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bonesxbows · 4 months ago

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Act Naturally - Chapter 1 (Cooper Howard X Reader)

Masterlist

While exploring an old section of Hollywood, the two of you stumble upon an old advertisement for a cowboy movie. But the man on the poster looks suspiciously a lot like Cooper, even down to the same smile. But it couldn't possibly be him...right?

(WARNINGS) - anger issues - negative self talk (from Cooper not you)

I feel like I dragged this on for way longer than it needed to be BUT it's a done thing now and tbh I'm pretty happy with it. I fucking adore soft Cooper moments and idc if I have to write them all myself

Also! This idea came from @land-of-evergreens-and-dye so full credit to them for letting me stew on this prompt

Hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Reblogs and comments much appreciated!

The two of you had found yourselves in an old section of Hollywood. It had been so long since Cooper had told you his reason for bringing you here that you’d forgotten what his motivation for this excursion was. Although it didn’t really matter to you, you’d follow him anywhere whether he wanted you to tag along or not. There was no separating you two. Not anymore.

Most of the buildings had been boring to scavenge through, if you could even find a way inside at all. Not much was left of the boulevard besides dusty sidewalks and rusting billboards. But one building in particular piqued your interest. It had a larger facade than all the rest where small billboard-like signs hung above the wide double doors. Broken and busted bulb lights framed the signs and the rows of black lettering were missing far too many letters to be able to read it clearly. What letters you could make out only baffled you more than the strange-looking building did.

‘Co - How - Starr - in - Th - M - Fr - Dea - Horse’

“Horse? What’s a horse?” you asked out loud, more to yourself than to him. He usually never listened to your mid-exploring ramblings, though he never did tell you to stop. You turned around to find him staring up at the old sign too, although his brow was creased and a scowl was stuck on his face. You placed a hand on his shoulder and he turned to you, his expression softening as his eyes shifted to looking at you instead.

“You wanna check inside there, don’ you?” He asked.

You nodded and gave him a small smile. “Can we? Please? I’ve never seen any place like it before.”

“Hm. ‘Spose we can. But make it quick alright?” He checked his pistol’s ammunition levels and flipped the barrel back into place once he was satisfied. You led the way forward, pushing the swinging doors inward as Cooper was right behind you, pistol in hand and trigger finger ready.

He was a little disappointed when the place appeared to be empty. But the feeling didn’t last, he couldn’t stay upset as he watched you scurry around the place, your eyes wide with fascination. The interior was even more astonishing to you than the exterior had been. Rows of folding booth-like chairs covered the majority of the floor, their fabric exterior faded and torn, and in the back of the building was a wooden stage. Ragged old curtains framed the blank wall behind the stage where its faded white paint chipped and peeled off the plaster. There wasn’t much hiding between the rows of chairs besides dust and sand but you still kept your hopes high that the rest of the building would hold something worthwhile.

“What is this place? Some kind of shooting gallery?” you asked, your wasteland-born intelligence of pre-war places was lacking, but fortunately for you, Cooper liked you enough to fill you in on what knowledge you didn't have.

He chuckled at your observation. He supposed a shooting gallery was just about the closest thing you could get to a theater these days. “Not ‘xactly, sweetheart. It was used for movies, picture shows, that kinda thing. A place where folks could feign ignorance ‘bout the end of the world fast approachin’ on their heels.”

“Movies? Like the kind on those busted-up televisions?” you continued to explore around as you talked. He followed you, keeping an eye out for anything out of the ordinary that could be dangerous while you focused on the useful and exciting things you could find.

“Mmhm. Just like those. Never endin’ loops of fairytale stories kept alive by people long gone by now.” he explained, and you ended the conversation after that. His voice was strained and scruffy, meaning he was either remembering something he wanted to forget or he was getting agitated. Either way, you knew it was in your best interest to stop asking questions.

Things got progressively more interesting when you discovered the back rooms of the building. The first one had been large, with dusty velvet ropes leading to a counter filled with food machines and nuka-cola dispensers, you’d come back here to scavenge all the food you could carry with you on your way out, but the hallways and storage rooms were what really piqued your attention.

Posters lined the wooden walls of the hallways, the plaster that had once surrounded them now nothing more than dust on the ground. The paper was old, torn, and extremely faded, even with the lack of sunlight in the place. The color was all but gone from the paper, but you could still make out the words if you squinted hard enough.

“Cooper Howard Starring in The Man From Dead Horse.” The letters matched up with the ones from outside but yet you were still baffled on what exactly a horse was. The poster had no other information to help clarify, although you found it interesting that the man on the paper supposedly shared your cowboy’s name.

“Huh.” You exclaimed as you studied the pictures.

“What?” Cooper called after you, pulling his attention only slightly away from the containers he was looting around the place, looking for spare ammo or anything else that was useful.

“Nothing. Just something about these posters. Are these about those movies you were talking about?” you asked, which had him turning around to examine the poster along with you. The only response he gave you was a short grunt, which you knew translated to a yes. You shifted your eyes back to the paper on the wall. Most of the color may have been gone but you could still make out a blue shirt on a man with a white cowboy hat on top of his head. He stood in a pose with his revolver in the air and his other hand on his hip. He wore a smirk on his face that felt familiar and something in the back of your mind itched like you had seen this all before…somewhere. But you couldn't pinpoint the memory.

When you turned back around Cooper was already gone down the hallway so you hurried to follow him, tearing your eyes from the poster but keeping your mind on the nagging feeling it left you with. Maybe if you turned the picture over in your head enough times the memory you were looking for would click, or so you hoped.

His attitude had significantly changed after you found that poster. He became more on edge and that gruff exterior he had when you had first met him was back. He rushed through the rest of the building, seemingly not caring if you were behind him or not. By the time you caught up with him, he was shoving his way back out through the swinging front doors. You could see the finger on his pistol’s trigger starting to twitch. You followed him outside and down the road a way until he stopped in front of the first billboard he saw.

Like everything else in the wasteland, the colors were gone and the picture was faded, but you could clearly tell it had been an advertisement for Vault-Tec before the bombs. Cooper didn’t hesitate to unload every round in his revolver through the billboard. Pieces of wood and metal went flying and you instinctively covered your face, listening to the bullet casings and wood chips hit the concrete around you. He eventually ran out of bullets, although you could still hear him clicking the trigger. Once the gun sounded empty you lowered your arms again, examining the now hole-riddled Vault Boy on the billboard. Cooper’s face still held a nasty scowl.

“You got a personal vendetta with Vault-Tec I don't know about or something? What just happened?” you asked. If you were anyone else he would have filled you with lead just for asking a question right then and there. He was currently too angry to deal with stupidity. But he would never purposefully hurt you, that was one line he refused to cross in his mind. But unknowingly to you your words only fueled his anger more.

“Shut it. Let’s go. I’m sick of this place.” he snapped, his usual drawl and accent missing and replaced by venom in his words. He quickened his pace out of the block of streets and you followed him, but you kept your distance to a minimum of a few feet at least for the remainder of the trek.

It had been a few hours since Cooper’s outburst and the two of you had set up camp for the night inside of an old diner. He had seemed to calm down a little but he had set himself up in the corner of a booth with his hat pulled down over his eyes and his feet kicked up on the table in front of him. Which left you alone with your thoughts in front of his makeshift campfire. You watched the sun sink below the horizon as you replayed the earlier events of the day over and over in your head, still trying to connect the dots. You stared at Cooper, his supposedly sleeping form leaning against the worn material of the diner booth, hoping that if you focused on him hard enough you could will the connection in your mind to click.

And then the realization hit you like a lightning bolt, your eyes pulling all of the pieces together in front of you as you stared at his hat and the rough skin poking out from underneath it.

You sprang up from your seat on the ground, sliding yourself into the booth on the other side of the table in front of him. He didn't seem to notice until you reached over and yanked his cowboy hat off of his head with one swift motion. His eyes shot open and immediately landed on you.

“Can’t a ghoul get some shut-eye ‘round here without you botherin’ him?” he scoffed, pulling himself up into a sitting position and turning to face you across the table. You didn’t respond and instead placed his hat on the table in front of you, staring at him with full intent. He was unbothered underneath your intense gaze, either he was used to being stared at or knew you weren’t much of a threat to him. “I got somethin’ in my teeth or is this a new hobby of yours I don’ know about?” he asked, your silence was irking him more than your constant staring.

You let your eyes do all the work and your imagination filled in the blanks, pulling both images in your head together; the man from the poster and the man sitting in front of you. His dirty blue shirt peaking out from underneath his duster confirmed your suspicion.

“You’re him.” was all you said as the realization set in.

“Pardon?”

“You're him! From the poster earlier! That's why he looked so familiar!” your excitement was getting hard to contain. You had known Cooper was from before the bombs but you hadn’t known he was THAT Cooper Howard.

“Darlin’, I have no idea what you’re on about. You best forget ‘bout that whole theater ‘fore you go and stir up trouble.” he told you, folding his arms in front of him on the table as his brow darkened his eyes.

“What’s the big deal, Coop? Why didn’t you tell me? Is that why you rushed out of there so quickly?” you spoke quickly, the questions flooding out of your mouth faster than you had intended.

“Hmph. ‘What’s the big deal?’ The ‘big deal’ is that man is dead. Has been for over 200 years. I ain’t keen on bringin’ him back neither. His optimism and gullibility got him killed and that was the end of that. I’m done rememberin’ the sorry excuse I got for a past. Reminiscing don’ keep you alive for long.” his western accent was tangled together with poison as he spat out his words. But his scary looks didn’t work on you anymore.

“Maybe, but you’re still him, Coop. You’ve adapted to the wasteland but you’re still you. Roughed up and scarred a little, sure, but who isn’t?” you told him, doing your best to keep your voice soft to combat his spitefulness.

“A little? Sweetheart, I’m a damn monster, everyone out ‘ere thinks so. Whatever was left of good ol’ Cooper Howard died when this here skin started fallin’ off. I’m done bein’ nice in a world that does nothin’ but kicks you when you’re down.”

“I don’t think you're a monster.”

It was one sentence, just a few words, but it made him pause. His scowl vanished for a few seconds and was replaced by a look of confusion. There was a small smile tugging at his lips too, if you were quick enough to notice it before it was gone. He sighed and leaned back against the booth.

“Well then that’s one hell of a lapse of judgment on your part sweetheart.” he hooked his hands together and put them behind his head, cradling the back of his neck as he closed his eyes again and leaned further into the booth. But you weren't done with the conversation just yet.

You got up, grabbed his hat off of the table, and shifted yourself into the booth he was sitting in. You looked at him and then looked down at his hat in your hands. A relic from over two centuries ago, covered in sand and caked in dirt. But still a working and functioning cowboy hat. It protected its wearer from the harsh sun and there was a sense of safety woven somewhere in between the fibers. Broken and beaten and even dirtied beyond repair, it was still a hat. And Cooper was still a person.

You climbed on top of the table, being careful not to accidentally kick him with your feet as you positioned yourself in front of him and placed a leg on either side of his body. You placed his hat in its rightful place on top of his head, making him open his eyes again when he felt your touch. He looked up at you curiously, fully not expecting you to be on the table in front of him. You reached down and grabbed both of the lapels of his duster, balling the fabric up in your fists as you pulled him forward and smashed your lips into his. You were quick with your movements, something you had learned from being around Cooper so much recently, which left little to no time for him to react or protest against your sudden affection.

Although he didn't seem to mind. His hands found their way to your hips almost automatically and he slipped them under your shirt, grabbing at your soft skin roughly. Tomorrow morning you would have bruises all over your hips in the shape of his fingertips, but it happened so often now that the purples and blues were a permanent part of you. You had started this impromptu makeout session but he was determined to finish it. His tongue worked fervidly like he was mapping the constellations in the night sky across the inside of your mouth. He never once gave you the chance to take the lead and he was as quick as a viper to wrangle back control when you tried to take it yourself. At some point he had shifted his hands underneath you and scooped you off the table, sliding you right into his lap while still keeping a strong grip on you, never once slowing down with his tongue. Your legs were forced to wrap around him, your bodies now flush against each other in the booth.

