#only no one hopes anyone dies :-)
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breesperez139 · 7 months ago
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Dc x Dp Prompt #6
“I’m a twin”, Damian said one night. He could feel the narrowed eyes of his family drilling holes on his back in disbelief. Not that he could blame them. Damian had never so much as implied being raised with a companion, much less a sibling.
“I had a brother”. Damian paused to recollect himself. He had not said his brother’s name out loud in over 8 years.
“His name was… Danyal”. Damian hated the way his voice wavered, but he could not help it. Danyal was everything to him, his other half. Their heart beat as one and when one heart stopped beating, the other one died with it. At least until his family put his heart on metaphorical life support without ever realizing.
“Where is he now?” His father asked, voice filled with knowing grief and a hint of betrayal. It had in fact been 6 years since Damian first showed up on his doorstep.
“Up there”. All eyes shifted towards the specific star he was pointing to. “Right before he died, he promised me he’d guide me from the stars. Unfortunately, the stars are not visible in Gotham, so my brother is unable to be of much help unless I leave the city.”
“Your brother is Polaris, the North Star?” Tim questioned warily, most likely in attempts to not offend him. Damian was aware of how stupid it sounded, but Danyal had promised, and his brother never broke his promises.
“Yes. Danyal is with the stars now, just as he always wanted”
#dc x dp#dp x dc#dpxdc fanfic#dc x dp prompt#dp x dc prompt#dc x dp crossover#dp x dc crossover#ghost king danny#demon twin au#danyal al ghul#batpham#they are not in Gotham at the time of this conversation#I’m thinking they’re visiting the Kent’s on their farm but tbh as long as the stars are visible it can be anywhere#Danny did in fact reincarnate as Polaris#sort of#Polaris is more of a title the Realms gave him the day he was crowned#he is the star meant to guide them through a new era#or something like that#But Damian does look up at the stars for guidance whenever he sees them#and before he knows it he’s accidentally begun praying to Danny#it’s his coping mechanism for being unable to speak about him to anyone#but back to Danny - he regained the memories of his time as Danyal Al Ghul when he died in that portal and became a halfa#well it was more he regained the memories of ALL his previous lives but his most recent one holds a special place in his heart#if only because he knows his brother is still alive on whatever earth he was born on#as bad as it sounds Danny can’t wait until he gets to reunite with Damian#he hopes Damian forgives him for not guiding him though#fun fact! Danny was once known as the god Dan-El in one of his previous lives#he’s ALSO the reincarnation of the Greek Titan Astraeus (and he’s pretty sure Dani is his daughter Astraea)#his previous lives are all so interesting (he still can’t believe he was raised an assassin or that he was a god in multiple lives)#but in all honesty ​it’s even weirder feeling so old and so young at the same time
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hishighnesstheprincess · 5 months ago
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Guys I'm gonna be so fucking fr with you if this turns out to be real I'm fully giving up on these movies
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caorl · 1 year ago
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hand in unlovable hand
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ganondoodle · 1 year ago
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i was so happy that ganondorf was a character in totk when it was announced but now i am just sad about it honestly, i get that the older games had the trio as a good kids VS evil old guy thing, but i sincerely hoped that how much botw revolutionized(?) about the zelda principle in terms of gameplay they would now have the chance to do so, at least a little bit, in totk with the story
and then, as much as i like his design, hes again just an already very old evil guy that appeared out of nowhere for all we know that needs to be stopped by some kids/really young people and all the crumbs of personality or well ... not even crumbs but pure idea of a backstory we have to interpret into it all from things like manner of speech, animation and design elements bc all he does is some evil monologing that doesnt even serve well for interpretation
like, he was already so old when we first see him, what did he do all his life?? like even if he only turned aggressive once rauru founded this version of hyrule he had to have lived idk 50 years before that, was he just a regular leader of his people before that?? was he just .. some dude?? all we actually know is ... old evil guy shows up and attacks the perfect and good kingdom (tm) dont we? maybe some vague, arbitrary you denied me *generic villain thing like power, rule etc* line but thats it?
