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anewinternational · 2 years

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A Traveller’s Guide to Lost and Later Songs

For those who may appreciate some background detail, I offer below my workings.

All audio references refer to recordings from the secret playlist, “Lost and Later, Early Days”- here

#1 - Loverboy (19/01/13)

On the cusp of lost and later, this song is something of both. Written in the months before the revolution (earliest demo in the files is dated 19th January 2013), I was imagining something like Gene Pitney sings Misirlou, produced by Joe Meek. I remember Loverboy getting its debut at a Hogmanay show in Glasgow’s Old Hairdressers. Halfway through the song, a jolly fellow in high spirits took to the dancefloor and did “the dance of the two ales” (a self-explanatory dance which requires no partner). I took that as a positive sign: the booze equivalent of two thumbs good. Loverboy retained its place in our live set until the Fabulon pre-production rehearsals. Then, at a summit in the Laurieston bar with producer-in-chief Colin Elliot, the Politburo decided that Loverboy’s face didn’t quite fit the new regime (see also “Ghost Light”). The song committed the youthful folly of trying to say everything and be everything to all people, rather than seeing a world in Blake’s grain of sand. Its sprawling structure didn’t quite hang together and forgot the golden rule of pop music: get to the chorus, get to it already and get there by yesterday (people are busy you know and we don’t have time for your three-minute instrumental breakdown). Compared to “Valentino”, its more popular elder sibling, Loverboy looked like the scruffier black sheep of the family who, perhaps if freed from the burden of fitting in with its peers and trying to impress, may yet come good. It needed time; time that we didn’t have back then. These days, well, it often feels like there’s nothing but time, even as it ebbs away until, all at once, the day has gone, a little like that line in Hemingway’s “The Sun Also Rises”– “How did you go bankrupt?" Two ways. Gradually, then suddenly.” Anyway, whether we realise it or not, time is, and always will be, pressing. So, Loverboy come in, come in from the cold and tell all the others too, for now is the hour of the outcast. Pariahs of the world unite. Tonight, we run with the underdogs. I still remember where all the bodies were buried and there is going to be a reckoning

#2 Ghost Light (14/04/10)

A synth-pop devotional in praise of the light, 14th April 2010 at 9.50am is the earliest noted record in the archives for this one. It sounds uncharacteristically early in the morning for me but, as the politicians like to tell you, statistics don’t lie. The night before, I had been out drinking with my friend Paul Tasker of the Doghouse Roses. We decided to round off a very enjoyable evening with whisky and tunes back at Paul’s flat during which I remember Paul modelling a beautifully made Swedish Army greatcoat which he’d picked up somewhere or another on the internet. He cut quite a dash as he marched smartly up and down his living room, swaying his whisky to and fro with a martial air. Among various other pressing issues up for discussion that evening, Paul mentioned that he had an old synthesiser he was looking to get rid of and did I want it? That sounds like a laugh, I thought, and we settled on the princely sum of £20. The next morning, I woke to find I was now the proud owner of a Yamaha SK10 Symphonic Ensemble. There it was, propped against the wall of my bedroom. Oh well, I thought, I had certainly woken up to worse. I plugged it in, switched it on and quickly realised that I had got lucky here. What a lovely noise. I thought of arcades and 1980s computer games, John Hughes movies, pastel-coloured leg warmers.... There was a string setting that sounded just like Phil Oakey and Giorgio Moroder’s “Together in Electric Dreams”. I was instantly transported to a childhood kitchen scene - my sister and I doing the Sunday dinner dishes whilst we listened to the Top 40 on a state-of-the-art Sanyo transistor radio and singing along to “Electric Dreams”. Then, light speed forward 20 years and dancing to the very same song with my friend Dan Mutch in an empty and just about closing Edinburgh bar after stopping in for one last drink, two children trying to stay up past their bedtime. Like happy news, unexpected and unlooked for, the song soared euphorically out of the bar’s massive speakers as Dan and I pushed our drinks aside in shared joy to find that the dancefloor was there all along, like the yellow brick road, right underneath our feet and we didn’t even notice it. Music is time travel. I’ve often thought that the synth pop wizards were really piano balladeers, heirs to a grand tradition but operating under different conditions, in different times. Pop by other means. Pop, of course, must always be by any means necessary, or at least by any means available, but I wonder what Vince Clarke would have created if he found himself behind a baby grand in 1920s Broadway, or if Cole Porter was given a Moog to fool around with. A lovely sound can in itself be an inspiration. The SK10’s string setting made me feel like it was hard to go wrong. A riff seemed to present itself immediately to me; then it was just a question of which chords sounded good beneath that riff. Being something of a musical illiterate, I often play wrong chords. But sometimes the wrong notes sound better than the right ones. It can, at times, be hard to keep up with my mistakes. I tend to be a music first writer. I travel lightly and assume the lyrics will meet up with me later on, somewhere further down the road. In the meantime, my notes-to-self include: - make a joyful noise along to the music - which words does this noise sound like? - what does the music make me think of and/or feel? This one made me think about disco lights. Yes, that’s what I’d do. I’d write a song about disco lights. And so, the song began travelling under the name “Gold Silver”. “Gold Silver” made it as far as the “Come to the Fabulon” studio demos, recorded in Red Eye Studios, Clydebank in 2012-13. Although there was a variety of styles among these demos there is, you might say, a fine line between variety and anomaly. In this context “Gold Silver” sounded like a completely different band and, much as that in itself appealed to me, the song was, by majority decision, disappeared around the time of the Fabulon album rehearsals of 2013. During a band meeting in the Laurieston Bar with producer-in-chief Colin Elliot (see also “Loverboy”), I distinctly remember “Gold Silver” being given its marching orders, packed off to the Siberia of Song. I believe the term “Eurovision reject” was used. But remember: we throw nothing away. And another thing, while we’re here; I really like Eurovision. I remember Drew Barrymore’s lines in “Donnie Darko”, about how the words “cellar door” were considered by many to be the most beautiful in the English language. A matter of taste, of course. For me, as a Eurovision fan, the most beautiful words I ever heard were “Come in Helsinki”. So, “Gold Silver”, a song out of time and place, found itself banished to the margins, perhaps until some future time, maybe our Eurovision entry. Or our lockdown album. Come the lockdown, the band’s campaign shifted to the home front. With the mobilisation of all able-bodied songs – past, present and future - I found myself dusting off “Gold Silver” only to notice I hadn’t quite gotten around to finishing the lyrics (so much of life is about managing disrepair). This was around the time of the closing of the theatres when the image of the ghost light, a tradition I’d never heard of until then, began to do the rounds. The image and idea of the ghost light made me think that the lights in the song needn’t only be on the dancefloor; a thought which gave the song its final title and helped me to finally finish that thing I started on a bargain £20 synthesiser one hungover morning, 10 years previously. I think the ghost light is a noble tradition, an arresting image and an eerie reminder that there will be times when there is no light other than that which we create for ourselves: in the empty theatres, clubs and bars; in song, in dance and in every whistle that tries to charm the darkness.

#3 Drunk is a holiday (1996-2021)

“Ought we to be drunk every night?" Sebastian asked one morning. "Yes, I think so." "I think so too.” ― Evelyn Waugh, Brideshead Revisited The chorus melody for “Drunk is a Holiday” came to me, perhaps fittingly enough, in the middle of a hangover. I would date that hangover at around 1996, back when I was living in a bedsit in the Southside of Glasgow. The TV series of “Brideshead Revisited” was being repeated on Saturday evenings around then and I remember staying in to watch it over the course of several weeks. It helped to keep me off the booze. My favourite scene was the one with Sebastian and Charles, lounging by a fountain and sipping champagne in a decidedly louche manner. After their minimal, yet solemn exchange, as quoted above, which felt like a pact or vow, Sebastian falls into the fountain with his bottle of champagne. I remember applauding the telly at that bit. I, too, wanted to fall into fountains with bottles of champagne. Unfortunately, I was unemployed at the time and my limited means meant opportunities for such indulgence were few and far between. But picking up the guitar, the songs and all that - that was free. I often have musical ideas far beyond my capabilities of actually realising them. Sometimes it takes me years to catch up. Although the chorus melody came easily enough, I had no idea what to do with it. I tried marrying it off to all manner of unlikely suitors but nothing lasted. Then, other, easier songs came along and the melody was set aside until some later time, to be confirmed. The next recorded sighting was 2006 on a home demo. By this time, my circumstances had improved so that I had managed to upgrade my humble abode to a hovel in Partick. I was, more or less, gainfully employed to the point where I could even, should I choose, buy my own bottle of champagne, if not quite my own fountain. One evening, whilst buttering a slice of toast in the kitchen, a stray verse suggested itself to me which carried echoes of that chorus from what you might ironically call my Brideshead Days. I dusted down the old chorus, tentatively placing it next to this new verse and felt a little shiver as they clicked snugly together like missing jigsaw pieces, lost to one another all these years. It was good news from a former life, music as time travel. A more advanced demo in 2008- including bass, drums, guitars and early lyrics- shows that we had begun working on the song as a band and it was by then travelling under the name “Drunk is a Holiday”, perhaps in reference to its origins. But after this, the trail goes cold once more. I presume the song must have been deemed too cheerful for the last Starlets album in 2009. Soon afterwards came ANI’s Year Zero and in the post-revolutionary era which followed, songs about champagne and fountains would have been dimly viewed as irredeemably bourgeois. And so, the song was lost again. Or not lost, perhaps never really lost at all, rather searching. Or waiting. Waiting for its time to come, for the world to change once more and a reappraisal of all that was previously taken for granted; when we, not spoiled for resources, would once again find a virtue and a new aesthetic in making the best out of what we have. Mend and make new. Nowadays, I navigate my way through our strange new world by bicycle. I finally finished writing “Drunk is a Holiday” when the last of the lyrics came to me in the Summer of 2020 whilst cycling through the Dovecote country, somewhere between Yoker and Whiteinch and approximately 24 years after watching Brideshead Revisited. “The calm, beguiling Until you’re smiling Our little slice of forever* to be whiling” All of the above is not necessarily to say that the song itself is worth the wait. That is not, of course, for me to say. 24 years in the making is, after all, a fair bit to live up to and perhaps its origins will prove more interesting than its arrival. But it was worth my wait and I’ll go as far as to say that, yes, I am fond of it. If forced to describe the song for publicity purposes, I’d maybe offer something along the lines of “Music Hall as Synth Pop”. Whatever “Drunk is a Holiday” may or may not be, lyrically it is very much in the tradition of “write about what you know”, so if it all sounds a little woozy here and there, well, I’m afraid that’s because so do I. As a final point, if there are any time-travellers reading this, may I ask a small favour? Should you happen to be passing through 1996 any time soon, could you please pass on a message to my former self, if he’ll listen? Please tell him that future Biff asks that he be of good cheer. Tell him he finally finishes that song that he started. Tell him that he hasn’t given up, that he’s still trying to keep his promise. *This line is a nod and tip of the hat to Jenny Lindsay’s spoken word show “This Script” from which the line is “borrowed”. Other significant nods, tips and borrowings (although I prefer the term “references”) include to and from Warren Zevon’s “Carmelita”, a favourite at family sing-songs when I was growing up. Originally posted in December 2020

#4 Yesterday’s Already Light Years Away (No demo exists. Approximately 1997)

One from the analogue years, there was no demo recorded of this song at the time, or after. From around 1996 until 1999, the band rented a rehearsal room in the Maryhill Burgh Halls. From the studio next door, we inherited an unwieldy electric piano (affectionately christened “The Coffin” by Craig) and on which I stumbled across the song’s tinkly melody. My bus home from rehearsals crossed Jamaica Bridge, over the Clyde and out to the occasionally sunlit uplands of Glasgow’s Southside. Gazing out of the top deck window, I used to see blankets tidied away neatly underneath one of the bridge arches and wonder who slept there. The lyrics began with that thought. I remember clunkily playing through the song a couple of times in band rehearsals. When I looked around the room afterwards, all band members’ faces seemed to communicate the same reaction, namely, “Whit are we meant to dae wi that?”. A fair question. Some songs are not suited to the rough and tumble of the rehearsal room. Too much bang and crash. In this case, a slide rule and calculator may have been more useful. There’s a bit of an unusual structure to this one and I can hear echoes of my obsession (still current and ongoing) with Prefab Sprout’s “Steve McQueen” album. As stated above, there was no demo recorded at the time, but the song hung around awkwardly for a while, like a wallflower at a dance, before quietly slipping away into the shadows, lost down the lesser travelled corridors of my mind. Once in a while I would catch a glimpse of it out of the corner of my eye but when I turned around it was gone again. After 25 years of rattling around in my head and without even a demo to its name, “Yesterday” can stake a fair claim as the unlikeliest character on this unlikeliest of records. A shy one, strange and a little awkward, this song may well be no one’s idea of the belle of the ball and, I would say, it is all the better for that. It is one of my favourites on the record. Some songs, and people, are not easy to know but, given the chance, will dance a dance all of their own.

#5 Ride the White Horses (29/03/10)

First demoed as an instrumental in a live home recording by Mark and I, dated 29/03/10 (see secret playlist) In the spirit of Martin Mull’s “Writing about music is like dancing about architecture”, here’s a song about painting, partly inspired by James Guthrie’s “Hard At It” which can be found in the Kelvingrove Art Gallery. I like to find inspiration in different artforms. One is less likely to be sued for plagiarism. At the time of writing, this song has been played live once only, at a solo show in Arnhem on 22/10/2010, when it was still shiny new and I must have been keen to try it out. After the last note, not one person applauded. Not one. Not even polite or pitying applause. Nada. Nil point. Ha ha ha. Cue tumbleweed. Character building. I daresay I could have taken the hint there and then but I’ve always been a bit stubborn that way. I am right and the world is wrong. Sooner or later the world will realise the error of its ways. Until then, if an idea is worth believing in, it is worth a world of indifference, worth all of the lean years for all of the meantime (even if it all turns out to be meantime). So, here’s to another time and place yet to come; to some other night in some other room where some one person hearing the song may feel just glad enough to clap hands. Then, at long last, from lost into later, the song will have found a home. NB. For further reference material (and dancing about architecture), please see Eduardo Chillada’s “The Comb of the Wind”

#6 What You Came For (11/08/2018)

The first of the Later songs. The initial melody came to me whilst on a jolly through to Edinburgh for the festival, somewhere in between Kilderkin and the Waverley Bar. As I recall, I was temporarily between drinks and loitering outside a newsagent whilst a friend bought tobacco. Ideas tend to come to me when my guard is down, maybe when drifting in or out of sleep, or sometimes, as in this case, when in a dreamlike state. A cool summer breeze eased down the Royal Mile, calming my fevered brow. I must have started singing to myself. Tum-te-tum. Tourists milling by occasionally glanced at me, the singing jakey; perhaps thinking I was one of the local characters, a little bit random but harmless enough. “Hey”, I wanted to say, “I’m a tourist here myself”. There must have been some presence of mind still functioning as I recorded the tune on my phone with the title “Yeahyeahyeahs” (it reminded me a little, at the time, of their song “Turn Into”- I always liked that one). The tune must have been rattling around in my head for a while after that as further developments of the song can be heard on subsequent phone recordings made, by the sounds of it, on trains, waiting on buses and first thing in the morning after dreaming about an idea for the middle eight- https://on.soundcloud.com/SAaj7 The last recorded sighting was 24/09/18; a live take of a rehearsal by the band but by then the Dark Carnival was rolling into town and everything went supernatural for a while.

#7 Something of the Night (18/12/18)

Our Hallowe’en number and another of the Later songs, the only previous recording of this was a live rehearsal dated 18/12/2018 - https://on.soundcloud.com/VNeEW Clearly influenced by our imminent descent into the underworld, this one could well have ended up on the Dark Carnival album had it been a little less late. Inspired by B-movies, Bela Lugosi, Vampira, Ed Wood, Nosferatu, “Monster Mash”, “Foul Owl on the Prowl” from “In the Heat of the Night” and, yes folks, the theme tune from “The Professionals”. I wouldn’t imagine the lyrics require any elaboration, with one possible exception: for anyone unfamiliar with the Scots vernacular of “looking for a lumber”, this phrase is used to describe someone “out on the pull”. Of course, the versatility/ambivalence of the word may well become all too apparent the morning after the night before, should last night’s “lumber” turn into this morning’s “lumbered with”. It can be a confusing language, particularly nowadays when nuance has become so terribly unfashionable. I looked up “lumber” in both Oxford and Cambridge English dictionaries but its use as a singular noun (e.g. “Did ye get a lumber last night?”) receives no mention. That, of course, may well be a whole other story. This song is, I am proud to say, a thoroughly reprehensible character (although clearly somewhat ridiculous). Like its fellow travellers, it was, at the time and for one reason or another, considered inappropriate. Maybe so. Or maybe it is, to paraphrase Lloyd Cole, inappropriate but much more fun. This will be the one they remember us for. Featuring bonus wolf howl.

#8 Swirly (04/03/2009)

It’s swirly, man.

The first demo is dated 04/03/09 at 1653h, just in time for tea. Around this time, I was beginning to collaborate with my friend Ally Kerr on his songs, working towards his album “Viva Melodia”. I’d say it was a productive time for both Ally and myself and I was enthused by his maverick, can-do attitude. I remember sauntering home from Ally’s one night after an evening of beer and songs and suddenly a melody began rattling around in my head. In the spirit of creating a language out of whatever is inspiring us at the time, I began singing, as placeholder lyrics for the melody - “Ally’s good, Ally’s fine, Ally’s hot to let you know”. As a placeholder title to match the lyrics, I thought “Swirly” suited its woozy, spiralling mood. Last time I looked, the title was still there. The song felt promising up until the moment of truth in the rehearsal room, when it became sadly apparent that we, the band, couldn’t really play it very well. We tried a few times but it didn’t half plod where it should have swirled. It quickly became another of our songs to be shelved and filed under “Far too much like hard work”. Some songs are contrary: you have to record them before you learn how to play them, odd as that may sound. At the time of recording, we had never played “Swirly” live. Instead, it was stitched together according to a vague but ambitious wish list sent to long-suffering producer Colin Elliot who was tasked with performing pop alchemy on our humble, home-made fare. Swirly was the first of the lockdown songs to make it out into the world, the first single and original Lost and Later Song #1. After the initial morale boost, then came the challenge: if this is possible, then what else is? The sensible thing would have been to say no. Nice idea but walk away. To say no is easier, quicker. To say yes is harder to live up to, will take far longer. Maybe even a lifetime.

#9 Everything’s Alright Fine (31/12/2020)

Second latest of the Later songs, born in a hangover and hummed into my phone, just in time for Hogmanay. I was stumbling through the no man’s land between last night and the night to come, fighting a rear-guard action against a horde of demons calling me bad names. Some hangovers can look so big they can pass themselves off as all sky, all horizon and all hereafter. There is nothing but and nothing beyond this. Abandon hope all ye who enter here. It is important then to remember that this is only a temporary psychosis caused by lack of fluids. Drink water, have some soup, take a nice, hot bath; back to basics, be humble, hit reset, switch off and on again, add in some calculated distractions. All well and good in theory. However. Once upon a hangover, one penitent Sunday and a personal low point to date, I was unable to keep my fluids in place, so to speak. Another test of character. When even a humble glass of water is beyond us, we must accept this additional level of abasement and find our new level. There is, of course, a fine line between humbling and humiliating but never mind. One hasty rummage in a cupboard later and I emerged triumphant with a bathroom sponge. Eureka. I wet the sponge - not soaked, dampened only - and repaired to the sofa. I began with wetting my lips only - so far, so good. I then built up to occasional discrete, tactical sucks on the sponge, hoping to take on fluids by stealth, under the radar. I had in place a cunning strategy. All I needed now was some covering fire, a decoy, a distraction. I switched the TV on, hoping for a gentle Sunday matinee from a bygone age to gaze at longingly whilst sucking on my sponge. The screen crackled into life with a brassy fanfare straight out of Hollywood’s golden era. In a marvel of fortuitous timing, I was just in time to catch the opening credits to the Sunday matineé. Perhaps my chances were, at last, beginning to take an upward turn. Then, as I lay on the sofa, sucking cautiously on my sponge and still lamenting my terrible thirst, the screen announced the afternoon feature as- “Humphrey Bogart stars in…. “SAHARA!” You’ve got to laugh. Humour is our short circuit, cutting off the path to insanity. Or maybe, in the language of the movies, it heads us off at the pass. That hangover was from another time, a lion of its kind, whereas the hangover of 31/12/20 was a pussycat in comparison. Damage was sustainable; fluids acceptable; soup, a dawning possibility. A few minor demons were off on a toot but the mopping up operation was well underway. I would gather them all up like naughty numbskulls and put them back in the jar, until the next time the lid pops off. So, taking deep breaths, I repeated like a mantra – “Everything’s alright, everything’s alright..”. Tell it ‘til it’s true. “Everything’s alright”. “Everything’s alright what?”, came the answer, one of the more stubborn demons. “Everything’s alright fine”. “Why two words when one would do?” said the demon. “You protest too much”. The above processing of information and damage management often takes a musical form. It is good to take notes throughout. You never know what you might miss. Humphrey Bogart won’t always be there to help you through your hangovers and some courses you’ll have to plot alone, making your own entertainment along the way. Meantime, and remember, this may well all turn out to be meantime, everything’s alright fine.

#10 Intermission – (Voice recording of initial idea recorded on 10/11/20)

Transmissions from Planet Zoom- a melancholy android plays remembered sounds from Planet Earth; an ice cream van, a seaside organ, elevator muzak. Refreshments are available in the foyer.

Welcome back folks.

#11 A Chemical Dream (20/01/04 - 01/09/08)

Another of the lost souls, “A Chemical Dream” dates from around mid-late noughties and, woozy and anaesthetised as it may be, I imagine it must still have been deemed far too jolly for the last Starlets album. Then, come the revolution and post Year-Zero, songs about chemicals would, of course, have been cancelled due to high levels of bourgeois decadence. I picture “A Chemical Dream” as the sound of Sunday morning coming down; dawn is breaking and night’s spell of enchantment is slowly lifting, but maybe the imminent crash will be sustainable, a new beginning. Song as dream sequence, through the highs and lows of hedonism, thematically we are, of course, in familiar territory here. Never mind. We must work with what we have. Even when it feels like nothing.

#12 What Boys Do (10/7/16) “And you know all our boys Are really girls at heart” -The Imposter, Elvis Costello

“What Boys Do” started life in 2016 with the working title of “The Replacements” (see link), as the initial idea reminded me a little of the brilliant band of that name (as an irrelevant aside here, I would like to boast that one of the treasures in my collection is a cigarette packet signed by Paul Westerberg). I don’t remember too much about writing this but there are many things in my life that I don’t remember too much about and perhaps this is for the best. If called upon to explain myself as regards the title, I would draw attention to the lyric - “All the big talk and then we’re through But that’s just what boys do” As a boy of a certain vintage, I grew up in an era when society’s expectation for its menfolk was to be strong, capable, uncomplaining, tough, undemonstrative, to never show weakness. That’s a fair bit to live up to. Hence the big talk. And all that goes with it. The song itself sounded, once again, so unlike anything else we were doing at the time that I didn’t know where to put it (we are an anomaly even to ourselves) and so off it slipped, into obscurity, last seen in 2016. A six-year sentence to the Lost and Later files is, of course, relatively lenient when compared with some of the other songs (see “Drunk is a Holiday”). Then came the days of the new pestilence and lockdown during which, with nothing better to do, and having exhausted all other far more pleasant possibilities, I thought, oh dear, I might as well work. In the early demos there were concerns that the heavy guitars could sound a bit ploddy and pub rock so we decided a healthy dollop of glam was required and during the recording of the song, I often asked myself - “What would the New York Dolls do?” *. So, I added some “oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ohs" and bought myself a feather boa. I wore the feather boa whilst recording the vocal and that helped to get me in the mood. Still, I had my doubts and, come the mixing, I expressed concern over my vocal performance in an email to our producer Colin Elliot, signing off with - “My only worry is that it may not be camp enough”. Colin was happy to reassure me on that point and replied- “Don’t worry, it’s always camp enough” * “What would the New York Dolls do?” I would strongly recommend we ask ourselves this question whenever facing difficult circumstances, in whatever walk of life and certainly never less than once a day... although probably not whilst driving or operating heavy machinery.

#13 Starlight International 16/10/18 @ 7.39 am

This song arrived, more or less fully formed, in a dream. On waking, rather than rolling over, perchance to dream once more, I had the wherewithal to grab my guitar and record it into my phone. There’s something about the state between sleep and waking that makes for fertile ground for the imagination. The mind is no longer on its best behaviour. Notions such as sensible, adult behaviour become a laughing stock. Ha ha ha ha. Fuck that. Chaos creeps in, many-fingered and dancing to the beat of a different drum. We were in the middle of our Dark Carnival incarnation at the time and I found myself singing “Baby you’re a supernatural” at the chorus so this became the initial working title. Later on, I thought the word “international” scanned a bit better and could also make for our signature tune. Then “Starlight International” suggested itself. It all sounded rather glam and, inspired by Bowie’s starman/spaceboy fantasies, I thought “Of course! A space ballad”. The band as cosmonauts, into the Great Unknown, to infirmity and beyond. If I wasn’t afraid of heights, I wouldn’t mind signing up for the space game. As long as I didn’t have to wake up too early and as long as I was home in time for tea or at least, last orders.

#14 Boom Boom Cannonball (27/9/17)

The riff idea came to me at a Slim Cessna’s Auto Club gig. In days gone by I would have forgotten it with the next passing fancy but thankfully nowadays there are voice recorders on phones to help people like me along. In the “boom idea” recording you can hear me singing the riff over the noisy chaos of the live gig in the background (foreground as background, sadly, is often the way at live gigs). As noted previously, every recipe needs a healthy dash of chaos, this time provided by the noise and heat and sweat of a small club gig. The band are bangin and I’m several beers in. Charge on.

It was never going to be pretty. It demanded much huffing and puffing and a-panting and a-grunting, like Leonard Cohen sings the Army of Lovers or a surprise Eurovision entry by The Hormone Monster. Cheesy, sleazy eurotrash with a honking, stonking dose of the horn. Yes, yes, yes...it may all be considered thoroughly inappropriate, but I have no concerns. In order to be cancelled, one has to be scheduled in the first place.

#15 The Strangest Thing (1/3/21)

Latest of the later songs and yet another to come in a dream. I seem to spend half my life in a dream, the other half in denial. In this dream I found myself running through the dimly lit labyrinth of a post-apocalyptic Venice whilst battling some strangely attractive zombies. I didn’t know whether I wanted to fight the Zombies or....well, you get the idea. It was all a bit Lara Croft meets Sigmund Freud. The end of the dream felt like completing a level. I outran the zombies only to find myself running down a dark alleyway into a dead end, at the end of which was a drinking fountain. As I approached the fountain, I saw there was a secret button in the middle of the fountainhead. Ooh. I pressed a secret button and the fountain began to sink into the ground whilst playing the doorbell melody you hear at the beginning of the song. That was the dream. Pure spooky man. My dreams are rarely light-hearted. Never mind. I try to see them as free entertainment, the brain’s bonus section. Lockdown recording felt like a clean slate, like we could sound like anything we wanted. It liberated us from the bang and crash of the rehearsal room (fond as I am of that). I suspect “The Strangest Thing” would never have blossomed in that environment. I should be grateful it wasn’t written 25 years ago. If you are in a hurry, I would say this is not the song for you. If you are not in a hurry....may I suggest you make yourself comfortable, maybe with a glass of something lovely. Let us take time out from the world. The chaos will still be there tomorrow. Just not the way we left it.

#16 There’s Barely Enough Time to Breathe (no demo exists)

Another one from the analogue years, approximately 1997-8, around the same time as “Yesterday’s Already Light Years Away” and similarly born out of my obsession (current and ongoing) with Prefab Sprout’s “Steve McQueen” album. This was another one which didn’t suit the rough and tumble of the rehearsal room. Quite simply, we didn’t have a clue what to do with the song and so we stood around looking at it for a while, somewhat vacantly, like dogs watching a card trick. So, no demo for this one. You can’t record what you can’t play, or so we thought until making this album. Never let a lack of technical ability get in the way of a musical idea. Music is too important to be left to musicians. That’s what I always say. Lyrically, this one was in part inspired by the line “Another lifetime is the least you’ll need” from Jonathan Coe’s “The House of Sleep”. I loved the book and the character Sarah, a narcoleptic who can’t tell the difference between her dreams and her waking state and so talks to people about her dreams as though they were widely known world events. How marvellous. I used to think I might be narcoleptic until it dawned on me that I just find much of life terribly dull. As a younger man, I was sacked from jobs for falling asleep. Fortunately, I wasn’t a bus driver. Or anything important, really. I managed to blag a place at university purely as a way of avoiding work, only to then regularly fall asleep during lectures. I remember falling asleep during a History lecture (the last words I remember hearing were something about “demography in the 18th century”) only to wake up some time later, startled to find I was surrounded by an entirely new group of students, all eagerly taking notes on a talk about tectonic plates and volcanic rock formations. I was too embarrassed to get up and leave so I sat as inconspicuously as a recently snoring man in a room full of bright-eyed young Geology students could until I gradually found myself being drawn in by the subject, fascinated. Wow. What tumult and drama we walk above. It’s amazing we can make it to the shops in one piece. I failed History that year but I could probably tell you a thing or two about Mount Vesuvius. So, anyway, getting back to the song, lyrically, I can hear the struggle to reconcile my world view with what then seemed to me the outrage upon my personal liberty that was working for a living. Work, the foulest of all four-letter words and the enemy of sleep. I have never been a morning person and wake up begrudgingly. I then believe in due process as observed in the form of at least one hour of coffee and denial. After an hour, I may then deign to talk to you, but it will probably be about the dream I just had. I carried this song around in my head for 25 years. I am beyond happy to see it finally set it free. Thank you, dear band, thank you Colin Elliot. The more dreams I can make come true, the less there are to haunt me.

#17 Freediving (1/3/12)

Another late developer, more lost than later, “Freediving” took 10 years to record. Mark and I occasionally get together to work on the guitar arrangements, an activity which has come to be known as “The Biscuit Sessions” (these would be mid-week affairs, involving nothing stronger than ginger snaps and PG Tips). The earliest documented recording of this was 1/3/12 at 1906h, a rough idea we must have bashed out in between biscuits. A further demo from 22/12/12 (0020h) shows a more realised structure although it was still instrumental at the time (I didn’t yet know what I was writing about). The song felt subtle and elusive, never quite settling and I think back then, we made the mistake of trying to rush it, control it, rather than allow it to breathe and gradually reveal itself. If you love something, set it free. If it’s meant to be, it will come back to you. And it did, around nine years later in the long, echoing days of lockdown when time all of a sudden felt like a surplus (a mirage, I know) and little pockets of hitherto unimaginable breathing space emerged, a coming up for air in the midst of all the horror. The music itself made me think of water. It felt fluid, tidal. I thought of the intimacy of underwater where the above world becomes muffled and hushed and how, perhaps in that escape lay the appeal of freediving, not an activity I had given much thought to until watching the film “The Big Blue”. I remembered the scene from the film when the two central characters, friends and rivals for the crown of World Freediving Champion, become bored at a glitzy party and, aching to escape the inane cocktail chatter, decide to jump in their host’s swimming pool and hang out down at the bottom of the deep end. I also thought of Kino the pearl diver from Steinbeck’s “The Pearl”, Kino bursting triumphantly from the depths as cupped and glistening in his hands was the oyster in which lay the pearl of the world. Finally, I thought that whatever is or isn’t down there, pearls, tranquility or nothing at all, in the dive alone may be found a freedom which, if we never get our feet wet, we will only ever guess at.

