#only to fall apart this week
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the "alone against the world" thing is the fucking worst.
#made it through the bad week mostly intact#only to fall apart this week#so much terrible shit#so much heartbreak#grief#so fucking alone
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hey mouthwashing analysts, do we maybe want to think a bit before comparing a full grown man, who is just heavily disabled, to a baby? like a literal infant? especially when there's a stronger metaphorical/psychological/symbolic avatar for the baby and pregnancy already present within the narrative? (multiple even!)
#please for the love of sweet christ stop treating or alluding to disabled characters as infantile. what is wrong with you#disabled people who need to rely on the care of others are not like babies. you guys know that right#also aside from it just being generally fucked up and weird#the possible metaphor of curly as anya's baby is very week. especially juxtaposed with the stronger symbols already associated with the#baby/pregnancy in the game (namely polle and the dead pixel; i actually prefer the dead pixel as being representative of jimmy)#also i just realized i spelt weak wrong. sorry im high#i also think curly's position is meant to be reflective of anya's. he's suddenly vulnerable#trapped. and at jimmy's total mercy (the physical assult 2 months in?)#very much in a similar manner to anya. only now- its too late for him to act. he can only witness as things fall apart#someone else on here said this but#curly and jimmy as foils- curly and anya as parallels#curly as a metaphor for the baby runs the risk of. muddying the whole thing#mouthwashing#mouthwashing analysis#captain curly#anya#jimmy
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*posts and crawls back in hell*
#artists on tumblr#fight club#digital art#illustration#the narrator fight club#tyler durden#art#fight club 1999#soapshipping#oh my look who's back#so#I'm living hell rn cause I'm full of assignments and gotta pull full nighters til like sunday#this is the only thing I've drawn since the last time I posted. yeah#this is also an assignment for tomorrow (at this point today#I've been raw dogging this drawing from start to finish since 4 pm and now it's like midnight and a half#also I got a test tomorrow I studied nothing about#crying and throwing up#tyler looks fried in that bg but ayw#love the rest#this was supposed to be the scene where jack loses a tooth and tyler says that even the mona lisa falls apart#pretty much only inspirational cause I changed the whole thing to get a nicer result#I'll also post the final thing once I finish it at school#alright bye babes#can't wait to start dtage next week so I'll have drawing time once I get home#yippee#love yall I'll check the notes when I have time 😭#martyryo
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cannot stop thinking about loguetown shuggy and im not talking post-execution shuggy. loguetown shuggy as in the two-year gap between reaching raftel and roger's execution. like that was it!!! that was the universe giving their chance to be together!!! to get it right!!!! except they were what? 14? 15? so of course they got it wrong!!!! of course they fucked it up, and now they've spent decades apart and buggy's got a good thing going with crocodile and mihawk and shanks is finally ready to claim the one piece or whatever and the last time they properly talked was at their captain's son's execution. funny how the only thing that seems to bring them together is death
#we do not talk about that two year gap enough#do you think they got an apartment tgther? do you think they got jobs?#do you think buggy picked up work in like a quiet bookshop and shanks picked up work by the docks?#do you think they woke up tgther and argued about who had to make breakfast? do you think they picked out furniture tgther?#do you think it was sickeningly domestic? and when the breakup happened did they pack up their stuff in silence?#did they wake up wondering where the other was for weeks after the breakup? did they find each other's clothes mixed up in theirs?#save me loguetown!shuggy save me#cannot stop thinking about the universe's shitty timing. oh if only you gave it to them later in life#if only they were old enough to understand what they had and what they could lose if they gave it up#but yknow what they say. this is a very old story. somebody has to leave first#and yknow what they say about tragedies. they're set in stone. they were going to fall apart anyway#shuggy#akagami no shanks#buggy the clown#op
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two consecutive reactions to arcane s2ep7, an exhibit
