#but anyway. the tiny village im moving to doesnt have much

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

In the town I'm hopefully moving to I was worried there wouldn't be a coffee shop (I have a crippling caffeine addiction) but there IS and it's INSIDE THE BOOKSHOP!!!!!!! This is going to be wonderful

[corruptedconfessions]

hey there! could i request a yandere dragon bakugou (hcs or scenario, ur choice!) where he comes back to his den to find his darling missing? he leaves to go look for her and finds her on her way back to the den with a bag in tow, full of shiny objects for his hoard. she went back to her home, perhaps it was a cabin of sorts where she was keeping the items should she need to sell them for money, (1/2)

abbut now that she’s with him she doesn’t exactly need them anymore and decides he would appreciate having it more? for the plot (and angst) maybe she got a little scratched up during the trek and is sporting a few cuts or bruises when he finds her. i absolutely love your writing, and if this is too much i totally understand, you can ignore it! hope you’re doing alright!!! (2/2) 

Thank you so much! And thank you for your patience im sorry this took me forever ToT

I did a little bit of both! I hope you dont mind. 

-When Bakugou comes back to the den from a hunt and finds you gone he is going to be p i s s e d

-He thought the two of you had finally gotten past this little game where you would run away and make him have to come chase you down, but clearly he hadn’t nailed it into that stupid brain of yours enough

-Don’t you know how dangerous it is out in those woods without him to protect you? A fragile little thing like you would get squashed in seconds without him there to protect you from everything...including youself in some cases

-Originally he is stewing as he abandons his kill to stalk out into the forest to find you, already thinking of punishments to unleash on you once he drags your ass back to the den, stewing about ways to make sure they stick this time

-All that melts away after about 10 minutes

-In the past he has always immediately been able to find you, your clumsy human foot steps or scent always immediately alerting him to where you went and where you are. Even when he plays with you and lets you run longer to get that energy out and show you how hopeless it really is to run for him he’s never had you out of his sight for more than 5 minutes during any escape attempt

-But this time you’re /gone/  you must have left near immediately after he had left you, curled up and sleeping peacefully in his nest, he couldn’t hear or smell you anywhere near by

-Throws this boy into a complete panic when he realizes that you could be anywhere you could be hurt or bleeding or dead for all he knew! 

-Normally he likes to hunt you down in his fully human or only partially shifted forms, to really show off and rub it in your face how he doesnt even need to be at his best to hunt your wimpy ass down

-This time though he is fully shifted in seconds, taking to the sky, scanning desperately for any sign of you

-It may take a little bit with how small you are in comparison to the forest but he will find you no matter what it takes. 

-When he finally spots you, stumbling through the forest with a dumb little bag that was clearly too heavy for your fragile little arms to be carrying by the way you kept stumbling around was any indication. 

-He immediately nosedives down towards you, a terrifying sight to see, even when you do know exactly who the dragon is and that he probably isnt trying to eat you

-He shifts in the arm, damn near toppling you over as he lands right next to you just to immediately scoop you up in his arms, clutching you like a life line as he immediately starts rubbing up against you

-He is not crying, damn it

-It only takes him a moment or two rubbing against you, covering you with his scent again before he realizes that you are scratched up and dirty, causing him to bristle in even more anger than he already had been in

-Immediately chews you out, lecturing you as he takes the bag from you, carrying both you and the bag back to his den, ranting and lecturing you the whole way, pretending like you both don’t notice how he is still shaking

-”What the fuck were you thinking, dumbass?! You could’ve gotten hurt! I don’t have time to look after your pathetic little human ass!” 

-He’ll turn bright red when you tell him whats in the bag and why you risked getting in trouble with him to go fetch it. Immediately your lecturing angry dragon boyfriend will be a blushing pouting mess as he takes you into his den

-”You should’ve told me...Idiot. I could’ve taken you.”

-He stares longingly at the bag as he sets it down, his instincts clearly calling for him to root through the bag and add the collection to his horde, to make sure to put his mates gifts in plain sight so everyone will see how much his mate cares for him, how perfect and beautiful his mate is

-His mate was so perfect she brought him more stuff for his horde, perfect stuff, and he was going to show that off

-He needed to return the favor for his mate, get them shiney things to cover their body in to show that he owns them, to show off that they had taken the first step in courting him and he had returned the favor they wanted him just as much as he wanted them 

-But he knows that his mate was injured in their travels and first and foremost he needed to take care of that

-He’s surprisingly tender as he scoops you up, tsking in annoyance at how filthy you were

-for someone who lives in the forest the man sure doesn’t like dirt, especially on you

-he’ll wrap you up tight in his arms and carry you to the nearby hotspring, demanding to clean you and take care of you instead of hovering annoyingly close like he usually does

-You better get use to it he is going to be clingy as hell for awhile, if not indefinitely now that you had taken the final step in courting him

-You had gone out of your way to court him in the dragon way (it doesn’t even cross his mind it was an accident and you didn’t know you were just being thoughtful) half of him wonders if he should wonder down to a human village and learn how to court you in the human way too, just to be fair

-Or he could just ask you. That would be less fun though. You surprised him it was only fair he showed he was just as good (if not better) of a mate as you were. 

