#once again this isn’t a ramble that needs to be on tumblr but here it is anyway

[exopelagic]

i said i wouldn’t do it this time but it’s 3am and mods asleep. boy

[autism-disco]

why are time signatures the way that they are >:(

iris by the goo goo dolls is listed as both 3/4 and 6/8 how am i supposed to do this

[scaranation]

Hey I ADORE UR WRITING...SENDING ALL LOVES TO U... btw can u write a headcanon about how alhaitham or zhongli or wanderer would react to a really short fiesty y/n?

THIS IS V LATE IM SO SORRY HAHA anyway im alive now so I finally finished the prompt ! i interpreted it romantically by accident but I hope you like it anyway ehehe

༊*·˚ 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑

ft. Alhaitham, Zhongli, Wanderer

Content: Fluff, headcannons, it's all enemies to lovers, Scara's part is a little short but so is he 🤭

a/n - ignore the spam e's at the end tumblr kept deleting my last paragraph whenever i tried to edit so i got mad and made sure the only thing i'd lose were the 3847394 e's i typed

ALHAITHAM

At first, he couldn’t ever see himself falling for someone like you. And if he were to date you, he’d definitely have to fall quite far - after all, you were so short, he practically had to trip over himself in squatting to talk to you. What you lacked in height, however, was made up by temper.

The first time Alhaitham had met you, he was very much taken aback by your personality. Instantly, he categorised you as the irritating, distracting type, filing away your existence in his brain as he droned out the sound of your voice.

“Grand Sage! I’m here to get approval for my research paper, and-”

“Acting Grand Sage.” Alhaitham corrected you without even looking up from his desk. Your words didn’t even register to him, as he left the interaction to his subconscious as to save his own energy.

“Acting Grand Scribe, whatever. Anyway, here’s my thesis, can you look over it now?”

“The approval process takes a few days, you can leave it here.”

“Oh, okay! Thank you, Grand Sage!” You chirped, scurrying off before Alhaitham could point out your error again. He spared a cursory glance towards the paper you’d left on his desk, raising an eyebrow.

“Height: an in-depth study into the role of genetics versus upbringing in contributing to an individual’s vertical stature.”

Alhaitham tutted. The title wasn’t concise, and the premise of your project lacked nuance. He idly flipped through the pages, already preparing to reject it.

"This project will feature an interview with a member of the Shuumatsuban who struggles with height in order to establish a deeper understanding... Hm. Interesting, but not groundbreaking. We've seen countless projects like this before." Alhaitham mused, stamping the front cover with bright red rejection and putting the paper aside.

It wasn’t long before Alhaitham found you at his office once again. However, you’d shed any semblance of politeness you’d had before, only fuming as you marched right up to his desk and demanded an explanation for the rejection of your research project.

“Well, this isn’t the first time I’ve seen a thesis like this. The Akademiya needs not waste its resources on previously covered topics, hence I suggest you find a scholarly pursuit more worthy of your time.” You clenched your hands into fists at the irritating way the Acting Grand Sage didn’t even glance at you, his eyes still darting over the paper he was currently reading.

“What’s so interesting about what you’re reading now, then?” You snapped, slamming both hands on the hard wood of the desk. Your arms faltered a little as pain shot up from the impact. You tried to bite back a wince, but Alhaitham noticed. He had to fight to keep an amused smirk down as he finally looked up at you.

“This? It’s a study into the applicability of natural selection in society. Of course, it fuels some questionable - and incorrect - ideals, but it has piqued my interest. Rest assured that it will also be rejected.” Alhaitham’s tone was condescending, and it only made you more frustrated.

“Why are you invalidating my experiment?”

“Don’t take this so personally, I have nothing against you as an individual.” The Acting Grand Sage chuckled. Your demeanour reminded him of a fiery chipmunk, and he tuned out the sound of your incessant rambling.

Even your cheeks looked like a chipmunk’s. How fun it would be, to squish them…

“Hey, what are you doing?” You were jerked out of your spiel by the touch of Alhaitham’s hand on your cheek. Some fingers were gloved, others bare - it made a curious contrast, the rough leather juxtaposing smooth skin.

“My apologies, you had something on your cheek. You may continue your futile self justification now.” Alhaitham retracted his hand to go back to studying the paper.

“This… this won’t be the end!” You exclaimed. You sounded rather like a villain one would find in a children’s novel, except Alhaitham doubted there was a villain as small and as harmless as you.

“I look forward to your future endeavours.” Alhaitham quirked a wry smile at seeing you scuttle off furiously.

You were right - this wasn’t the end. You’d unfortunately piqued the Acting Grand Sage’s interest, and once that happened, there was no way out.

You’d find yourself bumping into Alhaitham more often after that incident. Who knew the Acting Sage even left his office? Wherever you went, he’d be there, presumably to make your life harder.

It sounds cliche, but he would definitely help you out with reaching books just beyond the range of your flailing hands. Of course, he’d read the title and criticise your choice of literature before handing it to you, but Alhaitham would be of aid nonetheless.

He’d make blunt remarks to rile you up, enjoying the sight of you flushing in anger. You were so short, yet so energetic - he often wondered how it was possible for you to be so endearing and irritating at the same time.

Sometimes, your brutish comments would get through to Alhaitham, and you’d have the pleasure of seeing his jaw flex in discomfort before he snapped back with something equally personal. Neither of you were ever willing to let the other have the last word.

You often wondered how you’d gotten close to the cold Acting Sage. He was feared amongst all other scholars for his meticulousness, and yet he seemed fine with engaging in banter with you. It was a shocking but typical sight to see you with him in the halls of the Akademiya, the almost comical height difference drawing scoffs from witnesses. A quick glare from Alhaitham would be enough to silence those snickers, however. After all, he was the only one who could tease you, and you, him.

ZHONGLI

You’d first meet Zhongli through attempting to scam him. Most people would wonder why you were trying to swindle the god of contracts himself, but to be fair, you didn’t know who he was - and you were an absolute genius at robbing people with honeyed lies. How were you supposed to know you’d bitten off more than you could chew?

The day had begun normally, with you merely making your normal (fraudulent) sales. You’d make glorious promises of a newly discovered vein of ores in the Chasm, painting pictures of abundant wealth. Then, you’d convince those poor customers to buy stakes in the mine for a ridiculous price, although they were really only buying a shoddy patch of dirt you owned in the Sumeru-Liyue border. You’d managed to slip under the radar as you technically hadn’t done anything illegal, only omitted some key details.

After all, you only said that there was a “strong possibility” that there would be valuable ores there. And you were right - there were iron chunks. And they were valuable… in some perspectives. Either way, you didn’t know much about what was legal and what wasn’t (your only knowledge came from your time attending school with Yanfei) but it was good, not-so-honest work. The devil’s in the details, as they say, and nobody reads the poorly written fine print on the contracts you made anyway.

Until Zhongli came along.

“May I ask the whereabouts of this place?” The man exuded wealth, from his deep voice to his elegantly refined attire. Your eyes sparkled. If you could pull this off, the rewards would be great.

“It’s in the Chasm.”

“Ah, you already mentioned that, but where exactly in the Chasm?”

“Around the Western side, near the Sumeru border.”

“Hm, how fascinating. I don’t recall any developments being made in that area.” Zhongli murmured.

“It’s being kept a secret, because of how valuable it is… Of course you understand how important confidentiality is to such a project, right?”

“What confidentiality is there to uphold if you’re blandly advertising it in the middle of Liyue Harbour?”

You were stunned into silence, mouth hanging open. It was there that you noticed the knowing gleam in his eyes, the quirk of his lips in a shrewd smirk.

“… Please don’t report me. I will atone for my sins, and worship the lord of geo with great reverence.” You immediately switched attitudes, letting out a nervous laugh. For a seasoned businessperson like yourself, you had to know when to stop attacking and when to start defending. This was one of those times where it was best to defend - or, better yet, to just run away.

“Well then, you may begin now.” Zhongli crossed his arms.

“You’re not the lord of geo.” You retorted. The man had introduced himself as Zhongli, after all.

“Oh?” Zhongli smiled, and you felt your stomach churn. If this man truly was Rex Lapis, then you’d just made a very big mistake.

Zhongli turned and walked away, and you breathed out a sigh of relief - before he glanced back at you, expecting you to follow.

“Where… where are we going…?” You asked.

“Aren’t you going to atone? We’ll start by returning every cent of the mora you took.” Zhongli took your hand in his. A stupid, out of place warmth bloomed at the contact, but you quickly squashed it as you continued to fume at the man who’d dismantled your thriving business.

“What? The Tianquan was onto you already, would you rather face more extreme persecution from her?” Zhongli smiled.

“… No.” You snapped.

This ‘atonement’ was going to take a while.

Surprisingly, your victims - wait, *customers* - were scattered far and wide around Teyvat, so you found yourself going on many trips with the former lord of geo.

At first, you’d constantly snap at him, viewing him as a suspiciously pleasant millelith member, or an overly patronising supervisor. However, as the two of you got closer, he wasn’t as insufferable as you thought.

It was comforting to hear Zhongli share his past experiences, narrating first-hand stories like the ones in the history classes you never paid attention to. He was also the perfect height for you to grab his ponytail, yanking it particularly hard whenever you were bored.

To be honest, Zhongli often did appear as your guardian. He’d stop you from picking fights with strangers, easily holding you back (or slinging you over his shoulder if you were being particularly disagreeable), doing his best to maintain peace in an environment you were in.

On colder days, you’d borrow Zhongli’s coat, although it was so long it dragged along the floor. The sleeves hung over your hands, the cuffs flopping around whenever you excitedly pointed out something. Zhongli would chuckle at your mannerisms, resting a comforting hand on your head to keep you still.

Zhongli was calm, and you definitely were not. He was tall, but you most certainly weren’t. But you know what they say - opposites attract. And you made quite a pair with the former Geo Archon.

WANDERER

Two vertically challenged, feisty individuals with an attitude problem. Both you and the Wanderer were Sumeru city’s worst nightmare, although you undeniably despised each other.

You’d match his energy with unfaltering confidence as he hurled every insult in your direction upon seeing you. Honestly, neither of you were sure when this rivalry started - perhaps it’d just began when you two wanted to see who could be the best short angry person in the region.

“Looking as useless as ever, Wanderer.” You sneered upon seeing the familiar jellyfish cut from the back, snickering as the figure turned to glare at you.

“Has anyone ever told you about your severe temper issues?” The Wanderer snapped back.

“Speak for yourself - I heard you massacred some poor Fatui skirmishers while roaming in the jungle.”

“They were in the way, and you would’ve done the same if you were in my position.”

Those that were passing by watched your bickering with an amused trepidation. You really were perfect for each other, if you’d somehow set your hatred aside.

You and the Wanderer would be seen prowling the city streets or wrecking havoc in the wilderness in the name of some vague competition, both your tempers equally matched. In candid moments you two would almost understand each other perfectly, almost opening your mouths to say something vulnerable.

Of course, your egos wouldn’t allow for that. And so, you and the Wanderer would dance along the edge of whatever strange relationship you had.

Despite you both being short, the Wanderer possessed an Anemo vision. Hence, as you struggled to climb a tree to obtain some bird eggs, the Wanderer would float above you, cackling as he snatched them out of your reach.

“What on earth do you plan to do with these, anyway? I never knew you cooked.”

“Give them to me!”

“How sad life must be, having your head so close to the ground.” The Wanderer wove to the side to dodge your flailing arms, failing to notice the dangerous creaking of the branch you were clinging to.

“You’d better come back here right now-” The branch snapped and you went hurtling down, squeezing your eyes shut. You heard a crack, and felt yourself land against something.

“Gosh, you’re so heavy.” The Wanderer scoffed. He’d caught you mid-air, lowering you to the ground in mocking gentleness.

“Did I break a bone…?” You gasped, feeling something sticky on your back. Perhaps it was all your organs spilling out.

“No, you’re fine. Stop being so dramatic.”

“Then what was that cracking sound?”

“Uh, those eggs you were trying to get.”

You kept out of the Wanderer’s arms hurriedly, the almost tender moment broken - much like the eggs broken over your back and your companion’s hands.

“Archons, you’re so infuriating. Couldn’t you have put them down before saving me?” You scowled.

“Be grateful I did it in the first place.” The Wanderer rolled his eyes.

He wasn’t sure if it was you or the sticky egg debris, but he felt a lingering warmth in his hands.

You and the Wanderer understood each other better than anyone, and let’s be honest - the whole of Sumeru was just waiting for the two of you to get together.

(pls ignore this)

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“Hm, an interview with a member of the Shuumatsuban to inquire into the difficulties of growing tall… Interesting, but not groundbreaking. We’ve had countless projects covering similar areas.” Alhaitham muttered, stamping the front page and putting it aside.

blah

STOP DELETING MY SHIT

“Hm, an interview with a member of the Shuumatsuban to inquire into the difficulties of growing tall… Interesting, but not groundbreaking. We’ve had countless projects covering similar areas.” Alhaitham muttered, stamping the front page and putting it aside.

Th

I HATE TUMBLR UGHHHH

“Hm, an interview with a member of the Shuumatsuban to inquire into the difficulties of growing tall… Interesting, but not groundbreaking. We’ve had countless projects covering similar areas.” Alhaitham muttered, stamping the front page and putting it aside.

I HATE TUMBLR

“Hm, an interview with a member of the Shuumatsuban to inquire into the difficulties of growing tall… Interesting, but not groundbreaking. We’ve had countless projects covering similar areas.” Alhaitham muttered, stamping the front page and putting it aside.

“Hm, an interview with a member of the Shuumatsuban to inquire into the difficulties of growing tall… Interesting, but not groundbreaking. We’ve had countless projects covering similar areas.” Alhaitham muttered, stamping the front page and putting it aside.

“Hm, an interview with a member of the Shuumatsuban to inquire into the difficulties of growing tall… Interesting, but not groundbreaking. We’ve had countless projects covering similar areas.” Alhaitham muttered, stamping the front page and putting it aside.

“Hm, an interview with a member of the Shuumatsuban to inquire into the difficulties of growing tall… Interesting, but not groundbreaking. We’ve had countless projects covering similar areas.” Alhaitham muttered, stamping the front page and putting it aside.

Alhaitham tutted. The title wasn’t concise nor succinct, and there was a clear lack of nuance within the premise of your project. He idly flipped through the rest of the pages, already preparing to reject it.

“For research… there will be an interview held with a member of the Shuumatsuban who experiences difficulties growing tall… Interesting, but not groundbreaking. We’ve already had similar projects.” Alhaitham muttered, stamping the front cover and putting it aside.

The former Scribe tutted. Even the title wasn’t concise, nor did it provide much nuance. He was just flipping through the rest, already preparing to reject it.

“This project will… involve an interview with a member of the Shuumatsuban, who experiences stunted growth… Interesting, but not groundbreaking.” Alhaitham stamped the front cover in red and put it aside.

[alexanderlightweight]

Hi! It’s my first time asking or posting something on tumblr, I just joined to be able to read your works! They are amazing thank you for sharing with us! ❤️ I recently read all Wednesday prompts they make my day, I was wondering if you could maybe do something where mob wife Alec has super femme fatal vibes, I was really taken with that prompt, Simon rambling and almost dying was hilarious (sorry if my writing is too formal or is not expressed correctly English is not my first language) thanks again for sharing your work I really love it!

oh this is so sweet! I hope you enjoy being on here and I'm so glad you like my writing so much <3

I had so much fun with this and I hope you enjoy it! I love writing in this verse so prompts for it are always welcome, even if it may take me a while to get all of the pieces together for an actual fic!

your writing is absolutely fine and your prompt easy to work with!

<3 lumine

-

“Honey, are you sure this is a good idea?” Mari can’t help but ask her husband as he finishes zipping up her dress for her. It’s been a point of tension between them, though not because she doesn’t trust Leo or mind when he gets a bit friendly with the entertainment.

It’s just that Bane’s brought his husband with him every single time since the first he introduced him, and this will be the first-time entertainment’s there at the same time.

Most people know to ignore Bane, to avoid him and respect his boundaries and space but not everyone is as aware, and Mari knows that most of the girls coming are from a different city. Somewhere they don’t know the rules, with someone leading them who might not know to give Bane the respect he demands.

So, Mari is nervous, both because she doesn’t know how Bane will react to being propositioned, but also because Bane’s boy is terrifying, and Mari isn’t sure any of those poor girls will survive.

“It’ll be fine, sweetie.” Leo promises her and Mari hopes that this isn’t another promise that’s about to be broken.

—

It is not fine. Nothing about it is fine and Mari knows it from the moment Bane enters, holding the door open like he’s escorting royalty and entering with his hand on his boy’s back. Mari bites her lip, not caring about the waxy taste of her lipstick or that the red might stain her lips.

She’s gotten used to how Bane dresses and when his husband first showed up, she’d gotten used to that as well.

This is, she takes a ragged breath and just hopes that Bane won’t make them pay for any drycleaning he’ll need to get the inevitable blood from his clothes.

Her hand shakes a little as she grabs a passing waiter and for once, instead of juice, she takes the champagne.

Bane is dressed to kill as he always is, but it’s his boy, taller than ever with boots that go to his knees, gold buckles, black leather pants and a gold and black waistcoat that Mari is sure ends in a corset. He’s stunning but terrifying, his dark eyes rimmed with gold, and he looks inhuman, his lips dusted with gold as well, as if he’s been kissing the sun.

Mari shudders and hopes that this evening goes better than she fears, because Bane’s husband has a smile on his face and Mari is pretty sure that poison is less deadly than it.

She gets her wits about her and goes to greet them, trying to find a way to unattached Alec from Bane. It sends a shiver down her spine to use his name — to even think it — but there is only one Bane, even if they share a last name.

“We have a new painting; you really have to see it.” Mari tries, her third and final attempt and she reaches out, fingers barely trembling to quickly pat Alec’s arm. “We can get our men fresh drinks.”

It’s a ridiculous thing, to act like Alec is anything like one of the wives but it works, and Mari has never been so glad that he and Bane don’t care about gender stereotypes.  It means that she gets him out of the room, but she doesn’t have a plan after that, and the other wives and girls all know better than to try conversing with Alec.

It normally ends in tears and Alec’s latest response of offering to get a bottle ‘just in case your husband wants to drink your tears’ was not normal, no matter how nonchalant he was about it.

It means that the painting and Mari’s frantic attempts to discuss its meaning and technique only hold his attention for about twenty minutes.  Then, as it always does, he focuses back on his husband.

There’s an intensity to Alec when he’s not around Bane, a terrifying aura that melts away and Mari knows Leo has never noticed.