#18 Those First Impressions (approximately 2007)

For Billy Mackenzie

#19 The Night Will Take You (original demo dated 9/11/10)

It’s the last song of the night folks. If you don’t ask that beautiful stranger to dance now, the moment will be gone forever. We impersonate that which we admire, try it on for size in the hope that someday the outfit may suit us. Back in Starlets days, we used to cover “Science Fiction/Double Feature” from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I still think it’s the most romantic song I’ve ever heard and one of the few songs that, whatever I’m doing, should I hear it playing, I have to stop and listen to it (I am not a man to be left in charge of a group of toddlers, or a combine harvester). Travelling for many years under the nom de guerre “Glitterball”, in another world, or perhaps in yet another dream I once had, "The Night Will Take You" would soundtrack the closing credits of a John Hughes movie. Preferably one with Molly Ringwald. Good triumphs over evil, love over death, and all those eternal human legends which settle our score with reality. Some nights, when the lights are low and the music's right, I start believing all over again. So, if you’re dancing, I’m asking. Always will be.

#20 Lost and Later Theme (5/3/19)

A street musician duets with a synthesiser. Written on accordion, this early recording is more bum notes than melody but you can hear the tune gradually emerging - https://on.soundcloud.com/BrFXc It was partly influenced by a barrel organ street musician I once heard - (see “Rue Daguerre, Montparnasse” on the secret playlist). I loved the song but never found out its name. It sounds like some old, jolly, French drinking song. If anyone recognises it, please do let me know, thank you. Anyway, welcome to the end of the pier. Don’t jump off just yet. You might miss something. The view is lovely and on a clear day you can see, if not quite forever, at least as far as next Tuesday. To quote many a firm but fair barkeep at closing time, you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here. Actually, no, that’s not true. You can stay here. You can live here. I do.

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harshr · 1 year

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SEEK INSPIRATION: a playlist of various songs that inspired me during the creation of "Seek Comfort". Yes, this is deeply indebted to the ID:YD feature with Male Tears breaking down their influences, but I've long kept extensive notes on my songwriting process and am always excited to talk about the various ways my music comes together.

SEEK COMFORT // 40 Watt Sun - Reveal Patrick Walker is a brilliant songwriter, especially when it comes to his use of negative space and slow, subtle melodic shifts. As you're probably aware, I'm generally allergic to songs of this length, yet somehow he enables 9 minutes to pass almost effortlessly and then that final lift at the end is absolute magic. Needless to say, I take copious influence from Walker's craftmanship, but nowhere more evident than on "Seek Comfort".

DEVOTIONAL // Jimmy Eat World - Bleed American Hate to break it to you: "Devotional" is a pop-punk song and "Bleed American" is top-tier pop-punk. I'm not really borrowing anything specific from this particular track, but I've listened to this album so much that there's no doubt it has greatly influenced on my songwriting. To be fair though, I've also been writing/playing pop-punk since the mid-90s; I just don't usually allow those elements to creep into Harsh R material.

ARE YOU MY PEOPLE? // Distel - Majestik Distel's music is inherently unsettling and that's a feeling I often seek to emulate. Sparse rhythms + discordant tones is always the way.

HIDING PLACE // Die Kreuzen - Gone Away I celebrate the entire Die Kreuzen catalog, from their USHC classic self-titled debut all the way through to their proto-grunge/glam ends, but it's the quieter songs that have always been my favorite. In this particular instance, I'm referencing their mix of aggressiveness and vulnerability for my lyrics and performance -- readily apparent here on "Gone Away", but a common theme across their entire discography.

I WAS NEVER THERE // Kowloon Walled City - Backlit Ok, this one is a straight-up KWC rip. Much like 40 Watt Sun, KWC are another fine example of a band with a masterful approach to space and dynamics. There's a very good reason I had Scott Evans mix my earlier material.

INSTAGRAM WITCH // Trepaneringsritualen - Black Egg The music on this one is essentially my attempt at "P_rnogr_phy"-era Cure, but TRP was a direct reference for the vocal, especially for the timbre on the loud part. Otherwise: magic and darkness, secrets and light.

EMPTY SHELL (ft. RUNOTI) // Years of Denial - Human You Scare Me I've long been a huge fan of European-style darkwave and I think my record shows a marked shift towards that style, but it's most apparent on "Empty Shell". Years of Denial are easily my current favorite genre stalwarts, though they go further by incorporating elements of techno, noise, and beyond; I spend a lot of time picking apart their songwriting and production choices and do my best to incorporate some of those ideas into my own music.

REMEMBER DEATH // Merle Haggard - If We Make It Through December If you want to learn how to write a song then you learn from the best, and there is no one better than Merle Haggard. The chord changes and phrasing in "If We Make It Through December" are subtle and sublime; you'd probably never notice the intricacies until you try to play it yourself and that's exactly what I did. Or at least tried to do - this one goes a fair bit beyond my skill level and it's that challenge that pushes me to strive harder.

WAVE GOODBYE // Sevdaliza - Darkest Hour I've spent a solid amount of time with Sevdaliza's masterpiece "Shabrang" over the past few years (massive thanks to Terror Apart for the tip!) and there are so many ways it has affected me, but it's definitely the emotional tone that hits hardest, like a dark force pressing down on your soul. Also: it's not employed so much on "Darkest Hour", but I absolutely love the way the Sevdaliza manipulates her vocals and that's definitely something I'll be carrying forward into whatever I do next.

For non-Spotify users, check out the BNDCMPR playlist below. It's missing the major-label tracks, but you can always find those on youtube or elsewhere.

#seek inspiration #harsh r #seek comfort #songwriting #behind the scenes #influence #industrial #dark electronics #Spotify

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ppangjae · 3 years

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LA VIE EN ROSE | mark lee

SUMMARY. How do you ruin your ex-girlfriend’s (whom you’re irrevocably in love with) wedding that you helped her plan for almost a year? Yeah… Mark’s not too sure either. But funny enough, these letters from said ‘future self’ know exactly how.

WORD COUNT. 15k+ words

playlist. ivy by frank ocean • dear april by frank ocean • never not by lauv • pluto projector by rex orange county • get to you again by mac ayres • frozen by sabrina claudio • focus by h.e.r • no song without you by honne • edition by rex orange county

NOTE: text that is in bold are from the letters!

author’s note. this is long over due lmfao. but here she is! finally! this is the second instalment for a collab i hosted last year Of First Snows and Soulmates happy reading~

taglist: @jae-bam @baekhyuns-lipchain @keemburley @huangberryyy @hyuckefi @chenrapika @sourirensoleille @sehunniepotwrites @give-seconds @infnteen @leetaeyonglover @adoreateez

If someone were to ask what happens to be Mark’s favourite part about planning a wedding, it would be meeting the newly-engaged couple at their first consulting appointment. But if he were to be really honest, it would be the cake tasting sessions. Nothing beats the infinite amount of delicious cake slices being served right in front of him and the engaged couple, calling out to him and his sweet tooth.

Mark has been a wedding planner for heaven knows how long. He’s witnessed everything you could ever imagine. No-show weddings, failed weddings where third parties show up, disastrous receptions where catering is underwhelming, tear-jerkingly perfect weddings that make his single ass want to get married, and even last-minute weddings that turned out better than he had imagined.

But never throughout his career did he ever witness something like this.

“Fucking hell,” he breathes out, running a hand through his hair.

For a split second, he can’t seem to believe the words printed on the freakishly pretty invitation card. It must be the choice of font, he thinks to himself, blinking a couple of times to make sure he’s reading things right. But surely enough, it’s not the 40-sized font Flanella perfectly spaced out on the card and he’s definitely reading things right.

“You are cordially invited to the wedding of Wong Yukhei and—Y/N? Y/N? As in, the Y/N that you used to—” Mark tears his gaze away from the invitation card to look over his shoulder, his eyes meeting Johnny’s. Johnny’s eyebrows are raised in surprise and he clamps his mouth shut. Johnny raises up his hands in defense. “I’ll shut up now. I saw nothing.”

Mark sucks in a breath, his eyes never leaving your name that’s printed on the card. The longer he stares at it, the more he ponders on it. But he just can’t seem to help it. How long has it been? Why are you inviting him to your wedding—

“You dropped this, by the way.” Johnny nudges him, handing him another envelope. As Mark takes the envelope from him, Mark takes a seat at the dining table while Johnny rummages through the cupboards for a coffee mug. “Stop thinking about it too much. You’re literally going to burn holes through that invitation card the more you stare at it.”

Mark looks up at him. “I’m not.”

“You are.” Johnny tests him. “Besides, you’re lucky Y/N’s nice enough to invite you to her wedding. You’re her ex-boyfriend of how many years? The least you could do is to attend her wedding and be happy for her.”

Mark purses his lips and nods his head after some thought. “You’re right, I guess.”

Johnny takes a sip of his freshly-made mug of coffee. He squints his eyes in suspicion. “Unless, you’re still in love with her or something—”

“Me?” Mark blurts out. “Why would I be in love with my ex? We broke up for a reason! Me? Still in love with her? Impossible. That cannot happen and it won’t happen—”

“Then why do you look so affected—”

“I’m not.” Mark argues.

“If you say so,” Johnny shrugs his shoulders.

Out of frustration, Mark gets up from his seat and grabs his stuff along with his coat and car keys. As he steps out of his condo building, he lets out a tiring sigh. Hopping into his car, he’s about to start the car engine when the wedding invitation that he carelessly threw onto the passenger’s seat catches his eye. He gives it one look before realizing that he hasn’t opened the other envelope tucked underneath it. He grabs the envelope, tearing it open with his car key.

The content of the envelope is what seems like a three-page letter with handwriting scarily similar to his. The similarity in handwriting sends a shiver down his spine, urging him to turn his car engine on to allow the heater to warm the car up. He leans back in his seat, reading the first two words on the letter. All it takes are two words to make his heart stop and the hairs on his arms to raise.

To Mark,

Surprise? I shit you not I am you from the future. It will take a while for you to believe me, but trust me, this isn’t some witchcraft or imposter-like activity. I am you from the future, and the first piece of evidence to make you believe me is through the handwriting. It’s similar, right? Because it’s your handwriting.

The second piece of evidence is that you probably just received a wedding invitation in the mail this morning. It’s not just any other wedding invitation from your thirty year old aunt or your college roommate Donghyuck… it’s a wedding invitation from your ex-girlfriend, Y/N.

Believe me now?

Suddenly, Mark feels dizzy. It’s like the whole world is spinning and crashing down in front of him. He might need some painkillers, but he continues to read the letter anyway.

If you still don’t believe me, whatever, I guess. Pick your poison, I guess. Have it your way, I guess.

But if you do believe me, which I hope you do, then I need you to do something. Not for me, but for you. You must do whatever it takes to stop Y/N from getting married to Wong Yukhei, no matter how perfect that motherfucker is. Y/N cannot get married to him.

“But—how am I going to–what?” Mark scratches the back of his neck in confusion.

On your way to work, you will get a phone call from your secretary, informing you of new clients. Your new clients will be—surprise, surprise—Y/N and Wong Yukhei. They will ask you to be their wedding planner. And no matter how fantastic you are at doing your job—at planning weddings, they will be the only exception.

Now, you’re probably wondering, how do you ruin your ex-girlfriend’s (whom you’re irrevocably still in love with) wedding that you will help her plan? Yeah, I wasn’t sure either. But after failing to ruin it, I’m writing these letters to you to make things right.

You must stop Y/N from getting married to him.

It will be hard, I know.

But trust the process. Now, get to work before you show up late to their first appointment with you.

And sure enough, the moment he gets onto the highway, he gets a call from his secretary. With eyes widened like saucers in disbelief, he picks up the phone call. “Good morning—”

“Good morning, sir!” His secretary greets him with her usual chirpy voice. “I just wanted to inform you that you have an—”

“An appointment, right?” He cuts her off.

With a sheepish voice, she replies, “Ye—Yes, sir. I booked them for two this afternoon. Is that alright with you?”

Did he really have a choice? “Yeah, that’s alright with me. Who exactly will I be meeting this afternoon?”

This can’t be real.

“They’re new clients—”

It’s impossible—

“—their names are Wong Yukhei and Y/N.”

Well, shit.

The one that got away. That’s what Mark was to you.

A little too far from reach, but also close enough to stay, even if it was temporary. Your five year relationship with him were the most memorable years of your life. They’re hard to forget and even if you tried to erase them from your memory, they’d somehow linger back and around. Mark was your first love, the guy who reached up to grab the stars just to give them to you. But that’s all Mark ever was, your first love; your first heartbreak. You would’ve never thought that the person who showed you the entire universe would be the same one to tear it apart.

“We’re here.”

Yukhei puts the car in park. You find yourself looking out the window. IVY. Before your mind is flooded with thoughts, they’re prevented the moment your fiance opens the door for you. Your hardened gaze softens when your eyes meet Yukhei’s.

“Ready?” He flashes you a warm smile.

He takes your hand in his. You can’t help but stare at your engagement ring. You look back up at him to mirror his smile. “Let’s head inside.”

As you step into the office, you’re greeted by what you assume is the secretary. She greets you with a bright smile and two cups of coffee. You and Yukhei share a look. The entire workspace inside looks completely different to how it looks outside. It’s quite odd—

“Welcome to Ivy Wedding Planners! The wedding planner will be with you shortly. He’s just wrapping up a meeting.” The secretary informs and you both take this as an opportunity to look through some of the portfolios. The secretary watches you before clearing her throat. “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but when are you two lovebirds getting married?”

You look up to meet the secretary’s gaze. You purse your lips into a tight line. “We’re getting married next year—”

“Sorry for the wait! I hope I didn’t make you guys wait for long.”

The one that got away.

Yep, the one that got away wasn’t you because it was definitely him. Mark looks up from his watch, his eyes meeting yours for the first time in years. You’ve surely matured, but you’ve bloomed so beautifully that Mark almost didn’t recognize you. His lips slightly part in surprise because wow, it’s you, how long has it been? He musters up a smile, scratching the back of his neck.

“Mark,” you say softly and god, he didn’t think he’d miss hearing your voice until now. “Long time no see.”

The man standing next to her with his arm wrapped around her waist tilts his head in confusion. He glances at you, asking, “you know each other, love?”

Love. Mark’s smile falters. He clears his throat. “We do. We actually dated—”

You cut him off. “He’s a great friend of mine from college.”

“Have I met him before?” He asks before looking at Mark. “You look oddly familiar.”

“I get that a lot.” Mark fakes a chuckle. “Shall—Shall we get started?”

“Sure! By the way,” you began as you and your fiance head towards Mark’s empty office. “Did you get our invitation? I was hoping you still lived in that apartment with Johnny.”

Mark hesitates to answer, but he nods anyway. “Yeah, I got it in the mail.”

“Perfect! I was afraid you moved.” You chuckle lightheartedly.

The moment you look at Mark with an expression he can’t seem to read, that’s when Mark knew.

You were a complete goner.

There’s nothing wrong.

There’s nothing wrong—

“What’s wrong with me?” Mark places his face into his hands, letting out a frustrated sigh. He falls back against his soft mattress, looking up at his ceiling covered with glow-in-the-dark stickers of the solar system. He blinks, shuffling in his bed to grab the letter from his bedside table.

There’s clearly something wrong. And it’s this stupid letter from his stupid self from the stupid future. What if it’s just some imposter trying to steal his identity? Steal his social security number? Murder him? It’s possible, but the handwriting that’s strikingly similar to his says otherwise.

He picks up from where he last left off in the letter.

What? Still don’t believe me? Don’t worry, I understand. I probably wouldn’t believe it either. But trust me, I’m telling you the truth. I’m not just some imposter trying to steal your identity. I’m not someone who’s interested in stealing your social security number. I’m not someone who’s plotting out your death.

Mark scoffs in disbelief. For once, his future self read his own mind. Is that even possible?

You probably met Y/N and her fiance, Wong Yukhei. Yukhei is quite the looker, huh? Yeah, I agree. But that’s not the point here. The point here is that Y/N is getting married to someone that’s not you. And for reasons I will soon reveal, Y/N is not destined to be with him. I’ll tell you why this is, but not now. I’ll tell you a couple of more letters from now.

“There are more letters?” Mark wonders aloud.

You have no choice but to believe me now. I mean, all of the things I’ve mentioned earlier in this letter have already come true, right? They’ve all happened, right? Exactly.

In a week or so, you will have your second appointment with the engaged couple. They will start planning the basics, the usual. Colour scheme, budget, guest list—well, the guest list is already made since you got an invitation—photographer searches, reception venue searches, all that jazz.

I want you to prepare for that appointment. But for now, continue to mope over how your chances of getting back with your first love have gotten slimmer than ever. I know. It hurts. It hurts like a bitch.

But again, trust the process. It’ll all work out in the end.

That is, if you follow whatever I tell you to do. I regret not doing them myself and I’m sure you don’t want to experience the same regret. You still have time.

Use it wisely.

But before I end this letter off, I just wanted to remind you that…Yes, you’re still in love with Y/N.

Don’t even try to deny it because you are.

Mark folds up the letter and shoves it back into its envelope before tossing it to the side. He rubs his eyes, letting out an incoherent whine. It must suck knowing that his future self didn’t end up with future Y/N. It must suck knowing that his future self never really got a second chance. Mark had always imagined getting a second chance with you, where things would be like how they used to be. He can’t seem to imagine himself being with anyone else.

There are many things he regrets doing. And maybe all those regrets are the first step to making things right. And if his future self is giving him a second chance at rewriting the future, why not take the opportunity?

1 year:

□ Find inspiration! □ Choose a colour scheme. □ What’s your budget? □ Create your guest list. □ Plan out your wedding reception. □ Do research!

The next time Mark receives a letter from his future self, he receives it at his office. His secretary hands him an envelope with the familiar handwriting. He’s surprised that the familiar handwriting doesn’t throw his secretary off guard. Instead, she pays no mind to it. Mark tilts his head in confusion and heads into his office to read the letter.

To Mark,

This is my second letter to you. Get used to it because you’re going to get a lot of them from me.

Today is your second meeting with the couple. They’re going to plan out the basics for their wedding. They’ll settle for a simple colour scheme, specifically with grey, lavender, and white. Their budget is quite big because Yukhei is a model, which probably doesn’t surprise you in any way. But surprisingly enough, their guest list is very limited. They are only inviting both sides of the family and a couple of special friends—which includes you, but now’s not the time to feel special, you’re Y/N’s ex—and so this couple will be pretty easy to work with.

And although this couple is easy to work with, this means that this wedding will be the easiest to ruin.

In the middle of your meeting, Yukhei will get a phone call. He will excuse himself out of your office to talk to whoever that is on the phone, leaving you and Y/N all alone in the office. It’ll be awkward, that’s already a given. But she will ask you something that will catch you off guard.

This is what you do.

And the letter deems to be spot-on. You and Yukhei plan to have a simple colour scheme, choosing grey, lavender, and white as the colours. The both of you have saved up a lot of money for your wedding, which means that your budget is pretty flexible. The guest list is short because the both of you are only interested in having family and a couple of friends attend the wedding. Mark included, by the way.

Yukhei’s phone suddenly rings. The couple share a look. You flash Mark an apologetic look as your fiancé excuses himself to answer the phone call. As you and Mark are left alone in his office, you can’t help but feel awkward sitting in front of him.

She will ask you— “So, how have you been? It’s been quite a while since we last saw each other, huh?”

Mark’s been doing great, but he could be doing better, if he were to be quite honest. It indeed has been quite a while since he last saw you. In fact, the last time he saw you was—no, shouldn’t he be focusing on what his future self wants him to do? Right.

Your first instinct is to be petty and say some shit like, ‘I’ve been doing well but not much better than the time we were still together.’. Do not say that. Instead, say this— “I’ve been getting by. I’m still the same Mark, just a bit older and more mature. How about you? How have you been? Aside from getting engaged, that is.”

Her answer will— “I’ve been doing great. I’m still the same Y/N, just a bit older and more mature. I’m getting married to the love of my life. If I were to tell my college undergrad self that I’d be getting married, I wouldn’t believe it.” —hurt. Yes, her answer will hurt. But what do you expect?

Here’s what you say. It will confuse her. “Congratulations on your engagement, Y/N. I don’t think I ever congratulated you. Funny enough, if I were to tell my college undergrad self that I’d be planning your wedding, I wouldn’t believe it.”

She will look at you with an expression you’ll be unable to read. And indeed, you’re looking at Mark with a distant gaze. So far from reach. But when Mark shrugs off his words and lets out a soft chuckle, it sort of puts you off. You stare at him a few seconds longer than you should before you hear the door open, followed by your fiance’s voice.

“Sorry, did I miss anything important?” Yukhei asks as he returns to his seat next to yours.

You glance at your fiance before diverting your glance towards Mark. Mark flashes him a small smile, gently shaking his head in reply. “You didn’t miss anything important. We just did a little bit of catching up. Right, Y/N?”

You blink. You slowly nod your head. “R-Right.”

Mark clears his throat. “So, when do you guys plan on having your wedding?”

Yukhei grabs your hand and gives it a soft squeeze. From your periphery, you could see Yukhei giving you an endearing gaze. “We plan on getting married on Christmas Day.”

□ Hire a wedding planner.

8 months:

□ Hire a photographer and videographer. □ Take your engagement photos! □ Find the perfect wedding dress. □ Choose your catering services and venue site. □ Reserve hotel rooms for out-of-town guests!

To Mark,

Have you hired the photographers yet? How about the videographers? I’m sure you did. You’re always on top of your shit. But you should also remember to take care of yourself. You have a mission to accomplish. Let me remind you of said ‘mission’: you must stop Y/N from getting married to Wong Yukhei.

The next time Mark receives a letter from his future self, he finds it caught on his windshield on his way to the photoshoot location.

“Johnny, is everything perfectly set up?” Mark questions him.

Johnny quirks an eyebrow. “Yes, you’ve asked me the same question three times within the past five minutes. What are you on?”

Mark clamps his mouth shut, shaking his head. “I’m not on anything.”

Johnny shrugs his shoulders. “It seems like it. It’s either that or you’re just nervous that Y/N will be arriving soon with her fiance—”

“I’m not.” He says through gritted teeth. “I just want everything to be perfect.” Yeah, what a fucking lie.

Today, you will be watching the couple take their engagement photos and videos with Johnny. The photoshoot location is a park where all the cherry blossoms have perfectly bloomed. It was like fate decided to put you, your ex, and your ex’s fiance in a beautiful setting where everything just feels perfect. But it won’t be perfect for long, because this is what I want you to do.

When Y/N arrives, she will look a little disheveled, almost like she’s stressed out. That’s because she is stressed out. The couple had a small argument on the way to the shooting location.

Yukhei’s car pulls up to the parking lot. Once the car is put in park, Y/N gets out of the car and slams the door shut. Mark and Johnny share a look.

“Y/N—”

“Did I not say that I don’t want to talk about it anymore? Can we just drop it?” You cut Yukhei off, letting out a frustrated sigh. It seems as if you noticed Mark and Johnny’s presence, causing you to replace your frown with a fake smile. Your eyebrows that were once knitting against each other have relaxed when your face softens.

I want you to greet her in the nicest way possible. I suggest saying this— “Good morning, Y/N. I’m so excited to see what comes out of this photoshoot. Johnny will do everything to make it perfect, I know he will. Right, Johnny?”

Johnny looks at Mark confusedly. “Huh? Oh—yeah, right. I’ll make it look effortlessly perfect.”

You muster up a smile. At least something’s going right today, you think to yourself. Yukhei follows behind you and attempts to wrap his arm around your waist. You grab his hand, opting to hold it instead. Mark seems to notice the tension between the couple.

This is going to be really weird, but Y/N will ask you— “I know this is very last minute and that you probably have other appointments with clients after us but—”

“Honey—”

“Yukhei.” You cut him off with a glare.

Yukhei squeezes your hand, tearing his gaze away from you. Mark quirks an eyebrow. “But?”

“Yukhei was called into work last-minute. They’re running low on models and he’s the only one on-call. I’m supposed to be picking out my wedding dress and Yukhei’s supposed to accompany me. But now that he has to go to work after the shoot, I’m not sure who to go with.” You explain.

Mark’s eyebrows raise. Trust me, I know. What kind of fiance would opt to go to work instead of accompany his wife-to-be to her dress-fitting? I know you badly want to accompany her to her dress-fitting and you will. Cancel all of your appointments for the rest of the day. This is your chance to change her mind.

“I can go with you. I’ll just have to reschedule two appointments—”

”Really? I don’t want to interfere with your work—”

This is what you say. It will make you look really petty but Y/N is too stressed out to even notice. Mark waves it off. “It’s no big deal. We’re great friends from college, right?”

Surprisingly enough, you do notice. You’re too speechless to even say anything. Yukhei nods his head at Mark and pats the back of his shoulder. “Thank you so much, Mark. I owe you, big time. You could text me pictures of Y/N in her dress.”

You can’t pass up this opportunity, Mark. You have the rest of the day to change Y/N’s mind about getting married to him. If you can’t change her mind, at least convince her to a certain extent. It will work.

Trust me.

Johnny clears his throat. “Sorry to interrupt but, shall we get started with the photoshoot?”

“I’m sorry for dragging you into this.”

Mark tears his gaze from the road to glance at you. You’re fiddling with your fingers nervously, not sparing him a single glance. You feel ashamed and embarrassed. You’re so embarrassed that you can barely look directly at Mark. He feels a small smile spread across his lips. “It’s no biggie. Besides, we can use this opportunity to—”

“To catch up on each other’s lives?” You finish it off for him.

He looks away from the road to look at you again. Surprisingly, you’re already looking at him and it causes Mark’s heartbeat to pick up its pace. He nods his head. “Yeah, to catch up on each other’s lives. How long has it been?”

You tilt your head, deep in thought. “Seven years? Or has it been eight?”

It’s been eight years, Mark. It may seem like she has no idea how long it’s been since she last saw you, but trust me, she knows. She’s probably been counting the years since the last time she saw you. Eight years. Five years of dating, one year of being hung up over her, and two years of working on yourself. But for her, it was five years of dating, one year of moving on and meeting Yukhei, and two years of dating before getting engaged.

I want you to act surprised— “It’s been that long? Time surely passes faster than you think.”

She will answer with— “Yeah, I didn’t even expect myself to get engaged in eight years.”

I want you to ask her this. “Really? How did you envision those eight years to turn out?”

You fall silent, deep in thought again. You bite your lip, looking out the window. Your eyes are fixated on a familiar cookie shop. The car slows down to a stop when it reaches the red traffic light. You watch a couple step out of the cookie shop with a box of freshly made cookies. You’re completely oblivious of the smile that begins to form on your lips. The couple reminds you of two people in the past. Just when you’re about to reminisce about the past and its memories, the car begins to move again, snapping you out of your thoughts.

You smile. “I envisioned myself starting a business, similar to that cookie shop we used to go to. It was either that or get back into pottery.”

“You sure love doing pottery.” Mark chuckles.

His laugh is soft and sweet, gentle that it rings beautifully in your ears. You never realized how much you missed hearing him laugh, or how beautiful he looks when he’s smiling. “How did you envision those eight years to turn out?”

The question will be directed back to you. It’s a question with many answers, many possibilities. You could tell her how miserable your life has been without her. You could tell her how lonely and out-of-place you felt when all of your friends had girlfriends except you. Even worse, when they were all getting engaged and married, you were the only one left that was single. Or, you could tell her how your life has been doing great ever since you became a wedding planner. You could tell her how you picked up your guitar again after years of neglecting it.

There are many answers you could choose from, but this is what I want you to say. “I wanted to find myself. It didn’t matter how long it would take to discover myself again, but it was something I wanted to do. But, as you can see, I clearly took the wrong route.”

You laugh. “Being a wedding planner must be exciting and stressful at the same time.”

Funny how she says that when you’re literally plotting the disaster of her own wedding. Mark shrugs his shoulders. “It’s exciting to see two people fall in love and get married. But it’s also stressful to try and make their wedding perfect.”

“Not all weddings are perfect. They’re all unique in their own way.” You add.

Mark snorts. “Tell that to my clients.”

Soon enough, you arrive at the bridal shop. Mark plops his butt onto the leather couch, watching you head to the fitting room with the tailors. Once you’re out of sight, Mark lets out a sigh of relief. His shoulders slump over and his tensed body relaxes.

One of the tailors seems to notice and lets out a soft giggle. “You must be super nervous for your future wife, huh?”

Mark glances at the tailor and his eyes widen. “Me? Oh, no, I’m just a friend.”

The tailor gasps. “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

Mark chuckles, waving it off. “No worries, I get that a lot.”

The tailor gets back to work and Mark pulls out the list of out-of-town guests. He trails his pen down the list until it stops on a name he knows oh-so well. He smirks, pulling out his phone and making a quick phone call. It takes exactly five rings before the phone call is picked up by—

“It’s been quite a while since I’ve gotten a call from Mark Lee—”

“I literally texted you last night, what the fuck do you mean?” Mark cuts him off. “Anyways, I’m calling because I need you to send me your information for the plane tickets.”

“Plane tickets for what?” Yuta laughs. “Our honeymoon?”

“No,” Mark rolls his eyes. “For Y/N’s wedding.”

Yuta doesn’t reply. He stays silent for a couple of seconds before clearing his throat. “Y-You know, when I got the invitation card, I was kind of expecting the words ‘Mark Lee’ written next to Y/N’s name.”

“Yuta, you know we broke up eight years ago—”

“Shit, you’ve been counting?” Yuta snorts.

“Yuta.” Mark says through gritted teeth. “Just cooperate with me. I’m with Y/N at the bridal shop to help her with her dress-fitting and I don’t want her to hear our conversation—”

“Alright, alright, fine. I’ll send the information right now.” Yuta finally gives up on his gimmick. “But dude, how are you?”

Mark’s eyebrows knit in confusion. “Me? I’ve been doing well—”

“No, I mean, how are you?” Yuta cuts him off. “How are you knowing that Y/N’s getting married to someone else that’s not you? How are you knowing that you’re planning your ex’s wedding?”

Horrible. You’ve been horrible. But that’s something that you and Yuta can talk about later— “Look, I’ll talk to you later. Y’N’s going to finish up with her first dress and she’ll be out in a couple of minutes—”

“Mark,” Yuta interrupts him. “I just wanted to remind you that you can’t keep doing this to yourself. Stop being too nice. Be greedy for once, be greedy for your own happiness. I know you’re still in love with her.”

Yuta, as always, speaks the truth. “I-I know. But what can we do?” Ruin her wedding.

“If you need someone to talk to, you know I’m just a couple of digits away.” Yuta reassures him. “Hell, you text me anyways and it’s kind of annoying. I’ll talk to you later, doofus.”

“Bye—” The phone call is cut short when Yuta hangs up on him.

You come out in your first dress. Mark studies you. You’ve never felt so nervous under Mark’s gaze. In fact, you shouldn’t be. The only time you’ve ever felt this way was when you were still together—

“You look uncomfortable.” Mark points out.

It’s like he’s read your mind. “I guess that’s because I am.”

Mark tilts his head and shakes his head. “You don’t seem to like it. Your wedding dress should feel like you’re in your own skin.”

You glance at the tailor. The tailor shrugs her shoulders. “It seems like your fiance knows what to do.”

Your eyebrows raise in surprise. “Oh, no, he’s not—”

“He’s her best friend.” The other tailor at the cashier counter corrects her coworker.

“R-Right, it seems like your best friend knows exactly what to do.” The tailor clears her throat. “S-Shall we get on to the next dress?”

You feel your cheeks heat up. “Sure.”

Each dress after feels and looks just like the first. You look uncomfortable. The dress is either too long or too short. The bodice is either too tight or too loose. The style either looks too wack or too perfect. However, the seventh dress is another story.

Y/N will come out in her seventh chosen dress. When I say that my jaw dropped, my jaw… literally… dropped. Brace yourself. She will look stunning. But don’t let it distract you. Remember, you must ruin Y/N’s wedding. And if pretending like this dress is horrible on her is the way to ruin it, then by all means, do it. But I’m sure you won’t have the power to do it, because you’re a coward, you’re a fool.

