#one i was at the doctor with my mom and they asked if i had been in an abusive relationship and she said yes
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I’ve finally gotten ok enough to tell this story so time to break out the Jeremy tales.
So basically the first thing that happened when I got to dance on Friday morning was this girl’s boyfriend came in with her breakfast and then in front of everyone was like oh hey btw I’ve been cheating on you with a 15yo for six months and imma leave you for her now. He was like nineteen. So ofc we’re all like
And the girl is like
And so then he leaves and that girl is crying and so a bunch of people are consoling her and the people who aren’t are warming up for dance and they were messing around and doing a lift we do like all the time where you kinda stand on each other’s hand and then they throw one person up and catch them. Well whenever they went to catch the girl they threw they slipped and so the girl landed on her head and like blacked out and I saw it happen and she was like twitching and then one of the girls started screaming for the teacher. And ofc I’m like
And then the teacher runs over and after a few minutes the girl woke up but she was like I don’t feel good and we were all like no fr she has a concussion and so the teacher called her mom and she went home and we went through class. But everyone is like uhhhh this day isn’t weird at all.
And then in tap someone’s tap shoe broke and they got a nail through their foot. And I was like oh. Blood. Let me just pass out now.
So then it was hip hop and we’d done warmups and were on a break so me and one of my dance friends Dylan were messing around doing flips and he was like ok let me try my Ariel which is like a cartwheel with no hands and he gets it sometimes but not always he’s still working on it so I was like ok do it. So I’m watching and his head was like super close to the floor so he put his hand down instead of doing it right but he put it down weird and I watched his arm just snap and he stood up and was like
oh my god I broke my arm I think and I was like
no duh it’s at a 90 degree angle you idiot
And it was like bleeding and it was horrifying but the shock and adrenaline made it where we were both super like calm seeming so nobody like payed any attention to us so I was like ok we need the teacher so we go over there and I’m like uh Dylan broke his arm and she was like what and then Dylan stopped holding his arm in place and it just like fell and she was like omg that’s insane so she called his mom and she was like fifteen minutes away so we’re all just like omg did that actually just happen and I’m basically the only one that isn’t Dylan that actually knew what happened so everyone was like crowdin me and asking about it but I’m like lowkey about to throw up because of what I saw
And so finally his mom gets there
and takes him to the doctor and everyone’s like ok what do we even do now like is dance cancelled? And my teacher is like
If you run the dance really well
I’ll let you guys just chill until your parents pick you up.
so we all ran it straight up perfectly because like we have to and we’re all like omg there’s some weird vibes going on here so some kids went home early and then the rest of us are like flinging holy water and crap around because like what else do we do
And then I had to do contemporary and we had to do a big lift but for some reason the girl we were lifting twisted for no reason and so it made us impossible for any of us to catch her so then I managed to grab her shirt to slow her fall but she still hit the floor and got the wind knocked out of her.
And when I grabbed her shirt it yanked my arm, which I thought just made it sore for a moment
Yeah Jeremy I know, stupid thought. It dislocated my collarbone. And I was like ow but it’s ok I’ve done this before and it can’t possibly get any worse!
Another incorrect assumption. Found out today I partially tore a muscle in my back. Not enough that I need surgery but enough where I’m literally not allowed to dance for at least the next two weeks.
And also the only mildly comfortable position to be in looks something like this
Which for some reason people don’t appreciate it when you just randomly lay on your stomach in target.
So now I’ve taken unholy amounts of pain medicine
And this is how I feel.
@emmaspersonaldiary since you wanted me to do this lol
#jeremy jordan#The Jeremy tales#Alchem is in much pain#Alchem kinda wants to just not#Alchem has decided the pain is overriding all brain functions
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Simself Story
CW: abortion
About two weeks later, my little one and I were alone again. N. was back abroad to play soccer (he's always put his career first, at least that’s what it felt like to me), while I was at home taking care of our son. However, I wasn’t mad at him. I knew what I was getting into. But this time, the farewell was... harder than usual. Probably because I was pregnant and felt alone with... the decision on how to proceed. I mean-... I don’t wanna lie, I was sure , I didn’t want a second Baby. It's just too fast for me. Also, I had a bad conscience. Lucas was not even a year old. With a second Baby I would be totally overwhelmed at this point. My little one didn’t deserve that. I have not forgotten how.... depressed I was after the c-section and also what my son has been through (withdrawal symptoms). I would not endure this a second time, I think.
