#once again though im happy im the only one with symptoms so far

[commanderfloppy]

Ok so never mind it is Covid, just had to take another test later. On the bright side it hasn’t while it’s felt like a shit cold it hasn’t been at flu levels, also none of my family is showing symptoms yet so hopefully they haven’t gotten it (they’re unvaxxed for certain reasons)

So I got sick yesterday (just a cold not Covid or anything, I took a test) and I thought I'd maybe be a bit better today but somehow I feel worse. So I think I am going to go find some old ask games to reblog if anyone wants to bomb me with OC questions to distract

[its-me-im-coraline]

Since we were younger // Thomas Raggi

words // 1441

warnings // fluff and angst

pairing // Thomas Raggi x F!Reader

author's note // if you want to be on the tag list let me know. i was planning on putting this photo on some headcannons so if you see it twice in my fics excuse me lol. I actually really fucking loved this trope omg, it came out pretty good! I'm also excited cause i keep writing more and more words as i go with writing fanfiction and yay im excited.

request // yes, here and here

summary // Reader is Victoria’s sister and the same age as Thomas. The two were in the same class in school, always around each other and even more as they grew older. Lots of angsty emotions and mutual pinning later Victoria invites her sister to the Maneskin house were all the secrets come out.

It all started at a young age. They met as kids, maybe around the age of six, never once thinking of each other as anything more than friends. They would play around, yell at each other, get hurt and take care of one another; and all over again went the cycle. The though of love was not in the picture yet, not that they would understand it.

As teenage years rolled around is when they first started seeing the symptoms of feelings in their behaviors. Y/N was the first to notice her feelings, understanding very quickly that she were simply fucked. It was a simple moment, one that under most circumstances would go unnoticed - but that’s how love is, it hits you like a lightning, no warning, no nothing.

It was a Sunday, she remembers that distinctively, it was after the band was all together and grouping us at the home studio to work on their music, inviting some friends over to help them relax after working all day. Victoria had obviously invited her little sister to tag along, knowing very well that even is she didn’t a very tall blonde skinny boy would. It was literally nothing out of th ordinary, Y/N was just sitting next to Thomas, feet dipped in the pool, the moon was up lighting up the space just enough for the two to see each other as they spoke about nothing and everything. The conversation started about foods continuing to games and movies and then fighting over movie characters and in that moment Y/N knew. She caught herself looking at the boy for a little too long, touching her leg to his as they sat too close on the pool side. She found herself longing to be held by him, but she kept it in. She knew that with their career taking off she had no chance to be with Thomas.

Victoria was the second person to figure out that either of the two teenagers had feelings for each other. Not few were the times she would catch her sister stealing glances at the band’s guitarist, or hugging him for longer than anyone else. She also was not blind and she could see how they held each other during those summer nights they spend by the pool, before and during the aforementioned visit. They clung onto each other for dear life, becoming pouty when either had to go for a few minutes. Originally she ignored it writing off as them just being… well, them - considering that that’s how they were together since they were children, until one day the younger girl confided in her when they were back at their own house.

“I think I really like him, Vic.”

“That’s amazing, Y/N! Oh my, that’s good news! Thomas is a good guy-”

“Yeah, but one that does not want me and would struggle to be with me now.”

“Why would he stru-”

“Vic, are you blind?! Do you not see your life right now? You are working like crazy, show here, show there… Dami already had a relationship and he’s struggling to keep up, let alone me with Thomas, on a new relationship,” she rambled, telling herself that this would be the only reason Thomas would not want to be with her; or at least she was trying to convince herself that she really cared about that reasoning.

Victoria said nothing after that, dropping the subject but never forgetting her sister’s thoughts. Instead she opted to observing the two younger teenagers. It was extremely obvious how they harbored feelings for each other, at least until Thomas got into a short-lived relationship.

Y/N was heartbroken, going back to her sister in hopes of calming her mind and tears. Being Thoma’s best friend came with all the complaining about ‘why doesn’t she show that she likes me’ until he asked her out and the ‘she is so amazing, last night this…’ type of conversations. She could not refuse him an outlet to rant, that’s what they did since they were kids, rant about the good and the bad, never judging each other. But this time Y/N could not take it. It all felt too much, feeling the pain of rejection and feeding her own head with insecurities day after day… she broke, in the arms of Victoria.

The third people to figure it out were both Ethan and Damiano. They happened to be sitting next to each other as Thomas stormed in the living room, fuming from his anger, his face being red, ready to burst.

“What’s gotten your knickers in a twist, buddy?” Asked Damiano, always in good spirit but truly surprised at his friends expression.

Thomas looked like he could not possibly get any angrier but that was proven wrong as Damiano finished his question. He slowly turned his head to face him, giving him a glare before huffing and looking at the floor. “She’s dating him.” He spit out the last word as if venom, pointing at a photo on his phone.

It was a photo of Victoria’s sister, sitting on the lap of a boy they both knew in school. Y/N sent it to Thomas while letting him know of her current flirt. She never believed it would become very serious, so she did not think to much of this conversation. Truth be told, she knew Thom was in a relationship which is the reason she looked into dating other people. She kept thinking how she should not stay like that, wallowing in the pain he was so oblivious towards, but her mind would not drift far away.

“Didn’t you go to school with him?” Asked Ethan, more to Damiano than Thomas, knowing the latter was to livid to respond.

“Yes. He’s a year older than them, His name’s Ignazio,” he responded, turning back to the youngest of the three. “So what exactly is your problem. You have a girlfriend.”

Thomas huffed, again, at Damiano’s words, looking down, being truly unaware as to why he even bothered. “He -agh… He just is not good enough for her. I just care for my best friends, you wouldn’t understand.” He pulled his phone out of Ethan’s hands, storming of the room.

At that the two remaining boys shared a knowing look, understanding very well that if Thomas did not figure out his feelings soon, the two would have problems.

The last person to understand was Thomas. It was the latest time the band had gotten to the studio home with their friends. It was right after eurovision, Thomas’ relationship was long broken at that point, Y/N’s as well. This time around the two were sitting at the steps of the patio, cigarette held between trembling hands, as the chilly night took over them. She looked so cold, so vulnerable, so fucked out after spending all day by the pool, swimming and sunbathing. Oh, to be the sun looking down at her, touching her beautiful face with the hot rays. Thomas was infatuated, taken aback by just how wonderful she looked that night, her skin glowing under the moonlight. As she sat there shivering is when Thomas realized he liked her- no, no, was in love with her, and he knew he had to act now.

“Are you cold, dolcessa? I have a jacket you can borrow.”

“I do actually,” she whispered, not sure if it was truly ok for her to even say it.

“Give me a moment, I’ll bring it,” Thomas responded, smashing his cigarette on the tray and practically running inside to bring his jacket.

As he came back he laid the piece of fabric on the girl’s back, making a point of holding her close afterwards, giving her extra warmth. “Is this any better?”

“Perfect,” she sighed, settling into the boy’s arms.

“You know, Y/N… You look absolutely beautiful right now.” He decided to be bold this moment, he couldn’t wait any longer, in fears of any more Ignazios taking her away.

“Oh, do I?”

“You do. I-I just want to say I like you,” he let out, not even thinking of what to say, quickly thinking that his way of expressing it was idiotic.

“You do?”

“I do, Y/N, truly. And it took me too long to realize.”

“Maybe you are a bit clueless, if you think about it,” she laughed, placing her palms on his sweet face. “You sweet, sweet puppy,” she said in a soft tone, all the while eying the man’s lips.

“Well, why don’t you make this sweet puppy very happy and just… kiss me?”

“Maybe I will.”

tag list: @bieberhoodforever @tabi-toast @ginny-lily @moriro-da-regina @the-killer-queenie

[toosicktoocare]

OKAY SO IM CURRENTLY VERY INTO MANDALORIAN. and i’ve been thinking of a point in time where maybe din & grogu are alone, off in space somewhere or grounded on a planet, and din gets sick, assuming he can take care of himself. but it turns into something much more serious, and eventually grogu manages to find the distress button and cara or someone gets it, and can’t contact din so they go to find him and help him because the poor baby has exhausted himself trying force heal? something in that vein! (i’m a big fan of all your stuff btw!! keep up the good work!)

I’m going to have this set in between seasons 1 and 2, so I’m going to go with Cara and Greef Karga. 

It’s becoming apparent to Din that he’s struggling to discern between the most basic of concepts. Take up from down as an example: When he looks up, if anything to just determine if it’s still day or if his world has blurred to night, his vision doubles vertically. The image of the sky above him, sometimes darker than any shade of black he’s ever seen and sometimes bright enough to burn his skin past his helmet, splits into two wavery scenes, and the bottom half is heavy. It presses against his neck until his head is lolling downward, and suddenly, he’s looking at a snow-covered ground and not the sky. Wasn’t he just looking up?

What’s less apparent, at least to Din, is how he exclusively underestimated this virus, or rather, how severely he overestimated his sheer ability to care for himself. 

It started as a nusicance poking at the back of his throat, nothing more yet nothing less. It was a minor, scratching pain that was only present enough to make sure he was aware of it. He considered that he was getting sick, but under the guise that he’s far too preoccupied to be ill, he brushed it off as allergies. Sure, his helmet’s filters are incredibly advanced, but, he’s still one to succumb to seasonal allergies. 

But, as quick as pushing the Crest into hyperdrive, his symptoms heightened until they were plowing over him, pushing against every muscle, bringing aching pain that dances amongst heat that could melt the snow beneath him and amongst the ice that could frighten the chill around him. 

Terrible, which is the only word his muddy mind can supply, doesn’t seem to bring justice to whatever foreign virus is running rampant through his insides. It’s vicious, all-consuming, and more than anything, he wants to sleep. He wants to yank his helmet off, toss it far away from the heat coloring his cheeks, and he wants to curl up on a cot and sleep until this virus runs it’s course, which, right now he’s thinking, might truly be eternity. 

A small, shaky coo brings forth a brief, harsh burst of clarity, and Din looks down to see the kid tapping lightly on his leg. He should bend down and pick the kid up because, per the inconsistent temperature spikes his body’s currently exhibiting, he’s suddenly well aware of how cold it is, and he shouldn’t be making the kid walk in the snow. Bending, however, requires a movement that, for him, appears as climbing down a mountain. And then, he’ll have to climb back up, with added weight. 

He drops heavily to one knee, and then he teeters. He tries to reach out to the kid, to snag him, but gravity’s conspiring with the virus, and he’s not aware that he’s fallen onto his side until the cold of the snow beneath him begins to chill his armor. 

He opens his eyes, and the kid’s poking at his helmet, dark eyes crowding his vision. Din’s not one for reading expressions, but, if he had to guess, he’d easily say the kid’s worried for him. 

Shit. 

“Sorry, kid,” he rasps out, and he doesn’t even recognize his voice. It sounds heavy, just like the rest of him. Heavy, tired, and shaky. He tries to push himself up because he has to. 

He’s not sure if the kid can understand him, but he promised food nevertheless. He intentionally landed the Crest a miles walk from a small village, and he has to make it there. For the kid. 

The second his arm’s supporting his weight, he blacks out. 

He’s not sure how long this time, but when he pries his eyes open, his helmet’s beginning to frost over, and the kid’s focused in front of his vision, both small hands raised, eyes closed, and face scrunched up. Din thinks he’s seen this before, but then the pain in his head is reminding him that unconsciousness is much better, and he’s drifitng off. 

He wakes the second time to shouts that he can’t quite make out, shouts that carry across a too-cold wind. He’s freezing, yet, the skin stretched across his face is relishing in the ice creeping underneath his helmet. The kid’s still in front of him, but he’s no longer standing, and his large, dark eyes are drooping. Something’s wrong, Din thinks. He reaches one hand out, his glove brushing against the kid’s foot, and then he’s being dragged underneath the virus once more. 

When he wakes again, it’s because he’s warm, and though his mind is struggling to wrap around sentences that are even remotely coherent, he knows that the warmth isn’t normal, considering he’d almost gotten used to the cold. 

Still, it’s not unwelcome, by any means. It’s comfortable, the only comfort against his otherwise struggling core, and he’s nodding back off when two thoughts abruptly burst across his mind: the kid and his helmet. 

He jerks forward, eyes practically bulging, and the gasp that rips down his throat is coming back through harsh coughs that crowd the inside of his helmet. One hand flies up to his face, thankful to feel the now warmed metal against his gloves, and his eyes shift, alert, until they fall on two backs. 

“The kid,” he rasps around deep, hollow coughs. 

“Beside you,” Cara says, back still turned. “Insisted on it, really. Hope he’s got an immune system of steel.” 

Din glances down to see the kid curled up at his side, sleeping, his small face faintly scrunched up still. He breathes a shaky breath in around his coughs, allowing the filtered air to settle his lungs, and then he ghosts two fingers over the kid’s face, right above the small furrow temporarily etched in his forehead. 

“We won’t turn around,” Greef Karga calls out, and Din whips his gaze back up, happy to see that he’s able to look in an almost straight line. 

“We wanted to make sure you weren’t dead under that shell first,” he adds, and Din thumbs at the bottom of his helmet. 

“We imagine you’ll be much more comfortable without it. Plus, you’ve got medicine you must take.” 

Din spares a glance to the wooden cup of green liquid at his side. 

“What is this?” 

“Some weird concotion of ingredients I promise you don’t want to know,” Greef Karga replies, and Cara sighs loudly.

“Just drink it, so you don’t die.”

Din brings the cup up to his face, squinitng down at the less than appetizing liquid. “What happened?” he asks, abandoning the cup at his side. 

“You,” Cara starts, dragging out the word, “were lying half dead in the snow. Somehow, the kid called for us, used one of your devicies, I think, and when we arrived, I think...”

“He was attempting to heal you,” Greef Karga finishes lowly, and Din whips his gaze back down. Memories flood his mind until it’s swimming, and he shakes his head with a low sigh that gives way to a few coughs. 

“I don’t...” 

“The proper terminology is ‘thank you,’“ Cara interrupts, and though she doesn’t turn around, Din can easily picture the light-hearted scowl stretched across her lips. 

“Thank you,” he says, and he means it. His life is one thing, but the kid’s... That’s a life that’s in his hands, that he willingly put in his hands, and he can’t jeopardize that. He won’t.

“We’ll be just outside the tent,” Greef Karga starts, stepping to leave. “We’ll make sure no one comes in, so you should really consider losing the helmet for a bit.” 

“And taking the medicine.” Cara adds, and Din watches as the two leave. His hands move toward the base of his helmet, and he waits until the flaps of the tent’s entrance still before he slowly slides his helmet off, setting it aside with a long sigh that’s been swelling in his lungs for days. A few coughs trail behind it, and he tugs one glove off and presses the back of his hand to his cheek. 

The contact is hot, burning even, and he drops his hand to his neck for just a moment. He can’t let himself get this bad again, he thinks to himself. This... was careless. Dangerous, and somehow, he’s been dealt the best, possible outcome to a corner he backed himself into. 

Before he can talk himself out of it, he downs the cup of medicine in one gulp, grimacing at the odd mixture of flavors, and then he’s sinking back down against the makeshift bed of furs and woven pillows. Instinctively, he feels for his blasters. Still there, so he can still be prepared, even in his current state. 

He still feels horrible. His body’s still too heavy, and everything’s aching almost loudly. He knows he’s got another few days before his fever gives, and he’s sure the cough, a new development from what he could last remember, will linger. But right now, in this warm second, he’s safe. The kid is safe. And, in a moment of unscripted vulnerabilty, he tugs the kid a little tighter to his side. 

Perhaps it’s the fever distorting things yet again, but he swears the kid’s face softens, even just a little.

[popculturebuffet]

Top 20 Animated Episodes of 2020 Part 2 (#10-#1)

And we’re back.. The first part is HERE, which includes the first 10 and my thoughts on this past year in animation, so we can cut the long intro and get right into it. This is the best episodes this year had to offer in animation, and it’s , without meaning to, at least a third bojack horseman. On with the show. 

10. I Am My Monster (Steven Universe Future)  “We all had Steven when we needed him, but the only person who's never had Steven is Steven. He's always been there for us, so... how can we be there for him now?“ Oddly “The Future”, a finale I did really truly enjoy.. is not on this list. Really good episode, it’s just Future was easily one of Steven Univereses best season, tightining up the pacing without loosing what made the series feel special and really digging into some of more unhealthy aspects of steven’s life. And while the future is good and certanily the needed epilogue.. this episode is the climax, the cumilation of EVERYTHING Steven had done and gone though and something fans sadly saw coming and just had to simply watch, unable to help as Steven slowly lost himself. Previously on this list we saw him hit rock bottom and it only got worse: He went to home world, attacked white diamond due to his pent up trauma and once again ingored attempts to help him, this time from the diamonds and spinle, angrily refusing to listen to his own words she she sang Change at him.  This only got worse in the briliant and sadly edged out of the list “Everything’s Fine’ A really damn painful episode where steven tries to assert he’s okay and act normal.. only he cant and he destroys everything around him, and even repeats pearl’s text trick from a single pale rose with a pained voice message to connie saying to help steven. But the pressure of the LONG overdue intervension and the fact it came too late.. means steven confsses his recent sins.. and instead of taking them for twhat they are, spur of the moment acts caused by a toxic influence and a fuckload of ptsd and unreseovled issues with white that while certanly not okay are symptoms of a larger issues takes it to mean “Im a fraud”.. and thus he horriingly corurpts.  So here we are as Greg, Connie and the main gems all gap ein horor as Steven has corrputed himself, reduced to a monster whose not even malcious just.. sad.. so full of self loathing he can’t function and at risk of STAYING like that. And the relization hits hard.. and hits everyone who joins in hard. The auxilery crystal gems soon join but attempts from both groups to stop Steven do nothing. The diamonds arrive.. and not only are saddneed by what htey’ve doned but equally powerfless to stop him.  Everyone breaks down, blaming themselves for not seeing this sooner and for speding YEARS piling their issue on the kids, everyone ready to give up as they loose the person they care about most.. except one. Connie proves to be the hero of the episode, rallying the others with the above, pointing out Steven would happily help them if he could.. and that’s the problem. He’s spent his whole life fixing other peoples problems and focusing on that.. but never had someone to be HIS Steven. Fighting him’s not going to work.. he needs to know he’s loved... in the end the final battle of the series is not some struggle of life and death.. but of love. What wins the day isn’t a fight, though our heroes various powers do come in hand to restrain steven.. but it’s all of them, one by one telling them they love him in easily the most tearjerking moment of the series, cumilating in connie softly playing a kiss on his nose... and it’s this that FIANLLY frees steven from his self made prison.. finally realizing h’es not alone and that no matter who or what he becomes.. his family loves and forgives him. While we REALLY needed the next episode to wrap things up after this swell of emtitions. this was the climax the series desrved: after spending 6 seasons trying to help everyone ELSE and fix their issues he never should’ve had to.. it’s eveyrone else who gladly pitches in to fix steven’s own issues, to help HIM when he’s at his lowest point like they’ve been, and make it so he can FINALLY heal and finally find himself once and for all. IT’s one of the finest episodes of the series and easily the best of future. 

