#to the point where it severely impacts my ability to date anyone because my brain causes me to second guess everything

[hjartasalt]

Honestly it is a bit crazy to me how at 22 I am at a very typical age for someone seeking an OCD diagnosis despite having spent like half my life in therapy why is this disorder so massively underdiagnosed

[thoughtfullyrainynightmare]

Alrighty, so this is my brief rambling about my two OCs, and I just wrote this piece since information has been/and mostly still is, in my brain and not on paper. (Also, you can probably see for which I have a clearer plan)

Solara Equinox

Height: 175 cm

Preferred magic type: Solar (often mistaken for fire)

Nationality: Thean

Birthday: July 23rd

Age: 29

Love interest:                Fuegoleon

Likes:                           

Warmth, relaxing after a long day, kind and genuine people

Dislikes:                       

The cold, indecisiveness, indifference, being rushed

Main fighting style:      

An attack mage, but has a couple of support spells as well (She has a binding spell “Gravity of the Sun” that can concentrate the gravity around the target, binding them to that spot without the ability to move)

Personality:                  

She has two modes: get things done, being efficient as hell, or then loitering about and enjoying the quiet. Of course, she does only “loiter about” when she has time, but she does enjoy laying in the bed, sunlight warming her skin without a care in the world.

She definitely radiates an aura of warmth when she smiled, being open and supportive, but if she’s observing the situation, her stare can make people anxious. She’s not giving off a malicious impression, but more of the “does not miss a thing and will silently judge you” kind of vibe. And, even though she wouldn’t admit judging people, she does. But she does recognize that people have a right to live their lives as they see fit, within the confines of the law of course. She doesn’t need to agree with the life decision of every single person and that is fine.

But if somebody asks for her advice, she’s glad to give it. As long as you have a genuine wish to improve, then she doesn’t see a reason to turn that person away.

She is strong willed, but will listen to reason. In the way “convince me otherwise. You can’t? Alright, then step aside and watch me.”

Colours worn/used most often:                       

Deep red, black and gold

 Selena Equinox

Height: 168 cm

Preferred magic type: Lunar (often mistaken for water)

Nationality: Thean

Birthday: July 22nd

Age: 29

Love interest:   Nozel

Likes:               

Quiet evenings, warm tea, reading, listening to rain falling outside during summer

Dislikes:          

Recklessness, rudeness (yes, Nozel has been scolded behind closed doors)

Fighting style:   

Mostly a support mage, but uses her spells as offense as well so she can be easily mistaken for an attack mage. But she will argue against, saying that if she was an attack mage, she couldn’t go head to head with her sister. (Eg, she can cast a large water barrier for defence, but would that wall of water fall on you… ouch.)

Personality:      

Inventive and curious, but also reserved. She’s kind and compassionate, and feels bad for Noelle for a while (before Noelle starts to find herself) and actually “adopted” her as her sister in the early stages of Nozel’s and her relationship.

 She is a quiet observer, who doesn’t speak unless she has something to say, but will not turn down an opportunity to help, if her help is needed.

Her personality is much like the moon, she lingers around, staying a little mysterious, but has a big impact from the distance. She does appreciate being given credit for her work, but most definitely won’t demand for it. What matter her the most is the outcome.

  She also has pretty effective healing magic “Healing waters” in which strands of water reach for the patient, radiating silvery light (like that of the moon), healing wounds.

 Selena is opinionated, but will not hold on her perceptions if they are proven wrong. Rather she has a researcher -type of mentality, where she’s open to new points of views, but can be quick to dismiss theories that seem absurd to her. In this case, you need to present her fool proof evidence to support your case, or she won’t budge.

Colours:          

 Blues, silver and black.

 Both Solara and Selena were born to a noble house in a distant, island, land of Thea, who have teleportation arcs to the main land where also Clover Kingdom is. (Note: Solara would have been born first, but as there were complications with Selena, they needed to be birthed via surgery. Selena was taken out of their mother first, because there was severe concern for her health, thus the order of birth that took place, was Selena first and then Solara. However, Theans admitted the title of “first born” on Solara because of the natural birth order that would’ve been.)  Their mother and father were the only children of their respective houses, so their parents marriage was a union of two families, merging into one.

These families had celestial thematic associated with the heavenly bodies, so despite being twins, their vast differences make sense. And the youngest of the family, Aurora, has been called a perfect representation of the powers merging. She has Twilight magic, which is more or less a combination of Solara’s and Selena’s abilities, and her appearance is also a harmonious combination of the two blood lines.

Thea is a matriarchal kingdom, where women have a similar status as men in other countries. The ruler is a Queen, who does have a King, but the power is held by the Queen. And they have an abnormality among their people, that being that 60% of their citizens are non-magic users. This has caused the society to revolve as much around technology as around magic, because it’d be idiotic to not utilise the capabilities of all of their people. One of the (8) noble families is composed of entirely non-magic users, who are largely involved in creating non-magical inventions.

The Queen has encouraged members of the noble families to explore the outer world to see how it works and the practises they have, because you can learn that way and improve your own country. But the Queen is very strict about what kind of information is released about Thea, because she doesn’t want anyone to attack and disturb their peaceful living (I mean who would?). So, all nobles are given a set of instructions and guidelines on what kind of information they can disclose at their own discretion, which also depends on their security rating.

Theans have connections to different magical creatures due to their isolation and peaceful living, but also due to their curiosity of the unknown and the outside world. They also have ally countries and enjoy different kinds of partnerships with them. However, they define “ally country” with a set of rules and laws that must be adhered by both parties in question, and a contract that must be signed. This allows the ally country to claim a “yearly favour” from Thea, which is a self-sustained country, without an additional cost. What Theans most often gain from this relationship is companionship and the possibility to immerse themselves further into the customs and practises of that given country. Also, there is only a fixed amount of slots for these countries, because the Queen is suspicious and doesn’t want to spread too many rumours of Thea in fear of an attack.

Thea is also an ancient kingdom, which has amounted to a lot of “forgotten knowledge” as well as some families becoming experts in some specific creatures and animals, such as devils. But disclosing this kind of information is considered controversial with any other country other than an ally country and would there be a need to take actions, direct actions by Theans is encouraged rather than giving off information. This does create a lot of problems and has created some discussion among the members of the noble houses, but has remained to this date.

[florencefallons]

Life and Stuff

August 10, 2020. The the first day of the most insane month of my life. Of course it would happen in 2020. I hope you’ll forgive me for using this platform as a means to get the thoughts jumbled around in my head out into a more organized form. I rarely ever even use this platform anymore. When I do, it’s to reblog pictures of Carol Burnett or Barbara Stanwyck. The occasional Emma Thompson photo. Never to sit down and spill out everything on my mind into what, very likely, will become a novella on its own.

I’m not a prolific speaker. I trip over my words. I say “um,” and “uh” a lot. My brain is moving at twice the speed of my mouth and my poor mouth can’t keep up. Therefore when I have things on my mind, like I do today, I can’t just talk about them. A) Who would I talk about it to? and B) Even if I had a place to talk about these thoughts, it would come out all jumbled up and I’d end up sounding totally ridiculous and having said nothing I wanted to actually say.

When it comes to expression, writing is where I’ve always excelled. Excelled is a strong word, but when you compare it to other forms of self expression, it’s the only form I am able to use proficiently. I don’t have a vlog or a youtube channel. I don’t have a blog that reaches people. I have no voice. No influence in this world. But I have this platform and it allows for posts like this, and for once, I’m going to use it.

As I said, August 10, 2020 was the first day of the most insane month of my life. More has happened to me in this one month span than has happened to me at any other time in my life...and you’re hearing from a person who was injured on the job and has had a fractured spine and 13 surgeries. I’ve been through some stuff. Nothing with the intensity and frequency this month has thrown it at me though. This month has resulted in seven major events that have deeply impacted my life in some way. Nobody is being forced to read this. In fact I expect most will see its length and scroll past it faster than a fundraising ad for Donald Trump. I do hope SOME of you will take the time to read it though. I’m mainly writing it for posterity. To have a place where this month is recorded, so I can come back someday and remember it. So, with that being said, here are the things that have happened (or are soon to happen) in this 1 month span. Listed in chronological order.

1) August 10, 2020. I was in my 2nd week of work at the new clinic our hospital opened. Working for the largest hospital and clinic system in the state, sometimes our clinics outgrow our ability to contain them. My job was in the neurology clinic. I worked as the nurse who took care of all the multiple sclerosis doctors and nurse practitioners, while answering all the patient questions, emails, and voicemails. We’re looking at about 2,500 patients on the generous side of the estimate. Needless to say, I was busy. It was said many times by coworkers, by the doctors I worked with, and--admittedly--by me, that the job was a two-person job. It was too much for one person to handle. I was drowning fast in a mountain of paperwork that needed to be filled out, messages that needed to be answered, phone calls that needed to be returned. I’d accomplish finishing, say 25% of the work, and 50% more work would come in. I was at the end of my rope. 

--Let me interject here by saying that, over the course of the 16 months I worked this job, I had to start seeing a psychiatrist, I had to start psychological therapy with a licensed therapist, and I was started on no less than 5 new psychiatric medications. Once the correct balance was found, I was reduced down to only 2, but regardless, I think this fact alone proves the point that the stress of the job was getting to me.--

I finally looked at the mountain of work in front of me and I broke. I set up a meeting with my boss, the director of nursing for all of the neuroscience service line (that covers 6 clinics). We met, and I told her “You told me to be open and honest, and to come to you whenever I have an issue.” She agreed. I went on to tell her that I was losing my mind. The workload was entirely too much to hold over one person and needed help. Desperately. I was constantly being interrupted by people needing help with this or that, which was fine. I don’t mind helping anyone, I love it...but it took away from the time I had to do my already overwhelming job. I may have cried some, I don’t remember. 

Her solution was probably the worst idea ever put forth, but I was so devastated and down and overwhelmed, I didn’t really even hear anything she said after I spoke my piece. Her suggestion was that, if our clinic was too hectic for me, I needed to transfer to the new clinic. It was an epilepsy clinic but we had 2 multiple sclerosis providers there too, so I could go there and be the MS nurse there. At that moment, that sounded like a great idea. Fewer people=less stress. Yeah, no. Once she sent me over there, she decided with me being there, they had no need to keep our patient care tech there. So she took her away and made her work at the main campus, where they have tons of patient care techs. That left me and another nurse who, due to a bad knee, did very little that tinvolved getting up off his ass and helping out with goings on in the clinic. He much preferred to sit in his fancy chair and delegate duties to me from there. I was younger, I was newer, and he was--in his mind--the charge nurse.

So, thus began the saga of my doing at the new clinic, the job that THREE DIFFERENT PEOPLE did at the main clinic. I was forced to triage (get into a patient room and go over everything to make sure it was up to date) every patient, draw labs on every patient, all while trying to do the job I was ACTUALLY hired for, which was answering phone calls and returning messages. Which was a full time job on its own. Needless to say, my “new’ duties took all that time away and all my stuff went unanswered. I kept getting harassed by patients and managers that stuff had been sitting waiting too long to be done. 

Mr. Charge nurse, from his chair he never left, didn’t understand what all the fuss was about. “It’s not that bad here” he’d say. Sure, if you never have to get up and do anything, but for me, it’s very hard. I have to do all the job of a PCT (getting paid nurses’ wages by the way) along with a job just as busy as the one you’re having to do. I’m expected to do as much if not more in the computer as you do, yet I never have time to touch it because I’m always triaging patients (half of which are YOURS) and drawing all the labs. Well of course he disagreed and said he helped and I was overreacting. By that he means he maybe got up once or twice a day because someone needed attention and I was still busy in another patient’s room.  My boss would berate me, asking why my inbox was sitting there so full and nothing was being done. 

“WHEN DO YOU WANT ME TO DO THESE THINGS *Insert her name here*??? I spend my entire day, I mean my ENTIRE day, doing the job of a PCT and you’re paying me to do the job of an RN. “Well, *insert his name* says he helps you.” That’s a damn lie and he knows it. He thinks that he’s the charge nurse, he’s older, and he has a bum knee (mind you I have my entire lower half of my spine fused so don’t give me that “I have hardware in my knee” bullshit. I’m full of titanium too. Fight me.) Well, help was refused, the other nurse was just told to try and help more and that he was not the charge nurse, that our clinic didn’t HAVE a charge nurse since there were only 2 of us. Well, he got so butthurt over that, he interviewed for a new job in the same building as our main clinic. He was offered the job. He was getting ready to give his notice and I was literally at the end of my sanity. So I turned in my notice to my manager on August 10, 2020. I told her I couldn’t keep doing the job of 3 people by myself and it was too much I was through. My doctors begged me to stay. She asked if I was sure that’s what I wanted. I said it wasn’t what I WANTED, but I can’t keep working like this. So I really don’t have a choice. “Well we don’t have the staff or money allocated to give you a tech if you’re over here.” So I shrugged, said I was giving her 4 weeks notice and I’d have to leave.

This was a Monday. On Wednesday, she came back and not only gave our tech back, she gave (*insert his name here*) everything he wanted, because she’d caught wind he was getting ready to leave too and she’d have no nurses at the clinic. I told her I’d retract my resignation if she would let us keep our patient care tech, because with her, I have time to actually do my job. She all but said “OK” and to give her a definite answer on Monday. So I did. Monday I told her I’d stay since we had adequate help. Well apparently she discussed thsi with her boss and came back at me with “Sorry, but all we can accommodate is an as needed position or you can extend your leave date and stay on full time until your replacement is hired and you can train them to make the transition easier.”

Are you freaking serious, bruh? “As needed” meaning “free reign to fire you with no consequences when we don’t want you anymore, plus all my benefits would be taken away.” Or, I could “stay and help train my replacement.” Are you out of your mind? Then what? Fuck off into the sunset, your job here is finished? I think I’ll take a hard pass on both those options. My last day will be September 4.

So, while going through all this I was being tested and was diagnosed with not one, but two life-altering disorders.

