#also aside from it just being generally fucked up and weird

[retourpresdetoi]

hey mouthwashing analysts, do we maybe want to think a bit before comparing a full grown man, who is just heavily disabled, to a baby? like a literal infant? especially when there's a stronger metaphorical/psychological/symbolic avatar for the baby and pregnancy already present within the narrative? (multiple even!)

[snekdood]

Dude.. my ex boyfriend totally did get me into conspiracy theory shit, even if unintentionally (i think its intentional im sure he believed in that shit. Would not surprise me at all.) At the time i was already pretty isolated from anyone online who mightve countered any of my dumb spiritual or alien related beliefs because of some dumb shit i said online making most of the friends and followers i made online generally avoid me, depending on who it was. I was just a regular pagan and then he showed me this weird video with all this weird conspiracy theory symbolism in it. I looked it up later on and looked up the meaning of the symbolism and came across a whole bunch of stuff posing itself as Secret Information The US Govt Doesnt Want You To Know About, etc. And then i just fell deeper into the conspiracy theory pipeline, traded my paganism for new age beliefs, and goddamn dude. Like we both got suspended from school bc he had a dumb idea to dumb shit there and i spent my time in detention fucking. Trying to read "the emerald tablets" or whatever tf. Its all coming back to me rn.

[suzukiblu]

Excerpt from the one where Kon meets pink kryptonite and decides to fuck Tim and his boyfriend about it.

(The read-more is definitely necessary, length-wise. I . . . got very into this idea and frankly this is barely a third of it so far, lol.)

"So, uh . . ." Kon says, skeptically eyeing the softly glowing rock in his hand. Metallo, like, threw it at his head. He has no idea why. "Is this supposed to do something or . . . ?"

"It's pink," Kara says leerily, staying very firmly back. Like, unexpectedly far back, in fact.

"Yeah, I'm not actually blind, thanks," Kon says, turning the rock over and squinting at it. It continues not to do anything, aside from the glowing thing.

"No, it's pink kryptonite," she stresses.

". . . it literally doesn't hurt at all, though?" Kon says. Though he probably should've figured it was some kind of kryptonite, given that Metallo had it and had apparently thought he could hurt him with it.

Seriously, though, his gloves are fingerless and he's got it right in his hand. It should be hurting him, if it's actually kryptonite.

"Pink kryptonite doesn't work like that," Kara says, edging a little farther back. They're floating a few hundred feet in the air right now, but from the way she's acting Kon's vaguely concerned that he might be about to explode or something. "It just affects our sexual . . . urges."

"Oh," Kon says, frowning in confusion. Weird, but . . . "Is that all?"

"I don't mean like it makes you horny, Kon, I mean like it makes you homosexual," Kara hisses, looking mortified. "And don't ask how I know, alright?!"

Kon . . . blinks.

"What the literal fuck?" he asks incredulously, just staring at her. "How does that even–are you telling me Metallo went and chucked gay kryptonite at me in the middle of a fight?"

"Yes!" Kara says, still clearly mortified. "So just–just stay over there with it until somebody shows up with a lead box, okay?! The effects will stop after we get it contained."

"Alright, alright. So then do you think the dude was flirting with me or is he just a fucking idiot?" Kon jokes, balancing the kryptonite on his index finger with his TTK. "Although I really don't think he'd be my type either way. Like, nothing against cyborgs in general, obviously, just the whole thing with him being a murderous supervillain who literally runs on kryptonite seems like it'd make us totally star-crossed. I want somebody I can actually commit to, you know?"

"Sure," Kara says, still eyeing the kryptonite with serious trepidation. It's really not helping Kon feel less like a time bomb, to be honest. Is there like some other side effect that he should be worrying about right now or something? Like, is he missing something here?

"You seem kinda high-strung about this," he observes, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Look, you'd have avoided it too if you'd dealt with it before!" she says protestingly. "So stay over there and definitely keep it away from Kal, I don't know if Jimmy ever really recovered from the last time."

"Oh, well, congrats to Jimmy, I guess," Kon says, since he can't really see a downside to scoring a one-night stand with Superman. Like, a downside for somebody who isn't literally his clone, he means. The clone thing would definitely make it weird.

Just it's also Clark, though, so he'd probably be the generous type in bed. Like, the sort to really take care of somebody. Be as gentle as happened to be appropriate but also be down if his partner maybe wanted it a little rough for whatever reason. And he'd definitely be able to go all night. Again, Kon isn't gonna go there himself, it really would be too weird, but he can make a logical conclusion. Extrapolate one. Whatever.

Then again he'd be down with Power Girl absolutely destroying him whenever the fuck she wanted to and she's genetically his . . . some form of cousin or something, he guesses. His half-cousin from another reality. So really, Clark's not even that weird an option. And like, all appearances aside Kon's a binary clone anyway, not even a one-for-one match, sooooo . . .

Actually it's probably weirder that he thinks Power Girl is so unspeakably hot but comparatively Kara is just . . . fine? Like, that's a little odd, isn't it?

Maybe it's an attitude thing. Or the costume.

Might be safe to blame the costume, yeah.

It's just such a good costume. Like, Kon aspires to reach that level of costume.

But really, all that aside he still doesn't even know what the big deal about temporarily going gay is, although to be fair he's also currently talking to Supergirl and not, like . . . literally any dude whatsoever. So like, who knows how weird this stuff might actually make him under those circumstances. Maybe it like fucks with inhibitions and stuff too?

Yeah, hell if he knows. He's really only dealt with green kryptonite before. He was vaguely aware that other colors existed and apparently did different stuff, but . . . this just seems very different, put it that way.

Maybe best to avoid Jimmy Olsen for a little while, Kon decides privately. The guy probably doesn't need that.

Besides, Clark apparently got there first anyway and Kon just really doesn't want to be worrying about measuring up. Miss him with that, thanks.

. . . although maybe he'll go visit Tim later.

Eh, no, Kara made it sound like the pink K's gonna stop affecting him pretty quick once they box it up, so not much point in bothering. Though maybe he'll visit just to hang, come to think of it; they haven't seen each other in almost a whole week. Well, he hasn't seen Tim, at least–who knows how much Bat-surveillance Tim's seen him through.

Kon should maybe sweep his room for bugs again. Note to self.

Although would it be weird to just like . . . keep the pink kryptonite, maybe? Since it apparently doesn't actually hurt anyone or anything? Because that could be, well . . . just interesting, that's all. Like, Kon is open to exploring that experience. Just–as an experience.

"Actually, you're surprisingly not high-strung about this," Kara says.

"Am I?" Kon asks. "I mean, it's not that big a deal, is it?"

She stares at him.

"Kon," she says slowly. "Pink kryptonite affects your sexuality. It makes you attracted to people you're not normally attracted to. It confuses you and everyone around you and it is really freaking embarrassing to explain afterwards."

"I've been mind-controlled into shaving my head and breaking my best friend's arm," Kon says, continuing to not really see what the big deal is. "That was embarrassing. And fucking traumatic. This? This is just kinda weird."

"Only kinda?" Kara asks incredulously. "You're one of the straightest guys I know! How are you just fine with this?!"

"I mean to be fair, that's probably making some unfair generalizations about straight guys," Kon points out. Kara stares at him. "What?"

"I don't even know how to respond to that," she says.

"Sorry?" Kon says, then tucks the pink kryptonite into his jacket pocket with a shrug. He's not trying to hide it or anything; just getting kinda sick of holding it. And it's that or he either ditches it somewhere or starts tossing it around and that'd probably be . . . just, well, absolutely epically stupid of him.

Or it seems like it would be, anyway. Whatever color it is, it's still kryptonite.

"I mentioned keeping that away from Kal, right?" Kara says.

"Yeah, on that note, are they like . . . done down there yet?" Kon asks, glancing down towards the mess of the street that Clark's standing on a few hundred feet below with a whole bunch of randos from S.T.A.R. Labs, for some reason. Somebody mentioned something about neutralizing Metallo's kryptonite heart without actually killing him, but mostly it was science talk and clearly theoretical anyway so to be honest Kon'd kinda tuned it all out as "not currently relevant", and that's all he knows.

"Definitely not," Kara says.

"I'm gonna call Robin while we're killing time, then," Kon says, pulling out his phone.

"You're going to call your closest male friend," Kara says. "Right now. While you've got pink kryptonite in your pocket."

"Yup," Kon says, already pulling up Tim's contact.

"Can you not see how that might be a bad idea at the moment?" Kara asks. "Not in any way whatsoever?"

"Well I'm not calling Impulse," Kon replies reasonably. Kara stares at him again, for some reason.

Eh, whatever.

He calls Tim.

"Hey, Conner, what's up?" Tim answers distractedly, which Kon doesn't hold against him because when isn't Tim distracted, really. Dude's got too much going on in that head of his, for real. He's just glad the guy ever picks up the phone at all.

"So apparently I'm gay right now," Kon greets conversationally, figuring he should lead with that just in case he actually is about to do something embarrassing to explain. "Pink kryptonite is fucking weird, man."

". . . uh," Tim says as Kara covers her face with her hands. "What?"

"Pink kryptonite makes you gay, Kara says," Kon says. "And we're both just kind of chilling above downtown Metropolis waiting for Kal to finish up with the science-y people so we can get said pink K locked up, so I'm bored out of my mind right now and calling you to complain about it."

"You're calling me," Tim says slowly. "While you're . . . gay."

"What, is he asking to come over?" another voice asks from the phone, sounding amused. It takes Kon a second to recognize it, but–oh yeah, that's the mysterious Bernard, isn't it?

Right, Tim has a boyfriend now. Kon's never actually met him on account of being the worst at secret identities and the whole thing that is Bernard living very firmly in Gotham, land of "no metas allowed unless you're either a supervillain or Batman's too dead to stop you", but he's heard him over the phone a couple times now, although they've never actually personally talked. So maybe thinking about Tim while being high on pink kryptonite isn't actually, like, kosher? Or polite. Or whatever.

. . . then again, Bernard did ask.

"I don't know, maybe?" Kon says thoughtfully, considering the idea. "Are you open to me coming over?"

"Yes," Bernard says.

"Bernard," Tim says.

"Babe, I know we're pretending I don't know you're an ass-kicking vigilante and all but come on, don't make me turn down Superboy," Bernard says wryly.

"We're–wait, pretending?!" Tim sputters.

"Pretending so, so hard," Bernard confirms, sounding nothing but fond. Kon's actually a little jealous of that tone of voice, he's gotta admit. Like–it's been a bit since anybody's talked to him that way, is all. "But like, if you actually thought you were being subtle maybe you shouldn't talk about kryptonite on the phone right in front of me or put themed emojis next to all your superfriends' civilian names in your contacts list?"