She still doesn’t think he’s a cop and he’s not undercover for anyone else, but he is something, someone dangerous and he’s unknown, which makes it all the worse.

They get back to the others and Mari realizes that despite her best efforts, she’s only made things worse.

The newcomer is there, all slick smiles and easy words and he’s got a girl in his lap and one on each side. It’s not uncommon, the young and untested thinking that easy sex and pretty women are the best way to prove their power, but it’s gauche and Mari can’t help but wrinkle her nose.

And then she sees the two girls focusing on Bane, approaching him with coy smiles and plunging necklines and Mari has never wished more to hide two people away.

She turns, hoping to figure out how to handle this but Alec is gone, as if he was never next to her at all.

It’s a shock, because he’s even taller than normal and Mari feels dwarfed in his presence on a good day and this was not a good day.

But there he is, gliding like a swan across a frozen lake. Ignorant of the appreciative gazes of some of the new girls or the mocking look of the newcomer and Mari just knows whoever this Cameron fellow is, that things aren’t going to go the way he wants.

One of the girls is next to Bane, fluttering lashes that Mari knows for a fact won’t compare to Alec’s natural ones — the bastard — and she reaches out, as if to touch and there’s a dark, low chuckle.

“If you want to keep your fingers, then keep them to yourselves.”

Mari has never heard such a cold, deadly tone before.

She’s never seen a threat like the one being made.

Alec doesn’t walk around the low sofa Bane is sitting on, he steps over it. One ridiculously long and leather clad leg elegantly sweeping over the back and then the rest of him follows. He drapes himself over Bane’s lap with a cool elegance that wouldn’t look out of place on a hunting anaconda and when he grins, Mari swallows.

“What the fuck—” Leo mutters, coming up behind her, eyes wide and little wild.

There is a tension in the air that wasn’t there before and while the girls are listening, both of them tripping over themselves to put space between Bane and his husband, Alec isn’t watching them.

Alec is watching Cameron.

There is a glint to his eyes that promises a wealth of cruelty and he smirks, tongue darting out over his lips before he just lays back, legs and heels crossing over the arm of the sofa as he settles down in Bane’s lap, looking up coquettishly at his husband.

Like he has any business turning soft when he’s clearly made of steel and kept sharpened.

“I think I’ll stay here tonight, babe.” He tells Bane, “keep you company.”

Mari mentally wishes Leo the best of luck during his meeting, relieved that Alec will be haunting someone else tonight.dr

[celeste444spacey]

Manifesting to be ✨THAT✨ girl

confidence

Hello it girls of tumblr, it’s me again 🤍🤭

Now a lot of you may have issues with your self perception. You may not say good things about yourself, you may think bad things about yourself, you don’t feel worthy, you don’t feel loved or lovable, you don’t see yourself as attractive, you don’t see yourself as better than anyone and maybe you see yourself as a failure. Maybe you’re the kind of person that isn’t competitive because you think you aren’t worthy to even be in the race.

Is this you? Is it affecting you? Is it making you feel horrible and/ or making you pity yourself?

Well for starters, STOP PITYING YOURSELF

You are NOT a lost cause. You are NOT a charity project for yourself/anyone. You are ANYTHING but unworthy. You are LOVABLE. You are LOVED

period.

I will say this, it’s not easy to be confident. Even for a person like me who has been called confident since she was like 2. And it is hard to pretend that you’re confident too. I have also had my moments where I felt super unconfident about myself, of my abilities. And if you’re having one of those moments, you can take your time. It’s okay to sulk into those thoughts for a while. But it doesn’t have to be this way forever

But I will say, this little advice from our queen maddy perez is def a life changer

Now why do u think maddy is so loved? Why is she an icon and why is she termed as an it girl?

OFCOURSE IT IS THE CONFIDENCE!!!

it’s the key to be an it girl

Now a lot of people don’t like to work on their confidence. And here’s why you should be confident-

You get wayyyy more opportunities when you’re confident as opposed to when you’re not. People want people who know their self worth and are sure of their abilities to be around them. Be it a job opportunity, be it friends or maybe you’re signing up to be a model or maybe you’re signing up to a record label, maybe it’s an audition for a Netflix show, PEOPLE WANT CONFIDENT PEOPLE!

“Okay yeah yeah whatever you’re rambling on a lot can u just cut to the chase??” Sure.

HOW DO I BECOME CONFIDENT?

Master your mindset, your mind is your bitch it’s nothing but your slave. It thinks what u want it to think. So we start there. Confidence is just a mindset thing. No one is BORN confident ( although I like to think so in my case 😉🤭)

I don’t care how fucking unconfident or ugly you think you are. I need you to stop that right away and start thinking that you’re a goddess (cause guess what? YOU ARE). Start saying how amazing you are. Start being fucking delusional about yourself. Start having that blind faith in yourself. Start saying you have an amazing body and the prettiest person to walk this earth. Start saying how smart you are, how incredibly knowledgable you are, how easy it is for people to be jealous of u but they can’t help but adore you. Think about your celebrity crush and how smitten they would be if they laid their eyes on u ( Yes! Trust me it works as cringy as it may feel!) KNOW THAT IS IT YOUR LIFE AND EVERYTHING IS FAVORED YOUR WAY

Start saying good things about yourself. For once. And see how it changes your life. Fucking know that the default of the universe is things working in your favor and you getting your desires effortlessly. You are the only obstacle stopping your desires to come to you. Stop making your mind take stupid decisions about your personality and desires and make you feel horrible about yourself.

One of the tips I’ll give u is:

Act like you’re in a show. And you’re THAT character that is confident, that is THE bitch. Queen bee energy. That walks in a powerful way, that talks in a powerful way. AND THINKS IN A POWERFUL WAY. Blair Waldorf wouldn’t talk shit about herself. Maddy perez would never call herself ugly. Rihanna walks like she owns the place. Beyoncé is Beyoncé cause of her confidence babe

Cause if queen bey can do it why cannot you

So put on THIQUE on Spotify and start strutting around like the powerful goddess you are

cause after all this your world and everyone is just living in it

xoxo

k bye for now

[another-day]

hey guys, its been a while since i’ve done one of these, but i’m bringing it back - episodes in review!!! (that’s its name now)

featuring spoilers for iii episode 17!! make sure you watch that before you check this out

i feel like this episode was all over the place in the best way possible

for those unaware, i’m actually in the northern hemisphere for once which is why this is so late, i simply haven’t the time to watch it!!

to begin, why is he here

i love the asset yes, but cheesy is the last person i expected to see, is this balloon projecting the people he wanted to be friends with at the hotel??? i dunno, but this was such a silly scene

now, i had to rewind this bit at least five times to process what i saw

so remember what i said about balloon projecting? scratch that, i forgot this was a thing

first the fact that when he thought of fighting a shark the FIRST scenario that came to mind was him saving candle, that and the fact that he imagined her calling him “my spoon in silver armour” was so silly this fellow has read nothing but fairytales ever ok

also he was literally blushing do i have to say anything about that here? no, because this is tumblr and everyone understands everything

“awwwh but vee he turned go” shhhh sh i’m gonna get to that but can we just revel in this

…

okay lets move on now

why are they here

i’ve been on a bfdi binge lately so i was actually very happy seeing coiny also the line about balloon only making friends with coins was so funny to me and i’m keeping that forever

as for paper he was so silly in this and for what, i love the guy

okay back to serious stuff

can i just say, the first thing i thought when i saw this scene was “that’s something cobs would say”

like,,, i was kind of terrified this entire episode because mephone’s desperation to chase his aspiration reminded me of just cobs’ whole demeanour. i know its a little silly of me, but this idea that ‘revolutionary technology’ should solve it all is just a liiiittle too similar to the way i feel meeple functions

but maybe thats just me i dunno

do i really need to say anything

little mans has attachment issues, i don’t think he actually likes the contests and all that as much as he actually likes the contestants, and i don’t think he realises he can just be friends with them

i feel so bad because he’s been brainwashed by the people around him that he thinks that the only thing giving him purpose is this show, its tragic

okay so back to the silly, this caught me so off guard because i adored enanimat ensanitay and yellowangiru’s ii song parody videos when i was younger, so seeing this gave me such bad whiplash i had to pause and think a second

it was such a random callback (if it is at all) and i absolutely loved it

oh back to the sad again wow!!

i think mephone’s realising his fault in managing the show, getting too ahead of himself when presented the promise of longer air times, but the issue is that he thinks that this shows he isn’t fit to run the show at all

i think this belief that “one mistake means your conpletely incapable” may have stemmed from meeple in some form or another, especially considering all the flashbacks and all

this brings me so much emotion

look at how far they’ve come, like genuinely. from worst enemies to one of the closest friendships in season 3

they can communicate, they can be vulnerable with one another, and they’ve improved one another substantially

i often tell people that i’m not the biggest fan of iii3 because they almost completely changed nickel’s personality, and i still relatively stand by that, but seeing this version of nickel who is capable of change and development just warms my heart (even if it feels wrong)

this was so so sweet, and i was smiling every second of the elimination (i would say a first but box’s elimination existed too)

aaaaanyway that’s all from me, thank you for listening to my rambles about this gem of an episode, and i wish you all well till the next!!!

[sxdomizer]

Ramble about anything and everything about your OCs?? I love to learn about them so much

Howdy anon! Happy to have you here, thank you kindly for your ask!

Hmm rambles rambles… I assume this is about my fortnite ocs, and I only have three at the moment, so I’ll do my best to include them all here! Buckle up, this is gonna be a wild ride

MOLOTOV

The silliest billy!!!

He wasn’t taught to write, so the way he holds utensils and supplies is similar to how a baby would. That is, with his fist. He can’t hold things otherwise, and he has tried. Old habits die hard.

To add to that, he’s ambidextrous! He constantly forgot which hand he was learning to write with, so he ended up learning with both!

Despite the fact that he constantly traded for cigarettes, he doesn’t smoke tobacco. He hates the taste. He did that as a way to get people to trust him, and as a conversation starter. You’d be surprised at how quickly a person can warm up to you once you do something as simple as offering a cigarette.

He does become a stoner later in life, though. That’s more up his alley.

He burned his hands constantly out of habit, and they became brittle and burnt in turn.

He lost part of his left pinky finger early on in his life, and later lost the ring finger of his other hand in a fight.

He was convinced into getting his hands replaced after that.

He can breathe, but mostly chooses not to unless he wants to smell something, talk, or smoke. Otherwise, he avoids it. He doesn’t have lungs, anyway.

He has extremely explosive anger issues that he quite effectively masks with his bubbly personality.

He has to get his eyebrow, moustache, and goatee repainted constantly. He paints his iris on occasion.

DENNY

The idiot that I hate

He’s a narcissist. Surprise!

He doesn’t have blood. It’s all maple syrup.

He’s sickeningly obsessed with his muscles. Maintaining them is easy, though, seeing as he’s a stack of pancakes. He’s all carb.

He smells wonderful— sickeningly sweet!

He’s buttermilk pancakes, to be specific. Don is bacon pancakes, Wendy is cinnamon, and Flapjack is blueberry!

He’s bisexual, but will deny it until he’s six feet under.

Out of the three, he’s got the highest alcohol tolerance.

He usually avoids consuming alcohol and smoking, though. Not too good on the long run, and the grind never stops.

He works as a mercenary, but most specifically he’s a sniper. He likes the anonymity.

Always takes time to admire the architecture of buildings that catch his eye. Very critical of modern architecture.

He misses his family.

Needs a punching bag. He’s too angry for his own good.

Also needs to get rid of his yee yee ass haircut.

BOSCO

Tumblr’s wife. The funnest guy

He comes off as quite intimidating to most. He’s a big guy, and he’s got quite a bit of power around his area.

He used to have long hair, but has since cut most of it off because it’s “more professional” that way. Disgraceful, society— do better.

He may or may not have a sibling. He doesn’t talk about them, for their own safety.

Partly deaf on one side. I’ll let you guess on which one.

He has a master’s degree in business! Smart guy, knows he could be doing better than Durr Burger; smart enough to know he has to keep a low profile, though.

A father figure of sorts to Heinz, who I still need to develop more.

He likes classic rock, but isn’t much of a music fan.

He’s got poliosis! That’s why there are white patches in his hair; he hates it, but has bigger things to be self conscious about.

He’s confident, but knows he’s seen better days. Misses his youth. Regrets getting into the mercenary business. Something something he’s kinda depressed.

The closest thing Denny’s had to a relationship.

Big romantic, but would rather not risk it.

That’s about it because i can’t quite come up with anything else at the moment,,,, gets gears turning, though, and now i know i have to draw them more

Thanks for your ask again! I’m more than happy to answer your questions ^o^

[tbyfandoms]

I don’t know how gossip and stuff like that works in the hayden fandom (as I’m so new to it) but I just wanted to speak my mind on the whole rachel podcast thing because it’s been ruminating in my thoughts for a few days and I can’t move on LMAO

So, if you’re down for a little discussion, please feel free to read! If gossip or speculation and stuff isn’t your thing, no problem! Sexual topics will be talked about so keep that in mind in case that’s something you’re not too comfortable with! anyways, here we go…

Alright, so I know the podcast rachel did where she talked about her sexual experiences was literally two months ago but I just need to get my thoughts out on it rn

First of all I’m gonna say I’m 100% all for women being open and honest about their sexual experiences! Like we have a right to not feel shame in speaking about these things openly, but I’m gonna be honest, rachel talking about not having an org*sm (censoring bc idk how tumblr flags stuff and I don’t wanna get in trouble lmao) from penetrative sex until she was 38 lowkey gave me the ick

Like it’s so very obvious people are going to assume the fact she’s basically saying hayden never gave her any sexual satisfaction (correct me if this is a reach) and my jaw kinda drops at that realization??? Like you’re telling me over the ~10 year relationship you had with this man, he not once made you feel good? And the only way you were able to feel satisfied was by your own doing???

As I said, she’s obviously, obviously, entitled to her experiences and opinion like who’s to judge her for that??? But it’s the fact she’s said it now. It’s just kinda ironic to me that after all this time she brings this stuff up, coincidentally when hayden’s career is taking off again, as if the public and media won’t connect the dots on who she’s talking about

Like ya’ll idk maybe it’s me but imo that’s kind of petty to do 😭 like this man was with you for a very long time, he’s the father of your child, and yet you’re gonna make him out to be a guy that doesn’t know how to please his partner…

Maybe this is all such a reach so please take this all with a grain of salt, I’m really just rambling rn and maybe won’t even feel the same after I write this all out, but for now this is how I’m feeling!

It’s just all kinda spiraling in my mind because truly why would you say that (I’m more-so finding a problem with it because she did it so publicly and on a random podcast). And maybe this makes me a hypocrite because I literally just said women should be able to be honest about their sexual experiences LMAO BUT CMON???

Idk maybe it’s just me being defensive of hayden and the fact I literally don’t know this woman at all and this is the first impression I’m getting of her, but it just rubs me the wrong way. Like idk about ya’ll but I know if hayden christensen just looked at me, I’d lose my mind. So imagine being in a relationship with him, where I’m sure he can figure out how to make you feel good especially giving the duration of your relationship, just for you to then turn around and throw it all back in his face when it’s been literal years since you’ve been with him…(also same goes for that adam brody guy she dated in the early 2000s, like it’s not just hayden this reflects on!)

Also she talked about how she misses her ex bill hader (whom she coincidentally dated when she was 38) because of his um…big d!ck. So she’s also throwing into the mix that apparently the reason she couldn’t get off with hayden and adam is because they’re small???? IM SCREAMING DSKDJDH

But again maybe I’m taking this all out of context or not looking at it the right way or whatever, so sorry if this ramble of nonsense is giving you the ick, but so be it

I probably missed a lot of points I wanted to make so maybe I’ll come back to this later, we’ll see

The last thing I’ll say is, literally watch any of hayden’s movies where he’s in a romantic relationship with someone and genuinely tell me you think that man doesn’t know how to make someone feel good, specifically with penetrative sex (because that’s what rachel was talking about)??? It’s the way he’s acting and yet I can still feel the sexual tension and attraction through the screen. Just imagine him in real life. I shall leave some gifs below to further prove my point because…yeah I don’t understand

Exhibit A:

This scene from Awake literally has me screaming every time I watch it DKSJSH like the hand placement??? The kissing??? Yeah I GET IT, it’s not sex but just trust me on this ok

Exhibit B:

This scene from Factory Girl. Literally my most favorite piece of proof that goes hand in hand with the fact I cannot grasp the idea THIS man does not know how to please a woman I-

Really you guys just have to click on the account that posted these and look at the whole set because…I rest my case. Just look at the way he rolls his body on her *screams*

Ok sorry, bye that’s all I’ll say for now. I feel like none of this makes sense and I SWEAR I’m not trying to shame rachel, I just felt really put off by that little tidbit she decided to publicly share so yeah here’s my current thoughts on it. Please no one jump me, if this is truly an awful take I will delete it 🫣

[draiochteve]

A personal update post?