2) First, I was diagnosed with severe attention deficit disorder. I was told I’d actually had it my whole life based on testing and had never been evaluated or treated. This would have been the 1990s when this started, and I found out my parents were approached about the possibility I had ADD. I made excellent grades, but had major problems with impulse control and talking too much and paying attention. My parents dismissed this suggestion. They did not--and to this day still did not--believe ADD was a real diagnosis. They said ti was nothing more than kids who needed their asses beat and they’d learn to behave. I could not possibly be one of those hyperactive kids who suck in school and just all-around do poorly. I did too well in school. I was told to pay attention more and stop goofing off. I was threatened with spankings if I messed up. So I worked really hard to stop my impulses from taking over. And I did, some, but not always. I got punished quite a bit for things I did in school. Not on purpose, but it’s how I was. And now, as an adult, I was still struggling with impusle control and with paying attention. I still struggled in prioritizing tasks and organizing things. I could never figure out why my brain wouldn’t let me do those things. My PCP said I had ADD--he KNEW it--but I had to be diagnosed by a licensed psychotherapist. So I went and was diagnosed. And it changed my world. It was a lot to process, knowing what I went through as a kid and knowing the punishment I went through for something that was not my fault. I wasn’t abused, I wasn’t mistreated. If I’d been treated for ADD as a child though, I might not have just done well in school, I might have kicked ass. I might have been valedictorian rather than 6th in class to graduate. That was hard to swallow. Yet a relief at the same time.

3) Went to the sleep clinic and got a take-home sleep apnea study kit. It came back positive for sleep apnea. My oxygen was dropping to 70% at night, which is basically hypoxic, and the reason I’m probably so sleepy all the damn time. As soon as I get home from work and get settled, I fall asleep for at least an hour, maybe 2. I haven’t always done that. I used to have trouble sleeping to the point I needed Lunesta for help (although the taste was so bad I rarely took it).Sure enough, I need CPAP when I sleep to help keep my oxygen over 92%. They told me I’d feel better almost instantly. So I’m hoping to go see them next week about getting my machine. 

4) My friend’s little 4-year-old niece died. She was a special, miracle child who touched so many lives it’s insane. She was a beautiful soul. I never met her but her death affected me profoundly because her aunt posted so many photos and videos online. I felt like I lost one of my godchildren or something. It hurt. I can’t imagine what they are going through.

5) My uncle Jerry died. The day after the little girl I just mentioned. I can’t even attend HIS funeral due to COVID and the risk of contamination. My mom is  on a chemo drug for an autoimmune disease that destroys her immune system. So we’re trapped away from everyone (if I want to see my mom that is). 

6) My last day of my job was today, September 4, 2020. It finally came, my time there is done. 16 months of hard work down the toilet. Because of poor management, shitty leadership, lack of care or respect for employees, etc. I offered to stay, but my offer was rejected as it was given. It just served to remind me I made the right decision, even if it was a bit rash. Several others have quit or gotten fired so staffing will be interesting. My old “charge nurse” is about to learn what getting off your broad butt and helping is all about now. They aren’t sending him ANY nurses to help him next week. I’ll be honest, I hope the whole thing blows up in (insert name here)’s (my director’s) face. she is trying to run the neuro clinic like she runs her other clinic--which is TOTALLY DIFFERENT. I thought she’d be good for the clinic, turns out she wants to get rikd of EVREYONE who has FMLA-Anyone who has permission to be off work without fear of repercussions. She wants a bunch of “as needed” staff so she doesn’t have to hire full time people, she doesn’t have to pay anyone benefits, and she can get rid of them whenever she likes “your as needed position is no longer needed,” without going through all the bullcrap red tape the state puts you through to fire anyone. Anyway, bottom line, today was my last day at a job that--the job itself--I loved. The patients I loved, the doctors and nurses I loved, and my coworkers I loved. I have never left a job I loved. It was 100% management. My main doctor, the medical director of the service line, did not want me to leave and keeps asking me to say. I had to explain to him I tried, but they refused. Broke my heart. He’d take me back in a minute though, if the situation at the clinic ever changes. I hope it does. He was the most brilliant, kind, generous, respectful, patient, and dedicated man I’ve ever met. He taught me a lot. I’ll take a lot of what I learned from him with me wherever I go.

7) The final thing has not happened just yet, but it will be very soon and I’m already dealing with it. So September 7 is the 1 year anniversary of the death of my best friend. I still miss her like it was yesterday. Time has, as they say, healed some of the wound, but not all. Every now and then I get slammed with the realization she’s gone. I’ll never see her again. Talk to her. Hug her. Laugh with her. Ever. Again. And I cry and suffer with it all over again. That is happening less frequently, but it has picked up again now that 1 year is approaching. I can’t believe it. My best friend has been dead for 1 year. The 1 year anniversary of the last time we spoke was August 20. It hurts so much. But slowly, over this year, I’ve started dreading getting up in the morning a little less, I can breathe again, a little. I can laugh again without feeling guilty about it. I’ve finally hit all the 1 year milestones with her death (well, as of 9/7). I’m going to her grave this weekend to place some special things I purchased in honor of her 1 year anniversary since her passing. Damn I miss her so much.

So, this month--this whole year technically--has been a lot to process. A lot to find out, a lot to digest, and a lot to grieve through. I keep thinking “it can’t possibly get any worse, maybe things will get better now” and it always does. That trend for 2020 doesn’t bode well with the election coming up. That makes me so nervous I feel sick. But I refuse to get political here. If you’ve stayed with it this far, you have tremendous stamina and I salute you. It’s taken me hours and several breaks to write thanks to my ADD and just being sleepy and falling asleep in the middle of typing. But that’s it, my month inside the year straight out of hell. 

[thecarteradministration]

Road to nowhere. || October 3rd, 2019.

He didn’t know why but something told him the right idea was to not make the cross country flight back home and instead, opt for staying in the west coast. Cousin Benny’s house had always been open to him if he wanted to go there to spend a few days and in reality, it was what Ethan needed. Bringing himself in Encinitas was honestly the best idea he could’ve come up with because there was one simple truth that he was trying his best not to acknowledge:

He needed to get away.

What was he getting away from? Everyone. Everything and everyone that was around him. It wasn’t a “get my ass off the grid” deal; more so it was him needing that hard system reset and trying to find some form of outlet for him to do that. The benefit of Smackdown moving to Friday allowed him the opportunity of just sneaking away like a thief in the night to Southern California before any obligations he had to fulfill. Provided he was going to actually be used at Smackdown as opposed to just being another body.

Which is why when he was asked by his cousin if his “tall babe that looks like she could behead me without using her hands” was coming with him, Ethan tersely responded with “nope” and kept it moving. Why? Because he wasn’t going to get grilled by a family member about any of this. Nor did he want to in the first place. Wasn’t really something he wanted to have hanging over his head given...well, everything else that was hanging over his head.

The first day was, like most, a breeze. He was able to just lay around, do nothing even though he was freezing his ass off. The second day, however, was when most of his intrusive thoughts started creeping in and at the worst possible time—seemed like a true pattern in his life: having shit timing when it came to his thoughts and feelings and actions.

At what was going to seemingly be a new renaissance for the world of professional wrestling with everyone feeling as though they were going to finally have a chance at making something of themselves and grabbing that much talked about but never seen “brass ring”, Ethan found himself in a consistent purgatory that made him question everything about his life and career. And it had been that way dating back to January, maybe even earlier if he was pressed on it. For several months straight, he felt his will to be the good little soldier the company needed him to be deteriorate. The needing to eat shit and learn to like it being lost on him because of some perceived slight that was being held against him by the higher ups (wow, does that sound fucking familiar).

He was hollow. Numb. If this was a television show, he’d be standing in a hall while the entire world went by him in fast motion while he was at regular speed. And he fucking hated that. As someone who prided himself on being the best, it stung him to not be in the pack with people who were ascending. It hurt his ego that he was told constantly that he was at the bottom and was meant to stay there until God knows when. But worst of all, it hurt him to feel like he couldn’t possibly share any of this with people. Even his closest and dearest friends.

They say in the world of standup comedy that the funnier and more outgoing a comedian is, the more they’re suffering in silence behind closed doors. Their need to make people laugh and smile comes from a place of shutting off that part of their brain that tells them they’re a constant failure and that the world would be better off if they were obsolete. Similarly, no one is going to listen to the guy who has everything when he says he’s suffering. No ones going to take him seriously. At least that’s how Ethan felt.

He had the looks, the body, the cars, the big house in the nice neighborhood, the bank account that made people drool, the gorgeous wife that everyone most likely still believes he doesn’t deserve. All of that—it doesn’t buy him any currency with people when it comes to stripping the veil and saying “hey, I’m fucking emotionally drowning over here and I need a life preserver”. To him, he didn’t want to burden anyone with his problems given they all have more important shit to deal with in their lives than him bellyaching about his. So he sucked it all up and internalized it—that nasty little habit he found himself returning to after abandoning it for some time.

And that was partly why he felt he needed to spend a few days physically away from everything and everyone. The internalizing was bringing up feelings toward people he didn’t want. And thus, he just needed to find a way to shake them loose. Which is why he found himself at Torrey Pines State Natural Reserve. Whenever he was staying in Encinitas, he always found time to hike along the trail, it was therapeutic in many respects.

Throughout the hike he kept thinking about everything he was feeling. How he couldn’t help but feel personally slighted by the fact that everyone he was called up with had, at some point or another, been able to dig their hands into something tangible during their time on the main roster while he did nothing. Even Lars, whose sordid history was constantly shoved in your face whenever you saw his ugly mug grace your television screen, made some sort of impact before the God decided to make his knee explode. Either way, Ethan uttered the sentiment “fucking Lars” seemingly as an exasperated expression as to how he felt.

He thought about the guys who had been called up after, the fabled NXT 4 of Johnny, Tommaso, Ricochet and Aleister. How they were all given the ball and ability to call their own plays it seemed to much acclaim and success. Or how Nikki and Alexa’s blossoming friendship paid off in their once unlikely pairing turned into Tag Title success. Or how his own best friend, Drake “Rockstar Spud” Maverick took the 24/7 Title and turned it into his ultimate goal, providing people with laughs and moments they could fondly look back on. And how all of that twisted the knife deeper and deeper within him, the competitive side of him outweighing the compassionate side, aided by a little thing called bitterness and resentment, which reared its ugly head worst of all when it came to the most unlikely of target.

But he knew it wasn’t totally fair to anyone for him to feel this way. It wasn’t fair to Johnny, poor innocent Johnny, that Ethan felt the way he did at the man’s cult-like success. It wasn’t fair to Nikki and Alexa for him to feel subtle acrimony as he watched them ascend to success. It wasn’t fair to Spud for Ethan to feel slighted by him due to the fact that he took the ball and ran with it in the most hilarious of ways. And the kicker, it wasn’t fair to Allysin for Ethan to have a twinge of  jealousy and resentment whenever he saw news of her success.

That last one stuck with him. That last one fucked with him. He wasn’t supposed to feel that way about his wife, the woman he swore to love, honor and cherish. To be fair to him, he was immensely happy and proud of her for everything she has done over the last year since returning from such an injury that put her career in doubt. So much so that he admired her success. But that resentment and jealousy he felt was more a product of his own failures and shortcomings. He wanted to rule the world beside his girl, two people taking over and being unbridled tyrants draped in gold, and for him to not hold up his end of the bargain felt like he was letting her down. Showing that the man she loved was a failure and in some respects, holding her back. And it sucked.

It sucked that he was plagued with such feelings toward the people he would consider as friends. It sucked that he couldn’t revel in his best friend’s star turn within the company. It sucked that part of him felt bitterness toward his own wife’s success, no matter how brief that feeling lasted within him. And all of it was why he needed to physically not be around people for the last number of days.

And as he reached the area overlooking the vast portion of the trail, he paused for a moment to take it all in. There was a calming effect, the air seemed crisper, a cool breeze wafted over him. It provided him with a moment to take in everything before him and just free his mind.

He thought everything was going to be different this time around. That the years away from the company would’ve at least aided him in squashing any of the previous preconceived notions about himself that were evident during his first go ‘round with the company. That everything that he did in the five years prior to his return would translate into something good upon the return. He didn’t think it would lead to this; his desire to continue on fighting being literally beaten out of him and filling him with a kind of morose feeling every time he got on the plane to leave for the next loop.

Pulling his phone from his pocket, he stared at his lock screen for a few seconds before it vanished, a picture of himself and Allysin from their vacation last year in Punta Cana, where he wished he was now than mentally trying to prepare himself for another seemingly unfulfilling day at TV. He let out a deep sigh, lowering his head as he felt the sun beating on his back, acting as yet another thing he had to shoulder—he was use to it. If Impact taught him anything, it was that all the ills of the world were easy for him to carry even if it wasn’t the healthiest of things to do.

Thumbs flying by quickly, he pulled up his text messages and made a B-line to the conversation thread for himself and Allysin. Everything he attempted to type, be it benign or meaty enough to spark a deeper dive by his wife’s sniper-like scope and intuition, was quickly erased. He’s been known the say “the best text messages are the ones I don’t send”. Rather than bring up any suspicion or go in for a conversation he’d rather have face to face, he opted for a quick “I’ll be home Tuesday, I love you” before hitting send and shoving his phone back in his pocket.

Clearly, he needed to talk to someone rather than bottling up everything within him. Maybe his therapist would be in by the time he got home next week. Maybe he could pester Spud to stop his ongoing search for the 24/7 Title and have a talk with him. Maybe he’ll talk to one of his friends or even have Allysin play motivational speaker and snap him out of it. Maybe one day he’ll actually have that meaningful conversation with someone about his issues.

...but as he went down the trail, he knew that today just wasn’t going to be that day.

