#once again literally me i fear
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I think now is the perfect time to drop my Thanos hcs, with the obvious warning that everything involved with his character will be mentioned.
—- Gender non conformist to a fault. Unnaturally dyed hair, painted nails, etc. Not to the point of wearing feminine clothing, but I wouldn’t but it past him if he were to use ‘they’ pronouns while speaking about his identity.
—- Learned English through interacting with people on Soundcloud. He prides himself on the fact that it didn’t take him long to learn the language, even with each potential hate comment he received.
—- Self—harms. Though it’s not necessarily visible in the short clip we see in the beginning of Squid Game 2 during the recruitment scene, I imagine he must have either cut himself somewhere convenient so as not to attract any unwanted attention from people.
—- Bisexual, with no preference for either gender. If he sees someone or something he likes, he’ll go for it, and it isn’t a big deal for him. This is implied heavily within the legitimate series but I see a lot of people assuming he cares for women more when I personally think he doesn’t give a fuck.
—- On that same note, he finds Min—su adorable. Constantly touching him, calling him his boy. If the opportunity were to arise he would have definitely taken the chance; dare I say he was on the path of doing so before he got caught slipping by the op </3.
—- Uses touch as his primary love language. Whether it be a pat on the shoulder or a full on embrace, he loves to touch those he cares about. This is also somewhat canon in regards to the series but I think it’s adorable and can’t stop thinking about it.
—- Only buys fruity vape flavors. As a nicotine fiend and vape enthusiast myself I can proudly say that he would be a huge fan of any sort of blue raspberry flavored vape. Absolutely addicted. Chiefing it nonstop.
—- Plagued with anxiety and depression/suicidal ideation to the point in which he uses drugs to combat it. Also canon to the series, but not a lot of people are willing to admit that he has legitimate issues of which he attempts to combat with being under the influence. After gaining some popularity within the rap scene, he would have gone down a slippery slope.
—- Introverted, despite what his intoxicated behavior may say about him. He gives off the impression of someone who hides behind the confidence and energy of whatever substance he’s currently in use of.
—- MAMA’S BOY. Wants to make his mother proud of him somehow and experiences immense guilt for not living up to her expectations of him, especially with the debt he had acquired.
—- Dropped out of school to commit to rapping as a full time profession. Regretted it immensely, despite his outwardly cocky behavior towards his career.
—- Absolutely despises himself, thus his tendency to use drugs as a distraction. Hates himself for not being able to do anything other than spiral into addiction.
#squid game#thanos squid game#choi su bong#i love him so much hes literally me#i always post while high so please forgive any mistakes#i understand him so well#once again literally me i fear
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standing in front of a firing squad would have been easier than reading this script i need to be shot
#this is hands down the most insane script ive read i was sitting slack jawed half the time#not because its Outrageous but because. oh my fucking God#frank sure does have too much influence over *gestures broadly* This.#to see their dysfunction presented like this. is. so.#like. of course the reason they cant be nice to each other is because they all expect some kind of Trick. we see this again in s12#they've set a precedent where everyone is unable to be vulnerable out of fear that someone else is going to take advantage of them#its about knowing to Never let their guard down. because they can't afford to be stupid enough to think someone was being nice#its literally about them not trusting each other. they know each other. care about each other. but they're all still at war with each other#anything could be a trojan horse#and even when they try to do something thoughtful it's ruined bc their motives are being questioned and that provokes a defense#''of course i wasn't being Nice that's stupid why would i ever do that for you'' because otherwise theyre leaving themselves open to attack#i think this episode works purely because theyre All trying to change this at once and since theyre all aware of that fact#its like oh okay youre not fucking with me because we've established we're all trying not to be cynical#i cannot even begin to dig into the pure autism of this entire. not even just the episode premise. the whole basis of the gang's dynamic.