I’m doing a throwback here doing an update personal blog post. Kinda nostalgic doing this again after all this time away from tumblr, but I think it’s good to bring these thoughts into more of a public existence for historic sake. This existed and witnesses saw it. If you follow me on tumblr, a lot of this will be repeats with extra details and rambling, but there will be some new. Life is taking another shift. I’ve been hired back where I once worked, but now under sales until I get shifted to office management. How do I feel about it? Lukewarm. The money is always nice and this time the job isn’t destroying me physically. Mentally? Up in the air. Dealing with entitled customers and my anxiety with it all is a lot, but I am hoping with time I’ll adjust like it’s nothing. And with the end goal being no longer in sales, but desk work management type stuff, I’ll suffer it. It’s clear I’m heavily needed and wanted so I’m considered of value. Thankfully, I’ve learned to throw that around for leverage to set boundaries and so far they are being respected. Fingers crossed. The days are counting down until my wedding to my partner of 8 years. September 30th of next year and he’ll be living here by August at the latest. I still feel guilty dragging him out across the country to start our lives proper, but with all the circumstances, this is the best shot we have to finally getting me out of this shitty state and away from all my family. Am I taking advantage of the low ass rent and the goodwill of my family to get the best shot I have to get the best slingshot away from them I can? Yes. And while I know it’ll cause a shitshow when all gets revealed, after all they’ve put me through I consider this repayment. So where am I creatively? The best way to describe it is semi-dormant. It’s all there, lying underneath sediment of depression, exhaustion, and suffocation from my environment and my own fuck ups. I’ve self-sabotaged knowingly and unknowingly which paired with all my usual has really fucked me over. But I’ve making some changes to fuel my creativity and hopefully bear fruit once the holidays pass. For starters, I’m abandoning all word counting. When my therapist initially suggested it, she was trying to get me to see how every little bit I did contributed and meant something. And she wanted me to recognize just how much I was creating that I myself discounted. It’s helped me recognize just the sheer volume I’ve written since diving back into fic and that is something to be proud of. However, that has transformed from recognition of my hard work to competing with myself. I began beating myself up for not reaching arbitrary goals and forced myself to write a lot that I wasn’t happy with just to meet numbers. And for some people that works, but not for me. So instead, I’ve invested in a secure journal with a padlock and have begun tracking ideas instead that I wish to bring to life in some way. Stories exist in as many or as few words as they need. No word count can reasonably predict that that will be. I’ve begun working on the journal slowly, filling it with concepts and ideas I plan to write and ones I already have because it’s important to recognize my accomplishments. I have published a lot and I should be proud of that. There’s over 32 JaphRaha stories I intend to tell and well over 20+ more for other pairings, fandoms, characters, etc even if just one offs to fill a void for myself in regards to content. (I’m not going to lie, the bulk are pegging femdom fics. I’m sorry but too many characters out there deserve a good railing via the strap and NO ONE ELSE IS DOING IT so I suppose it falls to me.) Perhaps in a future post I’ll post pictures of my pages and plans, but most likely not. Just know they are plentiful and many I have yet to speak to others besides ramble’s in friend’s DMs. I have many years of my life left in me and these will be part of my legacy. Slowly but surely, they will come. And following the train of thought about legacies and leaving something for the world, I’ve been pondering greatly again about all my original fiction. I keep it under lock and key because they are born purely from myself and my experiences, but there will come a time I need to bring them to life. I’ve felt more confident and sure of myself about it than I have in years. There’s a clear desire for what I write and what I intend to make. Will I self publish? I’m not sure. A lot of the publishing world is fucked especially when it comes to sapphic stories which is a chunk of what I’m working on. Dare I brave it? I might be stubborn enough to bash some agents over the head about it, but otherwise I’m okay self publishing. Gotta think up a pen name though. Who should I be? What kind of enigmatic author will I become to the masses? Whoever I am, I’m sure y’all will be able to spot me like a volcano in the sea. Still working on mastering bookbinding for my own selfish desires binding my favorite fics, rebinding my fav books, and possibly binding my own stories. I still plan to make a zine once I’m settled and moved out and have finished the remaining pre 5.3 stories I have on my priority list. About 5 more to go? Plus a planned bonus story for the zine. Part of the project is also rewriting/re-editing some of my older JaphRaha fics so I’ll need to take some time for that. Otherwise, I’m looking forward to FINALLY doing that passion project and having it in my hands. Don’t worry, everything will be uploaded to Ao3 in a single multichaptered work eventually. But I still love the idea of it existing in the physical realm. The next year is going to be a big change for me. And it will end with me finally out of my parent’s house and away from a lot of the shit I get subjected to. Following it, I’m suppose to undergo a lot of new evaluations from my doctor and a psychiatrist (been putting it off until I’m out of here bc ofc my depression is through the roof atm) and make some plans to go from there. It’s scary, but maybe I’ll finally get proper answers. Idk how much I’ll change as a person being away as well. A lot of unknowns that I should have known a long time ago. So, here’s to the future. To the friends I’ve made and still keep near and dear who support me and my ridiculous JaphRaha rambles in their DMs. To new readers and old that I’m grateful are listening to me in the void. To bettering myself and finally getting some wiggle room to grow bigger than I ever thought possible. A lot of you have been here with my struggles and triumphs. And I hope to make everyone proud that I’ve finally escaped and am thriving. One step at a time. And every step is worth it.

[dragoninahumancostume]

I know I haven’t been online much and I haven’t comforted you or helped you when you needed it and for that I am so so sorry I should’ve been there and helped you

I’ve been taking a break from tumblr because I was spending upwards of 9 hours a day on the app I’ve uninstalled it off of my phone and when I do post or respond it’s when I’m on my computer and I’m checking my notifications which happens like once or twice a week but that’s basically it I don’t really check anyone’s blog anymore I just check who has interacted with me who pinged me who sent me an ask who has sent me a dm and then I go offline again until I decide or I feel the need to go check back again but even still that has been repressed because I don’t want to be spending all of my time on this website and while I love it to bits and I love the people here so goddam much and care about them too and that includes you but this app is as consuming my ire with me spending more and more time on it each day staying up till early hours of the morning not sleeping because I was scrolling and reading peoples posts, I’m sorry

I’m so so sorry for just disappearing more or less without giving you or anyone else notice, I don’t know when or if I will install the app again

But in any case I am so sorry, just know that I care about you and love you so much /p and if you ever need anything @ me or send me dm, I’ll send you my discord because I’ll respond sooner on that then on this just in case there is anything urgent or you just want to talk, again I am sorry

And I’m sorry if this seems like a vent post in your inbox, it isn’t meant to be I just want to let you know how sorry I am

@thethinkingaurora (so I know that you’ve received/read this so my dm with my discord doesn’t seem out of place and awkward)

I typed most of this without looking at my screen so if something doesn’t make sense or is misspelled that is why I find that if I’m looking at what I’m typing then it’s more refined than my actual thoughts and I’m t is less of my actual genuine thoughts

I’m sorry

It's okay don't worry

I forget that scrolling for hours is a thing tbh bc I genuinely only look at posts from people I follow and like once a day I go through my dash for five minutes (maybe my attention span is just pretty bad)

I don't have discord and I highly doubt I'm allowed to have it at all

I promise it's okay, take your time and take a break.

I'm bad at talking honestly so my vents are just rambles and I can't really put my thoughts together enough to talk about my feelings, so I don't think I'd even DM anyone, but thanks so much for trying to be there

I love you too <3

[onlyswan]

i hope i’m not to late. so… here we go :)

“everything that i have ever let go of, has claw marks on it”

the moment i read that, i burst into tears because everything -that i had held on so tight but have to let go- came through my mind all at once. because i felt that.

and reading this drabble, oc really reminds me of that quote because :

and yet you cry, because if he loved you that much, how did breaking up became an option he was willing to choose?

of course that would be the only question that appears on the course of his decision of breaking up with oc. i know oc would not let go of him no matter what. they would hold on to him no matter what. so seeing him, tear stained, telling oc that they should end their relationship because “it is for the best” is sooo confusing and heartbreaking because why? why would you let me go so easily when i would do anything to make you stay? the contrast is so heart wrenching 😭

“we should end this… i think it’s for the best, before we get drained.”

“i think that i’m just wasting your time, that this isn’t- it’s not going anywhere.”

he’s wrong. you so strongly wish that he’s wrong.

again. denial, because they still holding on to him so tight. because despite all the things coming at their relationship, oc can still hold on to him and they will. in a heartbeat. so why would he made a reason for them to end because for oc, there were no reason at all </3

the last time you cried like this, you begged him to allow you to keep loving him.

istg i wanna hug them so bad and cry together on the bathroom floor 😭 but at the same time i want to go out of there and flick my finger on jungkook’s forehead, hard so there will be a red spot on his forehead (and no, not a lipstick stick stain this time) because look at them! look what you did to my lil bean! 🫵🏻😡

sometimes love is teeth. sometimes love is biting and perversely holding on. … - and you wonder if it’s alright for two people to be in a relationship despite having different ideas of what loving means.

THE CONTRAST 😭😭😭😭 okay artemis this is your time to scold jungkook because this time oc is not the only one crying. i’m reading this for the 3rd time and this is the 3rd time i cry 🥲

this is why his lover has been doubtful of his devotion?

💀😂😮‍💨 i’m sorry but have you heard that jungkook’s ai cover of hopelessly devoted to you~~~? that ai is soooooo goood. i was shooketh the first time i heard it 🙃

and i love loooove the ending and how he solve the problem 🥹 i really hope this is the last heartbreaking events and the biggest as it can get in their relationship. please don’t let this saga continue artemis i’m not your strongest soldier :’) (hshaha don’t take my word. write whatever you want. i love angst, i’m a masochist😀😌)

“but i love you, and i’m scared you’ll leave again and i won’t beg you anymore.” you ramble without thinking, brain on auto-pilot mode. “i’m not that kind of person, jungkook. that’s not me. i don’t have to prove it, do i?”

this is one of my favorite things that i love about oc. one of the best lines they have ever said and you have written. because it represents oc’s soft yet strong personality so much. and because not everyone deserves a second chance. but sometimes, a second chance is all they need, and all they got.

he makes a whispered promise carved into the walls of your apartment, sealed by his lips pressing to your knuckles, and you’re left to wonder forever if he kissed your left ring finger on purpose.

fr just get married already. you bought the ring, right jungkook? right?!?! you better. 🫵🏻🙂

i have a screenshot of that tumblr post that says :

“i want to be inconvenienced by you. i want to wait for you, i want to hold your things while you do something else, i want to make adjustments to my plans to make space for you. someone at your side who takes up no space and has no needs of their own is not a person, but a shadow. i don't want a shadow, i want you. i want my life to be altered by your presence in it. please, inconvenience me”.

i saved that on june 1st and thought “this is something artemis would write” (and have written let’s be real <3) and then boom :

he wants to be inconvenienced by you. he wants to make impulsively confrontational phone calls he will overthink before bed. he wants you to wake him up in the middle of the night clawing for snuggles. he wants you to jump on his back when you’re exhausted of walking. he wants to charm the owner of your favorite restaurant into cooking one more meal before closing because you always ask him to make a quick stop when he visits you. he wants his life to be influenced by yours in every possible way, two different colors mixed in a palette to create a new one that matches the sky.

how can i not be giddy and cry and in love with kookie even more 😭 i miss him already.

okay that’s it my heart is so full of emotions rn i need to stop. i hope i don’t bore you out. also, if i interpreted something about the oc wrong, let me know because i want to read and take in this story in the right way :’) aaand i hope you have a great and lovely weekend my love ♡

-🌷

oh tulip anonie you could never bore me out 🥹 reading your asks always make my day better! and seeing someone feel strongly about my works to take their time to write this down truly makes me so happy and grateful <3 i love you lots :"*

reading your thoughts about the breakup made me so sick to my stomach omg… and the quotes. i’m ruined 😭 thinking ab everything they had to go thru in life in general, i still feel so fucking heartbroken for oc. am i sadist for wanting u guys to feel the pain i feel LOL I CAN’T BE ALONE IN THIS!! and idk if anyone noticed this yet but i was foreshadowing in in which jk won’t tell u what’s wrong and u get emotional motion sickness 🫢 oc had the gut feeling y’all. 🥲

istg i wanna hug them so bad and cry together on the bathroom floor 😭 but at the same time i want to go out of there and flick my finger on jungkook’s forehead, hard so there will be a red spot on his forehead (and no, not a lipstick stick stain this time) because look at them! look what you did to my lil bean! 🫵🏻😡

tulip anonie as oc’s #1 protector 🫶🏼 same though i wanted to cry with them too </3

please don’t let this saga continue artemis i’m not your strongest soldier :’) (hshaha don’t take my word. write whatever you want. i love angst, i’m a masochist😀😌)

all u gotta know is i’m a masochist too :p

this is one of my favorite things that i love about oc. one of the best lines they have ever said and you have written. because it represents oc’s soft yet strong personality so much. and because not everyone deserves a second chance. but sometimes, a second chance is all they need, and all they got.

eeekkk this made me so happy. definitely one of my favorite lines too!! soft yet strong describes oc so well 🥹🥹🥹 i love them sm

omg stop. makes me cry happy tears when u guys share stuff like this with me :( wdym u perceive me!! and u think of me fondly!! i love you so much!!

kookie the ever hopeless romantic 🥲🫶🏼

it’s actually fascinating to see different forms of art be interpreted in many ways by the perceivers and even more with my writing so i don’t mind that at all <3 although you already seem to empathize with oc so well and i appreciate that sm :( ily my tulip anonie and i hope the month of july treats you with kindness. thank you for being a light 🌷🌬️

[bridgetonogood]

Hi. It’s me again. The heartbroken one. Honestly idk why I’m writing to you again. I guess I just need to get this out bc right now, I feel as though I have a white knuckle grip on my sanity. I was doing okay after I wrote to you. Truly. Your advice was wonderful and helped. I did a lot of self reflecting and caring for myself. Lately though it’s been not okay. I don’t know when it started to change.. When I go to work, I’m social and I smile and I laugh and I pretend I’m okay. Then I come home and fall to pieces. I have a few people who check on me and I try to talk to them but I feel like a burden. I mean, who wants to hear repeatedly about how much I’m hurting and how excruciatingly sad I am? Not to mention, I hate when people say “I’m so sorry! It’ll all work out in the end!” As if it’s that easy! I’m trying so hard to heal and to be okay and to accept what’s happening but deep down, I want to void the pain. I want to drink. I want to fuck. I want to smoke. I want to fucking do anything that will help me stop thinking of this. I’m driving myself mad trying to find the answer of what went wrong. I’m sorry for rambling and laying all my shit out on you. I guess I just needed a moment..

First and foremost there is NEVER any reason to apologize. I’m so glad to hear my advice helped last time. But be easy on yourself. Healing isn’t a straightforward path. There is always going to be good days and bad days. Ups & downs. It’s easy to put on a mask when you’re at work or around people who don’t know the “real you”. Healing and self reflection are not meant to be easy. Some days you might feel like you have a grip on things and the next day everything around you feels like it’s crumbling. THATS OKAY.

&& of course you want to void out the pain, the hurt, the lost and completely hopeless feelings. But just remember that those feelings will still be there. Once the alcohol fades or the sex is over. They’re just going to be there waiting with their ugly face. && in my experience at least…it’s always worse when you avoid them. The only way “out” is through.

&& shut, sometimes the way through is posting on someone’s tumblr to get anonymous advice or even just an outsiders ear to listen.

I don’t know you but what I DO know is you’re stronger than you think. I mean he’ll look, instead of drinking or fucking and avoiding you came here and wrote to me. THATS a positive in itself. && hell yea it’s hard and you’re going to take 2 step’s forward just to take 10 back. But you CAN DO THIS. And as long as you’re taking 2 steps forward those 10 back will slowly but surely start to be less.

&& never ever feel like a burden because you are NOT. You are a human with a heart && right now it may be a shattered heart but it’s still worthy of love and forgiveness and room to grow. Don’t forget to treat yourself with the same amount of love you would give to someone else. You’ve got this. && stranger or not, I’ll always listen and do my best to cheer you on 🖤

[downydig]

.

[cursedcola]

Synopsis: They say something hurtful to their s/o and make them cry 

Characters: Ace Trappola, Jade Leech, Leona KingScholar, and Riddle Rosehearts 

Warnings: This is MUCH longer than part one. 

Part (2/2)

Read the first half: here

{A/N: Hi everyone! Here’s the second edition, as promised! This took 3 sittings to write lol. Sorry for the boring formatting but I don’t think I have the guts to deal with tumblr today.} 

Ace Trappola 

Ace doesn’t have the guts to seek you out immediately

He’s too busy holing himself up in his room. Likely wasting hours laying down; either staring at the ceiling or tossing a baseball in the air. 

His braincells are working overtime (a very rare occurrence in his case), and he’s got the classic ‘Angel vs. Devil’ advocate on each shoulder 

Ya know, think Kronk from Emperor’s New Groove 

According to his Angel, you’re better off alone. He’ll just make things worse and that’s the last thing he wants. The best option is to let himself brood and you have your space. He can wait for you to come to him, and then he’ll apologize. He needs to reflect to be better for you.

As for his Devil, he’s pissed that you ran off without him in the first place. It whispers that the issue wasn’t big enough to warrant a scene. It was only some mindless teasing, and telling him off would have been better. 

It’s a game of tug-o-war between the two. Ace’s pride doesn’t want to admit that he’s in the wrong, and wants you to apologize to him. It wants to march over to Ramshackle, demand you talk to him, and to keep going like nothing happened 

The Devil nearly wins, but somewhere in the back of his mind the Angel has an ‘ace in the hole’. One holding back that sinful pride 

It says that this fight, while small on the surface, is one that would repeat itself if left alone. It’s not the first time Ace’s teasing has gone too far, and he knows it. He has always chosen to ignore it, thinking that you can handle it. He projected himself onto you in many ways, and that’s the real problem. 

If he wants you to stay with him, then it isn’t the teasing that needs to stop. It’s the projecting. He needs to try listening more and treating you like his partner rather than a friend with benefits. 

In the end, his Angel wins

Yet he is still Ace. Patience is not his virtue, so the Devil will have his advocate. 

The fool bolts to Ramshackle, ignoring the protests of his upperclassmen and his dorm’s curfew. Not wise, considering the punishment awaiting him, but he’ll deal with that tomorrow. 

For now, all Ace is concerned with is getting to you before he passes out or does something stupid again 

Without concern for your sleep schedule, he’ll bang on the door “Oi! Open the door (Y/N)! We gotta talk,” 

If you don’t respond, he’ll keep banging until you do. It will progressively get louder and he won’t let up for a moment. It is in your best interest to open it and let him in 

When you do choose to open it, you’ll find him a mess. He didn’t bother to clean himself up after his little existential crisis. 

Once inside, he at first gets cold feet. He initially planned this long ramble about how he would be better, but one look at you makes his thoughts become static 

In the end, all he can manage is to pull you into a tight hug. One he hopes conveys how sorry he is. For earlier, and for overlooking your feelings 

If you hug him back, he’ll calm down significantly. Ace won’t want to go back to his dorm in fear of riddle so perhaps offer him merciful refuge. Give him a glass of water and let him go wash his face. 

You can sentence him to the couch, or spend some time together. He’s okay with either, but you can’t go to bed just yet. Now that he’s calm, he’ll try to scrounge pieces of what he wanted to say earlier but couldn’t.

“Hey,” he starts, facing you with his characteristic determination, “I’m gonna be better. I don’t know how just yet, but that’s my problem to figure out. Just know that I'm gonna do better by you. The next time I make you cry, it’s going to be because you’re so damn happy and can’t help it. I won’t accept nothin’ else, alright?”

.......

Will you give Ace a second chance? 

Jade Leech 

Jade is not one to act on impulse. Every move he makes is done with intent.

Every word is weighed against all others in his vocabulary

Every step is taken considering the optimal route 

Every hour is maximized, even for personal affairs and hobbies 

Jade has always been this way ever since he was a child. How else does a person become so meticulous in everything they do? You noted his behaviors early on, surprising him.

Drawing conclusions based on past experience, deducing his nature should have labeled him as cold-hearted -unapproachable- in your eyes.

 Definetly not someone to be loved or admired 

Yet, you remained fond of him. Finding security in his planning and trust in his words. If he always chose his actions carefully, then he would never lie or hurt you. He found the refreshing point of view charming, agreeing with it.  