(i dont mind having to read between the lines, it can be very fun, but it also depends on if you are reading between lines and theres something intentionally left there or if you are trying really hard to see something but theres nothing actually there for you to find; to be clear, i also like creating your own ideas around stuff, but when you get to know some people from basically birth to their prime time and then theres a guy thats just there to be an endboss and even now in modern games doesnt get anything beyond a neat design and fun bossfight its just ... so flat?sad? i love interpeting but i also wouldnt mind to see something more for once ..)
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kandicon · 10 months ago
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*writes the same exact headcannons in slightly different scenarios over and over again*
#it all comes back to my unicron-spawn Starscream and my quintesson-built Jazz#today I worked a little on us Starscream and qb Jazz becoming friends and getting a absurdly similar dynamic to how I write Prowl and Jazz#but I stopped that to work on a memory loss fic w that Jazz fighting his way from autobots to Starscream bc he was the only one who he#trusted with a complete memory back up as another not-cybertronian#and I stopped THAT to work on a qb Jazz/Prowl fic where it's non-essential no pain killer surgery that Prowl has to do on Hazx bc he refuses#to go to medics. partially bc the surgery is completely unsafe in any firm and partly bc qb Jazz doesn't want anyone else to know what he is#(and Prowl barely knows either)#but I only got a few sentences into that b4 I went to do an Autobot!DJD (AJD?) torture scene w qb Jazz where the nameless character to die#manages to tear open his chest while fighting back and finds nothing inside#BUT that's rlly similar 2 a fic where I've done the same thing w Starscream (the chest discovery in a scuffle bit) so I reread that before#I got distracted thinking abt my Starop fic that's all Starscream doesn't have a spark because he's a ghost Optimus Prime doesn't have a#spark because he's a lab experiment gone rogue. Misunderstandings ensue. which I adore but have no idea how to fit a plot into#so bc I couldn't think of anything more than a few sentences for that I went to my fic where ALL of the command trine formed from Unicron#but Skywarp and Thundercracker died early and Starscream spends millions of years searching all of cybertron and hoping Vector Sigma#reincarnation works for unicronians too. biiiig depression angst fic. I can't decide if I want it to end in Starscream self-inducing stasis#in one of Vector Sigma's chambers or whether I want it to end w Starscream brutally murdering the new trine member the reincarnated versions#of Skywarp and Thundercracker were made with (who ftr would be Sun Storm)#n that fic reminded me of that one rewritting of the Starscream's Ghost ep where Starscream catches a glimpse of Scourge and immediately#attacks. it's barely a fight because in seconds SS is ripping through layers of armor desperately searching for Thundercracker beneath the#shell Unicron gave him. He needs Thundercracker to be there (he isn't). Only when his claws have gone completely thru Scourge's back does he#round on the armada- only to completely ignore Cyclonus and go for one of his clones (Skywarp)#and that reminded me of- *gunshots*#do u see why I only ever manage to post ponies?? I have less ideas w them so I actually finish.#I'm worried of hitting tag limit but I have plenty more of even less fleshed out fics for us Starscream and qb Jazz#(I barely said half of what's in my writing docs)
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thedreadvampy · 6 months ago
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it's been a strange arc so far
when I was 19-21 and having an extremely imbalanced relationship with someone in their mid 30s I was like 'we are both adults so the fact that this is fucking me up is my fault'
when I hit my late 20s and saw how young people in their late teens and early 20s seem now I was like 'oh wait I was so fucking young I didn't know shit about my own limits or about managing relationships and I don't know why someone in their mid to late 30s would be into that except for nefarious purposes'
the weird bit is now I'm into my 30s - not even that far into my 30s - and while I still wholeheartedly believe that last thing about how young (and self destructive) 20 year olds are, I'm also kind of like 'huh, actually nobody I know that age has their shit remotely together and frankly the reason this fucked me up is because NEITHER of us knew what the fuck we were doing it how to cope, for different reasons and at different life stages, and there probably wasn't any malice or intent to control as much as there was Blind Flailing.'
