#issues with self control especially after BB because he has no one telling him what to do and not to do

[dykedvonte]

Danse and Hancock work only after blind betrayal because it’s the equivalent of the one closeted person you kinda pity getting kicked out after being outted and you and your like 7 other faggot friends take them in and help them do a 180 on their outlook on life and personal style and get them to weed (possibly grape mentats in this case).

[bangtan-madi]

Sliding in.... How about "Rfa + cbubby!reader"??😆😆 love u bb

Love you too, you nerd lol.

Jaehee

Jaehee knows what it’s like to go through an awkward phase with your body, especially as a fellow woman. Sure, guys have their own confidence issues, but Jaehee instantly relates to you when you tell her about your self-confidence issues in the past.

Sure, you’re getting a lot better! You actually love how you looked now, but every now and then, those thoughts resurface, like a dark and grim shadow from the past.

Ever since you moved in together, Jaehee has learned so much more about you, and vice versa. When she learned about your confidence issues, it was all she could do not to stare at your beautiful curves and exclaim, “But why!”

But she knows better than to be that blunt. She has curves of her own, and she knows how sometimes those irrational demons find a way back, even into her own mind. It took her a while to get used to her larger chest, so in a way, she knows exactly where you’re coming from.

You always tell her that she’s beautiful when she’s feeling down on her appearance, so Jaehee learns to make it a habit to do the same for you.

It takes her a little while to figure out the cues for your doubt. A little longer gaze at the mirror, going through several outfits before deciding on your staple “safe” ensemble, an extra quiet ride to your intended destination: those are among the ways she puts it together.

When she does, she wraps a gentle hand around yours and pulls your attention from your internal dialogue, one that is probably not too kind at the moment. Offering a smile, Jaehee leans in and presses a kiss to your temple.

“You know you’re beautiful, right? Every curve, every bit of you: all of it is beautiful. I wouldn’t change a single thing if I could, and neither should you.”

At that, your cheeks heat up like crazy because here is this gorgeous woman calling you beautiful! Who wouldn’t?

“I know you’re doubting yourself, and I know it’ll pass like it always does, but I just felt like I should tell you that anyway.”

You turn your head, catching her off guard by pressing your lips to hers before she can pull them from your temple.

“Holy hell, I love you.”

Jumin

If there ever was a man who did not give two shits about what you look like, it’s Jumin Han.

No, literally, this guy hardly even notices, let alone cares, that certain body types are seen as more beautiful in the media. You wanna know what body type he prefers? You. That’s it. Your body is his favorite body type.

Of course, the moment the media surrounding him starts to make comments about you and how you look, that’s when Jumin starts to care.

A lot.

Most people don’t consider him the over-protective type, but he definitely can be. He sees how some of those news articles and reporter’s insensitivity start to get to you over time. It starts out with rude comments about the physical differences between you two, and spirals out of control with outright blasphemy (at least, that’s what he calls it.)

He finally snaps when he catches you sitting on the sofa one morning, eyes glued to the news on the TV. The reporter is giving a review of last night’s RFA party, zoning in on Jumin and you. It was a party you’d planned for weeks, and you were so proud of the way it turned out. You were positively beaming, your smile making your cheeks rounder and lifted.

But that damned reporter is ruining an entire night of good memories. No, they couldn’t focus on all the good that happened, all the fun that was had, all the joy and laughter that filled the night.

No, they have to go and talk about the dress you wore, and how it was “too revealing for a woman of your size.”

Which Jumin considers absolutely ridiculous. You looked ravishing in that dress. He’d shown you just as much after the party had wrapped, if you get my meaning *wink wink nudge nudge*

And what’s more important, he knows how good you felt in that dress. Made and tailored especially for you, it hit you in all the right places. Every curve, every spectacular inch of you looked breathtaking.

But now the media has you down, and Jumin clenches his jaw when you tug his shirt, one you’d slipped into earlier that morning, further over your stomach and thighs.

That’s it.

Jumin retrieves the remote from the table and shuts down the television. You don’t even have the time to ask why before he’s on the sofa with you, arms perched on either side of your head, head leaning in close to yours.

“Don’t listen to those lies. They don’t matter at all. All that matters is that you looked wonderful last night.”

Your breath catches in your throat at his words, and his close proximity.

“You really think so? I mean, last night…I felt amazing in that dress. But now…”

Jumin’s gaze and voice refuse to waver.

“I know so, and if you need some convincing…Well, My Love, that can be arranged.”

And you can bet that later that day, there were heads rolling at the media outlets when Jumin Han called in a complaint about the fake news that was being spewed.

You never knew why they suddenly stopped nagging on your appearance, but every time you made a comment about it, Jumin had a smug look on his face.

“What’s that expression for? Did you do something, Jumin?”

“What, me? Oh, no. Certainly not, Darling. They must’ve just…came to their senses.”

Seven

Out of the entire RFA, Seven is both the most oblivious and least caring about what the “normal” body types are. He’s even worse than Jumin. He literally doesn’t give a shit. I mean, people come in all shapes and sizes, right? Why should he care if the love of his life doesn’t fit into society’s mold?

“Just think of it as the ultimate form of rebellion!”

He’s probably the easiest to be around, too. He loves you for who you are, not what you look like. What’s more important, he knows how much you love how you look! And honestly, as long as you love yourself, no one else’s opinion matters.

