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blossomingmoonlight · 28 days ago

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⭑ Separate Worlds, Chapter One ⭑

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Michael Gavey x Popular!rich!reader

A/N: It took a while as I wanted to write some chapters ahead but the first part of my first longer fanfiction is here! Please give me feedback I need to know if it's any good :)

Summary: Living two completely separate lives you and Michael had never really crossed paths and you’ve never really looked at him before. But when your worlds collide, affections arise.

Word count: 1.8k

Wednesday, October 12th 2006

The sound of rain hitting your thin single paned window woke you from your usual noon nap. Waking up with a groan, you checked your watch. A beautiful watch from Cartier, one you’ve always wanted. Another gift from your beloved father, who would rather send you gifts to apologise than actually say the words. He would once again miss your birthday, this year he would fly to Turkey, for a 'very important business trip'.

You didn’t even care where the fucker would run away to this time, he’d do anything to get away from your mum, and from your family. Anytime you would meet someone and tell them your name they’d immediately perk up, your family was quite an old one and when the first cars were invented your ancestor was there, right with Benz himself. In current day your father ran the family company, manufacturing and transporting cars all over the world, and soon your brother would join him.

You never had much of a thing for cars, but luckily for you your older brother did. He wasn’t going to be there either though. He was accepted into Harvard, and was currently studying abroad in America. A loud knock fully awakened you and you rose from your bed, you were so tired you didn’t even change into comfier clothes, you just napped in your cute fall outfit of the day instead.

Opening the door, Farleigh almost immediately bursted into your room. He seemed angry, but he usually was. You met him in your first year, of course upon hearing your name called on in a lecture, he partnered up with you after class. So your first project was with him, he was nice enough but sometimes he could be really annoying and above himself.

You took a deep breath as Farleigh made himself comfortable in your bed, you did not have the energy to tell him to sit on the couch instead so you silently joined him, waiting for him to start his rant. “So? What happened?” You asked, since he was still moping on your bed in silence. “That fucking rat Oliver! He lends his bike to Felix ONCE and now they’re besties! He is literally a dirt poor cunt that has no personality or anything interesting about him!”

Great so that’s what this was going to be. “Christ Far, what did he do?” You had to hold back a chuckle, you felt bad for him but when Farleigh was mad he made this really funny face. “Don’t fucking laugh! It’s not funny! You know how Felix and I were going to go to that new coffee place that just opened, and you and Eloise were going to join us after your maths class? Well fuck that apparently! Because Felix just messaged me that Oliver and him are doing an assignment together and he had to cancel!”

“Don’t get me wrong Far, that really sucks but if it’s for school I don’t really-” He cut you off before you could even explain yourself. “The fucking assignment is not until next monday! It’s wednesday for fucks sake!” You so did not have energy for this. “Okay Far, please calm down, if you do think that Oliver is doing it on purpose the last thing you want is to give him the satisfaction of pissing you off. Just stay calm about this and we’ll ask if Maisie is free this afternoon to join us.”

Farleigh seemed to cool off and now instead looked a bit embarrassed. “Yeah, yeah you’re right. Sorry for barging in like this, didn’t mean to wake you. I’ll message Maisie then, grab a coffee with me? As an apology for waking you up?” You gave him a smile and nodded. “Let’s drink it in the library, it’ll be so cosy with the rain and I need to finish some homework really quick before maths today. Should I message Eloise if she wants in?”

“Yeah sounds good, put on your shoes and let's go!” Farleigh was all back to his normal energised self again and you did as he said. Eloise replied that she would join you later. You and Farleigh jogged to the library, him with your coffee’s and you trying to hold the umbrella over both of your heads. Both of you couldn’t help but giggle as Farleigh almost spilled the coffee at the entrance, while you shook off the umbrella.

You both strolled in and walked over to a free table in the back, with a big beautiful window that showed the autumn weather outside. Farleigh slid over your iced coffee to you while he drank his hot cappuccino with way too much sugar. Farleigh grabbed his laptop to work on some essay he had due tonight and you grabbed your maths homework. After about thirty minutes of work, you both couldn’t help but talk about Eloise’s new boyfriend.

A loud snort accidently left your lips when Farleigh imitated the poor boy's smile, which was all teeth and kind of creepy, when you flinched at the sight of a guy peering at the two of you behind a bookshelf. Farleigh’s brow furrowed and he turned to see what you were looking at behind him. Once he saw the guy he turned back to you and mouthed ‘what the fuck?’ which made you laugh again.

This seemed to be the final straw for the guy and he walked over. “Could the two of you shut up. You do realise that this is a library? People are trying to actually study.” The guy sneered. You looked at him with wide eyes, where had you seen him before? He didn’t seem like the guy to take literature…also not any of your other classes- oh… Maths. You definitely saw him there.

You’ve never really looked at him before. He was quite handsome if you took away the classes, khaki pants, tucked in blouse and the keys hanging from his belt, not bad. Farleigh spoke up before you could apologise. “Aren't you the guy who screamed at Oliver during O week?” He looked at the guy with an expression you knew all too well, he was about to rip this guy a new one. And of course the poor guy’s face goes red as a tomato.

You felt bad and gave Farleigh a look, anything to stop this awful moment. Luckily Farleigh gave it a rest and the guy opened his mouth to say something, but stopped himself. He walked away instead. “What the actual fuck was that.” You laughed, the whole interaction was absurd. “I have no idea- Oh, El just messaged me. She is… on her way and will be here soon.” Farleigh read as he scanned his eyes over his phone.

“Good, but don’t make that face again in front of her. It’ll only start something between the two of you." Then your eyes noticed something, the guy from just now, sitting all alone, fervently writing down notes. Hm, kind of sad. Only five minutes later did Eloise stumble into the library, dripping wet, with her books under her coat. “Fuck me, that rain is just getting worse.” She said a little loudly as she dropped her books on the table. Earning a look from that guy from before.

“You don’t have an umbrella?” Farleigh chuckled. “No I don’t, who remembers to bring an umbrella to uni?” She scoffed. You raised your brows and smiled at Farleigh. He laughed and Eloise sat down, copying some of your already finished homework. “Hurry up, we only have ten minutes until maths start.”

“Yeah yeah I’ll be quick. I can easily do this in five and then we be there ‘bout three minutes before, that’s plenty of time.” You rolled your eyes and watched as Eloise hurriedly scrabbled on the paper. When she was done, Farleigh went back to his dorm to watch a movie, while you and Eloise headed the other way to maths, laughing when she saw you open the umbrella for the two of you.

Eloise always preferred to sit in the back, so that’s where you went. Felix and Oliver were already there. To be honest you didn’t know if you liked Oliver just yet, he hadn’t been around for long but you just got weird vibes from him. But if Felix liked you that’s all it takes to ‘get in’. You hadn’t realised when you were walking in front of Eloise that you would be seated right next to Felix.

You didn’t mind him, but he had this sort of weird thing with girls. As if he needed to prove to himself that he could get anyone, except for you. You had no interest in him, you were more the type to have a friendship and deep connection with someone rather than hooking up. But that was exactly what Felix was, a quick fuck. You gave him an awkward smile when he grinned at you, and a small nod from Oliver.

Time for small talk was impossible as your professor already cleared his throat, silencing the hall. But for some reason your eyes were scanning the room. That kind of looked like- oh, nope not him. He kind of looks similar- also not him, oh, there he is. All the way to the bottom left. You instantly recognised that nose, that jaw, his soft blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes- okay, that was a lot. You had no idea what overcame you but you would definitely be thinking about him later, when you were alone. And it was the daydreams of him that got you through the boring lecture.

Thursday, October 13th 2006

‘Saying what you gon’ do to me’ ‘But I ain’t seen nothing’ ‘Typical ain’t hardly the type I fall for’ ‘I like when the physical-’ You were so engrossed in the song coming from your headphones that you bumped into someone. Oh god- it was him. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” You said as you ripped your headphones out of your ears. “Whatever.” He mumbled, about to just step around you and move along into the building but you stopped him, grabbing his arm. Which made him turn around and look at you surprised.

“I’m so sorry about yesterday, I wanted to apologise then, but Farleigh can be so rude.” You smiled. He didn’t respond but looked at your hand on his arm instead, which you then quickly let go. “Uhm, what’s your name?” His mouth was slightly opened as he stumbled out, “M-Michael Gavey.” He stuck out his hand and you shook it as you told him your name. “Nice to meet you Michael, and again so sorry about yesterday.” He only nodded and then walked away. You subconsciously smiled and put your headphones back in, heading to your next lecture of the day.

#michael gavey x fem reader smut #michael gavey x fem reader #michael gavey x reader smut #michael gavey x reader #saltburn fanfic #saltburn smut #michael gavey saltburn

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thedevilrisen · 25 days ago

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Queen!! Congratulations on 300!! 🫂 can I request this prompt with jack 🫶

"You can't just connect your phone and change the music, just because you dislike my playlist."

A graduation road trip spent with your boyfriend and younger brother sounded like a great idea at the time. Ten hours in the car was palatable, it also meant that you would have more cars at the lake house so you and Jack could spend more time together. The plan was to leave from Jack and Luke's apartment at roughly nine o'clock on the Monday after all of your graduation celebrations calmed down. When you arrived at the Hughes' residence it was a complete shambles. Piles of washing and clothes were strewn all over the place and something smelt like it had died.

"Hello?!" Your voice echoed throughout the loud apartment, as soon as it did, silence occured. The sink turned off, the vacuum stopped and the air seemed to still as two head popped into the hallway to look at you. "What's going on boys? You know we need to be leaving in roughly half an hour?"

"That was half an hour away.." Jack spoke back, coming into the hallway with a tea towel thrown over his shoulder, "What are you doing here so early?"

"Jack we are suppose to leave in fifteen minutes, how is that early?" You spoke, walking into the rest of the house, stepping over a half full suit case and sighing deeply. "Would you boys like some help, what is even this chaos?"

"It all makes sense! This is our washed pile, this is the stuff we need to take home to wash and this is our pile of things that need to be packed." Luke explained, his pointing corresponding to the piles he talked about.

"Right, and I suppose you are cleaning before you leave?" It was an easy thing to assume due to the fact that Luke was currently holding the dyson vacuum you insisted they buy so that the apartment could stay somewhat clean in the midst of their chaos.