#only had time for one ep today but that wrecked me enough#ekko arcane#jayce talis#arcane#arcane s2#arcane spoilers#arcane s2 spoilers#c speaks into the void#ok spoilers in the tags:#I HAVE BEEN CRYING FOR HOURS#ekko's stronger than me i would have never left#no because how do react to that. knowing there's a universe where your entire life didn't fall apart#powder is eventually going to realize that the reason ekko painted vi like that is because he knows how she would've looked if she lived#also tf happened to heimerdinger. did he just straight up vanish#for a moment there i thought jayce was c*nnibalizing himself until my sister told me he was eating an animal#last but not least FUCKING STROMAE??????#'LE PIRE C'EST TOI ET MOI'?????#'ennemie' sounding so much like 'ami' when he sings it i'm going to pass out#the song was the final blow tbh this will be in loop for a while#i am not ready for the other two i'm simply not#i need 3 weeks to recover from this one alone
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No rest for the wicked I suppose
#hi!!!!! sorry this is the only thing I've drawn in like a week. I got busy freaking the fuck out about moving back in with my parents :)#it totes feels like everything is falling apart around me but also its fine!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll figure it out!!!!#anyway. I tried to put ghosts in the background but they would not turn out so just imagine that Vriska is getting tormented by ghosts#or more ghosts I guess#aradiaaugust#aradia megido#vriska serket#hs#homestuck#my art
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so there's a reason my new job got back to me so quickly about my application and that's bc it's an absolute fucking shambles like actually perfect timing for me to decide to rewatch the bear bc i have never more felt like ive been thrown into a broke on-its-knees establishment trying to crawl its way up the ladder where i am somehow a godsend to them. my old job was crazy and shambolic in the sense that the industry is just Like That but this one?????? insanity. every 5 mins i am questioning what im doing with my life. ive already had a walk-in fridge moment
#so i explained before that there's 3 venues and on my very first shift they had me doing the restaurant venue for 2 hours#which was FINE like i was a bit cautious bc my manager is VERY stressed all the time and the place generally feels like it's falling apart#not the building itself just. the way it's run like it's just got new owners and the previous manager apparently#EMPTIED THE TILLS AND TRASHED THE PLACE like cost them THOUSANDS of pounds and on top of that#there was beef with the head chef and the new owners that meant he left and took the ENTIRE BACK OF HOUSE WITH HIM#THERE ARE NO KITCHEN STAFF ATM. I HAVE TO LIE AND TELL CUSTOMERS WE DONT HAVE FOOD ATM BC OF 'REFURBISHMENT'#WHEN IN ACTUALITY THE /RESTAURANT/ DOESNT HAVE CHEFS. DO YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY THAT IS#and then the front of house staff are very lacking aside maybe 2 people we're ALL NEW and all of them EXCEPT ME#LIKE LITERALLY JUST ME IM THE ONLY EXCEPTION. ALL OF THEM ARE UNTRAINED#so when i applied with bar training coffee training and very solid waitressing skills they genuinely treated me like a saviour#like i am FENDING off shifts tbh im in a v good position bc they need me too much to get shitty w me if i refuse hours but i can literally#have as many as i want bc they will just give me them. like they're obsessed w me im rota'd for over 60 hours this week#but anyway that very first shift after 2 hours in the restaurant i then walked to the mini golf venue on the OTHER SIDE OF TOWN#and my manager stayed for 30 MINUTES. IF THAT. and showed me around the place + how to close THEN LEFT ME THERE#FIRST DAY HE GAVE ME THE KEYS AND LEFT ME TO RUN AN ENTIRE VENUE. IT'S NOT SMALL EITHER IT'S A WHOLE BAR#AND I HAD TO CLOSE ON MY OWN TOO and ironically the shift itself went rlly well like it was so chill#it was kinda boring but honestly i kinda rated it it's v easy money and the close went perfectly nothing cropped up that i was unsure about#and then. AND THEN. i havent even ranted to my mutuals about this yet bc i was acc so horrified by it but i locked the front doors#and went to lock the gate AND THE KEY GOT STUCK IN THE LOCK. WOULD NOT COME OUT. HELLA VS KEYS ROUND 3927593#my mum even showed up and tried to help me wrestle this thing out i called my manager and he literally told me to just snap it#bc he'd rather a snapped key that NO ONE could get out than just leave it there overnight but bc of my recent house key moment#i was like AM I FUCK SNAPPING THIS KEY. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING. so i had to just leave it and at the time#i was realllyyyyyyyyyy beating myself up but my manager is actually rlly nice he's just stretched v thin#and ive also had time to be like uhh actually they shouldnt have left a random 21 y/o girl alone with the keys on her first day#omg i havent even talked about what happened on saturday. ACTUAL SHAMBLES#LIKE THIS /\/\ ISNT EVEN CLOSE TO EVERYTHING! IM RUNNING OUT OF TAG ROOM! IM GONNA REBLOG THIS TONIGHT W MORE PROBABLY!#BC GUESS WHO IS WORKING A CLOSE LATER AT THE NIGHTCLUB THEN OPENING THE RESTAURANT AT 8AM. GUESS#hella slaves to capitalism
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sneepy cozy time....
