#one day i will learn to stop talking
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i’ve been wanting to do this since day one
#team fortress 2#tf2#era.png#idk if i’ll.. tag the characters? its just a silly little meme#i’ll think on it#anyway i guess i’ll ramble a bit in the tags then#mains: i’ve always played sniper but recently picked up engie! i love avoiding conflict forever#fav character: hmm this aussie that i hate (affectionate)#relate to: i relate to the both of them at the exact same time. autistic AND adhd#learn to play: i’m a dedicated healer class player but medic is soo difficult for me for some reason? one day. one day#fav ship: hmmm these bozos that i hate (AFFECTIONATE)#like to draw: spy is just fun to draw :) ignore sniper this isnt about him#NO ID SORRY :( this feels very difficult to write an id for. i am very sory#REQUESTS R STILL BEING WORKED ON BTW i’ll get to posting those soon. thank you. i will stop talking now
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yr so right fr the tgchk/3rdwheel tsuyu thing...,.... 3rdwheel i think underrated dynamic HEARMEOUT. hear me out.
1ly i love me some drama espcially in my freakships.
2ly it can be very funny. recently read a fic where one girl is like "shes talkingshitaboutme. shes sooooooo talkingshitaboutme" and her friend is like "OoooKay" (psychologically revealing)
like yeah you are acting like a weird obsessive freak. ackshually. and its funny and i wuv it. yr friends dont want you to kiss but iiiiiiiii do
freakship exactlyyy i love togachako being completely abnormal abt each other and Tsuyu being caught in the crossfire
AND IK PPL HATE LOVE TRIANGLES but wouldn't it be so funny if Tsuyu did have a little girlcrush on Ochako at first but eventually she mostly got over it + assumed she's straight, only to find herself getting dragged along for thinly veiled dates between her best friend and the girl that tried to kill them 1000 times isn't that so silly
#3rd wheel tsuyu ily I'm sorry#she's desperately trying to keep an open mind but she's on her last straw#tsuyu tries to sabotage their relationship at least a couple of times before she learns to stop being a hater#but by then there's already a feud between her and toga#toga pulls her aside one day and she's like yk what ASUI 😠 you're not my friend anymore#and tsuyu's like 🐸 okay?#togachako#bnha#toga himiko#tsuyu asui#uraraka ochako#i love these girls i need to read 20000 words abt them#ask#val talks#my artwork#if u can call it that
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i hope anyone with NPD knows that they're not any sort of inherently bad person and that you're valuable and worthy of all good things and i'm so so sorry that ableism is so rampant that people malign the disorder and anyone who has it. i hope one day it gets better. <3
#loyal talks about stuff and things#that's just.... i hope one day people learn and grow and stop acting like that towards people NPD#and using it as an insult
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i think at this point kon fans who dont give a shit about bernard dowd deserve financial compensation
#rimi talks#every day i look at tags. and i really should stop giving people the bennies of the doubt#but i see a blacklisted post and i go ''well maybe they just mentioned the thing i blacklisted but theyre saying they also dont like it?''#so i click on the view post button. and then its exactly why i blacklisted the thing. and i sigh and have to block them#and you'd think at some point i'd just learn and go if theres a post mentioning that man in the kon tag i should just block op instantly.#that ones on me i know. but also. can any of you pick up superboy comics i am fucking begging#anyways. not to be a pretentious gatekeeper or elitist snob or whatever#but people who refuse to engage with media or characters beyond who theyre shipped with/common ship tropes are so annoying god bless.
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I finished my current sketchbook last night and wanted to post some of my favorite doodles in there :-)
there's so so many more in there that I didn't take photos if so I'm probably gonna post a bunch in phases
so I guess sketchbook reveal 1/?