So I called a clinic. I got an appointment for an abortion right away, in just 3 days!! I thought I would be examined by a doctor first?? But they told me, that I will be examined that day anyway, and right after, the procedure/abortion will be performed. Now I only had 3 days to find a babysitter for Lucas. 🤯🤯
Usually this was not really a prob. My family always helps me. Mostly my Mom or Ana. But I haven’t told my family that I’m pregnant again and my Mom will definitely ask me, what kind of appointment I have? Either I tell her, or I ask Philip for help. But I had a fight with Philip recently. He told me who his new girlfriend is. Her name's Bianca. 💁♀️🤨 She has a twin sister, Patricia, and this girl, had a crush on Nico. He and Philip had some.... fun🔥with those twin sisters in the past. And well, I was jealous! That Patricia still tried to to get my boyfriend. Philip knew that! He knew that his girlfriend’s stupid twin sister wants N.! ... Anyway I’m gonna call Philip later and ask him to watch Lucas, while I’m in that clinic. It’s only for a few hours. And I just didn’t want to tell my Mom about it!! But she's gonna find out anyway. 😩Nico had been worried about me. So he just told my Mom to take care of me and Lucas after the abortion....
Oh, and btw, Daniel finally called me! He wants to see me, to talk about our divorce. 😰
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cannot stop thinking about how whumpy it must’ve been when i was given the anesthesia and passed out earlier. like even before the laughing gas i was SHAKING and TREMBLING in fear i fucking HATE needles. but i was also smiling the whole time because my fear response isn’t fight flight fawn or freeze it’s just. to laugh. for some reason. anyway after i got the laughing gas i was smiling and giggling even more and also shaking a lot more in both fear of what was gonna happen and also probably the laughing gas. they told me to take deep breaths which i did, still freaking out though. i started panicking even more when they put the IV in my arm, like wow that was horrifying i must’ve looked sooooo scared wooow.. so much fear.. (whumpers you know where to find me). anyway i eventually followed their advice and took deep breaths, knowing that it would make the laughing gas effect me quicker, but i did it anyway because its all i could do.
(more under the cut because i couldn’t shut up and this got long)
and guys. guys. THEN. then i started thinking about Anton and imagining i was his test subject and he was just doing an experiment on me and let me tell you. the way pure CALMNESS just WASHED over my entire body. like before i walked into the room i was like “anton save mee save me anton haha lol”. and then anton DID save me. in a way. but yeah i mean i KNEW that would happen because thinking about anton literally always calms me down anyway but i just thought that was funny lmao. woow
okay so then they injected me with the anesthesia. i don’t think i really felt it. then they put a rubber thing in my mouth to keep it wide open, and i was just thinking “haha wow they gagged me that’s gotta be one of my favorite whump tropes.” i just stared straight ahead (i couldn’t really turn my head anyway with the way the chair was set up), struggling hard to keep my eyes open, breathing really deeply, barely able to form a coherent thought.
