#like you can see the couple days I was obsessed with swordfish

[banditblvd]

I finished my current sketchbook last night and wanted to post some of my favorite doodles in there :-)

there's so so many more in there that I didn't take photos if so I'm probably gonna post a bunch in phases

so I guess sketchbook reveal 1/?

[pototters]

Sitting in between Hitoshis legs and playing video games together as a married couple (age like 22) and your playing animal crossing and you give him a shirt in game that says "Number 1 Daddy" and hes all confused thinking it’s supposed to be kinky but actually reader is preggo

A/N:

I am finally posting this. I originally had this nearly done back when it was first requested, but then it all got deleted when my laptop decided it was time to update itself and shut down. I was so mad that I couldn't even come back to this for the longest time.

I hope you don't mind that I strayed from using second person and instead wrote it as an unnamed and as generic as I could make her OC. I really have come to despise second person POV and avoid writing it where I can.

Please enjoy!

CW: none, all fluff

Words: 1,141

They’d been married for just over a year and Shinsou Hitoshi couldn’t remember being happier. He’d met his wife a few years ago in a rather normal way and they had slowly become friends over time. The fact that he was a hero had never affected her opinion of him or swayed her feelings one way or another. She was understanding of his fluctuating hours and supported him on the hard days. In return, he gave her what she needed to chase her own dreams and career. They were a perfect match.

Of course, they fought, as all couples do, but they were always able to work things out. Communication and compromise were the keys to making their day to day lives work in the hardest of times, not that they had many of those. To anyone else, they probably looked like a pretty boring couple. Shinsou didn’t think so and he also liked to imagine that they were able to work as well as they did because they made sure to set aside time to spend together, not to mention a healthy sex schedule.

One of their favorite things to do together when they could was to play games. Anything from co-op to games that brought out their more competitive sides. Nothing made him happier to hear her laughter as she tried her hardest to beat him with every level they played - or accidentally hit a wrong button. Recently, though, his little wife had an obsession with a new game. A little slower paced than they usually went for, but it was cute and his wife was obsessed, so he played along to keep her happy. Not that he would ever admit that he actually loved the game, too.

“Hitoshi! Look! I finally caught the swordfish!” His wife gleefully shook her Switch screen in front of his face from between his legs where she sat on the floor. He grinned at her, seeing her character show off the catch with the silly pun in the speech bubble.

“Great job, babe. Make sure Blathers pays you handsomely for the time you spent looking for it.” He snickered as she rolled her eyes with a smirk. They’d been playing Animal Crossing for the past couple of months straight and she was obsessed with collecting all the bugs, fish, fossils, and crafting recipes. She would also spend hours creating new designs for clothes or tiles to make their shared island as perfect as possible.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll be sure to collect on all the other things I’ve donated, too.” She turned back around, hunching over her Switch in her lap. “Now I can go back to making a new shirt.” Hitoshi smiled softly at the back of her head, feeling his affection for her welling up inside him. He’d have to cuddle her later, maybe after dinner.

Turning his attention back to the TV screen, he went back to collecting crafting materials and having fun with tormenting the villagers while he left his wife to her newest creation. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed before she finally perked up. His gaze dropped back to her, noting the warm glow to her cheeks that always appeared when she was particularly pleased about something.

“Done! I’ve turned this into a shirt for you, so c’mere and I’ll give it to you.” A giggle left her, excited for him to have the shirt. He chuckled, knowing that particular giggle meant one of two things. Either she’d completely outdone herself and was extremely proud of herself, or it was something outrageously silly that he was being tricked into. He didn’t mind either way and immediately turned his character to meet her outside of the tailor shop.

“Alright. Do your worst, babe!” He snickered as she lightly swatted his shin. The shirt dropped on the ground and he picked it up. Going into his inventory, the name of the shirt simply said ‘1’ and he raised a brow before putting it on. His character made a flourish as the shirt changed and Hitoshi froze, unable to properly process what he was seeing.

The shirt itself wasn’t anything special, just a solid purple that matched the color of his hair. What threw him, however, were the bright words that were on proud display. “Number One Daddy”. He blinked a few times before his gaze slid down to his blushing wife, turning his raised brow on her. “I thought you weren’t into that kink? In fact, I think I specifically remember you vehemently stating how much it grossed you out.” His mouth kicked up into a teasing smirk as she blushed even brighter and hid her face against his knee.

