#only its life!!!
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The plus side of being too busy to watch shows or get super deep into any games is that I’m so active that my only media consumption is audiobooks at work and at school so I can finally get in on all those funky book fandoms!!! :D
#lifeblogging#so…. darkstalker huh?#i’m in the middle of his book and goddamn#HOLY SHIT its great#loving it 10/10#im also gonna listen to warrior cats maybe when im donw with it#cause i gotta brush up on my cat lore#i have so many books on my list its not even funny-#and i still have to do wayward children and percy jackson too!!!!#and i mean- dont get me wrong an active life is still pretty enjoyable#im actually getting regular exersise now#and working really hard#and getting a higher education#im doin everything that can be considered ‘normal’ and its kinda fun#its like im playing some fun game of pretend!#like how you play house as a kid#only its life!!!#i’ve gameified it a lot#and its going great#but i havent been able to exist as much online#which is maybe good#but yeah! getting caught up on all them books#its really enjoyable actually#its like- even though im working and doing all this nonsense and studying#i can still BURN through media like a wildfire and make tons of ocs and self inserts and fanfic#and then also do my schoolwork#and like- i REALLY enjoy school sometimes cause i getca lil dopamine rush everytime i get high grades#which is often#i feel so smart and so awesome#i completed 2 quizzes in under 3 minutes and got hundreds on both
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
--
no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They��re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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why is religious Christmas imagery all so joyful and pleasant? where is the inherent horror of the birth of Christ? A mother is handed her newborn child, wailing and innocent. Her hands come away sticky. Red. Simply by giving her son life she has already killed him. He is doomed from the beginning. Her love will not save him from suffering. Because the thing cradled in her arms is not a baby, it is a sacrifice: born amongst the other bleating animals whose blood will one day be spilled in the name of what demands it. the night is silent with anticipation. Mary, did you know? That your womb was also a grave?
#instant conversation enders for my multiple youth pastor cousins#don’t say it (I’m gonna say it)#The Child is The Price#but i mean come on#as someone who isn't actually even christian the real-life historical version of this is still cursed as fuck#i mean we know that jesus was a person who existed. whatever circumstances he was born in#its terrifyingly ominous to imagine being so unaware of the affect your child will have on the future of humanity#time itself will one day be counted around your birth of him#and all because he will suffer an excruciatingly painful death that you will not be able to prevent#not only that. but regardless of his or your intentions#regardless of whether there is a god#for millenea unfathomable millions will have blood spilled and will spill blood in his name#atrocities will be committed that you cannot even conceive of#and all on his and your behalf#you love your child. its beautiful. but there's horror in what you've done. because everyone else will love him too#and what's more dangerous than that?
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*proceeds to drink the whole bottle*
Yeah Alastor you're gonna be loved and appreciated wether you want it or not :)
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel fanart#hazbin alastor#hazbin rosie#radiorose#platonic radiorose#qpr radiorose#even tho they have no idea what label to put on their relationship at this point#hazbin comic#comic#my art#autodesk sketchbook#it probably looks ooc from alastor to react like this but poor man has only learned his whole life that relationships have a hierarchy#“marriage > a simple friendship” in his brain and it's confusing for him that Rosie would put her friendship with him over that#also Rosie was pissed of how terrible her date went and as soon as she comes home Alastor sides with her ex husband#just to explain why she got angry so quickly basically they couldnt really understand each other that's why they got angry#I love cute fluffy radiorose but its good to see them argue sometimes eheh#I needed to get this idea out of my system and made it into a whole comic
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I wish we could have met in some other way.
