#once a clown always a clown amirite

[interstellarbookofflowers]

more happy points

my friends are the best (all of them)

happy points cuz im feeling like shit

made french toast this morning

im making a workout plan, v excited for gym

my cat is cute

[gemsofgreece]

“Certain” foreigners: Modern Greeks have nothing in common with Ancient Greeks

Meanwhile, in Iliad, Rhapsody I, with no exaggeration:

Calchas: Look there’s a problem, Apollo is angry and you, Agamemnon, have to give the girl to her father to appease the god

Agamemnon: Who gives a shit about the god, why should only I give my prize back, am I the malakas of the gang or what? If you take her from me, I am gonna do the same to someone else, especially that asshole Achilles who people respect and thus must be destroyed

Achilles: WTF son of a bitch (literally) if you take my prize I ‘d rather see all our people die than help you out

A little later in Iliad, also in Rhapsody I:

Achilles: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

Thetis, jumping out of the sea like Harry Potter from the lake in the Goblet of Fire: WHO HURT YOU MY BOY? TELL MOMMY AND I ‘LL CUT THEIR ASS

Achilles: Mom, Agamemnon showed disrespect to me, please persuade Zeus to start killing all the Greeks for revenge

Thetis: Your request sounds totally reasonable, cutie pie, mommy will try her best

Thetis: *flies to Olympus like Superman*

And immediately after, we’re still in Rhapsody I, can you believe?

Thetis: I helped you once Zeus and now you must help me back, it’s not like I helped you out of my good heart without expecting a future payback

Zeus: can you please get the fuck out before Hera sees me talking to someone without her permission?

Thetis: if you don’t grant my baby boy’s wish you assh-

Zeus: okay so you essentially ask me to take another beating from Hera, that’s good, that’s fine, it’s not like I am dead inside already. This woman is obsessed with me I swear, she always points out how everything I do is a mistake. This marriage has been taking years off of my eternity. Anyway okay, I promise, leave now, and some other religion god help me

Hera: Zeus?

Zeus: *shit, shit, shit* Yes Hera, Goddess of Goddesses, only love of my life?

Hera: Did you do things without asking me again, you sly rat?

Zeus: I AM A MAN AND I AM THE HEAD OF THIS MOUNTAIN AND I WILL DO ANYTHING I WANT. SEE, IT’S YOUR FAULT I CAN’T STAND YOUR GRUMPINESS AND HAVE TO LOOK ELSEWHERE FOR SOME JOY, YOU STIFF SHREW, DON’T MAKE ME COME THERE

Hephaestus: oh Mom don’t get sad, this clown of a father is a well known asshole but the fucker is strong and nobody wants to deal with this, okay? So let’s all eat to the point of death if we were mortals and forget about this

*Everyone laughs at him for being disabled*

*After a fight, abuse threats, child accusing the father for neglect, enough food to kill an army and the mocking of their son’s disability, Zeus and Hera go happily to bed together*

Seriously who needs phylogenetic analysis and comparisons of Greek DNA when there’s Iliad’s Rhapsody I, amirite folks

[thesugarhole]

sanrio?? hello??

violin* and obsessed with money???? since when??? i mean. alright. i can give the violin to him AND cherry but its like, very barely there violin??

me to the sanrio ceo: "berry is violin" shut up if youve seen the stuff kuromi circa 2006 used to do youd hurl

also i dont think wallet status has ever been mentioned about these guys... in any media/franchise. they live in an abandoned looking mansion for the halloween aesthetic, not because of money. i can believe 'obsessed with money' but not 'poor'

hoping its either just google mistranslations or some recent developments ive been blissfully unaware of

>cinnamon

>her

its mistranslations. also this is personal headcanoning time based on how often the confusion happens but man you cant do this to cinnamon notorious trans man icon cinnamon. if he doesnt mind it then ill mind it for him djkhfdksj 'cherry is competitive and selfish' is correct btw this has always been her description. well maybe not competitive but definitely selfish. iirc it was always around "berry is stubborn cherry is selfish and theyre both tsundere" genuinely dont know where violin came from its gotta be a mistranslation on the nuisanse/stubborn aspect. i also dunno where 'weakness is strong-willed girls' came from, it might be talking about his friendship with cherry and how he might given in easier to what she tells him (at least i choose to think so) so i got no comment on it

all the pronouns being mismatched is so funny man come on shjfhdgfdsjvfdsjv is this profile using some sort of neutral language that left google confused as hell?

i. uh? should i be worried about espresso?

this ones... correct? espresso is more of a culture savant than a celebrity.... anyway berry if you kick him out there will be no one there to make you the food you love

nope! its magic and mirror manipulation. pranking is their hobby and favorite pass time but their magic is not limited to just the -its joke- context (sorry to once again quote the worst season ever of OMM, but they both tried to help out bakus family by making a photo of food they had emit scent, so the family would have an easier time eating plain rice. no jokering no jestering no clowning no malicious behavior whatsoever).

i remember being mentioned in older descriptions that berry had some potion making proficiency but they havent focused in that in years so who cares now amirite. i dont remember if cherry had any sort of distinction like this, theyve always overfocused on her crush on espresso :pensive:

"what about cherry"

"who? oh idk write smth about espresso again"

(hobbies include PRANKS, attempting to make friends (a general trait) making music (2018 rankings), having ballroom parties (cinnamon trip!! by oster project) and watching sentai/magical girl anime (onegai my melody). berrys particular hobby is to mess with cinnamon, cherrys particular hobby is to go after espresso. i guess.) (but again most of these are old one offs, and currently unfocused aspects of theirs so. whatever)

also i really would like to know the plans about the alt designs for them that are technically their true form and always show in their shadows and (sometimes?) in mirror reflections. it hasnt been completely dropped but, its never been hard defined either so idk. i guess i feel a bit bummed that its also been attempted to be forgotten to time because (to me feel at least) it feels very obviously based on the episode kuromi turned herself into a human and it could be something they were trying to establish to devil inspired characters back then.

thanks for coming to the lloromannic autism hour its nice to think about something else other than current personal events sometimes

*censorship

[izloveshorses]

sometimes my toxic trait/self-destructive behavior/red flag is wanting to rewatch the 100 and wait for when bellarke gets to kiss

[vinnival]

can you make uhhhhhh 👀👀👀 the main 3 + my fave amninal tiky w/ an s/o who genrally seems to be super strong and stoic, and tends to be very argumentative, but the second they think they've done something wrong they're instantly like "oh fuck im so sorry im awful oh god uh sorry" context: anxiety :)

That is so understandable I am like that too,,,, in a way

Enjoy!

Apologies!!

HANK

Ah yes. Him but stubborn

You two are always contradicting its funny

Your relationship is healthy otherwise, but when it comes to small decisions like which way to go in a building raid you always choose the other that Hank DIDN'T choose

You two would just aggressively sign at each other usually

Finally Hank would usually let you go alone

This time HE went alone the other way

Yikes bad mistake

While you, Sanford, and Deimos were hitting jackpot with new supplies, you heard several roars and then gunfire erupting from the other room

You all quickly walked in to Hank, badly wounded and cornered by three goddman MAGs

You all barely managed to kill them, and you rushed back to Hank's injured side, a blubbering mess

He was actually shocked to see you literally crumble apart, your usual cool air just... torn down

You apologized endlessly, kissing him and trying to lift him up to get him put of there

You were just about crying when he placed his hand on your chest

He directed you to his eyes, and did a "deep breath" motion

You took a couple deep breaths, yes

Once you all got home you couldn't stop cuddling him for hours, once in a while apologizing

SANFORD

This man is so goddamn stubborn i can just tell.

Its in his voice clear as day

If he thinks something is for the better, he'll act upon it and won't turn back

So when you decided to try and backflip on the kitchen table he tries to get you down

Of course, "TOO SLOW OLD MAN", you backflip

And actually landed it!

Unfortunately with Sanford's placement from missing your legs to get you down, you kicked him in the head when you landed

You immediately switched up your attitude, screeching your apology

"Babe, it's okay, that didn't even hu-" (it really didn't)

"BUT I KICKED YOU AND I SHOULDNT HAVE IM SO SORRY FUCK"

He flicks your cheek, which caught you off guard

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I'm such a bad person for that!" He frowned while you rubbed your cheek

You giggled, "It didn't even hurt..."

"Exactly."

DEIMOS

Hes also very anxious but it's more minimal obviously

Otherwise with everything going wrong he'd think its because of him and start breaking down

He thought you were always so cool, always bragging about how strong you are mentally and physically, and how you can hold your ground against the Auditor even

Of course when you two had a small debate that left Deimos heated, he walked away as calmly as he could, but didn't watch where he was going

He tripped and faceplanted onto the floor

He was outside of your room by then, but you immediately realized that he mustbe tripped

Intuition amirite

You were instantly at his side, feeling horrible

"Honey, I'm so sorry! I should've kept you in there oh my god I'm so sorry! I'm so awful for that, oh m-"

"Shut up, lovingly." he cut you off

You closed your rambling mouth and stared at him in your arms while his nose bled

"It's okay. I'll be okay. You didn't do anything wrong."

Hesitantly nodding, you helped him to the bathroom to clean his bloodied nose

TRICKY

You were sadly on the run from the main 3, who were trying to kill you for associating with Tricky

Hiding behind various rocks, buildings, and cars, you tried to evade them

What you didn't know is that Deimos managed to land a tracker on you when they first cornered you

So when you managed to get a distance away from them- back at Tricky's Clown Hideout- you assumed you were safe

And you got to see Tricky again so !!! :)

You mentioned how you were chased by that three and he made a sound of both anger and worry, but his next words froze you in fear

"THEY NO TRACK YOU?"

You recalled how Deimos specifically managed to get a hand on you

"Oh, motherfuc-"

You were suddenly grabbed by the clown's cold hands and shoved behind him as an arrow whizzed at you

It landed in Tricky instead

"DOWN TO HIDEOUT. GO. MANDATORY."