“K-katsuki!” You flushed squirming on his lap as the dragon growled down at you, easily holding you still with one hand as the other slid down your calf, cleaning off the dirt and scowling at the scratches and bruises that littered that area. It had been a slow process, the dragon insisting on inspecting you from top to bottom, starting with your head and working his way down, scowling and grumbling as he spent extra time at each and every little scrape or bruise he discovered as if they had personally insulted him. “This is why you should never leave anywhere without me, stupid. You’re too fragile to wonder off on your own.” he growled and grumbled as he moved to the other leg, being remarkably gentle and careful with his grip and touch on your wounds as he washed that leg too. “I know...I just wanted to surprise you.” You pouted back down at him, biting down any argument over tiny cuts and being able to take care of yourself since you knew the dragon was still on very volatile ground. He may have chosen to forgive you thanks to your surprise gift but that could change at any moment if you made the wrong move. “Yeah well...” he huffed pouting slightly in response, grumbling to himself as he finally set down your leg his hand moving to rest back on your hips, lifting you up with ease, ignoring your flustered squealing as your bare form was lifted out of the water. “Quiet down.” he huffed rolling his eyes as he turned you around, grabbing your legs and forcing them around his torso as he pulled you close, hands sliding down to hold your ass as he held you up, pushing you against his chest as he relaxed in the hot water. “Honestly I’ll never understand you humans and your insistence at being covered. I know what you look like anyway.” He huffed softly leaning his head back against the rocks that lined the spring, tension relaxing from his body. He finally had you here tucked into his arms, safe and sound, and he could relax as hot water lapped away any knots and tension that still clung to his body.  

[viostormcaller]

Thinking about it, it kinda sucks just how little new horizons has.

Like... I love the game to pieces and maybe this is just bc im in a shitty mood (which i am) but like... god this is gonna be long and ranty and I'm sorry in advance that mobile tumblr doesnt have the read more feature

For starters, holidays are all scheduled on the company's terms, meaning in 7+ years or so there will be no more in-game holidays because by then they'll probably be thinking about/getting ready to release the next installment of the series on whatever console is out at the time and they won't want to update new horizons anymore. And adding onto this, you need the internet to download the updates. What happens to the players who don't have internet?? Can they just never experience the holidays like bunny day and toy day and turkey day? That takes a HUGE part of the fun of the series out right off the bat. Sometimes making everything rely on the internet is a bad idea. Idk if anyone can like tell me if having no internet means you can't take part in the holidays, but like... god if that's true thats really sad.

They recently took out the hybrid flower and big fish islands, which makes no sense whatsoever why they would do that to a game that has so little, but ok?? It's not like that feature was hindering the gameplay any

There's a lot of furniture but Not a Lot of Furniture, you get me? They took out EVERY set except the classic set (renamed "antique") that you can buy for an insanely high price, and the log and wooden block sets that you can craft, but other that that it's all unrelated items that aren't part of any set, aside from the cute set and diner and throwback sets which as far as I can remember are the only other sets you can buy in the game. No alpine, no ranch, no minimalist, no princess or gracie, no modern or sleek, none of that. And 90% of all the buy-only furniture in the game is just the color variants. You can't even customize them! And it's hard as fuck to find the color variants you want, much less for completing a furniture set

And speaking of which, your starting villagers don't get their default house interiors. Your first three + your two starters from the tutorial days have the same generic layouts. You NEVER see what their houses are supposed to look like, and even if you give them the wallpaper and flooring they're supposed to have (if you figure that out online somewhere), their house doesn't change (I tested this with Sherb and was kinda disappointed).

And stuff is so EXPENSIVE. I know it adds a challenge but my final loan was NEVER 1 mil+ bells in New Leaf. And you can't even expand the extra first floor rooms you get. I'm literally getting less for WAY more. The biggest rooms you get are the basement and upstairs rooms. The first floor rooms aside from the main room really don't have a lot of space and with the different furniture they DO offer, I don't have a lot of room to put things in. But it's not like I can even afford it anyway -- just a freaking air conditioner was 63,000 bells. In New Leaf it was 2500. That's a MASSIVE jump. And the kitchen items are so freaking expensive, as well.

And speaking of houses, for someone who was literally in the real estate industry in the last game, tom nook adds very few house exterior options. And the even more shitty thing is that a lot of the colors straight up don't match. They couldn't even add a plain white roof.

