#okay if any of you wonder why i did this

[midnightfrappe]

please,,, let me go near him

[purgaytorysupremacy]

oh nuts. a life experience has given me a new layer of perspective on Cas's homosexual declaration of love to Dean.

recently I had occasion to tell a person I had feelings for them knowing full well they didn't feel even a twinge of the same thing for me. while the whole thing was a decidedly unpleasant experience, I kept laughing at myself internally bc I didn't want to say "the happiness is just in saying it" like fucking Castiel over here. (we don't need to talk about it, it's fine.) (I am happier having said it and it's kind of bullshit, but I digress.)

because the thing is, the happiness isn't in just saying it, right? the happiness is in the having. I made a whole TikTok "proving" that the Empty didn't come for Cas when he confessed his love, but rather when he realized Dean loved him back. even for Cas, the happiness was in the having, not in the saying, however brief it was.

and I've always been one of those people who rolled their eyes at the whole concept. why would the happiness be in just being, in just saying it, if it's right there in front of you to have. and then it hit me like a tonne of bricks (as I was washing my kitchen counters).

Cas really didn't think he could have Dean.

at all. in any capacity. he really, truly, and honestly felt to the depths of himself that Dean did not have any twinge of similar feelings, that this really was a Hail Mary shot-in-the-dark. and I think me, personally, really didn't understand that about Cas. that his belief in his love being unrequited was that unshakable.

something else I've been pondering is how audiences have so much more empathy for fictional characters who share traits that IRL they find objectionable and unappealing. but the thing is about fictional characters is that we follow them around in their most private, vulnerable moments. we see Dean mourning Cas when he dies, literally killing himself because he can't live without him, but it's so easy to forget that we're the omniscient ones here.

Cas never knew.

Dean's whole thing was pushing him away, keeping him at arm's length, making it seem like whatever heroic thing he does for Cas he'd do for anyone. he downplays how important it is for Dean to share the Deancave with him, to show him his favourite movies, share his favourite songs. he acts like the things Cas does for him don't mean that much to hide how much they do mean. he uses "we" whenever he even gets in the vicinity of expressing a feeling. "We were worried." "We're glad you're back." "We needed a win." "You're our brother." The audience knew the difference. We saw how he'd clench his jaw or swallow hard or make a face that said "God, I'm being such an idiot". Because we saw him in those little moments. We got to see the cracks in the mask.

but Cas never knew.

the self-hating angel of Thursday was never going to think it was all a way for Dean to protect himself. obviously, that's the delicious tragedy of it all, but what I think I realized at the end of all that is Cas confessing his love to a Dean who didn't love him back wouldn't have worked. Because the happiness really is in the having. If happiness was just in saying it, then The Empty would have come before Cas even finished getting the words out of his mouth.

so Cas's plan wouldn't have worked if Dean didn't love him back.

this is just me yapping on about my own nonsense, but I do think it's really interesting. there's contentment in "just saying it". there's freedom and relief and an unburdening. I think one can argue that it makes being happy in the being easier. there is certainly some joy in telling a person you think that highly of them. but true happiness?

nah.

true happiness is always going to only be in the having. Cas didn't understand the difference until he experienced it, and by then, it was too late.

[batbrainrot]

starting a praying circle for dc to give juni ba a red hood book next. we'll meet every thursday 11pm lmk if you're interested

[kanronotatsu]

okay this is not related to the new ep but it just occurred to me

after byeongmu is arrested (for the second time, at home) sangcheol asks jeongwoo where he wants to go and offers to drive him

which makes me think: 1) jeongwoo stayed at sangcheol's place for however many days BUT they didn't exactly talk about how long that arrangement will last or anything 2) and because of this sangcheol asks jeongwoo where he wants to go (since he doesn't know and won't assume) 3) jeongwoo at some point decides to go visit nagyeom at the hotel and at no point do we get to know what his answer was to sangcheol 4) that night when they leave ha seol to go home alone and have dinner at sangcheol's place it feels like that's just the arrangement they have now

so my question is: at what point did *jeongwoo* decide to stay at sangcheol's place AND when did he tell sangcheol about it? or was it sangcheol's idea? maybe he knew jeongwoo wasn't going to ask so sangcheol offered?

i want to know exactly how that conversation went 🥺

[astoryofsuchwoe]

i like to hurt my own feelings

[ink-asunder]

Having demand avoidance in a medical setting is literally hell. Like, patient autonomy is already absolute ass. It's only made worse when doctors CONSISTENTLY tell you what to do and act like you HAVE to do it instead of consulting with you first like normal fucking people.