"Pretty much, yeah." Luke deadpanned.

"You two finish cleaning and I'll pack, yeah?" You stated, placing down your small luggage bag down against the wall so it was out of the way for Luke.

While Jack was busy in the kitchen and Luke ran the vacuum over most of the floor surfaces and skirting boards in the apartment you pulled the appropriate clothes from the piles previously made and folded them and placed them into the bags neatly. By the time you were done, there was three bags lined up next to the door and a spotless apartment.

Surprisingly, despite fickle efforts to undermine how annoying Luke was by Jack you weren’t believing him.

It was two hours into the road trip and Luke had slept the majority of it, it was only Jack and his albeit under-average playlist making the car seem lively.

After the second pit-stop at a gas station where you got snacks and had a bathroom break, you decided enough was enough. While Jack was still inside paying for the gas you connected the Bluetooth to your phone, revealing in the little beep as you turned on ‘That’s what I like’ by Bruno Mars.

Knowing his playlist back to front Jack was the height of confused when he arrived back at the car and hoisted himself into the drivers seat. Looking at your smirking face he could instantly deduce you were the culprit.

“Babe, what did you do to my musi-“ Jack started by was cut off by your next comment.

“I’m getting a headache from that horseshit Jack.” You stated, turning the music dial essentially tuning out of Jack’s huffed pouts.

"You can't just connect your phone and change the music, just because you dislike my playlist!”

“Too late Jacky.”

Thank you for requesting! Thank you for your kind words it means so much! Feel free to send another in!

#risen rambles :d #cici’s celebrations 🌼#jack hughes #jack hughes fic #luke hughes #luke hughes blurb #luke hughes fic #jack hughes blurb #jack hughes imagine #jack hughes x reader

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sweetmoonlight7 · 8 months ago

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20. Emotional

@jegulus-microfic | March 20: Emotional | word count: 588

All week something had been feeling off…

Regulus couldn’t exactly place why people were acting all weird and emotional around him. Even Remus, who is usually the only person Regulus can trust to be normal, is acting off.

Every time Regulus walked into a room everyone would stop talking or very clearly change the subject.

If he tried talking to Remus he would get all nervous constantly looking around and then would leave.

Barty and Even were no better than cutting off their calls and canceling the weekly lunch.

Finally, he decided to ask Sirius about it hoping that his brother would be honest with him. To his surprise, his brother took one look at him turned around and left without a word.

Normally this would frustrate him, but after trying to talk to his brother yesterday he’s just worried…

His only option left was to wait for James to come back from a trip and ask him if he knew what the hell was going on.

This went on for two more excruciating days.

At last on Monday, when he should be having lunch with his best friends he wakes up to his name being called.

“Regulus…Regulus, wake up love”

He opens his eyes and sure enough, his boyfriend who should still be in London is in front of him and he’s kneeling…?

“What are you doing James?”

“Look, I have been trying to come up with ways to do this for months. Finally, I gave up and asked our friends but nothing sounded right… a dinner and a walk, going to the astronomy tower where we fell in love, shouting in the great hall, every grand gesture of love… but none of them seemed to like us.”

He notices the box James is fiddling with. It wasn’t big or flashy but it did have stars painted in silver all around it. He wonders if it came like that or if James put them there himself.

Slowly James opened the box and took out two rings.

“James what-“

“Just one second of love, okay?”

“..okay…” he’s still a little sleepy and disoriented but he knows what was coming, he can feel the tears begin to well up in his eyes.

“Regulus, I have loved you my entire life. Even when I didn’t know I loved you, I knew I needed to be around you. All my life I felt like I was chasing the wrong people, like I was getting caught up with the idea of love before falling in love. I didn’t even understand how strong it could be until I met you. Every year we have spent together has been perfect, even in the middle of a war, even when we fight, or when we weren’t sure what was going to happen the next day, everything has been perfect because I have you by my side. So-“

“Yes!!”

“I haven’t finished yet!!” He could see James holding back his tears, a smile splitting on his face, and could feel his spilling down his cheeks,

“Fine, fine go one”

“So Regulus Black, would you do me the honor of marrying me?”

“Yes James yes I’ll marry you” he cries out, his voice sounds watery, so different from his normal speech.

James fumbles with the rings and puts one in his hand.

It’s beautiful, just a silver band with a small stone in the middle, inside J.F.P with a little sun carved in. On James’ hand a matching one with R.A.B and a star.

#regulus black #james potter #jegulus #starchaser #james x regulus #james potter x regulus black #marauders #jegulus microfic #jegulus fanfiction

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whoisneo404 · 7 months ago

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can you do dad!nick x male reader? i don't care what is it, anything will do!

Stay at home dad! Nick.

Summary: stay at home shenanigans of Nick.

Once your baby entered your lives, they made a 360 degree turn. Nick had to plan ahead for meetings and videos, which wasn’t that easy but was way easier than having a job where you aren’t your boss. So, the both of you decided that Nick would stay at home taking care of your baby while you work the 9 to 5 from Monday to Friday.

Nick is a good dad, a dad that did all the research on internet about how to take care of a baby before they arrived. A dad that made long facetimes with his mom with a notebook and pen besides him to annotate every single tip and trick she gave him. A dad that will call his brothers for help because he can’t find the control remote of the tv, give the baby a bath and cook dinner at the same time. A dad that watches the baby sleep on the couch worried that he might turn on his sleep. A dad that tries not to cry when looking at his baby for too long.

He is a good dad, and he is a great husband too. When you arrive home dinner is always on its way (most of the time is delivery, but at least it’s your favorite). He will greet you with a kiss on the lips, helping you take out your coat and putting it on the rag.

‘’How are you, honey?’’

‘’Exhausted!’’

‘’Really? Tell me about your day.’’

‘’You won’t believe it. Our little angel decided to wake up right after you left and…’’

Nick is the type of dad that holds back his tears when he sees you and your baby sleeping on the couch, one hand on the babies back while they lay on your chest, your shirt stained with her saliva. He instead takes a picture with his phone and sits besides you playing with your hair.

Nick is the type of dad who will go to talks for ‘new parents’ and be nervous to see the room full of mothers and their babies. Nick is the type of dad who talks to these moms proudly about his husband and his pretty girl.

Nick is the type of dad to buy lots of clothes for the baby. A lot of dresses, shirts, onesies, hats, socks. Every item of clothing the baby has it, she might have more clothes than bot of you. He loves the type of clothe with silly prints of them (like animals or dinosaurs, also loves the ones with Disney or Bluey characters).

He will try to deny it, but he loves the ‘best dad’ kind of gifts. It can be a shirt or a mug, this man will roll his eyes when he sees the gift and say its corny but he will use the item 24/7.

Nick loves to read stories to his baby, also loves to sing to her. Is very shy when he sees that you are leaning on the doorframe looking at them with a smile on your face.

Nick is the type of dad to be very protective of his baby, when she starts walking and being more curious, he will have at least 5 heart attacks per day. And don’t even get me started on going out to the park, Nick would be behind the baby at every moment making sure she doesn’t fall or trip.

Nick is the type of dad who has a folder filled with photos of his baby and husband on his phone, but also has an album of instant pictures on the living room.

‘’Yes?’’

‘’My handsome husband.’’

‘’What did you do?’’

‘’I can’t call you now that you assume I need something? How rude, more film, I need more film for the camera haha. I love you, I will cook your favorite tonight, thank you, bye.’’

Sigh

Nick is the type of that adopts a dog so the baby and the doggy can grow up together.

Nick loves the weekends because you don’t have to work, so the three of you snuggle on the couch while watching a movie. Or the three of you cook together, of clean the house together, or sleep together. Anything, the weekends are always time for the three of you, one baby on the hip and one loving husband on the other arm.

Also, Nick will beg you to have another kid when the baby is no longer baby and is a toddler. ‘’She needs a sibling; she will feel alone. Believe me, I don’t know what I will do without the stupid crazy bitches of my brothers.’’ And who can say no to his pout and pleading eyes? So, the adoption process of the next member of the family starts.

#nick sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo x you #nick sturniolo x male reader #sturniolo triplets x reader

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idontlikeem · 1 month ago

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guess who's baaaaack to talk at the void about sad stuff againnnnnnn

don't read if grief and death will trigger you

also don't read if you're going to take this back to your little group chat and titter about how overdramatic and pathetic and pseudo-intellectual i'm trying to be. or do. i can't stop you. make your own peace with that i guess

so next saturday is my mom's....i guess memorial is the best thing to describe it as. a bunch of her friends are coming into town, and me and my family obviously, and we're going to a place that was special to her to read some poems and scatter some of her ashes. i'm driving back on monday and spending the week at my dad's. i have a really busy day tomorrow so i was trying to get most of my packing done today.

and like...what do you pack for something like that? it's not a church thing so there isn't your church-standard dress code, i'd know what to do with that. so i kind of just walked into my closet, glanced around, and threw it all into my suitcase without looking too closely at anything i picked.

i'm a notorious overpacker. something mom always used to laugh at me for when i'd come home for holidays, but really it's her fault, she was too, it's one of the many things i got from her. i keep telling myself that this next trip is the one where i'll use my packing cubes and really be thoughtful and judicious about what i pack instead of bringing 20 pairs of underwear for a weekend trip because what if i shit myself six times a day. that sort of thing. buuut.....this trip, i didn't really even try. my suitcase is stuffed and honestly....

i've been fighting off flashbacks for the last two weeks, as this trip got closer and i had to finalize coverage for my time off, let people know i'd be out of town, etc. i keep zoning out in the middle of the day, in the middle of tasks at work even, and suddenly i'm back to the days leading up to when my mom died, the things i said and did, and even the day itself. i was walking today to packet pick-up for my run tomorrow and suddenly it was february and i was walking in a daze to the pens-wild game up here, the night before i drove back to my parents' because i already had my ticket and my dad called me that morning to tell me i needed to come down—frankly, me driving that day wouldn't have been safe anyway. but i walked the same path and it was like i was there again, knowing what was coming the next day and trying to pretend it wasn't happening so i could TRY to enjoy this game.

