#greg “mouse” gerwitz

[herrmannhalsteadproduction]

Fine is a Four-Letter Word (Chapter Five)

Summary: This is Part Twenty-Two of my series A Herrmann/Halstead Production. It is an AU where Christopher Herrmann's mom had an affair with Pat Halstead resulting in a baby. The series follows this OC character (Rebecca "Bex" Herrmann) as she grows up and gets to know her brothers and the various Chicago teams. It is very much an AU, just to underscore that. It doesn't follow the same timeline and characters will follow different paths.

Click here for the Series Rundown where you can find the links to read all of the previous installments (which I highly recommend you do so that this one makes sense.)

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Christopher Herrmann & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Original Female Character, Will Halstead & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Will Halstead, Greg 'Mouse' Gerwitz/Original Female Character, Will Halstead/Connor Rhodes, Assorted OC Couples

Warnings: Injury Recovery, Trauma Recovery, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Protective Siblings, Family Feels, Team as Family, Kissing, Romance, Mild Sexual Content, Swearing

Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Friday

*** 

Jay

Jay scrubbed a hand down his face as Dr. Fredericks patiently waited for him to, you know, actually talk.

“You know what happened,” he began, figuring she’d at least heard through the grapevine if not directly from a few of her other first-responder patients. “With my sister and my brother.”

“I do.” Dr. Fredericks nodded. “But that doesn’t mean I know how you experienced it. I’d rather hear it in your own words.”

Rubbing a hand over his mouth, he slumped back in his chair, trying to gather his words. Dr. Fredericks waited. Infuriatingly patient, as always.

He couldn’t—he didn’t want to revisit that day. Any of it. But he knew the drill by now—knew he had to if there was any hope of getting a handle on it. The only way out was through and all that shit. Jay took a breath and tried to centre himself.

Slowly, haltingly, he told her everything. Every horrifying minute. Listening to the attack. Thinking that Bex—that she was dead before he could even get to her. Emery. And then Will. How he can’t stop hearing or seeing any of it whether he’s awake or asleep. How he’s trying to keep it together for Bex—trying to keep Bex together while she’s slowly falling apart before his eyes. Pretending she’s fucking fine.

Like any of them are.

They talked through his feelings of ‘misplaced’ guilt—Jay didn’t know if it would be possible to ever fully rid himself of that—and his extremely justified anger at Ty.

“I just—I want him gone,” Jay snapped out. “I don’t want him to ever be able to touch my family ever again. I’m doing everything I can think of to make that happen, but none of it feels like enough.”

Dr. Fredericks tilted her head at him. “What have you been doing?”

“I can’t work the case, obviously,” Jay said, still aggravated about that. “But I remembered my dash cam was on and it caught the phone call with Bex so I’ve handed that over. You can hear Ty pretty friggin’ clearly on that so it should help the prosecutors.” Detective Medeiros kept reminding him how huge a help that actually was.

“Mouse and I have been staying with her so I know there’s always someone there,” he continued. “But—”

“…but?” she prompted.

“We both have to start back at work on Monday,” Jay sighed. “They’re letting us switch our shifts around so at least one of us will be there—most of the time anyway, but I—I don’t know how I’m going to do it.”

“Return to work?”

“Leave Bex,” he said, shaking his head. “I tried to go for groceries on Wednesday and I-I had a panic attack in the parking lot of her building about leaving her alone. And Mouse was still there! I mean—I did it. I went. We needed food, but it…it was hard.”

“That’s understandable after a trauma like you’ve had,” Dr. Fredericks said. “Have you talked to Bex about your fears?”

“I don’t…no, no, I haven’t.” Jay sat up and grabbed the glass of water she’d set out for him. Gave his hands something to do. “Our oldest brother, Chris—he already had a talk with her along those lines this week.” Thankfully Chris had filled him in later because Bex hadn’t said a word. “I don’t—I don’t want to pile my shit on top of all that. I know she knows I’m worried about her. I keep checking on her while she’s ‘sleeping’—”

“Why the air quotes,” Dr. Fredericks cut in.

“Because I’m pretty sure she’s faking it,” he said, heart sinking all over again at the thought. “She went from waking us up with screaming nightmares to total silence in the span of a day. That doesn’t happen. But she’s resting, at least, and that was a huge fight to win.” His lips twisted in a wry smile. “One battle at a time, right?”

“That’s—”

“I know.” Jay held up a hand. “Something I need to talk about with her eventually, but I’ve been in her place, Doc. Hurt and in pain and knowing that there’s nothing you can do to speed up the process. It’s—it’s shitty and sleeping with broken ribs is actually pretty hard. I want to give her a bit of space…on that front, anyway.”

“Okay.” Dr. Fredericks levelled a look at him across the coffee table. “If talking to Bex is off the table, for now, what else do you think can be done to help you feel more comfortable with returning to work.”

Aside from removing Ty Anderson from the face of the planet? Jay blew out a breath as he wracked his brain, running through all of their plans and back up plans and—

“I think…I think we might be doing everything we can? To keep Bex safe, I mean.” He bobbed a little nod. “Aside from rolling her up in bubble wrap or something.”

“Which wouldn’t be good for her ribs,” Dr. Fredericks pointed out with a small smile. Jay popped a finger gun at her. “Fair point.” He let out a little laugh before sighing and running a hand over his face. “Can you just…tell me it’ll get easier at some point?”

“How long have we been seeing each other, Jay?”

“Couple of years,” he said, not bothering with the actual math. “Off and on.”

“So,” Dr. Fredericks said, not giving him an inch. “What do you think the answer to that is?”

Not easier.

Not ever really with the way their lives went, but eased. With time and a hell of a lot of work.

They all had a long road ahead of them.

*** Bex

Bex watched the numbers on her phone turn over and silenced the alarm as soon as it went off. Kol snuffled as he wiggled closer beside her and licked at her chin. She gave him a little scratch behind his ear.

“Good boy, Kol,” she said. “You did a good job.”

He’d snuck into her room on Tuesday night as Mouse was leaving and snuggled in beside her. Bex wasn’t about to turn him away and around one a.m., she was extra happy for that decision when he nudged her awake right as a nightmare was headed toward screaming out loud territory.

She did not need another night of waking up Mouse and Jay and having them burst into her room thinking she was fighting off an attack. Again.

Kol got plenty of treats for his help and now three nights in, they’d managed to keep up their little system. He woke her up before the nightmares got too bad. Mouse and Jay got more sleep—mostly. Jay kept checking on her, but she was pretty sure he was sleeping in between checks. She was only managing to get a couple of hours a night, but it wasn’t like she was exerting herself much throughout the day anyway.

The nightmares would fade at some point. They had to.

In the meantime, Operation Stop Worrying Your Whole Family was under way.

“Okay,” Bex said, pushing Kol away gently. “Time to get up and face the day.” She was workshopping times for how early she could come out of her room and not have Mouse look at her with that tiny little frown line between his eyebrows, asking her if she got enough sleep.

Seven a.m. and eight a.m. were not it. Maybe eight-thirty would be the magic number.

Bex grit her teeth as she leveraged herself out of bed, ribs screaming at her. Most of her body was still one giant bruise and moving, standing, or sitting—everything friggin’ hurt.

Slowly, but surely, she made her way toward her door. Taking a deep breath—ow, OW, ow—Bex pasted a smile onto her face and headed out into the hallway…

Into a quiet apartment.

Hunh.

Will’s bedroom door was open with no Jay inside—right. He was going to therapy this morning. Bex hoped the empty room meant he was following through with that and actually made his appointment. She’d overheard enough whispered conversations between him and Mouse to know they were both still beating themselves over what happened. Like any of the blame fell on them.

She crept out into the living room, shuffling along while Kol pranced beside her. With a bark, he shot ahead, nosing at the balcony door and she finally spotted Mouse sitting out there cross-legged.

“Oh, hey!” He turned around at the noise, scrambling to his feet as soon as he saw her. Sliding open the screen door, he stepped inside, scanning her face with worried eyes. That stupid frown line starting to form. “Did you get—”

“Hey! Good morning to you too,” she said, dragging that smile back out. “What were you doing out there?”

“Ah. I, uh—” Mouse rubbed at the back of his neck. Blushing. Bex’s smile suddenly felt a lot less forced.

“Mouse…” she teased, stepping closer. “Spill.”

“I was trying out a meditation thing that Lucy keeps recommending to me,” he blurted out. “Like a quiet-the-mind-relaxation-thing—”

Because he was stressed. About her. About all of this.

“Did it help?” She mentally crossed her fingers, already planning to send Lucy cookies if it had. Even a little bit.

“Oh, I didn’t—I actually got distracted watching some birds chase a squirrel in the parking lot,” Mouse confessed with a little snort. “I think they were playing? I hope they were, otherwise those were some mean birds.”

Bex laughed, doing her best to stifle the groan that followed as she pressed a hand against her side. Mouse’s face fell instantly.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” He crowded into her space, hand hovering over hers, carefully not touching. “I shouldn’t make jokes. Are you okay—”

“I’m fine, I—I don’t want you to stop making jokes,” she said. “Ever, okay?” She stared at him until he met her eyes again. “Promise?”

Mouse held her gaze before sighing and dropping his forehead to press against hers. “Promise.”

“Good.” Bex moved forward to wrap her arms around him and snuggle into his chest. “Let’s try this again. Good morning.”

“Morning, Bex.” Gentle, gentle arms wrapped around her, holding her close. “How about I make you some breakfast?” Mouse asked hopefully.

Her stomach rolled at the thought and Bex hid her grimace into shirt. “Sure,” she said. “That sounds great.”

***

Connor

Will sighed as his care team left the room and Connor sat quietly beside him, holding his hand while they both absorbed the big news.

“Guess I can cancel the rescue squad,” Will said, cracking a grin despite the dark circles under his eyes.

Connor snorted. “Like Severide would bust you out of here and risk Bex coming down on him.”

“Hey—ugh.” Will’s face fell. “I almost made a joke about how now was the best time since she’s out of commission, but—”

“Too soon.” Connor shook his head and Will nodded solemnly.

“Way too soon,” he agreed. “Think she’ll be coming by today or should we call her with the good news? Oh, we gotta talk to Jay and Mouse about moving stuff around so I can have space to maneuver. Our apartment isn’t exactly wheelchair friendly.”