#red said#this is about one specific relationship btw.#wanted to clarify that because there have been several men over 30 who fucked me up between the ages of 16 and 21#and i adamently do NOT want to keep pretending that was incompetence. that was predation. sometimes incompetent predation.#but with the person I'm thinking of? she really hurt me and the age gap and difference in life stage was a not insubstantial factor#but mostly she was just spiralling out really badly and i offered her something to hold and she did try to keep things balanced and safe#but she was very off balance at the time. so the fucking up was more that than it was about power or control#we were just both very stupid and very sensible at the same time which is a great way to dig yourselves deeper#and idk I'm like 2 or 3? years younger than she was when we met iirc#and the closer i get to her age the more I'm like yeah you know that's a human reaction. i can see how that happens.#and i kind of feel bad for the amount of bitterness I've held and malice I've ascribed because ultimately#i think it was just two people having different crises trying and failing to figure out boundaries around them#but this has come on really suddenly and it's kind of fucking me up as well#cause I'm frightened of falling back into patterns of oh it's never anyone else's fault that i got hurt#but i don't. thiiiiink so? bc it's really only this one thing. i am not making these excuses for other people.#idk. sometimes people just fuck each other up.#I'm not even sure i think it was a bad thing that it happened. a lot of bad happened but we also catalyzed a lot of change in each other.#i feel like the reason i keep picking at this is that it's complicated. it was not good. it was good.#she really fucked me up and she was a terrible friend to me at times. but she was also the first person to really look after me.#and she kind of helped me start to learn how to need other people. which was good.#when my grandma died she wrapped me in a blanket and cancelled her plans to watch TV on the couch with me#even though she barely knew me at that point#and she was one of the first people to consistently ask for consent and check in. and she did genuinely care about me.#but she also truly fucked me over a couple of times.#but mostly that was just because she was buried in a pit of despair and self loathing.#she seems a lot happier now. i hope she is. i don't know if i want to know her particularly but i think if she's happy she'd be nice to know
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daecaerys · 9 months ago
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META , 𝑫𝑨𝑬𝑵𝑬𝑹𝒀𝑺' 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑨𝑵𝑻𝑰-𝑷𝑹𝑶𝑷𝑯𝑬𝑻, 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑨𝑵𝑻𝑰-𝑴𝑬𝑺𝑺𝑰𝑨𝑯, 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑯𝑼𝑴𝑨𝑵 𝑸𝑼𝑬𝑬𝑵: often talking with @ruingod and the tropes around characters, i realized how of an antithesis dany is to the common messianic trope ( unlike paul who absorbs himself in it to gain power ) and since recently there has been going on a discussion about it as if she's the same trope as his ( sigh ), i decided to come here and express my opinions ( which are just that, opinions and interpretations ). well, daenerys does not see herself as anything but a queen, a ruler, and she views it as a duty and not a priviledge. she sees ruling ad a responsability to protect those around her ( coming from the sense that she often wasn't protected ), and does not use their dependance on her and their views of her figure as means to create prophercies or even propaganda about her rule. she never sees herself as above her people, as their savior, but a member of their reality/society with the power of bringing change. daenerys did not conquer the free cities to gain numbers to battle, or to rule them with her iron first of ideals ( in fact, one of her issues is that she did not count with that part and is falling under creating her own ruling ). daenerys conquered the cities to free the slaved and their oppression. she had no need to do it either, with enough gold and ships to sail to westeros before doing so.
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there's no questioning that daenerys is doing what she does because she believes in the good, not in vengeance, not out of need for power. she's there to serve the oppressed, and not the opposite. she's not their messiah. there's a reason why mhysa resonates with her: she's mother, she's freeing, amidst the fear of being the opposite due to her roots ( remember the valyrians were slavers themselves ). like dragons, there's no cruel inner nature. there's the singular thing: dany is good. intrisically. she struggles in understandig that good intentions do not make a good realm - it only, sometimes, makes it weak. and to be ruthless to protect those she swore to protect is what makes her shake in fear of becoming entirelly ruthless. losing herself. becoming what people believe dragons to be: monsters, and monsters only.