God and the fucking DIY recipes. I know I've said this before on my other tumblr but the RNG for this game is the worst I've ever fucking seen. There is no reason why, two months into the game, I can be given a recipe for a simple DIY bench, which EVERYONE LEARNS IN THE TUTORIAL. Who the fuck am I giving it to?! No one, because literally every player knows it already, and you can't gift diy recipes to villagers! And I keep getting repeats of recipes. My villagers give me fruit DIYs all the time, it's so rare for me to get any new ones. And two days in a row I've gotten the recipe for the deer head mount thing from the same villager. New recipes should 100% take the priority before repeats. This game is slow paced, sure, but that's just frustrating. It doesn't make me excited to learn more recipes, it makes me feel like I'm never gonna learn any new ones because I'll get the same fruit DIYs for a week straight.

And speaking of which, you can't put trees, bushes, or flowers in your storage, which to me makes literally no sense. I can fit a giant ass fountain in my storage but I can't put a flower plant? Really? And speaking of storage, for a game that added 300 whole slots for mail instead of the usual 10, I will never understand why they decided to halve the amount of items a player can order a day from the nook shopping, AND make it so that it takes a whole day to get there instead of making deliveries at 9 am and 5 pm like in New Leaf.

And the fact that they made it so hard to get non native fruit and flowers and shit??? Like they at LEAST added Lief so flowers aren't as much of an issue anymore, but you actually have to travel to other people's islands just to get all the fruits?? I know you have to do the same thing in New Leaf but the reason why this is an issue for me is because you have to pay for online access, meaning most of those nook miles for planting all the fruits are locked behind a paywall unless your villagers can gift them to you. And your mom, when you first start the game, has a chance of giving you the one fruit that's on the non-native fruit mystery island, meaning you'll only get ONE new fruit and not two separate ones (for example, my sis got pears from mom but her non native fruit islands have cherries i believe. I got pears from mom and my fruit islands also have pears. Doesnt help that that's the one fruit i hate lmao). They also took OUT a bunch of fruits, like mangoes, durians, lemons, bananas, lychees, persimmons...

And the fact that your nook miles rewards are ISLAND LOCKED. That is the WORST SHIT. Not everyone has the ability to play with others, bc no internet or no money for the subscription every month. Not everyone WANTS to play with others bc maybe they get social anxiety (like me, which is why i havent asked for things that are impossible for me to get even though i want them for my island or house), or maybe they simply just don't want to. But the fact that each island has their own color variants of the same goddamn rewards that CANNOT BE CHANGED makes me so upset. I do not want nor should I have to rely on others to get the items I want because my game doesn't have my preferred color variations. And it's not like I'm far enough in the game to have anything worth trading for said items, nor do I have the bells.

And Isabelle does next to fucking nothing and I'm really irked about how they made her character in this game. Yeah she's cute, but that's ALL she is. She became more ditzy than anything else. She doesn't let you know about visitors in the town or the plaza or if a bridge or incline was built bc of a completed donation goal. Like really useful info to know would be if Flick or CJ is in town or who is selling stuff in the plaza. Flavor text is nice but if that's all you say 24/7 it loses its charm. In New Leaf she was helpful and hardworking and super focused and on top of things. Idk why they changed that aspect of her. I know her role in New Horizons isn't as big as it was in New Leaf, but still.

And then there's glitches that STILL haven't been patched (as far as I know anyway), like the game-breaking villager corruption glitch (which you'd think nintendo would have made a priority but they're too busy removing other features it seems) or the house exterior glitch.

And it's bad enough that your game saves to your fucking system a la Fantasy Life. But even WORSE, no one can have separate islands on one console. It's not enough to own two copies of New Horizons. Each player has to own one copy of the game and a whole new Switch just so they can play on their own islands. Parents can't usually afford that (aka $360 for each kid give or take) so for a game marketed towards kids, I don't know why they thought that was a smart move (well, I DO know, and that's because money, but still). And to top it all off, cloud saves are not supported normally. If you lose your game or your switch and aren't subscribed to nintendo online, well, it looks like all your progress is gone! And there's nothing you can do about it. And they directly claimed that they did this just so people can't manipulate the game because it's supposed to be played in real time. But people can still fucking time travel by setting the system's clock! They achieved nothing except to make the players frustrated!!! If you make a game you need to accept that the player is going to play how THEY want to. You shouldn't try to make everyone conform to the way YOU want them to play. That just makes you a controlling asshole and the game loses a lot of its fun.

This game was 60 bucks and they took so long to make it and we ended up with less than we got in New Leaf. The main thing they gave us was a shit ton more clothing items (which I really like). Like I said, I love this game to pieces and it's actually one of my favorite games right now. There's so much I love about it -- I certainly don't hate it or anything. But this game has SO MANY flaws, a lot of which are needless. And I think the kid in me just misses the days where you can pay for a game and get the whole game right away. No updates in tiny batches, no content locked behind paywalls, no day one patches, no reliance on internet connection and multiplayer... mainstream companies have all gone really downhill with that shit and it just disappoints me to no end. But because Nintendo is kid-oriented, I think that's where it hurts the most. It was supposed to be accessible, family friendly fun like back during the days of the Wii and the DS. But companies get so wrapped up in competing with each other and trying to make the most money that they forget about all that. I dunno. It just sucks.