Even if you’re in a good place–hell, a great place–with your self-image most of the time, everyone has days when they just don’t feel like themselves.

Seven’s empathetic when it comes to body confidence issues. He’s been there himself. When you’re down, even if it takes him a while to notice because of his under-diagnosed ADHD, he’s right there beside you to cheer you up.

It’s not usually anything in particular that sets you off. Sometimes it’s something as simple as a mood swing caused by PMS or a little bit of bloating that your mind has distorted. Other times it’s the terrible habit of comparing yourself to other girls, even your friends who would never want you to think of yourself as anything but beautiful. When you’re in your deepest rut, you’ve even caught yourself comparing your body to Jaehee’s.

You know these feelings pass, but until they do, you can be uncharacteristically quiet and shut-in. I mean, you and Seven sometimes go days without leaving the house due to the nature of your jobs or recovering from an all-nighter. So, at first, Seven doesn’t notice when you stay in your room for the better part of a day.

However, when you don’t come out for dinner, he starts to worry. So much so that he puts his laptop down and tip-toes over to your bedroom door.

“Maybe she’s just asleep.”

He knocks on the door. You don’t answer. He tries the knob and finds it unlocked. Pushing inside the bedroom, he finds you curled up in a fetal position on the bed. Your eyes are open, staring at the wall, and you have a pillow clutched to your chest.

“Babe, are you okay? Are you feeling all right?”

Heaving a sigh, you don’t reply verbally. Seven closes the door behind him and patters over to the bed. He gently pokes your ribs, a huge grin on his face, trying to elicit the fit of giggles he usually gets from this action. When he doesn’t get that response, only a hand shoving his away, his laughter fades.

“Babe, what’s wrong?”

“Not in the mood, Sae.”

His brows furrow and his frown deepens as he runs a hand through your hair.

“Tell me?”

You lift your head from the pillow and gaze up at him.

“Just feeling a little like Error 400 right now.”

Seven perks up at the mention of one of your secret code words. Most of them had to do with computer error codes. This particular one, Error 400, was the code for a bad request. It was the code you two used when either of you was having bad thoughts about your appearance, using the “bad request” error to represent how terrible you were feeling.

Seven instantly knows how to help. He knows that your thoughts would pass and that there isn’t anything he can do to help, not really. He lays down and curls up against you. Pulling you into his arms, he presses kisses all over your face.

“I’ll stay with you until we can fix that error, okay? I wouldn’t be the great 707, Defender of Justice, if I didn’t help my 606 when she needed it.”

That causes you to smile a bit and let him hold you. You knew that the thoughts would pass, but having Seven stay with you made the process a little easier.

Yoosung

Yoosung, besides maybe Zen, is the person that will shower you with the most compliments. Every little thing you do, every little part of you, he adores. From your curves to your hair, from your eyes to your smile, from your style to your voice: this boy loves everything about you.

Seriously. He might get all flustered when you call him cute or adorable, but he’ll turn the compliment right back around on you.

“No, you’re the cute one! Like…wow! I must’ve won the lottery or something!”

It’s honestly ridiculous, the number of compliment wars you two get into. It’s borderline disgusting. If any of the other RFA members are around, you can count on Jumin rolling his eyes, Seven making hurling noises, Jaehee blushing like crazy, and Zen bursting into laughter.

It’s become the punch line of a lot of jokes, but the truth is that neither you nor Yoosung care.

At first, he might not know about your self-confidence issues. You carry yourself like you love how you look, and most days that’s the truth. Inside your head, you really love yourself, every little bit of you.

But those around you, certain friends and family members, don’t feel the same way. And they’re vocal about their disapproval of your body.

Which astounds Yoosung to his core. How can anyone as beautiful as you ever be thought of as anything but angelic?

It’s only when Yoosung overhears a conversation with your mother that it clicks into place for him.

“Mom…I’m not going to change how I look. I don’t care what Aunt Rose says. You both gossip too much about people and their lives, which are none of your business. Please don’t call me again if that’s all you’re going to say.”

When you hang up, Yoosung starts to turn away from the door, not wanting you to see that he listened in on a private conversation. However, when he hears your soft whimpers, that thought fades in an instant.

One second, he’s turning on his heel back towards the bedroom and the next you’re in his arms. With your face buried into his shoulder and arms wrapped tightly around his neck, Yoosung runs his hands down your back, letting them linger on your hips.

“Have they always been like this?”

You nod and cry into his shoulder, clinging to him like a lifeline.

“I’ve always had curves. Y'know, big hips and thighs, big boobs and arms. Everything about me is curvy, even my face. My parents thought it was unhealthy, but I swear to god Yoosung, that’s just the way I am!”

Yoosung holds you until you calm down a bit, after which he pulls away and gazes down at you. He brushes your tears away and holds your face tenderly between his palms.

“I wish we’d known each other when we were younger. Imagine how much grief I could have saved you from?”

“Would you have even been friends with me? I was the weird kid with no friends. No one wanted to be around me, Yoosung. I doubt you would’ve been different.”

Filled with passion and frustration–both from your words and from your mother’s cruelty, Yoosung pulls your face to his, pressing every feeling you already knew into a heart-stopping, spine-tingling kiss.

“Of course! And I bet you I’d have fallen in love with you all the sooner.”

Zen

Despite what most people think, Zen has a healthy blend of confidence and arrogance. He knows how good looking he is, and that attitude has rubbed off on you in all the right ways.