Dr. Allan was letting him take very short walks, but he had to be careful due to the severity and placement of his wound. He couldn’t stress his abdomen while it was still healing which meant lots of bed rest and using a wheelchair more often than not to get around. At least for the next few weeks.

And Will was right about his apartment. Seemed like it was time for the discussion Connor had been prepping for in his brain over the past few days.

“So,” he cleared his throat. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Mm?” Will glanced at him before continuing to type out a list on his phone, head shooting back up when he registered the serious look on Connor’s face. “What’s up?”

“I think that it would be best if you came home with me instead of your apartment,” Connor said, squeezing Will’s hand gently when he instantly started to argue. “Just—wait, please. Hear me out.”

Huffing out a breath, Will sank back against his pillows, the fight draining out of him as quickly as it had flared up. “Tell me.”

“My place is bigger,” Connor began. “You’ll have more room so you won’t have to worry about bumping into anything.”

“At least if I bump into anything at my place, I’ll know it didn’t cost five grand a cushion,” Will snarked and Connor raised an eyebrow at him.

“What happened to hearing me out?”

Will mimed zipping his lips, making Connor laugh softly as he rolled his eyes.

“Better.” He leaned in and took Will’s hand again. “There’s a ramp to the building and the elevator is solid.” Will and Bex’s place had two steps to get in and Connor had a disconcerting lack of confidence in the elevator. “I’ve got a walk-in shower,’ he continued, trying to hit all of the highlights right off the bat. “It’ll be easy to make it accessible and you can’t deny that my mattress is way better than yours.”

Using his free hand to unzip his lips, Will said, “…I do love your mattress.”

Connor knew that would be a point in his favour.

“I know the biggest issue is that you want to be back with Bex,” he said and Will nodded. “But this would just be temporary and like you said, she’s trying to recover too. Jay and Mouse are there. They’ve got her covered. And I’m pretty sure they won’t be leaving anytime soon so five people trying to operate in your apartment is a recipe for disaster.”

“Five?” Will’s face scrunched up in confusion. Connor fought off the urge to sigh.

“Yes, babe, five,” he said. “You think I’m not going to be with you for every step of your recovery, no matter where you’re staying? I already talked to Goodwin about taking a leave.”

“Con…”

“Out of everything, that is the one thing that’s non-negotiable. I mean it.” Connor blinked back tears as his breath caught. “You don’t—you don’t know what it was like, Will. You got shot. Right in front of me—I was—you almost bled out in my arms. I thought you were going to die, that I was going to lose you and I couldn’t—” He swiped a hand over his cheeks, shaking his head. “It was the worst day of my life and I just…I don’t want to let you out of my sight for a little while, okay? Is that—will you let me do that? Please?”

Will opened his arms as Connor’s voice broke on those last words, letting Connor sink into them—carefully—and they held each other until Will whispered, “Okay.”

Connor sat back up, searching his face for any hint of doubt or reluctance, but he was smiling softly at Connor through teary eyes. “Are you sure?”

“You’re right about all of it,” Will said, chewing on his lip as he considered his next words. “Your space is a better set-up, but more importantly, I think it would be best for us to be together in that space. Mouse and Jay have Bex covered and we can still visit and like you said, it’s temporary. I’m not letting Jay steal Bex as a roomie now. He had his chance.”

Relief flooded through Connor as a week’s worth of tension just…disappeared. “That’s—thank you, babe.” He leaned in for a kiss. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” Will said, quirking an eyebrow at him. “I’m calling dibs ‘not it’ on telling Bex about this.”

Connor sat back in his chair with a thump.

Well.

Shit.

***

Jay

Jay walked out of the doctor’s office and blinked at the sight of Voight and Olinsky standing next to his truck. His heart dropped.

What now?

“What’s going on?” he called out as he jogged over. “What happened? Is—”

“Bex, Will, and Emery are all fine,” Voight said, cutting off his immediate worries. “There’s nothing wrong with your family or the team, but we do need to talk.”

“Not here,” Olinsky added.

They both looked grim and Jay had about a thousand questions, but all he asked was, “Where?”

Voight jerked a nod at his truck. “Follow us.” He stalked off toward his vehicle without another word, assuming Jay would follow as ordered. He’d promised Bex and Mouse he’d be back right after his appointment, but something was clearly going down and Jay didn’t want to be out of the loop. Whatever it was, it was serious enough for them to track him down at his therapist’s office.

He shuddered to think of how many privacy laws they’d violated to do that.

Jay got in his truck and followed them out of the lot, bracing himself for whatever shit was coming their way now.

***

Hank

Al was silent beside him as they drove toward one of the abandoned industrial yards that Hank preferred for meetings like this.

Silent and yet incredibly loud in his judgment.

“Spit it out,” Hank growled.

“Is this really the right way to play it?” Al sighed.

“I’m not going to risk someone else breaking the news,” he shot back. “We need to catch him off-guard. See his face.”

“You don’t actually think he had anything to do with it.” Al turned and Hank could see him staring at him out of the corner of his eye.

“I hope not,” Hank said slowly. “But I also know we’re all capable of almost anything when someone threatens our family. And I think I have to see his face to know for sure.”

They rolled along the cracked pavement of the empty warehouse yard with Halstead pulling in close behind. He slammed the door of his truck as he got out, striding over to stand with vibrating impatience as he waited for them to join him.

“What the hell is this about?”

Hank waited until he was right in front of him. Eye to eye. “Ty Anderson is dead.”

Halstead blinked, unmistakable shock crossing his face. Unfiltered.

Good.

“What the—when? How?”

“Stabbed,” Al piped up. “Tuesday night. They did an internal investigation that came up as ‘fucked around and found out.’ Which tracks.” He shrugged. “Detective Medeiros only found out about it last night and came knocking on our door this morning.”

“She said he was found in section of the prison where the cameras were on the fritz,” Hank said, still watching Halstead carefully. “Nobody saw anything. Nobody heard anything. He bled out before he was found.” He waited a beat. “She wanted to know if we’d heard anything.”

Halstead narrowed his gaze. “Asked me what you dragged me out here to ask me.”

“We just want to know if anybody’s gonna hear something,” Hank said, crossing his arms as he stared right back. “Better to do clean up now than be caught with our pants down later.”

Closing his eyes, Halstead shook his head as he took a deep breath. “What?” he demanded, shooting a glare at both of them. “You think I had something to do with this? Ordered a hit?”

Hank shrugged. “Wouldn’t blame you.”

“If I was going to kill him,” Halstead snarled, jabbing a finger at him. “I would have done it that day. At Emery’s. He’s fucking lucky Hailey was there to stop me.” He shook his head and let out a harsh breath. “No,” he said, a little bit more even this time. “I wouldn’t—I didn’t have anything to do with it…but I hope whoever did? Made it hurt.”

The crime scene photos flashed through Hank’s mind. “You got your wish there, kid.”

Halstead went quiet for a moment. Calculating. “…was it you?”

The thought had crossed his mind. Briefly, hours later in the aftermath, when he’d met the sunrise in his kitchen with a bottle of scotch at his side. He knew enough people, had enough money, and was owed enough favours to make it happen.

But Al had shown up, tugged the bottle out of his hand and halted his silent plans with a quiet word. She wouldn’t want that. Don’t put it on her.

“No,” Hank said, meeting Halstead with a steady look of his own. “None of us.”

Halstead nodded, relaxing minutely before flinging out a hand. “Then who?”

“Guy like Ty,” Al said. “The possibilities are endless.”

***

Statesville Correctional Center

Peters

Nathaniel Peters had worked at Statesville for the better part of twenty years and has crossed paths with all kinds of inmates. Mean ones, innocent ones, friendly, scared, pissed off…

All kinds.

But only one had ever truly unnerved him.

Robert Forrest. Or Ramsay as he was better known as. His crimes of record were hacking and embezzlement, but the cops and the feds and the rest of the suits had no idea who they were really dealing with. The other criminals did though and Peters had heard all of those rumours. Witnessed enough violent outbursts to believe them.

Most of the more violent residents at Statesville had a kind of anger that Peters could understand. A rage that burned hot and fast, leaving a path of destruction before flaming out. It passed.

Ramsay. He was nothing but rage. A constant fire that burned cold. Controlled. He wielded his anger like a knife and there was no running once he had you in his sights. The hunt was all part of the game for him. It didn’t matter if he did the killing or if he paid one of his many pawns. As long as there was blood in the end, he was happy.

Peters was very invested in keeping Ramsay happy.

The guard before him had already up and ‘quit’ abruptly. Ramsay paid the warden well enough that he had the run of the place. The way Peters saw it, he might as well play nice and earn his extra money while he could. Stay on Ramsay’s good side…such as it was.

As soon as he had enough for that little fishing hut down in Florida, he was out of here.

In the meantime, he’d be the best damn pawn in Ramsay’s arsenal.

Knocking on the door of Ramsay’s cell, he waited for permission before sliding open the window. “Some detective’s asking questions,” Peters said. “But the warden has it handled.”

“And Mitchell?”

“Says thank you for the bonus,” Peters said, holding back a snort. The other guard jumped on the job as soon as it was offered. Didn’t hurt that he’d been itching to deal with Anderson since day one. “He’s waiting until the questions die down before taking his early retirement. Everything’s holding up so far. Nothing to tie back to him.” Ramsay hummed, pleased. “I do appreciate tidy work.” There was a pause before his face suddenly appeared in the window, taking everything Peters had not to flinch.

“Do you think she’ll be pleased?” Ramsay asked, eyes wide and unsettlingly earnest.

“Who—”

“My songbird, you idiot,” Ramsay hissed. “My Bex. Do you think she’ll like her gift?”

“Y-yeah,” Peters managed to get out. “I think she’ll be real grateful.”

Ramsay backed away from the door with another little hum. “Good. Maybe I should send her some more flowers. To help her recuperate.”

“I’ll get right on that,” Peters said as he slid the window closed. He shuddered as he walked back down the hall. He might be a coward and a pawn…

But at least he wasn’t Ramsay’s girl.

***

  Jay

Grateful felt like the wrong word when someone had been murdered—even someone like Ty—but Jay wouldn’t lie and say he wasn’t relieved.

Ty was gone.

He could never touch his family ever again.