You were hyperventilating as you opened the hatch

"WHERE TRACKER?" you heard, just before his hand grabbed you again and ripped off a piece of your armor

The two of you managed to get down the hatch and lock you both in while the main 3 tried to get in overhead

"Holy shit Tricky honey I'm so sorry... I-I didn't notice the tracker," you couldn't stop staring at the several arrows sticking into the clown

He tilted his head, "YOU BE OBSERVANT NEXT TIME, THAT'S ALL"

So you both sat there in the room filled with circus toys and tools, Tricky trying to console you as the main 3 just gave up, assuming you two were long gone down in a tunnel that didn't exist 🤝

Clown Hideout (superior)

I lov e tricky I want to give him a big kith and smooch (but he'd kill me i think :()

[icedmetaltea]

i can't help myself. i see a friend reblog an ask game and i start RUNNING-

but uuuh how about #9, #13/14, and/or #10! Maybe #19 and #20 but i'm already asking you a lot so feel free to answer whatever one!

Never too many questions! I love to answer them and talk ya'lls ear off🥰 Thanks so much!

9. what do you think of the dca's canon appearance? Scary? Cute? Something else? -

I... I hate to say this, such a boring answer, but I feel pretty neutral about them?? Like, how do I explain this, like when I was a tiny kid I wasn't freaked out by clowns or creepyass robots like ppl my age were (I still remember going to a circus once and being completely serene while my siblings fuckin bawled their eyes out when they saw clowns gitrogjvorejgiro). In a way I suppose I also just find their designs appealing. They aren't pretty (well at least not traditionally so~), they have flaws, and that makes them so interesting.

But give canon sun like, normal black pupils and oh my god THEN I'm scared gjeurogujeiguierjiogjfsd

13/14. thoughts on pre-glitch sun/moon? -

I love seeing all the different takes on them! The funny thing is I find a lot of the time I write fics (stares at my trunk full of drafts) I tend to just straight-up ignore canon, like the virus never existed to begin with. That's partially cause I dislike heavy angst and partially cause it's fun to imagine they could act irrationally without any glitch (like a virus-free Sun who gradually becomes unhinged all on his own?? *chefs kiss*)

10. what keeps you in this fandom despite the very small amount of canon content the dca had? -

I will hyperfixate on shit for ages regardless of how much actual content there is. I find fan content is almost always much more thought-provoking than the source material since you get all these amazing artists/writers pouring their hearts into stuff. That's what keeps me around (plus the ideas that keep plaguing my head that need an OUTLET)

19. do you think you'd actually get along with the dca if you met them irl? -

To be honest I probably wouldn't meet them irl since I'm mega socially anxious and would never wanna be in a big pizzaplex, let alone around loudass kids. Buuuut hypothetically if it did happen... they'd most likely think I'm unfriendly since I naturally act uninterested/standoffish around ppl I have a crush on cause they make me so nervous, so they'd prolly just ignore me tbh ; - ; Then I always start feeling inferior and unlovable and hide in my lil shell till I go hide in a bathroom #Feelsbadman (that's the beauty of fictional husbands amirite)

20. free space! talk about whatever's on your mind! - I'm watching the Sandman rn and it's rlly good imo, the visuals are stunning

[whatsupspaceman]

What your avatar-sona says about you!!:

The Buried

- you bought a weighted blanket out of curiosity and now you can’t sleep without it

- made potions out random shit in the backyard as a kid

- gotta wear layers!!!

- have eaten an assortment of things you found outside on dares

- as nice as chilling in a soft pile of dirt sounds you still hate elevators and being trapped

The Corruption

- don’t you just want to be fully consumed by what loves you?

- obviously gay for jane prentiss

- thank god you don’t have trypophobia amirite

- touch starved

- traps spiders under a cup and takes them outside

The Dark

- hate the summer, heat, humidity, and wearing shorts

- you’re probably trans

- “hey what if we did actually destroy the sun thou-“

- running through the dark halls after you turn off the light in the basement is kinda exhilarating tbh

- stays up to ungodly hours bc the night is just so much more peaceful

The Desolation

- you’re a lesbian

- you stuck sticks in campfires just to wave them around and see the sparks

- probably got yelled at by an authority figure for literally playing with fire

- you’ve burned yourself cooking so many times because you get cocky and for some reason never wear oven mitts?? you always use random jackets or towels to take shit out of the oven Why.

The End

- grim reaper aesthetic and/or classic goth

- just wants some peace and quiet

- halloween is your favorite holiday

- takes naps whenever anything goes remotely wrong

- introverted, quiet, want to live in a witches cabin in a nice secluded wooden

The Eye

- we get it you’re gay

- you got bullied in middle school and would escape to the library to read books at a voracious pace you haven’t been able to replicate since

- you know so many obscure facts but you have the insecurity that it’s all surface level knowledge and you don’t actually know shit

- gifted child syndrome

The Flesh

- are you ok....

- tired of having a physical form but also put so much effort into your appearance

- idk the flesh kinda grosses me out you’re on your own for this one

The Hunt

- you like archery but you’ve probably only done it like twice

- every once in a while you get the panicked urge to run away and try to make it on your own in the woods bc wouldn’t that be simpler?

- weird kid. definitely pretended you were an animal 6/7 days of the week.

- also probably growled at people you didn’t like. you Probably grew out of this

- camp counselor aesthetic

The Lonely

- :/

- you’re also gay

- please take care of yourself

- you’ve resigned yourself to the fact that you might never be loved and known truly, but you will, once you find the right people. don’t give up!

- *mitski’s nobody on repeat*

- *also write me letters by the hot freaks on repeat*

- you are a tender soul and hopeless romantic but also like. haha is love even real

- once again don’t give up!!!

The Slaughter

- you’re one of those artists that draws either really aesthetic or really cutesy type gore

- you like knives. you own and carry around a switchblade not because you think you might actually Need the protection, but because it makes you feel cooler. also it makes you feel like a threat.

- you like vampires, and fangs, and anime

The Spiral

- flamboyant and trans

- you probably have adhd

- your main motivation is: you know what what if Other people felt like they were on the verge of going crazy for once? huh??

- “i saw this shirt at a store and the colors literally gave me a headache so of course i bought it”

-another really weird kid. you definitely make art and sometimes it’s the only way you can express what’s goin on inside your head

The Stranger

- you don’t know how to describe yourself that’s why you take so many personality quizzes

- *stares in the mirror* who is that other dog. i don’t like them.

- “haha i don’t have a personality i’m just an amalgamation of everything i’ve ever liked and stolen it”

- hush you Do have a personality. clown

The Vast

- you were obsessed with space and astronauts as a kid, obviously.

- you had your first existential crisis about space and the meaning of life and how small we are at a very young age and it changed how you think about the world

- just a little tastey hint of nihilism

- skydiving!! sky!! diving!! and rollercoasters

- you get flying dreams n wish you were a bird

The Web

- pretty likely to believe in fate

- less likely to believe in free will

- every time you get into a piece of media you have a wall of red strings and theories about plot and predictions

- over analyze everything

- also you have anxiety

- you can’t write Anything until you plan out every single plot point and character arc and scene and shot. i admire your resilience and commitment.

[jamaiskookie]

bangtan headcanon: OT7 IN HIGH SCHOOL 📓✂️

☞ genre; fluff, crack

☞ warnings; excessively stupid

masterlist  u wanna talk to highschool!bangtan?

《KIM SEOKJIN》

class clown

always manages to sneak kimbap in class, and stuffs his face despite being in the front row. 

he’s alarmingly good at sneaking food into places. 

cafeteria ladies love jin so much. 

and every christmas he brings in his perfected sugar cookies and never shares them.

(he’s in the cooking club)

((he’s the only one in the cooking club))

will interrupt the teacher to make a bad joke. 

“yes so helium is the fo- oh yes seokjin?“

“i was reading an excellent book about helium, i couldn’t put it down!! ahHAHAHHYUKHYUKAHHAHAHHA“ 

nobody’s?? really sure?? if he’s dating namjoon or not?? it’s the schools biggest mystery, there’s currently a betting pool going on worth about $500

likes to annoy namjoon and yoongi about holding bake sales. 

is surprisingly good at planning parties?? but never hosts them?? hoseok always gets him to plan his parties and he even planned prom!!

he’s particularly proud with the theme he came up with. 

‘zombie meets elegance‘ 

it was actually pretty nicely pulled off (much to the shock of the entire student body) 

《MIN YOONGI》

student council president 

takes his job very!! seriously!! 

fights with the principal on funding daily. 

doesn’t come to school without coffee and resting bitch face.

even the teachers are afraid of this short little emo boy. 

is the only one who actually wears the school uniform properly with the little tie and jacket because that’s how you show school spirit. 

definitely that closeted gay in high school who thinks nobody knows about his homosexuality when in fact, everyone knows.

(nobody has the guts to bring it up to him though)

“hyung why are you staring at jimin’s as-“

 “-NO WHY GET BACK TO WORK” 

actually enjoys doing morning announcements. 

“make sure to check out jin’s dumb bake sale i think he’s selling brownies for some charitable reason anYWAYS time for min’s advice column!!“ 

min’s advice column is yoongi’s free therapy. namjoon suggested adding an advice column to the school paper so now yoongi just judges his classmates’s decisions gives subpar advice. 

“i personally think you have no chance with this girl, but you’re clearly hell bent on asking her out. it’s a dumb choice. good luck.“ 

《JUNG HOSEOK》

fuckboy

throws obnoxious parties at his parent’s huge ass mansion. 

somehow?? is?? the nicest? playboy??? evER??

will respect your girl’s boundaries but also would 300% hit on her when you’re not looking. 

aftercare king wILL cuddle with you and help you clean up or whatever until jimin eventually comes in screaming. 

his school id says “hobi 💦👅” ... noone knows how he managed to do it (taehyung thinks he seduced the secretary) 

surprisingly good at romance even though he deTests dating

“it’s a waste of time, money, and ass.“  “- what?”

gives everyone dating advice whether they want it or nOt- he lives his *shhh very secret* romantic fantasies through his best friends. 

once helped taehyung ask out his girlfriend... they’re still going strong!!

defo has daddy issues that he never talks about,, maybe if a girl finds it sexc™️ in that kind of messed-up-bad-boy-she-could-fix vibe he’ll bring it up

kinda failing science lmao he probably needs a tutor.. but will never admit he needs a tutor for sake of his pride. 

most definitely has had sex in the janitor’s closet a couple times, up until yoongi caught him once, reported him to the school board and got him suspended... for a month. 