When you first met Zen, you were coming out of a dark depression, one that left you with questions about your worth and beauty. There were a lot of things that helped you gain confidence again–reading the right books, listening to the right people, getting rid of toxic “friends” that had nothing nice to say–but one thing that helped you more than most was befriending (and eventually dating) Zen.

He helped you see how beautiful you really were, not just on the outside but on the inside as well. It’s canon that Zen is totally into body worship. That goes for inside and outside the bedroom. He constantly compliments you on your appearance and personality, knowing that both are of value.

“You have to know that the very things you dislike are my favorite parts about you. Can you at least try to see them how I do, at least for a minute or two?”

But Zen’s mindset didn’t happen overnight. His entire childhood was filled with his mother telling him he was ugly. Do you know what that does to someone’s psyche? It took him most of his teenage years to get to a point where he truly loved himself, inside and out. What better gift could he give you than helping you get to that place, too?

While Zen had his family putting him down about his appearance, you have other sources of negativity. And while most of those have long been sifted out of your life, every now and then the memories of their harsh words come back to haunt you.

Which totally takes you off-guard. The past few months with Zen have been some of the best in your life. Your mental health has never been better. Between the changes you’d already started and the new habits you formed with Zen–mostly around working out together and eating a balanced diet–you were feeling the best you’d ever felt! Your weight hasn’t changed much, but both your mind and body are so much stronger.

So when Zen comes home from filming and sees that you’re still gone, a text telling him you’re still at the gym, he grows a little concerned. When he sees the salad (which you hate with a passion!) already prepped for your post-workout meal, right beside a bottle of appetite suppressant pills on the counter, he knows something is wrong.

Zen is extremely observant, especially when it comes to you. He knows that when you start to slip back into the spiral of self-hate, he has to stop you before it gets out of control.

When you return home from the gym, he approaches you with a gentle smile and a tight embrace. Not saying a word about what he saw on the counter, he tells you that he loves you, that he wouldn’t change you for the world, and that he doesn’t tell you that nearly enough.

At his sweet words, you burst into tears and cling to him. The sudden outburst surprises Zen, but he quickly collects himself and holds you close. The two of you sink to the floor in a pile of intertwined arms and legs, you practically sitting on his lap as you wipe your tears away.

“I wish you’d told me it was getting bad again, Jagiya. You know you can talk to me about this kind of stuff, right?”

You nod into his chest, trying to control your erratic breathing.

“I didn’t realize I was slipping, Zen. I swear I didn’t. I just thought, hey, I can get into better shape. I can cut down a little. I can go a little longer at the gym. I–I…”

The tears keep coming, and Zen holds you even closer, hands moving up and down your sides, fingers massaging your curves.

“Working out and eating healthy are good things, but overdoing them isn’t good for anyone, baby. You don’t have to cut down or change a thing. I love every part of you. As long as your healthy–and trust me, you are–then you have nothing to worry about.”

You lift your head and offer a watery smile to your lover.

“What did I do to deserve you?”

Zen leans forward, brushing his nose against yours.

“What can I say, Jagiya? I got really lucky.”

[khtrinityftw]

An Unintentional Narrative: The Nature of a Beast

Because the writing of the KH Trinity was more collaborative than the writing for the series beyond it (especially past BBS), there was rooms for certain narratives to form organically within it without that having been the plan from the start by any one person such as Nomura. These “Unintentional Narratives” warrant posts of their own.

One such narrative centers around the Beast, cursed prince and master of Beast’s Castle, who finds himself increasingly torn between his humanity and his beastly nature. But what defines both? And is there a balance to be found? While likely unintentional, a full character arc for the Beast formed around these questions.

In Kingdom Hearts, the Beast is introduced to us as a mysterious but mostly positive figure. Belle, his beloved, was taken from his castle to Hollow Bastion, and through sheer force of will he was able to follow the Heartless through the dark corridors. After Sora loses his Keyblade, and both Donald and Goofy along with it, the Beast becomes his sole ally, giving him renewed motivation with his words:

“Why did you come here? I came to fight for Belle. And though I am on my own, I will fight. I’m not leaving without her.” 

The one glimpse of negativity to the Beast’s character is when Riku is able to fool him by playing to his volatile temper, disguising a Shadow as Belle right outside the door to the Entrance Hall and, once the truth is revealed, locking the door once Beast lunges at the Heartless. Keep in mind that Beast had just said that he can feel Riku, Donald and Goofy close by, so if he’d stayed rational then he’d have known this was an obvious trap. But his temper got the best of him, and it might have meant the death of Sora if Donald and Goofy didn’t rejoin him. It’s a big hint as to why Beast is the way he is.

Beast reunites with Belle and everything seems fine. But in Chain of Memories, we get an alternate telling of this scenario. When Beast finds Belle, she acts cold toward him and insists upon staying in Hollow Bastion with Maleficent. Beast’s first reaction is self-pity:

“No-one could ever care for a beast like me.”

Clearly, our badass Beast has a lot of vulnerability and self-worth issues deep down. It turns out that Belle is rejecting Beast because Maleficent’s magic will take her heart the moment she lets its true feelings shine through. This leads to this confrontation:

Belle: You came! No! You mustn't! I told you to leave this place! Leave me alone! I never want to see your face again!