#like yeah of course a group of weird neurodivergent people is hypersensitive to this#its the same thing as mac and dennis in suburbs questioning wally's intentions/demeanor welcoming them to the neighbourhood#literally in defense mode all the time because they expect the worst from people and they haven't had any reason to think otherwise#marder and rosell get it but thats not exactly new and surprising <3#but wow this script adds so much. at least for me.#iasip#it's always sunny in philadelphia#ada speaks#character meta#for good measure
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what’s that one figure of erik tying charles up called?? i cant find it anyone and i feel like you’d know lol
if you mean This statue
then it's by Graven Labs! 'Magneto Triumphant' to be specific
#snap chats#so funny i got this ask right now i was literally just thinking of this statue and if i wanted to buy it JLKGAEJGALKJ#i keep eyeing like two listings for this thing because i dont know how badly i want it yet like i WANT IT but for THAT much...#its either this statue or the jim lee one ...... i fear those two have a hold on my wallet#i need ONE in my coffin with me once i die yk what i mean#giving myself until the end of march to figure it out by then i should have enough for like ONE. i want at least ONE in my lifetime#so long as my life doesnt do things again . computer dont go breaking on me JERLJAJ#trying to get my graduation gift early is the excuse im going with 😩 but i prob wont even get either i know myself too well...#ill feel too bad about it so ill simply just stare at them on my computer like 👁️👁️
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I’ve mentioned this elsewhere but it feels relevant again in light of the most recent episode. Something that’s really fascinating to me about Orym’s grief in comparison to the rest of the hells’ grief is that his is the youngest/most fresh and because of that tends to be the most volatile when it is triggered (aside from FCG, who was two and obviously The Most volatile when triggered.)
As in: prior to the attack on Zephrah, Orym was leading a normal, happy, casual life! with family who loved him and still do! Grief was something that was inflicted upon him via Ludinus’ machinations, whereas with characters like Imogen or Ashton, grief has been the background tapestry of their entire lives. And I think that shows in how the rest of them are largely able to, if not see past completely (Imogen/Laudna/Chetney) then at least temper/direct their vitriol or grief (Ashton/Fearne/Chetney again) to where it is most effective. (There is a glaring reason, for example, that Imogen scolded Orym for the way he reacted to Liliana and not Ashton. Because Ashton’s anger was directed in a way that was ultimately protective of Imogen—most effective—and Orym’s was founded solely in his personal grief.)
He wants Imogen to have her mom and he wants Lilliana to be salvageable for Imogen because he loves Imogen. But his love for the people in his present actively and consistently tend to conflict with the love he has for the people in his past. They are in a constant battle and Orym—he cannot fathom losing either of them.
(Or, to that point, recognize that allowing empathy to take root in him for the enemy isn't losing one of them.)
It is deeply poignant, then, that Orym’s grief is symbolized by both a sword and shield. It is something he wields as a blade when he feels his philosophy being threatened by certain conversational threads (as he believes it is one of the only things he has left of Will and Derrig, and is therefore desperately clinging onto with both bloody hands even if it makes him, occasionally, a hypocrite), but also something he can use in defense of the people he presently loves—if that provocative, blade-grief side of him does not push them—or himself—away first.
(it won’t—he is as loved by the hells as he loves them. he just needs to—as laudna so beautifully said—say and hear it more often.)