(yoongi has no regrets, that was the best month of his life.)

《KIM NAMJOON》

student vice president

honestly would probably be the council president and is the most qualified for it but can’t be bothered.

plus he hates public speaking and the president has to speak at assemblies.  

genuinely enjoys learning!! bUT HATES GROUP PROJECTS

because every single fucking time taehyung and jimin pester him about teaming up and he ends up doing like 75% of the work.

not because anyone forces him to or anything.

it’s because jimin and tae are such dumbasses every time they finish their work namjoon has a sudden uRGE TO REDO ALL OF IT BC THEY GOT IT WRONG.

tries to take all AP subjects.

gives up and drops half of them by the second semester.

great student but also will “no yoongi i don’t want to fucking play basketball i've been awake for thirty hours trying to finish this goddamn essay that’s due tomorrow. wHAT DO YOU MEAN WHY DIDN’T I DO IT EARLIER I WAS BUSY TAKING CARE OF MY BONSAI TREES.“

started the school paper!! it’s called “persona post”

writes about actual relevant things like political events and global problems, but everyone else just writes about school gossip *sigh*

although that one column examining hobi’s sex and dating life was a pretty fun piece of writing to read through. 

he sits in the back of the classroom and never raises his hand even though he knows the answer like 95% of the time.

definitely has a crush on seokjin

《PARK JIMIN》

the one everyone has a crush on

and when i say everyone i mean everyone, even hoseok has had a crisis over park jimin. 

(jungkook is definitely president of his fan club) ((in case it wasn’t clear, he’s dating jungkook))

school’s golden boy, basically gets away with everything with a bat of an eye... and the most infuriating thing is he doesn’t even realise it. 

“omg jimin!! you’re so cute!! this shirt looks sO good on you, can i touCH?” “omg thank you i didn’t think it fit well because it’s my boyfriends but that’s so sweet!!” “boy... hm?”

mom friend: sweetest bitch alive and is always worrying about his friends but everyone knows he’s secretly really fucking kinky.

(again, jungkook has no comment)

the kind of person who celebrates christmas in june. 

literally- he starts putting decorations in his locker and around the school mid june. by november, he’s wearing reindeer ears to school.

*lowkey kind of a nerd* genuinely enjoys studying with namjoon.

“well, studying with anybody else is just too stressful!! plus, namjoon’s so chill. he doesn’t look like it but he actually is super sweet and nice!!!“

“... please take those reindeer ears off, it’s embarrassing.“ 

half of the school would probably cut off an arm to sleep with him. seriously, he gets offers like everYDAY it’s kinda getting tiRING

is considering starting a youtube channel where he just takes videos of all the dogs and babies he meets throughout the day. 

“idk i think vlogging would be fun“

《KIM TAEHYUNG》

art hoe

nEVER FUCKING STUDIES OR PAYS ATTENTION BUT GETS DECENT GRADES.

the definition of bisexual mess, WILL trip when he sees hot people.

exclusively wears wired gold glasses and soft neutral sweaters to school. if it’s a good day he’ll wear a beanie. on special occasions he’ll maybe throw in some fUN loafers.

dyes his hair to match ~the vibes~ of that season. the most recent wild hair colour is cool toned teal. 

jungkook said he looks like leprechaun shit, but tae really likes it. 

tried to go vegan countless times, failed each and every one when he passed by a mc donalds. 

carries his sketchbook wherever he goes. he has that thing around 24/7, 100% would not be surprised if he slept with it under his pillow.

really quiet until he has a point to make;; like that time where he launched into a three hour screaming lecture on how phineas and ferb is an animated masterpiece.

drinks tea purely for the aesthetic of it. 

goes to hipster coffee shops to pretend to study... ends up watching barbie movies and critiquing them on the writing blog that he thinks nobody knows about. 

watches anime in class (he recently rewatched all of ATLA for the third time,, failed his econ class but worth it!!1!!1)

《JEON JUNGKOOK》

preppy jock

once again, everyone is attracted to him, but he’s so whipped for jimin everyone’s crush fades away once they talk to him because-

“oh it’s so cool that you have a dog!! you know, i think jimin kind of looks like a pomeranian sometimes it’s sO CUTE- hm? oh jimin’s my boyfriend.“

... it’s disgustingly adorable. 

plays almost every sport and is somehow always the team captain. not out of obligation or with leadership skills or anything, everyone else just votes for him. 

mess with his friends and he’ll put a stink bomb in your locker. 

his nickname is “golden baby” because he’s good at everything, teachers love him so much. 

grades? sTELLAR. sports? he’s done them ALL. creativity? pAINTED THE SCHOOL MURAL. service? volunteers at a pet shelter whenever he can (the bunnies love him for some reason) 

everyone either is 

a) in love w him, wants to fuck

b) jealous of him but is also secretly gay for him

pretends to not know how talented and cool he is and plays it off super cool

proceeds to fail, the only thing he’s bad at is humble bragging. 

“wow omg lol i got a 100 on my bio test and yesterday i got a hole in one in golf, my first time playing it but it’s chill i guess hahhah day in my life amirite.“

**this headcanon is the start of the bangtan school series, stay tuned**

wanna be tagged in school series or my writing? here or send me an ask

[fanfictioninc]

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ADMINS

Levi✨ @erotikkook — I’m Levi or Lee ngl don’t care which one you use. I’m 18 most days (young CEO au what can I tell you?) I pretty much just draw & eat when I’m not staring over your shoulder (file your paperwork in I see you slacking). Nice to meet you and I hope you enjoy your newly found corporate imprisonment- I mean, corporate status.

Marinette✨ @chemicalpink — Put that fic on your designated paperwork for the net or so help me. CEO Marinette at your service. Avid fic reader/writer and corporate enthusiast whose goal is to boost the hard work of content creators.

Ash✨ @jimilter — I'm CEO Ash, 23, full-time crackhead and stuck in a pre-corp life, part-time writer and heaux. I'm sensitive but fierce, passionate but forgetful, so idk how to categorise myself, I'm human? I guess? Just trying to make it one day at a time, man (the true corporate struggle) Oh, and super excited to have everyone in office with us! Looking forward to some amazing time and full work hours from you 👀

Yannie✨ @ressjeon — Ayo schmoopsie-poos! I’m alyanna also known as CEO Yannie 🥴 I’m 21 and a clown who writes very slow (the scarers leaderboard would have nothing on me) WELCOME TO THE CORPORATE LIFE, I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR 9 TO 5 STAY

MODERATORS

Elle✨ @faithalenora — 2319! You’ve got yourselves a 2319! Hello! My name is Elle but you can call me Ellie! I’m 18, but the size of a toddler. I’m almost always running on 5 hours of sleep so I look dead most of the time but I swear I’m fine! (Really, someone’s gotta keep the company running) I absolutely love talking about anything and everything so please don’t be afraid to reach out!

Jay✨ @jayhopely — My name’s Jay and I think I have smth to say here :) Using mainly my very limited attention span and hawk eyes (rip), I would like to say that if I catch any of my co-workers slacking, I will file a complaint to the CEOs... well if you pay me enough anything's possible,,, so uhhh yeahh shhh~ But anyhoo, I'm 18 with many skills with includes but is not limited to putting the USB right on my first try (cool amirite?) but anyhoo once again,, lets get this freaking bread (or cake teehee)!!

[romansrace]

Season 13 Sassy Reviews - E1: The Pork Chop

Salutations! Here we are with a quick run of episode 1 - which we can all charitably say was a hot mess, right?

The queens gathered, split into pairs - and one three (would it be Drag Race without one ill-thought-out extra large or extra small team?) to lipsync for their lives in Episode 1 with... no eliminations, because the fandom loves a no-win no-elim premiere, amirite? ...

And of course with this format where they could go all out with gaggery, the producers of course chose... to protect their favorite queens at all costs and clearly signpost to the audience from the first minute exactly who they want us to care about and root for.

Is this the moment the show jumped the shark? Full lipsync review after the jump.

First lipsync is between obvious Vanjie/Shangie-esque life and soul of the party Kandy Muse who blasts into the werkroom with energy at 11, and self-described ‘filler queen’ Joey Jay who boasted in her Meet the Queens of never wearing a wig yet showed up looking like 2001 Christina Aguilera in her entrance look and a notably more subdued 2021 Pink in her confessional.

They lipsync to Carly Rae Jepsen’s Call Me Maybe. Joey gives us all the right showgirl tricks and follows the song hitting every beat and word, while Kandy plays up a schtick and comedy with a few dance moves thrown in for good measure. All in all, it was a pretty equal start in my view from two queens neither of whom are likely lipsync assassins. However, the producers had a different idea, and Kandy is given the first shantay while Joey sashays away.

The second lipsync features ice skater (did you know she skates? It was only hammered home about 8 times in the 3 minutes of screentime she got) Denali vs dancer and seeded-not-the-best-look-queen LaLa Ri, who is very high energy in the confessionals compared to Denali’s slightly more subdued and cautious remarks. Want to guess who wins without even watching it?

Yes, once again, despite Denali pulling an amazing performance out of the bag to the PussyCat Dolls’ When I Grow Up in full-on ice skates on a normal floor including  a Naomi-Smalls-esque full body back bend and a cartwheel, you’ve guessed it, the louder confessional queen wins the second lipsync too, and Denali is sent out back to the loser queens’ holding room.

The third lipsync is between young look queen Symone wearing a dress made of photographs of herself (choices) and cancer-surviving well-established queen mother Tamisha Iman. They’ll perform to Janet Jackson’s The Pleasure Principle. To reiterate, a young, confident, beautiful looks queen - who is friends with Gigi Goode, from the last season - versus an older queen who has been doing drag for 30 years and has tried to get on many years previously. Gosh, wonder who the producers will favor.