Beast: Belle. All right. If that's how you feel, I understand. My hideous form is punishment for being selfish and unable to love. Transformed into a monster, loved by no one, I only became more selfish.

And then I met you, Belle. You're the only person who accepted me. Little by little, you warmed my cold, selfish heart. The memories of our days together are my most precious. I won't cast them aside. So I'm sorry, but I can't leave you here...even if you hate me for it. Consider it my final selfish act.

Even if he loses Belle’s love forever, Beast is willing to do what he knows in his heart is right for her and bring her back home to her world. This act of love makes Maleficent decide to steal Beast’s heart instead, which is prevented by Belle jumping into the way of the magic blast. After Maleficent is defeated and Belle’s heart restored to her, Belle apologizes for being so cruel to Beast. His response?

“I'm the one who should apologize. For just a moment, I doubted your love. I never want to remember those feelings of despair.”

So not only do we get some hints at the Beast’s origin, that he’s a human cursed to become a beast because of his selfish heart, but the self-esteem issues this has caused him run so deep that it’s possible for him to doubt the love Belle has for him. This was just a memory simulation, but it informs what transpires with the real Beast in Kingdom Hearts II, who falls under the thrall of Xaldin of Organization XIII. Xaldin has put darkness in the Beast’s heart that feeds off all of his vulnerabilities, converting them into a rage that consumes Beast’s mind. The main way Xaldin makes this spell work is to lie to Beast about Belle, claiming that she doesn’t truly love him and is actually using him for his castle, scheming to kill him for it.

Xaldin: It's time you dealt with Belle. She's scheming to take everything you have. This castle, your precious rose. And then---your life. Trust no one. Feed your anger! Only anger will keep you strong.

Beast: I've had enough of strength. There's only one thing I want---

Xaldin: What? To love, and be loved in return? Who could ever love a beast?

Note how similar Xaldin’s line here is to Beast’s in CoM. Xaldin is psychologically abusing Beast and playing off all his worst fears, doubts and inner pain. When all of that is transferred into rage, Beast will truly become a beast: a violent, abusive monster who hurts the people who care about him, thus likely to become a Heartless (and also producing a Nobody). It’s a truly twisted and diabolical plan.

When the Beast’s Castle level opens up, Beast has locked Belle in her room and the castle staff in the dungeon, hinting that he has fully fallen under Xaldin’s dark spell. But as it turns out, Beast was a step ahead of Xaldin from the beginning...he locked them up in order to protect them from what he might do if the rage consumes him.

Goofy: Well, I'll be! That must be why you threw all of your friends down there into the dungeon. You wanted to make sure that you didn't hurt 'em, right?

Beast: Was that it? Was it to protect them?

Goofy: Sure. We know you're good inside.

Despite this, Beast is still so predispositioned to seeing the worst in himself that he assumes he must have hurt Belle during the time spent under Xaldin’s spell.

Beast: I've mistreated her... I've mistreated her and been so selfish.

Sora: She didn't say anything about that.

Beast: She'd never tell anyone of my cruelty... She's too good.

Cogsworth: You see, I'm afraid he judges himself far too harshly.

When he reunites with Belle, we have this exchange.

Beast: Belle... I-I'm sorry---I...wasn't myself. I hope I haven't done anything to hurt you. Forgive me.

Belle: I know you weren't yourself. You don't have to apologize. 

I’m...not quite sure what to make of this. In the context of the story, this makes sense: Beast truly wasn’t himself because an exterior force was involved in controlling him. But if you showed anyone it out of context, then it sounds way too much like a boyfriend who got drunk or drugged up and beat his girlfriend, only to apologize afterward with a half-assed excuse and then she just swallows it and  takes him back. I don’t know if this was intentional, but it probably should’ve been worded better, especially since Beast, despite his fears, did NOT do anything to hurt Belle, and in fact went out of his way to make sure that didn’t happen. However, what he DID do wrong was do this without actually consulting Belle or telling her what was going on, which Belle thankfully does take him to task for.

Belle: But I had hoped...that you might have changed a little bit. I wish you could start trusting me!

Later, Beast has decided to try opening up to Belle more and letting her call the shots, which leads to Belle setting up a ballroom date for the two of them. But Xaldin crashes the party, filling the castle with his forces and stealing Beast’s rose. The loss of the rose is a huge deal to Beast, and he’s so upset about it that he lashes out at Belle. 

Belle: Please, calm down!

Beast: Calm down!? You just had to have a party, didn't you? Don't you see what's happened? The rose... My rose...

Belle: But surely, you can find another rose...

Beast: Silence! You don't know anything!

Thankfully, Sora intervenes at this point. 

Sora: That's not fair, Beast! Don't take it out on Belle! It's not like she stole it!

Beast immediately realizes what he’s doing, and all of the fears of doing something to hurt Belle come rushing back. In fact, this time it’s worse...last time, Xaldin actually did something to him to make his anger consume him, things were beyond his control. But now, there’s no such excuse - it’s all on him. The greatest fear of Beast’s heart comes to the surface now - that not only was the curse placed on him justified because he behaved like beast (read: abusive), but that he can’t change this behavior. That he is a beast to the core, beyond any hope of humanity, and that the lonely, miserable existence he lives is what he deserves to live with forever, and what is needed to protect others from his incurable beastiness. And thus Beast says this:

Beast: Belle... Sora... I want you to leave the castle. Look at me. Look. This is what I am. When you first got here, I tried to change. But I was only fooling myself. I can't be any different. I'll always be a beast. So, I should live like a beast. With no one, alone. Goodbye, Belle.