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daenerys does not use speech to gain support. her actions did so, and she did not do them out of the selfish reason: yes, this will have me be their queen. i'll become their god. no, dany did it because she loathed to see such suffering. she acted out of her heart. when she freed the unsullied she did not do it knowing they would follow her afterwards, nor when she fred drogo's slaves. their freedom was theirs, just like hers was hers. they followed her because they saw it as just that, someone worth it, someone who did it because it was right, and not someone who used them.
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her iron throne goal becomes secondary in her mind as she decides to stay in mereen to keep things under control. to not let those people back in chains and in even more pain before she met them. if she wanted just to control them, dany would become the tyrant that season 8 wants you to see her as. she'd burn her enemies, and make others follow her with the disguise of being their savior. make them cross the sea and fight in her name only. she'd be flawless before their eyes, she'd see herself as flawless, she'd see herself as righteous. daenerys does not do it, in any moment. she constantly does what sacrifice is needed to help others and not herself. staying in mereen is proof of that, still, we constantly read she's a selfish person who only does what she does out of greed. when speaking of paul, for example, and the parallels, it is just a mirror of different perspectives of similar situations. one leaning towards the opressed for power, and the other leaning towards power to help the opressed.
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masked-and-doomed · 14 days ago
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POOKIE'S DEAD. :( CRODE.
They went and showed his whole backstory too like?!?! His whole point to live is to die in battle!?! FUCKKK WHAT THE HELL TIT.E KUBO WHY'D YOU HAVE TO GO SO HARD ON THIS UGLY SEXIST MOTHERFUCKER
.......can I even finish Bleach with him gone...... I'm much more devastated than I thought I'd be...... They went so hard on his death...... Like oh man you didn't have to rip my heart out......
#that's Precisely why he died and kenpachi lived. Kenpachi didn't like dying. and Nnoitra's whole purpose was to die.#oh okay I'm tearing up again as i write this that's fine.#he's fucking dead. i thought it'd be like the others where it's just like. That's a wrap! NO THEY DOVE INTO HIM.#HIS ONLY GOAL IS TO DIE IN THE BATTLEFIELD. HE SHOWS NO MERCY TO ANYONE.#ALSO THE CUT TO NNOITRA AND NEL MEETING EYES FOR ONE FINAL MOMENT BEFORE HIS DEATH#?#TESSRA CRYING AS NNOITRA DIED?? LIKE I THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD BUT HE WAS SO :( HE WAS CRYING BEYOND HIS GRAVE????#NNOITRA. NNOITRA YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME NNOITRA.#i cant save him guys his whole life is to die in battle. can i even convince him out of that.#He's doomed himself. Oh My Fucking God. NNOITRAAAAA#FROWNING EMOOOJI. NNOITRA.#i dont know if i can save him guys i think he doomed himself. he's so stubborn. He's the most stubborn motherfucker alive.#Nel and Kenpachi both wanted to stop when he was 'defeated' but he was still breathing. to him a battle isn't over till someone's dead.#he doesn't want to be seen as weak. he hates pity. his inferiority complex goes so fucking hard.??#maybe not inferiority but. Insecurity. he's so. o my Fucking Lord.#head in hands.#can i even watch bleach after this.#THE MOST. FUNNY PART. IS THAT. WITHOUT KNOWING. I'M PRETTY SURE I BOUGHT THE VOLUME HE DIES.#PAST ME BOUGHT THE VOLUME HE DIES IN. I'M PRETTY SURE. OR AT LEAST.#THE VOLUME RIGHT BEFORE HE DIES.#OKAY I SKIMMED. HE TOTALLY DIES IN THIS ONE#OH MY GOD. PAST ME. PAST ME. FUCK YOU PAST ME. YOU GOT THE VOLUME HE FUCKING DIES IN.#YOU IDIOT. YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW NNOITRA EXISTED AT THAT POINT. YOU GOT THE VOLUME HE FUCKING DIES IN.#FUUUUUUUUCKK#I'm gonna kill him one million times over I fucking hate this guy#writers on ao3 i beg that you made him happy i hope you made him happy please give him joy in his life ao3 writers please i need him happy.#sobbing.#not drinking bleach#spoon cloak
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musubiki · 9 months ago
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how was playing hsr? was there anything that you liked in the game and the story?