It wasn’t long after he had pulled you closer that you had to pull away, panting and taking gulps of air. You finally let go of his jacket as you leaned back against the table, feeling the metal edge digging into your back as you did so.

“You know for a so-called ‘monster’ you sure know how to make someone feel breathless.” You told him as you admired the way he was smirking at you. Ironically it was the exact same smirk from that old poster of him, although you noticed he had shifted from that old-school charming look to now one that held an aura of danger around him.

“Hm. Well, now I’ve never been the type to pass up an opportunity when it’s handed to me. ‘Specially if it ends with somethin’ pretty sittin’ in my lap.” his grip on your hips was still ironclad as his eyes raked over you. His stare felt similar to a hunter stalking its prey. You knew what he was doing, trying to convince himself he was right by acting like a predator, but you knew the truth underneath the facade. You had seen firsthand how he had cared for you and looked after you even when he stood to gain nothing in return.

“Whether the old Cooper is dead or not doesn’t change the fact that I love this, right here, right now. Whatever led to you being my cowboy, I wouldn’t change a thing.” you ran your fingers up his chest as you spoke, fiddling your way underneath the collar of his cowboy costume to run your fingertips along the raised edges of his scarred skin. He sat back and let you touch him, not making any move to try and stop you. He’d let you do anything your little heart desired. He was your cowboy, he knew that, and yet two hundred years ago he would have never imagined meeting someone like you. He’d be damned if he would let anything happen to you, you were the only good thing he had left in this fucked up world. He refused to let anything else be taken from him.

“Whatever you say, sweetheart,” he mumbled as he brushed a strand of your hair behind your ear, relishing in the way the soft cartilage felt against his marred fingertips. He ran the very tip of his finger against the edge of your ear, earning a tilt of your head as a response to the sensation.

“Cooper?” you asked, making his eyes flick to yours. He noticed you had pulled your hand out from under his shirt and instead, you had placed it on top of his chest, mindlessly fumbling with the ancient fringe attached to the front.

“Hm?”

“I still have one question,” you told him, knitting your brows together in curiosity.

“I’m listenin’.” he had been so enraptured by your affection that he had no idea what to anticipate, especially when your face had turned so serious.

“What even is a horse, anyway?”

It took him a great deal of effort to stifle his laughter.

#my writings #cooper howard x reader #cooper howard #the ghoul x reader #fallout the ghoul #the ghoul #fallout tv series #fallout tv #fallout prime #fallout tv fanfic #cooper howard fanfiction #Cooper howard fanfic

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astarion-approves · 1 year ago

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Peeping Tav Astarion X Male Tav

A master at his kink, Tav found a new target of his dreams. The tall, pale, and handsome ‘Astarion.' A chef that works long hours, with a body built of marble, and a home filled with easily accessible windows. But Tav may have bitten off more than he can chew. Will he be able to see his target in all of his glory? Or will he become the one that's targeted? Part 1 of ?

NSFT, Peeping, Peeping Tom, Kinks, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Modern Era, Hand Jobs, flesh light, chef Astarion, Anal Fingering, POV First Person

Read below or read on Ao3

Hello, my name is Tav and I’m addicted to peeping.

Most would agree that peeping is a disgusting habit, and they would be right. Call it what you want, Peeping Tom, Ogler, Rubberneck, Onlooker, Voyeur, and so on. I’ve tried to stop, many times, but it’s just so damn addictive. Watching a stranger undress, them unknowingly giving me a show while I jerk off right outside their window?

There’s no better feeling.

Just knowing that they have no idea I’m right there , hiding in a tree or crouching in some bushes, maybe even standing there with no coverage at all… and I’m hard as a rock, my free hand over my mouth as I cover any moans that may slip through as I pleasure myself to their naked body. Eyeing them up and down as they become comfortable in their home, a place that they consider safe but it’s anything but.

And it wasn’t as if I was your ‘typical’ peeper. Normally I would just go out a few times a week, not every night like some of the guys I knew. On top of that; I wouldn’t upload my recordings online like some creep, that content was only meant to be enjoyed in my own home. Where, ironically enough, I close my blinds. Plus, I looked alright for the most part. My clothes fit well, I was in decent shape, and I’ve been told that I was good looking. Shaggy brown hair, light green eyes, and little dimples. What more could you love? Well… maybe minus the whole peeping part, but really, you’d never suspect me. Just look at me, friendly as ever, not a man that stands outside your window and jerks off!

Right. Moving on...

Peeping starts off simply enough.

First, I find a target. Someone handsome, preferably in great shape with plenty of muscle, and a nice plump bottom. I could find them anywhere, at the store, the park, a movie theater, even just walking down the street. I keep myself open to new opportunities.

I tend to obsess over one person at a time, which comes to my second step: learning their basic schedule. What time they wake up, when they have breakfast or head to work, if they’re single or dating someone, what they do in their spare time - and most of all; where they undress in their home .

Thirdly, after doing my research, I plant myself outside their window and chase after the perfect orgasm. If their bedroom is on the second floor and they keep their blinds shut I’m shit out of luck. However , a single story home with plenty of windows is a real treat.

The perfect man, the perfect schedule, and a perfect home - it can be extremely difficult to find all three at once… sometimes you just have to settle.

But, god damn , if I haven’t found the most handsome man to follow these last few weeks.

His name is Astarion, even his name rolls off my tongue like something to be savored. A professional chef that works long hours but makes sure to fit in a quick workout at the gym around 3 o’clock everyday before he goes to work. He would always wear thick, dark clothing, covering his entire body, before changing into a semi revealing pair of shorts and sneakers. And then he would begin his workout.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve followed him to the gym, I even went so far as to get a membership myself just to watch him. I would walk on the treadmill with him directly in my view, my cock tucked up and into the waistband of my shorts to disguise myself as I grew hard just from watching him.

One day I'd have to thank him for helping me stay in shape.

The man’s body was like marble, carefully carved, smooth, and flawless. It was almost like he didn’t need to work out, that he was naturally built to look like a god among men. Thick thighs, a thin waist, a great set of abs, a delicious ass, and features so handsome that he made anyone he encountered swoon. His hair was as a cool silver in color and his skin was as light as snow, like a dusting of snowflakes that would shimmer from sweat that I ached to lick off him. It would make my mouth water as I watched him lift weights with ease, Astarion grunting when he added more weight and pushed himself harder… and all I could imagine were those grunts happening because of me.

It was becoming a fantasy of mine to straddle him as he worked out. To feel his length beneath my bottom, grinding on him as a reward for completing each and every set, then dragging him into the locker room to drop down onto my knees and finally get a taste of that hot, sweaty cock.

A cock which I have yet to get a proper view of, try as I might.

Astarion was a fan of speedy showers after his workout, ones that didn’t give me the opportunity to get a good look at anything besides his ass. Which, I’m not exactly complaining about. The desire to bury my face between those buns and have a full on feast was almost overwhelming. However, with his strength, his beauty, and his sweet soothing voice - I needed to see that dick. And his lightning fast showers in the gym showers weren't enough.

Tonight… I was determined to finally get a peek. I had a plan. A… well, a simple plan that burned a small hole in my wallet but would hopefully work out in the end.

At 5 o’clock in the afternoon Astarion would be heading to work. He wouldn’t return for a while, around eight to ten hours, depending how his shift went. He was a great chef by the way, always in control of his kitchen, serving delicate little dishes that cost almost a quarter of my rent. It was hard to believe that such strong hands could create such beautiful and delectable dishes…

Anyway…

After work, anywhere between 1 o’clock and 3 o’clock in the morning, he would head directly back to his home, an adorable little one story brick house with seemingly more windows than walls and enough large bushes to conceal anyone. Perfect for me, not so perfect for him. Astarion would jump in the shower, or so I assumed as it was the only room in the entire house with a fogged window, then, and this was the best part, Astarion would stroll around his home completely nude.

Did I mention how fucking gorgeous Astarion was?

It wasn't something he had always done, a more recent development really. And fuck how I loved it. In the beginning he would get dressed in the bathroom, throwing on some pajamas and a towel over his shoulder to continue drying his hair. But as the weather grew warmer, he began waltzing out through his home with nothing on. Only the towel over his shoulder on top of his head.

The only problem was, he never got close enough to the fucking window s. He was always moving, always doing something to prevent me from getting the view I so desired. I would film him night after night, hoping to record his dick up close and personal; but I was never so lucky.

If he was lying on the couch in his living room? The coffee table hid him.

Sitting in his kitchen with a cup of tea? His legs were crossed.

Resting in bed while he scrolled through his phone? The towel was over his lap.

It was torture. Slow, painful, blueballs for weeks: torture .

At one point, I considered knocking on his door myself, hoping that he wouldn’t cover up and would just answer the door with his dick out. I quickly gave up on that idea when he received a late night delivery and threw on a pair of shorts. Which he kept on the rest of the night and I went home more frustrated than ever.

A few other times he would have different women over at his place at random hours. Either bringing them home with him or they would show up just as the sun was beginning to rise. Seriously, who agrees to a one night stand at nearly six am? …. Okay , I would. With Astarion that is. Really… I’m just being jealous.

Well, whenever they showed up, Astarion would always close the blinds, hiding their coupling from any possible prying eyes. Basically just me . And I would give up, not bothering to stick around to see them leave. I had no doubt they were leaving with wild sex hair and a blissed out ‘just fucked’ expression as they shuffled back home.

Again. I was jealous . But I’ve spent weeks trailing after this target, the longest amount of time I’ve ever spent watching a single person, and I was damn close to giving up. I can only chase after someone for so long before I just become exhausted . Astarion was worth it, holy fuck was he worth it , but I was getting more and more impatient as each night passed.

This entire time I’d never seen him jerk off. Which was… unusual . Most single men were taking any chance they got to take care of those urges. But not Astarion. Maybe it was because of the women he brought home? But even then that was only once or twice every few weeks... Or perhaps he was fulfilling those urges in the morning after I’d gone home for the night? Either way, I needed to see him, I needed to see him fuck his own hand and finish all over his stomach and fat pecs.

So, a few days ago, I ordered a special delivery for Astarion and prayed that he would… partake in what I sent. Straight porn, gay porn, lesbian porn, videos and magazines, butt plugs, a fleshlight, flavored lube, regular lube, hell I even sent massage wands. Anything to get this man to touch himself with the blinds open and in a perfect view just for me .

He saw the package on his door as soon as he got home that night, his brows dipping down in confusion as he read his own name on the label before carrying it inside. I was practically giddy as I watched him forgo his shower and unbox everything in his living room instead. He was confused as ever as he pulled out each item. He studied everything as they were revealed, even flipping through each magazine and shaking his head in disbelief as he did.

I didn’t miss the small twitch of his thin lips when he flipped and paused through the gay magazine. He paused and kept looking through it! Score!

And then out came the clear flesh light.

The way his eyes lit up was one of the most adorable reactions I’ve ever seen. As if this was never an option for him, that he never even considered using a toy like this to pleasure himself. For a moment, it was like the heavens opened before me. A light shined through the window and embraced Astarion in a glow that could only be described as angelic as he began to remove his clothing. His strong arms gripping the bottom of his shirt and lifting it above his head and throwing it to the floor, his long and elegant fingers quickly unbuttoning his slacks as he yanked them down -

And then.

There it was.

A dick worth waiting for.

It hung gently against his thigh, soft and relaxed, a little darker than the rest of his body, a touch of pink at the tip like the most perfect rose - and it was everything that I imagined. Astarion sat back down onto his couch, directly in front of his window, and uncaring of any eyes that could see as he reached for his new toy and a bottle of one of the lubes.

I chewed my lip and slipped my hand down to the waistband of my joggers and carefully pulled them down to expose myself to the cool night air. I was already hard, my cock sensitive to the touch from my own hand due to lack of use. But finally, finally , all of my work would pay off.