"Oh my god, you do that?!" Kon asks with a gleeful cackle, immediately forgetting everything else in favor of that absolutely delightful piece of information. "You're the worst! Batman just rolled over in his grave and Oracle is absolutely losing her shit on the other end of her wiretap!"

"B's not even dead right now," Tim says in exasperation. "And if O cared she'd have already hacked my phone and changed them. And for the record plenty of people put random superhero emojis next to their friends' names, that's a totally normal thing to do!"

"Usually the random superhero emojis aren't associated with contact pics that are dead fucking ringers for said superheroes," Bernard says, sounding amused again. "Just as a thing and all."

". . . anyway so you're gay today, how's that going for you, Conner?" Tim says as Bernard laughs gleefully in the background. "Triggering any unfortunate mental health crisises or anything? Making you worry about the validity of your masculinity? Because I can safely assure you that's all bullshit and you're fine."

"Naw, I know all that, being gay is just a thing," Kon says with a shrug. "Kara's being a little weird about it but honestly it's going way better than, like, the times supervillains mind-controlled me into being into them. Like just as an overall experience, I mean."

"Wait, how many times has that come up?" Tim asks in bemusement.

"I dunno?" Kon shrugs again. "I mean you were there for the Poison Ivy incident, and then Gorgeous Gilly happened to me a while later, which was, uh, genuinely horrifying because she tried to literally marry me during all that, so . . . I think just the twice, probably? But don't quote me on that, I don't even remember what I had for breakfast."

"And how is Kara being weird, exactly?" Tim says in his very unsubtle "assessing my teammate's psychological condition" voice.

"Oh, she's mostly just avoiding me?" Kon says, as a guy who's personally not really all that concerned with his psychological condition at the moment. "Because I've got the rock in my pocket on account of not wanting to just leave it lying around somewhere and she doesn't want to get affected by it. I don't know why, I don't really get why it matters."

"I mean it matters, definitely," Bernard says. "Like it very strongly matters to a lot of people."

"Fair, but I think we're all too invulnerable to really have to worry about getting gay-bashed or anything," Kon reasons. "Like, at least not as a heat of the moment thing."

". . . god can you imagine the world we would live in if every piece of shit gay-basher had to deal with the consequences of punching fucking Superman?" Bernard says feelingly. "For real."

"Oh, pink K's temporary," Kon clarifies. "Kal's not gay anymore."

"Hold up, I'm sorry, are you saying that at some point he was?" Bernard demands in obvious delight. "Is that what you're telling me right now?"

"I guess he was into redheads?" Kon says, tilting his head. "Slightly twinky redheads, specifically. Which I don't blame him for, I'm gonna be honest."

"Well now I know that forever, thanks," Tim says dryly.

"Alternate option: he could've been into Batman," Kon points out.

"Redheads it is," Tim says. "You just . . . redhead away over there."

"I mean I thought about it, kinda," Kon admits.

"Ngh," Tim says, for some reason.

"No thinking about Batman, though?" Bernard asks with a snicker.

"Not so much," Kon says, making a face. "Did consider having some Superman thoughts but I'm apparently not that narcissistic, surprisingly enough."

"Kon!" Kara chokes.

"Tell me you've never considered having Superman thoughts and I'll tell you you're a fucking liar," Kon snorts, shooting her a dry look. "Weren't you like totally naked when you first showed up on Earth? And then he found you like that and wrapped you up in his cape all nice and gentlemanly and took you home with him?"

"He is my baby cousin and you're being affected by pink kryptonite poisoning!" Kara accuses, her face bright red.

"Wait, is it actually poisoning me?" Kon says with a frown. "I feel like you should've led with it actually poisoning me, if that's actually a thing."

"Well no, not actually, it's physically harmless," Kara says grudgingly, folding her arms. "But you're still being affected! You're having Superman thoughts, of all things!"

"He just seems like he'd be considerate," Kon says reasonably. "Like, you know. Biblically."

"Ngh," Tim says, again for no apparent reason. Bernard sounds like he might be laughing. Or choking? Or maybe both; it's unclear.

"Please don't hit on Kal," Kara says. "Especially don't hit on Kal with pink kryptonite in your pocket. I don't want to know how that situation would end up."

"Ideally with him being considerate," Kon says. Tim chokes. Kara covers her face again.

"Does pink kryptonite affect your inhibitions too or are you just always like this?" Bernard asks curiously.

"Eh, pretty sure I'm just always like this, going by the things I've definitely still not been forgiven for saying to Power Girl," Kon says, idly tapping a finger against the side of his phone case. "Like, pretty damn sure at this point."

"That is unfortunately accurate," Tim agrees resignedly.

"So you're saying it is ethically okay to have Superboy over while he's gay," Bernard says in a promisingly speculative tone. Kon grins. Just a little, but yeah–definitely he grins. Kara grimaces, because she is absolutely no fun whatsoever.

Spoilsport.

"I did not in any way say that," Tim retorts dubiously.

"I mean that's what I heard, man, and I'm the one with super-hearing in this conversation," Kon says with a wider grin. "My inhibitions are all inhibited and my personal opinions of people are all the same, I'm just currently batting for the other team."

"So your normal opinion of me is that if you were gay, you'd come over," Tim says dryly.

"Yeah?" Kon says, raising an eyebrow. "I mean, obviously."

"How is that obvious?" Tim says.

"Because I already come over every time you let me," Kon reminds him.

"Oh yeah?" Bernard says slyly. "And how often does he let you come, exactly?"

"Not often enough," Kon replies honestly, and doesn't even bite at the obvious dumb sex joke Bernard so thoughtfully set up for him even though it is frankly painful not to.

"Ngh," Tim says. Kon continues not to understand the reason for him repeatedly making that same weird little noise, but whatever, he guesses. It's Tim, maybe he's stitching his own bullet wounds again or something. Guy's a multi-tasker like that.

"You know this would probably make for a fascinating case study about sexuality, actually," Bernard says musingly. "I mean, all I intend to do is abuse the situation to get into your very tight tights, but seriously, maybe we should all be taking notes or something."

"Ugh, hell no, Rob'll go full Bat if we let him do that," Kon snorts, then smirks. "He can take pictures, though, I know he's into that."

"Ngh," Tim says yet again, accompanied by a weird random "thump". If Kon didn't know better, he'd think he'd just fallen off a chair or something.

"Aw dammit, dude, I think I actually like you as a person now," Bernard says, sniggering. "Are you keeping the kryptonite? Please keep the kryptonite. Like, just for Valentine's and Tim's birthday, that's all I ask."

"Honestly don't know if Superman's gonna let me but I do kinda wanna," Kon admits. It seems pretty convenient, really. And definitely fun.

". . . and you're sure his inhibitions and opinions aren't being influenced in any way, Kara?" Tim asks suspiciously.

"He's really just like this, yeah," Kara says resignedly. "Well admittedly Kal spontaneously developed opinions on window treatments and used the word 'smashing' in cold blood when it happened to him, but that might've just been him sucking at flirting. Because he really does suck at flirting."

"What about when it was you?" Kon asks curiously.

"No one ever said it happened to me," Kara says.

"You kinda implied–"

"No one ever said it happened to me," Kara repeats, narrowing her eyes at him and doing an impressively bad job of acting like she's not blushing.

So it definitely happened to her, yeah.

"Okaaaaay, we'll pretend about that too then," Bernard says. "Well, what are your opinions on window treatments, Conner?"

"That I don't know what they are," Kon says.

"Sounds like he's in his right mind to me," Bernard says.

"He is absolutely not," Kara retorts dubiously.

"I really don't feel weird or anything, I swear," Kon tells her, since he still doesn't get the problem but also doesn't actually want to worry her either. "I don't even feel any different."

"Kon, you are hitting on your best friend and his boyfriend," Kara says. "Together. At once. Simultaneously, one might even say."

"You've met Wonder Girl and Arrowette before, right?" Kon says. "And both the Batgirls? And–"

"Oh my god, Kon," she cuts him off.

"Just saying," he says, then pauses for a moment and frowns consideringly. "Actually, question, how gay is this stuff making me, because while we're on the topic of threeways I kinda always wondered about what Starfire and Nightwing get up to together and if–"

"KON!" Kara yells, covering her ears.

"I'm just asking," he huffs.

"I don't know if it's actually possible to be gay enough to not be into Starfire," Bernard says musingly. "Like I can't imagine how it ever could be."

"Right?" Kon says.

"It's possible to not be into Starfire," Tim says. "Like, theoretically. Asexuals and aromantics both exist, for one."

"Do they?" Kon says doubtfully. "Like in general, sure, but when around specifically Starfire?"

". . . I can't technically prove you wrong due to a lack of reliable evidence but still," Tim says. "The possibility is there. If nothing else the multiverse is a thing."

"Last time I saw her she was wearing half a gold lamé bikini and I am not going to tell you which half or define how loosely I am using the term 'wearing'," Kon says.

"I said it's possible, not probable," Tim says.

"What about you, man, are you the gold lamé type?" Bernard asks with a teasing snicker. "Just while you're gay and all, of course. That's like, practically a cultural thing. Gotta be authentic to the experience, yeah?"

"That is in no way whatsoever a cultural thing, babe," Tim says dubiously.

"Please, like I've never worn freaking lamé," Kon scoffs. "I've worn collars and loincloths and leather and crop tops and enough unnecessary belts to tie up a Bat, lamé is nothing."

"Collars and . . . loincloths?" Bernard repeats, sounding confused.

"Yeah, this one time I crash-landed on a lost isle of beast-men and they kidnapped and enslaved me for a few months," Kon explains, waving a hand distractedly. "Frankly I count myself lucky they even let me have the collar, much less the loincloth."

". . . um," Bernard says.

"You, uh, never mentioned the collar part of that story before, Kon," Tim says, clearing his throat. "You very definitely never mentioned the collar part of that story before."

"Oh yeah, the prince kinda kept me as his pet for a little bit?" Kon tells him with an easy shrug. "Like he and all his buddies ganged up on me and then took me home with them, but I was kinda . . . feral, I guess? Technically? So like, collar and chain setup. But he was cool, he took real good care of me."

"Ngh," Tim says just barely faintly.

"Yeah you should definitely come over," Bernard says. "Tim, get the check. Conner, exactly how super is your super-speed?"

"You can just call me Kon," Kon says. "And . . . mach 3, last I clocked it?"

"Isn't that like two thousand miles per hour?" Bernard asks.

"Two thousand two hundred and twenty-three point three," Kon replies with a pleased smirk. "Faster than a speeding bullet. Or so they tell me."

"We'll just meet you at Tim's, how's that," Bernard says. "That work for you, Kon?"

"That works for me, Bernard," Kon confirms, smirking wider.