(i did. a dear friend of mine reached out to the pens and had them bring me a game puck at intermission. it didn't help, like, not really, but the fact that someone was thinking of me enough to do that definitely did. that puck lives at my desk at work now.)

or like, i'm sitting at work in the middle of some boring admin task i have to do, half listening to the finance bros i work with talk about the vikings, and all of a sudden it's this past superbowl, and my mom just got home from the hospital and i had to drive to go get her meds from the pharmacy that were absolutely critical for her to have that night, but they wouldn't give them to me because the pharmacist fucked up the intake of the prescription and my dad had to call the doctor and have it reissued.

or my youngest brother texts me something, and i'm back calling him the morning she died, telling him he needed to leave work and drive down now because there were only a few hours left. he didn't make it in time. i had to wait outside the house when i saw he was getting close on find my friends to tell him. he collapsed into my arms sobbing when he realized why i was crying so hard standing out there waiting for him.

it's scary. it keeps happening. i did not expect that eight months later the memories of that week would still be so immediately present in my head, nor did i think i'd be experiencing this. i don't know what my brain is doing or why, and i don't know what to do to make this stop.

(therapy, yes. medication, possibly. less repression, most definitely. how does one find the time to get that stuff set up when there's still so much else that needs to be done every day to simply survive?)

i have to read a poem next week. my mom picked three, one for each of me and my brothers. we are supposed to decide who does what, and none of us want to be the one to voice an opinion. it's going to have to be me who starts that off, because i'm the oldest.

how am i supposed to do this?

#personal

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cffeelia · 2 months ago

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discography | chapt. 2

I NEED U — k. seokjin

in which bangtan writes their music about you, all 7 chasing you until someone steals your heart.

chapter summary: you chickened out on calling seokjin back, but found the courage to attempt talking things through with your family

chapter warnings: this chapter is a bit shorter so sorry 😭 i got y’all in the next one with the smut tho pls be patient i’m setting the scene 🙏

previous chapter here

unfortunately, the early morning you experienced a weak ago never happened again, and you were already exhausted from school in the first month. most students wait until at least second quarter to start getting ready in their first classes of the day, but you were already hurriedly applying mascara and setting powder behind your scripts in musical theater techniques.

it was monday, meaning the awful weekend you had was behind you now. your tried to suppress all memories of the spontaneous trip to busan you made on saturday, and the random meeting of your older brother as well. turns out he had a new girlfriend, and you only knew it because of who she was.

“jung jiwoo, i’m so honored to finally meet you! hoseok talks so highly of you.” you tried to bow deeper than her to show your appreciation. she was such a loving sister from what hoseok told you, always looking after him and supporting his musical career. “what brings you to busan then?” you asked.

“just family things, i’ve been dating my boyfriend for about six months now so i figured i would come meet his parents.

the two of you walked through the book store together, stopping at the bathrooms while she waited for her boyfriend. you figured you might as well meet him to explain the strange coincidence.

now you’d have to explain to her how you knew him.

“maeum? oh, hi!”

you tried to control your excitement from seeing your older brother for the first time in so long, but clearly he had a hard time containing his. he ran into your arms, almost crying tears of joy.

“oh my god i missed you so much, why didn’t you call?” words left your mouth before you could control them again, and you slapped a hand over your mouth, not wanting to ruin the good mood the two of you were in.

“babe, just tell her. she’s your sister.” jiwoo angrily pointed back to you as your brother hung his head, tears now visibly welling in his eyes. he offered to talk about it with you two over a meal, walk to the restaurant being uncomfortably silent.

you’ve been here many times with family to celebrate your brothers achievements in school, from being selected as class president in middle school, winning a science fair, or being selected as valedictorian, this was the spot to celebrate. even your birthdays were spent at this hot pot restaurant, it was scary to see how much time modernized it.

the bright kids menus at the front desk were now white, they came with crayons for kids to ruin the pretty designs on them. the cardboard cutout of the restaurants pig mascot was long gone, you remember seeing it turned around at your high school graduation meal.

it’s very bittersweet to imagine how time had passed right by you, but there wasn’t time to be nostalgic for your youth now, maybe later though.

maeum and you were always close, he was the only reason you burst into tears that night your parents saw you walking into your apartment holding confetti and merch from one of bangtan’s first concerts.

therefore, he couldn’t keep his mouth shut any longer. he let his words flow, but not as fast as his tears, that were quickly wiped up by jiwoos napkins (your tears as well).

it turns out your parents researched bts that night they scolded you for lying to their face.

“God, is it so much to ask for you to just do something with your life? you know your own mother never got the opportunity to go pursue what she wanted? huh?”

they were more mad at you than anything, but you knew they’d be just as pissed to find out you had a talking stage with one of the members, that’s why maeum wouldn’t tell your parents too much about jiwoos family.

although you’d come to this restaurant on a dark note, tears were wiped away as drinks came along and the three of you got to chatting as if nothing happened between you in the first place.

on your way home from the restaurant, you promised a tipsy jiwoo that you’d come by to meet hoseok again.

“i want you to be my sister in law, because— because hoseok LOVES you! and he— he never stops” she took a breath between her hysterical sobbing, “talking about you, ____! you need to see him again ok i love you! bye!” she walked away, your brothers hand in hers as you waved to them before heading back to your car.

you packed lightly for your weekend trip, you planned to meet up with jiwoo and maeum again tomorrow to meet your family again. maybe the drinks you had in your hotel room affected you, because saying yes to your brothers invitation is what ruined the whole trip for you.

you flattened your skirt out, hoping your mom wouldn’t give you too much about the shorter cropped sweater you wore, but it was all you packed. you made your way to your car, taking the familiar route to your childhood home, for the first time in two years.

stepping out, you rang the doorbell. it’s like your heart was going to leap out of your chest, you had no time to panic as the door swung open barely a second later. it was your dad.

you never knew him too much, he wasn’t absent, just not all the way involved in your life. the most important recollections you had of him were his pats on the back for getting good grades in school, or driving him to the pharmacy to pick up his medicine. he’s had an autoimmune disease since you were about 11 years old, nothing too serious, it just weakened his defenses against colds.

he would get sick so often, that you can barely remember him ever being one of those dads that comes home from work and sits down to have a family meal. just hospitals, long naps, placing trays on his bedside table, and handing him pill containers. thankfully nothing serious ever happened to him, but you never knew if something could. that fact always left you uneasy, which is why you developed a soft spot for your dad.

you weren’t embarassed about the tears that fell from your eyes as he patted your back. “welcome home!” he said enthusiastically. he lead you into the house, jiwoo and maeum greeting you before maeum suggested you help your mom cook. the house was pretty big, and the structure was still the same. you made your way to the kitchen to see your mom cooking on the patio grill.

“mom?” you poked your head through the sliding door.

“oh! good to see you.” she nodded, not making eye contact with you. it was going to be a long dinner.

your parents seemed to love jiwoo, it made you a bit jealous that you didn’t have any smart and gorgeous partner to bring home (yet). your mind flashed back to jin, memories of him studying english for his first trip to america in your apartment.

“what? i’m world wide handsome, ____!” he patted your back while you lost your shit laughing at him.

“seokjin shut up! no you’re not!”

“she hate me.” he spoke into his phone. namjoon’s english was the best of any members, he consulted you regularly for tips but still was pretty damn good on his own.

memories hit you like a fucking bus as you sat at the table, listening to your brothers laughter. if only you had someone to laugh with like him, if only seokjin was here. he would love the grilled fish your mom makes, and your dads god awfully loud belting to the music on the radio.

you could listen to jin sing for hours, never getting tired of his gorgeous voice. on some nights, after you both showered the smell of sex and sweat off yourselves, you’d let jin spoon you. his long, slender arms wrapped around your waist, you felt his chest vibrate while he hummed your favorite songs to you until he passed out.

poor baby works too hard and still finds time to love on you, you didn’t deserve him. you never did. that’s why when your mom rudely asked how successful your “boys” were looking, you coldly responded with “i’m not working there anymore. i go to daegu arts university mom, you would know if you called me.” jiwoo took offense to your moms comments, her usually bright smile fell off her face, replaced by a slightly pissed glare in her eyes.

“well we would call if you were doing something i wanted to know about, daughter. i understand you’re an adult now but i raised a smart lawyer, not whatever path you’re taking. seriously, am i the only one ashamed of you? maeum, you could at least encourage her, sweetheart!” your mom kept complaining, you chose silence for the first time in your life. this wouldn’t be the first argument you two had, but you preferred not to embarrass yourself at your first family dinner in two years.

however, silence didn’t choose you.

“and to make it worse you’re chasing around some stupid boys who call themselves singers? passions don’t pay, ____. give up on those stupid dreams already.”

“you’ve said enough” your dad lightly warned her

“yes you have” you said back, “mom, what did you do with your life? decide to get pregnant at 18 and become a victim to the economy for the rest of your life? you think being a university professor means anything? your teaching degree has clearly gone to waste then, because i haven’t learned shit from you except how to ruin my potential and kill all my happiness. i can’t sit around here and let you clown me like im not your own kin, seriously. it’s like you don’t even fucking love me, i wish you would just die already so i don’t have to hear your fucking mouth anymore.”

the sound of your metal chopsticks clanking as you walked out echoed way too loud in the empty dining halls. you made your way right to your car, heading to your hotel to pack up and go home. fuck busan and your moms stupid fucking grilled fish.

you slammed your car door, almost knocking it off the hinges. immediately calling sullyoon to tell her the good news.

“hey ____! i was just thinking of you, how’s busan?”

“not the best, but i’ve got good news! i’m coming to see bts with you all next week”

next chapter here

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another-lost-mc · 1 year ago

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summary: karasu returns to work after taking a vacation to meet you in-person for the first time. mammon, his best friend and self-appointed wingman, wants all the details.

pairing: modern au!karasu x gn!reader

content: sfw-ish (references to vague sexual situations but nothing explicit). discussions about safe sex and suggestive thoughts towards the end. this is mostly banter between mammon and karasu with some very brief insecurity and pining on karasu's part.

word count: 1k

a/n: this is a scene from my modern!au idea where karasu meets streamer!mc online and after lots of mutual pining they finally decide to meet.

“What are you doing in my office?”

Karasu stumbled backwards in surprise when he opened the door to his office and found the dimly lit room occupied. He glared at the uninvited guest who sat in the chair at his computer desk, spinning lazily in slow circles like he had nowhere else to be.