For the first time in a week, Jay felt like he could actually breathe.

“What now?” he asked Voight.

“Detective Medeiros gave us permission to let the most important people know so that’s where we’re headed next,” Voight said, jerking his chin at Jay. “We were going to hit 51, Med, and then your place. Coming with?”

“Yeah,” Jay nodded. “Definitely.” He needed to be there for this. To let Emery, Will, and Bex know they were safe.

No matter how it happened, that part he truly was grateful for.

Click here to read Fine is a Four-Letter Word on ao3 [A/N - please do click over to read on ao3 because there are some important notes at the end of the chapter to read]:

And here is the tag list (let me know if you wish to be added or removed):

@sorry-i-spaced, @thegirlwhowishedeveryonelived, @thewannabewriter, @lexhalstead3

@foxes-and-cats, @sensitivemallysix, @emme-looou, @lookingfortherainbow85

[wwemcumuscleslover]

Those small but Funny Arcs...Hank Voight almost getting crazy with the unique personality of Greg " Mouse" Gerwitz.

[kitweewoos]

Moustead + pillow talk

"Hey, do you ever think what would've happened if we hadn't met?" "I try not to." "I would've died, I think, if not when I was deployed but certainly when I came home." "This is such cheery pillow talk." "I just mean that I'm glad we met, and I'm happy here with you." "I love you too, Mouse."

send me a moodboard prompt

[saragarnier]

Away from you

Pairing: jay halstead x reader

Summary: y/n doesn’t know where Jay truly is and she got worried

Warning: angst, slightly smut, cheating,

A/N: i will probably write a part 2, stay tuned!

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Next part

You and Jay had been together for three years and everything looked good, at least it was ‘till the end of the march. You didn’t know or understand why he changed his behavior when he was with you, especially since it all happened so quickly and unexpectedly that you just couldn’t understand what happened between you two. From one day, he just started to behave differently, coming home later and telling you that he was just too busy at work, doing some paperwork and getting his things ready for the next shift. He made it looked like he was just trying to impress Voight and for a moment you actually believed him.

You knew how much he wanted to become, one day, sergeant and to be on the lead of his own unit and you just wanted to support him in any ways you could; if he wanted to make a good impression in case of a new sergeant, you wouldn’t have stop him. Actually, it looked like Voight was having some issues lately, from how Jay talked about him after work anyway, and you really trusted him and believed him about his story.

Then, one evening, you decided to go talk with Kim, having some times together and trying to explain to her what you had in mind: Jay’s birthday was closer than you thought and you had to find a good gift for him.

“I need you to help me.” You said to Kim, smiling softly. “Jay’s birthday is in two weeks and i want to surprise him with a two-days holiday. I know that he spends a lot of time at the district doing his paperwork and trying to make a good impression in case of a promotion, but i really need your help. Can you please find a good reason to get him home earlier on Friday’s night?”

Kim was surprised by your statement, not because of the surprise you were preparing for him, but for what you said about him staying at the district till late.

“What do you mean that he spends a lot of time at the district to make a good impression? He always leaves before me, actually he arrives earlier to complete the paperwork he usually leaves at the end of the shift.”

You were confused, you were really confused. What did that mean? If he usually left the district early in the evening, why he came home every night after 11 pm, when you were already sleeping?

“Uhm… he usually doesn’t come home before 11 pm.” You whispered, looking at Kim while your mind raced through all the nights you waited for him to come back home, before falling asleep because of the tiredness of the day at work.

“Y/n, i swear to God that he usually leaves at 7 pm, 8 pm if we’re up to something ‘till late.” Kim said, looking sadly at you, while something you didn’t want to admit passed through her mind.

“But… it doesn’t make sense.” You replied, shaking your head slightly. “What does he do between 7 pm and 11 pm then?”

The girl just shook his head, looking ad you sadly and placing her hand on yours, trying to reassure you in some ways. “Maybe it’s not something you have to worry about, maybe it’s just some stuff he had to do or, maybe, it’s just a bad moment for him. I remember he was like this when he suffered from PTSD.”

You nodded, but it didn’t make sense anyway. You remembered when Jay suffered from PTSD because you were always by his side, you were always there for him and you followed him step after step, trying to help him find his way out of it. It couldn’t be PTSD that time, you would have noticed immediately.

He wasn’t distressed like he was when he suffered from it, he was actually really happy and he was usually calm when he came back home.

It could be PTSD, but what was it then?”

“Sorry Kim, i have to go.” You whispered, looking at your phone and finding out it was just 9:30 pm; you had still plenty of time before he could have been home and you wanted to find out what was happening with your boyfriend, actually with your future husband.

“Don’t worry darling, it’s okay.” Kim whispered, smiling at you. “We’ll see each other soon, okay? Maybe you can come at the district one day and we can talk a little? Also Adam and Kevin missed you, you know. With all the preparations of the wedding, we didn’t see you around in a while.”

“Yeah, when i’m not at work at the hospital, i’m around the city trying some white dresses.” You sighed, wearing your jacket and placing some money on the table, paying for your own drink.

“I can imagine that. Don’t worry, really. I hope to see you again soon.” She smiled softly at you.

“I hope that too. Bye Kim, goodnight.”

You left the bar just ten minutes after and you immediately called the one and only that could have tracked Jay’s phone without a word: Mouse.

When he came back from the army, for the second time, you knew that it would have been difficult for him to start a new life again, especially after the first time. Jay helped him and, after some weeks in which he tried to convince him every single day, Mouse accepted to come back at the intelligence as a tech. It wasn’t an easy decision for him and it was strange at first, but he knew he had no better option and working with his friend was something he missed a lot.

He picked up the phone after the second ring.

“Hi! Look who showed up!” He smiled and laughed. “I was actually asking myself when you would have called me to give me the official invite to your wedding, you know? I would have asked Jay, but he i’m pretty sure is not as much involved in the preparations as you are, so…”

“Mouse, i need your favor.” You told him straight away. “I can’t find Jay and I’m worried. Can you please track his phone and tell where he is? And, can you do that without anyone knowing it?”

It was a strange request, especially since it went from you, but Mouse got it immediately and he started to track Jay’s phone straight away. He was actually scared for his friend, he was scared that Jay got into real trouble, maybe with the ptsd or something liked that, but there was no time for questions. He tracked his phone and he gave her the address after only three minutes.

“Thank you, Mouse. Sorry if i interrupted your evening. I have to go now and, don’t worry, I’ll handle the invite in person, okay?” You said, getting inside the car while looking at the address Mouse gave to you. It could be true, why was he there?

“Don’t worry, no problem at all. I’ll leave you now, i guess you’re busy… just, tell me if anything happened to him, okay?” He replied, making sure that everything was okay, making sure that you would have called him in case of trouble.

“I will, thanks Mouse.”

When he hung up, you started the car and you drove to the location he sent you; why the hell was Jay at his old apartment? Didn’t he sell it?

When you arrived at the location, you parked the car and you got out as soon as you could, going up the stairs and reaching his door just few minutes after. Fortunately, you still knew where he used to hide the key and you went for it, opening the door as silently as you could. The first thing you noticed when you entered was the emptiness of the room: there was nothing there other than some furnishings and still you didn’t understand why Jay was there.

Then, you noticed it.

Then, you noticed them: heels and they weren’t yours.

Your mouth became dry and you stopped breathing properly, trying to find an explanation for what you were seeing. You took some steps forward and your eyes fell on the jeans and t-shirts that were on the floor, all the way up to what it was Jay’s bedroom before he moved out. You took the hallway, starting to hear voices, moans you didn’t want to hear, moans you just wanted to be from your neighbors, even if you knew that they were elderly and it couldn’t have been them. Just at the front of the door, you saw them: panties and Jay’s boxer.

Your brain stopped working, you stopped breathing and your heart almost stopped beating; you just couldn’t understand what was happing, you couldn’t believed it.

You zoned out, like you couldn’t have been there, like you were just in a dream, a bad dream, a really bad one, then you came back to reality when you actually saw and hear them.

“Oh, Jay.” She moaned, begging him. “Please, faster.”

Hailey.

Jay’s partner.

“God, Hails…” Your boyfriend moaned, lowering himself on her to kiss her breast while fucking her. “I… shit… you feel so good around me.”

“Oh, J-Jay!” She moaned louder, unaware of your presence on the frame of the door, where you were watching them, without breathing.

Jay took Hailey’s legs and he put it on his own shoulder, increasing the pace.

“Yes, cum around me, baby. Cum for me, i love you.”

Surprisingly. It wasn’t watching him fucking her that destroyed you: it was his last three words, the same three words he said to you every morning before going to work, the same three words he said to you on the phone when he was to busy at work to come home, even if he was actually heading to his old apartment, when he was able to fuck his partner whenever he wanted to.

You stepped back silently, to broken to face the truth, to heart broken to face him.

You stepped back and you left without saying a word, without make noise; you went back inside your car and only then, when Hailey’s and Jay’s moans were far away from you, you started breathing again.

Tears were streaming down your cheeks from minutes probably, but you couldn’t notice it before and you were to shocked to dry off your tears: you just wanted to add as many distance as you could between you and the man you thought was the love of your life.

You didn’t even went back to your apartment, you couldn’t have handle being again in the house that would have been yours,the house in which you hoped you would have started a family with Jay. You didn’t go back to your apartment to collect all your belongings, you just left.

You left a message to your boss’ office regarding your resignation and you drove away.

Away from Jay.

Away from your apartment.

Away from the life you dreamed of with him.

Away from the love.

Away from the pain.

Away from Chicago.

[escapingrealtiylovinginsanity]

Greg “Mouse” Gerwitz (ft platonic!Jay Halstead): Not The Pizza Guy 

You swung the door open money in hand and paused at the man in front of you. “You're not the pizza guy.” He was leaning on the doorframe, his jacket damp from the night rain. His face, which had been furrowed in worry, was now caught between shock and disbelief. Your eyes fall to the badge clipped on his hip. You had thought that knock was a little loud and on the cop side. A smile comes to your lips, “You must be Jay,” 

“Yeah, I must be.” He agreed. You nodded at him and gestured into the apartment.  

