#okay now i gotta go sleep

[sasanka-27]

Cozy movie night ✨💙💚

[butterfilledpockets]

the dude-dles

(some warmup doodles of the B.E.N.T)

↓full page ↓

this shitheads own the only hammer capable of shattering my art block

[quins-makeshift-menagerie]

*slides in* had to go to urgent care last night cuz I just! kept! vomiting!

Needless to say I am definitely taking this week off lmao….

[synthshenanigans]

I miiiight color this properly but have a funky soul design i did for fun :}

[close up + a small text about the guy below and then some]

While it is mainly just for fun & not my main design for Soul, i think Soul's form would change throughout Cacophony a fair amount. There's still some things it cant change but depending on its view on himself, Heart & Mind, or Whole would alter how his apperance looks. Not necessarily a bad thing either, just a form on how he feels or views himself. Kinda like when you make a persona i guess? He just swaps a lot between them.

Also smaller thing being that it's "tail" can change as well! More obvious being the relation to the instrumental album cover but also it can changed into other things as well. An Umbrella for Spring and a Storm, a gavel for parts of Mucka Blucka, TSE & The Bidding, or it being one of those bid cards youd hold up to bid your amount [also during The Bidding]. Can also change to the trident during TSE & The Bidding too, the red guitar in Two Wuv as well. Just generally whatever he want/feels like!

[b-h-art]

i drew this instead of cleaning my room after promising myself i will get off of my tablet

[margina1ia]

Idk where it was, but I think I saw a post about how Cassandra couldn't finish saying the word "fair" without being consumed by the rage shard. Going back and watching the moment when it starts to go wrong in the wizard synod, Cassandra says "it's not fair" immediately before the shard rips through her and she begins bleeding out.

Thinking about this with the Bad Kids' convo with Lydia Barkrock and how the pit fiend in her chest couldn't say the name of the dead fallen god he served or he could only say it in certain contexts... I wonder if Cassandra had another sibling aside from Galicaea and Sol (or maybe it is Sol?? Or Helio???) that she was a right hand to or had a contract with (now I'm thinking about rules and relationships re: figs warlock classes????), and maybe what Lydia's party invoked is what happened to Cassandra. I wonder if, when the Bad Kids find out more about the ritual, they will recognize elements of what happened at the wizard synod.

Anywayyyyys, maybe I'm just drowning in red strings lol

[timelordian-disaster-126]

I FINALLY MADE SEMI-REALISTIC/LINELESS PICTURE EVERYONE 🗣 This took, SO long, but it was Honestly such a fun practice for depth and shading! This idea has been swimming around in my head for a while, but I wasn't able to capture her the way I wanted to till now! I hope you guys like it <3<3

[sylveriasarcana]

The Passenger and OCD, or, Randy Bradley and his Weird, Violent Therapist

Hi! As the title implies, I think the 2023 movie 'The Passenger' can be interpreted from the perspective of OCD recovery! And I think Randy Bradley might have OCD! I also think that over the course of the movie, his experiences with Benson help him recover from OCD!

I've got a lot of thoughts about this, and I've put them all under a Read More because of how damn many I have! I hope you enjoy them!

First off; an overview of OCD, then an overview of the most obvious ways in which I believe Randy exhibits OCD symptoms, then a look at Benson and how he carries out a very twisted version of "Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)", the recommended treatment for OCD.

I hope you enjoy! I might sleep again after this! That'd be neat!

Please note that OCD is very complex and affects each person that has it differently. In this analysis, I refer largely to my own experiences with OCD. They may not reflect your own. Please do not see this as an attempt to explain everything about OCD, or use this to tell other people they don't have OCD because it's not exactly what I'm describing.

(also a lot of this has screenshots of Benson looking at Randy with "wtf" face so hope you enjoy that)

You're Probably Wrong About OCD (Here's What It Is)

Before we start, we need to understand what OCD is. "Oh, that's when you get really stressed out if things aren't clean, right?". No. It's not your fault if you think that, it's how most people think it is, but it's not. Or at least, that's a very simplified version of it. Here's what it actually is.

OCD can manifest as an obsession (or a "theme") followed by a compulsion to try and ease the distress caused by an obsession. These compulsions are usually illogical, an extreme example being "I need take an equal amount of steps on both feet when I'm walking home from work every day or my grandma might die". Themes, as well, are varied. They are sometimes very taboo - for example, one might experience intrusive thoughts along the lines of "what if you caused serious bodily harm to your partner?" or "what if you are secretly a sexual predator?". A compulsion that usually follows these thoughts is rumination, imagining scenarios where these thoughts are correct and you have to defend yourself in court, for example. If you know somebody who experiences themes like these, please understand it is not a reflection of who they are as a person. They are experiencing intrusive, unwanted thoughts, and they need your support, not your judgement.