#cats#longing to one day hopefully feel sleepy cozy like this again...#There was a pretty cool week here so I thought we had progressed closer to cool fall weather but... NO#..wrong!! It's like 80F in my room right now and was 98F outside yesterday. We get two more 'cooler' days and then#it starts going up again and will be in the high 90s possibly 100 something later this week#in my mind september should be COOOOOLLLL!!!!! or at least STARTING to get there.. Like mid 80s at the highest.#I am going to explode the world with evil wizard powers aaRGHaaHHHHHHHH#OR at least it should get down really low at night. I think thats the main thing is if it's 95 in the day and only 62 for like 3 hours in#the middle of the night then even leaving a fan in windows all night is not enough to fully cool down the house because its just not#enough cold air or cool for long enough. If it were 98 in the day but 15F outside at night then you could probably bring cool air inside al#night and your house would be at a relatively low starting point for the next days heat.#Like for example - in my apartment on a hot and sunny day. Even with every window#closed and blocked off with thick layers of reflective stuff and also not using the stove or doing anything to generate heat - the apartmen#will still go up on average about 6 - 8 degrees in one day. Peaking around 8 - 10pm night time. If I start off with the house cooled down#to 60F. then the highest it would get is 66 - 68 which is tolerable#.But if the lowest I can cool the apartment all night is still only 75F#then it's going to be 81 - 83F by the end of the day. So really it would be bearable (ISH)#for it to be warm as long as it was colder at night.#Though still the IDEAL is to not have to structure my life around envrionmental management and constantly be checking the#outdoor temperature so I can put the fans in the second that it's colder outside than it is inside and putting elaborate curtain systems#up and down at the exact right times and meal prepping 4 days in advance so I dont have to use the stove for 3 days and blah blah blah#Life in the colder weather months is so effortless and breezy in that sense. I can just have the window open all day and get natural light.#I can cook whatever I want. I can wear what I like. I can move around the house freely without needing to always#carry a fan around with me or douse myself in water.#ANYWAY.... oh if only that were me.... snuggled in a warm blanket ... a comforting wintery image...
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rarepair week day 2: running away/death
i’ve drawn so much cute fluffy art of them (definitely more to come in the future) so i wanted to give them something more thematic and sad!! they make me go a little bananas ok…… the tragedy of it all…….
@dr-rarepair-week-blog
#danganronpa rarepair week 2023#danganronpa#kaede akamatsu#kiibo#kiimatsu#drv3 spoilers#i've already rambled about them a lot so yall already know but i just love how their deaths are sorta like endcaps to the game#ik kaede didn't die first but her death sets it all in motion For Real which then starts breaking the fictional world apart#like shuichi becomes the protagonist & everything is different now and it all starts to fall apart yknow bit by bit#and it ends when kiibo blows himself up and takes the 4th wall with him#even if they barely interacted their roles are so intertwined... i think kaede had a lot of impact on kiibo’s mindset up until the end#just two protagonists who tried so so so hard and went off the deep end..... left it all to their bf smh#telling him 'do what i can't do bc i'm confined to my role end the killing game i believe in you'#also i found out one of their ship names is CHIPTUNE which is the cutest thing EVER IN THE ENTIRE WORLD#disclaimer may be a ship name that only one of my acquaintances uses BUT I LOVE IT
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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i told my boss im in an intensive outpatient program because it affects my work hours and literally he bought me cookies, made me tea today, and sat me down SEVERAL times to tell me that if i need a little taken off my plate then i can just tell him and its literally so sweet i love this man but at the same time im just like huh. is this how an employer is supposed to act? ive nearly gotten fired in the past for my mental health issues so this is wild
#tbh this nonprofit would fall apart without me so it is nice to be appreciated#but also i dont know how to accept appreciate or even like platonic care so it's weird lol#also its so weird like he cares more than my family about this lmfao like literally my parents dont care and my brother says he does but#he hasn't come home from his girlfriend's in a week and also has only reached out to me to ask about school financial stuff bc i handle tha#for him
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😓😓😓