“Many may try to harm you, but I am the least likely to,” is what he said. However, even then his words were picked selectively. Even then, he secured himself. 

‘least likely,’ is not definite. If you noticed, which he is certain of, you had not commented and instead played along. 

That conversation had been months ago, yet Jade found himself reflecting on it more in one day than during the timespan between. 

After your argument, he had steeled himself to forget his emotions until your ‘situation’ was taken care of. He met with Floyd and Azul in the VIP lounge, quickly informing them of your whereabouts and why he would be working the night shift. 

As always, he spoke guarded. Only reassuring that you would not be leaving the dorm for the rest of the night and leaving out information on the ‘lovers spat’. Utterly useless, since Floyd and Azul knew Jade well enough to sense there was more. However, neither pried.  

Instead, they readjusted the system. Now Floyd would accompany you through the day, Azul would escort you home, and Jade would personally track any abnormal behaviors from a distance. 

Needless to say, the targeting did not last much longer. Floyd may be decent at tracking, but he’s always been the one to strike in a hunt. Now Jade? He was still on your schedule, yet not bound to your side. With Floyd on guard duty, he was easily able to follow the clues after every ‘accident’. 

Two days

Two days and it was done. He had a hunch before, but it turns out that multiple people with grudges teamed up for this plan which is why their tracks were covered well. Jade still found them though, and his brother was just itching for a good squeezing. 

Unfortunately, Jade held no pity for them. Though he did offer them one last solace. 

“You have succeeded, albeit only temporarily. I grant you the mercy of this knowledge. You have also hurt someone precious, and so I will let my brother here handle your punishment. I have some loose ends to tie in the meantime,” 

With that, he leaves and lets another important issue cloud his mind. 

Jade had lost his composure with you, which normally wouldn’t be too harsh since he does have his moments. They normally appear as taunts or light teasing, but that is not the issue 

Even if he lost control over his voice, he still could have acted.  He hurt you, but instead of fixing it he chose to use the situation to his advantage. Using your moment of distraction to handle the more pressing issue, and letting your emotions fester. He also made you feel unsecure by lying though omission, despite doing it for your own safety 

Now Jade wonders, how well can you truly predict him? Enough to know he did not mean what he said? Enough to understand why he did not resolve your misunderstanding promptly? 

He first finds Azul near your dorm, who informs Jade that you’ve gone to the botanical gardens to relax. The two experience a silent communication, and Jade knows his absence has hurt you. Likely more than his words or lie. 

He finds you seated on a bench, laying back and watching the wind sway the trees. You are unsuspecting, calm, and now Jade understand why you were targeted over himself. 

“If you stare hard enough, perhaps the trees will bend to your will. Although you will then no longer need Grimm for magic lessons...” he permits himself to sit next to you without asking. You glare at him from the corner of your eye, and Jade deflates slightly. 

Something tells him that you know everything. That he spoke impulsively, that he purposefully ignored you, and that someone was after you because of him 

Yet something itches, that you do not want an apology for those issues. His only clue is how you haven’t left, and merely sit defiant as a way to say ‘we’ll? I’m waiting...’

“I suppose that an apology is in order,” he breaths, reaching out to lay a hand over one of your own, “If I am correct, you are already aware what I spoke the other day is not true,” you nod, “that I purposefully distanced myself,” you nod again, “and that I withheld knowledge concerning your safety” you nod for a third time

“I am sorry for hurting you, but not for trying to keep you safe. I do not regret that and never will. Yet -above all else- I am sorry for being distrustful and leaving you alone,” 

......

Will you accept Jade’s apology?

Leona KingScholar 

The moment the door slams, Leona is out and chasing after you. If his underclassmen know what’s good then they won’t get in his way or spread anymore gossip. They are the reason he’s in this mess anyways. 

He tried fixing one problem, but ended up with one much worse. Leona could handle your anger. He’s not the type of guy to hold his tongue, and that gets you both in many fights or troublesome situations. 

Yet those are petty fights. Normally about how he talks to your friends, skips class, or carries you around like a rag doll. He could brush them off and so could you, because deep down you were aware that he never actually aims to do harm

When it matters, he’s straightforward and heartfelt. You believe that when things get serious, he would never ditch you. Not for a moment has he lead that trust astray, until now 

In your eyes, he put his “ pride” over your trust. The initial plan was to brush his dormmates concerns off, but Leona took it too far. Though this isn’t the first time one of his schemes evicted bad karma 

Leona catches up quickly. No matter how fast a human you may be, speed is a lion’s game. 

He grabs you by the bicep just before you are able to enter the travel mirror and leave Savanaclaw. 

“Quit running before you get hurt...” he trails off, the scent of salt hitting him again except more powerful than before. Without letting go, he reaches out his other hand to wipe your tears, only to get pushed away 

While he’s startled, you rip your arm from his hold and push through the mirror. Leaving him with a last warning.

“Go away! I never want to see you again!” the command rings in his head. His arm drops limp to his side, before he growls and punches the rim of the mirror in frustration. Leona curses under his breath, before turning around and letting you go 

He can’t chase after you now, no matter how much he wants to. There is a reason Leona did not want his underclassmen to think your relationship is serious- why he told such an abhorrent lie. 

In his culture, the most respected person in an individual’s life is their partner. The moment you accepted his companionship, you became important to Leona. Which means that if you want it, then it happens. He may complain, he may groan, whine, talk back, etc. 

but whatever power he has, is now yours. You just don’t realize it. 

The same cannot be said for others. People that have bad motives. So, he lied as a preventative measure. Used his pride as a scapegoat, asserted his dominance, and planned to brief you in later. 

He tried to set things right before matter became worse, and failed. Now Leona needs a loophole. Some way to fix this without confusing you or overstepping a boundary. A way that involves a medium. 

More like an errand boy. Leona can’t send Ruggie, because the hyena by default is required to respect you as much as Leona. Jack Howl? No ties. Hates drama. No ulterior motives. 

Perfect. 

A quick bribe, pull at the heartstrings, and before Jack realizes it he’s already delivering a penned note to your dorm. 

“The house-warden is pretty bent out of shape these days. Snappy, moping, and honestly a real pain in the ass. Give the letter a chance, maybe he’ll surprise you,” Jack said upon leaving the note

Refuse him or not, you will take the letter. It’s enchanted to keep reappearing until opened by the intended recipient

 If you ask why Leona has not come himself, Jack will simply emphasize the letter again with a huff 

“Your word is binding, understand? I can claw, scratch, scream -do whatever other stupidly desperate thing you’re picturing right now- but I can not come near unless you say so. Now that you know this, let me explain everything first, and if you still want to run away then go ahead. Just know that if you don’t show up, I will keep hassling your bushy-tailed friend. Maybe I’ll enlist the gluttonous cat? All the tuna in the world in exchange for the stubborn prefect; what will he choose?”   

......

Will you return to Savanaclaw?  

Riddle Rosenhearts 

Riddle tries to follow you. He screams in his head to move, find you, explain himself, and bring you back 

Trey is looking at him expectantly, as are the rest of his dormmates. In his frozen state, his eyes scan their faces. Some of sympathy, others withholding frustration, and a few near ready to go after you in his place 

Riddle understands, you are beloved by all. You have a place here. A place with him. 

Resolving to move, he pushes his chair back to make haste. Yet, he pauses midway in a panic to stabilize himself against the table. It’s then he realizes how his legs are like jelly, and how afraid he is to speak with you again. 

Riddle nearly falls over, with Trey steadying his shoulders at the last second. He hears his name being called, yet is too absorbed in his thoughts.  

Most specifically, the voice whispering for him to let you go. 

It is no secret that Riddle has changed since meeting you. He’s become more sympathetic with his peers, and has somehow managed to become more than just respected in their eyes. He is grateful for the impact you’ve made on his life, and only a fool would not notice his adoration...

What has he done? What can he offer you? He has joked many times that you will find no better in all of Twisted Wonderland 

Does he truly believe that? No, and now you have the chance to go home. A world he has never seen before, where you can be happy. If he lets you go now, then it will make separating much easier. There will be no goodbye. He will simply return home to his mother, and when the new year begins it will be like you never entered his life. You can be free from everything-

His face stings. Riddle’s sight finally focuses on those around him, specifically on the rageful freshmen glaring daggers into his skull and with a hand raised

“Just shut up already and go after them! You’re such a big baby- ‘boo hoo I'm holding them back. My name is Riddle and I talk superior but really I’m just afraid of everything’,” Ace mimics Riddle’s voice, pretending to sound like a crying toddler, ”that is what you sound like. Damn straight you aren’t good enough for them, but you better finish what you started or someone else will,” at the end of his lecture, Ace points towards the rest of Heartslabyul’s residents and nearly all agree aloud. 

Riddle goes red, all self-deprecating thoughts vanishing at the taunt and mixing with embarrassment. Ace tries to push past him yet gets halted. Not by a collar, but merely Riddle standing in his path. All signs of jello-legs gone, as he looks his underclassmen in the eye. 

“That,” Riddle says through his teeth, “is not necessary. Rest assured that they will not be leaving Twisted Wonderland. I swear it on the name of Rosehearts,” he dismisses the final unbirthday party of the year and sends Trey to retrieve some spare stationary. Once received, he bids all a goodnight before returning to his bedroom. 

The next day arrives, and Riddle is carrying his suitcase to where he’ll be staying over summer break. On the way there he stops to release a messenger crow, one carrying a very important message. 

He walks up the steps to the house, nervous about the previous day’s events and his mother’s reaction. Waiting for a response letter will also be very stressful. The list seems to only grow...

He takes a moment to steel himself, and knock on the door. Once. Twice. Three times. As the rules dictate. 

He hears steps grow close and clutches his suitcase firm. When the door opens, he offers a meek smile, “may I come in?”  

Too surprised to speak, you step aside wordlessly and usher him inside Ramshackle dorm. 

“I am aware you may not wish to see me after yesterday,” he begins, setting his suitcase down to take your hands, “but I cannot let that be our last meeting. If visiting home is what students do over break, then I will be staying here. I want you to stay in Twisted Wonderland. I want to spend time at your side, and I am sorry for leading you to believe otherwise. I am willing to spend the entire summer earning your forgiveness, but do not leave. Please,”

.....

Will you remain in Twisted Wonderland with Riddle? 

[jungkxook]

—hot boy bummer. (m)

⟶ pairing: jungkook x reader 

⟶ genre: fuckboy!jungkook / friends with benefits / friends to lovers + smut  

⟶ words: 14,633

⟶ rating: 18+ 

⟶ summary: when jungkook offers you a proposition of just sex, no strings attached, how can you possibly say no? after all, what are best friends for?

⟶ warnings: kind of a crack fic, sprinkle of angst, way too casual conversations mid-sex, jealous jungkook, slight himbo jungkook tbh (he’s kind of a sweet loveable idiot), he also has a big dick oops, man bun and blonde jungkook to feed my fantasies!, multiple smut scenes!!!, missionary, dry humping, oral sex (m receiving), face fucking, unprotected sex, slight degradation (mostly jungkook hating himself), brief name calling, light choking, sort of praise kink

⟶ note: this was inspired by a number of things but mainly do me by kim petras being on jungkook’s spotify playlist, this tiktok sound, and this tumblr post lol also big thank you to @bratkook​ and @onherwings​ for letting me ramble on about this fic and reigniting my inspo for it 💛

( p.s. i tried to proofread this but if y’all see any typos no u didn’t, thank u <3 )

Being friends with Jungkook meant a myriad of things but mainly that there were hardly ever any boundaries that stood between you and him.

Having known him for most of your life, it was just a quintessential part of yours and his relationship with one another. From high school parties where you drunkenly spewed on his shoes and in his dad’s car after he tried lugging you home (and taking the fall all himself for your sake) to letting him lose his virginity in your bed to some girl you didn’t know because your parents were out of town and his would crucify him on the spot if they had found out; or him discovering your stash of vibrators in your dorm one day, or seeing each other naked more often than was probably necessary, there was nothing that either of you could do that would phase the other at this point even when it maybe, probably, definitely should.

College, and Jungkook’s sudden six pack of hard rock abs, only seemed to amplify the chaos of your friendship. If you’re being honest, the abs are sort of a plus ━ but they brought an air of fuckboy to him that is undeniably there even if he tries to deny it sometimes. You suppose it isn’t all his fault. Jungkook has always been bold and brash, attractively charming. Considering he’s seemingly made it his mission to sleep with every girl on campus before he graduates (undisclosed, if you’re being honest, because he’s never outwardly admitted it but you have a hunch), his confidence somehow hasn’t failed him yet.

But then there’s one night in which you think to yourself briefly: this surely must draw some sort of line.

“What if we, like, had sex?”

Jungkook says this a little too casually from beside you. He’s sat on the couch in his dorm, scrolling aimlessly on his phone, and you’re sprawled out on the remaining space, feet kicked up in his lap. You’re positive he’s drunk but, then again, so are you. The remnant shot glasses of soju you had both started the night with (though you think Jungkook’s had half the bottle himself), and your second glass of wine, are all evidence of that. You’re so absorbed by some anime Jungkook had been watching upon your arrival and refused to change that you almost don’t hear what he says. Almost. You do, however, nearly choke on the gummy bear you’ve just tossed into your mouth.

After a sudden hysterical fit of coughs, you manage to sputter, “Excuse me?”

“Like, hypothetically speaking.” He hardly budges when you turn to gawk at him, as if he’s asking you something as casual as what to eat for dinner or if you could pass him the T.V. remote. “Except, not really hypothetically.”

“You’re joking, right?” You scoff.

Jungkook blinks. “No. Why would I be joking?”

You blink. The longer you stare at him, the quicker you’re able to discern that there’s some sort of earnesty in his words and it slightly concerns you. Suddenly, you’re warm in the face. To distract from that painfully obvious fact, an incredulous laugh bubbles at your lips and you kick one of your feet at his thighs. “Very funny, Koo. Can we change the show now if you’re not even watching it?”

“I’m not joking, Y/N.” The severity in his tone makes you sit up at once. When you turn to look at him, he flashes you a taunting smirk, though the devious sparkle in his eyes lets you know this seems to be anything but a joke to him. “I’m sure you’ve thought of me naked before.”

“You’re such a fucking idiot━” Okay, so maybe you have thought of him naked before but how is it your fault when you literally have seen him naked before, and he’s so unabashed around you? “Should I bring you to a hospital to get your head checked, or━?”

“Just hear me out━” Now, he pushes himself to the edge of the sofa. “Why are you here right now?”

“In life? Because I honestly have no clue━”

“No, I meant here. Getting drunk in my apartment on a Friday night instead of getting railed.”

“Okay, I didn’t ask to get called out like that,” You grumble stiffly. “And because you’re my best friend, and I like spending time with you.” It’s not entirely a lie, because you would much rather spend time with Jungkook than anyone else. But when you feel his eyes boring into you in a look of scrutiny, your lips form into a pout which you try to hide by puckering them. “Also because boys are stupid and Hoseok’s blind date stood me up. Again.”

The events from hours earlier resurface in your memory, in which you had spent all evening making yourself look pretty for a boy you had only talked to through text that your roommate had introduced you to, only to arrive to the restaurant you were supposed to be meeting at and waiting there for half an hour by yourself before the boy had sent you a message saying something along the lines of “something came up, hope we can reschedule,” filing it under one of the lamest excuses you’ve ever heard because it hardly even borders on a valid excuse. It’s what had ultimately made you storm into Jungkook’s apartment an hour ago, exclaiming aloud as a greeting with a simple yet scarily cheerful I hate men! because Jungkook knows all about your plights with finding a significant other (or even just someone decent enough to open your legs to), usually lamenting men’s inability to have any emotions. Even the ones who you think are respectable enough, who say they’re fine not having sex on the first date, usually tend to flee right after you finally let them in because sex, as you come to find, seems to be all that men care about.

Admittedly, Jungkook is not any different.

“But it’s not like you’re any better.”

This seems to personally offend Jungkook. He looks at you cynically. “Me?”

“Tell me why you’re here with me on a Friday night when you’re literally one of the hottest guys on campus,” You point out. “You can get any girl, and yet you somehow manage to ruin it every single time. Like with Eunha.”

Jungkook winces. The poor Eunha in question is a pretty girl from your chem class, whomst Jungkook had somehow managed to charm. From what you know, they had hooked up a handful of times before that fateful night in which Jungkook had abruptly broken things off with her. If you’re being honest, he’s not a total monster. The only thing that seems to scare him away is when a girl asks to cuddle him in the morning or talks about the prospective future together. He doesn’t want to hurt them, he told you once before, and finds it much easier to nip any potential relationship in the bud before it can get too far, too out of control.

“We literally only slept together three times anyway and we never went out,” Jungkook points out. “What’s the big deal?”

A roll of your eyes doesn’t go unnoticed by Jungkook. “Yeah, it’s not her fault you’re scared of commitment.”

“Nu’uh,” The boy sulks. “I’m only scared of realistic things, like microwaves.”

A snort bubbles at your lips, and it’s frustrating how adorable he finds the simple action. Rather than entertain the thought of his irrational fear of kitchen appliances (because you’ve heard it all before, and you still can’t find where he was incited with the terror of an exploding microwave), you sit up.

“Jungkook, I don’t even like you like that.”

“I don’t like you like that either. That’s why it’s so perfect!” Jungkook says brightly. “Look, we know each other better than anyone else ever could. We’re already comfortable with each other. We don’t have to go through all that boring small talk. All I’m saying is we could give it a try. No relationship, no emotions, just sex.”

You consider the thought for a moment, weigh the pros and cons in your head.

The cons? He’s your best friend.

The pros? He’s your best friend, and he’s hot.

Truthfully, your slightly buzzed mind can find very little to dissuade you away from the inviting proposition and maybe that’s why you begin to entertain the idea. And, sure, you had just complained profusely about how men sometimes only used you for sex, but it’s not like you don’t have needs too. You just don’t have the gusto in you anymore to spend days on a boy who will only just leave you the moment you let him have sex with you. At least with Jungkook, he’s already offering you a blatant deal of sex only and you know you won’t have to worry about him breaking your heart; and he doesn’t have to worry about the dreaded dreamy post-sex cuddle talk of a future family and babies and a white picket-fence home. It’s a win-win for the both of you, really. Or maybe you’re just telling yourself that.

“How would we even start?” You ask finally. “I mean… Do you even find me attractive enough in that way?”

“Yeah.” Jungkook hardly bats a lash. He meets your stare, licks slowly at his lower lip. When he sees the cross look of disbelief scrunching at your face, he hastens to respond. “I’m not blind. You’re fucking drop dead gorgeous, Y/N.”

“But physically attractive? I’m no hot girl Eunha.”