Now, let's get to Randy's theme - false memory/real event. False Memory OCD is when your brain literally imagines a scenario for you and tells you it's real, usually a very upsetting one, and dares you to prove it wrong. Real Event OCD is when you are feeling immense guilt or shame over a real event that happened in the past which you are now obsessing over, usually in regard to your own morality ("this happened, I'm a bad person, I can never improve, I am defined by this"). The compulsion to "ease" these themes is usually the same; combing through memories to double check every possible detail of this memory to check if it's real/to check if it's as bad as you remember.

Randy is experiencing a combination of these: a real event that has since become twisted in his mind. He DID cause Miss Beard to lose an eye, but she did not crawl towards him on her knees bleeding and screaming after the fact, as shown in the opening scene. There are other logical fallacies to how Randy remembers the event too; for example, he's the only kid in the classroom when he remembers it. This wasn't the case in reality, and he even says this later when he's gained some confidence throughout the movie. But, as previously touched upon before, OCD can rob you of your rationality.

So now you know what OCD is, and why I think Randy has it. How do I know so much about false memory/real event OCD? Well, because I had/have it. More on that later, but first, let's have a look at Randy's journey in The Passenger and some specific moments that signal OCD to me.

"Your name is Bradley Bradley?": Randy and Over-acceptance

OCD can rob you of your ability to trust yourself and your own decisions. In an extreme case, it could even stop you from standing up for yourself in the most basic of circumstances, for example, correcting someone for getting your name wrong. Randy spent a year at Burgers Burgers Burgers wearing the wrong name badge because he didn't want to correct his manager.

When Randy accidentally injured Miss Beard, the lesson he took from it was that nothing good would come from him speaking up for himself or from making his own choices. "The last time I let myself react the way I wanted to, I ruined a person's life". He has since taken this to an extreme degree, and I argue he is following OCD's orders on that one: "you can't correct someone if they get your name wrong or you'll end up ruining their life too".

When Randy's manager finds out he's been using the wrong name for him, he shrugs it off. When Benson finds out:

Benson was a little too busy preparing to berate a service worker to respond to this (justice for Marsha), but you can imagine the thought process here is, "you let us all call you the wrong name for a year?".

That does not seem rational, does it? But here's the thing: OCD doesn't let you be rational sometimes.

"What are you saying to me? What are you trying to say?": Randy and Irrationality

This is also related to over-acceptance; OCD robs Randy of the ability to think rationally. This is especially noticeable when Lisa is first brought up. Benson asks why Randy and Lisa broke up, and Randy says "her cat died".

Benson has a similar response to what ours likely is: what the hell????

Of course we know that someone's cat dying is not a reason to break up with their significant other (unless it's an Angela and Dwight situation, RIP Sprinkles), but Randy is so deep in OCD and over-acceptance that this IS logical to him. He does not trust himself to think of that situation as irrational. He probably thinks something like "oh, getting dumped because her pet died is probably normal". He doesn't even ask anyone else if it's normal, he's just accepted it as something that has happened to him and makes no effort to challenge or change it, because by OCD's rules, if he does what he wants to do and asks further questions, he's going to ruin someone's life. That's what happened last time, and we don't want to repeat what happened last time, do we?

Ergo, through over-acceptance and irrationality adopted through the presence of OCD, "we broke up because her cat died" becomes a completely logical life event in Randy's world. Can't question it, a bad thing will happen if you question it.

But Benson questions it! A lot! This will be important when discussing Benson's approach to ERP, but first, let's talk about OCD and responsibility.

The Shooting: Randy and Responsibility

Here's one of my least favourite parts about OCD: the way it assigns responsibility to you for everything bad that happens. I can't even read the news without my OCD blaming me for whatever the criminal of today's headlines did. Don't even get me started on YouTuber and influencer drama; my OCD loves accusing me of those guys' crimes!

My heart breaks so much for Randy during the shooting, especially on a rewatch: there is no way he's not blaming himself for what happened.

He's the one that spoke up and asked Chris to stop making him uncomfortable, and following a chain of events, Benson shot Chris and everyone in the restaurant except for Randy. This is never confirmed, but seeing Randy after it happens, all I can think is "oh God. He's blaming himself."

Randy says later that the only time he let himself react the way he wants to, he ruined a person's life. Randy has just let himself react the way he wanted to. Now three people are dead.

We are, of course, not in control of how others respond to our actions. Randy asked Chris to stop making him uncomfortable, he did not take a gun and shoot three people dead. That was Benson. But I really do think Randy sees himself as a little responsible here, and that breaks my heart. To him, his worst fear just came true, his OCD has been proven right: he can't speak up for himself or he ruins lives.

But here's the thing; exposing yourself to your worst fears is exactly how you overcome OCD. This is where Benson the weird, violent therapist comes in.

"Do you see what happens when you do nothing?": Benson and Exposure and Response Prevention

Benson might have the most "don't try this at home" method of this therapy I've ever encountered, but there's no denying he got the job done!