Astarion poured a generous amount of lube over his shaft, pumping himself lightly until he came to full thickness. I found myself sneaking closer to the window, Astarion's eyes were pointed down and to the magazine beside him - if I stayed quiet and still out of his view… it would be easy to get away with.

But I wasn't so sure I could hold back once Astarion slipped the flesh light down onto himself.

He let his head drop back and let out a loud, needy moan; so loud I could hear it outside with his decorative bushes between us. Astarion moved his hand slowly, allowing himself to indulge wholly into the pleasure the toy could offer him. His grip would tighten around the toy as he worked it up and over the tip of his dick, and then loosen as he brought it back down to the base.

The toy was too small for him, I learned this after Astarion began to fuck it with a little more desperation. As he brought it all the way down his length, the upper half would pop though the top, revealing his glistening tip which was now turning a deep red as he continued to jerk himself off.

My own hand was moving to match Astarion's as he fucked into the toy, now with his eyes closed and no longer looking at the magazine. This was a moment that would be burned into my memory for the rest of my life… the most gorgeous man before me, gasping and moaning, his hips beginning to lift off the couch and fuck even harder into the toy I've provided for him -

" Fuck ," I moaned, my voice quiet but I couldn't hold back any longer, it slipped out of me. I was so close to finishing, so close to shooting my load all over Astarion's bushes just outside his window, my first orgasm in weeks right there and ready to blow. For a moment, a quick brief second , I closed my eyes as I nearly finished–

And when I looked back to where Astarion sat: he was gone.

My hand stilled, fear enveloping my body as I frantically scanned the now empty living room in front of me. Astarion was nowhere to be seen. Even the fleshlight was missing, meaning he was in such a hurry he took it with him.

My moan must have alerted Astarion, he most likely saw me outside his window with my dick out and about to apply a fresh layer of white to his house. I knew that Astarion was fast, and that more than likely he was sprinting for his cellphone and about to call the police. If I moved fast enough, I could have my pants jerked back up and get to my car before they arrived–

"And what do we have here…?"

I froze, my entire frame unable to move as a cool body pressed against my back. One hand appeared on my left hip before sliding under my shirt and coming to rest on my stomach. A warm breath cascaded down my throat as he spoke again.

"Don't let me ruin your fun, darling. Keep going."

Words were lost, the ability to move was gone, my breathing short and labored, everything inside of me telling me to run. But I couldn't. There was nothing I could do as my target stood behind me, teasing me, knowing that I was completely at Astarion’s mercy.

There was no telling what his plan was. If I were to keep going would he drag me into the street and call me a pervert? Was he secretly recording me and planning on exposing my dirty kink to the world?

"Relax," Astarion purred into my ear, chucking as he slowly slid his hand down my stomach and stopped just before my groin. "I won't bite."

"I'm sor–" I tried to speak, to blurt out some kind of apology; but Astarion shushed me before anything could be said.

"Hush. I think it's only fair I get to play with you now… wouldn't you agree?" Before I could register what was happening, Astarion was yanking my joggers down to the ground and slipping my dick into his used fleshlight.

" Oh ." Astarion gave me no time to react, his right hand gently swiping the toy up and down over my cock while his free hand moved even lower to massage my balls as he jerked me off.

"Feel good?" Astarion asked, his voice dipping lower, turned on, needy, almost out of breath and it was because of me.

I nodded, my mouth hanging open but words still far, far away from me as I allowed Astarion to work my length with his skilled hands. He gave me pleasure the same way he had to himself, slow at first, focusing on my tip and applying careful, gentle pressure as he eased my cock in and out of the toy.

"Such a pretty little human." Astarion's cock was hot and heavy resting against my back, although he was dressed now, I could feel his length pressing into my lower back as he forced me into his chest.

Wait, 'human' ?

Astarion peeled his left hand away from my balls, leaving me panting and missing the feeling of his hands massaging me there–

And then his hand was on my ass, easing between my cheeks and pressing a single finger against my entrance. I almost buckled over, gasping as he softly caressed my hole with a slicked fingertip.

"Oh, you dirty boy. You love that, don't you?"

" Yes ," I hissed as he managed to slip the tip of his middle finger inside. It has been so long, far too long, since I've touched my own ass. And now Astarion, my perfect target of all people, was the first to touch me in months.

"So… tight," Astarion spoke almost as if he was in disbelief. The back of my shirt was damp from his precum, only turning me on further as I felt his dick twitching and rubbing on his cool precum all over my back.

I was close again. As much as I fought it… it was impossible to hold back any longer. I was trying to savor Astarion's touch as he worked my dick and fingered my ass, it was all too much. I was shaking in his arms, my hips weakly pushing forward and back, trying to get as much of Astarion's lubed finger up my ass and as much pressure over my cock head to finally cum.

"Come on, cum for me," Astarion whispered into my ear, his lips bushing over my skin as he spoke. His middle finger reached as deeply as it could, titling up and pressing against the bundle of nerves that made me break.

I threw my body back against him, my hips jerking wildly as I finished into the fleshlight. Cum spilled over the top of the toy and down the sides until it coated Astarion's fingers leaving a dirty mess behind. Astarion groaned alongside me, his head ducking into my neck and biting down harshly as my cum cascaded down his knuckles….

------

Let me know if we need a part two ;P

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rooftopbeliver · 1 year ago

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‘dangerously yours’ .ೃ࿐ ❝masquerade❞

┊ ➶ ｡˚ 　　° cillian murphy x f! reader

. . .

AFTER A FEW WEEKS, everything on set was done. these weeks were very exhausting because all she was doing for a few days was searching with her assistant for the most vintage and breathtaking hotel that could exist. the first episode they were about to make was also the first episode in the original broadcast that was called ‘masquerade’. the whole action takes place in a hotel, so they needed to find the perfect one. it was a hard decision to make because all the places were booked or too expensive to rent. but after visiting a lot of old hotels, she found the most luminous one.

it was a hotel on the outskirts of a small city, which was very atmospheric because it felt like she was really in an old city. she knew that it wasn’t the last time she would have to search for a location like this because every episode would have a different plot, etc., but she liked it. she wanted everything to be like it was in her teenage head. you could tell that she was enjoying putting all that effort into that project by seeing a big smile on her face all the time. she knew that maybe people would hate this series, but she didn’t care; she was doing it mostly for herself.

the ‘masquerade’ episode was a story about the beautiful but tragic love between rudolph & catherine. it was beautifully written, full of amazing quotes, and even more amazing characters. but in broadcast, they showed a shorter version of a tale, so it was quite difficult to do this on the movie set. she wanted to do it in an old-fashioned style; she was inspired by theater performances, and she loved this overplayed expression.

. . .

these days she also spent talking with the cast to get to know them better. she wanted everyone to feel comfortable with each other because they were going to spend time together for a year or longer. y/n got to like all of her teammates, but she liked cillian the most. maybe it was cliché, but she was his fan for eight years, and now she had him in her production, so it was obvious that he got her attention the most. she was mesmerized by his charisma and charm. he was a good listener who preferred listening to her talk about her story or this project than talking about himself. he was very fascinated by her investment and her knowledge about everything that they needed for their roles. he had been an actor for a long time, but it was the first time he met a young soul who was that professional and helpful in this career. she was doing everything by herself, with a little help from her assistant. cillian was ambitious, but he would never be able to do this many things at once, and she doesn’t look tired at all.

now he was sitting on the couch in the hotel hallway, rereading the script just in case. he saw y/n coming toward him with a smile on her face; she was in catherine’s white dress, looking just like women in 20s. if you ask cillian, he thought that she was perfect for this role.

“you like this place?” she sat next to him and admired how good he looked in this kind of suit.

“yes, it is gorgeous; you can feel like you are stepping back in time when you are here.” he smiled at her. he was being honest with her, he found not only this hotel but also the city beautiful; he has always been a fan of small towns.

“i’m happy you like it; i’m in love with this hotel; it’s just as i imagined it while listening to this.”

“and you look just as i imagined catherine, classy and beautiful,” cillian said confidently. she blushed and said a polite ‘thank you’.

“you are perfect-looking too, mister.” she felt good doing a bit of flirting with him because she excused herself by saying that it was only preparation for the roles.

“see you on set, darling,” cillian said, standing up from the couch and making his way to his wardrobe. maybe he will like this production even more than he thinks.

. . .

“okay, so we are ready for the first scene, in the catherine’s room. are we ready?" the director said, looking at y/n and cillian. they just nodded and smiled at each other. she smoothed her dress and sat down in the chair as cillian made his way behind the mahogany doors. it was a middle scene from broadcast, but it isn’t new that on set nothing is done chronologically.

“and action!"

cillian knocked on the door and she walked, her hips overplaying moves, just as she imagined the women in the past. she opened and smiled at him, resting her head on the door.

“madam, you have made a mistake. my name is not lougi. i’ve not seen you or these jewels before,” he said, changing his accent to something more american, at this moment, y/n knew she made the right decision by putting him into this role.

“i know. won’t you come in, count estefan?” she smiled sweetly. she also sounds a little differently than when she speaks normally.

"you- you know who i am?” he said, walking into ‘her apartment’ as she closed the door.

“well of course! you were the most handsome man in dining room and i was very lonely, so i thought tonight i will have an adventure. i will make an acquaintance of the distinguished count estefan.” y/n felt like she could say those words to cillian not only in those circumstances, but in reality as well.

“how do you know my name?” he asked, surprised, raising his eyebrows.

“it was not difficult to find out” she smiled, pushing back a wisp of her hair from her face.

“how did you know i wouldn’t run off with your jewels?”

“i took that chance. besides they’re insured. are you angry?”

cillian chuckled, his laugh was prettier in real life, y/n though. “no, i’m not angry. if some kind fate wishes to send a beautiful lady to dine with me, i can only be grateful. you will do me the honor, won’t you, madam?” he said it so convincingly that people could think that he wasn’t acting.

“i shall be delighted” she said blushing.

“and cut!” the director said with a big smile, and clapped loudly. “everything is done in one take; you two are the best; if this is what it would looks like, i would be the happiest director on earth,” he laughed as an all-staff.

“it’s getting late, but it’s perfect; we can do a shooting star scene, and we are done for today,” y/n’s assistant said, as cillian nodded, agreeing with that plan.

. . .

“so. . . how do you like it so far?” y/n asked cillian, while going to the location next to the hotel, where they were going to record a next scene.

“i love it; actually, you are a great actress, so it makes it easier. really, i have never done a whole scene in one take,” he said, being surprised at how good an actress y/n is. he has never seen her in any movies, so he was skeptical about her being the main character at first, but he was more than happy to work with her.

“thank you; i’m flattered to hear this from an actor like you. my great-grandmother would be proud that someone as great as you played in her comfort show” she didn’t know why, but talking with cillian was smooth and very entertaining. he was almost twice her age, but she didn’t care about things like this, and she hoped that he didn’t either.

“well. . . i’m sure, she is happy that you play her roles, it really suits you.”

. . .

“the sky is perfect for this; we’re lucky,” adam — the director — said happily, turning the camera on again. “cillian and y/n. you two sit down right here,” he said, pointing out the vintage bench as they sat next to each other. “great. and now, cillian you put your arm around y/n shoulder; it’s a romantic scene after all.” when y/n felt cillian’s touch on her skin, she tried not to tens her muscles; she didn’t even know why she reacted like this, but she ignored it.

“and action!”

“look catherine! a shooting star! did you wish?” he asked, pointed up to the sky.

“oh. . . i didn’t have time”

“and there is something you’d wish for?” he asked curiously, looking at her.

“yes. . .”

“what did you wish?”

“i was wishing that- we were two other people. two people who need not say goodbye. . .” she said with sadness in her voice.

“perhaps it can be that way” he looked at her, squeezing her arm.