9. The Perfect House (Close Enough)  “I’m this close to connecting garfield, TO JESUS”  This one’s just really funny, charming and creative. Simple as that.. I could move on but eh i’m a wordy bastard. Once again we’re focused on Emily, this time as we find out an endearing hobby of hers: She likes visiting open houses and fantasizing about affording a better place she likely never will afford, one with trash can nooks, a kitchen and a living room that are fully seperate, and indivudal bins for tea and sugar... and when it’s pointed out she dosen’t drink tea it’s only because she has nowhere to put it.  But after Josh and Candace get them thrown out, if adorably so, Emily is forced to face reality... i.e. Alex, in one of the series finest gags, in his underwear with conspiracy boards trying to connect garifled to jesus and having a jug of his urine around for some reason. Did I mention I love this weirdo because I do. Brigette is painting in the ktichen.. using her body as the canvas, though in a bikini because the show wasn’t streaming only yet. You’ll have to wait a season for possible boobs. Naturally this just stresses her out so she goes to visit more houses while Josh vows to buy a family bike, a large circular bike for the whole family, as an activity because of course he does and of COURSE he also has a recurring issue of being mocked by some random kid about not having one. 

So she escapes and meets dave and caitlin, a husband whose family life is miserable and a child star who got emanicapted and they quickly form a psuedo family to look at open houses.. only to, as if to remind you what show your watching, instead end up in a tgif sitcom... and trapped in a styigian void, with only Emily desperate to get out. Also she’s been missing three days and Josh has some thoughts on that and goes after her.  Naturally given she’s crashing in on her fake sitcom family, this oly has him seen as a plot element, and Emily’s attempt at cursing and everything she can , while hilarious fail.. but the climax is what makes the episode and what inches it slighlty above quack pack.. which itself was fucking awesome. Instead of FIGHTING the format... Emily is forced to play into it, and realizes a cheesy moment of emtional honesty is what’s needed. She apologizes to her fake family, saying their nice but she has to face the world and to josh and much like Donald, seroiusly this episode was made years ago and there’s no way in hell frank knew about it, she just needed an escape but it’s more healthy: instead of wishing for a life she never had Emily just wants a break from the life she does for five minutes. She’s happy where she is, with her loving husband, wonderful daughter, impulsive but still carring best friend.. and well okay maybe not Alex, there’s somethihng really wrong with him, but as much as I love the guy I admit he’s not for everyone. I’m also a borderline feral man covered in hair who wants people to know i’m smart. I get him. 

IT’s this that sets her free.. and we get another amazing gag as Dave’s family shows up and Dave chooses the fantasy.. though instead of this being thorughly pogiant it’s just “classic dave”. COmplete with title sequence. And of course it ends on a family bike with Emily getting those tins from Josh. Their relationship.. is REALLY what makes both this show and this episode in paticular work. Here while Emily screws up, it STARTS innocently enough, simply faking being a family and spirals into tgif because while this show isn’t, possibly, in the regular show cinematic universe, it’s defintely in the same multiverse. She just wants some peace of mind from a chaotic life, but dosen’t resent her husband or anything.. he just frustrates her sometimes which is fair. But he’s never portrayed as an abusive asshat which you think would be a low bar to clear but.. you’d be suprised. Point is it’s a wonderfully weird and somehow still unique despite being one of three tgif parodies this year. Seriously that shit is a goldmine. It’s how Dashieel Driscoll got half a season out of full house and a good chunk of a very special epsiode as a whole out of it. Though a certain incident helped. 

Point is good show, jolly good show... and ew’ll be right back with the rest afte the cut

8. Agony of a Witch/Old Bodies, Young Souls (The Owl House) “You always thought you were better than me! That I could never Beat you at anything! “  “I AM Better than you!” “Then WHY WERE YOU SO EASY TO CURSE?!”  The Owl House was a show I took WAY too long to catch up on after missing the second half of season 2.. minus Enchanting Grom Fright which I caught first run and we’ll get to that story shortly. Point is my procastnation did me dirty here as this show , which was already fantastic just got better and better, cumulating in this epic, heartdestroying, soul punching, beautifully animated finale that takes everything the show has built up thus far, blows it up in some places and uses it to beautifully end in others, leaving us with a new road for the future.  So yeah naturally it’s been a long ride as one of Owl House’s strength.. is that no episode is filler. No really, each one has a purpose great or small in the larger narrative, and every major arc has been expertly paced and crafted, bringing us to this point. The only major arc or plot thread left out is Amity, and that’s honestly for the better. Make NO mistake, she’s a great character.. but like fellow great Donald Duck, she was left out because the episode had a LOT of emotional stuff going on, a lot of plot to fit in, and a lot to do and it’s simply better for her character and for the moment’s she’s bound to have in response to well.. everything happening here, to let it breathe next season rather than try to shove it into an already stuffed two episodes.  But this episode is one long string of payoffs, and payoffs creating more setups: So all season Eda, our loveable witch, has been grappling with a curse that turns her into an owl beast, one that’s been getting worse as far back as the mid season finale Escape from the Palisman. She’s been needing more and more elixer to combat it, a harrowing parallel to some real world diseases: Sometimes your meds can only DO so much to combat something actively killing you.. thankfully this time.. not speaking from personal experince.  And Luz finds out soon into the episode as Eda makes a cloak of witches wool, which can deflect powerful spells, to protect herself.. only to black out and go owl just as she’s saying she’s fine. Like most parents would Eda hid just how bad things have gotten and it’s gone from needing just one bottle of elixer to needing their entire suply, and even that barely worked. Despite her mentor’s assurances, Luz is now PAINFULLY aware her mentor is on borrowoed time... not helped by the fact the coven attacked earlier that morning and she finds out by finding hooty playing tea party with them, meaning Eda is outgunned, outmanned and while Lilith failed, again.. the emperor can now easily find her himself and send whoever he wnats and however many people he wants to fetch her.. and Eda can’t use too much of her magic or else.  So while Eda and King, touched by how much Luz has changed them, decide to throw a suprise party with King making a big cake to jump out of and Eda using witches wool she intended for herself to make her a cape. Meanwhile as you’d expect Luz.. is plotting a dangerous and life threatning mission: with a field trip to the Emperor’s Coven that day, one she was going to sit out because you know they hate her second mom for dogmatic and vile reasons the episode fleshes out, she finds out they have an artifact called the healing hat that can seemingly heal anything.  So she does what Luz does and comes up with an impulsive plan to heist the thing.. but for once her impuslivness isn’t played for laughs. Her mother figure is slowly sucumbing to a fate worse than death, for once instead of just acting rashly because Luz.. she’s doing so because she KNOWS, that she has no other choice. Nothing else in sight and she’s smart enough to know that if Eda had a cure she’d of told Luz about it. Even if it was dangerous or required a sacrifice or something Eda would’ve just left that part out.  But the trip serves a few other purposes besides getting Luz where she needs to be for the plot that makes it work: it elaborates on just what the emperor’s coven is like and WHY Emperor Belos gets away with everything: He claims to speak for the titan,  the giant dead monster whose body makes up the boiling isles and who, as Luz has discovered, is the source of the magic there. So when he bloodily, I mean it’ sa kid show so they dont’ say so but given how violent this one is i’m asssuming bloody, took power, he claimed they were doing magic wrong, killed any hertiics and set up the rigid coven system. It explains just WHY the boiling isles limits themselves, gives the whole thing a creepy dogmatic religion vibe.. something that i’m REALLY suprised disney let them get away with as they had to fight for gays in the series.. but at the same time shouldn’t be because hunchback of notre dame exists and Soul , released the same year, was a big gamble against the bible belt. So their not afriad of religious groups.. but they ARE afraid of homophobic groups.. which have a lot of overlap. 

Point is it’s a good storytelling device.. and cathartic given i’ve been playing Fire Emblem: Three Houses as I finally bought it with some christmas money. Good game, probably will talk about it in the future, not the point here. 

The point is that the visit gives us some worldbuilding that helps show just how much of a threat the coven is and why their so intent on capturing Eda. We also finally meet belos, god emperor and man tired of Lillith’s shit and giving her till twilight to get Eda.. or presumibly die. I mean he dosen’t say it but he sure is implying it as loud as he can.  That’s when things go pear shaped for Luz who finds the hat.. and LIlith who has found her barganing chip to lure Eda to her, which works as well as you’d expect and leads to the best figh tin the series thus far and one of , if not it’s best scene; A duel between edith and lilith. And while they fought back in Covention this time  it’s not a petty squabble between siblings masquerading as one trying to capture the other.. it’s  fight NEITHER can afford to loose. Eda can’t loose her protege and Lilith will loose everything, dying at best being cast out of the coven at worst, if she fails not to mention loosing what she feels is her only chance at saving her sister.  But it’s also VERY clear Lilith is groosly outmatched, and while no slouch herself Eda’s constant bragging about being “the most powerful witch on the boiling isles”.. is entirely backed up. Lilith barely is able to hold herself and only gets ahead by using a child as a shiled, going even lower than her sister. However the stress of this, the build of having been the older sister of someone who constantly outshined her then turned entirely against her, finally causes lilith to snap.. and reveal the curse is her fault. Cissy Jones delivery here.. is jsut perfect, showing a mixture of rage and pain, showing that she’s spent YEARS hiding this, years resenting her sister for constnatly being better desptie working harder and doing the right thigns. Even when she’s trying to HELP Eda, genuinely trying to undo her mistake as we find out and as we’ve seen genuinely sees the emperor as the wise and benevlolent god he portrays himself as.. she can’t let it go. SHe can’t see past her own bitterness to see her sister is right and if she could just let this go and work on Eda’s terms instead of forcing Eda into her world, then maybe it wouldn’t of gotten this bad. Maybe she could’ve told her. 

Eda takes it about as well as you’d expect, and Lilith.. uses this to threaten luz’s life and force eda to use up her magic to save her, leading to the series most heartbreaking moment and Wendy Mallick’s best acting so far as she bids her appretnince a tearful farewell. Luz RIGHTFULLY and angrily lashes out at lilith calling her a monster while Lilith takes Eda and urges luz to go home... and after a tearful ending with king realizing something’s deeply wrong.

So thus next episode after a history lesson from king and some suprisinging caution as he KNOWS what Luz is up against.. Luz still decides she dosne’t care. Eda’s sacrificed herself, to Luz it’s her fault she’s in this which while KINDA accurate missues some fine points such as her sister’s stubborness or the fact had lilith not shown up she could’ve taken the hat. And the fact LIlith saying the hat was junk was pretty unreliable. What i’m saying is maybe the child shoudln’t blame herself for being kidnapped while genuinely tring to reach the same goal. 

But Lilith soon learns to her horror her sister was right. While Belos restores Eda’ss sentience even fully owled.. he has no intrest in helping her, eveyr intrest in publicly petrifying her, and not even the slightest hint of remorse at betraying lilith this deeply. After all her faith in the man.. Belos spat in her face and told her to like it.  Meanwhile Luz goes on the warpath, and we see just how far she’s come.. and WHY Belos is probably so restrictive with magic and put it on such a tight leash: we see that with her natural power and just a handful of spells, the four she’s pciked up over the season, she easily curbstomps the conformotrium staff, gets to Eda fairly easily.. and fines sshe can’t free her and eda wants the door destroyed so whatever Belos wants with it, he can’t have it. Luz heads home, ready to destroy the door.. onlyt of ind two things. her magic dosen’t work there.. and Lilith followed her and grabbed king. After a breif fight and Luz angrily and rightously confroting the asshole, wish she was in Eda’s place.. Lilith admits luz’s right and gives her backstory: That her insecurity was so great that on the day before a duel with Eda to determine who got into the emperoror’s coven, she curfsed her own sister, with no idea it’d last this long or get this bad. And with no idea Eda had lost intrest in it and WILLINGLY gave her sister teh spot.. It’s very clear despite her masssive flaws that will need to be adressed.. lilith never stopped caring about her sister, and it took all this to make her realize that trying to fix the mistake on HER terms without including her sister.. instead has almost cost her it.  So Luz and King relucntnatly take her help, though the other two are quickly capatured when theyt ry to get to hte exceution platform and thrown in the cage with Eda.. which dosne’t help the coven’s reputation as gus and willow try to make a case for Eda. Meanwhile we get the SECOND best fight of the series as Luz challenges Bellows.. and it’s UTTERLY chillling and while he’s had scenes before this it’s here we get the true scope of who he is ..and that like eda the god complex is something he can back up. Whlie Luz proves just how strong she’s gotten by keeping up with him it’s barely, and it’s clear from the moment go, and one of the series best shots, with Belos creeply materlizing behind her before announcing “sure, i’ll play” that this is a game. She’s no challenge to him and he simply wants to see waht she can do and is mildly impressed if a tad annoyed at her actually damaging his mask. But with Eda, King and Lilith’s lives in the ballance the only way Luz can save htem.. is to give him waht he wants. 

Thing is, just like Lilith, just like everyone has, good an dbad all season.... Belos undereesitmated luz.. who left fire runes on the door, willnig to sacrifice ever seeing her mom again if it meant keeping him away from her. While he has no invasion planned whatever it is CANNOT be good. Luz saves them, and Eda flies them off with Belos saying the titan dismissed them. Also that Belos has a big penis.. super huge, size of a tractor that one. Yeah that’s the ticket. 

But we get  a happyish ending as LIlith does what she should’ve done a long time ago and apologizes, and Eda starts to fogive her, brought on by King earlier standing up to her as whle he’s not happy with her either, he realizes from her story she’s not a bad person.. just a very messed up one who couldn’t own up to her mistakes. One who belivied in the wrong person to fix her problem and finally takes repsonsiblity and part of the curse into her. So with the sequel hook of Eda having lost her internal magic power but still being able to use glyph’s like luz, we also find out the Emperor has the door and a mysterious masked minon,.. who i’m fairly certain isn’t amity only because it’s too obvious. This is simply how you end a season: It’s engaging, heartbreaking, well animated and pays off EVEYRHTING so far while setting up the season to come. It’s going to be a LONG wait till next time, mid-this year.. but I can wait. The high from this one’s going to last a while. 

7. Good Damage (Bojack Horseman)  “ That means that all the damage I got isn't good damage. It's just damage. I have gotten nothing out of it and all those years I was miserable was for nothing. I could have been happy this whole time and written books about girl detectives and been cheerful and popular and had good parents, is that what you're saying? What was it all for?! “

Bojack Horseman is one of the best shows of the last decade, and an important one to me. it was the first one I watched when we switched to all streaming. I really related to Bojack and his struggles with depresion and self loathing.. which backfired given he’s a much worse person than me and while I could relate, I also compared myself too much to a character who in retrospect is both far worse  and has FAR MORE issues than I do and diffrent ones at that outside of the depression and self hatred.  The point i’m framing is that the series and I have a complicated relationship and that coupled with how bad 2020 was meant it took until a few days ago to finally finish it, almost a year later. But I cannot deny how good the show is: it has faults, a bit of reptititon in some character arcs, casting a white woman as a Vietnamize-American woman (something both Ralph Paul Waskerberg and Alison Brie have apologized for to their credit), and .. I can’t think of a last one. They never brought Ralph back? Yeah let’s go with that one what the fuck there. So I felt I owed the show one last round and it payed off as the final stretch, while easily the hardest to get through due to covering the collapse of Bojack’s life, is easily one of it’s best. 

But before the fall, we get Good Damage, which instead of focusing on BoJack focuses on Diane, said asian woman voiced by a white lady, neurotic writer and Bojack’s best friend, who has moved to Chicago to be with her boyfriend guy, a chill, charasmatic and likeable buffalo cameraman. Things are going better than they ever have: she’s in a supportive relationship and thanks to her antidipresenants, while still her loveably neurotic self, is now not obessing over shit as much and is solving her problems with applomb. Even the weight gain from her meds, which she dreaded in the previous half of the season.. has insteead only made her look healthier and happier, and more beautiful than ever. 

The only problem is she can’t write her long promised Memoir, which Princess Carlolyn, her former boss, agent and loveable pink cat and single mother, has promised to a lot of celebrities. She TRIES, she puts lots of work into it, keeps trying to sit there but nothing comes out. And what makes the episode truly great is how this is presented. Bojack is no stranger to beautiful, visually diverse episodes, Stupid Peace of Shit being a notable example and one similar to this one but uniquely great in it’s own way, but this one is easly the bes,t using a squiggly crude style to show just how chaotic and uncomfortable diane is and how stuck she is. She’s TRYING, but she just can’t make her life’s story into anything GOOD, she can’t get the words out which as someone whose had reams of projects I never startd, even to this day and who has genuine trouble writing fiction.... I related to this like all hell. But even people who have never had an intrest in writng can just get the feeling thanks to the wonderful writing and animation, from cameos by the rest of the cast to Diane’s father showing up as a goblin to the word boxes showing what she’s writtne it’s just a treat.  But what centers this amazing visual represtnation is Diane’s internal struggles as an encounter with a rude sales person leads her off on a tangent..and to Ivy Tran, a teen detective whose upbeat, optimstic, and in a great bit outlines who she is in jsut the right amount, and solves mysteries in a food court. It’s a genuinely good idea, one I honestly think could support it’s own series... seriously get on that Ralph-Bob. Get on that. Point is it’s good.. but Diane’s so hung up on what she SHOULD be making, she can’t see what’s right in front of her, despite guy saying the passages are good.  Things come to a head when Diane makes a huge mistake and goes off her meds.. which from experince never ends well: for the entire episode she’s been under the impression she can’t write because of them.. only to be proven HORRIFYINGLY wrong. It’s a  VERY necessary aseop: that your medication will always be with you and that going off it suddenly, or blaming it for writers block not only isn’t true but is DANGEROUS. Diane spirals, cries and her writing gets dark and full of self hate. It’s then Guy proves just how fucking majestic he is: he figures out what’s going on after she tells him, and helps her get to bed so she can rest, puke whatever she needs and they’ll talk about things after she takes her meds again and gets her head on straight, when she’s in a good place to do so. As someone with mental illness.. ti’s nice to see a character who not only supports someone fully, but knows how to handle it. Instead of a shitty third act breakup like many shows would do guy stands by her.  He does however step SLIGHTLY over the line, if iwth good intentions and reason and send Princess Carolyn the Ivy Tran pages, because as he puts it he made an executive decision.. and when Diane is a bit annoyed by that as it does sound a tad douchey, he rightly points out she was in a really bad hole of a place, stuck in a loop doign something that even before going off her meds was clearly hurting her and going nowhere, and needed SOMETHING to snap her out of it, and did so not to hurt her or because he thought he knkew better or , like her ex husband, because he was oblvious to her needs; he did it because it was the hard but necessary thing to get her to seee she had something special and that she dosen’t have to constnatly tear herself up by diving into past traumas because of some internal obligation. 