Lawlight Week Day 2: Soulmates
If you saw me repost and re-edit this several times uh No you didn't </3
Still frames/Individual gifs:
If you know what every frame is from you get a free cookie. by the way
#death note#dn#light yagami#l lawliet#lawlight#oh god here we go#death note jdrama#death note 2015#death note 2006#death note musical#lctw#l change the world#dntm#lawlightweek2024#my art#collapses i am NEVER putting this much effort in one piece ever again /hj this was the Only one i had mostly prepared in advance#ironically the most painstaking part about making this entire thing was converting the images into an animated file#that wasn't either horrifically compressed or just. wouldn't loop. why do gifs have to look so BAD it's so inconvenient#and THEN i realized I had to forcibly Stitch the two animations together so they would actually be synced and it wouldn't look dumb#and the end result is STILL so compressed. because Tumblr. uhhh just don't click on it it'll look so scuffed LOL. anyways#this is what i get for watching Every Adaptation of Death Note. i am a death note multiverse truther#usually i'd have something clever to say in the tags but. this drained the life out of me just uh.#yeah. they're doomed in every universe. this is the only way they could've met. they are doomed by their own natures and the#circumstances that surround them. there is no universe where light tries to prevent L's death. and even in the cases where L Doesn't die#there is no universe where L can save light. there is no universe where he can truly “catch” Kira and make him see where he went wrong#(<- if you read LCTW you know. :) )#in every universe and adaptation L will call Light his first friend. in some universes they'll take that notion more seriously than others#no matter what one of them will die due to the other. its the only constant. it's the only way it can ever be. they are the others downfall
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kris and noelle discuss critically acclaimed fps game half dead 2, their missing siblings, and obscure human musicians like claude debussy
#utdr#undertale#deltarune#noelle holiday#kris dreemurr#my art#YEA ITS A HALF LIFE REFERENCE SORRY I ONLY KNOW ONE THING
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can life series mumbo k jumbo stop seeking for grian everytime he starts burning im gonna start having delusions again
#tw injury#tw lava#tw fire#well hes only burnt up infront of him like. two out of three life series hes in#its really just weird how hes burnt up in front of him twice. /j#wild life series spoilers#secret life#secret life mention#wild life smp#life series smp#life series spoilers#wild life fanart#grian#grian fanart#mumbo jumbo#mumbo jumbo fanart#grumbo#waffle duo#trafficshipping#kinda#Ichikarume Art#secret life smp#secret life fanart
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do you guys think Karl Marx would've liked Thrift Shop by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis because it promotes waste reduction and the subversion of both capitalism generally and brand commodification¹ specifically through second hand buying or do you think he would not like it because it still promotes consumption as an activity especially of items one does not actually need.² or do you think he'd like it cause it's a banger³
References
¹ Macklemore & Ryan Lewis. (2012). Thrift shop. s.n. [2:38]: ""They be like, "Oh, that Gucci? That's hella tight", I'm like, "Yo, that's fifty dollars for a T-shirt", Limited edition, let's do some simple addition, Fifty dollars for a T-shirt, that's just some ignorant bitch shit, I call that getting-swindled-and-pimped shit, I call that getting tricked by business, That shirt's hella dope, And having the same one as six other people in this club is a hella don't"
² Macklemore & Ryan Lewis. (2012). Thrift shop. s.n. [1:29]: "They had a broken keyboard, I bought a broken keyboard, I bought a skeet blanket, then I bought a knee board"
³ trust
#ive been bothering everyone in my life asking this because i think its really really funny#only 1 of my friends has played along and given me a fr answer#if this doesnt post im going to freak out
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his therapist woulda had a field day at their next appointment
#my art#doodle#fanart#resident evil 8#ethan winters#i think its so funny that he has a journal in re8. not only does he have a journal but he illustrates it. i dont know if capcom intended to#imply that ethan stops every now and then to jot down the horrors and the hour that the horrors occur my guess is prolly not#but now its there and it makes me laugh. i shouldnt laugh at his mental health journey but i am anyways#shoutout to people who journal i wish i was you but instead i draw a guy feelin my emotions for me#but im so happy the sun goess away at 5pm. truly immaculate. i miss snow. but we stay chillin#i made more dear diary doodles but these were my favs n they went well together#i changed the entry in the 2nd one though cause i thought it was funnier to me this way#i cut my hair too short again im not even sad about it anymore like whatever man#at least its out of my way. and my shower was SO fast i got to stand there 5ever and it was still only like 15 minutes#fantastic. there are so many joys in life. theres twice as many horrors but the joys are definitely there and they are definitely joyful#anyways thats the post stay warm n cozy out there gang
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In the past, people in the Animal Crossing community would make fun of Tom Nook as a sleazy landlord. Since then, he's really rehabilitated his image as this 'heart of gold' businessman (he's the one who puts bells and furniture in trees for you to find! he adopted orphans! he donates to charity!), but New Horizons genuinely paints the most devious version of him.