“Did you want to come in? Greg is just in the shower.” It is strange for Jay to hear Mouse’s legal name. It’s even stranger to see you standing in front of him, all smiles, dressed in one of Mouse’s Star Wars sweatshirts and little else. You don’t wait for him to answer as you head back in. Jay hesitated before following you in and closing the door behind him. The living room was empty. Jay barely sees your ponytail rounding the corner as you call out Mouse’s name.  

Jay feels out of sorts. He had come over because he had been worried about his friend. It seemed like Mouse was falling back into old bad habits. He was blowing off team outings, constantly distracted by his phone, and had seemingly been in his own world. Jay's first and only thought had been that his friend was struggling with PTSD. He had feared that Mouse may have been slipping back into his former drug use. He had come intent on doing an intervention if need be. He had been planning what he would say, the options he had found, and even prepared to move Mouse in with him if he needed the extra support.  

Now he wasn’t sure how to respond. 

Mouse rounds the corner in sweats, toweling off his hair. He had clearly been alerted to Jay’s arrival. He had the grace to look guilty. “Hey buddy,” You walked back in now sporting a pair of black leggings under Mouse’s hoodie. There is a moment of quiet before another knock sounds at the door again. 

“Now that’s got to be the pizza.” You turn on your heel walking between the boys to head for the door.  

“Baby, for the sake of my peace of mind, please check who it is before you open the door this time. This is Chicago, not your small town.” You look back at your boyfriend smiling contritely. 

“Yeah, right, sorry.” They watched you head to the door. There is a brief pause and then, “You're not a murderer, right? You’re just the pizza guy?” Mouse rubs his hands over his eyes before pinching the bridge of his nose.  

“Her lack of self-preservation is going to take years off my life.”  

Before Jay can ask Mouse anything, you come back into the room with the pizza and a stack of paper plates. You give one to Mouse and then offer another to Jay. Soon you are all sitting in the living room eating pizza and the ball game is on the TV. Jay can’t focus on it and instead spends his time analyzing you and his old war buddy. Jay watches as Mouse throws his arm across the back of the couch and you lean into his side. You place a napkin on his leg, and he smiles down at you. There is a lightness in his friend, a warmth, a happiness that Jay hasn’t seen in a long time. He feels ridiculous for being so off base with how his friend was doing. 

And so fucking grateful he was wrong. 

Jay lingered after everyone had finished the food. You offer to make a pot of coffee and the boys accept. Mouse watches as you disappear into the kitchen. “She seems like a nice girl.” Mouse’s lips form an unconscious smile. 

“She is.” 

“Why didn’t you just tell me man? I was worried about you.” Mouse rubs the back of his neck scratching gently. He lifts his eyes from where they had been trained on the floor. 

“I know, I’m sorry. It was selfish but I just wanted to keep her to myself for a while. She’s so innocent. Untouched by the dark side of humanity.” Jay can see the struggle in Mouse’s eyes. The self-doubt and question of if he was worthy of something good.

Someone good.

Jay had seen it many times looking back at him in the mirror. “Her parents are still together, from a small town- never even locked her front door before she moved to Chicago- can you believe that? And she just-” Mouse threw his hands up as if he was trying to get a grasp on his own good fortune, “She walked into a cafe and right into my life. Just like that. Just like that man. I can’t even believe it. She's not anything like what I would have picked for myself.” Mouse chuckles, “She is so technologically challenged, it’s insane. I thought you guys at the precinct were bad, but it is nothing compared to her. And I can’t help but find it strangely adorable.” 

Jay put a hand on Mouse’s shoulder, squeezing it. “I’m happy for you buddy, really, I am. You deserve it. But you can’t hide her away forever. And everybody is going to want to meet her.” 

“I know.”

You come in holding a cup of coffee in each hand and creamer, and sugar tucked under your arm. You offer the cups to both men. “I didn’t know how you took your coffee.” You say in explanation and Jay looks amused as he takes the sugar from your arm and pours some into his cup. 

“Thanks, sweetheart,” Mouse takes a drink of his already doctored-up coffee. He meets eyes with Jay before taking a deep breath. “Hey, the intelligence team is getting together at Molly’s tomorrow night...Do you want to go? Meet everyone.” You smile brightly pressing a kiss to Mouse's cheek. 

“I’d love to meet your family.”              

[accidental-spice]

*insert caption about how much I love Mouse Gerwitz here*

[gregorygerwitz]

Mouse: Ranger, I swear to heck.

Jay: You… swear to heck? Who are you and what have you done to Mouse?

Mouse: I’m still in work mode. I’m censoring myself.

Jay: It’s 10 o’clock at night.

Mouse:

Jay: You can say ‘fuck’.

[bullet-prooflove]

Some asshole broke me in Wrecked all my innocence

Mouse knows that something happened to you when you were a teenager, he knows because you don’t talk about that period of time. Whenever you discuss your past it always starts in your early twenties, just after college. Anything before that, it doesn’t exist.

The whole story, it comes spilling out one night in the aftermath of a panic attack. They’ve been getting worse lately, along with the insomnia and the flashbacks.

“My first time…” You tell him. “It wasn’t with just one person, there was a party…”

You don’t have to say anything else. He gets it.

You don’t tell him the identities of the men that hurt. By the time he discovers them it’s too late to do anything about it. He goes searching through the system, finds a police report was filed but nothing ever came of it. You were from a small town…

It sickens him that you never got justice, that these men get to live their lives while you’ve forfeited yours.

He starts to fuck their shit up. He steals their identities, drains their accounts, learns their secrets…

All those sordid pictures they’ve swapped, the emails they’ve been sending, he puts them on blast. He holds them accountable, to their families, their friends, their workplaces because these men, they didn’t stop with you. It’s carried on for years after.

He wreaks havoc on their lives, he destroys them.

And when they’re nothing, when their living in shitty little bedsits because they have no jobs, their wives divorced them and their families won’t speak to them he posts a funeral card through their doors so they know why this happened, so that they know that they killed you so now he’s killing them.

Love Mouse? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

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Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

@enchantedblackrose @shakespeareanwannabe @anime-weeb-4-life @witches-unruly-heart

[chaotic-noceur]

OOPS

summary: university AU where Greg is a coding genius and reader is decidedly NOT cut out for coding, but stuck in a coding class. Greg helps out where he can. Frustration and fluff ensues.

pairing: Greg 'Mouse' Gerwitz x Reader

warnings: sitting on the floor, Princess as a pet name, not proof read

authors note: listen, i'm just trying to not have a break down over this stupid coding assignment and I just want Greg to come tell me it's gonna be okay and walk me through it T_T

When you'd first told him about the programming course you were taking (a course he'd taken a couple semesters ago), he'd gone ahead and dug out the little notes that he had taken for the course. Unfortunately for you, he was more of a learn-by-doing guy than a notetaking guy. He'd offered to help you whenever you needed it though. So here he was, sitting on your living room floor as you worked away on your assignment while he listened to a podcast for his research.

He's spinning his stylus in one hand, as he fidgets with the string of his hoodie with the other. Greg slides his headphones off as the rapid clicking of the backspace key catches his attention. He raises an eyebrow at you in question as you turn to meet his gaze.

"The instructions don't make sense. My code won't compile. The error message isn't helpful." You bury your head into your hands. "I don't know what I'm doing," you mumble into your hands.

Greg chuckles lightly and you pick your head up as he shifts his iPad across the table to make space for your laptop. He slings his arm across your shoulder as he asks, "what are you working on?"

"If I knew the answer to that, my day would be going a lot better." He cracks one of his lopsided smiles at your response before turning his attention to the open files on your screen. He takes a few minutes to skim through the assignment instructions before scrolling through your coding file.

"Alright. I'll be your rubber duck," he offers., turning slightly to face you again. "Walk me through what you understand and what you're trying to do." He feels you tense against his arm and he tags on a gentle "hey, it'll be alright. We'll take it one line at a time. You don't have to be right, we'll figure it out together. Okay?" There's still a hint of uncertainty in your eyes, but you nod your head regardless.

The next few hours are spent with him bouncing between browsing papers for his research and talking through your assignment. By the time you finally call it quits for the night, he'd switched out his reading material from research papers to the book he'd borrowed from his professor a few days ago, 'just for fun'.

"I hate it," you mumble as you stare up at your ceiling. You're laying with your head in Greg's lap. He's drawing shapes along your arm absentmindedly as he reads.

"I know," he replies sympathetically, attention still on the book in his other hand.

After a period of silence, he glances down to check if you're asleep when you whisper out a "I'm sorry..."

"Why are you apologising?" You shrug as you sit up, busying yourself with fluffing your pillow. Greg puts his book down. "What's the matter?"

"It's silly..." he turns to face you fully so you know that you have his undivided attention; and that he wasn't going to drop this. You inhale deeply. "I just hate that I hate it, y'know? That it doesn't click with me the same way it clicks for you. I just wish I could enjoy it as much as you do. But all it does is make me feel like an idiot..." And Greg feels his heart break a little at your admission.

You hadn't taken this class because of him, he knows that. You'd taken it because you had to, per faculty requirements. And he'd be lying if he said there wasn't a part of him that wanted you to find joy in coding. But he also understands that it's not for everyone.

"Listen to me," he cups your cheek to bring your eyes to meet his. "Writing code isn't meant for everyone. It's okay that it isn't meant for you. I'm not gonna love you any less just because it took you 10 tries to get your return function to work." He cracks a smile so you know he's just teasing and you pull a face. He chuckles before continuing, shifting closer to you in the process. "Just because coding isn't your strong suit, doesn't mean you aren't the smartest person I know. I loved you before I signed up to be your rubber duck, and I'll continue loving you after, for as long as you'll have me."

"You promise?"

"I promise, Princess." He kisses your forehead and lingers there for a moment, throwing his arms around you when he feels you sink into him. You stay like that for a while, cherishing the small moments of calm in the midst of the academic chaos.

"Hey, Greg?" He hums in acknowledgement. "I love you too."

[i-spaced-sorry]

I think it could just be me, but I think Jay and Mouse could have played convincing brothers.

[herrmannhalsteadproduction]

Fine is a Four-Letter Word (Chapter Three)

Summary: This is Part Twenty-Two of my series A Herrmann/Halstead Production. It is an AU where Christopher Herrmann's mom had an affair with Pat Halstead resulting in a baby. The series follows this OC character (Rebecca "Bex" Herrmann) as she grows up and gets to know her brothers and the various Chicago teams. It is very much an AU, just to underscore that. It doesn't follow the same timeline and characters will follow different paths.