“cut!” adam ended the recording. “thank you guys so much; you were incredible. i never had people who could do scenes that fast. tomorrow is a day off, so see you in two days!” everyone started to make their way to wardrobes, but when y/n stood up from the bench, she felt cillian touch her hand. she looked at him with a smile as he asked:

“would you like to go for lunch with me tomorrow?”

“i would love to see you at two, rudolph” she chuckled. she couldn’t hide how excited she was at this moment.

. . .

taglist: @xxsp3llb0undxx

. . .

- ͙۪۪̥˚┊❛ thank you for attention!! ❜┊˚ ͙۪۪̥◌

note: it is a loong chapter but i liked it! and i hope you guys will like it too! share with your opinion, on comments or even my dm’s. it’s so important to me.

#cillian murphy #cillian murphy x y/n #cillian x fem!reader #imagines #oppenheimer 2023 #oppenheimer movie #cillian murphy x reader #cillian x reader #oppenheimer #actors #cillian one shot #cillian series #i love cillian murphy #cillian fic #cillian fluff #fluff #dangerously yours

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lights-camera-ask-tion · 7 months ago

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Lights.... Camera.... EDD-TION... huh!!!! huh???... was that?? was that funny???......

Ok I'll leave. Whoops, it seems like our boys have been subjected to the hell that is community theater all for their individual reasons. Follow them on their many misadventures as they put together a nondescript play run by none other than EVIL- I mean normal director Bing Bingbong! (And his bodyguard Larry).

Here YOU can get some behind the curtain information on how the production is going, how cast and crews are doing and many other things of asking nature by pressing that little button at the top!

With that out of the way let's do a little role call for our cast here! Wait what do you mean only one (and a half) of our guys act in this?

more below! (*RULES AT VERY END!*) (sorry)

Edd (CREW • PROP/SET DESIGN)

Looking for a little extra cash one day Edd comes across a TV ad about a few spots open in the theater for an upcoming , unnamed production. Naturally his friends sat close by also watching. Together they decided they'd go in, try their hand at it and once the show was over put together all the money they got and split it equally. Edd easily got into props and set design because Bing knew he was an artist and for a director he's fairly lazy when it comes to assigning jobs and roles. Edd doesn't really struggle all too much with props and sets due to his prior painting experience. But the behind the stage activities and chaos get to him a bit. Needless to say he's just a inch more tired than his usual self

Matt (ACTOR • UNDERSTUDY)

Matt got assigned as an understudy for the lead role which he was pretty bummed out about at first! But as time went on the lead had fallen ill. Matt was the temporary lead! Good for him. Bing didn't really think about the repercussions of having Matt as an understudy for the lead but it's already pretty far in the show to change things around in Bing's eyes. He's just a bit stuck up... stuck up enough to make everything about himself and to be fair his, his well everything skills are a bit subpar. But not many people are signing up for this production he'll do!

Tom (BACKGROUND CHARACTER • AUDIO)

You would think Tom would just take one job but unfortunately just a week prior to this his guitar Susan had fallen apart (wow so unexpected amiright--.) In order to make enough money to fix her Tom had taken a background role. Should be easy, he has to say only one line! Well Tom doesn't know this yet but uhm! He has horrible stage fright, he freezes the instant he's made to act and this is just one miniscule line before he can just go back up to the sound stage and get that done but this one line stumps him. Will he be able to act by the end of pre-production??

Tord (LIGHTING)

Tord took lighting because it was there. Bing didn't care just as much as Tord and he could use a few dollars. Though he's the only one who openly finds it a bit weird that Bing is making a play that isn't even titled... and seemingly has little to no plot aside from a few things pulled from other movie scripts of Bing's past. He slacks off a lot and spends most of his time doing odd tasks and just floating around (occasionally causing mischief) (ok what am I saying he has purposely made stage lights fall on people before). He doesn't really like that the sound studio is right in the same room as the lighting booth. This will be fun.

Now that all the fun stuff is out of the way let's glance over at the rules and regulations!

----

-No proshippers or NSFW accounts allowed here!

- The people behind this account are both minors and would rather not have sexual asks or comments made about the au

- No ships are really present at the moment for right now this is mostly focused on the guys misadventures

- The main tag for all the tasks goes under "EDD-tion asks". Some non ask drawings and events will be shown under the tag "#EDD-tion comic". Occasionally art that isn't a ask or event will be under "#EDD-tion art." And for all who wish to draw fanart (would be very awesome!!) you can tag this account and or post under a fanart tag (#LCE fanart, #Lights, Camera Edd-tion (fanart/art) etc)

- As for non art related tags. "#Off-stage" is for out of character posts, "#Important" is for announcements.

---Enjoy the show!

#intro post!#important #eddsworld au #ew edd #ew tord #ew matt #ew tom

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invitationtoher · 7 days ago

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You're in my Way, Cage. | Chapter 4: Kitana

Masterlist

Summery: Kitana Edenia, smart, beautiful, and stressed. With dreams of becoming a doctor due to her sister, Mileena, having a major case of chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS). Throughout her entire school life she's been focused on her goal of getting into the very same college that her mother and father went to and fell in love at, Mortal Kampus University (MKU), an ivy league school where the only people are intelligent as they are talented. Kitana vows to make her mother proud with no distractions, at least that was the plan until she met an obnoxious dirty blonde in her English Class.

Jonathan Carlton? No, he's Johnny Cage! Hollywood's next big star! He may not act as smart as he actually is, but he shines when it comes to entertainment, if it's on the screen or behind the scenes Johnny can do it all, thanks to the Carlton family being in the film industry for generations. Thanks to his parents money and his acting and martial arts talents (as well as writing), he got a scholarship to MKU's theater department! He knows MKU will be a good time, it's his chance to make his own name. When he sees a pretty girl in his English class whose walls seem unbreakable, he vows to break down those walls and see the real her by showing her a film.

My jaw dropped. No way, a night with Johnny sounded like the biggest waste of time. I would rather be doing the things on my to-do list for the month instead of seeing some Hollywood, fantasy land, romanticized, fictional blue screen trash. I clicked my tongue on the roof of my mouth at his stupid smirk that irritates me to no end despite knowing this man for about 30 minutes. He knows exactly the right buttons to push.

“No, there’s no way I’m going to-“

“Tonight. It’s my day off, do you work a job?”

I blinked in astonishment as he cut me off, but I nodded my head. It’s clear that some of us are raised with proper manners more than others.

“Do you work tonight?”

I shook my head, the smirk on his face transformed into a giddy smile, his brown eyes sparkled once again like he found the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

“Gimme your number, I’ll pick you up and-“

“Hold on, I never agreed to this!”

Johnny held up a hand to almost as if he was trying to tame an animal- the same way my father attempts to calm my mother down but ends up infuriating her off even more- he mimicked the sound of my tongue clicking, he shook his head and raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, we’re doing this, Princess.” He spoke.

My face instantly twists in disgust at the nickname, princess. I can’t stand being called ‘princess’ including my own father. I always try to brush it off when someone calls me princess, but there’s only so much I can take when it’s repeated. He notices my disdain for him and his little nickname, his sly smirk reappeared, both of his eyebrows were raised, but his eyes... they were full of mischief. It was almost as if he was enjoying this.

“My name isn’t princess, it’s Kitana.” I said, my face un-twisting itself from its altered appearance. “And I’m too busy for movies, and I’m far too busy for you.”

“Uh huh, so what are your plans tonight?”

I wasn’t expecting him to ask, it was an obvious question that anyone making plans with someone- even if they were one sided- would ask. I hesitate in my response.

“Um… Studying.”

Now it’s his turn for his face to express his distaste.

“Studying? On the first day?” He asked, his smirk fading as he pressed his lips together in a thin line, his eyebrows furrowing as he gives me a side glance. “Well, they say nerdy girls are always the freakiest.”

His voice was low, no one else was able to hear him, but to me it’s like the entire class heard it. My face turns hot, embarrassed from the comment. He lets out a quiet chuckle, most likely because of the look of my face.

My eyes rounded, I sat up straighter, my teeth grit behind my lips, I gripped my pen tighter to the point where my knuckles turned white, I could hear a tiny crack that was muffled by my hand. So help me, if I break this pen it will be lodged in his neck the moment I un-ball my fist.

“Do you have zero shame?” My tone shifted from calm to jarring in the matter of seconds. He smiles playfully and shrugs.

“I dunno, I’m just saying what I heard.”

He raises his arms over his head, his joints popping and a groan escaping his throat. The blue fabric of his shirt stretched across his broad chest struggling to keep the buttons closed as he stretched.

I force myself to look down at my hand, I don’t want to boost his skyrocket ego any more than it clearly already is. I unwrap my hand from my pen, silently praying to whatever was out there that there wasn’t any ink on my palm, knowing that I’d desperately want to retaliate by wiping it on Johnny’s shirt. Luckily for him and his button up, there was no sign of black ink on my skin.

“Alright, look, I promise just one movie.” I narrowed my eyes in suspicion, “I promise! No dinner, no dressing nice, hell we can even go to a theater if you wanna. Although… my couch in my apartment is a lot more comfortable than the leather AMC seats, Princess.”

“No, Johnny.”

“C��mon, it’ll be fun! I won’t talk at all, and I’ll never ask again.”

Never ask again? I don’t believe that for a hot second, just from his begging alone, he’s clearly the type to not let things go. It’s driving me crazy that he couldn’t handle the word ‘no’ and continued this… pleading.

“No. I told you, I’m busy.”

He puffed out his cheeks, his brown eyes rounding as he pouted like a child. He folded his arms across his chest. So immature. I shook my head, staring coldly into his puppy eyes.

‘I will not crack, I will not crack, I will not crack, I will not-‘ My thoughts are interrupted by a groan.

“You seriously wanna study? After the first day of school? And just what are you going to study? The syllabus? The history or introduction of whatever class it is? Kitana, I don’t know you and you don’t know me, but… we have to work together in this class, professors’ orders. This would be a good way to at least get… familiar with each other.”

I slide my bottom lip between my teeth and bite on it gently, getting a small taste of my strawberry lip balm. I can’t fathom the fact that he was able to form an effect argument, I’d hate to admit it but, he does have a point. I sigh and run my fingers through my hair.

“I guess you surprisingly have a point.” I mutter. His eyes light up and his giddy smile returns to his face. “But I seriously can’t tonight.”

“Then when?”

As soon as his smile returns to his face, it fades away. Technically I am available tonight, I don’t have anything super important to do besides my father’s call, but I had to prepare myself before I spent any more time with him after class.

I shift in my seat, unsure of what to say. I feel my throat flexing as I swallow. When? Good question, hopefully never.

“Um, I’d have to check my sched-”

“Alright, class, I didn’t realize just how quickly we were running out of time. Wrap up what you’re talking about and head out, I’ll see you all on Wednesday.”

There truly is a god and his name is my English professor. I quickly pack up my things and stand up, sliding my puffer bag on my shoulder and shrugging to adjust it. I look down at the ground to hide my small smile as he growls in irritation. Looks like Cage isn’t getting the first date he thought he was going to get.

“I want an answer by Wednesday.”

I freeze in my motions and look over at him, raising my eyebrow a bit. He put his Ray-Bans back on, covering his eyes. His stuff was already packed, the paper, syllabus, and the mechanical pencil he was using probably all stuffed in his bag and not put in properly.

“You can’t just demand an answer like you’re the boss of me.” I placed my right hand on my hip as I scrunched my face at him. He flashes his pearly white teeth at me in a big smile, is he amused by my irritation? I wouldn’t be shocked.

“I gotta clear my schedule, baby, I’m a busy guy.”

He stands up from his seat, a single strap from his book bag on his shoulder while the other dangled behind him. He was massive, he wasn’t exactly towering over me like a morally grey male lead in a cheesy romance book tall, but he was tall enough that I had to tilt my head back to make eye contact with him. I sneer a bit and roll my eyes.