i do NOT remember falling asleep. like one moment i was sitting there eyes wide and breathing heavily, staring at the doctors on either side of me, and the next i was like all woozy flopping around in the chair, head lolling to the side as the doctors were telling me to wake up. it was sort of a blur, i had NO idea what was going on at ALL. i remember slurring as i talked, telling the doctors i wanted to keep my wisdom teeth. they laughed and asked why and i just kept repeating that i wanted them to let me keep them (they did let me keep them! i’m gonna put them in a little jar like a mad scientist). then i kept asking for my phone and they gave it to me. they put me in a wheelchair to take me to the car because i could NOT walk, i was stumbling around, completely unable to stand or sit up straight, and when we got to the car i just flopped into the passenger seat like i was DIZZY. and i was also a bit nauseous. blood in my mouth and all that. oh i also had gauze in my mouth which definitely made talking a lot more difficult
so i really barely talked, i don’t think i said much else which i’m kinda happy for because i was high as FUCK and did not wanna ramble about a bunch of weird oc lore to my mom. i KNOW i would’ve talked about anton and/or silas nonstop. but i just went on my phone instead which is when i made all those posts from earlier LOL. those typos were genuinely not on purpose at all. i could not type. i’m being fully serious.
here’s a screenshot from my discord server of me attempting to type “holy shit i can’t type.” and as you can see, it was, well, TRUE
anyway yeah i just curled up in my seat on the car ride home, i wasn’t on my phone much because i was still really tired and it was hard to keep my eyes open and stay awake. the car seat was leaned back really far so i was laying down and could not see out of the car windows (but my eyes were closed so it didn’t really matter). but i just remember feeling every turn of the car and trying to guess where we were driving as if i was a whumpee who’d just been kidnapped and was trying to memorize the directions. as you can tell i knew this situation would be whumpy as fuck and didn’t hesitate to make a bunch of silly connections.
so then we got home and there’s not much else that happened. i just took a lot of pills and washed out my mouth and put more gauze in and then went to sleep. it didn’t hurt that much at all because of. the drugs and stuff. i slept for a long time and woke up feeling back to normal, in the way i wasn’t high af anymore. yeah so now my mouth kinda hurts but i have painkillers so it’s fine. i ate lasagna like 20 minutes ago. i’m probably not supposed to eat lasagna. i did it anyway (i took very very teeny tiny nibbles it was very basil core).
anyway that’s it i think! dunno why i wanted to share this whole experience but i thought it was kinda funny the way i kept finding whump in everything hahaha (like i said, my actual fear response is literally to LAUGH and GIGGLE at everything in fear. this needs to be used more in this community imo. and i think… i have a new oc for that actually…. teehee….. ominous.. very ominous dot dot dots…..)
but really this isn’t as bad as i thought it’d be. it’s gonna suck to eat a bunch of soft food and stuff but overall it’s not bad. at least for me. obviously this was only my experience and everyone’s will be different. i do kinda see the humor in everything whenever i’m in a bad or painful situation so that might also be why this is easier for me, idk! hope u all found this at least a little entertaining because i know i did haha
#wyrms says stuff#wyrms lore#wisdom teeth removal#medical whump#drugging#surgery#emeto mention#blood#whump#irl whump#whumpblr#whump community#crack whump
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#mrs flood who are you: time lord edition
#dwedit#doctor who#mrs flood#fifteenth doctor#the master#jacobi!master#tenth doctor#jack harkness#martha jones#twelfth doctor#ninth doctor#*#okay here is my argument: mrs flood IS a time lord but her presence here has nothing to do with the doctor#instead she's here because of ruby. she's seemingly part of/related to the pantheon of discord & we know that ruby is connected to them too#so i think that she was deliberately placed as ruby's neighbor by the pantheon/oldest one/ruby's mom/? in order to watch over her#it also explains why she was there to check on ruby in 1.04. once she realizes she's on the phone w carla she says 'nothing to do with me'#and she leaves. which implies that it COULD have had something to do with her. if it had been something else going on#ANYWAY. to get to the time lordness of it all. rn i personally believe that she's a time lord that's been hiding on earth for 50+ years#bc i don't think she recognized the police box as a tardis initially. that first quote should be taken at face value.#instead picture this: she's watching over ruby as per usual. a police box is there - weird but nbd. then it dematerializes in front of her.#she drops her groceries. she's shocked. she kinda looks scared. if she already knew it was a tardis why would she react like that?#so imo she knows OF tardises. she DIDN'T know the police box was one. and she's worried the time lords have found her hence the fear.#but when nothing happens and nobody comes at her she realizes she's still safe#later when she sees the doctor she realizes the tardis is his/he must be a time lord. he doesn't identify her but that's happened before#so then when she asks him who he is i think what she's actually asking for is his title. WHICH time lord are you.#bc lbr if she knows abt tardises then she knows about time lords and if she knows abt time lords she knows what it means for ruby#to be joining him - and that's why she wishes ruby good luck. meanwhile this is clearly the outcome she WANTS (them to be together)#bc she gets visibly upset when the doctor seems to decide to leave without ruby.#and for once i'm not master clowning bc the list of names the doctor gives out is VERY interesting. some of them we've never heard before:#the bishop; the conquistador; later he adds the pedant and sagi-shi and reiterates the bishop AGAIN. so i wonder if she's the bishop.....