Click here for the Series Rundown where you can find the links to read all of the previous installments (which I highly recommend you do so that this one makes sense.)

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Christopher Herrmann & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Original Female Character, Will Halstead & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Will Halstead, Greg 'Mouse' Gerwitz/Original Female Character, Will Halstead/Connor Rhodes, Assorted OC Couples

Warnings: Injury Recovery, Trauma Recovery, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Protective Siblings, Family Feels, Team as Family, Road Trip, Kissing, Romance, Mild Sexual Content, Swearing, Eventual Happy Ending

Chapter One Chapter Two

Chapter Three

You have ONE new message.

“Hey, man, it’s Ed. Sorry for the early call, just wanted to check in. I know you had your hands full getting Bex settled back in at home last night and you couldn’t make it out to the meeting, but we haven’t had a chance to talk really since everything, well…since everything. I know it’s been rough and you’re focused on Bex—and rightfully so, I get it. I just—listen, don’t forget yourself in all of this. It’s a lot to be dealing with and me and Chuck and everybody, we’re here for you, okay, Mouse? If you need to talk or have a break or whatever…we’re here…Okay. That’s all I got. Talk to you soon, bud. Count on it.”

To delete this message, press SEVEN. To save it, press NINE.

To delete this message, press SEVEN. To save it, press NINE.

Are you still there?

To delete this message, press SEVEN. To save it, press—

Message saved.

***

Mouse

“Let’s negotiate, shall we?”

Mouse could’ve almost bought Bex’s cocky offer if she wasn’t currently relying on the wall to keep herself upright. And the fact that she was turning an alarming shade of gray just from trying to walk to the elevator.

This was not going to end well.

Jay, like he’d heard Mouse’s thought and accepted it as a personal challenge, went on the offense as he shouldered past to get to Bex. “Negotiate? No, uh-uh,” he said, thrusting a hand out towards her. “Gimme your keys and we’re getting you back inside to rest.”

“Jay—”

“Quit arguing. You look like you’re about to pass out.”

“Will you please just listen to me for one second,” Bex yelled, pressing a hand to her forehead as she closed her eyes. She took a shaky breath before opening them again. “I can’t stay here knowing that Will’s having a hard time and that Emery is—that they’re waking her up soon.”

Jay sighed. “You going there won’t help—”

“Stop! I know! Okay? I know I can’t actually do anything for Will and that Connor has him covered, but Emery—” Bex’s eyes filled with tears and Mouse found himself moving before he had a chance to second guess himself.  

He ducked around Jay and stepped into Bex’s space, slowly, giving her a chance to wave him off. Instead, she let out a soft noise and swayed toward him, dropping her forehead to his chest.

Mouse carefully brought his arms up around her and she mumbled something. “Say that again?” he asked quietly.

“I need to be there.” Bex turned her head so they could hear her and whatever her face was doing had Jay’s falling. “What if it was one of you? Wouldn’t you want to be there? So that when they woke up, they’d know that they’re safe?”

Jay met his eyes over Bex’s head and Mouse knew they were both thinking of the same moment.

Of Jay on a cot in a tent in the middle of nowhere and Mouse pushing through medics so he could be by his side. He would have fought through anyone to be there.

Knew in his bones Jay would have done the same.

Jay cursed softly under his breath, shoulders dropping as he dragged a hand over his face. They waited as he fought whatever internal battle he had to get through before he shook his head and shrugged. “None of us can go anywhere without shoes and actual clothes.” He made a ‘gimme’ gesture at Bex’s bag. “Keys.”

She handed it over wordlessly and he dug through until he found them, moving to open the front door. “We’re gonna get in so much shit for this,” he grumbled. “No, Kol, back up. You’re in trouble too, mister. Chris is gonna ground every single friggin’ one of us.”

Mouse and Bex followed him into the apartment as he kept muttering to himself, heading back toward the bathroom. “No one’s allowed to try and escape again while I’m in here,” he called out before closing the door.

“Bossy,” Mouse mouthed at Bex, hoping it would make her smile. She granted him a small one before it faded away into a frown.

“I’m being stupid, aren’t I?” Bex looked up at him with wide, wet eyes. “I’m sor—”

“Hey, no, don’t do that,” Mouse said as he pulled her into another gentle hug. “You’re not being stupid—you were right. I’d be doing the exact same thing if I was in your shoes. Or socks I should say.” She shook with a muffled laugh and he counted that as a win. “Yeah, maybe trying to sneak out was not one of your better plans, but I get it, Bex. I do.”

He let her go and tugged on one of the strings of his hoodie hanging over her shoulders. “This your special escapee outfit?”

“It’s cozy,” she sniffed at him, mouth twitching up at the corners. “And it matches my socks.”

“In that case, you should probably keep it.”

That got him a real, true Bex smile. “I don’t remember offering to give it back.”

“What is this?” Jay came hustling out of the bathroom, fully dressed finally. “Still no shoes? You just standing out here making heart eyes at each other?” He huffed as he hopped around pulling on his own shoes. “Kol, I thought you were supposed to be in charge?”

Kol popped up from where he’d been lounging on the couch and let out a little howl. Jay held up his hands in apology. “You’re right, I’m sorry,” he said. “It’s more than a one-dog job.”

“You’re so ridiculous,” Bex said, laughing a bit as she stepped away from Mouse. “I’m getting them—oh—” Her eyelids fluttered as she tilted dangerously to the side.

“Whoa!” Jay leapt into action beside him. They both steadied her from either side and carefully maneuvered her over to sit on the couch, Kol whining as he wiggled back to make room. “I was just joking,” Jay said softly as he crouched down in front of her. “There’s no rush. We’ve got plenty of time.”

“No, I’m good, I’m fine.” Bex listed again as she tried to get up. “We can go right now.”

“Let’s take a minute anyway,” Mouse said. At this rate, they’d be taking her to the hospital to be readmitted. “I think maybe we need to get some more food and fluids into you?”

Bex grimaced, sinking back into the couch. “I would really like to not yak today.”

Mouse sent Jay a look that he hoped said ‘I’m here to help and be supportive and do what I can, but also, I’m the boyfriend and I refuse to be bad cop so that’s all you, dude.’

And then Jay sent him a look that clearly said ‘Fuck you, dude, but fine, whatever.’

Excellent communication. Go team.

Jay got to his feet with a groan, crossing his arms as he stared Bex down. “You’re going to have something else to eat, then another rest, and then we’ll go.” He held up a finger before she could open her mouth. “I already checked in with Connor and Kira while I was getting dressed. Will’s getting patched up again, but he’s going to be absolutely fine. They said this kind of thing happens and they caught it early so no one is worried. And Kira said the doctors don’t expect Emery to start waking up properly for at least another few hours. At least.”

He lowered his hand, the stern lines in his face softening. “I’m saying we’ve got time for you to take care of yourself, Bex,” he said. “Take a few hours so you can handle a proper visit, okay?”

“…fine,” Bex sighed.

“Awesome, I’ll get some of that soup reheated,” Jay said before turning to Kol. “Keep her on the couch, bud.”

Kol barked once before snuggling into Bex’s side.

“Ha ha, you’re all hilarious.” Bex immediately started giving Kol pets, even as she rolled her eyes.

“Okay, Jay’s got soup,” Mouse said, pressing a kiss to Bex’s head before straightening up. “I’ll get drinks and maybe some more toast.” He was good at toast.

Jay punched his arm on the way to the kitchen.

“Ah, hey, what was that for?”

“You know exactly what that was for.”

Fair.

***

Bex

Bex had almost forgotten how much of a Mama Chicken Jay could be. Like, rivaling Chris levels. Once she got over being annoyed, she’d probably be impressed.

After the food and fluids and the intense efforts at not puking and then the pretending to be resting, it was late afternoon by the time they finally made it to Med. According to Connor, Will was still sleeping so they went to Emery’s floor first.

Kira came out as soon as she saw them in the hall, a wide smile on her face. “Bex,” she whispered as she wrapped her up in a hug. “You’re here!” The smile dropped as she pulled away, looking between her and Mouse and Jay. “Why are you here? You’re supposed to be resting. And healing. And not rambling around the hospital.”

She shot a pointed look at Mouse and Jay who both held their hands up.

“Listen,” Jay began and Bex stepped in.

“I made them bring me,” she said, reaching out to grab Kira’s hand. “I had to—I needed to be here.” Bex took a deep breath. “How’s she doing?”

“Really well,” Kira said, squeezing her hand back. “Her stats keep improving and she’s already opened her eyes a couple of times. Had a bit of water. She falls back asleep like, immediately, so you haven’t missed much, but…it’s good, Bex. She’s good.”

And oh—that—

That had Bex choking back a sob as she peered over Kira’s shoulder into the room. “That’s really—”

“Good?” Kira offered with an equally watery grin.

“Yeah,” Bex nodded. “Can I—is it okay if I sit with her?”

“Why are you even asking? Come on.” Kira ushered her inside and got her set up in the chair beside Emery’s bed before leaving the room. She moved to sit in the lounge with Mouse and Jay—close enough to be there if they were needed, but still giving her some privacy.

Bex shuffled forward a bit in her chair and reached out to take Emery’s hand. “Hey,” she whispered. “It’s me again. I know—I can’t get enough of this place, right?”

The monitors beeped quietly around them. Bex focused on the rise and fall of Emery’s chest and the soft hiss of air as she breathed under the mask.

There was a hint of colour coming back into her cheeks.

That was good.

All of this is good, Bex reminded herself. It means she’s still alive. She’s healing.

“I’ve been back at the apartment,” she said, watching Emery’s face for any kind of movement. “Chris wanted me to go home to their place, but, uh—I’m—I’m at our place and Jay and Mouse are staying with me. They made this really…sort of unidentifiable, but also kind of delicious soup.” Bex laughed quietly. “I should freeze some so you can try it.”

Emery’s fingers twitched in hers.

“Em?” Bex’s breath caught in her throat. “Hey, I’m here. It’s Bex. I’m right here. Open your eyes, Emery. It’s okay.”