If you read all this, god damn I'm surprised XD I got super ranty and I apologize. But I'm in a sad mood and I after learning about features they've taken out I just had to get all this off my chest. It's been weighing on me since the game released, especially since for months prior this game was all I could think about and I was really looking forward to it. It just let me down in a lot of ways, I guess.

[sodasyrup]

I love,,,,, domestic lava au... You should do more of it. I'd love to know more about reka and monty too!

BWAAA...

Okay as I said it’s an au with kittie (6kuro) so I’m gonna grab the things it said and I said lmao

warning its a LONG disjointed post bc im too tired to make. a good post fdhghdf

lovelypeaches08/28/2019cole and kai would settle down real late like....in their late thirties because they want to keep their children as safe as possible, being elemental masters and having enemies and all

at first wu wants them to fight longer and shit but hes OLD so who cares and theres probably conflict on thatbut kai and cole are old enough to realized they dont have to be controlled

so they get married, symbolically if anything, because they've been dating for probably a little over a decade now and known each other even longer, AND been living together for the same amount of time

theyre the first of the ninja to settle down, and they buy a small house in a village thats maybe an hour away from ninjago city

the tininess of the house is made up for by the largeness of the yard, where cole likes to garden, especially fruits and vegetables

cole works as a stay at home free lance artist, doing stuff like commissions, book covers, comics, etc for moneykai does something that puts his charisma to use, probably something in business that lets him advertise and talk a lot..he could never settle down for a stay at home job or anything, even with all his thrilling ninja stories

they have enough money from donations and awards to thrive off these jobs, and ninjago probably pays them kind of like retirement

cole cooks for kai so he always has a meal ready when hes home, so then kai cooks on the weekend

anyways, they have two kids, about 3 years aparti haven't figured them much out yet, but kai and cole cook and bake with themcoles parenting style is very protective and rather spoils them, while kai lets them do whatever as long as its not immediately dangerousthey balance each other out well, so their kids grow up loved and well rounded

lovelypeaches08/28/2019coles always buying them sweets and treats and Kai pretends to be annoyed but thinks its really cute

the kids go to a small school on the outskirts of ninjago city, and get asked about their parents a LOT. they kind of like the attention but it gets irritating

moving on to the other ninja who also start to settle down,jay doesnt really want kids, so he passes on his powers with ~science~ or something, but only when hes a lot olderhe does engineering at borg industries or something, and he messes around a lot but gets away with it bc hes the blue ninjahes like kai and coles kids Fun Uncle, since he lives in a big apartment in downtown ninjago city, with a bunch of cool techkai and coles family often take elongated road trips therejay thinks hes a cool relative but besides being super lenient hea actually kind of embarrassing lol

nya settles down a bit later than the rest of them, because she wants to live her ninja days to the fullesti could go on about my domestic samurai au but her and pixal have a kid who gets nyas water powersnya is much more eager to train her kid than cole and Kai are (they want to start properly training thwir children when theyre like 16, much to wus disappointment)nya doesn't force anyrhing on her kid but she doesnt protect her kid from the fact they'll have to train sooner or latershes determined on still changing the world, so she's a strong political leader, with innovative ideas who doesnt approve of ninjagos government and wants to change it for the betterShe also lives in downtown, but isn't as fun as jayher kid is younger than kai and coles, but kai and coles kids look up to them because they're very independent and skilled! their mom is also super cool, but not in a silly way. she rocks leather jackets and drives her kid around on a motorcycle

lovelypeaches08/28/2019zane is tricky for me...i like to imagine him sticking with lloyd to being a ninja or whatever, since hes going to be alive a lonnggg timehe also wants to respect wus wishes, so he teaches students and fights alongside lloydhe does so much less however, and finds a lot of time to visit his friends

kai and coles kids are shy around him at first, him being a nindroid whose still a ninja, but hes so much nicer and softer than expectedhe always brings them presenrs and enjoys quality time with them, so he's basically their favorite uncle

now lloyd continues his master training, to become the next master after wu dies. hed be the one to guide the next generation of elemental masters as well as their parents in training thembut don't worry, he gets a break too, since the other ninja help him out. hes much less burdened then wu was in the later years of his lifeok thats all i think

My commentary now

little boy whos like 3 and super wide eyed and excited and loves pink (when he foudn out zane at one point had a pink gi he asked if he could get one too)older girl around 6 whos a big daddys girl and loves to garden with cole and make mud piez

the little girl is the fire em - she had temper issues linked to autismz which they worked through her with early and never thought of it but she has a big passion for gardening they mistook for elemental connection when rly she just LUVS IT

little boy is em of earth - hes a natural born leader and stubborn, wide eyed and excitable. again bc they worked w both their kids about their tempers and such they never realized he was just naturally good at keeping his composure. also a lot like jay keeping morals upnaturally strong but both their kids are and i hc the super strength doesnt come in until peubertyz

shes a bit of a late bloomer with em powers but one day their little boy accidentally makes a pot hole inside the kitchen bc he was excited over zane cookingthey took too good of care of their kids and his true potential was simple bc he was a litol kid which was im going to live my best fcuking life with friends and family *rips a hole in the ground

kai and cole are the gross sappy parents that trade kisses n their kids are like thats DISGUSTING youre DISGUSTINGLY IN LOVE