In order to recover from OCD, you have to do "exposures". You have to expose yourself to what you are afraid of in order to train OCD to stop using it to scare you. For example, if OCD has convinced you that you can't touch a certain object for fear of getting a disease from it that you then spread to your entire family and kill them all, the solution is to get your hands ALL OVER that object, and then not wash your hands. That's the "response prevention" part. Another "response" could be reassurance seeking; for example, if you touch the object and then immediately ask everyone if you look like you're getting sick. Reassurance seeking is very discouraged in OCD recovery, as is reassurance giving.

What Randy has to do to overcome his OCD theme is accept what happened, and not engage with rumination. Accept that it happened, but that the world kept going, and that nothing good is going to come from robbing himself of his own life because of something that happened in the past.

Extreme violence and several crimes aside, this is exactly what Benson does for Randy.

Randy, in his mind, began the chain of events that caused the shooting. Of course, this isn't the case; Benson was on the absolute brink and this is just what caused him to snap. But here's the thing: unintentionally, and in a very fucked up way, Benson exposed Randy to what he was afraid of. And prevented a response.

Randy spoke up for himself, and three people got shot. Lives are ruined, just like OCD always told him would happen. Benson doesn't immediately tell him why he's just shot three people - he doesn't offer reassurance. He lets Randy sit with the thought. Randy has no choice but to accept what has happened, whether it was his fault or not.

Here's an example of Benson straight up denying Randy the chance to seek reassurance. Consider the diner scene again:

Randy: What does this have to do with me? [subtext: "Would the shooting have happened if not for me?]

Benson: You mean why are you here right now? [subtext: "We're not doing reassurance right now. Here's what I actually think you need to hear."]

OCD was right, as far as Randy knows. Benson isn't disputing this. And yet, the world kept turning. Exposure number one.

You can already see Randy get a little bit of confidence after this event. In the car on the way to Benson's, Randy tells Benson that his mother had him repeat the 2nd grade, and when Benson gives him a speech about needing to stand up for himself, Randy says "I was only seven".

Randy has probably never spoken that way to anyone in his life, let alone someone he just saw commit a homicide. He has CERTAINLY never defended himself for past actions based on his young age at the time, either; he's spent most of his life torturing himself over something he did when he was seven. But suddenly, the irrational brutality of OCD is cracking a little, and he can see: he was only seven. In a fucked up way, being exposed to his worst fear via the shooting has allowed Randy to see through the haze of OCD, if only for a little while, and realise what everyone else can see: he was only a child. This confidence continues to grow throughout the movie, leading to a moment where Randy feels brave enough to approach Benson, who is waving a gun around in a state of despair and anguish, and manages to convince him not to fire it. This is very different from the Randy we saw at the beginning of the movie, and I argue it's through Benson's exposures that he got there.

Benson continues to put Randy in very high-stress situations, confronting Lisa and then going to visit Miss Beard, the source of his current and most debilitating OCD theme, and in reality this would not be an ideal way to deal with it. It's too much too soon (graded exposure is the way to go in reality), and if this was real life, Randy would probably end his day with Benson feeling much, much worse than he did before due to sheer overstimulation. But this is a movie, and we're with these characters for a day. In the course of that day, I argue we see a really good fictionalised version of OCD recovery.

The way Benson reacts to Randy throughout the movie is really interesting to me. He not only challenges Randy's OCD-influenced thoughts in a way Randy has never allowed himself to ("what, she said 'I can't date you because my cat died?'"), but often finds a middle ground between reassurance and agreeing with OCD. For example, Benson often reacts with laughter when given details on Randy's "2nd grade incident". This may not be the most sensitive or ideal middle ground (and other Tumblr users have argued given Benson's own experiences when he was around Randy's age, he's laughing more in relief than dismissal), but it is certainly a middle ground. Plus, when Randy's OCD sees Benson responding to Randy's worst ever deed with laughter, resembling joy, OCD may be inspired to leave Randy alone a little regarding haunting flashbacks to a twisted version of what actually happened. OCD doesn't expect that response, and that has the potential to reroute Randy's obsessive thought patterns.

And then, there's the actions Benson carries out to make Randy actually do exposures and prevent avoidance behaviours (Benson is, of course, mostly preventing Randy from avoiding exposures through the act of having a gun, but you know). Randy has been avoiding asking Lisa why she broke up with him, because OCD has convinced him he doesn't need a reason and that things are just allowed to happen to him. Benson makes Randy ask her. Randy is afraid to see Miss Beard again, for fear that she hates him and that he will find her with a ruined life. Benson facilitates their reunion, and Randy finds out that his OCD was lying to him. While Benson has gone about it in a hostage-situation kinda way, over the course of a day, Randy has done everything he's spent years being too afraid to do. Benson gave Randy fucked up ERP. Benson is his weird, violent therapist.

But, this isn't all. Benson gave Randy his weird version of help because he did not think Randy would ever be brave enough to stand up for himself against Benson. But he was.

Interlude: This Seems Not Very Straight

If you're somehow on Tumblr reading about The Passenger and don't know this, this movie is often interpreted as queer. And just to clear up my stance on that: yes. Of course it is.

