#only i'm working normal hours
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cold fruit in a hot kitchen (so i had this great watermelon last weekend)
#so I had this great watermelon last weekend. and the thing is it probably wasn't even that great of a watermelon#but I was four hours into an eight hour shift and we had thrown out all the watermelon salad because no one was eating it#and then our manager ran in and yelled that the client really fucking wanted watermelon salad.#so like six of us servers started frantically chopping watermelon. and the kitchen got really hot#in the way it does when everyone inside it is really stressed because there's no fucking watermelon salad#and after we chopped all the watermelon and the client got their fucking watermelon we all had a moment#where we looked at the remaining watermelon and we were so hot and cocktail hour was almost over anyway and the salads were all plated#and we all went for the watermelon and we ate it with the kind of rabid intensity you only get while eating cold watermelon in a hot kitche#and it was the best watermelon I have ever tasted and several days later i am still chasing the high of that fucking watermelon#and the thing is i know it isn't even the watermelon i'm actually missing#it's the feeling of cool liquid on hot skin and the feeling of a crisis averted and the feeling of camaraderie#that comes with devouring a watermelon in a hot kitchen with six other people who you have nothing in common with except that watermelon.#i don't dream of labor but i am dreaming now of being 4 hours into an eight hour shift eating watermelon in a hot kitchen.#i dream of laughing around the cold fruit in my mouth. I crave that watermelon like i'll die without it.#< honest to god this is real and that watermelon left such an impact on me that i had to draw it and write this. having a normal one#maybe this is insane but working in a team of people you truly like to do something you actually enjoy is so underrated#if only they fucking paid me i could work as a server for the rest of my life. unironically#skribbles
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#kirby#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#I've been picking away at kh:3d for a while#I watched all the cutscenes before years ago but I'd never played it before I started last year#I got to the xehanort fights right before my wife got home from work#so after she and our partner went to bed I was like 'oh I'm close to the end of the game I'll just finish it out'#reader it took me 3 hours lmao#it's only like a 20 hour game#(I only died once or twice so that was not why it took so long)#(I was playing on beginner mode because playing kh1 on normal made me want to cry so I don't bother)#(the challenge is not the fun part for me in this series.)#I really like kingdom hearts :) I love earnestness.
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Honestly it is a bit crazy to me how at 22 I am at a very typical age for someone seeking an OCD diagnosis despite having spent like half my life in therapy why is this disorder so massively underdiagnosed
#I have had soooo many mental health professionals attempt to treat my anxiety only for none of it to really work because it felt like my#anxiety was fundamentally misunderstood#like no I'm not really anxious about giving a speech or meeting new people or whatever#at least no more than what is considered normal#I am however terrified that I am going to accidentally poison myself and am therefore extremely careful about what I eat#or yknow#I'm not truly socially anxious I just spend hours every day ruminating over my relationships with other people#to the point where it severely impacts my ability to date anyone because my brain causes me to second guess everything#like I'm gonna be honest babes I don't think generalised anxiety is what's causing me to wash my hands until they bleed
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All right, lovelies, I'm asking for help. I have to stay awake for another four hours, at least, before I can go to bed so I don't mess up my sleep cycle. Does anybody want to send asks about my stories, blorbos, or anything? I'm gonna put on botw and see how long I can stay awake.
#random rambles#I've only been awake for twenty hours but it's been a productive twenty hours and the sun is setting#and my body's like “oh wait normal circadian rhythm?”#and I'm like “NO I WORK TOMORROW NIGHT”
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Pretty sure my little man has a case of abundism affecting the marble tabby coat under all those white splotches
#random pet post#it really is a weird coat pattern#I'm never sure if I should describe him accurately as a white marked tabby or as the first impression people get of a black and white cat#love his little backward C's#I got all my other pets around the same time and they've been dying off one by one this last year or so#I'm down to just this 4yo kit and Bruiser#actually I'm not done whispering in the tags#pretty soon it's just gonna be me and this terrible little man against the world#and he gives me such weird problems you cannot even begin to imagine#took to the leash and harness without a bit of difficulty but I can't take him anywhere cuz he freaks out about people 500ft away#really difficult to find sitters for him cuz he gets so stressed about changes and waits until 3am to SCREAM#he's 17 lbs and wants to sleep on my chest 14 hours a day#took him on a work trip a week or 2 ago cuz of aforementioned petsitting troubles and some kind of wire got crossed#so instead of stress peeing in my laundry basket he now humps the nearest blanket covered limb to alert me of problems#he got scared of his water dish recently and is only now starting to get over it after 3 weeks of drama#he knocked it over last night and humped my leg while I tried to sleep to try and convey to me that he was thirsty#I'm thinking of getting a second cat and just fucking hoping that it'll be normal and maybe Prompto can target it for some of his weirdness
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working full time with normal hours has convinced me more than ever that actually high school Could have been a sane & even enjoyable time for me if it weren't for the homework. sick & twisted tbh
#i spent all of high school continually behind on my work/desperately trying to make it up/getting ~4 hrs of sleep a night/full of#guilt over it/feeling like i was losing my mind/not eating properly/trying to do my hw at lunch/etc etc whatever#& now I'm waking up/going out about the same time as i was & getting home only a little later and i have None of that i have to do & I'm#eating regularly & sleeping like 8hrs a night I'm looking back on that like what the fuck. that was so fucked up & evil i had to go through#all that. what the hell.#<- i mean i sort of knew this but i genuinely thought getting up early/spending so long at school/etc was also a major contributer#but like. it's literally not. I can do all that just fine when i ferl like a normal sane healthy person. it was literally just the hw.#hw is evil fr. what are we doing to our kids etc etc#thoughts#I say regular hours bc i have worked full time before but it was w such weird hours I couldn't really make the comparison
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Just when I was finally getting back to writing, my laptop malfunctioned. Did not get the chance to back up everything so hopefully it's fixable. I'm being very brave about this.