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Imagine you're Mr. Wu and your weird gay daughter runs away in tears after destroying some unespecified object while yelling about you ruining her life. Because you told her you'd be moving to another state. This is the last time you see your daughter in half a year, and when she comes back, she comes back... wrong. She's wearing a light leather armor, a fur-lined cape, and a green flower crown. She has two long scars, one alongside her spine and the other along her chest, the tissue around them covered in burn scars. Doctors say she shouldn't have survived. Doctors say she didn't. Yet she's right here, in front of you, hospital gown clinging to her small, fragile, trembling frame. She fidgets with her hands. Getting her to stay still has always been difficult, but now it seems impossible. She won't let go of her phone. She's always texting her two friends. When you take it away, she gets anxious. You always knew those damn phones cause kids to act weird, but your kid having a panic attack seems too extreme, even for her. Then again, she's always been odd. Nowadays, she wakes up crying and screaming almost every night, and you realize she's been stealing her phone from your bedside drawer every night to text her friends, returning it before you wake up. You catch her once and decide to give her that damn phone back. It's the only thing that calms her down, as if she were a baby with a pacifier. She spends her last weeks in LA clinging to her friends, having sleepovers and playing her weird board games with them. Everytime they drop her back at her house, there's an excessive amount of hugs and tears. But the moments when they call her, or when she leaves to meet with them, or when they show up at their door to pick her up... those are the only moments in which you see her happy. One of her friends, the rude and disobedient one, came back with a big scar on her face. She's been acting a lot nicer, though. The other one too. She acts a great deal more adult now. You doesn't know what happened or where your daughter went. She won't tell you. But you can tell this friendship is the only thing keeping her afloat right now. Maybe you know, deep down, that no one else would understand.
And then you decide to move anyway because fuck her amirite
#amphibia#marcy wu#my posts#so like what if marcy moving away was a proper tragedy#what if things were WORSE for her#what if *smashes marcy with a ROCK*#i realized that.#despite my parents being shitty (just found out literaly today my mom had doctors give me the wrong treatment because she assumed my body#would react the same way as hers. instead of doing what literally every doctor told her to do. now i need to get it fixed)#they still asked me how I felt about moving away to a different province when in like. 8.#like. oh right. this is something parents generally ask their kids about. instead of uprooting their entire lives out of nowhere.#marcy's situation is complicated in a narrative sense because#in order for her arc to work her departure must be dictated by morally neutral forces outside of her control#but her parents' decision seems very shitty with the context we're given. you COULD give context that justified their actions#i.e have them explain that they really do need this if they want marcy to go to college or some shit like that#but then it stops being Marcy vs. Forces of Nature#and it becomes Marcy vs. Her Dad (and she has to accept he's right in this one)#the show is clearly for a Marcy vs. Forces of Nature conflict (in this case it's the inevitability of change)#and in order to keep the antagonistic force abstract you CAN'T have her dad be a proper character#BUT. as a consequence -> Marcy has to give into the ''#the ''natural order'' which would be accepting her parents' power over her as natural and inevitable#it's not even like... accepting her parents are right or anything. just that their o#that their complete control of the situation and marcy's total powerlessness is natural and inevitable#and that's tragic! from a more watsonian ñerspective#perspective* : Marcy is sent back to her shitty parents and she just needs to learn how to deal with it away from her support system#the solution imo would have been to change the motivation behind her family moving away so that it's outside her parents' control too#it really has to be completely inevitable. i can't think of an alternative reason but it's just what it#it's what would fix this problem imo#it's a simple fix really
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me: i'm gonna call my mom just to talk but i'm not gonna tell her about my new type 2 diabetes diagnosis because she has a lot on her plate and just told me my grandma is in the hospital again, and i don't wanna add yet another thing to it.