"Oh but Randy says he's not gay!". Yeah, so did the guys from Brokeback Mountain. Means nothing to me. I'm Roland Barthes-ing this movie enough already, why WOULDN'T I be for making it gay?

source. if no one else got me, Kyle Gallner got me.

So, back to my mental illness!

"I was never in charge, Randy": Benson is a Passenger, Too

Here's a difficult truth: if you are constantly telling your friend that they have to stand up for themselves, and they need to be more assertive, once they learn those skills, they will 100% use them on you if you have mistreated them or others, and you have to be prepared for that. Benson was not.

Benson is probably the closest thing Randy has ever had to a meaningful relationship that wasn't a relative, and vice versa. Both characters become deeply important to each other throughout the film, but there's still a lot of toxicity there. Benson may be helping Randy do exposures, but he is also constantly punching him and ordering him around at gunpoint. Randy recognises this behaviour as not being right from the start, hence how terrified he looks in the beginning, but isn't about to visibly get mad at the guy holding the gun. (Though I will say, the moments where Randy allows himself a moment to fix Benson with a cold, hard "why are you doing this to me" glare are magical. He looks so mad. Little angry cat look.).

But Benson "creates a monster". Over the course of the movie, Randy's confidence grows little by little the more time he spends with Benson, the more time he spends confronting his past, and eventually that works against Benson. Randy calls the cops on him, and I urge you to pay attention to Randy's reaction after he does it.

Randy can't believe he's done it. Benson can't believe he did it; later, when he's looking for who called the cops, he doesn't even consider Randy, who was the only one that could have. It's just so unbelievable to him that Randy would do this; it does not line up with the person Randy was in the beginning of this movie.

Randy did it; he's finally brave enough to stand up for himself and make his own decisions. He doesn't want it to come at Benson's expense, and you can see that in this scene as well, and later when he calls out to Benson when the latter is headed out to face the cops. It's switching between joy and fear; the adrenaline that comes from doing what you're afraid to do as a person with OCD cannot be understated. The high is incredible, but the fear that comes with it is overwhelming. All of that is portrayed here.

And then Randy goes out and says, "Benson, I need to talk to you". Not "we need to talk". Randy prioritises himself and his needs. He's brave enough to do that now. And he says all sorts of things that Benson doesn't want to hear; "there's no point to what you're doing", and that for all Benson's talk about taking risks and standing up, he has barely left the town he grew up in all day, even though he has a very good reason to (Benson is currently on the lam). Randy has realised that perhaps Benson needs to practice what he preaches and do a little more of what he's afraid to do.

And Benson doesn't appreciate it at first. "Who the fuck are you to talk to me like this, after everything I've done for you?!" This is the first and most obvious response, "I helped you, you're not supposed to use that help against me! I'm in charge!"

And then, once it becomes clear that Randy used what he learned from Benson to drum up the courage to call the cops, the real response comes:

"I was never in charge, Randy."

The audience has very recently learned that Benson too suffered a terrible trauma as a child. It is not one that is as easily fixable as Randy's. It's damaged Benson too much, and Benson has known this whole time that he can't really fix it or himself. He damned himself with the shooting at the fast food restaurant. He snapped and can't go back. All he's known for sure is that he could help Randy. One last good deed.

Benson is a passenger, too. Benson was under the command of his own trauma this whole time, just like Randy. The difference was that Randy internalised his and punished himself, while Benson externalised his and he exploded like a grenade. Randy was maybe ten years and a few bad nights of sleep from doing something similar; Benson saw that and tried to stop it.

And that's the kicker: everyone is someone's passenger, even Benson was a passenger in the end. But in his own fucked up way, Benson broke the cycle: he fixed Randy. No matter what happens now, he went out having helped someone.

Benson is a weird, violent therapist. But he got results!

"Thanks, for... thank you": Life 'After' OCD

The reality is that with OCD, once it's done with one theme, it'll usually just move onto another. That's what happened to me; once I'd confronted my original false memory/real event, OCD just moved onto something else. But you know what? I was ready for it. And so was Randy.

No matter what way you swing it, you cannot deny that the life Randy has at the end of this movie likely would not have happened without Benson.

If you asked Randy at the beginning of this movie to play the eraser game with you, he probably would have thrown up on the spot just from the stress of you possibly knowing about what he'd done. And here he is, playing it with Miss Beard's daughter, someone he couldn't even imagine existed because having a daughter would have meant Miss Beard had a life after the incident, something he could never comprehend under OCD's spell. Randy tells his mother as he's leaving Miss Beard's house that he's going to get dinner with his friends. He has friends! They probably know his real name! Because he's brave enough to tell them!

And the thing is, you can see Randy appreciate this, and appreciate Benson. He hasn't forgotten Benson; the stuffed animals they made sit proudly among Miss Beard's daughter's playthings. Randy says 'thank you' to Miss Beard, for forgiving him and for allowing him the chance to move on, and I like to think the 'thank you' was also for Benson, too; Benson's methods may have been... unique, to say the least, but you can't deny the results!