A soft groan made its way through the mask as Emery slowly blinked her eyes to halfway open. “Be—”

“Yes, hi, it’s me. It’s Bex.” She struggled her way out of the chair, ignoring the ripples of pain in her side so she could lean over Emery and be in her line of sight. “I’m right here, Emery.”

Emery reached up, patting at Bex’s cast. “You’re…hurt,” she whispered.

“Only a little,” Bex said. The tears filling her eyes started to spill over as pure relief flowed through her. Emery was awake. She was talking. She was here.

“Bex.” Emery gripped her hand, cheeks wet with her own tears. “Bex. Sorr—”

“Don’t you dare,” Bex said fiercely, leaning in close. “Don’t you dare apologize to me, Emery Hughes or I will—I don’t know, but it’ll be drastic. This is not your fault. It’s his and we’re not giving him any space in here right now, okay? Because we are here. We made it. We’re alive and we’re going to be okay. That’s what matters. Do you hear me?”

Emery stared up at her, a whole battle clearly raging in her own head, but it wasn’t time for that. Not yet.

“We’re here,” Bex repeated, willing the words into Emery’s heart. “We’re alive. And we’re gonna be okay.”

“Okay,” Emery finally whispered.

“Exactly.” Bex smiled, moving back carefully to sit down again, but still close.

“Wait.” Emery frowned and Bex froze.

“What’s wrong? Should I get a nurse?”

“Mouse,” Emery said, somehow managing to raise an eyebrow through her still mostly out of it state. “…moved in?”

“That’s the part you heard?” Bex groaned out a laugh.

“Details.” Emery whispered.

“Yeah, yeah,” Bex said, squeezing Emery’s hand gently. “I’ll tell you the whole not-actually exciting story when you wake up.”

Because Bex would still be there.

She didn’t think she could leave until it really sunk in.

Emery was here. She was alive.

And she was going to be okay.

“Promise?” Emery mumbled, already mostly back asleep.

“Yeah, Em,” Bex said. “I promise.”

***

Jay

Jay sat beside Mouse in the lounge, keeping a clear view of Bex sitting with Emery in the ICU. He still wasn’t sure if bringing her here was the best idea. Bex looked like a light breeze could knock her over and Emery probably wasn’t even going to remember this visit.

But Bex would.

And if it helped her settle and let her focus more on her own recovery, then wasn’t that a good thing?

That was the argument he was going to offer Chris anyway when he inevitably found out about this and tore a strip off of him. In the very kind and yet gut-wrenching way that only Chris seemed to manage.

Mouse elbowed him suddenly and Jay looked up to see Dr. Abrams striding toward them.

Oh.

Crap.

“Gentlemen,” Dr. Abrams said, arms folded as he stared down at them in a way that almost had Jay shrinking back into his seat. “I’m only going to ask this question once. Why do I see Ms. Herrmann sitting in the ICU when she is supposed to be at home? Resting. Which was doctor’s orders, I believe.”

Jay shot a look at Mouse who was giving him that same ‘not it’ look from the living room which was even less helpful now than it was then.

“Okay, um,” Jay began. “I can explain…”

“Oh, good,” Chris said, popping up out of freaking nowhere with that very distinct look on his face that Jay had been picturing since Bex tried to make a break for it and it was exactly as awful as he thought it would be. “Because, I gotta say, Jay, I would also love to hear how this happened.”

“First of all,” Jay said, stalling, trying to figure out where to start, maybe panicking a little bit. “It’s also Mouse’s fault.”

“Dude.”

Click here to read Chapter Four. Click here to read Chapter Five.

Click here to read Fine is a Four-Letter Word on ao3:

And here is the tag list (let me know if you wish to be added or removed):

@sorry-i-spaced, @thegirlwhowishedeveryonelived, @thewannabewriter, @lexhalstead3

@foxes-and-cats, @sensitivemallysix, @emme-looou, @thebejeweledwatercat, @lookingfortherainbow85

[chicago-pd-is-weird]

Hank Voight Oneshot

Synopsis: When Hank is injured in an explosion, the team comes to the hospital to comfort him, each in their own way.

Requested by: @andgry4

Hank had always gone first. That was his policy. He couldn’t wait for the bomb squad. He had to go in.

“Stay here, everyone stay here!” He commanded. As he met Erin’s eyes, he could tell she didn’t want him to go. She wanted to protest, but Hank’s look kept her in place.

“Hank,” Erin started, but Hank didn’t care. He slowly pushed open the door.

“Everyone back up,” he said, looking back to Erin, Antonio, and the rest of intelligence. All of them were ready to jump in with Hank, to literally ride or die. But he wouldn’t have it. Reluctantly, all of them backed up into the street. Hank nodded and looked back into the house, to the woman’s screams. He let out a breath, then stepped inside.

He knew every step could be his last. Turning on his flashlight, he walked through the house, slow and careful. He checked every step before moving through, toward the begging woman. Every step made his heart beat faster, but somehow he couldn’t find the woman. “Where are you?!”

The woman didn’t answer him directly, continuing to beg for help. “Please, please help me! Please, I’m over here!”

Hank, although calm on the outside, had adrenaline pumping through his veins. He couldn’t see her anywhere. He moved by sound, getting to the middle of the house. The sound was the loudest, but looking around with his flashlight, he didn’t see her.

The sound then stopped, and some mechanical clicking could be heard. Hank looked down, and saw a small tape player with several wires sticking out of it, leaning to some barrels.

“Shit,” he mumbled, then turned and ran toward the front of the house as it began rapidly beeping. He was nearly there before it exploded, and he was pushed out onto the grass, debris landing with him, fire everywhere. The last thing he remembered was a blaze and hearing several voices yelling his name.

—

“So how long?” Hank huffed. He hated hospitals in general, mostly because Camille spent her last few days in one.

“A week,” Will Halstead replied. “I’m sorry, Sergeant, but we need to keep you here at least that long to make sure no complications arise. And to make sure you rest. I know if I let you leave, you’ll go right back to work.”

“Damn right I will,” Hank replied, shaking his head. “I’m fine.”

“You got blown up and had to have surgery. You’re not ‘fine,’ you’re recovering.”

Hank huffed again, crossing his arms despite the pain it caused him, even with the medicine in his system. “Alright, fine then.”

“Good,” Will replied. “Now rest. Your body needs it.”

Hank grumbled in reply, but let his eyes close and his body rest, as suggested. He did need it, despite his protests and tough exterior. He’d never admit it, though, as he relaxed into the bed, listening to the steady beeping of the heart monitor beside him. It wasn’t too comforting, but it was constant.

—

Three days in, Hank was nearly restless. His body definitely wasn’t ready to leave, but his mind was. He tried too hard to push himself beyond what he was physically capable of, despite protests from all the doctors. They even sent in a shrink to talk to him, which he refused. Not to mention the hospital food was not great. Everyone had been in and out to see him once or twice, but only briefly since they were working the case. They’d comforted him and let him know that Trudy had taken his place for a few days until the case was solved and the perp was behind bars.

Hank wouldn’t want any other sergeant to step into his shoes except Trudy, so it brought him some comfort to know his unit was in good hands. Nevertheless, he begged for every detail anyone would spare when they visited him.

Finally, when the case was solved, Alvin came into the room to give Hank the news. He sat beside him, handing him a burger he had snuck in his coat pocket. He also handed Hank a small bag of fries from his coat pocket. “We got him. He won’t hurt anyone else.”

“And the woman?” Hank asked, his mouth already full from the delicious burger.

“She was already dead. The recording you heard had been taken when she was first kidnapped.”

Hank sighed as his heart sank. “Damn it.”

Alvin nodded, letting the silence wash over them as they both ate.

After a few moments, Hank spoke again. “How’s everyone else taking it?”

Alvin shrugged and met his eyes. “I think better than you are.”

“I got blown up for a dead girl. Of course I wanted to save her. If I knew she was already dead-“

“If we knew she was dead, you wouldn’t have gone into that house and gotten your ass blown to smithereens.”

Hank glared at Alvin, but knew it was a joke. He rolled his eyes as he finished his meal, crumpling up the paper and tossing it across the room into the garbage can. “Thanks,” he said, shooting Al a pointed look.

“You’re welcome,” Al replied, standing up. “Everyone wants to see you today, yaknow? Since the case is closed.”

“Yeah,” Hank grumbled. He welcomed the company, seeing as he was going insane just sitting there, but hated that they had to come see him because he was stuck in the room. He was frustrated.

“I’ll bring some whisky later.”

“Thanks,” Hank replied, nodding to his closest friend as he left the room. Hank sighed, readjusting in the bed and sitting up, despite the pain it caused him. He groaned, leaning back just as Erin came into the room.

“Already trying to leave?”

Hank cracked a small smile. Erin always made him smile. “I’ve been trying to leave since they brought me here.”

“I know,” she replied. “Last time I was here, you were chomping at the bit. Looks like you mellowed out a little.”

“No, just got tired.”

“Hank Voight? Tired? You must be getting old.”

Hank rolled his eyes at her, but she took his hand. He looked down as both of her hands engulfed his. “Old? That means you’re getting old too.”

Erin laughed a little, shaking her head. “You know… when you came out that door, and the whole thing blew, I… I saw your body fly. I thought you were dead.”

Hank looked her over. “Takes a lot more than that to kill me.”

“We lost Camille six years ago. I just… assumed the worst. It’s like all the feelings from her death came back to me all over again.”

Hank squeezed her hand. “Now you know how I feel about you when you throw yourself headfirst into danger.”

Erin laughed dryly, using one hand to wipe her face, tears spilling over. “Yeah, well, I’m thirty years younger than you.”

“That many?”

“I’m glad you’re finding this amusing.”

Hank smiled again. It made him happy to be around her. From day one, Erin has cheered him up, even while at work. She filled part of the gap Camille had left in his soul.

.

After Erin had left, Hank was tired, more so than he expected. He realized maybe it was good that he was forced to rest in the hospital. Otherwise, he might be on his office couch right now, napping. He closed his eyes and listened to the steady beeping once more, coaxing him into a light slumber.

He didn’t open his eyes again until he heard the door to his room slide open. Drawing in a breath, he opened his eyes and blinked a few times. Antonio walked in and to his bedside. “Hey, how are you doing?”

“Fine,” Hank replied with a shrug. “They told me to rest for the week.”

“Yeah,” Toni replied. “I wish I could rest for the whole week.”