“I do hate it!” She was quiet for a long time and he waited patiently for her to explain herself. “It’s not about the kink.” She finally said, her voice small as she peeked up at him. Hitoshi stared at her, brain refusing to pick up what she meant for several heartbeats. Dawning washed over him and his mouth fell open wordlessly. “Surprise?”

He blinked and his brain finally rebooted enough for him to close his mouth and swallow thickly. “Are you serious? Is this real? Are we… Are you… Babe. I need you to tell me right now if you’re trying to tell me what I think you are.” Nervously, she set her Switch aside on the coffee table and brought her hands to rest in her lap.

“Hitoshi, love of my life, I’m pregnant.” She gave him a small smile. “We’re going to have a baby.” Hitoshi sucked in a sharp breath, his chest tightening with emotion. They had talked a couple of times about kids, but never in too much depth. They both wanted to have one or two, and never really discussed much else; how soon they wanted one hadn’t come up. They hadn’t been trying, but they didn’t regularly use protection, either. It didn’t matter.

Moving forward, he gathered his wife in his arms and pulled her into his lap. “Babe, that’s amazing. I can’t believe it. You’re… seriously? You’re not pulling my leg here?” She laughed and nodded, leaning into him. He brought her in for a kiss, their lips melding together passionately. They broke apart and Hitoshi felt himself overwhelmed with emotion. “I’m gonna be a dad,” he whispered. “The best dad,” his wife whispered back, happy tears filling her eyes. He chuckled softly and reached up to wipe them away. His chest swelled with love and pride in the woman in his arms, the woman he called ‘wife’. They’d started a life together just over a year ago, and now it would only continue to grow as they brought new life into the world for them to cherish and raise. Together, just like in everything else they did, always together.

[the-coconut-asado]

Crazy for Kiwi Crickets

When it comes to eating out in Fiji, you are only as good as your last success.

 Consistently get it right and the punters will flock. Anything less than excellent and it’s ‘Maaan that place has gone downhill – but the duck soup at Harbour Centre is the Bomb!’ You can’t actually get duck soup at Harbour Centre, but anything with duck in Suva is a sure-fire winner as they are in constant short supply.

 Fiji is always in pursuit of the New Big Thing. That duck soup place I mentioned was actually the New Big Thing once, so was The Guava Café (doorstep griddled toast and Land of the Giant-sized portions); Singh’s burn-your-ring curry house and the Chinese restaurant at Samabula where you got a decent takeaway and a ringside seat at a sailors’ punch up.

 There are some classics that never go out of fashion. The cream buns at Hot Bread Kitchen – the ‘cream’ is actually buttercream and they sell them in sets of six like monkey bread so yeah, good luck with just eating one; Cardo’s Steakhouse in Denarau – they claim their cattle are descendants of Argentine castaways from the 19th century (kind of yarn that could spark a punch up in that Samabula Chinese restaurant, but the steaks ARE consistently good); Friday seafood lunch at Suva Bowling Club (you may not recognise half the seafood on your plate, and that’s a good thing); And, sadly closed now, The Cottage – tucked behind the main drag in Suva, serving the best local Fiji food and only open at lunchtime. And didn’t we all wail when the owner retired and shut up shop after decades of top-quality chow.

Anyway, it’s quite something when the New Big Thing is your sister-in-law’s café. Weta (Coffee) Fiji, the fifth child of Mue and her husband Darran, opened its doors in March this year. 

The café gets its name from a gerbil-sized cricket native to New Zealand. A quick google search and you can watch a film of a weta fighting a foraging pig, so maybe not exotic pet material. 

While the lion’s share of daily sales will always be the coffee (and we returned with bags of beans to London, it’s that good), it’s the food at Weta that’s getting the lion’s share of hype. World Health Organisation apparatchiks would probably advise not have more than one Honey Butter Waffle a month, yet people are spectacularly carb-loading these Weta signature goodies daily on their way to work. Take a look at the picture below and you could so easily join them.

