between things that some others couldn't, as he had access to more sources and could speak to most off the charecters involved. He's the first person to present the idea of a vampire, and Lucy turning into one. Thanks to Jonathan he was able to identify the vampire feeding on Lucy as Dracula and finds out how to kill the vampires.

So basically Agatha was literally fabricataed for the sole perpose of being there, to fall in love with Dracula or something.

I know we all are horny for Dracula. I'm horny for Dracula. Vampires are fucking hot but the sexiest part of vampires is that they ya know. Kill you and are mercily and heartless. The show does show that in a lot of parts and even decapiates a nun and yeets it into a gaggle of nuns which i fucking died at. But it also, humanizes him way to much, hes literally a monster. The scene in the boat with lord whats his name really portrayed that. It was really,,,, weird cause me being a kinky fucker I don't find the particular phrases of "you're going to need to be quiet now," and " youre doing so well" that creepy and if anything a little hot but looking at the circumstance and the look on that kids face, it was like r e a l y fucked up. Which is why i liked that scene. It showed just how fucked up Dracula is.

To be fair i did like Cleas Bangs acting and casting as Dracula. He had a certain charm that was ever so s l i g h t l y off. I heard people say he just 'made up an accent' but fuck you guys its a fucking danish accent you incolent twats anyways. He could be really funny at times and i actually apprecited it.

However the casting AND acting of the modern parts is absolute shit. Ep.3 is where i kinda gave up on the show and finsihed it for the sake of torturing myself. FIRST OF FUCKING ALL LUCY i cannot fathom how P I S S E D i am about Lucy. Why did they have to make her a phone obsessed basic asshole with no regards to anyones emotions besides her own and the extent of her personality is 'getting likes on socail media is all i care about because it makes me feel validated so im gonna wallo in self pity because i was obiously written by white man in his 50s that would have made me white if he wasnt forved to throw in diversity points" like shut the fuck up steven king.

Also lucy and mina never meet??? Theyre in different fucking time lines??? Theyre friendship and love for eachother was fucking golden how dare you rob that form me and give me a garbage bag full of shit with a shiny little bow on top in its place jesus f u ck.

The cemetary scene was o k ay i gues?? I liked the little nod to the book with the bloofer lady and the concept of random sprits being undead because of unfinished buisness. But this really just felt like it was slapped in the show for the sake of going on a date with Dracula in cemetary. I actually kinda apperacted it but it just felt awkward.

Also who the f u ck is Lucy's friend? The gay one??? Like,,,, is that supposed to Arthur???? His chatecter was so fu king weird and offset he just didnt feel like he should be in there. Hes literally just there for a-50-year-old-man's-interpretation-of-young-women-now-a-days verson of Lucy to have a gay best ffriend.

Ok i not even sure if i want to talk about Quincy. It just hurts. It physically hurts me to think about how d i r t y they did my baby. His charecter is the defination of american chivalry, just as great as regular chivarly but with a little extra cowboy vibe. Quincy is jist the biggest,,,, sweet haert,, like he asked lucy to marry him in his cool american cowboy voice cause he knew lucy loved it and it always made her laugh. And even when she turned him down becayse her heart belonged to arthur, he stayed. All he wanted was for lucy to be happy and all he requested was that they stay frirnds. Hes also invovled with taking fkwn dracula although hes not a main charecter percice ly as he doesnt have any entires in the book he still has an amaizing precence and sometimes while reading the book ill be readying one of dr sewards passanges and think "huh i wonder what quncys doin. I hope hes dooin good. Cowboy vibes n stuffs" amd boy dles he do that. Everh dracula film adaptataion robs us. R O B S U S of quincy morris best scene. In the middle of dr van helsing ranting about vampires( thats basically what half of the book is. I could write a 4p minute mono louge of his rambling jesus how does sweard take note of all this) quincy litterally just walks out. And nobodg really pays any notice beside glancing ag his leave and shrugging at one anouther and going back tl listneing tl van helsing explaining his vampire fan theories quincy moris , the quincy morris from texathe untited states of the amerkca the land and the free and also cowboys.stands outside of the bouilding and pints his gun up at. Dracula whos in the shape of a fucking bat eves ddopping outside the window and just fucking,,shoots it. Now he doesnt hit it cause thatt wouldnt be as fun as brutally stabbing the fucker witja wooden stake. But S T I L L. And the fucking bullet hits the window that everybodys in anprobably causes arthur to shit himself the ppoor boy. Can you belive that theh didnt fucking flim thatfor any dracul? Now i i under stands why not put in this adaptation because quincy is only mentionsed like three god damned times. And when theh DK mention him jesusnshit they literally jsut made him some popular jock from amwrica just to conter jacks white twinky ass and then they had him propose to lucy in the middle of a fucking night club and she says yes???? Lile ok jut throw Arthur out a window then cause cause fu c k him i guess. And then after lucy dies he jjsy fucking moves ?? The only thing thta makes this version of qincy quinccy is the fu king name and fact hes from america

Ok now jack fucking seward. He reminds me of when ylu forget you had a pb&j in your back pack so in the bos after school you pull it out cause yoyr hungry and yoyr mom put WAY to much jelly on it so now its like. All obsorbed into the bread and joggy and squished. Just sad and really white. They even had some kid call him whate bread and they werent fucking wrong. His obly personality traits were ' omg i love lucy but shes a hoe ;,,,((' and being connected to Zoe.

Now last and definately least the god forbaden ending. Just thinking about it gives me a fucking head ache. So , jesus, zoe, who is agathas great niece or someshit, a d looks exactly like her (its literally the same fucking actress) is a detective lile scitist reasearching dracula. So dracula is illedatly attracted to her becasue he thinks shes like agathas reincarnation or soenshit. So he tries tk drink her blood at one point and spits it all out and pukes and sjit cause her blood is poisonous bevaise she has fucking c an c e r. So later we find out that draculas weaknesses ( the sun crucifix) arnt actually real hes just afraid of dying so he has like irration fears or some shit so for some fucking reason. They deside. Its a good iea to end the show with this:

Dracula fucking drinks all of zoes blood killing her and himself because her blood poisonus. And ghe fucking emd scene is them like,,, in the sun???? Or soemt hi ng??? And theyre naked and like presumably fucked and dracula says some shit like " its doesnt have to hurt" and i almost tore my wrist open wiith my teeth because of how shitty this ending is.

Not lnly is it disrespectful to zoe but agatha, agathas whole thing was K I L I N G. dracula she wanted him fucking D E A D she woULDNT FUCK HKM

And like just after finding out that he can be in the sunlight with out fucking dying and that crosses just make him umcomfortable or some shit he just desides to kill himself??? DUDE YOU JUST FOUND OUT YOURE PROACTICALLY MORE INVINCABLE THAN YOU WERE BEFORE AND YOU JSUT FUCKING OFF YOUR SELF ??? HE COULD HAVE FUCKING RULED ENGLAD AND SPEAD VAMPIRISM OLL LVER THE FUCKING COUNTFY AND WORLD KF HE TRIED HARD ENOUGH AND HE KILLS HIMSELF BECAUSE THEY WANTED A STUPID SAPPY ENDING

anyway if anyone actually goes through the effort of reafing my god damn eS S A Y about Dracula that i finkshed typing (im not gonna bother editing tbh) at 4 fucking am. Then thank you and please get a life

[blookmallow]

and heres a pile from That Time I Journeyed Across Half The Continent To Try To Get To Solitude To Buy My Daughter A Dress But Then Somehow Ended Up Involved In A Vampire Conspiracy Instead 

----

i was just MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS when i suddenly got attacked by TWO dragons, ran into that house there to try to get away, but the house was owned by some kind of mage who was very, very angry at me for being in his house so then HE started trying to kill me and was a lot stronger than i was prepared to deal with so i ran away from THAT 

and then immediately ran directly into an angry sabre cat 

what are the ODDS

i forget exactly what all ended up happening here i know i killed the cat and at least one of the dragons. i think the other one flew off somewhere. i killed the mage guy and ransacked his house lmao

it didnt have to be this way buddy you decided it was murder time before you even gave me 2 seconds to explain 

i dont even know this guy he was bragging about being The Best Fighter and challenged me so i punched him a lot until he gave in and now we’re friends. i appreciate him

anyway so this town has a house that recently burned down and the family who lived there all died in the fire except for the husband, who then immediately moved in with a new girlfriend, which everyone in town thinks is Very Suspect but nobody can prove anything so i went to investigate that situation 

oh he fucking did it 

A GHOST!!!!!! I FOUND A GHOST! A REAL ONE THIS TIME

:( she gave me some clues to help find out what happened to her and as excited as i am about ghosts its. really sad

i dont know why the daughter is a ghost but the mother’s spirit doesn’t seem to be here 

i wasnt getting any useful info out of the father other than that hes shady as fuck and i realized i couldnt find his new girlfriend anywhere, i tried waiting outside her house for a while but she just. either wouldn’t come back or wouldn’t come out. i HAD to know what was going on and finally picked the lock and broke in, which was a bad idea bc hroggar and the girlfriend were both there at the time and very, very angry at me for breaking in, hOWEVER,

I FOUND HER SLEEPING IN A COFFIN IN THE BASEMENT SHE’S A FUCKING!!!!! VAMPIRE!!!!!

not sure why a vampire has garlic in her house though

i got killed and debated trying to break in again and be more prepared to kill them this time but decided against it and went back to following the leads from the ghost child. i definitely found this out before i was supposed to lmao

found the kid’s grave, which. had been dug up. im still not clear on why 

ah. yes i see 

anyway so it turned out the girlfriend was a vampire and she had another woman in town who was also a vampire set the fire and hroggar was under her thrall the whole time, which was why he was cool with all this and was acting so weird, they were trying to slowly take over the entire town for their coven but i fucked it up, killed the vampires and released hroggar from her, set the child’s soul at rest, as you do. hroggar didn’t do it and was under alva’s control the whole time but i still kinda dont trust him that much. he later thanked me for saving him from her though 

then we went after the coven leader to make sure they wouldnt come back again

IVE GOT A WHOLE MILITIA COMIN AFTER THIS VAMPIRE WITH ME

or i Did lmao they all enthusiastically followed me out to the cave where the vampires live and then like, almost all of them left me  

only these guys stayed. my loyal followers

thonnir stayed because his wife was one of the vampires (probably turned/taken by alva, i dont think she joined them on her own will or at least he doesnt believe that) and he wanted to get justice for her 

and then, of course, Guy Who Fights For Me Now Because I Punch Really Good 

we killed the leader and i was SO afraid one or both of these guys were gonna get dead in there (i dont rly know them but still) (also thonnir has a son who already lost his mother so like, ) but i managed to complete the quest with both of them alive by the end of it 

i mentioned this adventure to my dad (skyrim is like the Only thing we have in common so its like 90% of what we talk about now lmao) and hes just like “you know it is a Pretend child,” and im like yes father i understand the concept of a video game i am aware it is not a real child but i still dont want his pretend video game father to die at my side and make him a pretend video game orphan let me live :’ | 

also alva’s corpse is still just like. there. in the basement. hroggar’s still living there bc like. his house burned down, alva’s dead, i guess this is his new house now, but. just. didnt bother to do anything about the corpse in the basement. ok 