Naturally Diane dosen’t take it despite Princess Carolyn not only being impressed but PREFERRING the ivy pages, as she was genuinely unaware Diane had something so happy and charming in her. While Diane is worried about it when the two end up meeting in person, we soon find out why: If all the damage she went through wasn’t “good” damage, things she could writ eabout and use later.. what was it for? Could she of just been happy this whole time? Did she waste her life. And in a rare moment betwen the two PC helps Diane walk it back, explaning that she can do what she always wanted: write something that makes someone like her feel not alone. That she dosen’t HAVE to make her life story into something complicated, just make what makes her and other people happy. Something PC’s daughter could enjoy one day. So Diane finally accepts that maybe there’s something else for her.. and then we get a segue into the next episode with bojack having a panic attack and pasing out but that episode, good as it was didn’t make it so moving on.  We also check in with Penny, the daughter of an old friend of bojacks who he nearly slept with and is stil haunted both by the decision and a drunken later visit to apologize... which isn’t helped remotely when max and page, two reporters inovlved in teh subplot that tears bojack’s life apart, start hounding her. While they have good intentions, exposing Bojack’s connection to Sarah Lynn’s death, the two’s methods still come off as creepy, following a, at this point , 21 year old girl whose been through ENOUGH home. While the two aren’t terrible people their actions.. are.. while getting hte story ismprotant is it truly worth genuinely harming this person. And penny wonders if she SHOULD air her story.. she ends up not.. but only because her mother, while lettiner he decide, poitns out it may not be worth all the pressure and possible trauma it digs up,especially since Bojack is getting what he deserved anyway. IT’s a decent subplot tha tties up a loose end but really makes our journalist characters feel like assholes for again, basically stalking and harassing a young woman who didn’t want to rehash the worst moment of her life. Otherwise top notch stuff. 

6. Heart (Parts 1 and 2) (She Ra and the Princesses of Power) “Don't you get it? I love you! I always have! So please, just this once... STAY! Stay. “

Now we get to the gays winning.. and to one of the best series finale in recent memory. And given the other two titanic shows ending, one of which we’ll get to’s ending in a moment, last year, it’s a huge compliment. Heart is how you end a space opera... with big wonderful speeches, great payoff, a huge climax.. and a beautiful cathartic kiss paying off the relationship at the heart of the series that ends up saving the universe.  So let’s just go ahead and crack open that pinata: The kiss.. was easily one of the best moments of animation this year and, at a time when the quarantine was starting, misery was spreading, and things looked pretty damn bad, having a major animated show, one of the biggest of the last few years, climax with an emotional moment between two women, one the series had been setting up since day 1... it was a huge step foward for gay representation in children’s animation, and warmed my big bi heart. And it’s not just good because of that: the fact it’s a giant pile of representation is wonderous, but it’s because it’s also well baked into the show. This is the conclusion of both their character arcs: Catra finally realizes Adora will not abandon her and her leaving the Horde was not choosing them over her.. it was simply doing the right thing. So instead of running or trying to escape she’s grown enough to fight for what she wants and fight for a future with Adora.  Adora meanwhile finally overcomes her martyer complex, her determination, especially after Angela’s death, to make sure no one else is gone and she’s the only one that suffers and looses. To make sure there’s nothing else. It’s Catra’s confesssion that FINALLY gets it through her thick skull that she dosen’t have to be alone or bear anything alone.. she’ll always have someone with her to do that.. and even before Catra.. she’s always had friends for that. She dosen’t have to be alone. So the two embrace and it’s fucking beautiful..and gives adora the full power of the doomsday device they went to shutdown in the first place, restoring the planet.. and allowing her to destroy horde prime’s fucking soul. I just want to reiterate that because it understandably got lost in the shuffle of the gays winning, but our heroine fucking tears out the main villian’s soul.. and it is SO damn satisfying given what a truly repulsive , irredemible, asshat Prime was. So the two finally get a future together, a chance to build and to stop letting the past define them. It’s wide open.  But while that alone would probably net it on this list but it’s damn good otherwise, an epic final struggle between our heroes and the horde for the fate of not just their planet but ALL of htem as Prime prepares to finally wipe everything else out in egomanical genocide. There are just.. tons of awesome moments in this one: Bow and Glimmer’s suprising but welcome love confession, Seahawk annoying mermista into fighting her chip, the people of etheria fighting back.. and the reason they do is easily the second best moment of the episode. With the chips down, not literally, and things looking bleak Bow hyjacks Prime’s egoamnacial hologram.. and broadcasts for everyone to fight, to fight back, and to END THIS. After spending most of the series as the one trying to keep his friends together, the glue of everyone.. it’s bow’s heart, courage, and voice, the one that lead his friends through some rough times and severed as reason when they needed it most wether they listned or not.. that frees the world and with Entrapta turns the tide at long last. It’s just a hell of a moment.  And the only other moment equaling it is Hordak freeing himself and deciding he is his own man, he made himself tha tway for better and worst and kills prime, at least before adora finsihes the job with the badass “I am HORDAK and I DEFY your will. “ It’s just a wonderful, epic finale that pays off most of the shows major arcs, gives our heroes a MUCH deserved happy ending after spending their lives at war, and let it be said one last time, gave gay representation in children’s cartoon one hell of a win.

5. Nice While it Lasted (Bojack Horseman) 

“ No, I need to tell you... thank you... and... it's going to be okay... and... I'm sorry... and... thank you... “

Back to back finales here and honestly both are REALLY close in quality, both satisfyingly paying off their series. But both take equal and opposite routes: Heart is an epic finale in scope size and impact... while Nice While it Lasted is a very stripped down character piece: there are other characters in the background but after the intro the only voiced characters in each segment are Bojack and one of the main cast, each one both showing how much said relationship has evolved since the show began, and giving Bojack time to reflect on his possible future. I say possible because one of Nice While it Lasted’s best aspects it that there’s no real concrete ending for Bojack. Ther’es still closure: after his life emploded and he nearly died, more on that in a bit, Bojack ended up in prison, offically for breaking and entering but unoffically for all the shitty things he did with him glumly accepting it. So one year later he’s out thanks to Princess Carolyn for her wedding, sober again thanks to prison and even started his own acting class at the prison he’s geninley invested in, inteding to continue it once he gets out. But otherwise.. his future’s in flux. HE’s sober for now, but he’s painfully aware that could change again, his friends while, with one excpetion, still having a place for him in their lives, have moved on, and his career is on the upswing again despite being a pariah a year ago because as I mentioned earlier and as PC brilliantly puts it

So he could become a better man, get his career back, make amends for what he did and stay sober.. or backslide and fall down into the same traps he always has. It plays into an aseop the series has always preached: There are no real endings, life just goes on. Even for the rest of the cast hteir lives aren’t over.. their just in a good place.. maybe bojack will, maybe he won’t. Tha’ts up to the indvidual viewer and I like that. While ambgious endings can be frustrating and I get while some preferred the more concrete if still somewhat ambgious ending of a view from halfway down, I feel this fits the series better: Bojack, like the end of every season is moving on to something new, but this time we don’t know what, and that’s okay. IT’s time for us to move on.  Well okay not from this entry as each vingette deserves some praise: Our first has Mr. Peanutbutter pick up Bojack from prison, and even get him a new suit.. and then another one offscreen because predictably for his life BOjack got meatball all over it. He also calms our hero down when he wants to go back to jail, letting him know it’s okay and he’ll be there for him.. unless his friend Erica shows up but what are the odds... 1:1. But what’s nice about it is while Bojack still makes jabs, it’s clear he’s gone from truly hating and resenting PB for being the betterversion of him.. to truly seeing the guy as one of his best friends, his jabs having gone from hurtful and bitter to wry and warranted. I mean they were warranted a lot back then too he’s just a lot softer about them. 

At the wedding Todd and Bojack finally reach some form of understanding after years of awkwardness, the two having reconclied but not being really remotely close or in each other’s lives hardly anymore after Todd’s understandable blow up at Bojack in “It’s You”. Here Todd has Bojack rush him to the beach to cary him on his shoulders.. to watch fireworks because he could tell he was overhwelmed, the two having found a rhtym again, with, like with mr peanutbutter, Bojacks jabs being a lot friendler and Todd having a respect for his own needs while actually being present for bojack instead of ignorant of how bad things were like he was at the start. He even helps BOjack see even if he DOES replase.. he can get right back on the horse, couldn’t resist that one sue me, and as the hokey pokey says turn himself around. 

After, in one of the best payoffs of the series, finally trying Hondedew and finding it’s not so bad, Bojack dances with PC, admittingh e half hoped he’d have to help her go thorugh with it before the two run through the scenario, and PC expresses some honest fears with bojack helping her showing how the two hav egone from a horribly stiffing relationship.. to two close friends who are probably stuck with one another for life. Sunk costs and all that. And if bojack does want to act again she knwos some people. But for now PC finally really has everything she ever wanted:: A daughter, and a loving husband in judah. 

Finally we have the most painful of the group because of course the Bojack finale wouldn’t be all sugar and would have to punch us in the gut. Bojack finds Diane again who hasn’t talked to him.. because he called her the night of his near death/sucidide and due to putting the blame on her due to being high out of his mind, made her feel like it was his fault during the 7 hours she could reach no one and thought he was dead. Diane is hurt, feeling betrayed that bojack promsied he’d be fine then possibly left her with the pain of his death on her concious forever. Thankfully she’s doing fine, as she’s now married guy and Ivy Tran is a huge success and probably a series now.. but it’s abudnantly clear her friendship with Bojack is over.. but even this bittersweet, and necessary, seperation, as Diane has moved past LA and Bojack needs to stop relying on her and stand on his own two hooves, still warms the heart as she thanks him and lets him know i’tll be okay, and endugles him in telling her one last story, a rathe rfunny one about prison movie night bfore the series ends on the melancholy and apporriate song mr blue as the two gaze out and they see each other and we see them for the last time. 

4 The Wasteland (Infinity Train) 

“I'm as good as dead, and if my last act is to bring you with me, sliver, I can't imagine a better way to go!” “Well, I can! “

So from a bittersweet ending to holy shit that’s depressing, we have our only entry from Infnity Train on the list. That’s not to say the series did bad this year. Season 2 was easily the series finest hour, taking the framework from season 1 and crafting a gripping story of a teenage mirror person who just wanted to live without assholes trying to kill her for what she fundementally IS, and be recognized as a person, with the help of a magical deer and a more optimstic teen grappling with his peer pressure issues.  The series was still undoubtly silly with a parasite voiced by Bill Corbett, wonderfully so, and again a magical deer named Alan Dracula, long may he reign, it simply deconstructed the nature of the train and thus opened up the floodgates. By giving us a denzin who, after years of being someone’s reflection in both senses of the word, just wanted to live and how that clashed with the train and the racist assholes she met alnong the way, from the ones who wouldnt’ stop trying to kill her.. to humans who considered her as nothing more than a plaything at best and something to get rid of at worst. While Season 3 was not bad, if a bit way too strcuturally messy and trying to do too much at once, Season 2 still handled the same issues but in a much tighter frame storywise.  And that’s why only one episode made it: Most of the episodes, espicially the later ones, are pieces of a large whole, with the show being heavily seralized. Which while a great approach intended for streaming, also means it was hard to find a chapter that worked that well on it’s own, steven universe future had similar issues. But I did and the wasteland is easily the darkest, harshest and most intresting episode out of the batch.  The episode opens at MT’s darkest hour: The apex told the mirror police where she is, Jesse is gone, and MT is now running for her life from the sadstic assshole and his spinless partner who want her dead just for existing.. gee can’t imagine why a bunch of assholes refusing ot acknolwedge other peoples opinons, rights or even existance was a big topic last year.. or this year. 

So while Mace, the main mirror cop, manages to handcuff her MT manages to throw him under the train. THe result is her trying to escape the train by wondering i’ts vast desert, forced to drag Mace along as he taunts her, bleeding out slowly from you know being bisected by a train. It’s a really moody peace as Mace mock’s mt’s dreams of escape and justify’s his own selling out, while MT pokes holes in that: he was so desperate to not nonexist.. he’s willing to kill others who just want the same. IT’s a damn hard watch but fuck if i’ts not compelling. 

And the climax is what makes it. MT finds out she can’t leave the bounds of the wasteland, as it only projects so far and after escaping the ghoms ends up back on the train, with Mace, not long fo rthis world trying to kill her.. so we get a 13-14 year old GRINDING HER HORRIFYING ABUSER UNDER A TRAIN WHEEL. Just jesus.. I mean I kind of get HBO Max’s point that MAYBE this is a bit much for kids. I mean i’ve seen other really dark stuff but holy fuck a man died.. and we see his blood splatter. But it’s this horrible, harsh moment that makes the episode.. as is MT”s reaction.. not one of triumph.. but of exaustion and horror at what she’s done, before steadying herself to prove him wrong. A hard one to write about but damn it was good. 

3. Enchanting Grom Fright (The Owl House)  “Dear Luz, will you go to Grom with me- Amity”  Now we THANKFULLY get to something lighter: the gays winning.. again. Coming out during pride month, phrasing, and only a month after the she ra finale we got this delightful episode. As I said earlier I watched this one first run: while I was super behind, I couldn’t resisit to the point I watched it before that week’s amphibia. I was that curious what was going to happen.  See as i’ve given out about quite a lot.. and I mean a LOT, Disney dosen’t have the best track record with gay representation: they don’t do horrible sterotypes or anything.. but they also don’t do much of anything for the most part. Alex Hirsch has outright spoke about how much he had to fight just to get Blubbs and Durland firmly together in the finale, and how the symbols for the love god were widdled down to just male and female. And around the time this episode came Disney was coming out of a REALLY bad batch of pr stunt gay representation: They made a big deal about the first gay x in an x having gay characters in avengers endgame, star wars: Deep Hurting and onward.. but these were cameos AT BEST, with the endgame one being so minor I genuinely didn’t realize the character was talking about dating a man and only found out afterwords. Sure Ducktales had gay dads, which is awesome and always will be.. but none of the major cast was allowed to be openly gay. I mean we know webby and lena are gay but hell if disney would allow that.  But miracoulsy.. shockingly and wonderfully.. Disney DID mange to finally just say fuck it and let some big gay rep in, something so obvious it can’t be ignored and that actually features the main character and one of the most major supporting characters. And what do you know, the good press and pats on the back outweighed the bad. It’s almost if giving up homophobic markets in exchange for doing the right thing.. is a GOOD thing while also being profable. Who’d a thunk. Point is via sheer perstiance, Owl House creator Dana Terrance got to not only make her lead bi, which Terrance herself is, but have her love intrest be a girl. And I find it genuinely wonderful that gay, bi, pan and what have you children can watch this and say “tha’ts me and this is okay”.  But even minus Owl House saying gay rights.. the episode is just REALLY good and part of it is who it focuses on. Amity easily has the most character devleopment out of the cast going from someone who walls herself off from everyone, revels in her superiority.. to slowly opening up to heroine Luz, realizing Luz is not a bad person and that Amity herself dosen’t have to be, and right before this starting the road to patching things up with her former best friend willow. Allt hrough this said friendship had been prettty, prettyy, prettyyy gay. And that’s wonderful obviously, but part of why I watched this was while I HOPED they’d get to be couple.. I wasn’t convinced since see a fucking bove. But I was happy to realize that oh my god I was wrong, the gays won all along. 

So with Amity a better person she’s naturally syampthetic when sh’es put front and center at hexside’s prom equvilent which while having a dance, gromprosals and a disco ball tha’ts also a sentient being, becuase boiling isles, it also has the queen or king forced to fight a horrifying monster that manfiests as your greatest fear. And, as we find out towards the end.. Amity’s is being rejected by Luz, having her love letter, which she fails to deliver due to running into luz.. and co (which is my faviroite gag of the episode and the adorable smiles gus and willow give in response are what make it). And . it makes sense. When you stop and think about it.. Luz is the best thing in her life. She got her to change as a person, genuinely cares about and adores her, just wants to be her friend and thinks the world of her. Given her siblings, while trying to be better, are two disaster bisexuals who just stopped a lifetime of untietonally harsh bullying and her parents are controlling asshats who made her abandon her best friend at a young age and she sees LILITH as a mother figure, just let that sink in given a few entires back.. yeah.. no wonder sh’es utterly terrified of rejection. Poor baby. 

Of course WE know Luz wouldn’t. Luz may be many things, including oblvioius to thte freaking obvoius as this story line has revealed, but shes not cruel and even if she said no, which I higlhly doubt she would, she woudln’t be a dick about it. But being surrounded by cruel assholes for some time has made Amity a bit paranoid so Luz volunteers to sub in to both genuinely help her friend.. and to prove to eda she can do this. Eda is also chaperoning. and looks neat in a suit, while King and Gus get a wonderful b plot of mcing the dance with the egotisticl king having issues with stage fright. I will get more into that when I review the episode proper, come back in a month for that.  But yeah while Luz does well when the time comes, and while sadly not wearing her otter suit does wear a wonderful tuxedo with a tutu.. she has her own repressed issues to adress as Grom takes the form of her mother, as Luz has been nursing guilt over not telling her the truth about what’s going on. Luz runs, and Amity ends up facing her fear to save her crush and the two get a wonderfully romantic, and desturctive dance together as they face hteir fear, untie as one and kill that motherfucker... well okay i’m not sure grom can die but it’s gone for now.  The dance sequence.. is easily one of the best scene’s all year, beauituflly animated and painstakingly planned out, with wonderful music.. it’s just awesome and what takes the episode ove rthe top, with the two perfeclty in synch as they take grom out in less than a minute. Also king become prom king and queen, he is best of both as Luz’s own personal issues put a damper on things. Also someone’s been writing her mom. 

Overall just a perfect episoe and a perfectly gay episode of one of the best shows going right now. Speaking of a perfect episode of one of the best shows going right now, tha’ts also on disney. 

2. Escape From the Impossibin! (Ducktales)  ”We have to keep them safe” “But not like this!”  So from some emotinal torment mixed with some lovely shipping, we get a whole buttload of emotional anguish but with a robotic scrooge and the time loop room and the time loop room and the time loop room, and time l...

As I said in part 1, Season 3 is easily Ducktales best so far, having far better pacing, character ballance and bolder and more intresting stories than ever before. While the first two seasons are still excellent, this one has taken everything great and honed it and no episode shows off just how great this season is than this one.  This one takes place in the fallout of “Let’s Get Dangerous!”, with the family dealing with finding out FOWL”s not only still alive, but is run by Bradford, head of scrooge’s board of directors former shush agent as we’d find out later, and asshole, who knows all their secrets. And given Scrooge is mildly paranoid on a good day and Beakly is extremley paranoid on her best day, it’s done a number on both as they’ve split the family minus launchpad, who just had a whole episode so fair enough, up: Scrooge has taken Della and Louie, wiht their see all the angels schtick, to test out his new security, while Beakly and Donald are securing the house while Beakly has webby throughly test the boys.  Neither side goes well. The bin ends up locking our heroes out due to Scrooge’s password being changed, and forcing them to work past it. Louie rises to the challenge, as does della.. but as they beat a robot versoin of scrooge, because of course the final test would be a robot version of scrooge, Scrooge is instead of triumphant at not being dead, incredibly depressed and furious. Because when told he’s scrooge mcduck he tellingly replies “AND WHAT IF THAT’S NTO ENOUGH’. For once.. Scrooge is SCARED, up against someone who knows his every move and is one step ahead, iti’s how it’s always been, no matter what he’ll do, he’ll always loose and Bradford will always win. I REALLY need to watch spies are forever, point is he’s scared and Bradford PROVING the point by revealing he was behind it and taking over the robot dosen’t help. Our heroes win though in a damn impressive action sequence, but as it turns out.. it was just a distraction.. but we’llg et back to that.  The other plot though is whyt his is so high. While the first plot is a fun romp with deep eomtional consequences.. the second plot is decidly far darker.. it still has some good bits as webby terorizes the boys and easily one of the best in the season when she horrifying imitates dewey, but its’ only when she does finally attack she realizes she’s taken it way toof ar. She’s terrorized her brothers, caused huey to break his leg and then turn her away when she tries to help.. all she’s done is turn them AGAINST each other and they can’t win this way.  Beakly strongly disagrees and clealry lost in her own paranoia and fear, prepares to attack huey.. and thus Webby steps in... leading to one fo the most heartbreaking and tense fights in the series as grandmother and grandaughter fight one on one but both are outmatched.. but Huey and Dewey, despite everything, refuse not to help their sister and help pull webby up, with Webby panickidly realizing something’s VERY wrong and her granny usually isn’t like this when sparring... and is also chasing them. This leads to the roof, in a rainstorm no less, and Webby relcutnatnly ready to fight even though she clearly knows she both can’t win.. and dosen’t want to anymore. Despite her wilingless to scrap, fight and train.. Webby dosen’t WANT to hurt her granny she just wants to help her. Thankfully, the boys attempt to stop this, while failing horribly, catches donald’s attention as he catches them, ntocies what’s going on and furiously refuses to let this go on. While Beakly tries to ignore it and fight..s he instead slips and despite everything, the rest of the group rescue her, with Webby impressing on her grandmother that they aren’t fowl. They wont’ win acting like them and tearing each other apart.. they need to be the family they are.  But if all that wasn’t enough turns out.. yeah, Bradford’s thing was a distraction and with the rest of the group distracted with Beakly, that meant his plan went off without a hitch: all the missing mysteries have been taken by FOWL, in a masterstorke that ties both plots together and brings what seemed like isolated adventures on their own in a tagnetally related plot into the fore. Everything so far has built up to this.. and despite the loss.. the family, having been through a dark night of the soul, is ready to fight back. They want the rest of the mysteries? Their going to have to fight clan mcduck in their elment. And it’s been glorious so far. A tense, well paced, hard hitting episode, this one’s a winner. and almost got #1.. ALMOST. But as much as I tried to not go with the obvious chocie, the one with tons of press and praise and that’s graced tons of best of lists... I had to go with what was honestly the best. So...