He's successfully privatized settler colonialism: you pay HIM to move to a "deserted island" (which apparently the oceans in the AC world are just full of) and start a colony that he is directly invested in. At best he's running a weird vacation package scam (you arrive on the island with no money and in debt for "using his services"). At worst, he's using you to set up company towns. For god's sake, he literally has his own fake currency that he forces you to use to pay off your debt. But don't worry, he's repackaged it in a way that definitely doesn't sound like an MLM scam: the Nook Mileage Program!
You're no longer just his tenant or his temporary part-timer, you're his business lackey. The entire tutorial section of the game has you spending actual weeks running around completing tasks and doing hard labor to set up his colony. You're even tasked with preparing his properties and finding buyers for them. No, you aren't a tenant anymore. You work for the landlord. You are directly responsible for finding tenants for him. And he doesn't even fucking pay you. Not for setting up town hall and museum, or his nephew's shop –– which is the ONLY store on the entire island that sells necessities –– or bringing KK Slider to town, or helping populate his town. Not a single cent. No, actually, you have to pay HIM to BUY infrastructure like bridges and stairs and park benches. And all the while, he's telling you're the "resident representative"; you get to call the shots! That the reward is the community's progress. That what you're doing is in everyone's best interest (but most importantly, his).
Since NH's release, people have done a lot of legwork to say that Tom Nook isn't a capitalist while the game shows him at his very worst. He owns the only general store in town. You're forced to use a phone that he modified and branded as his own. Buy Nook-branded furniture and merchandise at the self-serve kiosk in the town hall, a governmental building! There's no conflict of interest here!
But hey, if you're tired of being the landlord/business mogul's goon, you can also find work as a deluxe resort home designer for a company that also pays you in their special company currency that can only be used to buy their products instead of a real salary! Because that's what the Animal Crossing franchise needs! More vacation homes!!!
#this is a really long winded way to say i really really really really hate new horizon's storyline and player role#i really hate that not only your house but the entire TOWN. the whole COMMUNITY you're a part of is owed to tom nook's business#i really hate the “vacation getaway package” angle because it shows just how commercialized the entire premise of nh is#and how lost the game is in its original core concept#animal crossing is about the experience of moving to a new town and becoming a part of that community#just to compare: all past ac games have a similar opening#you're on a bus or train or taxi to someplace new. a stranger strikes up a conversation and you get to know them before arriving#new horizons opens with you at customer service desk filling out an client application before a flight.#in prev games working for nook in the tutorial is meant to be demeaning. you want it to be over with so you can actually start living life#but in new horizons working for tom nook IS your life. and it's so rewarding! don't you feel rewarded?#you aren't a person. you aren't a new neighbor. you're tom nook's client. and then his unpaid employee. and the game insists it's fun to be#that's how void the game is#because it's bad enough that a rpg life sim got turned into a sandbox game where you have to build the town yourself#but the only reason why you're building it is because the landlord who you're in debt to TOLD you to build it.#everything is a rewards program! everything is a tour service! be sure to do your daily tasks to earn nook bucks to spend on nook merch!#that really sucks imo.#i mean. the entire game is based around the vacationing industry. of course it all feels fake and temporary. it's only a vacation.#long post#rant#not art#god the fact that your starter villagers can't even decide where to live you have to decide for them#i've never played a game that does the opposite of handholding#where instead it's the PLAYER who has to handhold the npcs through everything. and newsflash!! it's really exhausting and boring
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i have suddenly become obsessed with a theme that HoO established but never proceeded to extrapolate on, which is:
You are Percy Jackson, and you have been swapped with a boy who was allegedly everyone's favorite person, but they have decided to replace him with you. They just met you. You stand next to his best friend and the people he's known his entire life. In his home. In his cloak. In his place. They stopped looking for him.
You are Jason Grace, and you have just found out you have a long lost sister who completely replaced you in her life with this girl you just met. Your lives and personalities are mirrors. She is you, living the life you were robbed of.
You are Annabeth Chase, and you have just become starkly aware that you have been inhabiting the void left behind by your best friend's long lost brother. You and Luke were just replacements for him. Now you have to look him in the eyes when he has nothing and know you took that life from him.