"Oh my god, Kon, you cannot possibly be serious right now," Kara says in exasperation, rubbing at her temples. "Just because you're temporarily gay doesn't mean you should do anything about it!"

"I mean, I'm feeling pretty serious?" Kon says, shrugging again. He still doesn't get why she's being so sensitive about this. "It's not like this is the weirdest thing I've ever done in pursuit of a good time. Like, holy hell, lemme tell you about the Ravers sometime."

"You're going to have to look Robin in the eye after this!" Kara says. "And work with him! And be a normal person in his presence! Normally!"

"I'm aware?" Kon says, vaguely bemused by her concern. Like he's never been normal around somebody he's slept with before, geez. "Tell Kal I ran off with the pink K, if he wants to lock it up in the Fortress or wherever I can bring it back tomorrow."

"Maybe Monday," Bernard says.

"Or maybe Monday," Kon amends.

"It's Thursday!" Kara sputters.

"So it's a long weekend," Bernard says.

"I'm not explaining this to Kal," Kara says. "I'm not explaining this to Batman."

"I really don't see why you'd have to," Kon says. "Rob, you cool with the long weekend thing? Not too much of an imposition?"

". . . I got the check," Tim mutters in obvious and absolute mortification.

Kon's gonna take that as a "yes".

"Cool," he says, grinning broadly. "See you soon, Boy Wonder."

He ends the call. Kara drags her hands down her face and continues to stay very far away from him and the pink kryptonite in his pocket.

"When you go back to normal and freak out and make everything weird with Robin and your team and even Robin's literal boyfriend, I'm going to say so many 'I told you so's," she swears vehemently. "So don't say I didn't warn you."

"Your objection is on the record," Kon says, then tosses her a lazy salute with another grin and takes off, kryptonite and all.

Best to just scarper while Clark's distracted, yeah?

Definitely best.

[angelyuji]

You say “goes with you to doctors appointments” but I hear “lurks outside with a listening device” like a true nerd 😭 also bet he’s getting a copy of your medical records for “”””emergency”””” (aka obsessive curiosity) oh my god you can’t convince me he wouldn’t have a few of your x-rays saved somewhere too. just the worst combination of nerdy, dangerous and in love

tw // kidnapping, stalking, general yandere stuff, sort of breeding kink and pregnancy under the cut (also implied noncon) (kinda dark)

18+!!!! minors dni!!!!!

absolutely he would use listening devices and cameras when ur at the doctors (before dating/kidnapping/wtv) after tho, i feel like he’d be insistent on going with u to the doctors and generally being a freak.

i believe ford to be more biology, evolution, and space kind of nerd than technology however, he’d probably make whatever he needed to keep an eye on u.

also imagine ur doctor getting weirded the fuck out by ford’s insisting to be with u during the check-up that they’re gonna pull u aside and ask if everythings okay at home. which pisses ford off so much that he decides the doctors are stupid and u dont even need to go anyway like u have him!! plus, now he gets to conduct more experiments to better understand how u work. he convinces stan to rob ur ex-doctor’s office so ford can have whatever he needs to look after u.

also smth else ive been thinking abt, i feel like ford would be super interested in pregnancy. in like a “how does it work” way. not in a “i want kids” way. like he would get u pregnant to see how ur body and mind changes. he would monitor u with his own tech and the stuff from the doctor. but also i dont think he would want kids.

kinda super dark but imagine he gives u smth that imitates pregnancy and u dont find out until its ur “due date” and u go through all that just to give birth to nothing…. he would definitely use that mind-breaking situation to continue to use u as his personal guinea pig

[emelinstriker]

{Eternal Servants AU} Ao Lie ♡ Adoration

Art drawn by me + the AU itself is mine.

Took way longer than the previous ones cuz my brain did not wanna stick to tryna finish this until recently fhgndfghnfhgd

[TL;DR] A dragon joins the team.

♡ ~ Fluff ~ ♡

A man in a green robe groggily woke up. He raised his head slightly from his position on the floor to take in his surroundings. He was in between two rows of large wooden shelves. There was text in bold reading "Interdimensional Geographics" on either side.

Was he... in a library? But why? Did he fall asleep while reading a book?

He sat up, groaning a bit as he held the back of his neck in pain, before he glanced at one row of bookshelves in confusion. He did hear talking coming from somewhere past all the bookshelves, but he was unsure whether or not he could trust those voices. He also wasn't sure why his neck was throbbing in pain. Given the way we was lying on the floor, he brushed it off as simply pain from his previous position.

While trying to stand up, he noticed a little note on the floor. All it had written on it was: "Find Master."

Raising an eyebrow at it, the man in green picked it up, turning the piece of paper and verifying that those were the only words written on it. Weird. He couldn't remember writing that down. Actually, now that he thought about it, he couldn't remember much in general. And it all just confused him even more, making him feel a slight bit of panic at his lack of memory.

The man in green had to think about what he did manage to recollect... He had more than one name, but he could only recall being called Ao Lie. He remembered traveling with what he believed were his friends, although he could only specifically remember a monkey's face from that group... Besides that, he could only faintly remember two people talking in a language he did not understand, followed up by a crow's caw. Every other memory seemed to have been pushed aside or blurred.

And assuming he wrote that note to himself... who was this supposed 'Master' to him if he had no recollection of them? Was he their disciple? Either way, since he had no idea on what else to do, he decided to try find this supposed 'Master'. Maybe they knew why he had been knocked out in the library.

Suddenly, Ao Lie had the urge to rush towards the voices he heard earlier. It was like some strong pull when he felt some form of internal panic. He didn't know why. He clearly wasn't in any danger, after all. But it felt like someone else was. Someone important to him. He dropped the note and decided to hesitantly answer to the call, moving around the many bookshelves. However, this sudden feeling of urgency left him as quickly as it came... But why?

Upon turning at another bookshelf, he stopped.

While he did take notice of the tall lion and the man on wheels, his eyes were mostly focused on the person who had their back turned to him, with a tiny black silhouette of a blob on their shoulder.

Mink already took notice of Ao Lie in return, letting out a groan. "You can't be fucking serious."

You hummed in confusion at the curse's comment. "What's wrong, Mink?"

Then your two other champions took note of this green stranger. Nezha was quick to take on a more defensive position behind you, his fire-tipped spear at the ready. Azure on the other hand simply looked intrigued by this guy across from them. Because the first thing he noticed were his void-black eyes. The exact same ones all of your champions had...

After realizing they were all looking behind you, you turned around to see the man with the long, white hair. You didn't recognize him at all since you've never seen him in the palace before. But he did seem to recognize you. Or, well, at least your title.

He moved a bit closer to you and the others as Nezha kept his guard up. Just in case this was another Celestial Hunter pulling some illusion trick again. Once the white-haired man reached Nezha, who was pointing his fire-tipped spear at the newcomer's chest, he looked over to you, past your pink champion... and he kneeled.

"You... You must be my Master", Ao Lie stated more to himself than you, his voice sounding like he was in awe at your presence. He then lowered his head a bit in respect, which made some of his hair move from his back to his front.

Blinking in surprise, you awkwardly scratched your head. Nezha hummed, seemingly contemplating still poking Ao Lie with a bit of fire. After all, he couldn't be too sure about him being another Celestial Hunter or not. But before he could hold his spear closer to the white-haired man, you stopped him by gently tugging on his cape.

"He seems to be real. I don't think you need to check", you commented as you raised an eyebrow at him, knowing full well of his and MK's stabbing tendencies. Your pink champion reluctantly lowered his weapon and gave you a little bow, muttering out a "Yes, Master" behind his mask.

You then turned back towards your apparently new champion, who was still kneeling. "Uh... You may rise- Uh- Wait- What's your name? And how did you get here?" At your questions, the white-haired man happily stood up as he gestured with his hands... or rather sleeves, because both of his arms were fully covered by his green robe's long sleeves.

"My name is Ao Lie! And I, uh, honestly have no idea. I just... kind of woke up on the floor here a couple of minutes ago, hehe", he confessed awkwardly. You knew almost all of your champions also didn't know how they ended up in the palace, but this was the first time you encountered one just after his arrival yourself.

Azure finally decided to speak up as he examines the newcomer. "Ao Lie, if I may ask. Do you remember anything from before waking up?"

The man in green opened his mouth happily to answer him, but then he realized... Why could he barely remember anything?

You couldn't help but watch in sadness as his smile turned into a frown as he spoke. "I... Well, I remember that I'm from a family of dragons... I turned into a horse, though I can't remember why... Oh! And I was carrying a guy around as a horse while being accompanied by... I think friends?" His eyebrows furrowed as he tried  his hardest to remember his past. But much like the others, he only seemed to recall specific aspects of it.

And knowing how pointless it was for them to force out out some kind of memory, Azure sighed in disappointment. "That's enough, thank you. No need to try to force your way into any potential memories, it'll just give you a headache."

Nezha grinned beneath his mask as he leaned against his spear, holding back a chuckle. "Yeah, we've tried. Especially MK. I feel like that just made his memory even worse than it already was. He only keeps doing it because he keeps forgetting that he already tried forcing his memories back."

You gave him a confused and baffled look, to which the celestial simply shrugged in response. MK having the worst memory of them all wasn't new to you, but you didn't know about his attempts to force his memories back. Though in order to ease your worries by just a bit, Nezha added, "He's fine. It's just more of an endless cycle of that short-term memory he has to deal with. And him trying to forcefully remember things just adds to all his confusion." Your pink champion then waved his hand dismissively. It wasn't a big deal to MK after all, just a confusing point about his own lack of memory.

You grimaced a bit at him, not exactly trusting his sudden dismissal of the topic. However, you also didn't want to pry further, knowing about how well your champions could dance around concerning things happening in the palace. They did avoid talking in-depth about their brandmarks, and they did seem to hide many other secrets you were curious about. Such as blood stains on them when they hadn't been on any battle missions.

"Um.. Anyway. Ao Lie was it, right? I... Uh... I'm... assuming you're one of my champions..?" You said, hesitantly trailing off towards the end as you weren't sure how you would be able to confirm such a statement. Because void-black eyes weren't exactly an accurate way of confirmation. It merely meant they were infected.

Ao Lie tilted his head a bit in confusion. "Champion? Does that mean I have to fight in an arena?"

"I mean we don't have an arena, but-" "No, no, no- No fighting in an arena-" You quickly cut Nezha off before he could suggest anything brutal.

Mink, still boredly sitting on your shoulder as a tiny blob, decided that it'd be a good idea to torment-check the green newcomer. Just to take a jab at him and see how much he can take before breaking. Because judging by his current looks, he really did not look like he could be of any use to Mink. He snickered as he grinned at Ao Lie. "So, you're a dragon, right? How about a test of wits and strength? You know... Just to prove to our dear Master that you're actually worthy of even calling them your Master." You gave Mink a little bit of a baffled look, not knowing what he was planning. But he did weaponize your title a lot, even when you clearly disapproved.