Conclusion

I could not believe what I was seeing when I first saw The Passenger. There I was, in the dark depths of OCD, terrified to tell people about my false memory/real event themes for fear of being shunned and rejected or (because OCD likes to get irrational) imprisoned. But then I saw this movie, I saw this character, in the depths just like I was. And I'd never seen anything like it before. I couldn't stop crying. Someone made an OCD recovery movie. With queer undertones, no less! I was being well fed indeed!

And then, Benson reached over and wiped a tear from Randy's cheek and gently told him that he shouldn't be punishing himself for what happened. And then I thought, should I still be punishing myself? I got therapy. And I confessed my own false memory/real event to my therapist. And she didn't call the cops. She didn't yell obscenities at me. She comforted me. She taught me how to heal, and how to live. Without punching me in the stomach outside an elementary school! Didn't know OCD therapists could do that!

I interpret this movie as fucked up ERP. Like, really fucked up ERP. Violence and murder and abusive boyfriends ERP. But, this is the movie that helped me get the help I need. I wouldn't change a thing about it. Someone made it in a lab for me, and I'm so, so grateful. My weird little mentally ill gay movie. I cannot thank it enough.

And I cannot thank you enough for reading this!

[moonchild-in-blue]

ii and iii wore what?

ii and iii did WHAT??

VESSEL?? DID WHAT???

TF IS UP CHICAGO, DID THE BEAN™ BLESS THE AIR OR SMTH??

[lornasaurusrex]

I miss you Lorna… this is such a mess

This is an old message and I had several other similar messages, but I miss you guys and hope you’re all doing well!! I’m sorry to see nothing has improved.

I saw I was kindly mentioned by @awesomefringey and some other commenters the other day, so just wanted to log in and say hello and log back out for a few more months. 💕

Sending so so much love to all of you. Take care of yourselves and each other, please.

The video is still on YT.

[quietlyblooms]

memories that linger | love and deepspace

there's always been something pushing against you. and not in the metaphorical, woe is you sort of way, but in the way that... well, you can't quite put your finger on it. there's nothing metaphorical about it, you think, but anyone else would swear it's just your luck. you believe that, too, when you aren't so displeased with the way things are going. there is something that tries to force your hand, change the choices you want to make.

you realize that sounds crazy. that's why you keep it to yourself.

you've stopped resisting the push so much these days. you feel it like a hand upon your back, urging you forward and into the hunter association's ranks despite your dream of publishing your manga. it feels simultaneously wonderfully right and terribly wrong, though the development of certain events quickly steals your attention away from that invisible hand. you want answers. you need them, and you'll march in whichever direction that leads you to them.

additional details

in this verse, i'm writing chiyo as the mc and toying with the concept of past lives like the game does, though i may also sprinkle in a little itty bitty bit of fourth wall stuff -- like chiyo having the thought, " this is like a game, and someone else is making my choices. " as a treat <3

but the focus will be more on fate bc chiyo really hates it as a concept, and that's so much fun to write in this setting :' )

when interacting with other mc's, we can decide if we'd like our characters to just so happen to be in the same boat, having grown up with grandma and caleb, etc. if not, i have no problem writing chiyo in her main verse! there's plenty to work with either way and i'm happy to adapt!

bc chiyo's parents and grandmother play such important roles in her development, they're alive and well until wanderers kill them during chiyo's freshman year of high school. this event leads to josephine taking her in. she was a friend of the family and as good as a second grandmother to chiyo.

i'll likely think to add more when i'm not sleep-deprived and as i progress in the story, but if you have any questions, just let me know <3

[taniushka12]

WIP poll

(stealing it :p)

Rules: Make a 24hr poll listing the titles of every WIP you want to work on. (It’s fine if you only have one, still make a poll for the vote count). Whichever WIP title gets the most votes, write 1 sentence for every vote received.

¹ also known as the grief sex fic

² otter style 😌

tagging: @lostinthewoodsomewhere, @autisticwriterblog, @wolf-three-fifty-nine, and any other person with multiple wips than wants to do it 🔥

[coridallasmultipass]

brocal for the ship bingo?

The OTP to end all other OTPs... (Man. This wound up being basically Cori's Masterpost of BroCal. AKA... this got long and has some images, since I realized I can post my own art directly instead of just a text link to it lol.)

Wasn't actually expecting this to wind up with a bingo? But I got basically 2?? (Will explain the lighter heart later.) This is A LONG post, and definitely gonna get SUGGESTIVE, bc man, am I obSESSED with BroCal. I'm just gonna go thru each checked box, since I don't know how else to structure this post lol.

Read More to save ppl's dashboards:

I want them to make out with blood: OKAY. I HAVE A WHOLE THING PLANNED FOR THIS CONCEPT. I AM NOT GOING TO GO INTO DETAIL ABOUT IT JUST YET BC I ACTUALLY WANNA WRITE IT. I'm obsessed with this one fanart of Bro licking Lil Cal, and it spurred on an idea I outlined and really wanna write: https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/739969858334294016/hiiii-mutual-i-am-secrecy-asking-if-u-have-anymore

((Sorry for the plain text links, Tumblr app is NOT cooperating with me right now to add hyperlinks. I'd post the image directly if that one was mine.))