“If I wanted Eunha, I’d be between her legs right now. Y/N, of course I think you’re attractive.” A gentle sliver of a smile dances upon his lips. He leans his head on the back of the couch, eyes fluttering over your appearance shortly. “I’ve always liked your lips, and your eyes. Think they’re beautiful.”

Suddenly, you’re flustered again. The room feels as if it’s getting increasingly warmer, yet you seem to want to bask in the feeling and attention a little longer. “That’s too sentimental.”

“It’s true though.”

“Well, you’re lucky I’ve always had a thing for idiots,” You jest playfully. “Jerks, too. Playboys who are too hot for their own good.”

“Ah, and I love it when you talk dirty to me.” A cheeky grin tugs at his lips as he clutches at his heart over his chest. “It’s a good thing I like it a little too much, knowing you’ll always keep me in check.”

But then the mirth seems to fade from your mind long enough for you to hum aloud pensively, “And I’ve always liked your eyes. I’ve never seen such big eyes before. Sometimes, if I look long enough, it’s like I can see the stars in them.”

As you’re speaking about them, his irises glisten magnificently. He bites at his lip now, as if to hide the way his soft smile turns sheepish. “I like your bum.”

“Really? I always worry it’s too flat.”

“Are you kidding? Your ass is a fucking god-send. It’s hard not to stare when you wear leggings sometimes,” Jungkook admits, earning a small giggle from you. “And I like your boobs. I’ve always wondered…” He trails off abruptly, shaking his head. He shoots you an apologetic look. “I’m sorry. I’ll stop. I’m being an idiot, aren’t I?”

“Well, maybe I don’t want you to stop.”

Silence saturates the room now, settling comfortably between the two of you. He wonders what you’re thinking, and you wonder if he can hear your heart hammering against your chest. Perhaps on any other day when you were of sound mind, you could find a plethora of reasons as to why sleeping with your best friend was a terrible idea. But being that you were slightly tipsy, and Jungkook isn’t far off, you can find not one fault, except for maybe how tragically hot Jungkook looks sitting across from you and how he’s never been yours, at least in that way. Would it be so wrong to try just once?

You shift then, pushing yourself to your knees if only so you can worm your way towards him before swinging one leg over his. You settle back on his lap, hands gripping his shoulders. He can feel your core press against the inside of his thigh, just where his dick is nestled and he has to bite back a moan. His eyes are wider than usual, as if believing the moment to be surreal, though something sultry threatens to darken them.

“Y/N…”

The excitement crackles through your veins like electricity. You’ve never been in such a compromising position with Jungkook before, and you wonder if it should be concerning just how much you’re enjoying it. It almost feels as if time slows down, every second dragging on, yet he can’t look away. His hands come to tug at your hoodie (that he’s almost positive was his once upon a time before you nicked it from his closet) and you meet him part way, replacing his efforts as you pull it up and off your body. Then, you’re sitting back on his lap in your full nude glory, chest bare and right in his face. He eyes the swell of your breasts, the perk of your nipples. Of course you’re not wearing anything beneath your hoodie ━ and, god, he loves it.

“Touch me?”

Your voice comes to him in an almost dream. You reach for his hand then, your palm soft around his knuckles and the tattoos that ink his skin. It’s the same hand of which he wears the other half to your pair of friendship bracelets in one of his favourite colours of red, decorated with little pink hearts. It came in a matching set of two (yours in your own favourite colour, currently on the wrist of the hand you’re using to guide Jungkook’s), cute little macrame braid ones with hearts woven into the design that you had pointed out one day while you were both at the mall and he had bought without any hesitation mostly as a joke but resulted in both of you wearing them on a daily basis.

Now, all he can do is continue watching you with bated breath as you guide his hand right where you both want him. He comes to cup the underside of one of your breasts, your hand over his pressing his fingers tighter together until you can feel some sort of pleasant pressure. And, just like that, something feral and needy seems to snap within him. His hand slithers from your grasp if only so he can flick his thumb across your nipple, mesmerized by the softness of it. He’s only ever seen you naked once before and it was fleeting. You were both drunk, skinny dipping in a lake with a handful of other friends, but it had been too dark to notice much else. But now? Now, he can see all of you and the sight strikes a chord right down to his dick.

“You’re fucking beautiful,” Jungkook groans.

“Koo.” The cute little nickname you had given him sounds dirty now as it slips from your lips in a moan. “Too sentimental.”

But Jungkook isn’t listening because you really, really, really are so beautiful. He bows his head to your chest, catching one of your nipples in his mouth. He murmurs something against your chest that sounds akin to, “We can take things slow.”

“Slow…” Your head is spinning, but it’s a delightful sensation. Something hard pokes against your ass now, and the adrenaline only seems to build within you. It’s odd how everything feels so foreign ━ exploring his body and these newfound feelings like the uncharted territory it is ━ yet secure and safe at the same time. As if you know what to do next, where to touch next, how to move, your bodies almost fitting together like pieces to a puzzle. “Y-Yeah, I like that. Can I move?”

“Fuck, yes, please,” he growls. He’s much too busy nipping and sucking at the sensitive skin on your chest, teeth tugging at your nipple.

You hurry to obey, giving a small experimental swivel of your hips that almost immediately has the both of your inhaling a sharp breath of air. His dick strains against his sweatpants, the material doing very little in protecting him against you. Your core throbs as you rub yourself on him.

“Like this?” You rasp.

“Yeah, just like that.” Jungkook’s head rolls back onto the couch, his eyes squeezing shut and his blonde hair spilling into his eyes. He clenches his jaw, the nerves fluttering in the corner, as pure euphoria riddles his features. You don’t think you’ve ever seen anything so sexy. “Fuck, we probably shouldn’t be doing this.”

“Yeah,” You agree, breathless. “Do you wanna stop?”

“No. Do you?”

“No.”

“Thank god.” The sigh of relief that emits from Jungkook startles even him but, in the heat of the moment, he doesn’t register how any of this could be a mistake. “Ah, shit━ Faster━”

“Mmm, Koo━” You whimper as you quicken your pace, the vulgar harbored thought of his dick in you thrilling you to no end.

“Fuuck, I’ve never heard you sound like this before. So needy, so desperate,” Jungkook grunts, his fingers digging into your hips. And it’s all because of him, the way you’re feeling. He’s never wanted to hurry to please you faster, itching to tear you apart if he’ll get to hear those noises from you again and again. “I━”

He’s gonna cum, and he’s not even in your pussy. What’s gotten into him?  

He presses you a little harsher against his dick, sitting up straighter so that his chest is pressed flush against yours. He leans forward, lips chasing after yours, before you pull back just enough sluggishly to press your finger to his mouth.

“Uh uh. No kissing,” You rasp.

The words process in Jungkook’s head, but the weight of them don’t seem to linger in his daze. He’s far too overwhelmed by you and the way you’re making him feel to even begin to try to decipher why you avoid his mouth and so, for now, he doesn’t care. Instead, he buries his face in the crook of your neck, nose nuzzling against your throat. You clutch at his hair, tugging at the roots tight enough for him to moan.

“Nnngh, Jungkook━” You whine. “I’m gonna━ Oh, fuck, Koo━”

And then you’re unravelling, right in his very arms. He holds you close as you tremble and shake, rutting your hips sloppily against his to ride out your high, and Jungkook thinks he can definitely get used to this. The familiar burn forms in his stomach and, without even thinking of it, he comes in the confinements of his pants.

But in the heat of the moment, he doesn’t notice quite a lot of things. Neither do you.

So, maybe you could both find a hundred and one reasons why having sex with your best friend would surely cross some lines, but the thing with you and Jungkook (and what would eventually blossom into a hubristic relationship of sorts) is that it wasn’t just sex. You would always be comfortable around him, as he would be with you. And nothing could ever possibly get weird between the two of you ━ not when you had both made a promise to each other that it wouldn’t get in the way of your friendship.

Because ━ while, yeah, he’s hot and suffers from fuckboy tendencies from time-to-time and, aside from random late night hookups ━ he was still the same boy that would drag you out at three in the morning to drive to the next city over for a bowl of ramen, who would marathon shows as long as One Piece or Game of Thrones with you, watching as much as you can in one all-nighter; who would come to your dorm, no matter the time of day, the moment you said you were sick or suffering from cramps, piled high with your favourite snacks; who shared a repertoire of silly inside jokes with you that never made any sense to anyone but the both of you; who insisted you both wear friendship bracelets even in college. He would always be an angel to you, treat you well, because you meant that much to him.

A small thought in the back of Jungkook’s head wonders, above all else, if you were anyone different, would he have even bothered suggesting such a ludicrous idea, drunk or not?

Because he’s positive no one else could make him cum in his pants like a horny prepubescent teen ━ no one except for you.

“If we’re really gonna do this, we need to set some ground rules.”

Admittedly, neither you nor Jungkook knew what would happen after Jungkook’s proposition to you. Maybe you were expecting the two of you to pretend as if nothing had ever happened, or laugh it off as something so inconsequential that neither of you should bother worrying about it. Instead, the very next day, you find that you’re back in Jungkook’s dorm. Only this time, you’re in his bed, and he spent the past half hour sufficiently eating you out.

Now, you’ve had an epiphany in the form of Jungkook’s dick, and that is that it’s big.

You’ve seen it before on occasion ━ like when he streaked nude across campus as a dare or when he needed to use your shower because his apartment was under maintenance and he walked out on you in the living room ━ but this is clearly a very different circumstance. All red, swollen, angry tip wet and glistening with precum. You had to brace yourself as he pushed himself into you, cautiously and slowly, enjoying the way you stretch to fit around him. If you had a drunken excuse the night before for loving the thought of getting off with Jungkook, then you surely don’t have one now. It’s a shameless guilty pleasure, you think, that he’s at least indulging in.

“Rules,” Jungkook scoffs now. “You’re such a nerd. Fuck, you feel so fucking good━ You doing okay?”

More than. Your head lolls back against his pillow, eyes nearly rolling to the back of your head. “Mhm.”

“Want a minute?”

“Maybe.”

Jungkook pauses without any hesitation, gnawing on his lower lip as your walls clench around him so tightly he feels he might fall apart then and there. His hands are on your hips, thumbs rubbing comforting circles against your burning skin. A few deep breaths later and you’re probing Jungkook to move again. His hips rut into yours at a leisure pace, and he marvels for a moment at the way his dick disappears into your pussy, slick and wet with your own arousal. The thought of being in you ━ of finally feeling your walls wrapped around him, all wet and snug ━ is enough to make him bust then and there, but he refrains miraculously.

“Holy fuck,” You groan. “Why are you so big━”

Your voice cuts off into a delightful whimper, walls aching around him. Jungkook snorts, burrowing his face in the crook of your neck. “Nothing sexier than hearing you stroke my ego.”

“Don’t let it get to your already big head,” You retort sluggishly.

“Big head!” he grumbles against your throat, lips brushing faintly against your skin and sending shivers down your spine. “Insult me some more. You know how it gets me going.”

“Oh my god, shut up. Where were we?”

“Rules.”

“Right,” You breathe in a sharp inhale of air as he grinds against your hips. “And rule number one is no kissing. That’s way too intimate.”

Jungkook quirks a brow. “How is kissing more intimate than having my dick in you?”

“It just is.” You refuse to tell him the truth. You poke your fingers at his sides, causing him to jerk against you. “Don’t question it.”

“Fine. Then no sentimental shit in general, like cuddling or pet names,” Jungkook retorts. “And no public displays of affection.”

“Okay,” You nod. “Fuck, Jungkook━”

“God, I love hearing you moan my name,” Jungkook grunts. He watches with fascination the way your face reacts at his every movement. “Too much?”

“No. Kinda hot,” You admit. An abrupt thought pops into your head that has you murmuring hazily, “Oh, and you can’t have sex with me to your sex playlist.”

Jungkook looks appalled. The sex playlist in question is one you’ve heard briefly before, if only because you’ve walked in on Jungkook and his flavour of the month a handful of times one too many times.

“So you’re telling me you don’t want to have the best orgasm of your life to The Weeknd or the Neighbourhood? WAP?” Jungkook asks, wriggling his brows suggestively. “Alanis Morissette?” You have less than half a second to register the 90s pop singer as out of place before Jungkook breaks out into song with a brief rendition of Head over Feet. “You’re my best friend, best friend with benefits━!”

Part of you knows he’s joking, but there’s still a small sliver of you that makes you gawk at him dubiously before dissolving into a fit of unabashed laughter. It rumbles against his chest, vibrates his dick in you. “You’re not serious, are you? That’s not actually in your sex playlist, is it?”

He flashes you a shit-eating grin. “Guess you’ll never know now.”

Another roll of your eyes makes him snicker. He’s gotten used to your snide remarks, but he’ll gladly keep suffering under them if he gets to wipe that taunting smirk off your face each time with the way his dick makes you feel. You cling a little tighter to his shoulders and muse aloud, “So that’s it then?”

“Yeah━” Jungkook knows you’re referring to the rules and your plan, although it’s getting harder to focus on talking as he continues to grind against you. “And nothing has to change between us, even if we stop. We’re still just two best friends.”

“Yup.”

“Who have sex from time to time.”

“Yeah.”

He can’t help himself. He tries again. “Who might kiss.”

“Nope.” You’re smiling even despite the way you shoot him an aggravated stare first.

“We might?”

“No, we definitely won’t.”

Worth a shot, he thinks to himself. At least you really do always keep him in check.

After all, what are best friends for?

So, maybe a part of you thought the shift in your relationship with Jungkook wouldn’t last very long. A week at most, and maybe Hoseok would find you another pointless let down of a blind date to go on and Jungkook would get horny for some other girl ━ but it’s certainly been more than a week now, and you’ve had sex with him more than two times.

A third, and a fourth, if you’re being blatantly honest, and maybe a few more times after that but you don’t really remember what count you’re both on now which should probably be concerning. Days elapse into days, which turn to weeks, then months. Morning, afternoon, and night.

It’s not as if you hadn’t already spent almost every waking moment with Jungkook but now you had a reason to be at his apartment at any and all hours of the day and not solely for movie watching marathons. You’re positive he’s still having his occasional random flings, though you’re fortunate his commitment issues at least force him to go to their homes rather than his for the most part, so you never really have to witness half-naked girls stumbling out of his apartment just as you’re wandering in. He says it has something to do with how his bedroom is his sacred space, though you think it’s more like he wouldn’t want his hook ups discovering his Overwatch figurines or something (because, before Jungkook’s proposition, you’ve walked in on him once and a girl when they were entangled on the couch in his living room).

But you’ve noticed lately you’re getting too comfortable with your arrangement with Jungkook; too comfortable knowing he’ll be there at the end of a long day to greet you, to please you until you’re crying out his name. Sometimes he tells you about the girls he’s texting, or shows you a picture from a hot girl’s Instagram whose D.M.s he’s just slid into. And sometimes you’re left wondering how often he comes straight to you after hooking up with a random girl.

It shouldn’t matter to you, and you swear that it doesn’t.

Maybe you’re just overthinking things. Hoseok certainly seems to think so, but his judgement wasn’t much to go by.

Because, lately, Hoseok has been encouraging you more and more to give Yukhei (the blind date Hoseok had initially set you up with when you found yourself at Jungkook’s) another chance for two reasons: 1) “Yukhei’s a nice boy,” he had cheerfully reminded you, “he’ll treat you well,” and 2) “Stop fucking your best friend. It’s morally wrong.”

There were many things wrong with his statement, from the fact that you didn’t exactly consider standing up a date as “nice” and that you were also still begrudgingly lamenting the way Hoseok had discovered your recent fling with Jungkook (although, you weren’t being very inconspicuous, having shower sex with Jungkook early one morning when you were certain Hoseok would be spending the day at his fiance’s home instead of yours).

But then you meet Yukhei and you realize that, oh crap, he’s cute. And he’s nice.

As it turns out, after bumping into him one day when you’re with Hoseok lounging on the quad of your campus and he comes bounding over to return a textbook Hoseok had lent him for a specific class, Yukhei is so easily charming. He also gives a pretty valid excuse for flaking on your date, proving that he had to present his dissertation, making you clearly aware that he’s cute, nice, and smart. Jungkook, on the other hand, doesn’t see the appeal, yet his curiosity and intrigue seems to get the best of him.

“So that was your blind date?” Jungkook asks after grabbing your attention on the quad and stealing you away from Hoseok and Yukhei. “Yukhei?”

“You know him?”

“Seen him around,” Jungkook shrugs nonchalantly. “I’ve never really talked to him. But him? You’re not telling me you’re actually interested in him, are you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe,” You’re truly just as clueless about your feelings towards Yukhei as Jungkook seems to be. “What’s so wrong about him?”

“He’s━” Jungkook stops. He shakes his head. “Heard he’s got a small dick anyway.”

You shoot the boy a wary look, only to find him grinning deviously at himself. “Maybe he just wants to be friends.”

At this, Jungkook lets out a scoffing sound that borders on disbelieving laughter. “No, I definitely think he wants to have sex with you in his Toyota Camry, Y/N, but what do I know?”

“You’re not jealous, are you?”

“No, why would I be jealous?”

You can’t quite tell if he’s angry or not but, then again, why would he be? As far as either of you are concerned, there’s nothing to be jealous of.

So then why does it feel like he’s simply just telling himself that?

“Are you seriously on your phone right now?”

Jungkook asks this from somewhere behind you a handful of days later, a little peeved but most likely because your jarring 8:00 a.m. alarm had roused the both of you violently awake. In his defense, Jungkook is not a morning person.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” You’re currently sprawled out on your hands and knees on his bed, phone still in your grasp after having plucked it off the nightstand in haste. Your clothes are scattered across the floor of his room, remnant clues of the night before when he had beckoned you over after hours, and your body is covered in nothing but hickeys and an unbuttoned blue flannel belonging to Jungkook that you had chucked on last night that does nothing in covering up the swell of your breasts which Jungkook is now currently eyeing. “Am I not giving you enough attention? Were you expecting cuddles or something? Thought that wasn’t in the rules.”

“No,” Jungkook huffs. He runs a hand through his long messy hair in an attempt to fix it; he ultimately gives up taming his locks, instead using the hair tie around his wrist to tie his hair back into a cute yet sexy little ponytail. As he does so, you notice the red friendship bracelet around his wrist and smile smally. “But my dick could use some cuddles. Preferably with your mouth, but it will also gladly accept your hand.”

Jungkook may not be a morning person but, as you’ve come to realize, his dick certainly is.

It’s painfully obvious too, his hardened length straining against the gray sweatpants he had thrown on at some point. And, god, did he have to wear those? It left little to the imagination, the outline of his length teasing you just enough.