“No you don’t,” Hank replied, looking to him. “That’s why you’re part of my unit.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Antonio said with a shrug and a soft smile. “That means if you’re anything like me, you’re going stir crazy.”

“You read my mind.” Hank shrugged.

Antonio hummed and patted his shoulder. “Then that also means you’re exhausted and should rest.”

“You think so?” Hank stated, sarcasm dripping from his words. He didn’t want to rest and was frustrated he had to. “So who’s running the unit for the next four days?”

“I guess Platt, loosely,” he replied with a shrug. “I’ll make sure everyone stays on topic, though. Don’t worry.”

“I can always count on you.”

Antonio smiled slightly, then pulled something from his pocket. “Oh, here, Diego wrote you a get well note.”

Hank hummed and took the folded paper from Antonio, inspecting it, then opening it up to read it. It was short, but sweet.

Dear Sgt. Voight,

I hope you feel better soon. You need to keep saving people like me from the bad guys. Thanks for helping my dad and me.

Sincerely,

Diego Dawson

Hank smiled up at Antonio. “Tell him thanks.”

“Sure,” Antonio replied. “He couldn’t spell ‘Sergeant,’ so he used the abbreviation.” He laughed, then patted Hank’s shoulder again. “Get some rest. Seriously.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Hank replied, waving his hand dismissively as Antonio left. He chuckled softly and set the card on the table beside him. Then, he allowed himself to close his eyes once more.

.

The next day, Kim was the first one to visit, bright and early. “Hey, Sarge,” she said softly as the door pushed open. “How are you feeling?”

Hank looked up, having already been awake. “I’m alright. Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“Oh, we cleared it with Platt. I hope that’s alright.”

Hank looked at if he was thinking about it for a moment before nodding. “Alright, I guess so.”

“Good, cause I brought breakfast. Al told me what you like.” She pulled out a small paper bag from beneath her coat. “Sausage, egg, and cheese bagel.”

Hank smiled, taking the bag of food from her. “Thanks, Burgess.”

“Well, I mean, you were there for me when I got shot. Only fair I’m here for you now.”

Hank nodded, looking at her as he ate. She also had a bagel sandwich, taking a seat beside him to eat with him. “How have you been? Really, I mean, adjusting to intelligence is a hard move. Everything been good with Olinsky?”

“Yeah, Sarge. It’s all really great. Thank you.” Kim smiled brightly. “Although, can I confess? There’s just one thing that’s bothering me about working here.”

Hank raised a brow, but nodded. “Go ahead.”

“I just really hated seeing you blown up, you know? Is that going to be a regular occurrence?”

Hank laughed softly, shaking his head at the young officer he’d recently taken into his unit. “I dunno, Burgess. It’s never happened before. Is you getting shot going to be something I should worry about?”

“Gosh, I hope not,” she replied, shaking her head with a smile. “I never want to do that again.”

“Yeah, I can understand why. Hospitals suck.”

“I know, right!” Kim said, nodding. “Like, I’m just supposed to lay there all day?”

Hank smiled. “You know, they say doctors make the worst patients, but I doubt that. I think cops are by far the worst.”

“Yeah, me too.”

The two of them chatted for a bit longer, Kim finishing her sandwich, then pulling out another bag. “Here, take one.” She opened the bag and held it out to Hank.

When he peered inside, there were two donuts. Hank smiled and took one out, a chocolate frosted one with sprinkles, leaving Kim the strawberry frosted one with sprinkles. “Cheers,” he said, holding out the donut.

“Cheers,” Kim mirrored, pressing her donut to his for a moment before they both ate.

.

Later on that day, Hank was practically restless, and he gave the nurses hell for it. He wanted out. He needed to leave the room and the bed. When the door to his room slid open, he sighed heavily, looking to see which nurse had come to calm him that time. He was surprised to see Adam and Kevin walk through the door, Kevin pushing a wheelchair.

“Please tell me that’s for me.”

“That’s right, Boss. We’ve come to temporarily release you from your captivity.”

“Thank goodness,” Hank said, already sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. Kevin and Adam helped him up, which he verbally refused, but physically needed. When they got him settled, Kevin pushed the wheelchair as Adam walked alongside them.

“Just a few more days, then you’re out of here, Boss.”

“Can’t come soon enough, Ruzek.”

“I hear that, Sarge,” Kevin chimed in. “If it were me, I would’ve run away by now.”

“Kev, shut up, the nurses said not to give him any ideas.” Adam laughed and shook his head. “They told us you’ve been giving them hell all day.”

“Yeah, that’s why we bargained to get you a wheelchair. As long as you stay in the wheelchair.”

Hank hummed in thought, then nodded. “Fine. Only because I know if I run now, Maggie will strap me to that damn bed.”

“If you ran now, Sarge, we’d be your wingmen.” Kevin laughed earning another small slap from Adam.

Adam smiled. “You gotta rest, though. That way you can take intelligence back.”

“Yeah, how was today without me?” Hank looked up at Adam and Kevin behind him. The two looked at one another, then both shrugged in unison.

“It was… something. Let’s just say it’s a good thing we don’t have a case right now,” Adam said, seemingly disappointed. “Look, it’s all fine and good, Boss, but without you, we don’t really have a structure. I mean, Antonio stepped up to fill in your shoes, but… they’re big shoes to fill.”

Kevin nodded a little in affirmation. “Yeah, I think he could do it, eventually, but he’s not you, and we’re expecting you from him. It’s just not fair. He was set up for failure.”

“So he doesn’t get the same respect you do,” Adam continued. “And it causes issues between all of us. Platt tried to help out, and it did help some, but she’s not you either. We followed her orders because we had to. She outranks us.”

Hank sighed softly as he listened to the two go on about the day. He wanted to leave before, but the urge was now magnified by a thousand percent. He needed to run his unit. He didn’t want to sit in the hospital, knowing they were in turmoil and therefore in danger if they were out in the field.

When the silence overtook the three of them, Adam chimes in first. “You okay, Boss?”

“Yeah,” Hank mumbled. He was discouraged and overall tired, tired of lying in bed and doing nothing, but what else could he do? He doubted Will would let him out of the hospital, let alone clear him to go back to work. His body was tired from moving so much that day. His mind was tired from fighting. He was just tired.

Adam and Kevin seemed to pick up on this and helped Hank back into his bed once arriving back at his room. They said their goodbyes and parted ways, letting Hank rest. He took the opportunity to close his eyes, drifting off again.

.

Later that night, Jay came in, Mouse in tow. The two of them brought Hank some dinner, takeout from a Chinese place he liked. Hank thanked them, looking between the two of them. “How was today?” He asked, chomping at the bit to be back.

Jay shrugged. “It was fine, I guess. Not the same without you.”

Mouse nodded in agreement, though he was a man of few words outside of when he was working. “I agree, Sergeant.”

Hank hummed as he picked at the food. “Can you talk to your brother and tell him to let me out of here?” He met Jay’s eyes. Although his tone was lighter and joking, his eyes were serious, a heavy weight on his shoulders. It was as if they could physically see what was weighing Hank down - being cooped up in a room and seeing his unit spiral without him. He took care of his unit and seeing them like this wasn’t right in his mind.

Jay nodded. “Look, I’ll see what I can do. But you have to stop fighting the nurses. April and Maggie are ready to slip sedatives in your IV.”

Hank laughed dryly. He didn’t care anymore, in fact, he wished they would do he wouldn’t have to spend his waking moments waiting to leave the hospital.

Mouse looked over Hank, then looked to Jay. “How much longer?”

“Three days,” Hank groaned, putting his hands to his head and leaning back on the bed. “All I’ve done is lay here. I’m going insane.”

Jay moved out of the room to talk to his brother, to see if there was any way Hank could be discharged earlier. Mouse sat down awkwardly beside Hank’s bed. “Look, you should eat. You need to eat to get better.”

“I don’t need a lecture on how to get better. I just need to do it, now.”

Mouse shrugged a little. “Look, I’ve known a lot of guys like you in the army. It’s tough. I get it.”

“You’re not the one lying in this damned bed, Mouse.”

“You’re right,” he replied with a shrug. “But I’ve been there. You’ll get through it.”

Hank huffed. “Be honest with me. How bad was it today?”

Mouse met Hank’s eyes, then sighed. “Pretty bad.”

Hank leaned back in bed, closing his eyes. “See, I need to be out there.”

Mouse thought for a moment, then shrugged. “Does a mama bird carry her babies to teach them how to fly?”

“What?” Hank asked, looking to Mouse with a cocked eyebrow.

“Well,” Mouse said, leaning forward in the chair. “You see, a mama bird doesn’t do that. She pushes them from the nest and lets them fly on their own. It might take some getting used to, and they might fall down, but the baby birds learn to fly.”

Hank blinked, taken aback. “Are you… comparing me to a mother bird?”

“Alright, look, that’s not the point. The point is Intelligence needs to figure out how to work without you, so that someday in the future, the far future, hopefully, it can run without you.”

Hank looked over Mouse, then slowly nodded. “I guess…” he mumbled.

Jay came back in after a moment of silence between the two of them. “Hey, Will said it’s a no-go. Sorry, Sarge. I tried my best. Even bargained.”

“Thanks,” Hank replied, glancing to Jay. “It’s alright. It’s only… three more days.” Hank sighed once more. Of course, he was already halfway done, but that didn’t mean the last three days wouldn’t be a slow drag.

“Try to stay optimistic, Sarge. Call us if you need anything, alright?” Jay walked over and patted Hank’s shoulder to give him comfort before the two of them left.

Hank laid awake for a while, thinking about everything Mouse had said. He mused, his mind wandering to other things, then he eventually fell asleep.

—

The next two days came and went without much event. The Intelligence members came and went, bringing food and small gifts to help Hank not go crazy, like magazines and newspapers and whatever else they could get their hands on.

Finally, the last day arrived. Hank was getting ready to get discharged. Although Will didn’t clear him for field work, he told him he could return to strict desk duty. That didn’t bother Hank much, knowing it was only temporary. He just wanted to be behind his desk - period. Even if it meant he napped back there. Although he had gotten much stronger in the last two days, he was still in a lot of pain, and he was very often tired, even though he hadn’t been doing much.