Basically, I just really need to see Bro and Cal making out with blood in their mouths, and I started a whole convoluted, unrelated outline in order to make that hapen. It'll probably just be a really short thing that ends at the uh climax, since otherwise it's gonna end up sadstuck. And I don't like sadstuck lol.

Undeniably t4t: Bro and Dirk are always trans for me, and Lil Cal's got that uh... what percentage did I calculate it out to be? 13% of Dirk is in Lil Cal [ My shitpost calculations: https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/746702663327072256/i-ran-out-of-tags-rambling-about-this-so-im-just ] so Lil Cal is at least 13% trans because of that much of Dirk being in him, plus however you feel about the other components being trans. LMAO this is ridiculous to type out. Moving on.

EDIT: FUTURE CORI INTERJECTING WITH A:

"Lil Cal Top Surgery Healing Progess: Day 1"

Terrible for each other affectionate/derogatory: I don't even know where the affectionate/derogatory split occurs. I multiship BroCal as both Bro/normal puppet Lil Cal and as Bro/evil juju puppet Lil Cal, and whatever combination in between or outside of that. Terrible in that Bro is so obsessed with Cal that he doesn't have normal relationship/social skills and uses Lil Cal as both a crutch and motivator alternately, in a terrible cycle, or maybe rather... spiral. And also terrible in that Bro is caught in the allure of playing the role of puppeteer while also being a puppet for the darker parts of Lil Cal, whether he actively knows it or not. (Honestly though, I feel like it's dismissive if you try to blame all of Bro's faults on Lil Cal like this tho, which is why I tend towards liking Lil Cal as just a regular puppet a lil bit more. Or at least, a regular mildly supernatural puppet since that can be a little more entertaining if Cal can get into mischief while no one's looking or give off the vibes of his mood more directly, rather than like entirely inanimate or 'just LE, trapped in a puppet body.' Again, I like all of these concepts.) ((I mean that can also be a whole post of its own, like, by the time Bro gets ahold of Lil Cal, are any of the other components still alive in there? Like, are ARquius and Gamzee still in there or did Caliborn kill and consume them entirely? Idk how it works, man. This is why I like Lil Cal as his own person, maybe just influenced by the feelings of the others. LaCroix: CalGamARquius essenced water. Lil Croix.))

They need to get weirder with it: YES YES. 1000% YES. I need entirely shameless Bro doing entirely shamless things to Lil Cal. I want them inseparable and doing unspeakable things to each other. I want Bro taking full advantage of Cal having a puppet body and all the intimacy that comes with making repairs and being elbow-deep in stuffing.

Playing with them like dolls cute/psychological torture: This is the same divide as with the 'terrible for each other' point, so I'm just gonna go with the cute one, since the torture one is self-explanatory. I want them fucking married. Like. Full mushy cute romance type of relationship that Bro has never felt for any of the people in his life (cough aromantic cough). I made this comic not too long ago, and I often fondly look back on it, because I adore the concept of Bro being lovey and romantic and everything out of character around Lil Cal because he feels safe and loved and comfortable around Cal:

[ https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/750602227910131712/brocal-4-lyfe-so-i-had-this-idea-of-dave-being ]

I made a post a long, long time ago (not gonna link that one bc it was personal and I was being very obviously mentally ill ["C'mon, like you're not being obviously mentally ill while typing paragraph upon paragraph about BroCal still in 2024 like 10 years later??" Fair.]) But the gist of it was that, like, having objectophilia or objectum sexuality is like, from an outsider pov, it's a way to express love to yourself. You filter all your self-hate through the object you love, and you get back unconditional love in return.

Lil Cal is never gonna hate Bro, no matter what Bro does. As a regular puppet, Lil Cal doesn't have the capacity for hate. And so that only brings them closer, since Cal is never gonna reject Bro for any reason. (Back to being a crutch. RSD is real, and Dave is probably a big trigger for that since he's not on the same wavelength of weird as Bro [not blaming Dave, obviously, this is a post about BroCal].) Bro can experience receiving positive attention from Lil Cal, without feeling 'fake' or uncool by expressing that same attention or affection directly to his own self. (Things are always done through multiple layers with the Striders, aren't they?) ((And I'm not saying Lil Cal doesn't love Bro, or that their relationship is just pretend - it's real, I'm just like, 'What's going on behind the curtain in the mundane situation?/ How is the relationship appealing?' Lil Cal luvs Bro 5eva 4 lyfe and that's a hard fact. Could cut diamonds with that shit.)) Example: maybe Bro is dealing with a bout of body/gender dysphoria and is trying to take out his frustration with working out, and it's not helping, even if he's powered through a set better than normal. Then, he notices the way Lil Cal is watching him, and he can feel the excitement seeping off Cal. He can sense the echoes of a wolf-whistle ring out through his mind, and it's like. Okay, none of that shit from before matters, he's got all the validation he needs right there in Lil Cal. Maybe flex in Cal's direction, Bro?