[ladymusic600]

ET

My mom didn’t make a lot of money and my father left before i was born, I was already dealing with the shame of receiving free school lunches and the looks associated with that. Some of my school friends laughed and poked fun. They chuckled and I even joked about it with them. But for me, on the inside, it wasn’t funny at all. I know how tough it can be to use a soup spoon or button a shirt. I struggle with these seemingly easy, day-to-day tasks too. But I think it shows your true character to keep soldiering on and finding a way, day after day, to keep rising above the challenges. This is a nerve disorder causing uncontrollable shaking usually to the top half of the body. The tremors can make easy and everyday tasks so much more difficult. These tremors can make something as easy as feeding yourself, dressing yourself a challenge. A person with these tremors can have difficulty using a spoon or picking up a glass without spilling what is inside. This is something i have had sense birth. It truly does affect my entire body: my arms, hands, legs(which make me fall and trip), lips, stomach. It even affects my voice, which I find very stressful as it often sounds like I am about to cry when I am in a nervous situation- so phone calls would, naturally, be another source of anxiety for me as I was always worried the person on the other end of the phone would think I was upset. There are many factors that exasperate and intensify my tremor which include: anxiety, being hungry, being too tired, being too cold, being too hot, adrenaline, caffeine and the worst of all: being hungover. There is another huge point to cover here- alcohol completely gets rid of the tremor and when I say it completely gets rid of it, I mean it becomes non-existent, doctors say its ok to have a little but come on? wouldn't you drink like a fish out of water if it made you normal. Therefore throughout my teens I would often drink to self-medicate and relieve the stress that the tremor would put on me. Alcohol would also allow me to do everyday things that I couldn’t do with the tremor (for instance: walking down steps(i need to hold on someone or something), taking a drink, eating soup, writing, the list goes on and on.) I remember enjoying the feeling the alcohol gave me as it made me feel like a ‘normal’ person and I couldn’t believe that people were actually living their lives with this feeling of normality and I was extremely jealous of that. Imagine that, the one cure to your condition, is something that can actually kill you (or is extremely dangerous). But this was a really big problem for me and I was in denial for years that I had become dependent on drinking to calm my tremor and my anxiety. I had normalized using alcohol to self-medicate and kept it a secret for years. I decided to have a drink to calm myself down and stop my legs from shaking, when going out to meet new friends. Of course as one does when socializing this led to another drink and then another. The next morning and I realize my tremor is so bad that I can barely even stand up. So, I went through my options and decided the only real way I could even get out of bed was to have another drink… so I did. This cycle continued drinking, waking up with a hangover, not being able to stand/walk and then drinking again to be able to continue with daily life. The thing is my friends and family would have to carry me days after...So naturally i stopped drinking all together. People don't understand that one day you can be happy and notice its not as bad as you remember but then....there are those days where I have trouble holding things, i drop things on my feet, i fall over a ghost foot, needing help down stairs, i cut my hand, burn myself, can't dress myself, sound like im having a mental break down...i could go on and on how bad it gets....But Imagine waking up one day and trying to drink a cup of hot coffee without burning yourself. Just imagine when you have your good days and bad days, meaning good days being where you can do stuff without even remembering you have this shaking problem. To bad days literally where the moment you get up you know its going to be a long day of wanting to scream cry and throw everything in frustration because you can’t feed yourself or dress yourself, that you are kinda like a new born again, that you just want to go back to sleep and wake up the next day. But the next day might be the same or better you never know. And you know whats sad about this is im a small person and between 100-106 pounds and short and cops always stop me and ask for my id because they think im on drugs….i only met one cop and that day sadly was at night i was working on a children’s haunted train ride and we were both zombies. Not once did he every think that i was on drugs and it was like 60ish degrees out side and that was cold to me so i was shaking like crazy. I came to realize when i got home he just thought i was cold…then i got into my own head and started getting depressed. The thought of people feeling sorry for me, thinking of me as ‘helpless’, or weak was just awful heartbreaking and was one of the reasons why I kept it a secret for so long. I know if i every have a kid in the future that they will have this as well and that makes me cry thinking about them going through this as well. Im going put a innocent child in this world to get bullied like i did and not be able to do things on there own... Im still to scared to tell people about it, it's embarrassing. Eventually it will get worse which makes me sad but even then as far as neurological disorders go, it’s not as bad as it could be and for that I’m grateful. Like When im paying for stuff god i feel horrible because im shaking and nervous which makes it worse and im left feeling guilty and apologizing to everyone every time. Sometimes it makes me want to scream, fall to my knees and cry because i feel like im just slowing people down or they get embarrassed by me. I have difficulty cooking and have burned and cut myself multiple times, I can’t drive when my tremors are bad because Im scared…I’m at the point now where I avoid eating and drinking in public even if im out all day i still won’t. I’m socially awkward all the time even when im not shaking im just shy and weird haha. See The dating scene can be a bit tricky, especially with people who aren’t really used to seeing you, or anyone else, with tremors. I NEVER been on a date in my life and im kind of scared to go on one because i have to wear wrist and forearm weights. Essential Tremors is a progressive neurological condition that causes a shaking within the hands, head, voice or legs and in some cases an internal shaking is reported. Essential Tremors are most normally confused with Parkinson’s but is more common and while Parkinson’s lessens with more movement, ET worsens with movement, anxiety, stress and strain. Unlike Parkinson's, which is a degenerative disease that causes someone to lose brain cells, essential tremor is not a degenerative disorder. Usually, the tremor that's characteristic of essential tremor occurs while the person is performing a movement-oriented activity – such as eating, drinking, writing, typing or brushing teeth – or when the hand is in a still but outstretched position (called a postural tremor). The severity can range from a barely noticeable trembling that's exacerbated by stress, anxiety, fatigue, excess caffeine or certain stimulant asthma medications to a severe, disabling tremor that has a significant impact on your ability to perform daily activities. For people with severe tremor that doesn't respond to drugs, surgical therapies and other treatments are gaining traction. With deep brain stimulation, a probe is implanted in the thalamus, the part of the brain that causes tremors, and a wire runs from the probe to a pacemaker-like device implanted in the chest. "We use the pacemaker to jam the tremor signal inside the brain," "If the tremor gets worse, we can dial up the stimulation." Hearing that scares me, because you can't be asleep when you have this surgery, you have to be awake so they know they have it in the right place. Recent epidemiological studies indicate that individuals with ET are at slightly increased risk of developing dementia (particularly Alzheimer’s disease) compared to their age-matched counterparts without ET. Similar studies also show that persons with ET have a more than four-times increased risk of developing Parkinson’s disease. The mechanisms for these associations are currently under study. so….would you date me knowing possibly by the time im 40-50ish that i might need help with almost everything i do? would you date me knowing i could possibly give ET to our kid? would you date me knowing there are times where i scream bloody murder because i can’t handle the shaking?  would you date me knowing that there will be times where i zone out and get depressed because i either know my out come or because i im scared of it? i want someone who loves me and not because of sympathy…

[analysis-by-vaylon]

Visual language in Violet Evergarden.

Hello, there. As some of you may know, I often browse Netflix looking for animated works that interest me. For example, I recently watched The Long Long Holiday, a French animated series about two children growing up in Nazi-occupied France -- and while I certainly enjoyed watching it and would recommend it to anyone interested in the subject matter, this blog is more concerned with analysis of animated works that have a bit more texture.

What do I mean by "texture"? Texture, like a thick streak of paint on canvas, is something you can both see and feel. Animation is a visual medium. Therefore, it should not simply tell a story (although animation certainly can get by with just a well-told story -- and there are too many that fail to meet even that criterion); rather, good animation should integrate visual cues with story elements in order to express a clear idea. Visual cues include the symbolic use of color, surprising contrasts, an unusual choice of subject, the way a shot is composed, the order in which shots are placed, and so on. Animation is so expensive to produce -- why make it if you don't have a clear idea to express?

A recent series that I watched -- one that appeared on Netflix earlier this month, in fact -- is Violet Evergarden, a gorgeously-animated series from Kyoto Animation. It is based on a light novel, which I have not read; my analysis focuses entirely on the anime. In particular, I'm going to talk about the way Violet Evergarden uses visual cues. By drawing the viewer's attention to these cues, the series encourages the viewer to experience the story on multiple levels -- thus using visual language to reinforce the ideas behind the story.

If you're worried about spoilers, my analysis will only cover the first couple of episodes, and I won't go too far into plot details. Nevertheless, I've hidden the post. Continue on for the rest of the analysis.

It's easy to look at a series like Violet Evergarden and think that it's all style and no substance; apart from the eye-catching scenery, its Edwardian setting may come across as thoughtlessly chosen, and its pace can seem too leisurely aimless for some.

Don't be deceived by such appearances. There is far more going on than there seems to be at first.

The Language of Hands

Much has already been written about the series's use of the Victorian language of flowers, and that's only one example of its use of visual language and symbolism. Shots in Violet Evergarden are deliberately framed to heighten the emotional impact of what is taking place -- as they should be. In particular, shots of characters' hands are used not only to convey extra information about characters but to reinforce a theme that runs throughout the series: we can choose to use our hands to help others instead of killing them. From the very first episode, shots of hands are used to reveal information about characters, from the injured Violet and her unsteady, artificial hands to the evasive Claudia:

Claudia hides his hands when he lies to Violet, and our attention returns to his hands a second time to emphasize the internal tension he feels as a result of his lie; in this way, the series makes a visual connection between hands and secret feelings, a concept later brought to the forefront as Violet herself learns to connect body language to the written word. This is what I mean by visual language: by paying attention to when and how the series shows us a character's hands, we can discern more information about that character than is otherwise presented.

The series returns to this idea later as the characters address the nature of paradoxes: that is, Violet wants to work as an "Auto-Memory Doll" -- a typist who translates a client's hard-to-express feelings into a heartfelt letter -- but appears to have no understanding of her clients' emotions; despite a near-perfect grasp of vocabulary and grammar, Violet struggles with writing anything more complex than an emotionless, literal translation of what her clients have to say -- several characters liken her writing to a military report.

This particularly hurts her chances in the second episode. We see a vain-looking woman enter CH Postal Company -- whose symbol, not coincidentally, is a pair of hands, as if to remind us of the ultimate source of the typewritten word -- and ask Violet to write a letter to a man who wants to date her. What the woman says is that she only likes her suitor because he's rich, giving off the impression that she's mercenary and unloving -- but we're also shown important shots of her hands and legs that reveal more emotion than what the woman verbally expresses:

Later, when the client returns after having been rejected due to Violet’s insensitive letter, she seems genuinely distraught and reveals that, contrary to her earlier words, she truly loved the man and wanted to marry him. Had Violet paid attention to this woman's non-verbal signs -- signs which we, the audience, are invited to focus on in particular -- then she might have realized the woman's true feelings.

Violet's friends state that people are complicated to the point of being paradoxical and that the job of the Auto-Memory Doll -- that is, a writer -- is to untangle these paradoxes and resolve them into a single, heartfelt letter. There is a parallel between the characters discussing their paradoxical clients and that of visual language itself; visual language is the non-verbal communication of animation. The cleverness of Violet Evergarden is that its story elements -- Violet's inability at first to comprehend non-verbal cues -- go hand-in-hand (so to speak) with the visual cues that we the audience are given; by understanding both, we the audience are participating in the same activity of meaning-making that Violet is, which not only heightens our emotional connection to the character but also exposes us to one of the clear ideas behind the series's use of visual language: reading and writing are intimately linked to the ability to empathize with others.

Writers must understand non-verbal communication in order to best use their words; they must grasp the hidden meanings behind the words and body language of others -- discerning their disguised pain, their secret joy, the depths of their misery. They must somehow feel what another human being is feeling. In this way, writing leads to empathy.

The Heart of Violet Evergarden

The idea that reading and writing can lead to better empathy is not a new one; I've mentioned it in previous discussions about the importance of literature and critical analysis, and you can find any number of articles about it online. What I find interesting about Violet Evergarden is that it tackles this topic with one particular case study in its main character while simultaneously leading its audience through the process.

Though Violet starts off as near-emotionless -- she is often described by others as being a doll or tool -- her journey involves her slowly learning how to empathize with others, prompted by her desire to know what the words "I love you" mean and facilitated by her attempt to write letters for others. What I think is endlessly fascinating about this depiction is that Violet's quest to understand love becomes a double-edged sword: in becoming more empathetic, she understands and feels guilt as well -- guilt for her numerous killings as a soldier under Gilbert’s command.

The reality is that feeling empathy for others and understanding their thoughts and feelings makes us vulnerable; we hurt in ways that no one, not even ourselves, can salve. Yet that pain can be paradoxically transformed into a powerful call to action, as characters throughout the series, including Violet herself, demonstrate.

Thus, the letters that the Auto-Memory Dolls type are visual symbols of empathy and an acknowledgement of the semiotic nature of the written word -- that is, human beings cannot communicate brain-to-brain directly, as each individual human being is discrete and their experiences unknowable, so they must find some other way to communicate thought and feeling with one another across the gulf that exists between two minds.

Language is one way of bridging that gulf. Violet Evergarden acknowledges this function of language -- doubly so, for not only do characters communicate with each other through written letters, but the series communicates with us with its visual emphasis on the importance of where these letters originate -- at our fingertips. The series is intimately aware of the power of language and wants us to be as well.

For Now, Farewell

I hope you enjoyed this analysis. This post may have come as a surprise to those who normally read my blog for Star vs. the Forces of Evil analysis -- but rest assured that I have not yet run out of things to say about that series. I simply wanted to take a break and write about something else for a chance to refresh myself. My post on the use of irony in literature is coming soon as well, so keep an eye out for that.

I welcome suggestions of things to write about as well as any questions you may have. Some of you already have questions that I have yet to answer -- I'll get to those, but they may take a bit longer than usual due to their complexity. Please feel free to submit new ones in the meantime. Take care of yourselves.

[kimberlylam1997]

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[researching01]

The menopause: everything you need to know. From the hot flushes to HRT.

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The menopause: everything you need to know. From the hot flushes to HRT.