1. The View from Halfway Down (BoJack Horseman)  “Oh BoJack, there is no other side. This is it. “  This episode was my main reason for catching up with the series and finishing it off once and for all. Awash with praise and hype I was curious about this one.. and my curiosity paid off. This is easily one of if not hte best episodes Bojack put out in it’s storied run: it’s creative, impossible to look away from and devistating: in short it’s the show in a nutshell.. and it’s a hell of a view. 

Previously as mentioned before Bojack’s life blew up and he lost just about everything, from his friends, though as the finale bared out only one of them stayed away for good and for good reason, his only family in hollyhock, his house, even horsin around. He had nothing left.. so high on drugs and in his old house he passed out at the end of last episode.. and we wake up here with a recurring dream as Bojack has a dinner party at his mother’s house, another wonderful performance from Wendy Mallick. Everyone there is someone Bojack knew who died: his former best friend he betrayed Herb, Sarah Lynn his former child co start turned washed up 30 something he let die, Courdory, a co star who died trying to get off david caradine style, Crackerjacke, the uncle he never knew who die din the war and his parents, distant mother Beatrice as mentioned and his father, who is in the body of his hero secretariat who comited suiccide in this unvierse due to getting banned from racing, as that’s the kind of weird shit dreams do. Also Zack Braff, who has no real conncetion to bojack but still died during that time Mr Peanutbutters house sunk into the earth and his ex wife Jesscia bIel formed a death cult.  The group play a game of best and worst, lay into each ohter and have some really intresting conversations with Bojack confident of when it’ll end: before the show their always mentioing. But this time, it’s diffrent.. Bojack is there for it so we get a trippy and horrifyimng stage show as Bojack watches the various people one by one vo into a black door, allt he while bojack coughts up sludge and is persued by it, unaware where he was before this. Sarah Lynn gives one last song, a reprise of a song from previous in the series, Courdroy does a ribbon dance and zack braff gets on roller skates. And bojack has a frank conversation with his dad, with his dad/secretariat revealing he DID care but was just so filled with loathing he coudlnt’ admit it to his son and thus was an abusive ass.. and then reveals to bojack he’s not waking up and bojack horryfigngly see shimself, drowning ina pool. And while he frantically, heartbreakingly tries to flee... he can’t. There’s no exit for him. As herb tells him, this isn’t the afterlife, this is his brain making sense of his last moments, and ther’es no way of knowing if he’ll get rescued, no way to do anything but watch.. watch as his father secretairat shows suicide in all it’s horror by letting it know he wouldn’t of done it if he knew “the view fro halfway down”, a horrifingly haunting poem that sells just how bad it was. As beatrice and crackerjack also go we’re down to herb who introduces bojack... before going in himself, claming there is no other side. Bojack tries not to go genle and runs, and in a horrfying sequence is surronded by the ooze as he tries his damndest to escape.. but in the end he can’t. As herb said.. he can’t do anything about this. So speaking to his min’ds version of diane he accepts he probbaly won’t be coming back and we hear a monitor as we fade out. While we know it’s not the end now... there’s no way of telling then. 

The View from Halfway Down is a haunting, beatuflly animated, masterwork, taking 6 seasons worth of communinity and regret and shoving it in bojack’s face in an intresting way, while bringing back characters we thought we’d never see again for one last go round. It was patcually nice to hear LIn Manuel Miranda and Wendy Mallick again,, and Kristan Schaal is always great. The show ALWAYS had a horrifying habit of having it’s penutlimate episode be an utter gutpunch that broke you, with the finale picking up the peices and offering some hope.. and this was no exception. They literally saved the best for last, and it was worth the wait. The view from halfway down may be gahstly,.. but the view of this episode is hauntingly beautiful. 

So that was the list, and it was.. a lot taking 2-3 days to finish all together over both parts. But it was worth it and hopefully we can get back to some regular stuff later today. For now, thank you for reading, and hopefully i’ll see you somewhere in the sunset. 

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 31 - All members of this band caught Covid-19.

K: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru, with this week's episode of The Freedom of Expression.

Joe san, Tasai san, welcome. So, today, we have a guest. Please introduce yourself.

Y: Nice to meet you, Im YG, the bassist of Jack Caper.

J: Wow, thats an impressive...

K: He stands out, right? I think everyone took notice as soon as he appeared on screen.

J: Right, he looks different from anyone else.

K: Yeh, like 'Eh?!'. Well to begin with, the headcount is different .

J: Yeh, its different. The extra one is this head.

T: *To Y* Have you always had this haircut?

Y: Yeh, well, since summer started. I decided on it this summer.

J: Why that hairstyle again?

Y: Well, I wanted it to feel cool (*as in breezy*)

Kami: It does look cool, right?

J: Hahaha.

K: He said it does look cool, haha.

J: It got a reaction from Kami. He said it looks cool.

Kami: Ah, Im Kami-sama. Pleased to meet you.

Y: Pleased to meet you Kami-sama.

J: He's not a very impressive god.

K: Yeh, exactly. haha.

J: He's one of the lower ones.

Kami: Im really not such an impressive god. I really can't do anything.

J: He gets ¥1000 p/h 

K: Ok, so as to why he is joining us today, his whole band caught coronavirus. So, I thought we could talk about what it was like.

J: This will be a valuable testimony.

Kami: Its a world first, right?

Y: Yeah, its the first case in the world of the whole band catching it.

J: Unbelievable, its not like you could apply to Guiness, but...

K: Yeah, this won't be a Guiness record, haha.

Y: I'll be happy if its recoded as ???*1

J: So how did you all catch it?

Y: Well, its not exactly clear, but it started with our vocalist, and we think that was probably from within a live venue somewhere. And after the vocalist, the other members were tested one after the other, and we were all positive. So we all recieved treatment.

T: Was this in August?

Y: Yeh, August, the vocalist first displayed symptoms on the 13th. And one by one the other members did after that. I was the last, I got symptoms on the 16th.

J: I also know some people who have been infected.

K: I was shocked, right? haha

J: No, not me! A few people I know...but I've forgotten what they said about it, so, could you tell us what happens after you test positive?

Y:  So, you get a positive result, and then in my case, I was hospitalised.

J: Oh, hospitalisation?

Y: Yeh. Well, its probably different depending on the district..districts with free hospital space, or districts with free hotel space. I think there are even districts with no hospital or hotel space free. But I was just straightforwardly hospitalised, within the same day.

T: So, did you have a fever or a cough or anything?

Y: In my case, I had a cough first, and I developed a fever of 38.3℃ on the same day I was tested, just after i did the test. I got the positive test results two days later, and was hospitalised with those symptoms.

J: In what way was it different from a regular cold? What was hard about it?

Y: Well, it was mainly like influenza...high fever, cough, weariness...Also, its often said that you experience loss of taste. I didn't have that, but the other members did.

T: Like loss of smell or taste?

Y: Yeh

K: But you get that a bit anyway when you catch a regular cold, right?

J: Well, yeah, you do. And if you get a fever, you  can't move around much anyway, but.. all the members had this?

Y: Yeah.

J: What was it like in hospital?

Y: Well, in my case, I was in a room with one other patient. We weren't allowed to leave the room, except for shower and toilet.

T: Did you speak much to the other patient?

Y: We didn't speak at all!

J: Was it another corona patient?

Y: Yeh, his symptoms appeared so.

J: Ehh, no conversation?

T: Wasn't it tough?

Y: Well, honestly, I was only thinking about how I wanted to go home. That was pretty tough...the stress..

Kami: How many of you were hospitalised?'

Y: My symptoms were kinda moderate..

Kami: No, no, how many of you?

Y: Out of us five, only I was hospitalised.

J: Only you in hospital?

Y: Yeah.

J: Were the other members in hotels?

Y: Um, two were in hotels and two were at home.

J: So, how did you end up getting discharged?

Y: As for the flow, I had a PCR test every two days in hospital, and after I got two negative results in a row, I left hospital.

J: So its like, if the tests are fine, they say, 'Ok you are free to go'? You didn't have to do anything after that?

Y: Not really, no. They just requested me not to be in close contact with people for two weeks.

J: Just 'requested'?

Y: Yeah, nothing stricter than that from the hospital.

Kami: Eh? After leaving hospital?

Y: Yeh, after being discharged.

Kami: Eh? Even after two negative tests you were told not to have close contact with people?

Y: Yeah, just in case. But as for work, I could restart as long as I kept to this advice.

Kami: You could restart work? As soon as you were discharged?

Y: Yeh, they said that was ok.

Kami: But they asked you not to come into contact with people?

Y: Yeah, they said to limit direct contact with people.

Kami: That seems pretty difficult.

J: Yeh, it does. It would have been easier if they just told you don't meet people.

Kami: After getting a negative test result, and being told you can restart work, you can't be in close contact with people? It seems pretty difficult to understand.

Y: I think they meant like normal situations, like this...like, don't stand near people to talk to them and stuff. Or, refrain from going out to eat with peope, and stuff.

T: How long were you hospitalised for?

Y: 14 days in total.

K: Ahh, two weeks, thats tough.

T: How did you feel when you were given the all clear to leave?

Y: It sounds funny to say, but it was like coming out of jail. Like, 'Back to reality!'

K: Were you charged hospitalization fees?

Y: Not for the first ten days after symptoms appear, but I had to pay after that.

J: So out of 14 days, you had to pay for 4 days yourself?

Y: Well, I was hospitalised a few days after my symptoms began, so I paid for the last 7 days.

J: It seems kind of a unsatisfactory, if you are forced into hospitalization.

K: Well, isn't it the same with any illness?

J: Well, yeah.

K: Like, it can't be helped.

J: Well, yeh, if you are hospitalized with a cold you'd have to pay. Have you had any lingering symptoms?

Y: Out of all five, there is still one of us with no sense of smell.

T: Even after a month?

Y: Yeah, still one with no smell.

K: Thats pretty scary.

Y: I asked just now on Line, and he said he still couldn't smell.

J: Not at all?

Y: Like, recently we all tried smelling our drinks, and he was the only one who couldn't.

J: Are there any parts of it that you were dissatisfied with, or any parts that you thought were handled really well?

Y: Like, inside the hospital?

J: Yeh. Its probably ok for you to summarize what its like in Tokyo, right? Which area were you in?

Y: Arakawa ward.

J: Is there anything you thought they could have done better?

Y: I was grateful that the process leading up to hospitalization was so smooth. They sent a car to my house and stuff. They were really prioritizing me staying away from other people.  And even in the hospital, the nurses and doctors really looked after me.

J: Conversely, was there anything troubling about it?

Y: Yeh, some people were being discharged before they had two negative test results. The government covers the fees for the first ten days as I said, and you have to stay in hospital for at least that time, but after that staying is optional. I stayed and paid for it, even though it was optional. I think it would be better if the state paid for it until a negative test result happens.

J: So there was quite a lot of people leaving before they had a negative test result, for financial reasons, right?

Y: Yeah, for financial reasons.

J: So, that might end up being a reason why the virus spreads more.

Y: It might be, yeh.

J: That kinda leaves a bad taste...

Kami: How much did you pay in fees?

Y: For me it was ¥30,000 per day.

J, T: Eh!?

Y: Thats with insurance.

T, J: ¥30,000 with insurance?

Kami: So, how much did you actually pay?

Y: After that, I got the bill, and it was less than that, so I was relieved.

T: Ah, you paid for seven days?

Y: Yeh. So in total...at first they said it would be ¥30,000 per day, but I got the bill afterwards, and it was about ¥155000.

J: Oh, not bad, right?

Y: Yeah, its not bad.

Kami: So you paid ¥150,000? Im struggling to understand, could you explain again?

J: He likes talking about money, haha.

Kami: How much did you pay?

Y: I paid ¥150,000, actually ¥155,000.

J: Thats with insurance, right?

Kami: Out of pocket?

Y: With insurance, yeh.

Kami: And how many days was that for?

Y: Umm, seven days.

Kami: I though it was only from after ten days?

K: Ten days from the start of symptoms. After that it costs you.

Kami: Oh, is that it? So you paid for seven days.

Y: Yes, I paid for the optional longer stay.

K: This was already explained earlier.

J, T: Hahaha.

K: It was, right?

Kami: Eeehhh?

T: There should be some way to get it back in taxes, it may be a good idea to check.

Y: Thats what I'll have to sort out from now.

J: I think this is a problem. It sounds strange to say it, but in terms of income, low earners have a higher chance of being infected than higher earners. Naturally, rich people won't be getting on packed trains everyday, they will be going to crowded places far less, it some how ends up like that. But if you pass that ten days, and have to pay out of pocket, there will be people who can't. Its like, how is this gonna go? There will be people who don't have the money, and just decide to go home.

K: Yeah, there will be.

T: When corona first started it had this image that it was life threatening, right? But once people actually catch it, their impression might change to it not being that bad. What did you think?

Y: Yeah, when I caught it, I thought it wasn't as bad as I expected.

※On screen note: Symptoms differ depending on the person※

Y: It was like influenza.

J: What kind of reactions did you get from people around you? Were they worried about you? Or were they trying to stigmatize you?

Y: There were both. I had some messages from people in my home town who I barely spoke to before asking me if I was ok, and some derogatory messages from people I don't know.

K: Well, the way the media has dealt with this issue from the start, had been to blame people going out drinking, or enjoying entertainment, thats the image. Its not the case all of the time. But you think you picked it up from a live  event or something?

Y: Yeah.

K: So live shows have that kind of image too. But we don't really know where its originally coming from.

J: Well, as long as infections keep rising, we won't be able to trace it in real detail. Have you had any detailed explanation about that?

Y: I just had a phone call after our vocalist tested positive. The members were then recommended to get tested, and arrangments were made for that.

J: Were you asked about your recent activity?

Y: Yeh, what I did on which day etc. And my temperature at the time.

J: I see. So, at the moment they are saying you will have anti-bodies if you've caught it once, but there have also been reports that the anti-bodies might not last very long. What do you think about that? Have you had an anti-body test?

Y: About a month after all of us got symptoms  and when we were all close to total recovery, we had the opportunity to do a broadcast, and we all did an antibody test at that time.

J: And the results?

Y: The results were that one of us didn't have a lot of antibodies, but the other four did. That was about August 16th *2

J: So its been about three weeks since then. Are you gonna continue to have antibody tests from time to time?

Y: Well, I don't have plans to at the moment, but its a good idea.

T: What kind of talks have you had about how to contine band activity?

Y: Well, forward looking, focusing on putting out material. We've already re-started live shows, so we'll be putting our energy into that.

K: Oh, you've started lives?

Y: Yeah.

K: Well, if your band has antibodies, its easier to move.

Y: Yeah, its safer.

J: Now is the safest time.

K: Right.

J: In relation to corona, its the safest time.

K: People who have antibodies could all do a live?

Y: Ah, us too. Thats interesting.

K: ???? *3

J: But infection numbers are culminating in Japan, so if you think about it, its kinda of the reverse idea.

K: Hm, but if you really think about it, the numbers are still small.

J: How about that? As a band, do you wanna try it?

Y: Yeah, I do. If it was a success, it might help return the music scene to normal.

K: Well, we have to keep moving, little by little, otherwise nothing will start.

J: Yeh, thats it.

K: If we don't try, we too will be always waiting. If there's any chance to get moving, I want to take it. So if these guys can get moving even a little, I can kinda begin to see the light. So, do your best.

T: It puts out a good message, right?

K: Yeah. Ok, well, lets end here. Thank you very much for today.

Y: Thank you.

K: Please subscribe.

T: And check out Jack Caper!

*2 Dates right??

*1, 3 Couldn't catch

[freddiesaysalright]

Tale as Old As Time - Chapter 5

Rami!Prince Adam x Reader

Summary: A prince cursed. A young woman aching for adventure. The classic tale of seeing beauty within.

Word Count: 4.6k

Tag List: @psychosupernatural​, @someone-get-a-medic​, @bensrhapsody​, @deakyclicks​, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession​, @minigranger​, @crazyweirdocalledfriday​, @the-moving-finger-writes​, @assembledherethevolunteers​, @rose-writes-prose​, @queenlover05​, @26-7-49​, @drowsebaby​, @im-an-adult-ish​, @xviiarez​, @rogerina-owns-me​, @brianssixpence​, @mirkwoodshewolf​, @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhye​, @queenmylovely​, @queen-paladin​, @hah0106​

A/N: The grand finale! Thanks to everyone who has supported and loved this story!

Warning(s): Mild descriptions of violence

Moodboard

Prologue  Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 4

Chapter 5 here we go!!!

When you arrived home, the windows of the house were dark, save your father’s bedroom. You released Dotty into the pasture and flew inside. You already heard your father coughing. 

“Papa!” you cried as you burst into his room.

Your father was lying in bed, barely conscious. He didn’t acknowledge your entrance. You went to his side and took his hand. His skin was as cold as ice.

“Papa?” you whispered, looking desperately at his tired face. “Papa, it’s me. I’m home.”

“Y/N?” came a voice from the doorway.

You looked up and saw Lyle standing there. He had a bowl of something steaming on a tray, but he nearly dropped it upon seeing you.

“Lyle!” you sighed gratefully. “Please, tell me what’s going on with my father.”

“I’m afraid it’s taken a turn for the worse,” he said. “It’s odd, since his sickness isn’t very aggressive. But it could be the stress of losing you and his confrontation with Victor.”

Your brow furrowed. “What?”