Oh, so back to being cute: isn't it wonderful how the template maker phrased it as 'playing dolls'? But yeah, I want all the mush and everything. Bro has a whole wardrobe for Lil Cal for every minor event that occurs in the Strider household. I want them going on genuine dates. Maybe even... holding hands. Bro blushes for the first time since he was 16. He even gets to take Lil Cal with him when he goes out to DJ or put on a show. Not to mention the whole website business. (I've talked about Cal's role in that before, but I'll mention it in a moment...)

They will die in a heart shaped pool of blood: I mean, kinda did happen, even tho Lil Cal didn't perma die right there. I don't think this one needs any explanation, since it basically happens in canon.

'You should see the other guy...': Okay, so. About 11 years ago, I had a really great idea. About how smuppets enter this world. I expanded on it in the following more-recent post (adult only content lol): https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/741683686717669376/back-in-the-day-my-friends-called-me-insane-when-i

To sum it up, whenever Bro makes a new smuppet design, he then gives it a video debut on his website, where uh, Lil Cal births the smuppet like it's a horror movie scene, fake blood and poly-fil gore all over the place as the smuppet crawls out from the viscera. Bro then gets to play aftercare by lovingly and gently cleaning up and restuffing Lil Cal as they get to admire their new creation and rake in the dough lol.

So it's technically not a 'you should see the other guy' kinda situation, but it does involve one of them being... idk what word would describe it. Injured by the other? Usually a character loses a fight and says this to act like they got out of it better than the other guy, but... We could have someone knock on the door during the filming of a scene like that, and Bro has to answer it with fake blood up to his elbows, and be like 'You should see the other guy.' (But obviously, that's a terrible idea and would cause more trouble than it's worth... Maybe worth it for a persistent door to door salesperson, though.)

Though, I guess I should also say, I'm not opposed to Bro beating on Lil Cal in or out of the bedroom. Or in the case of animate Lil Cal, Cal choking out Bro. In or out of the bedroom, lol. Depends on the situation, like I said I will ship this ship any which way. But my preference for animate Lil Cal is to be like a totally normal puppet around Bro (or mushy in-love with Bro) and then evil-murder-puppet towards anyone else in Bro's life, like a... toxic yaoi guard puppet. (New Phrase Achievement Unlocked!) Bro brings home another guy to have sex, who tries to stay the night due to the late hour, but the guy wakes up shortly after to see Lil Cal standing there with a knife in the dark, eyes glowing red. Panic ensues when the guest screams and freaks out, and by the time Bro's got a light on, grabbing his sword, ready for a ninja vs ninja fight (bc an intruder would've had to bypass all the traps), Lil Cal is just innocently splayed across the desk chair, no knife in sight. Relevant post (well, the caption on the post too, saying how Bro can't seem to hold onto any relationships besides Lil Cal):

[ https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/741830516962164736/i-want-you-so-youre-mine-always-selfishly ]

Uh, lol, also Cal choking out Bro in the bedroom, adult only drawing: https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/754328907438800896/i-wouldnt-wanna-be-my-ex-when-he-found-out-who

Thinking about them always and forever: Listen. My Tumblr as proof, I've had BroCal on the brain for at least 11 years at this point. Definitely longer, since I first started reading Homestuck. I fucking love puppets and dolls and plushies and I always have. Man, if I hadn't deleted Tweets (automated app I used to do, and I couldn't choose what to save) from when I was in high school, you could've seen me @ ing my fave band when they were taking lyric suggestions on a fan-inspired album, where I was telling them 'make a song where the theme is puppets' and, while I don't know if they saw that or took the suggestion (they had responded to me before bc they weren't huge yet), there is indeed a song titled "Puppets" on that album, and it was my favourite song on there. Point is, I was fated to ship BroCal before I even knew it existed.

Sicko 2 sicko communication: I mean, does this even need explaining? Bro and Cal aren't just on the same wavelength of freaky, they're the fucking source of the wavelength, and it's causing a feedback loop between them. And it does as feedback does, which is, it amplifies with time. (Going back to the spiral symbolism here, lol.) ((Actually, time can play a symbol here, too, I guess, but idk how to word it, I'm starting to run out of steam.))

Let them have a happy ending: God, I need this so badly. I know Bro's story ends in Homestuck, but like. Pls. Someone needs to officiate their wedding. Currently placing the dreambubble order, but I can't organize a wedding by myself. OH speaking of. In that lil comic I did above, where Bro is accepting Lil Cal's proposal, I had the Natural Born Killers wedding scene in mind. I was gonna draw that as a follow up, but I think I have too many WIPs going. Just two people on the run, saying "I do" in a scenic but completely ordinary roadside location. Idk why, I keep going back to that movie for things related to Bro (I mention it in a very important scene in a longer WIP I've been writing, as something Bro watched and internalized as a kid lol.) It's not the best movie lol. Anyway.