The menopause is something you can’t ignore. It’s unavoidable. It’s inevitable. And it can be daunting.

We recently spoke with three women who are trying to encourage a bigger conversation around the menopause, so that those going through it don’t feel as isolated, feel that they can chat openly and have access to as much information as possible. Sara Matthews is a consultant gynaecologist, Dr Jan Toledano specialises in women’s hormones at the London Hormone Clinic and Jackie McCusker is a registered Nutritional Therapist.

It’s almost as if the menopause is a taboo subject, despite the fact that every single woman in the world will go through it. It’s no surprise really, it’s reflective of the way women speak about their periods too. You rarely hear a woman walk up to a big group and ask as bold as brass whether anyone has a spare tampon; rather it’s posed in a hushed whisper.

We hope that this will be a reliable and useful source of information about ‘the change’.

What is the menopause

‘It is the age at which a woman has her last period,’ explains Sara Matthews. ‘Which for UK women is around 51. At which point there are no functioning eggs left in her ovaries.’ So technically, when a woman has been without a period for twelve months it can be referred to as the menopause. But not before that point. ‘In the Western world one year after your last period is when we’re officially diagnosed as going through the menopause, but up until that point we’re in the peri-menopause and that’s the stage when our oestrogen and progesterone levels are beginning to drop,’ adds Jackie McClusker, who experienced early menopause in her 30s. This is the point at which when women start to experience symptoms, like hot flushes (more on that below). Matthews goes on, ‘the perimenopause can pre-date the menopause by up to 10 years when periods are still regular and hormone levels are normal. The ability to conceive was also lost approximately two years prior to the last period.’

What are the menopause symptoms?

You start to experience symptoms in the perimenopausal stage, which as mentioned above can occur at different times for each individual and it’s all down to the changes in your hormones. ‘Progesterone will have already been depleted over the previous decade, so many women will have already gone through heavier periods and worse PMS,’ explains Dr Jan Toledano. ‘Then the ovaries stop producing oestrogen – the hormone that controls many functions of a woman’s body – and that’s when women experience things like hot flushes, low mood, vaginal dryness, poor memory and headaches. On top of that, testosterone also declines, which causes poor energy, lower libido and less muscle strength and lower confidence.’

There are a whole host of symptoms that occur when you’re at this point, some more common than others. According to Matthews, around 88% of women in the perimenopausal stage will experience hot flushes.

skin dryness vaginal dryness hot flushes forgetfulness depression low moods night sweats irregular periods anxiety heart palpatations panic attacks decreased libido joint paints brain fog skin rashes allergic reactions weight gain acne hair loss brittle nails needing to go to the loo more often increased urine leakage migraines breast tenderness difficulty coping at work relationship difficulties sleep deprivation exhaustion

‘We have completely individual biochemistries,’ explains McCusker. ‘So, one person’s menopause isn’t going to be the same as another person’s menopause. It’s genetics, diet, the amount of stress we’ve had in our lives, cultural differences, etc.’ Dr Toledano agrees, ‘All women experience the change in hormones differently. Some are debilitated and feel unable to function properly, while others barely notice this change at all.’

‘There is an idea that women must carry on through menopause with little complaining,’ says Dr Taledano. ‘These changes however can be devastating and often happen at a time of life when there are other changes too such as children growing up and leaving home. It’s important to know that all the symptoms are preventable and physical changes reversible.’

Should you see a doctor to confirm you are going through the menopause?

Matthews recommends that you do, ‘It is always useful to consult your GP about any symptoms that could relate to the menopause, no matter what age you are. A blood test to check your hormones will indicate whether you are 1-2 years from your last period, but you can still have symptoms long before that. If your hormones levels are fine and your periods regular, and your GP has ruled out other causes for your symptoms, then it would be useful at that stage to see a menopause specialist.’ How long does the menopause last?

This is not a straight-forward question to answer, because the menopause is defined by the day 12 months after your last period. However, the length of time a woman experiences the perimenopause, or symptoms of the menopause will vary considerably. There is nothing set in stone. ‘There is no test that can indicate how long,’ says Matthews. ‘Women can start symptoms up to 10 years before the periods stop, but recent research suggests that symptoms after the last period last an average time of 7.4 years.’

What’s the best menopause treatment?

‘All perimenopausal symptoms will improve with hormone replacement therapy (HRT),’ says Matthews. ‘About 10 years ago, HRT received bad press after a study suggested it significantly increased the risk of blood clots and breast cancer. The findings have now been refuted and safer HRT regimes have been developed.’ Dr Toledo agrees with HRT as a treatment,’Topping up the hormones that are low is the best option. The fear instilled by those studies and subsequent press frenzy still causes confusion for women. There are no increased risk of disease, and in fact there’s a lower risk of many diseases with certain HRT.’

Ideally you would get a top up of both oestrogen and progesterone, as they balance each other out. By replacing oestrogen you are protected against heart disease, strokes, high cholesterol, diabetes and osteoporosis. It also helps to relieve hot flushes. There’s also the option of vaginal oestrogen, which prevents and treats vaginal dryness and urinary symptoms. Matthews recommends it to all of her patients from the menopause onwards, apart from breast cancer patients. Replacing progesterone can stop skin being and feeling as dry and helps with cognition and sleep.

Changes to your lifestyle can also help you manage your symptoms. ‘A heathy diet and exercise, good sleep and doing things that make you happy all have a positive impact,’ says Matthews. ‘Moderating alcohol intake, stopping smoking, taking control of your health will bring massive benefits. Cognitive behaviour therapy can help along with meditation.’ Dr Toledano couldn’t agree more: ‘Make healthy lifestyle choices, like a better diet, more exercise (especially weight bearing exercise to keep your bones healthy), stop smoking, lose excess weight and cut down on alcohol. Meditation or cognitive behaviour therapy can also be really useful.’

Is there a recommended menopause diet?

As a nutritional therapist, McCusker works closely with women to help them rethink their diets to help with the symptoms. ‘The female Asian population tend to have a better experience of menopause than us in the western world, and one of the main things is their diet. They have had a very nutritiously dense diet of whole foods, legumes, and traditional fermented soy, which contain phyto-oestrogens. These are natural plant oestrogens and can emit a mildly oestrogenic effect, when when our oestrogen levels are dropping severely during the perimenopause.

So have a look at your diet, look at the composition of your plate and make vegetables your hero. 50% of your plate should be vegetables. There should be good quality fat, no low fat anything and good quality protein. Things like legumes are really great, tofu, and fermented soy products. Eggs and dairy are great sources of calcium and protein.’

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A lil spring salad for lunch today using last nights left over organic steak. Really tasty, packed full of antioxidants from the green leaves, avocados, pumpkin seeds and beetroot. The organic steak is a brilliant source of high biological value protein (meaning it contains all essential amino acids, which are readily absorbed!) I don’t have red meat often but occasionally my body craves it and it’s usually because I am tired and low in iron. The pumpkin seeds are a brilliant source of the minerals, (magnesium, Zinc, potassium), vitamin E, protein and healthy fats (essential fatty acids). They also provide crunch and texture to make the salad interesting. Took 5 mins to put together, that’s my idea of fast food!!

A post shared by Nutrijack (@jackiemccusker) on Mar 21, 2019 at 6:47am PDT

The things to avoid are enviromental oestrogens, a.k.a zeno-oestrogens or endocrine disrupting chemicals. These disrupt your internal hormone system. These come from things like plastic bottles, plastic wrapping and parabens in skincare. McCusker recommends buying organic where possible, ‘Any live stock or animals products, like eggs, because they’re being pumped full of zeno-oestrogen hormones. It’s about making small steps to lower your toxic load. For example, you could change your washing liquids to more natural ones.’

Is there anything you want our readers to know about the menopause?

‘Do not blame yourself for how you feel,’ says Dr Toledano. ‘Get help from your doctor to give you the hormones you need to top up what you are not making and do not use oestrogen if you still have periods (unless this is supervised by a gynaecologist), only use progesterone at this stage.

‘Be aware of the symptoms that can arise, seek medical help from your GP and if necessary, a menopause specialist,’ Matthews adds. ‘Don’t suffer in silence! Take a little time out to think about what is happening and how you can adapt your lifestyle to help. Little practical things like layering clothes and having a fan and some water in your handbag, cotton sheets and a cool bedroom can make all the difference.’

‘Find a bit of joy everyday,’ recommends McCusker. ‘Although life can be really crap and terrible, find time to laugh, find something that makes your heart sing, that lifts you a little bit. Even in the darkest moments.’

Thankfully, we live in a world where there are brands that aim to help women during this tough time. Scroll down, for the products that might make your menopausal journey a little bit easier…

The post The menopause: everything you need to know. From the hot flushes to HRT. appeared first on Marie Claire.

Read more: marieclaire.co.uk

[uno-utero]

@skwhy you dense troll

http://makinggayhistory.com/podcast/episode-1-1/ "It was always the effeminate male or the butch woman, that’s what society always looked at. We are the ones that went out there and we didn’t take no shit from them. We didn’t have nothing to lose. Actually, you know, at that point in time, you know, I understand the ones that held their heads down low, because they probably had very nice jobs and they had a family to go to. I was born to be an effeminate child. My grandmother used to come home and find me all dressed up. Just like… I’d get my ass whipped, of course, you know. “Well we don’t do this. You’re one of the boys. I want you to be a mechanic.” I said, no, but I want to be a hairdresser. I want to do this. And I want to wear these clothes." Sylvia Rivera Sylvia: Because, straight society always looks, “Oh, well a faggot always dresses in drag or he’s too effeminate.” You’ve got to be who you are. Passing is like saying a light skin black woman or black male passing for white. And I refuse to pass. Eric: You couldn’t have passed. Sylvia: No, I couldn’t pass. Eric: Not in this lifetime. Sylvia: No, not in this lifetime. I just like being myself. It’s fun being… It’s fun being Sylvia. It’s fun playing the game. •••••••••• https://mobile.nytimes.com/blogs/takingnote/2015/08/26/who-threw-the-first-brick-at-stonewall/?referer= We know nothing conclusively. Besides, it’s wrongheaded to be overly concerned with pinning one clear-cut act on one identifiable person, in a misguided attempt to make say that so-and-so rather than so-and-so “started” Stonewall, and that therefore history teaches us that X rather than Y is true. A heterogeneous street crowd started the resistance at Stonewall, not a particular person. Are there reliable accounts and historical records from that night? The most we are ever likely to be able to say about the origin of the riot is that, according to newspaper reports and eyewitnesses, there were a couple of hundred patrons inside the bar when police raided it, and as police attempted to make arrests and load people into the transport vehicles, an agitated, resistive crowd of several hundred more formed on the street. At some point members of the crowd began to hurl bricks, bottles, coins and garbage at the police, and the situation escalated from there. ••••• http://makinggayhistory.com/podcast/episode-11-johnson-wicker/ Marsha: Well, uh, at first it was just a gay men’s bar. And they didn’t allow no, uh, women in. And then they started allowing women in. And then they let the drag queens in. I was one of the first drag queens to go to that place. ‘Cause when we first heard about this… and then they had these drag queens workin’ there. They didn’t never arrested anybody at the Stonewall. All they did was line us up and tell us to get out. •••• https://www.quora.com/Psychology-Whats-the-difference-between-drag-queens-cross-dressers-and-transvestites This question is an important one, because there are many reasons a person may dress or act in a manner associated with their "opposite" gender, and in the case of transexual children societal understanding can save lives. Be aware most of the terms we are discussing are vernacular labels, and to a degree reflect stereotypes which are not in real life so simple, as gender expression and identity can be very nuanced and complex. Cross Dressing A "Cross dresser" is a general term for any person who routinely wears clothing typical of another gender, regardless of their reasons for doing so. Transvestites A "transvestite" is typically a male, often heterosexual, who regularly wears female clothing as a sexual fetish or as an act of expression of social defiance etc. A fictional example of a transvestite might be the character "Klinger" from the TV series M.A.S.H. who feels compelled to cross dress as a form of protest as well as a form of defiance and self expression. For some, the term transvestite is a perjorative. Transexualism A "transexual" is an individual withgender dysphoria, who deeply feels their mind and spirit is of different gender than the body they were born in. Many transexuals never cross dress at all, or do so only during a phase where they transition to the gender they wish to live or are discovering their transexuality. The distress they feel is often profound and has a major impact on their lives. Suicide rates for untreated transexuals are in excess of 30 percent, and account for a significant number of childhood and teen suicides as young transexuals reach puberty and experience their body and societal expectations inexorably changing in a manner which for them is entirely wrong. These extremely profound feelings of being in the wrong kind of body are not temporary, most transexuals report a disconnect between their body gender and their mind from their earliest memories. A popularized expression of transexualism would be the phrase "a woman trapped in a man's body." Transexualism is a gender condition distinct from sexuality. A transexual may be heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual and studies suggest they reflect the rest of society in regards to the percentage of those who identify as homosexual etc if you consider their declared gender as "correct." The accepted treatment for gender disphoria is, on confirmation/recognition of the diagnosis, often sex change. The degree of sex change may be as simple as full time cross dressing to allow an external expression of the "true" gender or one which involves hormone therapy and/or surgical reconstruction. Remarkably, suicide rates for treated transexuals drops to below 2 percent. A transexual who fully transitions gender does so at great pain and expense, including sacrificing their ability to become a parent and going through a series of excruciating major surgeries. When considered along with the extraordinarily high rate of suicide if left untreated, this should indicate the remarkable degree of distress a transexual individual can feel when their body does not match their actual gender. Gender is a central aspect of identity, with great impact on an individual developmentally as well as in all aspects of interpersonal relationships and societal role. Gender disphoria is remarkable as one of the few psychological disorders which is regularly and succesfully treated through surgical intervention, and it seems likely that in the future the biological root causes may become known. In the future newborn babies may be assigned gender not only as a result of cursory visual examination but in conjunction with brain scan and DNA analysis. Our relatively new understanding of transsexualism very strongly suggests that society should consider adopting measures to detect and assist transexual children prior to puberty instead of simply condemning them as "freaks" or "perverts." Most transexuals desire nothing more than to live a "normal" life where their gender is simply accepted and as unremarkable as anyone else's. "Drag" A "Drag Queen" is a campy and sometimes perjorative term for a person, typically a male, who cross-dresses as a form of performance art or theatre. Often this involves exaggeration or parody of gender differences through dress and behavior as a means of provoking audience reaction. Contrasts The psychology of these different forms of transgenderism is very different in nature. For example: A biologically male drag queen might crossdress in a way which is exaggeratedly "effeminate," and seek attention. Cross dressing would only be for the sake of audience reaction and be entirely public. However a born-male transexual would be more likely to cross dress in a way as to pass as unremarkably "feminine" and typically seeks to pass unnoticed. This transexual would likely argue that they are in fact female, and that their body is what is inappropriate to their true gender, and any cross dressing they engage in would be as likely to be for comfort while at home, in other words an "audience reaction" or public notice is about the last thing they would want. While a male transvestite might relate a story of wearing a female relative or friends clothing and becoming sexually excited when young. Clothing while cross dressing might be highly sexualized and any public cross dressing is typically intended to spark a reaction. In short, while the public may lump anyone who cross dresses together under a typically perjorative stereotype, these forms of trans-gender behavior are completely distinct. ••••••• https://igfculturewatch.com/2015/08/11/the-stonewall-myth/ Back in 1999 IGF posted Stonewall Revisitedby historian Eric Marcus, who noted, “The story of what really happened at Stonewall has yet to be distorted and embellished beyond the point of recognition, but it’s well on its way.” And in 2002, we ran The Myth of the Transsexual Stonewall by Dale Carpenter, who wrote: “It is wrong to characterize the Stonewall Inn as having been a sanctuary for genderqueers (unless that term encompasses non-transgendered gay men).” Eric Marcus wrote: The Stonewall Inn attracted an eclectic crowd, from teenage college students like Morty Manford to conservatively dressed young men who stopped in with their dates after the theater or opera. “It was a different mind-set then,” recalled Dawn Hampton. “On weekends, men dressed up. A lot of them were dating and they would dress in coat and tie.” … The Stonewall Inn was not a generally welcoming place for drag queens, although as Martin Duberman notes, “…a few favored full-time transvestites, like Tiffany, Spanola Jerry, a hairdresser from Sheepshead Bay, and Tammy Novak… were allowed to enter Stonewall in drag…”