I FUCKING FINALLY MADE IT OUT TO SOLITUDE THOUGH :’) it is a beautiful city i like it very much. i havent explored a whole lot yet though its big. apparently there was a big execution scene happening when you first enter the city but i came in through some weird side door and couldnt figure out where all the yelling was coming from and just kinda ignored it and missed the whole fucking thing lmao  

ok you’re the one out here with a hairstyle that makes you look like you’ve got two horns growing out of your head but go off i guess 

the palace is really beautiful too 

please im gay 

forget the men though ive been out there in the taverns and let me tell you there is nobody you want to talk to in those 90% of the time

,,,thank you thats very threatening 

boots boots boots boots boots boots boots boots b

BABY GOT HER DRESS IN THE END THOUGH :’) 

i brought a doll or something back for lucia i forget. i like her green dress i havent seen any other kids wearing that one 

as much as i love my daughters the kids in skyrim all. look. kind of the same :’) lucia’s hair is different but like. gonna be honest i like being able to tell which kid is mine lmao i might get sofie another dress that stands out better 

i dont rly like the yellow one as much but it’d be. distinct. i dont want to make them both wear the same clothes so 

[diningpageantry]

Gay Vampire... Gampire?

Archive Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18215168/chapters/43207382

Chapter 5/10 of It’s A Handheld Disaster

Word Count: 1099

Chapter Summary: Joking conversations turn into genuine affection, blurring the lines of intimacy for the two boys.

SIMON

gaystrell: i'd be shocked to find out you don't look like a mountain troll

bi-sammy: t

bi-sammy: take that back

bi-sammy: coward

bi-sammy: bold words for a man who probably looks like a cryptid

gaystrell: you know i can't even argue against that

gaystrell: my friends say i look like i'm a step off from being an actual vampire, so i can't say i don't look like a cryptid

bi-sammy: wait

bi-sammy: you what

bi-sammy: im actually cackling please tell me youre kidding

gaystrell: all but the teeth, baby

bi-sammy: thats so fucking funny holy shit what

bi-sammy: your new name is vampire

bi-sammy: gay vampire

bi-sammy: gampire

gaystrell: you know how easily i can hit block, right?

bi-sammy: oh no! mr. gampire threatens me!

I keep a hand clasped over my face, snorting quietly. In attempts to be quiet, I hope the hand over my face is silencing enough that it doesn't annoy the other visitors (or get me kicked out).

The tiniest part of me wants to ask something I've wanted to know for a while, but the rational part of me is too scared to ask. How do you even bring that up? “Hey I know we're online pals, but I have no idea what you actually look like. Would you mind flipping on that little camera and snapping a pic? Just real quick? So I know I'm not mad and slightly crushing over a faceless arsehole who gets me to laugh like crazy?”

gaystrell: what, do your friends not say you look like something ridiculous?

bi-sammy: what friends?

bi-sammy: i mean penny. she says i just look stupid.

bi-sammy: i dunno i just. look like me?

Impulsively, I click on my camera app and stare into it. I look a lot of things.

I look tired. Hungry. Overworked. Constantly on the verge of a fit.

I look like a disaster, that's what I am. An unkempt, clueless disaster.

bi-sammy: i dont look at myself too often, honestly

bi-sammy: i wish i had friends to tell me shit

gaystrell: what about parents?

bi-sammy: hah

bi-sammy: you mean davy???

bi-sammy: have i really not told you this before?

gaystrell: no..?

bi-sammy: im a foster kid

bi-sammy: im in the system

bi-sammy: really don't know fuck shit about my parents

BAZ

Something in me stops, cheeks flushing as I suck my lower lip into my mouth. The text bar blinks, seemingly taunting me. I don't know what to say. I don't know how to help him.

I… want him to be okay. I want more than that. I want him happy.

Why am I such a fucking softie for him?

Why can't I solve this?

gaystrell: who's davy then?

I leave the message, and wait. And wait and wait and wait.

It's fine, though. I know he's sort of busy, and he goes around and does a good bit throughout his day. Still, I leave my vibration setting on as I turn on my telly, mute it, then work on writing.

Eventually, he pops back up.

bi-sammy: foster parent

bi-sammy: not for long though

bi-sammy: its hit the road once im 18

bi-sammy: its okay tho im gonna find a flat with penny and it'll be fine

gaystrell: does he even care for you? how long have you been with him?

bi-sammy: years

bi-sammy: he likes his foster cheques but ://///

bi-sammy: hes shit i guess but i try to ignore him

bi-sammy: he doesnt hit me so i just remind myself to be happy about that

bi-sammy: that and not being in a home

gaystrell: that's not very comforting

bi-sammy: its not bad i dont mind

bi-sammy: why whats your family like

What is my family like?

gaystrell: complicated.

gaystrell: not terrible just

gaystrell: nothing it's not as bad as your situation i have no reason to complain

bi-sammy: no wait no im serious im curious dont feel put down by me

bi-sammy: shit sorry i dont wanna be a downer shit

gaystrell: don't apologize it's fine

gaystrell: it's just…….. strange for me, that's all

gaystrell: my mum died in an accident when i was five and my dad remarried when i was seven

gaystrell: i have some half-siblings, but they're all pretty young

gaystrell: we're just ridiculously posh and have too much money

gaystrell: and life got all odd when i got diagnosed

bi-sammy: diagnosed???

gaystrell: i have hemophilia type a

gaystrell: pretty shit case too

gaystrell: i have to be careful and all that so dad just pulled me from school a few years back in case

gaystrell: i online school, you numpty. that's why i'm always online

bi-sammy: shit

bi-sammy: fuck youre right

bi-sammy: that makes a lot of sense shit

bi-sammy: fuck thats some bullshit

bi-sammy: how do you interact with people?

gaystrell: i don't.

gaystrell: i have two mates, and ones my cousin

gaystrell: the other is his “totally and completely, absolutely straight” friend

bi-sammy: you have me

gaystrell: don't be a sap, snow

bi-sammy: im serious im your mate

bi-sammy: i care about you baz

The changing pictures of the television screen flicker on my face as I stare, barely able to swallow.

I should tell him. I need to tell him. It's too much--I can barely take knowing it myself.

Opening a note file, I throw it all out. Every word I need to say.

shit, i care about you too. too fucking much. to the point it's weird, probably, and im nearly sure you don't feel the same, but shit. simon you're so bloody fantastic and i think about you a lot and you're one of my only friends. i feel so guilty never being enough for you, but just thinking of you makes me soft.

i know i've never said this, but i want us to keep this. the talking. the constant contact. i want to see your face--i know im mean, but i bet you're actually gorgeous. i want to verbally talk to you. i want to reach through my screen and hold you. i want you to know how much i care, simon, because i do care. i care too much.

My jaw sets, eyes scanning my words once. Twice. A third time.

It aches like a flame, burning my chest. It's too much to say. Not enough to hide behind. It's blunt and out there, and the truth. I don't like it being the truth, but it is.

It so unfairly is.

I look at our chat, scrolling up and back down before typing out a quick cop-out.

gaystrell: i care about you too, simon

[thelifetimechannel]

The Dave and Dirk log, for obvious reasons, was something I wanted to try very hard to get right. That meant although we drafted it together via msparp, as was our custom, I ended up overhauling it way more than any of our other combo walkaround logs. A few chunks did survive the transfer, though.

In other news, we’ve made a solemn pact to finish TLC over winter break, which is good because I’m running out of bonus content. Hopefully we’ll have some assets to show off soon. I’ve already seen a few; they’re very nice.  