Sora is able to snap Beast out of his funk by reminding him not only as to how brave and inspiring he was when they first met, which is totally at odds with the negative self-image Beast has cultivated for himself, but that he can’t just abandon the rose as it’s also the only hope his servants have to regain their humanity, and that just accepting being a Beast will only make everyone miserable like they were before Belle came to the castle. If you go to Belle’s room, you get a missable scene where Beast tells Sora that he still wishes for her to leave the castle, as he still feels guilty about lashing out at her and feels that he cannot love her the way she deserves to be loved.

Now, I’ve heard some people say that this whole plotline is too abuse-y for their tastes, due to what’s going on and what is said and all that stuff. I take issue with this, though, for several reasons.

1.) Let’s be real: there was always an abuse-y vibe going on with the Beast in his character arc. Just watch this scene. Do you really not think “abuse” when seeing this? I think it was always kind of the intention that Beast’s nature as a beast was a metaphor for an abusive man, and that the story is a subversion of the “good girl changes an abusive man with her love” cliche, since it’s ultimately Beast’s love for Belle that sparks the change, not the other way around. She doesn’t come close to loving him until he actively changes his ways, becoming a man worthy of being loved, a non-abusive man. The peak of this arc is when Beast has a helpless, pleading Gaston dead to rights. Belle has nothing to do with this moment: in his face, in his eyes, you can see Beast realizes that if he kills Gaston, then he truly is a beast. That this kind of ruthless, violent behavior is what makes one a beast, and that it’s not the way he wants to be anymore. It’s a superb arc in the animated version.

2.) The KH version is an alternate telling. For one thing, the oft-cited “Stockholm Syndrome” crap doesn’t apply here, as there’s no reference made to Belle’s father or her being a prisoner in any way, the circumstances are different and Belle is here of her own free will. Since that moment with Gaston can’t happen here, Beast’s arc needs to have a different climax. What was decided upon was a test of Beast’s resolve, for him to fear becoming an abuser to Belle due to his low sense of self-worth and for those feelings to be used against him to push him into almost becoming an abuser. And it’s done by a REAL abuser, Xaldin, who has stalked Beast for almost a year, learning everything about him, and then psychologically preying upon him in order to hurt him, all while clearly enjoying himself in doing so. Xaldin, like Gaston, is a foil for Beast: someone who looks human but is in fact inhuman in his behavior and because he’s a Nobody. Beast wanting Belle to leave the castle because he fears he’ll hurt her is the equivalent of him letting her leave to help her father in the movie. It is in fact the opposite of abusive behavior, as he is putting her and her needs ahead of his own. Just as with keeping her in her room to protect her from what he might do, it’s proof that Beast is no longer an abusive person, and the tragedy is that he’s too down on himself to see that. If you want some REAL Disney products that outright turn Beast into an abusive partner to Belle, see The Enchanted Christmas and Belle’s Magical World DTV movies.

3.) I fucking love the resolution to the arc. First off, Belle finally has her moment - when Xaldin tries to make Beast choose between Belle and the rose (and he chooses Belle without a second thought), Belle takes advantage of Xaldin smugly letting his guard down, elbows the bastard in the chest, and runs off with the rose, thwarting Xaldin’s plot altogether. Then, we get an important distinction that I feel needed to be made. Violent, anger-fueled behavior is not always bad, it’s not always beastly, it’s not always abusive. It mostly is, but there’s one key exception - when one is protecting the people they love from threats. Beast’s arc comes full circle, as this was what he positively portrayed for in the original game too: he channels his rage and beastly strength in order to fight for his loved ones and protect them from harm. Xaldin is an active threat to Belle and all of her and Beast’s friends, so there’s no shame in Beast helping to kill him.

Xaldin dies, Belle returns the rose to Beast, and is ready to leave the castle as per his wishes. But upon being reminded of his own goodness and Belle’s own strength, Beast realizes that they can make their relationship work after all, and so he asks:

Beast: Belle, I'd like you to stay... With me... Please?

In addition to the phrasing (”I’d like”), the “please?” really seals the deal in how much Beast cares for Belle’s consent, he is asking her permission rather than making any demands of her. Belle accepts, of course, and they dance to the tune of “Beauty and the Beast”. 

In KH2′s credits, the curse has been broken. The Beast is a human again, living happily ever after with Belle, thus ending his arc. An arc about showing not only the audience that someone who was once a bad person is capable of change and of love and of channeling his lesser qualities as a force for good, but to show him that he’s capable of it too. In other words, a faithful reworking of his film arc adapted perfectly to the setting of the KH universe. Very few Disney characters, or even KH characters, have had an arc nearly so rich.

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

#20?

Short opinion: Between Cassie being a secret NIN fan and her judging David hardcore for liking Megadeth, I headcanon forever that she is a low-key closet metalhead.  