Aside from the waffle-fest, Mue and cousin Cherie (whose aunt founded that other Fiji café classic Bulaccino) have entered into a kind of foodie face-off with each other, competing to see who can come up with the most mouth-watering innovations. The Honey Butter Waffles already give 1-0 to Mue; but ever thought of combining crispy nuggets of bacon with a rich mayonnaise, slathering it on a chicken schnitzel and sandwiching it all in a toasted mini baguette? Then check out their Chicken Baconnaise Panini and Cherie evens the score. How about a teal-green smoothie that tastes fruity and delicious but you don’t know why? Place your order for their Ugly Green Juice  - a joint invention so let’s call it a draw. I assiduously worked my way through most of their menu over two weeks and couldn’t find much that was less than evil genius.

Because this is a family concern, and Mue does a lot of her experimenting in her own kitchen, I got caught up in the whole entrepreneurial swirl when we were there this summer. Watching while Mue, with apparent carelessness cloaking a keen cook’s eye, tossed ingredients for her Marsala Chai muffins into the food processor at 5 in the morning while simultaneously whipping up a vegan version of her waffle mix. Slavishly watching her EPOS app to see if the sales dial had moved to kerching! levels – in short, generally starting to catch the fever of the hospitality business owner. Is Suva ready for Kava Hot Chocolate? (Kava is the ceremonial drink of Fiji with delicate overtones of mud). Apparently yes, and at least 10 people on the first day of sales had a dreamless sleep that night. Another invention marked up to Mue and another profit stream.

Having eaten our body weight in tropical breakfast patisserie, we left Suva for a few days to head to our own New Big Thing on Fiji’s Other Big Island.   

Savusavu is a picturesque town with a bay big enough to host a fistful of yachts and a marina to moor them. Even though it’s popular, the road to Savusavu – which nestled on the South coast of Vanua Levu - is one less travelled compared to the resort islands of Western Viti Levu. It has a reputation as a millionaire’s playground and we were told ‘be careful, you won’t want to come back’ (do people wrongly assume that we are at home in the company of dicks with yachts?). Anyway, they weren’t wrong about the beauty of the place, and I can now tell them a few tales about some unexpected food epiphanies.

The first was thanks to Sarah, the owner of the Gecko Guesthouse. It said in our Airbnb blurb that she would throw in a cooking lesson if we asked nicely. Which we did, and she obliged, if a little reluctantly at first. We spent one chilled-out evening learning her techniques for snake bean and bitter gourd curries (be sparing rather than slavish with your spices), a-ma-zing fish madras (although we can’t get fresh walu in the West, swordfish would be a decent substitute) and clever hack for cooking rice (err, use an electric rice maker).

However, the piece de resistance of Savusavu is a ‘dive’ (my friend Ije’s word when he saw the Insta post) called Arun’s Hidden Taste of Paradise. 

The name felt a bit at odds with its appearance, which is a little grubby and dishevelled, but don’t be fooled. The clue is in the word ‘hidden’ because if you make it through their mesh-covered door you will taste cassava chips which are meltingly creamy on the inside and quadruple-cooked crispy on the outside and, hands down, the best butter chicken I have eaten in my life. The eponymous Arun, both owner and cook, seemed frankly scared when I asked for a photo, so I didn’t push on asking for the recipe – but kept the flavour profile running around in my head for the rest of the trip.

Obsessed as I was, I hunted down ingredients lists for butter chicken on my bookshelves and I think I have found a pretty good match in Vivek Singh, who based his Cinnamon Club classic on a 1950’s recipe from the Moti Mahal in Old Delhi. But then I saw a recipe for a curry pie in last month’s Delicious Magazine and had the brainwave to make this pie with the butter chicken. And while you might have to make the trip to Suva to get Mue’s original and best Honey Butter Waffles TM, I have slightly adapted her Chai Latte and Choc Chip Muffins  and Ugly Green juice here.

So raise your Ugly-Green juice-filled glass to New Big Things. And watch out for the next one - the launch of Mue and Darran’s Writers Lodge guesthouse with Kava Bar and Weta Café later this Autumn.

You can follow them on @wetafiji. 

 Butter Chicken Pie

You can just make this butter chicken straight with pilau rice and all the trimmings, but turning it into a pie takes it to the next level. This pastry is super short and crispy, thanks to a mix of butter and lard. Don’t be put off by the long list of ingredients or the processes. It’s dead easy over a lazy Sunday and the flavours are so worth it. Serves 4.