Mark doesn’t have the heart to do it, not when you’re standing right in front of him with the brightest smile on your face, not when you look so beautiful in that wedding dress, not when he’s still in love with you. Instead, he ignores the suggestion of his future self and says— “This is the one.”

You smile. “Say less. I was thinking the same thing.”

“Let’s go grab cookies from that shop we used to go to!”

And so you do. The cookie shop is just a few blocks down from the bridal shop. You and Mark decide to walk to the cookie shop instead of driving just a couple of blocks down. As the both of you reach the shop, the both of you look at the cookies put on the stand from outside. A cold breeze moves past the both of you, causing the both of you to huddle up for warmth.

“They still have it.” Mark mumbles. “They still have the—”

“Chocolate-chip peanut cookies!” You exclaim. “This must be a sign. It’s a sign for us to get it before it sells out for the day.”

And so the both of you are rushing into the shop to buy two boxes of chocolate-chip peanut cookies. One for you and the other for Mark. As the both of you are taking a seat near the window with your cookies, Mark begins to munch on his first one.

“Does it bring back memories?” You muse as you watch him devour the cookie in three huge bites.

He closes his eyes and lets out a happy sigh. “It does.”

“You know, it’s been a couple of years since I last had these cookies.” You suddenly bring up.

“Why?”

You shrug your shoulders. “Yukhei is allergic to peanuts. Not only that but he doesn’t have a sweet tooth. He’s more into savory snacks. It’s kind of sad because I would have to meet him halfway when it comes to desserts.”

“That’s… unfortunate.” Mark says with much hesitation. She will laugh at you. You stare at him before bursting out into laughter. “What? Why are you laughing at me?”

You shake your head. “You just seem to be really hesitant when it comes to Yukhei.”

“That’s because I am,” Mark says with honesty. “You know, I don’t want him to think I’m a shitty college friend of yours—”

“There’s nothing to worry about. Yukhei looks up to you with the highest standards.” You reassure him.

“Really?”

You hum in reply. “He does. It’s because he knows that you’ve known me longer than he does.”

Let me let you in on a secret. The reason why Yukhei sees you as a great person is because Y/N only talked about you as a close friend from college. It’s almost as if she’s erased the five years where you both dated. Yukhei doesn’t know that you’re her ex. Heck, if Yukhei found out that the man who’s planning his wedding so happens to be his bride-to-be’s ex, he’d go nuts.

You wouldn’t want chaos to ensue, would you?

Mark sets down his cookie and looks at you seriously. “Y/N?”

You’re busy taking a bite of your cookie. You quirk an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

I want you to say this— “Thank you for inviting me to your wedding.” Say it at the most random moment. It will make her heart flutter and skip a beat too many. It’ll confuse her.

“Oh, there’s no need to thank me. I had to invite you.” You smile, but it doesn’t reach your ears. Why does that feel and sound so off to you?

“No, it’s just—” Mark begins before cutting himself off. “It’s just—It’s been eight years since we last saw each other. If anything, you wouldn’t even have bothered to invite me to your wedding at all.”

You look at him. So, Mark has been counting. “You’re special to me, Mark. No matter what, I would still invite you to my wedding.”

Y/N will question whether you’ve been counting. I want you to implement that into her mind as much as you can. It shows her that you’re still affected, because you are. “That means so much to me, Y/N. I’m glad we got back in touch. It’s been a long time since I’ve been this happy.”

You place your hand on his. “Me too. Now let’s eat these cookies before I get all emotional and get my tears all over them.”

7-6 months:

□ Finalize the guest list. □ Plan the honeymoon! □ Choose bridesmaid dresses. □ Confirm venue and dates. □ Book a florist.

Mark receives his next letter from his future self from his receptionist as he was rushing out the door to get to the flower shop on time. He made sure to skim through the letter right before walking into the flower shop.

“He’s allergic to peanuts and flowers?”

You and Mark share a look. Yukhei laughs sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck.

To Mark,

Right when you meet the couple at the flower shop, you will notice a couple of things. The most important thing you’ll notice right off the bat is the tension between the couple. Sure, it’s been a month since you last saw Y/N, since you last helped her plan her wedding, and yes, a month apart is enough for you to notice the slight differences.

They’re not holding hands.

Mark’s eyes trail down towards your hands. Surely enough, they’re resting at your sides. However, it seems as though Yukhei’s hands are itching to hold yours.

Y/N’s smile isn’t as bright as it was the day she walked into your office.

Indeed, your smile doesn’t reach your ears. There must be a reason why things feel off. But Mark knows that he’s not in the right place to be nosy and try to find out why. Maybe you’re just having a bad day, maybe you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, maybe—

Try getting a sniff of Yukhei and you’ll figure out why.

“Honey, your favourite flowers are over there!” Yukhei exclaims, walking towards Mark. Mark feels his body tense up. As Yukhei passes by him, Mark takes a quick whiff of his scent.

He smells like—

“Let’s just get this over with. I’m pretty tired myself and I’m sure Mark can’t be here for long.” You avoid Yukhei’s attempts at trying to make you feel better.

You don’t feel good. In fact, this is the first time in three days since you’ve seen Yukhei. It’s always been ‘work here and work there’. It was starting to become ‘ask Mark about this and that’, rather than ‘ask your own fiance about this and that’. Sure, Mark is your wedding planner, but the amount of times you’ve had to consult with him about the smallest of things—things that you can consult with your own fiance—was extremely embarrassing.

Maybe Yukhei should get married to his job instead.

Prepare for some drama. An argument will break out between the two of them at the flower shop. Until this day, I’m not sure what the argument was about, but it was bad enough for Y/N to storm out and leave Yukhei behind.

I want you to chase after Y/N. But don’t make it too obvious to Yukhei.

When Yukhei sees you chase after Y/N, just tell him that you’ll try to fix things yourself.

“I think this will be pretty short. Y/N and I were talking about the bouquet arrangements for the past week prior to our meetup today.” Mark explains, waving at the florist. “Good morning, we’re here to look at the bouquet arrangements we set up two days ago? I’m Mark Lee, I called about this two days ago.”

“Ah, yes!” The florist smiles. “Let me go and grab the sample arrangement and we can work from there.”

“You already planned the bouquet arrangements?” Yukhei asks you, a frown beginning to form on his lips.

You quirk an eyebrow. “Yes, I did.”

“Without telling me?”

“I told you, Yukhei.” You frown. “Do you not remember me telling you about it? I even told you what type of flowers I chose for the bouquet arrangements.”

“Honey, I—”

“Right, because you were just too busy with work to even have the energy to listen to me.” You cut him off, looking away from him. Mark is looking at the both of you with concern. “I guess we’ll just look at the sample arrangement that we compiled together and then we can call it a day. I don’t think I need to make adjustments.”

“Y/N—” Yukhei begins.

“And I don’t think you need to make adjustments either. You’re allergic to flowers, right?” You cut Yukhei off again.

“Look, I’m sorry.” Yukhei says softly. “I know I should do better.”

“Then do it.” You say almost a bit too loud. You calm yourself down by sucking in a deep breath. You sigh, giving Mark and the florist an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I can do this today. Can we reschedule? I’m not feeling too good.”

“Honey—”

Mark clears his throat. “Sure. We can always reschedule. Is that fine with you?”

The florist looks a bit taken back. She slowly nods her head. “Just give me a call and let me know when you’re ready to come in.”

“Thank you, I just—I know the bouquet arrangements are perfect. Thank you for all of your work.” You say just barely above a whisper. “Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

“Y/N, please don’t do this right now—”

You ignore Yukhei, storming out of the flower shop. Mark shuts his agenda and pulls Yukhei back the moment he sees Yukhei start to chase after you. “I got this. Just stay here, she’s just in the heat of the moment.”

Yukhei looks at him and slowly nods his head. “T-Thanks, Mark.”

As you’re walking down the street with tears flooding your eyes, you can hear footsteps following you from behind. You hear panting. You let out a tiring sigh. “Stop following me, Yukhei. I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

The footsteps don’t stop, instead, they get louder and louder. “Yukhei—”

“Hey, it’s me.” Mark says as he catches up to you, gently placing his hand on your shoulder. You’re slowing down in your footsteps.

The reason why I asked you to chase after Y/N is simply because of one thing. I did not chase after her that day at the florist shop. I wish I did. I wish I did because it would make her question her engagement. Shouldn’t Yukhei be the one chasing after her? Why would you be the one chasing after her? You’re not her fiance.

“Oh, Mark, hey.” You mumble. The tears slip from your eyes and you’re wiping them from your cheeks. Mark’s eyebrows raise in surprise and he reaches into his pocket to hand you a handkerchief. “Thanks. Sorry, I thought you were Yukhei.”

He waves it off. “No biggie. Besides, we’re best friends, right?”

You give him a small smile. She will ask you something really weird. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

Act confused. “What do you mean?”

“I just—you’re being too nice to me. Why?” You ask again. “You can see that Yukhei and I are having a hard time and you—I just—nevermind, maybe I’m thinking about it too much.”

Agree with her. “I think you’re thinking about it too much.” Mark chuckles. I want you to offer her a trip to— “Shall we go grab some ice cream? Maybe you’re just hangry.”

Y/N will look at you for a couple more seconds than she should. It’ll throw you off. But I don’t want you to make it obvious. Just give her a warm smile and throw an arm over her shoulder.

“Let’s go.”

“Have you and Yukhei planned your honeymoon destination?”

You poke your ice cream with your little spoon. Your eyes slowly trail up to meet Mark’s. The both of you are sitting in a booth at the ice cream parlor a couple of blocks down from the flower shop. Mark’s never changed, you think to yourself as you notice the usual two scoops of cookies and cream ice cream on his ice cream cone.

“We’re still trying to find the perfect destination but,” you begin, “it’s hard to choose a place that Yukhei either hasn’t been to or a place that he actually likes.”

“Is Yukhei the adventurous type?”

You shrug your shoulders. “He was always forced to fly out to different countries because of work. He’s been to New York for fashion week, he’s been to Milan for a photoshoot. Name a place and he’ll somehow have already been there for something work-related.”

“He’s a globe-trotter, I guess.” Mark thinks out loud. “Do you think he would rather have your honeymoon here in Seoul? How about Jeju?”

“At this rate, I’m not even sure we’ll have a honeymoon.” You let out a bitter chuckle. “I’ve tried to convince him to go to several different cities and countries, but it never gets through him.”

“I’m sure you’ll meet each other halfway,” Mark tries to lighten the situation. “That’s what couples do, right? They meet each other halfway. Either you both have to make sacrifices to make things work, or you both face the consequences together.”

When you and Y/N have ice cream at the ice cream parlour, she will bring up Yukhei’s scent.

“You’re right.” You purse your lips into a line, digging your spoon into your half-melted, half-frozen ice cream. “Mark, have you perhaps… noticed that Yukhei smells a bit…”

I want you to be honest with her. Tell her that you did think Yukhei smells a bit different. I lied to her, and I regret lying to her. She needs to know the truth whether she likes it or not.

“Different?” Mark finishes it off for you. You look at him and nod your head. “Y-Yeah, I have. But I wasn’t sure if I was in the right place to bring it up to you. It could’ve been your perfume but—”

“So you weren’t the only one that noticed and his scent wasn’t the flowers from the flower shop.” You cut him off, looking back down at your ice cream. You’ve suddenly lost appetite, deciding to just poke at your ice cream instead.

Y/N will look really sad. I want you to cheer her up by— “Hey, Mark!”

You’re looking at Mark, completely caught off guard. Mark had smeared ice cream on your cheek. You let out a scoff, dipping a finger into your ice cream and getting your revenge by smearing ice cream on his nose.

“Welp, I deserved that, I guess.”

The both of you stare at each other before bursting out into laughter.

4-5 months:

□ Go cake tasting! □ Check the status of invitations. □ Schedule hair and makeup artists. □ Do another dress-fitting for adjustments. □ Purchase the groom’s attire. □ Plan the bachelor and bachelorette parties!

Mark receives this letter when the postman arrives with a parcel package. He had decided to check his mail box just in case there happens to be a letter. His gut-feelings always seem to be right anyways. He pours himself a freshly-made cup of coffee and places the parcel aside, more interested in the contents of the letter instead. As he takes a seat on his leather couch, he lets out a soft ‘oof!’ and tears the letter open.

To Mark,

You’re probably wondering why I’m asking you to do all of this. Trust me, it’s taxing. It’s daunting. I know. I get it. But let me tell you what happened and what I wish could’ve happened.

When Y/N and Yukhei first came to my office, I was completely caught off guard. I did not expect her to ask me to be her wedding planner. I was so caught off guard that I was close to rejecting the offer. But somehow, I did, because I was a coward.

At their first meeting, I knew I was a little too late, the one that got away. They looked so in love with each other. I was incredibly jealous. I still am. Looking at them made me feel miserable, it made me feel guilty, it made me want to go back to college, where Y/N and I were still dating.

On the day of their wedding photoshoot and Y/N’s dress fitting, everything felt off, but I paid no mind to it. I did not cancel my appointments, but I still accompanied Y/N to her dress-fitting. When Y/N was trying on her dresses, I had to meet another client. I wasn’t able to compliment how beautiful Y/N looked in her wedding dress. I wasn’t able to help her choose the perfect wedding dress either, and that was what she wanted to do, to get help with picking the dress. I regret not doing it. She must’ve felt so lonely and stood-up by not only her fiance, but by a close friend.

On the day they were picking their bouquet arrangements, Yukhei and Y/N were already in some sort of quarrel. Until this day, I’m not sure what it was about. But Yukhei chased after Y/N when she stormed out, and I wish I was the one who chased after her instead. Maybe it would’ve made her question her engagement and her fiance.

And yes, from the sudden phone call Yukhei had at the first meeting to the last-minute call to work on the photoshoot day to the off-putting smell you sniffed off of Yukhei, it all draws some sort of conclusion to you, right?

Yukhei is actually a chea—

“Cheater. What a fucking cheater.”

“So, I did see things right.”

Mark and Johnny slowly put back their shades on. Johnny rolls the windows back up, the dark tinted windows of his car hiding them successfully. Across the road from where Mark and Johnny are parked, they spot a familiar man opening a door for a woman. The two of them walk into the luxury shop, hands intertwined as if they are a couple. Mark lets out a tiring sigh.

“Let’s get going before you run late to the cake tasting.” Johnny insists, but Mark’s not sure what to do. Mark wants to walk into that store and throw a punch at Yukhei’s pretty little face. But Mark just can’t seem to do it. He’s not sure why.

“Alright,” he says with defeat. “Let’s go.”

Johnny starts pulling out of the parking lane, glancing at Mark before checking his blind spot. “Are you… going to tell Y/N?”

“Tell her about what? That Yukhei’s cheating on her? That her fiance hasn’t been doing work-related things and instead, has been ditching their wedding plans to meet his side chick?” Mark asks.

“Yeah… that.”

“If I were to be honest, I don’t know.” Mark confesses. “Y/N might think I’m just doing this to sabotage her wedding because I’m somehow still in love with her—”

“But you are,” Johnny mumbles, “you’re still in love with her. But how would that be related to you telling her the truth about Yukhei?”

“Could you do it?” Mark asks suddenly.

“Do what?” Johnny questions, tearing his gaze away from the road to look at Mark. The moment Johnny’s eyes meet his, he shakes his head. “I’m afraid I can’t—”

“What? Why not? All you have to do is tell Y/N that you saw Yukhei—”

“You’re her best friend, Mark.” Johnny cuts him off. “I know you both had a history with each other but that’s the past. If you truly were her best friend, you would push your past aside and tell her the truth yourself.”

“But—”

“I’m not going to do it, Mark. I’m not in the right place to do so, anyways.”

“But—”

“Stop being stubborn.”

It’s not a surprise to Mark that Yukhei doesn’t show up to the cake tasting appointment. But surprisingly enough, it seems like it’s not a surprise to you either. Your sad eyes light up when Mark enters the bakery, your frown transforming into a warm, welcoming smile. Mark flashes you a tight-lipped smile. Yukhei had been suddenly called to work again, resulting into another argument between the two of you. That argument was enough to ruin the rest of your day, but why did those negative thoughts and feelings vanish the moment Mark came into the bakery? It’s almost as if his presence had brought you some sort of relief, comfort, and reassurance. However, while you think Yukhei can’t make it to the cake tasting appointment because of work, the only difference is that you’ve been lied to and Mark knows exactly what your fiance is doing right now. He knows exactly why he’s not sitting next to you at the table. He knows exactly why you’ve been planning your own wedding all on your own. But why can’t he tell you? Why is he afraid to tell you?

It is when you wave at him with your smile getting brighter and brighter that it begins to blind him, that he figures out his answer.

“Sorry, Yukhei can’t make it. He was called to work again.” You mumble.

“No worries. Let’s just hope you know exactly which cake would suit both of your own palates.” Mark takes a seat right across from you at the table. He’s setting his things down and the pastry chef arrives at the table with an arrangement of red velvet cakes with a different variety of decorations. “Did you already get started with the cake tasting?”

You’re placing a dessert fork in front of him before grabbing yours. “No. The pastry chef just asked me which cakes I wanted to start with. Shall we dig in?”

Mark stares at the dessert fork. His eyes meet yours. “Me? But—I’m not—shouldn’t you be the one to taste the cakes? I’m just your wedding planner—”

“Just dig in.” You cut him off, chuckling. “I’d rather have you taste the cakes with me rather than just taste them all by myself with you watching me. That’d be weird.”

As you’re both tasting the cakes, Mark can’t seem to get the image of Yukhei with another woman out of his head. It’s implanted into his mind as if he must tell you what he saw. He feels obligated to tell you, but at the same time, he can’t find the will to do it.

Suddenly, he hears a sniffle. He snaps out of his thoughts and looks at you. You have your head hung low and you’re poking the cake with your fork. “Y/N?”

Slowly looking up, he sees that you’re crying. A few tears have slipped down your cheeks and your eyes are glassy. You muster up a smile, placing down your fork to wipe away the tears on your face. “Yeah?”

“Are you okay?” He asks, face filled with concern.

You don’t need to answer his question. Actually, he doesn’t need an answer. You’re beginning to cry, your tears flowing down your cheeks uncontrollably. Who would’ve thought that planning a marriage would be this stressful and hard? Who would’ve thought that getting married would include a lot of sacrifices, tears, and hardship? Getting married is nothing like the movies. It’s romanticized.

You’re wiping the tears from your eyes until a handkerchief is offered right in front of you. Mark flashes you a reassuring smile, placing his handkerchief into your hands and wiping the rest of your tears on your cheeks with the pad of his thumb.

3-2 Months:

□ Print menu cards and programs □ Meet with florist to finalize arrangements □ Meet with the officiant □ Meet with the photographer for final changes □ Have fun at the bachelor/bachelorette parties!

□ Tell Y/N the truth.

Mark,

You must be prepared for this. It’ll be a chilly fall evening. Y/N’s bachelorette party. It’s quite odd because you’re the only guy she invited to her party that’s only intended for her girlfriends. You must feel special. You must be special. That’s because you are.

“Is there a reason why he’s here?”

Mark hears your friend question about his presence at your bachelorette party. He’s standing behind the mini bar with his second bottle of beer. It is when your eyes meet when you look over your shoulder to give him an apologetic look. He gives you a reassuring smile.

“He’s my best friend,” you answer. “Besides, he's closer to me than with Yukhei. It would be weird of him to attend the bachelor’s party. Right, Mark?”

He almost chokes on his beer.

But there’s no time to feel special right now. I want you to remember that while Y/N is celebrating her engagement and marriage with her girlfriends, her fiance is most likely not only having his bachelor’s party with his buddies… but with his affair. I want you to remember that you have to tell Y/N the truth. You must tell her the truth.

“R-Right.” He stutters, letting out a sheepish chuckle.

I never told her the truth. She found out the day of her wedding. I regret not telling her earlier. I was too much of a coward. I was afraid. I was afraid because I was selfish. I was still selfish over the fact that she moved on faster than I did and got engaged to someone else, fell in love with someone else, while I was still hung up over her. But I regret it.

You must tell her the truth tonight at her bachelorette party. I had many opportunities to tell her the truth.

“Why are you just standing there? Come and join us!” You insist, heading towards him.

“No, I’m fine with chilling here—”

“You look bored standing over there—”

“I promise, I’m not—”

“Mark—”

“Y/N—”

However, this may be your only opportunity left.

If you don’t tell her the truth, you might regret it for the rest of your life. Coming from me, you wouldn’t want to regret for the rest of your life, right?

“Fine, fine, fine. I’ll join you guys.” He finally gives in. He always had a soft spot for you. No matter what it was. You knew how to change his mind in an instant. You knew how to turn his frown upside down. You had a beautiful way with your words, the way you carried them effortlessly like cherry blossom petals falling down from the sky. There’s never a time where he didn’t have a soft spot for you.

That’s how special you were to him.

You still are.

Exactly. You wouldn’t want to regret it for the rest of your life. Now go and rewrite your future.

Good luck.

Future Mark

P.S. I know you’ll chicken out. You always do. Stop chickening out, you fucking doofus.

Maybe he drank a bit too much.

There’s alcohol buzzing in his system and he hasn’t gotten around to actually calling a taxi or Johnny to pick him up. You’re still sober, cleaning around your place after all of your friends had already left. He should probably help you clean, he thinks. The thought pushes him off of the chair and he’s making his way to pick up some things from the floor for you.

“Mark, you can just sit over there. I already called Johnny to come pick you up—”

“You did?” He hears you hum in reply as you sweep the floors with a broom. “Oh… so, you did. Thanks.”

“Yeah, you look like you’re done for the rest of the night.” You chuckle.

Oh, that’s right. His night is not over. His night is not over until— “H-Hey, Y/N, there’s something you need to know—”

You snort. “Like what?”

“It’s important. Don’t get mad at me after I tell you—”

“What, are you still in love with me or something?” You laugh it off, but you’re beginning to notice that your lips have a mind of its own, saying random shit that your mind clearly hasn’t processed thoroughly enough. You clear your throat. “I mean—”

“Are you?” He whispers.

You pretend you didn’t hear him. You keep on pretending. “What did you want to tell me, Mark? Can’t you just tell me tomorrow, when you’re sober?”

“I guess I’ll tell you tomorrow,” he mumbles, his words beginning to come out as slurs. “I’m afraid I’ll tell you something else in this drunken state. I’m afraid I’ll tell you something I’ll regret. Tomorrow… I will tell you… I’ll be sober by then.”

“Tell me something you’ll regret telling? Like what?”

He hushes you. “It’s a secret.”

It’s the morning after, and he never tells you anything.

1 Month:

□ Attend your last dress fitting □ Confirm times for vendors and the venue one last time □ Purchase and organize wedding gifts □ Assign and plan out reception table seating □ Write your vows

□ Tell Y/N the truth.

It’s snowing.

It’s the first snowfall of the winter season. You never thought you would hate the first snowfall. You always adored it. There was always something romantic about getting confessed to on the day of the first snowfall. There’s always something magical about falling in love with someone at this time of the year. But here you are, staring at yourself in the mirror with eyebags from the lack of sleep and the tailor not uttering a single word as she zips you up in your wedding dress. It’s almost as if the tailor knew you weren’t in your best mood. Your face simply can’t lie. But it’s true, you weren’t in a good mood.

How could you be in a good mood after arguing for the nth time with your fiance? How could you be in a good mood after your fiance fails to see you in your dress after all the chances he could’ve accompanied you to the dress fitting? It saddens you, but it saddens you more that it’s so easy and simple to give up just one day of work to accompany your own soon-to-be wife. But here you are, accompanied by your best friend, your own wedding planner. You wouldn’t be surprised if everyone thought you and Mark were the couple, because it truly did seem like it, even to you.

“Why the frown on your face?” You look up to see Mark.

He grabs your hand, twirling you around to look at the dress in all its angles. You shrug your shoulders, having no energy to even look him in the eye. “I feel like a burden to you.”

“Hm? A burden? Why?” Mark questions. He places his hands on your shoulders, forcing you to look up at him. “You’ll never be a burden to me, Y/N.”

“Are you sure you’re not just saying that because you’re my best friend?” You whisper. “I feel like a burden for having you accompany me to all these meetings when it should be my own fiance.”

“I don’t really have a choice,” he chuckles lightheartedly. “It’s my job. I’m a wedding planner. I’m your wedding planner. It’s my job to accompany my clients to all their meetings.”

Your eyes tear up. Mark just knows exactly what to say.

The tailor approaches you. “I think we don’t need to make any more adjustments. The dress fits you perfectly, like a glove.”

It sure does fit like a glove. But you wonder how it feels to be wearing this wedding dress for Mark instead, and not for Yukhei. Mark surely makes you feel pretty. It’s quite sad that your future husband hasn’t seen your beauty yet. What if your future husband hates the dress? It’s not really your fault because he never came to the dress fitting anyway.

He never came to anything.

And so as you both step out of the shop, Mark grabs your hand and leads you down the sidewalk. You don’t question why because you trust him. “I know a great place to stop you from frowning. I prefer smiley Y/N. Where did smiley Y/N go?”

“And this great place just so happens to be my place?” You chuckle.

He nods his head. “Yes. How did you know?”

“We’re literally walking in the direction to my place.” You snort. “Are you just inviting yourself to my place?”

He nods again, smiling innocently. “Yes.”

“You’re such a dork.”

Mark,

Take her to her place after the dress fitting. It’ll snow in. The snow will be so high, it’ll reach your knees. When it snows in, I want you to tell her the truth (if you haven’t told her yet). But there’s one thing I also want you to tell her.

Tell her that you love her.

That you’re still in love with her.

Don’t even hesitate. Just close your eyes and tell her. You have nothing to lose at this point.

I wish I had told her. Maybe it would’ve changed things. But now, I have to live the rest of my life wondering about the ‘what if’s’ and whether things would’ve been different if I had just told her that I still love her.

“We’ll be snowed in at this point.”

And Mark still hasn’t budged an inch. He hasn’t even bothered putting his cup of hot chocolate in the sink. He hasn’t even bothered grabbing his coat from the coat rack. He didn’t even bother telling you about his plans of leaving to go home. You look at him, wondering about his plans, but he seems unbothered, not a single thought crossing his mind except for the warm cup of hot chocolate in his hands.

“Oh dude, you’re right.” Mark agrees, sipping his hot chocolate.

“Aren’t you worried about your scheduled meetings with your clients?”

“I don’t have anything booked for the next two weeks.” Mark answers. “Your wedding is coming up, I need to have a free week or two to make sure that one, your wedding goes well and two, that I can attend as your best friend.”

You smile. “You’re probably sick of me at this point. You’ve been with me this entire time. What are you going to do next? Stand next to me at the altar?”

Mark freezes up in his spot. He mutters underneath his breath, “I would do it in a heartbeat.”

“What?” You ask him to speak a bit louder. “Sorry, I didn’t catch that—”

This is it. This is the right moment to tell you— “Y/N, there’s something you should know.”

You watch Mark turn around to face you. Your joking smile falters when your eyes meet his serious ones. There’s an odd feeling in your gut, the same odd feeling you had when you and Yukhei started to have frequent arguments, the same odd feeling when Yukhei stopped putting effort in planning your wedding, the same odd feeling—

“What do I have to know?” You whisper. Mark looks terrified. You shake your head, letting out an airy chuckle. “Mark, don’t look at me like that because you’re making me nervous—”

“One day, Johnny and I saw Yukhei shopping with another woman and it wasn’t you—”

“Shut up.” You blurt out. Your eyes shut. “Shut up, Mark. Shut up, shut up—”

“I’m telling you the truth, Y/N—”

“When did you see him?” You open your eyes. “When did you find him with another woman?”

Mark clamps his mouth shut. Suddenly, he can’t seem to look directly into your eyes. Your eyes grow blurry with the tears that begin to form. You shake your head. “Y/N, I—”

“So, you knew about it all this time?” You whisper.

“Y/N—”

“You knew that Yukhei was cheating on me all this time, but you never dared to tell me?” A tear manages to slip from your eye. “You accompanied me to all the tailoring sessions, cake-tasting appointments, venue searches, knowing that the man I’m getting married to was already seeing someone else?”

“I promise you that I was going to tell you—”

“When?” You chuckle bitterly. “When it’s too late? When I have a month left before the wedding? You knew about this the entire time and you decided not to tell me? I told you about my struggles with Yukhei and you knew exactly why, but you never told me. In fact, you made me look stupid!”

“Y/N, no, I had no bad intentions—” Mark reaches out to you but you slap his hands away.

“I thought you were my best friend.” You whisper, before scoffing. “I thought you wanted the best for me.”

“Y/N, I’m sorry.” He whispers.

“Leave.” You fold your arms. “Just leave. I don’t want to see you—”

“Y/N—”

“—ever again.”

Your maid of honour, Lisa, zips up the back of your dress. Staring intently at your reflection, you muster up a fake smile. Lisa pats your back and steps to your side. All of your bridesmaids are getting ready, having their makeup down and taking pictures of each other.

Today’s the day.

“Are you ready?” Lisa asks you.

“Ready for the end?” You suck in a deep breath. “Yes. I’m ready.”

There’s a knock at the door. Both of your heads turn towards the door that slowly cracks open to reveal Johnny. Behind him stands all of your bridesmaids, who are sneaking a peek of you in your wedding dress through the small crack of the door.

He smiles. “Looking beautiful as always, Y/N.”

“Thank you, Johnny.” You smile.

“Are you ready for the end?” Johnny questions. “I’ve given everyone the breakdown of what’s going to happen.”

You and Lisa share a look.

Lisa grins, folding her arms. “I’m sure we’re all ready.”

If he wanted to, he would.

Those words echo in your head like a mantra the moment those church doors open. Standing and waiting for you at the altar is your fiance, Wong Yukhei. There are so many things wrong with this wedding. Your eyes scan throughout the congregation and your eyes immediately land on an unfamiliar woman who sits a few pews near the front. The moment her eyes lock with yours, she quickly looks away, pretending to adjust her loose bracelet.

If he wanted to, he would.

If he wanted things to work, he would have made sure they worked.

If he wanted to have a future with you, he would have helped you build it.

If he wanted to be with you, he would have stayed.

If he wanted to, he would.

Your eyes meet Yukhei’s and you smile, but it doesn’t reach your ears.

You wonder if he notices. You wonder if he knows.

The ceremony begins.

Every now and then, Yukhei would sneak a glance at you. You didn’t dare look back at him. He squeezed your hand to get your attention. You sat still, chin up.

The pastor calls you up to the front where the both of you will be exchanging vows, putting on each other’s wedding rings and finally getting wedded. As Yukhei helps you up the stairs to the front of the altar, you sneak a glance at Johnny and Lisa. Lisa has her arms folded, an eyebrow quirked, and a grin on her lips. Johnny glares at Yukhei, almost like a death glare, his face not budging a single bit.

You and Yukhei face each other at the altar, hands intertwined.

“You look beautiful, Y/N.”

Yukhei watches as your wide, bright smile slowly turns into a cold, bitter frown.

“What the fuck, Mark? Why are you still in your boxer shorts? No—why are you still here?”

Mark drinks the rest of his iced coffee, eyes glued to his desktop screen and fingers frantically pushing keys on the keyboard. Instantly, Mark loses the game and the words ‘game over’ is plastered in all caps all over his screen. He sighs, falling back in his gaming chair. He looks over his shoulder to see Yuta standing at the door, fixing his tie. “I lost because of you!”

“Mark Lee, why are you not getting dressed up? We’re already late for Y/N’s wedding and you’re still not dressed up—”

“You’re late, you mean.” Mark cuts him off, getting up from his seat to put his empty glass into the sink. Yuta stares at him bewilderedly. “I’m not attending the wedding.”