The man in green perked up at your black champion's words. He seemed oddly excited about the idea of doing something to show off what he can do. "What do I have to do?"

However, before Mink could say anything that would end up in some catastrophe, you quickly used a finger to bonk his small ken-doll-looking form on the head. It didn't hurt him, but it did catch him off-guard. "Ah- What the- Hey-"

You glared at him, unamused. "Could you maybe like, not trick the others into doing evil or concerning deeds for like five minutes?"

The small ink demon huffed as he shoved your finger away from him. "Oh please. Your definitions of evil and concerning are so simple-mindedly black and white, it's pathetic. I would've actually suggested that he duels me in the scroll. Take it as more of a test of his strength."

It was indeed true that a duel in the scroll was more of a psychological test. If Ao Lie managed to beat the ink demon, he would most certainly be accepted by your other champions as one of their own. But perhaps it was too soon to- "Alright, I'm down! Let's do it! That sounds like fun!"

You grimaced at the dragon's eagerness to duel the ink demon curse. Azure seemed more surprised that the man in green would happily jump into battle without any knowledge or questions regarding Mink's powers. Meanwhile Nezha was rather amused at the offer. After all, if he could get a front row seat of seeing someone else having a shot at eliminating the inky pest, that'd be great.

"Okay, how about we don't have you beat up the new guy? He literally just got here", you quickly intervened as you stepped closer to the white-haired man. It was odd to you how the others had a little bit of white in their hair, except for this one. He seemed to have fully white hair. So perhaps it wasn't actually a signifier that labeled one your champion?

"Anyway, Ao Lie was it? If you don't have your memories right now, you could stay with us and we can try figure things out with the others", you offered as you held out your hand to shake his hand. The white-haired man gave you a puzzled look for a moment before reaching out with a smile, shaking your hand rather strongly. Though, his hand felt rather sharp...

"That's so nice of you! Thank you, Master!" He had barely just met you and it already seemed like calling you 'Master' came naturally to him. Which was surprising, considering that Nezha told you it took him and Azure at least a little while to get used to addressing their personally first Master as such. The others also seemed rather hesitant at first. Though, he couldn't talk for the two simians as they were the first ones to pledge their allegiance and servitude. And Mink just plainly refused to call you his Master, unless it was to sway the others.

Just to make sure the newcomer was actually unharmed upon arrival, you decided to have him visit the medical bay first. You didn't have the tools or knowledge to do a full check-up, but you asked him for permission to check if he had any of those black wounds the others had. And he did. Right on the back of his neck. He then realized that must've been why his neck had been hurting a bit since he woke up. He just thought he must've been unconscious at an uncomfortable angle for too long.

While Azure went looking for the others to tell them about the new champion, Nezha decided to stick around in case the newcomer tried anything. He knew you were safe with Mink, but he couldn't take any risks. Not when he didn't know the full capabilities of the man in green.

And as you were assessing Ao Lie's neck situation, the pink champion's sight landed on the table next to him. Something caught his attention. It was one of those zip-up bags with a familiar black substance inside. Apparently it hadn't been picked up by an Overseer yet. The Oracle must've been busy.

His gaze then turned back and locked onto the green champion, watching you hand him new clothes to try out later.

"Tell me or a servant if you need a different size or want something different in general, alright?" The celestial heard you tell the dragon, to which the man nodded happily.

However, something else that caught Nezha's attention were Ao Lie's hands. He only noticed the way they were somewhat sharp claws and practically fully black when he held onto the neatly folded clothes... His hands looked suspiciously similar to a certain crow's hands... The pink champion furrowed his eyebrows. He wasn't the only one who noticed as Mink crossed his arms, eyeing the white-haired man suspiciously.

You then turned towards Nezha, "Could you show him around, please? We would still need to figure out where he's gonna sleep, so just show him where everything necessary is." While it was technically a command, you couldn't help but make it sound like a gentle request. The celestial bowed his head before leading Ao Lie away, keeping an eye on him at all times.

Sighing, you rubbed your temple. So much was happening at the same time again. You also had to make sure the others were okay since there still were some Celestial Hunters they were disposing of.

"Hmpf. Are you done collecting immortals like trading cards now?" You heard Mink ask in annoyance as he still sat on your shoulder. Rolling your eyes at him, you gently bonked him with your finger again, making him whine once more.

"I don't even know how they end up like this in the first place, Mink. For all we know, the servants could have been going through a trial before ending up here-" "They didn't. None of us did", Mink said with a slight hint of annoyance, cutting you off. You raised an eyebrow at him in response.

The ink demon looked you dead in the eye. "Be happy they don't remember the infection process. Or you would have a bunch of immortals traumatized at the feeling of their body having been altered to a point of no return." He crossed his arms before adding, "And be happy I can't feel pain. Or I wouldn't be on 'friendly terms' with either one of you."

"What are you talking about?"

He was about to add to his rant, but then stopped himself. "...Ugh, nevermind." You already knew he was hiding a lot from you, but his responses just gave you more questions than answers. However, you knew better than to try get more out of him, considering he would just end up toying with you, dangling the answers in front of you, yet still too far out of your reach.

But for now you had to deal with your new champion.

Perhaps asking Mink another time would be more appropriate.

[ Masterlist ]

[sillygoofyqueer]

More silly heavenly demon crowyuan things!

I like the idea of this particular crowyuan showing up before Binghe gets tossed into the abyss.

Shen Yuan considers sneaking his way onto Cang Qiong Mountain, but unfortunately he is a demon and isn’t entirely sure how to get through the wards without just smashing them to pieces.

Even if he could, the whole golden tipped feathers, and glowing golden flame Zuiyin on his forehead, makes stealth missions way more challenging for him than they are for his cousins and half siblings.

(I do think Shen Yuan eventually learns how to hide these features, just like Binghe learns to hide his demon features and Zuiyin, but he both initially thinks he’s a hybrid crow/firebird or something, and is still getting a hang of his powers).

Instead he’s stuck just getting the crow family together (regular crows and yao-crows included) and having them help him acquire items and deliver the goods to Binghe (the non demon crows do the delivery part).

(As an aside: for added possible silliness maybe the demon and yao crows didn’t get along before, since crows can be quite territorial, but after transmigrating Shen Yuan just sort of bulldozed over the division by befriending everyone and being too indestructible for the initial murder attempts to work. Heck, maybe he unknowingly became the de-facto ‘Corvid king’, with even ravens, magpies, and Airplane’s weird made up corvid species thinking he’s cool 😂).

Back to the Binghe stuff, Shen Yuan’s crow delivery system mostly works great, with only minor hiccups! Binghe has no idea why a shabby looking qiankun pouch with 15-different cultivation manuals showed up in his woodshed, but he finds all the selections quite useful.

(The corvid army heard Shen Yuan’s ponderings about good techniques from various sects/clans/forbidden crypts/etc. that might suit Binghe and decided that it was a fun ‘gotta catch them all’ quest situation. There were good shinies to be had at all those locations too! Nice!)

Binghe also somehow gets his mother’s jade guanyin dropped on his head mid meditation—with an apology note attached???—a few days after Ming Fan tossed the thing. (It was pretty, so a crow stole it, and Shen Yuan had to bully/bribe them into giving it back.)

D-Don't look at the date, it hasn't been that long since I've updated hahaha... ANYWAY. LET ME GET INTO THE ✨MINDSET✨ OF CROWYUAN. So, heavenly demon crowyuan. Pre-abyss Binghe. This shit is brilliant. I really love the idea of Shen Yuan chilling with his family for like a get-together of sorts, (crows bonking each other on the head and squabbling over shiny shit the moment he looks away), before he has a sudden startling realisation that he's still in PIDW and just shoots up with an "AH FUCK, BINGHE!!" The crows are startled, he's startled, everyone is staring at him like he's lost his mind. And he immediately sets about muttering the things the poor kid'll need to survive on Qing Jing Peak. I like to think he definitely takes a look at the sect and its wards, but he obviously can't get in himself, so....CROWS. Now, imagine this from Binghe's perspective. He's having a generally shit time on the peak, bullied and abused and all that shitty shit, when he suddenly gets a full arsenal of cultivation manuals and cultivation aids. It'd be like a gift from the gods, to him!! He prays, more comes. This happens way too often, so he stakes out his woodshed one time and finds out that...crows are leaving them??? He's baffled. Then he hears rumours of a corvid king whispered around amongst the other disciples. Apparently this king can be linked to all types of corvids, even bridging the gap between territorial ones!! At first it sounds like a stupid myth, a joke that nobody really believes. I mean, come on, an ARMY of corvids??? Then Cang Qiong sect hears of an overconfident group of Hua Huan cultivators being attacked by a flock of corvids for trying to destroy a forest that falls into the apparent "territory" of the Corvid King, a part that borders on Huan Hua's own territory. A coincidence? Sure. Until Huan Hua get greedy and try and do it again, with the same results. Every. Single. Time. Binghe can now only assume the Corvid King has taken a liking to him, and even if he doesn't quite know why, and isn't sure if he should be receiving help from a demon...HE VOWS to put the king's gifts to good use, to find and show him just how much his gifts have helped Binghe. This ran away with me a little... I love the idea of Shen Yuan just wandering in, not caring about any form of customs and dragging two warring/territorial groups of crows and just chilling with both of them so they have to be like..."FUCK, okay fine we can share..." Just for now. Check out the crowyuan tag on my blog for more information :D I KNOW IT'S BEEN FOREVER, BUT I'M BACK. I'M HERE, ANON. IT'S NOT OVER FOR US YET. HAVE YOU MISSED ME??? After I've checked out the next ask (probably answering it tomorrow), I'm going to take the initiative and think about the peak lords' reactions to this random demon that's shown up

[olderthannetfic]

I used to be in a socialist youth org where occasionally people would be in info booths by the street and inform people about XYZ. sometimes we also had meetings with the grown-ups, who were either trade unionists, members of the national communist party, or party friends from the leftist party. one of these meetings entailed a bit of wisdom from the "elders" on how to talk to people on the street, and one of these was "dont actively antagonise people who are of a different opinion, it's going to be less likely you'll change their mind if you approach them in bad faith". this doesnt mean anyone turned their cheek when literal neonazis showed up (happened multiple times), but we had somewhat civil conversations with people who very much did not agree with our opinions, be it on the military, immigration, taxes, general misconceptions about communism, conspiracy theorist weirdness (islamogauchism and the like), and so on and on.

what are the self-proclaimed commies on tumblr doing? trying to guilt people into donating for just causes in the most immature ways, and as a whole just not knowing how to fucking talk to people, never mind convince anyone that their political opinions might be worth overthinking. "donate to X or kill yourself!" "you have a moral responsibility to say out loud you care about X" i know youre an edgy teen but you look even more like a fuckin clown

no one is saying you should hold great speeches or pretend at being a politician, but at least put in an effort to not look like a ragebait farmer except it's "progressive". you wouldn't survive a day in actual political organising before someone takes you asides and tells you to calm the fuck down

--

[darklinaforever]

First picture :

Second picture :

The first person is aware that Lydia could remove the files from her mouth at any time? Literally, she takes them off on her own to talk when she gets tired of them! Beetlejuice is a very powerful fucking demon, if he wanted to completely silence Lydia he could and would have done so. However, he didn't do it. I'm tired of seeing people make this situation worse when in reality it's not as restrictive as it seems.