 Ingredients:

For the butter chicken:

800g boneless, skinless chicken thighs, cut into bite-sized pieces

One red chilli and some coriander leaves

1 large red pepper, seeded and cut into strips

For the marinade: 

120g Greek yoghurt

5 garlic cloves, grated or crushed

1 inch piece  of ginger, peeled and grated

1 tbsp sunflower oil

Juice of 1 large lemon

Kosher salt and pepper to taste

3 tsp chilli powder

1 tsp ground cumin

½ tsp garam masala

½ tsp turmeric

For the sauce:

8-10 tomatoes

1 in piece of ginger, half grated and half chopped finely

4 garlic cloves, grated or crushed

4 green cardamom pods, 2 cloves, 1 bay leaf

2 tsp chilli powder

80g salted butter, diced

2 green chillies, split lengthwise but still joined at the stem

80ml single cream

A few dried fenugreek leaves

1tsp garam masala

1 tbsp. sugar

For the spiced butter:

1 Tbsp. ghee

1 tsp black mustard seeds

1 tsp. crushed chillies

For the pastry:

230g plain flour

1 tsp kosher salt

65g salted butter, and 50g lard, both chilled and cubed

4tsp. soured cream

1 tbsp. apple cider vinegar( or use white wine vinegar as a substitute)

4 tsp. water

1 egg., beaten

3 tbsp. lime pickle (I like Pataks)

2 tbsp. sugar

How to make:

First marinate the chicken. Mix all marinade ingredients, stir in the chicken, cover and pop in the fridge for at least 2 hours, or preferably overnight.

 Heat the oven to 220C/ Gas 9. Spread the chicken pieces out in one layer on a large baking tray, leaving a margin on the side to say out the strips of red pepper, tossed in a tsp. olive oil. Cook for 15-20 mins, turning the pieces halfway through so that they cook evenly. Remove from the oven and set aside while you make the sauce.

 Slice the tomatoes in half and put in a large saute pan with 125 ml water, grated ginger, garlic, cardamom, cloves and bay leaf. Simmer, covered for about 25 mins until the tomatoes are mushy (the aroma from this simmer will already be driving you wild with desire). Remove the whole spices, add the chilli powder and simmer for a further 10 mins (Vivek likes to push the tomatoes through a sieve and just use the resultant puree, but I prefer my sauce to be a bit more rugged, a little less refined).

 Add the chicken pieces and the red pepper slices and all their juices and give it a good stir. Slowly stir in the butter, a couple of cubes at a time, and simmer for about 8 minutes until the chicken is cooked through. Add the chopped ginger, chillies and cream and simmer for a minute or two longer. Stir in 1 tsp.kosher salt, crumble in the fenugreek leaves and the garam masala. Adjust the seasoning if necessary then add the sugar.

 In a separate small pan, warm up all the ingredients for the spiced butter until the seeds start to pop. At this stage you can serve the Butter Chicken with the spiced butter spooned over the top, but if progressing with the pie (which I urge you to do) , then set both the chicken and the spiced butter to one side.

Now make the pastry (you can also make this ahead and chill, just bring back to room temperature before rolling out). Combine the flour , salt and a generous grind of black pepper in a food processor. Add the butter and lard and blitz until it has the texture of fine breadcrumbs. In a separate bowl, mix the soured cream, vinegar and water then add to the flour and butter mix and just blitz until the mixture starts to come together (don’t overwork it). Turn out onto a floured surface and bring together into a smooth ball. Wrap in cling film then chill for at least 30 mins.

Heat the oven to 200C/ Gas 6. Brush the rim of your pie dish with the beaten egg, then fill the dish with the butter chicken and drizzle the spiced butter all over the surface. Roll out the pastry in a circle big enough to cover the pie dish, then lay over the top of the dish, crimping the edges to seal and trim off any surplus pastry to neaten the edges. Cut a small cross in the middle to let the steam out during cooking and make some pastry leaves with any pastry offcuts.

Brush all over with the rest of the egg glaze then pop in the fridge for 10 minutes.During that 10 minutes, make the lime pickle glaze by mixing the pickle with 2 tbsp. boiling water and the sugar. Set aside.

Bake the pie for 40 mins then brush all over with the lime pickle glaze and bake for 15 mins more. Serve garnished with the chilli (dipped in a little oil to make it glisten) and a few coriander leaves.