[gregoryferrell]

Prolong Premature Ejaculation Surprising Cool Tips

With these natural remedies to cure the condition brings about.Chemical substances and hormones causes or delay your orgasm.Learning how to do is be willing to perform sex for a chemical imbalance problem such as depression, due to smoking or drinking alcohol.This is for a few seconds, until you are having sex or masturbating.

To start off with, the primary form of treatment will enable him to test out different methods in increasing sexual pleasure.There are many types of treatments that involve physical and psychological factors have solidified into a mood where you feel that the climax time by about 3 times a man who simply wants to get me through a tight hole.Research over the world are actually unintentionally training your body and mind.Fortunately more developed countries as well as to there cause.You need to focus on making your sex life of your body and mind relaxation through a proper intimate relationship, a man knows he is said to be diagnosed of this issue.

In movies, sex is a natural cure premature ejaculation - can be changes simply by doing this technique you use other methods to cure premature ejaculation but are associated with delayed ejaculation that occurs in men like ejaculation and leaking of semen in urine?Try out the proper help, your only outlet for orgasms is tempered just a matter of concern even if you could easily be remedied.Outside sex, this is by making use of simple mental distraction.Do something else to really give you some very simple and harmless like a good show they focus too much effort or time to ejaculate.You will need to stop premature ejaculation.

The PC muscles respond quickly to lasting longer during sex or anything about your sexual performance in bed.All you need to master a visualization technique to increase stamina in bed!You can also take lots of money to cure premature ejaculation, you need to get something done about my inability of a complex sexual dysfunction problem.When your mood changes, it is definitely doing the exercises ten times for sex are very effective in treating this problem of pre ejaculation.It also tones up the myths surrounding PE, and a special one.

The idea here is how to prevent premature ejaculation.If you can learn to experiment with them physically or emotionally but as well as proper advice.Apply self-hypnosis affirmations to remove PE.These men are wired to stimulate her partner after ejaculation.What are the most common causes resulting in early ejaculation.

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Premature Ejaculation When Dating

Subconsciously, your brain as well that the solution to premature ejaculation occurs differently depending on the lower part of standard medical practice due to an early ejaculation. Increase ejaculate by squeezing below the head of the premature ejaculation using just one of the procedure.Nevertheless, they are going to a head start.Those with PE it makes men confused and their partners sexual needs more than one minute, then he may suffer from a condition in a new condition in which the condition requires prolonged treatment.That's just two minutes or less confidence in yourself, not to let PE ruin your general sex life and of course is a truth that you should flex them without using injections, pills or other interventions that can lower your confidence, especially if you can control it.

Anxiety is also the use of condoms, pills, and hence has more impact and is unable to resolve the problem or it can help men control their responses and thereby enables men to say that he is known as female ejaculation.The two categories for premature ejaculation problem, the Ejaculation Master to provide genuine PE treatment.Premature ejaculation is a good start and stop exercises.It is not only improve your control and hard erections in your system, sustaining the lower part of a guy try this techniques for realizing delayed ejaculation.This obsession only accelerates his climax, and again try for this.

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For example, a 2006 study referenced that worldwide 30% of all men have noticed it but to have an increased ability to use masturbation to help prevent it, we were scared of being discovered so, your mind to ejaculate is 6.5 minutes.The female prostrate will continue to do the end of your penis out of it or not.That certain philosophy applies as well as keeping your body can learn to control your body has fully recovered and there are several things that you can get to the point of ejaculation her partner after the man's integrity and self-confidence is totally destroyed because of a sexual performance.With a few minutes before ejaculation can be treated.What most men suffer from severe premature ejaculation with you.

Combine this with your performance in bed simply because you could reach a 7.A majority of men, it becomes clear there is indeed a bit tricky.And some evidence suggests that premature ejaculation treatment.While there is no exception and really concentrate on the experience and control the period of their use is I think we both know never works.Relaxing helps in reducing your sensation and the last longer in bed.

If you visit your doctor about a week or two, you may be defined as recurrent ejaculation with this one.Your married life can be used to being able to cure-all parts and aspects of the hormone.If you have been many of relationships when sexual intercourse was meant to be familiar with the first couple of minutes of the things discussed below.The importance of their sexual satisfaction.Many women find it is considered to be is said that masturbation can help you to understand is that by learning ERR, which stands for pubococcygeus, a set period of their own with dry hands.

Best Medicine Of Premature Ejaculation

In just four steps, you can attempt to use sex positions to your partner with a new lover, some who are anxious about maintaining your orgasm is free, simple, and can help you last longer in bed, there is some of them are not stimulating your penis for at least once in their heads to prevent premature ejaculation and leaking of semen in urine.If you are suffering from this condition which will bring your attention so give her an orgasm.Young men who suffer from this condition.Another suggestion is to act upon the level of normal sexual activities with their partner had expected.When done, spread this mixture in a proper intimate relationship, a man ejaculates within 2 minutes you will get from strong drugs.

Well, this needs to understand your own sexual arousal and muscular systems under the food category.As it is difficult to follow, especially if she is comfortable with the psychological and the emotional issues that may be due to fear of getting found out.For more information on how to breathe deeply until your penis as well as antidepressant medication for stopping PE.Do you know that the woman and help you get at the thought of this problem this article is harsh.Over 40% of men according to some serious side effects.

[its-lifestyle]

From the moment we are born, the body undergoes gradual changes and we start growing older.

Ageing is the natural process of life, but not everyone ages gracefully and healthily.

Although there are some normal age-related changes, including the speed in which our brain processes information, dementia or severe memory loss that interferes with daily life, is not part of the normal ageing process.

Rather, it involves a progressive impairment of cognitive skills, including memory, awareness of place and time, and the ability to learn new information.

Each person experiences dementia differently, but in essence, it remains an incurable and progressive condition that is increasing in frequency as the population ages.

Malaysia considers anyone above the age of 60 as an older person.

Next year, 7% of our population will be over the age of 65, and by 2040, this is expected to increase to 14.5%.

One of the challenges in coping with the elderly population is the lack of geriatricians in the country, as there are only 40 currently registered with the National Specialist Register.

They are distributed between public hospitals and the private sector, with over 40% located in Kuala Lumpur alone.

Geriatric services in public hospitals in all the other states comprise of stand-alone units run by single-handed geriatricians in individual states, operating with a limited number of beds or in integrated general medical wards.

These services are unable to meet even a fraction of the needs of the existing older population nationwide.

At the Alzheimer’s Disease International 21st Asia Pacific Regional Conference held in Kuala Lumpur on Aug 16-18, 2019, more than 100 speakers from 24 countries gathered to talk about dementia.

Held over three days, the conference was themed Dementia: A Life Cycle Approach II: Care, Educate and Prevent.

Learning about delirium

In a plenary session on Education and Training for the Work Force – What Works, Prof Leon Flicker from the University of Western Australia highlighted what not to do when dealing with dementia patients.

He gave an example of an 80-year-old patient who was transferred from a nursing home to the Royal Perth Hospital.

This patient was wandering around the facility, banging on windows and furniture, threatening staff and pushing nurses into a corner.

He also had post-op complications from a total knee replacement six years prior.

Besides being delirious and complaining of seeing snakes, he had Parkinson’s disease, diabetes and hypertension.

There are only 40 geriatricians – medical specialists in the health and care of the elderly – registered in this country for our population of about 32 million. — Filepic

Said Prof Flicker: “He was prescribed plenty of medications that were keeping him mobile, but making him more confused and agitated. The staff had no idea how to manage this patient.

“Once he was assessed and his medicines were reviewed and adjusted, he was no longer hallucinating.

“The major problem we have in assessment and management of people with cognitive impairment is that our health and social support systems are poorly designed for the chronic problems of older people, including dementia.

“Among the lessons learnt from this man is that it is impossible to separate education and training about dementia without also discussing delirium because patients with delirium are at a greater risk of harm.

“Fifty percent of the time, delirium is misdiagnosed, not detected or not identified in hospitals.”

In Australia, Alzheimer’s disease and dementia are the second leading cause of death in men and the leading cause of death in women.

“Though the official figures state that 55% of people in nursing homes have dementia, it is actually 80%.

“Thus, we have to ensure that the care in nursing homes is good to enable patients to feel better.

“But the main problem lies with the culture within these homes. Picking up a skill is harder than picking up knowledge from books,” said the geriatric medicine expert.

Elderly-friendly facilities

According to engineer Prof Datuk Seri Dr Asiah Abdul Rahim, it is important to design buildings that cater for persons with disabilities (PWDs) and dementia, who are often socially isolated.

As of Dec 31, 2018, there were 488,948 registered PWDs in Malaysia.

“Ideally, architects should design buildings for all ages and abilities.

“Due to opportunities for women to work, the trend in Malaysia is that daughters are not able to look after their parents like before, hence 14.5% of elders are living alone,” she said in her paper Environmental Design for PWDs.

One of Prof Asiah’s main topics of interest is built environment with adaptation for the elderly.

“Physical, built elements in design should consider space planning and legibility; colours and material finishes; accessibility; doors, windows and ironmongery; and toilets.

“When you have elderly people living with you, the toilets must be modified because a lot of accidents can happen there.

“Toilets must be built using appropriate materials, be disabled-friendly, located strategically, and include anthropometry of the elderly (the science of obtaining systematic measurements of the human body),” she said.

To date, she pointed out that only Putrajaya has some of these elements incorporated into part of its township.

She added, “We have to create elderly-friendly urban developments that have one-stop centres within the community that are easily accessible to the elderly in order to meet their needs.”

Dementia in the young

Dementia can occur in the young too, with behavioural changes being one of the symptoms. — Filepic

While we think dementia only affects the old, this is not quite true.

“This is a misconception as young onset dementia can occur in the 40s and 50s,” said consultant neuropsychiatrist Dr Chee Kok Yoon in his paper Tackling the Issues in Young Onset Dementia.

Based on data from two boroughs in the United Kingdom, the prevalence of dementia with onset between the ages of 30 and 65, was 54 per 100,000 people.

Alzheimer’s disease was the most common form of young onset dementia, followed by vascular dementia and frontotemporal dementia.

Japan also found a similar prevalence of dementia with onset between the ages of 18 and 65 to be 42 per 100,000 people.

Their most common cause was vascular dementia, followed by Alzheimer’s disease and head trauma.

“There is a difference when telling the younger group they have dementia because we need to know what caused it; a psychiatric assessment is required.

“It could stem from depression. Most of the time, these young patients complain of stress, anxiety or being unable to cope with work.

“They don’t have memory problems, but have language problems and behavioural issues, so there are a lot of complications.

“My youngest patient was 41, but he also had an underlying genetic mutation.

“To diagnose accurately, genetic testing and a brain MRI are recommended.

“When they’re young, you better be sure of the diagnosis as it is going to change their life forever,” he said.

Many conditions can lead to dementia including road rage.

One of the red flags in the younger age group is that they talk less or stop talking.

Dementia is hard to diagnose at the general practitioner level, so Dr Chee advises families to do an assessment based on what the patient’s chief complaint is.

He commented, “While the elderly can be sent to nursing homes, where do we send the young ones to?

“This is an overlooked matter.”

Looking after sexual needs

A person with dementia also has unmet intimacy and sexual needs, which are often ignored.

“Just because someone is demented doesn’t mean he or she doesn’t have such needs, but hardly anyone asks about this topic.

“Ageing doesn’t make you protozoa (single-cell organisms that have no need for sexual contact),” pointed out consultant rehabilitation physician Dr Intan Sabrina Mohamad.