“First of all, don’t call me ‘baby.’” I held up my left hand up, shooting my fingers up as I counted, “Two, you’re not the only person that’s busy, Carlton-“

“Cage, sweetheart, it’s Cage. We went over this.”

“No, ‘sweetheart’ or ‘princess’ either.”

Johnny let out a dramatic huff, clicking his tongue as he placed his hands on his waist.

“How are you expecting me to not call you ‘princess’ when you’re ordering me around like one?”

He was skating on thin ice. Now I wish my pen did break. I let out a groan, my nonchalant mask was slipping, although it’s been slipping since he sat down next to me at the start of class. I need to get out of here before I make it known that he’s gotten under my skin.

“No. No ‘princess,’ my name is Kitana, and you will address me as such.”

I pushed my chair in and made my way to the door, most of the class were already gone, but there were a few other stragglers that lingered.

“Whatever you say, Princess, I’ll see you on Wednesday.”

I pretend not to hear him, but his stupid voice is like a broken record as I walked to my car. I made sure to walk a little faster than usual, I didn’t want him to follow. His voice makes my blood boil, his presence makes my blood boil, he makes my blood boil.

When I got to my car, I quickly shoved my bag in the passenger seat as I sat down in the driver’s seat, my seat belt was on in the blink of an eye and so was the key in the ignition. I pull out and drive home, no music from my phone, only the music from the radio. Even though the radio is loud, his voice that lingers in my head is louder.

#fanfic #archive of our own #johnny cage #johnny cage x kitana #kitana #mk1 #mk1 2023 #mortal kombat #romance #ao3 fanfic #college au #kitana mortal kombat #johnny cage mortal kombat #kitana mk1 #johnny cage mk1 #johnny x kitana #you're in my way cage

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dynared · 6 months ago

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Random thoughts on the Earthspark cancelation and what comes next for the Transformers brand

What a week, huh? So, we got confirmation Earthspark was canceled, Hasbro put the absolute bare minimum effort into their 40th anniversary celebration leading to many people going to the movie theaters expecting Transformers the Movie and not DVD-quality episodes of the TV series with many demanding refunds, and some good news, Transformers from Skybound being nominated for several Eisner awards, the first time a Transformers comic has ever been nominated for the comic book world's Oscar equivalent.

So once again, the brand, the sole surviving Western mecha brand at this point unless that J-Lo movie next week somehow launches a new franchise (doubtful) is at a crossroads, especially with their enduring business partner Paramount in complete turmoil, with more senior executives jumping ship and an official NDA signed between Paramount and Sony yesterday which allows Sony access to Paramount's record-keeping in order to ascertain the value for a bid.

So with all that said, rambling about the franchise under the cut.

Earthspark is done after this season, and it's easy to see why. While many right-wing grifter types will point to the nebulous "wokeness", an ill-defined term at this point that means little besides "bad non-traditional thing", the reasons are pretty simple. Kids weren't interested, the toyline didn't sell, and the show, whether due to being distributed on a streaming service people only get for Sonic stuff and the occasional South Park special, had very poor ratings. If you're making a kids show and you bore the kids, you're done, no matter how "important" you think the stories are. The days of Ted Turner funding Captain Planet out of his own pocket are long gone.

Since Earthspark is dead, but another series is in development, it looks like Hasbro will not be letting the franchise rest for any set period of time. The most likely follow-up for Earthspark is a spin-off of Transformers One similar to what Tales of the TMNT is for Mutant Mayhem after the latter's box-office success. It's a pretty low-risk venture to boot, with the biggest issue being the usual problems with a movie spin-off (lower quality visuals, sound-alikes since you can't pay the celebrity actors to do the voices week in and week out) so long as the movie is a success. It also lets the franchise establish some needed distance from Earthspark's lack of success.

Now, the question of "What if One isn't a success?" definitely is one that Hasbro is contemplating. For all the ragging on Snake-Eyes GI Joe Origins as a box office bomb, Rise of the Beasts was widely viewed by Hollywood as a flop and the lowest-grossing film in the history of the franchise. While a lot of that may be due to the wishy-washy way the continuity has been handled and the inability to commit to a full reboot (Madame Web producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura has been insistent that all the Michael Bay movies are still canon, even though that makes no real sense), if One isn't successful, the franchise may need to step back for a year or two.

Any other new concept for a series that fans have wanted is simply not feasible due to time and budget. With Hasbro joined at the hip with Paramount (apparently Hasbro board members own Paramount stock, hence their desire to keep the relationship going so long as Paramount exists), they don't have access to or funds for numerous studios. Studio Trigger have been asking to do a Transformers show for years now, hence all the shout-outs in stuff like SSSS.Gridman and even Panty and Stocking. Studio Orange's head took to the internet earlier in the week asking to be able to do a mecha show. Neither is getting the call from Hasbro because Paramount would rather use local Western studios and save money.

That of course leads to the final option for an adaptation, a 1:1 or similar of the Energon Universe. The problem with that is simply put, it's way too soon. While it would assuredly get a lot of attention just by putting down "From the creator of Invincible and The Walking Dead" in the promos, animation lead times mean that it would be impossible to do at this point without overtaking the entire stock of comics and either resulting in huge delays between seasons, or filler. Neither of which would be helpful.

So I guess tl:dr - Earthspark bombed not because of a non-binary owl, but because the kids were bored by it, with even the Fox News controversy failing to get the show any real positive attention with its main demographic of families. As horrible for Hollywood as it may be to see Paramount be sold for parts to Sony, it may actually be Hasbro's best bet at making its tie-in brands successful again on the big and small screens. And if One doesn't succeed, they are going to be in big trouble because nothing else is realistically ready yet.

#transformers #transformers one #transformers earthspark #paramount #rambles

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hughiecampbelle · 3 months ago

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Hi there! How are you doing? I think it’s super sweet that you’re doing these ships! I’d love one if you have the time/energy, but please don’t stress if you can’t get to it!

I’d love to be shipped with any of the male characters part of ‘the boys group.’ I’m 5’4 with blue eyes and dark brown hair. I’m a Hufflepuff and an ENFJ. Some of the things I love to do include: baking, sewing/knitting/crafting, watching movies, writing, and reading!! I’m always reading when I have the chance (published books or fanfic lol)! I’ll read about anything, but I’ve been really into fantasy lately!

I’m also very passionate about musical theater! I acted since in school shows up until I graduated college last year. I also have a passion for travel and exploring new places. I’m currently a teacher - I’m not sure if it’s what I want to do forever but I do know I want to help others! Ummm sometimes I get insecure in my looks but I try to remind myself that’s just my mind playing tricks on me. I feel like the other big thing to know is I’m a very caring and optimistic person. Especially for my friends and family (who I’d do anything for) but I also try to see the best in everyone.

Thank you in advance if you post this ship! I hope you have a lovely day!! 💛💛

Hi my love! I ship you with: M.M.!!! He loves how caring you are. The more entwined he becomes in this world of drama and taking down Homelander, the less faith he has in humanity. He sees how Vought has ruined countless lives, including his own, and finds it really difficult to believe anyone has good intentions anymore. And then he met you and he realized just how wrong he was. He also really appreciates your optimism. Being on a team with so many pessimists has made his job so much harder. Having you around, looking on the bright side, it's not only refreshing, but a necessity. He can't put into words how much you mean to him, especially when times are tough. You love his dedication. Marvin didn't want to come back and get involved with The Boys, but he did and he's stuck around since then. He cares about his friends, he cares so much about you, and he lets that be known. Even Butcher, who has lied and betrayed him countless times, is still someone he would do anything for. Some might call it stupidity or naivety, but you see it for what it is: dedication. Once you're in Marvins life, you're stuck with him. Of course you don't mind at all, though you wish he wouldn't give Butcher so many chances. Still, you love that about him. He cares deeply even if he tries not to show it and it makes him such an amazing person. Your relationship is cozy. When you're not trying to save the country from Vought and Homelander, you're both homebodies. He loves just being in your company while you're knitting or writing. You end up spending most nights falling asleep to a movie together. He loves listening to you talk all about your favorite books and he even goes so far as to reading them himself so that you can discuss them together. Because you both want to keep your work separate from your relationship, you have a rule where you're allowed to talk about Butcher and Vought and anything that makes you upset for a limited amount of time. After that, you have to move on and focus on something else. At times it can be difficult, but it's what's best for your relationship and your sanity. Your first date is a very classic move by Marvin where he asks you to dinner. The both of you are beyond nervous and, at first, the conversation is clunky and anxious. Finally, Marvin addresses the mutual anxiety and you're both able to laugh about it, getting more comfortable. He loves asking about what you're reading and writing, overhearing from Annie that you're going through a bit of a fantasy phase. He admits you that he tried to bake cookies with Janine from scratch and it ended in disaster: not only had they burned them and set off the fire alarm, but they were also the worst thing he's ever tasted. You give him some tips on what to do next time, offering to help if he wanted. He would love that! Your date goes great and, despite the nervousness, it leads to the most important relationship of your life. Relationship Headcanon: Marvin makes a promise to you one day, after this is all over, you'll travel the world together. When The Boys split up and attempt to go your separate ways, Marvin lets you pick any destination you want. You've got passports and all the time in the world. You two end up getting caught at the airport alongside the rest of the group, but he makes sure you know he's going to keep this promise. You'll get to see the world, you'll get to explore, he'll make sure of it.

Rita!!! Congratulations on five years!!! I really hope you like your ship!!! Xoxoxo💜💜💜

SHIPS ARE CLOSED

#hughiecampbelle-ships #mm #marvin milk

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sadfruittheatre · 2 years ago

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Name: Cayenne

Age: 16

Gender: Female (she/her)

Species: Human

Height: 5’5”

Likes: training, movies, girls, sports, and lizards

Dislikes: know-it-alls, alcohol, gods, having feelings, and Gonku

Fears: abandonment and her dad

Personality: Cayenne is loud, angry, and violent. She’s a delinquent who would much rather ditch school to watch movies than work on her education, and it shows, because she’s not exactly very bright. She knows a lot about the things she’s interested in, but when it comes to practical knowledge or common sense, she falls pretty short. This doesn’t really bother her though, as she’s more concerned with being a badass who can kick anyone’s ass.

However, underneath that rough exterior is someone much softer. She’s a bit of a romantic and dreams of being married one day, though in practice, she is hilariously bad at the whole romance thing despite somehow having a girlfriend. She’s also got a soft spot for children; even the ones that get on her nerves. She doesn’t have a lot in the way of friends or people she can trust, but the few that she does have, she cares about a lot. However, she is well-aware of how difficult she can be and often worries that it’s only a matter of time before they get fed up with her and want her gone. Joke’s on her though, she is so loved.

Background: Cayenne is an ordinary human from Earth with a pretty rough upbringing. Her mom died and her dad was pretty neglectful, and the two often butted heads. As a result, she often had to fend for herself and fight to get what she wanted. She found some solace in skipping school and wandering about, often sneaking her way into the movie theater to watch all of the most explosion and boob-filled action movies she could get her eyeballs on. They were her inspiration. She was going to get that cool and be able to kick anyone’s ass.

Unfortunately, it becomes a lot harder to go and do that when like half the district has been obliterated. She was so pissed off about this, she wanted to get to the bottom of it so she could figure out exactly whose asses she needed to kick. Thankfully, as an avid tournament follower, it didn’t take long for her to narrow it down. The Z Fighters were her sworn enemies, and more specifically, Gonku.

…She’s not great with names.

But if she wanted to stand a chance against guys that strong, she knew she needed to really train. Unfortunately, most practicians of martial arts don’t really want you going into them with the express intent to beat people up, so she was frequently turned away. She was about out of options when she learned of one more retired martial artist in her area: Dulze Kekie. She was once the latest in a lineage of martial artists but was now working as a kindergarten teacher and she certainly didn’t want to get involved with whatever this mess was. However, Cayenne is nothing else if not persistent. She’d seen enough movies like this. With enough gumption, surely, she could rouse Dulze out of retirement.