Kittie pointslovelypeaches08/28/2019YEAYEYAYAYYEYAYAYEoh god the little boy is part scenecorelikenot full on scene but like punk y2kwhich is a part of scenealso at first cole and kai are super concerned being a ninja will be as mentally damaging and ack as it was for them at times, but lloyd and zane are genuinely good mastersbutnot to get sadbutwhen tragedy does happen somehow, since neither Lloyd nor zane can ease that, cole and kai are so good at helping their kids e thatthey help them recover from it without downplaying their kids concerns and feelings amd give good advice and loveand make being elemental masters a lot easier for their kids than it ever was for them

me again.....

they always get so fucking scared thokai custom makes weapons for themarmor too he spends hours upon hours making sure its perfect and even prays over them to keep their kids safe

anyway when kai n cole visit w them (idk if theyr just adopted at their current age or like.... adopted as babies or surrogate or?? idk but) they visit lloyd and kai softly says "Look! its uncle lloyd" and lloyd starts SOBBING hes just fucking bawlinghis eyes out and when kai offers to for lloyd to hold him lloyds just like are you suure arre eyyuuu thherye so smsmm all kaiii are yoruur suureee thheyrey babbeises

nya is hesitant but ends up being a really good aunt, i meanshe took care of kai /j

zane is a fav uncle and hes always making sweets for them jay is. also sorta a fav bc where zane comes jay follows and jay has a sweet tooth and also makes Cool Toys + hey wanna prank your dadsalso im dramatic and likekai and cole sitting down and having a convo about master wubc he was sorta a shitty mentor and they really REALLY dont want their kids going through any self confident issues nor over stressing bc theyr KDISeventually kai and cole talk to master wu and actually has wu face his terrible practice towards kids and wu accepting he was.............................a bad 'parent' in a senseblebleblelelelelelellekai works but cole absolutely watches over any training when wu is there at first but lloyd is the master now and lloyd is like..........................i dont want kids to go through what i went through kai is like i trust you but also i will murder every single one of you in this dojo if you ever hurt my little girlim doing what i do and taking an au and running im sorry ghdghdfhJACK RAMBLES....their son refuses to wear shoes he lieks dirt on his feet they never really think much of it but its actually really comforting for him to feel the earth under his feet and feel stablethey think its just a stim thing maybe? theyr unsurebut! turns out him Element(also a fear of heights)lloyd tries to be a serious master but hes a big ol goof and can easily be manipulated

ironically.......its the lil boy who often is like HEY!!!!!!!!!!! WE GOTTA TRAIN!

kai and cole agree not to tell anyone what theyre thinking of naming their little boy until he arrives so when the day comes kais holding this tiny little boy and holds him out gentlyand lloyd is already EMOTIONAL because this is a BABY and lloyd softly asks his name n cole cuts in like "hes named after a really brave dude, montgomery. but we're thinking monty as a nickname"lloyd, choking up:(hc garmadons first name is montgomery)

the girl is Reka which means sweet in maori (a personal headcanon for cole) and shes their sweetheart

lovelypeaches09/04/2019bhrnrng this is in domestic au but col and kai teachign their kids instrumentscole and reka wud play piano duets togetherand monty doesnt like instruments much but he likes to singlike a LOT he belts out a song for everythinghe just lieks his own voice

burdletutt09/04/2019HNGGG HFHMONTY LOVS BEING LOUD

lovelypeaches09/04/2019YEAAAHhes like the type who makes a song for everythingmonty voice we rr goinggg to the parkkkkk and the grass isss.........GREEENNNNNNN and there are LOOK THERE ARE SQUIRRRELSSSS and a playground and the skyyyyy isssssssssssss...*deep inhale* BLUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE1E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!kai and cole: you are literally so talented

jay tries really hard to be the Cool Uncle at firstbut Monty just :^TReka gives him an awkward chucklewhen jay stops being Cool ™ hes goofy and thats when they start giggling and liking him more

[tumblunni]

Okay the BIG TODAY THING

It seems i might possibly be gone for six months

I've been talking with my support worker about taking a course at this place thats uhh apparantly gonna help me get better with the depressions and stuff. And we had a meeting to go look around the place and make introductions and stuff but i had NO IDEA it would be all such short notice! I might have to move in IN TWO DAYS FROM NOW, what the fuck!!! And like if its not that its gonna be at the end of the week or next tuesday at the latest. Im so fuckin unprepared and im really freakin out!!