Lyle explained to you that after you left, and Paul returned, he had gone straight to the village, looking frantic. He ran into Victor, who decided at that moment to talk to Paul about the marriage. He gathered the whole town into the square and announced your engagement. But Paul retaliated. He publicly stated that he had not given his blessing to the marriage and did not approve of the match. Then he said you had been taken captive by some monster living in the old palace. He asked all the men to gather their weapons and follow him there to rescue you. Unfortunately, no one believed the story. 

“No one believed him?” you questioned.

Lyle raised an eyebrow at him. “Well, it’s not true, is it?”

“It is true!” you insisted. “Only, he’s not really a monster. He may look frightening, but he’d never hurt anybody.”

The pharmacist’s eyes went wide. “Y/N, you can’t be serious! You must realize how this sounds -”

“Well, then what do people think happened to me?” you wondered.

“They just thought you’d gotten lost,” he explained. “Victor told us you had gone to the big city. He led a search party for you, and they looked for weeks, but eventually, most of them assumed the worst. However, Victor has continued to look daily.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Are you really going to marry him?” Lyle asked.

You shook your head. “No, I couldn’t now. Not when I…” you trailed off. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t love Victor and I’ve decided to end our engagement.”

“That’s a relief,” Lyle said. “He doesn’t deserve you.”

You smiled at him. Afterward, Lyle told you to get some rest after your journey, and that he would keep an eye on your father. As you crawled into your bed, the difference was clear. This didn’t really feel like home anymore. You missed Rami and the castle now just as much as you’d missed your father when you were there. Your heart was torn in two.

Rami had given up on sleep. He remained sadly next to the rose, watching as the petals wilted and fell. He let out a soft whimper. He missed you so much already and it had only been a day. How did he expect to go on with his life now that he had known you? Now that he had lost you? It seemed impossible.

The next day, you woke and went to make yourself some breakfast. You opted for your preserves. Lyle emerged from your father’s room.

“How is he today?” you asked.

“Much the same,” Lyle said. “I’m sorry I don’t have better news, Y/N.”

“It’s alright,” you sighed, though you knew it was a lie. “Can I make you some breakfast?”

“Sure,” he agreed.

You opened the jar. Your father had already been into it, apparently, but you stopped and stared at it. They were grossly discolored. 

“That’s odd,” you said. “I made these to last all winter. This is a relatively fresh jar. How could it be spoiled already?”

Lyle shrugged. “It was your first try at it. Don’t be too upset you got one wrong.”

“I didn’t get it wrong,” you insisted. “I know I did everything right.”

“Y/N, don’t be stubborn, anyone could have made a mistake,” he replied.

You frowned at him, but he ignored you. You went to get a new jar and you used that instead. 

You and Lyle cared for your father all day. There was no improvement. You were suspicious of this rapid development of new symptoms. Symptoms he had never shown before. Fever, chills, nausea, and delirium. Paul would call for you as you stood beside him, completely unaware that you were home. He hardly noticed Lyle either. Another hopeless feeling came over you. For a distraction, you went to begin dinner. Lyle agreed to stay for the meal, since you were certain your father had no more money to pay him.

Just as you were placing the soup in front of Lyle, the front door opened. There stood Victor, who was taken aback by the sight of you.

“What are you doing here?” you demanded, putting your hands on your hips.

“Y/N!” Victor cried, shifting into his normal, annoying disposition. “I’m so happy you’re safe and home! I was just coming to check on Paul.”

He started to cross the room - arms open - but you dodged the embrace. You doubted every word he said. Victor was vain and proud, and he would have no kindness toward someone who had humiliated him.  

“Victor, we need to talk,” you said. “I heard about what happened with my father, and I think we should clarify some things.”

His brow furrowed. “I...alright.”

You led him outside to spare Lyle the discomfort of having to witness your break up. Victor seemed agitated, like you’d just caught him in the middle of something. You pushed this observation to the back of your mind. Victor was almost always up to something.

“I agree that our engagement needs clarification, Y/N,” he began, resuming his usual air of arrogance. “Your father had everyone confused. Especially with all that talk of a beast.”

“Well, whether or not you believe in the beast doesn’t bother me,” you said. “My father was right. I’m not going to marry you.”

His eyes went wide. Something flashed behind them, so quickly you almost missed it. His whole face shifted. He looked dangerous.

“What?” he returned.

“I’m taking back my acceptance,” you said. “What I’ve learned these last few months being away is that I need to live my life for me. I won’t imprison myself by becoming your wife.”

He scowled. “Is that so?”

“Yes,” you said assuredly, trying to conceal how frightened you were. 

He looked sharply away, releasing a low breath, before facing you again. 

“Who is he?” he questioned.

“Who is who?�� you shot back.

“The other man, Y/N!” he shouted. “There’s someone else, I know it!”

“It’s no longer your concern, Victor!” you returned. 

A beat passed and you collected yourself. 

“Good day,” you said calmly, and started back inside.

You didn’t get very far. Victor snatched your wrist and yanked you back toward him. You yelped in surprise and the sudden pain from his twisting your arm. He grabbed a fistful of your hair with his free hand, and his nails scraped your scalp. You winced as he forced your face within inches of his own.

“You really were at the palace, weren’t you?” he said. “The beast your father spoke of is real, isn’t it?”

“Let me go,” you replied, struggling against his grip. 

“Isn’t it?!” he demanded.

Fear struck your heart. You had never seen such a wild, inhuman look in Victor’s eyes before. He was crazed.

“I - it’s true,” you admitted. 

He laughed a mirthless, empty laugh. “You are just pathetic. Don’t tell me you love this beast!”

“He’s not a beast, Victor!” you snapped, gaining courage for Rami. “He’s a prince!”

“A prince, is he?” he mocked. “Don’t be ridiculous. The prince was killed by the same monster that killed the king and queen.”

“The only monster I see is you!”

He glowered at you and brought your face close to his again. 

“I’ll have you for my wife, Y/N,” he spat. “And I will eliminate anyone who gets in my way.”

You felt his breath hot on your face.

“By the way, how’s your father been enjoying his breakfast?” he sneered. 

Your eyes went wide as a chill ran up your spine.

“You poisoned him?!” you gasped.

“I will eliminate anyone who gets in my way,” he repeated. “But I can see my methods with your father are far too time consuming. I will remove the beast much faster.”

He glanced at his sword.

“I won’t let you!” you cried, and tried once again to wrench yourself free. You could only wince as his grip tightened.

“You can’t stop me,” he said.

With that, he began to drag you toward the cellar. You fought fiercely against him, but he was too strong. He hurled you down into the darkness. You scrambled to your feet and tried to charge back up the stairs, but the cellar doors were slammed in your face. You heard him slide the wood through the handles to lock it.

“Don’t worry, Y/N, you’ll live in the palace again when I buy it,” he said. “And you’ll remember who you really belong to with the beast’s head mounted on our wall.”

You sucked in a sharp breath. As Victor’s evil laughter died down and you heard him gallop away on his horse, your mind began working on ways to get out. You could call for help, but Lyle would not be able to hear you from the house. Your father made the cellar soundproof years ago so he would not disturb you while you read. This was the first time you had ever regretted it.

You put your hands in front of you and began to make your way slowly through the darkness. It was pitch black in the cellar, which only heightened your panic. You had to do something to get out. You had to reach Rami before Victor did.

Rami left his room for the first time since you left, that evening. He had no real destination in mind, but the sight of the rose was beginning to make him ill. It felt like looking at his own doom.

He found that a stroll around the castle didn’t help his gloomy mood. Everything now reminded him of you. He passed the library and peeked through the doors, half expecting to see you asleep at one of the tables. Only, it was empty. He went to the dining room and recalled the first time you had dined together after learning his name. It felt so quiet now without your voice. As he went past the ballroom where he had danced with you, just nights ago, a sharp pang hit his heart. With a low growl, he slammed the doors shut.

“Prince Rami?” asked Mrs. Carson. “I know you’re not alright, so I won’t ask that. But I will ask this - is there anything we can do for you?”

Rami shook his head. “Nothing matters now.”

She sighed and watched him walk on, heading back toward the west wing.

“Would you like to take a turn around the garden, sir?” she called after him, but he didn’t answer. “Prince Rami?”

He ignored her again and then disappeared down the corridor. She shook her head. As she turned to go back to her own room, she saw Daisy coming down the hall.

“Mrs. Carson, would it be alright if I went down to the village once a week?” she asked. “I know Y/N had to go, but I’d really like to continue my lessons with her. D’you think she’ll still have me?”

Mrs. Carson smiled. “Of course she would, Daisy. I think we can spare you once a week.”

“You don’t think the master will mind?” she wondered.

“Not at all,” Mrs. Carson assured her. “He wants you to learn, and he can eat sandwiches for his meals one day out of seven.”

Daisy beamed. “Could I go down to the village tonight? To check with Y/N?”

“Sure,” Mrs. Carson said. “You may take the guest horse down. But I’d suggest staying the night with Y/N if you can. It’ll be late by the time you get there.”

“Alright,” Daisy agreed. “Will you tell the master?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Carson!”

She took off down the hall. Mrs. Carson chuckled to herself. Perhaps Daisy would be a reason for you to return, if Rami was not enough.

The housekeeper continued her rounds. She was putting some linens away when she heard a scream from the main entrance of the castle. She jumped, dropping the linens, but took off in the direction of the cry. She was not far, and when she arrived moments later, she understood. Thomas was sprawled out by the front door, bleeding from his head. Anna was beside him, in tears.

“Oh, Mrs. Carson, look!” she cried. “Something awful has happened!”

Mrs. Carson knelt down and patted Thomas’s cheek.

“Thomas!” she said desperately. “Thomas, are you alright?”

Anna put her fingers to his neck. 

“He has a pulse,” she said. “So he’s alive, just knocked out.”

“But who would have done this?” Mrs. Carson wondered. 

“Look!” Anna gasped, and pointed to the tile floor. 

Mrs. Carson followed her finger and then she saw it. Large, dusty boot prints. 

“Someone’s here,” Mrs. Carson said grimly.

Anna gulped.

Rami was in his room when he heard Anna scream. He left there and headed toward the stairs to investigate. Only, he was brought to a halt when he saw someone he did not recognize standing in the hallway. His hackles rose and he started to growl.

“Who are you?” Rami demanded. “You’re not welcome here!”

The man was tall and handsome. And his clothes indicated he had some money. Not royalty money, but enough to afford finer fabrics. He swiftly unsheathed his sword and brandished it.

“I’m Y/N’s fiance,” the man said. “You will no longer terrorize this palace.”

Rami froze. Fiance? You had never mentioned a fiance - or any other man in your life besides your father. Since when were you engaged? 

“Fiance?” he questioned.

The man began to laugh. “My name is Victor Prouvaire, foul beast. For my dear Y/N’s honor….”

The man continued to speak, but Rami didn’t hear him. All he could feel was that his heart was impossibly more broken than when you left. He was suffocating all of a sudden. His eyes stung with fresh tears. You were engaged. To a handsome, strong, rich man.

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he almost didn’t catch Victor charging at him. Rami quickly dove to the side, narrowly avoiding the stroke of Victor’s sword. Rami turned and ran back toward his room. 

Meanwhile, you were still locked in the cellar. The only thing you had managed to find was your father’s rubber mallet. You were whacking away at the doors, but the block holding them shut was stronger than the swing of your arm. You were already out of breath and sweating. 

“Come on!” you shouted as you gave it one more thwack.

Nothing happened. Exhausted you sank to your knees. 

“Oh, no,” you whispered to yourself. “Rami, I’m so sorry.”

You sat still for a moment, trying to think of any other solution or way out. Then you heard a slow clip clop of horses hooves. You thought at first that it was Victor, but the horse’s steps weren’t heavy enough to be his.

You only had one shot. You banged your fists against the door as hard as you could. 

“HEEEEEEELP!” you screamed. “HELP ME, PLEASE!”

“Y/N?”

The voice you heard could have knocked you off your feet with the relief it brought. 

“Daisy!” you cried. “Daisy, hurry, unlock the door!”

You heard the block slide out and then she tugged the doors up and open. You ran up the stairs and pulled her into the tightest hug you’d ever given anyone.

“Y/N, what’s happening?” she wondered. “Why were you locked in there?!”

“It’s a long story,” you said. “But we’ve got to get back to the palace as quick as we can, Rami’s in trouble.”

“W - what?!” she stammered. 

“There’s no time to explain, we’ve got to go now!” 

You quickly mounted her horse and helped her up behind you. She put her arms around your waist and you urged the horse forward. You galloped back into the woods with only one goal in mind - save Rami.

Rami was struggling to keep avoiding the swipe of Victor’s sword. He didn’t want to hurt Victor if he was someone you cared about, no matter how much it hurt Rami to think it.

Rami wanted to avoid his own room, so he led Victor into a guest room. There the struggle continued. Rami was dodging every stroke until he was backed against the window. Victor moved to lop Rami’s head off, but the prince ducked. Victor shattered the glass window, and Rami quickly jumped through it onto the balcony.

“What’s the matter, beast?” Victor taunted. “Too heartbroken to fight back?”

Rami didn’t answer. Mostly because it was true. He had no heart to fight. His heart was with you in the village. It would remain with you until his dying days.

“Did you really think she would love you?” Victor continued. “What woman could ever love you, when she could have me?”

Finally, Rami was backed up onto the railing of the balcony. He growled nervously. He had to make a move or risk falling to his death. With a snarl, he struck out with his paw. Victor had been drawing his sword back, so Rami hit him square in the jaw. Victor reeled back, and Rami moved to run past him back inside, but there was a crack of thunder. The sound caused Rami to lose his balance and he tumbled off the rail. 

He reacted quickly. He twisted around and snatched the rail in his paw. His hind legs just barely touched the roof of the room below. But rain began to spill from the heavy clouds above, making his grip on both things slippery. 

Victor got to his feet, a wicked gleam in his eye.

“Oh, I’ve got you right where I want you now, beast,” he said. “Y/N is mine!”

Thunder boomed and lightning flashed, lighting up Victor’s deranged face. He raised his sword over his head, preparing to deliver a devastating and deadly blow. Rami squeezed his eyes shut and thought only of you. If these were to be his last moments, he would remind himself of his dearest friend, and the only woman he ever loved.

“NO!” someone screamed.

Rami opened his eyes and looked up through the rain. You had cast yourself between him and Victor’s sword, and you were struggling with the man, pushing him back away from the balcony.

Rami took this moment to heave himself up. He was astonished to see you, but pleased. He was even more grateful that you were there to protect him. Victor dislodged himself from you and shoved you hard to the ground. Rami saw red and let out a roar as he threw himself at Victor. 

Victor, caught unaware by Rami, dropped his sword. You grabbed it and walked over to where Rami had Victor pinned to the floor. You pointed the sword at Victor’s throat.

“Get out,” you said. “You are never to come near me or Rami again, do you understand?”

“I understand,” Victor said reluctantly. 

You glanced at Rami. He met your gaze and nodded. He released Victor, who got to his feet. You hurled the sword over the balcony. Victor gasped when you did.

“You can’t use it to threaten anyone else,” you said. “Now leave us alone.”

Victor looked between you and Rami and with a huff, started to walk away. You and Rami only had eyes for each other.

“He said he was your fiance,” Rami began.

“He was,” you admitted. “But I called off the engagement.”

Rami took your hands in his paws and pressed them to his face. His warm, soft face.

“I’m glad to hear that,” he said. “Is your father alright?” 

“He will be,” you said. “Once I tell the pharmacist to treat him for poisoning.”

“Y/N, are you seri -”

He was cut short when Victor appeared again, this time with a dagger, which he plunged right into Rami’s side. You let out a scream of horror as he howled and reared back, inadvertently taking Victor with him. Victor stumbled when Rami thrashed, and then the former hit the balcony rail. Fearing Rami would topple over it, you grabbed his arm and pulled him toward you. 

Victor, however, was not so fortunate. He slipped on the wet stones, went over the railing, and was not long or quick enough to recover and grab on to something. You heard his yell fade as he fell into the darkness.

You eased Rami down to the ground, cradling his head in your lap. His labored breathing frightened you.

“Easy, Rami,” you said soothingly. 

“I - I’m so happy you came back,” he panted. 

“Don’t talk now,” you replied gently. “Just hold on while I get you some help.”

You started to get up.

“No!” he protested, keeping you to him. “Don’t leave me. Please.”

You turned your head and shouted for Mrs. Carson, hoping she could hear you.

“Just hold on, Rami,” you went on.

“Y/N, I need to...I nee...there’s something I must tell you,” he said.

“Don’t worry about that right now,” you returned, adjusting his jacket to cover him tighter. “You’ll have plenty of time to tell me.”

He shook his head. A lump appeared in your throat as your lower lip quivered.

“Rami, please,” you whimpered. “Don’t leave me. Please…”

He offered a weak, shaky smile. “I’m j-just happy I could see you...one more time…”

“Rami…” his name fell feebly from your lips.

“Y/N…” he breathed.

His eyes closed softly. His head slumped to his right. His chest stilled.

“Rami,” you said, clutching handfuls of his shirt. Tears slid down your cheeks. “Rami, don’t leave me.” 

You became frantic. “Rami, please! Please!”

You tried to shake him, but he was too large and too far gone. You didn’t hear Mrs. Carson, Anna, and Daisy approach - they had put Thomas to bed - and they watched you call for their master. Daisy clapped a hand over her mouth. Anna looked away. Mrs. Carson had tears down her own cheeks. 

“Rami,” you sobbed. “I love you.”

You rested your head on his chest and wept openly. It seemed impossible that you should lose him now when you had come so far. Rami had become your best friend and the love of your life. He saw you for who you were - as more than a pretty face. And you saw him for who he was - a kind, gentle, and generous prince. It couldn’t be true that he was gone.

“Girl,” said a smooth, sultry voice from above you.

You looked up and saw the most beautiful woman you had ever seen. She was gold and glowing. You might have mistaken her for an angel if the air around her didn’t suddenly feel dangerous.

“Do you speak truly when you say you love this creature?” she asked.

“He’s not a creature,” you returned defensively. “He’s a prince.” You paused to take a deep breath. “And the love of my life.”

The woman opened her hands and between them appeared the rose from Rami’s room. It had just one more petal. You watched with bated breath as it came loose and flitted down. The rose lost the pink hue around it. 

“The curse is broken,” she said. “Just in time.”

You narrowed your eyes at her, realizing who she was. The enchantress who had done this to Rami in the first place.

“You’re horrible,” you spat. “It’s not just in time. It’s much too late.”

She smirked at you and it sent a chill up your spine.

“Not quite, girl.”

The rose stem turned to bright pink dust in her hands. Then it all turned gold. The particles fell over Rami like fresh snow. They then sank into his fur. A soft glow began peeking through, as if coming from inside him, and his body began to rise off the ground. 

“Stand back,” the enchantress instructed you.

You hesitantly released your hold on Rami and got to your feet. Mrs. Carson  took your arm and pulled you over to them. All eyes were fixed on Rami’s slowly ascending form. The glow inside him grew brighter, and then beams of light emerged from all over him - his mouth, his eyes, the tips of his fingers and toes. You gasped as you watched his body contort and change with the movement of the light. His paws turned into human hands, his back legs turned to human ones, his shoulders shrunk and lost the hair, his face was completely engulfed in light. The wind picked up and then Rami was returning to the ground. He was smaller than before, and had lost his coat. He was a fully formed man.