[vaugarde]

i know in OBT, damini is clearly the worse parent because she didn't even attempt to raise dielle and clearly sees her as a failure, and she wouldn't have been a good parent even if she stayed.... but damn it, the deviantart comments are so annoying about mateo that i'm this close to stanning her anyways. very epic of her to subvert gender roles by being the deadbeat dad. hashtag feminist icon.

[kavehater]

I’ll never understand younger siblings whining about their older siblings moving away like I bet yall were nasty and annoying too like wow all those years and you claim to adore the older sibling and post oh woe is me the older sibling abandoned me … girl … the older sibling didn’t have a parental certificate or anything.

[thorntopieces]

man

[ohara-n-brown]

Honestly if someone tells you their support needs level and your response is 'No you're wrong'....

[faunandfloraas]

inadvertently stopped using my freckle fade cream without thinking.... right around the time i started making gifs of felix.... coincidence?

[microwavetoaster-selfships]

heyyyyyyyyyy

🍬, 🩵, 💜, 🧬

For Jackson and Finn?

(@markbeakskisser)

Hihiii!!! Thank you so so much hehe!!!

I was maybeee considering putting a read more at first, but after answering that last question for both of them and getting more invested than I anticipated, I'm absolutely gonna put a read more🤣 but again, thank you as always this was splendid.

🍬 - do they like sweets? whats their favorite kind of candy?

I don't think Jackson is super big on sweets or candy, but when he does want something sweet, he normally goes for cake. I've seen him repeatedly get things like strawberry shortcake style sorts of stuff, or strawberry sando(i think thats the name for them? Correct me if im wrong)/those Japanese strawberry sandwiches that are on that special milk bread and have strawberries and like a type of whipped cream on them. He seems to specifically get the strawberry ones as opposed to any other fruit sort of varient. I haven't ever seem him get much candy, occasionally he'll get some sort of whipped-chocolatey cake or chocolate sort of snack or desert, but that's about it.

It is really really funny this one gets mentioned of Finn cause a few days ago I wanted to(and thought I had done it but I suppose I forgot) make a post about how I love the thought that licorice is Finn's favorite sort of candy or sweet(if those can be considered sweet). He likes the assorted licorice best like Taveners, but he normally leans to things that are a bit more high-end or closer to the top of the shelf. He also really really loves those little cherry chocolates or cherry liqueurs chocolates. Nearly just about any box of chocolates would make him quite happy, but those will get him even more.

🩵 - does your f/o (if romantic) use any kind of pickup lines on you?

Jackson is quite smug, and before he has his moments of getting softer or letting some walls down, he definitely makes some few teasing comments about how he's aware of how much I like him. He absolutely makes a couple comments to use as an excuse to stroke his own ego while making me flustered at the same time. He circles back a bit to his teasing once he starts to get more relaxed again about getting close to someone. He doesn't ever have any textbook flirt lines though, 95% of that stuff would perhaps make him roll his eyes.

Mm.. I don't know if pickup lines is the best way to describe some of the stuff Finn says, cause he leans a lot more towards being endearing and perhaps even a bit of flattery, like praising different qualities of me or comparing me to wonders or things he has a deep fondness of, as opposed to cheesy one-liners that you get off of Google and would use for someone that you're maybe meeting at a party or a bar(this isn't slander I swear).

💜 - if your f/o could receive any gift in the entire world, no matter what it was, what would they want?

Oh man, this is a bit of a hard choice for both of them! Honestly I think Jackson would want something 'simple'. He'd probably ask for some sort of high-end latest gaming computer set-up, or some sort of expansion pack for a new release of a game he likes that costs like 80-120$+(Sims players who have scrolled through the Sims DLC know where numbers like that come from).