#critical role#cr spoilers#bells hells#orym of the air ashari#cr meta#imogen temult#ashton greymoore#liliana temult#this is genuinely completely written in good faith as someone who loves orym#but is also about orym and so will inevitably end up being completely misconstrued and made into discourse. alas#I could talk about how Orym’s unwillingness to allow the hells to actually finish/come to a solid conclusion on Philosophy Talk#is directly connected to one of the largest criticisms of c3 (that they are constantly having these conversations)#all day. alas. engaging with orym’s flaws tends to make people upset#it is ESP prevelant when he walks off after exclaiming ‘they (vangaurd) are NOT right’#which was not only never said but wasn’t even what they were talking about#he even admits as much to imogen like ten minutes later! that he is incapable of viewing it objectively#which is 100% justifiable and understandable but simultaneously does not make his grief alone the most important perspective in the world#also bc i fear ppl will play semantics on my tags yes the line ‘i hope she’s right’ was said but it was from ASHTON#who does not believe they are at all and wasn’t saying they actively WERE right. orym just heard something to latch onto and ran with it#ultimately there is a reason orym only admitted that he was struggling when he had stepped away to talk to dorian#who has not been around and thusly has not changed once n orym's eyes#and it isn't that the hells never check in or care. they do. they have several times over#it is dishonest to say they haven't#the actual reason is that all of this is something He Is Aware Of. he doesn't mention it bc he KNOWS it's hypocritical and selfish#he says as much!#EXHALES. @ MY OWN BRAIN CAN WE THINK ABT MOG AGAIN. FYRA RAI EVEN. FOR ME.#posting this literally at 8 in the morning so I can get my thoughts out of my brain but also attempt to immediately make this post invisibl
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God I genuinely don’t get why people hate Nightheart so much. Every reason they have is they’re actually just angry at the authors not at Nightheart lol. Like you’re allowed to hate whatever character u want but I just saw a comment saying the fandom should scalp every Nightheart fan alive and it’s like woah okay. Jesus he’s just a cat dude
#I hate warriors fans#nightheart#warriors#warrior cats#wc#waca#“he’s so spoiled and is a bitch for no reason!#correction! you’re just angry that the Erins changed the characterization for sparkpelt#sparkpelt Squirrelflight and finchlight deserved better yes but what they deserved was for the erins to write them better#because the way they’re written they Genuinely do treat Nightheart badly I NEED the fandom to understand this#nightheart: I feel like there are unreasonable comparisons being made between Firestar and I and I wish you would stop.#every cat in ThunderClan: this is the most outrageous and unreasonable any cat has ever been ever let’s continue to ignore his wishes#idk the series of me defending literally every character in warriors continues#I fear you must understand the different between author intent + good faith reading and audience perception + paranoid reading#bc why are you reading warriors if you’re bothered by the authors problematic tendencies and you’re not have a good time#why are you on tumblr dot com threatening to torture fans of a fictional cat you don’t like#you exhaust me#I understand that you are disappointed your female faves once again have been thrown under the bus for a male character I know I know#I Get It#but I fear if you want to enjoy warriors you Have to understand that this is the way the erins work and it’s terrible but#…idk what did you expect I guess?#if it bothers you that much maybe warriors isn’t the fandom for you? like im genuinely saying this#it’s Good to care this much. it’s Not Good to surround yourself with media that actively makes you this Angry and hateful#I’m sure there will be some morons whose takeaway from this is that I hate women#or have high unreasonable expectations for women while I actively clear the way for male characters#so let me be So fucking crystal clear#👏 I UNDERSTAND THAT THESE GIRLS WERE SHAFTED FOR NIGHTHEARTS DEVELOPMENT 👏#👏 I UNDERSTAND THIS IS A BAD THING 👏#👏 IT IS THE UNFORTUNATE REALITY OF WARRIORS#👏 YOU THREATENING TO KILL FANS OF THIS CHARACTER ISNT FEMINISM 👏
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Hmm. Unprecedented problem. In cat's attempts to escape bath, her freshly trimmed dull claws still managed to leave marks on my wrist that look juuuust suspicious enough that I am worried my lab prof is going to have Questions and Concerns tomorrow if he Sees Them.