ITS BEEN AMAZING AS EXPECTED!!!!!!!!! i actually havent played genshin in a while since starting it, i have no motivation to do the filler event while a perfectly good star rail is sitting there waiting to be played :')
but for mechanics, i love they have auto battle so you dont have to nessecarily sit there and invest in every little battle you gotta do....and i love that the resin (resin??) system is a lot more forgiving with a higher cap, lower cost, and allow for overflow...thats nice...i also love that the mc and starter units are very useful. im so emotionally attatched to the star rail crew so im glad they never have to leave my team !!!!
storywise im LOVING IT SO FAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i started playing it at the beginning of spring break 2 weeks ago and im almost all caught up!!! i went through belabog and penacony and now im just doing those leftover intermission main quests which im only now realizing i shouldve done before going to penacony LMAO
and of course.....danmarch....im so soft for them......and also i love sampo i cant wait to see what they do with him
#besides the star rail crew and sampo im not too attatched to anyone else#im very much a (what would happen in canon) type of player so the only units i REALLY want are himeko welt and imbibitor lunae#(and sampo)#everyone else i can go without#so this game is probably gonna be a lot better for my wallet#overall it just like it better than genshin minus the open world part#i like the story and characters...i like that you can play as bad guys while theyre still bad guys???? like blade and kafka???#cuz in genshin you always gotta redeem them somehow first before theyre playable#not here hueheuhe#also i love that they actually kill off playable characters#(spoilers from here on out)#i know were supposed to be all sad for fireflys death but honestly.......i didnt care about her too much LMAO#i was actually a little annoyed for the secret base part because her base was SO FUCKING DEEP IN ENEMY TERRITORY#i was like (damn bitch how far away is this shit??!)#that by the time we got to the emotional part i was just mad#i never liked characters where the game tries to like....force you to care about them#and its implied you have some super close relationship ESPECIALLY when you havent known them long#now if march died that would be a whole different story#but firefly??? i mean rip but i didnt really know her#im loving the penacony quest so far though#any setting where its like a place of mind tricks and gambling and spending money and sin is always so scary to me#especially the dream within a dream within a dream shit#the mind fuck aspect is always a good plot that i enjoy#i also love that theyre not afraid to upgrade units#like we have dan heng and the dragon dan heng#so characters arnt stagnent forever#everyday i hope we one day get to see a 5-star secret power march#cuz that girl has some shit going on i swear#i just did her luofu memory quest#and those fuckers in the garden of recollection............
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gammija · 2 years ago
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i love s4, and im enjoying listening to it with the magaday, but i forgot it would also lead to the worst thing: seeing people interpret media differently than me on the internet OTL
#NOT a big deal#but as an enjoyer of nuance and complicated characters and the tragedy of people doing their best and still failing#I can't help but want to constantly correct posts saying 'Georgie said she prefered Jon dead!' (she didn't#; Jon accused her of that and Basira asked her to leave before they could talk it out)#and 'everyone is blaming Jon for Tim and Daisy's deaths' -> only Melanie is‚ as far as we've heard;#not that everyone is being nice or fair to jon; not at all#but this framing of the situation as jon on one side and everyone else on the other is just so much more boring#than the web of relationships and mistakes and misplaced blame that is implied#and the former is how you get analyses that are objectively wrong like 'no one let Jon speak in 199!!' -> literally by word count and#time spend speaking he talks the most out of anyone in the discussion#but it's not 50/50 jon/others because every character in tma is the protagonist of their own story#like of course it wouldve been nicer if georgie had immediately protested that she didn't want jon to die#but playing that out in my mind; it feels like exactly the kind of argument that jons ex specifically would be tired of having#even if the context is different now#and to me the way it's possible to construct these unspoken reasons and stories for the side characters is the coolest shit#and that's lost if Georgie just said 'I hoped you died Jon‚' because... ? because it's s4 so everyone is just mean to Jon?#even though she's the one visiting him in hospital in the first place?#joos yaps#delete later#nah she's just a mean girl. mean women bullying jon all season#nothing more to it than that