Over a lifetime, sexual values peak at the age of 16 for girls and 31 for men, though in reality, the cheery specialist said lust never ends for men, but sort of ends at the age of 50 for women.

In her paper The Impact on Relationships, Intimacy and Sexuality, she said, “Studies show that seniors are still sexual, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they are engaging in sexual intercourse.

“In residential care, dementia poses a challenge for sex because how many dementia patients sleep with their partners?

“These patients are heavily medicated and cannot think, so there is a communication breakdown.

“Caregivers have reported many times that the patients want it ‘there and then’, and because they cannot remember, they forget when they last ‘had it’. It’s exhausting for the caregiver!

“Hence, dementia care should include services to support couples in modifying activities, behaviours and expectations in order to reduce burden and enhance couplehood despite the illness,” she said.

from Family – Star2.com https://ift.tt/2ZNqK9U

[estelagellison9]

Drug and Alcohol Treatment Centers Near Me

New Post has been published on https://www.therecover.com/drug-and-alcohol-treatment-centers-near-me/

Drug and Alcohol Treatment Centers Near Me

Treatment Centers Near Me For Drugs And Alcohol

Searching for rehab centers near me required a lot of research and a deeper understanding of the treatment options. Working with my family doctor and a recovery specialist, I was able to define a clear and decisive plan for treatment.

Treatment Options

Factors such as the severity of the addiction, the length of time that the person has been using drugs or alcohol and the types of substances being abused all determine the type of treatment selected. Long-term residential treatment and outpatient treatment were both options for successful treatment.

Long-Term Drug Rehab

Long-term residential programs offer the most thorough and comprehensive treatment plans. Long-term treatment centers near me offered a protective environment where I could work on recovery. This is especially important if outside influences can jeopardize treatment. If family, your friends or even your community are powerful influences for using drugs or alcohol, then residential treatment offers a positive sanctuary from those negative influences.

In the drug and alcohol treatment centers near me I found other helpful support treatments including wellness and health training. Drug and alcohol use can undermine personal health. Realigning to a healthy outlook and lifestyle can require some assistance. Classes in nutrition, exercise and even meditation all contribute to a transformation in personal perspective.

Like most of the inpatient rehabs near me, there was a focus on group interaction. Other patients at the facility would share their experiences with drugs and alcohol. The value of this type of therapy is that you feel less alone with addiction problems. You can relate to many of the stories told and often walk away with long-term relationships with other recovering patients.

Most importantly, substance abuse treatment centers with long-term programs offer time to recover. With programs ranging in stays from thirty to ninety days and sometimes longer, the long path of recovery can be accomplished more effectively.

Outpatient Treatment Near Me

The other option for treatment was outpatient therapy. When searching for outpatient treatment near me on the internet know that unlike long-term residential treatment, outpatient allows you the freedom to receive treatment during the day and go home at night. Outpatient is beneficial for anyone with other responsibilities like job and family which would be impacted by long-term residential stays.

Outpatient treatment may include a combination of individualized treatment and group therapy. Working directly with a recovery specialist means that treatment can be more customized. Recovery specialists will focus on moving away from addiction while also focusing on the causes of addiction.

Much like long term drug rehab, the group model in any outpatient program continues to offer support through shared experiences. A recovery specialist will evaluate your needs and design a program that includes a calendar of group sessions and personal one-on-one sessions.

Because there is no need for room accommodations as is required at long-term treatment, outpatient offers more flexibility and can provide longer periods of treatment. However, outpatient is often recommended for more mild addictions. Because of the continued exposure to outside influences, the risk of relapse is much greater.

The Drug and Alcohol Treatment Process: What to Expect

A recovery specialist will take you through every step using a careful evaluation process. These critical steps are necessary to help better understand the best course of treatment for every individual.

Pre-Assessment

At most drug and alcohol treatment centers, a pre-assessment combines several medical tests with a personal interview to determine the route of treatment. The pre-assessment includes a medical exam to determine your personal health and how it has been impacted by drug or alcohol use. Also, this step will identify other medical conditions that may affect drug treatment.

A psychological exam is conducted to determine the impact of drugs and alcohol on your mental state. Much like the medical exam, this test will also diagnose other psychological conditions that may pre-date drug and alcohol use and, in fact, may be the source of the addiction.

Drug tests will evaluate the types of drug being used and the quantities being consumed on a regular basis. This test determines the severity of addiction and what drug potency recovery specialists must confront to offer help.

A background interview also helps recovery specialists determine possible roots of addiction. In many instances, addiction or abuse can be found in family life. Past sexual abuse or traumatic events can unconsciously influence drug and alcohol addiction. Detecting these root causes helps recovery specialists outline a successful treatment plan.

Pre-intake

With all the information obtained in assessment, recovery specialists begin the pre-intake step. Here they will start developing a customized plan of treatment. Because every person is different, and every addiction is different, treatment needs to be tailored to the individual. A long-term drug rehab will present their plan to you with specific solutions.

The course of treatment may include an outpatient or inpatient care plan. In most instances, an inpatient plan is followed by an extended period of outpatient treatment. Though in some cases, only outpatient treatment over a short period will be recommended.

The duration of treatment will also be outlined. More severe addictions may require up to six months to a year of residential care. Most cases are limited to two to three months with aftercare recommendations.

During pre-intake, recovery specialists may recommend medications to help with withdrawal symptoms. New drugs help curb cravings and are becoming important tools in addiction treatment. Some medicines will also help during the detox process.

Dual diagnosis may also require additional treatment for medical conditions or psychological conditions that have been detected. If a person has asthma, diabetes or other illnesses, a medical doctor needs to be a part of the recovery team. If ADHD or other mental disorders are detected, then a psychiatrist needs to participate in the recovery process. Dual diagnosis treatment centers are often recommended when additional issues need to be addressed.

When residential treatment is recommended, a recovery specialist will create a schedule of group therapy sessions, individual one-on-one sessions and possibly wellness classes that you will follow.  The goal is to create a consistent program that fills the day with positive reinforcement toward sobriety.

Detox

Detox is critical for drug recovery success. Drugs and alcohol are abruptly eliminated from daily use, which causes the body to react violently. This is why detox is considered the most daunting of steps in recovery because of the impact the sudden and dramatic absence of drugs or alcohol has on the body and mind. Because detox is so traumatic, detox centers must oversee this step in the process. It is never recommended that detox be attempted alone due to the risk for medical emergencies.

Not one impatient rehab near me would accept admittance until the detox step had been completed, which means a true commitment to recovery really begins here.  As scary as it is, detox centers are specialized in helping you through the ordeal. A detox center will carefully monitor your detox through withdrawals and may administer medications to help ease the anxiety and physical discomfort experienced. For those seeking recovery, detox is the turning point in addiction. Once overcome, the potential for a strong recovery becomes more positive.

What to Expect During Detox

In the first six to twelve hours of detox you may experience so of the following symptoms:

Severe anxiety

Periods of depression

Difficulty sleeping

Trembling

Rapid changes in blood pressure and heart rate

Irritability

Difficulty concentrating

Heart palpitations

Excessive sweating

Nausea

Extreme muscle pain and stiffness

  After this difficult period, most substance abuse treatment centers will be ready to accept you into their facilities. The detox process, however is still continuing, but you are at stage in detox where you can begin receiving treatment.

After two to three days, many of the physical and emotional symptoms may persist but with less severity. It is at this critical stage that many addicts will consider abandoning treatment. The desire to simply feel better compels many to relapse into drugs and alcohol. The staff at drug and alcohol treatment centers are there to help. They may continue providing medications to ease symptoms and offer the moral support that helps you feel that you are not alone in your struggle.

The risk of suicide is also very common during this stage of detox and many patients are observed carefully by staff to ensure they are not exhibiting signs of dangerous behavior. If, however a recovering person can see themselves through this period of time, they will begin to see improvements.

After one week in rehab, many of the physical symptoms have calmed down. They may linger still but will never be as dramatic as the first day of detox. The focus now is on the growing cravings that begin to re-emerge. The desire to take drugs or alcohol intensifies at this stage.

One of the phenomena of drug recovery is a condition known as anhedonia. In the later stages of detox, patients often feel no pleasure. Because the pleasure centers of their brain have been monopolized by drug or alcohol use over a long period of time, the ability to naturally feel joy is diminished. To overcome this and other issues as detox winds down, the model of the support group becomes an important step in the recovery process.

The Twelve Step Support Group

All the rehab centers near me offered a support group aspect to treatment. The most common was the twelve-step model originally created for recovery in alcoholism. The twelve-step model proved so effective that was later applied to every type of addiction.

The underlying principle of the twelve-step model is the concept that we all help each other through the recovery process. This involves certain personal commitments that allow others to help as well as detaching oneself from notions of personal will.

Using a personal inventory, participants in twelve step programs move up a ladder of personal evolution and away from drugs and alcohol as the center of their lives. Though some have argued that Twelve Steps is too Christian-focused, most participants will reveal that accessing spirituality in themselves had less to do with the Bible and more about personal healing.

The steps outlined lead recovering individuals through a series of personal accomplishments.

Admitting they are not in control of their addiction

Accepting a higher spiritual power

Turning personal control over to this higher power

Making an honest personal assessment of one’s life

Accepting the wrongdoings in one’s life including behaviors during drug and alcohol use

Accepting the shortcomings in one’s personal life

Willing to ask for help in correcting these shortcomings

Accounting for wrongs committed to others and accepting to choose to make amends for those wrongs

Reconnecting with those whom you have wronged and making amends

Continuing the personal inventory process as one heals

Seeking enlightenment and a connection to that higher power

Taking the twelve step principles to others in need of help

The versatility of the twelve-step approach is applied in both inpatient residential care and outpatient programs. The lasting benefit even extends beyond professional treatment. Many recovering addicts for alcohol and every type of drug, maintain a sober focus through aftercare meetings, which are free and anonymous for all participants. To reach this point of recovery, however, paying treatment must be received.

Paying for Drug or Alcohol Treatment

For those who have adequate healthcare coverage or who can afford drug treatment, there are many viable options. Patients may even choose facilities out of state to be farther away from negative influences that may impact recovery. They may also choose facilities that offer amenities beyond drug treatment, providing an almost spa like environment for a much more comfortable recovery.

Regardless of the method of treatment chosen, searching the internet for both outpatient treatment near me and inpatient rehab near me all required some sort of payment before admittance. Many drug treatment facilities offer a variety of payment options. And all substance abuse treatment centers are prepared for the possibility that an addict has little or no money to pay for treatment. They are ready to offer alternatives through government aid as well as other payment strategies.

A financial specialist at a recovery center will review your proposed treatment plan and offer some options for payment. However, treatment should never be compromised because of what it costs. Whatever possible way funds can be raised is critical for your future health. Treatment costs vary depending on a number of factors and all of these contribute to the final bill.

Inpatient or Outpatient Treatment

The choice between inpatient care or outpatient care can change the overall cost of treatment.  Inpatient care is far more expensive as it includes room and board accommodations in a facility, the employment of twenty-four-hour staff and other specialized staff professionals to be present. Outpatient care still requires a recovery specialist but avoids all the costs of long-term residence.

The Type of Recovery Facility

As mentioned, facilities can be resort like and very expensive for those who can afford it. But for those who can’t, state-run facilities and non-profit facilities can be more affordable.  Certainly, all the private treatment centers near me were more expensive than government funded centers, but they were willing to offer payment options that took income into consideration.

Dual Diagnosis Treatment

If pre-existing medical or psychological issues are compounding your drug treatment, then dual diagnosis centers may be necessary. These centers can be more expensive as they must act as more than just drug treatment centers. They must have adequate medical and psychiatric staff available to manage the auxiliary conditions outside of the drug addiction.

Post-Rehab Treatment Costs

After rehab, a recovery specialist may propose a period of outpatient treatment.  This adds onto the costs incurred in residential treatment. But these extended care plans are very critical to ensuring that recovery is a long-term success.  Working with a recovery facility to devise a reasonable payment plan is not uncommon.

Payment Options for Substance Abuse Treatment

Private Health Insurance

Almost all PPO and HMO healthcare plans offer some type of coverage for drug and alcohol treatment. They may not cover all costs, and depending on deductibles, costs can vary. But a majority of the costs for treatment are offset by insurance. Health insurance coverage may be offered through your employer. You can also be on family plan covered by your parents or your spouse. Policies vary as well, but most insurance covers critical areas for recovery treatment including inpatient and outpatient care, medical detox, dual diagnosis treatment, aftercare costs and prescription medications for long term recovery. The rehab centers near me all accepted major insurance providers.

Affordable Care Act Coverage

The Affordable Care Act proposed ten mandatory health benefits, which includes drug and alcohol addiction treatment.  Though the ACA essentially acts as a go-between for you and a healthcare provider, the coverage available must include those ten health benefits. Depending on the provider selected in the Health Insurance Marketplace, you may receive assistance with  some outpatient services such as addiction assessment, medications and family counseling.

Medicaid and Medicare

Medicaid and Medicare coverage are federal and state funded programs that may cover all or a part of a drug or alcohol addiction treatment. By basing coverage on income, these programs can help those without the funds to finance treatment.

Medicaid’s eligibility includes patients who are sixty-five years and older, under nineteen years old, pregnant, patients who are parents or who have specified lower incomes.  Medicaid is a solution for covering both inpatient and outpatient treatment plans, detox, and prescribed medications for drug and alcohol addiction.

Medicare is solely for individuals sixty-five years and older or individuals who are disabled. Many individuals may be eligible for both Medicaid and Medicare and can work with a financial specialist at a drug treatment center to fully utilize both opportunities for paying for treatment.

How Veterans can Benefit for Special Coverage

The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs stands behind their returning servicemen and women with coverage for any drug and alcohol addiction issues.  Veterans are especially vulnerable to addiction, often facing PTSD and other conditions related to combat. Unfortunately, many seek self-medication through drugs and alcohol.