#by being very brave i mean I'm crying#like i got most of the fics backed up but not all#and i was so panicked i didn't even think of my poetry collection#so that might all be gone which is cool because that's only like six years of work#probably not worth it to panic but like i can't help it#the last few months have been So Much Hell and I'm tired of life and everything#i just wanted to write about my two favorite fictional guys kissing because i finally got an hour to myself#but nope. another bullshit thing had to happen#normally i try to be positive but like this sucks and life sucks and I'm so close to just being done with everything
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#i'm back in the UK and dying to create again so hopefully back to writing in the next few days!! 🙏#only thing is i've been back for just over 24 hours and allll the stress from before the holiday has come rushing right on back#i am so so busy. hopefully i get a new contract soon but in the meantime i'm almost glad to not have work despite the lack of income#just so i can get through all these other life admin things. i'm so tiiiireddddd#i'm also literally going to designate a couple of hours to tackle DMs :') hours i would normally be working lol#would love to record wavs but my sister is still off work so no privacy to do so atm. ughh i just want to play with chhinkni 🙃#nttalks
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Okay Here Is The Problem: everything costs money and yet money is something that i just literally never have. solution? kill the idea of money so that nothing costs anything Please. i'm so tired
#despite making more money w/ my commissions than ever before this year#i am still. not able to save up literally even one (1) single penny of it bc of bills#i have to make like 600 every month just to break even at like 5 dollars in my acct#please i am so fucking tired#i want to get myself things and do shit#i want to buy things for archie and jack's dog and for the house so that things are better for all of us#i want to be able to afford snacks more than once every three months like if i maybe want a bag of chips#instead of saving up for three months and going 'yeah okay 5 dollars for a normal sized bag of chips is finally worth it' ?????????????????#why the fuck are chips so expensive that is potatoes and spices and like all of it is automated hello?? what are we fucking paying for?????#ANYWAYS.#i am just fucking. Tired#due to recent events I was like#'okay how much are dog treadmills.... oh. i see. i will never be able to afford that even after three years saving. got it'#there are five hundred fundraisers on my dash (BARELY hyperbole) every single day and everybody needs help#so i COMPLETELY get people not having a ton of disposable funds this isn't me complaining about that i'm just.#i wish that i sometimes had money so that i could MAYBE save anything up or y'know. have ANYTHING to show for it#bc right now i am working full time at this job (commission/freelance artist and adopt maker etc) and making like maybe 4 dollars an hour#which is great bc when i started i was only getting about $0.11 an hour but like. that's still not. Good. For all the time i put into it#but due to circumstances and situations this is about all i'm physically and mentally able to do here and i LIKE doing commission but it's#not really. getting me anywhere and i just want to afford things finally.#i'm 27 and everything i own fits in one room and almost all of it was gifted to me for free bc i couldn't afford to get it on my own#delete later i'm just so tired man
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Let's hope (for Mothman) they never meet Mothman
@naffeclipse I promise I have non shitpost stuff thumbnailed too I am so so normal about the chapter, promise as soon as I have more time to draw I'll make that your problem <3
#post let luce#my art#fnaf sb#fnaf sb au#cryptid sightings#cryptid!moon#cryptid!sun#cryptid!eclipse#naffeclipse#sshhh no one say anything I'll eat dinner now and it's only half an hour late#so TECHNICALLY I'm not even breaking my own rule of no art after dinner#Naff I am thinking about the chapter so much. so rude I have work n responsibilities n stuff#not even the only mothman shirt related idea I had just the quicker one#so so normal. 3 more ideas thumbnailed/ planned. so totally extremely completely normal
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Have to take 2 trains with 5 minutes in between to get to the other platform, assuming the train isn't late. So like, wish me luck 👍
#i would like to get home today. without having to wait an hour for the next train. it's already going to be almost 8 when i get to the next#station. i don't want to have to wait until 9 for the last train today#because at least according to the db app the bus i normally would have taken doesn't drive and i'm not going to test that#because then i would have to take another bus and then the last fucking train today#and then i have only 3 minutes time and the bus is less likely to be that on time and then i'd have to take another bus#and it'd almost be 11 pm by the time i get home and then i don't think i'm going to go to work tomorrow#-wilhelm
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didn't do hermit a day drawing yesterday because
- i fell asleep AT MY DESK while working on commissions, woke up after an hour having literally fallen asleep with my head on my drawing . had a piece of paper glued to my forehead
- was so exhausted i lay down on the floor after finishing working and couldn't get up for an hour
- almost fell asleep in the evening fully clothed with my jeans on
- got into pyjamas and fell asleep sat upright on my bed with all the lights on while trying to write a to do list
.... yeah
#going to draw gem later i swear. i don't wanna miss someone i'll cry#i have so much commission work to do i have like. 4 things due and i've only done 2 of them#explodes#I WANNA DO ALL THE HERMIT A DAY DRAWINGS JUSTICE I DON'T WANNA HALF ASS THEM....#health is more important tho lol#... i'm chronically ill. in case it's not obvious . although it's still not normal to fall asleep literally Anywhere from exhaustion lol#also also. i get 10 hours sleep minimum every night#yeah..