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hauntingblue · 4 months ago
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Jaya time
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I love these moments of nearly cosmic horror when they encounter inexplicable things (at first) they are so intriguing
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Is strawhat here?! *Megan thee stallion saying AAH 😜*
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This cover just goes hard... Get it chopper
#usopp and luffy wanting to go to skypiea and nami only gets it going when luffy says she won't do it cause she can't... now it's personal#robin getting nami an eternal pose..... yeah exactly#luffy eating takoyaki immediately after he finds an octopus... sanjis speed is no joke#THE FUCKING GUY SHOOTING THE SEAGULL IS THE ONE IN BLACKBEARDS CREW!!!! DAMN#dying swiftly or not is result of your actions??? i guess man whatever#FUCKING BURGESS TOO!!! and the fucking transing your gender virus maker.... here luffy doesnt explode!!!#teach and luffy having complete opposite opinions on everything.... having bad vibes immediately.... incredible its like luffy knew#luffy doesnt fight bellamy bc he isnt worth the fight sinply bc they have different ideals... yeah.. also emerald city when#the pirates that do it for the money and the pirates that do it for their dreams... which is weird bc luffys foil (?) is blackbeard#also a d also a pirate with dreams (the same one even?) but they go about it in two different ways still.... compelling#why dies luffy think about shanks and ace when he hears teach outside the bar i an going insane... why does luffy just stare at him#WHAT ARE YOU THINKING LUFFY!! DOES HE SEE HIM AND SEE COMPETITION??? THATS WHY SHANKS AND ACE TELLING HIM TO BE A GOOD PIRATE??#how do they know about the them. why do they not tell anyone. to this day they havent said A WORD#noland was also from 400 years ago.... we got joyboy noland and toki#also are the next cover stories about ace.... please......... i need to see him#el señor de la noche moment (luffy fighting bellamy) draws near... i am so excited#i love ace being a hobo and just jumping on whatever boat he can find to eat and sleep and nobody refuses bc he's with whitebeard ajdjajkqw#ALSO I MISSED YOU KING!!!! COME BACK TO MEEEE#gorusei kuma and doffy first appearance omg... hello everyone#'if we let redhair act more than its sufficient it could be problematic' does this mean they can control him? shanks sus evidence n.1#'redhair is not one to change the world on his own' is he waiting for luffy??? is that it?? is shanks rogers successor to aid joyboy???#he told something to shanks before dying about laughtale and left that work for him so thats why he went after the one piece right after#joyboy manifested in luffy. thats why he refused so outright to buggy when he proposed to sail together to find it... maybe shanks not evil#lafitte was a cop and is the one to propose blackbeard as shichibukai? for some reason even if he hasnt done anything yet ✍️#whitebeard appearance... loving this in between arc issues even if they are not in between arcs... in between islands arc i guess#see??? why does benn beckman care about what the gov thinks... why would they give af and why would they even think about it#fucking blackbeard was after luffy..... but he 'settled' for ace i am going to be sick#blackbeard should have died when the knock up stream destroyed his ship what happened there....#also i didnt notice cricket smoking so much and trembling akdhsksjk he is hoping he didnt send luffy to die#reading one piece
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thats-a-lot-of-cortisol · 7 months ago
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✨ someone ✨ broke their oath the other night
#this poor woman has had A Time. killed cazador got oathbreaker'd had her act 3 romance scene all in one day#i was kinda hoping it would happen b/c it fits how her story's been going#but i wasn't willing to ascend astarion to guarantee it#and i didnt want to fudge it by looking it up#but i figured freeing the spawn *might* do it since she's oath of ancients and i was Correct#and it's in character for her anyway. 