Dulze eventually humored her insofar as getting her to do chores for her. Cayenne, who has seen that one movie, knew that this absolutely had to be secret training, so she went all in. Unfortunately for her, was just chores. Eventually, Cayenne just sort of becomes a fixture in the house, getting to know Dulze’s children, a sweet little boy named Letch who Cayenne loves with all her heart, and Deeji, an evil mastermind of a 4 year old who Cayenne would love to just throw hands with. Eventually, on learning what was going on in Cayenne’s home life, Dulze ended up actually taking her in, later actually adopting her after her father died too. Dulze still isn’t teaching her any actual martial arts, but she’s trying to impart some other important lessons.

Somewhere in all that, Cayenne ended up meeting an android named Mille, who had all but abandoned her job as a Time Patroller to be adopted by the Ginyu Force. Cayenne spotted her on a mission on Earth and wanted to see what was going on. However, when she inevitably got caught snooping, the confrontation quickly turned violent. Cayenne got her ass absolutely handed to her, but instead of being upset, she was incredibly smitten. Mille was just as entertained, and ended up finding more and more excuses to come to Earth and hang out until she decided she would live there full time. Cayenne, after ages of like literally everybody but her assuming she and Mille were dating, finally asked her out for real, and they’ve been having a hella time ever since.

However, not all is hella, as thanks to Deeji befriending Bragi and subsequently many other members of the Dragon Ball pantheon, Cayenne’s life has been plagued by gods. Which would be a lot cooler if they weren’t constantly out here bringing in drama and drinking all the juice. How is she possibly supposed to do a training regimen of push-ups, sit-ups, and plenty of juice if there is literally no juice ever???? Dulze’s not a fan of most of them either, but doesn’t have it in her to upset Deeji by banishing them from the house and she’s not letting Cayenne go try to beat them up, so her hands are tied. After she kicks Gonku’s ass, she’s getting rid of Core People next. Or she’ll try, anyway.

Will Cayenne succeed in kicking Gonku’s ass? Will she end the concept of Core People forever??? Will she ever be able to win the approval of Mille’s five dads so that she can one day ask for her hand in marriage???? Find out on the next episode of SAD FRUIT THEATRE!

#intro #cayenne #backstories under the cut because holy shit these posts are long

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rookie-critic · 2 years ago

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Living (2022, dir. Oliver Hermanus) - review by Rookie-Critic

I have found that, over the year since I started writing these reviews, good reviews for movies that I truly loved are generally harder to write than the bad ones. It's easy to write about and articulate what I thought was wrong or could have been done better, but how do I write a full, well-articulated review of something I loved without just gushing about how good it was? There's only so many ways to say "The acting was good, the writing was good, etc., etc., and on, and on." So when I saw Living (2022, dir. Oliver Hermanus), I was walking back to my car thinking "Wow, that was truly fantastic. This review is gonna be rough." So what do I say, what reasons do I give, for loving Living besides the usual suspects?

First, remaking any Akira Kurosawa film is almost inviting criticism, and Ikiru is one of the ones that I would almost have said just couldn't be done better. I won't say that Living is better, but it is about as close as anyone could have ever hoped to have gotten. The raw emotion that the camerawork evokes (in conjunction with Bill Nighy's masterful performance as Mr. Rodney Williams) is something to behold. It feels like a movie from the 50s/60s (helped in no small part by the film's opening scene, which mirrors the look and feel of a film from that era) and that helps the first section of the film convey the stuffiness of its central character. The movie doesn't really concern itself with Mr. Williams' past outside of passive reference to his late wife and brief flashbacks (I'm talking a few seconds at a time) to his childhood and young adulthood, because the film is trying to show this man, on the far edge of his life, not knowing truly how to do anything other than work (and maybe go to the cinema once a week). We need not concern ourselves with the past because the whole point of it is to show him learning how to live in the moment. Not to regret his past, but to really start living (eh?? ehhhh????) in the now, while he still can.

Speaking of the film's central character, let's talk about Bill Nighy. Anyone who watches a decent amount of movies will know Nighy's face at least, if maybe not his name (or maybe neither if all you've seen him in is the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, as he is hidden behind a bunch of CG'd tentacles in those films). He's one of those veteran actors that just knows what he's doing, full stop, and he carries the emotional weight of this film on his back with a spirit equal to Atlas carrying the world. The entire lifetime of regret behind the eyes of this character for a majority of the film is palpable and striking, digging straight into the empathetic core of the audience like few performances are able to do. Every time Nighy sings "The Rowan Tree" (or anytime the song plays at all in the film) I was just an instant mess of a person. It's wild how instant the tears seemed to be. One second I was perfectly fine, sitting in my theater chair, feeling bad for this character, but not really close to overwhelmingly emotional, but the second the notes started coming out of Nighy's mouth that was it. He distilled the feeling of lifelong remorse out into a single note, and then did it again with the next one, and again and again until the scene ended. It's one of the most brilliant pieces of acting I believe I've ever seen. I know I started this review off by saying I have a hard time pinpointing and articulating the bullet points of films I enjoy, but I could talk about Nighy's brilliant performance in Living all day long, and if this review comes across as just me gushing over Bill Nighy and nothing else, then maybe that's really all this film needed to be great, but I don't really believe that to be true. It may be too sappy for some, but I found it to have wonderful balance, and I recommend everyone give this one a try if you're able. It is, hands down, one of the most moving films of last year.

Score: 10/10

Currently only in theaters.

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excusethequality · 4 days ago

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My 2024 in Film: August

I was already in the weeds with my self-imposed listing duties, but now that my annual binge of spooky movies is complete, I am utterly and demoralizingly behind.

Which is never a great place for me to be as the more daunting the task in front of me the more likely I am to want to procrastinate on it.

But, hey, it seems August was overall a very good month for movies, so at least I have that going for me.

* = rewatched

159.*

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

(1989)

— Sci-Fi Comedy Adventure Directed by: Stephen Herek

A couple of Californian high schoolers are about to flunk their history class when they're given an opportunity to travel through time in order to create a most excellent final presentation and save their future.

I can't explain it, but I love this movie.

It's so silly and ridiculous, but it's so charming.

I've lost count of how many times I've seen it over the years, but every time I watch it I find some little detail hiding somewhere that I hadn't noticed before.

My only real gripe is that they did Genghis Khan dirty, because he wasn't some caveman savage. The depictions of him as a ruthless barbarian generally came from the people he defeated who wanted to present him as less than themselves. But less biased records show he had lots of charisma and was fiercely intelligent. And he'd have to be smart because look at what he was able to do! I'm not saying he was a saint, but in those days you couldn't be a menace on that big of a scale without being able to back it up.

Also Joan of Arc barely gets any screen time....so two big gripes. I wish they hadn't pushed the one female and the one POC historical figures to the back.

But I do have to remember that it is a late 80s comedy that's just trying to be silly, and cut it some slack.

160.*

Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey

(1991)

—Fantasy Comedy Adventure Directed by: Peter Hewitt

A nefarious plan from the future results in the deaths of Bill and Ted. But how are they gonna win the battle of the bands if they're dead?

I've got to give this one credit for refusing to reuse the same formula. It would have been pretty easy for them to just give us more of the same, but they didn't!

That being said, I can't say I'm a huge fan of this one. It's just way too bizarre at times.

But I still wind up rewatching it every once in a blue moon because it is so, so weird.

That and William Sadler's portrayal of Death is just a joy to watch. Easily my favorite part of the movie.

161.*

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

(2006)

— Sports Comedy Directed by: Adam McKay

A NASCAR driver's life gets turned upside down when a French driver hits the scene and threatens to steal his #1 spot.

I love this ridiculous movie and quotes from it live rent free inside my head.

I fully understand that its style of humor isn't everyone's favorite. But I've lost count of how many times I've seen this movie and yet it still makes me laugh.

162.*

The Muppets

(2011)

— Musical Comedy Directed by: James Bobin

A man and his puppet brother try and help the Muppets save their theater from demolition.

After watching The Muppets Take Manhattan I was looking at reviews on Letterboxd and it seemed like most people liked it a lot more than me. From there I looked up some Muppet movie tier lists to see how other people would rank them and I was aghast at how low people rank The Great Muppet Caper.

We'll get into it more when I wind up watching it later this year, but for the time being know that tGMC is absurdly clever and one of the most interesting meta narratives put to film. I will die on this hill.

Anyways, it made me want to make my own tier list. The problem was that I haven't actually seen all the Muppet movies and for some of them it's been quite a while. So I started on a quest to watch them all this year and create my definitive ranking.

As for this specific one, I've seen it before and yet all I remembered about it is that I friggin' hated the new character of Walter.

On the rewatch I've got to give it credit; there's some great stuff in here. There's fun songs from Bret McKenzie, some really great jokes, seeing what all the Muppets are doing these days was quite fun, and the '80s Robot cracks me up and is hands down my favorite modern character added to the cast.

The problem is that this is not really a movie about the Muppets. This is a movie about a random puppet named Walter. The Muppets are basically the supporting cast for Walter's story.

And since the movie hinges itself on you liking Walter, it becomes really hard to enjoy it when you're like me and you're hoping he gets run over.

163.

The Muppets' Wizard of Oz

(2005)

— Family Comedy Adventure Directed by: Kirk R. Thatcher

[I mean the title says it all, doesn't it?]

I was not prepared for this movie.

The Muppets inherently bring me joy so I can't say it's bad, but uh...this is not good.

This is a made-for-tv movie and it shows.

It's also...so...fucking...weird.

Here are just a few of the weird things you will see in this movie:

It starts with a straight up Ashanti music video.

At one point Quentin Tarantino tries to convince Kermit to add a sexy vampire bat lady into the movie,

Dorothy gets drugged at an opium den.

Gonzo gets heavily aroused as he watches a CGI elf lady "sexily" turning into a chicken.

You don't believe me? Here, I'll prove it...

It would seem that I've only ever seen Muppet movies from the eras when people cared and made them with love and passion and completely missed the eras where they were just phoning in tv content.

164.*

The Muppet Movie

(1979)

— Roadtrip Comedy Directed by:James Frawley

Kermit the frog tries to travel to Hollywood to see if he can make people happy with his music, but the owner of a chain of frog legs restaurants has other plans for him.

After the bizarre train wreck that was The Muppets' Wizard of Oz I felt a deep need to wash the taste of it out of my brain so I figured I'd go back to the original Muppet movie.

Growing up The Great Muppet Caper was my sister and I's go-to Muppet movie and there was a trailer for this one on the VHS. So I've seen that trailer a lot. And I have seen this one before, but as a kid it really unnerved me that these guys at best wanted to get Kermit to sell his brethren as food and at worst maybe wanted to kill and eat him?

The whole premise really creeped me out so it's definitely one I've seen less than others.

Seeing it now I do think child me was valid for this take. It's a really weird gimmick. It kinda feels like they felt they needed some stakes and an antagonist to propel the plot forward? But I would argue that it's not really necessary.

It's a road trip movie after all, so interesting events and problems are pretty easy to put in the plot.

But looking past the whole frog legs franchise thing, I've gotta say that you can really tell Jim Henson was involved in this one because it's so clear that this movie was loved. I can only think of one other Muppet movie that can go toe-to-toe with this one in the feels department (and I'll wait until I get to it before I tell you which one).

I love the way it takes the time to give characters these really tender moments.

I dunno, in spite of the elements I don't like, it's hard not to love a movie that was made with so much love.

165.*

Bill & Ted Face the Music

(2020)

— Sci-Fi Comedy Adventure Directed by: Dean Parisot

Now middle aged, Bill and Ted still are having a mid-life crisis over having yet to create the song that will unite the universe. Now running short on time they're going to have to take drastic measures in order to make the deadline.

The worst thing about this movie is that the ending successfully hit me in the feels and so I can't just write it off completely.

I have a lot of mixed feelings about this. I think overall it's a bit of a mess, but within the mess I can see how it could have been really great.