#bandit's doodles#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#caspian jrwi#chip bastard#chip jrwi#jay ferin#jrwi Marshall John#whenever I read through my sketchbook you can clearly see blocks of hyperfixations#like it’s so unintentionally organized#first section is hermitcraft#then riptide#couple pages of sky colt ocs me and a friend made like a year ago#then it goes pd and apotheosis#(the riptide section was the longest clearly that’s my biggest hyperfixation/spin rn obviously)#there’s also little arcs in the sections#like you can see the couple days I was obsessed with swordfish#also I like to think Gil and Caspian got those fish pajamas together in joaldo#this one lasted from July to yesterday so I think that’s a pretty good run right#not too long and not too short#that thing is so loaded with bullshit it’s insane#get hyped bandit prime defenders and apotheosis art posting soon#I’m on episode 28 of pd right now I think#alright I’m just talking now I need to stop myself#(bandit learns self restraint? nah)
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Danse and Hancock work only after blind betrayal because it’s the equivalent of the one closeted person you kinda pity getting kicked out after being outted and you and your like 7 other faggot friends take them in and help them do a 180 on their outlook on life and personal style and get them to weed (possibly grape mentats in this case).
#Danse forced to live in the state house cause like Hancock really does fuck all all day and has the space for him#and it’s just being like Danse I’ll learn brotherhood knowledge if you trip on these ne mentats with me once#and then Danse immediately regrets it cause they talked for hours and he felt out of it but he liked not remembering hating his life#this is both a good and bad scenario cause all jokes aside someone as rigid as Danse would have#issues with self control especially after BB because he has no one telling him what to do and not to do#like he’s an adult and can decide for himself but it’s like a parent that refuses to give their kid sugar and now as an adult the kid eats#only junk cause it’s like I can do what I felt I couldn’t before and not knowing when to stop#he’d feel guilt when doing it but the thought ‘I’m not in the brotherhood anymore so fuck it’ would be in his mind a lot#cause I don’t think the others would realize a BOS solider might not be acclimated culturally to wastelander lifestyles and just let him go#wild cause it’s normal for them but yeah Danse would have way too many curiosity and sorrow killed the cat moments#fallout#fallout 4#fo4#john hancock#hancock fo4#paladin danse#am I talking about them romantically or platonically you can take ur pick
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#family death tw#i have‚ still on my phone‚ a voicemail that my mother left me in 2009‚ after her mastectomy#she never got over the habit from the nokia days of feeling like she needed to shout on a cell phone#(you could hear her convos from three rooms away. you know the type.)#and there's a scratch in how she talks‚ presumably from a sore throat post-op#but she makes her voice light. 'it's MOM. i'm FINE. everyTHING WENT WELL.'#reassuring me‚ her teenager daughter living 4000 miles away#i'm in my thirties now#and one year ago today my mother stopped me after breakfast and said 'elizabeth i don't feel so well'#and died before lunch#i can try to tell you what i've learned this year: that you adjust to a new normal and then have to keep adjusting#how you spend a good chunk of your adult life being a caretaker and then have nothing to do with your hands#or how you never really stop mentally flagging things that you'd think they'd find interesting#or how strange it is to look at some family pictures and be the only living person in them#but mostly i'm so grateful i have that voicemail.#it's become one of the most precious things in the world to me.#'i'm feeLING PRETTY GOOD. quiT WORRYING. i'll be trying to call you laTER. LOVE YOU. BYE.'