If you guessed Symone... you’d be right. Despite Tamisha giving us a near-perfect rendition of Janet-esque choreography with handography the house down boots in a Janet-esque colored suit with shoulderpads, the shantay goes to Symone for...I guess waving her hands in the air a bit and strutting. In truth, Symone did not do badly in the lipsync, but did she win it? Not in my book.

Our resident two kooky queens are up next; Gottmik who is inspired by clowns, and Utica Queen who is inspired by colors and patterns mixed up and blended together. Gottmik is also the franchise’s first trans man competitor.

The two queens give it all they’ve got to Rumors - by Lindsay Lohan. This one’s pretty even, but of course, there was no way they were going to let RuPaul eliminate a trans contestant on the first episode after her past controversies - although, given the number of contestants, a double shantay would be perfectly doable AND would probably build early rapport between the pair - so it’s instead a shantay for Gottmik only and a sashay for Utica.

Fifth lipsync with only one to go gives the floor to Rosé, the drag sister of Jan, from season 12, and Olivia Lux, a young queen who admires and has always looked up to Rosé. Does anyone smell a storyline here?

Rosé is asked by the judges before the lipsync - to Elle King’s Ex’s & Oh’s - starts if she expects to do better than Jan did. Ru has a nasty twinkle in her eye that suggests that no matter how Rosé answers, she’ll make sure it doesn’t come true. Once again, Olivia and Rosé perform quite evenly matched. Olivia arguably gets a bit more into the song, but equally, she breaks into some non-drag-esque air guitar moments that previously saw contestants like Yuhua Hamasaki eliminated. In any case, once again, the typical happens, and it’s bye bye to Rosé while Olivia is given the win.

And finally, we have a three-way lipsync, and the first time I was personally even a little gooped because this resulted in only one queen winning rather than only one sashaying away, meaning that as of the end of episode 1, Season 13 has eliminated over half of its cast. Choices. (Although as if they won’t be back in some way...)

The final three queens into the werkroom are the slightly wallflower-esque yet shady Kahmora Hall, confident-but-perhaps-deluded Elliott with Two T’s, and the big girl winner stereotype the show has clearly been trying to capture for four seasons now, hostess, actress, and comedy queen Tina Burner, a mainstay of the New York drag scene.

Lady Marmalade is the lipsync song this time. Kahmora is a little outclassed by the other two, Elliott especially, who pulls out a number of tricks, flips, and a full side split - even in not the best outfit for the showgirl classic in her half-tank and cargo pants. Tina Burner holds her own with a comedy lipsync playing on her height and age, but it’s quite obvious that she would have been given this win almost no matter how she did. And she does - shantay you stay Tina Burner, and you other two, get off my stage! - was the vibe.

And so we go into episode 2 with six of the 13 queens clearly marked out as The Winners. Do we need any clearer demarcation of who the producers’ favorites will be this season? Is that guaranteed the top 6 - or maybe, at least, most of the places within the top 7 or 8?

I’d love to be gagged by changes as the season goes along, but this premiere had an almost-but-not-quite self-aware vibe to it that left me feeling uneasy in a way I haven’t since season 11. The eliminated queens looked - perhaps unsurprisingly, given the stressful nature of 2020, when this was filmed - genuinely devastated to be put into the losers group on their first episode, only to be told that they can only save themselves by Survivor-esque voting off themselves one of their number - a trick that works better on All Stars because we know by then all the queens competing are wealthy and already well-established, and have just come back for the game, rather than to make or break their livelihood.

I’m very cautious as to how this season will go now, and, to be honest, it’s not quite a death knell, but this did feel like the first steps into a new - and not necessarily better - era for the franchise.

But on the plus side, after this episode, I have a new and unexpected fan favorite queen - Justice for Tamisha Iman!

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

@otumbalt

The message you sent was fanmail, I think! And as such, I couldn’t reply directly (tumblr confuses me sometimes and I couldn’t find a reply button. If y’all know better pls do let me know if I need to put my clown shoes on LMAO). Thank you for the kind words though!! I really appreciate it, and I’m looking forward to more complexity from Cybird, too! 

That being said, I did want to touch on something you said because I’m still drowning in my feels and languishing. “the push and pull between comte’s rationality and his desire to love and be loved was something that I really enjoyed from his route” you. you get it. There’s nothing I love more than a man that’s self-aware, and it’s such a rare treat when it comes to fiction, at least in my experience. 

Some spoilers for his MS beneath the cut to explain why this resonated so deeply with me, so no touchy if you’re waiting to read on your own! c:

Because that’s exactly it. At first he is 100% just trying to help her get situated. He’s being rational. Sure, he’s excited to have a guest--he likes meeting new people in general, learning what he can from them (can you feel my uwus). But it’s only when she debuts that he begins to realize that this isn’t just enjoying her company. He finds her dazzling, far beyond what constitutes friendly curiosity. If that sounds too convenient, I can confirm that he takes her to the venue of her debut, dressed in clothes he picked out (which he emphasizes is something that greatly pleases him, looks wonderful on her). And he begins to wonder if this is what it feels like to have a daughter, to look on with earnest fondness and want only the best for her.

But the sugar daddy act ends REAL quick.

There is an attending nobleman that comments on how lovely she is, insinuates a kind of desire to know if she’s single or not with his attraction. And he suddenly becomes quite incensed by that comment, feels genuine irritation. Combined with that is the moment in which MC becomes a little nervous, says that she’s unsure if she’s really worthy of this kind of attention. Comte, in his POV story, is shocked to hear that she’s anxious. She powered through lessons on decorum and dancing, never once complained about his days-long fussing. And he realizes that it’s not because she didn’t feel any discomfort, but because she chose to be strong--chose to keep trying. This is the moment in which he realizes that he cares for her deeply, and that she doesn’t see herself clearly. She’s beautiful in the conventional sense, absolutely--but it’s more than that for him. She’s beautiful because she’s always doing her best, always cares about the people around her enough to try to power through. And that’s what the people around her were truly responding to. Anybody can get dolled up, but to be admired or loved usually requires more substance.

And so he tells her that, caught in the moment of realization. “You’re beautiful...” And she replies that it’s all thanks to the attire he got her, the jewelry gleaming from every part of her. But he falters--tries to clarify, before the opportunity is lost and dies in his throat. 

That was only the first step in his long and exponential descent into love for her. The thing that’s so moving about Comte is that he tries so very hard to contextualize with the knowledge he has. Remember, he keeps telling himself, she’s from the future. She has a place to return to. No matter how curious, no matter how attracted, he was never meant to enter that picture. They were two of a very different kind, irreconcilable in that regard too. Tainting her with his selfishness, with that desire for companionship that’s always been such a difficult obstacle for him, isn’t her responsibility. It’s his. He needed to put her first. And he had every intention to.

Until she saw the wavering parts of him, the fragile ones that only come out in glances--beyond his control, beyond his good sense. And she handled his worries with such care, such compassion that it strikes him to the very core. There’s a good number of chapters where he’s trying and utterly failing to stop her from doting on him, falls into her little gestures of kindness, of attention. 

It takes Leonardo to stop and say that his attempts are pathetic. That it couldn’t be clearer that le Comte is hopelessly in love with her. His indictment forces Comte to backtrack, forces him to try and cut her off entirely. He’s mortified at himself, at his failing self-control. Four hundred years and he can’t manage to stop instigating feelings between himself and one woman in the space of one month? And more than anything, he truly is under the operating assumption that this is in her best interest; that he must stop if this if it is to end in anything other than tragedy. For him, it the ultimate culmination of his own failure to take responsibility, exercise foresight, and consider her feelings.

Needless to say, none of this goes to plan in the end. 

Now, I’d like to clarify something. MC, this whole time, doesn’t really find any fault with all of that. She thinks it’s nice to see him let down his guard, doesn’t mind comforting him when he confides in her now and again. She just sees the man that chose to care about her first, and fell in love with his conscientious concern for people. She doesn’t see his vulnerability as a shortcoming, the way that he does. And that’s where the tension arises. Because Comte is literally staring at his hands internally screaming at himself, while MC is like “you know if we made out, that would be awesome. Can’t believe I might become the foster mom to nine weird genius vampires, but you never know what life brings amirite”

In that way, the route is almost funny, but mostly sad, in how ridiculously inaccurate Comte’s self-perception is. He thinks that asking for help, asking to be cared for, is fundamentally a breach of conduct. Not just...being a person that needs support from time to time?? (He does me a big concern ;-;)

Regardless, and maybe it’s just me, but there’s just something so moving about seeing him so affected? He truly does everything in his power to prove that he is unworthy, does everything in his power to believe that he’s unworthy. But MC won’t be swayed, no matter how scary or difficult things get--no matter how great the gulf of time or life is between them. No matter how many times being with him might result in her being threatened, she doesn’t care. Sure it’s scary, but she doesn’t deem it enough to divide them. She tried to distance herself “for own good” too, following his lead, and it just didn’t work for either of them.

Would you all like to know what it is that gets him to finally acquiesce? What it is that makes him raise the white flag, any defensiveness gone, only endless love and trust taking its place? The second where his desire to love and be loved wins out, all rationality scrapped?

They discuss the events of Vlad’s abduction, and Comte levels with her. Says that if what happened is enough to destroy whatever attraction for him that she had felt, he wouldn’t judge her. She was still more than free to go home, to live her life. When she protests, he pulls his trump card. He gets very serious, looks her in the eye, and asks what she thinks about turning. If he were to pose the question, what would be her response?

And MC, bless her heart, says that she hasn’t decided, because that is something for them to decide together. She certainly won’t force him to do it, but she wants to know what he feels about it before coming to any kind of concrete decision--or even temporary one. Because that’s the whole point. That’s what it means to be in love with someone. It means having someone by your side, someone that’s there to listen and put you first--just as they should be putting you first, too. It means that any course of action is made hand-in-hand, that we check in with each other first; that we hear and help each other out, no matter how confused or paralyzed or exhausted. That’s what makes Comte start laughing with relieved delight, any hesitations gone. That’s when their relationship is solidified, when Comte chooses to devote himself--no matter what hardships the future brings--to her. Because for the first time in his life, he knows he will never have to carry anything all alone anymore, and he is at ease. 