DIRK: Hey, dude. You did pretty well out there. DIRK: Didn't even die once. DAVE: twice in a day is my max im satisfied with keeping that record DAVE: even if getting machinegunned is rapidly becoming my "thing" DIRK: Seems we each have our respective "signature deaths". DIRK: Or at least it ain't a party until I get decapitated. That sure was something we needed to do again. DIRK: Just once, for old time's sake. DAVE: well that puts the nail in the meme coffin DAVE: any time you panic someones gonna tell you to keep your head on DAVE: like keeping your hair on except you know that shit aint going anywhere its probably shellaced DIRK: That shit is bolted to the floor. Did you know I walked around with a girly-ass pink tiara on my head this whole day and had no idea? DIRK: I had no idea. Couldn't feel a thing. DIRK: And people let me do that. DIRK: Can't fuckin' believe it. DAVE: oh DAVE: i figured you knew DIRK: I am less than pleased with my Skaia-ordained divine color scheme. DIRK: But I guess I have to live with it. It's part of the team aesthetic. DAVE: you could always change DIRK: Nah, with the tiara and tights ditched I have at least mitigated the enforced flamboyance. It's bearable. DIRK: I can't be the one dude out of uniform. Couldn't bear the shame. DAVE: my outfit is pretty sick ngl DAVE: sburb knows everyones secret desire is to have a cape DIRK: Unfortunately, mine isn't long enough to also make for a good tactical maneuver. DIRK: Not gonna lie, that was pretty funny. DAVE: if nothing else my attempts at combat can provide a source of humor in our lives DAVE: but honestly id be fine if my fighting days were over DAVE: i was never into it DAVE: rose on the other hand was obviously itching to beat people up DAVE: one of those 12 year olds who wants to get jumped in an alley to work out her suppressed anger DIRK: Maybe Skaia did make a few miscalculations in dumping your asses with your respective guardians. I think you'd get along well with Roxy and her cats, make her budget her time away from the alcohol. DIRK: ...in theory. DIRK: Rose can go a few rounds with me if she wants, we still need to sort out who has the rights to document our legendary journies. DAVE: ill plan your funeral DAVE: what kind of flowers do you want DIRK: ...there's different kinds? DAVE: damn thats right you grew up in waterworld DAVE: these choices matter DAVE: allegedly theres a thing called "flower language" DAVE: whether you can actually send someone a boquet telling them to meet you in the pit i dont know DIRK: Like, I get that, in theory, different kinds of flowers exist. But I fully anticipate any attempt on my part to conjugate in the language of said plants would end in my coffin declaring my hovercraft was indeed full of eels. DIRK: Maybe it'll have thorns on it. Or it'll be like the sixteen millions tons of green bullshit covering my land and making my nose itch. DAVE: probably DIRK: Worst case scenario, I'll pick out something orange and present to a prospective love interest and it'll mean something like "my brotherly passion for you knows no boundaries, and also no homo". DAVE: my bro wouldnt go for flower arranging DAVE: or pink tiaras DAVE: he was pretty uptight about the whole rah rah macho act DAVE: probably subscribed to alpha males weekly DAVE: which is weird considering DAVE: well DAVE: youre gay right DIRK: Uh. DIRK: Well. DIRK: My symbolic quest land is not covered in green bullshit, but I. DIRK: Happen to like watching birds, if you know what I mean. DIRK: Fuck, you probably don't know what that means. Jake and his goddamn thousand euphemisms. DAVE: cant say i do no DIRK: Nobody knows what it means but Jake. It's an old time epithet for being into dudes. DIRK: He knows all the old epithets, including some I suspect he made up. DAVE: so DAVE: thats a yes DAVE: in a roundabout way that includes birds DIRK: I've never denied it. DIRK: I'm just. DIRK: Not a huge fan of the word. Why, in this world post-society, do we need to confine ourselves to labels like "gay"? Such constraints were washed away from my world with the rest of the human race. DAVE: holy shit that was such a pretentious dodge DAVE: dont let rose hear you say that DIRK: Rose can hear all she likes. DAVE: but anyway DAVE: i wasnt asking to get up all in your business like SOME PEOPLE DAVE: who are so into getting into other peoples businesses theyre basically the fucking mafia or the irs DAVE: but DAVE: it explains some stuff DAVE: but on the other hand it doesnt DAVE: the way you raised me was kinda aggressively mainstream masculine enough that it wasnt something that ever seemed to come up as an option DAVE: [describe that type of culture and mindset better later, I KNOW what i mean but im tired rn lmao] DAVE: and anything outside of that id just brush off because it couldnt apply to me DAVE: and that went for pretty much everything that went against what you wanted for me DAVE: including that DIRK: And yet, here the man was, subconsciously shrieking his desire for floppy felt dong through, DIRK: What I guess you could call his art, for want of any other applicable word at all. God, the mental images are crawling up the insides of my skull like the Exorcist child, do I want to know? DAVE: probably not DAVE: guess trying to act peak male has its drawbacks DAVE: weirdly enough troll culture is obsessively hyperviolent but doesnt give a shit about sexuality DAVE: they dont see the difference most of the time i guess DAVE: and so like DAVE: maybe it rubs off on you because in some ways that kind of makes sense DAVE: but after so long its hard to know what i feel and what it means because i spent so long ignoring it DAVE: so i guess i was wondering DAVE: if you had anything that might help with that DAVE: or if youre also trapped in this whirling screaming maelstrom of bullshit DAVE: while kinsey sits in the eye of the storm laughing DIRK: Wait, wait, wait. DIRK: You're coming to me. DIRK: For advice. DIRK: Do you know what a laughable hurricane of disaster my interpersonal life has been? DIRK: Like, in a weird way, I'm kind of honored, especially since about five hours ago you were scared shitless to be around me, but. DIRK: I'm standing here and waving my credentials in the air just to display how I don't fucking have any. My degree is a sham and my hands are empty except for a crudely scribbled on piece of construction paper. DAVE: are you suggesting theres a gay university DAVE: where you study bird watching DIRK: Do I look like a man who's been to college? DAVE: fair DAVE: but like DAVE: your friends know DAVE: how did you broach the subject there DIRK: I might as well have been dating a Yoko Ono for the devastation it wreaked on our friend group, so yeah, it was a little hard to ignore. DIRK: Compounded by the fact some smartass from Gay University was using my social circle for romance geometry homework. DIRK: It wasn't even a love triangle so much as a love roundabout. DAVE: ok but thats just because you were a dipshit not a gay dipshit DAVE: they were chill about the first part right DIRK: Thanks. DIRK: I mean... Roxy always seemed disappointed. DAVE: luckily i dont think anyones waiting in line for me DAVE: i guess im blowing it out of proportion DAVE: i dont think anyone will MIND DAVE: no one did about rose and kanaya DAVE: didnt even question the vampire bit which goes to show what our lives are like these days DAVE: like ok our outfit has vampires now DAVE: thats a thing that we have DAVE: if i say oh hey i might be bisexual theyll just say sure pull up a chair at the acronym table DAVE: the only one who might be weird about it is john DAVE: but hed be just as weird if i told him id changed my favorite color hes just like that DAVE: the only person its really a big deal for is me DIRK: Jane was a little bit like that. I'm pretty sure the only reason she had to object was because she found out the day I made a move on her crush. DIRK: It might just be growing up in a household where you're not regularly fighting for your life, and thus what genders are kissing whom has the space to be higher on your priority list. DAVE: that aint anyones priority these days DAVE: im prepared to acknowledge the concept that hey maybe everyone elses lives dont revolve around me and my personal drama or self revelations might have some merit at least as a hypothesis DAVE: when i met kid english he kept going on about how i was the most important person and everyone else was side characters DAVE: and maybe ive acted like that sometimes DIRK: Yeah, like you alone are the one responsible for everyone around you. DAVE: and maybe ive acted like i think that way too sometimes DAVE: ive been wrong about people DAVE: people i care about people i shouldve known better DAVE: i was wrong because i wanted to believe things that matched how i wanted the world to be DAVE: things that made it easier for the story i was telling myself DAVE: i dont think kid english meant to call me on it but damn DIRK: Reality is, after all, something we construct for ourselves. DIRK: I think maybe I knew that all along when I surfaced for air inbetween shoving my head as far up my ass as it would go. DIRK: Or maybe that's just what I try to tell myself in hindsight. DAVE: well if it takes a hyperactive 12 year old version of the final bosss creepy hero worship of me to make a point i guess thats not the least subtle way the universe has sent me a message lately DIRK: You want unsubtle? Let me tell you about my damn planet quest. DAVE: haha DAVE: i didnt have to do much of my quest because im invisible DAVE: thanks mom DIRK: My denizen practically sat me down like it was my life coach and growled in my ear about improving my communication skills with a guy I told to go fuck himself not eighteen hours prior. DIRK: So while I'm glad SBURB has a vested interest in me repairing my friendships, playing electroshock death DDR with him was a little on the nose. DAVE: maybe getting shot again wasnt that bad DAVE: so weve all learned our life lessons good job team DIRK: Exactly. Can we wrap this up now? Can we please go rest? DIRK: I'm so exhausted I haven't even noticed I'm still hungover. DAVE: sure thing DAVE: but if i need tips on leaping out of a closet to intimidate passerby i might text you DIRK: I mean, I can try. As long as you don't ask me for dating tips. That, I definitely shouldn't be helping you with. DIRK: Go talk to your sister for that. DIRK: ...wouldn't she, by the transitive property of siblings, also be my sister? DAVE: yeah i guess DAVE: but theres no way in hell im asking rose for dating advice DAVE: on her first date which she refused to admit was romantically oriented she got wasted in anticipation forgot to show up and then fell down the stairs DIRK: Oh my god. DAVE: she tries to look like shes got her shit together but its a lie DAVE: if you find my corpse floating on lolar in the next few hours dont let the truth die with me DIRK: Why are we like this? DIRK: Is there actually something hardwired into our DNA that predisposes us to being disasters? DIRK: But, that aside. DIRK: I won't object if it's me you come to talk to. DAVE: ill hold you to it DAVE: and if you ever want to publicly you admit you DAVE: "enjoy birdwatching" DAVE: in less vague and evasive terms DAVE: ill have your back DIRK: Thanks.

[blatherkatt]

Title: The Calm Is Terrifying When The Storm Is All You Know [Homestuck]

Intermission 1 

Summary: There were two kinds of trolls who went to Earth: rich shitheads with too much money and free time, and desperate assholes who couldn’t survive on Alternia, even with the best efforts of the young Condesce. Karkat hated the planet almost immediately, but with his home planet too dangerous for mutants, he really didn’t have any choice but to hide out on this weird little diurnal planet. At least he’d be safe. Or so he thought, right before blundering his way into an accidental friendship with the son of an anti-troll terrorist.

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings: Mentioned/implied abuse; Pesterlogs, No seriously this entire chapter is just logs, swear the next chapters at least a third finished but in the meantime this bit got way out of hand so here 

FIRST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

— excerpt of chatlog from group chat “assholes anonymous” 6/13/2015 —

GG: And I’m afraid that’s all Roxy and I know. She got a call from Terezi yesterday saying that she would need to wait a few days before coming down to visit again.

GT: Holy toledo! Christ on a cracker i really picked a bad time to study abroad didnt i. So much happened while i was gone!

— timaeusTestified [TT] is online! —

GT: I feel like a right fool for not checking my messages from anyone while i was away but i was just so overwhelmed by how many there were and so tired out from being in another country and all.

GT: Oh!

TG: DIRK

TG: motherfucker tell me whats goin on!!!!

GG: There you are! Is everything alright?

TT: Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine, give me a minute.

TT: Well. No. That’s wrong.

TT: Everything’s pretty much gone to shit, but everyone’s alive, somehow, and for the time being things have cooled the fuck off.

TG: aaaaaah now im even more scared what happened?!!

GT: Er its good to be back but the girls have been filling me in on whats played out in my absence and im afraid im on roxys side here what in the devilfucking dickens is going on exactly?

GG: Thirded!

TT: I take it you didn’t get around to reading the messages I sent you then, Jake?

TT: Which is fine. I kind of figured. Whatever.

TT: Short version: There was an attempt to reclaim Dave by some of the old man’s lackeys.

TT: An attempt which Dave knew about well in advance.

TG: oh shit

TG: oh shit dave nooooo D:

GG: Oh, goodness.

TT: I caught him having a panic attack in the kitchen, during the middle of the night on the twelfth. He managed to tell me essentially that we had four hours to prepare, and then we’d be under attack.

TT: He was planning on going with the quietly, apparently, but changed his mind at the last minute, I guess.

TT: Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he told us, but…Ugh.

TT: It seemed like he was starting to get a little better, finally, and then this huge fucking setback hits.

TT: It’s frustrating.

GT: I’ll say it is! Gosh dirk im so sorry i missed so much of the leadup to this.

GT: Getting the poor boy back after ten years only for him to be such a mess and to finally get somewhere only to lose so much progress…

TG: aaaaaaaugh

TG: i mean is it really a setback though? he still told you!

TG: ive been having the hardest time getting him to talk about anything that happened to him and i think he n i get on pretty well

TG: he still chose to stay with us!