'anyone sentient deserves a chance' is a *big* part of her moral beliefs#i want to see if aylin has any comments re: oathbreaking but i doubt it#i've got some half-baked ideas bouncing around my head for interactions b/wn them after loroakkan though#guess i dont have to worry about whether pretending to go along with mystic carrion will break her oath now lol#the 'gods dont give a shit about you' themes have been hitting her hard. and like. yeah#even growing up in a region not totally under lolth's thumb she was explicitly taught that the gods she knew were to be feared#and even following corellon the only choice she's been given is forget everything & literally become a different person#or (presumably) be in lolth's clutches after she dies#and seeing the clear manipulation from mystra & vlaakith & shar was doing a number on her#so something she viewed as the obvious correct choice breaking her oath was her last straw#im thinking about changing her epithet but idk what it would be so im keeping it as a tag for now#diodore#the star's shield#bg3#bg3 screenshots#bg3 spoilers#oathbreaker#bg3 oathbreaker#drow paladin#i love how they handle oathbreaker in bg3 btw. i've always thought it wasnt an inherently bad thing & i feel vindicated#image id in alt text#bg3 tav#my post#blood cw
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berryblu-soda · 1 year ago
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hello again :D!! catching up on some work stuff i couldnt get to while the assignment ordeal was going on so im still somewhat MIA
just wanted to let yall know theres actually a good amount of percy jackson/heroes of olympus audiobooks just... up, on youtube, in case anyone wants to revisit any of em :D!!
youtube
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orcelito · 8 months ago
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It's a little funny. I spend so much time compartmentalizing that I convince myself I'm totally fine, of course, all the time.
But when I was filling out the questionnaire before my therapy appointment yesterday, it was like
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.... OK yea maybe I have some problems
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Also this one 😂😂😂
#speculation nation#it's ok i am now in therapy and we have weekly appointments set up#i havent always had the best experiences with therapy. and by that i mean it has never really been helpful to me#mostly tho bc it's been depression therapists. and i dont actually have depression.#what i DO have is trauma! and barely managed adhd and fibromyalgia.#and especially grief trauma in the past 5 years. oh God do i have grief trauma.#but i searched Specifically for a grief therapist with this. so she should be equipped to properly help me.#ive managed to reach an okay place regarding my old traumas. but this stuff. man it's hard.#i pushed myself to a near panic attack the other day upon realizing the painting i have is an authentic lithograph#& the realization that i am carrying the mantle of several generations of my family now.#most of the generations above me are now dead. so it's up to us to carry on their memories#and i am The One who is unapologetically incredibly tacky. up to me to carry that legacy.#it's pressure. weight that i didnt want. but i dont want to ignore it bc i dont want them to be forgotten.#so im hoping that with therapy. she can help me sort things out so it's less... difficult.#help me remember them without being paralyzed with panic and dread.#and maybe help me with my death paranoia...? 😅 i dont like feeling like anyone in my life could die at any time.#inevitable after my uncle died with only a month's warning and my dad died with barely more than a day's warning.#idk. for someone whose will to live comes from the people i love. it's rather paralyzing.#just gotta cling to the people i have left. and hold them dear.#negative/#kinda but not really. tagging just in case considering the subject matter.#idk im just trying to sort things out. no one goes through this many sudden deaths without a severe complex over it.#but. im in therapy now. and im trying. i am.
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phanthief · 2 years ago
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too lazy to download the screenshots since no one gives a shit anyway but when you sit at varl's grave and the prompt to get up only says 'farewell'......now tell me why do i cry every time i see it...
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Ok sorry for the sudden vent post but Im stewing in feelings a little and like I think some of the worst most disgusting advice young queers get is "your parents will love you no matter what!". Like the thing is even if that were true (its not!) you can do alot of horrible disgusting things to someone you love and alot of homophobic/transphobic shitbag parents do "love" their kids, sure. But theyre either never gonna fucking stop being bigoted or they will but it'll be either after their kid already has years of trauma they now have to grapple with OR when they've fucking killed the kid.
Like heres my advice to every queer kid: you never know someones true feelings about LGBT people until someone theyre close to comes out. Love is useless if they're not kind to you, you dont owe them fucking anything, get your own bank account as soon as you turn 18.
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