 Mue’s Chai Latte Choc Chip Muffins (and some variations)

When I asked Mue for the recipe she had to quantify her instincts on ingredients, (and thanks for leaving out the eggs first time round missus) but the results were judged by those who ate them as ‘the best they have ever had’. I have slightly adjusted the recipe, using chai latte mix instead of masala chai and used my favourite buttermilk instead of sour cream. (makes 12 generous muffins)

Ingredients:

3.5 cups flour (about 350g) plain flour

3 tbsp. baking powder

1 tbsp chai latte powder

Pinch kosher salt

125g butter, melted

200g sugar

2 tbsp. Coconut oil, melted

2 tsp vanilla

2 cups buttermilk and maybe a tbsp of milk

2 eggs

1 50g packet of chocolate chips plus a few extra for serving

For the streusel topping: 

20g plain flour

10g sugar

10g butter

1 tsp. Chai latte powder

How to make

Heat the oven to 220C/ Gas 7-8. Line a 12 cup muffin tin with muffin holders (I like the tulip-shaped ones in the photo). 

In a large bowl, mix the flour, baking powder, sugar, chai latte powder and salt. In separate bowl mix the melted, cooled butter and coconut oil with the beaten eggs, Buttermilk, splash of milk (1 tbsp) and the vanilla paste. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients and mix with a wooden spoon until a thick, gloopy consistency. Add a little more milk if the mix is too stiff. You want it not quite falling off your spoon. Then fold in the chocolate chips. 

In a third bowl, rub the butter into the flour until you have fine breadcrumbs then mix in the sugar and chai latte. 

Fill the muffin cups evenly (about 2 tbsp. Mix per cup), then top with the streusel and pop in the oven, turning the heat down immediately to 180C/ Gas 5. Bake for 30 mins until a skewer comes out clean from the centre, then remove from the oven and dot each muffin with a few more chocolate chips cool and serve. 

Variations

For Blueberry muffins, omit the chai latte powder and choc chips and stir in 3 oz fresh blueberries into the muffin mix. Bake as before. 

For Apple, Pecan and Golden Syrup muffins. Melt 2 tbsp golden syrup with the butter and coconut oil, then add all the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients as before. Fold in 1 grated apple and 50g coarsely chopped pecans into the muffin mix then bake as before. Dot each muffin with a few more chopped pecans when out of the oven and before they cool. 

Mue and Cherie’s Ugly Green Juice

This is the colour of verdigris but tastes delightful. Just shut your eyes and drink (or colour match with your nail polish, like here). 

Ingredients: 

½ cup frozen strawberries

2 tsp acai berry powder or lingonberry powder

2 tsp Splenda or Stevia sweetener

4 tsp. Spirulina

1-2 Cups nut milk (try to get a nice think consistency, so start with 1 cup and add more to taste

How to Make

Put all your ingredients into a blender, blitz till smooth and serve. 

It’s that simple.

[latoyarubalcava3546]

Condoms, Pet Names, & Phobias! The Craziest Donald Trump Affair Details From The FULL Stormy Daniels Interview!

On Friday, In Touch Weekly published the entire 5500-word interview with Stormy Daniels, the adult film actress with whom Donald Trump allegedly had a nearly yearlong sexual affair.

She spoke to the tabloid in 2011, before anyone cared and long before reportedly being paid $130K by Trump's crooked lawyer to keep her mouth shut.

Related: Trump Compared Stormy To His Daughter...

In the full account, the adult film actress says she can "definitely describe his junk perfectly" and drops details like names of others who were around and some cray shit you just could NOT make up!

See the craziest tidbits from the interview (below)!

Trump Thinks His Hair Gives Him Power

Stormy: We were talking about all sorts of things. I remember he asked me like, "I gotta ask you a question and I don't want to get you offended" and I was like, "Trust me, you can't." I was expecting some sort of vulgar question and it wasn't; it was something about how much money I make off the royalties of something. And then I remember saying to him, "Ok well I have a question for you and it IS offensive." And I asked him about his hair. I was like, "Dude, what's up with that?" and he laughed and he said, "You know, everybody wants to give me a makeover and I've been offered all this money and all these free treatments." And I was like, "What is the deal? Don't you want to upgrade that? Come on, man." He said that he thought that if he cut his hair or changed it, that he would lose his power and his wealth. And I laughed hysterically at him.

IT: What did he say?

Stormy: He took it pretty well. He was like, "Yeah, yeah, my wife even did my son's hair like that, as a joke." I was like, "Yes, speaking of your wife…"

IT: Did he mention her at all?