He lay still for a moment on the ground, and you feared that it hadn’t worked. You were too frightened to approach. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding when he finally stirred, pushed himself onto his knees, and then rose to his full height. He examined himself and a smile formed over his lips. He whipped around to face you.

“Y/N?” he questioned.

He was so handsome. He had smooth skin. A strong jaw. Thick, curly, dark hair that reminded you a lot of the fur you had become so familiar with. His body was lean and healthy. He looked like a hero to you.

Mrs. Carson gave you a nudge toward him. You inched over.

“Y/N, it’s me,” he said, holding out his hand.

With a full stride, you came closer, reaching out for him as well. When your hands clasped, you felt his warm skin for the first time. He pulled you slowly forward until you were face to face.

“Rami?”

He looked deeply into your eyes and nodded. Those beautiful eyes you had come to know were there. You saw behind them the Rami you loved.

“It really is you!” you cried.

You threw yourself into his arms. He spun you around and you laughed together in celebration. Your heart felt so light, it could have floated right out of your chest. When he set you down, he cupped your face in his hands.

“I love you,” you said again.

“I love you more,” he returned.

With that, he kissed you. A passionate, jubilant, true love’s kiss. Neither of you noticed the enchantress disappear from the balcony. Daisy, Anna, and Mrs. Carson were all dabbing their eyes.

“Mrs. Carson, are they going to live happily ever after?” Daisy asked.

“I believe so,” Mrs. Carson sniffled.

You and Rami giggled at each other, cheeks aching from all the smiling. Then, you kissed your handsome prince once more. As you would do for the rest of your days.

***

With Rami returned to himself, you went to the village to get your father. Rami paid for him to be treated, and cured, with a doctor coming to check on him periodically to be sure. The villagers were thrilled to have their prince. Many people came to work at the palace, including Elaine, who had taken to Daisy. You and Rami married as soon as you could. It was a grand and beautiful affair. And Daisy was right. You lived happily ever after.

~The End~

[ziracona]

So, does Michael ever pursue therapy or medication after ILM? I imagine it'd take a bit of explaining from the others who have BEEN to therapy that it's not at all like "im going to lock you in this room and keep you medicated beyond all belief while demonizing you for having a mental illness" (i think sally would also take some comfort in that.). Does his symptoms ever ease up?? Just. How's the boy doin'? - Sleepy

Michael is extremely and violently against both, pretty damn understandably, considering. Laurie learns as much as she can about therapy and tries to help out, and they get him to talk to them, and to read up on stuff himself for help, but he is never willing to go to a stranger for therapy, and I doubt he ever will be. He does try antipsychotics, eventually, though, and after a lot of persuasion. It’s not until Quentin graduates medical school as a doctor and can prescribe them himself, and then finally with someone he trusts that much overseeing it, he is talked into giving it a try. It is a really, really awful and hard time for him, because taking prescribed meds, especially antipsychotics, is traumatic after his life in Smith’s Grove. He was overdosed intentionally on them to the point of some permanent brain damage, which, while he’s extremely lucky it wasn’t severe, would be enough to put anyone off doctors and medication for the rest of their lives. He’s super miserable about his symptoms though, so he finally tries it, and it’s traumatic and hard and it’s a bad couple months for him, and a tense couple, but everyone is really supportive and slow and understanding, and eventually they do find something that helps. His psychosis never goes away, but the frequency cuts back a little to something less severe and more manageable with medication and therapy and support, and it’s a lot better than he ever thought it would be. Psychosis is a lot more understood and not demonized now than it was in the 60s and 70s (although treatment is still grossly lacking and the issue stigmatized horribly unfairly), and there’s people online to read tips for managing symptoms from and just have a sense of community and solidarity and understanding with, and that helps a lot. So does just, having a support system period and actually understanding what’s happening to him, and having those experiences validated and explained instead of being constantly accused of faking his symptoms and lying and being a demon in human form.

So, he’s doing okay. He has better days and worse days, but he’s never lost to it utterly like he was before, and sometimes he has peace and quiet for hours at a time before things come up again. It’s still frustrating and distressing and a pain, and he hates how intrusive the violent thoughts get, but he is doing so much better than he ever thought possible, and he’s happy. Actually, while Quentin wanted to be a doctor anyway, a large part of why he was so absolutely determined to do it was because he knew how much Michael’s situation and (completely understandable) mistrust of all doctors worried her as far as being able to really help him went, and he figured (rightly) that a close and trusted sibling/friend prescribing meds was the only shot he’d ever have of maybe being open to taking them, and he was determined to be able to do that and pay Laurie back for some of the invaluable being there for him she was in the realm, and help Michael be as happy and okay as possible. Michael is pretty okay now. Again, it never actually ends, or goes away, but the symptoms become much more manageable and some ease up too, so that’s a lot. : )

Sally is much more open to therapy and medicine, after being reassured she won’t end up locked up forever. She’s very excited to try things that might help her, although she often panics and becomes extremely worried they’re all wrong and someone is going to lock her up once she’s actually there in an office waiting for a doctor, and she needs someone she trusts to go and stay with her in order not to have a worse breakdown than extreme anxiety and crying. Hospitals, especially mental ones, are (also quite understandably) kind of traumatic to her to be in by nature as well. She and Michael have that “Such a bad experience with mental hospitals that setting foot in the driveway of one is extremely traumatic for me” solidarity, and it is terrible and I wish it was different, but I’m glad they at least have about the most loving and understanding support systems possible. 💙 TuT Of Michael’s various symptoms, I don’t think any of them go away, but they improve some, and the catatonia and stiffness is the one which improves most. He still always kind of walks like that just becuase it’s a habit by now and feels normal to him, but it becomes much easier to move and do things period than it was. He doesn’t ever really recover from the mutism (at least as far into the future as I’m aware of), but he does gain some amount of vocalization back, though it’s more like that comes and goes than that he ‘gets it back’ exactly. He’s laughed (quietly) before and gotten some other simpler vocalic sounds like *scoff* or *sad sound in throat* or *affirmative vocalic* a few times when trying. It kind of comes and goes, and the best he has been able to make sound at all goes hand in hand with how relaxed/safe/loved/happy/at peace/okay/wanted/familiar and at home he feels (with relaxed/at peace being a big part of that). Thankfully, he feels like that quite a bit now. :’-] It’s not super common for him to be able to do that though, and everyone there gets super excited whenever he does. The first time it happened was him laughing to something Laurie said, and she almost lost it shouting celebratory things at her surprised and then happy older brother about how amazing it was he’d just done that. It’s like a mini party every time, and he really enjoys it because he always gets showered with praise and often gifts like a celebratory meal or drinks. He’s hummed on at least three occasions and greatly enjoyed that. Tries to do it a lot when he’s alone to see if he can, and gets frustrated a lot, since like all his successes were accidents and the odds of it happening drop drastically the more he tries hard to do the thing, but overall he’s doing well and has been very happy with the improvements he’s had.

[skybound2]

Hi, I really don’t mean to bother you and I apologize for the intrusion. I was just recently diagnosed with ms and don’t know what the best treatment options are. I’m honestly scared of all of them and was wondering if you have a preference or any advice

Oh my word, it is absolutely NOT a bother or an intrusion!! I’m out here on the internet telling the world at large about my issues, and knowing that someone is listening is so very far from a bother or an intrusion. It honestly helps. I’m just sorry it’s taken me so long to respond. 

I completely understand how you are feeling, it’s a scary time, and it can be daunting trying to figure out what to do and where to start and just remembering how to BREATHE under the weight of all of it can be overwhelming. I’m sorry that you are going through this, but there are some really good resources out there, depending on what your situation is, and where you are located. (I think I about lived on the National MS Society webpage when I was first diagnosed. And I watched SO. MANY. YouTube videos. So many.)

I am happy to give you my experience with the disease modifying therapy that I’m on, but I want to just make sure that I’m clear that 1. I’m not a medical professional, and also, 2. I’ve only ever actually been on ONE therapy, so my experiences are limited in that regard. Okay, now that we’ve got the (probably completely unnecessary disclaimers out of the way), onto the actual response. (It’s LONG so it’s under a cut.)

I have relapse-remitting MS, and the therapy that I am on is Avonex, which is an Interferon beta-1a treatment. I use the auto-injection pen, as opposed to a pre-filled syringe. It’s a once a week intramuscular (IM) injection that I can do at home. This is something that fits my lifestyle better than:

Going to an out-patient center for a once-a month IV infusion

Conducting a Subcutaneous injection three times a week 

Taking a daily oral pill 

I’ve learned that I can trust myself to do a weekly injection by setting a weekly timer for it, and working it into my routine. I schedule my injections for Saturday nights right before bed, and clear my morning on Sundays to deal with side-effects that pop up. I have a pretty packed/sporadic schedule, and I don’t think that I would have much luck keeping to a 3x a week injection routine, or taking a daily pill. And I FOR SURE don’t want to be locked into having to go to a center to get an infusion, even if it’s only once a month.

The actual injection process is pretty easy. You just have to prep your injection site (I use my thighs, alternating legs/locations every week), put the needle on the pen (which is pretty foolproof), place the pen against the injection site location, then depress the button on the pen to insert the needle into the injection site, and wait while the medicine injects itself (I count to 20 to wait it out). The medicine pack comes with everything you need for the injection: alcohol wipes, gauze pads, and bandaids, so you have those at the ready every time. 

I’ve been on it for 3.5 years, and during that time I’ve had one pseudo-exacerbation (caused by my exposing myself to high temps when I knew better) and am now in the middle of my first genuine flare since I started the medicine. To me this SEEMS like a good amount of time to have gone without a full flare, but as I mentioned, I haven’t ever been on any other therapy, so I have no idea if another one would have kept the flares at bay for even longer. 

Another “pro” that I would list for this medicine, probably shouldn’t even NEED to be listed as a pro, but seeing as how I live in the healthcare dystopia that is America, it IS for me, is that while my insurance carrier FOR SOME REASON thinks that I should pay $1000/month for this medicine, the manufacturer of the medicine itself WAIVES that fee for me every month, so I actually don’t have to pay anything for my treatment (beyond my insurance premiums of course). 

Now THAT all said, there are some cons and some caveats. 

So my caveat is that when I started treatment, there weren’t any daily oral pills approved for use. I may have opted to try that FIRST if that had been available at the time, but since they weren’t, I didn’t. And since I had been doing well on my injection treatment when the oral pills became available, neither my doctor nor I thought that it was advisable to switch just because. This is something that could change in short order, as I am currently in the middle of a flare, and while I don’t suspect that my doctor is going to recommend a change of treatment when it’s over, it is possible that he COULD. 

Now onto the cons:

The medicine needs to be kept refrigerated, so you need to plan for that if you travel. Luckily, it’s only a once a week treatment, so unless you are away from home for long periods of time, it’s not too difficult to address. (I own a couple of the same medicine travel coolers that diabetics use for insulin transport, as they work well for this purpose.)

Injection site pain is a thing. It’s not a constant thing, but it DOES crop up every so often. For me it’s typically just a sore muscle in the area of the injection, sometimes with mild bruising. (I’ve always bruised easily, and that’s only gotten worse in recent years.) Sometimes this lingers for long enough that I have to skip injecting one leg for a couple of weeks until it clears up. (Again, I bruise easy, and it's not comfortable injecting into a bruise, so I just don’t.)

What I call “morning after” side effects. The medicine lists “flu-like” symptoms as being possible for ~6 months after starting the treatment while your body adapts. That was 100% a thing for me. I was able to mitigate that a bit by taking ibuprofen (and sometimes benadryl) immediately after giving myself the injection before going to sleep. But the thing that DIDN’T get mentioned a lot was that even after that 6 months is over and the majority of “flu-like” symptoms cleared up, you might still have morning after issues in the form of much milder “flu-like” symptoms. For me, this translates into whole-body aches. TYPICALLY, they are cleared up by around 10 or 11 am the morning after. BUT, sometimes they linger all day as just a general dull-ache feeling. My doctor explained that this is because the weekly injection is a concentrated dose of medicine, and it takes the body some time to process it. And beyond taking pain relievers (which I do) there’s not much to be done. It can be exhausting, and so I TRY to avoid scheduling things on Sunday when possible. I’d say that I deal with all-day lingering aches/fatigue following injection about once a month. Though I’m slow to get going EVERY week following injection. (So 10 am start to my day instead of 8 am.)

Because I haven’t been on any of the other therapies out there, I don’t know how these side-effects compare, so I don’t know if these are better or worse. My doctor seems to think that my reported side-effects are pretty typical for this type of treatment though, and doesn’t think it’s cause to change treatments unless I feel like they are interfering with my life. I’ve adapted well enough to them (and honestly, it’s not a hardship to tell EVERYONE that I can’t commit to doing things at least one day a week :-P)

So that’s my response on my treatment experience. I’d say that the best thing you can do is to find a Neurologist that you trust and that you have a good rapport with, so that they can help guide you through the process and assist you in making changes as necessary.

I wish you all the luck in the world, and please feel free to come chat whenever. I may be slow to respond, but I will RESPOND at some point!! *HUGS*

[pbandjesse]

Ugh allergies. I am in a good mood right now though and Im trying not to let myself fall into anxiety. Today was a good day and I want to ride that feeling. 

I slept okay last night. But falling asleep was not great. James was tossing a lot and hit me in the head and I was a little distressed. He felt terrible about it when I told him in the morning. But it still made it hard to sleep. I woke up in a pretty good mood though. 

I felt cute. James made me an omelet. We hung out and decided to go out to perring parkway to go to the thrift store and the fabric store and then get groceries. We just chilled for a little bit first though. Which ended up being good because the thrift store didnt open until 11 and I didnt realize that. So it all worked out. 

I had a really fun time. I didnt have any luck finding a folding table. But James was able to find some new sneakers. And I got so much good fabric!! I was going to be looking at the reminets at Joann's anyway so getting them this cheap was excellent. 

And I found this beautiful pink skirt. And this Japanese plushie cat. I have named them Kevin and I love him. Such a big head, just filled with love. And only $3. 

We still went over to Joanns so I could get new bobbins and a quilting foot for my machine. And lucky us all the machine stuff was 40% off already. Excellent. We had some trouble though because of the sale and almost everything in the one aisle was sold out but we ended up finding just the right things. 

Next we drove over to the grocery store across the street. I got a little mad at people not following the one way aisle arrows. And was pretty loud, but passive aggressive, saying loudly that it would be nice if people could read signs. Like just be aware. There is till a pandemic we dont even kind of have a handle on. But we got just about everything we wanted and a bunch of stuff that was just fun snacks. 

We made a pit stop for five guys in the same shopping center. James ran in and left me in the car. I then got to watch him almost try to get in the wrong car. 

We headed home and it was a lot of stuff to carry in. We had to make two trips inside. I was starving so I ate while James decided to clean the inside of the fridge before he put away the groceries. He did a nice job. The fridge is very full still but its also really clean. 

We spent the afternoon hanging out. He helped me sort and fold my fabrics. I am hoping to finish my in progress quilts in the next week or so. And then I have some ideas about making quilt squares. I got some really cute fabrics today that I think would be great. 

We did some aquarium pruning. Moving some plants around. I got a new rock decoration for the frog tank. So we worked on that and once we were cleaned up James worked on finishing/fixing the sewing needle tattoo we did at the beginning of the summer. It was very painful because its so close to my elbow. But I am pretty happy with it so far. It got really swollen though so we had to stop and will probably work on it a little more next week. 

Once that was done with I iced my arm while he made us dinner. We just hung out until he had trivia at 7. I worked on a beaded project. But then my allergies hurt so I went and laid in the studio and just watched videos for a while. 

Once his game was done I went and laid with him on the couch for a few minutes. But then I took an allergy pill again and now I am feeling less like death. I hate having alleriges because there is so much cross over in symptoms and so I get really freaked out so quickly. I just want things to feel normal again. But I hate how many people are acting like it is normal. I try to beleive in the good in people but man is it hard. 

I am looking forward to work tomorrow. I hope you all take care of yourselves tonight. And have fun tomorrow. Sleep well you guys. 

[dolphin-enthusiast]

lovely evening, my beloved morgane! 🌹💖🌛💌 are you doing alright darling?? i saw you got some work done today, good for you!! even if it's such little things like answering asks, or writing headcannons, i'm always so happy and proud of you!! i do wish that you have been eating and sleeping well lately (and relaxing of course!) meanwhile, i wasn't as productive as i would've liked to be 😅 (1/9)

"my narcolepsy really flared up, so i woke up about halfway through the entire day! ahhh i was so upset about that!! but, nothing a cup of tea and scrolling your page couldn't fix 😉 and in all serious, you all flatter me too much!! i assure you that i'm far from a goddess or princess or anything so ethereal, as much as i'd love to be hehehe! oh my, you all are too good to me as always, i don't deserve all of that kindness 💕 (2/9)

and i must say, those vegas au picrews were so wonderful!!! i love all the little details included, not to mention that you look absolutely stunning morgy dear!! 🥰 oh, and that ace attorney au sounds so cute! i can't help but smile when i think about it ❤ (3/9)

despite waking up so late, i did do my daily check up with the garden and the bunnies, and they seemed happy to see me! i also had to go food shopping for my parents, which almost went awry actually,, i was trying to get some plums and pomelos when i started feeling really lightheaded... and i almost passed out 😖 (4/9)

i think it happened because of both the narcolepsy and how hot it was,, though it was embarrassing watching people crowd around me, but luckily, this nice woman took me to the break room and got me a water, she was so kind and understanding! i'm glad i didn't lose consciousness, but the staff decided to give me my groceries for free, so that was nice!! (5/9)

awaaa,, narcolepsy is very frustrating to live with! especially when catatonic episodes come on, then i can't move! despite all of the annoying and (sometimes) dangerous symptoms, lots of people tell me it gives me character?? (6/9)

i don't really understand that, but apparently many people say it's cute haha, my family even nicknamed it my "ragdoll mode" normally, i'm forced to have people accompany me when i go out in case of situations like this,, since my family and friends were taught to catch me/carry me in case of these flare-ups.. i guess i just wanted a little me time hehehe ✨ (7/9)

despite all of that craziness, i did get to play minecraft with the one and only gundhanon! i figured out how to set up crossplay, and had a lovely time! (i even got to visit the dip court 😖❤ oooh, that reminds me of when all of the anons spammed me with "play minecraft with morgane!!" asks, i guess that's another thing on the list? 😘 (8/9)

my my,, it's extremely late now, i should get going!! well then, until tomorrow love, take care of yourself for me~!! 💞💞💞 - much much much love, the very sleepy waifu 💗💗💗💗💗💗 ps: hmm.. maybe we can get drunk together someday hehe~ 💓 (9/9)"

It really does sound like narcolepsy is one hell of a bitch darling but they arent wrong it somehow? Gives u character?? Like it just makes u special in a way ig jeehhd (idk how to words) and i have to admit it IS oddly cute....ngl i'd gladly watch over u and catch u whenever the ragdoll mode kicked in-

B u t i also gotta tell u once again that not being fully productive isnt a sin (also dont even get me started i literally wake up at noon bc i dont sleep at night lmao)...i myself slacked off a little the past days and my dumbass needs to not only finish haikyuu but also draw and write (other than on this blog) more....n e w a y s im impressed to hear that gundhanon played mc with u ksxhhxd it must be an h o n o r to visit the mighty dip court👁️👁️

And obvs u deserve all the compliments darling i mean hell i have never heard of someone like u before who literally has hoards of animals come to her on a daily basis and who overall radiates chaotic angel energy😳😳😳

[strawskai]

I just saw the System Ask you shared! Would you mind answering them all? 💖 I’m curious!

 oh gosh, yeah, I can answer them all! 