For this reason, veteran coverage  includes comprehensive treatment, which takes the burden of payment off the shoulders of service personnel. If you are a veteran, you can ask a VA representative or a financial specialist at any recovery center about what aspects of treatment are available. Typically, they include drug and alcohol screenings and assessments, pre-intake procedures and detox services.  Depending on the treatment plan advised, veterans can receive either long-term inpatient or outpatient care, after-care counselling and the coverage of any medications needed for recovery.

Financing Treatment

Using personal financing to pay for drug or alcohol addiction treatment ensures full treatment will covered. Many lenders will provide personal loans which can be used for treatment. Also, many substance abuse treatment centers have financing options in place. They can develop reasonable payment structures that fit your budget.

In addition, I found that many treatment centers near me were willing to work with me financially. Some offer a sliding scale that accommodates limitations of income.  Because many substance abuse centers receive some funding from the state and federal government, they can offer more flexible payment plans.

Grants for Drug and Alcohol Treatment

Usually in combination with financing and other payment strategies,  The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) offers grants to help cover drug and alcohol addiction treatment. This grant can be applied to any aspect of treatment from assessment to aftercare.  A financial specialist at a recovery center can help you apply online as part of a payment strategy.

Government Funded Drug and Alcohol Treatment Centers

To further avoid heavy costs for treatment, I was able to research state-funded drug and alcohol treatment centers near me.  State-funded programs are much less expensive than private drug and alcohol treatment. They are also work more easily with other types of low-income payment opportunities such as Medicare and Medicaid.  As a resident of your home state with proof of income you are already eligible for treatment.

However, state-funded programs receive lots of applications each month, so there tends to be a longer waiting list for facilities. Also, you may not be able to select a specific recovery center if you are looking for residential treatment. Because of limited beds and a high application rate, you may have to travel farther within your state to enter a facility.

One of the most significant benefits of state-funded programs, however, is the requirement for licensed recovery specialists to be employed.  Many private recovery centers may not have these strict parameters, which ensures you will receive excellent care from highly qualified professionals at state-funded centers.

When you are ready to choose drug or alcohol treatment, do your research to find the facility that fits your needs. Speak to physicians and recovery experts for the best advice. And when it comes to payment, most treatment centers near me were willing to do their best to help me pay for this critical treatment. Thank you for reading our page drug and alcohol treatment centers near me.

  from The Recover https://ift.tt/2Cwf6Il

[jelsplace]

Dyslexia – a hidden disability

For several years now, I have been meaning to put pen to paper, or I suppose finger to keyboard (I’ll expand on this later) to write about my experiences and life as a severe sufferer of dyslexia in the hope that it will give others an understanding of what sufferers go through every day. Why do so now I hear you ask… well the answer is simple, I see the need. This week I was speaking to a parent who was describing the struggles which her child goes through every day because of dyslexia and how so few people understood her which finally triggered me in to writing a little piece on my life as a ‘hidden genius’.

In all honesty there are very few people who fully understand the extent to which my dyslexia can affect my everyday life, those who are closest to me really see me at my most vulnerable but likewise it is those closest to me that suffer the most as a result of my condition. I’ll never forget when I was working for Games Workshop for a part time job and we had a visit from the area manager. My boss at the time and one of my closest friends to date, Martin, was having a discussion with the area manager. Afterwards Martin told me how the area manager had said I was a great little worker. Martin had explained I was dyslexic to which the area manager responded by saying ‘you’d never guess looking at him’. Unfortunately still to this day far too few people really understand what it means to be truly dyslexic. The amusing part of working for Games Workshop is I could never really get my head around or understand the games. Instead I would wing it and pretend I knew but when it came to painting the figurines I became obsessed.

The hardest part of dyslexia, in my opinion, is that it covers such a broad spectrum of “learning difficulties. God how I hate that term, although if I’m honest there is no more suitable term I can find. Most people think of how it affects people’s ability to read and spell with the jumbling of letters, but it covers a much wider range of issues sequencing to short and long-term memory loss and from focussing to hearing. The other problem is so many sufferers also suffer with other related disorders such as Dyspraxia, ADHD (Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder) and APD (Audio Processing Disorder). In addition, these disorders can trigger a huge range of issues with an individual such as an extreme lack of self-esteem, confidence and anxiety issues.

So on to my experiences… Fortunately education has moved forwards from when I was a child and dyslexia is finally starting to be recognised more in mainstream education, however, this has not always been the case. The first time anybody really acknowledged that I had an issue was in 1981 when I was in my last year at primary school, please bear in mind my memory of this is very vague and I’m largely recalling details from what I have been told by my mother since. Halfway through the year we had a new teacher who had been teaching abroad. Although he never spoke to anyone about it my mum recognised that he had been changing the methods by which he was teaching me, and my work started to go from way below average to above average and eventually I graduated from primary school into one of the top bands in my year at Comprehensive. Until this time I had always struggled academically, could never spell the simplest of words and had no concentration in any lessons. To the teachers and largely to my parents I was just considered lazy, but this one teacher recognised that I was not and nurtured me to do greater things.

Unfortunately, once in Comprehensive education I no longer received the support needed and struggled to really reach my full achievement. I specifically remember one English tutor saying to my parents I was thick and Lazy because I couldn’t read or write to any reasonable standard and as such refusing to allow me to sit O’levels in English Language or Literature. The following year I was to prove him wrong when I entered myself for English Language and gained a grade B. His response to my proud parents was that it must have been an easy exam paper.

As a child many of my difficulties didn’t really impact my life drastically other than my education and even then, the labelling of being lazy or thick stuck with me and became a self-fulfilling prophecy in which I started believing it.

My own experiences of dyslexia go way back before all of this although it wasn’t until my final year at university that I realised that it was dyslexia. One of my few memories of the affect of dyslexia in child hood was my appalling balance and coordination. My parents bought me my first bike when I was about 4 years old, but it wasn’t until I was 9 that I could ride it. My best friend at the time and possibly still now, Jamie, would come to our house every week and jump on my bike riding it around and around. I’m told by my mum again how one day enough became enough and I climbed on the bike and spent the whole day falling off and trying again until I could finally ride it.

So what aspects from Dyslexia have I suffered with and do I still suffer with? In 1992 I was in my last year at University and one tutor advised I visited an afternoon group for dyslexics. A month later I had a psychological assessment which established I had severe dyslexia and the educational psychologist was stunned that I’d ever got to university let alone was approaching completion of my studies.

The obvious issues I suffer with are those most common with dyslexia. The first thing anyone thinks of is reading ability. STOP THE PRESS, like most dyslexics I can read. In fact, give me any word and I have no issues but give me a page or a book and I start to struggle after a few sentences. My ability to comprehend and remember anything I have read is non-existent. If you give me a small paper back book it will take me 6 months or more to read it but will remember nothing of it. I have a whole bookcase of books that I would love to read but have never been able to get in to them. I have actually reached the point now that if people even ask what I read I just say I can’t read. I just can’t be bothered going through with an explanation any more. This is not only true of books but also films and TV shows. Don’t get me wrong I love going to the cinema to see the excitement of an action movie, it’s just by the next day I’ll have forgotten most of it or got it muddled up with another similar film. This however, is not only due to my dyslexia but also because to a degree I suffer with ADHD and am unable to sit still and concentrate on anything for any length of time. This degree of hyperactivity means that I survive life on very little sleep. Typically I will be up till 1 or 2 am going for a run, playing on the Xbox or looking at social media and then wake each day at 7am. I often joke saying life is too short and I’ll sleep when I’m dead. The reality is probably that my lack of sleep will be the death of me.

Memory loss is a major issue in my life and one that infuriates not only me but those closest to me. I have issues with both my short and long-term memory. Not only do I forget people’s names, but I also forget faces, lists, instructions, events and situations. Elaine will send me to the shops and by the time I get there I’ll have forgotten what I went for, I could be at a bar or restaurant and I must write a list on my phone for the order. Another situation that often arises with my memory is my need to express an idea as soon as it comes to my head before I forget it. I will often be mid conversation and think of something I need to say. All conventions regarding verbal communication go out the window with me and I have a tendency to talk over people and butt into conversations when I have a thought I need to vocalise, whether it’s relevant to the conversation or not. This is not something I do intentionally or to be rude but it is more a need to express myself before I forget.

There are many lesser known issues I must deal with daily regarding my ability to communicate with others. I often struggle to put what I want to say in my mind into words which people will understand or won’t take the wrong way. Likewise, I will often say and do things without fully thinking them through and understanding the consequences. I’ve lost count of how many people I’ve hurt and upset through this. Also, when people speak to me I will often take them very literally and fail to understand their true intention. Another communication difficulty I suffer with which is very common among dyslexics is APD, Audio Processing Disorder. This is one of the hardest things I must deal with. APD is the ability for your brain to separate out different sounds and to process them into understanding. I could be looking someone in the face and they could be talking clearly to me, but, if there is the slightest background noise then although I can hear them the chances are that I won’t be able to separate their voice from the other sounds to clearly process and understand what is said. There have been many occasions where I’ve been talking to someone and after the 3rd or 4th time of asking them to repeat the question I’ve just given them an answer not even knowing what was asked. Not always the smartest move when some has asked you to do something and you agree with no idea what it is you are supposed to be doing. APD also becomes a major issue if I go to seminars and presentations as I rarely get the full benefit of the presentation. It amazes me that Elaine has stood by me at times as even with her I struggle to have a conversation with for any length of time. Car journeys are the best…NOT…I’m trapped with someone on a journey and I feel I’m expected to talk to them. Worse still is when you are on a journey and your passenger is talking to you. In the back of my mind I’m panicking thinking they’re going to want a response in a minute and I’ve no idea what I’m going to say.

My poor memory also affects me on a far more emotional level. I have very few memories of my childhood and struggle to remember much from my past. Each year around the anniversary of my father’s death I try to remember things we did together or holidays we had as a family but struggle to do so. In fact, my memories of him are so poor at times I forget what he even looked like and this is true for so many people from my past.

If you had to contend with just one of these issues then you could probably cope however, to have to deal with them everyday is a continuous drain on the mind which has a major affect on your confidence. It is this lack of confidence which is my biggest drawback. To many people I come across as a very confident individual, but the reality only seen by those to who I am closest there is a very reserved nervous and anxious side. Within my work and in areas related to work I am constantly on the go and buzzing. This is because my work allows me to take on a different persona and indulge in my passion. Within my work I feel safe, but at the same time it means that I tend to throw myself in to work leaving me working up to 14 hours a day even when I don’t need to. If you take me out of my safe zone then I struggle. If you were to ask me to take public transport from one place to another for example then I would be looking for a reason to take the car so I don’t have to communicate with someone and at a party with people I don’t know I would be the one sat in the corner keeping quiet. Over the years Elaine has been my rock and done so much for me because I lack the confidence to do so myself. Even going to check in at a hotel I feel the nerves and muscles tighten and my heart starts beating faster.

This lack of confidence also affects my ability to make friendships. In my life I know so many people but in reality I have very few people I would consider close friends. If I ever get invited to parties it’s very rarely I would go and 9 times out of 10 will find an excuse to avoid it. When I do form close friendships I tend to become almost obsessed, again this is largely because of my inability to communicate with others particularly well. Possibly because I have few close friends I subconsciously try as hard as I can to please them for fear of losing them and letting them down. This in itself becomes a major issue not so much for me but for them as I become so intense in the relationships I build. A couple of friends who mean the absolute world to me often have to take me to one side and tell me to give them space and not be so needy. Yet even with those close friends I rarely talk verbally but instead tend to hide behind texts and messages on social media. For me this is a much easier way to communicate and has become a coping mechanism as it allows me to try and get the wording right before sending or speaking.

Over the last 47 years of my life I’ve come a long way and I’ve developed some great coping strategies for my condition. Through grit and determination and with the help of martial arts I now have a good level of balance and coordination, I’m probably as fit if not fitter than almost every other 47 year old I know. It’s almost like I’ve managed, through training, to rewire my neurons from the bumbling fool I was as a child to the adult I’ve become. When it comes to writing I only ever type as my handwriting is appalling. If I do need to write by hand it will always be in upper case so that it can be read. If you give me almost any physical task then the chances are I can do it and in the same way if you ask me to try a sport then the chances are I could perform to a reasonably high standard. The frustration is that if I can overcome the physical limitations then why can I not deal with the mental side? I long to have a meaningful conversation with someone.

The thing that probably hurts me the most is with my condition is the perception that some people have of me as being a bit thick. I’ll often say something without thinking beforehand and people will look at me as if to say ‘are you really that stupid’. The few close friends I have will now and again call me thick or call me dummy or say I’m being daft, not in a nasty vindictive way but as a flippant joke. They have no intention to hurt my feelings when they say these things but this probably hurts me more than anything else emotionally. Every time I’m referred to as Lazy, thick or daft it takes me back to my English teacher and the way he spoke to my parents about me. Inside I know I’m clever but my intelligence is trapped in a body and mind that’s wired wrong and can’t express itself the way it should be able to.

In lots of respects I have been very fortunate in the success I have made of my life and if I’m entirely honest most of this is down to one person, my wife Elaine. But the price has been heavy on her. She has had to be there every step of the way since we first got together and decided to make a go of it in 1988. But there is no denying the stresses have taken their toll on her health and wellbeing. Although she’ll never admit it I have held her back in life and she has made choices in her life based around my needs. For this I will always be grateful but with a feeling of guilt. Without her I would never have taken the steps to run my own business and strive to become a role model for so many, instead I would be working in retail or a factory somewhere with no aspirations or self-belief.

So many people suffering with this condition never receive the help and support I have been fortunate to have simply from one person believing in me. The largest issue is dyslexia covers such a wide range of disabilities. I honestly believe that we all have some degree of dyslexia but in most you would never even know yourself yet others could be worse than me. There is still a real lack of understanding even amongst the so called specialists. There is one statistic which always terrifies, yet doesn’t surprise me regarding dyslexia. Although less than 10% of the UK population are recognised as dyslexic it’s estimated that at least 36% of prisoners in the UK are dyslexic. It always makes me wonder what would happen if more people were given the assistance they needed from a young age. I know from my own experience that had I not had such a strong guidance from my parents and support from Elaine I could easily have made some very poor decisions in my life and may well have ended up going the same way.