my mom: your voice sounds strange, are you sure you're okay?
me: starts sobbing and tells her everything lol
#also had to tell her about the breakup#asking me if i'm okay when i'm already feeling on the verge of tears is like THE trigger for me#i will start bawling lol (and i did for the second time today. first time was with the doctor when she told me fdskjdfbds)#(i tried really hard to keep it in okay but she just kept going on with the complications if left untreated and it was A Lot)#anyway i love my mom and how supportive she is about this#and my step dad was also yelling supportive things through the phone too lol it was so sweet#i cannot tell my dad yet tho cause i know he'll say shit like “i told you so” (about extra weight complications) and i can't handle this rn#i know he'll be supportive but not in a way i need rn#so i'll tell him one day but not now
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if i project on her hard enough i'll get a cane :]
#critical role#cr3#laudna#laudna cr#cr laudna#i NEED to go to a doctor#cause if my pain can be helped with physical therapy that would be nice...#idk. i'm figuring out this chronic pain stuff -_-#never realized i had it cause i was raised to just not ever talk abt my pain ever so#and i still have that guilt of feeling like i'm faking it eugh#anyway in good news i used my knee brace today and it helped ! nothing fancy but my leg wasn't throbbing in pain by the end of the day !#like it still hurt but WOW. who fuckin knew.#i really want to try and get a cane. it'd make my walk to work so much easier#and it'd mean i can go on walks with my friend TwT#but i don't think my mom would ever get me a cane if i ask or would get mad if i got one wah...#ok i shut up now :)
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#i have a doctor's appointment tomorrow that i've had in my calendar for 2 months (almost 3)#and because i'm me i have been thinking and stressing about it for those 2 months (almost 3)#tomorrow is supposed to be over and i'll finally relax (for a bit cause i'll probably have to do blood work etc etc)#and now my mom put into my head that maybe (we don't know she's not sure) MAYBE the doc will have to like check me#and so i will have to remove clothing which i was so not prepeared for and i'm not sure what my reaction will be on the day#because that makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable... and like i get it you're going to the doctor it could happen but also?#i need to at least imagine it for a week i can't be told this THE DAY BEFORE#now i'm freaking the fuck out#and up until today my major anxiety was ''am i gonna ask the doc about starting t? or should i wait until she does the tests i need done#in case she turns out to be very transphobic and i have to drop her?''#like that was my biggest worry now i have like a million more#i hate this i hate my brain and i hate that i can't have ONE THING i need to do IN THE YEAR without going into panic mode for 3mths straigh#my brain is so fucking useless#angel talks#personal
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i always forget i have Healthcare System Anxiety until i have to interact with The Healthcare System and immediately just start screaming internally for days
#my mom obliterated her bones and the pre-surgery surgery post-surgery experience. the ER situation. moving 2 the woods#this is a vent post i forget my complaining tag#waited 30 mins for an ambulance & when we called back they were like ''yeah it hasnt been assigned to anyone & might be hours''#so i drove her to the ER with a migraine & ran over some pylons (cool).#stuck in the ER for 9 hours. took 4 hours for anyone to give her any kind of pain management. i caught covid#was supposed to get a call when she was out of her 2 hrs max surgery. was told i could call if i hadn't heard anything#5 hours later i called and was transferred 6 times - told she had been discharged - told she had never been registered at that hospital -#yelled at by a nurse for asking for patient information - eventually got the right department and was told oh yeah sorry she's in recovery#was supposed to find out if she could come home or not in 30 mins. 3 hours later theyre like OK come get her#i show up and the doors to that wing are. locked? and no one's there to unlock them?