The devotion omg: I feel like I have already gotten my point across about this, but let me reiterate:

[ https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/735842968450269184/in-the-name-of-iconic-magical-girl-anime-ill ]

Bro and Lil Cal absolutely beat the shit outta Jack Noir before he gets prototyped. And even then, they fight together till the death, like. C'mon. Nothing more romantic than fighting a losing battle side by side. Also, like, Lil Cal having his own protective chest for safekeeping as seen in the Strider living room? Like, you don't just have a protective case for any old thing, especially something meant to be handled, especially something that is regularly used to smack other things/humans. What I'm saying is, Lil Cal is durable and resilient, and yet, Bro still has a case for transporting Cal safely. Oh, wait, I just thought of something funny, what if Lil Cal goes feral like a cat, and basically the chest is like a cat carrier so Bro can drive without being constricted lmaoooo, I've been typing for hours can you tell?

Kind of homophobic: Listen. I HAD a Cal. Took him to college. Staked my claim on the top bunk bc I am royalty. Proceeded to not have anywhere to set my water cup and had to use a cardboard box as a table up there. Spilled water. Melted Cal's sharpie-drawn face. And then proceeded to cry. I have a WIP of Lil Cal 2, but that requires actually remembering to work on him. I wanna do better by the pattern, too, since I rushed to finish the first. I have all the material! I have the project started! So it's just a matter of reordering my WIP priorities, honestly.

Where is all the fucking content?!: For realzz. I was actually venting about this the other day (didn't end up posting it), but it's like, either there's no BroCal content, or there IS BroCal content, but I can't reblog it for reasons I don't want to get into on this post. I'm dying of thirst in the ocean, basically. Whatever. This just means I need to make more BroCal content myself, which I am more than happy to do. I've just had a rough past few months, so I'm glad I got to type all this post out, and hopefully I can get back to creating soon.

Last one! I hope this one makes up for the absurd length of the post, it's prob my new fave idea I just came up with on the spot.

[TW drink spiking by a stranger mentioned in this.]

Committing atrocities as their silly little activities: I think we all know what this means, but I am going to ignore that elephant with my special x-ray vision. Because this is a BroCal post. I'm digging deep to the meat and bones of this. Honestly, this could go multiple routes, it depends on how you take your Lil Cal.

One could place emphasis on the 'guard' part of the, ahem ahem, toxic yaoi guard puppet. Maybe someone is actually trying to harm Bro, and Bro legit can't do anything for reasons outside of his control - let's say his drink got spiked a while after he invited a stranger home that he thought was chill. As Bro gets shoved down on the futon, his memory of the night is only a few flickers. Familiar orange plush, roiling around above him like a dancing windsock. Flashes of Lil Cal's face all distorted and stretched wide like a funhouse. J-Lo and Ice Cube on the TV. But when Bro is finally able to fully wake up in the morning, everything is as if he just got home alone last night and passed out on the futon. Cal looks totally normal and content tucked under Bro's warm arm. Except when Bro gets up, there is a pair of shoes too big to belong to him at the door. Maybe Bro knows. Maybe instinct tells him to run. Maybe he does, but he's running towards Lil Cal, every time.

[dawnthefluffyduck]

*peeks behind corner*

*leaves*

...of course, I should mention that this was only possible with the help of @patchwork-crow-writes; he helped me with the final stage of writing and gave me a ton of good feedback+writing tips, and was just super encouraging during the entire writing process. It'd never get done, much less posted, without his help, so thank you again Mr. Crow!

[breitzbachbea]

I only have a handful of days to do my analysis. Fuck meeeee lads.

[active-mind-15]

Accidental Siblings AU Headcanon #13

[Ramblings related to my fic, Accidental Siblings.]

Bokushi has his own room, of course, but whenever Seijuro is visiting home for any period of time, Bokushi prefers to sleep in Seijuro's room instead. He's still kind of not over the whole "separate body" thing just yet. So he will try to be close to Seijuro whenever he can because that's what he's used to and also when he feels more comfortable.

Because he's still working on being verbal about things like that, he tries to be sneaky about how he worms his way into Seijuro's room at night. It could be something as simple as wanting to play a game of shogi and suddenly "oh look now that the game is finished it's pretty late so I might as well sleep here." Basically, he'll find any excuse to come in and then any excuse to stay.

Seijuro pretends not to know what Bokushi is actually up to because, between the two of them, only Seijuro knows what it's like to not share a headspace with anyone. Bokushi was created after his mother passed, which meant there were 10 or 11 years where Seijuro's headspace was his alone. Bokushi has never experienced that. He has always shared a headspace with Seijuro and so the transition from being an alter in Seijuro's mind to being a tangible human being with his own independent thoughts is jarring and Seijuro can understand why it kinda freaks Bokushi out, even if he doesn't say it out loud.

So yes, similar to my second headcanon I made some time ago, Bokushi becomes a little bit more attached to Seijuro to make up for the natural silence in his head. Dare I say it's borderline separation anxiety, but not quite as severe. It's a similar concept, though. Bokushi just feels...odd...whenever Seijuro isn't present.