#too hot both outside and in that lab to wear long sleeves .#Hrrmrmmnnmm. Welp.#Better hope those fade enough by tomorrow . I Guess#or else I'm gonna have to be like No Trust Me Please It's Not. It's Not. You just Gotta Believe Me#<- girl who knows from far too much experience how common the 'its just cat scratches' excuse is#but it IS. It IS just cat scratches you have to TRUST ME. SIR. DO NOT REPORT ME. TO THE CARE CENTER#i've already been reported once during my freshman year (for no discernable reason?? i literally still have no idea why someone did that)#if it happens AGAIN . Ahhmmmmm. I Fear The Result#clicks tongue. weeeeeeeeelllllpppppp#clamtalk#ask to tag#<- because I'm not. Like. Actually doing the thing. But if this is still veering too far into mentions of it let me know
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yesterday’s conclusion was that i am a psychic, today’s conclusion is that it’s more than just that
#guy i‘m not lying when i say my intuition about people is INSANE#like ask me once about it and i can tell you each time i had an iffy feeling about someone it turned out right#<- as in that they‘re a bit problematic or that some drama would happen between them and me or them and others#like it‘s literally crazy#and lately i feel like i‘m summoning jeans guy LMFAO#like i was thinking of him for a second as i was walking home the thought of running into him crossed my mind briefly#and then i saw a red motorcycle and was like „..nahhh this surely isn’t him“#well turns out ! it was him !#he then also apologized again for canceling yesterday (idk if i shared this with the class but i probably did)#and yeah so it feels like i kinda summoned him LOL#last time i ran into him coincidentally was literally the same (me thinking of him - him appearing out of thin air)#and this happened like 3 or 4 times#AM I GOD??? /j#rin says it’s fate and this only feeds my delusions even more#don’t get me wrong i‘m still very careful around him especially because of the whole fuckboy thing — but chloe commented once#that i can change him HAHAH SO WHAT IF I CAN/ACTIVELY AM??? (rocking back and forth in a padded cell)#anyway so i do still like him i fear but i‘m careful and have little to no expectations and i keep in mind that he‘s a MAN#that’s it of todays tedtalk❤️#the voices are speaking#also just a small add-on: jeans guy and i don’t live in the same town so running into him coincidentally is kinda a big thing for me
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I knew my old place of work treated us like dogshit. I knew England treated minimum wage workers like they're less than human.
But nothing has driven that fact home more than telling my new coworkers about what Tesco was like and having them look at me in absolute horror.
#'oh yeah I made about £800 a month working 40 hour weeks'#*eyebrows raise in horror*#'Yeah our store had 200 employees on the clock daily.'#*Visible fear* '.... we've got.... 2...'#'that was day AND night though. so not all at once'#*blinking* 'It was open 24/7????'#'Sure fucking was!!!'#my manager handing me a pallet jack and going 'I assume you know how to use this'#and I had to tell her i literally wasn't allowed to touch them because 'safety' and i wasn't 'specially trained'#'I have never been on checkouts though so you'll have to explain like i'm 5'#'how have you never been on checkouts???'#'oh I was only ever on dairy'#'YOU WERE ONLY EVER ON DAIRY??? HOW FUCKING BIG WAS THIS STORE?'#Her going 'I'm sorry it was kinda busy on your first shift'#and me thinking back to the maybe 50 customers i had#buddy i have seen HELL and I came back in tatters#I did this shit of hardcore mode for 4 years#this is fun to me compared to fucking TESCO#i miss England in a lot of ways#but man do I not miss the way they treat their people one fucking bit#5 years on and i'm still getting used to being treated like a human being again#that shit has stuck with me#i've been at new job for 3 weeks and still every day before i start i have a tight ball of anxiety in my chest#until i walk in and my body remembers i'm not going back to Tesco#we don't need the stress response anymore#we can relax now#wild
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Spike from Cowboy Bebop gives big the grapes dream scenes in Of love and other demons vibes
#He's so dying right?#That church/cathedral episode#so ominous#Again with the flashbacks#The eye made me think he might perhaps be partially blind?#It looked so dull in that one reflection-of-his-past moment as if he were already dead even before hitting the floor#And then there was that weird scene at the beginning of the following episode with the eye#He's so flashy and so careless and flippant that sometimes it does look like he's already died#metaphorically or literally#What is there to fear if you've already died? How freeing it must be in a way#There was that one kid that was actually an old man episode and the guy felt relieved about dying#(sort of Phantom of Canterville-like in a way)#And idk#It made me think of Spike for some reason. Because of the way the scene was constructed I suppose#The past seems to be catching up to him now#And I think of my first comments#after the fortune teller saying he'd meet a woman and die and Spike responding something along the likes of 'been there done that'#A continuation of a death. The continuation of the first death. A reiteration of the first death#Dying again like once before and thus dying twice but just once#Because present and past converge and both deaths are actually one and the same (it just finished now)#like a corridor of opposing mirrors ending in a circle#Or perhaps I'm still just thinking of Gojo#I talk too much
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does anyone remember "some nights" by fun.