Same with the baby's delusion, which yes, is admittedly very disturbing at first and the only real reprehensible thing that Beetlejuice does to Lydia in this film in my opinion (because with the song that is played at their wedding ceremony and the how easily he lets Lydia send him away (I'm sure he wasn't really planning on marrying her this time). But then again, he didn't actually get Lydia pregnant ! And she didn't really give birth to his demonic child either ! And she seems to get over that weird, disgusting prank made by Beetlejuice pretty quickly.

Also, I don't know why but I never had the impression that Beetlejuice had traumatized Lydia in the first film as an attempt to affirm these people, particularly the second.

Literally, she doesn't seem to have any after-effects in the first film, and the sequel proves it even more. At what point in her scenes with Beetlejuice himself does Lydia seem to be truly afraid of him or particularly traumatized by him ? And I'm talking about the scenes where she is with him in the flesh. Because the moments when she thinks she's hallucinating his presence, it's logical that she panics. But no, she never seems terrified of Beetlejuice himself.

Not even at the famous wedding, contrary to what the second person says. This is bullshit.

The scenes where Beetlejuice makes declarations to Lydia like the serenade or the marriage, she doesn't seem disgusted (except when he throws his heart in her hands and that's somewhat normal) or terrified, or both.

She just has a face that generally says : Wtf ? Because the situation is WTF ! This wedding scene is not at all portrayed as creepy in the first place !

Frankly, it's bad form to say the opposite for me ! It’s deliberately turning a blind eye. Beetlejuice is a horror comedy, these scenes are above all funny with touches of bizarre and gothic !

The actors love their characters together, including Winona who totally ships them. To say that she played her character as being terrified of Beetlejuice is bullshit.

And even if his acting was out of step with the script, that's not the case. Because once again, Lydia is not traumatized by Beetlejuice even through writing.

Aside from the fact that Lydia doesn't want to say Beetlejuice's name to avoid screwing up her life again (and we understand), there is nothing that indicates a real fear of Beetlejuice, the individual, in her !

And no, Lydia does not have any trauma that caused her to hallucinate the Beetlejuice presence. We know it, we see it, Beetlejuice does this on his own, so when Lydia sees him it's real. These are not hallucinations resulting from trauma at all !

Yes, Beetlejuice is problematic, obviously he's a demon ! Yes, Beetlebabes also has problematic aspects, obviously since once again Beetlejuice is a demon !

(That's literally the whole appeal of this ship between these two... Nobody likes Beetlebabes because it's a healthy relationship !)

But I'm tired of people trying to make it worse than it is.

In this sequel, Beetlejuice literally saved Astrid, Lydia's daughter, and he also saved her from marrying a complete asshole !

Not only that, but the way he pursues Lydia, or courts her if you prefer, isn't really cringeworthy.

He helps her save her daughter. Saves her from a bad marriage. He plays the serenade. Gives her a hand kiss. Is ready to accept Astrid as his child. Offers her his beating heart (yuck), etc. Frankly, it's a good overall approach for me !

And even if it's frankly not cool to haunt her in recent years, the film suggests to us that it's really due to a connection between the two characters. So that balances it out a bit.

Frankly, the antis greatly exaggerate the issues of ship Beetlebabes and the character of Beetlejuice.

It's like those who say he's a pedophile, when he only seeks to marry Lydia for convenience in the first film, not because he has feelings for her. Plus people seem to forget that Beetlejuice comes from an era where girls generally married at the age Lydia was in the first film...

But hey. Really thinking about these is a bit hard obviously for the antis.

And I'm not even going to bother talking about those (like this second person) who think Beetlejuice having a picture of Lydia from the first movie on his desk is creepy...

[batsplat]

which motogp rider do you recon would fuck their bike if they’re could?

there's an easy answer here and it's valentino, but luckily he's retired so you can't just go with that cop out. like he definitely wanted to fuck that bike and tbh I'm not sure the 'if they could' caveat even applies here. I fully believe he has fucked that bike

my sense is that he has passed this on to his proteges, who to varying extents do seem like they have all considered fucking a bike. the furthest along this spectrum is bez, who as I understand it has in the past even given his two bikes separate names that can be combined to give the bike's compound name ("I didn't want two different names as that would be like having two girlfriends, which is weird"). this is metaphysically fascinating in many ways, but is also a clear case of someone overthinking things. like, I think if you believe you are in a committed relationship with your racing bike, you do need to treat your bike's 'soul' as something that can transcend the specific bike you are currently riding. when valentino talks about his relationship with the m1, obviously he knows it's not literally the same bike year-to-year, but spiritually it's the same bike. whereas bez is performing odd mental gymnastics here to establish that his two bikes have a unitary soul rather than just, like, accepting that all these bikes have the same soul anyway if he wants them to. bez is the type of guy who wants to fuck his bike but is so hung up on the various philosophical bike-fuck-cuck implications that he never actually manages to fuck it

riders do generally have very weird relationships with their bikes, but it would be too easy to assume they all want to fuck their bikes. with some, there's clearly more of a spiritual identification with the bike, where they see the bike as an extension of themselves. marc is the poster child here: that man does not want to fuck his bike, he thinks he is his bike. both his bike and his body are frequently treated in a distressingly utilitarian manner, where in his mind they exist to fulfil a single purpose, aka 'winning races'. this is how you get him talking about the mechanics fixing the bike and the doctors fixing the body and all that other stuff. it's only been in recent years where, for obvious reasons, he's become a little more aware of how he does actually need to treat his body like a precious resource... but like with the bike, he does still seem pretty ready to repeatedly chuck it in the gravel. despite this apparent lack of care or basic self-preservation instincts, the riders who identify with bikes - who see their souls as one with the bike - don't necessarily have an entirely non-sensual relationship with their bikes... but it's a little different to wanting to fuck their bikes. the sensuality is still there, but the bike and the rider are not distinct units where one can fuck the other. whether you take this to mean that they want to be the bike who is fucked or that there's more of an autosexual situation happening here is up to the reader's interpretation

another interesting question is whether there are some riders who want their bikes to fuck them. I feel like this has to be a thing, though it's a little harder to find explicit evidence here. in some ways, if you set aside the literal order in which bike and rider are arranged, some of the dynamics of riding a bike would lend itself to an interpretation that being attracted to a bike is more about being fucked by the bike than fucking it. this raises another interesting question - and it's whether it's the process of riding a bike in itself that is arousing, or whether the attraction comes from something different. now, to return to our best case study: my sense is that for valentino, he primarily does want to fuck that bike... and it's not necessarily the riding itself that's really doing it for him. it's a very romantic connection, it's about being enamoured with this partnership they've forged and the mutual promise and potential therein. he's in love with winning on that bike, he's in love with what the two of them can achieve together. this isn't about the literal process of approaching a corner on an m1... valentino is at his most attracted to his bike after he has just won on it. here he is stroking his bike after phillip island 2004 (where he sealed his first yamaha title by beating sete in a last lap duel) and laguna 2008, and also him kissing his bike after catalunya 2009

yes, he wants to fuck the bike, but he is a romantic. riding the bike to victory is the wining and dining; the fucking comes later

the last metric I wish to bring in is the need to feel desired by the bike. this is an ego thing, right... the partnership with the bike at the point of victory flatters the ego. the harmonious and productive relations between rider + partner reflects well on them; it bags them a bunch of lovely things from everyone around them like 'appreciation' and 'affection' and 'praise'. thus the bike also reflects on the rider... both in terms of the attractiveness of the bike to the world at large (making it function as a trophy spouse of sorts) and in terms of the quality of the bond between rider and bike. being wanted by the best bike is particularly flattering - but the most important thing is to be wanted at all. I would posit that this is part of what's going on with jorge martin's whole deal, a man who desperately needs to be praised and wanted. the aprilia's no ducati, but at least he's its first choice, y'know. my belief is that jorge martin wishes to be wined and dined by that bike

in conclusion, I would like to propose a basic way of assessing what flavour of sensual relationship the rider has with the bike:

my belief is that most (if not all) riders fall somewhere in this triangle. you have the freaks like marc who are very close to the top and you have the freaks like valentino who are very close to the bottom and probably skew hard left. others are perhaps a little more versatile in their preferences. I don't feel like I have sufficient information to sort all the riders to the correct spot of the triangle, but I hope the general construct holds up. that is all

[dreamingunderacloudysky]

What's your opinion on all the Jimmy enjoyers and fetish content out there?

Whew, ok, I felt like I was going to get asked this, but not THIS soon.

Ok. I'm totally fine with people liking Jimmy, he's a well written character with a complex array of issues and instincts which drive him forward as well as mysterious background for what really drove him to be in that crew. Most Jimmy enjoyers I meet are actually pretty chill for the most part. Do I like him?

Well...

Not exactly. I do believe in creative choice. People can write whatever they want, even if a lot of it I find disturbing. Jimmy's character made me actually feel upset at multiple points in the game, but thays a sign of just how humanly fucked up he's depicted. He's so human and does messed up but very human things, which makes it all feel real on an unsettling level.

The people I generally do not interact with are the people who FETISHIZE Jimmy's assault of Anya and say stuff like "She probably liked it ngl" like actually that is super gross and I really wasn't planning on bringing it up here, but years ago I myself was taken advantage of by another woman so for my case yes I cannot fathom the type of stuff people say or write with Jimmy. If someone is attracted to Jimmy, stop telling them to see a therapist (I mean, I think we all should after having played this game good lord the game messed with my psyche) while I dont agree with it and I don't understand how people can be attracted to him, it's also not my brain. They may be cringe, but they are free unless they're saying the type of comments I said earlier because they actually get off the internet.

This Fandom is very weird, and I'll admit me writing NSFW for it loops me in somewhat in a taboo spot, but I'm sorry Wrong Organ you made well written kissable polygons.

Before I get asked this next, WHY do I not write for Jimmy?