#apparently i was supposed to pick up the wall phone? and call a code they hadn't given me? spent 30 mins getting help from other department#to GET THEM TO OPEN THE DOORS. FREE HER RELEASE HER#finally i get in and she's OK SHES FINE except morphine doesn't work on her so that's. fine. bodies are good to have#we have reached shrimp colours levels of anxiety i am a walking talking stress migraine but she's doing ok. but holy fuck#kayvswords#also like she's black and all of her nurses and doctors have been white so feeling normal about all of it all around
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Being brave and trying to set up appointment with gynecologist today. Hell on planet earth
#the irrational fear of them going ‘no fuck u we won’t see you ever’ lmao#idk my fingers are crossed that I’m infertile lmao#(which now that this issue has become so much more intense and have I spoken to both sides of the family about medical history#I think it might actually be a really high possibility lmfao because apparently my aunt struggled with conceiving on my dad’s side#and my mom’s doctors were shocked she was able to have kids and she eventually had to get a hysterectomy her issues were so bad)#so pls pls pls pls pls pls PLS let me be infertile#for one I think it would be funny#two it’ll be a good way to shut my family the fuck up when they ask about me having kids#and three I’m hoping that will making easier for ME to pursue a hysterectomy#I want that bitch GONE I want it YANKED OUT I need it so very far away from me and then destroyed#but regardless first step towards any kind of treatment for this is calling the fucking doctor today so el oh el#kaz rambles
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Insurance in the US is *required* to cover all types of birth control including surgical (eg tubal ligation) *for now.* Absolutely try to get it and get the procedure done ASAP
https://www.healthcare.gov/coverage/birth-control-benefits/
thank u. i do need to sign up for that.
#asks#vergess#insurance#my worry is. even if they have to cover it. they will find stupid loopholes i will be too tired and stressed to pushback on#like when i had insurance through my other job and they stopped covering my daily asthma inhaler for a cheaper one instead#and if i wanted them to cover it id have to like. prove that the cheaper one wasnt effective or smth? but. i had enough extra for some#reason that i never got around to trying the cheaper one and now im not insured by them anymore cos i quit that job and had a cobra hiccup#so ive been rawdogging the healthcare system and getting by okay for now but liiiike. not a sustainable situation#id RATHER get a hysterectomy but that feels. far more unattainable. like i think id have to fight my parents on it and possibly doctors#without my parents backing me up. while living in their house. bc im 'young' and unmarried and childless so i could 'change my mind'#idk ill be 27 this year can i call myself an old hag yet? when do i finally get to be too old to change my mind cos i want the fucking#thing outttt. ugh. and id worry that insurance would pull some shit where theyre like well it WOULD be covered if it was NECESSARY but we#LOOKED INTO IT and you have no problems with the pill AND youre not even HAVING SEX theres NO REASON!#one of my coworkers was told her surgery for smth else was covered and now that its done and shes recovering theyre trying to be like uhm#actuallyyyyyyyyyyy its notttttt covered we changed our mind#idk#i have therapy today and shes been offering to help me navigate healthcare dot gov so maybe ill ask her. idk#i also hesitate to ask my pcp bc i know my mom has access to my medical info cos its Usually just more convenient#i need to get my shit together enough to be able to move out. and exist.#like theyre fine. unless they arent. sigh#anyway thanks for the info it is helpful
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went on a date with a guy one time and he asked me what my ethnicity/race was
I told him "Oh I'm indigenous, why?"