You are Piper McLean, and you have just found out your relationship is fake and built entirely on the memories of Annabeth Chase. You have been given a boyfriend when hers has been taken away. You have no idea how much of it is real or not but regardless you feel like if your relationship isn't exactly in their image that you have failed.
You are Leo Valdez, and you have just learned that you are the echo of your great-grandfather. You are not your own person. You just exist to be a mirror of him. A doppelganger. An actor and stunt double facing all the danger he never had to but wearing his face. To be there for his best friend decades later simply because he couldn't. You are playing a role. A seventh wheel and a pawn for a goddess who carefully sculpted your entire life for her own purposes.
You are Hazel Levesque, and the only reason you are alive is because your brother couldn't save your his sister. You are a consolation prize. An apology. Your existence here is misplaced in every way but you inhabit it anyways.
You are Frank Zhang, and you are a shapeshifter. Inhabiting your own body feels strange and clumsy when you could be literally anything at any time. You are anything and everything and live your life with the simple certainty of knowing exactly how you will die.
#pjo#hoo#heroes of olympus#percy jackson#riordanverse#jason grace#annabeth chase#piper mclean#leo valdez#hazel levesque#frank zhang#meta#analysis#me shaking hoo: what if we actually address the interpersonal dynamics of the characters. please. please. please. please.#frank is the only person on the boat not having an identity crisis tied to another member of the crew somehow and that is FASCINATING#but also WHERE is all the interpersonal literally anything. hello. please. making grabby hands. everybody identity crisis go.#i wanna see the entire argo ii crew stumbling through trying to figure out their places and senses of self!!!!!#particularly in relation to each other!!!!! we get snippets but we rarely ever get the full thing or a resolution!!!#like. HELLO??? Piper acknowledging that her relationship with Jason is artificially sculpted in the image of Annabeth and Percy???#and that her ideals of what Jason and her can be are just that she feels like they need to be like what Percy and Annabeth have????#and thats just DROPPED COMPLETELY????#poor Jason is getting replaced twice. Leo is not his own person.#Hazel at least gets the resolution that Nico does not truly see her as a consolation prize#but Annabeth gets to be hit with the like EIGHT YEAR DELAY of learning the place she inhabits in Thalia's life is the echo of someone else#cause like. yeah she knew Thalia had lost her brother but i dont think it clicked for her until she met Jason that oh. she *replaced* him#Frank at least has some certainty about his identity in one aspect (his curse). everybody else is floundering a bit#except for maybe Percy but its kind of the camps of ''i replaced this person and it weighs on me'' versus ''i have been replaced''
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I CAUGHT HIM
I FOUND IT.
grian didnt include it in his own episode and lizzie didn't include it either and i didn't see it in mumbos episode? but in skizz's episode you see him add the <3 by his name and then spin around really quickly like he's scared someone saw
#ive been going crazy cause he's the only one who *would* have added the heart by his own name#but hes decided to be sneaky with it.#and for why#dfgjnmkfg#like#sus.#cause obviously he wanted other people to see it but didn't show it in his episode#so its only shown later when scar's erasing it#dgoujkmfg#they drive me crazy#theyre obsessed with each other#tell the little bread man in the red jumper that I've caught him in the act#grian#ldshadowlady#mumbo jumbo#skizzleman#the spanners#goodtimeswithscar#desert duo#scarian#wild life#wild life spoilers#life series#pixls things
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lighthearted.
if this comic resonated with you, please consider donating to this palestinian escape fund (vetted by @/nabulsi and @/el-shab-hussein) as it is less than $7,000 away from it's goal.
i turn 24 today. To celebrate, I made this comic to be a spiritual successor to lead balloon, a comic in which I talked about the darkest period of my life so far.
A lot has changed since my 23rd birthday and this one. My priorities have shifted a lot, in ways that I think are mostly good. But i think the best part about today is that suicide has gone back to being a far away notion. I'm really lucky, and I'm grateful for that.