“I was waitin’ for you,” Mammon said matter-of-factly in a tone that was far too chipper for a Monday morning. He was rarely in the building before ten o’clock most mornings–perks of being one of the CEO’s younger brothers, apparently. The fact that he was wide-awake and waiting in Karasu's office before eight a.m. was suspicious.

“Well, I wish you wouldn’t. I nearly dropped my coffee.” Karasu set his messenger bag and drink on the desk and stood beside Mammon, motioning impatiently that he should get up and leave. He sighed when Mammon nestled deeper into the chair and made himself more comfortable instead.

"That's not nice. Maybe I just wanna catch up, huh?" Mammon jutted out his bottom lip in an exaggerated pout.

“I was only off for two days," Karasu reminded him, "and I'm sure both of us have work to do.” He reached for the small stack of messages and documents he had to go through.

“Yeah, yeah, in a bit. Aren’t you gonna tell me about your little vacation?” When Karasu opened his mouth to respond, Mammon quickly added, “And don’t tell me it was just fine,” he drawled, emphasizing the words with air quotes. “You told me that it was fine the first night you were gone and I barely heard from you again until you told me you were boarding the plane home.”

“Well, it was fine,” Karasu insisted, setting his papers aside. He relented when Mammon leveled him with an unimpressed stare. “But if it'll get you out of my office sooner, yes, I had a wonderful time. It was a pleasant change of scenery and the hotel you recommended was very nice." Karasu hummed thoughtfully. "Perhaps I should get away more often. HR keeps pestering me about all the vacation time I need to use up.”

Mammon poked Karasu in the side and snickered when his friend skittered out of reach. “Stop trying to change the subject, will ya? I'm dyin' here. Tell me more about MC.”

Karasu fidgeted under Mammon’s scrutiny and finally looked away from his knowing gaze. It was the whole purpose of that trip, after all: meeting you in-person for the first time and sight-seeing with you in an unfamiliar city across the country. He only planned to be there for only four days. He figured it would be enough time to enjoy your company if things went well but it wasn't presumptuous either. He didn’t want to make you nervous with too many expectations if he was there too long.

“We went shopping, did a little sight-seeing, and we visited some very nice restaurants." Karasu researched some local food options in advance because he knew he was a picky eater. He was surprised that you already had some recommendations in mind for him too. It was only one of many ways you made him feel welcome, like he belonged there with you. There was nothing more unsettling than the feeling of regret while he waited at the airport to board his flight and wished the entire time he didn't have to.

He cleared as his throat grew thick when he remembered the last teary-eyed kiss he shared with you the afternoon before; he hoped Mammon didn't notice.

"It was more than I imagined it would be and honestly, it was…kind of perfect,” Karasu admitted quietly in a wistful tone, but he glared at Mammon who whooped excitedly like it was the best news he ever heard.

“C’mon, can you blame me? I’m happy that you’re happy. You need to get out more often, y’know, especially if spending time with 'em makes you feel that way.” Mammon scooted the chair closer to Karasu on its squeaky wheels. “Between you and me, did you use any of the you-know-what?” he asked in a mock whisper, wiggling his eyebrows playfully.

Karasu’s nose wrinkled in distaste. “I still don’t know how you managed to sneak that into my luggage.”

That referred to the travel-size box of condoms Mammon put in Karasu’s bag the morning he dropped him off at the airport.

“Look, I was just tryin’ to be supportive, alright? Didn’t want my boy getting caught unprepared in case things with your little crush went well.”

“I suppose it was considerate of you, even if it was extremely juvenile. We're not teenagers anymore, even though one of us needs reminding every now and then.” Karasu reached for his drink and glanced at Mammon over the rim of his cup when he lifted it to his lips. “And while I appreciate your concern, please let me take care of my own packing from now on,” he murmured after a sip of black coffee.

He knew his friend meant well, but a travel size box of three measly condoms? Considering his dating history, maybe Mammon considered that wishful thinking. Before meeting you, Karasu might've agreed with him.

But he decided not to tell Mammon how flustered he was on the second morning of his trip when he had to find a pharmacy in the vicinity of the hotel, or the way you laughed when he held up the empty box he tucked away in the corner of his suitcase. He didn't tell Mammon how you laced your hands together in the store and watched while he plucked a box off the shelf and dropped it into the shopping basket, or how you kissed his cheek and teased him that the 10-pack might not be enough. The heat in your eyes made your words feel like a challenge, one he happily accepted, and he was still a little sore in all the best ways from it.

All he knew was that the next time he saw you–and Karasu hoped that would be very soon–he was more than willing to meet all your expectations.

read more: karasu masterlist || obey me masterlist

#obey me au #obey me oc #obey me oc x reader #obey me karasu x reader #obey me x reader #my oc: karasu #modern!au #gn!reader #x reader

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freshlyrage · 5 months ago

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Running Like Water

Chapter 26

pairing: Javier Peña x OFC (written as xReader)

fic warnings: NSFW Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI) language, strained family relationships, mentions of drug abuse, discussions of insecurities and body image issues, daddy and mommy issues

fic tags: Best friends younger sister, Life-long crush, Friends to lovers, Unrequited love, slow burn, Push and Pull, Small Town Dynamics, Secret Relationships, latina MC, Fluff and Angst, OFC!Jessica Alba face claim, sorry Lorraine I'm bringing you into this, Time jumps, 2 year age gap, pre-canon

word count: 4.1k

IMPORTANT a/n: Hi... I said that if the Celtics won I'd post tonight so ya know! Here it is hehe. LETS GO CELTICS

Finally used the scene in Season 1 episode 5 of Narcos of Javi and Murphy in the car. There's a lot of perspective change in this one, this section will be like this most the time just because are characters are so far apart!

Ok bye enjoy

New Orleans 1988

“Do you remember being sixteen?”

You cackle, playing with the golden bee at your lobe, looking up at your student Chiron. He had been eating his lunch in your classroom for about two months since, the cafeterias ac is shit, his words. You dig into the cake your students bought you, they thought you would cancel their monday practice quiz with a little birthday celebration. They were greatly mistaken.

Today you're twenty-four. Everytime you think of it your brain freezes.

You remember being sixteen like it’s yesterday. You nod, washing down the store bought dry red velvety mess with water. “Yes. It sucked.”

Chiron laughs just the same, opening the pink milk box on his tray. “When were you sixteen? In 1950?”

You stare at him with your most deadpan look, shaking your head. “I turned sixteen in 1980. I was living in Laredo, Texas and I spent my birthday alone. I received flowers from my… friend and my mom took me dress shopping two days later. What was yours like?”

You and Chiron talk every day. You know he lives in a group home, you know he gets excited when he gets asked about his own life and even more excited when someone shares stories about theirs. He reminds you everyday that you want to have a son one day, you guess you’ll tell him when he's older. Hopefully then you could introduce your son to him and have a laugh about it.

Teaching has given you a purpose. Being away from home has given you a purpose. Knowing no one has given you a purpose. You tell him stories all the time, you’re going to sob when he walks across that stage in May.

“I went to the arcade with Teresa.” Teresa has been his girlfriend since the ninth grade, she went to St. Mary’s. They met doing community service and Chiron knows that they're going to be married. “She bought me this chain with her paycheck from Rouses. Are you doing anything for your birthday?”

You look at the picture of your little sister and niece sat up on her desk. Little three year old Sol holding Frankies babygirl Annie. “I still don’t know anyone out here but my coworkers so I’ll probably order in, watch Dirty Dancing and wait for a call from my brother.” You think of Javier for a moment, wondering if he knows today's your birthday.

You wonder if you have crossed his mind.

You saw him in the paper when you went home for christmas, you didn't visit your mother.

You went home to simply spoil the babies at Frankie's house. You drove right back to your third floor apartment in Nola. Cried into your pillow until you slept and did it all over again for three more nights. Chiron nods, you have told him small stories about your life because he loves to listen. You’re weary of sharing too much, only offering bits you know will make him feel seen. You let him cry when he said he tried to meet his father during Christmas break and he didn’t show. That's when you decided to tell him about your first trip to New Orleans.

Chiron frowns and sips his milk. He just got a haircut, flat top style, he had been growing his hair out the whole year for it. “Do you think Javier will call you?”

You smile at Chiron. He had been trying to pry information about your former lover for weeks. It all started after Christmas break when he cried about his father. You told him that family can be found anywhere, that your only family for a bit was your best friend who happened to be your boyfriend.

“Do you live with Javier now?”

You shook your head, “He moved away for work.” Nearly a lie, you didn’t feel it was appropriate to tell your seventeen year old student the painful details of your life.

Chiron went quiet for a few seconds, his face going inward. Eyes shy and sad, it happens every time he’s asked about his parents.

“So who is your family now?”

Andrea drops her keys on her kitchen counter being greeted by tiny tweets. She grins from ear to ear, placing her purse down on the couch. Walking to her cage, the two birds chirped.

“Are you singing Happy Birthday to me?” She gets on her tiptoes, offering her fingers to the babies, they take the chance. “Thank you, mommy’s going to watch Dirty Dancing because she’s lonely. Okay?”

She brings Jewel to her face in a phantom kiss while Harvey finds sanctuary on her shoulder.

She always wanted pets but her mother never allowed it. The second Andrea put down her deposit for her apartment, she hopped in her car and bought two blue budgies. They nipped and scurried away from her each time she approached them but after two months of persistence they finally warmed up to her. They’re now her best friends. She’s become a crazy bird lady. Just in September she left a date abruptly because she realized she hadn't fed them in a day and a half. Its safe to say she didn’t get a call back from Mr. Henning.

She sits on her couch after loading the VHS and yawning. Her birdies flying back to their cage.

That was the summer of 1963 - when everybody called me Baby, and it didn't occur to me to mind.

At 6pm she receives a call. Her heart sinks and for a moment she thinks, maybe.

But ultimately she knows not to be so silly, she knows she needs to be angry with him but she doesn’t have it in her anymore. She unravels herself from the nest she’s made on her couch and tip toes on the hardwood floor to her home phone.

She spoke to Genie this morning, receiving a happy birthday song from her brother and their baby’s incoherent babbles. They say little Annie is upset that Tia Andrea lives so far.