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irl house said that i can come help teach the students next year in his practice room, i just have to get a solid grade on the final exam 😭🥺
#jo in the tardis*#irl house tag#i thought i had to get him as my examiner for that to work i'm so happy :“)#and now i have to sleep because i was so sick last night i only slept for 2 hours which#brought my energy levels to normal person's energy levels#and red was like i won't bug you with histology questions today because you're normal rn#AND I GOT A NEW IRL HOUSE SIGNATURE HEHE
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@eclipsecrowned and I decided to try and crunch the numbers on Jodo's Dune. And-
#it would have been 12 hours#so most movie theaters would have only been able to show it once a day#and based on our calculations would have had to be running at roughly 2/3rds of the theaters operating in the US#at maximum capacity to even make back it's budget#which is absolutely not how movie theaters worked in the 1970s#and that's not even factoring in Jodo wanted everyone to be intoxicated while watching#like I genuinely cannot conceive of a reality where this got made#just crunching the numbers Jodo seems to have been genuinely delusional???????#And some of what he wanted to do would have likely led to production costs /rising/ after filming went under way#like the math is mathing so bad the snake has found it's tail#and I'm actually genuinely concerned for Jodo now because none of this reads as normal???????????????????????#like there's your Kubrik's and Ridley Scott's who are absolute loons#or even James Cameron#but they seem to be like aware of how reality works#and I'm suddenly unsure about Jodo#not in the book [ooc]
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#OUghh... I've been really sick the past few days like not able to keep food down and had to go to the hospital#to get iv fluids and etc. to stay hydrated lol...#perhaps some sort of stomach virus or something. but still very grrrr for it to happen in the middle of the evil summer of#course#when everything is hot and uncomfortable anyway.. I really wanted to get a sims video and costume pictures finished this week and keep#up writing like 1000 ish words a day for my game. but.. alas... the universe was like... I Think Not#I at least have been able to have some tea and juice and applesauce and like 4 saltine crackers today so#I always think it's funny when you're ill what sort of little things count as successes#like on any normal day eating a few crackers would just be something you don't even give a second thought#to . But when you're really sick it's like .. WOW.. I ate TWO crackers.. amazing.. huzzah... I should get an award certainly#call the press and alert them. I should be in the newspaper headlines for this harrowing feat. etc. lol#I still feel very shaky and weak though.. but am like... hhhhh... when can I work on my projects again...#Also I literaly never leave the house or have contact with anyone so maybe it's not a virus and was more food poisioning or something#since I'm not sure where I'd get a virus even but... regardless... stinky#just complaining since I suppose that is what personal blogs are for lol. I'm a private person in the sense of wanting to proect my identi#ty and like.. I dont want an alexa in my house listening to me all the time and I dont tag my real location on social media or share photos#that could reveal the front of my house or etc. etc. But in all other senses I really don't beleive in holding stuff in. Because it will#just fester. especially when it has to do with other people (like relationship issues or something) but even when its just stuff that only#has to do with you. If something annoys me then I shall let it be openly known. if I'm bothered it will be clear. etc.#Which I guess makes me seem like a Hater And Complainer but I guess I just feel like its better over all to explain and express openly#than to just silently stew and hold everything in and then probably feel worse for it later or something.#Expressing annoyance is kind of like casting the concept off from yourself and releasing it into the wild so that you're not harboring it#anymore. all grievances must be aired eventually. etc. this is a Pro complaining zone lol#If you feel like shit dont hide it. just go 'man I feel like shit'. etc. etc. Cast it off into the universe. be free#ANYWAY... aughhh......... the wizard has fallen ill in his stinky little tower.. pacing the stone floors in tattered robes. hair disheveled#. carefully sipping a single cup of tea over the course of an hour lest drinking too fast upset his fragile stomachs againe..
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I can't even keep up with all the reviews help
#its only 1pm I'm so tired#i gotta go to work in like 4 hours and pretend like everything is normal#i will not be able to restrain myself from thinking about canon nandermo on the clock#wwdits#wwdits season 5
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