“What?” Yuta blurts out. “What do you mean? You’re her—”

“Wedding planner?” Mark finishes it for him. “Yes. I am very much aware that I was the wedding planner for her wedding. But that technically doesn’t require me to attend the actual ceremony. I’ll just show up for reception—”

“What happened between the two of you?”

Mark freezes in his spot. He has his back facing Yuta. He shrugs his shoulders. “Nothing happened—”

“Something happened.” Yuta squints his eyes at him. “What happened?”

Mark sighs. “I lost her again. I told her that Yukhei’s cheating on her. I told her too late. She hates me now. This is all my fault. It was always my fault. I lost her for the second time.”

“And you’re just going to sit here on your lazy ass? You’re just going to let her get married to that cheater? You regret telling her the truth too late. But do you want to regret letting her get married to that cheater? Do you want to regret knowing that you still have a chance?”

“She’s not going to give me a second chance—”

“You’re such a fucking coward, did you know that?” Yuta smacks the back of his head.

“Yuta—”

“You love her, right?”

Mark lets out an airy laugh. “Of course. I love her. I love her so much that I eventually fucked up for the second time—”

“Go and get dressed.”

“Yuta—”

“Just do as I say, fool.”

Click! Click! Flash! Click!

Dear Y/N,

It’s quite odd how things turned out this way.

It was just two days ago where I found out that the man that I had given my entire heart to was cheating on me. He’s been cheating on me all this time.

To Y/N in another parallel universe, do not get married to Wong Yukhei.

To Y/N in another parallel universe—

“Y/N, do you take Wong Yukhei to be your wedded husband to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love Yukhei, take care of him, and honour him? To keep him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, to be faithful only to him as long as you both shall live?”

You look into Yukhei’s eyes and they slowly trail down to both of your hands that are enveloped by his large ones. Boldly looking back up at him, you chuckle bitterly, shaking your head. Letting go of his hands, a surprised Yukhei stands there, measuring your next move.

“I do.”

You glance at your bridesmaids and give them the signal; a wink.

“If anyone objects to the marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

“I object.” Lisa stands up from her seat.

“Count me in. I object.” Johnny stands next to her.

All of your bridesmaids begin to stand up, one by one, objecting to the marriage. Yukhei looks at them confusedly, almost caught off guard. He turns to you, trying to search for an explanation for their actions. You smirk.

“Y/N—”

“I find it funny how you said you would be faithful only to me as long as we both live,” you scoff, turning towards the unfamiliar woman sitting in the congregation. Her eyes widen. “When you’ve been messing with her behind my back throughout this entire engagement.”

Everyone gasps. He shakes his head. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about—”

“I object.” An unfamiliar voice says.

Everyone turns towards the unfamiliar woman and they all erupt into soft whispers. Who is she? How did she get inside? Why is she dressed up for the event? Is she an actual guest? Is she the woman Yukhei was seeing behind Y/N’s back?

Letting out a sigh, you glance at Yukhei. “If only you had just told me the truth, Yukhei, we wouldn’t be in this mess. Oh, right, you didn’t have time to sit down and tell me because you were too busy spending that time with her.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” He can barely look straight into your eyes.

You shrug your shoulders. “I’m sorry too. I’m sorry for not being enough. I’m sorry for not being the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. But at the same time, I’m not sorry. I don’t deserve you. In fact, I deserve better.”

“Y/N—”

“Good luck.” You muster up a smile. “I don’t want to see you ever again.”

No matter how emotionally prepared you were for this to end, you still ended up crying. You’re rushing out of the church, tears spilling out of your eyes. Everyone that’s left behind are all left in a confused daze, trying to find out the truth. Yukhei stands there, not sure how to settle the chaos that has ensued.

To Y/N in another parallel universe, listen to your heart.

Rushing down the stairs, you almost stumble your own two feet until you hear a car honk from metres away. You look up to see a car pulling up to the curb.

To Y/N in another parallel universe, your heart was never for Wong Yukhei.

The car stops and you stand there, watching the tinted window roll down.

To Y/N in another parallel universe, your heart had always belonged to—

“Yuta?!”

“Y/N, get in!”

His shoes sink into the snow, hands shoved into his pockets, letting out a tired sigh every now and then. It’s been about an hour since Yuta had forced him to dress up in a suit, drove him to the university campus, and just simply… left him.

Yuta has always been an odd friend of his. Mark isn’t alarmed or anxious of what Yuta has planned up his sleeve, because that’s just how he is. Out of nowhere. Adventurous. But although Yuta is an odd friend, Yuta sure knows when to step in. Yuta is a great friend.

Right when Mark’s about to pull out his phone from his pocket to call Yuta, he hears a car begin to honk. He turns around to see the same exact car that he was riding in with Yuta before he had dropped him off. Mark squints his eyes when he sees a stranger sitting in the front passenger seat. His eyebrows slowly raise when the car drives closer and he realizes who it is.

The Day of the Wedding:

□ Double check everything even if it’ll feel excessive and repetitive □ Check up on the bride □ Check up on the groom □ Mingle with the guests □ Ruin the wedding

The car rolls to a stop. Yuta’s the first one to step out of the car. You’re looking at Mark with an expression he can’t seem to read. Yuta assists you and helps you out of the car. Mark’s breath gets caught in his throat when he sees you stepping out of the car in your wedding dress. This was one of the many reasons why he didn’t want to attend your wedding. He didn’t want to see you walking down the aisle all beautiful in that dress, not for him but for Wong Yukhei.

Yuta rushes back to his car and hops in. He starts the car and rolls down the window. “My job here is done. Adios, kids. Call me when you’re ready to be picked up.”

“Yuta–wait—” You begin, trying to stop him but Yuta drives away.

With your back facing Mark, you suck in a deep breath. You could barely look at him.

Mark clears his throat. “I guess we’re stuck here.”

Your shoulders relax. Looking over your shoulder, you see him fiddling with his fingers. When he finally finds the courage to look at you, you purse your lips into a tight line before cracking into a small smile. Moments of silence later, the both of you burst into chuckles.

“What are we even doing here?” Mark chuckles.

You shrug your shoulders. “I don’t know. It seems we’ll be here for a while. Did you get dropped off here?”

Mark nods his head. “Yuta forced me into this suit and into his car. I thought I was going to get murdered in a suit.”

You snort. “I guess we’re stuck here.”

“How’d the wedding go?” He questions out of nowhere. “No—I mean—Congratulations.”

You shake your head. “The wedding didn’t happen. I called it off halfway through the ceremony.”

“What?!” He blurts out. “Why did you call it off?!”

“My turn to ask you a question.” You fold your arms. “Why didn’t you come to the wedding?”

Mark’s mouth clamps shut. He scratches the back of his neck. “Because…”

“Because?” You quirk an eyebrow.

“Because I slept in.” Mark lies. “I’m a heavy sleeper, you know?”

“Shall we walk around campus?” You suddenly change the subject.

“I don’t think that would be a good idea.” He whispers.

“Why not?”

“Because I’ll be reminded of the past and memories.” He avoids your gaze. “I’ll be reminded of the five years we spent together. I mean, we spent our entire college undergrad together, right?”

You look around the campus. Your eyes land on the campus cafe, a place you and Mark used to frequent after lectures you both shared together. Mark would usually order your favourite drink and the both of you would study together. A couple of blocks away from the cafe is the dormitory building, where you’re reminded of the times where Mark would sneak into your dorm through the window. Mark would climb up the tree and you would open your window, arm extended out to him to help him in. The two of you would watch movies together and fall asleep, all cuddled up until the next morning where Mark had to hurriedly leave before the RAs found out. Across from the dormitory building is the campus library, where you and Mark used to study together. Everything about this campus reminds you of Mark, specifically when you were both still together.

Five years.

You and Mark were together for five years. What went wrong? Why did it all go wrong?

“Are you afraid of being reminded of our past together?” You ask.

He shakes his head.

“I’m afraid that I’ll be reminded of the fact that I’m still in love with you.” He confesses. Eyes wide, you stand there, shocked. He laughs it off. “But it wouldn’t matter to you, huh? I fucked everything up. I found out that your fiance was cheating on you this entire time and told you too late. I fucked everything up since the breakup.”

“Where do you think we went wrong?”

“You did nothing wrong, Y/N. It was all me. I was a coward. I didn’t feel deserving of you. I was insecure and afraid. And when I found out that I was going to plan your wedding, it sort of confirmed it for me. I truly didn’t deserve you. Wong Yukhei looked perfect for you. You looked so happy with him. Do you know how bad it hurt spending the past year planning your wedding with you?” He questions. “Do you know how hard it was seeing you in that wedding dress? Do you know how hard it was waking up this morning knowing that I was handing you over to someone else? That I didn’t have a single chance? Do you know how hard it was for me to realize that I’m still the same coward that left you five years ago—”

“But I called off the wedding, Mark.” You cut him off. “Yukhei cheated on me. When everyone mistook you as my husband throughout this entire planning process, I knew something was off. When you broke up with me, I wondered why you left. I wondered what I did wrong. I wondered if there was something I lacked in. I wondered if you left me because you fell out of love with me. Years later, I met Yukhei. He seemed too good to be true. He wanted to marry me. But when he started to lazy around and when you were there for me, I started questioning my true feelings for my fiance.”

“But you should be mad at me, Y/N.” He chuckles. “I kept the truth from you. I left you.”

“But you still stayed.” You mumble. “You could have just left when you found out that you were going to plan my wedding. You had many chances. Why did you stay? Why did you continue planning my wedding with me? Why did you still show up?”

“Because I only wanted the best for you, Y/N. Even if the best isn’t me.”

“But what if I think the best for me is you?”

“How would you know that I’m the best for you—”

“Because I’m still in love with you, Mark.”

Mark huffs out a breath, feeling overwhelmed. You watch him as he paces back and forth. He glances at you. “You’re still in love with me?”

You laugh. “I’m still in love with you.”

“Dude… are you sure?”

“Why are you pacing around like that?”

“Because this doesn’t feel real.” He pinches himself. “This doesn’t feel real.”

“Maybe if I kiss you then you’ll realize it is—”

“Dude, let me have my moment—” He cuts himself off. “Are you sure?”

“Mark, I’m more than sure—”

“Dude, is this real? For real?”

“It’ll be real if you return my feelings—”

“I’m still in love with you too, Y/N.” He laughs. “Dude, I just… can’t believe this is happening.”

“Put a ring on it then.”

“Woah, dude, wait. This is too much for my heart.”

A couple of metres away, Yuta sits and watches the both of you laugh and chase each other on the campus field. He smiles, shaking his head at how adorable the both of you are. He lets out a sigh of relief, digging into the pocket of his blazer and pulls out a piece of paper.

Dear Yuta,

I am you from the future.

There is something I want you to do.

On the day of Y/N’s wedding day, I want you to help Mark ruin it. If the coward chickens out, I want you to force him to dress up into the suit he was supposed to wear to her wedding. I want you to force him into your car. I want you to drive him to the university campus and leave him there.

If Y/N calls off her wedding, buy yourself a lotto ticket. But also, I want you to pick her up at the church venue and drive her to the campus.

This is crucial.

I need you to reconcile Mark and Y/N.

Those two are still in love with each other. They’re just too afraid to admit it.

FIN.

Dear Y/N,

It’s quite odd how things turned out this way.

It was just two days ago where I found out that the man that I had given my entire heart to was cheating on me. He’s been cheating on me all this time.

It’s quite odd how I’ve turned to writing you this letter. I’m not even sure if you’ll receive such a letter. I’m not even sure if you’ll believe me. But I just wanted to try and see where fate takes me. I’ve heard that if you write letters to yourself in another universe, the universe will deliver them. I’ve heard that they work. It wouldn’t hurt to try, right? It might give me some sort of comfort.

Mark probably knew that Yukhei had been cheating on you. He may or may not have told you about this. But don’t get mad at him. Mark has his reasons why he decided to keep the truth from you.

Right now, I am writing this all alone in my apartment. Yukhei is finally moving out. We had just filed a divorce. Surrounded around me are moving boxes and an extra set of apartment keys. Once Yukhei moves out, I’ll be moving to Spain to start a new beginning. Who knows? I might find Mark there, if fate decides that we’re meant for each other.

But hear me out on this.

To Y/N in another parallel universe, do not get married to Wong Yukhei.

To Y/N in another parallel universe, listen to your heart.

To Y/N in another parallel universe, your heart was never for Wong Yukhei.

To Y/N in another parallel universe, your heart had always belonged to Mark Lee.

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sofiaaaaaaaa03 · 3 years

Text

Teaching Din Earth Music

Pairing: Din djarin x earthling!gn!teen reader (platonic)

Word count: 1,151

Rating: G

Scenario: You try to teach Din about earth music during one of your trips.

Authors Note: Hey lovelies, I hope you're having an amazing day. Please remember to drink water and eat something. I hope you guys enjoy this, sorry it's a bit tiny :)

Ever since Din caught you listening to earth music you’d grown more comfortable playing it while he was on board. On particularly long trips you made it a habit to put on some music to make the ride more entertaining. It was really only used when the two of you were too exhausted from chores or missions to bother making conversation. You enjoyed it, really. It reminded you of your home and your time on Earth. Now more than ever, wherever you go you notice the absence of music in the strange, hostile planets Din takes you compared to where it always seemed to follow you on Earth, playing in the air of cafes, stores, restaurants, and oh the car rides you and your friends used to share.

A tight lipped smile spread across your features. You wondered how they were doing. It’s not everyday your friend mysteriously disappears, let alone getting stranded in space in your case. But you consider yourself lucky. You glanced towards the Mandalorian beside you, piloting the ship. He’s shown you kindness in many ways, and took you in while you try to find Earth. It was a planet Din was unfamiliar with, even going as far as to say that it was considered a myth across many cultures in the galaxy. It would have been a waste of time for him to go out of his way to follow a silly fantasy. However, you could only assume something about you reminded him about himself when he was young, because despite this, he trusted your word, and genuinely wanted to help you return home.

In some weird trade off, you taught Din things about your home planet that were foreign and honestly strange in his opinion. A world where a majority of its denizens remain on-planet the entire time? He couldn’t believe it. He simply refused the concept of social media and antagonized the habits of posting oneself on vacation. Something about exposing your location. You didn’t mind it all too much to be honest.

Your favorite thing to teach him was earth music. It was so much more distinctive to the music you heard around the galaxy, where saloons played Jizz like there was no tomorrow. It was good music, you’ll admit, but nothing was like the variety of the music back home.

The data pad Din lent you laid on the ship’s mainframe, “Okay okay. You’re probably not going to like this since you have the mentality of a 40 year old man, but hear these out. A lot of people my age enjoy these songs back at home.”

It was natural to begin with songs that were trending the last time you were on earth. Din enjoyed some of the more upbeat songs, like Tongue Tied by a group called Grouplove.

“This is what we consider a coming of age song.”

Din gave you a questioning look and you continued. “On Earth we pass our time watching movies, stories acted out by humans that are recorded on a camera.”

“Your planet has too much time on their hands…”

“C’mon Din it’s not like everyone does it!” You defended, “People do it for a job, and only qualified people can. Anyways, that’s not the point. Some movies I grew up with have a point where the main character suddenly grows up, not age wise but mentally. Usually it's through conquering a fear or obstacle in the movie, and when that happens we-”

“Put a song like this in the movie?”

You made a little scoff, “Yeah, in the movie.”

“I suppose… it does evoke emotions like it wants you to. Put on another song, maybe one adults listen to.”

You paused for a moment to recollect the songs your parents would play back at home. They had a variety of artists that they listened to, but you smiled and tapped the data pad to play a song you think Din may like.

It seemed that The Chain by Fleetwood Mac intrigued Din, who tilted his head as the melody began. You waited until the chorus ended to ask Din of his opinion. He gave a nonchalant shrug and claimed that it was interesting before asking you to put on another song.

“Is this really what people my age listen to?”

“Honestly most men I’ve met your age listen to hard rock, but it’s their taste!”

“Earthlings listen to a rock?” Din turned to you in surprise and shook his head. He took the data pad from its place and looked through the playlist you were making. “No wonder you haven’t been off-planet yet.”

You took the data pad back from him and stuck your tongue at him, “I’ll have you know that 553 of us humans have been to space, thank you.”

You tried a couple of Journey songs, some that Din asked you to write down for him to listen to later, and showed some Queen classics. You noticed that Din wasn’t much of a fan for songs that were fan favorites like We Will Rock You or Bohemian Rhapsody (You genuinely thought you’d get him for the last one. All of your schoolmates would go nuts for that song) , but he did enjoy other classics like Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy, Fat-Bottomed Girls, and Radio Ga Ga.

“What were some songs you heard growing up?”

“Hm… to be honest I don’t remember all of them. The music all seems like a blur to be honest, guess that’s what happens when you grow up, things become a blur. Anyways,” You listed off some songs, making small talk about it but caught Din’s look of confusion and decided to play some off for him.

The razor crest was filled with a large assortment of music, ranging from ABBA to Harry Styles. Some songs, Din could get the concept very easily by listening to the lyrics while in others he asked you about its meaning. Songs about love, you’d noticed, were the hardest for him to decipher, even if the lyrics were plain as day.

After some time, you decided to ask him about it while Dancing Queen was on.

“I don’t understand,” You turned your attention to Din when he spoke, “If they want to dance with someone they should just go find someone. What’s the point of singing about it?”

You “They’re not singing about dancing with just anybody. They want to dance with someone who will be with them for the rest of their lives. Their special somebody. Y’know?”

“Hm.” He didn’t make another comment. There was nothing to fill the void aside from the occasional beeping of machinery. You wondered what was on his mind as you stared at the helmet that obscured his face. Come to think of it, you don’t know what he’s thinking even when he has his helmet off.

You broke the silence.

“Din?”

“Hm?”

“Have you ever found your special somebody?”

...

Tag List:

@sagedgeek @kiara-is-gay @jupitersmooneuropa

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krenenbaker · 2 years

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Songs I would show the Ghosts

These are all songs from my Spotify likes that I think the ghosts of Button House would enjoy, with 6 songs for each ghost. I made a playlist of the songs here, if you want to listen along! :)

(Also note: this is for the main group of ghosts, so none of the plague ghosts or Jemima are included - I just don't think we know enough about them!

Robin

Robin would listen to music based on ~vibes~, and he would also like songs about things he finds personally important. He would probably like some folk and rock songs, as well as a smattering of other genres if the energy is right.

Bad Moon Rising - Creedence Clearwater Revival

Space is Cool - Markiplier and The Gregory Brothers

Sole Survivor - Blue Öyster Cult

The Joker - Steve Miller Band

Things That Make it Warm - Cavetown

You Make Loving Fun - Fleetwood Mac

Humphrey

Humphrey's taste in music seems as though it would be a little eclectic: he would probably like music that either is good for listening, or good for singing along (which I imagine he would really like doing!). I also think he would like songs that have a longer duration more than some of the others.

Goodbye and Hello - Tim Buckley

Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd

Pneuma - TOOL

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road - Elton John

Poison and Wine - The Civil Wars

Joy to the World - Three Dog Night

Mary

Mary would like some somewhat weird music, and also songs with lyrics she finds relatable. I don't think she would stick to one specific genre or artist, but I feel that a lot of indie artists would make music Mary would like :)

Viva la Pappa col Pomodoro - Rita Pavone

Locket - Crumb

strawberries - Honeyuck

Green - Kera and the Lesbians

Ready Now - dodie

Dante's Prayer - Lorena McKennitt

Kitty

We've already had a little taste of the music that Kitty likes, but she would LOVE super upbeat pop music, and she would probably adore Taylor Swift's entire discography. She also is canonically a huge musical theatre fan!

space girl - Frances Forever

Girlfriend - Icona Pop

You Can't Stop the Beat - Hairspray soundtrack

My Favourite Things - Julie Andrews

Fearless - Taylor Swift

Love Story - Taylor Swift

Thomas

Like Kitty, we have had a small taste of what Thomas' taste in music is. However, I also think he would really like other dramatic and/or romantic music, including pop punk / emo music.

There's a Good Reason These Tables are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought of it Yet - Panic! At the Disco

As the World Caves in - Matt Maltese

Can't Fight This Feeling - REO Speedwagon

I Only Want To Be With You - Dusty Springfield

Heart of Glass - Blondie

Madam, I Love your Crepes Suzette - Danny Kaye

Fanny

Fanny would absolutely bemoan modern music, praising music from her time and before as the only "proper music". However, she would secretly love some pop music, and possibly even riot grrrl punk. She'd also like Dolly Parton, I'm quite certain of that.

Clair de Lune, L. 32 - Claude Debussy

Dance Macabre, Op. 40, R. 171 - Camille Saint-Saëns

Be Yr Mama - Sleater-Kinney

Second Skin - The Gits

Monster - dodie

Dumb Blonde - Dolly Parton

The Captain

The Captain would also claim to be not a fan of music after the time of his death, and I think that would actually be the case for the most part. However, he also canonically likes songs from some musicals, and I think he'd also like songs with lyrics he finds to be relatable. He also seems as though he would enjoy some rather introspective music, like a lot of Hozier's songs.

For Me and My Gal - Judy Garland

Oscar Wilde Gets Out - Elton John

Like Real People Do - Hozier

Wasteland, Baby! - Hozier

They Can't Take That Away From Me - Mel Tormé

Younger Than Springtime - South Pacific (especially the William Tabbert version)

Pat

Pat would probably most like music from around his time of death, and a bit before, though he would also like some upbeat pop music like Kitty, as well as anything that could be a group sing along or has a story. He is another ghost that is shown in the show as liking musicals, so musical theatre songs would also be of interest

Big Yellow Taxi - Joni Mitchell

The Rattlin' Bog - Seamus Kennedy

Any Way You Want It - Journey

Time Warp - Rock Horror Picture Show soundtrack

Brandy (You're a Fine Girl) - Looking Glass

(The Man Who Shot) Liberty Valance - Gene Pitney

Julian

Julian's taste in music would mostly be from around his time of death or prior to it as well, but he would also probably like listening to anything else that was a little bit raucous or naughty. I also think that he may have listened to quite a bit of punk music when he was young for some reason, so I've put that in too.

Cat's in the Cradle - Harry Chapin

One Week - The Barenaked Ladies

Holidays in the Sun - Sex Pistols

Crazy On You - Heart

Holy - King Princess

The Night Pat Murphy Died - Great Big Sea

#bbc ghosts #robin the caveman #humphrey bone #bbc ghosts mary #bbc ghosts kitty #thomas thorne #fanny button #bbc ghosts the captain #pat butcher #julian fawcett #why do we not know some of these people's surnames?#bbc ghosts playlist #krenenbaker's :)

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silverarmedassassin · 3 years

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Clandestine Meetings - One

Actor!Bucky x Reader | Word Count: 2488 | Warnings: None

A/N: Listen, I know I said this would be posted in "about an hour," but I have no self-control and it must be posted NOW.

Sorry for the delay in getting this out! I was having a bit of block. Thank you for reading and, if you feel so inclined, please let me know what you think!❤️ If you want to be tagged, please send me a message or enter your url here!

Dividers by the lovely @firefly-graphics

[ Previous | Masterlist | Next ]

It’s 10:30 by the time your boss stumbles into the office. Pepper Potts is usually the embodiment of poised and put together - sleek strawberry blonde hair either falling over her shoulders in beautiful waves or tied in a high ponytail; black pencil skirts and white blouses tucked neatly inside. But not today.

While the ponytail still sits high on her head, dark circles taint her usually smooth, pristine complexion. She’s fisting a to-go mug in one hand and her office mug in the other, already steaming with a fresh round of caffeine.

You hated days like these; mornings after Tony keeps her out late - either business or pleasure, you never know as you prefer not to pry into your bosses’ personal lives - were always interesting, to say the least. Pepper was never mean, and you were almost positive there wasn’t an unkind bone in her body. She was just off. And if she was off, it means you were off, resulting in your job being about one hundred times harder as you often had to play the roles of both assistant and editor.

“Good morning, Ms. Potts,” you finally greet as she sits down at her desk. She’s rummaging through her bag, growing more irritable as the seconds pass. She sighs before stopping to look up at you.

“Y/N, please. It’s been six months. Just call me Pepper.” You internally scoff at the insistence of being anything less than professional towards one of the smartest women you’ve ever encountered in your life, and she turns back to her treasure hunt. “Don’t tell me I left my laptop at home,” she whines to herself as she slumps down into her large executive chair.

You clear your throat as you shuffle forward, computer in hand. “You had me take down to IT to get your files backed up, remember?” you smile as you deposit the device on the cherry-oak desk.

Pepper returns the smile and shakes her head. “Honestly, I don’t understand how I functioned before you.” She slides the laptop across the desk and opens it. While she waits for the software to boot up, she starts her typical morning rapid-fire session. “Did I miss any calls before I came in?”

“No, it’s been pretty q-word this morning.” You vowed never to say “quiet” while in the office. It somehow always jinxed your days, resulting in everyone and their mother calling within twenty minutes.

“E-mails?”

“The chef you’ve been in contact with sent over his schedule for the next few months. It’s looking like the best time to meet is early next month if you want to get the feature done in time for the winter edition.” Pepper opens her mouth to fire another question, but you’re one step ahead of her. “I’ve already blocked out a date in your calendar and sent the invite to his team.”

A soft smile graces the woman’s face as she scribbles notes in her daybook. “And what does my schedule look like for today?”

You sort through the mental files that contain minute-to-minute information regarding your boss’s workday. “You’re pretty booked. You have that photoshop with James Barnes at noon, and after-”

“Shit,” Pepper mummers, cutting you off. Panic quickly settles into her features. “Why does Tony do this? Barnes is impossible to book for anything. I can’t miss this….”

“Uh, no, you can’t,” you practically screech as you fix your boss with a wild look. “This photoshoot has been on your schedule since before I even started. And the time you have set up with him next week doesn’t allow for a full interview, photoshoot, and get material for the short online feature.” You try not to let the panic come out in your voice, but this is precisely the kind of incident you were hired to prevent.

Pepper gently closes her laptop and sets her features in a serious look. “Listen, I think you’re doing a great job here, and you’ve grown so much within the few months you’ve been on the team.” You eye her suspiciously, wondering if this was your ‘you’re fired’ speech. If so, it was definitely coming out of left field. “Why don’t you take my place at the shoot today? If Tony hadn’t promised I’d be in attendance for this investor meeting today, I’d have you go to that instead. But,” the blonde sighs deeply before continuing, “Tony has no regard for anyone’s schedule, and this is an important meeting.”

Your stomach drops from the 44th floor you’re currently on down to ground level. You’d never been on a set before, let alone one with someone as big as James. Plus, you’d only been on a handful of mid-sized interviews. How did she expect you to do this by yourself?

“Pepper, I…”

“I know what you’re going to say. You’re going to try and tell me that you’re not ready and that you can’t possibly clear your schedule for the afternoon. But if I didn’t think you were capable of holding your own, you wouldn’t even be sitting here with ‘assistant editor’ in front of your name. You have the skillset; you just need to show that you can use it. I know you don’t want to be an assistant forever.”

You anxiously bite your lip, feelings of inadequacy and anxiousness filling your senses.

“I don’t even know this James guy…” you say, defeated.

“Well, the car doesn’t arrive for another,” she looks down at her phone, “forty-five minutes. You better get reading.”

“We really need to bring you into the twenty-first century,” Natasha, Bucky’s manager, says as the first notes of My Funny Valentine start dancing through today’s set.

Following the too-bright flash of the camera, Bucky blinks the starbursts out of his eyes and tries to set the redhead with as stern of a look as possible. “Don’t you dare diss Mr. Sinatra. He’s a classic. A legend!” He watches as a stylist runs up and begins fussing with his hair.

Natasha just rolls her eyes and goes back to scrolling through her phone. As much as she acts annoyed with him - and his insistence of having at least two dozen 40’s songs on every photoshoot playlist - he knew she wouldn’t trade him for the world. They had a long history pre-dating the entertainment industry, and she was damn good at her job. If it wasn’t for Nat, Bucky’s not sure his current agency would have even signed him.

As the stylist finishes up her poking and prodding, the photographer - who Bucky has already forgotten the name of - begins shouting out directions from behind the camera. Pose this way. Turn that way. Make it look like you want to be here. It takes everything in Bucky not to grimace - both at the consistent reconfiguring he has to do to his body and the loud rumble that echoes through his stomach. The shirtless pictures they were shooting today caused him - against his better judgment - to forgo breakfast and, with nothing but too-weak black coffee in his system, Bucky couldn’t help but feel a little agitated.

“Just a few more shots, and then we can break for lunch,” he hears the man behind the camera shout before dragging the camera back up to his face.

Bucky contorts himself into a position that shows off the abs he’s worked incredibly hard to achieve and maintain and masks his face in the perfect moody smolder these magazines love so much. Three more pops of the shutter, some grumbling and direction by the photographer, and one more position change, and he’s finally free.

As he’s looking at the pictures and throwing a robe over his bare torso and boxer-clad bottom, Bucky’s attention is pulled from the camera’s tiny screen to the back of the spacious room by Natasha’s stern, Russian-lilted voice. The accent only came out when she was agitated, so the sound alone is often used as a warning sign to those closest to her to stay away.

“How did you even get up here? Is there no security in place? I swear-”

Bucky turns to find his manager - all five-foot-three inches of her - standing defensively in front of whomever she’s cornered by the elevator.

“As I said, I’m here in place of Ms. Potts.” Bucky perks up at the second voice; is almost positive he recognizes the sweet melody despite having only encountered it once several months before. “Here, look, I have my badge.”

Sure enough, as Bucky scurries over to the duo, he sees a familiar face anxiously looking at his manager. He might be terrible with names, but Bucky Barnes rarely forgets a face.

“Natasha, why do you insist on harassing every person who sets foot within a five-foot radius of me while on the job?” Bucky jokes as he approaches the women.

He watches as your attention shifts from the annoyed redhead to him; a look of shock and maybe a hint of mortification flashes across your face.

“I wasn’t harassing. This is a closed set, and randos from the street can’t just walk on up,” Natasha rolls her eyes. “And it’s not you I’m worried about. It’s...you. But you know what I mean!”

He does. After all, protecting his privacy and work is one of Bucky’s most significant concerns. That doesn't mean he isn’t going to tease Natasha any chance he gets. He playfully scoffs and turns his attention to you. “I see you got the job. I told you everything was going to work out.”

Bucky can’t help but preen at the way you anxiously tuck a non-existent stray hair behind your ear and bite your lip. “You were right. Mr. Stark isn’t as intimidating as I thought. Although,” you playfully roll your eyes, “he is a menace. He promised Pepper’s attendance at a meeting, so now you’re stuck with an inexperienced interviewer rather than the queen of journalism.”

“Bah!” Bucky exclaims. “I’m sure you’ll do great. Plus, you’re not the one half-naked in the situation. If anyone embarrasses themselves, it’ll be me.”

Natasha chortles at the comment, mumbling something the sounds a lot like, “ever the charmer,” before walking away. At the same time, Bucky doesn’t miss the way your gaze slowly skims down his cotton-clade body before snapping back up to his face.

“Come on. We just broke for lunch, and Stark spares no expense when it comes to the spreads.”

It’s well past six-thirty in the evening when you finally make it back to your building. Despite the exhaustion flowing through your veins and the grumble in your stomach reminding you every five minutes that you haven’t eaten since lunchtime, there’s a festive air to your being, a proverbial pep to your step that could only be the result of a successful first interview experience.

Yeah, you were a nervous wreck before and during the interview, but you walked away feeling amazing about yourself - and with three pages worth of phenomenal, touching, and personal quotes from the one and only Bucky Barnes.