bro looked me dead in the eye and went "Yeah I knew you weren't white!" and proceeded to list off the characteristics that made him think that
I was just there like 🧍♂️👍 cool bro
#like im pale as hell because my dad is and i dont go outside often during the day but it just felt weird asf#had a similar thing happen with another guy who then asked to touch my hair 👍 like no buddy#ive had a doctor check me for a concussion before (i had one) and then he just kept feeling my hair and asked if i was native. i was creeped#out and then he asked my mom if he could feel her hair. weird as hell. dont remember his name and shouldve reported him but this was over#5 years ago and i was a teen who didnt know how to. fuck those ppl tho. weird as hell#ndn#indigenous#native american#native hair#hair
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Not me going to an eye doctor I've always gone to and expecting said eye doctor but his new intern comes in and makes me question my demiaroace identity label 💀💀
#my heart was racing my face was heating up and I suddenly felt so shy and aware of myself-#and like he called me “ma'am” at one point and for some reason it made me feel so so so so happy#like my stomach started filling eith butterflies#his hair is so good and his voice is cute and he's cute#and my mom was messing with him and apparently his colleagues jokingly mess with him too and it's so adorable!!#duebidehidneidensksnsj#I'm in my mom's car rn but I'm still blushy and-#at one point he asked “any questions?” and my mom looked at me and my brother and as he walked away#my mom said “you look like you have a question”#but I didn't have a question I had a crush-#sjejdidnsidnisjdje#and when I laughed I realized I was doing my cute giggle subconsciously hoping he'd notice-#and my record also said I liked roblox from when I was 9 and he complimented me on it-#like this is such a atupid thing fir me to fangirl over but-#does this mean I'm not demiaroace or is it just adrenaline from him being incredibly cute?-#because last time I questioned this it was mistaken platonic affection#and I mean it could be that again#but I'm so confused-#i go to the eye doctor and end up questioning my sexuality-
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i am too mentally exhausted to even deal with this shit anymore with my mom and grandma and low key wish i'd go comatose for a few years to be left alone tbh
#had a clean up service come by to see the damage and give a quote on the estimate and my grandma wasnt having it#she got upset and started crying to them about she has only 1 daughter and is trying to help her and they're trying to tell her that keepin#all that junk isn't gonna be helping anyone especially my mom but she wasn't getting it and i said i'm not helping clean the junk that's#all around the house cuz i'm tired of it all and having to manage my emotions since i am for sure emtotionally stunted from my childhood#and have to deal with a schitzophrenic mom and an absent sister who's balls deep in denial while i'm struggling to find a job here#and my grandma always stressing me ot saying she's gonna kick me out isn't fucking helping here at all like she thinks it does#so when they left she spent all day sobbing on the phone how i'm a terrible granddaughter who wants to throw out good stuff#when i'm not gonna keep helping sell shit for my mom cuz my sister can do it as her family contribution since she did nothing since dad die#and the thing is i gave them all options on clearing shit out cuz i know this family by now and shit doesn't get tossed but it migrates#cuz i said months ago i can ask some friends if they could come down and help sort and declutter#grandma said no to that and said she'll kick me out if i do it and she didn't want to pay for my mom's shit to get moved into a storage uni#she leaves the clean up to my mom and i think the backyard got worse but she didn't call anyone to throw out the junk like she threatened t#so i call a fucking hoarders clean up service cuz that's what my family is on my mom's side at this point and the city will be called too#and she has this reaction cries all day and calls everyone to say i'm horrible and yells at me saying i'm the one killing her with stress#when she's already been doing that for months to herself when i'm just tired and possibly mildly depressed or something idk#i barely leave my room and don't go outside except to walk my dog but idk cuz my family's attittude was we don't go to doctors cuz#cuz they're for crazy people but of course it's gotta switch up for my mom and no one else and i'm just sick of it all#grandma doesn't accept free help and she won't accept help that i pay for myself with my money set aside for school so i'm done#unlike her when i say i'll do something i stick to it so i'm not doing shit anymore unless i can call a friend to help with this mess#it's gonna sound like such a horrible thing but i can't wait for my family to die so i can live in a clean home again and get help#like deep serious help cleaning and big time grief