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originnssssss who remembers origins i Loved origins
#origins smp#i heard theres been like three failed origins revivals WHAT EVEN HAPPENED i was only there for the first one😅#beeduo#otubbo#oranboo#beeduo fanart#i rewatched some origins streams a little while ago oh my god theyre SO FUNNY#DUDE DOES ANUONE REMMEBER THAT ONE STREAM I COUDLNT FIND RHIS ONE STREAM#IR WAS LIKE THE ONE WHERE TUBBO WAS SINGING SUGAR BY MAROON FIVE and they were being really Funny thay shit h#ad me CRYING in 2021 Please i swear this happened imnot crazy but also they might have been separate streams actuallu i dont rememebr its#been wayyyyyyy too long#BUT IT HAPPENED I PROMISE Sorry i've been gone for a while ive been very busy lots of Things going on went to Six flags then jad a surprise#bday party then i had to buy shoes for prom then Go to prom and also i do figure skating and am out like every day idknt have Time im sorry☹#had a crepe yesterday it was sooooo goood im like learning to drive too that shit is boring as hell my dad kept gettign 😑 bc i couldn't stop#yawning DRIVING IS SO BORING its not my fault😭😭😭😭#ok what else ohhhh. y god i locked in SO HARD for this physics essay u guys dont even knowim getting ONE HUNDRED on that trust i just really#wanted to share ok i love you bge#WAIT ACTUALLT SORRU IM LIKE REMMEBERJNG THE ORIGINS STREAMS K WAYCHED#RANBOO WAS SO FUCKING FUNNT IN THOSE STREAMS TOO LIKE I REMEMBER NIKI WANTED TO SEE THEIR BASE and tubbo was like ooh maybe we can put like#water down here for you niki we need a water system and ranwas like Do we though?I WAD WAYCHING THAT .LIKE DAMMMNNNNNN OM LIKE GIGGLING WRIT#ING THIS RIGHT NOW I CAN HEARTHE CLIP HE DID NOTTT WANT HER IJNTHEIR BASE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#I NEED TO FIDN THAT STREAM WHERE IRS LIKE TOMMY AND JACK A D FHEHRE LOKE TALKING ABOUT DUOS AND THEN JACK SAYS THE MOST OUT OF POCKET SHIT I#VE EVER HEARD LKKE I LITERALLU HAD TK PAUSE. H PHONE AND BURST OUR LAUHJIMG MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOORRRRR DO U GUYS R EME ER WTF IM TLAKING AB#OUT IDK HOW TO FIND THESE STREAMS Oh my god u really Had to be there early 2021 that was liye the funniest era of mt life i wlild be#Tearing up from lauhjimg every day I MISS WAYCHING STREAMS LIVE CHAT WAS SO FUNNY I wishe it was archivedI WISH MORE STREAMERS KEPT CHAT ON#SCREEN i defiently understand why most didn't like Wyd when chats annouing ad hell but also Me 3 years later is interested in what the pub#lic had to say.... ok Now bye
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songs I wish I could still sing in the passenger seat of his old tacoma
#idk he had really cool taste in music and I’ll never stop missing him#I’ll never stop missing my sibling and I fighting over who got to sit in the middle because that meant we got to switch gears for him#but whoever sat in the passenger seat got to dj#so I secretly let them win that battle almost every time#I’ll never stop missing the way my dad hated every one of my exes but hid it so well until I broke it off#then he would hit me with the classic ‘eh. I think you made the right choice’ and that was it#I’ll never stop missing him telling me that crying or being stressed doesn’t help anything so I should just stop being bothered#I fucking hated it then#but I would give anything to hear it one more time#I’ll never stop missing the days I would get home from dance and he would be learning a new song on guitar#he would tell me to guess what song it was because it was usually mcr or paramore#I didn’t realize it then but looking back I think it was his way of relating to me#that poor man had no fucking clue how to talk to teenage girls#I’ll never stop missing him getting mad at me for gloating when I finally started kicking his ass at guitar hero#I’ll never stop missing all of the stupid shit I hated when he was still here#I’ll never stop kicking myself for taking it all for granted#sorry are those my dead daddy issues?#I’ll put those away#now playing#playlist#grief#Spotify
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I think a common trend I've noticed on Twitch is that the less a person streams, the worse their chat is.
Consistent streams (or at least, semi-regular streams) means there's more consistent mods and moderation, chatters who aren't super familiar with Twitch etiquette have more opportunities to learn what's acceptable and what isn't, and a better sense of community is created amongst chatters (and hopefully as a result, chat stops being dominated by thousands of individuals screaming at the top of their lungs into the void).