You try to ignore the butterflies that erupt low in your belly at the thought of the blue-eyed god of a man. Despite having no other experience interviewing someone with as large of a celebrity as he, you’ve concluded that Bucky is an angel of an interviewee. He was polite, answered all of your questions, and flirted just a little. Or, at least that’s what you would call it if you were anyone but a lowly editorial assistant who still purchased from bargain bins because that’s all you could afford. In all reality, Bucky was a very smooth talker with the confidence to back it up. It explained the incomprehensible hype surrounding the man you had no idea was such a big deal less than twelve hours prior.

The rumble of your stomach pulls you back to reality as you unlock your apartment door. You push the thoughts of Bucky to the back of your mind, settle for finishing unpacking the day for when you’re unwinding for bed. Right now, all you want to focus on is fo-

“Uh, hello!” your roommate Wanda screeches as you push open the door. The redhead is standing, arms crossed, in your entry, a look of disdain on her face. “When were you going to tell me, your best friend and roommate, who pays half the rent and utilities, mind you, that Bucky Barnes followed you on Instagram. James Bucky Barnes, Y/N!”

You freeze at the mention of the man who has taken up every inch of your mind since you left the shoot earlier that day. You deposit your keys onto the small table next to the door and try to act as nonchalant as possible. “What are you talking about, Wanda?”

Your roommate starts wagging her phone in front of your face before pulling it back so she can read off her screen. “Well, I follow these gossip blogs - just for fun, of course. I like to stay up-to-date with all the celebrity goings-on.” You fix Wanda with an unamused look as you pass by on the way to the kitchen. “And I was scrolling through, catching up on today’s gossip, and all of a sudden, I see a screenshot of your Instagram account!”

You freeze mid-reach for a saucepan and turn to look at her. “What?”

“Yea, see,” Wanda holds her phone out so you can see the screen. Low and behold, there your account is; questionably composed landscape shots of the city and poorly-lit food pics in all their glory. “It started to circulate this afternoon after someone saw he followed you! Why did he follow you?”

You slowly resume your task of reheating last night’s spaghetti as you answer her. “I...I don’t know? I met him at work this afternoon. He probably just followed me because of Stark.” You shrug despite the thrill that runs through your body.

You halfheartedly listen as Wanda blabs on about the crush she’s apparently had for years despite never having once mentioned it to you, too focused on running through the day’s events to care much about how she’s seen every single one of his films at least a dozen times.

Maybe he had been flirting with you? His manager did mention he flirts with anything with a heartbeat, so it was most likely just part of his personality. Or at least the role he played in public. You weren’t naive enough to think that who Bucky presented himself as to the media, fans, and others not in his inner circle was the real Bucky. After all, he was likely just trying to win you over so you’d write something good about him.

Still, you can’t help the giddy smile that creeps across your face as, when you finally lie down for the night, you open the Instagram app to find Bucky’s name and verified status among the several notifications awaiting you.

@redbarn1995 @juenenfeu

#bucky x reader #actor!bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #actor au #bucky barnes au #bucky x you #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fanfic

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sailordiavolo · 3 years

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suicide prevention month 2021 - things that helped me stay alive

i heard that this month is suicide prevention month in the united states. as someone who’s struggled for many years with suicide myself, and is currently in the mystical “better place”, i feel it’s my duty to open this can of worms. i am unafraid of the stigma that comes with discussing such things.

i’ll go over things that helped me to cope during dark times. these may also apply to being depressed in general (?) because no offense but “drinking water” doesn’t help as much as google seems to think it does. note that these aren’t be all end all solutions, more like techniques that helped me to stay sane on some of my worst days.

1. get rid of everything that’s an immediate danger to your health.

if you’re actively a danger to yourself, safety-proof your home. don’t keep sharp objects lying around, or anything dangerous of the like. get rid of anything toxic or chemical, and don’t keep medicines in excess.

2. if you can’t make yourself happy, try to mildly amuse yourself instead

thinking “happy thoughts” doesn’t really work for me, especially if i’m in the throes of a depressive episode. i do have many things that make me happy, but i seem to forget about all of them in dark times. that being said, really dumb jokes get me every time. if i can make myself laugh, smile or chuckle, i’ve already made it 10 times easier for myself. and if i can do that, usually it’s easy to make myself forget about the original reason i was upset in the first place.

dear reader, i don’t know what would count as “mildly amusing” to you, but here’s some things that work for me.

i have a self care playlist on youtube. mine’s pretty dumb, but making a playlist like that of things that you find entertaining or amusing might help. another amazing one is distantcry’s worst beat ever collection.

very specific songs that really get me going include metrostation’s shake it, botdf’s bewitched, rm’s expensive girl, and she past away’s ruh.

3. do some self care activities

self care is very very important. when you feel like you’re absolute worst, that’s a free pass to be as selfish as you need to be until you feel better. no job, no person, no drama is worth dying over. all of that can wait until after you’re finished what you’re doing. if you’re not really sure what to do as self care activities, i’ll list some suggestions.

take a hot bath, if possible. if you have the resources, add bubbles, flower petals, bathe salts or candles. i did this the other day and sat in the bath and ate crumpets. it was amazing. if not, have a steaming hot shower. (i know it’s hard to find the energy, but it’ll help, i promise)

watch your favourite childhood show, or your favourite show at the moment, or play a video game.

sleep all day, or take the day off.

eat your favourite food, or the best food available to you right now.

spend some money if you have it. personally, i never spend all my money in a week, i save some in case i have a panic attack or something so then i can spend money on something totally random to make myself feel better.

change up your appearance. i usually end up cutting my hair short or randomly dying it, but this can also mean dressing in a way that makes you feel good, painting your nails, or doing your makeup.

4. know how to comfort yourself

this is related to the last one but knowing what brings you comfort is very important. it took me a very long time to figure out what things i find comforting. list the things that you find comforting, and you can use those to help yourself feel better. it might be music, interests, even something abstract.

if you can’t think of anything, then make sure to pay attention to things that make you feel nice/comforted, and list them down. it’s also important to know what will send you over the edge, so you can avoid it.

5. distraction topics

this may help with anxiety as well, but having distraction topics can help you to calm down and forget about what you were worried about. it’s good to have a few distraction topics up your sleeve in case of emergency. i’ll list a few of my favourites, but if you ever need one don’t be afraid to ask me directly, or send me an ask on my blog! i have a ridiculous amount of misc knowledge just floating around.

dinosaur fossils of mothers protecting their nest have been found, meaning that dinosaurs probably felt some form of motherly love. love on earth is billions and billions of years old. creatures have loved each other on this planet since before the dawn of history. imagine being the first organism to love on this planet and what that must’ve been like

some cave paintings were animated. they had different frames painted over each other, and the flickering of a flame in the cave would cause the images to appear as if they were moving. isn’t that extremely profound?

i saw somewhere, that scientists attempted to see what an electron was made out of, or something to that effect. it’s made of a pool of energy, which is essentially nothing. no form, no matter. everything is made out of nothing.

6. romanticise your future

a lot of us probably don’t have a concept of the future, or if we do, it’s something that sounds absolutely horrible. well, forget about that! think instead about how hot n sexy you’ll be in your 30’s, 40’s, etc. don’t worry about how you’ll get there for now, your future self can take care of that. think about your ideal life, and get excited like it’s absolutely going to happen. the more you think about it, the more it will become true.

7. romanticise your current self

nobody in your life understands you? that’s because you’re the hot brooding mysterious one. struggle with very dark thoughts? omg you’d be so powerful as a jujutsu sorcerer. people are staring? it’s because they’re in love with you. people whispering as you go by? also in love with you. no friends? the universe had to keep you humble because otherwise you’d be too perfect. hate the way you look today? you’re just a littel troll babie. the more amusing these thoughts are, the better. and if you think these things for long enough, eventually it will trick your brain into thinking it’s true. who’s gonna check you? the telepaths?

8. put things into perspective

i am prone to delusional thoughts when i’m panicked, and i have to remind myself to reel it in. think about it, you’re more afraid of answering the phone than you are of death? doesn’t sound very cash money of you, bro.

think about how many years you’ve really lived, especially if you think you’ve failed in life. take 12 years off your age, because childhood doesn’t count. also take off any other years which you were forced to live the way someone else wanted you to live, rather than for myself.

for example, i’m currently 23. my household was pretty strict, so i couldn’t really do anything before age 18. which gives me a grand total of 5 years of me trying to figure out life by myself. it helps me to remember how young i actually am in the grand scheme of things, and that i have plenty of time to still figure things out.

9. find a safe outlet for dark urges

for me, art and journaling really helped. music too, especially when i felt like i could relate to either the lyrics, or just the tone/mood/feel of the song. it might be exercise, or you may like to do creative writing or make oc’s. sometimes you may just need a friend or someone to listen.

if you don’t have anyone to talk to, you can message me or shoot me an anon

10. sleep it off

sleep is not going to cure anything, but if i’m pushed over the edge and am struggling with dark thoughts, going to sleep almost always helps. most of the time i still feel like shit in the morning, but no longer in the mood to try anything hasty.

lastly: suicide is not the easy way out

note: i’m gonna be discussing my own experiences with suicide in this part, so if you don’t want to see that, then don’t read past this point

suicide is not the easy way out. it’s messy and it’s ugly and it’s painful and it’s gonna bring out the worst in people. i’ve been struggling with it since age 19.

one particular attempt landed me in the hospital after i swallowed a bunch of painkillers. i couldn’t think or speak properly, i was slurring my words and tripping over myself. my doctor brushed me off and said that it “would probably get better” with time, but it never did. it improved, but my mind has never been the same as it once was, and one of my biggest insecurities to this day is when i struggle to learn new things or get things mixed up that i shouldn’t. i struggle to learn the simplest of things, and my reaction times tend to be very slow.

the point is, sometimes you don’t die, sometimes you just end up hurting yourself in a way that won’t get better. nobody needs that. if had’ve known how to calm myself down back then, i might not’ve tried.

i don’t mind talking about it now, since i’ve dedicated so much time in learning how to uplift myself. i may be in the “better place” now, but you don’t need to rush yourself to be better immediately. sometimes you need to be patient, use baby steps, or learn to accomodate yourself where you are. these things take time. that’s okay.

and remember, you are loved and very much needed to be here on the planet with us.

#suicide awareness #suicide awareness month #mental health awareness #mental health #depression #anxiety #self help #suicide prevention #suicide prevention month #cw suicide

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milstrim · 3 years

Text

Comfort in My Shadow

Chapter 5: Ironic

By @iwritedumbshit for @iron-mum

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Minor Pepper Potts/Tony Stark

Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Ned Leeds, James “Rhodey” Rhodes

Summary: Soulmates are definite in the universe. Nobody knows exactly why they exist, or what dictates who is bonded to who, the only thing known is that they are never wrong. But Peter’s not so sure about that.

Living at the group home had taught Peter a lot about laying low and how to stay alive when nobody cares. But he’d always clung to the hope of the shadow at his feet reflecting his soulmate that had watched over him for years.

Typical that his soulmate is actually a superhero that Peter is convinced shouldn’t want anything to do with him. Maybe, just this once, the Universe was wrong.

But Tony Stark is desperate to prove that it is right.

Ch 1 // Ch 2 // Ch 3 // Ch 4 // Ch 6 // Ch 7 // Ch 8

---

"Woah."

"I know, right," Peter said, unzipping the inside of the suit and moving to plug it into Ned's computer. His friend continued to gape at it, fingers trailing over the fabric reverently.

"I can't believe Iron Man made this," he whispered. "I get to sit here. And touch a superhero suit. That Tony Stark made. For my best friend. This is the greatest day of my life."

"You've said that a lot recently," Peter pointed out, pulling up the schematics of the suit on Ned's computer, who turned to look at him in confusion.

"What are you doing? Are you supposed to be messing with it?"

"I'm not messing with it. I'm just going through Karen's code real quickly."

"Karen?"

"The AI," he explained. "I just want to make sure she's not gonna snitch on me."

"Snitch on you for what?"

"Uhhh, so you know those alien weapons I've been talking about?"

Ned nodded. "Yeah?"

"I'm gonna take that down, and I don't really need Karen telling Mr. Stark," he mumbled the last part nervously. Ned stared at him.

"Why don't we want Karen telling Mr. Stark again? I mean, he gave you the suit, he must think you're capable."

Peter paused, puffing up his cheeks as he took in an awkward breath, staring at the protocols showing up on the computer. He'd already spotted three to tell Mr. Stark if he was in trouble, so he knew it was the opposite of Ned's assumption.

"Actuallyyyy..." He took a deep breath. "You can't tell anyone this." Ned nodded, but he continued to press. "I mean it. Nobody. Not a soul."

"I won't, I won't! I promise, Peter. Not. A. Soul."

"Mr. Stark's my soulmate."

Ned's head whipped around to stare at Peter's shadow, his mouth falling open.

"Oh, my God... Oh, my God! He's your soulmate!!?" Peter nodded, preparing himself for Ned's excited ramblings, but he couldn't really hide the smile on tugging at his lips either, however faint it was. "This is insane! Your life is so fucking insane I think I'm going to lose it!! Have you talked to him? Wait--yeah you have! How many times have you talked to him? Have you done, I don't know, 'soulmate things?'"

"Ned, what?"

Ned threw his hands up. "I don't know, I haven't met my soulmate. I'm trying my best, Peter!"

Peter laughed, shrugging.

"I don't really know what 'soulmate things' are, but we had dinner, and he showed me some stuff in his lab."

"Oh, my God...you've been in his lab. You know you have to show me one day."

"Definitely. I'll figure it out later, just, let us get more used to each other? Maybe? Let me impress him at least, which is why I'm trying to keep Karen from snitching on me."

"Sure. Here," Ned agreed, sitting beside him on the bed and gesturing for the computer. Peter passed it over to him wordlessly. "I'll work on the protocols, you do detective work or something."

"Thanks, dude."

"By the way, and answer honestly, is that Tony Stark's hoodie?"

Peter glanced down at the red hoodie that Mr. Stark had given him, 'MIT' emblazoned on the sleeves while the faded logo sat on the front of the piece of clothing. He smiled at Ned. "Yep."

"This is so cool," his friend melted.

With an amused eyeroll, Peter pulled out his phone, clearing his throat and nervously calling, "Karen?"

The phone lit up. "Yes, Peter?"

"Listen, ah, I was wondering if you could help me. I'm trying to figure out who these guys under the bridge were a few nights ago, but I mean, I can only kind of remember part of a license plate."

"Can you tell me where you were?" Peter rattled off Liz's neighborhood. Karen was silent for a little bit before piping up again. "Was there a white van involved?"

Peter perked up. "Yes! Exactly!"

A hologram popped up from Peter's phone. Ned stopped to stare at it as they both let out an identical, "Whoa..."

Peter watched intently from the security camera as the van rolled up under the bridge to where the buyer had been waiting. Karen highlighted the faces for him.

"Okay. The two on the right, who are they?" he asked.

"Searching law enforcement databases," Karen said, pausing before answering. "No records found for two of the individuals."

"Nothing?"

"One individual identified." The recording was replaced by a mugshot. "Aaron Davis, age thirty-three. He has a criminal record and an address here in Queens."

Peter and Ned glanced at each other. Ned said, "The protocols are disabled."

"Let's pay him a visit."

---

"So, what's this surprise you've been talking about?"

Tony's head shot up at the sound of his girlfriend's voice. He smiled, turning from where he'd been forcing some kitchen tools into a box to take in the woman as she stepped off of the elevator. She very much looked like she'd just come out of a meeting in sharp business slacks and an exhausted expression.

"Hey, Pep. How was...London?"

"Tokyo," she corrected, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "It was tiring. How's the packing?"

"Eh, boring," he said, kicking the box lightly and shoving his hands in his pockets. "So, anyway, I think that we should reconsider moving to the compound permanently."

"Tony, we just finished all the paperwork for the tower! And most floors have been packed by now, we can't just--"

"Not the tower. Just for us. Ever thought about a nice high-rise in Queens?"

Pepper stared at him, crossing her arms. "Queens? Since when have you ever cared about Queens?"

"Well, that's the surprise."

"The surprise is that you want to move to Queens?"

"No," Tony corrected, unable to stop his bright grin. "The surprise is that my soulmate lives in Queens."

It took a couple of seconds for that to register to Pepper. When it did, her eyebrows raised and she let out a smiled gasp. "You found him?"

Tony nodded. "Yep, just swinging around New York like a maniac."

"Swinging?"

"He's Spider-Man. Well, 'man's' a strong word. Here." He waved his hand, pulling up a screen that displayed Peter's yearbook photo. Pepper cooed at him. "Peter Parker. Top of his class at Midtown High by day, overly excited vigilante by night."

"He doesn't look like he could hurt a fly, never mind stop robberies. How'd he get his powers?"

"Forgot to ask, actually. He wasn't super excited to meet me at first, actually."

Pepper snorted. "Good. I'm glad he doesn't feed your ego."

"Hey! This is serious," he pouted.

"Uhuh." Pepper gave him another kiss on the cheek. "How'd you meet him?"

"Mugging. I bought him a hot chocolate."

"Hmm. I expected something stranger given your track record."

"He ran away."

"There it is," she said. "It's all good now, though?"

"Yeah..."

"Tony?"

He hesitated. "Peter lives at a group home, and I gotta say, not super fond of his foster father."

"Is he... Does he hurt Peter?" Pepper asked. He shrugged.

"Possibly. I gave Peter some money and the guy took it. Spent hundreds of dollars on liquor. And the kid's really thin. Jumpy, too. But there's nothing to prove right now."

"I'm surprised I didn't have our lawyer calling me to say you broke into a foster home and kidnapped a kid."

Tony shrugged, giving her a soft smile. "I don't need to break down the door to say hi to Peter. Besides, kid's wary, gets nervous easily. I don't want to scare him off by being too invasive about his home."

"Good on you for learning some boundaries, Tony," she congratulated before turning just a little more serious as she glanced at Peter's picture again. "You're sure he's alright?"

"No. But he's got a new superhero suit, a phone with me, Friday, and his own AI on speed dial, an unlimited credit card, and a badge to get into the tower. He's got resources if he needs them."

"Then let's just hope he doesn't need them."

---

Peter waited until the next day to find and interrogate Aaron Davis, more at Ned's insistence that they study for their Spanish quiz and to let his friend geek out over the suit than anything else. He'd stayed at his friend's house for as long as humanly possible, readily accepting whatever snack that Ned had pushed his way and going over notes that Karen gave him about Davis. It wasn't until the alarm he'd had Karen set that it was 9:40 went off did he leave.

Peter didn't like to impose on his friend so much, but Ned hadn't seemed to mind with the new addition of a supersuit and Mr. Stark being his soulmate, and the teenager couldn't help the way he was still avoiding Mr. Fowler like the plague. After leaving Mr. Stark's on Sunday and failing to stop a simple burglary, he'd hurried back to the group home, helping Eric with his homework and then cooping himself up in his room. He'd managed to avoid him the entire night and the next morning due to the man being passed out drunk in his room. Though he was still wracked with guilt at the fact that his foster father had stolen Mr. Stark's money on alcohol, he had to admit that it was at least useful.

Bidding goodnight to his friend, Peter slipped out of the apartment and hurried down onto the street where he joined the late night crowd as he made his way back to the group home. He popped his earbuds in and chose a song on his phone (that had an unlimited choice for him now, but he just stuck with his familiar Spotify playlists) as he rushed back to a place that he wished he could avoid for longer. Unfortunately, the curfew was final, so he made it back to the Queens Pinehill Group Home for Boys with five minutes to spare.

He stopped in front of the door as his hairs rose. Surprisingly, they didn't direct him towards the house, instead calling him to turn around. Peter glanced over his shoulder, catching sight of a man sitting at an apartment's steps a few buildings down. It was too dark to see his face, especially with the hat he wore pulled down low, but he looked just a little familiar. More than a little nervous, the teenager shook it off and stepped inside.

Mr. Fowler was waiting for him at the dining table. Peter paused, taking out his earbuds as Mr. Fowler turned to stare at him, chewing on a slice of pizza. For some reason, despite living in New York, the man was obsessed with frozen pizza. It was practically criminal, but Peter excused it as mind games since all the kids weren't allowed to eat any of it. Only a sociopath would eat exclusively frozen pizza in Queens.

"Pity. I was hoping you'd be late," Mr. Fowler frowned at Peter as he shuffled to a hesitant stop by the stairs. "Got another card for me?"

"No," Peter lied stiffly.

"What? No sugar daddy today?"

He knew better than to argue. "I hung out with Ned."

Mr. Fowler stared at him, but the travel agent was nothing if not a man of his word. Peter had been on time, so he waved the teenager on. Resisting the urge to scramble into the safety of his room, he whisked up the steep stairs and into the dark bedroom only lit by the lamp in the corner.

Tim was already asleep, but Jeremiah was sat on his bed going over what looked like a book report. The teenager paid Peter no mind as he dropped his bag onto the ground beside his bed and changed into a pajama shirt. He kept the hoodie on that Mr. Stark had given despite the warmth of the night as he slipped under his covers, bundling up in the reassuring fabric.

Peter didn't fall asleep for a while, grateful for the light provided by the lamp as he stared at the outline of Mr. Stark's shadow as though it were the only thing in the world. It might as well be for all he cared. Blocking out Mr. Fowler was quickly becoming a new necessity that was increasingly hard to do with the way his senses focused in on every little thing.

The entire house smelled of the man's alcohol, musty and strong and littered with the memories of a dark closet where even his shadow hadn't been able to comfort him. But the hoodie carried the fading scent of Mr. Stark that washed away his tired uneasiness, at least for the time being, and the shadow kept him preoccupied with one comforting thought. Out there, just across a bridge, was an adult who cared.

---

When Peter woke up, he felt off. He wasn't quite sure how to explain it, just that he knew the day was going to go wrong before it started. He wanted to curl up deeper into the hoodie that wrapped around him like a cocoon, but forced himself to push the covers off of himself and plant hit feet on the cold morning floor.

Jeremiah's bed was already empty, so Peter assumed that he'd already eaten and left with Eric, whose school started much earlier than everyone else's. Tim was still asleep, so Peter put on a pair of pants, grabbed his bag, and woke the kid up before knocking on the door of the other kids' room. He then headed downstairs and began putting together bowls of cereal for the kids that would be stumbling downstairs in a few minutes.

Mr. Fowler was in the kitchen, leaving the teenager to shuffle around him awkwardly as the man gave him a suspicious glare that he tried desperately to ignore. He left the kitchen as quickly as possible, placing the bowls down in the kids' usual spots and then taking up his own place to quickly scarf down a bowl of tasteless cereal. By the time he was finished, all the other kids had already stumbled downstairs and begun to eat.

Peter went along preparing their bags and then taking their bowls to the sink once they were done. He had just put the last dish in the dishwasher when the other boys at Queens Pinehill Group Home for Boys walked out the door, leaving him alone with Mr. Fowler. The man was staring at him with the same suspicious glare as he closed the pantry and then made to grab his backpack.

"Wait just a moment, Peter," Mr. Fowler said. Peter paused immediately, holding back a shiver at the danger in his tone.

"Sir?"

"There was a pack of granola bars missing from the pantry last night." The man glared at him, clearly waiting for a reaction, but Peter just stared at him, hesitant. Which kid had taken the bars? He hadn't seen anything off in their bags, unless Mr. Fowler had just miscounted, though that didn't happen often. "Anything to say to that, Peter?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, sir. I didn't take them."

"You didn't? I find that very hard to believe. How close are you to ending your grounding?"

"Three days, Mr. Fowler."

He tutted, standing up from his chair and stepping over to Peter. The teenager couldn't stop the way he froze, tensing up and squaring his shoulders as a large, meaty hand clamped down on one. Fingers curled over the thick fabric of his hoodie, pricking at his skin.

"Well, it would be a pity if it was extended longer. You're sure you didn't take anything?"

"Nothing, sir." The hand flashed to his hair, grabbing a fistful and pulling his head down and to the side with a pained grunt. Peter forced his breaths to steady even as tears pricked at his eyes. "I didn't take anything, Mr. Fowler, I promise!"

"Then you've wasted my time, son. Do you know what makes up for lost time?"

"Wha-what? Sir."

"A bit of hard cash." Peter noticed the way the man's hand trembled. "That card was nice for the weekend, but I'm afraid I'm running a little low. Got anything else for me?"

His thoughts flashed to the newly activated card sitting in his wallet, tucked safely in his hoodie pocket. He could just give it up and walk away. Mr. Fowler would be happy and Peter could go to school, safe and sound.

Steely eyes met Mr. Fowler's impossibly strained ones. "No. I don't have any other money."

The fist let go of his hair, throwing him back. Peter caught himself in a stumble as Mr. Fowler looked at him in disgust.

"Fine," the man rasped. "Extend your grounding until next week, then. Now get to school before I'm forced to call you in an excuse."

Peter mumbled out a grated, "Yes, sir," before stumbling out the door. Instead of making his way to school, he stumbled into the nearest alleyway. The teenager sucked in a deep breath, cursing himself for the tears biting at his eyes and the panic choking his throat. He was fine. Nothing had happened. He was completely fine. It wasn't like the extension of his grounding even mattered, Peter had money to buy food when he needed it. Everything. Was. Fine.

But Peter wasn't fine. He was choking on air and stumbling on panic as he slid down a grimy alleyway wall, unable to even begin to calm down. He didn't know why he was even freaking out so bad, Mr. Fowler had only pulled his hair, but the revival of the strong smell of liquor and the closeness of the man's face to his was horribly haunting.

Peter pulled at his hair as he finally managed to wheeze in a breath, staring desperately at the shadow in front of him. Mr. Stark's fluffy hair and tall shoulders seemed to stare back at him, almost reassuring. The teenager shoved his nose into the collar of his cardinal hoodie, taking in a deep breath to drown out Mr. Fowler.

It calmed him slightly.

But not quite enough.

With chattering teeth, Peter pulled his bag off of his shoulder and tore the suit out of it. With no hesitation, he took off his clothes and stepped into the suit. Karen greeted him instantly.

"Good morning, Peter. Shouldn't you be heading to school?"

"Uh, no, no. Not today, Karen. That man, Aaron Davis? Where is he right now?"

A path was highlighted on his screen.

---

"Remember me?"

Peter's voice was almost hilariously unnatural, but the man at the car stumbled back, so he guessed it worked. He thundered forward to where Aaron Davis was trying to stumble away from his car but was pulled back by the web sticking to the open hood.

"Uh, hey..."

"I need information. You're gonna give it to me now," Peter demanded half-heartedly, the enhanced interrogation mode making his voice much angrier. Maybe it was better than he thought.

"All right, chill," Davis placated.

"Come on!"

Davis paused, staring at him in confusion. Peter tried not to shuffle on his feet. "What happened to your voice?"

Crap.

"What do you mean, what happened to my voice?"

"I heard you by the bridge. I know what a girl sound like," Davis deadpanned.

"I'm not a girl! I'm a boy," Peter protested, quickly moving to correct himself. "I mean, I'm a--I'm a man."

"I don't care what you are, a boy, a girl..." the man trailed off with a shrug, continuing to load his car with groceries.

"I'm not a girl! I'm a man," he protested again. "Come on, man. Look, who is selling these weapons? I need to know. Give me names--or else."

Davis slammed the trunk shut and Peter flinched back on instinct. The man flashed him a teasing smile, shaking his head.

"You ain't ever done this before, huh?"

"Deactivate interrogation mode," Peter said sullenly. Davis huffed in amusement, shaking his head again. "Look, man, these guys are selling weapons that are crazy dangerous. They can't just be out on the streets. Look, if one of them can just cut Delmar's bodega in half..."

Davis, not paying attention in the slightest, looked up, regarding him in slight interest. "You know Delmar's?"

"Yeah, best sandwich in Queens," he shrugged.

"Sub Haven's pretty good."

"It's too much bread."

"I like bread."

"Come on, man, please," the teenager begged one last time. Davis stared at him, unresponsive, so with a dramatic throw of his hands, Peter began to walk away. "Stupid interrogation mode. Karen, don't ever do that again."

"The other night," Aaron started. Peter turned around to look at him. "You told that dude, "if you shoot somebody, shoot me." It's pretty ballsy. I don't want those weapons in this neighborhood. I got a nephew who live here.

Tentatively, Peter stepped back over, catching sight of the man's shadow. It was smaller, clearly a boy with a tall afro.

"Who are these guys? What can you tell me about the guy with the wings?"

"Other than he's a psychopath dressed like a demon, nothing. I don't know who he is or where he is." Peter sighed, leaning his head on the car roof. He was never going to prove to Mr. Stark he was worthy of being his soulmate when he couldn't even find the vulture guy. Aaron offered, "I do know where he's gonna be."

Peter perked up. "Really?"

"Yeah, this crazy dude I used to work with, he's supposed to be doing a deal with him."

"Yes!" Peter exclaimed, beginning to step away in giddiness. "Yes. Thank--"

"Hey, hey, hey," Aaron called. Peter stopped. "I didn't tell you where. You don't have a location."

Peter flushed bright red, making his way back to the car in embarrassment. "Right, of course. Yeah, my bad. Silly. Just...Yeah. Where is it?"

"Can I give you some advice?" Peter hummed. "You got to get better at this part of the job."

"I don't understand. I'm intimidating."

He crossed his arms, but Aaron only shook his head again.

"Staten Island ferry, eleven."

"Oh, that's soon," Peter realized. He began to walk away, pointing a finger at where the man's hand was webbed. "Hey, that's gonna dissolve in two hours."

"No, no, no, no. Come fix this."

"Two hours. You deserve that."

"I got ice cream in here."

"You deserve that. You're a criminal! Bye, Mr. Criminal!!"

---

Tony clapped his hands together in an attempt to dust them off as he stared around the packaged remains of his lab. Scribbled formulas and problems had been wiped clean from boards, tables folded and disassembled, and prototypes all packed into boxes ready to be loaded onto the plane in a few days time. Most of what was left in his workplace was personal items and two encased Iron Man armors.

"How we looking on time, Fri?" he asked, grabbing his mug from where he'd placed it on the counter earlier and taking a sip.

"Packing for the move to the compound is on schedule, boss," the AI responded.

"Great," he said, smacking his lips at the comforting bitterness of his coffee, "How's the search for a Queens apartment going?"

"I have several different listings placed into the Itsy Bitsy Spider folder for you to look at."

"Great. Forward them to Pepper."

"Of course, sir."

Satisfied with the prospective of flipping through apartment listings closer to Peter in the evening, he glanced down at his shadow, frowning at the lack of fluffy hair there. It was Tuesday, wasn't it? He checked his watch for the time. Barely eleven. He was pretty sure Peter should be in school by now.

"Friday, is the spider-suit active?"

"Yes, sir."

He frowned harder. "Activate the Baby Monitor Protocol, I want to see what's going on."

"That protocol has been disabled, sir."

"What?"

The AI was silent for a moment before responding, "It has been disabled, along with many others. The only way to reinstate them would be manually."

Tony glanced down at his shadow again. Surely the kid wasn't messing with the suit? And especially not the protocols to keep him safe? And he'd skipped school, too.

"Call Peter."

---

Peter peered over the top of the ferry roof at the men gathering below, who practically screamed shady. He kept an eye on Dronie's recording, the small robot keeping an eye on the other two guys up on the ferry, while Karen highlighted the men below.

"Who’s the guy on the left?" he asked, his spine shivering as he looked at the man.

"Mac Gargan. Extensive criminal record, including homicide. Would you like me to alert Mr. Stark?"

"What? No. I've got this, Karen."

One of the men that Peter had seen at the bridge approached Gargan. Peter could easily pick up his muttered. "White pickup truck."

Gargan nodded at one of his crones, who immediately began walking into the inside of the ferry holding the cars.

"Dronie," Peter whispered. "Scan the ship for a white pickup truck."

He watched the footage apprehensively as Dronie flew farther outside the ferry, x-raying the boat to pick out the truck inside. The robot then zipped over to it, beginning to scan the contents covered in the trunk but flying away and back to Peter as a man stepped out the front. His leg bounced nervously as the robot settled back in his chest, his heart beating erratically.