“Hello?” Andrea shushes her birds, they love to chirp when she’s on the phone.

“Happy Birthday Andrea,”

And she knows Don Chuchos voice anywhere.

Andrea closes her eyes at the sound. She knew she couldn’t avoid him forever and she’s riddled with grief at the sound of his voice after nearly two years.

“Thank you Chucho.” Andrea remembers the way he looked at her when she sat in the blistering heat on Javier’s wedding day. He looked at her knowingly, he could see that beyond the made up face she was on the brink of a breakdown. “How’s everything back home?”

“You would know if you stopped by to see me last month.”

She winces. When Andrea came home for Christmas she made it her business to be seen by no one. Especially anyone who knew anything about Javi.

She was finally feeling better.

Everything was out in the open now, everyone knew their business. The scandal blew through town, she had to leave.

“I know, I'm sorry. I’m just still working through everything that happened. I knew if I stopped by your house it would bring up old memories.” Since Andrea moved to New Orleans she has gone back to Laredo five times. Two of the times she visited her mother, every other time was a straight shot to Frankie’s home. Calling him to make sure he takes Sol for the day so Andrea could see her too. She would spend two lovely nights on their plush couch and drive home the next day.

Through the crackle of the receiver Chucho hums in understanding.

In a twisted way Andrea always wanted him to be her father. She loved the idea of marrying Javier for more reasons than one. She wanted to officially be a part of his tiny family she loved so deeply.

“Would this be a bad time to talk about him?”

Andrea, the despondent girl. A girl alone, leaning against her lonely walls, a girl belonging to no one. Is a girl who cannot resist hearing about the one she loved.

Loves.

“Yes.” She allows it. He complies because she knows he must have no one to talk to about this.

“He told me last week that he’s seeing a specialist—therapist, once a week.”

She smiles. She remembers the last time they had sex they talked about reaching out for help. She supposes it’s her turn.

“That’s- I'm relieved to hear that. Is he doing okay out there?”

Andrea has a reoccurring nightmare. She’s walking to work, the heat is brutal and her hands are full of groceries. In her nightmare, one of the bags rip open, fruit falling on the concrete. Every time, she follows an apple that rolls until it hits a news stand. And there—there she sees his face. There she reads his public obituary, the slain American agent. There she dissolves to nothing and wakes up crying harder than she ever has. She cried until she felt like dissolving into nothing.

“He spares me details that would send me into a stroke but you know. It’s very dangerous work but he’ll make it back home in one piece. He’s too stubborn to die young.”

Her eyes flicker to the ground and her chin quivers at his words. “Do you miss him?” Is all she can mutter. She cannot be alone in this feeling. She doesn’t like to feel this way. She liked to believe that she gets along without him well, but sometimes the wind blows and it reminds her of summer nights in his bed and she isn’t sure she could go on lying to herself.

Chucho sighs, “He misses you.” He doesn’t answer your question. He knows what you wanted to ask. “He doesn’t tell me because he’s afraid, but every conversation I can hear it in his voice. He is still grieving being away from you, still grieving being deceived. I know you are too. But I wanted to call to tell you that he is okay. I want you to be okay too, Andrea.”

January 1988 Bogota, Colombia

There isn't much work being done. Scoping out for a sicario in a hundred degree weather wasn't ideal but it left some time for beers and ramblings. Murphy dug his hand into the cup holder for another sip of Club Colombiano. “So what year was this?” Murphy looks over to Javi. It had been almost a week since he last saw Hertz. His next session is in two days. He found himself walking with less weight. He even finally told Murphy the name of the girl whose picture is taped on the corner of his desk.

“1986” Javier rasps. “I was driving to the church. I was with my buddy Frankie. He was my best man.” He nearly whispers the last bit. “We were late. It was fucking blazing, 110 degrees. The whole bridal party was there sweating their balls off I’m sure. Frankie is shaking like a leaf next to me, like he’s fucking getting married. Looking for a lighter for a joint he rolled. Mind you, we're been in my bride's car since she arrived in a limousine.”

“Don’t tell me you left her at the altar.”

Javier deadpans, “Let me finish my story.” Murphy chuckles, pressing the cold beer to his neck. “He opens the glove compartment and some papers fall into his lap. And boom, we hit a traffic jam. Frankie, my best man, being the nosy fuck he his opens up the papers. He goes, three months pregnant as of June 6th, can't believe we’re both having kids. I swear to god–”

“No!” Murphy gasps.

“Yeah, Lorraine, the bride, and I hadn’t had sex since February of that year. She was showing a lot, I never thought twice when she told me she was five months along.” Murphy is staring at him like this was the juiciest television worthy story ever told. Javier looks blankly into the rolling hills of Colombia wondering why this happened to him. “I had dropped everything in my life to rush into a loveless marriage for the convenience of a family that wasn't even mine.” His eyes cast low and he feels sick. “So I turned the car around. And Andrea was there waiting to watch me marry someone else. In the heat.”

Murphy rarely knew who Andrea was other than the pretty ex-girlfriend whose picture is taped on his desk; he didn’t tell him too much. The story is enticing, he supposes. Exhilarating from the outside.

Murphy grins, “Well, you saved her a lifetime of hell.”

He knows it’s true, his inner monologue being spat right back in his face yet he can’t seem to swallow that reality. He's a weak man, he hoped that Murphy would tell him he was wrong, that he needed to get up on a plane this instant and find his girl.

He’s silent for a moment. “Yeah, she never spoke to me again, Andrea I mean. She’ll probably be married to a-a stock broker or some shit when I come home.” If I come home, he intends to say but decides maybe this wasn’t the moment. “Trust me, she’s better off.”

“I told my partner, Steve Murphy, about the wedding.”

“That's amazing, Javier.” She sits back down in her brown leather chair, sipping her tea from her small yellow thermo. “How did you feel afterward?” Javier went home to drink himself to sleep. He decides to keep that detail to himself, before reaching forward to sip water instead of fulfilling his urge to light up.

“I felt like I’ve taken some sort of step forward. Then I remembered how it was telling Andrea. Then I felt like I regressed once again, I didn't wake up for work the next morning. This Tuesday I mean.” She’s taking it all in, yet something i n her twinkles. He sees her satisfaction, she knows this is a shy way of telling her he’s ready to talk about it again. Things are changing for him so quickly.

“We were cut for time last week.”

“We were.”

“So,”

“So.” Javier's eyes jet to the plush rug below him. “I walked to her house the night I agreed to marry Lorraine.”

June 18th 1986

He stopped by The Tap before strolling his way into your neighborhood. Sitting on a barstool like he would do back in High School, eyes peeled to the door wondering if his mother would miraculously walk in. This time he doesn’t drink so much, he pushes three beers back and feels sad enough to see you. Sad enough to break your heart. Liquid courage? Is that what they call it? He feels a buzz in his spine.

Somehow he ends up at your door.

“Javi, are you alright? It's late.” You whisper, closing the front door behind you. It reminds him of the time he walked to your house after getting wasted. Catching you in Cabaret makeup, you turning bright red under white paint.

This time you’re bare faced and so much more of a woman. Javier studies you in a buzzed haze, you’re concerned and it’s pissing him off. There you are, barefoot on your porch. Caught off guard and still the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. You step down one step. He wants to drop to his knees and apologize.

You sense his sorrow so you step back up to be near to his height, placing your hands on his face. Holding his face, “Baby, are you okay?” He knows your worried little face, he knows that somehow in that brain of yours—you’re conspiring what you could have done wrong. Yet it’s never you, it’s always him. You’ve never done wrong.

“Hey…” You whisper, attempting to soothe his quivering chin with a kiss.

He looks away. Looking into your eyes will kill him. Rejecting your kiss all together. “I’m sorry.” Javier’s voice breaks, and he isn’t embarrassed but he wants to die. He wants it to end because he feels your body go cold without even having to look at you. He’s crying and hiding his face, holding you close and hard. Sobbing into your chest, staining your gray shirt like you did his when he left the first time. “I’m so sorry—I knew I wouldn’t be right for you—Querida, I’m sorry.”

----

He crushes your body with his. He’s muttering words about a wedding, a pregnancy and you’re being crushed. You’re losing air and you hope he squeezes you tighter, hope your eyes fog and you fall.

Hope to wake up in a cold sweat, and it's all a bad dream. Hope to call him to hang out at the lake.

He’s crying, and its the worst sound you’ve ever heard. Saying he didn’t mean to become a father. He doesn’t mean to hurt you. He doesn’t know why he hurts you. He says he doesn’t want to be married to her. Calling you sweet names and cursing his own.

You tell him over and over that it’s okay. Yet you hope he crushes you until you disappear.

“It’s okay—Javi please, it’s okay— I understand.” You run a hand through his hair and lower your bodies to sit on the steps. It’s 2 am. He’s drunk and unable to give you details without crying in your lap now but you know all that you need to know.

When you saw her—Lorraine. When you saw her wide nose and round little belly you felt fear running through your veins. And you slept with that panic, you dismissed it but your bones felt it. Your intuition told you that the two of you will never be the same. You saw him stare at her belly for a second too long and there—right there— you knew you were in the way of something.

Eventually he feels okay enough to sit up straight. He still can’t look at you and you miss him in your lap when he does. You miss being able to hide yourself from him. You miss being able to shut your eyes in agony at each word of consolation. Now he can see you, even if he doesn’t look you in the eye he can see you.

You’re able to understand that she’s five months, that they gave him a choice. To never see her and his child, child— his child— or get married. Through it all you tell him it’s okay.

“I don’t think I have another choice— I can’t be.-“

“A deadbeat.” You finish for him and he doesn’t respond. The two of you have a million unspoken words between the two of you.

Look at me, look at what happens when you abandon your child. Look what girls like me put up with. Look at me, you hurt me and I'm still thinking of ways to make it work in my broken little brain.

He knows what his mother did, how could he ever? How? So you could never find it in you to be angry.

“I’m sorry— I just can’t.”

You shut your eyes and lean back into the steps of your home. The sky was bright that night, you couldn’t understand why the universe still presented its beauty during such a moment.

“When will you get married?” You suppose maybe you like to hurt yourself.

“They said two weeks.”