Maybe, I'm alone in this, but in the 3 decades since the first one I feel like Keanu Reeves completely forgot how to do Ted. Because Ted was my favorite character in the other movies, but in this one he's second from the bottom of my list.

(in case you were wondering: Kid Cudi is the bottom)

So watching Keanu do an emotionless aged Ted on sedatives brought me no joy.

The whole Bill and Ted storyline in general just felt like a repetitive bit that didn't really go anywhere.

But I loved Samara Weaving and Brigette Lundy-Paine! They brought more of the spirit of the original than anyone else. And I really loved the family angle of the story. It would have been fantastic if they hadn't split the story into so many competing storylines and just focused on that core family dynamic.

If you liked the first movies, I'd say this is worth a watch. But I certainly wouldn't recommend anyone use this as their introduction into the series.

166.*

Muppet Treasure Island

(1996)

— Family Comedy Adventure Directed by: Brian Henson

The Muppets' take on Robert Louis Stevenson's tale of Treasure Island.

I'm telling you, people's tier lists often will rank Treasure Island way too high, and Muppet Caper way too low.

And I say that as a fan of this movie.

My only real complaint about it is that they do a whole "tribal natives" stereotype thing at one point that I find to be rather cringe.

But overall, it's quite fun. There's some enjoyable songs, memorable characters, fantastic Gonzo-being-Gonzo moments. The thing that really takes this movie above others though, the shining jewel of the movie, is Tim Curry as Long John Silver. He is a delight. He gleefully threw this movie on his back and ran it up the hill laughing maniacally the whole way.

In terms of Muppets' movies I would say Treasure Island is a solid entry. It's never the best at any one element, but it's also not bad at anything. And so it's one that I am always happy to see again.

167.

Человек с киноаппаратом

[English title: "Man With a Movie Camera"]

(1929)

—Documentary Directed by: Dziga Vertov

A man, his brother, and his wife work together to create an experimental documentary that explores the lives of everyday people in Soviet Ukraine as well as the very medium of film.

Not gonna lie, I was thoroughly expecting to not like this one. It sounded like the kind of arty thing that I traditionally dislike.

There's just this style of arty film that seems to me to just be utterly random nonsense. And then you have to get into this gods-awful conversations about how confused and bored is exactly the emotion the artist WANTED to instill in you as it provokes you to interpret your own meanings instead of force feeding you prepackaged ones.

And then I have to say that that could be said of anything. I could go sit in the park and the nature I see would provoke my brain into thoughts and interpretations. So what's the point of coming to a museum to see something that is indistinguishable from what a film student might cobble together in an afternoon for a last minute project?

But this one? This one is actually really interesting. There's a charm here that really binds everything together. You can really feel the filmmaker's love for the medium. You can really feel the excitement of someone taking his camera around and trying things out, having fun with it.

And since it's a time from long before the omnipresent nature of cameras of today, there's also a naturalness to the people he films.

168.*

Free Guy

(2021)

— Sci-Fi Comedy Directed by:Shawn Levy

A one-in-million chance gives a video game NPC a new perspective and a chance to change his fate and be a hero.

When this came out I had no interest in it. But then a friend of mine had such a high opinion of it that she convinced me to give it a watch. And I am now firmly on her side.

I've been wanting to watch this one again for a while and after seeing Shawn Levy's most recent movie [Deadpool & Wolverine] I felt compelled to remind myself that he could make nice movies too.

It's hard to explain what's so amazing about this movie. I get why so many people walk out of it thinking that it's one of those cheap cash-grab blockbusters that's coasting by on star power and references. And it probably got its foot in the door by doing that, but if you look a little closer and give it a chance you can see that it's doing everything in a completely different way.

Unlike so many other movies of this ilk Free Guy is utterly genuine. It's a movie that knows exactly what it is and delivers.

It's so interesting to me to see a movie where the main character never tries to be someone he's not. It's not some heavy drama where the character goes on a journey of self discovery only to realize at the end that the best person they can be is the one they were all along.

Guy starts the movie as a simple-minded hopeful romantic who dresses like a bank teller, sees the best in everyone, and wants nothing more from life than to share in simple pleasures with the people he loves.

And he NEVER turns from that course.

Even when the world gives him the power and incentive to comprise himself he never falters. He is never anything but himself.

That's why his character succeeds in the movie and that's why the movie itself succeeds.

Other movies out there are so afraid of you thinking its lame that they get scared and have to put up this front that they know they're too good for their own movie. Everything is sarcastic. Every real feeling needs to be hidden lest they be judged for it.

They're the insecure teenagers of the film world.

But that's not the case here. Jokes that would be made with an eye roll in another movie are told with an honest smile here. And it's so fucking refreshing!

It never feels like they're phoning anything in (streamer cameos excluded). The actual actors all bring such genuine heart to their characters. Heck! The movie itself cares so much for its own characters.

So hey, to all the haters and the lovers out there,

Don't have a good day, have a great day!

169.

The Beach Bum

(2019)

— Comedy(?) Directed by:Harmony Korine

A degenerate beach bum / wealthy poet must finish his new book ASAP in order to retain access to his wife's wealth.

So I've been making a list wherein I record people's answers when I ask them what the worst movie they've ever seen is.

I find it interesting because I thought I'd see a lot of people saying the same movies, but it seems that the worst movie you've seen is usually something personally offensive, more so than something that's just terribly made.

The problem with this question though is that I inevitably get the question asked back to me. And I try to avoid telling people what the worst movie I've seen is because it isn't very well known and I hate it so much that I'd like it to die in obscurity. And there's something about telling people what the worst movie you've ever seen is that makes them really want to watch it.

But I typically offer people a deal: I'll tell them what it is on the condition that they watch the entire thing.

So far only one woman has dared take me up on this offer: a coworker of mine.

To my surprise she actually watched it right when she got home from work that night and reported back to me the next day that it was indeed a pile of garbage and some of her life that she could never get back.

I felt a little bad for unleashing that evil upon her life, so I figured I'd make things even by watching her pick for worst movie ever: The Beach Bum.

And I respect her pick, because it was a real slog. Definitely had to force myself to get through it.

There's really no plot to speak of, just Matthew McConaughey doing this weird character and fucking around for the entire movie.

It felt like they were trying to emulate The Big Lebowski, but at no point understood the finer points of the Cohen brothers' technique. If that truly was what they were going for then the only thing they took from that movie was, "Stoner dude stumbles into strange circumstances."

Ugh. It's just not good. Do yourself a favor and avoid it.

170.

Muppets From Space

(1999)

— Family Comedy Directed by: Tim Hill

Gonzo seeks to find his origins when he gets a mysterious message from outer space.

This Muppet mission of mine has really made me stretch out my ratings bar for these movies. To me this is is far below the likes of things like The Muppet Movie, but just way above something like The Muppet Wizard of Oz.

It also somehow felt like it was firmly aimed at kids in a way that the other movies haven't been?

I'm also pretty sure that if you ask me about this movie next year I won't be able to remember much of anything about it. There's nothing here that wasn't done before and done better in a previous Muppet movie. All it really does is take away some of Gonzo's weird charm by trying to explain him.

And I never needed an explanation. He was perfect just as he was.

171.

The Adventures of Baron Munchausen

(1988)

— Fantasy Adventure Directed by: Terry Gilliam

A play about the adventures of a fantastical man named Baron Munchausen is interrupted when the real Baron Munchausen shows up to set the records straight.

This might sound weird, but while watching the Bill and Ted movies I was thinking about the character of Death. And so I started looking up movies where Death plays a character in the movie and this was on the list.

I've learned long ago that I'm not a big Terry Gilliam fan. His films tend to be a little much for me and this was no exception.

I will say this about him though, I have yet to see a Terry Gilliam movie made for anyone but himself. He passionately makes stories of the sort that he loves. And while they aren't my kind of stories, I can't help have a lot of respect for a creative who follows their passions so devotedly.

172.

Det sjunde inseglet

[English title: "The Seventh Seal"]

(1957)

— Fantasy Drama Directed by: Ingmar Bergman

A knight returning home from the crusades seeks to find meaning in his life and to make a difference in the world before he dies.

Guess what was also on the list of movies with a personified Death?

I took it as a sign that it was finally time to watch this classic.

Going into it all I knew was its famous image of a knight playing a game of chess against Death.

I'm not gonna lie, I honestly thought that was the entire movie. I genuinely believed that the entire thing was a real arty film of a knight playing chess against Death on a cliff and them having a deep conversation as they played.

And that's why I never bothered!

So imagine my surprise when I learn that, in fact, that is not what the movie is about at all.

A fantastic example of why I try and watch things from outside my comfort zone, because I really liked this movie. There's all sorts of interesting themes and interpretations you can take away from it and it's just incredibly well made.

173.

Alien: Romulus

(2024)

— Sci-Fi Horror Directed by: Fede Álvarez

A young woman and her android ward, desperate to start a new life for themselves, decide to undertake a risky heist on a derelict research station. But their mission to make a better life for themselves soon becomes a fight for survival when they learn why the station was abandoned.

Perhaps you didn't know this about me, but I love the Alien franchise.

One of the things I love most about it is that nearly all the films in it are completely different genres from one another. They tend to give really talented directors a lot of free reign when making them.

Alien is claustrophobic Sci-Fi Thriller.

Aliens is all about Action.

Alien3 is...I don't even know how to describe it...It's very bleak and very David Finchery.

Alien Resurrection is the jokiest one, the one that takes the biggest & weirdest swings, and that almost feels like space fantasy?

Prometheus is like a Fairy Tale set in space. (people look at me weird when I say that, but I swear it tracks)

Covenant is the one I'm least familiar with, but it kind of feels like more of a space adventure?

And Romulus is all about Horror.

I've seen some reviews from big fans of the franchise that hated this one, but here's what I think their real problem was: it wasn't made for them.

I feel like a lot of Gen Z and the Alphas are not really familiar with the Alien films. However, many of them ARE familiar with the survival horror video game Alien: Isolation.

And guess what? Alvarez has said that his biggest inspiration for the film was not the previous films, but...

You guessed it! It was the video game.

In the haters' defense the film does this odd thing where it almost feels like it's making references to scenes from every Alien movie at one point or another. And at first I thought they were just pandering by playing the greatest hits.

But I am not convinced that this is the wrong way of looking at it. I don't think he was doing it for the fans at all. I am convinced that it's the other way around: it's meant to give people who don't know anything about these movies a taste of what the franchise is about. It's about trying to entice young people who were fans of the video games to give the other movies a try.

It took me like half the movie before it dawned on me that this movie wasn't made for me at all. And as such I'm dying to see it again properly.

Since it wasn't made for me, take my opinions with a grain of salt, but I really liked it. It's definitely not without its issues. Most notably they deep fake a character from an earlier movie even though the actor that played him is dead. (I should mention that they did get permission from his family before they did it.) But there's no reason for it. It doesn't even make sense how they are still around in the first place. It would have been so easy to write a new character to fill the role in the movie. And that way you wouldn't have to get an uncanny feeling from the sometimes slightly janky effects there.

There's also a lot in it that I think could have been tighter. Especially when it comes to developing the side characters.

But the core? The core of this movie is so solid.

Cailee Spaeny and David Jonsson play our leads and they are fucking phenomenal.

And I'm willing to put up with a flyaways on the sides when the core is that tight. And I also really liked how they kept the threat from corporations that the other movies have, but updated it for today. Instead of the threat from an employer, or from a corporation creating a dangerous environmental hazard, here we see a world where people's lives are entirely under the thumb of the corporation. They are stuck having to put up with the mistreatment and being seen as tools instead of people, because there's literally no other way for them to survive.

And if that wasn't enough, they then learn that the corporations are meddling in a whole 'nother level of dark deeds.

174.

Kajillionaire

(2020)

— Comedic Drama Directed by: Miranda July

A woman raised by scammers has her life turned upside down when a chance encounter with an eyeglass saleswoman shows her a better way to live.