TT: Yeah, and it only took him two fucking months to do so. I don’t even know if he made that choice because he actually wants to be here.

TT: It’s more like he just decided we’re the lesser of two evils.

GG: Well, that’s better than nothing, right?

TT: Ha.

TT: Sure, I guess. Pardon me if I’m not thrilled, though.

TG: diiiiiirk

TG: dirk chill out a little like i get it but seriously!

TG: trust me dave doesnt want to be mean to anybody

TT: Of course he doesn’t.

TT: I’m not mad at Dave at all, don’t get me wrong.

TT: This is my fault.

GT: Now wait just a moment there strider!

GG: How on Earth is any of this your fault? It sounds to me like you made the best of a bad situation! Dave’s the only one who knew about this!

TT: It all goes back to that first meeting at the police station.

TT: I set the precedent. Made everything a him-versus-us, with Karkat his only ally.

TT: He doesn’t trust us because I somehow said exactly the wrong thing to him back in that interrogation room.

TG: im sure thats not it

TG: dirk hes not one to hold a grudge like you and rose are theres gotta be another reason

TT: I’d be happy to hear it, then, because I’m fucking clueless.

TT: Of all the problems I’ve tried to solve, my own fucking brother is proving the most enigmatic.

TT: He’s the fucking labyrinth at Crete, and I don’t have nearly enough fucking yarn to get through this.

TT: And apparently I’m a fucking outlier in that respect. Roxy’s figured Dave out, the fucking aliens get along with him fine, and apparently even Rose made up with him while my back was turned, because he’s been following her around all day, even though she ripped into him yesterday over Kanaya.

TT: Who, by the way, is a fucking vampire now. I feel like I’m losing brain cells just writing that, but there it is.

TT: I’m sharing the house with a literal alien vampire. I’m officially one of the side characters in my aunt’s trashy books.

TG: dirk dude im telling you dave isnt as complicated as you keep making him out to be!

TG: hes not a puzzle that needs to be solved hes just a scared kid!

TT: Why is he still scared, then? Why?

TT: I believe you, but how do I make him be not scared?

TT: Why the fuck can’t I understand my own brother!

— timaeusTestified [TT] is offline —

GG: Oh no.

GT: Jesus jumping jehosaphat!

— timaeusTestified [TT] is online —

TT: Sorry.

TT: Got a little too worked up, hit my desk hard enough that something came unplugged.

TG: dirk

TG: dirk.

TG: holy shit.

TT: I’m, uh, also sorry that I actually hit enter on those last few posts. That was kind of shitty. I’ll get a lid on it.

GT: You gave us all quite a fright there!

GG: I’ll say.

GG: You shouldn’t feel bad, though! I for one am glad you were honest!

GG: Maybe we can all figure out something! If Rose got things sorted out after the rocky start you mentioned, then I’m sure you can, too!

TG: have you tried talkin to him yet

TT: Oh, yeah, because talking to him went so well last time.

TT: Look, I appreciate the advice. But at this point,

TT: I’m pretty much prepared to just accept that he wants nothing to do with me.

TT: Can’t really blame him. I look like the old man. Probably set off enough bad memories that I’m just going to scare him worse.

TT: I’ll just stay out of his way as best I can.

TG: dirk that is literally the exact opposite of what you should be doing

GT: Well i dont know roxy it might work out better that way.

GT: Give the lad his space and let him settle in on his own time!

GT: Let the air clear a bit before trying anything you know?

TG: jake trust me dave needs a lot of really explicit verbal reassurance

TG: he is the scaredest fucking kid you can imagine okay

TG: he apologizes for things that arent even things that should be apologized for

TG: and says hes sorry again even after you tell him hes done nothing wrong just to be extra sure

TG: and he wont do anything unless you specifically tell him hes allowed

TG: and even then hes super cautious about it

GG: Gosh…

TT: Exactly.

TT: If he’s that scared, me forcing him into a conversation is only going to make things worse. It’s not going to be a productive talk if he’s completely shut down.

TT: I’ll figure it out, alright? Just.

TT: I need to rethink things, maybe. Slow down a little.

TT: It’s just a setback. We’ll recover.

TG: uuuuugh

TG: this whole things such a mess :(

TG: let me know when im allowed to come over and hug on him again will you?

TT: Sure thing.

TG: hug him yourself in the meantime!

TT: Probably not a great idea, Rox.

TG: >:(

— excerpt of chatlog from group chat “who you gonna call” 6/13/2015 —

EB: geez. thats pretty crazy.

EB: i cant believe dave would put you guys all in danger like that.

GG: im sure he didnt mean to!

TT: I agree, actually, Jade.

GG: :0 !!!

EB: really?

TT: I spoke to Dave after all the carnage ended, and I’ve come to realize that I’ve been completely misinterpreting his behavior.

TT: I’ve been viewing everything he does through the lens of my own behavior and Dirk’s, and assuming that everything he did which irritated me was done out of some form of antagonism.

TT: Yesterday, I learned exactly how far off I’ve been, and I’d like to apologize for sharing that mistaken impression with you two.

TT: The problem hasn’t been that Dave is holding some petty grudge. It’s that he’s been scared.

GG: :(

GG: :( :( :(

EB: scared? dave?

TT: Terrified, even.

TT: He was literally so frightened when I confronted him that he could barely move.

GG: oh no! rose!

TT: I apologized, I promise, and I’ve been trying to reign myself in around him now that I know there is fear at foot.

TT: I’m a little horrified myself, frankly, at how bad things must be for him.

EB: but if hes so scared why didn’t he just tell you guys sooner?

TT: He’s scared both ways, essentially. Terrified of what we’ll do to him if he breaks some rule here, terrified of what our father will do to him.

TT: I had expected trauma from the beginning, but when it didn’t present in the ways I expected, I assumed he was just fine.

TT: But this is…

TT: It’s as if his fear responses, even his fight or flight reflex, are just…broken.

TT: Like I said, when I confronted him, his eyes were huge and terrified, but he made no move to defend himself, nor did he try to escape. He just…braced himself. Readying himself for a blow that I had no intention of ever delivering, but which he dreaded more with every second it didn’t come.

TT: Ever since, I’ve been paying attention to his body language, since it’s so hard to read his expressions when he’s got those sunglasses on, and I’ve noticed so many times where he tenses up, so suddenly and to such an extreme that I’m surprised it doesn’t physically hurt him.

TT: And it’s not just for legitimate potential threats, like someone looking angry. He does it for the slightest sounds, for random movements, sometimes seemingly for no reason at all.

TT: Hes like some feral animal, constantly thinking he’s going to be hunted, and yet, he can’t run. He just sits there and waits for the blow to land, hoping that if he simply takes whatever punishment is thrown on him, it will end sooner.

TT: And all I can think is just…

TT: What kind of hell has he been through for these past ten years that he reacts to things as simple as a creaking floorboard or a waving hand makes him think he’s going to be attacked?

TT: What did that son of a bitch do to my brother?

EB: jesus.

GG: D:

EB: i always knew that things were bad for dave but i didnt think it was any where near that bad!

GG: hes not in too much trouble is he??

TT: Not at all.

TT: Terezi let him off with a warning, and there’s not much else we can do to him, besides. He’s already under house arrest.

TT: He knows what he did wrong.

GG: thats good! i wonder why he waited so long to tell the truth though?

TT: I’m pretty sure at this point that he was never intending on telling us.

EB: what! why not!

TT: I don’t think he believes he has a choice. He did tell Dirk what happened while having a panic attack, after all. I suspect it may have been something similar to the sort of terror that strikes when you realize it’s the end of a vacation period from school, and you’re not ready to go back yet.

TT: Except, you know, way worse, on account of it being abuse at the hands of a literal terrorist he would have to return to.

TT: He said something that stuck with me, when I asked, and he seemed very genuinely sad when he said it.

TT: “It doesn’t matter what I want. He’s going to come back for me again.”

TT: He’s so resigned to a fate that he is not actually doomed to.

EB: wow :(

TT: But on the bright side,

TT: I think he’s starting to realize that we really aren’t going to hurt him.

GG: yeah?

TT: He’s been following me around like a lost puppy all day. He jumps whenever I move too quickly, but he’s actually here in the room with Kanaya and I right now. The two of them have been chatting on and off for a while.

TT: I suspect it may be just that he hasn’t worked up the courage to talk to Karkat yet, but even so, he seems like he’s testing a boundary.

TT: Pushing to see if I really am no longer angry with him. It’s certainly a welcome change from his usual habit of hiding in his own bedroom.

GG: oh gosh!! can you tell him i said hi?

EB: holy shit hes right with you? get him online!

TT: John, he’s not allowed to use a computer, remember?

EB: fuck!

EB: tell him i said hi too, then!

GG: looool

TT: Done.

TT: He lit up a little, and mumbled a “Hi” right back.

GG: :D

EB: lol, dork.

TT: He says “This coming from John ‘unironically likes Nick fucking Cage’ Egderp.”

EB: >:B !!!!

— golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] —

GT: Hey, um.

GT: I know this is probably not something you really want to hear just now, but i really do want to apologize.

GT: I just got so distracted and worn out while abroad, and you always send so damned many messages, i didnt have the energy to read them all.

TT: It’s fine.

GT: No it isnt! Dirk i know how hugely important getting dave home has been to you ive known for ages!

GT: And whatever tumultuous relationship status we may currently be sharing youre still my best bro and i feel like a right horse’s arse for not being here for you during such a rollercoaster of a rough time!

TT: It’s alright, really. I appreciate the sentiment, but it’s wholly unnecessary.

GT: I promise ill at least try and check my messages more and keep more up to date on the situation.

GT: Let me know if theres any way i can help alright?

TT: Sure.

TT: Welcome home, by the way. It’s nice to talk to you again.

GT: Likewise!

— twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling grimAuxilitrix [GA] —

TA: TZ told me two me22age you, and by that ii mean 2he woke me up wiith a text 2aying ‘talk two kanaya a2ap a22hole 2hit2 gone down’.

TA: 2o what exactly ii2 goiing on.

GA: Um

GA: Well Im A Rainbow Drinker Now

TA: oh.

TA: you know what actually fuck thii2 iim goiing back two 2leep.

— twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling grimAuxilitrix [GA] —

[tumblunni]

OH MAN HOLY SHIT IM FINALLY GETTING TO READ THE NEXT VOLUME OF SHOULDER-A-COFFIN KURO

man it was really fucking sweet that  bunch of friends the travellers made in earlier chapters helped nurse Kuro back to health after [the spoily bad thing] happened

and I TOTALLY FELL FOR the misdirect in the opening chapter! this series often has out-of-order flashbacks just casually thrown in, so i assumed this was them taking a break from the sad ‘will kuro be okay’ stuff to show us one of her pas adventrues, especially cos she was alone without nijiku and sanju. But NOPE this is her dream while she’s sleeping, and all the people she just helped move on to their next journey are actually all already dead and she was giving them hope for stuff they never really managed to achieve. Like HOLY SHIT when the last person she saw was a glimpse of an actual alive person and then she steps off the train and wakes up?? And you only realize it cos she says ‘But I thought his eyes were getting better’ about the last guy Kuro met, who had that head injury from the war, and its like ‘but he’s right there? why are you saying ‘I was too late’- OH GOD HOLY SHIT’. Like seriously, was he on the way to go home and died on the train and then she was there at the station and had to see it, after she’d waited for him for so long and just AAAAA. And like, if Kuro is briefly visiting the afterlife and having a choice to take the death train because she’s in this paralyzing moment of depression, is that why the lady was there too? Did Kuro accidentally save her from comitting suicide to be with him? Its really fuckin’ good luck that they were able to cross paths in this dreamworld and she could pass on his last words. But also its REALLY DEPRESSING that her telling him to ‘take the train home’ is like.. thats what he was trying to do when he was on the brink of death, and being unable to do it is why he stayed here waiting in this afterlife train station, hoping against hope that he’d somehow be able to actually see his hometown and his girlfriend again, when the only option he had was a far more depressing journey to take. So even though its good that kuro helped him be able to pass on instead of being in pain, but still, would he have actually been able to talk to his girlfriend if he’d waited just a few minutes more??? god this mysterious dream is so confusing and tantalizing aaaaaa it would be a really good way to kill my heart if we actually meet the girlfriend character in the real world later on and see how she’s getting her life back together after his death or if we meet more relatives of the dead folks we saw in that dream

ALSO its really good that Kuro is battling her suicidal inclinations now and actually feeling like she wants to live, because of these lil kids but at the same time its tragic cos she’s still got this deadly plague thats gonna kill her anyway, and its like.. having hope makes it hurt more and OH GOD the line about how she’s decided the new purpose of her journey is to ‘make a new path for them to follow when I’m gone’ she’s decided that instead of having to choose between them and her goal, its just gonna be that if she fails and ends up dying she just wants to have taught them enough to survive on their own afterwards. she could still feel her story was completed if it ends with her having given these kids a new life, even if she never finds out who the witch was or how to stop the curse. OH GOD I CRY SO MUCH FOR THIS WEIRD LITTLE FAMILY

and then OH MAN the mysterious flashback too! that was a good misdirect without even being a twist, sorta?? there’s no big revelation moment and knowing the thing doesnt really change anything, and honestly it makes me feel a bit ‘whoops i should have figured it out straight away’ lol Its a really cool way of delivering a stealth backstory for Sen! Cos we never saw his face in human form before, we kinda were expecting it to continue being shadowed or at least be revealed in some sort of actual reveal scene. but nope, we just get introduced to apparantly some new character who’s a loner prince everyone thinks is a vampire, and then WHOOPS it was sen all along! (also LOL DUDE YOU’LL BE A VAMPIRE IN LIKE FIVE SECONDS, DONT WORRY) And its so obvious in retrospect, we even see that he has a lil girl as his apprentice and he's like ‘just call me sensei, i dont want you to get attatched to me’. But she looks completely different to Kuro so at most I just thought ‘oh it’ll be some sort of analogy or moral to the main story or something’. And then seriously there is NO INSIGHT TO ANYTHING and no explanation of what happened to them or why, its just horribly shocking both to them and the audience. We just get some disconnected cute 4-koma adventures of flashback kuro and sen, revealing a little of how they first met, and then literally kuro just turns around the corner and the panels dissolve into horrifying shadowy hands that tear her apart as she begs sen not to touch her or he’ll be cursed too. AND IT JUST ENDS Like seriously, there wasnt even a STORY to the witch cursing them?? she just appeared in their house one day?? she was fuckin lurking in the library and cursed the first person she made eye contact with???? and sen got dragged into it too cos he was trying to save the poor kid, after all these panels of him being cynical jerk saying he doesn’t care about her, and just.. *SOB*

But actually, I’m wondering why his curse was so much different compared to the formula we’ve seen for every other case of it? its always been this one same disease that makes you rot apart into shadow stuff until you die. Why did he turn into 1000 bats instead? A random theory: maybe he actually did die, and this isn’t really the same curse as kuro’s, this is something that happened to him to save him. The first time we saw the curse in action was from that kid who innocently talked to the witch and wished to use magic too, so maybe it like.. actually is that? Maybe this curse is a literal granting of the wish, maybe this is how she passes on her powers and it just kills people who arent worthy, or something. So i dunno, maybe Kuro has some degree of witch magic locked away deep inside her rotting heart now, and she subconciously used it to save Sen’s life by cursing him with this different curse? that could be A Good Depressing Twist later, cos it could mean that if Kuro gets cured, Sen will die. And I mean, it would explain why Kuro doesnt know she has witch powers, maybe the constant upkeep of maintaining Sen’s spell is taking up all her energy, or something? We never get to see if Mo actually got her wish for magic powers in that terrifying flashback, we just see how she started dying of the shadow plague and then how Kuro found her on the last day of her life and they became friends and then HER LEGS FUCKING FELL OFF AND CRUMBLED INTO DUST AND HER EYE FELL OUT OF HER HEAD and then kuro’s last scrap of optimism died and she decided to carry Mo’s coffin forever out of certainty that the curse would indeed kill her, her quest would fail, and she’d better be prepared for her own funeral And like, when i first read that chapter I thought that this was where Kuro got the curse?? I thought it was contagious from touch or something and by giving Mo a bit of peace on her deathbed she’d picked it up from her. (Though that wouldnt explain why nobody’s ever got infected from interacting with kuro throughout the rest of the story, so it was a bit confusing.) But now we know that apparantly Kuro got the disease way earlier and Mo was just the closest clue she’s ever got to finding the witch again, and a horrible vision of the future that will await her when her curse finishes its course. It makes the whole chapter way more depressing, cos you know the whole time she was suffering from the same disease and she just didnt wanna ruin Mo’s hope that she’d met some cool traveller who was totally gonna go on and live a long life of all the adventures she wanted to have. GODDDD THIS SERIESSSS

and okay seriously THE WORST BIT THAT DESTROYED ME is that we find out the evil witch who did this to both of them is actually the same person as the apaprantly good witch we saw in an earlier chapter who befriended those kids and had a badass retort to the asshole guy and just was really cool?? And its even more depressing if she isnt really evil at all and maybe somehow thinks what she’s doing is helping? she was really innocent in that first chapter and didnt seem to know much about humans. So like.. who did she meet? What did she do? Who taught her something very VERY wrong in the time between that flashback and now? is this just the result of some small shred of her old self left, her wanting to ‘help’ more children...? Cos actually it was kind of a big hint in that chapter, she said ‘i will give you one of my voices’ when she taught that kid how to read as ‘payment’ for him helping her learn what a ‘witch’ is, and that she can be a good one if she wants to. So I mean.. is this just her trying to more literally give part of herself to others to help them, not knowing that it’s hurting them, or maybe being so twisted now that she doesnt even care? ITS SO DEPRESSING! Its funny how I loved and trusted this literal eldritch abomination I saw in this chapter goofily dressing herself up in people clothes and practising pick-up lines, and how terrified I was of what I assumed was a perfectly normal human witch who hurt these poor children. But now its even more depressing if we have this strange nonhuman creature who everyone treated as evil, who was good at heart, who made her first friend, who had so much futrue ahead of her, and then just SOMETHING has happened that sent her down the path of becoming that evil thing everyone said she was in the beginning...

Oh and also i really like the theory I saw that she’s another alchemy experiment of the professor who created Nijiku and Sanju? Cos people call her ‘Hifumi’ and thats a name that can mean a number, same as those two. And it might maybe explain why the professor died in the first place. We just hear him saying he has to finish something before he can allow them out of their cage, and then he never comes back down that staircase ever again, and kuro sees some other empty cage next to his body... Oh and also WHY DONT YOU JUST FUCK ME UP, FINAL CHAPTER IN THIS VOLUME, HOLY SHITTTT It actually fits A LOT with this theory... The last chapter has Sanju accidentally horribly injuring a kitten she was trying to hold, and being terrified because it cant just be stitched together like a toy, or.. well, like herself. We see a flashback of how the twins would break a lot back when they were first created, and the professor would just stitch back Sanju’s one arm that kept rotting off. And they’re like.. kinda terrifyingly eldritch too, more than just simple lil kids who can shapeshift into animals. There was that earlier flashback about how they took a long time to adjust to having physical bodies, and used to phase through walls like ghosts until the professor explained how a cage is supposed to work. Like... only being limited by the laws of reality once they hear them spoken aloud. And apparantly they sat sleeping in those alchemy tubes for a long time and might have even like.. slowly developed into humanoid forms, they might have been some sort of visually terrifying thing in their newborn state. We the audience know that they’re just the same as any other innocent kid in personality, that they’re good kiddos no matter how they were born. But then sometimes we get reminded of their actual origins, and how they’d be potentially VERY dangerous in the wrong hands. And like.. even now we’ve just had a really sad reminder how they can be dangerous even when they’re being raised as normal kids by our kind protagonist, how just forgetting that they lack something that normal humans have can lead to this traumatic experience of one of them killing a small animal and not understanding that it cant be fixed, gAAAAAAHHHH :( Also the associated flashback was REALLY FUCKED UP, holy shit! you see the professor talking about redesigning their next beta with a sense of pain, so they stop accidentally breaking themselves, and apparantly he only managed to finish that modification to nijiku before he died. or, perhaps he only intended to give it to one of them, and is having this creepy detatched view of them where he can think ‘hey I’ll deliberately leave one broken to act as a test case’. that would actually fit a lot with the subtle stuff we know, like how apparantly when they were first born they’d randomly grow and de-grow and fluctuate everything between humanoid and animallike. And he notes how Sanju’s hair always returns to a long length whenever its cut, and just... like, he didnt fix that in her but it seems like Nijiku doesnt have the same problem? Does this mean that he actually did give nijiku a bunch of extra features and not fix mistakes that were hindering sanju, that he’s been doing that from the very beginning? I just thought it was maybe that nijiku never had the same hair problem, but I mean it seems like they started off identical in every other way. God I hope its not gonna be revealed that the prof never loved them at all and he was an abusive dad :(

GAHHH THIS MYSTERIOUS GODDAMN MANGA WITH NO ANSWERS FOR ANYTHING AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[coquuin]

really LONG CHARACTER SURVEY. RULES. repost ,   don’t  reblog  !  good  luck  !