Hank was buttoning up his shirt when someone came into the room. Who stood before him, but Trudy Platt, of course. Hank smiled slightly to her. “Trudy, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Well, I heard you’re getting out of here. Figured you’d need a ride seeing as you came here in an ambo.”

“That’s a pretty good assumption.” He leaned on the bed as he walked, Trudy moving over and offering her arm, which Hank took. He had been offered a cane, but refused it, though he needed it.

“So, you’re cleared for desk duty?”

“It’s something,” he replied with a shrug. “I’ll have Mouse to keep me company in the office.”

Trudy nodded as she helped him out to her vehicle and into the passenger seat. “I’m just downstairs too, if you need me, Hank. I know you don’t like to ask for help, but I’m here for anything you need.”

“I know. Thanks,” he replied, nodding to her and looking down at the cane that was leaning against the passenger seat. “Damn it, they gave it to you?”

“Yep,” Trudy said, closing the door then getting into the driver’s seat to take Hank back to 21. “Can’t escape it that easily.”

“It’s embarrassing.”

“Hey, when I got shot in the ass, I used a cane for three months. I was thirty-something.”

“Yeah, I remember, you milked it every time I saw you.”

Trudy nodded. “And now’s your payback. You’re welcome.”

“Very funny.”

.

When they arrived back at the district, Hank used the cane and Trudy’s arm to get himself up the many stairs that were between him and his office. It took much longer than it usually did, but he was able to make it. The whole unit stood and clapped when Hank walked in, Hank waving his free hand to dismiss them. Then, he walked into his office and sat down, Trudy making sure he was comfortable. He spoke a soft ‘thanks’ to her, making a mental note to get her a gift later. The rest of Intelligence gathered in the doorway to Hank’s office, watching him as he got comfortable at his desk.

Hank looked up at all of them, then nodded. “What’s next?”

[kitweewoos]

Can you do mouse agender please?

"Hey, Jay?" He says the words slowly, carefully, unsure of himself even in this moment where's he's decided he should tell someone, and if there's anyone in this world he trusts the most it's Jay Halstead.

"Yeah?"

"Can I talk to you? Uhm, about something kind of important."

Jay is halfway through his lunch, and there's a smear of sub sauce on his cheek, and it's so fucking endearing.

"Yeah, man, absolutely. You know you can talk to me about anything."

Mouse knows, unfortunately, how categorically untrue that is, because they don't talk about the war, or Mouse's addiction, or his parents, or Jay's mom, or Jay's dad, or - but this, maybe, this is something they can talk about. It's a relatively safe space, even in a relationship filled with land mines from traumas left behind.

"That's the thing, actually. I don't think I'm a man."

"Eh?" is all Jay says, and Mouse chuckles.

"Yeah, well, I've been thinking, you know, and it's hard to explain, honestly, it's just something I feel. When I think of, you know, men and the idea that society wants to put us in, or, me in, I don't want it. I don't want to be seen as a testosterone-crazy masculine figure. But, I also don't want to be a woman. I've never thought that, but I also have never wanted to be a man. So, I did some googling, and some research, talked to some friends down at Sidetrack, and they mentioned being agender?"

"A gender? Yeah, man, that's what anyone is."

"No, not, not separate words. Agender, one word. Meaning, like, without gender. Like asymptomatic or asymmetrical, you know?"

"You don't feel like you have a gender?"

"Yeah, I guess? Like I don't fit into all these preconceived notions of who I should be based on the body I was born into, like I could be masculine and feminine without it meaning I'm a man or a woman?"

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah, Mouse, I don't get it, but I don't have to, do I? It's not my gender, or whatever. If this is who you say you are, then that's fine. That's who you are. I've never had a problem with that, you know that. You're Mouse, and you're my best friend. If you change your mind, or find a better term, or want to go by something else other than Mouse, let me know."

"No, Mouse.... Mouse is who I am. I think that's why I've kept it, even after we were discharged. It's been my little flag of something different. I'm not a Greg, but I am Mouse, this something outside the norm."

"Alright then. Sounds good to me. Can I finish my sandwich now or do you have any other revelations you need to drag out of the closet?"

"No, that was it. Oh, uhm, I'm still using he and him for my pronouns, but I wouldn't be offended if someone used others for me, like she, her or they, them."

"Noted."

"Hey, Jay?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks, man."

"You don't have to thank me, Mouse. You decide who you are, it's my job just to be here for you."

[🏳‍🌈 pride 2023 moodboards]

[adarafaelbarba]

We're gonna close the curtains

"Greg--Come back to bed, it's still dark outside", you said sleepily as you curled up under the duvet. "Just give me a moment my love, just gonna close the curtains." You'd both forgotten them in the heat of the moment from the night before. And it wasn't the first time. When the two of you were together, especially after one or both had come back from overseas, it was a rush to get together and relieve the good moments, as well as take away the pain of what you'd both seen. "It's so cold here without you." He could barely hear you with how muffled your voice was in the duvet, but he smiled softly none the less and cuddled up close to you. "I'm here my love, and I'm not going anywhere."

Tagging:

@bullet-prooflove @crazy4chickennuggets

Wanna be on the tag list? Fill out this form to be part of the team 🥰

[crowdiminico]

We all love the "Mouse's found-family mother is Platt" idea because it feels so comfy, perfect and right.

But have we considered the other outcome that would naturally occur in this scenario; that would be hilarious, juxtaposing and brilliant...

"Mouse's found-family father is Mouch"

[escapingrealtiylovinginsanity]

Greg “Mouse” Gerwitz: Crazy 

You stormed down to the tech lab anger and panic filling the space in your chest. You see your boyfriend sitting in front of a computer typing on a computer with headphones on. He is clearly absorbed in his work and doesn’t notice you until you make it into his peripheral vision. He glances up and into a window seeing your reflection behind him. He swivels in his chair, a smile on his face at the sight of you. It quickly drops off his face when he notices your expression. “Baby...?” 

“When were you going to tell me?” You demand, stopping a foot in front of him. He sits up straighter in his chair and you can tell he is evaluating you. Your jaw is tight with tension, arms crossing over your chest in a distinctively closed-off position. Putting distance between you and him and defending yourself from the emotional blow you felt was coming. 

When Mouse found no clues but anger on your face, he started searching his memory for things that could have brought on this confrontation. He came up empty-handed. You two had always had a very open way of communication, something Mouse wasn’t used to, that often killed problems before they had time to develop. “You know, I’m a lot better at this whole thing when I actually know what we are fighting about.”  

You scoffed at him, shaking your head in disbelief. Your frustration and anger with him were building and you could feel it getting ready to explode through your chest. Mouse could see the emotions bubbling up inside you. He tried to defuse the situation. He stayed calm keeping his voice even as he slid his chair closer to you instead of standing to keep himself smaller. “Hey baby, c’mon now. Talk to me.”  

His hands reached for your hips to try to soothe you. You push the folded paper against his chest a little harder than necessary. You pull your hand back and watch the paper drop into his lap. “I’m talking about this! I can’t believe you didn’t have the decency to give me a heads up, or I don’t know have a conversation before making life-altering decisions for us.” Mouse’s confused blue gaze stayed on you, as he grappled for the paper and unfolded it. He looked down to see what the fuss was about. He stilled when he saw the paper. “Well, say something!” You demand when he stays silent.  

He looks back up at you, blue eyes soft. “Sweetheart, I think you have the wrong idea.” He says gently but it only has the effect of amping you up even more. It sounds like a brush-off- him condescending you. 

“I’m not stupid. It’s a release to go back to your unit. The Ranger’s 75th unit.” Your voice is getting louder, and you are pointing at him angrily. He stays strangely calm as he offers the half-filled paper back out to you. 

“Yeah, you're right. But sweetie look at the date.” His long finger taps the top corner of the page where the date is printed in black ink. You had seen it before it was dated out a month ago. But when your eyes scan back over the page you notice the year. The paper wasn’t from a month ago but a year and a month ago. Your mouth parts into a silent O as your arms drop down. You reach for the paper and Mouse hands it over without any resistance. You bring the paper back up to reread again to make sure that your eyes aren’t playing tricks on you. 

This time when Mouse reaches for your hips you don’t take a step back. “I-wait what?” You mumble as you rake a hand through your hair. He smoothed his hands down your sides and to your thighs. He pulled you closer to him easing you down onto his lap. He traces his hand down your thigh. 

“I was offered to go back to my unit last year. They needed a proficient comms tech. I was struggling with being out of the field here. I felt like...” He paused still struggling with emotions though it had become easier. “Like it would be best for me to go back. Back where I knew that I was the good guy.” 

You searched his blue eyes, “What happened?” 

“I had a felony.” You tried not to let the shock show on your face. You knew that he had done some sketchy things when he got back from the service, but you didn’t know that he had caught a felony. “It was nothing crazy. I was caught with a truck of stolen Blu-Ray players.” He coughs as he adds, “And hacking into the Department of Defense.”  

“You what- why would you hack- you know what, it doesn’t even matter.” Mouse gave you a grateful nod- though he would have told you. “So, you couldn’t go.” He tilted his head back and forth indecisively. 

“Not necessarily, I just needed to get it expunged from my record.” 

“But you couldn’t?” You rub his arm comfortingly. You were trying to squash your gratefulness that it hadn’t worked out for him. If it had the two of you would have ever been here now. In the relationship with a man, you loved.  

He smiled fondly at you, “I did actually.” 

“Then why-?” He squeezed your thigh firmly. 

“Well, I was on my way to convince Jay to help me get it expunged. When I bumped into this beautiful girl at the coffee shop.” The breath caught in your chest. You search his face, a warm loving smile on his lips. He cupped your cheek, tracing your cheekbone with a calloused thumb.  

“You gave it up for a girl you just met? That crazy.” 

“No, I still went through the motions to go back. Keep in contact with my supervisor, went through the process to get my felony expunged.” He paused seeing the tears mist your eyes. Wiping away the tear when it rolled down your cheek. “But I spent time with you too. By the time I got the paper signed for my record to be cleared, I didn’t want to leave you. I knew if I did that would be the end of it for us. And I knew something was there. You were a light in my life. Leaving that without giving it a real shot- that would have been crazy.” 

I hate that Mouse left. Now I changed it so that he gets to stay. <3 I’m starting a tag list if you would like to be added, just leave a comment saying so.