You drop your head into your hands and let out a sob. Heart slamming against your ribs, drowning in it. You fear that you’ll become one with earth, a puddle seeping into the grass ahead of you. You feel his panic next to you. He’s whispering your name, and tearing against the back of your head. Your shoulders wrack and you try to speak.

But you decide silence is all you can handle.

So you stay like this for a few minutes.

“Will you sleep with me tonight?” You ask finally, pathetically.

And he’s quick to nod, “Yes—please.” His deep voice sends a vibration down your spine. And the two of you walk into your home, without fear—no room for such a silly feeling.

He undresses and you do too.

He faces the ceiling and you fear neither of you will catch any hours tonight. You still curl into his chest, for the last time. Feeling his warm tan skin below your ear. You count his heartbeats for minutes at a time. You count your own, attempting to make it stop on your own. Your stomach hurts so badly, you may cry just from that. But you think that you’re a twenty two year old woman who is somehow all cried out. You think of the sun coming up and him getting up to leave, you wonder what the next two weeks will look like.

You’re sure that if you could you’d stay just like this, together and avoidant until it’s time. Just like you planned a week ago when your only fear was him leaving to Colombia.

You know he’d do the same because the two of you love pain like no other. You stay in your inferno of a brain for nearly an hour. You know he can’t sleep.

“What are we going to do?” He asks and you frown.

“Go our separate ways.”

“I don’t want to.” He’s quick to respond, angry.

“I know.”

“Do you want to?”

“No. But I have to. You have to.”

“As long as I know you, I'll want you, Andrea.”

You shut your eyes and breathe. You hope he forgets you. You hope you can. You suppose you have to try.

“After the wedding, I don’t think I’ll ever want to speak to you again.”

You feel him intake a shaky breath. Your heart breaks again. “Okay.”

“I’m sorry.”

His chest rises, “It’s okay. I understand.” You nod, the post of the earrings he bought you scraping his skin. “We probably shouldn’t see each other after today.” He admits and you know he’s right.

“Yeah.”

“Do you think I could be a bridesmaid?” You attempt to joke and he doesn’t laugh. You can’t tell what he does but he shivers.

“Not funny.”

“I’m sorry.” You exhale. And there the two of you are pensive. Already missing each other.

He sighs and it's silent once more. “I really love you.”

You sigh just the same and you love him more. You decide you couldn’t say it out loud this time.

Colombia 1988

His elbow is rested on the arm of the chair and his mouth is pressed to a fist. Eyes closed for a few moments. He thinks of the silence of that night, how he hasn't heard you say I love you since. The words that kept him going, but fuck it, he didn’t feel like he deserved it. He made their life such a mess, over and over again. Again his brain regresses to that of a child, of his own head when he was eleven, when he tore up his mothers room and stained her poetry with his tears.

He has spent two years suffering, he knows there will be no winning. He lost you. He came here prematurely hoping to win in some way. To bring some good, save some people but he realized there's no winning here either. Just suffering and corruption. The longer he watches people die he swears his faith chips slowly with it.

So he looks over his shoulder once or twice when he leaves his session. There were very few words spoken by Dr. Hertz but what can you do when his story silences so many?

He wishes it could silence his own thoughts but instead it festers and crowds his brain in the most crucial moments. Like when he led a raid in a bar in Medellin and swore the woman who sat at the bar with a gun to her head was you. In genuine panic he freezes, the casualties raised from 24 to 25 at that moment. All because of you—him—all because of his thoughts of you, plaguing him.

And he thinks of you in the most insignificant moments. Insignificant like burying himself deep in the cunt of a woman who’s being paid. He thinks of you and can't keep it up from the guilt. What a curse it is to feel so deeply about someone.

He remembers once, you lie beside him half asleep and mumbling like you did after sex. You said that sometimes love scares you so much that for a time you wished to never feel it. He thought of you so crazy, he fears he understands you now.

#javier peña #javier peña x ofc #javier pena fanfiction #javier pena x you #javier peña smut #ao3 #fanfic #javier peña narcos #javier pena x reader

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kernyen-xo · 7 months ago

Text

Here we go. It’s a long one.

My aunt is dying. Any day now, her son told the family. So, everyone flocked to see her, including mom, which entailed a 17-hour train ride from San Diego to Sacramento. My brother and I usually meet up in Bakersfield to deliver the momster because she refuses to fly and now refuses to take the train. Of course, doing the Bakersfield thing is a pain, especially if you’re not a morning person because I have to leave by 4:30 am to make sure I’m in Bakersfield by 10. Now, really, I’m glad for it in the end because I’m back home by 2:30-3p.

This time around, mom had to take the train because she was afraid her sister would die before she got to see her. So, mom was insistent she had to leave asap, which meant no Bakersfield trip since my brother and I had to work.

Easy-peasy.

That is, except this last weekend. Mom arrived Friday night near midnight (17-hour train ride, remember?). The next day we see Auntie Sally. That night, I go to the birthday celebration for me, the kid, and grandkid. Mom didn’t want to go.

Anyway.

I assumed my brother and I would meet up in Bakersfield the following weekend, which is a-ok. I have plenty of time to rest and mentally rev myself for the trip, which is something I need to do. Otherwise, without this precious time, I don’t handle it well.

Guess what? Mom wants to leave the next day. I’m like, wait, what? But, I just say ok and quietly freak out inside. This really changes everything. I tell my granddaughter, who is staying the weekend with me to shower at night, that all she has to do is roll out of bed the next am and get in the car where she can sleep.

Easy-peasy, right?

Except, when we arrive in Bakersfield, my brother is not at our meeting place. He’s always there first - always. The guy is an extreme morning person, up every day by 4am. In fact, I thought it was weird that he didn’t call once asking me for an update of my progress.

Long story short. I know, too late.

He thought the mom delivery wasn’t taking place until the following weekend. I was thinking, ok, we’ll head back home and try this again next weekend. But mom? No way. She refuses to go and suggests I leave her there to wait for my brother. Really? Like, I’d do that, and she knows I’d never do that.

So, after drinking a lot of beverages, shopping at WalMart and Nordstrom’s Rack, my brother arrives. He must have booked it because what’s usually almost a 5-6 hour drive, he made it in 3.

The grandkid and me were home by 6:30. I apologized to her for how the day went. She said, what a day! I agreed. We really didn’t get to spend quality time together. I was supposed to take her home that night, but I was so exhausted that I asked if the kid could take her instead, which she did.

The last-minute trip was hard on me. I remember the days when I could drive in a pinch no problem! Those days are gone. I missed work on Monday to recuperate. Ya, this old gal ain’t what she used to be.

And now, I need to get ready for work.

Thx for reading.

Have a good day :)

Toods!

#this has been a kernyen update #20240425

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herrmannhalsteadproduction · 7 months ago

Text

Fine is a Four-Letter Word (Chapter One)

Summary: This is Part Twenty-Two of my series A Herrmann/Halstead Production. It is an AU where Christopher Herrmann's mom had an affair with Pat Halstead resulting in a baby. The series follows this OC character (Rebecca "Bex" Herrmann) as she grows up and gets to know her brothers and the various Chicago teams. It is very much an AU, just to underscore that. It doesn't follow the same timeline and characters will follow different paths.

Click here for the Series Rundown where you can find the links to read all of the previous installments (which I highly recommend you do so that this one makes sense.)

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Christopher Herrmann & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Original Female Character, Will Halstead & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Will Halstead, Greg 'Mouse' Gerwitz/Original Female Character, Will Halstead/Connor Rhodes, Assorted OC Couples

Warnings: Injury Recovery, Trauma Recovery, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Protective Siblings, Family Feels, Team as Family, Road Trip, Kissing, Romance, Mild Sexual Content, Swearing, Eventual Happy Ending

Chapter One

Monday, August 31st, 2015

Sam

Dr. Fredericks sat in the cushy armchair across from him; the picture of calm compared to Sam’s jiggling knee and hands that didn’t seem to know what to do with themselves.

“Why don’t you tell me why you’re here, Officer Kent,” she began. That was probably supposed to be some kind of a soft lob of an opener, but god, what a loaded question.

“Well, uh—” Sam took a shaky breath. “Sergeant Platt said that, uh, the department had someone for people to talk to after—after tough calls and that I might want to consider it. And that…”

Dr. Fredericks nodded gently. “And?”

“She said that walking in on a scene like that—you saw the file, right?” Sam slumped back in relief at her nod. He knew they’d be going over it all eventually, but knowing that she’d read it made starting this conversation that much easier. “She said walking into a scene like that is hard enough, but it’s that much worse when—when your loved ones are involved. Your family.”

He swallowed hard against the painfully fresh memories of that day.

“She said it wasn’t required or anything and maybe I was fine, but, uh—” Sam gripped at the armrests of his chair, hoping that would make his hands stop shaking. “But in her experience, it could be helpful and I talked to my partners about it and we all thought it would be a good idea for me to try because—because I’m not.”

“You’re not what, Sam?” The question was asked so softly, he could almost forgive it for how thoroughly it was cracking him open.

“I’m not fine,” he choked out. “None of us are and it feels like—like we never will be again.”

“What constitutes as fine is always a bit of a moving target after a trauma like you and your family have been through,” she said.

Images of Emery in her hospital bed flashed through his brain.

Still going through, really.

“Being willing to talk about it is a good first step,” Dr. Fredericks continued. “And not an easy one, either. You might not be okay right now, Sam, but be proud of yourself for that.”

He jerked his chin in a nod, not trusting himself to speak as he let that sink in.

A first step.

One of many, probably.

Shit.

Okay.

“So, how, uh—how do we do this?”

***

Will

It was early, seven am or so, but time never really meant much in a hospital anyway. The sounds of people bustling around in the hallway was muffled slightly by the door.

And by the snores coming from Jay on the couch.

Connor had left a few minutes ago to check in on Emery. Bex was asleep in the bed beside him—a bit restless, but that was better than what he’d seen of her every time he’d woken up throughout the night. The stomach issue side effects of a concussion were hitting her hard.

Chris and Mouse were sitting in chairs beside her, talking quietly. Probably trying to make plans since she was scheduled to be discharged today.

Will was not.

And look—he was a doctor! He understood all of the hows and whys of this, but holy hell was he already tired of staying in bed and resting.