“I should get going,” You say. “I have a test coming up. There’s supposed to be a review session today in class, and I don’t want to miss it.”

“Well, you don’t seem like you’re in a rush since you’re still on your phone,” Jungkook points out. “Who are you texting anyway? Yukhei?”

“Anger is an emotion,” You rebuke casually. “So is jealousy.”

Jungkook feigns a look of mock hurt. “I’m not angry or jealous! I’m needy.”

Still, Jungkook reaches out to swiftly pluck your phone from your hands.

“Jungkook━!”

He’s pressed up against your back in an instant, his dick hard against your ass, and he doesn’t move very far even when you twist in your spot in an attempt to grab your phone back. You don’t, and instead you end up on your back with him on his side, propped up on his elbow. You miss when he casts a swift gaze down at your phone, only to see that Yukhei’s chat messages are indeed open, and something seems to gnaw terribly at his gut before he tosses your phone to the side. He’s looking at you now with those big beautiful eyes of his, and you hate it.

“Please?” he beckons. He ruts his hips impatiently but slowly against your leg. He drops his head to bury his face in the crook of your neck, lips dangerously close to brushing against your flesh but he refrains somehow. “M’so hard right now, could probably bust the moment you touch me.”

The thought is tempting, having a helpless Jungkook cumming in your hands. The sight alone has quickly become your favourite thing, helping the frustrated boy get off. Besides, you’re certain you could ask Hoseok for the review notes.

Fuck it, you cave.

You fidget until you’ve pressed him back against the bed and have clambered on top of him, wiggling your way down to fit between his legs. Jungkook is watching you now with a half-asleep expression, though his teeth sink into his lower lip as you pull at his sweatpants until they’re down at his thighs, letting his swollen dick spring free.

“You know━” You hum. You reach out to grab at the base of his cock. “Yukhei wants to hang out, and Hoseok keeps telling me to give it a shot.”

That much is true. Part of you wants to say yes, if only because Yukhei seems promising enough, but the thought alone is enough for you to feel as if you’ve done something horribly wrong to Jungkook.

“Oh.” The word eclipses Jungkook’s mouth in a shallow breath of air. Then, your mouth wraps around the puffy head of his dick, shining with leaking precum that you swallow back, and Jungkook’s reaction is immediate. Head thrown back, face scrunching together, muscles in his toned abdomen flexing as he seizes and grunts aloud. “Oh, fuck━ Well… Are you gonna?”

Jungkook asks the last question with much difficulty, and a part of him thinks it doesn’t all have to do with how you’re making him feel.

“Dunno.” You snort around his dick, and he marvels at how adorable such a lewd action can seem.

You decide to focus on sucking him off because it truly is a sexy sight to see, letting the topic of Yukhei drop. Jungkook certainly doesn’t mind. As you swirl your tongue around his tip and reach up with your free hand to fondle at his balls, his long hair falls into his lashes but he still tries to find you past his wild locks, hooded eyes gazing down at you.  

“Ah, shit━” Jungkook hisses delightfully, hips jerking forward instinctively into your mouth. The faintest hints of a drowsy smirk tug at his lips. “Fuck, yes, just like that.”

Yeah, you think to yourself then, you’re definitely going to ride him later. Screw going to class.

From: Jungkook Sent: 1:05 a.m.

bro i noticed u werent wearing our friendship bracelet while u were giving me head earlier. is everything ok??

You wake in the morning to a single text from Jungkook ━ and one you had not been expecting.

That’s not to say that getting the occasional text message from Jungkook at any and all hours of the day was abnormal, but the extent of his messages sent anywhere past midnight usually always range from something more coherent in the form of “what would u do if i was there rn?” to something exuding typical lazy Jungkook manner with a simple “dtf?” or “send noods lol” to something even more provocatively cryptic such as the eggplant and splashing water (or, as far as Jungkook is concerned, something else entirely) emojis and nothing else, left open for your own interpretation that typically, usually, without a doubt, results in you in his bed and his dick in you. But this seems to be something else entirely.

Unfortunately, Jungkook’s text isn’t the only concern of yours.

Hoseok has spent the better part of the morning giving you a lecture on why having sex with your best friend is bad. He seems so passionate about the topic that you’re certain he would have pulled out a powerpoint at any moment, each slide ending in a picture of Yukhei and why you should maybe try fucking him instead, if you entertained the idea a little longer. Hoseok claims it’s just a harmless date. Yukhei might be a nice boy, but you don’t know how you feel about him. You don’t want to lead him on, and a scary thought points out the fact that maybe, while Yukhei is a nice boy, he isn’t Jungkook.

“I don’t get why you don’t just give Yukhei a chance━” Hoseok is saying now, sat on the couch in your shared apartment with him. “It’s not like you have to marry him. I don’t think one date will hurt━ Aaand, you’re not even listening to me anymore, are you?”

The sheepish look on your face is enough of an answer for him. You’ve been anxiously eyeing your phone and the text Jungkook had sent you last that you’ve yet to respond to, even despite being awake for more than a few hours now.

“Yes, I am listening,” You say dismissively. “Something about how one date won’t hurt, but that’s what you said when Yoongi asked you out, and you’re literally engaged now.”

The glistening metallic ring on Hoseok’s finger is evidence enough. The boy looks down at it as if seeing it for the first time, purses his lips, and then nods in agreement. “Okay, yeah, maybe you’re right. But you’re holding out for Jungkook and for what? He’s hot, yeah, and he’s your best friend, sure, but at the end of the day he’s still just a horny male who wants to stick his dick in anything that moves.”

“Hoseok.” Your grumbling sigh is interrupted by the motion of your phone vibrating against your thigh once more. You peek at the screen fleetingly to see a new text.

From: Jungkook Sent: 2:35 p.m.

send n00ds?

miss ur tits :(

Typical Jungkook.

The text from the night before is all but seemingly forgotten from his mind, and you can’t quite tell if you’re devastated or relieved. You don’t have very long to discern which emotion you’re feeling when Hoseok snatches your phone to look at what’s gotten your attention before exclaiming suddenly, “Aha! See! What did I say?”

“It’s not like that,” You wave Hoseok off. “Jungkook treats me well. He respects me, and I’m comfortable with him.”

“And how long until whatever this is━” He gestures vaguely to your phone as if to point out your relationship with Jungkook, “has to end? Do you really think a pinky promise is going to make sure your friendship with him isn’t totally ruined? I mean, how can you continue being casual friends with someone, see them dating someone else, when they’ve had their dick in you?”

You know it makes sense. Realistically, you either stop sleeping with each other or it potentially develops into something more. But in both circumstances, what were the chances that either of you didn’t get your heart broken? Maybe a part of you was apprehensive of Jungkook finding the “right” person for him one day that has him ending things with you, and while you swear you’d be happy for him, relationships sometimes have a way of distracting people from those already around them. Were you prepared to have someone take him away from you, platonically and whatever it is else that you have with him? Did you really think you could just keep being friends with him, as if nothing ever occurred between you two?

You don’t think Jungkook is bothered worrying about the state of your friendship with him, much less overthinking it like you seem to be. It shouldn’t be a big deal ━ yet why was there still that terrible nagging voice in the back of your mind? Whether or not Hoseok is right, you don’t want to find out. You don’t have feelings for Jungkook anyway.

But your ability to bend at his every will is certainly interesting.

You grab your phone before Hoseok can do any serious damage like unlocking it and responding to Jungkook, clutching it to your chest as you start to cross the living room. The other boy looks at you in bewilderment. “Where are you going now?”

“Where does it look?” You call over your shoulder just before you disappear into the bathroom, and Hoseok deduces all at once that you’re truly a lost cause. “I need to send him a picture of my boobs.”

“He’s totally into you, Y/N.”

Admittedly, there were many mundane but essentially weird things you’ve talked to Jungkook about while having sex. You’ve had many heated debates about everything under the sun from whether or not pineapple on pizza should be illegal to top five betrayals in either movies or animes, to passionate grand philosophical discussions about what exists outside of the universe.

It’s not as if you had been planning on talking about Yukhei to Jungkook when he had invited you over to his apartment late at night after sending your risqué boob picture to him but, like many things in your friendship with Jungkook, it sort of just happened. He had asked you how your day was and you had decided to broach the topic experimentally, though you think deep down you’re doing it on purpose to see if he’d react in any way. What started with you mentioning Hoseok’s adamance and you sort of genuinely asking Jungkook for advice on Yukhei somehow evolved into Jungkook interrogating you on whether or not you’ve hung out with him yet.

“Jungkook. You’re getting off topic,” You admonish him now, as if your own choice of topic is any better when his dick is currently in you.

Jungkook is wedged between your thighs smushed up against your chest, large palms holding you on your ribcage in place beneath him. He’s a comfortable heavy draped over top of you, cock stretching you wide. You can feel his heart hammering against yours and he’s slick with sweat, golden hair clinging to his forehead and in his pretty eyes. You resist the urge to reach out and brush the messy locks away but, again, how would that be any less intimate of an action than what you’re already doing? Another line uncrossed, you suppose.

“How am I off topic?” Jungkook retorts. “You literally just said you can’t tell if he’s into you but he dropped by when you were done class and bought you lunch. You don’t just do that for a girl you don’t care that much about.”

“You buy me lunch, like, every day,” You point out.

“Because you’re my best friend. Of course I care about you,” Jungkook says.

“Ah, Jungkook━” You curse suddenly, grabbing his attention when you shift your weight beneath him. “You’re crushing me. Why’d you stop moving?”

He doesn’t have an answer, if only because he hadn’t even realized he’d stop moving in the first place. Without hesitation, he continues leisurely rutting his hips against yours, grabbing at one of your legs to hook it around his waist. This new angle lets you feel even more of him as he sinks further into you, if that was even still possible, reaching so far into you that you swear it’s like you can feel him in your stomach. Your head lolls back against the pillows, pure euphoria contorting your face so much so to the point that it distracts you entirely from the distant look glazing over Jungkook’s eyes.

“Yukhei definitely wants to bang,” he huffs under his breath.

At once, an exasperated groan fills his ears.

“I can’t believe we’re seriously having this conversation right now,” You roll your eyes, fingers prodding at his sides. “I don’t wanna talk about Yukhei potentially wanting to have sex with me.”

Jungkook’s glad you said it, at least. Though now he’s watching you with hooded eyes as he thrusts into you a little harder, maybe a little intentionally. His indulgent gaze droops to your breasts, admiring the way they bounce beneath him each time his hips make contact with yours. He thinks back earlier in the day to the picture you had sent him which, really, had sparked the mood for the rest of the night.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” he whines abruptly. His eyes screw shut and brows furrow together as your walls clench around him. He drops his head to bury his face in your chest, lips momentarily wrapping around one of your nipples as he sucks harshly at the soft flesh. When he speaks next, forehead still resting against your collarbones, his voice is a breathless croak, “Well, do you like him?”

“No,” You moan. “Maybe━ Fuck, Koo━ I don’t know.”

“He’s gonna be at that party Tae’s throwing, isn’t he?” Jungkook tries to focus, but it’s becoming increasingly harder to do so when he’s inching closer and closer to his high. “Shit, ah, Y/N━ Why don’t you try talking to him or something? See how the night goes?”

“He’s nice but I don’t think he’s the one for me,” You admit sheepishly. “I think I’m just gonna end things while I still can, with as little harm as possible.”

“Well, glad that’s settled,” Jungkook mumbles. “Can we please stop talking about Yukhei now?”

You seem to miss the way he clings to you a little tighter, hands flying down to grip at your hips, nails digging crescent moon shapes into your skin. He snaps his hips into yours a little faster this time, your pussy throbbing around him.

“Nngh, Jungkook━”

Your hands fumble to grip at his hair, tugging tightly at the roots and earning a delightful hiss from the boy. Your own mouth drops open in a silent moan and it’s a wonder he doesn’t combust at just how sexy the sight is. He hates how his eyes stay trained on the shape of your lips, the soft plumpness of them. He’s felt them wrapped around his dick plenty of times before but he concedes that it’s probably hardly anywhere near to how it would feel to kiss you. Like actually kiss you, tongue and all.

God, what’d he give just to smother your lips with his.

And, god, he hopes you never find out. He’s positive that thought is far more scandalous alone than anything you’ve ever done together.

You’re writhing beneath him now, hips jutting forward desperately to meet his. “I’m gonna cum, Jungkook━”

“Fuck, yes,” Jungkook growls. “Wanna feel you cream around my cock so bad. Come on, baby━”

In the heat of the moment, you seem to miss the pet name that slurs off his tongue and the sentiment in it. A few more jolting slams of his hips and you’re tumbling over the edge. He has to sputter for air when he feels your pussy wrapping so tightly around him, stuttering in his pace above you if only to watch as you unravel beneath him. Hooded dark eyes glazed over in that perfect fucked out expression he loves so much, teeth biting at your lower lip so hard he wonders if it’ll bruise in the morning.

A sudden thought pops into his head when you’ve settled enough, amongst the blinding pure white of bliss that clouds his thoughts. “Did you get my text by the way? The one I sent last night?”

You gasp for air. The bracelet on your wrist itches at the mention of it, and you’re fortunate you decided to wear it that afternoon before coming to Jungkook’s. “Y-Yeah━”

“Well…?”

“Everything’s fine,” You say this as dismissively as you can. Your core is still vibrating after the harsh impact of your orgasm paired with Jungkook’s swollen length still in you. “I just… I was taking a shower and didn’t want to get it wet. I forgot to put it back on in the morning.”

That’s a lie. You had mostly taken it off as part of an experiment, though it hasn’t answered much. At least Jungkook doesn’t seem to realize that.

“Oh,” Jungkook breathes. A beat of silence passes, before he deadpans cockily, “Wait, you were taking a shower and I wasn’t invited?”

“Oh my god, shut up━” Maybe if he hadn’t just currently driven you to nirvana and back, you’d notice the way the sloppy grin on his face is a simple taunt. But you’re much too distracted to care. Instead, you use your leg that’s still hooked around his waist to gently push and roll him onto his back so that you can straddle his hips. His eyes sparkle mischievously as he watches you waste no time in hurrying to grind against him at an agonizingly steady pace that makes his head spin. “You’re ruining the moment. I’m trying to make you cum.”

A devious cackle rumbles from his chest, albeit a little contented at the same time. Yeah, he definitely likes the sound of that. “Well then, by all means, don’t let me stop you.”

It’s only then that his question comes back into your mind. If he felt the need to ask you again about the bracelet, maybe that meant something after all. At the very least, it means he hadn’t forgotten about it altogether. On the other hand, you wonder how often he had spent thinking, or over-thinking, the issue in the past twenty-four hours, if at all.

Was it wrong to feel some semblance of joy over that potential fact? Probably.

That doesn’t seem to bother you much this time. Not when he’s gazing up at you as if you’re some divine sexy goddess, all his to enjoy. You can’t help yourself; you reach down to brush the sweaty hair from his eyes, perhaps all too gentle of an action for best friends.

And he smiles, maybe a little too softly and maybe a little too ardently if you look close enough.

He smiles.

The thing about your supposed “rules” with your relationship with Jungkook is that there might be a few loose ends that neither you nor Jungkook pay much attention to sometimes.

But that’s neither here nor there.

Mostly, the “no public displays of affection” clause is easily disregardable. It’s typically when you’re too drunk to remember it and a bit needy, craving one another’s touch, but those around you never truly seem to care or even notice because, if you’re lucky, they’re equally as smashed. Sometimes the “no cuddles” clause blurs into a gray area where it’s simply just you and Jungkook post-sex, sprawled out in his bed, not necessarily wrapped up in one another’s arms and cooing sweet nothings to one another but giggling at nothing in particular except one another as you bask in each other’s company and nothing more. You suppose some rules are meant to be broken.

For the most part, Jungkook never seems to question the no kissing rule you were so adamant in insisting. Not until one night in which you’re left wondering where things go so drastically wrong. It starts off as normally as any other day with you and Jungkook can, spent in his apartment binge watching movies. You hadn’t expected that night to switch as suddenly as it does when Jungkook shoots you a text earlier in the day asking if you want to come to his for a night of casual drinking as simply “best friends.” But, as always, one thing seems to lead to another, and you can’t get enough of Jungkook. Maybe it’s in the way he holds you a little tighter, the way he tugs you onto his lap on the sofa in his living room, the way he grips your thighs with a certain type of insatiable desire.

“You know…” he hums. “You drive me insane. In, like, the best way possible.”

Part of you realizes his actions even without him seeming to, and the drunken smile on your face remaining frozen in place, a little dumbfounded. “Jungkook…”

“When I’m with you…” He lifts his stare to look at you, but you have nothing to say. Neither does he. Instead, you’re left grinning at one another and suddenly your face is warm. He leans towards you, his nose nuzzling against the side of your throat. Your hands stay threaded in his hair now, and he swears he feels you secure your grip as if to pull him closer.

You can feel his lips brush faintly against your skin, grazing along your neck to the underside of your jaw. Up, up, up, until━

It’s just as his mouth meets with the corner of yours that you register what he’s doing, even in your clouded state. You turn your head just in time, and he comes to an immediate halt, his lips barely making contact with your cheek instead before he pulls away. He doesn’t move very far but you also don’t push him away just yet. Instead, you shift your head to look at him, still inches apart from him.

“What are you doing?” You ask. He can’t quite tell if you’re appalled or not, an empty expression staring back at him.

“I━ You━” He fumbles over his words, squeezes his eyes shut. He blames it on the alcohol even though his head is swimming with thoughts that seem to only concern you. But then a fierceness seems to stir within him, one that makes his jaw clench as he meets your stunned stare. The question rolls off his tongue without meaning to. “Is this about Yukhei?”

“What?”

“Is that why you weren’t wearing our bracelet the other day?”

The question is so ridiculous, you have to laugh. “What are you going on about?”

But Jungkook doesn’t see what’s so funny and so he tries again, his persistence taking hold. “Is that why you won’t ever let me kiss you?”

You blink. Then, you’re shaking your head at him. Exasperation hangs heavy in your words, shaping in the form of a tired scoff. “You’re not serious.”

You’ve slithered off of his lap before he can even think to stop you ━ but if he had, would you have even stayed? You’re mad, but he doesn’t know why. “No, I wanna know. Because if what we have is already so meaningless, what makes a kiss any different?”

“Jungkook…”

“So I wanna know,” he says, brows unconsciously knitting together. His gaze is searching yours desperately, as if begging for an answer he’ll want to hear. But he knows he’s being an idiot, a small sober part in him makes him realize that. “Humour me. Have you had sex with him yet?”