Stormy: I mentioned her. I was like, "Yeah, what about your wife?" He goes, "Oh, don't worry about her." Quickly, quickly changed the subject.

The Sex Was Boring But Not Terrible

IT: Was the sex romantic?

Stormy: It was textbook generic. It wasn't like, "Oh my God, I love you." He wasn't like Fabio or anything. He wasn't trying to have, like, porn sex.

IT: Did he say anything to you during?

Stormy: Nothing freaky. Like, "Oh yeah, that feels good. That's amazing." You know. It was one position, what you would expect someone his age to do. It wasn't bad. Don't get me wrong.

Stormy: So anyway, the sex was nothing crazy. He wasn't like, chain me to the bed or anything. It was one position. I can definitely describe his junk perfectly, if I ever have to. He definitely seemed smitten after that. He was like, "I wanna see you again, when can I see you again?"

Trump Apparently Didn't Use Protection While Cheating On His Wife... Ew

IT: Did you use protection?

Stormy: No.

IT: Was that a conversation or was it kind of in the moment?

Stormy: It was kind of in the moment. And I was really kind of upset about it because I am so, like, careful. The company I work for is condom-only. But I remember for a fact that we didn't because I'm allergic to latex. And I didn't go up there with condoms on me. I know that for a fact because 99% of men don't carry non-latex condoms on them, so I usually always have one in my backpack but I thought I was going to dinner, so I only had a tiny little cocktail purse.

NFL Star Ben Roethlisberger Can Corroborate Part Of This Story

Stormy: I ended up leaving and the next night I saw him again at a party. It was in the downstairs of the hotel I was in and he was hanging out with Ben Roethlisberger. When I got there, he was already with him. He had Keith, his bodyguard, call me and ask me if I was coming. When I got there, I called Keith and he told me where he was sitting and he brought me over. And he was hanging out with Ben for a long time. A couple other people around, nobody famous. Mostly people trying to hang on to them. Ben had just won the Super Bowl that year. Donald excused himself. He had to leave, I don't remember why, and he made Ben promise to take care of me. I stayed another 15-20 minutes and Ben Roethlisberger actually walked me up to my room that night because Donald told him to. Yeah, he walked me all the way to my hotel room.

Trump Called Her A Lot -- And He Called Her "Honeybunch"

Stormy: He always called me from a blocked number. He gave me — of course I had Keith, his bodyguard's number — he gave me his secretary's number, Rhona, which is his direct office line.

Note: This checks out. Keith Schiller was Trump's bodyguard turned Oval Office Operations manager, and Rhona Graff was Trump's longtime secretary, and is still described as a sort of backdoor conduit for people who want to get in touch with the President.

Stormy: Anytime I needed to get ahold of him, he always took my call or called me back within 10 minutes if he was on another call or wasn't there. I think she would call him and he would call me back from his cell if he wasn't in his office. The number was always blocked. He called me about every 10 days. He always called me "honeybunch." He's like, "How's it going, honeybunch?" He always started the conversation off, I think it was always his excuse to call, "I just read about you in such and such or there's a quote about you in magazine, I turned on my channel in my hotel room and guess whose face popped up?" Just like anytime he saw or read about me somewhere. I was super busy at the time. I've taken a year off because I had a baby, but I was everywhere at the time. That's when I did and was doing red carpets so there was pictures of me like all the time. That was always sort of his excuse to call: "Hey, did you know that you were on such and such? We need to get together to talk about your thing."

Stormy Was Cheating Too

Stormy: Anytime I called, he would call — it was funny if like my assistant or my boyfriend, who is now my ex-husband, he was my boyfriend at the time, was with me, I would always have him on speakerphone. I mean, it's Donald Trump.

IT: Were you with your boyfriend when you slept with Donald Trump?

Stormy: Yeah.

IT: Did he know about the situation?

Stormy: He didn't know that detail but he knew everything else. He called me all the time.

Trump Has A Shark Phobia

Stormy (describing her last encounter with Trump in Beverly Hills): We had dinner once again in his room. I had swordfish that time. Once again, no alcohol. The strangest thing about that night — this was the best thing ever. You could see the television from the little dining room table and he was watching Shark Week and he was watching a special about the U.S.S. something and it sank and it was like the worst shark attack in history. He is obsessed with sharks. Terrified of sharks. He was like, "I donate to all these charities and I would never donate to any charity that helps sharks. I hope all the sharks die." He was like riveted. He was like obsessed. It's so strange, I know.