Just reread what I said earlier on how his involvement in the story, along with how Anya's played in part which hurt me in my soul and you'll understand that I personally cannot write for him without stirring up some unpleasant concepts of my past and just the general overall summary of his actions.

I'll be honest, I really don't want to write Curly either. As someone who worked in a leadership role for 8 years and take classes for my job to continue to do that Curly was a terrible leader 🙃 and made me want to bite chunks off of my keyboard like a Kit Kat. He is barely the lesser evil of Curly, and as a famous statement, I firmly believe

"Bad things happen when good people stand by"

But I will write Curly because why the hell not! I'm personally not attracted to him (first of all I'm a girl kisser, second of all we didn't see get to see him oerate pre-crash aside from playing AS him) But he's a good way to flex my writing muscles and give the masses some of my take on Curly. All the characters would be pretty fun to write for

So Jimmy enjoyers, sorry that you get harassed, but the weirdos, including the non Jimmy, fans need to keep their weird ass comments off of normal posts and not justify SA.

While I'm on this of yall want me to point out some stuff I don't like that is done with the character I'll leave a small list.

Jimmy fans... do i need to elaborate on what the weird ones do?

Some people make post SA Anya like she's a non functional human being and incapable of living and just an actual extremely dependent ball of constant sadness. Don't let her SA define her character just how SA victims aren't defined by their perpetrators. Don't romanticize abuse period

Daisuke I hear people complain about him being infantalized, but you have a bubbly character in any Fandom and they're going to babygirlify them I'm sorry it sucks for his fans but I hope I'm not writing hi that way he's just a silly man in my writing.

Swansea... I don't have much to say on it, a little strange to me that people hunger for a married man, but he's fictional so while I don't feel comfortable writing him romantically Swansea lovers can pop off hope you homies have fun!

Curly. Just the people saying he did nothing wrong. That's just cringe and honestly these are all strange pixel crushes we shouldn't be having but have them anyways so pop off to you homies too.

If anyone has comments or disagreements that's totally valid, feel free to leave them in the comments and I promise I won't bite if you don't. ☁️☁️☁️☁️

[nekropsii]

Honestly I know very little about Brain injuries, but Mituna always just read as a dude with some difficulty communicating more than anything else, like he just seems to be normal, aside from the very obvious problems he has with coordination and speech, so people arguing that he has some other issue confuses me, since He clearly does not have those forms of disability. Sorry if this is poor wording but just saying that as someone with a different kind of brain damage, seeing other takes is so weird to me, so thanks for being sane I guess.

Poor communication, coordination, and - while unmentioned in your ask, is still relevant to his character - impulse control are just about the main symptoms of a TBI to the Frontal Lobe, which is what Mituna scholars have generally agreed he has. At least, that’s what they agreed with about 10 years ago, now no one will shut the fuck up about his nonexistent Autism despite the fact that his TBI is named every 5 seconds.

Fandoms love to say they’re Anti-Ableist but then ignore every disability but Autism, and maybe ADHD if it’s a good day. They also love to flip their fucking shit if you suggest a character might not be autistic, and flip their fucking shit when a character is actually meant to be read as autistic.

Mituna shows legitimately zero signs of being Autistic. As far as I’m concerned, people slapping the label onto him is just a recognition of disability with no further thought put into it - clearly they don’t need to, they just called him disabled, right? It’s the modern equivalent to how in the 2000s, no matter what fucking disability or disorder you had, you were The R-Slur - just a little bit more progressive, now. Lol.

[rei-ismyname]

Storm used to get naked a lot

Magneto definitely has the longevity (pun intended) when it comes to on-panel nudity or semi-nudity, but Storm had many moments early in her publication history. They're pretty racist, tbh, the implication being that an African person wouldn't have the same understanding of the social contract dictating 'don't be naked in public.'

This one isn't public but it's got a similar vibe of otherness. 'Imagine myself back in Kenya.' As an aside, my disability makes showering a lengthy trial. I'd love to be able to do this.

Jean is Living with Misty Knight and keeping her Marvel Girl identity secret, so she asks Ororo to change out of her X-Men uniform. There's a flash of lightning? Cool trick, but yeah she's butt nekkid and Jean is aghast/horny/who knows? Ororo is like 'We all good?' and Jean nearly chokes on her drink (sure ;) It's not really explained, but I feel like it's meant to be read as 'African woman doesn't understand nudity taboo.' An excellent what if? would be 'What if Storm's nudist/body positivity became an X-Men thing?' I think it'd be good for everyone who consents, though it'd make it a lot harder to run a school.

This one is forced as hell. Nightcrawler realises Storm is swimming naked in the pool, and tries to hurry everyone inside so nobody sees her. If I'm being generous he means well, but it's still a little uncomfortable. Not pictured - Kurt talking to Storm; Storm giving a fuck. Because he loudly told everyone to get inside, Storm does too (why wouldn't she?)

Nightcrawler - 'Too late.'

Colossus - 'By The White Wolf?!?'

Banshee - 'Oh dear.'

Wolverine - 'Nice tits, darlin.' (paraphrased, lol. The look on his face tho )

She doesn't understand what the hell these weirdos are on about, and complies with Piotr's suggestion that she wear his shirt 'if you insist.' (Boo, double standard. Free the nipple!)

Ororo still doesn't understand, so Xavier (who's been listening? Watching? telepathically takes what's barely subtext and makes it text.

'What may be customary in your land is not in this one.' Yikes. Ororo spent a lot of her youth in various parts of Africa, but her childhood proper was spent in New York AFAIK. She's a US citizen This is her land. I consulted a bunch of African friends who've been to Africa and have family there - Nudity is not common in their experience. Same rules as most places. It's a very stereotypical portrayal of backwards Africa - as if it's a homogenous country and not a massive continent.

He continues 'For the sake of group harmony, I suggest in future you use more... discretion.' I wonder what word he was going to use instead of discretion. Professor X is the undisputed patriarch here, so naturally the most patriarchal stuff comes from him (especially in the 60s/70s.) I'd actually love this to be revisited and have it be revealed that she just likes being naked and it has nothing to do with her being from Africa. Maybe with a lightning bolt upside his bald head. Aside from the scene where Xavier recruits her, I don't think there's any Ororo naked in Africa scenes - she understands the concept of clothes. Ugh.

She was just trying to swim, it was these bozos making a big deal of it. It's also just plain weird that this came up multiple times with multiple writers. Same editor, though I think. Expecting progressiveness from Liberal Marvel is folly, but this just feels like policing women's bodies, and a black woman repeatedly in the same way. 'Stop ogling and objectifying the poor woman,' would be much more appropriate.

[gabessquishytum]

Question for today -- can you go out for a blind date, then walk away inadvertently dating a mobster?

Hob did not want to go on this blind date, but his friends keep insisting that be get back out there after his most recent heart break. So here Hob is, sitting in this atmospheric Italian restaurant, waiting for whichever hedge fund guy Joanna set him up with (best hob can hope is Joanna hasn't fucked this guy, like the last 2. No to Constantine castoffs....🤢)

Douche Dude is late (or not coming), so to pass the time, Hob chats up the handsome man next to him at the bar,,regaling him with stories of his students and past blind dates. Hob is actually chuffed when he gets the obviously taciturn man to smile (it's a small smile, but it's there and true.). Hob could swear he knows the man from somewhere, he just can't remember where.

When it becomes obvious that his date isn't coming, Hob prepares to go home, a little sadly (even if the guy was a knob, no one likes to be stood up.). Before he can even get his coat on, Hob's bar friend asks if he wants to have dinner.

Hob is charmed by his quiet nature (and looks) and his joke about how it's a good thing his blind date didn't show up, and how now he doesn't have to have the guy killed. 🙄 🤭😇 Hob laughs and figures he just doesn't know his new friend well enough to get his sardonic "joke" expression.

Dinner was fun - Dream, as he introduced himself, didn't really like his job and considered himself more of an artist, but the business was a family thing. What can you do?! And things didn't get weird until the end, when (what had to be well after the restaurant should have closed and by a time that Hob & Dream should have been chased out by), Dream got up from his seat and all the rest of the people, scattered at all the other tables, got up as well.

Dream didn't even seem to notice, and when Hob goggled at him, Dream waved it off with a "pay them no mind," and helped Hob with his coat. Then he asked Hob out for another date. Even with the 20 guys flanking him now, Hob liked Dream and said yes to a 2nd date.

It isn't until Hob is almost in his bed that he realizes he just made a date with the most wanted crime boss in the state.

Ah, I love Hob being a cute lil himbo and not realising what's happening until later. Of course there's so much drama that could happen in this relationship, but also so much comedy potential.

Like Dream being introduced to Jo and Hob’s other friends. He's trying very hard to be normal (the bodyguards have been told to "blend in"... they're trying their best, okay). Answering questions like "Yes I am a very normal citizen doing normal things". Jo pulls Hob aside and is like "your boyfriend is a mobster, isn't he?" And Hob is kind of mad that Jo worked it out way quicker than he did.

And Dream starts accompanying Hob to social occasions at his job. Weird little faculty parties and shows that the theatre kids are putting on for charity. Dream obviously sticks out like a sore thumb but everyone is gushing about Hob’s "nice young man". So polite! And he made such a generous donation!

Hob finds it both lovely and hilarious. He knows that Dream is dangerous and has probably done terrible things, buuuut. He's pretty cute, isn't he? And good with kids. Hob is kind of smitten with him.