TAGGED. i stole it from Kiki!! TAGGING. whoever wants to do it!!

BASICS.

FULL NAME: Ezekiel Axel Ruiz Rosario

NICKNAME: Zeke

AGE: (Verse dependent) anywhere from 19 to 25! most often tho, i usually make him 25.

BIRTHDAY: November 15 (self given bc he doesnt know his real birthday)

ETHNIC GROUP: Puerto Rican / Latino

NATIONALITY: British-American

LANGUAGE(S): English, Spanish, Dutch, Japanese, Latin, Romanian, some Russian, and some Chinese! he likes to study languages a lot....

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Demi-Pansexual

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Demi-Panromantic

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Hes multiship boiiii

CLASS: Upper class, though he really doesnt have very expensive tastes or anything. Seems like he’d be lower class, but. yknow, he is a celebrity so.

HOMETOWN / AREA: London, England

CURRENT HOME: A very small and shitty apartment. Yeah, he could get a much better home bc he does have the money, but... hes weird and likes a more slightly cramped space. dont question Ezekiel, he has weird preferences.

PROFESSION: Guitarist of the rock band Rogue! also used to work at a music shop when he was like 17, but that was back in London.

PHYSICAL.

HAIR: Very curly and messy black hair! He hardly bothers to take care of it. its prolly greasy bc hes a fucking gremlin pls make him take a shower. stinky boye

EYES: BIG OL FUCKIN EYES. they’re brown! a little sunken, and has massive bags under them--rather than the bags being from lack of sleep, though, theyre actually a result of too much sleep! Ezekiel can and WILL fall asleep wherever and whenever he wants. you cant stop him. his eyes are pretty big actually, and very expressive!

NOSE: the bitch looks like its been broken like ten times. he got a weird ass nose. its a little big, but not terribly so!

FACE: scrawny as FUCK. motherfucker’s head shape looks like a fuckin crescent moon. you know that one tiktok meme with the girl who has the weird ass moon lookin head? bitch looks like that a little bit. croissant lookin ass head.

LIPS: very thin! pls get him some chapstick

COMPLEXION: bitch looks like he hasnt gone out in the sun in over 20 years! which, actually, isnt entirely wrong bc he pretty much hasn’t. pale as fuck! his skin looks gray, like a fucking corpse. he looks like a zombie, but i swear to god hes a plain ass human i think

BLEMISHES: a lot! mostly on his body tho, especially on his back.

SCARS: A  L O T!!! his back is literally covered in a shit ton of scars in the shape of upside down crosses, and he has a lot on the rest of his body as well, and several on his left wrist. yeah he, uh... he aint okay

TATTOOS: None! hes way too terrified to get one and hates the idea of one being stuck on his body for like the rest of his life rip

HEIGHT: 6′ 3″ / 190.05cm

WEIGHT: about like... 98lbs?? which is. fUCKING TERRIBLE FOR HOW TALL HE IS!!! LIKE HOLY SHIT EZEKIEL ARE YOU GOOD??? HOW ARE YOU ALIVE?!?!?! EZEKIEL?!?!?!?! FUCKING EAT SOMETHING PL EASE

BUILD: SCRAWNY AS SHIT. HE IS SO SKINNY HOLY SHIT. OH MY GOD GET THIS BOY A FUCKING BURGER OR SOMETHING BEFORE HE DIES JESUS CHRIST!!!!

ALLERGIES: Dandelions! He’ll just sneeze a lot around them

USUAL HAIRSTYLE: The bangs are kiiiinda kept to the side sorta just so its not falling in his eyes, but other than that, he doesnt really bother to like, style it or anything. its just curly and messy. although! when he was a child all the way to his teens, he did have a stupid ass bowlcut! but that wasnt his own choice, so he cant really be blamed for it :(

USUAL FACE LOOK: motherfucker has the WORST case of resting bitch face you will ever fucking see. even when hes happy he still looks angery sometimes!!! but thats literally just his fucking face!!!!

USUAL CLOTHING: a looot of slightly baggy clothing. lots of hoodies! especially wears a lot of black and red, mostly black. also wears mostly boots or sneakers, usually the ladder. he just doesnt really give two shits about fashion, as he’s more concerned with just sorta.. hiding his body. hes very insecure! save him

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR(S): "the devil”, getting close to anyone, performing in front of people, people in general, cats, knives & other sharp objects, the sight of his own blood

ASPIRATION(S): "to escape the Devil’s wrath,” as he phrases it. of course, the whole ‘THE DEVIL IS OUT TO KILL EVERYONE I LOVE AND THEN HE’LL KILL ME NEXT’ thing is obviously just in Ezekiel’s head, but it feels very real to him! he basically just wants to be free of the “demons” in his head. aside from that, he also really really reeaaally wants to own an orphanage someday! basically take in orphan kids and help give them a much better life than he had. but as for right now, he fully realizes he’s not ready for that at all, so he’s currently more focused on his music career and getting better mentally, though the ladder is a slow process.

POSITIVE TRAITS: Patient, simple, humble

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Rude, temperamental, paranoid

ZODIAC: Scorpio!

TEMPERAMENT: uhhhh fuck idk i just took a quiz for this and ezekiel got like a tie between phlegmatic and melancholic--but if i had to guess, i’d say melancholic!

SOUL TYPE(S): Spiritualist!

ANIMALS: i always associate Ezekiel with dogs bc. he literally just acts like a fuckin angery dog. and an angery snake or something. bUT MOSTLY DOGS. he will literally bark at people, because he’s a fucking weirdo who doesnt know how to behave like a normal fucking human being

VICE  HABIT(S): uhhh drugs and alcohol are a big thing he does!! and generally pushing everyone away so he doesnt get close to anyone! and also acting like a gotdam ANIMAL. SOMEONE PLS MAKE EZEKIEL STOP FUCKING BARKING AND HISSING AT PEOPLE!!!

FAITH: Christian! his religion is very important to him too!

GHOSTS?: Yes!

AFTERLIFE?: Yes!

REINCARNATION?: He isn’t really sure about reincarnation, but wants to believe it exists.

ALIENS?: Yes.

POLITICAL ALIGNMENT: fuck if he knows. ezekiel could not give less of a shit about politics and hardly knows anything about it bc he really doesnt keep up with anything.

SOCIO POLITICAL POSITION: he doesnt give a fuck

EDUCATION LEVEL: None. he never even went to school, fun fact!

FAMILY.

FATHER: Dead!

MOTHER: Dead!

SIBLINGS: None!

EXTENDED FAMILY: None!

NAME MEANING(S): Ezekiel means “God will strengthen”! I have no idea what Rosario means sadly bc i cant find anything good on it on google :(

HISTORICAL CONNECTION?: None that he knows of.

FAVORITES.

BOOK: He couldn’t possibly pick a single favorite book--he loves a lot! but he loves mostly romance genres! which is so fucking ironic considering he’s fucking terrified of getting into relationships. and even more ironically? he doesnt read any horror genres bc it scares him too much!

MOVIE: he doesn’t know.

5 SONGS: While My Guitar Gently Weeps - the Beatles; Brick in the Wall - Pink Floyd; Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin; Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen; Don’t Fear the Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult.

DEITY: God, Jesus

HOLIDAY: Christmas! everyone expects Ezekiel to be like the grinch or something and hate Christmas, but nope! He surprisingly loves it!

MONTH: March

SEASON: Fall

PLACE: His bed

WEATHER: Preferably a little cold, but not too much, bc he just cant stand being hot--and completely dark outside!

SOUND: Gentle guitar strums.

SCENT(S): Ivory

TASTE(S): Anything thats like. Meat. hes very picky tho

FEEL(S): Skin. As in, like, being affectionate with someone else! He’s just very touch starved rip

ANIMAL(S): Yknow, oddly enough, despite acting like a fuckin wild animal a lot, he doesnt like animals much. but definitely dogs are his favorite!

NUMBER: 20

COLORS: Red and black--though he likes blue as well, especially dark blue.

EXTRA.

TALENTS: Music--especially with guitar! And painting, writing, literature.

BAD AT: Anything to do with math or science and stuff like that; anything that requires physical work. hes p much bad at like.. most things tbh.

TURN ONS: Just like.. be soft and gentle with him... also probably has a lowkey praise kink--if you could call it much of a kink i guess? hes pretty vanilla tbh. hes just soft.....

TURN OFFS: If you go rough on him at all he WILL cry. Also anything that, like, restricts him like ropes or some shit will literally make him panic so fucking bad. basically hes just vanilla as fuck, just be gentle with him pls

HOBBIES: Writing / playing music, writing in general, painting, watching random ass movies on TV until he falls asleep, sleeping, avoiding his problems like the fuckin wind

TROPES: man fuck if i know

AESTHETIC TAGS: literally all of Aurelio Voltaire’s songs; shit you’d see in Halloween (which is funny bc Ezekiel fucking hates Halloween); vampires; satanic symbolism. which is all ironic, bc Ezekiel doesnt actually like spooky shit! but it all sure does give big Ezekiel vibes anyway

GPOY  QUOTES: huh

FC INFO.

MAIN  FC(S): Jack the ripper from, well, Oyasumi Jack the Ripper!

ALT FC(S): None!

OLDER FC(S): None!

YOUNGER  FC(S): None rip

VOICE CLAIM(S): Murdoc Niccals from Gorillaz

GENDERBENT FC(S): iiiiii dont really do genderbends pretty much so none

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1: IF YOU COULD WRITE YOUR CHARACTER YOUR WAY IN THEIR OWN MOVIE, WHAT WOULD IT BE CALLED, WHAT STYLE WOULD IT BE FILMED IN, AND WHAT WOULD IT BE ABOUT?:

Honestly probably something like the movie Sybil??? like basically just delving deep into his whole psychology and mindset and whatnot and why he acts the way he acts. those are always like my FAVORITE type of movies, and Ezekiel would honestly be fucking perfect for something like that bc literally every single aspect of his entire personality has been molded in some way shape or form by some event in his life, especially to do with the cult he was raised in, and it hONESTLY IS SO INTERESTING TO JUST LIKE.. STUDY WHAT EZEKIELS BRAIN IS LIKE BASICALLY. AT LEAST FOR ME ANYWAY BC I AM HIS MUN AND ALL BUT.