1.how many alters are there?

About 17 of us, I think? Then again, could be more and the others are just hiding things from me, like always :/ 

2. does your system have a name?

Its as predictable as you think, we just call ourselves the Straws System. Bc, I like Straws and no one objected. 

3. do you know any other systems irl?

Not personally? I mean, we met up once and never planned for anything else. (I refuse to initiate conversation bc I suck at em. Who knows, someone might contact them again) 

4. how does dating work for your system?

Uuhh, for us, it depends on the other person someone may be dating. Like if they’re cool with alters dating other people or not. But we can date whoever we want IF the other person is okay with it. 

5. are any alters in relationships with each other? if so, what are their thoughts about it?

Yeah! Allen and Kamron are considered married, which my psychologist says it’s for a reason. They don’t seem to really have an opinion about it other than that they’re happy together. Me, Jude, use to date another alter in my system but he’s gonna integrate so there’s that. But for the time we were dating, it was amazing. Like yeah, you share the same body so it’s hard to get that affection you want, but emotionally it was good. I personally thought it was kinda crazy, but I got use to it. And Shaun, the alter I was dating, was more happy and more calmer. 

6. what does headspace look like?

Boop 

7. how many littles are there?

So far, I only know of 2. But could be more, Im not sure. 

8. how many protectors are there?

2? There use to be 3 but one of them is integrating. Huh, I thought we had more protectors honestly. 

9. have any inside jokes?

BRUH, “when the weed hits too hard” bc one alter got high and then another switched (WHO WASN’T USE TO BEING HIGH) so I woke up to videos of them ranting and freaking out. And pretty sure he was crying at one point. We still tease him about it to this day, it’s been a year. 

10. how often do you switch?

Use to be 3-6 times a day, or at least once a day. But quarantine happened and no one can really handle it except me, what a surprise! So we barely switch nowadays, if we do switch it’s usually by a positive trigger. 

11. how do you communicate?

Sometimes by journal or sticky notes. Though mostly internal communication with alters I have good communication with. But if not, yeah, journal or sticky notes. OR we have a personal discord server with Pluralkit bot and use that! We also have a mobile message app called Serif. 

12. any advice to systems recently discovering they’re a system?

Don’t rush or compare yourself to other systems, every system is different. Take your time with communicating with alters, they’ll contact you when they’re ready. And just because a system does this specific thing and you’re not, doesn’t mean you’re faking. And self-doubt is a common symptom of DID/OSDD, you’re not suppose to know you have DID, and if you feel like you’re faking then it’s most likely you’re not faking. 

So yeah, just take your time and know you experience DID differently than other! Everyone does 

13. is there something one alter likes that another hates?

hahah, most of them hate fast food but guess which fat bitch likes fast food -> m e. Or sometimes I’ll crack a joke with my gremlin sense of humour and the others are either “I hate that” or “what?”. There’s probably tons more stuff we dislike with each other, but Im drawing a blank. 

14. are you open about being a system?

yeah, im prett open. though I am embarrassed of my fictives and they know it, we’re working on it 

[chickenscript]

verstehen (rottmnt x reader post nightmare comfort)

anon: How bout the turtles comforting you from a nightmare

A/N: doing requests out of order since im kind of out of it nowadays too.

also, verstehen has to do with empathy- i learned about it in sociology and it’s one of the few topics i found really interesting. and im not sure if the format for this seems weird or not. i think it’s just because i haven’t written hcs in a while

You spend the night at the lair every weekend you get the chance to, during school breaks and even when you just needed to ditch another lonely night at home.

It’s always a fun time and you’re able to escape stress and life pressure with the turtles. But, that doesn’t mean dark thoughts didn’t catch up to you sometimes. And you hate it when it’s your dreams that they crept into.

The only bright side to jolting awake, wide eyed and hyperventilating in the dark, was you almost always slept near one of or all the turtles. 

So, a mutant teen was there tonight too. Instantly at your side and whispering to you in worry.

Leo:

- he’s a light sleeper so you always accidentally scare the shit out of him when you burst awake

- he needs to take a small breath himself before he asks if you’re alright and looks at your dazed face in the light of the television you all forgot to turn off

- it’s a minute before you say huff a yeah and drag your hand over your face

- you looked like it’d been a rough ride in whatever dream you had

- leo knows the drill for night like these and gets up, stepping over Mikey who was camping out on the floor in a pile of linen and couch cushions

- raph and don went on some solo mission so it was just you guys and on stormy nights, mikey especially didn’t like sleeping alone

- “Want to go on a walk?” leo asked, already pulling on a university sweatshirt that you found among clothes your uncle didn’t want a while ago

- and of course, like every time you had a nightmare, you nodded

- taking your time in getting up and shoving on your boots

- leo learned from the first few times you woke up like that, that you itched for a walk afterward. sometimes you even went to an abandoned, overgrown train yard only he knew about. (he kept tabs on a lot of cool spots like that since he went on a lot of solo jaunts around the city)

- even if you never wanted to talk during the walks, leo would just fill in the night air by regaling childhood stories 

- and by the time you got back to the lair, you’re a little rain soggy but okay enough to try sleeping again

- this time though, you paused as you sat down on the edge of leo’s bed. (mike had crawled into it while the two of you were gone and leo was already settled down next to the smaller turtle)

- “...Thank you.” and leo knows it’s hard for you to say

- it meant confronting you’d had a nightmare and he knew you preferred running from them

- who didn’t?

Mikey:

- it was kind of scary when you woke up like that

 - you never screamed or anything, just shot up. looking bedraggled and struggling to breathe

- he’d touch you and bring you back to where you were, but you couldn’t settle back in easy

- so, mikey got to fort building

- he’d scamper off to gather up all the linen he could; quilts, blankets, pillows, and stack them sky high in whatever room you happened to be in. 

- you’d quietly help, still obviously rattled but doing something helped get ease your breath

- when the pillow fort was done, you’d both crawl inside and mikey would pull a movie up on his tablet for you both to watch. one of his favorites or one of yours. (it was usually one of mikey’s favorites)

- though, this time, the far away look in your eyes stayed a bit longer than other days. even though you were reclined into a huge, fluffy wall of pillow comfort and surrounded by the ambient sounds of Valiant

- mikey, he couldn’t fight the monsters in your dreams. but he could do his best outside of your head 

- “If any of the monsters in your nightmares ever tried to get you out here, I wouldn’t let them.” he assured off handedly with determination printed on his cherubic face

- then you surprised him, “What if the monster’s me Mike?” you uttered lowly

- you sounded so...cold. so sure that you were some terrible creature

- so he pulled the blanket on your laps over the two of you and gave you a big mikey hug that made you lay back further

- “I’ll remind you that you’re not one.” he muttered into your shoulder. almost tearful with worry over what you were feeling deep down somewhere

- you lose some of that stony look as the movie ending pans out and mike goes out cold

- he wakes up that morning happy to see you sound asleep

Raph:

- sometimes he doesn’t wake up when you have a nightmare (he’s a heavy sleeper like don)

- but your shifting tonight rouses him

- you’re sitting up and there’s tears you don’t seem to notice arching down your cheek and he’s immediately concerned

- “Hey are you okay?” he close to slurs

- you look at him, suddenly aware and wiping your face

- you tell him yeah with a scratchy voice, and tell him your sorry for waking him

- raph doesn’t care that you did and, knowing you didn’t like talking about your nightmares much, he’d bring up something new he learned about animals. and once he knew he had your attention, he’d go off on a tangent

- and like every other time, it calmed you down

- you were able to lay back again and breathe easy, distracted by his enthusiastic chatter

- you encouraged his interest in animals all the time (often joining sessions where don and him would go through old living science textbooks, and watching documentaries with him)

- raph was getting pretty tired again though and started to lose steam 

- you said it was alright if he went back to sleep

- and as guilty as raph felt, sleep winked him back in. 

- you eventually nodded off too. thinking of new, bizarre animal facts as you curled up into his side

- hugging his large arm like it was an anchor and listening to the low snore rattling in his broad chest

Don:

- he knew the symptoms of a nightmare like the back of his hand

- he had his fair share and the both of you have encountered the other in the midst of or being woken by one

- you were on the couch sleeping alone this time because they all had to step out for a mission earlier that night

- don was struggling to sleep and came out to make tea

- you were sitting up, swathed in a tattered throw blanket. you looked at him with hooded eyes and he held your gaze before resuming to the kitchen

- he made two cups of tea and returned to the den area, plopping onto the couch too and passing you your mug 

- you blew at the steam furling up from the lip

- you both quietly sipped, plagued by some ugly thought or another

- you placed your cup on the coffee table in front of you after a bit and threw part of your blanket over donnie too. letting your fingers gently poke the knods on the back of his tender shell

- “Think you can fall back to sleep?” he carefully asked as you stared down at your hands

- you shrugged and your voice wrinkled out. pale and hoarse, “Maybe.”

- the only time you ever talked about what happened in a dream was after you got sleep. and most of them had a lot to do with yourself; how you felt about yourself 

- and donnie could relate

- he hummed and yawned, finally feeling fatigue tug him down 

- needless to say, he camped out with you and you both slept well into the afternoon (none of his brothers wanting to wake you. mostly because when donnie slept this long, it meant he was bound to make pancakes once he was up)

[sxyurii]

Hey, I've been your follower for years now and recently I've been through a breakup and I saw your post about it and I feel really sad I don't know how to move on and I just wanted to ask could u give some tips 😢❤❤❤ Love you and your blog so much!!! Sending you much love

Omg hi angel!!! 💕 im really sorry to hear that :( It sucks but we gonna get thru this baby

This will be a long post but also for anyone whos going thru a breakup rn, I'll type out everything that I wish someone told me before 😂

HOW TO WIN A BREAKUP

Ok so im gonna put shit that I know from expierence and as a psychology major so we have some gold hacks here on getting over a breakup 😏 First, I've personally had like quiete few breakups and honestly that FIRST ONE is ALWAYS the worst. If this is ur first breakup im rly sorry but its gonna suck for a while LMAO just remember that first one is the most painful but once you get over it its like antidote for life. No breakup will hurt that much as far as I know. Now lets start. U broke up youre sad, alone, crying, now what?

1. Call your friends. ALL OF THEM. I always felt my breakups before they happened and with this recent one I summoned all of my friends and they were all there with me before and after it happened. Venting helps and emotional support will be the first thing here. You are very vulnerable and sensitive right now and your emotions are all over the place probably. You're sad, angry, confused you wanna kill him all of that shit and having people there with who you can let out all those emotions is SO SO SO important i cant stress it enough. Dont bottle emotions D O N T its tempting but its toxic as fuck and it prolongs the healing. Buy junk food, have girls night, cry to your friends and talk about it until you don't feel need to anymore, cry more. Use all emotional support u can get, ur girls got u. BONUS TIP therapy helps alot. Ive been to therapy to help me sort my emotions out and its been super helpful. Remember also friends arent therapists, sometimes a professional help to guide thru emotions is the good choice too.

2. DELETE EVERYTHING you have that reminds you on them. I personally dont have hard time with it I know some people do but its also one of the most toxic things. Delete the pictures, chats, unfollow them block them even if u have to, mute, delete the songs that remind u of them. Literally erase their existence from your life. Due our brain not knowing difference between someone breaking up w us and someone dying pain we feel is intense and gets to point we feel physical pain. Memories trigger emotional responses and keep opening the wound. You need to heal. Patch it and let it heal. Dont poke it by seeing still things that remind u of them.

3. dO NOT STALK THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA. DONT DONT DONT. ITS LIKE DRINKING POISON EXPECTING THEM TO DIE??? What you could possibly find that will make u feel better??? Them posting that they miss you and want u back??? Nah sis, social media presence of people is so biased and its SO EASY to fake anything. You can misinterpret alot and you might also see stuff that will hurt u. Some of my exes (idk abt this last one tho bc I never stalked his social media since we broke up and im super proud on it) would post stuff that they know would hurt me or make me jealous or just some shady shit and you dont want to go in a place where u know someone just wants to hurt u. You are better than that. Protect your mental peace at all costs.

4. Journal. With this recent breakup I wrote like alot about it, i took my emotions and wrote paaaages. Let it all out. Draw abt it. Find ways to turn your pain in art.

5. DONT TEXT YOUR EX. CUT THEM OFF. its the best for you. You cant heal in a place you got hurt. If you wanna text them handle phone to ur best friend. I know whenever you are alone u will feel so lonely but trust me better call your friend than hit up ur ex LMAO We all still think we want our ex back even some time after breakup. We tend to idealize our exes in our heads and remember only the good times and stuff and then its just painful illusion. I know i did that alot with my exes so with this last one i decided to prevent it. Best way for that was to make a list of all the things he did that would hurt me, make me sad or mad and that i just didnt like abt him. Whenever I would feel im thinking I miss him I would read that list and see he wasnt so good and there was a reason that relationship ended. It will come to point u will see you werent happy and you will be slowly letting it go. He aint shit trust me.

6. Usually it takes 3 weeks for the worst symptoms of breakup to subdue bc our neurotransmitters need to balance again. Love is a drug and breakup is like withdrawal from cocaine addiction. Your body and mind will go through symptoms same as cocaine addict. Remember to be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself. I know for me issue was I would be like "get over it" and not allow myself to be hurt abt it. Be kind, you are going though huge emotional trauma and you deserve all the time and space to be hurt and feel it. Feelings are like visitors, you just have to accept them with out resistance and let them pass. Acceptance is the key.

7. Focus on yourself. You were so used on putting effort and energy into that person. Take all of that energy and put it back in YOU. Be selfish. Treat yourself. Date yourself. Write things you love about yourself. Rediscover your passions. Focus on school. On your beauty. dYE UR HAIR DO A TATTOO DO UR NAILS DO A FACEMASK PLAY SONGS SINGING HOW EXES AINT SHIT Fall in love with yourself. This is something that you will be ready to do when you processed all the emotions in healthy way.

8. Idk did i forget something but just to add this. "This too shall pass". You will heal. You will mend. Never close your heart to love again. You deserve love and one day you will have it. Dont let your pain make you push love away. Breakups are extremely good for self growth and be grateful for it because trust me you will grow so much and you will learn so much about yourself.

I hope I helped at least a bit 💕 I keep feeling like I forgot something but know that you and anyone can always hit me up in DMs and ask for help. Im always open to help anyone and dont hold back. Im sending you so much love honey 💖💖💖💖💖

[smallgayblanket]

Clone AU

Since @ari-trash asked..heres my kinda lame new idea. Which kinda explains This response to an ask. 

Basically  Sean, for one reason or another signs up/decides to allow himself to  be cloned.  (Its for science..or health..idk he gets cloned though- there is the chance it was against his will if he was already in a coma..but im not sure which line of events I prefer) 

The idea was Jack gets cloned, and was either in a coma, or falls into one after they realize these Clones are taking pieces of his soul/person.

Chase, although he gets his dad like nature and happy attitude, doesn't have the right brain makeup and is seriously depressed and suffers chronic fatigue. his hair came out lime green, he was slightly shorter and a little less toned. Though he ticked so many boxes his little ‘stunt’ early on in the program has made them question his usefulness.

Marvin, while having a sense of gender ambiguity (which isn't all that obvious or feminine) came out with runes marking his skin and freckles. His eyes aren't the right colour, he knows Latin, and has Seans arrogant/flamboyant attitude while also feeling unsure of himself, he was a clone that went unnamed for a while as they weren’t really sure what he could do until they found him floating while he was supposed to be doing yoga. 

Jackie failed almost entirely as he came out with more female attributes and hormones then they had intended, however, due to the untested drugs they decided to try out to help fix him..he ended up without factors and qualities that made him more than human. Like Marvin his eyes are the wrong shade, he has a stray strip of hair that is red, and his build is stronger then Seans. He’s incredibly charming and kind, but he still wasn’t doved Sean enough, though he was marked as one of the closet clones thus far despite all the genetic fuck ups. 

Henrik. Once more so close yet so far. This clone had smarts and wit yet his accent was again not quite right, he quickly picked up medical knowledge, was addicted to caffeine and seemed to struggle with healthy sleeping patterns. He has slightly more body hair then Sean, slightly lankier then he is toned. He too requires glasses to properly focus on texts. He proved useful.. 

Anti was a failed batch, They did things they should not..added things into the process of cloning that went all sorts of wrong. His eyes emerald green, skin pale and body thin. Yet seemingly still strong. His body convulses and twitches at odd times, like somethings fighting to stay in..or get out.. He was quick to anger, showing signs of some sort of split personality at times.  They quickly found what little soul they gave him was not a wise idea, and he suffers because of it- however, they found they were unable to extract it and instead wish to examine him further. He refused to admit it but being near the others- Sean especially..is the only times he feels stable and whole, even if he isn't entirely. 

Shawn happened by accident.  Someone dropped a pen into the cloning vat, the ink did something..they still arent sure. His skin is slightly darker then Seans, more sun-dusted..His outfit choice is odd and strange, his attitude glum and cold..

Jameson was the last, one final attempt to try and make something right. Things went wrong one night. Their clone was tampered with..hurt.. Ink marks left on the broken glass. The clones throat has never been the same. He’s far too small and fragile to be much like Sean..though he’s plenty the pacifist. 

Angus was one of the first, kinda off in odd ways. He liked nature and animals which were perfectly fine, though he had a slightly off accent. This clone, however, was...misplaced..

Robbie is incredibly sweet and loves being affectionate, much like Sean. However his hair purple and his eyes a milky silvery/white. His processing is slow, showing symptoms similar to ADHD he struggles with noises and words and is often quiet. He also was put under tests due to his body not being human and they’re unsure what bit corrupted him as his heartbeat is extremely faint.