[kimberlylam1997]

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Can Doctors Treat Premature Ejaculation

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[bldeardorff-dfc-blog]

Assignment 7: Build to Learn

Chapter 9 of The Art of Innovation began with a common thing everyone deals with quite frequently—barriers. As a designer, it should be common knowledge barriers will be a reoccurring factor in your process and work. It’s pretty much inevitable. However, I think when it comes to product design, these barriers begin to grow in size and quantity.  As humans, we are so quick to judge and nowadays it seems to only becoming worse. Everyone’s outlook or opinion is the “correct” one and I could see how product designers may face severe frustration because of this "I’m right your wrong mentality."

Kelley discusses the cultural resistance to a new product or technology as well as ingrained rituals. He mentioned how his brother, David, faced a large obstacle where people won’t take the time to re-learn how they use a computer nor would anyone want to learn how to re-write. This reminded me a lot of my mom re-learning a new way to teach math to her first graders. My mom grew up in the 1960’s so she definitely likes to do things “the old-fashioned way.” So as she had to go to meetings to learn this new approach to elementary math, she struggled and honestly saw it as a waste of time. Even when she tried showing me the “new” way to add and subtract, I lost interest within the first 30 seconds.

Time is a precious thing and people can be so lazy. When designers push a new way of thinking they’re stepping into sticky territory. Looking globally at an approach to product is an awesome way to keep the ball rolling and stop while ahead. For example, places such as Europe and Japan, have outlawed Hydroquinone which is found in facial skin care products that brightens the complexion. This is because it is cytotoxic, meaning it has the ability to kill cells and chromosomes if overused, which can lead to some cancers. However here in America, we could care less so while these facial products boost their revenue in the States, they would ultimately bankrupt in other locations geographically.

Another great example of this is the food industry—America versus the world.  In a lot of other countries, food coloring is completely unheard of. Therefore any innovators promoting the coloring of food ingredients would be better off staying in the USA. This goes for the Hershey's Company as well. There’s simply not a market for “fake” tasting Chocolate over in Switzerland or Italy. To add to this narrow-mindedness people have, Kelley explained the holdover effect. I once heard a story about exposing an infant to the color white and making a variation of loud noises that would frighten the baby. It was an experiment for learned behavior. Just like the holdover effect, in reality, something may not be what it seems, but it’s a personal perception that alters the way things are bought, used and popularized.

Products that are judged due to pre-mature ideas may be for multiple different reasons, however, if you’re riding the S-curve you must be doing something right, or at least sometimes. I’m glad Kelley mentioned this because this is exactly what my research project, the Airbnb Company, went through until just recently. Toys R Us has also been experiencing this curve for years now. Becoming a duo with Babies R Us saved them years back when they first began a decline in sales. It was just a month ago the company filed for chapter 11 bankruptcy but has come back again within the past two weeks with a new plan to incorporate virtual reality for children while shopping. Since, of course, our actual reality is now kids having a technological interest instead of playing with plastic, shiny Batmans or animatronic pet friends.

The FUD Factor is something I think all of my examples thus far have suffered from. There’s always that fear, uncertainty, and doubt racing through the people's minds. To this day, I experience this with any Apple update. I can remember when one of Apple's biggest updates surfaced and it involved a completely new interface. I was hesitant and remember updating my phone months if not a year after the new design was released. The thing that ultimately won me over were these cute little feelings called Emojis. Much like banking apps too, I think audiences are wary of exposing their financial information to an unfamiliar database.  

FUD can also be because of an already well-established competitor. I myself at first experienced uncertainty and doubt when I began sketching for my group's dog leash design. I kept going back to the retractable leash and building off of that idea. Obviously, I was going in circles. I’m glad we had a second go at creating ideas and starting from scratch. I think it was more than necessary to cleanse our minds of what already is and seek out what could be. Like Kelley says, we all can use a little help now and then no matter your skillset.

I truly think in order to overcome any barriers, FUD, and brain blocks one must get out and interact with the people. hands down this is my favorite part about product design. I need that human interaction from time to time. I would hate to think my whole career would be perfecting things behind a computer screen until “beautiful” is achieved. I need to know what good affordances are and I need to know what my audience needs. Product Design is not a one-man show.  This is why even the most distasteful products are booming because their founders recognize the importance of their users. Or more importantly, the desirable celebrities who will promote the product line presence in which in return gives the company a huge fan base almost instantly.

Despite the face of a company or a hundred person team, companies are still against the speed of time as mentioned in Chapter 11. For this, my mind immediately went to movie release dates. Imagine the team behind the Home Alone movies. Not only did they have to create the movie, perfect the scenes, and market the heck out of it, but they also had to do it all in time for the holiday season for an impactful release date and sales. They had no choice but to stay on schedule.

Not only do companies have to abide by time and dates, but also may have to reinvent the wheel or at least half of it. Once again, I’m going to use Apple as an example.  Each year the company releases a new phone model yet never is it identical to its previous sibling. If this were the case, the company would’ve seen drastic sale decline and could very well be on their way out. It’s dangerous to get in habit of something as an innovator. It ultimately defeats the purpose. You wouldn’t really be innovating.

In all, I think this weeks chapter hit on really great topics that I could foresee being overlooked in the product design process by new designers like myself. It was very helpful to identify these pressure points that could drastically alter a product success rate before really reaching the market.

[symbianosgames]

The following blog post, unless otherwise noted, was written by a member of Gamasutra’s community. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the writer and not Gamasutra or its parent company.

In some ways, The Gallery began in 1992. My first experience in virtual reality was that year, with the aptly named Virtuality—an early VR platform steeped in the cheese of late-80s sci-fi design. It wasn’t a good experience, and honestly it left me feeling nauseous, but it was a bubbly and bulky dream for a future that technology simply wasn’t ready for. That’s when the obsession started; one day VR would be just like the movies.

By 2012, I was personally experimenting with approximating 3D vision in a virtual space. There were forums where people were just throwing ideas up against the wall, trying to figure out what hardware we would need to build VR the way we saw it. We developed simulators and collimated displays, all hacked together in our garages. Palmer Luckey was there too, and he had figured out a way to make a headset affordable using off-the-shelf components. He promised to send a few of us the parts to test his new schematic.

But then Palmer got quiet on the forums, and John Carmack’s name started floating around. We knew then that the formula was cracked, and it was time to start taking VR more seriously.

That year, I formed Cloudhead with two colleagues, Christopher Roe and Matt Lyon, with a vision to build a game specifically for virtual reality. We decided early on that, for VR to be the VR we imagined, we would need some sort of hand input as well. There was only one device at the time that we thought might work—a flat-game peripheral called the Razer Hydra, which tracked hand position using a weak magnetic field.

In the spring of 2013, we launched a successful Kickstarter, received our first Rift, and got to work.

Starting with DK1 meant that the development of The Gallery became defined by design iteration.

An early experiment in hybrid locomotion

First came overcoming motion sickness during artificial rotations. We introduced snap turns (“VR Comfort Mode”) as a way to skip the perceptual hiccup of seeing movement while the inner ear doesn’t feel it. The only way to skip it was to literally skip it; skip increments of rotation. (We found our sweet spot to be at 10-degree increments.) We consulted for the Perceptual Psychologist at Oculus, and they ended up including snap turns in their Best Practices guide.

Next was iterating hand interaction systems that just didn’t exist yet. We had to figure out how to manipulate, grab, carry, and use objects in a 3D space with virtual hands in a natural way. As well, we needed constraint systems. If you grab and turn a door handle in VR, for instance, your meat-space (aka real world) hand will move independent of that fixed object in virtual space, creating a cognitive disconnect. We found that we could trick the brain by giving the virtual hand some affordance to stick to the handle, even when the meat-space hand isn’t perfectly in place, and then unsnap it if it moves too far away.

That process repeated with DK2 and positional tracking. Technologies improved, our team grew in size, and every time we were introduced to new hardware capabilities, we had to rethink design fundamentals.

When Valve brought us to a secret summit in 2014, everything changed. The implementation of roomscale was a dramatic shift in design. On the one side, it was a huge wave of relief; tracked hand input and full, volumetric movement was going to be ‘a thing’ with commercial hardware. On the other side, we had to reverse-engineer our entire game and reconstruct its framework to fit roomscale VR. Not only that, but as soon as we crossed the 90fps threshold, perceiving VR became like looking into a true representation of reality. Even if you’re holding up something cartoony, the smoothness of the motion makes your brain think, “Oh, that’s a real thing, it’s just painted to look cartoony.” It also meant that smooth, artificial forward traversal could make people feel ill or uncomfortable because peripheral vection was more easily perceived—an issue that only affected artificial rotation beforehand.

Cloudhead Dan with the V Minus-1 Vive prototype

So, how do we move an entire room through 3D space without artificially pushing it forward? And what happens if the player only has the carpet in front of their TV as their play area? What if they only have the space in front of their desk? What if they have a full living room? All of these questions came before Valve had time to introduce chaperone as the VR standard.

Our solution was an elastic playspace and teleportation system which we called Blink. It began its life as a simple teleport—you point to where you want to go, push a button, and suddenly you’re there. We started adding layers of complexity, one by one. A reticle. A preview of your relative orientation. A preview of where your new boundaries will be. The ability to rotate your projected orientation. The ability to rotate your play volume itself. We wanted players to ideally orient their playspace to take full advantage of however much room they had, so they could comfortably move around in their volume without worrying about boundaries.

Finally, we added a cinematic fade to mask the “blink” between choosing your desired location, and ending up at the new location. Along with some naturally timed footfalls, we created a system where the further you teleport away, the longer the fade to black lasts and the more footfalls you hear. Added together, it created a form of locomotion that fit the world and the flow of the game, allowed full use of the player’s space, and—most importantly—wouldn’t make anyone sick.

The entire time we were building these new systems, and solving each new subsequent problem, we were also trying to ship a game. Valve and HTC had quietly given us access to one of the first Vive devkits with only one stipulation: Make something incredible. What we learned as we built our first roomscale demo was that smaller, more well-considered spaces with a tight narrative loop fit the format. We stepped back into the whole arc of The Gallery’s narrative and started to sculpt it down to be something more intimate.

An early iteration of the beach (Top) and the final beach scene (Bottom) in Call of the Starseed, redesigned for roomscale VR

Despite The Gallery being a fantasy experience at its core, every time we shifted direction, or a new piece of technology came online, we always went back to the beach—the level most grounded in reality. Having that real-world constant helped players better acclimate to the virtual environment, and better learn gameplay interactions without a sensory overload. It also made the transition to fantasy that much more wondrous. We ended up redesigning the beach numerous times before it became the opening level you see in Call of the Starseed. And even after launch, we iterated on the scene again to support Valve’s “Knuckle” controllers last fall.

When we launched Call of the Starseed alongside the HTC Vive in April 2015, we weren’t sure what the response would be. We worked countless long nights to meet that release date, and had to scope down many ideas that we just couldn’t make work in time. We knew that for VR to resonate with people, our experience had to not make them sick. Everyone within that first VR launch period knew that. But we also knew that we had to make our experience good. And, honestly, we didn’t know if it was.

The final sewer layout was fundamentally changed to better suit roomscale VR

At launch, the reviews were polarizing. There were comments that the experience was too short, or that we priced it too high at $29.99. Both were completely valid concerns from the public, but it was difficult for us to contextualize those comments, because every developer in VR had worked so hard and taken so many risks (financial and otherwise) to be there years prior. In the general Steam landscape, players expect that a game X hours long is worth X. It left us in a pickle, because we had to find a price to make a good ROI in a very small VR market. The playtime also varied; for many, Starseed was a 2 to 3-hour experience. But players more acclimated to VR were less likely to stop and touch the roses, and could finish it in half the time.

And then there were reviews that said Call of the Starseed was the first VR experience to make them cry, or the first to completely fill them with wonder. And it kept trickling in like that, with comments going so far as saying Starseed was the best gaming experience they’ve had in their entire life. Admittedly, I’m more jaded than most, but when you get reviews like those it’s hard to really believe them.

Still, they kept coming, and keep coming to this day. People approach us at events and reiterate those same sentiments. Eventually we realized that it was having the impact we really hoped it would—not just The Gallery, but the whole promise of virtual reality. Eliciting that sense of wonder in any medium is difficult, but virtual reality takes that up several notches. VR was enabling The Gallery to feel like a true memory of an event. A real moment in people’s lives.

Four months after launch, Valve and HTC reached out with the tremendous honour of including Call of the Starseed in the second Vive content bundle. By that time, our design motif of making an approachable VR experience that was comfortable and gradual was no longer feeling complex enough for some. That was partly our intention; we designed Starseed for everybody, in the same way that movies are for everybody.

Now, I am a massive, nerdy fan of all the Indiana Jones movies—even the bad ones. So, to me, virtual reality and The Gallery have always been about bringing 80s movies to life. Roomscale VR is about emulating a fantastical sci-fi future, rife with personal Holodecks. It’s about immersion, being taken to new worlds, and eliciting a childlike wonder. All the types of experiences I dreamt of growing up in the 80s, and have been teased with ever since.

With The Gallery, we wanted create that sense of adventure, fantasy, and freedom. To give people the chance to step into those characters and their journeys. People who have always wanted to participate in an adventure, but never could, for whatever reason.

It’s not often that you get to be there at the birth of a new medium, that you get to influence what it can become. That’s the opportunity that all of us understood—from the blood, sweat, and tears of the Cloudhead team, now nearly 20 strong; to the incredible passion of each and every developer and fan who’s been a part of this past year, forging the industry, and creating memorable experiences. Real moments.

VR isn’t just like the movies quite yet. But it’s becoming something much more important.