In short, thanks Cybird I’m sobbing now and forever for one gold pixelated man pls don’t look at me

[mizufae]

4, 9, 21, 30, 48, 68

SO MANY ASKS, MY BOREDOM RECEDES

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

ugh. I was the super smart but smelly kid, basically. I got placed in a GT core program in 4th grade (gifted and talented) and even there I was immediately shuffled to the second to last rung on the social ladder, I was the most normal one of the kids who ate erasers and were obviously autistic. Like also, I guess I was described as “an old soul” and “rude” because I used bad words. Before the GT program I was a bookworm and before that I was “extremely shy” but in 2nd grade I woke up one morning and was suddenly obnoxious. I suspect that my teachers didn’t know what the hell to do with me most of the time, but I always got really good grades despite refusing to do a lot of homework so it was kind of hard to crack my nut, I guess. One time in fifth grade I was called “tactless”.

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Honeysuckle on a warm clear night.

The town I moved to when I was seven years old has a big festival every year with craft booths and outdoor concerts and lots of food and carnival stuff and they have fireworks! It was within walking distance of our house, so every summer we’d walk there in the afternoon and spend a couple evenings there. This was how I saw Carbonleaf for free about a month before they made it really big! Anyway, here is the memory:

Walking home at night, sticky leather sandals on my feet. My friend met up with me while at the festival and she peels off to get to her neighborhood a few blocks along. My mom and dad are meandering about half a block ahead of me. I have a cracked glowstick around my neck, it’s a soft green and pink. The firework smoke has mostly cleared and the nearly full moon washes the dark streets with enough light to navigate without the flashlight my mom had tucked in her purse. The streets on this block don’t have sidewalks so we have to be careful, but everyone is walking home around this time so it’s not too dangerous. The breeze passes through and any lingering smoke is blown away, replaced with a floral waft. I don’t understand what it is until I bump into my parents who have stopped. My dad is picking at a bush that’s grown over a chainlink fence. “What are you doing?”

“Eating honeysuckle,” my dad responds. I make an incredulous noise. “You can eat it, see? You pick a flower, like this, without any leaves on the bottom, and then pinch off the bottom. The stamen will come through and pull the nectar down... Then you suck it like the bottom of an ice cream cone. It’s sweet. Here, try it.”

After I try one and mangle it, my dad prepares one for me. I’m surprised. I’d only eaten pansies before, and those tasted like mint and parsley had a baby, not sweet at all. “Can you eat the petals?”

“Yeah, but they don’t taste like anything. Here, you want more?”

“I can do it this time.”

“Okay, be careful though, don’t pick any too low down, dogs can pee on it.”

“Ew, Dad!”

At this point my mother chides us on back home, but I pulled off a big tendril to pick at the rest of the way.

21. obsession from childhood?

When I was little I was terrified of most things, but a big thing that really freaked me out was clowns and also people in mascot costumes. As an adult I have made some uh... progress on this (am I a furry? am I a clownfucker? I not NOT those things...) but anyway in an attempt to get me to maintain my chill if I accidentally found a clown or mascot at one of a million children friendly places where such characters appear without warning (the zoo, a baseball game, the mommy and daughter beauty pageant my mom idiotically signed us up for when I was like, three... every halloween ever... the library...) they rented this movie that was like, a behind the scenes clown circus documentary.

I have spent a solid 20 minutes trying to look it up just now and it is ungoogleable because of all the trendy murderous clown bullshit these days, thanks a lot stephen king, but anyway. My older brother had to watch it with me the first time but it was like... the clown showed how he went from just a guy through every step of putting on the makeup and costume, and some juggling stuff and some other tricks, and what makes a funny physical joke, and some other circus things... And then he took off the clown outfit and became a regular guy again. I WAS OBSESSED. Apparently, I requested we rent this movie from blockbuster EVERY TIME for MONTHS to the point where blockbuster offered to sell us the VHS. I still remained scared of clowns for years after this but it helped me out a lot and also it’s connected to my whole thing about practical effects. I also watched the jim hensons secrets of the muppets thing about twenty bajillion times, it all exists in the same space in my brain.

30. places that you find sacred?

Gazebos and thresholds, mostly. Also I once had a religious experience staring at a Van Gogh in the National Gallery of London. It was Wheatfield with Crows. I don’t think I saw god, because I dont particularly believe in god much, but I do feel like... some part of me cracked open and was able to connect with some part of a person who had painted it a hundred years ago. I only learned that it was possibly the last thing he ever painted like, a year later. I was in London visiting a friend who had moved there a year before, we were in our senior year of high school, I was 17 and applying to art schools at the time, so maybe it was just a thing about, like, the right time and mental space for it, but also... me and Vincent are like... yeah. This is what I hope I see when I die, etc.

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

I hope that I would be an apricot but that’s just cuz I really like them. Maybe I am a coconut, hairy on the outside and a hard nut to crack.

When I started to grow boobs, my mom told me a funny story about how in college she walked in on her roommate standing in front of the mirror in just her underwear, cupping her breasts. And when my mom was like “uh... what are you... doing?” her roommate was like “sigh... do you think I have oranges? Or are they more like tangerines... I wish I had grapefruits like you!” and from then on the citrus system of breast classification was set. Hippies, amirite?

Anyway my boobs kept growing and growing and growing. I am currently a K cup??? But anyway one day as a teenager I was in the grocery store and they had these fruits that were EVEN BIGGER than a grapefruit. They were pale green and smelled really nice! And when we sliced it open it had SO MUCH PITH, but the fruit inside was a pretty pink... It’s a pomelo! The precursor to grapefruits. My breasts are now bigger than even pomelos, but whenever I see them in the market I’m like “my boob fruit!”

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

I try my best to taste foods I’ve disliked over and over again throughout the years to get myself to become okay with them because I find the enjoyment of food to be vitally important to my willingness to continue existing. But one thing I will NEVER force myself to eat again is natto. I tried it about four different times, once the cheap conbini kind, once at an extremely swanky japanese hotel breakfast, one in a really nice sustainable sushi restaurant with my favorite fish mackerel, once from a friend’s fridge, and UGH, every time, I just wanna spit it back out immediately. Sorry, fam.

In terms of things that come in different flavors I think the grossest soda is the grapefuit favorito which is like drinking bubbly soap.

[domesticated-feral]

Steo Week 2020, Day 5

Title: Date Night on Halloween

Prompt: Halloween Rating: Teen Warning: cursing, lot’s of cursing. WC: 1627

You can also read it on my AO3

Summary:

Spooky season has begun and dates have to be exclusively spooks as well.

~

Stiles just finished up his work at the sheriff station when his phone pinged. He looks at the notification and it was his boyfriend, Theo.

Babe Are you free tonight?

Stiles Yeah, just go off work

Babe Get ready by 7

Ominous, but it’s Theo, what should anyone expect.

Stiles Sure, see you then Read 6:32 PM

Stiles takes his keys and heads out the station. He gets in his jeep and drives home. It’s been some time since Stiles and Theo got together and they hadn’t moved in together yet. Neither had Stiles got an apartment for himself. He was fresh out of college, still living with his old man.

“Hey pops,” he said as he stepped in to find his father cooking dinner.

“Stiles, how was work?” his dad asked.

“Nothing much happened today, including in the supernatural. It’s all mundane, but, I have a date tonight,” Stiles said, leaning against the wall as he watched his dad cook.

“On Halloween? he’s probably taking you to a horror movie,” his dad said.

“We’ll see, uh, I gotta go get ready,” Stiles said as he began climbing up the stairs.

“Don’t forget to add salt, dad!” he added, poking his head through the gaps between the banisters, remembering that his dad always forgets salt.

“Thank, Stiles,” his dad said as he reached for the salt.

Stiles scampers to his room and gets out of his tan uniform. He looks through his closet, wondering what he has to wear, so he texts his loving boyfriend.

Stiles What do I have to wear?

Babe Wear anything you want

Stiles Ok Read 6:24 PM

Stiles takes out a dark blue button-up and a nice pair of grey jeans. He quickly takes a small shower before changing into the clothes. He looks at himself in the mirror, combing his hand through his hair.

He looks at the digital clock on the bedside table, he still has 10 minutes before Theo comes to pick him up, so he heads downstairs. His father had finished cooking and he was sitting down to eat what he had cooked.

“Ever since you retired, you began cooking classes and actually eating healthy for once, what did you cook today?” Stiles asks sitting in front of his dad.

“Just plain ol’ stew,” His dad said.

“Oh, well it looks delicious,” Stiles said, noticing that the vegetables were slightly charred, but his dad was enjoying what he cooked.

Someone knocks at the front door, someone meaning Theo. Stiles strides up to the door and opens it.

“Hey,” Stiles greeted.

“Hi babe, c’mon, we don’t want to be late,” Theo said, pecking Stiles on the lips.

Stiles grins and he follows Theo to his car. Stiles excitedly sat in the passenger seat, while Theo drove them to who knows where. They pull up in front of a black warehouse, with people lining up in front.

“A haunted house, alright, don’t expect me to scream and jump into your arms, though,” Stiles said as Theo parked the car.

Theo smirks, remembering how Stiles says that he isn’t scared, but would end up throwing popcorn everywhere at the slightest jumpscare when they watched a horror movie.

They go up to the line and when they reach the counter, Theo pays for both of them and the attendee gives them two wristbands that they’d have to wear during the whole experience. As they inched closer to the haunted house, Stiles' heart raced and Theo heard it loud and clear.

He softly squeezes Stiles’ hand and looks at him, “you’re totally scared and excited.”

Stiles nods, “no, I’m not scared and yes, I’m excited, very excited, thrilled, pumped.”

“Scaredy cat,” Theo teased.

“I’m not a scaredy-cat,” Stiles protested.

Just as he said that one of the haunted house scarers came up to them from behind, scaring Stiles, just by standing behind him.