He was tired.

He was in pain which was also pissing him off.

…and he was really thirsty.

Will snuck another glance at Mouse and Chris, but they both looked exhausted and very wrapped up in their intense little conversation.

Jay was still completely sacked out.

His cup was right there on the bedside table. He knew there was water in it. Connor had poured some for him before he left.

It wasn’t that far. Will could reach it…if he stretched…carefully…just a little bit more and maybe if he twisted—

There was a little pop as a ripple of pain went through Will’s abdomen. He looked down to see a small patch of red bloom through his hospital gown.

Well, shit.

***

Jay

No one was allowed to say anything about Jay being a bad patient ever again.

Ever.

“Stay in bed means stay in bed, Dr. Halstead,” Jenna, their nurse for the day chastised Will as she finished administering his medication. “You know that better than most patients.”

“I was just trying to get my cup,” Will began, cut off by Jay’s snort.

“There’s three people in here who could’ve grabbed it for you, man,” Jay said. “You didn’t have to pop a stitch—”

“Two stitches,” Connor piped up from where he was sprawled in the arm chair, eyes half closed as his head lolled against the arm rest.

Jenna flashed two fingers at Will with a pointed look.

“Right,” Jay said. “Two stitches. They’re gonna take your doctor cred if you keep this up.”

“It’s actually pretty on brand for doctors,” Jenna muttered.

“I know! Okay? I’m sorry.” Will slumped back against his pillows with a wince. “I’ll be more careful.” He gave Jenna a contrite little grin that actually seemed to work on her. “I promise.”

“We’ll be holding you to that,” she said, smiling back at him. “Now rest.”

Will raised his arm to give her a salute, only to lower it quickly, curling his hand into a fist as he hissed. “Ow.”

Idiot. Jay barely managed to hold back an affectionate snort. He and Jenna had to maintain a united front.

Jenna shook her head, shooting a glance at Jay as she headed out the door. “Keep an eye on him, will you?”

Jay managed to knock off an actual salute, ignoring the sneaky middle finger Will was giving him. “You’re getting me in trouble with the nurses,” he whispered at Will. “Aren’t we supposed to be trying to stay on their good side?”

“Yes,” Will and Connor replied in unison.

“So, no more messing around, okay?” He pointed a stern finger at Will who nodded sheepishly.

Seriously. He was so much worse than Jay had ever been. At least Bex was behaving herself.

Although that might be the concussion.

Jay frowned to himself, peeking at the other side of the room where Chris was talking with Bex while Mouse hovered close by. His radar started pinging at how serious they both looked.

“Psst.” Will motioned for him to come closer and Jay made his way around to the left side of the bed. Will ‘pssst’d at him again so he leaned in a bit.

“Jay.” Will looked up at him with wide, definitely drugged up eyes.

“Yes, Will.”

“Pass me my cup?”

Jay shook his head at the sound of smothered laughter coming from Connor’s chair. “Yes, I’ll pass you your friggin’ cup,” he said. “I’ll even put more water in it for you.”

“Thank you, Jay.”

He watched to make sure Will didn’t spill all over the place before taking the cup back and returning it to the bedside table.

“Chris, you’re not listening to me!” Bex’s raised voice caught both of their attention.

“I am, but you’re not thinking straight—”

A groan from Bex cut him off as she closed her eyes, rubbing at her forehead. “Just stop.”

“Hey.” Jay made his way over to their side of the room. “What’s going on?”

“Bex’s being stubborn,” Chris sighed and Mouse exchanged an uneasy look with Jay behind his back.

“I’m not—” Bex took a shuddery breath and started again. “I just want to go home, Chris.”

“You can’t,” he said, gearing himself up. “Not alone. You’re in no shape to take care of yourself. We can move the kids around temporarily and get you set up—”

“No!”

Chris jerked back at Bex’s tone and Jay stepped closer to the bed, making room for Connor to come and join their little huddle.

Bex looked up at the four of them, tears forming in her eyes as she let out a frustrated huff. “I just—I can’t—”

Jay crouched down beside her, reaching out to take her hand in his. “Whatever you need, we’ll make it work.”

“…I don’t want the kids to see me like this,” she whispered. Chris deflated, as gut-punched by her words as the rest of them. Jay understood. She—she looked rough still. Almost worse now that all of her bruises were blooming across her skin. “And I love you guys, Chris, but I need to be in my own space. My own bed. I’ll be okay. I can—”

Jay made eye contact with Mouse and knew without a word they were on the same page. “Mouse and I will stay with her,” he said. “We can talk to Voight and do whatever we need to make our schedules work so that one of us is always there.”

“Don’t you need to be here with Will?” Chris asked, shaking his head, already dismissing the idea. “Connor’ll need help—”

“Uh, I’m pretty sure I can handle him on my own.” Connor jerked a thumb over at Will who was completely passed out and drooling on his pillow. He grinned when that got a little giggle out of Bex. “We’ve got people here who can help out,” Connor said. “Jenna’s probably going to tie him down at some point so that’ll make things easy.”

“I know you’re joking,” Jay said. “But I think she actually might.”

“Oh, I’m only like, fifty percent joking about that,” Connor laughed. “But I’m serious about it being fine. We’ll be okay.”

“Okay, okay, fine,” Chris said, raising his hands in surrender. “If you can make sure someone’s always there, I’ll trust you and leave you to it. But—” He pointed a stern finger at Jay, Mouse, and then Bex. “Cindy and I’ll be stopping by regularly. No arguments about that.”

“No arguments,” Bex agreed.

“Alright.” Chris slapped at his knees as he stood. “Let’s break you out of this joint.”

***

Chris

Chris left the room under the excuse of tracking down Bex’s discharge paperwork, but ducked down the first quiet hallway he found. He tried to take a slow and steady breath as he leaned against the wall, but it came out in one harsh exhale.

Christ.

He pressed his palms against his eyes and cursed at himself. Get it together, Herrmann.

Bex was the one who went through a trauma. He had to respect her needs—respect her choices—even if the thought of not being able to keep an eye on her 24/7 until every one of those horrific bruises faded away made him feel like his heart was being ripped out of his chest.

He rubbed at his face, swiping away any evidence of tears. He could be okay with this because this was Jay and Mouse they were talking about. They were probably going to be even bigger…what was it Bex and Jay always say?

Mama chickens.

Chris chuckled to himself as he straightened up, shaking his head.

Right. Jay and Mouse were going to be huge mama chickens about this and he and Cindy could check in as often as they needed.

Which he would be doing with that key that Bex gave him when she first moved it.

So there.

His brain settled as numerous plans for check-ins and meal drop-offs began to form. Maybe he could talk Cindy into making a spreadsheet or something. Chris nodded. Yeah, they could make this work.

But first, the promised discharge papers.

He set off with renewed purpose, ready to get the ball rolling on his promise to spring Bex.

***

Bex

Jay left shortly after Chris, saying something about packing up enough stuff to stay at Bex’s for awhile and promising to stop by Mouse’s place to grab some things for him as well.

She waved him off and settled back against her pillows, trying not to wince as she was well aware of the two sets of eyes still on her.

“Hey.” Mouse pulled up a chair and sat beside her. “Are you okay with this plan?” he asked quietly. “We kind of steamrollered you there.”

“No, it’s good,” she said. “I just—I can’t be at Chris and Cindy’s, but Chris is right. I probably shouldn’t be alone. If you and Jay don’t mind—”

“Not even a little bit.” Mouse jumped right in with that. He reached out to squeeze the fingers the were poking out of her cast. “I’m glad, uh, you—thank you for letting us. For letting us help.”

“Will, no—” Connor’s voice cut through their moment. “Let me get your cup. You are ridiculous. Don’t make those eyes.”

Bex met Mouse’s eyes and they both barely managed to push back their giggles.

“Hey,” Mouse whispered, leaning in. “Can I sign your cast?” He pulled a black Sharpie out of his pocket and waggled it at her.

“Where'd you get that?”

He grinned. “I have my ways.”

“Okay, keep your secrets.” Bex stretched her arm out along the bed. “Have at it.”

She closed her eyes, listening to him hum softly as the marker scratched over her hard cast. They’d finally put it on last night after another round of being poked and prodded and scanned. They weren’t worried about her internal bleeding anymore—yay—but her concussion symptoms were rearing their ugly head.

Chris and Cindy had picked up a pile of delicious food and she hadn’t been able to eat any of it. Her stomach was off. Everything tasted weird and gross. Jay even went and grabbed her more French fries, but she couldn’t even make it through one bite.

It was like, everything from Friday to Sunday felt so unreal and now reality was creeping back in, sharpening everything up, and Bex was completely weighed down.

By pain and exhaustion and all of the medication and now freaking nausea. She couldn’t wait to go home to her own bed and, well, probably continue to have crap sleeps, but at least it would be quieter and comfier there.

“There.” She opened her eyes to see Mouse capping the marker and gesturing at her cast with a proud flourish. On the inside of her wrist was a doodle of a tiny mouse.

“I love it,” Bex said and he quirked his little grin at her.

“Okay, campers,” Chris said, charging back into the room. “It’s go time.”

“Finally,” Will sighed and both Chris and Connor were on him in a flash.

“Not you,” Chris said, shaking his head.

“If you move from that bed,” Connor began. “I swear—”

“Jeez, can’t a guy make a joke?” Will help up his hands.

“Probably would have landed better two stitches ago,” Mouse said.

“Now that,” Chris grinned, pointing at Mouse. “That’s a joke.”

“You guys are jerks,” Will grumbled. “Bex, remember me when you’re on the outside.”

“You’re lucky you’re cute when you pout,” Connor said. He leaned in to kiss Will’s forehead, giving him another on the lips when he tilted his face up for more. “Now cut it out.”

Will didn’t stop pouting, but at least he stayed in bed while Mouse and Chris helped Bex out of hers. Cindy had already helped her get cleaned up and dressed earlier that morning. She was definitely going to have to figure out some kind of system for that once she got home.

Moving slowly, because wow walking didn’t feel that great, she made her way over to Will and gave him a careful hug goodbye.

“I’ll see you soon,” she promised. If he could manage to keep himself out of trouble, he should be out in a few more days. Then they could all be at home together.