[werevulvi]

Face my fragmentation

“The distinction between performance and reality, always caught up entangled Not knowing if what I know is truth, or beliefs carefully mangled Did my past deception ring true at the end or am I just reconciling with what I cannot bend? In the sanctuary of my own home, do I wear my true face? As it changed with time and testosterone, its nuances shifted out of place With my senses hightened outside, I'm unaware of what I hide Yet I call for no reduction of what I became; I remain yet the same I thrifted pieces of my shame, to once again be restored into pride I'm perpetually misjudged by my appearance, but I let it slide for the sake of my privacy, when the need to know basis is none but it still twists my gut, telling me that my womanhood is gone Have I sought to become what I already am, or am I trying to be what is beyond my reach; a pipedream of tricks and tragedy Wearing stage makeup for casual pursuits, the tedium I'm trying to exhale but I cannot differentiate freedom from what's cheaply on sale And I begin to wonder, if what's chasing me is my destination if I should turn around to further face my fragmentation My bits of male and female; chafing together, comforting apart each belonging to different pieces of my shattered heart” Ah, the perpetual confusion continues! I still feel as though I've some amount of conflict between what I consider my male traits and female parts. That I like them all but can't quite put them together. And I'm thinking that has something to do with my traumatised mind still being very fragmented, despite having integrated with my alter. Like that integration didnt exactly make all of my dissociative symptoms go away. And being in a constant dissociative fog surely makes it hard to figure out what is me being true to myself or accidentally creating yet another persona. Especially considering much of my dysphoria was caused by the traumas that also caused my dissociative issues. So how I perceive my body both genderly and in general are very linked together. There's no clear distinction yet every aspect of me is so far apart. Like two similar things placed in two different rooms, and the time it takes to walk from one thing to the other makes you forget how different or similar they actually are. I dont think my body or my mind being androgynous makes me any less female or not a woman, its not that. But I'm not blind to how the rest of the world sees me and I'm also not immune to its effects on how I perceive myself as a consequence. I have thought, although only in sheer desperation, about if it would be easier to "just" live as a feminine trans man. But I dont want to cause it goes against everything I feel about myself as a woman. It would be like admitting defeat. Like saying it actually was "too late" into transition for me to detrans. And I'm not the kind of person who gives up about what matters to me really a lot. Not that I dont give up easily, but that I simply DON'T give up. Like no matter how hard it is. I keep trying until I manage, and only sometimes temporarily retreat. And I know that my fight/right to be a woman is something that I cannot and wont give up on. No matter how much I'll stumble and fall. But how do I conquer these obsticles? And how do I learn to live as an ambiguous woman who's constantly perceived as male? How do I handle this consatant feeling of having been robbed of my womanhood? How difficult it is to feel welcome in any lesbian community or women only space in general, when looking like a man (i.e a threat). Worrying about being tossed out of bathrooms cause I'm too scared of walking into the mens room to put on makeup, while wearing a dress and fake boobs. Worrying about locker rooms for when I'll start practicing karate again, as I highly doubt there will be a gender neutral option for that. Cause im terrified of showering naked with a bunch of naked men, cause open showers is standard in my country, and I'm sure that other women in their locker room would freak out if I walked in there, cause that's happened before. I know I'll have to have a conversation with the instructors at that karate club about my locker room issue, but still.

That is why I still hold off on starting practicing at my island's only karate club, but it's a dream that I cannot hold off on forever. I'm thinking it might be easier to "prove my case" when I'm legally female again, and for other practical reasons it would be more convenient to wait until after my breast reconstruction surgery has been done and healed properly as well. But how I'm perceived by others based solely on my looks (and voice) will continue to be ambiguous at best, as I'm keeping and cherishing my traits from testosterone. It's not that I care about random people's opinions of me, cause I don't. It's that it makes those kinds of social situations difficult to deal with and solve. And I feel like I'm stuck in a tight web about it. The ways in which my dysphoria slithers around in me is confusing and exhausting to try to figure out and get a grasp of. But I've come to understand now that basically: as a trans man I was happy with what testosterone did for me and I for the first started finally liking parts of my body. It was an over all positive experience for me. But I hated living as a man and forcing myself to be masculine. It felt like a burden that alienated me, as I couldn't connect to either men or other women anymore, and I felt that more and more over the years, like some abstract force that became mysteriously heavier over time. Until I understood that I was going against my nature. It felt good at first, but then felt increasingly heavier and like a burden, that social role and the lie that I tried to become. Top surgery (about 5 years into my social transition) made it worse cause it was such a jarring experience. Sadly, I hated my breasts until the day they were gone... then I missed them. It only traded one kind of suffering for another, and I had no idea that would happen. That made me even more confused, but I was afraid of my feelings so I bottled them and shoved them away. For 4 years.

Then when I started healing from my traumas and I began to fall in love with my body and my personality, detransition was just around the corner and it happened so fast. It was literally like I woke up that morning feeling like I was a man like always, and when I went to bed that night I knew I was a woman and regretted it all. As well as instantly ditching the masculinity I had forced myself into, for my long lost femininity. That strong contrast was a tad overwhelming!

However, now reflecting back on it, I don't think most of that instant regret I felt was really that, but rather that it was an expression of my inner conflict between the liberation of finally connecting with my womanhood for the first time ever, and my love for my male physical traits that clashed with the idea of womanhood that had been imprinted into my brain by society. Or to put it more simply: my love for my androgynous body clashed with my false view of myself as a traditionally feminine woman. I felt stuck with my androgyny when in fact there was never anything wrong with either me or my androgyny, but I couldn't put it together with being a woman. Cause I felt suddenly threatened by it. I felt like I was somehow newly a woman, and my old-fashioned, conservative view of what I thought women "should" look like made me attack the one thing I had finally come to love, which was what had brought me to see myself as a woman to begin with: my body. Eventually, as I became more stable over time in my detransition, I started to find my way back to that love I always had for my male traits, and tried to basically integrate them into my newfound womanhood, but that was and still is a struggle. Even just getting myself to walk outside with a beard visible on my face and with any amount of confidence to do so, since detransing, has taken me around 6 months so far, and it's still a work in progress. I keep fighting it, viewing my facial hair as a threat to my womanhood while still loving it. Is it right, is it wrong, that I still love my beard? I know that does not matter, but my emotions don't give a fuck about that. They won't listen to reason. But I see that I am beautiful with strikingly intense looks, self-love and pride showing through behind a hesitant smile, when I allow myself to wear my beard like the part of my body that it now is. I do not want to get rid of it, but I definitely want to get rid of the social stigma around bearded women with deep voices. But that ain't gonna happen anytime soon. So I'm gonna have to live with that stigma, reluctantly.

And even during that time, I sometimes, or even most of the time, directed my frustration with being misgendered towards my beloved male traits, as if they were the enemy and not society. Cause I'm just as much forced to live in this society as I am forced to live with my own body... it takes much work to not let either of those two drive me crazy. Having and keeping my male features literally does me no harm at all. Especially not considering I'm no longer taking the testosterone, only keeping its permanent effects. Actually I think trying to reverse those effects would be more harmful than keeping them. I know I'd always rather listen to my heart than society when it comes to making any kinds of permanent changes to my body. But I'll still hear society, regardless of how much I don't listen to it. And sometimes what it says just fucks me up and makes me sad. I know I would be dysphoric again if I got rid of my male traits. I know because for everytime I've considered it and used any sort of words like "removing" or "lasering off" or "getting rid of" those traits, it has made my stomach turn in a mentally painful twist. And I know because I'd regret it if I got rid of them. That I would grieve their loss, just like I grieved the loss of my breasts. And I don't wanna go through that with any more parts of my body. Even just thinking about it makes me wanna protect myself.

Truth is I don't wanna look either completely female or completely male, as for my physical appearance. But I'm fine with simply being biologically female regardless of how I want to appear. It's a fact I've no issue with anymore, and I'm no longer dysphoric about any of my remaining female parts, like I used to be. But I do not want to again look like I never transitioned to begin with. I do not miss my voice being higher pitched at all, or having a smooth face, a less hairy body or a smaller clit. My style is mostly feminine, but my body is a mix of male and female traits.

(Just to clarify, I use the word "male" instead of "masculine" when it comes to my transitioned physical traits because masculinity is a social construct, but such physical traits (like beards, deep voices, etc) are much more closely associated with male biology than any social construct. And vice versa for my female traits.) Am I less female for having some additional male traits? No, I'm still 100% female, but now with some additional male traits. I'm a woman who went through both female and male puberty, hormonally. And I like it that way, but I never liked to regularly dress masculine, and I've also never liked having a totally female-appearing body and face either. I've wanted a deep voice and facial hair ever since I was 12 years old. Whatever it means, it's not a new or sudden wish. I've had it for most of my life, which is probably why I'm so happy to have those traits now. But I also don't and can't think of myself as a feminine man, no matter how much I look like one on the surface. It's just an illusion, a consequence of my transition+style. It was a choice, and I really don't know if I regret that choice or not. Transitioning, as a whole, didn't quite turn out as I had intended. I guess that's all I really know for sure. My chest is now my only source of dysphoria. Cause I guess I can regret top surgery without also regretting testosterone. Or maybe I just want new boobs regardless of if I have chest dysphoria or not, and consider the risks of getting new boobs worth it to connect better with my body as a beautiful (not necessarily in a sexual way) and comforting meatsuit to carry around my soul (or brain, if you don't believe in souls) in. I kinda intend for my detransition to take me "halfway back" in a sense. Like two steps forward and one step back. I see myself as a woman now only cause I made peace with my body being female, but I don't really think I have an actual gender per se. I don't identify AS a woman, although in a sense I do identify WITH womanhood; as in female biology, actually natural femininity and being a lesbian.

My androgynous looks are intentional now, and I intend to rock it as well as I can. My body is solely for myself, but of course I can't and shouldn't hide completely from others just because they're not my target audience. My body is my only true home and I don't like it too plain and undecorated. I'm not a minimalist by far, I feel comforted and up-lifted by some colours, tinsel and patterns in my near presense to brighten up the gloom in my tortured mind. Looking fancy for no particular occasion, for my mental health, is a good and quite harmless type of self-care. Although perhaps not ideal, it's still far better than self-harm. Ultimately, how I perceive myself is just as a woman, and neither my transition to male nor my detransition to physically nonbinary quite reflect that, but they don't need to. But what my detransition does need is work the fuck together with my self-perception. I'm scavenging for a strategy to achieve that kind of inner team work. I know this text became really long, but I wanted to still include all that reflecting on my transition and detransition so far. Cause I wouldn't have ended up here without all those experiences. (And no I won’t make this post a “read more” thing cause I know you guys are too lazy to click on such things.)

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Mental Visitor (Volturi x Reader)

Mental Visitor (Volturi x Reader)

The chill that ran down your spine just as the cold air hit your skin told you that you weren't safe. This was then reinforced by the the tall men dressed in a dark grey and cloaked approaching you, Bella and Edward. The three men spoke borderlining confrontational when you jumped as Alice opened the door behind you with a grin which was quickly washed away when a much younger looking blonde girl dressed in black headed down the hall. Ironically she looked the most threatening and your heart pounded in your chest, which didn't go unnoticed. "Aro sent me to see what is taking so long." The blonde said before turning expecting them to follow and with a push to both Bella and yourself by Alice, you all complied. "Just do as she says..." Alice locks eyes with Bella who turned to look at her with uncertainty. Something told you that you didn't want to look into the blonde girls mind. Some minds looked more welcoming than others and her mind was certainly not welcoming. The disadvantage to your gift was that some were more aware of your presence inside their head than others, it was like poking a bear and no one liked being accompanied in their own mind. You thought about the tall dark haired man behind you. He looked a lot more promising than the blonde girl did.

It felt like zoning out, a daydream and soon you felt like a visitor, or perhaps wearing a costume. That's when you knew it had worked. You were startled, it was like being surrounded by starving lions as they eyed up their next meal. That next meal being Bella. It made your stomach turn, you could feel their hunger but you were so much more aware of how wrong it felt. You didn't time to prod around as you were in an elevator so you immediately focused getting back into your body which you successfully did, just in time for the elevator doors to open.

You knew this was dangerous but you were dangerous. You stated at Aro who openly wondered what to do with both you and Bella with the responses of his brothers to kill you both. You didn't waste anymore time and pushed, your eyes fluttered and suddenly you were no longer staring at Aro but instead watching Edward, Alice and Bella. You heard Aro talk as though it was yourself speaking. You concentrated just as Aro muttered "Felix..." And Edward jumped into action with protest and a full blown fight ensued.

You tried to contain your fear. 'What if they were to change her? That would be a happy ending that would last forever.' Felix yanked Edward to Aro waiting for Aro to pull off Edwards head just as Bella began to protest. 'They must be serious about one another to go through such bother.' It must have been working as Aro seemed to be postponed in the execution as Bella began screaming which got Aro's attention as he raised a hand signalling for Felix to wait. You stayed silent in Aro's head being very cautious and luckily Alice's interuppting sweetened the deal. Both of you would be changed, starting with Bella. You felt relief before you panicked again, Edward and Alice were tugging your body to walk out the door, without you. You panicked and Aro inhaled sharply as Edwards jaw clenched. 'No! No!' You darted out of Aro's head and the doors were closing, a blonde guard stepped in the way of you and your body which was quickly blocked by the door as it shut. You found yourself in his head. His name was Afton and you swallowed hard. Afton felt a sudden unease, and scratched his head slightly before going still. You terrified. You're body was being walked away from you. The further it got, the more difficult it would be to return to it and you couldn't let any of them know you were here, or what you could do. You travelled to Jane's body and felt the Alec's hand securely holding Jane's. It wasn't comfort meant for you but you took it because right now, you needed it more than anything.

Even leaving the throne room, Alec's hand didn't leave Jane's. You had buried yourself in the darkest, furthest place of Jane's mind, huddled into a ball.

"Are they going to be okay?" Bella whispered eyeing your still form. Edward nodded. "I think it's the shock, Bella. We'll get them checked over by Carlisle once we land."

"You've gone quiet, sister. Are you alright?" Alec tilted his head, sitting in front of a crosslegged Jane. "Are you still angry about that human?"

"Yes," Jane said stiffly. "but that isn't bothering me as much as this rather odd feeling I keep getting."

"What feeling?" Alec took Jane's hand.

"I kept feeling rather...stressed for brief moments and I don't know why, like fear."

"You have nothing to be afraid of, Jane." Alec assured her.

She didn't, but you did and you couldn't contain the feeling of panic for a moment clenching your eyes shut. "I know." Jane snapped before shaking her head. "I'm sorry, brother. I'm not sure what has been wrong with me the past few hours. It'll pass."

Your body was back in America, you knew it because the further it got, the worse this crawling feeling got. You didn't feel like yourself anymore, you felt drained and just wanted to cry. It had clearly affected Jane, who after another few hours was alone and lying on her bed. She hadn't done so in decades and acknowledged something was very wrong but insisted it would pass. She was laying curled up on her side.

Your condition had gotten worse since you landed. Alice was slowly walking you to the car after explaining to airport security that you weren't feeling very well after a rough flight and she was taking you home to rest. Edward noted you were still very quiet and that your eyelids had begun to droop as though you were tired. Your steps taken looked more like you were dragging your feet. They tried talking to you but eventually gave in as you looked right through them.

Reunions were cut very short when the Cullen's got home. Edward took Bella home your body was left behind with the Cullen's. Carlisle shone a light in your eyes, your pupils had no response in dilation and you didn't react to any kind of sound. Your eyes were nearly shut, fluttering open briefly for a second. "Are they okay?" Esme looked at Carlisle. Carlisle turned to Esme and shook his head. "No. Alice and Edward were worried that perhaps (Y/N) was in shock or scared but this is purely medical." As though on queue, your body gave out, suddenly slumping bit quickly caught by Carlisle before you could hit the ground.

'Please, help me.' You sobbed feeling completely trapped and weak within Jane's head. You were almost as startled as her when she suddenly sat up in alarm, her eyes darting around the room. She sniffed. She was the only one here. You knew it was a mistake but you didn't care anymore. You knew something had just happened to your body.

"Who's there!?"

'You won't see me. Please, i need your help. I'm stuck and- and I need you to go to America so I can get to my body!'

"Where are you?"

'You need to stop talking, I'm in your head! Say it in your mind! You sound crazy!'

'Are you why I've been feeling strange?'

'Ive been trying to keep out of your way but they took my body back to America and the longer I stay away the worse the situation will get. I can't stay out there for too long.'

'Youre that other human...' Jane's eyes narrowed with accusation.

'Please, please, help me! I promise you'll never see me again if you help me!'

'As delightful as that offer is, I can't just get up and travel to America.'

'Why?'

'First of all, I need to show you to Aro.' Jane smirked before wincing at the sudden horror that you felt. 'No no please!'

'Im one of the most treasured and permanent guards of the Volturi. I have responsibilities and I can't just get up and leave!' Jane ignored your further protests. Aro was excited by Jane's claims which sounded more of a bizarre story of a child than anything else. That was until he took Jane's hand and noticed that she was infact, not alone in her own head. "Oh my..." Aro looked up from Jane's hand.

"I don't understand, their symptoms lead to a coma, but there is no explanation as to why." Carlisle looked at you as you lay on the bed, now connected to different fluids. It had been a few days since you collapsed and he was no closer to finding out what caused your state.

"I told you, I would go in the morning." Jane said very aggravated. "If you ask me one more time, I assure you that you will be returned to your body so I can torture you and then kill you!"

'Im sorry...' you said meekly. 'im just really cold and I don't feel well.'

Jane paused. "because of me?"

'No. It's because I've been so far from my body for too long. It's weird being in here- no offense. It's always alien to be in someone else's head.'

'I imagine so.'

'Can I ask you something?'

'That depends on the question.'

'I wanted to know more about you and your brother...'

'Why?'

'You don't have to answer, I could just use something to keep my mind off this awful feeling.'

Jane sighed after a period of silence. 'We were accused of witch craft and burned at the stake.'

'Woah, why?'

'We were twins, a rarity which were considered witches and as we grew older, it became clear that we weren't normal. We were outcasted from our village. I was attacked by a boy in the woods, one of the children of the village. That was the last straw and then Aro saved us.' You didn't push Jane for the minor details. You were grateful to have been distracted as well as hear her story from her personally.

'You and your brother are very close...'

"Were all we had." Jane confirmed.

'I wish I had a bond like that.'

"Do you have any siblings?"

'No... not many friends either. I never really fit in much. I kind of got used to getting along with everyone but never really making any real connections. It gets rather lonely some times.'

"Yes...I'm lucky I have Alec."

'For what it's worth... I'm sorry that happened to you, you didn't deserve it.'

Jane didn't seem to take your words too kindly. "Shut up."

The twins clearly felt an invasion of privacy as the two sat silently in discomfort, very aware you could hear them.

'What time is it?'

"10:52pm." Jane said quickly. You thanked her before muttering to yourself about keeping it together. "Are you alright?" Jane asked and Alec lifted his head.

'Im fine... just a little light-headed. I'm just gonna...curl up here.'

"Are they okay?" Alec asked and Jane gave him an uncertain look. "What happens if we don't get you back?"

'I don't know and to be honest, I don't want to know.' Jane didn't feel well in that moment and so wanted to keep you distracted and alert. "Tell me, where's your favourite place in the world?" Alec understood what his twin was doing and so added his own input. "Perhaps we've been there?"

Jane heard you chuckle. 'You definitely haven't been there.'

"Well how would you know?" Jane pushed.

'If I tell you, you can't laugh.'

"We won't laugh."

'In all honesty, my favourite place in the world is my bed.'

"You're being funny." Jane deadpanned before turning to face her twin. "They said their favourite place is their bed."

"I don't know if I should be worried but I'm more dumbfounded than anything..." Alec said. "I mean, they were right, we haven't been there."

'hey! If there is a place that treats me better than my own bed then that will be my favourite but until then-!' you huffed.

As the night continued, you were distracted by the awful dull feeling you felt by Jane and Alec who had begun to become more of friends than acquaintances, the ice falling away.

As promised Jane went to America but you had also gone very quiet, she was alone for most of the journey. Jane was greeted by the unnerved Cullen's. Eventually, they believed Jane and let her see you.

Jane looked down at your body. You were softly breathing, your heartbeat stable, but there was no other sign of life, not even the flicker of eye movements behind your eyelids. It was bizarre, dare she say difficult to see you like this when you were so filled with life when talking that night. In all honesty, Jane had grown worried for her little human friend. You had went quiet. she wasn't sure what was happening and could only assume the worst which was being too late. She lightly touched your hand and got no response. A few moments later your lips parted and you took a deeper breath before turn your head to the side. After a few minutes, your eyes opened and greeted Jane with a smile.