"Oh, this is too perfect," Peter said. "I got the weapons, buyers, and sellers all in one place."

"Incoming call from Tony Stark."

"No, no, no. No, no, don’t answer."

Despite his protests, the screen of his suit was swept away as Mr. Stark filled his screen. Peter tried not to grimace, keeping a careful eye on the men below even as the billionaire began to speak.

"Mr. Parker. Got a sec?" Mr. Stark greeted with a tight smile.

"Uh, I’m actually at school," Peter lied, ignoring Karen's correction in his ear. "I gotta get back to class, Mr. Stark, so--"

"What class?"

"Uhh--" Shit, what did he have at eleven? "Alge--"

The ferry's horn blared excruciatingly loudly. Peter resisted the urge to grimace, trying to keep an eye on the criminals below still.

"Band. I'm at, uh, band practice."

Mr. Stark stared at him, unimpressed. "That's...odd. You told me you quit band when you started swinging around as Spider-Man."

"I gotta go. Uh, end call."

"Hey," Mr. Stark protested, but the screen clicked close, allowing Peter to clearly see the people below once more. He flicked out a wrist, snapping a web onto a pair of keys being handed over.

"I’ll take those! Yoink!" He flipped, snatching the keys and webbing them to the ceiling. "Hey, guys. The illegal-weapons-deal-ferry was at 10:30. You missed it."

He webbed away the weapons from two guys quickly and threw them into the water. With a shiver up his spine, he ducked out of the way of the approaching man wearing the shocking gauntlet. The man's weaponized arm got stuck in the net on the ferry.

While he was distracted with the gauntlet guy, the other two he'd disarmed had scrambled to their feet, egging for a get away. Peter turned lackadaisically, webbing them

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Not so fast." He threw the two to the ground. "Are you guys okay? My bad. That was a little hard. I gotta say the other guy was way better with that thing. I’m honestly, I’m, I’m shocked."

This was going super well.

---

Peter let out a short scream of pain, suspended between the two crumbling halves of the ferry. His arms burned as he gripped at the webs fruitlessly, but he refused to let go. He could hear their heartbeats, fast and afraid and exactly like his own. The teenager panted, straining harder than he ever had before only to continue to fail. The ferry wasn't coming back together, his webs hadn't done anything, and the entire ship was going to fall apart.

And yet he refused to let go, even as he felt his arms tear painfully. He cracked his eyes open, searching desperately for his shadow. It was currently lost in the waves crashing underneath as cars piled into the rushing water. There was a moment, so quick he almost missed it, where a car hood stayed still long enough just for him to make out the shadow.

Of an Iron Man armor.

There was a metal groaning and an easing on his shoulders. Peter looked away from his shadow.

"What the hell?" With the ferry putting itself together, the teenager let himself drop onto the ferry floor, arm raised in fearful apprehension as the sound of metal colliding echoed around the entire boat. "What the hell..."

Mr. Stark in the Iron Man armor rose into view at the windows. Despite the fact that he was wearing a mask, it was easy to tell he looked angry. Or, hopefully, he was reading too much into it and the suit was just mean looking.

"Hi, Spider-Man. Band practice, was it?"

Nope. He sounded mad too. Peter had to force down a shiver, ignoring the clapping people and swinging to the cargo hold as Mr. Stark flew under it, beginning to piece the ship back together. He followed anxiously on the ceiling, turmoil sitting heavy in his stomach as he followed the man.

"Uh, Mr. Stark?" he called nervously. He continued to skitter after the man as he flew up to the ferry's top, trying to catch the man's attention even as he continued to ignore the teenager. "Hey, Mr. Stark. Could I do anything? What do you want me to do?"

"I think you’ve done enough."

Peter couldn't even bear to look at his shadow.

---

"So that’s it, you’re just gonna run?" Adrian asked as Schultz approached with his overflowing duffle bag.

"Feds were waiting for us. Now we’re on Iron Man’s radar? Yeah, I’m running. You should, too."

"You know I can’t do that," Toomes said, glancing down at the shadow of his wife.

"So now what?" Schultz shrugged. Adrian rubbed at his chin.

"Mason, can you get that high-altitude seal thing up and running in time?"

"Seriously?" the engineer asked, comically giddy despite how hilariously screwed they all were. "Yes. You will not regret this."

Adrian turned back to Schultz. "You in?"

The man glanced down on the floor, contemplative. "If we get caught, we're dead. And we have days before that plane takes off. We'll be caught before then. Stark will get us, you know that."

"So we take care of Stark."

"Take care of Stark? You're crazy. How the hell are we gonna to kill Iron Man?"

Adrian thought for a moment, thoughts creeping back to the night over the lake; a defensive boy and an over-eager man and matching shadows. Peter Parker, as had been reported by one of his men following the kid. He even went to Liz's school, on her academic team and everything. He hurt a little to do this, but nothing was more important than family.

"We don't need to kill Stark," Adrian responded. "We just need to insure his compliance."

---

Tony finally spotted the kid sitting on the edge of the building, his legs thrown over the side, his mask torn off his face as he stared down at the water. The bulky outline of the Iron Man armor extended behind him, an imposing figure compared to the hunched and shivering kid. The sound of sirens and helicopters rang in the distance, only feeding fuel to the fire that was his anger. It had been two days since he'd given Peter the suit and he'd already hacked it, lied to him, and endangered the lives of more than a hundred people. He'd taken Tony's tech and ran with it, doing what the man had warned the teenager not to do, and almost gotten himself killed too.

It terrified him just as much as it infuriated him.

"Previously on Peter Screws the Pooch," Tony started, hovering next to Peter's spot on the building. "I tell you to stay away from this. Instead, you hacked a multimillion-dollar suit so you could sneak around behind my back doing the one thing I told you not to do."

"Is everyone okay?" Peter rasped.

"No thanks to you."

He clunked down on the ground, but Peter barely even looked at him, just grasping the mask in his fingers tighter. After a tense moment, the kid turned to glare at him, a sour look on his face.

"What do you care?"

The question almost shocked Tony from his anger, but the fury managed to cling on as the suit opened, allowing for him to step out. There was a defensive flicker on Peter's face, washed away as quickly as it came, at the stiff anger glued to his figure.

"What do I care?" he echoed incredulously. "Who the hell gave you the suit that you're wearing right now? The one that you used to go fight people you weren't ready to fight. Peter, you're not prepared for this--"

"I didn't see you doing anything."

"Who do you think called the FBI, huh?" Tony demanded.

"And they got their asses kicked immediately!"

"And you did what exactly?"

Peter swallowed. A soft, angry mumble shivered from his chest. "I just wanted to be like you."

Tony glowered. "And I wanted you to be better."

Peter didn't have an answer to that, turning away with a sharp flinch to stare down at the water again where the ferry was finally beginning to dock. His face was scrunched up in cold anger. Tony stared at him, waiting, but the teenager didn't do anything. Didn't say anything. With an indignant sniff, Tony glanced between the approaching boat of people and the kid sitting stiffly in front of him.

"Okay, it’s not working out. I’m gonna need the suit back."

That caught Peter's attention. His head whipped around and he finally swiveled off of the building's edge, standing to face him. The defensiveness was back in full force now, broken only by a shiver of fear in the tremble on his face.

The teenager swallowed. "For how long?"

"Forever." Peter gaped at him, shaking his head. Tony hit him with a withering expression. "Yeah. Yeah, that’s how it works."

"No, no, no... Please, please, please..." the kid rushed, his voice pitching higher.

"Let’s have it."

"You don’t understand. Please. This is all I have. I’m nothing without this suit."

"If you’re nothing without this suit, then you shouldn’t have it." Tony stopped in his demand, pausing to stare into the distance under the guise of letting Peter absorb his words but really choking down his own panic and regret. This was how he was treating his soulmate. He hadn't known this kid for a week and he'd had maybe two successful conversations with him. And now he was yelling and bringing down and punishing. "God, I sound like my dad."

Peter stared at him, swallowing. "Mr. Stark, please I don't want you to g--"

"The suit. Peter."

He could barely even look at the kid's completely dejected expression.

---

Peter meandered down the street, his head down as he forced himself to bite down on tears. It wasn't that hard, he'd had a lot of practice recently after all, but he couldn't deny that it hurt. Well, he could, but not to himself.

With the loss of the suit, Peter's bag was considerably lighter. Empty. It was disturbingly similar to how he felt in the moment, like a stumbling shell of a person.

He'd fucked up. He knew he had. But he didn't think he'd fucked up enough to lose his soulmate. He'd just--he'd just wanted to try and impress Mr. Stark, to show the man that he was worthy of being the shadow that had followed the superhero--his hero--around for fifteen years. He huffed to himself quietly at the horrible irony of it all.

After Mr. Stark had demanded to the suit, well, Peter had given it to him. He hadn't had much other choice. The man had allowed for him to go grab the bag he'd webbed to an alleyway earlier and change into his clothes. Choking down panicked tears, the teenager had folded up the barely used suit, and, after a moment of hesitation, slipped the card, the phone, and the badge given to him into the mask. He wanted to have given him the red hoodie too, but it was the only top he'd had, so he'd reluctantly kept it. He'd given the stuff that was no longer his to the still seething Avenger and had left. Mr. Stark hadn't ask where he was going, so he hadn't told him.

Not that Peter was amazingly sure he knew himself. He didn't want to go back to where Mr. Fowler was surely working from home. Peter was supposed to be at school, the man would be furious that he hadn't gone, and he didn't have the courage to face him right now. The ghosted feeling of a hand tugging at his hair and painful nails in his shoulder was enough to keep him wandering the streets of Queens for as long as he possibly could.

There wasn't a destination, there was barely even a journey, there was just the tired wanderings of a teenager trying desperately not to break down crying. Part of him wished he'd kept the phone, just so he could text Ned, or even lose himself mindlessly on social media for an hour or two, but Mr. Stark's words rang clearly in his head.

"Forever."

Peter shook himself vigorously, taking a wispy breath. Of course he would lose his soulmate not even a week after meeting him. Everyone else had left too, it really only made sense.

He didn't know why he'd let himself hope.

"I don't want you to go."

A painfully strong shiver up his spine forced the teenager to stop in the middle of the alleyway he'd been cutting through. Peter pulled back his sleeve, brows furrowing as the hairs on his arm rose on end. Without his phone, or the watch kept on his webshooter, the teen had no way of knowing what time it was, but it had to have been at least half an hour since Mr. Stark had taken the suit. Since he'd caused a gun to split a ferry full of innocent bystanders in half.

"And I wanted you to be better."

Peter had assumed his senses had continued to freak out from the resounding adrenaline and the complete rush of panic that had been today--from the horribleness of it all--but they still weren't calming down.

Jittery, he turned to leave the alleyway back the way he came, but there was a man blocking his way. He froze when he recognized him and the glitching gauntlet on his arm. From the bridge and the ferry. The man stalked forward.

Peter whipped around to escape towards the other end, but another man stood there as well, a different alien weapon in his hands. Peter paused again, eyes shifting desperately for an escape even as the weapon behind him charged up with a threatening snap.

"Give it up, kid," ordered the man. "Come easy, and we won't hurt you."

"Wow. So reassuring," Peter snapped. Without warning, the teenager leaped, jumping onto the wall as high as he could reach. He attempted to begin skittering up the wall, but there was another spike in his senses.

There was no time to dodge as he was encased by an annoyingly familiar blue light that crashed him to the ground straight into a gathering of trashcans. He groaned in pain as he collided with the metal, the cans tipping over and releasing their contents near and on him. There were footsteps, and he tried to push himself back up, but the man with the gauntlet approached quicker than he could recover.

The teenager stared up at him as the man smirked. The gauntlet cracked.

"Nighty-night."

Peter could only close his eyes as a metal fist came crashing down.

---

~Click for better quality~

Ch 1 // Ch 2 // Ch 3 // Ch 4 // Ch 6 // Ch 7 // Ch 8

#friendly neighborhood exchange #peter parker #tony stark #Iron Man #spiderman #irondad #spiderson #irondad and spiderson #ironman fanfiction #spiderman fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #soulmate au #platonic soulmates #not st*rker #you would not BELIEVE the amount of time i spent on the stupid thing peter is sitting on #idk who designed that #but fuck them

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simpbur · 3 years

Note

hello! i would like ur 40 song wiblur playlist

anon thank you so much for asking <333 while it would’ve been easier to just drop the link i have so many thoughts about everything so i explained why every single song has its spot on this list which was IMMENSELY fun for me

(also: if anyone does want the link i can provide both apple music and spotify but if u would like the apple music link i’d rather it be through dms or an ask off anon that i can make private!)

another also: i bolded all the songs for ease of perusing if you don’t want the director’s commentary and bolded + italicized the ones that i think fit Very Well

another another also: wrote the second bit of this on my laptop and the keyboard is p funky so if there are any typos or things that do not make sense i will try to fix them asap haha

saint bernard by lincoln: this is one of those like. Dream SMP Songs that i added because it fits into so many different relationships and plot lines and arcs but i think there’s some connection to c!wlbur somewhere out there. idk i asked my friend and he said to add it so this one goes out to him

amnesia was her name by lemon demon: ghostbur song ghostbur song! mostly comes from this lovely animatic

o valencia! by the decemberists: okay this is one of those songs that only really has one lyric that fits but is an absolutely banger so it’s here anyway. you’ll also notice a trend of quasi love songs that i relate to c!wilbur’s perception of l’manburg and i think this song shows this in a really cool way, esp with the chorus (‘and i swear to the stars i’ll burn this whole city down’ is The Line)

achilles come down by gang of youths: another one of those Dream SMP Songs. i think this fits better with c!tommy but i like it too much to remove it. this is a somewhat common trend with the earlier songs on this playlist (i’ve been building this thing since january, for reference)

brave as a noun by ajj: another Dream SMP Song. i think certain verses fit better than others when it comes to wilbur’s character but that ones that work really work

harness your hopes by pavement: a song that is one here for vibes alone. i have no idea what these lyrics mean. all i know is that i heard it, thought of c!wilbur, and put it on the playlist. thank you all for being here

evelyn evelyn by evelyn evelyn: sad-ist made this a tommy and tubbo song (as she should) so it’s validity on this playlist is questionable but folks used to compare it to wilbur and tommy’s relationship during the pogtopia arc and i think some points were made there

the execution of all things by rilo kiley: i’m so excited to get here because this was the first song i put on the playlist that i think really works and i thumb nailed an animatic for the last verse and november 16th so! i think it’s a good l’manburg song and the last verse has some good ghostbur lines (‘and lately you’re all alone with nothing left but sleep/but sleep never comes to you, it’s the guilt and forever wakefulness of the weak’)

i’m just your problem from adventure time: this ones a bit tricky since at is my favorite show of all time and i cannot detach this song from its in-show context very well but there is a very cool animatic with this song that landed it a spot on the playlist

man burning by josh ritter: almost became an animatic but the audio i wanted to use (which i recorded at a josh ritter concert and it’s just him and his guitar and there’s echo and it’s very haunting and pretty) has my stepbrother singing in the background and i could not edit it out so. that will probably not happen. but anyways the only hole i would pick in this song is that it’s mostly about self sabotage which isn’t really applicable but i think the imagery is cool

mamma mia by abba: here me out. here me out. this is another song that fits so well and i have spent so many hours thinking about this and somewhere there is a note on my phone explaining how every single line relates to c!wilbur’s entire arc from founding l’manburg to the resurrection (made when we thought gbur was going to get resurrected in january) and just. the metaphorical ‘you’ is l’manburg does this make any sense (another almost animatic except now that wilbur’s actually back it might become an actual animatic)

the other side of paradise by glass animals: no idea why this is here other than being a Dream SMP Song. it’s good tho

infinitesimal by mother mother: they saaaaay it stared with a big bang but they saaaaaaaay it came out of a small thing latelyyyyy i’ve been feeling like a big bang You Know

curses by the crane wives: had a thing drawn out for this song showing the comparisons between c!wilbur and c!niki because of the chorus and i think the last two lyrics of said chorus are the best thing about this one

lonely eyes by the front bottoms: gotta admit that i have no idea how this song got on here but i’ve come to associate it with ghostbur based on vibes alone. it’s a friendly song he’s a friendly ghost it works. the other tfb song coming up fits a bit better methinks

king of new orleans by better than ezra: not to put better than ezra on my c!wilbur playlist but like. something about the whole ‘tasing something up to let it fall’ motif makes me think

get me away from here, i’m dying by belle and sebastian: another almost animatic song (there’s a trend here). not only does the story told in this song work i like the lines ‘play me a song to set me free/nobody writes them like they used to so it may as well be me’ in relation to my l’manburg

montgomery forever by the front bottoms: certain bits and pieces of this song fit so well, specifically the chorus and those bits in the last two choruses Yeah (’montgomery forever and ever and ever and now they’re blowing it up/(x2)/as you started laughing and crying and trying to explain how all you want to do is leave’)

don’t look back in anger by oasis: out of all my almost animatic songs, this one got the furthest. the animatic, which I got pretty far in thumbnailing, was about wilbur and tommy and kind of drawing comparisons between their characters, also about the revolution in general. maybe i’ll finish that animatic one day idk

snow by ricky montgomery: i wish i had a link for this so bad but!! saw art on twitter!! with the lyric ‘bury me six feet in snow’!! and went ahfsdjfk!!

burning pile by mother mother: a Dream SMP Song. also a jam there’s no real specific connection for this one but i think it could fit in a couple of ways

rounds by the oh hellos: in the same position as snow except it was on tumblr..... @ whoever made this comic i saw these lyrics in your brain is massive and your art is incredible

lovely by mt. eddy: on here for vibes alone. there’s something in the lyrical content too, but my thoughts in that regard are not very fleshed out

adventures in solitude by the new pornographers: ah yes..... the song that prompted this all...... this is a beautiful and incredibly well written song and if you’re going to listen to any song off of this playlist i’d encourage you to listen to this one. it’s place of here is mostly cause of the chorus but the imagery in the verses could all represent a part of c!wilbur and i’d love to explore that more

caught in the middle by paramore: obligatory paramore song. i think it got on here because limbo = ‘middle’ but i’m not quite sure. on the verge of being deleted if i can find a better pmore song

delicate by damien rice: one of the oddest songs on this list and i am well aware that it sticks out like a sore thumb. a song that’s on here pretty much because of one lyric, which is ‘and why’d you sing hallelujah/if it means nothing to you’ which i related to both eret’s betrayal and how my l’manburg is hallelujah yknow

bang! by ajr: almost animatic song. i think we all know what the bang is here

somewhere only we know by lily allen: ik i said don’t look back in anger has the most potential to get made into an animatic but this song might actually take it place. on par with adventures in solitude in terms of how pretty of a song it is, and probably even moreso. it’s kind of turned into a ghostbur song in my head, and makes me cry like an infant child every time i hear it

a pearl by mitski: i cannot defend this song’s place on here past the line ‘it’s just that i fell in love with a war and nobody told me it ended’

eight by sleeping at last: the official c!wilbur song needs a spot on here <3 if i can dig up the clip of cc!wilbur talking about this song in relation to his character i’ll add it but until then yeah <3

always by rilo kiley: no idea why this is on here but it fits well!! could not tell you why!! banger!!

celebration guns by stars: it’s a hauntingly beautiful song about war, and kind of one of those that necessarily isn’t about wilbur but moreso his place in the story? idk how to explain it but yes

passerine by the oh hellos: it’s. it’s from the . the fic. yeah h

oh, you are the roots that sleep beneath my feet and hold the earth in place by bright eyes: added this after the real resurrection and i think it’s because fo the imagery? also the last verse

we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos!: all i have to say is ‘i cannot emphasize enough that my body/is a badly designed, poorly put together vessel/harboring these diminishing, so called vital organs/i hope my heart goes first, i hope my heart goes first!’ has always made me think of pogtopia era wilbur :(

dead weight by jack stauber: no real connection other than eret played this song during a break during the ghostbur’s january ‘resurrection’ and i heard it and went :0

point me at lost lands by tired pony: gives me season on l’manburg vibes..... i love how free and passionate it sounds and that's p much the only reason it’s on this list haha

ghosting by mother mother: added this five seconds ago because i could not BELIEVE it was not on here. ghostbur song. mans sang it on that one stream with the reverb and everything. the lyrics ‘i will be kind and i’ll be sweet/if you stop staring straight through me’ hit particularly hard back when everyone thought that ghostbur was actually wilbur in disguise

#oh man. oh man #this was so fun ty anon #i'll do some spell checking after i write my english paper but for now take this #wooo boy #also if i interpreted canon wrong i do apologize i am here to have fun and think about fictional character #anon #ask

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janellion · 4 years

Note

I trust your taste in music so I'd like to ask you for headcanons of what the following haikyuu!! characters would enjoy listening to: Kuroo, Daichi, Suga, Akaashi, Iwa, Bokuto, Semi, Kiyoko, Yachi, Lev, Shirabu, Aone, Futakuchi, Tsukki. (just the genres please) Thanks Kayla! Sorry if it's too much work!

hi anon! thank you so much for the request! it was the first thing i saw when i woke up this morning & just had to get it out bc i had so many thoughts on it? also please don’t apologize! it was so much fun to write! i’m sorry i didn’t include semi or lev or shirabu, i’m not comfortable with their characters enough at this point, but i hope you enjoy the rest!

note: i did add some links of songs i think fit the genre & that they would listen to!

daichi

okay i see daichi as having pretty standard music taste

i don’t wanna say he’s basic? (but he’s kinda basic)

but that’s not a bad thing! he likes bops that bop, pretty catchy music that’s universally agreed upon to be good

he listens to the radio a lot, but i also see him as having playlists for very specific *activities* (not moods, which is how i make my playlists)

for example, daichi has a driving playlist, workout playlist, running playlist, practice playlist, etc

his GUILTY PLEASURE music however, is oldies country

like john denver & johnny cash type of vibes

he can often be heard singing “ring of fire” under his breath when he’s focusing

he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it?

the songs just give him a sense of comfort and familiarity

(plus they kinda bop???)

kuroo

ok this man has a really versatile music library

it ranges from sweet pop to heavy metal and pretty rarely does he listen to anything in between

he does use lofi music when he’s working on homework or studying because he feels like it puts him in the zone

definitely has playlists with meme based names like “pikachu face”

suga

ok i see suga as having somewhat similar music taste to mine (i have no good reason for thinking this, it’s just kind of the vibe i get)

he likes to listen to pretty much anything?

but he draws the line at like SUPER screamo metal

he just cannot enjoy it

but his favorite genre is probably indie and bedroom pop vibes

i’m imagining the paper kites but with troye sivan thrown in, something like this

akaashi

this man has impeccable music taste i don’t know what to tell you

it’s too advanced for me to speak to honestly

i see him listening to a lot of lofi sort of music, especially when he’s studying

but when he’s editing or writing? straight up instrumental

but not in the classical music sense?

this man is rocking out to some truly amazing soundtracks as he works

his favorite composers include: john powell and hans zimmer (think how to train your dragon and the lord of the rings. oh and jurassic park)

but if he’s just kind of hanging and vibing out, he likes soft folky music

iwa

idk why but this was a tough one

but i see iwa as listening to classic rock

it not only pumps him up but it can also be really heartfelt and emotional?

i think that balance suits him really well, it provides versatility within one genre that’s pretty easy for him to access

like imagine him rocking out to cold hard bitch but then also loving november rain?

he has the range

bokuto

bokuto is ALL OVER THE PLACE

this man knows every song in the top 40 one one week and then the next has no clue what any of the songs his teammates suggest are

he can appreciate anything, from classical music to rap (the former does not hold his attention well, but he can appreciate it)

he listens constantly to beachy music as his general vibe because it makes him happy and calm, like this and this

but if he’s getting hyped up for a game he listens to heavy metal (he and kuroo have a shared playlist that they add to together)

he’s very receptive to music suggestions, and if someone gives him one he’ll listen carefully all the way through

the kind of guy to have playlists based on all of his friends with music suggestions from them

kiyoko

like suga i also see kiyoko as the bedroom pop type

she can relax to it, get work done to it, and likes to support lesser known artists

BUT we stan a versatile queen

she also loves the kind of music that makes you want to climb on a motorcycle and get out of town, like this

yachi

this sweet angel listens to what i like to call “twinkle lights and light pink” music

i do not have another word for it, i’m sure there’s a name for the genre, but idk what it is

it’s soft and light and very sweet

she likes to listen to it in the mornings when she’s getting ready and finds it calms her and puts her in the right mindset for the day

i also see her enjoying pop music, top 40s sort of catchy beats

aone

this man listens to calming music 24/7

people are always surprised bc they expect some sort of loud angry music just based on appearance alone, but aone really loves the way that calming lofi and acoustic music makes him feel

i also see him enjoying country music

futakuchi

this man screams 2000s alternative music to me

idk why

he is rocking out to like stacy’s mom, flavor of the week kinda vibes

he also listens to hip hop occasionally, but it’s not the majority

tsukki

ok i strongly feel like tsukki’s taste in music is kinda,, basic??

not in a bad way, but he definitely tries to make it seem like he’s the kind of guy who listens to,,, underground really obscure artists when he’s really listening to whatever taylor swift or ariana grande just put out (the one i linked is a BOP)

also listens to podcasts 100% unironically

his favorites are the true crime ones but he’ll also listen to music history

omg i forgot to add my faves 🥰(also taglist): @oyakags @cosmictooru @over5feettall @kaidasen @achoohq

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bangwoolofbangtan · 4 years

Text

TIME

ENTERTAINER of the year

BTS

[Time magazine BTS interview ]

It’s late October, and Suga is sitting on a couch strumming a guitar. His feet are bare, his long hair falling over his eyes. He noodles around, testing out chords and muttering softly to himself, silver hoop earrings glinting in the light. “I just started learning a few months ago,” he says. It’s an intimate moment, the kind you’d spend with a new crush in a college dorm room while they confess rock-star ambitions. But Suga is one-seventh of the Korean pop band BTS, which means I’m just one of millions of fans watching, savoring the moment.

BTS isn’t just the biggest K-pop act on the charts. They’ve become the biggest band in the world—full stop. Between releasing multiple albums, breaking every type of record and appearing in these extemporaneous livestreams in 2020, BTS ascended to the zenith of pop stardom. And they did it in a year defined by setbacks, one in which the world hit pause and everyone struggled to maintain their connections. Other celebrities tried to leverage this year’s challenges; most failed. (Remember that star-studded “Imagine” video?) But BTS’s bonds to their international fan base, called ARMY, deepened amid the pandemic, a global racial reckoning and worldwide shutdowns. “There are times when I’m still taken aback by all the unimaginable things that are happening,” Suga tells TIME later. “But I ask myself, Who’s going to do this, if not us?”

Today, K-pop is a multibillion-dollar business, but for decades the gatekeepers of the music world—the Western radio moguls, media outlets and number-crunchers—treated it as a novelty. BTS hits the expected high notes of traditional K-pop: sharp outfits, crisp choreography and dazzling videos. But they’ve matched that superstar shine with a surprising level of honesty about the hard work that goes into it. BTS meets the demands of Top 40’s authenticity era without sacrificing any of the gloss that’s made K-pop a cultural force. It doesn’t hurt that their songs are irresistible: polished confections that are dense with hooks and sit comfortably on any mainstream playlist.

BTS is not the first Korean act to establish a secure foothold in the West, yet their outsize success today is indicative of a sea change in the inner workings of fandom and how music is consumed. From propelling their label to a $7.5 billion IPO valuation to inspiring fans to match their $1 million donation to Black Lives Matter, BTS is a case study in music-industry dominance through human connection. Once Suga masters the guitar, there won’t be much left for them to conquer.

In an alternate universe where COVID-19 didn’t exist, BTS’s 2020 would likely have looked much like the years that came before. The group got its start in 2010, after K-pop mastermind and Big Hit Entertainment founder Bang Si-hyuk recruited RM, 26, from Seoul’s underground rap scene. He was soon joined by Jin, 28; Suga, 27; J-Hope, 26; Jimin, 25; V, 24; and Jung Kook, 23, selected for their dancing, rapping and singing talents.

But unlike their peers, BTS had an antiestablishment streak, both in their activism and in the way they contributed to their songwriting and production—which was then rare in K-pop, although that’s started to change. In BTS’s debut 2013 single, “No More Dream,” they critiqued Korean social pressures, like the high expectations placed on schoolkids. They have been open about their own challenges with mental health and spoken publicly about their support for LGBTQ+ rights. (Same-sex marriage is still not legally recognized in South Korea.) And they’ve modeled a form of gentler, more neutral masculinity, whether dyeing their hair pastel shades or draping their arms lovingly over one another. All this has made them unique not just in K-pop but also in the global pop marketplace.

In March, BTS was prepping for a global tour. Instead, they stayed in Seoul to wait out the pandemic. For the group, life didn’t feel too different: “We always spend 30 days a month together, 10 hours a day,” Jin says. But with their plans upended, they had to pivot. In August, BTS dropped an English-language single, “Dynamite,” that topped the charts in the U.S.—a first for an all-Korean act. With their latest album this year, Be, they’ve become the first band in history to debut a song and album at No. 1 on Billboard’s charts in the same week. “We never expected that we would release another album,” says RM. “Life is a trade-off.”

Their triumphs this year weren’t just about the music. In October, they put on perhaps the biggest virtual ticketed show of all time, selling nearly a million tickets to the two-night event. Their management company went public in Korea, turning Bang into a billionaire and each of the members into millionaires, a rarity in an industry where the spoils often go to the distributors, not the creators. And they were finally rewarded with a Grammy nomination. On YouTube, where their Big Hit Labels is one of the top 10 most subscribed music accounts (with over 13 billion views by this year), their only real competition is themselves, says YouTube’s music-trends manager Kevin Meenan. The “Dynamite” video racked up 101 million views in under 24 hours, a first for the platform. “They’ve beaten all their own records,” he says.

Not that the glory comes without drawbacks: namely, lack of free time. It’s nearing midnight in Seoul in late November, and BTS, sans Suga, who’s recovering from shoulder surgery, are fitting in another interview—this time, just with me. V, Jimin and J-Hope spontaneously burst into song as they discuss Jin’s upcoming birthday. “Love, love, love,” they harmonize, making good use of the Beatles’ chorus, turning to their bandmate and crossing their fingers in the Korean version of the heart symbol.

Comparisons to that epoch-defining group are inevitable. “What’s different is that we’re seven, and we also dance,” says V. “It’s kind of like a cliché when big boy bands are coming up: ‘Oh, there’s another Beatles!’” says RM. I’ve interviewed BTS five times, and in every interaction, they are polite to a fault. But by now they must be weary of revisiting these comparisons, just as they must be tired of explaining their success. RM says it’s a mix of luck, timing and mood. “I’m not 100% sure,” he says.

They’ve matured into smart celebrities: focused and cautious, they’re both more ready for the questions and more hesitant to make big statements. When you ask BTS about their landmark year, for once they’re not exactly chipper; J-Hope wryly calls it a “roller coaster.” “Sh-t happens,” says RM. “It was a year that we struggled a lot,” says Jimin. Usually a showman, on this point he seems more introspective than usual. “We might look like we’re doing well on the outside with the numbers, but we do go through a hard time ourselves,” he says. For a group whose purpose is truly defined by their fans, the lack of human interaction has been stifling. Still, they’ve made it a point to represent optimism. “I always wanted to become an artist that can provide comfort, relief and positive energy to people,” says J-Hope. “That intent harmonized with the sincerity of our group and led us to who we are today.”