“Oh my god. I can’t believe that’s what you’re on about.” Suddenly, you’re frowning. Your hardened stare meets the boy’s and the irritation that scrunches at your face makes him wince, but it’s too late for him to take back the damage that he’s done. “Yeah, Jungkook, we fucked in his stupid Toyota that you hate so much and he choked me and I liked it. He did all sorts of dirty things to me. Is that what you want to hear?” The sardonic tone hisses at his ears, but he bites back his words, the sober part in him doing some decent good by shushing him. “No, Jungkook, we didn’t fuck. We haven’t even gone on a date, and I don’t even know if I want to, and you think I’m throwing myself at him.”

“But you wanna.”

“You’re being an idiot,” You admonish. “I’m going home. Talk to me when you’re sober.”

He has just enough time to watch you turn on your heel, march towards his door, when he scrambles to his feet. The weight of his words and actions finally seem to dawn on him, hitting him harshly in the face and in the heart.

“Fuck, wait! Wait━” he gasps.

He chases after you, hand reaching out to press his palm against the door before you can shimmy it open. He’s fortunate when you turn to look at him, though your arms are folded impatiently over your chest.

“You’re right. I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you mad,” he promises earnestly. Then, he lets out a frustrated groan. “I just… What if we… Shit, what if we stop for right now? Y’know… Hooking up. Whatever this is.”

He gestures vaguely between the two of you with his hands, a wearied look plastering his face.

You hate to admit how his words seem to affect you. They bite at the air, leave you breathless as you gawk at him, but the harsh realization of it all is that you were never his to have and he was never yours. Hoseok had been right when he said these things were bound to come to an end ━ so why did it seem to hurt you so much?

A beat of prolonged silence passes between the two of you. Jungkook runs a hand through his chaotic blonde hair, digging the heel of his palm into his temple as if to rid himself of a headache he’s no doubt sporting. Maybe you’re waiting for a better explanation, but he gives none, and you don’t feel as if you have the right to ask why. He’s not your boyfriend, for god’s sake. It’s not like he’s breaking your heart.

Instead, you take a deep breath and say, “Okay.”

“Okay.” It’s all that he says in return.

So then why does it feel like he is?

When Jungkook had promised that if your fling with him ended you would go back to being untainted best friends, he was apparently lying.

A part of you can’t believe the sheer nerve of him to ghost you in his traditional fuckboy ways, and yet he does. You suppose not entirely, at the very least. Part of it ends up with you being even more vexed by his sudden shift in emotion, and the tangible tension that rises between the two of you should have been dealt with properly, yet neither of you do anything about it, leaving your friendship stagnant and stale for a week. After all, how are you really supposed to go back to “just friends” when you’ve seen his dick one too many times?

You refrain from telling Hoseok, if only so you don’t have to hear him tell you he told you so ━ but you also decide to give Yukhei that one chance, and so you think Hoseok wouldn’t mind so much anyway.

Admittedly, when Yukhei asks to hang with you at Taehyung’s eventual party, you aren’t entirely too keen, but you accept it if only because you heard Jungkook will be there too. For the majority of the night, you don’t see the boy, and you spend the hours cozying up with Yukhei in a conversation that dulls you. As it would appear, it seems to bore Yukhei too, but you only notice that when he starts touching you on your waist and the small of your back. There’s a moment where he leans his head close enough to yours that you realize he’s trying to kiss you, resulting in an awkward encounter in which you push him away, palms on his chest.

“What’s wrong?” he asks. The answer is obvious enough to you, but you don’t think you should tell him for his own dignity. That, instead, all you can imagine is Jungkook in his place. “Should we get out of here?”

“Y/N. Can I talk to you?”

You’re both fortunate yet horrified when you hear Jungkook’s voice. He’s standing just behind you, his own stare devoid of any emotion, though his brows furrow and his jaw clenches in a signature Jungkook manner that you know means he’s pissed. He hardly acknowledges Yukhei, nodding in his general direction. You don’t remember if you leave Yukhei there or if he leaves, or if Jungkook even gives a poor attempt of an excuse to the boy, but you’ve not so much as uttered a single word or let out an exhalation of air, when Jungkook ultimately pulls you off to the side where it’s just you and him once more.

“I’m not sucking your dick in Tae’s grimy bathroom, if that’s what you want,” You scowl once Yukhei is out of earshot. “You’ve lost the privilege that is my mouth.”

“That’s not━” Jungkook shakes his head, exasperated. “That’s not what I want. I just━ I’ll take you home. Please?”

You know the offer is much more than him simply walking you the route to your dorm, which you already know like the back of your hand. Yet, you don’t argue. Truthfully, it’s a relief when Jungkook lugs you out of the party. The entire venture back to your apartment is treacherous, in the way that you’re left sobering up enough to the point that your dizzying thoughts become more coherent. Hoseok is gone for the weekend at least, spending the days with his fiance, so you don’t have to worry about humiliating yourself in front of your roommate when it comes to Jungkook.

You’ve barely made it through your front door when you’re grumbling aloud, “What do you want, Jungkook?”

“I wanna talk,” he says firmly. “About us. About Yukhei.”

“Maybe I don’t want to.” But that’s a lie. Talking to Jungkook, even despite masquerading your annoyance for him, is a blessing in disguise. You’ve missed the idiot, and hearing his voice. “Besides, you told me to give him a chance.”

“And you said you didn’t want to.”

“Maybe I changed my mind.”

“Yeah, you sure seemed like you loved it when he was trying to shove his tongue down your throat,” Jungkook retorts bitterly. “C’mon, Y/N. We both know that’s a lie.”

“You know, you’ve been a real dick lately.”

A sliver of a smirk tugs at Jungkook’s face. “I thought you love dick.”

Clearly, his poor attempt at a joke doesn’t land well with you. “Why do you even care so much if Yukhei and I get together? Stop acting so high and mighty and moral, Jungkook. It’s not like you’re some virgin saint. How many times have I heard you talk about all those girls you’ve fucked? And what was I? Just another notch in your belt this whole time?”

“What?” Jungkook gasps now, as if disbelieving you would ever think such a thing. “No! You’re not just another notch. I would never even think about you that way. And I haven’t had sex with anyone else but you this whole time and I easily could have.”

“Wow! Such a martyr,” You remark dryly. When you speak next, you meet his stare with your own crestfallen gaze. “I just want my best friend back.” Your words hurt him more than you think, but he can’t say he doesn’t deserve it. “You’re the one who tried to kiss me, then suggested we stop whatever it is we’re doing━”

Jungkook flinches. “I know.”

“Then you ignore me for days even though you promised nothing would change━”

“I know,” he says desperately. He closes the distance between the two of you, yearning to reach out and touch you. Instead, he clamps his eyes shut, trying with all his might to focus when the room feels like it’s spinning.

“And then you get mad when Yukhei tries to make a move. It’s like you’re jealous or something!”

“I am.” He can’t take it anymore. The words tumble from his lips in a rush that he hardly bothers to bite back.

“Why?”

“Because━ Because━” He struggles to form his thoughts into words, stumbling over his sentence. Fuck, he’s never like this. Even you can tell. He grits his teeth next. “I lean in to kiss you and you look at me as if I’m out of my mind. I just don’t get it. You don’t want me to kiss you but you let me put my dick in your ass.”

The taut line of your lip quivers as you break. “That was one time and you didn’t even get all the way in!”

“Y/N.” Jungkook hums now. He’s gazing at you a little softly, reaching out to place his hands on your waist. “Look, I know I’ve been an idiot. But lately, when I touch you, I fucking feel so alive and the thought of Yukhei doing anything with you when it isn’t me, who should be with you, makes me want to vomit. And when I wake up in the morning alone, I only want you next to me. And I can’t be the only one feeling that way. If I am, tell me. Right now. Please. I just wanna know why you won’t ever let me kiss you, but you let me do all sorts of things with you. Am I really that repulsive?”

Another moment of silence stifles the room. Jungkook is so close to you now, you can’t help yourself. You reach up to tug at the collar of his shirt, fingers twisting in the material as you lean your forehead out of frustration against his shoulder and he instinctively lets his arms slither around your waist, holding you to him. Then━

“No.”

“What?”

“I only made the rule because I don’t want you to kiss me unless you mean it,” You murmur into his chest. “Like really, really mean it. Like I’m more than just a notch in your belt. Because I want to kiss you so badly, and I’m already in love with you but then I’ll really be in love with you and I don’t want to get my heart broken.”

The anticipation kills you, awaiting his response. You refuse to lift your head, until you hear him grumble, “You’re so fucking stupid.”

“Me?”

The retort is filled with your typical jestering hostility as you finally look at him. But just as you do so, Jungkook’s reaching out to grasp at your face, rough hands all soft and gentle as they cradle your cheeks, guiding you towards him and smoothing his lips over yours until you melt like putty in his hands.

Kissing Jungkook, you deduce at once, is not at all how you imagined it.

It’s everything and more. You’ve felt his mouth on you before but in much different circumstances. Between your legs, on your throat, down past the valley of your breasts ━ and each kiss then had been feral, sloppy, rough. Now, it’s sweet and tender, the feeling of his lips as soft as how he makes your heart feel. And the butterflies━ god, the butterflies.

Impatient hands tug and pull at one another until you’ve both stumbled into your room and onto your bed. He’s clambered over top of you, lips struggling to not part throughout the whole ordeal, until he’s wedged himself between your thighs.

Only then does Jungkook part from you just enough in the next moment, lips brushing against yours, as he whispers ardently, “I mean it.”

Then he’s kissing the corner of your lips down to the underside of your jaw, his mouth grazing along your skin in a feathery touch. His hands help you shed your shirt, and the bra underneath. “I mean it when I kiss you here.”

Then he drops his head to your neck, kissing at the base of your throat, before nipping at it lightly. “And here.”

Your hands come to thread in his hair, tugging at the roots. He burrows his face lastly in your chest, snatching the nipple of one of your breasts between his teeth. “Here…”

You’re so soft and supple beneath his hands, all his to love and explore.

“I want you, all of you,” he mumbles. “Only you.”

“Oh, Koo…”

A pretty moan tumbles from your mouth, and he could nearly cry. He had surely thought you were far past the point of enraged, far past the point of pensive words shaped in a heartfelt apology to bring you back to him. But then hearing you rasp his name ━ the little cute nickname that only you call him ━ makes him so goddamn remorseful.

He smothers your lips with his once more, groaning into your mouth. “I’m such a fucking dick. I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t say that,” You whine.

“I’m sorry,” he laments. He bites at your lower lip, suckling against it. “Please let me make it up to you.”

“You already have.”

“But I’ve been such a shitty friend,” he groans. It’s hard to focus when he’s pressing his hips against yours, the forming bulge in his pants straining against the inside of your thigh. “I should’ve known when to stop. I shouldn’t have even suggested the whole thing in the first place, because then I wouldn’t have messed us all up.”

“Jungkook,” Your grip tightens in his hair. “Jungkook━ I want you so bad. Just wanna be yours.”

“Yeah?” His breath is warm as it fans against your neck. You rub your core eagerly against him, throbbing pussy so close to making contact with his dick.

“Yeah,” You mewl.

“What do you want from me?”

“You. Wanna feel your dick in me, please,” Your fingers tug at the top of his jeans, prodding at the muscles on his abdomen. “In my mouth. Can make you feel better, Koo, I promise. Just wanna be your good girl.”

“Mmm, I like the sound of that.”

He lets you push him until he’s on his back and you’re straddling his hips. Your limbs entangle with his as you shed the rest of your clothes, your own hands wandering up and down the front of his body after he’s tossed his shirt onto the floor. Then he watches as you shimmy your way down his body. You’re so zealous in pleasing him, wrapping your hand around the base of his dick, head angry and red, dribbling pearly beads of precum down the shaft and over the bulging vein that lines it. You run your thumb over the tip and down, spreading the sticky fluid over him. He grunts in response, nearly jolting at your touch, as his head drops back against his shoulders.

“Oh, fuck,” he growls.

You pump him slowly, taking you time as your closed fist glides up and down his length. He shudders each time your hand reaches the base, and becomes so carried away with your leisure teasing that his eyes are screwed shut and misses the way you dip down to kiss at the tip of his cock. His eyes immediately flutter open, a flustered expression painting his face. You lap again at the head, saltiness coating your tongue, and you let out a simpering moan that has him quivering. And when you wrap your mouth entirely around his cock, sinking down along his length, he swears he’s about to fall apart. Your eyes flicker upward to meet him and the moment they lock, so sexy and dark, he has to look away for fear of busting right then and there. He reclines back against the bed once more, his hand flying out to grab at your hair.

“You’re so good to me, baby,” he rasps.

He can feel the curve of your lips against his cock as you suck him off. You do so well, too. Puffing your cheeks out, taking as much of him as you can until it feels as if he’s hitting the back of your throat. Then, you’ll suck at the tip of his cock, tongue swirling rapidly around, as your fist rubs his shaft. It’s a beautiful mix, one that inches him closer and closer to his high, and each time you switch he has to hold it together to not let go so soon. He wants to enjoy it, needs to bask in it. Your pretty mouth doing such sinful things, making him feel as if he were in heaven.

“Shit━” His hips jut forward to meet with your mouth, accidentally hitting the back of your throat without warning. You gag a little, but don’t pull away, and when he apologizes to you hastily, you only moan in response. A thought pops into his head that has him beckon aloud, “Will you be a good girl and let me fuck your mouth? Huh, baby?”

You hum in approval, eyes shimmering with glee.

So, he plants both hands in your hair, grabs at the sides of your head, and as you hollow out your cheeks, he bucks into your mouth. He does it again and again, listening to your crescendoing mewls of delight, forming a sticky mess of drool and cum that spills onto your chin.

“God, you’re so good,” Jungkook grunts. He’s a complete wreck, eyes screwing shut, blonde tresses spilling into his lashes. The muscles in his abdomen twitch with each sharp inhale of air he takes, so mesmerized by the shape of your pretty mouth around his dick, like you were made for him. “Such a good girl, huh?”

He fucks himself into your mouth roughly, frantically. Tears start to prick at your eyes from holding your breath, yet you keep yourself together just a little longer for him, lashes fluttering shut tightly.

“All mine too,” Jungkook hisses. “Wouldn’t let Yukhei do this to you, would you? Fuck, I’m━”

With your head left immobile stuck in his grasp, you hum in disapproval instead. You know he’s close when you start to hear him panting breathily. When he cums, it’s with a fractured whine and in short hot bursts onto your tongue and down your throat. You swallow as much as you can and, when he parts from you with a resonating lewd pop, you wipe away with your knuckles at the rest of his cum leaking out of the corner of your mouth and onto your chin. Dark hooded eyes meet with yours, a mischievous glint captivating them. You crawl over to him, straddling his hips once more, chasing his mouth with yours. Your own lips are so wet, coated in saliva and cum, bruised plump, but yet you’re smiling so innocently past the way he can taste himself on his tongue.

A dazed thought pops into your head that has you murmuring wistfully against him, “Say it again. I like hearing you call me baby.”

“Hmm? What about when I call you my good girl?” Jungkook nips at your lips. He grasps at your waist, flipping you over until you’re on your back beneath him. “You treat me so well, baby; you’re my only girl, you know that.”

A contented sigh sounds from you as you rut your hips in thinning desperation to meet his, so close to rubbing against his dick nestled against his thigh. He licks at his fingers hastily, reaching between the two of you to press against your clit, rubbing leisurely at the soft bundle of nerves. He’s learned how to navigate your body after months of supposed emotionless fucking, but now? Now, he felt as if his heart may just burst through his chest. Every reaction you make to his every touch ━ the needy plea to have him make you his, call you baby ━ makes him want to see more, and more.

“Am I?” You ask hoarsely. He grasps at his dick, guiding his tip to your core, so slick and wet, glistening with your own arousal. As he pushes himself in with a hiss, he watches as you contort beneath him. “Nnngh, Jungkook━”

“Fuuck,” he groans. He sinks into you, spreading your thighs further and further apart, until his hips make contact with yours. His mouth attacks yours with a feverish passion, the rumble of his moans and your whimpers muffling against one another. Then, he remembers to answer your awaiting question, barely audible between the way his tongue lavs at yours. “You are. I’m so fucking in love with you. But I don’t deserve you.”

Your hands tug impatiently at his hair. “Stop saying that.”

“But it’s true,” he hums. He’s quick to start rutting at your hips in a steady yet agonizing pace, dick burrowing into your pussy as your walls throb and shake. He can’t help but watch, mesmerized as always by the way his length slips past your folds and disappears into you. Again, and again, and again, so lewdly destroying your pretty cunt. “Just want Yukhei to touch you all over instead, don’t you?”

“No,” You croak.

You spread your thighs instinctively wider apart, allowing him to sink even further into you until it feels as if he’s hitting you so far in your stomach. Each roll of his hips is punctuated by the crude noise of skin against skin, sending you spiralling.

“Want him to do all sorts of dirty things to you, huh?”

“N-No. Fuck, Jungkook━ Harder, please━”

“That’s what you said,” Jungkook retorts. Still, he listens to your pleas, snapping his hips into yours roughly enough to send you jolting back on the bed. His hands start to roam your body, pinching at your hips, then grasping ferociously at one of your breasts. “Want him to fuck you in his car, right?” His palm feels like fire as it slides up past your collarbones to your throat. “Want him to choke you.”

His hand comes to wrap around the underside of your jaw on your throat, thumb and index finger pressing against the pressure points there. He squeezes, though with barely any force, just enough to feel your rapid pulse beneath his digits in a way that makes you so suddenly hyper aware of everything he’s doing to you. Cock stretching you wide, palm heavy around your throat, mouth folding over yours. So caught up in the overwhelming sensations you’re feeling, you can’t tell if he’s genuinely upset with himself, though you suspect part of him is. You can sense it in the way he clings to you a little tighter, can see it laced within his dazzling pupils.

Jungkook huffs, hair flopping into his eyes as he grits his teeth and ruts his hips faster into you if only to see more of your pretty little reactions. Your jaw unhinges at the feeling, head falling back onto the pillows. “He could probably treat you nicer too.”

You shake your head wildly, fingers digging into the skin on his shoulders. “Just want you, Koo.”

“Still?” he asks. His grip on your neck fastens a little more, pure euphoria riddling all your senses and making you writhe beneath him. “God, you’re such a dumb little slut, aren’t you?”

You nod in your groggy exhaustion, the familiar burn coiling in your stomach, making your toes curl.

Jungkook feels your own high approach. Your walls are clenched so tightly around him, he has to sputter for air. “Could he make you feel like this?”

“No, Koo,” You whine. “Only you.”

“Yeah?” Jungkook growls. “Good girl. Gonna cum around my dick like the good little slut you are?”