..uhh...how to describe it..well i guess its literally a mental asylum? But it's absolutely NOTHING like the horror movie stereotype! Its not a hospital with cages or locked rooms, its just like a big comfy cute shared house. Like a bunch of completely normal small apartment rooms but they just happen to be all connected to a shared kitchen and stuff and have on site nurses and a big schedule of therapy sessions and group activities like pottery class or bowling. You have the freedom to come and go as you please if you're on "voluntarily admitted" status (that's me!) and even if you're on what they call "sectioned" its still not scary loss of all your freedom. The highest level of sectioning is just like "requires an escort"? You're still allowed to go outside but you have a higher level of supervision from your key worker because you could potentially be a danger to yourself. But that's very rare and most people are only on maximum sectioning for a few weeks at the start of their treatment, if they've come straight from a situation of self harm or other concern factors. Most of the "sectioned" patients just have a time limit on how long they can spend on unsupervised outside activity. It's a pretty generous 8 hours apparantly!

So yeah i was getting worried about nothing, thinking i was gonna be in big scary solitary confinement and locked inside a tiny broom closet or jabbed with brain lazers. It honestly just seems like a summer camp resort for adults! And everyone there seems very nice, and im excited for being able to learn life skills like cooking and potential steps towards getting educational qualifications someday. And to have the help of a more specialist support worker who can assist me with even the smallest little problems. Like this nice lady Tazmin (who might be the one i get?) was saying how they've had other people with social anxiety before, and how we could plan "gradual exposure" to all the things that scare me. Like she said she'd be able to come with me and we'd take the bus and them get off at the next stop. That'd honestly be really helpful to help me get over being scared of the crowded spaces on buses, but i'd never be able to do it normally cos i'd be too embarassed taking such a short bus ride. Plus well itd be a waste of money,but if i'm a patient here i would get a free bus pass so it wouldnt be a problem.

Oh and the area seems really nice! Its so different from my stupid house right now in a crowded neighbourhood with NOTHING but houses everywhere for a mile! Its seriously almost a mile's walk to the ONE SINGULAR SHOP IN THE AREA and they close on sundays and dont sell vegetarian food. :( This area around the shared house thingie is a really nice bustling shops place but not super shops? Like i mean its a lovely village that has all the small shops you need, not a huge skyscrapers busy tourist place. The perfect balance of conveinient and not scary! They have a library and a park so close to the place, and a bazillion charity shops holy FUCK im so excited to have charity shops again!! I think you call them thrift shops in america? But i just always really love bargain hunting and finding nice surprises in places like that! And there's places to do pottery classes and group trips sometimes to do stuff like cinema or bowling or just having your big ol scary therapy meeting at the nice coffee shop at the end ot the road.

So yeah dont worry about me guys, im not trapped in some horribke hell place! I'm sure it'll be as non threatening as an Intensive Therapy Boot Camp can possibly be, im just still nervous as hell cos well yeah I Have Social Anxiety And That Is Why I Am Here In The First Place. Im scared im not gonna be able to succeed at this. I really wanna leave at the end and be all mentally buffed up and ready to make all these nice nurses proud!

Oh and man Richard has been so nice about this?? He was super freaked out and apologetic about it being Scary Short Notice, we had a bit of a dumb misunderstanding where he clearly told me and i clearly said yes but i somehow completely misunderstood what he was saying and thought i was saying yes to something else??? So im so fuckin glad that at the very end of the appointment right when i was gonna get out the car he was like 'oh so remember your suitcase on wednesday' and i was like WHAT. Like man can you imagine how much more terrifying it would have been if i just turned up on wednesday with no supplies but the shirt off my back and was like 'wtf where is he driving me OH GOD NO'. Bunni why you so bad at the good of talking!! Seriously richard thanks so much for clearing it up but also AAAAA i accidentally agreed to the shortest of short notice and i dont know if he's gonna be able to reschedule it!!!

And man i was there crying in his car about how i dont wanna be in hospital on my birthday, and babbling all the different things i had planned fot the next few months. And GOD DAMN MY DUMB BRAIN i ended up blurting out that i had a preorder of a videogame that i was gonna miss. And i straight up started explaining pokemon to my mental health counseller who is also a dj, how damn fake does my life sound?? Anyway he said that i'll still be able to keep him as my support worker when i get back out of this, and we'll still have weekly or monthly meetings while i'm in there. And he keeps reminding me that i'm free to leave if i feel uncomfortable, but i know that i'd feel like a failure if i did! So he legit fuckin goddamn said (THIS SOUNDS SO FAKE) that i could take a day off when the dumb game comes out, and he'd play co op pokemon with me. HOLY GEEZUS RICHARD YOU'RE LIKE THAT HOLY GRAIL OF THERAPISTS! And man he even said it wasnt embarassing for me to sleep with a teddy bear and he'd help me pack it up safe and ensure nobody saw it while we move my bags into my new room. And then i was like "uhh but also the teddy bear is a giant lifesize embarassing pokemon merchandise" and he was like "okay so we need DOUBLE STEALTH". Apparantly the new sequel to Pokemon Go is Pokemon Sneak! God he helped calm me down from this freakout so much, he's always great with lil jokes and motivational sayings. And i talked about how i first started being interested in Obscure Deep Sea Slug Facts because pokemon has some characters based on weird real life animals, and like its Very Educational Honest, And Has Appeal For Both Kids And Adults. How on earth did this turn into Motovational Pokemon Blabber Time??? Anyway thats how i ended up texting a professional psychologist pictures of gastrodon at 7.30pm.