I truly cannot remember where I heard about this one.

But I do know that at some point I put it on my Letterboxd watchlist and while doing a check to see if the library had gotten any of them I learned they did indeed have this one.

I was thoroughly unprepared for how much I loved this movie. It's currently in my top 5 for the year.

It's such an odd film that I would truly understand if someone told me they didn't like it. But I just adore it.

It's tender and queer and silly and serious and everything in between.

I have no idea how it does it: that balance of odd but relatable.

I just saw it and I already feel the need to watch it again.

175.

The Wrong Guy

(1997)

— Crime Comedy Directed by:David Steinberg

A businessman goes on the run when he discovers his boss has been murdered and that all signs point to him as the culprit. However, his boss had a secret security camera in his office, the cops know he didn't do it, and they have no interest in him whatsoever.

I was looking at Dave Foley's filmography and was sold on the premise.

Dave Foley remains hilarious to me. I was a big News Radio fan growing up so it's always fun to see him again.

I really wish I liked this one more. There's a really fun cast, some fantastic jokes, and a really solid premise. But it fails to really develop as it goes along.

176.

Bullet Train

(2022)

— Action Directed by: David Leitch

Things get out of hand on a Japanese bullet train when a host of assassins all show up trying to grab the same prize.

David Leitch comes from a stunts and fighting choreography background and as such his movies tend to have some really well-shot fight scenes.

I hadn't ever seen this because there's just something about white people making movies set in Japan...they so rarely turn out right.

99% of the time they just want to use this foreign imagery as a set piece and don't actually want to deal with the actual culture and people that live there.

But I heard a coworker say they really liked it so I figured I'd give it a go.

The best way I can describe this movie is that it wanted to be a Guy Ritchie movie so badly. I would go all in on these writers being big fans of Snatch and Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels.

However, love it or hate it, Guy Ritchie has a style that's incredibly hard to replicate. They tend to have lots of characters, be both quirky and gritty, have lots of moving pieces, and lots of attention paid to transitions.

So yeah, it tries, but comes up short of capturing the Ritchie charm.

The fight scenes were really well shot. I can't take that away from them. But the rest...

Japan is definitely being used as a set piece in order to look cool. All the threads come together, but it's not really all the satisfying when they do. And one character won't shut up about Thomas the Tank Engine? And not even in a fun way. By the end it had me hoping that no one would mention Thomas ever again...and I like Thomas. So it's just extra rude that they did him like that.

177.

Amour

(2012)

— Drama Directed by: Michael Haneke

A husband's desire to keep his wife alive gets out of hand after her health continues to decline.

Okay, so I don't know how I got so confused about this, but I got this mixed up with a movie called The Eternal Memory. Which is documentary about a woman caring for her husband with Alzheimer's and the story of their love.

So yeah, I was not prepared for what I actually got.

Like, damn...this shit gets dark.

Movies about people slowly destroying their lives and the lives of those around them is one of my most hated esoteric subgenres. I know there's a lot of great work in that field, but they are so depressing and stressful, and thus I try to avoid them.

Definitely lots of stuff here you could dive into if you felt the desire.

So not a bad movie, but a friggin' depressing one for sure.

178.

Dance, Girl, Dance

(1940)

— Drama Directed by: Dorothy Arzner

Two rival dancers have to take a job at a burlesque show to pay the bills when their efforts to break into the mainstream scene haven't been working.

I was reading a book about the best films from female directors and this was on there and I was intrigued.

Not only a movie from 1940 that was directed by a woman, but also a movie where Lucille Ball plays the gold digging sexpot?

And there's a lot here to like. Its depiction of female relationships is really interesting. And the speech Maureen O'Hara gives at the end? That was worth the price of admission all by itself.

From a modern perspective I definitely wished it had dove even deeper into its topics, but when you're looking at it through the lens of a movie from 1940 it really is an interesting piece of history.

179.

You Hurt My Feelings

(2023)

— Comedic Drama Directed by: Nicole Holofcener

A married couple's relationship gets rocky when the wife learns that her husband has been lying to her and doesn't actually like the book she wrote.

I remember this was at the theater during my tenure there and I also remember that I saw one of the scenes from it because the server fucked up early on and I had to go fix it and watch it for a little bit to make sure it was working again.

Was a little curious about it because I haven't seen Julia Louis-Dreyfus in some time.

I wish I had more to say about it. There's not a lot going on here. It's a very simple movie about the idea of what does or does not count as a lie in a relationship.

I loved Louis-Dreyfus, but Tobias Menzies' character held the movie back for me. He is supposed to be a psychiatrist, but he's constantly being shown as terrible at his job? And as a psychiatrist he should have been able to navigate this very understandable situation with his wife better.

Also their kid was written as if he'd never met his parents before, because he's constantly surprised by stuff they had presumably been doing his whole life.

180.*

Det sjunde inseglet

[English title: "The Seventh Seal"]

(1957)

[see #172]

Did I watch it again with commentary?

Yes. Yes I did.

There's a lot going on in The Seventh Seal and I wanted some more context. Luckily for me the version I got from the library had a commentary track with a film historian.

And I was right! There is a lot happening in this one that I didn't realize. For instance Bergman was making some really interesting religious commentary throughout the movie. Even the idea of playing chess with Death is a reference as it comes from the painting "Death Plays Chess" from a mural in a Swedish church.

181.

Rebel Without a Cause

(1955)

— Drama Directed by:Nicholas Ray

A trio of teenagers meet in prison after they were all arrested for their attempts at coping with the problems in their lives. But when a deadly accident happens it will complicate their lives even more.

Once again I am expanding my horizons by watching some of the classic movies I've long heard about, but never seen.

This was far different from what I assumed. I really thought this movie was about a biker gang. However, it is actually about teenagers struggling to find their way in life and whose parents aren't providing them with the support they desire.

I get why it's still mentioned today. James Dean gives a very memorable performance. It's hard not to read some of this movie's vibes as being queer.

It was an interesting film, but I can't say I loved it. Plato's character really held it back for me. His actions are just too often far too bizarre.

Also while all three kids don't have great home lives, they also aren't terrible. Plato's parents are just never there. Jim's mom is rather overbearing, but his dad is really sweet and it's his dad he seems really upset with. Judy definitely drew the worst lot, because her dad is actually abusive and withholding of affection and attention in a really creepy way.

182.

The Naked Kiss

(1964)

— Crime Drama Directed by: Samuel Fuller

A sex worker decides she's had enough of the life and decides to try and make a new start. But her past threatens to destroy what she's built.

Some of my old friends from the movie theater were talking about this one on Letterboxd and I figured I'd give it a try. I was really surprised by how much I enjoyed it!

Constance Towers is just fantastic as Kelly and really does a great job carrying the movie.

It's definitely pulpy, but I'd say it's pulpy in the best possible way.

183.

かぐや姫の物語

[English title: "The Tale of The Princess Kaguya"]

(2013)

— Animated Fantasy Directed by: Isao Takahata

The legend of the Bamboo Princess.

I had avoided this Studio Ghibli movie because I just don't have much love for the character design. I do get what they were going for and would say they achieved their goals, but it's just not a style that resonates with me.

I'm probably in the minority here, but I've just heard this legend too many times. Heck, I even remember watching a version with Big Bird in it that my grandma recorded off of PBS way back when I was a kid [Big Bird in Japan (1988)].

If you've never heard the story before or if you want to see something with a slightly offbeat art/animation style, I'd say give it a try.

184.*

Muppets Most Wanted

(2014)

— Family Crime Adventure Comedy Directed by:James Bobin

An evil manager convinces the Muppets to go on a world tour in order to let a notorious criminal swap places with Kermit and use the shows as covers for his heists.

On one hand I have a little bit of beef with this one because I feel like it stole quite a few beats from The Great Muppet Caper.

But on the other hand I truly appreciate that they fixed my main problems with The Muppets (2011): Walter sucks and there's too much focus on randos instead of the main muppets.

This even happened:

"Wait a second. Walter quit the Muppets? We just did a whole movie where he joined the Muppets." "Yeah, we sure spent a lot of time on it." "Ha! I'll say. Maybe even at the expense of the other long-standing, beloved Muppets."

!__!

Amazing.

Bret McKenzie was back with the songs for this one and they are once again lots of fun. Walter is used only sparingly, and there's some pretty fun cameos.

Sure, there's some stuff I could nitpick, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I had fun watching it.

185.

封神第一部：朝歌风云

[English title: Creation of the Gods I: Kingdom of Storms]

(2023)

— Fantasy Action Adventure Directed by: Wuershan

A legendary warrior takes the up rule when the king is murdered. But when a curse falls over the land, men and Gods must take up sides in the fight for fate of mankind.

I tell you what, the public library is absolutely killing it this year. They've got such a great selection. I had seen this one mentioned in a video last year about the best Chinese films of 2023. I put a bunch of them on my watchlist, but sadly most of them didn't seem to be available anywhere. But lo and behold, the library picked up a copy of this one.

The best way I can describe this one is that it's like a Chinese Lord of the Rings. It's not similar at all in terms of plot, but think big budget epic adventure, lots of characters, big fantasy pieces with lots of battles and sword fights and monsters and an epic tale at the center.

I really had a blast with this. If you're not a fan of Chinese mythology then it might not be for you, but I think people should just give it a try. It's really refreshing to see fantasy movies not steeped in the Western tradition of elves and orcs and so on.

Plus Naran's role as the fox spirit? Absolutely haunting. She kills that role. Months later and I'm still thinking about some of her scenes.

186.

Tomboy

(2011)

— Coming-of-Age Drama Directed by: Céline Sciamma

A young adolescent's attempts to play with gender threaten to destroy their relationships with the new group of friends they've made.

Céline Sciamma does not miss!

This is what I've come to believe. I still haven't gone through her entire catalog, so we'll have to see if this statement olds up, but so far all her films are bangers.

Also, I'm coming to think that Sciamma might have mother issues, because that is something that has come up in all the movies of hers I've seen.

187.

Vivarium

(2019)

— Sci-Fi Mystery Thriller Directed by: Lorcan Finnegan

A couple is lured into and trapped inside a bizarre suburban development pocket dimension and told they will only be released if they agree to raise an alien baby as their own.

This is a textbook example of a feature that should have been a short.

The clearest sign of this problem is a premise that is quite intriguing, but doesn't have anywhere to develop to. So you see it in a lot of sci-fi because that's the go-to genre for when someone wants to posit a really interesting "what-if" scenario.

Here the movie asks: What if the suburban dream is actually a nightmare?

And it's an intriguing premise.

The difference between a short and a feature is that a short is free is present the scenario, show you the parallels, and then leave you to think about it. Meanwhile a feature generally needs to lead somewhere.

And there's lots of different ways you could do that. It could deepen the premise by using this setting to try and explore ways in which real people try to escape this trap. You could further your world-building by exploring the nature of these strange beings. You could go deeper on the character arcs.

But Vivarium doesn't do any of those things. It just goes all in on the premise and starts digging. So for the first 30 minutes or so I was intrigued at where it was going and appreciating the creepy angle they chose to use to present this idea. But then...nothing happens.

It just hits you again and again with the analogy as if maybe you haven't figured it out yet. But it's not a subtle analogy!

So by the end I'm really quite bored and the only reason I'm sticking around is the hope that at some point they'll either explore the sci-fi nature of these creatures more, or that the ending arc will present an intriguing answer to their setup.

And it never does!

The spoiler-free spoiler for the ending is that things get briefly get weirder and more interesting and then it just ends. So maybe like 30 minutes of interesting set up, 10 minutes of last-minute insanity, and over 50 minutes of slog.

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August Stats

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Movies watched this month: 28

Rewatch percentage: 35.7% (10/28)

Favorite new movie of the month: Kajillionaire

Least favorite: The Beach Bum

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Previous months’ posts:

JAN | FEB | MAR p.1 | MAR p.2 | APR | MAY | JUN | JUL

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