Long opinion:

I gotta admit, I excruciatingly over-identified with David when I read these books as a kid.  At the time when I was first reading the mid-series Animorphs books, I was a snarky, awkward eleven-year-old sick to death of moving to a new town every few years for my entire life for the sake of my dad’s job.  It wasn’t just that I knew only too well what it was like being on the fringes of a clique, desperate to fit in and knowing that I never would for simple lack of history.  It wasn’t just that I listened to Megadeth at a precocious age.  It wasn’t just that I’d begged my mom for a pet snake more than once as a small child.*  It was that I understood only too well how being an outsider again and again and again could make David so desperate to appear tough and competent at all costs.  It was that his whole little speech about just knowing that the Animorphs neither respect nor trust him stabbed right through me, found all my dark secrets, and spread them out on the page.  It was that I had (like probably every other fanimorph on this site) imagined more than once what would happen if I ever met the Animorphs and maybe even had the chance to join them… and I had never, until then, imagined all the ways that it could go wrong.  

Nowadays, I can see a lot of aspects of the character that flew over the head of my eleven-year-old self while I was getting so indignant on his behalf.  Cates is correct that David’s subtle but potent misogyny is a huge part of what makes the character so despicable.  Nothing the Animorphs do remotely justifies David nearly murdering both Tobias and Jake.  Nevertheless, I wanted the Animorphs to have a little more sympathy for this kid in this book especially.  He loses his home, his entire family, and his sense of normalcy, and then about twelve hours later he’s already getting dragged into his first major battle.  None of the other Animorphs had an introduction to the war nearly that violent or abrupt.  In response to that trauma, he gets Marco essentially bullying him for not immediately wrapping his head around the idea that he can’t trust his own parents.  He gets Jake and Rachel both snapping at him for wanting the golden eagle morph instead of the merlin when he’s a scared kid who wants to be able to fight back against the monsters who kidnapped his parents.  He gets Cassie emotionally manipulating him in order to complete the mission.  

Tobias, however inadvertently, stumbles on the truth when he mentions not knowing the others before their first battle and Marco responds by pointing out to Tobias that everyone except him was already close by the time they walked through that construction site.  The Animorphs are a clique, and Rachel-Jake-Marco-Cassie are a clique within that clique.  There’s nothing wrong with those six (and especially those four) being close, given how much they’ve all been through as a team.  It is definitely a problem when they don’t deal with outsiders very well, when their trust issues have trust issues, when they smell out newcomers and close ranks (X).  David himself realizes that he’s going to have to challenge Marco and Jake and Rachel if he wants to be the one in power—or even have any power at all—on the team.  (He never sees Cassie coming, even though of course Cassie’s the one who eventually takes him down.)  Marco especially expects David to get with the program immediately when it comes to understanding the way that the Animorphs do things, berating David for trusting his yeerk-infested dad and apparently forgetting that he himself nearly threw himself into his mom’s arms even knowing perfectly well she was a controller (#15).

As I’ve mentioned, what makes David so powerful as a character is that he acts as a foil for the rest of the team, revealing their ugliest sides.  He serves as a check-in for their degree of codependence and hypervigilance as of that point in the series.  They make the decision about whether to trust him as warriors plotting a long-term battle strategy, and then they treat him as a soldier.  Marco himself comments on the badassery of Ax being willing to obey an order from Jake utterly without question even though he might get killed in the process; it’s clear where all their values lie.  David standing up to Jake over the issue of his bird morph doesn’t fit with the program.  It’s not what a good soldier would do.  But unlike the rest of them, he’s not a soldier.  Not yet, anyway.  

However, David also shows off the sheer power that the Animorphs have as incredibly skilled fighters who have developed a million and one uses for their single (admittedly powerful) weapon.  It’s very easy to read the first half of this book—where Marco almost gets killed by a grumpy housecat, Ax gets eaten alive because Marco lost control of a morph, Tobias flies into a window like an incompetent crow and concusses himself, and Rachel drops the most important cube on the face of the Earth because she’s startled by a BB gun—and think that these are a bunch of fumbling amateurs.  You could almost overlook the skill necessary to win the battle against Visser Three and the hork-bajir that saves David’s life in the first place… Except that in the second half of the book, we have David there to contrast to the rest of the Animorphs.  

None of the core six panic or even express much disgust when they have to turn into cockroaches, even though David nearly gets them killed at the sight of someone else morphing.  All of the Animorphs keep control of their bird morphs easily (we know that both bald eagles and peregrine falcons frequently attack ospreys, but there’s no mention of Jake or Rachel going after Marco or Cassie), and they do some pretty impressive trick flying when maneuvering around the helicopters and the Blade ship.  There’s also the sheer ballsiness with which they run out into the open as roaches in order to distract the hork-bajir from infesting the president, and Jake’s nuanced decision to give up the mission for the time being once they know that the president isn’t in immediate danger of being infested.  David sort of gets dragged along on each of these calls, but he also clearly has no idea what he’s doing.  As Marco (rather cruelly) tells him: “When you’ve kicked half the yeerk butt I’ve kicked, then you can talk, new boy” (#20).  The Animorphs might be cliquey, and not particularly empathetic, but they also get stuff done.  It takes the presence of a newcomer to show just how much they’ve adapted to their lifestyle as citizen soldiers in the year or so they’ve been fighting this war.  

*Luckily, my mom had more sense than David’s parents; the closest I ever came to having that dream come true was carrying a realistic-looking rubber snake around on my arm and introducing it to people as “Cirrus” (yes, like the cloud) for a while when I was in elementary school.