Which is good. Because Dream is not prepared to let his charming civilian boyfriend go without a fight <3

[mudstoneabyss]

It's really such a waste that they haven't done anything more with Charles considering how interesting of a character they set up. Aside from being the canon "Desert Bluffs! Carlos" and therefore being connected to two of the most beloved characters in the podcast, which is obviously something that would make people interested in him, what we see of his character outside of that is compelling.

he's from outside of Night Vale and Desert Bluffs, but not from a "normal" place like Carlos and any of the other characters who we actually see something from, like Nilanjana and Kareem. He's explicitly from Cactus Park, a town we know next to nothing about but is close enough to be competing in local football matches with nv and db, and Pine Cliff, the town we know the most about outside of nv and db, and I find particularly interesting with the way Night Vale talks about ghosts. notably, both are, even without having a lot of info on them, canonically weird places. which we even indirectly see more of with Cactus Park in the Mudstone Abyss, with them sharing the experience of having certain "weird" things in both their childhoods

and that kind of adds to this almost duality Charles has, where he's both seemingly one of the most responsible and put-together characters in the show and, well, an insane freak. He's a good father who puts his son first and makes an effort to be clear and direct in communicating rather than avoiding or lying about any matter that might be unpleasant- but he's also a self-identified theocrat who is actively into some of the cult and dictator shit Kevin was doing, and it does take a special type of person to want to fuck Kevin from the moment he met him, at no point lose that desire after all the blood and gore decoration and aforementioned cult and dictator shit, and then afterwards decide that this is the guy you want to help raise your son. fascinating behavior I would love to know more about how much is because none of this is new or shocking to him. he lived in a ghost town and who knows what went on in Cactus Park

Perhaps the most interesting thing about him, though, isn't even anything i think we need to know more about, but does make me want to know more about him in general. It's the one thing that completely contrasts him from so many other characters throughout the entire podcast- which is his reaction to Kevin. He is the ONLY one we see meeting or even just seeing Kevin for the first time who isn't completely horrified and/or disgusted by him and his appearance. Relistening to the Sandstorm, I had to pause the part where Cecil says for people to "pray, too, that no one should ever have to meet this vicious wretch of a man" to listen to, well, Charles meeting that "vicious wretch of a man" and treating him like any other person. Like someone deserving of knowing and loving without an initial hurdle of judgment. and, again, he is the Only one we see doing this after Kevin is met with fear and bias throughout the entire rest of the podcast. Fuck, we even see some of the db citizens being afraid of him. The only other person, aside from the other db citizens like Lauren or Josephine who are used to the... everything, who maybe didn't have a negative reaction to Kevin is Carlos, but we never actually see that. And personally, I do hc that he was scared of Kevin at first. So having someone react differently- and kindly- to Kevin after years and years of no one else doing that? That alone would make me obsessed with Charles

[silent-sanctum]

HIII I LOVEEE YOUR WORKS !!! can i request jotaro x reader but where by a stand attack jotaro was now part 6 jotaro with the teen reader ? How shocked and flustered would be rrader by seeing jitaro in his 40's ! Ty!!!

hiya anon! Thank you for the kind words 🥹 Sorry it took so long for me to get your request out. It was supposed to be yesterday but then some mishaps happened and it was delayed to today. But here we are! Hope you enjoy this quick lil crack(?) fic I wrote 💌

A Mild Inconvenience- 6!Taro x Reader

word count: 2.7k

You have no idea where he went nor when he disappeared.

It was strange as it happened when you think about it again; one day, you and Jotaro were out and about investigating the area for any suspicious activity, and then out of the blue a random stranger jumped out from the shadows and made a weird proclamation of sorts about taking down the Crusaders.

It wasn’t anything surprising given he was the nth enemy Stand user they faced throughout this trip and judging by the way he presented himself, he’s also boasting a fragile ego thinking he was all that.

But an enemy was still an enemy so you and your delinquent partner had no problem beating him to a pulp. It was rather easy compared to the previous opponents they faced. His Stand wasn’t anything grand at all; just a small ratty pouch filled with sparkling purple sand.

The weird aspect of the whole situation was when the guy was about to tap out after being at the receiving end of Star Platinum’s punch barrage, only then did he decide to get a fistful of sand from his tiny bag and throw it straight at Jotaro’s face.

Some of it ended up on yours and caused you to close your eyes for a brief second, covering your face as an extra barrier, and when you opened them, you furrowed your brows at the sudden lack of both Jotaro and the knocked-out Stand user.

“What-”

You waved the remaining plume of sand away from your face as you surveyed your surroundings. Don’t tell me- You double-checked the structures surrounding you, the locals walking about, and the general weather. Nope. I’m still in Cairo. The possibility of me in an alternate universe can be crossed out now.

But that didn’t answer the prevailing question of where the fuck did those two go?

“Jotaro-ssi?” You called out to him as you headed your way somewhere. You don’t know where but anywhere will do if it helped finding him. Not that it would be hard to spot a 6’5” tall teenager among the average-height people. “I don’t know if you’re trying to get back at me for teasing you but leaving me by myself isn’t exactly the best decision, asshole.”

You kept scouting the area for any signs of him, turned corners, and explored every alleyway. And still… nothing.

This went on for what felt like 45 minutes and at this point, you sweated a lot and your thighs started to cramp. With your hands on your hips, you groaned in frustration, head tilted to the sky. “Wah, who would’ve known you’d use Mr. Joestar’s family technique against me. Foul play,” you scoffed. “I get it, alright? Just show yourself already.”

Just as you were about to call it quits and assume he just went back to the inn where the others were, something caught your eye at the corner of your vision. In the midst of a parting crowd, you could spot someone standing out from the rest. Someone with a signature ripped hat and coat.

You smirked. “You and your tall ass.”

With a confident stride, you stalked past the unbothered locals and made your way to the towering figure. However, as you neared him, it was only then you noticed the stark difference in his appearance; instead of his primarily black school uniform, he was decked in a purple-dominating outfit with gold accents all over. The design of his chain was different too, changed from the simple golden hoops to one that ended with a golden hook or anchor.

But aside from his grandfather, you knew no one else as tall as the delinquent, so you pushed forward and poked the man’s shoulder. “Hello, I believe you left something valuable back there.”

“Excuse me?”

You stepped back and gaped at the subtle difference in his voice. Not like there were any major differences. It’s still deep and gravelly, but somehow his voice was… milder for lack of a better term. As if it was polished to be more refined.

And as he turned around to look at you, you gaped at the visible changes found in your supposed 17-year-old boyfriend.

Jotaro looked older… way older than he’s supposed to. His cheekbones were more prominent, his eyes a bit sunken, gray streaks of hair lined segments of his head underneath his purple hat, and his hair was trimmed short. Not only that, it seemed that underneath his new flashier coat, he seemed to be built… a bit more. Resembling that of young, about-to-be silver foxes?

You cleared your throat and hoped the warmth in your cheeks faded as instantly as you wished. “Jotaro-ssi?”

He squinted at you, equally confused. “Y/N-ssi?”

“I don’t know if it’s just the heat starting to make me see things, but you look really different… and older.”

“Likewise. You look like your vibrant, youthful self.”

You coughed, trying not to succumb to bashful flattery from the compliment said by the gruff voice of this seemingly more mature Jotaro. “Clearly- well first off, thank you for that- but I’ll have to clarify some things.”

Jotaro tilted his head in curiosity. “I have questions to ask myself. But go on.”

“This might sound stupid but how old are you?”

“40.”

You remained silent, speechless with your brows furrowed and mouth agape as you processed what he said. “F-Forty? 4… 0?”

But he dismissed your surprise and simply asked, “What year is it today?”

“1987?”

Jotaro cursed under his breath, crossing his arms. “Figured… how the hell did this happen?” He let out a deep sigh. “Good grief, I’m too tired for this. Just as I was about to finish paperwork as well.”

“Hey Jo- err mister,” you said. “Can we talk about whatever the heck is going on somewhere that’s not in the open?”

He turned back to you and with one sweeping look around his surroundings, he nodded. “Sure.”

---

It was out of nowhere when he found himself standing in the middle of a marketplace.

Not even a minute passed and with a blink of an eye, Jotaro was no longer in his office signing documents but found himself getting pushed and shoved by a passing crowd of dark to tan-skinned locals. He recognized these buildings and streets. With a cock of his head, he said to himself, “What… Why am I here?”

Just then, someone poked his back. “Hello, I believe you left something valuable back there.”

Wait. “Excuse me?”

He turned around and he grew even more confused as he saw you- or rather, a younger you- behind him, looking up at him with an expression that mirrored his.

This was odd. The last he saw you was mere hours ago as you- a 40-year-old version of you- kissed him goodbye as you headed off to the Foundation to resume work while he stayed behind to focus on tasks related to his day job as a biologist.

But then he considered a couple of things: The buildings of Cairo, the locals, a stunned you being a teenager…

It meant one thing and as he asked you that question, you confirmed it and he was appalled. Nothing happened to him in his timeline, but it wasn’t the case for his younger self.

You offered to bring him back indoors where they could continue the discussion somewhere more private, and with nothing else giving him any solutions to his dilemma, he agreed.

Hence, here they were- sitting a couple of feet apart in a room of an inn with the rest of the Crusaders out still doing their agendas for the day. You sat on the foot of the bed while he remained leaning against the wall, finger under his chin as he tried to figure out what to do.

“Knowing you, I guess you’d rather we talk about possible solutions to your current situation?”

“It won’t be necessary,” Jotaro said. “As it always was with the others, it’s a Stand attack and it caused your Jotaro to swap with me, a future version of him. And since I’m here it means that the ability is currently active. The usual solution to this is to find the user again and tamper with his Stand to bring everything back to normal.”

“We’ll simply approach the old man or the agent currently working with him now to find the latest intel on the Stand user. That way, we can track him down faster. However, since they’re currently out wherever, we’ll simply just wait for them to arrive here and then we can ask for the important details.”

You stared at him with awe. “Woah, you’re much more knowledgeable about this whole Stand business than I thought.”

He shrugged. “Years of experience do that to you.”

“I mean yeah but it’s just wild how age can change a person because look at you!” You said as you made a sweeping gesture over his body. “Not only did you age like fine wine, but you actually grew out of your ‘tough guy’ act into this sage-like adult! Look at you openly sharing a strategy that isn’t just punching.”

Jotaro might have blushed at the ‘fine wine’ comment but pretended to not notice it and said, “I’ve always thought about strategies ever since my teenage years. It’d be dumb if the only solution to everything was a heavy punch or two.”

“I did say ‘openly’, didn’t I?” You raised a brow at him. “Let’s be honest, you did often resort to a classic Star Platinum barrage when it’s offered on the table.”

He thought back to his youth and took into account how often he resorted to simple violence as a quick solution to everything. Huh. I guess you weren’t wrong. “Well… you have a point. But let’s say it’s simply me still learning how Star worked. He did just manifest the same year as the trip.”

“You also called him an evil spirit,” you said. “Poor Star when all he did was protect you.”

Jotaro rolled his eyes and he could’ve sworn a part of his soul did the same thing in him. “I didn’t know better. Besides, he’s grown to be a reliable companion over the years. That I can acknowledge.”

Then there was a moment of silence where you just stared at him without a word. He kept silent as well, staring out the window as he waited for time to pass. “Oh by the way mister,” he glanced at you. “Is that a wedding ring snug on your finger?”

Admittedly, he never expected you to bring up that specific observation but he should’ve seen it coming when he had his arms exposed and crossed for you to eventually see. “Yeah. What about it?”

With a smug look, you interlocked your fingers under your chin and said, “Who’s the lucky person Mr. Kujo?”

Jotaro stared at you and various images of an aged version of you flashed in mind; memories of you during your wedding day, to when he accompanied you as you joined the Speedwagon Foundation, down until you brought your daughter Jolyne into the world and watched her grow into a confident woman with him by your side.

He broke his gaze with a cough and feigned casual stoicism. “I can’t disclose future events.”