#i talk#streamer talk#All this to say I'm not super Thrilled about one of the people on the ''new person'' list solely because I can't stand their community#Streamer himself is fine his community / chatters are just unbearable#I just opened up his stream since it's been a while and I wanted to see if it's still as bad#And it's actually worse! So that's great (Sarcasm)#I'm real strict about moderation and etiquette on Twitch because it's always a matter of Common Sense and Decency#and like yeah we've all had our ''learning period'' when we first start using Twitch#But I'm always just Flabbergasted when a streamer has no mods or only 1 mod when they have thousands or tens of thousands of people watchin#It's a huge reason why I only watch a handful of people and have stopped watching some folks whose content I used to enjoy#If I can't enjoy the chat then it doesn't matter how much I like the streamer – I just won't watch#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#Anyways that's my petty complaint for the day. I'm frustrated about tech stuff rn so I'm a bit more irritable than usual#But I'm always a bit irritable about this topic anyways so whatever
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BTW even if you go on about how 'it's not enough to count' or 'I'm just white though' or whatever, it's still weird to bring up the 'cherokee blood' you think you have. Like. Why does it matter that you think you have distant cherokee ancestry if you aren't taking any action to learn about it. I see so many people seemingly recognizing how frustrating it is that so many people claim cherokee ancestry without learning abt it and think that as long as they say 'it's not enough to matter lol' then it's ok when they do it. I see people going 'well my great grandmother was fullblood cherokee but I mean I look white so whatever haha'
It's partially frustrating that it's almost always fake and completely wrong and even claiming it at all is kinda just annoying to see. But also just claiming it without making any effort to learn anything about us, why even mention it at allllll. It's like you think saying 'oh but I'm white' gets you off the hook and means you can claim it without putting any effort in to actually verify and learn abt it
#both of my crew leads at my conservation job claim to be native#one is from kentucky and claims cherokee [of course] and like. even has a fucking tomahawk and peace pipe tattooed on his arm#the other will bring up being native like. if people are talking about ancestry he will say he's 'mostly native'#which apparently comes from his dad who was... part of a group of Cree that moved to fucking georgia ?? hello?#like. idk whatever i guess#but can yall like.. stop treating native ancestry as if its the same as claiming german or scottish ancestry.#people seem to think that everyone surely has Some native ancestry Somewhere#like.... not really.. ? idk#i might delete this later its late and its been a long day#my friend just pointed out that this is a way to claim the ancestry without having to actually put the work in to learn about it#or deal with the consequences at all#like. 'oh i have cherokee ancestry but no im not Actually Claiming It lol so dont expect me to know anything about it at all haha'#makes me wonder what yall think of white or low bq or disconnected natives since yall think being white low bq and or disconnected means#you have no claim to the ancestry hmm.
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#vent post#vent blogging#Seven’s Public Diary#motivating myself to study for my driver’s permit by thinking of the Freedom and independence a license would grant me? ❌ 1/10 ineffective#motivating myself to study for my driver’s permit by imagining all the new & different possible ways i could become injured in a car crash?#✅ 7/10 it just might fucking work!!!#the only true cure for OCD is to face one’s fears. but i just might be able to find a loophole via my ever-worsening mental health#because you don’t have to Face your fears if you don’t Have any fears#and in order to rid myself of my fears regarding harm coming to myself. i simply have to stop fearing being harmed#and what better way to stop fearing it than to actively crave it!#or at the very least become so overwhelmed that i lose the capacity to feel any particular way about it#i’ve found a new OCD cure everybody - Just Stop Caring™️ /sarc#well. sarcastic or joking for everyone else. but im serious when it applies to me#bc so much of my anxiety comes from feeling unsafe. so i just have to reach the point where i stop caring if im safe or not. easy peasy#like yes i know this is flawed and unhealthy logic but i’ve resisted more compulsions via this method lately than i have via anything else#and even outside of OCD stuff even just for all my other anxiety disorders it’s also worked. im actually making a modicum of progress now#need to make a scary phone call? just get into a 3-hour family argument and then you’ll be so upset that you don’t feel fear! :)#genuinely worked very well. scared of a home invasion? well at least it’d mean you’d have some different company for once!#you might make a new friend! or if they **** you at least you’d have some Real trauma for once. it’s a win-win honestly …/hj#so. scared to drive? well even if you Do crash at least it might lead to a hospital visit and then you’ll finally get that attention you-#-want so fucking badly! you’ll finally get a break from everything while you recover. or even if you don’t survive- well. i shan’t say.#anyways. the ‘you’ in those tags is me talking to myself for the record. i wouldn’t speak to anyone else like this. i just speak in the-#-wrong tense/person sometimes. don’t know what’s up with that. just another reason i need to stop speaking altogether. as i’ve learned#i’ve been trying So fucking hard to be nice lately. letting them walk all over me. and it’s still not enough. cause i’m always-#-‘using the wrong tone’ and ‘if all im gonna do is say smthn negative i just shouldn’t speak at all’ ..okay! gladly!!!#sorry for being autistic and unsocialized and under immense stress and being unable to keep my ‘tone’ under control. my bad.#i just need to get blackout drunk with Venti at Angel’s Share. that would fix me.#that or heading down to the bottom of the Fortress of Meropide and curl up like a dog under Wriothesley’s desk. head empty no thoughts#not sexually. just. in a pet-regression sense. i can’t stop thinking abt it. i wanna write a oneshot for it but i can’t focus these days#anyways. the delusional maladaptive daydream dissociation will continue until morale improves. and brother it’s only getting worse.