[spaceorphan18]

Finding Kurt Hummel: Choke

Masterpost

3x18: Choke

Okay -- so after along absence, I am back! And jumping into an episode I consider the beginning of a long downward spiral of quality of episodes that I don’t think really recovers until we get to Dynamic Duets in season 4.  Yes, we’re entering a dark time here, (and my personal least favorite part of the series) but that doesn’t mean there aren’t interesting things to pick apart.  

So, let’s do this... 

Phantom of the Opera

So -- we open Kurt’s story here with him singing Music of the Night -- a standard if there ever was one. It’s his audition for NYADA.

And you know, it’s nice.  It’s not great.  It’s definitely undoctored as he goes a little flat on a few notes.  Intentionally or not, when Kurt goes on about it being safe and being bored with the number, I think he has a point.  There’s nothing about this performance that stands out.  I don’t even need to do meta on the music, because it’s so unrelated to Kurt, that it’s not really worth it.  And with the lackluster performance of Tina as Christine (god, talk about no chemistry, though I know they were purposely trying for that), I think the point is that it /is/ the safe and boring choice.  

I love that Kurt’s ideas to spruce it up are utterly ridiculous.  Doing it German? Sing it in the nude? More sequence on the cape? Kurt’s used to doing outlandish things to get attention -- but I’d like to point out that all of these things are about being theatrical, but not about himself.  And, if I’m going to tie this in with season four’s Swan Song -- I should mention, Kurt’s audition pieces are, and should be, about showing himself. 

And I mean, it’s not that Kurt’s theatrics aren’t him -- they are! It’s just that it’s an outward persona.  Who Kurt is on the inside is something he often keeps guarded.  And right now he’s playing up to expectations of what he thinks people want him to be -- not showing off what he really is. 

Meanwhile -- out in the audience is Blaine, trying very hard to be the dutiful boyfriend now that we’re post-Dance With Somebody.  He isn’t quite sure how to tell Kurt that his ideas really aren’t that great.  However, he does have the best line of the scene.  When Kurt suggests adding more candles, Blaine’s response is hilariously amazing.  

Blaine: Oh god no.  No more candles. 

School’s Out

Intersecting with Puck’s story, he comes blazing through singing some Alice Cooper.  Most of the glee club looks confused or repulsed.  I love that Kurt’s just scared, and at one moment, you can see him almost curled into Blaine -- like save me from this insanity.  It’s kinda hilarious, actually.  

Change of Plans

Something I’d like to point out -- post Whitney tribute, Kurt changes his locker.  It’s more reflective of being a senior, and more photos of the group and the seniors.  I’m a little sad that the Blaine shrine came down (though, I’ll argue that it needed to as they go from fairy tale to real story), but I am amused he has a picture of Brittana in his locker.  

Anyway, we get into the crux of Kurt’s story for the episode.  And, I’m going to be straight with you, there are a few things about this that drive me a little nutty.  As I’ve been saying through most of season three, Kurt’s NYADA arc in the season is intentionally propped up against Rachel’s.  All of Kurt’s decisions and all of the good things that happen to him are going to be marred because of what happens to Rachel.  But making it even worse is the fact that Rachel’s going to get into NYADA and Kurt, while doing his best, while trying is everything, is not.  And while I’l say, yes, yes, Kurt gets the better story line out of it -- I can’t help but be annoyed that for a long while, he just can’t have a story line to himself.  

In addition -- I’m not really thrilled with what Glee is trying to sell here.  Kurt wants to take a chance on something that he feels right.  And in Glee world, it is the better choice ultimately.  But just a word of advice for any of you who might be going into the performing arts -- practice.  Seriously, practice.  You aren’t going to get anywhere on talent alone.  I promise you that -- as someone who’s been there.  Do not just wing it because you think you can.  

However, here, though, Rachel’s projecting all of her insecurities and issues onto Kurt.  It’s another Hummelberry trait that’s going to drive me nuts, as this kind of thing is going to get worse as we go into season 4, and Kurt starts drinking her Kool-Aide more. 

Rachel thinks he’s self-sabotaging by going with a song he feels more connection to, and taking a risk on something he feels more passionate about.  He’s not -- it’s the right choice.  There is something to say about being on top of things and being inspired to do something, instead of Rachel, who’s relying on being in her comfort zone, which is why she’ll crash later on.  

Also -- man, Rachel has some control issues in this scene, and Kurt kind of lets her steamroll right over him.  I realize that Rachel is kind of a tour de force at times, and I’m glad he kind of shakes her off later on, but man, Rachel, let Kurt make his own decisions.  

(I need to take a second say how much I appreciate the scene where Finn is telling all the guys his plan on intervening with Puck.  It’s hilariously amazing.) 

Not the Boy Next Door

It’s audition day -- and Rachel tells Kurt that their adjudicator is none other than Carmen Tibideaux, NYADA and Broadway Bigwig.  Now, here’s my thing -- I adore Whoopie Goldberg, I’m delighted she did the show because I think she’s fantastic.  But Carmen Tibideaux drives me crazy -- and not really because of how she handles Kurt, which she could have done a lot better, but because the way she runs things doesn’t make much sense, and she often lets Rachel get away with waaaay too much, imo.  

Kurt’s understandably nervous -- because yeah, this is a big crossroads moment for him, and to do so in front of someone so prolific heightens the stakes.  But you know, he’s wearing those gold lame pants underneath that phantom costume.  It was always an option, even as he let Rachel talk him down the safe path.  I think the fact that it was Carmen made Kurt decide to go with something he’s ultimately more comfortable and interested in doing.  While Carmen may not see it, this is Kurt at his best -- and at least afterwards, he can say that he gave it his all, and presented himself the best way he knew how. 