In an era marked by so much anguish and cynicism, BTS has stayed true to their message of kindness, connection and self-acceptance. That’s the foundation of their relationship with their fans. South Korean philosopher and author Dr. Jiyoung Lee describes the passion of BTS’s fandom as a phenomenon called “horizontality,” a mutual exchange between artists and their fans. As opposed to top-down instruction from an icon to their followers, BTS has built a true community. “Us and our fans are a great influence on each other,” says J-Hope. “We learn through the process of making music and receiving feedback.” The BTS fandom isn’t just about ensuring the band’s primacy—it’s also about extending the band’s message of positivity into the world. “BTS and ARMY are a symbol of change in zeitgeist, not just of generational change,” says Lee.

And in June, BTS became a symbol of youth activism worldwide after they donated $1 million to the Black Lives Matter movement amid major protests in the U.S. (They have a long track record of supporting initiatives like UNICEF and school programs.) BTS says now it was simply in support of human rights. “That was not politics. It was related to racism,” Jin says. “We believe everyone deserves to be respected. That’s why we made that decision.”

That proved meaningful for fans like Yassin Adam, 20, an ARMY from Georgia who runs popular BTS social media accounts sharing news and updates, and who is Black. “It will bring more awareness to this issue people like me face in this country,” he says. “I see myself in them, or at least a version of myself.” In May and June, a broad coalition of K-pop fans made headlines for interfering with a police app and buying out tickets for a Trump campaign rally, depleting the in-person attendance. Later that summer, ARMY’s grassroots fundraising effort matched BTS’s $1 million donation to Black Lives Matter within 24 hours.

For 28-year-old Nicole Santero, who is Asian American, their success in the U.S. is also a triumph of representation: “I never really saw people like myself on such a mainstream stage,” Santero says. She’s writing her doctoral dissertation on the culture of BTS fandom, and she runs a popular Twitter account that analyzes and shares BTS data. “Anytime I’m awake, I’m doing something related to BTS,” she says. “This is a deeper kind of love.”

Devotion like that is a point of pride for BTS, particularly in a year when so much has felt uncertain. “We’re not sure if we’ve actually earned respect,” RM says. “But one thing for sure is that [people] feel like, O.K., this is not just some kind of a syndrome, a phenomenon.” He searches for the right words. “These little boys from Korea are doing this.” —With reporting by Aria Chen/Hong Kong; Mariah Espada/Washington; Sangsuk Sylvia Kang and Kat Moon/New York

FASHION CREDITS

RM: Jacket, shirt, pants and shoes HERMES; SUGA: Jacket, shirt and necklace CELINE. Pants GIVENCHY. Shoes LOUIS VUITTON; Jung Kook: Jacket, shirt, pants and shoes FENDI; J-Hope: Jacket, shirt, pants and shoes LOUIS VUITTON. Necklace HERMES; Jin: Suit, knit top and shoes BALENCIAGA; Jimin: Jacket, silk shirt, pants and shoes CELINE; V: Suit, shirt and shoes ALEXANDER McQUEEN. Tie THOM BROWNE.

#bts #kim taehyung #bts update #kim namjoon #park jimin #kim seokjin #jeon jungkook #jung hoseok #min yoongi #bts time magazine #bts time 2020 #bts time #bts entertainer of the year #bts interview #bts time photoshoot #bts photoshoot #bts group photo #bts achievements #bts article

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Best BTS Vocal Takes: Early 2021 Edition (Up to Butter)

This post is gonna look like a full ass mess, I’m gonna tell you right now.

So, I’m kind of obsessed with BTS’s vocals; I don’t know if that’s, like, an unpopular opinion or anything, but I’m here to talk about it. What I’m looking at here are BTS’s vocal takes. In this context, a vocal take is a section of a song that a member or members sing, and the ones I’m listing are the best of the best (not iconic, mind you; iconic doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the best vocal take ever. This also isn’t about how good the melody for song is; it’s about the vocal quality). This is all in my opinion, of course, so I’m just picking what stands out to me. A few things to bear in mind:

This is based off of my personal BTS playlist, so not all of BTS’s songs are considered because I don’t listen to every single BTS song.

The links that are on the timestamps mark the beginning of the vocal take; you’ll have to note the ending time yourself and pay attention when listening to the song because Tumblr doesn’t let us embed audio into a text post. Sometimes the timestamp will start in the middle of a member’s verse and only include a small part. Don’t worry about it. I mean what I say, and the tiny parts are the parts that I want to look at sometimes. Also, the videos linked are all lyric videos, so the timestamps come from those videos specifically. Some of the videos don’t assign the lyric to the correct member (like saying Jin sung Jungkook’s part or whatever), but I’ve corrected for it in my post.

Not every song has an extraordinary vocal take. Also, some songs will list the first of many times the member sings a specific melody because all the vocal takes are the same; in that case, I’m talking about every time the member sings that part. However, sometimes the vocal takes are different despite it being the same member and the same line; in that case, I will clarify that I mean “Taehyung’s second chorus” or whatever.

I think all the members sound 110% amazing at all times, but this post is to find the times where they sound so good that it could be considered some of their best vocals ever.

This doesn’t include the live interpretations of the songs as BTS sometimes rearrange their songs for live versions. It also doesn’t include self-released songs (sorry, Sweet Night; I wish I could include you, too); it’s just including BTS songs, though that does include solo songs released under BTS.

As this is based solely on studio recordings, I still consider vocal takes that are highly edited and processed if they sound amazing. It may not be how they sound live because they don’t use the effect on their vocals live, but the way the vocal take turned out in the studio still makes it one of their best vocal takes ever.

On some of these songs, I went in. Some songs have so many vocal take examples that I should’ve just said “the whole song,” so be prepared.

Some songs are gonna have statements like “this member did the best with this melody,” and that doesn’t mean I dislike other members who sing the same part; I just think that specific member stood out to me more. I promise that, for every song I say Jimin sang the melody the best, there’s another song where I say Jin sang the melody the best.

My bias 100% does get in the way. Taehyung’s vocals always stand out to me the most, so naturally, I find more exceptional vocal takes with his solos.

That being said, all the members mean a lot to me, and they all have representation on this list because they all kill it. And, again, even though this post is for the best of the best, BTS is already the best there is.

Share your opinions with me in the replies. All of us listen to different combinations of BTS songs, and all of us like different parts of the same songs. Maybe some of your biases will get in the way of your opinions, but that’s the fun of loving BTS. Anyway, this post will look like a hot mess and be long as shit because BTS has a fat ass discography, so we’re just going to have to do our best. If you don’t want to look through this whole thing, I suggest you just skim for a specific song or member. (P.S. I’m not trying to say a whole bunch of shit about every vocal take because that’d leave me dead before we hit the Dope era, so hopefully, this’ll be shorter than you think).

Attack on Bangtan

Namjoon & Yoongi [0:08-0:15] - No shade to Hobi here, but the way Namjoon and Yoongi do the “jingyeokhae bang.tan.sonyeondancheoreom” is fire. Namjoon is all calm, and then Yoongi comes in with a really whiny, brassy version of that line, and it’s awesome.

Paldogangsan

Jimin [0:14-0:18] - Jimin doesn’t sound like Jimin in this section of Paldogangsan, but he does sound super cool. He’s got an almost speech-like tone to his voice, and it sounds really good against Namjoon’s vocal.

Hobi [1:31-1:41] - Hobi doesn’t do this often, where he intentionally highlights the over-animation, nasality, and grit in his voice, but it stood out so much in this song.

Boy in Luv

Taehyung [0:13-0:24] - He just kills this hook, doesn’t he? The growl, the grit. Iconic.

Jungkook [0:25-0:35] - I’m gonna say it: this is Jungkook’s best rap verse ever. No offense to his earlier and later work, but this slaps.

Namjoon [0:41-0:47] [2:14-2:16] - In Namjoon’s first vocal take, it’s the vocal breaks, for me--like, the little hitches in his pitch at the end of his phrases. For the second, it’s the animation. He’s so colorful in that second vocal take, and it’s some of the best stuff he’s done.

Yoongi [1:57-2:08] - Look, Yoongi’s whole verse slaps, but this last half is such a vibe. And that “ow!” at the end is ecstasy.

SPINE BREAKER

Taehyung [1:06-1:17] [1:22-1:27] - I know it’s not much, but doesn’t his voice, like, make this song? It does include the effect on his vocal, but it blends so well with the natural depth of his voice, and it sounds badass.

JUMP

Taehyung [0:59-1:16] - I mean, how could I not include “nuga naruel magado”? This is one case where iconic does equal awesome because Taehyung’s delivery of this line is such that no one could do it better.

Danger

Jungkook [1:24-1:28] - It’s literally one line, I understand, but do you hear that static he puts onto his voice when he sings the “uh”? Beacuse it’s dangerous.

Jimin [1:28-1:36] - I’m putting it down that this is one of Jimin’s best vocal takes, even to this day, periodt. His voice is deep, but he slides up into a yippy sound, and it’s 100%.

War of Hormone

Namjoon [0:20-0:40] - Can I say this is one of BTS’s best rap verses, let alone one of Namjoon’s? Did I just say that? Well, there it is.

Taehyung [1:34-1:39] - I don’t know why this one part of War of Hormone reads better than the rest of Taehyung’s parts (even though he slays in this song regardless), but I think it’s that the melody moves upward one the “choego” part, and Taehyung still growls when he does that, so it sounds really good.

Hold Me Tight

Taehyung [1:15-1:29] - You can say what you want about Taehyung’s vocal agility back then and now, but the fact of the matter is, he nailed the vocal run in this vocal take, and it sounds fire.

Jimin [3:45-3:59] - Ah, Park Jimin. Every time he comes in on a song like this with his brassy falsetto, I die. His high note in this is absolutely stunning, but so is are his vocals leading up to it.

DOPE

Jungkook [0:19-0:22] [1:36-1:38] - The first vocal take is... I don’t know; the way Jungkook delivers it is perfect. Speaking of perfect, why is specific way Jungkook sings “jjeoreo” so satisfying? Do you know?

Hobi [0:53-0:56] - This is a sound that Hobi is really brilliant at producing, and that’s what he did here. What a king.

Boyz With Fun

Yoongi [0:47-0:51] - He just sounds cute, okay? No, but this is the exact type of animation in Yoongi’s voice that always works. It’s a style he found that always produces gold, and it’s awesome in Boyz With Fun.

Taehyung [1:57-2:05] - I’m telling you, there’s something about Taehyung going up in pitch while he’s growling that makes his vocal takes slap. Also, the amount of growl in his voice for this song is extra special, you know?

RUN

Hobi [1:40-1:47] - This verse is so vibey. I don’t really like RUN that much, but Hobi sounds so good because he’s got that groovy vocal tone, you know? On top of the melody, I think this is one of Hobi’s catchier verses.

Jimin [3:04-3:07] - So, this is during Jungkook’s line, but Jimin harmonizing in the back is so pretty. It’s the exact type of piercing vocal that stands out in a good way, and Jimin does really well in that wheelhouse.

Butterfly

Taehyung [0:14-0:25] [2:34-2:47] - So, the first take here is absolutely gorgeous because Taehyung’s vocals sound really delicate, but the second take is listed because he uses his full voice. The second take is the second time he sings in the chorus, and I like it a lot better than the first because it’s more of a belt and less breathy; that specific take is beautiful to listen to.

Jungkook [0:51-0:57] - I’m not gonna lie; sometimes Jungkook’s voice is a bit too clean. Sometimes there’s not a whole lot of texture going on. However, in this vocal take, he’s adding breath, he’s adding vocal cries, he’s adding vocal cracks; it’s perfect for the song, and it sounds absolutely amazing.

Jin [2:09-2:20] - Jungkook made fun of both Jin and Taehyung in this song--which is a funny meme--but I thought both of them fit the concept of Butterfly to a T, and this specific vocal take is an example of that. Jin sounds like he’s out of breath, which would usually be bad, but it works in Butterfly, and it’s become one of the best moments in the song.

Whalien 52

Jungkook [1:06-1:15] - This is one of those songs where a really clean vocal is as close to perfect as it can get, and Jungkook’s tone sounds stunning here.

Ma City

Namjoon [0:15-0:28] - Namjoon had this melody again in Ma City, but the way he delivers it in the beginning is so fire because it’s overly animated and subdued at the same time. I don’t know if that makes sense, but Namjoon sounds super cool in this vocal take.

Jin & Jimin [1:11-1:18] - Jin just sounds good here, right? He doesn’t have vocal takes like this often because he usually gets softer parts of songs, and it’s not like this is a gritty vocal take, it’s just that Jin had a bit more bass to his voice here, you know? I stuck him and Jimin together because Jimin sings literally right after Jin, and splitting them up would’ve been dumb. Jimin singing “Ma cityro wa” is one of the vibiest things I’ve ever heard. That is all.

BAEPSAE

Namjoon [0:10-0:22] - But Namjoon sounds so cool saying “baepsae”? It’s, like, a little whispery? And he really hammers that “e” vowel? It all sounds awesome?

Taehyung [0:56-1:07] - I didn’t think I was gonna put this down--which, this serves to mark both times Taehyung sings this part--but Taehyung intentionally puts a bit of a cry into his voice to make his vocal crack, and it really works well with the beat of this song.

Jungkook [1:29-1:33] [2:41-2:52] - So, the first one is a nice, little vocal run from Jungkook, but it’s one of the most satisfying ones I’ve heard him do. The second one is a short rap verse, and it’s on of my favorite Jungkook vocal takes ever. It’s such a fun verse, and he really pushes his vocal to add as much character as possible.

Jimin [3:24-3:27] - Jimin on a high harmony like this is always awesome, but this one is particulary satisfying, to me.

FIRE

Yoongi [0:08-0:09] [0:36-0:47] - I know we all know that Yoongi’s opening line is one of most iconic things he’s ever done, but I had to list it. Now, his rap verse--and I mean this honestly--is one of my favorite BTS rap verses to this day. The sheer animation in his voice. Yoongi killed this song in more ways than one, y’all.

Hobi [0:27-0:36] - Hobi’s verse is iconic for all the same reasons Yoongi’s is. Animated vocals, amazing vocal texture, brilliant delivery; it’s all aces.

Jimin [0:56-1:05] - “Errbody say la la la la la” is catchy and all, but can we acknowledge that Jimin’s voice is actually what makes it sound so good?

Taehyung [1:13-1:17] - This is, like, the eyecatch of the whole song. Other than Yoongi’s opening line, Taehyung’s line made this song what it is. And nobody can deliver this line like Taehyung can. It’s definitely one of his most memorable vocal takes.

Namjoon & Hobi [1:35-1:44] - Namjoon’s verse is good, but it’s this specific part where he and Hobi trade off that it becomes an incredible vocal take for both of them because their vocal characteristics match up so well.

Jin [2:24-2:33] - I had to get Jin in here somewhere because he got to use a deeper part of his voice while still going up to that beautiful falsetto note, and it’s, no pun intended, fire.

EPILOGUE: Young Forever

Hobi [1:10-1:18] - Hobi’s verse in this song is great, but this ending bit is the shit that hits you really hard. The way he delivers it, and the fact that the music stops, makes it the best part of this song. Period.

GOOD DAY

Jin [1:24-1:33] [4:08-4:19] - Don’t ask me why Jin always slays Japanese songs. I don’t know, either, but his soft vocal in Good Day is perfect for the atmosphere that song is trying to produce, and because of that, it’s gotta be one of Jin’s best vocal takes.

Namjoon [2:34-2:45] - Give Namjoon more parts like this 2k21 because, I swear, y’all, when Namjoon sings, it’s always gonna be one of his best vocal takes.

Taehyung & Jungkook [3:13-3:16] [3:23-3:26] - In the first vocal take, the way their vocals blend on “’til the end of life” with the extra swell of the backing vocal? Please. I can’t tell if it’s more than just Taehyung and Jungkook, but it sounds amazing. The second vocal take is Jungkook’s high note, but Taehyung underneath him on the harmony makes it sound so warm? BigHit, where the fuck is my Taekook subunit?

Blood Sweat & Tears

Jimin [0:04-0:14] - This is meant to reference all the times Jimin sings this melody, but doesn’t his vocal type just fit this song? He sounds amazing because he got to be the vocal center of this song.

Namjoon & Jungkook [0:45-0:56] - This would qualify as one of Namjoon’s best vocal takes, even without Jungkook, but Jungkook comes in and completes it really well with his smooth vocal, so it becomes epic for both of them.

Taehyung [1:06-1:16] - Alright, I love how Taehyung sounds in this song regardless because his vocal sounds so fragile, and it’s gorgeous. However, this timestamp is for this chorus only and not his second because, when he comes down from the vocal run, he adds static on his voice, and it’s sexy, y’all.

Hobi [1:27-1:47] - We weren’t getting out of this without mentioning “wonhae manhi manhi.” No, but, it’s not because it’s iconic; it’s because Hobi sounds so damn good with the way he delivered this line.

Stigma

Taehyung [2:35-3:18] - This is our first solo song, and I’m not gonna waste time because I honestly think this entire song is some of Taehyung’s best work vocally. However, if I’m picking out a moment, it’s everything from the bridge onwards because his control of his falsetto register is beautiful, and the brassy sound he chose for the jazzy tone of this song was genius. Genuinely, this is one of the best songs on any BTS album.

Awake

Jin [2:48-3:13] [3:24-3:29] - I’m being picky here, too, so I don’t have to say “the whole song.” The first vocal take of him singing the bridge is so pretty, and the second is his high note because holy shit, the vocal tone he had on that note was stunning.

Spring Day

Namjoon [0:17-0:35] - Look, I say “fuck yeah, give Hobi more parts in Spring Day besides just singing in the background,” but it is such a shame that Namjoon doesn’t sing this part live. This is, without a doubt, in the list for Namjoon’s top three vocal tracks. He sounds phenomenal. Oh my goodness; he sounds like an absolute angel.

Jimin [0:53-1:01] - Ah! Jimin is absolute master of knowing when to add vocal cracks, and he nails it in Spring Day. Like, Namjoon’s part gets me primed to cry, and Jimin’s part is where I lose it.

Jin [2:23-2:31] [4:12-4:30] - I don’t know if you guys get what I mean, but Jin has a specific tone when he sings, so he sounds very Jin. It worked so well in these vocal takes because it was pure emotion. Jin outdid himself in Spring Day vocally.

Taehyung [2:58-3:27] - Y’all can fight me in the replies all you want, but Taehyung could be the main vocalist of BTS in songs like this. The fact that his voice is still deep on this vocal take while also being delicate, but also full, is amazing. The texture on his voice in this take is beautiful. I picked the second chorus he sang because he was more belty on it than in the first, but this whole song is a win for Taehyung. This also includes his part in the bridge, which is one of the best vocal takes in BTS by far. Vocalists and the rap line included. I mean, the vocal crack alone.

Jungkook & Jimin [3:32-3:36] - This is in the top ten best harmonies by BTS. Fight me in the replies. I mean, please; they sound absolutely angelic together.

Taehyung & Jimin [4:07-4:11] - This is, like, a money piece in this song, and Jimin’s vocal is what makes it that way. That being said, having Taehyung underneath him makes it so much better.

Not Today

Yoongi [0:17-0:27] - It’s the fact that Yoongi used his vocal tone so well, you know? I’m gonna stop here because I’ve been talking too much, but Yoongi really said, “Watch me own this song.”

Jungkook [1:07-1:09] - I know this is a tiny part, but doesn’t Jungkook do it so well? Doesn’t he sound amazing?

Namjoon [1:44-1:53] - You know, Namjoon has got a deep voice, and when he uses it on verse with so much onomatopoeia, it really sticks out. It’s almost like ASMR, the way he chose to deliver his verse here.

A Supplementary Story: You Never Walk Alone

Hobi [0:46-0:59] - Hobi sounds so pretty in this vocal take. The way he sings, it’s almost like listening to a solo in a gospel choir. It’s so soothing and emotional. Honestly, it’s probably the best part of this song.

DNA

Taehyung [0:16-0:30] [2:49-2:56] - Is this era when the widespread Taehyung bias took hold? Because I think it is. For all we talk about Taehyung’s deep vocal tone, this is one of only a handful of BTS songs where he’s actually singing in a low register since he’s normally singing in a tenor register. He sounds like honey in DNA. I always love Taehyung, but there will always be something special about him coming out in DNA and saying, “I’m a baritone, bitch, ain’t you knew?”

Hobi [0:30-0:37] [3:23-3:26] - Hobi invented the phrase “a vibe” with his verse. He’s doing animation, he’s doing stylization, he’s doing different vocal tones. And the “la la la la la la’s” at the end? Please.

Yoongi [1:32-1:39] - It’s like Yoongi using his husky voice that you hear more in darker songs or with his mixtapes in a high energy pop song is devastating, you know?

Jungkook [1:47-1:50] - Yo, Hobi is one version of vibey, but isn’t the way Jungkook does this one line hella vibey, too? I love it when Jungkook does this with his voice because it’s a type of vocal tone for pop music that he doesn’t do often, and it always sounds amazing when he does.

Best Of Me

Jin [0:17-0:24] - Jin vocal tone sounds really good on this track, and I don’t understand why it’s so different? Like, he sounds like Jin with a bit of Jungkook mixed in. It’s an incredible vocal take because of the way Jin chose to use his voice.

Taehyung [0:25-0:33] - It’s like... this is the exact vocal tone that kills in songs like this. I absolutely love when Taehyung’s voice sounds like it’s about to crack into falsetto because it makes the vocal so emotional.

Yoongi [1:19-1:28] - Y’all remember when Jungkook sang this part because Yoongi was still recovering from his shoulder surgery? I sobbed. Anyway, Yoongi sounds really soothing here. I know he makes fun of his own singing voice, but he’s able to add the same tone into his singing as he does with his rap, and it translates so well. This is one of the few times he’s done it, so I love this vocal take. It’s, hands down, the best part of Best of Me.

Dimple

Taehyung [0:08-0:13] [0:56-1:01] [2:01-2:05] [3:03-3:05] - Don’t @ me for my Taehyung bias, alright. Listen, this shit came out in 2017, but I could swear 2021 Kim Taehyung is the one singing. His tone sounds gorgeous. He’s got that low adlib at the end, too. He shared a couple lines in this with Jungkook, but I wish we’d been able to hear Taehyung more because it’s one of those genres that Taehyung just nails.

Jimin [0:30-0:34] [0:42-0:49] - This is in a lower key when compared to the rest of BTS’s stuff, right? Listen, Jimin’s lower register doesn’t go all that low, but when he sings lower in his personal range, he sounds so interesting to listen to. That’s why these two vocal takes are some of my favorites from Jimin.

Jin [1:27-1:31] [2:57-3:02] - Jin may be the king of high notes, but he usually sounds pretty thin when he goes up high. In this song, however, he sounded so full, and it was so nice. I love Jin’s tone normally, but woo, Dimple was doing things for him. That adlib at the end was one of the best vocal takes I’ve heard from Jin.

Jungkook [2:21-2:34] - Jungkook always has this nice, full-textured high notes in the studio, which is nice because he’s another one that goes really thin when he sings high notes live. The high note in Dimple is so satisfying to listen to. Beyond that, though, the way he begins this line by almost sighing out of his head voice is so pleasing.

Pied Piper

Namjoon [0:40-0:45] - He just sounds vibey; I don’t know what else to say. To say it’s one of Namjoon’s best vocal takes ever may be a stretch, but the transition between his rap tone and his singing tone is beautiful to me.

Jin [1:00-1:03] [2:44-2:54] - Jin’s got that full tone I love in this song again. These particular takes showcase how nice his vocal tone can be. Especially his breathy head voice.

Taehyung [1:04-1:07] [2:55-3:05] - So, I think the tone of Pied Piper was handcrafted for Taehyung’s voice, for real. The melody and the lyrics are begging for a sensual vocal, and because Taehyung delivered it the way he did, it came out amazingly. Even Taehyung’s head voice has a lot of depth to it on the chorus.

MIC Drop

Hobi [0:28-0:50] - If we’re gonna bring up the best BTS rap verses, this one is front and center. Hobi’s tone on this track is insanely fun to listen to because he really goes for that whiny sound that compliments the lyrics perfectly.

Yoongi [0:50-1:13] [1:44-1:46] - I mean, Yoongi’s got the best parts of MIC Drop, too; hands down, this is one of his best verses. I love when Yoongi chooses a higher-pitched tone--and he goes whiny in this song, too--to drive home sassy lyrics, and it slaps in MIC Drop. And that second take... I mean, why does Yoongi on the “bal bal joshim neone mal mal joshim” line devastate?

Jimin [1:24-1:29] [3:48-3:52] - The first take is kind of also about the effect on Jimin’s vocal, but both the first and second takes are fire for him because he adds character into his voice. It’s just short of adding grit to it, but it works so well.

Jungkook [1:18-1:23] - Okay, the reason the “how you think ‘bout that” part is here and not the “did you see my bag” part is because Jungkook yips more on the “how you think ‘bout that” line, and it’s amazing.

Namjoon [2:09-2:20] - I understand that this is about the effect on Namjoon’s voice, and I don’t care. It turned out so well on top of the slight growl in Namjoon’s vocal, and I stan this as one of his finest moments.

Taehyung [2:26-2:31] [2:43-2:48] [3:23-3:28] - I will die on the hill of Taehyung being the best vocalist in rap-heavy songs. The grit in his voice is the perfect accompaniment to offset the rappers. I really think this song was a win for him all around. Like, legit, Taehyung is sliding up into a yip all throughout this song, and yet his vocal always has bass. How in the hell? That’s the magic of his vocal in this song.

Jin [2:37-2:43] [3:17-3:23] - The second take of the first timestamp just hits different. It’s subtle, but the added umph Jin put in his voice elevated it a lot. Also, Jin’s low voice at the end is perfection.

Go Go

Jimin [0:13-0:25] [1:19-1:23] - Jimin hits different in this song. He has hella animation in Go Go. Like, he sounds like a full ass crow in that second vocal take, and it slaps? Someone explain?

Hobi [0:27-0:34] - Animation is the theme of this song--which is the product of the lyrics--and the way Hobi does it is one of the best examples of him using this tone.

Yoongi [0:52-0:56] - Yoongi sounds like a bird, too, y’all. And it’s still so pleasant to listen to. Please tell me how this is one of Yoongi’s best lines ever.

Taehyung [1:53-2:05] - Deadass, I nearly hated this verse because it’s so over the top, but fam, the animation in Taehyung’s vocal is iconic. Nobody does it like Kim Taehyung, I tell you what. He hits way different on this track. This is my favorite part of Go Go now. He stepped into the rap line in Go Go with this shit, and I want more of it. Let Taehyung sound like a whole ass cartoon character again, please.

SEA

Taehyung [4:52-5:04] - I can’t express what it is about this vocal take. I didn’t mean for it to be here, but it’s so emotional. Maybe it’s the key it’s in; maybe it’s because it’s the last line. I don’t know, but Taehyung sounds like a dream. When he goes this low, it’s stunning.

Don’t Leave Me

Jimin [0:56-1:07] [2:22-2:30] - I got mad respect for these two boys right here. I mean, they don’t sing this live, but still. This was a hella hard vocal for them to do, and even if it was just for the studio, both Jimin and Jin pulled it off. That’s enough to make this some of Jimin’s best vocal takes.

Jin [1:15-1:23] [2:02-2:13] - Jin doesn’t flip into head voice on the Eb5 like Jimin does; did you know that? That’s every level of impressive. And his vocal was open, as well, which made it sound awesome. Same thing here: Jin deserves this listing because he killed it.

Crystal Snow

Hobi [0:37-0:42] - Ah, Hobi does so well with these fluffy melodies. The way he basically whispered this line was gorgeous. I would listen to that on repeat every night.

Taehyung [1:00-1:05] [1:31-1:43] [2:47-2:58] [3:31-3:28] [4:16-4:34] - The last timestamp includes his adlib at the end, okay? This is another hill I’m gonna die on. Taehyung is unequivocally the perfect vocal for Crystal Snow. I mean, they closed the chorus with him for a reason. It’s because of the soul he’s got, you know? This song is hard for Taehyung. Going up to Bb4s that often is meant to be nearly impossible for a baritone, but not only does he pull it off, he pulls up so much depth and emotion into those high notes because his voice is naturally deep that his vocal ends up standing out the most. If I had to have a top ten list of songs that I love Taehyung in, this would be near the top.

Yoongi [2:06-2:12] - This is another one of those times where Yoongi is bringing his rap tone to his singing, except he’s also rapping a bit here, too. Either way, he sounds so soft and I adore that sound in Yoongi’s vocal.

Jin [2:16-2:20] [3:43-3:49] - How does Jin sound so delicate in that first vocal take and so epic in the second? Y’all, sometimes Jin’s high notes outdo themselves because they’re so full and open, and Crystal Snow made that happen.

Jimin [4:41-4:50] - I mean, Jimin’s sweet tone would normally be good in a song like this, but Crystal Snow really benefitted from Jimin using a sharp high note right here. Every time I hear this, I get chills.

Let Go

Jungkook [0:01-0:12] - I mean, really; how angelic can a vocal take sound? It’s, like, because Jungkook is using a breathy head voice while dipping his voice down low for just a second, you know?

Jimin [0:12-0:22] - Jimin’s doing the same thing as Jungkook, but it sounds so different with Jimin’s vocal tone. Either way, it’s beautiful. And Jimin’s vibrato at the end of this line is stunning.

Taehyung [1:07-1:18] [3:52-3:57] - I mean, this is the same thing as Taehyung in every other slow-but-kind-of-poppy Japanese song. He’s doing that thing where it feels like he could flip into head voice, but then he’s also got husk every time he drops into a fuller sound, and it’s devastating. He makes me want to cry with how gorgeous he sounds.

Jin [3:41-3:46] - I can’t tell you why this specific falsetto vocal take hits differently. It may be because of Jin’s Japanese pronunciation, but it’s a flawless vocal take.

Intro: Singularity

Taehyung [2:56-2:58] - I’m gonna keep it a buck: I’m a Taehyung stan, and I love his deep vocal, but Singularity doesn’t show off all the colors of Taehyung’s vocal that well. It is an incredible demonstration of Taehyung’s overall vocal tone and how unique it is--which is probably why it’s critically acclaimed--but there isn’t a lot of vocal variation. That being said, the adlib in the background that you’ll hear with this timestamp is one of the most beautiful things I’ve heard anywhere. It’s literally three seconds long, but it sounds like it’s a part of a gospel track--that’s how soulful it is. Kim Taehyung is the king of vibrato, for real. This tiny adlib somehow showed us an array of colors in Taehyung’s voice that we don’t get very often, so I love it.

FAKE LOVE

Taehyung [0:00-0:11] [1:33-1:39] - Look, there are certain things that just sound better with certain members. Every members has a few melodies that sound the best when they do them. These are two for Taehyung. First of all, his vocal in the intro is as good as it is in DNA--so stunning. Second, his tone on the chorus is beautiful. It fits FAKE LOVE perfectly. It’s not too clean, his vowels are on point, and he puts the little bends in his voice that Taehyung is a master of. These are definitely some of my favorite vocal takes from Taehyung.

Jin [0:31-0:36] - Jin sounds so good on the “fake love” lyric, though? It’s a C5 and it sounds effortless for him. His tone in FAKE LOVE is gorgeous, as well. Giving Jin the hook was good choice.

Jimin & Taehyung [3:31-3:43] - Listen, I would vibe so hard with a Taekook subunit, but nothing beats the 95′s harmonization for me. Actually, usually these two just sing the same melody in two different octaves because Taehyung can go really low, which is the case here--though, when they really do harmonize, it’s also gorgeous. Anyway, this line is the perfect way to call back to Taehyung’s beautiful vocal in the beginning, but with Jimin’s vocal on top blending with Taehyung’s, it sounds even better.

The Truth Untold

Taehyung [0:07-0:09] [2:06-2:22] - How do I explain this? I tried to be really picky with this song because all the members sound beautiful. The first timestamp here is the hum in Taehyung’s first part; I can’t explain why it’s one of the most satisfying vocals I’ve heard, but it is. The second is Taehyung on the chorus. Whereas the other members are singing gently, Taehyung’s vocal take makes me feel like he’s singing emotionally, and that’s why I listed it.