Your hips ricochet upwards to meet his, relentless pounding into your core. “Please, please━”

Jungkook quickens his pace until you’ve deteriorated into absolute shambles, whimpering his name after each thrust. You tumble towards your high, cuming around his length as he burrows it into you again and again, and all he can think is mine, mine, mine. As you unravel beneath him, he slides his hand off of your throat and slithers it underneath you and around your waist, hoisting you slightly enough off the bed so that he can reach his own orgasm. He’s a little more frantic now, sloppy and restless as he pummels into you.

“Shit, baby━” he cries out. “Oh, fuck, you’re so good━”

As you come down from your high enough, you somehow manage to murmur drowsily, “Cum in me, Koo. Wanna feel it.”

You grab at his face, pulling him down to catch his lips on yours, and the thought is so tempting he can’t refuse. He gets so lost in your lips, cuming with one final slam of his hips into yours and a chorus of curses mingling with your name in whimpers. He rides out both of your highs with a few half-hearted thrusts, more concerned with kissing you in useless open-mouthed kisses as your own mouth parts with one last weary moan while he fills you up.

When he’s spent, he collapses against your chest, and you collapse onto the bed. It’s quiet long enough for the both of you to calm the shrill beat of your hearts when you feel Jungkook stir, moving to part from you, pulling his dick from your swollen pussy and planting a lingering peck on your cheek. He disappears momentarily but returns a few seconds later, towel in hand which he uses to wipe at your core now leaking with his cum and your heart croons at all his tender touches.

It makes you realize all at once that, god, yes, you’re so in love with your idiot best friend and he’s so in love with you.

“Jungkook.”

He turns to look at you, an adoring smile dancing upon his lips when he sees your own radiant beaming face. You beckon him over and he relents, letting you pull him into your arms. He nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck as he wraps his own arms around you to tug you closer to his side. As your fingers come to rake through his sweaty hair, he cranes his neck to follow your hand and hear him coo against your neck, “That feels so good.”

A sudden thought crosses your mind that has you smirking smally to yourself. “Are we… Are we cuddling? Jungkook, I thought you didn’t like cuddling. Said it was, and I quote, sentimental bullshit.”

“I never liked it because it wasn’t with you. Didn’t wanna waste my time on someone that wasn’t you,” Jungkook hums, matter-of-fact. You can tell he’s a little embarrassed at the way you so casually taunt him about such an obvious fact, though he’s fortunate you can’t see him smiling like a complete fool. “And I wanna do all that sentimental bullshit with only you. Now, shush━” He scolds you playfully. “M’so tired and I just wanna hold you tight.”

“Can’t argue with that.” Your heart leaps in your chest. “Just promise me one thing?”

It’s only then that he lifts his sleepy gaze to find yours, apprehensive of any potentially looming severity in your words. “Anything.”

Instead, all he can find is the way you trace your finger along the details of his face, from his nose, to his cheekbones, down to the freckle under his lip with the hand that sports your friendship bracelet. “In the morning, when we wake up, you’ll still be here to hold me tight. And every other morning after that.”

His smile widens even more, if that was even possible. “Wouldn’t want it any other way. But━”

“But?”

“On one condition.”

“What’s that?”

His eyes sparkle cheekily. “Kiss me.”

So, you do, again and again and again; and Jungkook thinks, yeah, he certainly can get used to this.

It takes you a month to cave in to Jungkook’s incessant pleas to fuck you to his sex playlist. You do it mostly to humour him, though part of you is a little bit intrigued at the thought.

Stowed away in his room, he eats you out to the choruses of sultry The Weeknd and raunchy Ariana Grande songs, fucks you to the likes of the Neighbourhood and Kim Petras while you’re on all fours, and you’re only half-paying attention to the music until you hear it. Admittedly, you almost completely miss it but you blame Jungkook and the way he’s making you currently feel, sprawled out beneath him, chests pressed flush against one another in a sweaty, sticky mess, breathy and glorious moans of your name filling your ears when━

“I had no choice but to hear you. You stated your case time and again━”

The dulcet chime of Alanis Morissette thrums about the room, a complete and utter shift in contrast in the atmosphere that has you immediately pausing.

“Jungkook.” But he knows what you set out to say even before you do, judging by the tone in your voice and the stifling smirk on his face. You gawk at him, biting at your lip to hide your laughter but you fail miserably. “You weren’t joking?”

He shrugs innocently, leaving you just as dumbfounded as you were two seconds ago. Instead, he says, “Gotta do what I promised then, don’t I?”

You quirk a brow. “What was that exactly?”

“Gotta give you the best orgasm of your life.”

“If you can do that to cheesy 90s pop, I’ll have your actual babies, Jungkook.” The effort is endearing and impressive, to say the least.

A roll of your eyes is met with a taunting roll of his hips into yours that wipes the jest off your face immediately. He grins like a madman, uttering a little stupidly, and a little ardently, “Say no more.”

Because, all things considered and joking aside, he wants it with you ━ the dazed daydreamy talk of a future together and kids, friendship bracelets, and cuddles in the morning. Because you mean the world to him and more. Because you’re his best friend, and he’s so madly in love with you.

Because he wants it all with you.

⟶ All rights reserved to © jungkxook. I do not allow reposting, translating, or any sort of modifying and reuploading of my work.

⟶ Feedback is always appreciated!

[martelldoran]

WHAT'S THE CAUSALITY LOOP THEORY

Why Emma, thank you so much for asking. I’m not going to waste time before jumping into this because this is gonna get long so without further ado...

Steve Rogers’ Ending and How Endgame Doesn’t Support a Causality Loop and other such rambles

Last month, I came across a TikTok that proposed that Steve’s ending made sense because it existed within a causality loop. I would link the TikTok but I didn’t save it at the time and trying to find videos on that app is impossible. You think Tumblr’s search function is bad? 🙄 But I digress. The TL;DR of the video is that due to time travel and Steve choosing to go back in time to be Peggy’s husband, it created a causality loop where he was always meant to be her husband because he went back in time and stayed there. The TikToker supported his argument by using Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (PoA), another film that uses time travel and has a clearly defined example of a causality loop. However, his argument is fundamentally flawed so I’m going to combine my knowledge of my two biggest fandoms to tell you why.

Continued under the cut because I have no chill. Beware, it's long.

To first tell you how Endgame (EG) doesn’t support a causality loop, we must establish how PoA does establish one and does it successfully. The TikToker specifically mentions the scenes that take place at Hagrid’s Hut surrounding Buckbeak the hippogriff’s execution, so we’ll look at those first. What the film does really well is establish early on that there is something weird going on well before anyone actually goes back in time. There are three things that happen in quick succession during this scene which sets up the causality loop we see later in the film. First, a rock flies through the window and breaks a jar. Second, another rock hits Harry in the back of the head. Third, once outside, Hermione hears a branch snap and thinks she sees ‘something’. There are also two additional moments later on in the film once the Harry, Ron, and Hermione have come out of the Shrieking Shack which should also be noted: a wolf howl that distracts Remus Lupin in werewolf form from attacking the group and somebody casting a full-bodied stag patronus at the edge of the lake to save Harry and Sirius from the Dementors.

Of these occurrences, the first is arguably the most important because it does the most to establish that there is something going on outside of the Trio’s current understanding of their situation. The film makes a point to frame the jar breaking as Important Information the Audience Must Remember because it shows a visibly confused Hermione reacting to it as she picks up the rock for closer inspection and we the audience are given close up of it in her hand. Not only is it framed front and centre in the shot but the rock itself is very distinctive. It’s almost wholly smooth but for a swirl of fossil, thus marking it as not just any rock but An Important Rock To Be Remembered. This was an intentional choice by director Alfonso Curon because he uses this rock to connect this moment to its mirrored scene later on once Harry and Hermione use the Time Turner.

The audience and the characters find out about the causality loop at the same time. There are clearly stated rules of time travel that say that they aren’t to meddle with time but when Harry and Hermione see that Dumbledore, the Minister for Magic, and the executioner are on their way to Hagrid’s hut they panic because their counterparts aren’t leaving. Then, we see Hermione notice something in the pumpkin patch: a distinctive rock, smooth with a swirl of fossil. Again, we see have a close up shot with the rock centred to show its importance. Stylistically, it’s very similar to the shot we saw earlier in the film which gives the audience an emotional pay off for noticing the connection. When Hermione throws the rock and breaks the jar, it sets the causality loop in motion. The jar was always going to break because they went back in time to throw the rock that breaks it.

And it’s the same with all the other instances. Hermione throws the second rock that hits Harry in the back of the head to alert him to the fact they need to get out of the hut. Hermione snaps the branch and is almost seen by her counterpart in the past. Hermione makes the wolf call to distract Lupin from attacking. Harry, and not his father as he had assumed, casts the patronus to save himself and Sirius from the Dementors. But each of these moments are set up clearly in the ‘first run through’ to set up their payoff when the characters realise, ‘Oh, I did these things. They were always meant to happen.’ From a narrative standpoint, these are planned out moments to clue the audience into the fact that there’s something bigger at play. It keeps them ‘in the loop’ as it were.

This doesn’t happen in EG.

To successfully have set up a causality loop that made sense and had the same kind of set up and pay off as we see in PoA, it would have had to have been established as early as 2014 in Captain America: The Winter Soldier (CA:TWS). This does not happen. One of the main themes of CA:TWS is moving on from the past. Peggy Carter herself even says, “I’ve lived my life, my only regret is that you didn’t get to live yours.” Then saying soon after, “Sometimes the best thing we can do is to start over.” Peggy’s character in Captain America: The First Avenger is set up as someone who acts as the backup/back bone of Steve’s own moral compass. When Steve falters at Azzano about what to about the captured 107th, Peggy is there to remind him of what is right. She serves a similar narrative function in CA:TWS. Steve is struggling with life in the present. He’s just seen the helecarriers and argued with Nick Fury about protection vs fear after the botched Lumerian Star mission. Morally, he’s in turmoil and has turned to Peggy for council because he’s trying to find purpose in world where his rigid morality seems to have no place.

From the point of view of creating a causality loop, one would think that this scene in the hospital would be the place where an initial set-up could be made and alert the audience to the long term plan for Steve’s character. Instead, we have Peggy mourning the fact that Steve didn’t get to live his life the way it should have played out, and why would a woman who has supposedly been married to another version of Steve tell him to move on? In addition, when Steve visits the Smithsonian, he watches a video where he sees Peggy talking about how he influenced her life and how during one of his missions, he saved the man that would go on to become her husband. This is the only mention of Peggy’s husband in the entire franchise until Steve reappears as an old man at the end of EG.

Captain America: Civil War (CA:CW) also offers an opportunity to set up the causality loop at Peggy’s funeral but again, this does not happen. The only family we are introduced to is Sharon Carter, Peggy’s grand-niece. When it comes to filmmaking, every choice made is intentional. From the hair and makeup to the clothes, to the music used, everything in a film means something whether it is to further character development, world-building, or the plot. Filmmakers have a limited amount of time to convey a story and anything that doesn’t matter isn’t shown. Therefore, we can conclude from the text of the film that Peggy’s husband doesn’t matter to the narrative. The person in Peggy’s family who matters to the narrative is Sharon Carter which is why she is given prominence during CA:CW’s funeral scene. Had the causality loop been set up here, there would have been a defining moment like in PoA where the audience is clued into the larger story arc. Maybe someone says something, or he meets his older self, but that doesn’t happen. It should also be noted that apart from a small scene in Ant Man, Peggy isn’t mentioned again until EG.

In Endgame itself, the film still fails to set up a causality loop. It could be argued that this is the most important film for the set-up because this is when the audience gets the payoff. The first thing we see after the 5-yer time jump is Steve in a group therapy session for those that survived Thanos’ snap. Survivors share their stories and Steve talks about Peggy, a woman who has been dead in canon for 7-years and who died of old age. It’s incongruous and sticks out because narratively it doesn’t make sense for him to talk about her and not someone he watched disintegrate in front of his eyes. Steve watches his best friend and hundreds of others turn to ash around him and that film ends on his horrified face as he sits by his best friend’s ashes. Narratively, this is the thread that should carry through to EG but instead, he talks about missing his chance with Peggy. However, unlike PoA, there is no indication whether through dialogue or framing that clues the audience into Steve’s eventual ending at the end of the film.

Even when he goes back to the 70s, we see him looking mournfully at Peggy through the blinds in her office and a picture of him, pre-serum, on her desk. Steve and Peggy’s relationship prior to Endgame is supposed to represent the bittersweet loss of the life he could have had had he not sacrificed himself to the cause in CA:TFA. Then, since the audience knows from Steve and Peggy’s conversation in the hospital in CA:TWS that she moved on from Steve to live a happy life, we can assume that this picture is meant as nothing more than a fond memento of someone that meant a lot to her. Once more, there is no indication that Steve is ever meant to be her husband.

It’s impossible to infer a causality loop here in the same way as we saw in PoA. In PoA, there is a payoff for every single unusual or weird moment the story presents the audience before and after the use of time travel but this is something that’s completely absent from Endgame’s narrative. Steve himself doesn’t even vocalise a desire to go back in time at any point in EG nor at any point during the other films he appears in. In fact, when questioned by Tony Stark about the possibility of ‘going home’ in Avengers: Age of Ulton, he says, “The guy who wanted all that went in the ice 75 years ago. I think someone else came out.” While it is indicative of his unhappiness in the modern-day, it does indicate a level of acceptance of the fact that this is his life and he has to make his peace with it. He’s taken what Peggy said in CA:TWS on board. He’s starting over and moving on.

With time travel, and Steve choosing to stay in the past came the fan theory that one of the pallbearers carrying Peggy’s casket in CA:CW is Old Man Steve, her husband. When presented with this fan theory, writer Christopher Markus said during an interview with the LA Times at SDCC 2019,

“I would very much like that. There is no set explanation for Cap’s time travel . . .I mean, we’ve had public disagreements with [directors Anthony and Joe Russo] about what it [time travel] necessarily means, but I love the idea of there being two Steve Rogers in the timeline. One who lived a long life with Peggy and is in the background of that funeral scene watching his young self carry his wife’s coffin up. Not just for the time travel mumbo jumbo of it, but for the just weird, personal pain and satisfaction that would be happening between two Steve Rogers there. I kind of love it.” [emphasis mine]

This shows that unlike in PoA there was no intention of creating a causality loop prior to Markus writing EG with his writing partner Stephen McFeely. In fact, it makes clear that the actual rules of time travel were in contention and that even those making the film didn’t have a unified idea of what they wanted to create in the first place. The fact that there is confusion surrounding EG's time travel is due to the fact that the people behind it, didn't seem to know what they were writing or consider the consequences of it.

What all of this shows is that an argument of a PoA style causality loop doesn’t hold water. The film doesn’t support it, nor do any of the previous films, because there aren’t any indicators for the audience to latch onto. There is no moment of the rock breaking the jar, or the patronus chasing away the dementors, no moment where that the audience is told to hold into this information for later because there’s some timey wimey stuff going on. Ultimately, when examined, there is no set-up for a causality loop that supports the theory he was always supposed to go back and be Peggy’s husband, particularly when examined against a film that successfully lays it out from the start.

Right, the more academic (lol) part of this post is done. I just want to address one more TikTok that bothered me because I have opinions and MCU Captain America is my Mastermind specialist subject.

The TL;DR of this one was that Steve’s ending made sense because he got out of the fight and was at peace and that that has been the ultimate goal of his character arc. This person argued that Steve used the Avengers to distract himself from the fact that he’s this man out of time and he can’t find peace without a fight which to some extent, I agree with. I don’t deny that that is a major driving force to his story. We see that in Age of Ultron with his WandaNightmare. I don’t deny that that is key to his character. However, this creator then made a comment at the end of this video to the tune of, ‘bUt BuCkY iS hIs StOrY aRc’ and tried to play it off like this wasn’t true or that people were wrong to think that this is the case.

These two things aren’t mutually exclusive. They’re both true. They’re intertwined. But you cannot say that Bucky Barnes isn’t at the heart of Steve Rogers’ story. Bucky was the catalyst for every single one of Steve’s movies. He becomes CA because of Bucky. He goes against SHIELD because of Bucky. He defies 107 countries and the Sokovia Accords because of Bucky. You take Bucky out of the equation and what do you have? What happens in those films if you take Bucky Barnes out of the equation? Viewing it objectively, and even without shipper goggles on, you simply cannot sit there and claim that Bucky Barnes isn't a defining component to Steve’s story. Steve Rogers is motivated by Bucky Barnes. Steve Rogers is motivated by the depth of their relationship and the fact that Bucky Barnes is one of the few things connecting his new present to his old life.

You can definitely see the fact that Steve is uncomfortable in the modern world. He doesn’t address any of his trauma but he still attempts to move on. However, if they wanted him getting out of the fight and finding life as a civilian to be the natural end to his story arc then there was a way to do it which didn’t require him going back to Peggy. It would have been a better and more satisfying ending if he’d actively chosen to retire because I often see the argument that him going back to Peggy is him finally allowing him to be selfish after shouldering so much over the past decade or more. If Steve chose to retire and put himself first, then that sends a better message. He’s still getting the chance to ‘be selfish’ but he’s not throwing the life he’s built away. At this point in EG, he’s spent a huge portion of his adult life in the modern-day. This isn’t the future for him anymore, it’s the present and he’s lived a life and made real connections with people. The MCU does a piss poor job of showing the interpersonal relationships between the Avengers but he is at least shown to be friends with Sam, Nat, and Bucky.

But he goes back to a delusion. Or an idea of something that was never his in the first place.

When I see people make these videos and share their opinions, I can see their points but it’s like they’re taking EG on its own when that's impossible. Endgame only ‘works’ if you have the context of 10 years’ worth of films. You have to at least be somewhat familiar with the characters, who they are and what they’ve done up until now to be able to make sense of it.

However, in saying that, they wrote and filmed the movie in a way to make you think you didn’t have to take into account anything you’ve seen in the past ten years. If you only watch Endgame, you only see a grieving man mourning the love he never had. You see a man, regretful that he didn’t get to be with woman he loved. So at the end, of course it would make sense that he goes back to her. But you can only do that if you completely divorce Endgame from its ten-year canon and in a franchise like this where they make a big deal about everything being interconnected, it simply doesn’t work. Steve’s story arc in Endgame is incongruous to the narrative arc we’ve been presented in previous films.

Ultimately, Endgame is a movie you’re supposed to watch once and then not think about again. It’s made for that first viewing when everything is shocking and exciting because if you stop to think about it even a little bit, it falls apart under scrutiny.

Finally, I think that the downfall of a lot of these ‘Steve’s ending makes sense’ posts is that made by people who are most certainly MCU fans but not Steve Rogers fans and it shows.