Q2: WHAT WOULD THEIR SOUNDTRACK / SCORE SOUND LIKE?:

for some reason i always kinda associate him with like edgy violin and piano music?? i mean hey rock stars can be classy too fuck u

Q3: WHY DID YOU START WRITING THIS CHARACTER?:

WELL ORIGINALLY WHEN I FIRST CREATED HIM HE WAS JUST BASED OFF MURDOC NICCALS BC, YALL ALREADY KNOW DAMN WELL IM OBSESSED WITH THAT PICKLE MAN, BUT. Now, however, he’s WAAAAAAAAY different and i just love writing him so much bc like. basically like what i said in the movie question!! he is SO fucking interesting to delve into psychology wise. like, yeah he has an edgy ass tragic backstory, but whats neat about that is you can absolutely see how said edgy backstory ties into his mindset and individual habits and how the memories of it still affects his everyday life despite the fact that he’s escaped it a long time ago now. even in the small things he does, chances are is that every single thing that he does is either something he does to soothe and comfort himself for his own safety, or something that has just been fucking drilled into his mind by the cult members and whatnot, if any of that makes sense? LIKE YALL DONT UNDERSTAND I HAVE LITERALLY WATCHED LIKE HOURS LONG DOCUMENTARIES ON ORPHANAGES AND SATANIC CULTS AND PSYCHOLOGY AND HOW TRAUMA LIKE WHAT EZEKIEL EXPERIENCED CAN FUCK SOMEONE UP, JUST FOR THE SAKE OF WRITING HIM CORRECTLY AND REALISTICALLY. LIKE HE STARTED OFF AS SOME MURDOC NICCALS REJECT WHEN I MADE HIM IN LIKE?? 2015 MAYBE??? BUT NOW, MY MAIN INTEREST IN HIM IS LIKE, HOW FASCINATING HIS FUCKING MIND IS IN A WAY. idk im a big psychology nerd but.

Q4: WHAT FIRST ATTRACTED YOU TO THIS CHARACTER?:

Murdoc

Q5: DESCRIBE THE BIGGEST THING YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOUR MUSE:

him pushing everyone away! like its one thing to have a self-defense mechanism like where you just generally act kinda mean to drive people off, but Ezekiel can really take it to a whole new level and he really can be like.. a hUGE ASSHOLE BC OF IT. its mostly when he realizes that he may be starting to become close with anyone that it really gets to a bad point and he becomes all the more self-destructive. THIS IS GONNA BE VERY UNSANITARY SO WARNING BUT hes literally told someone in an rp once like “YOURE GOING TO FORCE ME TO EAT YOUR SHIT OR DRINK YOUR FUCKING URINE JUST LIKE THOSE FUCKING PEOPLE IN THE ORPHANAGE DID, ARENT YOU???? IS THAT WHAT YOU FUCKING WANT FROM ME?? TO USE ME, HURT ME, CUT ME, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT??? WE ARE NEVER GOING TO BE FUCKING FRIENDS YOU GODDAMN IDIOT!!! WHAT THE HELL MADE YOU THINK WE HAD ANYTHING IN COMMON??” AND ITS JUST KINDA.. YIKES SCOOB! but basically hes willing to say just about anything to push people away so he can avoid getting close to anyone

Q6: WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN COMMON WITH YOUR MUSE?:

WE BOTH FEAR AND AVOID ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS LIKE THE FUCKIN WIND. also when i was younger i definitely had a tendency to try and make people hate me just to push people away like Ezekiel does but im not like that anymore thankfully!!

Q7: HOW DOES YOUR MUSE FEEL ABOUT YOU?:

oh hed probably try to fucking kill me lol

Q8: WHAT CHARACTERS DOES YOUR MUSE HAVE INTERESTING INTERACTIONS WITH?

HONESTLY LIKE.. P MUCH EVERY INTERACTION EZEKIEL HAS IS SO GOOD. Ezekiel is one of those characters where its very hard to have a boring rp bc he just does so much shit, so like no matter who i rp him with, its bound to be amazing. ALTHOUGH I DO NEED TO MAKE HIM INTERACT WITH MORE PEOPLE TBH!!! the only problem i have when writing him sometimes is actually making him talk to new people, bc of his extreme shut-in attitude and whatnot, so he literally just never starts conversations with anyone he barely knows.

Q9: WHAT GIVES YOU INSPIRATION TO WRITE YOUR MUSE?:

listening to any music that reminds me of him! but otherwise, it usually just comes pretty naturally to me tbh. just some days ill be in the mood for him all day--same with a lot of my characters actually.

Q10: HOW LONG DID THIS TAKE YOU TO COMPLETE?:

A LONG ASS TIME

[supreme-duck-blog]

history of homestuck (not mine)

John lives in a house in a suburb filled with houses by a lake and its *beautiful!!* In the year negative a billion– John might not have been here. In the year negative 40000 he still wasnt here, but his ancestors were. So was betty crocker. But she sucks. Then time passed and time shit happened and now theres lots of ~kids~ Because it’s normal. Ding dong, it’s gamebro magazine and they have important news. Like really shitty reviews. And a game called ~sburb~ Now everyone has heard about sburb. That means if you own sburb then you can play the game, which is what everyone needs to *survive.* So that makes you important. Sburb hosts and server players spread all across the land and all the way to here. [points to america] The most important players were here, here, here, and here. But this one was the most most important started by John, or the heir of breath. Then the world started being destroyed by meteors. John made some changes, like getting into the game, and making the others more like his game, which was a game that got people into the game. “Hey random person!” Said john. “HEY DIPSHIT.” said a troll. “Can you call me something other than dipshit?” said John. “LIKE WHAT?” said the troll. “How about John Egbert?” Said john. And they got trolled by some trolls and wrote a guide. About themselves. And then they made a bunch of items and some more game dvds. Then they stopped changing povs every time a character did something and stayed with one person for a while, with Rose. And they got Dave in finally, lets get that squared away. A weird hipster named Vriska is bored of the slow playing and talks to John who begins to trust her which causes ~shipping~ Leaves and comes back causing John to be ~great~ for a while. And the game became a little easier so John didn’t give a shit about the chance of dying So if you do care about your fragile morality how are you supposed to protect your ass from Imps? ~Ascend to God Tier~ Everyone started focusing on going god tier. -People who got to quest bed went god tier. People who did not get to quest bed did not go god tier. God tiers became powerful and everyone wanted to become god tier. But the game didn’t care and killed them anyways. They let the kids go god tier but the game was actually still in control. Breaking news, Jack Noir has invaded the troll session. “I have invaded the troll session.” Said jack noir. “Please respect me or else I might kill you as well.” “Okay.” say the beta kids. [pulling out their weapons.] The trolls tried to run away and got killed by jack noir. But the kids were upset and got ready for battle and had a nice time fighting but then died to jack noir. Then the game kills John, but john comes back to life and wanders around skaia and meets WV. And John can stay alive a little longer, if he wants that’s fine. ~Now theres more trolls~ Like humans but grey and with horns, symbols, coolorful blood, quirks, ocs, and buckets. It’s time for who’s going to be the next leader. Sollux wanted it to be terezi, but terezi didn’t want to lead. So he tries to get someone else to be the leader of the red team, but no one wants to. So who’s it gonna be? Vote now on your husktops. And everyone voted so hard Karkat got angry and started yelling. Sollux actually didn’t care, he didnt want to play anymore anyways. And the entire game broke into pieces. Karkat became leader and the game was ok for a short period. Knock knock. It’s Vriska. No, she doesnt want to take over, she just wants to be a hero. By creating Jack noir. And killing Tavros. So that’s great. But everyone is still fighting each other. Now with Gamzee! Wouldn’t it be nice to be safe for once, with no one out to kill you? This troll (Eridan) Kills Feferi and Kanaya, but is then chainsawed in half by a vampire who came back to life. Surprise surprise, Gamzee’s on a murderous rampage. On that rampage, one troll named Equius gets killed and Nepeta is upset. Who also gets killed. Vriska is just about to go fight jack noir but he kills everyone else, so Terezi uses her seer powers to kill her and keep this from happening. And then she felt really really bad. “We are going to breed frogs and hopefully win the game” said Dave who tried but jack noir came and he died. But before he died his past self became his sprite and was now hanging out with his bro until jack noir came again. And jack noir was like “yeah right, it’s not gonna be a happy ending, you’re gonna die. Cuz I’m angry.” And so he killed Bro and almost Davesprite, who had his wing cut off and somehow bleeds despite being a sprite. A lot of people hate Jack, but Jade was just kinda ok with him. Someone comes and kills jade, and jack gets mad. Jack kills him, but jade is still dead. ~Cascade~ And Jack takes Jade to the quest bed to go dog tier and save everyone’s life. But don’t get confused, Dave and Rose set off the tumor. And they died on their quest bed and ascended in the green sun with Aradia and Sollux who were also there. PM got a ring and looked just like jack. Except for the whole black and white thing, but they were equal in every other way. Now that everyone’s going somewhere we change povs to the alpha kids. There was Jane, Roxy, Jake, and Dirk who were the “ancestors” of the beta kids. Except there was betty crocker, carapaces, sburb alpha, gcat, and looming death. They tried to play the game and failed miserably so Dirk had to save their asses. We’re talking time shenanigans on rocketboards while freestyling and jumping through portals to all meet up, maybe even sea hitler. Over time they met Caliborn and Calliope and met with the others and– Knock knock. It’s the Trickster Arc. With drugs. And candy. Drug candy. “Come, play with us. Stop, running away.” said the Tricksters. There was really nothing they could do so they got high on candy and got to their quest beds but then had a hangover and died in a fire. They ascended and got thrown in jail by jade and jane. “That sucks!” They said. “This sucks!!” And with help from John’s retcon powers they got out. And somehow Jake had an imaginary dirk and had a hope temper tantrum, which jade couldn’t do anything about. Then she got crushed by a falling tower. And everyone else finally caught up, and was like “oh no.” And then the becs caught up and everyone was like “Oh no.” And you know what else was bad? That’s right, Fish hitler. So what did she do? Join the party. The becs start to take jade from under the tower and start to fly away. And Dave rushes in out of nowhere and says “stop no you cant do that we were gonna heal her with Jane’s lifey powers to save her” and they fly away anyways with Dave in pursuit. Then, Terezi finds Gamzee and they talk about their feelings. Did I say talk? I meant kick each others asses. And Jake says “Can you maybe chill?” And Gamzee says “How bout maybe YOU chill?” John kinda hates Caliborn. You’ll never guess who kinda hates John. Caliborn! So John and Caliborn start fighting because they really hate each other. Feeling really confident, John beats the shit out of caliborn and then gets zapped away with retcon powers. ~It’s time for s game over~ Everyone’s about to die. Because Aranea decided to do something different and everyone’s freaking out and Fish Hitler is about to fucking kill everybody. Meanwhile, Gamzee is still kicking Terezi’s ass and Karkat is *ANGRY.* and the next thing he does is get stabbed in the gut by Gamzee and enrages Kanaya. Kanaya slices Gamzee in half, who still has this fucking codpiece, because he killed Karkat who was friends with Kanaya and Karkat wanted to save Terezi who was getting beat up by Gamzee because of a terrible Kismesis. Err, actually, it probably wasn’t a kismesis at all. And Kanaya had a chainsaw. So you know what that means, duhh. ~Meanwhile with Aranea~ Aranea tries to stab Jane, which she wanted to do anyways. So she sort of manipul8ed a sword her way, but then Jake blocked it! And then the sword stabbed Jane too because swords are long. Now Dave and the Becs are at Jade’s questbed and congratulations, becs, you dropped her there and are now going to fight Dave 2 on 1 with totally unfair odds all for something really stupid that really shouldn’t have happened. And yes, Dave ends up dying to both of them at once. And also Sea Hitler kills Kanaya with a laser of death which makes rose ~super pissed~ And she starts charging at condy who kills her with a trident. That was bad but Roxy saved her from complete obliteration with voidy powers so that’s ok I guess. Planets are thrown around and Condy chokes Aranea who is like “noo don’t do that its mean and i have the ring of life which means im not supposed to be able to die…” And Condy said ~“how bout I do, anyway?”~ And Condy flipped the ring off her finger, and everyone’s pretty much dead now. You’ve got mail! Its from Terezi, who somehow isnt dead. She wants John to fix everything and keep everyone from dying. This was also forwarded to Roxy. They all decided to because they were alive. ~It’s time for S collide~ Vriska is alive in the new timeline who talked to some kids, then some more kids, then some more more kids on how to fight and terezi has a mental br8kdown and sees other timelines and is like “holy shiiit” and she sees another vriska and terezi together because they are ~good friends~ and then the omegapause happened and everyone started crying because “homestuck isnt updating so i dont know what to do. Plus there’s undertale and thats pretty cool.” Suddenly there’s upd8s again and everyone starts fighting but with a little less death. Less death than any other big flash, ever. Somehow. But they still get their asses kicked, things look bad for them, but suddenly heir of grief and serenity happened and they started kicking ass. But then Dirk gets Dirkapitated in the fight by Dave and they use timey powers to get out alive. Jack’s head explodes. And then Roxy kills Condy and everyone’s really happy. And PM punches Jade in the face because she was upset. And she cuts off jacks arm after a literal eternity of being threatened. And she punches him in the face too. (you win) After all this shit Jade finally makes the universe frog with just enough ingredients for a ~whole new universe~ and everyone is happy and free in the new universe. And also not dead. They make can town and repopulate earth. But then again Vriska is still gone and no one knows where she is for some reason. ~~bye~~