(Btw, as this starts -- Blaine sneaks himself into the audience.  This is such a little ‘awww’ moment.  I love how proud Blaine is of Kurt throughout this sequence.) 

Anyway -- it’s interesting how Kurt can read Carmen when he gets out on stage.  She’s heard Music of the Night hundred times, as well as The Impossible Dream and Being Alive.  I have to wonder if they knew they were giving Kurt Being Alive next season.  It’s hard to tell with Glee.  

So yeah -- Kurt makes the split-second decision to go with Not the Boy Next Door.  And I kind of love this small little moment before the song starts, as Kurt closes his eyes and goes to a different place, and sheds the scared part of him off as he embraces the role of Peter Allen.  It’s just kind of awesome.  

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33ZKxx1YSks] <---- Not the Boy Next Door Link.  Idk why Tumblr won’t actually let me post it correctly.  But go watch it!

So.  Not the Boy Next Door. 

I don’t think there’s another solo that’s as Kurt Hummel-ish as this one.  This song is so fantastic, and it’s Kurt at the height of his scene-stealing ability.  The choreography is interesting, it’s most definitely an homage to the original musical -- only Kurt adds his signature moves, which is adorable and brilliant.  He sounds fantastic on the number, and it’s a shame we don’t get the full studio recording, as that shows off his range better than here.  Everything about this is such an amazing performance, and I’m so glad they had Kurt do it. 

I'm not sorry for just bein' me But if you'd look past the past you could see That I am not (I am not the boy next door)

And, of course, this song fits with Kurt so well.  Because it’s about a guy who realizes that he doesn’t fit into the mold that society deems worthy but that doesn’t matter -- he decides to leave the facade behind, and be himself.  And that is exactly what Kurt is doing here -- showing off his true colors, and completely owning it.  

Also.  I should probably mention the gold lame pants. But, I mean I think they kinda speak for themselves ;) 

(Watching Blaine through this is so entertaining -- we are all you, bb, proud and overjoyed about Kurt’s performance)

So.  Here’s the interesting and complicated part about all of this.  We know Kurt.  We saw him shine like the bright bb that he is.  Carmen, however, does not know that this is Kurt coming into his own and owning it.  And she just happens to have a different set of standards.  Because this performance, yes was undoubtedly Kurt Hummel at his best.  But.  It wasn’t Kurt at his emotional and raw.  So to Carmen -- she can see that he can perform, but can he dig down deep and give emotion? Well, we know that he can, because most Kurt Hummel solos do that ever so well.  But she doesn’t see that here.  

And now -- that’s personally why I think you do a variety of things when you audition, but this is Glee logic, so whatever.  But what I find kind of interesting here is that she compliments him -- because he does deserve it.  But maybe because i’m watching it knowing what happens, I kind of sense something else here, too.  She was impressed, sure, but she didn’t see what she wanted to see. She congratulates him for taking the risk -- but that’s all.  It’s not enough for her.  

(Now -- I’m not going to sit her and say I’m completely content with this -- especially since Rachel whining enough is enough to get Carmen to change her mind, but I’m just trying to make sense of the whole thing)  

So, oh Kurt, he’s so happy, and proud of himself, and I love it.  And I’m so sad that it’s just not enough right now.  

  The Consolation of Ms. Rachel Berry

And now we get to the frustrating part that leads into the messiness that is the end of season 3.  Rachel chokes on her audition.  Kurt is in disbelief.  And I’m frustrated because Rachel fucking it up means that Kurt’s going to fail.  Because Rachel needs to succeed.  And for reasons I just don’t get, that seems to be the balance the writers need to strike in this stupid NYADA plotline.  Why can’t both of them succeed? I don’t know. Why is it every time something goes Kurt’s way -- Rachel is left an emotional mess to be picked up? I don’t know.  Why does Kurt have to fail if Rachel wins? I don’t get it either.  But that’s the plot line we get.  I guess the only consolation is that Kurt ends up being the better developed character after all of this. 

And -- here at the end, Kurt does what Kurt always does.  He tries to make Rachel feel better in the varying ways he knows how.  And I feel like now is where we’re cemented (at least for a while) in how the Hummelberry dynamic is going to work.  Rachel emotionally stumbles and Kurt’s there to pick her back up again.  And it’s going to be this off balance until we get to season five.  I wouldn’t mind so much if it’s sometimes turned the other way (and around season five we get that), or if Rachel didn’t always need to be picked up from being an emotional mess.  But, I get the feeling that that’s really what the writers knew how to write.  And I suppose the Kurt fan in me is sad that his story is sidelined for a good long while as he becomes, essentially, Rachel’s side kick.  

Now in general - I don’t want to knock friendship stories. And I’m glad that he that they show he does have this huge heart.  And I’m also not saying that Rachel doesn’t deserve to have this low moment, either, because she does.  I just wish they had gone in a different direction -- and had shown that sometimes dreams change because you screw up -- not that you screw up, and people crown you prom queen because you’re sad, and if you harass the right people long enough you get what you want.  But I digress.  

But, ah, this I suppose is the last high point as Kurt’s year is going to get a whole lot worse.  Fun times ahead!