SO

Yeah

In summary

I'm mostly just worried cos this is short notice! And cos its such a big commitment that being short notice is Super Bad. I need to friggin clean the whole house top to bottom in two days, so it doesnt get all gross and attract flies while im gone. And i need to toss out like a hundred bucks worth of frozen food that aint gonna keep for 6 months. And i need to wash all my damn clothes. And i dont even have a suitcase and this is at a terrible time where i dont get paid for a week so i cant buy a new one right now!! And damn i DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO TAKE AAAAAA

And the BIGGEST PROBLEM

Is that i wont be able to talk to you guys for half a year!!!

They dont have wifi and im not allowed to take my computer anyway. They only allow laptops and all i have is a desktop and AAAA its too short notice to save up enough to get a laptop mannnnn! Fuck man i didnt even think about that, i need to go pause my broadband internet for six months, do they even allow you to come back after that long?? And man part of me wants to ask to borrow money from friends to get a laptop but i know this time i cant promise to pay you back within the month cos AAAGH ALL OF THIS SHIT!! Like damn man if anyone is willing to let me pay back a hundred and fifty quid in 6 months??not bloody likely!! And man the only place to get a laptop in TWO GODDAMN DAYS is stupid fuckin Amazon :( but god im gonna go stir crazy being unable to do art or gamemaking or friggin anything to occupy myself!! I can bring my 3ds but i barely have any games for it and ive already finished all of them except harvest moon a new beginning which i quit cos it was bad. And the screen is broken anyway gahhh. SO MANY THINGS I NEED MONEY FOR IN SUCH A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME THAT IS NON CONDUCTIVE TO MONEYING

So anyway GAHH i wont have an internet connection in the house, and i'll be able to walk down the hill and use the library computers hopefully at least weekly, but they forbid all social media sites. So like can i get the emails of everyone who wants to keep in contact? Man i dont know how im gonna manage this AAAAA!!! i will send u loads of pics of scenic asylum beauty and dumb updates on my stupid life of probably very little progress.

And AGGGHHH i dont even have the time to plan a blog queue or anything fuck man geez aaaaaaaa

I NEED TO BUY A NEW PAIR OF TROUSERS WITHOUT HOLES IN THE KNEES man i cant live on singular pantage in a shared house

[dromjournal]

The Alternative Routes

17 January 2018

*I* (main character, not really any hints of features, likely male or male presenting) goes to the house of a sibling/close friend who lives at farmlands at the bottom of a big hill covered in woods. There is a small house next to a river that goes across the landscape, having bridges both at the road and by the house. The big road takes off straight left to the house at the bottom of the hill. I’m going there to train some bunnies I think? I go down the big road, saying hello to some locals that seems to manually be digging out the grounds for a new house on the hill - the community here is small and tight knit. A little later down the road I meet a woman 30-40s arranging wooden boards for the house, and I talk to her a little. She say she is impressed by the young man building the house all by himself and she had always wanted one but didnt think it was possible, so she felt like she should help him for taking this step and showing them its possible. I go with her to the school that lies close to there, saying hi to some kids I know and because she is picking up her daughter. It becomes clear here that the inhabitants of this village have psychic powers that are kinda special for their bloodlines, thinking I am super weird being an adult that can’t do it. Anyway we pick up her daughter and she (here I get the feeling she is not a lot younger than me at all at like 14 but yeah its a bit hard to get a feeling of my character) is going to show me the way as she is also going down the hill, the mother going back to helping with the house. We hit it off and its a nice walk. At almost the bottom I see some kind of large clock in the distance (like on a church tower), but it doesnt seem to work right, and point it out. She grows silent at this and kinda confused, then distressed, before starting to kinda burn and spit fire everywhere and finally going up in flames completely, leaving only ashes left. I dont dare to touch her, Im just panicking. Not sure what to do and with no phone or anything I continue down to my brother to get help. But when I get there soon after my brother is acting very strange, hysteric almost, and there’s a bunch of people there that are suggested I know kinda closely. My brother refers to all of us by like, online gaming handles, and I think that’s how we all know each other. Then he appears happy to finally get to do his “game”, standing us out on the big road asphalt bridge as were all confused. He explains it like this: He is going to be hunting the rest of us down, trying to kill us. The rest of us are to hide and try to get the upper hand. The sweetest person in the group is given a gun, and another person is taken hostage by holding a large knife against his neck to make sure well go through with it. The rest of us have no kind of defense, so the gun is both a reason to turn on each other and kill each other. Only one person is coming out alive. Some Battle Royale shit. The nice person jumps into the river to get away, but then so does my brother, disappearing under the dark water. You can then tell nice dude is getting stabbed multiple times despite the water being dark. People start running in fear. I somehow turn on my own power, my head hurting and heart racing. I don’t know what I’m doing as I somehow jumps back in time to get over this.