[nickatnightwalker-blog]

@bythepowerof4  in depth discussion of daisys every weakness and the responsibilities of power

bythepowerof4 hey question that ive been too nervous to ask in public: do people eat people here cause thats uh pretty mega fucked up?

nickatnightwalker honestly ive been running on the assumption that they do since theres like vampires and shit?

bythepowerof4 not to bring the mood down lol ill keep it light when we're hanging ;) oh

bythepowerof4 yeah shit

nickatnightwalker yeah shit

bythepowerof4 i havent been out here at night much so i havent seen em whoops

nickatnightwalker im familiar with a few but ive been trying to get my room to swiss bank status so we can chill there if youre worried

bythepowerof4 that sounds very excellent do you not have a roomie?? i got saddled with another newbie like straight away

nickatnightwalker nah, no roomie there's still a lot of empty dorms in my hall too

bythepowerof4 youre in the humany dorm right?? thats not very comforting lol

nickatnightwalker yyyyyyyyyyyyeah i know right where are you?

bythepowerof4 uhhhh proteus!!

nickatnightwalker which one is that

bythepowerof4 with the shapeshifty people i think?? total bull

nickatnightwalker doyou shapeshift?

bythepowerof4 uh not really? only once but i guess it looks like i am to everyone else? im not sure on the specifics

nickatnightwalker thats baffling you said stuff but to me it still means nothing

bythepowerof4 when we meet up you can judge for yourself, tell me if my form looks permeable and mutable to you or whatever lmao i was told we werent supposed to ask about this stuff :p

nickatnightwalker fromwho? i always wanna know

nickatnightwalker ort you woah sorry i hate tumblr

bythepowerof4 ???

nickatnightwalker yeah i didnt mean to send that lmao

bythepowerof4 lol uh i think it was, headsarolling, whoever that is, and the guy with the little cartoon smoker for an icon?? who got all defensive abt their supermatural shit

nickatnightwalker oh the headless kid is kind of a dick

bythepowerof4 hey also this might sound weird wait what

nickatnightwalker yeah?

bythepowerof4 headless????

nickatnightwalker headsarolling has no head

bythepowerof4 is that a thing oh my god

nickatnightwalker yeah yep thats what i said

bythepowerof4 ok for my own sanity im not gonna dwell on that ok ANYWAY

nickatnightwalker yeah bring it

bythepowerof4 could you. bring me my shoes back

nickatnightwalker sorry what

bythepowerof4 my shoes. daisy took my shoes

nickatnightwalker i am not surprised

bythepowerof4 which was ok at the time because she mustve had a pretty shit night with the uh, fire, and being propositioned by count freakmeout, but its been a while and i still dont have my shoes

nickatnightwalker ok yeah i can do that

bythepowerof4 ok cool thanks im sure she was kidding about her room being some mysterious death chamber but i dont wanna risk it

nickatnightwalker nah it kinda is but i can get through

bythepowerof4 lol spousal privilege does wonders ;)

nickatnightwalker actually we decided to not get married and live in sin for a while

bythepowerof4 best way to live obviously

nickatnightwalker i mean, you're only young once right

bythepowerof4 right!! enjoy it while you're both young soon enough youll be sitting in a dive bar complaining bout the ol ball and chain. time flies its a drag

bythepowerof4 hey we can real talk for a second right??

nickatnightwalker yeah im

nickatnightwalker kind of baked but hit me with it

bythepowerof4 ok obviously youre not actually dating daisy or if you are its like?? some weirdo casual shit so like my concerns are twofold 1. what is she like, into 2. is she actually as fucking terrifying as she was at that fight or was that like, for show

nickatnightwalker 1.  idk who she's into atm she's mysterious like that 2.  yes shes always like that you just kind of learn to roll with it sometimes she chills

bythepowerof4 ok. um

bythepowerof4 you know what i actually dont know what to do with this information but thanks

nickatnightwalker youre welcome she likes unicorns

bythepowerof4 not sure how to figure that into my approach but thats weirdly cute?

nickatnightwalker shes cute her eyes are far apart

nickatnightwalker she spins when shes happy

bythepowerof4 yeah wow

nickatnightwalker sometimes shes happy for bad reasons she was sitting on ins

bythepowerof4 thats not ominous at all

nickatnightwalker you just have ot tell her no very serioiusly it's hard

bythepowerof4 yeah i can see how that would be difficult youre like her little jiminy cricket tho thats so sweet

nickatnightwalker it's a heavy burden to bear

bythepowerof4 we gotta do what we gotta do does this burden come automatically with asking her out though id kinda wanna be more casual

nickatnightwalker no one can do it but im im the chosen one

bythepowerof4 on behalf of the student body id like to thank you for your sacrifice

nickatnightwalker youe welcome it's hard to be bufy the vampireslayer

bythepowerof4 oh, all those beautiful vampire boys lusting after you and your tight leather pants, must be such a nightmare!!

nickatnightwalker it is truely truely a nightmare andas far as i  know  leatherpants are not a part of this equation

bythepowerof4 youre such a poser dude did you even make it to season six?? early 00s fashion disasters abound, leather clad legs akimbo

nickatnightwalker rihgt no thats right season 6

nickatnightwalker i watched that????

bythepowerof4 lmao, if you need a refresher im ready and willing

nickatnightwalker i marathoned it l ast week it suddenly got so relevant\

bythepowerof4 lol ur telling me

nickatnightwalker listen listen i tried to kss one

bythepowerof4 wait a fucking second im slow ok but are you?? referring to mr byron?? FUCK

nickatnightwalker whom

bythepowerof4 dude!!!

nickatnightwalker o h what everyone makesmistakes everyonehas those days

bythepowerof4 you dont wanna be dinner right youre doing a piss poor job of staying away from vampires aka the most likely people to kill you everybody knows what what im talkin bout everybody gets that way

nickatnightwalker thank you you get it i didnt know how can thi sbe bmy fault

bythepowerof4 didnt he brag on night one how good he is at like, rending flesh from bone or something like i figured he was full of shit but its still a red flag mate

nickatnightwalker didnt know who he was trust me i wouldnt have com neAR that face

bythepowerof4 lmao youve got some shit luck huh

nickatnightwalker unnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnbelievably daisyll kill hiim if hekills me though

nickatnightwalker vengeance from beyond the grave

bythepowerof4 hey bro pact if im ever about to get all up on someone who wants to taste my still beating heart or whatever please stop me aww cute!! avenging each others death is some really good bonding shit very um

nickatnightwalker i will absolutely stop you

bythepowerof4 hamlet i think

nickatnightwalker that was his dad

bythepowerof4 oh thanks (: oh ok gotcha

nickatnightwalker mnot related to daisy

nickatnightwalker not my dad or my uncle

bythepowerof4 bro pact if i ever misquote shakespeare in front of ur not dad or uncle please stop me i get the feeling its a deal breaker

nickatnightwalker oh my god is it ever if you dont know what shes saying sometimes its quotes she quotes a lot when she doesnt know what to say also cute

bythepowerof4 lmao very

nickatnightwalker very

nickatnightwalker you know what she

nickatnightwalker also makes this face like when you fuck up a quote?? her nose

bythepowerof4 im guessing you do it constantly and unapologetically then lol

nickatnightwalker no i dont misquote

bythepowerof4 woow sorry mr walker!! how dare i suggest otherwise

nickatnightwalker its ok i undersatnd

bythepowerof4 youre so forgiving!! damian is a very lucky undead creature of the night (:

nickatnightwalker why

bythepowerof4 i was kinda saying like "hes lucky to have you" but that might be a bit mean sorry :/

nickatnightwalker he has nothign

bythepowerof4 lol glad to hear it

nickatnightwalker youre welcome ame same

bythepowerof4 wait a fucking second am i the only person both awake and sober how did you let this happen

nickatnightwalker things progressed byond my control

bythepowerof4 suck it up chosen one!! power is control or something like that