#yet another largely personal comic that kind of only has real impact to maybe four people#it's crazy what a difference a few months makes#and a trip to the beach that makes you glad you're still alive.#the last page is just me drawing my friends and I as our respective art sonas#credit to my best friend for inventing the designs#i keep copying their shit but its their fault for always having good ideas#ugghhh i love the people in my life so much and im so thankful for them#one of my friends gave me a vintage camera for my birthday#im going to take so many photos i could paper my walls with them#thank you for reading#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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You have 90 minutes to complete. (original poem: r.a.)
In participation of the MCYT Recursive Exchange 2024 hosted by @mcytrecursive!
Inspired by know that all my love will be your breath (i will save you when your lights go out)
[text under cut]
1. Have you ever been in love? (Please circle your answer.) a. It's me and him b. Our hearts beat in sync c. Our lives intertwined
2. Do you understand what you’ve done? (Please circle your answer.) a. I couldn't do anything b. I lost my balance c. I doomed us both
3. It's been god knows how long since you felt phantom hands on your neck and there is no one in sight. If you were soul-bound to him and both of you died at the same time then why are you still waiting in the void? Please answer clearly, in full sentences. (Not a correct answer:I just wanted to see him one more time).
4. Define two (2): Fate | The feeling of his forehead against yours Curse | The moment you realise he isn't linked to you anymore
5. True or False: i. It was your fault. ii. You wish you had met him under different circumstances. iii. You can’t regret a single moment that you had him. iv. You would do it all over again if you could. v. It ended long before either of you said anything.
thumbnails:
sketch cover thing for imgur link:
#team ranchers#team rancher#rancher duo#jimmy solidarity#tangotek#trafficshipping#mcyt recursive exchange#events#fic fanart#my art#“canary has butterfly-shaped wings it cant do a dramatic spread like that” watch me. (draws dramatic wings) (sorry)#“you have 90 minutes” have been rattling in my brain for so long ever since i suddenly remembering a web weave using it (yes the beeduo one#very glad i can release it (using it in art) from its confines (my mind)#hm i suppose the title would be more in theme if its abt limited life ranchers#← havnt watched limlife yet#but! happy with what i come up with. lil bit proud even#had so much trouble with the panelling and layers in p2 cause it looks too busy (explodes)#also punching the floor bc i only noticed the “yes-no” pair(?) in the original poem when im already half-done w/ the comic#me when making silly comic makes you do poem analysis#i dont even go there ← does not have enough poetic braincells
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team fortress 2 finally getting rid of the bots after 5 years
work on the team fortress 2 comic continuing after 7+ years
half life 3 development looking more likely than ever with legitimate code, file, and voicework leaks referencing a new non-VR single-player game from valve featuring a HEV suit wearing protagonist and Xen creatures and concepts
shoutout to the valve fan that found the genie lamp. you a real one
#liz blogs#valve#team fortress 2#tf2#half life#half life 3#what did i say. what did i fucking say.#once again the impossible becomes commonplace#valve exists as a company to walk into the gaming industry. slap their dicks on the table. and yell THIS IS HOW ITS DONE#and the gaming industry has never been in a more sorry state than it is now. maybe second only to the 80s i think. something something ET#in b4 its called Half Life Xen as all the files reference ''hlx''. hl3 fakeout. but its another half life game.#half life 3 has been ''made'' multiple times in various states but its never been up to standards. whatever this project is though sounds l#like its very far in development. maybe they didnt give up this time#ive never been closer in my life to actually saying half life 3 confirmed. its not confirmed but its looking really good for once#crazy year to be a valve fan i'll tell you what#its only the actual objective most anticipated game of all time. no biggie#edit - added a link for the comic news for those who dont know. and the bot bans havent been announced in one place anywhere#but you can literally just look it up on youtube or twitter. valve has been mass-banning bots for the last month. fixtf2 worked
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Cryptid fish that has only been seen once and never again that may or may not exist but well never know my beloved
#BIG FUCKING DRAGONFISH IS JUST THERE IN THR SEA and HAS ONLY BEEN SEEN ONCE and NO ONE FUCKING KNOWS IF ITS REal????#oceanology#fish#marine biology#marine life#marine ecology#oceanography#deep ocean#marine#deep sea#conspiracy#cryptid#cryptids#cryptozoology#USO#conspiracy theory#marine fish#William Beebe#Otis Barton#fish facts#ocean life
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