Being the same perceptive individual as he knew you in the future, you smirked with a knowing look. “I see. I must say, how lucky they were to bag someone so intellectual and strong. What do you do again aside from tracking Stand users of course? I’m curious.”

“Primarily, I work as one of the leading marine biologists in the institute I’m under, but I part-time as a biology professor at a university in Florida as well.”

“Ooh~” you drawled with an impressed yet bashful smile growing behind the hand covering your pink cheeks. “Such accolades. Guess that interest of yours really took off, huh?”

Jotaro curled his lip, proud of himself for once. “It appeared so.”

“Gotta take notes for when 17-year-old you return,” you snickered. “Got any kids?”

“Perhaps.”

“How many? Girl or boy?”

“A daughter.”

You cooed, holding back a squeal of wholesome adoration. “I knew it. I figured you’d be a girl dad! I can only imagine how cute she is.” Jotaro smiled again. Jolyne was his little bundle of joy indeed. “Though if I’m gonna be honest, I thought she had siblings.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, weren’t you going at it as passionate lovers?”

Jotaro choked on his spit, caught off guard at the sudden question. “Well we are busy adults so we didn’t get many opportunities, but in the occasional moments we do, it is indeed… passionate. You did have the stamina and vigor to ravage me when you could.”

You stared at him, stunned. “What?”

He stared back, not registering what he said. “What?”

And then silence again between two staring individuals.

“Y/N! Jotaro! We’re back!”

Both you and he snapped out of the unintentional staring contest, each of them covering their embarrassed faces behind their hands as they looked anywhere but at each other. You dumbass. Why did you say that?

“W-Well,” you started. “They’re here now. I guess we start finding the guy responsible for this?”

Jotaro reeled from his minute-long foolishness and put his default stone-faced expression back on. “The sooner the better.”

---

Just as he said, beating the enemy Stand user the second time did the trick.

To start, upon seeing one of their companions aged up significantly, the Crusaders reasonably questioned both of you about what the hell was going on and you explained half of what had happened, only for Jotaro to help you out by continuing the other half of the conversation.

And you weren’t going to lie, but learning that he was able to voice out his thoughts more openly than before was both admiring and attractive. But your apparent affinity for hot older men with kids will be tackled on another day. Probably never.

After disclosing the need to locate the pocket sand Stand user, Mr. Joestar and the agent working with him were able to track his current location and the first second it was revealed, both of you wasted no time and hurried over to the man responsible.

Luckily for both of you, you didn’t have to resort to any more violence as the user- already beaten down and recovering from his injuries- complied with whatever you wanted out of him and let him hand over his magic Stand sand.

You and old man Jotaro said your goodbyes. It was nothing too special nor was it anything emotional. You were surprised to see a future version of your boyfriend, got fascinated by his progress in life, and now not only were you about to meet up with the current Jotaro and spill the news about what he was to become, you also got to bring back the adult to his timeline.

A win-win for everyone.

Little did you know just as the sand struck him again, the plumes still managed to fly onto your face and caused your eyes to shut and your brain to fuzz out momentarily.

When you opened them again, you were met with the classic punk delinquent Jotaro that you knew and love.

He coughed and waved the remaining sand cloud hovering around you and said, “What the hell was that?”

“An inconvenience that’s what,” you said. “Oh! By the way, I have something to share with you!”

“Same. You go first.”

“Alright, so…” You started with enthusiasm, only for your words to trail off as your mind ran blank. “I… uh, I don’t remember what I was about to say actually.”

Jotaro crossed his arms. “Oh really?”

“You know I don’t joke about this,” you whined. “Well, how about you go ahead and tell me about your day then, hm?”

He didn’t say anything as he looked elsewhere, eyes deep in concentration as he was trying to search for a specific memory in his brain, and after a minute or two of nothing, you smirked at him. “Well? Where’s the story time, Jotaro-ssi?”

“Fuck, I can’t recall anything.”

You chuckled. “I thought so. Serves you right for doubting me.”

“H-Hey, can I go now?”

You and Jotaro turned to the meek ex-enemy Stand user, hands up under the heavy weight of your stares. He looked at you and cocked a brow. “Your call.”

At that, you shrugged. “Sure.” You turned to the delinquent with a content smile. He, in turn, averted his gaze away from yours with faint reddened cheeks. “I already got what I need from you.”

[insipid-drivel]

Endometriosis, Fat Doctors, And Bellybuttons: What They Don't Teach You In Health Class

Woo another rambling TED talk, but I just got home from a meeting with a doctor specializing in wound care that I really feel a lot of you should hear:

Firstly, I've been having mysterious pains in my bellybutton area since... probably last Autumn? But I've had menorrhagia (extremely heavy, painful, and even dangerous periods that can cause spontaneous hemorrhaging) since I was 13 years old. Since my menorrhagia became active, I've been begging for a hysterectomy. I'm moving into my 20 year anniversary of Living With A Uterus That Hates Me As Much As I Hate It.

Being trans (agender) also really incentivizes the whole "yeet the uterus" thing, too, but that doesn't really have anything to do with why I wanna talk to y'all about endometriosis and bellybuttons.

Anyway, as of this year, I've had a lot of issues with my bellybutton region. Random infections, inflammation, pain, trips in and out of the ER; the works. My doctor has been so confused by my bizarre constellation of symptoms that he hasn't been sure of what's going on or what the best course of action is, aside from referring me for more tests and prescribing comfort measures in the meantime.

Until today. My desperate track for a diagnosis began over a week ago when my symptoms became alarmingly sepsis-like, but my test results came back with nothing but signs of an elevated white blood cell count. My doctor has been rushing me from specialist to specialist, and today was a wound care doctor that specializes in treating bariatric, hospice, and disabled patients that can't necessarily follow conventional wound-care advice meant for young, abled, and thin people.

I didn't expect much. Maybe some magnifiers, swabs, and a biopsy at worst, followed by antibiotics and whatever else, but definitely nothing that would help me solve this latest scary health mystery. While the worst of the pain I had that landed me in the ER went away on its own enough that I can get by with mobility aids, I still haven't had a diagnosis.

Until Awesome Fat Doctor.

Awesome Fat Doctor I celebrate. I live for this man. He literally gave me a reason to keep on trying and not give up. I was so scared of the appointment I'd gone nonverbal (not weird for me these days), but I got my voice back after I spent a while with him and his nurse (who was also fantastic). Even though I only met him for a few minutes and he forgot to introduce himself so I can't remember his name right now, Awesome Fat Doctor was a rock star. He was in his later middle age, scruffy, unshaven, and fat - enough that I could imagine the reason he specializes as a wound care doctor is because he may have gotten fed up of other doctors blaming his own health problems on his weight and life choices.

AFD gave no fucks. Along with being a big guy, he carried himself with the gruff no-nonsense of a man that's probably beaten up his ableist colleagues overdiagnosing fibromyalgia in the back of a Wendy's parking lot. He had been informed of my autism and my own needs for a wheelchair due to my own long-term chronic pain and other health issues, as well as my troubles speaking, and treated me like a little cousin that was having a rough go of things like he'd had.

He was compassionate and a straight-shooter with me. He was respectful of my boundaries, talked to me as casually as if I could respond like anybody else with working vocal cords (which I was eventually able to), and generally had all the bedside manner of someone that has worked with patients with special needs of all kinds. He looked at the trouble area and my records and history, told me that he was gonna do his best to get things straightened out, and then went quiet as he studied the timeline of my issues.

"Do you have endometriosis?" he asked, while studying a photo my mom had taken of a... skin infection over my lower abdomen, which had spread from my bellybutton.

I was confused.

"Not that I know of," I answered. I'd found my voice already when he and his nurse both helped put me at ease and showed me I was respected, safe, and seen. I've been tested a few times in my life for endometriosis and had my fair share of ultrasounds (the most common way to diagnose endo), and nobody had found anything unusual. But I have menorrhagia, am always in pain from my reproductive organs, and am desperate to get them removed. I'm on a 24/7 regimen of 2x normal birth control pills just to keep me from menstruating for my own safety. It sucks.

"My wife once had to get emergency surgery for what we thought was appendicitis. Do you know what it turned out she had?" he asked me, very suddenly, and like he had an idea.

"Ectopic pregnancy?" was my first guess, because women have died in the past to ectopic pregnancies that were mistaken for appendicitis.

AFD shook his head. "It was her menstrual cycle, and she had endometrial tissue bleeding into the space beside her appendix. I think you may have endometrial tissue in your bellybutton, and every time your hormones try to cycle in spite of your birth control pills, it bleeds and infects."

I was gobsmacked. Endometriosis and PCOS run in my family as reliably as eye and hair color, but I'd never really thought of how pernicious endometrial tissue could actually be. When I picture endometrial tissue, I picture overgrowths inside of reproductive tissue, or clinging to the outside; not growing randomly within the abdominal cavity or emerging out of my fucking skin like a turkey pop-up timer of doom.

AFD slowly nodded. "And the only way we'd be able to see the endometrial tissue is if you had it tested while you were menstruating and the tissue itself was inflamed and bleeding. Otherwise, it won't show up as anything different to the normal, healthy tissues surrounding it. A biopsy isn't reliable, either, because we have to know exactly where the tissue is before we test it. You have to have your hormones triggering the tissue to inflame and behave differently so it can be diagnosed if there are no big deposits of tissue to see."

After a long time of my ears ringing, I asked him, "Do you think it's possible that the ultrasounds were showing false negatives? Like, I have endometriosis and had it all along, but the tissue is too small to see or were being looked at at the wrong time?"

As it turns out, that's exactly what may be going on.

I see my doctor tomorrow, and meet with my surgeon at the beginning of next month.

Listen to your bodies, y'all. I am so thankful to that doctor, who wound up diverting into a very colorfully-worded rant about how much he hates the American medical system immediately after that. He gave me hope that I was just having new issues with old problems and was right all along about what my body really needed, and that my symptoms now are just showing what happens when doctors neglect their patients' needs.

I did wind up asking if he specialized with wound care because of how other doctors responded to his weight, and he said that it was a mix of reasons beginning with Yes: Both so he could have a safe space from fatphobia and ableism for himself and his patients, but also so his wife - who, while I hadn't seen her, he explained was about as big as he was - would have her own pain taken more seriously, being both fat and female. As he'd already explained, she hadn't been successfully diagnosed with endometriosis until she was symptomatic of full-blown appendicitis-levels of pain as an adult and her doctors were forced to stop blaming her pain on her weight.

Now, as I sit here reflecting... It's hard to believe that, thanks to this doctor's theory, I may finally be free from pain and dysphoria sooner than I imagined. It just took a doctor who could empathize with me to see me, and choose to take the scarier hill to fight on with me.