A pale skinned girl stares at me, confused at the face I am making. It’s the girl/daughter from before. We have taken another way and are going through the forest this time. We are still on our way down and for the second time I notice the broken clock. Then boom, the girl go up in flames this time too. However due to the foggy ground she doesn’t burn entirely, and you can still tell there’s a body. Still having no better solution, I do as I did the last time and leave to continue down the hill. But this time the mother had walked after us after a while and she finds her girls dead body, thinking she was killed. She goes into a rage, flying basically down to kill every single person at the bottom, basically burn everything to the ground. I had just gotten to the bottom this time as I hear her coming, but as we had walked inside the forest I wasn’t at the house. She’s much faster, immediately going to the house and acres to burn everything like a big dragon-ish. I notice people in the forest not too far from where I am and I walk over there, where I meet up with brother and a bunch of others while they attempt to escape up the hill. They had gotten away by going into the stream and following the water. It turns out they (and me!) are some kind of forest pixie-creatures, not really powerful in any way but it’s still a magical thing. Aka we are not in a human realm at all, which kinda explains some things. Unfortunately the dragon-mom have noticed some people and comes over, burning the entire forest to the ground in big fireballs. My brother are running with two younger kids, but we are pretty far up. She is rapidly approaching - and her fire comes before she does. We all hide under some shit, saving us from the fire and hoping she’ll just continue past us. She goes past me without stopping, but as she gets to my brother she swoops down and kick him out of hiding, blaming him for her daughters death. I then jump out of my own hiding, yelling at her that it was me who did it. I tell her exactly what happened, and she is sad. She is no longer on fire, rather looking really gloomy and cold. After I’m done telling her she says she just wishes I had gone back and told her what happened right away with sad sad eyes, and then she leaves. I rewind time again, set on getting it right. This time I never mention the clock, instead tries to keep the girls attention off it. She makes it down the hill and parts with me without catching on fire :) I walk to my brothers house, where things are strange and tense. My brother acts aggressive but haven’t tried to kill anyone, so I consider that progress. Scared still he’ll hurt my bunnies directly or indirectly (by leaving them in their cages while killing me) I take them to the woods, trying to help them dig a burrow before releasing them so they will have somewhere to escape. While digging I run into a pixie, being a little annoyed I’m digging for some reason. I follow him, which makes him anxious, because he very obviously tries to get inside a door without me noticing that appears out of nowhere but seems to have a set time before it disappears again. I ignore him and walk right in while he protests. Inside there is a lot of peopleish looking pixies that run around. There’s seems to be one in charge, sitting around on something like a throne, greeting me like they’ve been expecting me. This is apparently a collection of minor gods living here in what do looks like a windowless house, and so are we though we are even more minor being stuck in one realm. There is a fox following me from the moment I stepped inside here, but it’s not actually an animal so much as my own curiosity in the shape of a fox, and they tell me I should feed it or it will run away from me. They seem pleased to have me there. I follow it down some empty stairs to what looks like a hallway and the actual front door of this place. I open the door and look outside at entire worlds passing by, seeing hundred of tiny blue shiny “strings” being pulled from me in different directions and different planets. I realize that every second I spend on this ~ship~, I create a thousand splintered realities, somehow leaving my DNA footprint across the universe and possibly having a billion babies or something. I make the decision to jump out just as I see all strings suddenly weave together in one again and follow it out of the ship. My reality is back to what it was “supposed” to be with one stable string and I am back at the top of the mountain - but now things are devoid of colour or nuance, everything is black and white. (Not grayscale, I’m talking black or white.) As I get down this time and meet my brothers eyes it hits me that this is exactly what have happened to my brother too and that’s why he’s like that. He was splintered and despite jumping off, his soul was now falling apart. He could only see the black or white. Nothing looked pretty to him in the world anymore. He saw the world from the eyes of a god but the mind of a human. (Also a lot more time than I expected had passed, a couple of years at least.) I rewind once again. This time I rewind back to when my brother first arrived. Turns out there was three other people that had arrived with him, but they had kinda left him as he got hurt. One of them, his girlfriend, had been taken by some kind of creature in the trees and he asked me to get her back because he still loved her even if she left him. The creature was basically just hugging her so tight she couldn’t move, swinging from tree to tree. I did somehow get her free, but it was apparent she wasn’t herself anymore as she immediately tried to hug a hold of something. I woke up around here though. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