“Holy shit!” Stiles screamed, making Theo snicker.

Tonight was going to be the death of Stiles’ throat, he could feel it. The attendees let them in and they slowly walk through the dark hallways.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck,” Stiles panted as they walked through a hallway with paintings hanging on the walls.

One of the paintings slid and a nun lunged out to them, albeit bloody and bruised, with a sharpened cross. Stiles physically jumped back while Theo got startled. Stiles hung on to Theo’s arms, hiding behind him as they walked into a room.

His heart raced as he got scared by people coming out of doors and windows and even a mannequin he thought was just a fake decoy turned out to be real.

“Fuck you!” Stiles screamed as it lunged toward Stiles.

As Stiles tried to regain himself to move forward, the mannequin lunges at him again, scaring Theo.

“No! You do it once, not twice!” Theo shouted as he moved with Stiles into a hallway.

Doors open and zombies lunge out, left and right, scaring Stiles and Theo. One of the scarers wore a pig mask and scared Stiles by running after him with a chainsaw. Stiles holding on to Theo begins running and he trips on the floor.

“Don’t kill me, kill Theo instead!” Stiles screams at the ‘pig-man’.

“What?!” Theo said, confused.

Stiles crawls down the rest of the hallway until the pig-man stopped following them, they walk into a musty room, filled with leaves, and during the whole time, Stiles cowered behind Theo at every jumpscare.

“I’ll protect you, Theo, I’ll protect you,” Stiles said as he walked behind Theo, hugging him from behind.

Two men crawl to them with decoy knives in their hands and Stiles pushes himself against the wall, gripping tightly on Theo’s t-shirt as he uses Theo to block them. While Theo tries to push them away by swishing his arms around himself.

After they disappear, Stiles and Theo continue on down the room and enters a dark hallway.

“My throat is hoarse, I am blind as fuck right now, come at me motherfuckers!” Stiles said, feeling around the walls as he walks down the dark hallway.

Stiles looks at Theo and gets startled at Theo’s golden eyes, “AAH! Fuck, sorry!” he said as he accidentally yelled right at Theo’s face.

“Sir, no night vision please,” an attendee at a corner said to Theo.

“You, my man, are not scary, thank you,” Stiles said to the attendee.

Theo rolls his eyes before going back to normal vision, and now he saw what Stiles say.

“How is this scary? It’s all dark,” He said, and just as he says so, the pig-man comes up and scares them again with his chainsaw.

“Shit! Run, Theo, RUUNN!!” Stiles screams as he runs down the hallway.

At the end of the hallway was a circus setting, fake clowns and animals, covered in blood. Stiles and Theo were clinging onto each other, as they slowly walked through the claustrophobic space between the clowns and decoy animals. To Theo’s right, a clown moves, pushing Stiles into the hands of a decoy mannequin, who Stiles clings on to.

“You’re not Theo!” Stiles screams and runs back to Theo, “we don’t split up in these kinds of situations!”

“You left me!” Theo said.

“No, you ran away!” Stiles said.

Their quarrel was cut short with another unexpected jumpscare by the pig-man. Stiles falls backward and as he does, he brings Theo down with him.

“What is up with the motherfucking pig?!” Theo shouts.

Stiles and Theo get up and walk out of the circus room while getting jump scared by 3 clowns.

The last hallway down, they get jump scared by a very dehydrated looking woman zombie.

“Get me out of this hellhole!” Stiles said as he jumped onto Theo.

Another scarer comes at them, slower than usual but enough to make Stiles back against the wall, “ha, you came slow, that’s good, A+ for you!” he said, chuckling out of fear.

As they walk out of the haunted house, Stiles takes a sigh of relief, feeling the cold October air hit his face. Theo wipes the sweat off his face and hugs Stiles.

“Finally, it’s don- AAAH!”Stiles was saying and the pig-man once again crawled up behind him.

“Peppa motherfucking pig, amirite?” Theo said to Stiles, as he pants from the scare.

“I think I peed my pants a little,” Stiles managed to say through his deep breaths.

Theo chuckles and they walk along to the exit where if they’d like, they can take pictures with other attendees wearing the same costumes like the ones inside, of course, Stiles and Theo got a picture with pig-man.

They drove home and Stiles was still shaken by the haunted house, his ears slightly ringing.

“So, scaredy-cat, want me to sleep with you tonight?” Theo asked.

“First of all, it was not scary at all, and yes please,” Stiles said.

As Theo rolls up the driveway, he stares at Stiles with the look that says ‘liar’.

“Fine, it was hella scary, especially the pig,” Stiles said as Theo turns the car engine off.

They walk to Stiles’ room where both of them change into their nightwear which is just boxers, and they crawl into bed.

Stiles was exhausted and comfortable in Theo’s arms. Theo’s warm body was very needed on a cold October night like tonight. Theo seemed to fall almost asleep before Stiles, so he decided to prank him.

“Boo!” Stiles whispered into Theo’s ear.

Theo jolted a little before realizing that he was fine, “was that to get me back for taking you to a haunted house?”

“Maybe?” Stiles said as he snuggled himself into Theo’s arms.

“Ok,” Theo said.

He pressed a small kiss on Stiles’ forehead and held the boy close as he fell into slumber.

~

[georgesdamnton]

ok, uve roasted the amrev, can you roast the engrev??

CAN I?? JOKES ON YOU IM AN EXPERT ON 17TH CENTURY ENGLAND BITCH HAHA

If you want a more focused roast like individuals, parliaments, parties, etc, you're gonna have to send a different ask cus this is a vague infodump of my grievances with the commonwealth.

Warning: digression ahead.

Firstly, I've never heard anyone refer to the republic as "engrev" and I'm shook. The only time I've heard people even use the word revolution is for the Glorious """Revolution""", and I've written 2 separate papers on why that doesn't count as a revolution in any way, so don't get me started on that. I'm assuming by "engrev" you mean the no-more-king part, like frev and amrev does.

[[MORE]]

So which part of "engrev" (it's growing on me ngl) was stupid and lame? Most of it. No offence. Wait I'm the English person here why am I no offence-ing you? Yes offence. England sucks. Stupid clown country. A key part of "engrev" is that the British parliament sucked and still sucks. Full of morons since 1215. Our government is, and always has been, a joke. So since we hate the monarchy, we are pro-republic, autocracy is a terrible system and we actively fight it: we don't have an engrev fave. Both sides are embarrassing.

The main criticism of the engrev is the following: WE'RE STILL STUCK WITH THE FUCKING ROYAL FAMILY ITS 2020 AND THEY STILL HAVENT FUCKED OFF WHAT THE FUCK GO AWAY YOU PARASITIC INCESTUOUS BUNCH OF GHOULS

It didn't stick!! I will say this, however, Charles II was a boss-ass bitch and if he wants to come back anytime he's welcome to. To sum him up: religious freedom and getting shitfaaaced~. Now there's a cause I can get behind. Also pretending to be a scientist. Which I do a lot. Respect. He also tried his best to work with parliament, despite it being filled with talking penis's, so kudos my guy. But ultimately he was still a king (not a scientist) so like. Sad face. But the reason he came back, bringing the monarchy with him since we removed his dad's head from his body thereby rendering him unable to be king, or be alive, was that parliament SUCKED. Mainly, they couldn't get anything done. You see, only men were allowed in parliament at this time, and if you know anything about British men, you'll know this means they're all useless and stupid and likely ugly. And you know something? I don't blame Charles II for bringing back the monarchy either because what is Lord Protector if not king but without the small amount of sex appeal being king might bring? They deadass offered Olly C the throne as if that didn't completely defeat the point of getting rid of the king in the first place. Sure ya boi had the sense to be like "that's.. probably.... Not.. a great idea......" but then they basically stuck a sticky label on the crown that said "Not A King" and ran with that instead. Thanks guys. Bunch o' bitches. Tbf though, Olly C rocking up like "not a king, a protector ;)))" (The thought of Olly C doing a winky face make me kinda ill. Sorry.) is kinda the same as Napoleon rocking up like "not a king, an emperor ;)))" except Olly C was fucking repressed, though at least he didn't pretend to be hot like one Mr Boner Heart. No matter how hard David simped, we know Napoleon's dick was tiny and his hairline tragic. Same way we know that Marat wasn't a twink in any capacity. But obviously we appreciate the effort, Mr David. Even if your taste in men is embarrassing, your work is lovely.

But honestly, dare I say it, the engrev walked so frev could run. The Cordeliers club took a lot from the English republicans, particularly John Locke, and not to be childish but WE CUT OFF OUR KINGS HEAD FIIIIRST~ NA-NA-NA-NA-NA~ We had the right idea in deciding that a king couldn't just ignore his duty to his people. Putting forward ideas that democracy should have a bigger role in the state and that the monarch's powers should be limited and that they should answer to the people not the other way around was pretty sexy of us actually. But it stopped there. The commonwealth was poorly managed and execution gets a 2/10. We flopped. And then we immediately brought back the monarchy! And kept them! For 360 years! How cringe is that!!

I think timing had something to do with it though. The 17th century was a weird time for everyone really. You think if they tried to pull frev with Louis XIV it would've been as cool? "Hey, you, king man, stop screwing us" "Haha no" and that's frev 1689 edition. Don't fuck with the sun king is all I'm saying. Wait omg call that a.. sunburn, amirite ladies? That wasn't really a burn in any way but I thought of the joke and.. someone say something mean about Louis XIV! I wanna use my sunburn joke! And idk enough about him! He was mean to protestants? Haha take that Louis you protestant-hater! Ha! Idk what I'm doing. Uhhhh right England! England is terrible. Engrev was also terrible. I mean, at least they tried. And the political thinking/theory was pretty sexy. But ultimately a flop. Thanks a lot Cromwell. Lord Protector more like.. Lord.. Bitch. More like.... Lord Spectre?? Lord Erector? Haha erector. Haha. Penis. Haha. Basically he was lame. I don't like him.