(edit by @stabyou)
#i think i forgot to take my meds this morning and then i got 3 hours of sleep followed by 9 hours of work and the my period started </3#i fear i may have :3'd too close to the sun#a post#but literally what do i stand for. what do i stand for most nights..... i don't know......... anymoooorreeeee oh woah oh oh woah oh ohoh et#physically cannot stop listening to this song by putting my phone speaker right against my ear despite the fact that i once again have work#in the morning -_- but! at least tomorrow i can wake up at 5:15 instead of 4:15. so that's something#i guess.#it's only 4 hours but pray for me folks i also have 6 hours straight of rehearsals tomorrow a bit afterwards and. so much fucking reading.#tee hee#honey i am smooching your brain forever this image ingrained itself into my dna it's in every one of my cells <3
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I have a truly horrifying amount of Voyager gifsets in my drafts and yet I just keep. making. more. with no end in sight.
#the janeway/chakotay brainworms are back worse than ever i fear#('when will it end?' i ask myself. girl you literally control how long you spend in photoshop. these are choices you're making)#sorry to everyone who's followed me lately because of my lotr sets lol. that is/will always be my favorite story in the world#but i am once again fixating on the dumb space show
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Genuinely what I do for fun now is open up my credit card apps and then a browser with a credit card repayment calculator, then input numbers until I run out of wiggle room in my budget
#if I used my savings I could technically pay off my credit card w the lowest balance now#but my fear is that if I do that I'll start using the card when I'm in a pinch again#and I'll end up racking up more debt#since I'm so focused on paying it off rn I literally will not even think about using it#but if I paid it off I would have slightly more money to put towards the next credit card payment#and then in September my Self loan will mature and they'll send me my $500#so I could put all of that towards my credit cards too. or maybe make an extra car payment#or maybe just put it in my savings account.#idk. it'd probably be smart to put it towards the credit cards. at least half of it.#but literally this is all I think about when I have free time#if I'm just sitting around I'll be like. hm. I wonder if there's more money I can scrap together#let's open up the calculator app#once they're paid off tho..... omg. that's an extra $200 a month I'd have#things would be just a little easier
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this fic has turned kind of angsty tbh im so sorry everyone
#my stupid brain: what if added outing by the media to the background of this fluffy family fic? because im insane#only me i stg#(the eras tour part is FUN i promise you it's about reclaiming joy in public after the media outs them moreso than the outing itself)#(the outing happens pre fic they've been living with the aftermath for a little while)#also roys just very hard on himself and has had a very hard time of it in general i fear#anyway#fic: rjk eras tour#ted lasso#royjamiekeeley#my writing#it's also literally going to be 12k long im sorry i once again don't know how i got here.
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In the town I'm hopefully moving to I was worried there wouldn't be a coffee shop (I have a crippling caffeine addiction) but there IS and it's INSIDE THE BOOKSHOP!!!!!!! This is going to be wonderful
#its technically a village tbh but i feel silly saying 'the village im moving to'#but its def not a city so i go with town#but anyway. the tiny village im moving to doesnt have much#but its such a cute little place#ill be living in the farmlands about 15 minutes outside of the actual town#but in the actual town theres the aforementioned bookshop+cafe whoch im so excited to visit#as well as a community garden. forest preserve. library. an organization that hosts drag brunches which was very surprising to me#considering its literally a village#but there are harris/walz signs around and rainbow flags in the bookshop windows and drag brunches so it seems great#and theres a culvers. and a Qdoba 50 minutes away. and within comfortable driving distance of several more major cities#what else do you need tbh#im breathing much easier knowing that ill be getting out#my mom showed me the 'depression spiral' once which are the three things that make the deoression keep going#and i only remember one which is environment#my environment has been making the depression spiral like a fucking whirlpool#but im about to get out. to a better environment. and i started therapy again. and im back on my mood stabilizers#things are looking up#i hesitate to say that bcuz i fear the universe will hear and strike me down#but maybe the ball is rolling uphill (starstruck odyssey my beloved)#im going to romanticize the fuck out of village life and you can count on that#wake up in the farmhouse. put on a cute sweater. go to the bookshop+cafe. then the library#make eye contact with a cute girl across the library or bookstore cafe. notice shes reading one of my fav books. she smiles#i walk ivef and introduce myself. we hit it off. spend all day talking. exchange numbers#cue a montage of cute dates. at ny fav tourist attraction. at her fav nature preserve#buying a christmas tree at the hallmark style christmas tree farm#we kiss under a gentle snow#anywho#i didnt anticipate writing that i was just possessed by the desire for a hallmark romance in the village#i tried to google the depression spiral but i cant find the graphic. its not relevant anymore it just bothers me that i cant remember#but im about to break the spiral! im gonna break it and im gonna be okay!!