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being transmasc + pre t + visibly neurodivergent is such a great fuckin combo because everyone that so much as looks at you thinks that you're far younger than you actually are and treats you as such and even when you're talking to people who *know* how old you are you can tell. you can fucking tell they're doing the same thing even if they don't realise they're doing it
#like worst psrt is i camt even blame them#i dont know how to act like an 'adult'#my interests skew on the younger side and im fucking awful at talking to people#i have no experience with more adult topics because im not living a life where i *can* exoerience those things#and i dress like a 12 year old boy#but christ man. itd be fucking nice tk#itd be nice to not constantly feel like im being looked down on#to be able to talk about more mature topics without the feeling of being condescended to or told that 'ill get it one day'#*especially* when it comes to topics relating to my identity and sexuality. ive been out for 6 fucking years. ive spent every goddamn day#questioning and exploring and reinforcing and understanding it. i already fucking get it.#itd be fucking nice to hold a conversation with one fucking person and feel like we're peers#god. i dont know#if anyone i know irl os seeing this. first off im sorry but also yall are good dw#odds are im probably just making this up anyway#i mean like half of it is liteally jist my fault. i could learn how to talk to people and get more mature interests and learn how to act#like a real person#but thats probably not gonna happen !! ever !! so I should just stop caring about it#im always going to be the youngest and the least mature and the one everyone looks down on because i dont know anything (and im so fucking#ass at conversations I cant communicste the things i do know properly). who the fuck cares#we vibe#me.txt
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Saw the tags on the Toshinori post and do you have more to share?? Any insights? If so I’d welcome hearing them 😭 He really is so self-sacrificial and it hurts but it’s truly at the core of who he is
This has been sitting in my inbox for almost a week because I needed to make a futile effort at organizing my thoughts into something coherent--but this is as organized as they're going to get for now! Thank you so so much for the ask though bc I do love to yell about MHA <3
(Obligatory reminder that I'm watching this show in such a confusing order so if what I'm about to rant about has been addressed before and I'm harping on it unnecessarily I Am Sorry.)
(For anyone curious, this is the post btw)
SO. It feels relevant to mention that my sister and I were talking about All Might in the first place because we were talking about MHA Moments That Haunt Us. For me, it's the 'I am not here' sign hanging around the neck of the All Might statue in Kamino Ward after the Paranormal Liberation War. It literally lives in my brain rent-free 24/7 365 days a year, especially with the AM vs AFO fight being relatively fresh in my mind. The reversal of All Might's catchphrase and all it represents hurts, but to display it at the site of his 'last stand' in Kamino? That's brutal.
All Might vs All For One and how that rematch plays out is so so important to the story for so many reasons, but one of them is that the fight itself is a sacrifice. Toshinori gives everything he has, short of his life, to defeat All For One. He gives up his physical strength, his public image as the unbeatable Symbol of Peace, and, effectively his Quirk ("Goodbye, All For One. Goodbye, One For All" haunts my every waking moment, still!)