She was in the middle of hugging Connor when Jenna showed up at the door with a wheelchair. “Hospital policy,” Jenna said cheerfully. “We take you right to the door.”

Mouse and Chris hovered as she carefully got into the chair, giving her a flash of what the next week or two was going to be like. She might as well put the hovering to good use.

“Chris.” Bex reached out to touch his arm before he could move around and start pushing the wheelchair. “I want to make to see her before we go. Please.”

Every single person around her got a pinched look on their face at that request and she knew, okay? She knew that Emery was in bad shape and seeing her was going to be hard, but there was no way she was leaving her before doing that.

She needed Emery to hear her voice. To know they were both still here.

And that she had to keep it that way.

“Okay,” Chris sighed. “Hold on tight. Herrmann Express is leaving the station.”

He looked down at her expectantly.

“Yeah, I’m not—”

“Choo choo,” Mouse offered helpfully.

“Good enough for me,” Chris said as he wheeled them out of the room.

***

Mouse

Watching Bex sit beside Emery’s bedside, holding her friend’s limp hand as she talked to her—it was…rough. Mouse couldn’t stop thinking about how that could have been Bex too.

Or worse, that Bex might not have even made it to the hospital.

But she did make it, he reminded himself. And she was hurt, but she was going to be better and he and Jay would be there every step of the way.

“Her stats are better,” a voice popped up beside him. He looked over to see Kira, Bex and Emery’s friend standing between him and Chris. She’d given up her seat when they’d arrived so Bex could have a visit, claiming it was a good time for a coffee run.

“Emery’s stats,” she clarified, sipping at her to go cup. “They’re not great, but they’re better so…that’s something.”

“Have they said anything about when they’ll start bringing her off the sedation?” Chris asked.

“Maybe in the next day or two,” Kira said. “I’ll keep you guys posted.”

“Appreciated.” Chris wrapped an arm around her shoulders and gave her a little squeeze. They kept watch for a while longer, clocking when Bex started to flag and starting the slow process of actually getting her to leave.

Eventually, they managed to get her out of the hospital and into Mouse’s car. There was no way they would have been able to get her into Jay’s truck which was he drew the ‘go pack up their shit’ short straw.

After Chris had triple-checked that Bex was safely buckled in, he finally stepped back and shut the car door. He gave Mouse a measured look. “Take care of her,” he said.

“Every minute,” Mouse promised.

“I’ll be stopping by too so no funny business or walking around in your underoos or anything like that,” Chris said, jumping when Bex banged on the car window, scowling up at him. “Ooh, I did not think she could hear me. Okay, okay, I’m going.” He blew a quick kiss at Bex before quickly jogging off to the van. “Be seeing you!”

Mouse waved him off and got into the driver’s seat, ignoring the grumbling coming from the passenger side. “Let’s get you home.”

Bex let out a quiet sigh at that. “Please.”

The drive was surprisingly quiet. They were in that after-commute window and it seemed like a light day for construction. Mouse kept the radio off, mindful of Bex’s headaches, and focused on getting them there. Bex didn’t make a peep for the longest time. When he glanced over at the next red light, she was slumped against the back of the seat, totally passed out.

He was tempted to just keep driving and let her sleep for as long as she could, but she had to have some kind of internal radar because as soon as they got close to her street, she started to stir.

“We almost there?”

“Almost,” Mouse said, turning down her road and pulling into the parking lot. “Hang on, I’ll help you out.” He got out and dashed around to her side of the car. Working too quickly for her to argue about it, Mouse opened the door and undid her seatbelt. He carefully helped her out of the car, cataloguing every wince she tried to hide. Getting her upstairs was going to be a battle.

“Bex,” Mouse said, trying to figure out how to broach the subject as best he could. “I think, uh, don’t get mad, okay?”

“What?” She frowned faintly at him, swaying a bit before leaning against the car.

Crap. He did some quick math in his head. She was definitely due for another round of pain pills too. He really needed to get her upstairs. “Will you let me carry you in?” he asked, biting the bullet and putting it out there. “It’s far and I know—”

“You want to what?” “Uh, carry? You?”

Bex squinted at him and then groaned. “You know what? Go for it.” She raised her good arm and Mouse didn’t wait for her to second guess it before scooping her up gently into his arms.

“This okay?” She’d winced again when he’d picked her up, but she settled, wrapped her good arm around his neck and laying her head on his shoulder.

“Yeah,” she said. “Hurts, but not as bad as walking did.”

Jay chose that moment to pull into the lot, doing a double take as he drove past them. He parked quickly and jogged over to meet them at the front door. “Everything okay?”

“Just getting Bex upstairs,” Mouse said. “Figured we could come down for everything else later.”

Understanding crossed Jay’s face as he checked his own watch, realizing where they were in the schedule. “Good idea.” He went ahead, getting the doors and managing the elevator, then opening the apartment door.

The place was a little musty after not having anyone around for the last couple of days, but Jay turned the air on and it started to clear up quickly.

Mouse set Bex down and she already seemed more relaxed by being in her own space.

“You hungry?” he asked and she made a face. “Bex, you need to eat.”

“I know, but everything tastes awful and I feel so pukey—” She stopped when she looked up and met his eyes, sighing at whatever she’d seen in them. “I’m sorry, I know I need to eat.”

He didn’t want to guilt trip her, but she really did need to eat, especially with the kind of meds she was one. “Maybe a bit of toast now? And we could try soup later?”

Between the two of them, they managed to gently bully her through a piece of toast, taking her medicine, and into trying for a nap. After getting her tucked into bed, Mouse closed the door to her room, leaning against it with a sigh. Jay was waiting for him in the hall.

“She asleep?”

“Not yet,” Mouse said. “But close.”

They stood there in silence for a moment.

“Think we can do this without fucking up?” Jay asked.

“Gonna try.” Mouse pushed away from the door and headed toward the kitchen because that was it. He was gonna try. No matter what. “You have any idea how to make real soup?” he asked Jay over his shoulder.

“No, but that’s what Google’s for, yeah?”

Mouse laughed, smiling as Jay hip-checked past him into the kitchen and started rooting around the cupboards.

Okay. Plan of attack.

Figure out how to make soup. Bring their stuff up. Make soup. Feed the soup to Bex.

It was a start, at least.

“Hey, do you think this carrot is salvageable?”

Right, soup.

***

Bex

A quiet knock on her door was the only warning she got before Jay poked his head in. “Hey,” he whispered. “Ready to get up?”

“Not really,” she grumbled, keeping her eyes closed.

“So, does that mean you don’t want to go see Emery and Will?”

He laughed when she shot up out of bed. “I’m up, I’m up,” she said. “Give me two minutes to change.” He left her to it and she changed into fresh clothes in record time. She grabbed the door handle, pulling it open and stepped out—

Into the hallway of the hospital. The ICU floor. “Jay?” she called out, but there was no answer. The only sound was a flat whine coming from one of the rooms.

A sound she was way too familiar with.

One that made her stomach fill with dread and panic and—

She found herself moving toward the noise, pulled toward a doorway, into a room.

“No,” Bex whispered.

Will and Emery, lying side by side in twin hospital beds, motionless as the monitor screamed out the flatline behind them.

“NO!”

“You did this.” Connor stepped toward her from the side of the room. “You were too slow. Too weak. You didn’t save them.”

“I tried—”

“You let them die,” Connor snapped out at her. He looked down at his own chest where growing patches of red were forming, blood starting to run down it in little rivers. “This is your fault.”

“Connor!” She screamed as he fell to his knees, eyes staring out at nothing. “No. No, no, no! Help!” Bex turned back out to the hall, searching for someone, anyone. She spotted someone lying on the floor a few feet away.

It looked like—

No.

Bex ran, falling to her knees beside him and carefully turning him over. Chris flopped back, dried blood crinkling the side of his shirt. His lips were blue. Eyes as empty as Connor’s.

And Will’s.

And Emery’s.

“I need HELP!” Bex yelled into the empty hallway. “Please. Someone, please help!”

“It’s too late, Bex.”

She whirled around to see Mouse falling to his knees as blood poured out of his mouth.

“There’s no one left to help,” he gasped before collapsing to the floor. Behind him, the hallway was filled with bodies.

Jay. Cindy. Uncle Bo. Uncle Mouch. Trudy. Matt. Gabby. Shay. Kelly. Kevin. Adam. Kim. Sylvie. Otis. Joe. Kira. Malia. Sam. Everyone.

All of them.

Every single person she loved.

Dead.

“This is your fault,” Ty said, slamming a knife into her chest and pinning her to the wall.

Bex woke up with a gasp, doubling over as pain throbbed through her at the sudden movement. She couldn’t—where was—they were all—

No.

She took a shaky breath.

Then another.

Slow.

Waiting out the panic.

It was a dream. It wasn’t real. They were all alive.

It wasn’t real.

Bex carefully let herself lie back against her pillows and ran her good hand over her cheeks, wiping away the tears. “It wasn’t real,” she reminded herself.

A knock on her door had her jolting again. Heart pounding.

“Bex?” Jay called before he cracked the door open. “You awake?”

“Um, yeah,” she croaked out. “Just now.”

He poked his head inside, peering at her. “You okay?”

She took in the sight of him, alive and okay, but with massive bags under his eyes and concerned lines etching across his face. Stress and exhaustion seeping out of his bones.

This is your fault.

“Yeah,” she said. “I’m fine.”

He quirked an eyebrow at her. “Sure about that?”

“Yes,” Bex said firmly, willing away her headache and sore ribs for long enough to flash him a convincing smile. “I’m okay…and I believe I was promised soup?”

He grinned back and started in on what had apparently been an epic soup-making adventure with Mouse. Bex let his words wash over her, pushing away the remnants of her nightmare.

See?

Fine.

Click here to read Chapter Two. Click here to read Chapter Three. Click here to read Chapter Four. Click here to read Chapter Five.

Click here to read Fine is a Four-Letter Word on ao3:

And here is the tag list (let me know if you wish to be added or removed):

@sorry-i-spaced, @iunnowatuwant, @thegirlwhowishedeveryonelived, @ivyalmighty, @thewannabewriter, @lexhalstead3, @multifandomgrl08, @foxes-and-cats, @sensitivemallysix, @thebewingedjewelcat, @emme-looou,

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