#i hate myself i hate being an alcoholic#it's ruining my life and i fucking hate it but i can't stop#it just keeps getting worse#and i hate admitting this because the only solution is sobriety and that fucking terrifies me more than anything#but i can't keep doing this#i dont know what to do#i keep telling myself im going to take at least a 2 week break.#and then end up with so many plans#i know i could not drink but it feels impossible#i know thats pathetic as hell i don't know how to explain it#everyone makes not drinking sound so easy i dont understand#why is it so hard#my body is falling apart i wish it would just die#i hate myself#tw alcohol#alcoholic#alcoholism
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ive gotta be real im kind of losing hope for life
#it feels like it's only get worse and worse lately and i just don't know what to do man#its just like. swallowing me whole#the furure feels so fucking looming no matter what#i feel like a pathetic bum because i genuinely dont know that ill ever be able to take on longer than a 25 hour work week max#and because of how everything is im doomed to be forever dependant on someone covering so much for me#i don't feel like I'm ever going to be secure and i just. i have hopes for the future but any time i try to consider how i get there i just#it feels like everything falls apart#i know it's probably because it's 2 in the morning but i just don't have any faith in my life...#it's hard not to just. consider death sometimes i guess. I'm not actively suicidal. id hardly even say i passively am most of the time#it's just like... i don't fucking know how I'm going to make it out of this man. i feel so hopeless#...rant over
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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well, today i read 100 pages of my book, made a (currently) complete calendar schedule for the entire year that encompasses work, school, and free time activities, and got myself completely set up to start the next semester on Monday, so i may not have gotten everything done that i wanted to, but i’m still proud of myself!
#also planned out my future restaurant trips in detail#because i want to go to new places but it also Scares Me#so if i plan exactly When i’m going and What to order - it becomes less scary#because i have a Plan then nothing is left up to chance#ideally in the future i’ll be more confident and won’t need this#but it’s helpful for now#and honestly pretty wise considering my food allergies#it’s really not a bad thing to plan ahead when possible#which is why i’ve also planned so many city trips and books and films#if i tell myself exactly what to do ahead of time - i can do it#but ONLY then#i need the structure and organization or it falls apart#and this is working and i’m so happy#i’d love to finish the book this week but i’m only about a sixth of the way done so there’s no way that’s happening#not with the Moby-Dick reading monopolizing my weekend#but getting it done in two weeks is the official goal#which i think is entirely manageable#so !!!!!!!!#wish me luck!!!!!
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#vent#putting this here on main where less ppl involved will see bcs i just don't want that attention#(dots to hidr if ppl don't want to see this)#...........................................................................................................................................#.............................#..............#just stop. please im begging everyone to just stop. im begging everyone to just stop.#i get im not at all part if the people that ate effected by this im not at all but god please this is such a big game of#bad telephone and lack of one on one communication that didn't need to be made public#please i dont want to be unfollowing so many people please#are we going to enter an era of be careful whos posts you like or reblog bcs its part of 'the erong side'?#its selfish of me i know its so fucking selfish of me to be begging for this to stop but please#please the person has made an apology. the frustrations of everyone has been made and heard#im just begging everyone please just please don't make this something thats going to haunt this#fandom and community for weeks or months or forever#please goddamit please i enjoy so many people that have been just a part of this or been rebloging things about this and#i get it i get that this is upsetting that shit didn't go how anyone wanted but please i dont want go unfollow some of you#why is everything going to shit#why is everything falling apart#its so selfish of me to be this upset about this. its so messy on both sides everything about thos is so messy but god damnit why WHY#are we making this something so big#its selfish of me to say but please god please i come here to escape. i come here to have fun. im in these discords to have fun.#i have so much fun here and now everyone is just angry#i just wanted to reblog some cute art that came on my dash. i just wanted to eish someone well after seeing they needed space#i don't want to be so on edge about who i “should and shouldn't” interact with#everything went to shit for me. yhen it got better. then back to shit. and finally it was getting better and now its all went to shit again#but this time its everyone everywhere and in escapable#the only awnser is to just log on. disappear for s while. but god i just vame bsck i JUST came back and god i just want yhis all to stop.
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