This battle is also the culmination of years of All Might's life and heroic philosophy (because Toshinori has been both practicing AND preaching self-sacrifice in the name of the greater good since we met him. It's what he thinks a hero does). Kamino is the sacrifice to end all sacrifices, if you will. Yes, he does get to walk away from the fight with AFO, but he walks away irrevocably different, almost unrecognizable. He's forced to totally change his focus and his mindset and his life. Everything he has given up is made literally visible in the deterioration of his body.
But most most importantly, All Might's sacrifice at Kamino was... all for nothing. Even if AM defeated him in that moment, All For One is free less than a year later. The world is in shambles. People are afraid, and their faith in heroes is crumbling. Heroes are afraid, and this time, they have no idealized symbol to rally behind. When Dostoevsky wrote "Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing," he was talking about All Might btw.
Toshinori gave this fight (and his career, and being All Might) everything he had, and it still wasn't enough. He sacrificed so much of himself, and so much of how he perceived himself and his purpose, and he didn't even save the world. He just bought them time--and not much of it. I think that's why he's so desperate to keep fighting, no matter the cost, no matter what condition he's in--even 'quite literally half-dead.' He can't let Kamino be the Symbol of Peace's final stand, because Kamino was ultimately for nothing. Instead of saving the world, it has been reframed through the sign on the statue as All Might abandoning the world. And ever since then, he's been scrambling to prove that he is still here.
(There's also probably something here about Sir Nighteye telling him that he was going to die. Since Nighteye used his Quirk on him, Toshinori has been anticipating sacrificing his life for good. Knowing that his entire hero career is effectively a fight to the death has probably maximized his self-sacrificial tendencies.)
#ask#yagi toshinori#bnha all might#mha all might#love of my LIFE#i had more bullet points to include about all might's philosophy of self-sacrifice as both a hero and a teacher#but then i was writing random notes about all might as a product of hero society as opposed to a pillar of it and i felt like that one vide#of the old man going '90% of the time i have no idea what the hell i'm talking about'#it wasn't strictly relevant to this ask but maybe one day it will be it's own post bc toshinori messes me up when i think about him#for longer than 0.5 seconds#this is so word vomit i'm so sorry#liza blather#AND ANOTHER THING. a lot of the pros are self-sacrificial to an extreme (i made a web weave abt it) but all might is one of the few#who actually makes it his PHILOSOPHY. like he passes on the idea of setting yourself on fire to keep others warm as a Good Plan#which is NOT a criticism of him OR his fault it's what he LEARNED to do just like#i can't really blame the ua faculty for the sports fest as messed up as it was bc like. half of them are probably ua alumni. they#probably had their own sports festival. this is just like. not registering as abnormal to them.#okay now i will stop#one thing about me is if i'm not talking about kamino i'm talking about the sports festival#and on the off chance i'm not talking about either i'm talking about the joint training arc
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started going to work early on tuesdays and thursdays specifically not to take the same bus with one of my students and um. guess who took the same bus with me today anyway. she is like, 45 minutes early. girl please. girl I'm trying to avoid you so I don't have to make small talk on the goddamn bus....
#besties look away I need to vent#she's one of the people watching tiktoks on her phone with no headphones#which is annoying in itself#and AND she cried like honest to god tears for SEVERAL minutes in my class a couple of weeks ago#bc she was that anxious about the dictation we were doing cuz she hadn't learned the words at all#and it's like girl that is not my fault!! I have literally never once made it seem like it was the end of the world to mess these things up#and I offered her several opportunities to redo it and like. consoled her to the best of my ability but like girl!!!#stop! taking! the same! bus!!!!#sigh#val talks#personal#not me having the mildest of beefs with a 7 year old.....#also I can't find my thumb drive 😭😭😭😭 with all my work stuff 😭#it's probably somewhere at home but not having me is stressing!!! me out!!!#I lichrally reorganized it the day before yesterday this has got to be a joke 😭
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