SO IN SUMMARY: British parliament is consistently terrible at everything, engrev was a flop but we committed regicide first so haha suck my dick, Charles II was a sexy mf, David needs to stop simping for funky looking dudes since he obviously wishes they were dark-haired twinks (ANTOINE IS RIGHT THERE DUDE), I'm a little scared of Louis XIV, Cromwell was a lameass loser, I didn't proofread this, and I'm keeping the term engrev I love it.

Also I once saw someone who shipped Robespierre and Cromwell and that really messed me up for a few months I won't lie to you like that's next-level fucked up dude

[ohadclina]

guess who is back with another annoying muse ?! i’m laina for those of you that don’t know me ( klyde’s mun ) and i’m here to bring my garbáge daughter. send me a quick message if you want to plot or just talk about the good ol’ vine days and reminisce. i’m down for it all. now hit that read more if you want to find out about my goirl and check out my plots. 

dua lipa, cisfemale, she/her. → look out, there’s ADELINA AHMETI. you know, the TWENTY-ONE year old SISTER of KAPPA PHI NU. you know, i overheard someone say that they were PRYING, MENDACIOUS, SEDULOUS, and VEHEMENT. but that’s just rumours. RED WINE STAINING A WHITE COUCH, INCORRECT LITERATURE REFERENCES, and WHISKEY WITH A SPLASH OF TEA come to mind when i think of them. what about you? [ laina the clown school grad ]

❛ / ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴛʜᴇ 𝓼𝓶𝓸𝓴𝓮 and 𝒻𝒶𝓀𝑒 ʟɪɢʜᴛꜱ

plastic has nothing on adelina. the fakeness she exudes is far too strong to be missed. 

when she was younger, she wasn’t that bad. her life was filled with pleasant childhood lullabies helping her drift off to sleep at night. the sounds of her father’s laughter constantly filling the kitchen and her mother’s warmth tucked her in every single night. from the minute she was born, she had been adored. her smile was enough to fill a whole room with light. that smile is the only thing her parents found themselves looking for. 

the streets of london, england had been her stomping grounds. from her birth until the age of fifteen, those two feet of hers had always been found stomping throughout town with such confidence, the world couldn’t dare knock her down. she was the daughter of a surgeon and a lawyer -- needless to say, she had money. the girl had the kind of wealth that was far too unnecessary for a girl with a mouth like hers. those lips were constantly judging and spilling secrets they had no right to spill. she was a gossip -- ran her mouth faster than her legs could ever move. it was riddled in her dna to be that way. she was a younger version of her mother after all. 

being wealthy, she was able to grow up well. anything she needed at her fingertips. her parents were constantly showing adoration to her. if she asked, they would’ve given her the world. and she constantly asked for the world. it was a habit of hers to demand the whole universe from others but barely give a planet of herself. her attitude was horrendous most of the time. 

when the brown eyed girl hit the age of fifteen, her family moved. they took all that they knew and left. a moody adelina was in tow as they moved to manhattan, new york. however, the moodiness of losing her friends and everything she knew, dulled. once those eyes latched onto the bright lights and the allure of the city, she was h o o k e d. 

it didn’t take long for her to find her place in the social works of her newfound home. even at fifteen she was bossy, demanding, gossipy, and far too nosy. she was m e a n. however, that’s how she gained her status. she didn’t know any other way how to. and she thrived on becoming part of the wealthy social circle. 

however, all good things must come to an end. and for adelina it happened when she was seventeen years old. in the span of one year, her mother had been charged by two different families of malpractice. the ahmati family became the talk of their inner social circle. it took months of courthouses and debates before elena ahmati was declared guilty of two cases of medical malpractice. her license was completely revoked. all of those around them had known the minute adelina did. their name had been slandered and the friction between her parents grew. the following year, her parents divorced. her dad left them in a house they couldn’t afford to move in with his mistress. the town’s gossip was being gossiped about in a reversal of fate. 

the teen was outcasted. “the friends” she had immediately became ghosts, becoming nonexistent in her life. while her family had been falling apart and their funds depleting, there was no one but her to attempt to pick up the pieces. she kept those lips shut and began working multiple jobs to support her and her mother. the two moved into a modest house where exhaustion riddled their bones. 

when the time came for adelina to go away to college, she went far. she left her mother ( which was the hardest thing she had to do ) and left. a friend of hers recommended the school in arizona and she immediately went alongside with her. new york had been claustrophobic and everywhere she went, she was reminded of her former life. it was time for her to reside elsewhere. 

the moment she stepped on campus, she decided to change her narrative. back was the girl who was endlessly running her mouth and creating problems at every door step. those lips had yet to cease the day she arrived. the old adelina was back and stronger than ever

❛ / ꜰᴜɴ ꜰᴀᴄᴛꜱ 𝓶𝓪𝓭𝓮 ʟᴇꜱꜱ 𝒻𝓊𝓃

from head to toe, adelina still dresses in designer clothes. she’s a year late on all the latest fashions but still manages to pull it off as if it’s intentional. a friend of hers gives her their hand-me-downs because they know of her circumstance. honestly, they feel bad for the girl. to them she’s probably just a charity case. ( plot alert ! ) 

a fake. she’s completely going to continue faking her wealth. her wealth isn’t as astronomical as it once was yet she pretends it is. ever since her family lost theirs, people disappeared from her life in the blink of an eye. so, she decided when she got to college that would change. she’d go back to being the person she was and allure those around her with money. many few know the truth behind this. 

a gossip. would recommend not telling her anything of importance because she rattles it off to anyone or everyone under a guise of care. she pretends to care to get information. then, she’ll take it, spin it, and share it. well, that depends on who you are. if you mean enough, she might just keep your secrets close to her chest. 

a liar. honesty isn’t her strong suit. i mean are we surprised when she’s lying about her whole life ? i’m not.

❛ / 𝓅𝓁𝑜𝓉𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 ɪꜱ ᴀ ɢɪʀʟ'ꜱ 𝓫𝓮𝓼𝓽 ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ

best friends. give me some people she can trust. maybe they know about the fact that she’s a fraud. maybe she never got around to telling them ? either way, they know her very well and accept her gossip girl tendencies. they often remind her to take it easy and for them ... she just might try. 

hook-ups. self-explanatory af amirite ?

tea spilled too hot. maybe someone she said something really bad about around campus. maybe they were friends ? maybe they weren’t ? maybe they dislike each other so much that they constantly tell lies about each other to everyone ?

exes. this could go so many ways. 

charity case. someone who feels bad for her fall and constantly gives her their hand-me-downs and items they don’t want in general. they’re sort of kind of friends. 

will add more to this later when i’m not brain ded.

[shirtlesssammy]

14x13: Lebanon

Then:

300 Episodes, guys. I’m just going to point everyone to this article again because it sums up so eloquently what makes this show so special.

Now:

Oh, I see, we’re starting off with the visual symbolism right away in this episode.

Dean and Sam are at a pawn show looking for “the good stuff.” The proprietor takes them to the back room (and Jesus, I’ve got to word my sentences better *shudder*), and shows them one-of-a-kind occult memorabilia. (Hands of Glory, gris-gris bags, anointed dove’s blood --which of these will save Dean in the end?)

They’re looking for the skull of Sarah Good, specifically.

The shop owner pulls the skull out from a locked vault, tipping the brothers off that this man killed the real owner of the skull, a fellow hunter who died a week past. When he was found, cut in half, his place had been cleaned out. The shop owner pulls out dragon’s breath and flame-throws the brothers across the room. He then pulls out a sword called Chrysaor, and chitchats about how he killed the other hunter, and how he’s going to kill Sam, before Dean just shoots him in the back. They pack up the stuff and head home.

In Lebanon, Kansas, outside the local theater, a group of teens sit around talking about Sam and Dean as if they are the urban legends that they started hunting at the beginning of this show (and they really are at this point).

(I also still stand firm on the idea that Dean owns that movie theater. I mean, only horror movies? A movie theater in a town of 250? Just saying.) (Natasha: Headcanon accepted)

The boys pull up in their completely inconspicuous car and without locking the doors (!?!) they head to the liquor store/bar. The bartender knows them as the Campbell brothers, and he isn’t far off. For two brothers that have quite the range of aliases, it’s not very original. Sam is eager to catalog all the goodies they have in the backseat of Baby.

The kids outside continue to wonder about Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack (oof, the Jack thing especially is weird--like, I got serious Klopek vibes here.) One girl, Max, is clearly smitten with another girl, who before taking off comments on how awesome the Impala is.

Meanwhile, still in the liquor store, Sam is still doing research on all their goodies (YOU PRECIOUS LITTLE NERD) and finds an item called a Baozhu, a pearl that grants wishes, or more specifically it gives “you what your heart desires.” Before they can formulate a plan to use this on Dean, Dean watches Baby drive away. OH.

OH. NO.

They see Eliot, the only remaining teen, and he doesn’t know much (and he doesn’t want to die --MY GOD, the look and Sam and Dean’s faces then.) Max stole the car (of course she did!). They head to the local post office to hopefully get Max’s address. And this bit is SO fun. Sam has a whole lot of puppy dog charm at times so it’s extra fun to see him not even try and fail so hard here. Dean, that gregarious ladies man knows what to do. It’s evident that he already has a friendly relationship with Marta, the postal worker, so he knows about her clear crush and he uses it to his advantage.

Sam is appalled. They get the place where her mom works though, so Dean’s charms pay off.

Caitlin, Max’s mom, works at the local pizza place. She’s understandably angry when she finds out what happened. Max should be in school. The other employee informs them that it’s skip day and all the kids are probably at a house on the outskirts of town. (Dean’s confusion over skip day breaks me….he never stayed in a school long enough to probably learn this is a real thing for teens. SIGH.)

And sure enough, that’s where Baby and all the occult objects are. Max’s crush almost starts to play with the cursed teddy but the pizza delivery saves the day. Ok, not really, because the cigar box of John Wayne Gacy opens up, allowing what can only be his ghost to escape into the house.

One boy, Ethan, goes into the bathroom when things get cold, and I start chanting don’t kill the person of color, c’mon show (I mean, they already did in the opener, but I digress). It’s all good though, just as Sam and Dean arrive at the house, Ethan comes running out. He saw a ghost of a clown and he’s out of here. Good plan, Ethan.