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i have a confession everyone. i am actually scared of caterpillars
#this came out of absolute nowhere but i just saw a video of caterpillars and got jump scared#i’m shaking in my boots#🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛#AHHHH#THEY’RE SO….#BIG AND ROUND AND HAVE GUTS THAT GO EVERYWHERE IF THEY’RE ACCIDENTALLY STEPPED ON OR EATEN BY A REPTILE#AND THEY’RE WIGGLE AROUND AND WRINKLY AND HAVE SO MANY LEGS#AND THEY HAVE WEIRD TEXTURESSS#AND THEIR EYEBALLS WIGGLE#OR SKMETHING#I SAW A SPECIFIC CATERPILLAR ONCE AS A KID AND IT FUCKING SCARRED ME#just looked up brown caterpillar with eyes and got jumpscared again oh shit oh fuck it’s so fucking gross and scary#anyway it’s called eastern tiger swallowtail caterpillars#specifically the brown ones because that’s the one i saw as a kid#and they do this weird defense mechanism by trying to mimic snakes by sticking out a disgusting orange thing from their face and wiggling#their head back and forth and it’s fucking scary it genuinely scares the shit out of me#so i guess their defense works LOLL#BUT EWWW SORRY FOR BEING HATEFUL TOWARDS CATERPILLARS BUT THEY ARE THE ONE (1) INSECT I CANNOT BE ANYWHERE NEAR#I LIKE SPIDERS! I LOVE TARANCHULAS AND OTHER BUGS#but caterpillars… it sounds like a shitpost but i’m being serious. i literally have no other fears besides needles and caterpillars#just had to get this out there
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Sigh i hate being on yt
#vent#I said i was gonna make a 4k sub special. But quite frankly i get get myself to work on it#Im not fixated on sprunki as much. I still like it but my motivation is gone#My adhd has been rlly bad recently and im bouncing around like crazy#I never expected to get 4 thousand ppl to follow me. That's so many ppl#I missed when ppl didn't expect so much from me. I missed when ppl were ok with me only making an animation like. Once every 3 weeks at most#Missed when i didn't have so many eyes on me. This is so stressful#'dw im still working on the 4k subscriber special!' a fucking lie#Cuz i don't want ppl to hates me. I don't want to loose fans. And im pretty sure nobody cares ant sprunki anymore so i don't think its gonna#Get any attention anyways#Holds my head#I hate yt i hate what it's done to me. I wish i could go back in time and stop myself from uploading that stupid twiddlefinger animation#I HATE IT HERE IM SO TIRED. I.M LITERALLY JUST SOME GUY WHO LIKES TO ANIMATE. IM NOT UR ENTERTAINER#How do ppl deal with this. I hate it. I hate it i hate it i hate it. I would delete my channel if i didn't have a petrifying fear of#Having something of mine being lost media#I love all those who truly love my work. But those who expect me to upload stuff that they only like forever and ever is less than the#Number of genuine fans. I can't keep doing this. I might need a break again. Im spiraling again#Im sorry. Im so tired. I rlly am. I missed whenever i only had 600 subs.#Sigh. Ok im done#text#text post
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