councelling cuz i barely had time to process my dad's death and being the one to find hi#and that was just this february like god i am going to need so much fucking therapy in my future it's almost rediculous#and probably say screw my mom's side and visit my dad's side a lot more since they seem to be the normal ones in this shit family tree#at least they're not stupid and leave junk everywhere where one neighbour getting sick of not being able to sit outside and enjoy their yar#without mountains of junk staring them right in the face and landing a notice from the city to clean up especially since#we have chainlink fences and at least 7 neighbours can see the backyard and everyone can see the front porch when passing by#i'm just tired of living in these suffocating households and even wanna file a report myself to kick them into gear#its horrible living like this and no one should live surrounded by junk and things they never use or even garbage
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#apparently I’m not done being mad about this I’m sorry guys I gotta vent#my dad is like an ox and never sick and like not very understanding with health issues/general illness#which you’d think he would have been after having me the super sickly child with a ton of health issues but no#we have a positive Covid case in the house and I have the same fucking symptoms I just started later#I have taken two tests- one yesterday and one today#and he yelled at me saying I’m wasting tests and also that I’m apparently fine which like#even if I somehow don’t catch covid I’m still sick but okay dad 🫠#if it helps put things into a better perspective… did yall know that back in November after I had my 3rd fucking endometriosis surgery#he asked why I was off work for two weeks and why I didn’t go back the day after surgery?#like I had had this surgery twice before and at home recovery was also two weeks both those times#but moreover like sir I have 3 incisions in my abdomen and my job requires me to left 50lbs???#at which point he still insisted I was fine and was just being ‘dramatic’ 🙃#I wanna fucking scream#I’m lissed the fuck off#did yall know he nearly got me killed once because I had neurovirus and he refused to take me to the er?#I eventually lost consciousness from severe dehydration- he thought I was sleeping and continued to argue with my mom that I was fine 🫠#they eventually took me but I was unconscious for several hours and it took five bags of iv fluid for me to regain consciousness#and the doctor estimated I was about two hours away from death so like#yeah#if that gives yall a better idea of the shit I’m putting up with#I have like zero tolerance for dealing with his bullshit when I’m sick#it’s the trauma from not fucking being believed for years of my life about any of my illnesses#and like also the fucking almost dying part#fun times 🫠#I’m sorry I’m ranting so much today I’m just really fucking done and have no other outlet 🙃
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Living in a small town for pretty much all your life is like being in a sitcom that’s been going on for way too long
#you end up being like ‘it’s season 27. why are we now bringing back a character who hasn’t been seen since season 16’#aka guy i had a crush on in secondary school’s mom is in my pilates class#ya girl never forgets a face so as soon as she walked in i was like ‘i Know her. i swear to god i know her’ my mom was like ‘you don’t know#anything’ i was like ‘hush. it’ll come to me’#it bothered me throughout the whole class but then at the end i walked out into the church car park and literally laughed#she has a personalised number plate with her surname and first initial. i turned to my mom and was like ‘don’t ever tell me i don’t know#something ever again’ she’s like ‘what’ because she’s not even familiar with this person as a concept#so i have to explain about the time this boy turned up at my house unannounced and was like ‘do you want to go for a walk’ and i was like#‘hell yeah’ so we went back to his house and his three dogs jumped all over me and his mom asked me about a bazillion questions#that was 11 years ago#i have not seen her since that day but i swear to you i remembered her. i just couldn’t figure out from where until i saw the car#anyway he’s doing like a postgrad in geology now somewhere. i bet she’s mad. she was one of those parents who hires like a billion tutors#and hopes their kid will become a doctor. babe your first mistake was sending him to a state comprehensive with a bad ofsted rating 👍🏻#literally just pretending to be catholic long enough to get him into the catholic school would’ve done way more than hiring tutors#and it would’ve been free! no one can tell me lying to the church gets you nothing#my best friend from primary school went there and got to do free violin lessons and learn german; japanese and french AND they had macs#meanwhile i was playing cricket without a bat because our school couldn’t afford bats. life isn’t fair#personal
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