The brothers rush the party as FBI. I’m dying, like how real is this cover to these kids that see you all the time, guys? Eliot is equal parts in awe and disbelief. They find the cigar box right away, and as Dean mockingly jokes about Sam’s struggle with his love of serial killers and his hatred of clowns, Sam’s busy trying to burn the thing. They manage, but not before Eliot, Max, and her crush watch it all go down. Oops.

The brothers are forced to sit the trio down and explain what they do. They also tell them that others can’t know about it.

Back at the bunker, Sam finds the pearl and Dean is instantly ready to jump into the spell. Sam wonders if they should wait for Cas or call their mom, but Dean just wants to get to it. 

Dean holds the pearl and wishes for Michael to be out of his head, but he’s granted something completely different. The bunker’s lights go dark and a figure with a shotgun appears. When the lights come back on, Dean and Sam find their long dead father in front of them. AGGHH.

I understand the importance of PR and how big of a ‘get’ it was to have Jeffrey Dean Morgan back on the show, but a small part of me wishes I could just exist in the show and really feel the surprise at his return.

Much like his sons, John is equally confused about the situation. He wonders why Sam isn’t in Palo Alto, and then, because Sam is a full grown man now, he asks what happened to him. Dean asks him what year is it for him. 2003. Sam corrects him with the real year.

They all sit down for a very necessary glass of brown liquid. The boys fill their father in on the road so far. (I love how this kind of plays the same way that Dean’s summary to Marie in episode 200 did. So unbelievable, and yet, here we are.)

Just as Sam is about to tell John about Mary’s return, Mary returns to the bunker. And, the way John’s voice breaks when he says “Mary”. GUH. I’m done. Mary’s staggered walk to his embrace, hrm. I just feel like she’s seen too many shapeshifters and ghosts and whathaveyous to just believe it’s really John in two seconds. Soul Mates, amirite? Setting aside my disbelief, it’s a rather sweet reunion. Dean can’t believe that he’s watching his parents make out, and Sam motions for them to get the hell out of the kitchen.

In the hallway, Dean’s all sunshine and rainbows, but Sam, whose mind is not swayed by happy emotion like his elder brother, urges caution. Messing with time never goes well. Dean’s just happy his family is back together (*whispers* just wait until Cas isn’t Cas anymore…) Dean just wants one family dinner.

*Emotional John and Sam Scene Alert*

In the bunker library, Sam and John talk. John admits to screwing up a lot with his sons. The heartbreak in Sam’s eyes just murders me. Sam has always been one to push forward to not deal with the emotions of the situation, so to have John openly recognize his errors to Sam’s face is so good. This John is two years into Sam being gone from the family business. Two years of not being around his son. He recognizes that he’s been given a gift to talk with Sam the way that 2005/season one John didn’t. John brings up the fight before Sam left for Stanford, but Sam assures him that it was so long ago. And sure, John did some seriously shitty stuff, but it’s all so in the past, that Sam doesn’t remember that stuff as much as how he thinks of not getting to say goodbye to his dad.

They’re crying. I’m crying. This is good stuff, guys. John earnestly apologizes to Sam. Sam gets it. And I’ll just be in the corner processing this moment for the next 100 episodes.

Mary hands Dean the shopping list and Dean heads out - only to have Sam decide to accompany him. Sam’s on board! It’s time to embrace the gift of Dad. Once in town they split up the errands, only to find that nobody in the town recognizes them. Sam gets humorously spurned again by the postal employee, only to discover a wanted poster of Dean in a nearby window. So it’s not just you this time, Sammy.

Meanwhile, after getting denied friendship at the bar, Dean searches on his phone to uncover what alt-Sam and Dean are up to. Sam’s a black-turtleneck-wearing TED-talk-giving attorney who espouses a raw food diet and, far worse, no hobbies and no family as the keys to success. “Who hurt you?” I want to say but I think we ALL know the answer to that.

Dean’s hunting and wanted for multiple beheadings which...sounds about right. Sam realizes that bringing their dad forward in time has created a temporal paradox and if they don’t fix it then they’re going to become their alternate selves. “What else changed?” Sam asks.

Well, I’m glad you asked, Sam! Amidst some dramatically blowing leaves appears the angel we all love to hate - Zachariah. Cue wing flapping noises (BWAAAH!) and Castiel strides out of the shadows to stand beside him.

Zachariah: Come on, Constantine

Castiel: I don’t understand that reference.

Us: [incoherent screeching]

They’re a few feathers short of a flight, but Castiel and Zachariah swan into the local eatery where the teens are enjoying some late night pizza. Zachariah demands to know who’s been messing with time. If nobody fesses up, Zachariah is gonna sic Castiel on everyone. Castiel will kill until he gets answers - or maybe just kill. Castiel does everyone’s favorite wing display and we’re FINE AND HAVE ZERO EMOTIONS ABOUT IT.

Sam and Dean spot the mysterious celestial light and race to the eatery. Zachariah recognizes the Winchesters immediately, but Cas doesn’t know Dean or Sam at all. Zachariah muses on the Winchesters’ fate...Heaven had big plans for them until their dad disappeared. (And apparently the apocalypse fizzled out without John’s poisonous vendetta and Sam getting dragged back into the life.)

“Cas, you know us,” Dean says and then flinches when Castiel says that he doesn’t. I know, Dean Bean, I know.

Unfortunately for all involved, fisticuffs ensue. Castiel isn’t holding anything back in his fight with Dean. Sam kills Zachariah with an angel blade (bet he never imagined they’d be so commonplace on Earth in the alt-future). In retribution, Castiel beats the shit outta Sam and then starts to choke the life out of Dean. Castiel, not knowing Dean, is unmoved by his pleas. BUT WE ARE MOVED! 

Sam uses his blood to draw an angel banishing symbol and sends alt-Castiel off to parts unknown. Thank you, show, for not killing alt-Cas.

Back at the bunker, they fill John in on the “temporal paradox” situation Sam sussed out. John calls Sam an “egghead” for it and CAN WE NOT JUST -__-

Dean reveals that with John gone, Sam stays out in California and their mom never gets brought back to life. She’ll fade away soon.

“Me versus your mom, that’s not even a choice,” John says. I one hundred thousand percent agree.

I really feel for Mary, though. Sam tells her the bad news in the kitchen. When they destroy the pearl John will go back to the original timeline and everything will get set to rights again. The oven timer goes off while Mary cries. It’s dinner time. :(

John tells Dean that he never meant for Dean to carry on the supernatural fight. He’d intended for the fight to end after Yellow Eyes died and wanted Dean to have a normal, peaceful life with a family after that. I am really, really trying to roll with the soft vibe of this episode but give me a break, man! USE YOUR WORDS if that was your intention. You’re the one who sculpted Dean “I’m a weapon who doesn’t matter as a person” Winchester, after all. Anyway, Dean tells his dad that he HAS a family. Damn straight, Dean.

Family dinner starts out a bit awkward what with the whole “John metaphorically dying” at the end of it. John encourages everyone to be grateful for their brief time together, however. Maybe Dean’s wish brought John forward AND made him more gentle for the reunion too? Yes, that’s what I’m going with. Yep. Just a totally normal family meal. Everyone relaxes at John’s suggestion and begins to enjoy each others’ company. Honestly, it IS lovely to watch (personal salt about John aside). I’m happy for them, even if I am waiting in the wings with a broom to shoo John out of the bunker.

Afterwards, Sam and Dean wash dishes in the kitchen. Sam rails against how unfair it is that they have to send John back...he wishes things were different. Dean tells Sam that meddling with time travel is ultimately a selfish act. He doesn’t want to become the bad guy who foists the apocalypse and world-saving on others so they can live some other life. “I don’t know who that Dean Winchester is and I am GOOD with who I am. I’m good with who you are. Because our lives? They’re ours. And maybe I’m just too damn old to wanna change that.” I LOVE THIS!!!!!!

For Dean Looks Good with a Healthy Self-Image Science

Mary and John hold hands tightly while John says his farewells to Mary, Dean, and Sam. He’s proud of them, and I’m HAPPY for the catharsis that Sam and Dean need. (Mary, I’m afraid, is probably more of a wreck now.) John tells them he loves them. Dean tells John he loves him. We all love everyone and also love having emotions.

Sam crushes the pearl.

John fades away.

Around Lebanon, things get set to rights. The cafe tables from their fight with Castiel and Zachariah are repaired, the wanted poster fades to a fun run advertisement, and the teens remember that Sam and Dean hunt monsters. The two girls who flirted their way through the first part of the episode hold hands. <3

At the bunker, Cas walks in after John has faded away. “What happened?” he asks.

“Well there’s a story,” Dean tells him.

Back in the past, John sleeps in the Impala when a phone call from Dean wakes him up. John remembers his experience like it was a dream...but it was a GOOD dream.

Natasha: So, @inacatastrophicmind has a good visual summary of my feelings about John Winchester. I can’t personally let the memory of John Winchester fade into starry nostalgia, you know? But even so, I enjoyed this episode for what it is. Soft forgiveness and self acceptance were welcome things to see. And how great were the Winchesters’ interactions in Lebanon?

Boris: We’re not John apologists on this blog. How he raised his sons, how he treated both of them, was abhorrent and possibly unforgivable, but it’s not our call how Dean and Sam process this gift that they feel they’ve been given. I do find this whole reunion believable. They love their father and he was all they had for a very long time, so I’m willing to sit back and absorb the healing that this episode is doing. John’s return isn’t the gift, it’s the realization of how far they’ve come and who they are -because of and despite John Winchester--that’s the gift.

Some Pearls of Quote-dom:

They always talk too much.

Oh, cataloging. Fun.

Where do they even come from? Them or that weird sidekick with a trenchcoat.

A serial killer clown. This is like the best/worst thing to ever happen to you because, you know, you love serial killers but you hate clowns.

God bless kale, am I right?

Earth: where you’re always stepping in something.

This town...it’s always been a little muddy for us.

Who’s been playing back to the future?

I am so proud of you boys.

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