Jungkook [1:22-1:26] - Jungkook never gets to sound delicate like this, but he really should have the opportunity more often. His vocal didn’t crack too much, it wasn’t excessively breathy, it wasn’t quiet--I liked it a lot.

Magic Shop

Jungkook [2:23-2:35] - It’s mostly the second phrase of this vocal take that I love a lot, but the whole thing sounds gorgeous with Jungkook’s vocal on it because Magic Shop benefits from a clear vocal tone. Essentially, I love listening to Jungkook flip between his head and full voice in this vocal take.

Jin [2:35-2:48] - Everything leading up to the C#5 is stellar, but I can’t express how satisfying it is to listen to Jin hit the “Magic Shop” lyric. The fullness in his belt is so gorgeous. Jin doesn’t always sound like this when he belts, but in Magic Shop, his delivery was beautiful.

Taehyung [3:14-3:26] - Deadass--and I don’t say this lightly--if I were to make a top 20 list of BTS’s best vocal takes, this would qualify. Putting aside the fact that this is a hard vocal for a baritone, Taehyung puts texture in his voice at all the right places. He lets it be breathy at certain parts, powerful or soft at others, and it becomes a few, short seconds of some of the best vocals I’ve heard in the entirety of BTS’s discography.

Jimin [3:26-3:39] - Speaking of some of the best vocals, this is one of my all-time favorite high notes from Jimin. This applies to the whole vocal take, as well, but Jimin’s vocal tone really stands out in Magic Shop. Magic Shop is the type of song that blends best with a clear vocal tone, but sometimes, I don’t want a vocal to blend--I want it to stick out. Jimin’s does.

Anpanman

Yoongi [0:29-0:38] - This isn’t all of Yoongi’s verse, but this vocal take is what makes me hype about Anpanman. I don’t understand it, either. It’s probably because Yoongi sounds awesome, but these nine seconds are the part of Anpanman that get me emotional.

Euphoria

Jungkook [3:07-3:14] - The solo songs are so hard to talk about because there’s so much to choose from. I know I just singled out the falsetto high note, but it sounds pretty, and it was the quickest way to figure out what part of this song should make this list. Seriously though, Jungkook did well with his tone on the high note because it doesn’t sound too strained or thin. It turned out perfectly.

SERENDIPITY

Jimin [1:08-1:15] [1:23-1:30] - This is the same melody, but different lyrics, so I listed both. Look, I know everyone is head-over-heels for Jungkook’s vocal agility--which is justified--but Jimin sounds so pretty in these vocal takes. And not pretty because he’s using his sweet vocal tone; in fact, this is one of the few times after 2016 where we get to hear Jimin’s lower tone. I love it.

Trivia 轉: Seesaw

Yoongi [0:26-0:44] [1:03-1:39] [3:45-4:02] - I have no problem saying this is one of my favorite solo songs. Actually, it probably makes the list for my favorite BTS songs, in general. I’m not gonna talk about each one of these, but just know that Yoongi sounds like an angel when he sings. He did so well with this song, and I think he was able to create something that fit his vocal tone perfectly.

I’m Fine

Taehyung [3:38-3:57] - So, this could technically cover Taehyung’s first part on the chorus, too, but this last bit has a different melody since he’s ending the song; plus, he goes up on the higher note during “beonilado” in a nicer way than he did on a different lyric the first time. Anyway, Taehyung taking the last line of I’m Fine was nice because he’s the best at shifting between intense vocals and soft vocals without a noticeable change in his tone. He did that to finish off this song, and it came out sounding gorgeous.

IDOL

Namjoon [0:15-0:18] - I mean, this is an iconic line, but Namjoon just delivers it perfectly. Fight me in the replies that no one could’ve started IDOL better than Namjoon.

Yoongi [0:30-0:36] - Yoongi’s “woo” is, no joke, one of the best parts of IDOL, for me. Overly animated songs are Yoongi’s bitch, and he slapped in this song.

Taehyung [0:46-0:50] [1:54-2:02] - I’ve seen people say the second vocal take is a rap? Is that true? I don’t know, but regardless, I’m on another hill that says songs like IDOL fit Taehyung’s vocal the best. Like, his pronunciation and tone sound amazing on the first take, and the second take is rude as shit with how good it is. Taehyung’s vocal can be aggressive, and it works in IDOL.

Jungkook [1:46-1:54] - Jungkook’s tone changes by the end of this vocal take, and it’s so cool? Legit, he starts as himself, growls once, and all of a sudden, he’s Kim Taehyung. Jungkook needs more parts that let him do this because he sounded dope.

Answer: Love Myself

Jin [1:11-1:26] - Jungkook is technically within this vocal take, but I didn’t wanna split Jin’s chorus up into two timestamps. Anyway, doesn’t Jin’s falsetto blend with the melody so nicely? It’s really pleasing to listen to.

Hobi [2:06-2:14] - This vocal take is the Hobi tone I love to hear in slower songs. He puts a bit of that animation in that he would if he were rapping, but it can sound so nice when he’s singing, too.

Taehyung [2:51-3:07] [3:45-3:47] - The first timestamp is probably one that certain people wouldn’t agree with, but I love Taehyung’s brassy falsetto. The adlib he does also sounds beautiful because it’s so full. The last timestamp is also an adlib, and yes, it’s so pretty. I’m an advocate for more Taehyung adlibs because his vocal tone makes everything sound stunning.

Jimin & Taehyung [3:25-3:30] - I know this is usually said to be Jimin and Jungkook, but I don’t understand why they’d give this part to Taehyung live for every single performance if it wasn’t his part to begin with. It’s not like this is Spring Day where they gave half of Namjoon’s part to Hobi because Hobi had no lines. I only say that because Jungkook is the main vocalist, so I can’t imagine that part being switched for the live version since it’s a very technically difficult part of the song. It also sounds like Taehyung in the studio version--when you can hear the lower melody--because the lower vocal tone matches what you’d hear from Taehyung live. Whatever. Whether it’s Jungkook or Taehyung, they sound gorgeous harmonizing with Jimin.

Intro: Persona

Namjoon [2:24-2:47] - This part is so fun, though. I mean, the whole song is a vibe, but this is where it hits, you know? Namjoon did such an amazing job using his vocal texture to highlight the melody.

Boy With Luv

Jimin [0:15-0:31] - Jimin’s vocal was so pretty in Boy With Luv, for real. He outdid himself in this song because his vocal should blend really well into the song, but it sticks out instead. That’s why I had to list it.

Taehyung [0:31-0:40] [2:08-2:13] - I’ve said this before, but Taehyung’s vocal in Boy With Luv is literally what flirting would be if it were a sound. The first vocal take is the best example of that because it turns from a bubbly song to sensual so quickly. Then, the second vocal take does it again, but with Taehyung’s falsetto dropping into his chest voice rather than his deep voice. Him doing the pre-chorus is my absolute favorite part of Boy With Luv.

Jungkook [1:07-1:12] - I can’t accurately explain why this is so satisfying to listen to. I just listen to it, and go, “Yes, Jungkook.” I don’t know why. Because his vocal has texture in it? Because his vocal blends nicely? Because it’s Jungkook? It’s a mystery.

Yoongi [1:36-1:44] - Why is it that Yoongi stepped into a bubbly song with his lazy tone and turned it into one of his best vocal takes ever? I can’t explain it, but it’s gotta be Yoongi’s own brand of magic. His vocal tone fits wherever it is.

Hobi [1:51-2:08] - Hobi sounds like an instrument, and it’s so cool? But the end of this verse, where Hobi sings, sounds so nice with Hobi’s vocal tone. His vocal stands out in the same way Jimin’s does, and I feel like Hobi doesn’t always get that opportunity, so he killed it with this one.

Mikrokosmos

Namjoon [1:32-1:40] - Namjoon sounds so pretty here, doesn’t he? I keep saying that about his singing voice, but I really do love it that much. He always makes melodies better with the way he delivers them, which is what he did here.

Taehyung [1:51-1:59] [2:40-2:44] - So, Taehyung is the only one--talking about the first vocal take--that had the vocal run on the pre-chorus, and it sounds gorgeous. The second vocal take is Taehyung’s part in the bridge, and I think it’s one of the nicest examples of his head voice. The tone on it is really nice, and the texture he used was beautiful, as well.

Jin & Taehyung [2:06-2:39] - Don’t @ me for this Jikook stans, but Taehyung and Jin on the chorus kill it. Jin fits his lines perfectly because this is the exact type of song his vocal texture sounds the best on, and Taehyung adding in a fuller sound balanced it out nicely. They both sound amazing.

Jimin & Taehyung [2:55-3:01] - For the life of me, I don’t know why they didn’t give Taehyung the harmonization for the entirety of this line in studio, but you know. Regardless, these two sound stellar, as always. I don’t know how to explain it, but the type of song this is is dying for vocals like Jimin and Taehyung’s, so for them to sing together here is beautiful.

Jimin [3:01-3:08] - Though Taehyung and Jimin sound good doing this part live together, it doesn’t mean that Jimin harmonizing with himself didn’t sound absolutely perfect. The harmony itself is really pretty, but Jimin’s sharp vocal tone plus the high note send it to another level.

Make It Right

Taehyung [0:09-0:18] - Taehyung’s vocal sounds so relaxing, doesn’t it? Make It Right doesn’t have a lot of chances for the vocalists to stand out since it’s a pretty basic song, but Taehyung used his vocal tone well in this take.

Jin [0:46-0:55] - Jin sounded very delicate in this vocal take, but I still like that his falsetto had some power to it. It wasn’t very much, but it made the vocal take sound really pretty, and it’s probably one of my favorite examples of Jin’s falsetto.

Hobi [1:31-1:36] - This is, without a doubt, the most melodically and tonally interesting part of this song, for me. It’s because Hobi used his voice really well, but Hobi’s vocal tone is naturally really interesting in songs like this. This is one of Hobi’s most satisfying vocal takes to listen to.

HOME

Taehyung [0:26-0:36] [3:20-3:26] [3:45-3:49] - No, but Taehyung’s voice sounds so special in HOME? He made his tone brassier, which complimented the song really well. Actually, that’s something he does a lot in BTS’s 2019-2021 music. Not to mention the fact that he hit two C5s right after one another in the final chorus. Taehyung just sounds good. That’s my closing statement.

Dionysus

Namjoon [0:21-0:43] - This is one of the coolest rap verses BTS has ever produced, real shit. Legit, this is probably in my personal top 5 for Namjoon and the rap line in general. Namjoon made it sound so fucking amazing.

Hobi [1:03-1:05] - Don’t ask me for explanations with this one; I just really loved Hobi’s vocal leading into the chorus because of his delivery.

Taehyung [1:05-1:10] [3:25-3:27] - The first take is Taehyung on the first half of the chorus, and holy shit does his voice fit Dionysus perfectly. Not that clean tones don’t sound good, but Dionysus has a dark tone to it, so Taehyung’s vocal was it, fam. The way they mixed his vocal in the production process came out really cool, too.

Jimin [1:14-1:16] [2:22-2:27] [4:00-4:02] - I’m not going into detail on all three, but just know that Jimin’s vocal pops in Dionysus, and he slays. It’s because, while he does have a bright tone, he darkens it in a really lovely way for this song. I am gonna talk about the last one, though, because how cool was that ending adlib? What a way to end the song.

Jungkook [1:33-1:38] - Jungkook’s doing little echoes of the lyrics here, right? Even though the video says it’s Jin. I’m talking about each time he does this during Dionysus, okay? The falsetto he uses is crazy satisfying to listen to. It’s so sharp; like, you have no choice but to pay attention to it.

Yoongi [2:55-3:05] - This is another thing that has to do with the final production because they made Yoongi sound super cool. It’s got a really dark tone to it, and that’s something I’ll bring up with Yoongi again because it sounds incredible on his vocal.

Jin [3:27-3:30] - Y’all hear that high note, though? It didn’t sound human? Kim Seokjin is an alien confirmed. No, but for real, the brassiness in his tone? I want more of that shit right now.

BLACK SWAN

Yoongi [0:26-0:39] - This is that dark tone I was talking about--plus the effect on Yoongi’s vocal, too. Doesn’t it sound incredible when it’s Yoongi? I mean, what a way to start this song. It’s a somber vocal, and it’s stunning on top of the mix and paired with the lyrics.

Namjoon [0:46-0:52] - I really like the note change on “jukgessji ama,” but I really love how Namjoon delivered “but what if that moment’s right now, right now.” It’s somber, but it also feels like a propelling force into the pre-chorus.

Taehyung [0:52-0:59] [1:18-1:24] - I lose my shit every time I hear Taehyung sing the “bump bump bump”/”jump jump jump” part. He’s got such a husky vocal in BLACK SWAN, and it sounds so damn good. I mean, his tone sounds so distinctive anyway. That second vocal take is him on the chorus, and it is genuinely the only time I can hear a clear difference between the vocalists’ voices in BLACK SWAN. They put so much processing on their vocals that they all sound similar, but when Taehyung’s vocal comes in, it’s easy to tell that it’s him. I can tell when it’s Taehyung throughout the whole song, but the second vocal take is the only other take that makes this list.

Hobi [1:44-1:56] - This is almost on par with Namjoon’s verse in Dionysus, for me, and for all the same reasons. His tone, the delivery, the way he enhances the melody; Hobi slaps in BLACK SWAN.

Louder than bombs

Hobi [1:38-1:45] - While everyone sounds amazing in Louder than bombs because it’s so unique, I think Hobi is the only one with a notable vocal take because his tone sounds so different from how it normally does. Hobi always has some degree of husk in his vocal when he sings, but this vocal take is almost a whisper, and it sounds really beautiful.

Taehyung [0:28-0:36] - So, Taehyung has a slightly different tone in Map of the Soul: 7 through BE and Film out, and it’s really nice. In ON, he uses really well on his verse because he adds in interesting textures throughout the entire take. For instance, at the end of it, he yips a little bit. Overall, it’s a sound that only Taehyung could pull off.

Jungkook [2:58-3:12] - This is probably the best vocal take Jungkook has up to Film out. The tone he has in studio isn’t easy to replicate live, but the way it came out in the studio version was phenomenal. Yes, the falsetto is dope, but that’s not my favorite part of this vocal take because it doesn’t have the best tonal qualities in the world, though I still listed it because it’s impressive technically. The part that drives me wild is when Jungkook comes back up in pitch on “Oh, I’m takin’ over.” It’s two D5s in a row, and Jungkook’s raspy tone sounds insane.

UGH!

Yoongi [0:23-0:24] - I wasn’t gonna add this because it’s just Yoongi saying “dungdungdung,” but the growl in his voice is sick. It’s like a freaking subwoofer. Is it bad if it’s the highlight of UGH! for me? Too bad.

00:00

Jimin [0:36-0:48] [1:50-1:56] - Doesn’t Jimin’s voice kind of sound wobbly in 00:00? I love it, though. It lends itself to the tone of the song really well, and I think it resulting in him having a unique tone that qualifies as some of his best vocals yet.

Taehyung [0:49-1:00] [2:01-2:14] - I mean, Taehyung has that gorgeous tone, he’s giving us raspy vocals when he drops his pitch, he’s belting during his lines even though they’re just verses and not a big high note in the bridge because he’s a legend and always has to sing higher than he’s comfortable; basically, he’s doing the most in 00:00 and his vocal sticks out a lot.

Jungkook [1:25-1:26] - Yes, Jimin is singing the “and you gonna be happy” part, but Jungkook singing the “ooh ooh” part is so nice. He does it every time the line is sung except for when Taehyung has the “and you gonna be happy” lyric. I think. I’m pretty sure Jungkook is doing it every time Taehyung isn’t. Anyway, Jungkook sounds so pretty. I love when he drops into his chest voice from his falsetto. Even small parts like this wow me.

Jin [2:14-2:20] [3:37-3:40] - Jin doesn’t get a lot of chances to show off vocal agility, but the first vocal take gave him some wiggle room, and I thought it sounded beautiful. The last vocal take is his high note because how can I not, you know? Talk about beautiful.

Jin & Jimin [3:32-3:36] - No, but their harmony together sounds so pretty? Jin and Jimin’s vocal tones are incredibly different from one another, but whatever they did here was a success because it’s entrancing.

Inner Child

Taehyung [2:03-2:22] [3:05-3:19] - Taehyung sounds so different in this song. I think it’s because this is a genre he hasn’t done before, but I love it. I mean, Taehyung’s vocal tone is always consistent, but that doesn’t mean he can’t sound fresh. The first vocal take has a really pretty bend that Taehyung does with his voice that I love every time I hear it plus the second chorus, which I thought was a better take of it than the first. The second take is the bridge, which sounds so gorgeous with the harmonies and the high falsetto in the background.

Friends

Taehyung [0:09-0:14] [1:02-1:08] [1:27-1:32] [2:54-2:56] [3:14-3:16] - For all Taehyung sounds different in Inner Child, this genre of music did something for his voice; it’s almost like he sounds more grown up, if that makes sense. He has so much character in his vocal. Like, the yips, the speech-like singing, the softer parts, the belts, the pronunciation; I stan. Also, that high note he hits in the last chorus on “you are my soulmate”? Shut up, fam. It sounds so good. On top of that, the lick at the very end that ends the song is so satisfying, and I love that they chose to end Friends that way. Basically, Taehyung sounded like a new being in this song. I don’t make the rules.

Jimin & Taehyung [0:17-0:27] [0:42-0:44] [0:47-1:02] [1:14-1:27] [2:14-2:50] - I’m not gonna make you suffer through an explanation of all of these, but don’t they kill it together? These are some of the best vocal takes I’ve heard from either of them; must be because Friends is so personal, but who knows. Some of these takes are weird because it catches the end of a phrase or is Taehyung and Jimin switching back and forth between them, but I mean what I put down, my friends. Also, can we talk about their harmonized high note and all the harmonies afterward because please; how do they sound so gorgeous? Taehyung is doing nice melodies behind everything, Jimin is going up high and harmonizing with his falsetto; I mean, lovely. It’s all lovely.

Jimin [0:27-0:29] - I had to put in “hello, my alien” because Jimin makes it sound so endearing. There aren’t more Jimin timestamps beacuse all his best parts are with Taehyung, but this line had to go in.

We are Bulletproof: the Eternal

Hobi [0:40-0:42] - I think Hobi is harmonizing with himself here? I want that to happen more often because he sounds amazing.

Taehyung [1:14-1:18] - I don’t know if it’s because it’s Taehyung or because he says “bulletproof” with an “ooh” sound or because his voice sounds so full, but I love the way Taehyung sounds here.

Jungkook [1:18-1:20] - Jungkook’s falsetto on this line was the right choice. That is all.

Yoongi [1:35-1:46] - Ah. I love Yoongi’s verse. It’s the best part of We are Bulletproof: the Eternal, for me. You can hear all the texture in his voice, and the emotion just slams you in the chest.

Jimin [2:20-2:24] [2:43-2:48] [3:06-3:09] - This song was made for Park Jimin. He’s flipping from his falsetto to the fullest, most gorgeous tone ever, and it conveys all the emotion it’s supposed to. Something about Jimin’s vocal in these takes is send-shivers-up-your-spine worthy.

Stay Gold

Taehyung [0:45-0:58] - Y’all this melody sounds so pretty with Taehyung’s voice. The vocal runs he does are so gentle, and then you have him fading his voice into this light tone with his vibrato running through it; I mean, please. Beautiful.

Jungkook [3:06-3:11] - Speaking of vocal agility, Jungkook bouncing between these notes and then ending in a vocal run is so nice to listen to. His tone is gorgeous, but he uses it well, which is the important thing. I love this part a lot.

Lights

Taehyung [0:12-0:20] [0:51-1:00] [1:50-2:01] [2:30-2:40] - The second vocal take also references Taehyung’s part in the last chorus, by the way, but they had the same lyrics and sounded the same, so I just listed it once. Is this every part Taehyung has in Lights? Yes. Do you know why? Because this is his song. He owns it. Can you hear his tone when he belts? Which, by the way, happens almost every time he sings. Do you know how difficult this song is for a baritone? And Taehyung still manages to have that full, intense tone when he hits the high notes? Shut the fuck up. Hands down, this is one of the best examples of how amazing Taehyung is as a vocalist.

Jungkook [0:41-0:50] [1:41-1:49] [3:46-3:50] - Jungkook is it in Lights, my friends. After ON, I think I like Jungkook’s tone the best in this song. Don’t ask me why; I know this probably isn’t on the list for an ARMY with a Jungkook bias if you’re asking them about their favorite songs, but Jungkook doing things with his vocal that I love in Lights. It’s not too flat, not too clean; he’s adding in whispers and snapping from falsetto to full voice and belting at the end--all of it made the song come out beautifully.

Jin [1:05-1:10] - Jin like... whispers in this vocal take, and I go crazy over it. Besides that, please tell me why Jin saying “itsu datte” sounds so pretty. I don’t understand it, but he’s legendary.

Jimin [1:15-1:20] [3:27-3:36] - Jimin sounds so bright in this song, and no, that isn’t a pun. I really love how he offsets the other vocalists who are belting because Jimin is flipping into his falsetto or leaning into his sweet tone a lot, which brings a gorgeous character to the melody.

Yoongi [2:51-3:08] - Yoongi sounds like the prettiest thing in the world in Lights. I know it’s the melody, too, but Yoongi delivers it so well. This is a verse I could fall asleep to.

Your Eyes Tell

Jungkook [0:03-0:14] - Jungkook sounds different on this vocal take, and I like it a lot. Where he places his vibrato, as well as where he’s dropping into a softer voice are both lovely details that make this vocal take one of his best.

Jin [2:07-2:19] - I love that Jin’s vocal almost sounds like a cry. Not a vocal cry--as in, the vocal technique--but a real cry. It spills emotion all over the place, and I’d say it’s one of Jin’s best attempts at this type of sound.

Namjoon [2:20-2:27] - I don’t know why, but I really love Namjoon’s dark tone in Your Eyes Tell. It’s relaxing, to me. I’ve heard it before in songs like SEA, but for some reason, it reads as special in this song.

Jimin [2:45-2:51] - This song is so soft, but Jimin comes in and slaps you in the face with a super sharp high note, and I think it’s a brilliant way to add variation in the vocals. Jimin’s vocal tone made it what it was, as well.

Life Goes On

Jimin [0:23-0:35] [2:42-2:46] - This is another song that’s very suited to Jimin’s vocal tone. Jimin does have a bit of a whisper going on, but he’s also putting in vocal cracks that add a bit of intensity, and it all blends really nicely. Like, the second vocal take is his harmony in the back, and it sounds heavenly.

Taehyung [1:00-1:11] - This covers both takes of this line, but Taehyung sounds so soothing. It’s so nice to listen to because he made his vocal really smooth while his tone naturally gave it texture. I love, love, love this part.

Yoongi [1:47-1:58] - Y’all this is my favorite example of Yoongi singing. He sounds so soft. It kills me every time I hear it; I mean, who gave him the right to sound so pretty? Seriously, though, Yoongi’s vocal is also really soothing, and melodically, this is one of my favorite parts of Life Goes On thanks to Yoongi’s delivery.

Hobi & Jungkook [1:59-2:06] - Jungkook is only doing harmonization for a second during this vocal take, but it was so pretty that I had to add it in. Speaking of pretty, what the heck is Hobi doing that he sounds so lovely? The way he slides his pitch down on “mallo” is so nice. Hobi’s tone is perfect for Life Goes On.

Taehyung & Jimin [2:58-3:21] - This is perfect way to end this song. This would’ve qualified had it just been Taehyung because this is the type of song where Taehyung’s vocal really benefit the melody, but Jimin on top of him with his light tone is stunning.

FLY TO MY ROOM

Taehyung [0:09-0:17] [0:34-0:50] [1:08-1:24] [1:40-1:57] - There’s so much goodness happening in FLY TO MY ROOM with Taehyung’s vocal because he spent time developing his tone for this song since he wanted it to sound like a conversation. It ended up sounding gorgeously brassy yet soft, and the vowels he used popped a lot, as well. It’s not so much about specific moments in this song as it is that Taehyung just sounds really good. Like, his parts in the chorus--the timestamps I have are meant to account for all of Taehyung’s chorus parts, and same with Jimin, by the way--and the vocal run at the end of his part in the verse were incredible.

Jimin [0:18-0:34] [0:50-1:07] [1:28-1:40] [3:11-3:13] - FLY TO MY ROOM simultaneously fits Jimin’s voice really well and makes him sound totally new. He’s leaning into the fact that his voice has a higher pitch naturally, and it complimented the tone of the song really well. Like, listen to that high note at the end. That’s my kind of shit right there.

Yoongi [1:57-2:12] - Yoongi is a straight vibe in this song. You’ve got his lazy tone on a lower octave than the higher, brighter tone laying on top of it, and the blending of the two is just stunning.

Hobi [2:13-2:30] - Hobi sounds different here, y’all. It’s like he got dropped into a song that had the capabilities of bringing out the best in his natural vocal tone, and that’s what happened. The way he pronounces things is really interesting to listen to, as well. I can’t wait to hear this live.

Blue & Grey

Taehyung [0:14-0:30] [1:41-1:49] [3:10-3:17] [3:57-4:12] - The pun is absolutely intended, but Taehyung sounds angelic in Blue & Grey. Probably because he wrote it for himself, but holy shit. The fact that the song started and ended with Taehyung makes me so happy. He’s got the gorgeous low tone happening, his sharp and brassy falsetto, and at the end, you can hear him opening his mouth to sing “good night;” it’s like fucking ASMR. And the emotion. How is he allowed to be this amazing? Honestly, though, he outdid himself in every facet of this song: singing, writing, and producing.

Yoongi [0:47-1:18] - Ah, Yoongi is the exact rapper you want on a song like this. No shade to Hobi and Namjoon, but Yoongi’s somber vocal tone is an exact match for what Taehyung was trying to say with these lyrics. Yoongi sounds perfect.

Jimin [1:33-1:41] - I can’t explain accurately why it is that Jimin sounds so pretty here, but I think it’s just because he’s Park Jimin. His vocal tone fit on top of this melody so nicely, and it’s nicely contrasted by Taehyung having the same melody and doing so wonderfully with it later.

Jin & Jungkook [1:50-2:05] - The harmonies in this song are so pretty. Jin and Jungkook sound so good; why do we not hear this kind of thing more often? Jin’s falsetto is so light, and Jungkook underneath is singing the most beautiful harmony with his lower vocal tone that he doesn’t use nearly enough, and it’s all just... stunning.

Jimin & Taehyung [2:05-2:20] - Y’all. This is my favorite part of Blue & Grey--probably. I love Taehyung’s parts a lot. Anyway, it feels like these two are talking to me through their vocals. Jimin sounds so sharp while Taehyung sounds soft, and the whole vocal take feels warm and comforting. Honestly, this is one of my favorite bits of harmonization in any BTS song.

Telepathy

Yoongi [0:37-0:55] - Yoongi invented the word vibe, okay? Telepathy was made for Yoongi. That is true. I know the pitch was difficult for him, but you can’t even tell? The effect they put on his vocal, too, makes it sound even cooler.

Taehyung [1:15-1:23] [1:31-1:39] [2:18-2:27] - This is a song that I wouldn’t think about being a good fit for Taehyung’s vocal tone, but he proved me wrong, I tell you what. He’s doing that interesting thing with his vocal tone that he’s been doing for a year or so now, and it fits. He sounds so interesting in Telepathy, and I hope we get more of it in the future.

Dis-ease

Taehyung [0:47-0:52] [2:27-2:32] [3:15-3:19] [3:24-3:25]- Doesn’t Taehyung sound so cool? It’s that interesting tone again, but it’s even more interesting in Dis-ease somehow. Like, you head that bend in his voice in the second take on “laugh”? Doesn’t it sound awesome? I know the effect on his vocal has something to do with it, too, but it’s also just Taehyung playing with his tone and making it sound really fun and cool.

Jimin [2:17-2:22] - Jimin just sounds wavy. That’s all I have to say. Like, he sounds so nice, you know? I think it’s the vocal run and the “I hate dat,” but who’s to say?

Jungkook [3:10-3:14] - The character in Jungkook’s voice is so cool, though. He sprinkles in the tiniest bit of vocal agility and umph, and it came out so well.

Dynamite

Jungkook [0:01-0:26] [2:07-2:11] [2:40-2:44] - I mean, this was supposed to be a song for Jungkook to center in, right? I know he’s always the center, but you know what I mean. His vocal tone is super clean, which is probably why they wanted it to anchor Dynamite since it’s a standard pop song. It worked, though. Jungkook sounds super vibey. His falsetto note going into the key change is really nice, too.

Namjoon [0:26-0:34] - I love this part in Dynamite, and I don’t understand where the love for Namjoon is at. He owns this shit.

Jimin [0:51-0:59] [1:25-1:32] [2:11-2:15] [2:24-2:31] - Yo, is it just me, or does Jimin sound super different in Dynamite? I don’t know if it’s the key it’s in or what, but he sounds really cool. He sounds brassy, almost, but also it could just be his pronunciation. I don’t know. Either way, Jimin came out swinging with Dynamite.

Taehyung [1:00-1:12] [1:42-1:50] [2:20-2:23] [3:06-3:14] - They really said, “Let’s give the baritone the hardest fucking vocals in this song.” Like, Jin is the king of high notes, and he struggles with Dynamite, and yet they gave Taehyung the same high notes as him? You wanna know what though? He murdered this song. Absolutely killed it. I cannot express enough how impossible it should be for him to his a C#5, but he fucking did it, didn’t he? Not only that, but his tone on his verse, as well as the choruses, is such a vibe. For such a basic song, Taehyung did something really special with it, and it resulting in the most impressive vocals--in terms of range--he’s had to date.

Jin [2:49-2:53] - Yes to Jin killing this high note. His tone sounds really nice, and he slapped on this line.

Jin & Jungkook [2:54-2:57] - You hear Jungkook doing the “light it up like dynamite” line in staccato behind Jin? That shit sounds so cool. It’s easily one of the most fun vocal takes BTS has ever done.

Film out

Jimin [2:39-2:46] - Jimin’s vocal tone is it for Film out, fam. You hear that high note, yo? It’s so gorgeous. Like, the impact it has on the emotion of the song. Jimin really came out and snatched this era.

Taehyung & Jimin [3:19-3:29] - This is my favorite part of Film out. Like, it would’ve been enough to have it be Taehyung, but Jimin harmonizing with him makes it so pretty. Jimin adds a lovely delicacy to the last line, and Taehyung’s vocal conveys all the somber emotion that is necessary to close out this song. And Taehyung’s vocal run at the end is so damn gorgeous. The 95′s are killing it yet again in 2021.

Butter

Taehyung [0:43-0:48] [2:06-2:14] - I’m sorry, but holy shit. I know the vocalists all had the same parts, but this is (yet another) really high-pitched song, and Taehyung singing up in that range is gorgeous. I adore his tone in Butter. And all those C5s he was hitting? Again, I’m aware that the other members are hitting those notes, as well, but--I mean, do I need to bring up the fact that he’s a baritone again? No, more than the high notes, though, I thought Taehyung’s vocal color stood out a lot in Butter, so these couple parts deserve to be on this list.

Okay, that’s really it. For now. Until we get new music. Honestly, I’m really impressed with each and every one of these members each time they release something new. It’s insane to me what they can do with their vocals and the control they have over their vocal tones. Every vocal take they have is the best of the best, but this list set out to find the gems hidden even within the diamonds of their discography. If you actually went through this list, thank you, and I’m sorry. Like I said at the start, it’s a hot mess, but I really wanted the chance to talk about specific notes or lines that blow me away every time I hear them. Share some of your favorite vocal moments in the replies, and thanks for reading.

#bts #kim taehyung #park jimin #jeon jungkook #kim namjoon #jung hoseok #min yoongi #kim seokjin

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