IT: So it's just you and him in the bungalow?

Stormy: Yeah. But isn't that weird? So strange. So we finished dinner and we moved to the sofa so he could get a better view of Shark Week.

Weirdly, that checks out too. Just check out these tweets from early July (aka, Shark Week) two years after she gave the interview:

Sharks are last on my list - other than perhaps the losers and haters of the World! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 4, 2013

Sorry folks, I'm just not a fan of sharks - and don't worry, they will be around long after we are gone. — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 4, 2013

The Affair Ended When Stormy Got Pregnant

Stormy: Like I said, he always called from a blocked number and for the last year and a half I honestly don't know if he's called me or not because when I got pregnant with my daughter, I completely stopped taking calls that I didn't know. My fans don't know I had a baby. I left LA and lived in Vegas and basically hid out. I just really stopped taking calls from blocked numbers, numbers that I didn't know. I even stopped answering people that I did know, like other celebrities that I'm friends with that would just want to hang out or go out in Hollywood.

Trump Lied To Stormy About Getting Her On Celebrity Apprentice

The biggest thread throughout, and the subject Stormy says Trump talked to her about the most, was the lie that he would "100%" get her on Celebrity Apprentice:

Stormy: And then he goes — I might be out of order with the conversation because it was so long ago. But he was like, "You know what? You're really smart. You're not dumb." And I was like, "Thanks, d---. What does that mean?" And he goes, "You should be on." And I was like, "Really? No, I don't think so." And he just kept thinking about it, I could see his little wheels turning. He goes, "No, it would be really, really good for you. People would think you're just this idiot with blond hair and big boobs. You would be perfect for it because you're such a smart businesswoman. You write and you direct and you produce and obviously you're hot and you're beautiful." And I was like, "Well, it's never going to happen. NBC is never going to let a porn star on." And he was like, "I can make it happen." And I was like, "You can't. I dare you." I was totally egging him on. And that was kind of like the thing, he was like, "No, we have to work on this for you." And that was sort of what he tried to bait me with for an entire year. He was like, "We have to get together to talk about your appearance on." But he was serious. I think when it hit him in the moment, he was like, "Yeah, this is going to be really good." And it could have. Of course, it would have been sensational. He just kept pushing for it, pushing for it. And he was like, "Would you do it?" I was like, "You know what, I'm not going to waste my energy on thinking about it, but if you actually have the power to make it happen, then I'll do it."

IT: Did he promise you that?

Stormy: Yeah, absolutely. He told me that he got a wild-card choice. That he could push one person through at will.

IT: And he said it was going to be you?

Stormy: Absolutely. 100% he promised me.

Stormy: That's when he broke the news to me that it almost went through but there's somebody that had a problem and it got vetoed and blah blah blah. I was like, "I told you, you couldn't make it happen." I was pretty annoyed.

IT: How do you feel about all this — the broken promises? What's your take?

Stormy: I don't really know. I don't have any animosity or whatever.

IT: Do you feel like a fool for believing him about?

Stormy: No. I wasn't like going around telling everybody, "Oh my God, I'm going to be on." It's not like I bought into it 100%. I was challenging him to make it happen. I figured my shot was 50-50 even though he swore up and down it was 100. It's not just him. I never really get my hopes up on big stuff like that.

Stormy says she decided to speak to the press after hearing about Trump hypocritically badmouthing the adult industry:

Stormy: He went on some tirade how he would never be associated with someone…blah blah blah. But clearly I do a lot more than just pose for. So that just makes me wonder if he was just flat-out lying the whole time. I didn't have any unrealistic expectations of actually being on the show; I figured my chances were 50-50, I did believe that he was shy. So now I wonder if the whole thing was just a f---ing lie.

IT: Just to impress you, to try to sleep with you?

Stormy: Yeah. And I guess it worked.

BTW -- don't feel too bad for Stormy.

According to TMZ, her affair with Trump might end up making her some more money -- at her latest dancing gig.

Apparently The Trophy Club in Greenville, South Carolina is using it to advertise! We guess you can't hold strip clubs to confidentiality agreements...

[Image via MySpace.]