"Yea, but like, ANYTHING. You could have ANYTHING."

"I know."

And that's how the whole conversation would go and if you kept asking or trying to push him for a different answer he'd probably begin to look at you as if you were the funny one! Anything is anything, at least he didn't ask for like an orange or apple or something.

Finn would absolutely say something like he'd wish for me or wish for my safety or something, and he would mean it with his whole heart. He'd consider it for about five or ten seconds and then that's it. I don't think he'd wish for a physical item or such, he'd probably lean towards a more abstract sort of thing, like the gift of wellness for the people he cares about. He doesn't mean it in some sort of self-righteous manner like how some would say the gift of world peace, but in his line of career, it gets "tiresome", to say the least, to constantly be worried or ache over the condition or safety of someone you like. He said it best, friends are dangerous in his line of work.

🧬 - if your f/o could go into any other career than they're currently in, what would they go into?

Honestly, I don't know if "career" is a fitting word for the situation Jackson would get himself into. Nothing ever really interested or intrigued him asides from that racing simulator game that he was incredible at, and him winning a competition for it was the main reason he ever got offered or considered actually racing in a real-life setting. I know F1 and a few other racing devisions has things like competitive online simulator racing that gets treated like on the same level as in real life racing, but as far as I know NASCAR has nothing like that. He honestly seemed to be making quite the income though from winning so many competitions that were held over the game. I don't know if it was enough that he didn't need any other sort of income, but he was doing something that was okay enough to be out in California on his(seemingly; assumebly) lonesome. I don't know what he would get into outside of racing since he has such little things that captivate him, truthfully I think he'd be kind of a 'floater', he'd probably end up running late night shifts or very isolated jobs or jobs where you can work by yourself. Things like being the person that watches the cameras in escape rooms or game rooms, or where he could have as little interaction with others as possible.

Mm. Actually, kinda just had a light bulb moment, unironically I could see him possibly getting into doing streaming on like Twitch or something. He could just turn off the display that shows chat and the viewer count and he might as well still be in his own spot. Plus you get the choice of kinda deciding your own schedule. I mean, it's a lot simpler worded on paper.

I don't like that I thought "butler" for Finn as a first thought(need to clarify im talking like Sebastian from Black Butler level of stuff). Or like, hitman. Say what you want, but it takes a special kind of person to get into something like being a spy, he is an incredibly well-composed man and is awfully sweet and a gentleman, but he still does incredibly risky and adrenaline leaning sorts of things. I mean, the opener of the movie is him having an infiltration and committing murder moment, he has to carry around weapons on him constantly, I mean, there's a part in the movie where they are at an AIRPORT and he's having to juggle things like spy cameras, guns, missiles, at an AIRPORT. And not once does he ever like falter at all throughout the movie. I mean, I get he's a well-seasoned spy, but he is not getting into some sort of normal career. He's going to like borderline Sherlock Holmes himself into something, trying to scratch and itch. Honestly, it's probably a good thing he got into being a spy, because I think there's a limited area he could get himself in that would satiate or satisfy him. One of the(many) reasons I like him so much is it's so, so, so overlooked that nature of his field and the things he commits and has to do in the movie, he just bears it all really well with a borderline docile seeming nature and good demeanor. He's like the unironic "don't get on my bad side" and if you do you'll catch a treacherous glint in his eyes like wolf staring down a rabbit.

Very many reflections of Spy TF2, to put it into layman's terms(or someone's terms, at least).

It's almost like asking what other environment would you put a polar bear in if it could survive being in any other environment. Like! IT'S A POLAR BEAR!! I DONT KNOW. HAVE YOU *SEEN* WHAT THOSE THINGS DO?? Very different story if you ask the polar bear lovers and polar bear cubs as opposed to if you ask the seal. For the sake of everyone keep him as a spy. Er- euhm- for the sake of most people that aren't at the other end of his assigned mission/job.

I just love exploring the bit of Finn that is a bit over looked and a bit... Michael Caine from Sleuth(FANTASTIC COMPARISON, KANE, I KNOW).

I don't have the words for it asides from comparisons.. clearly.. but he's a bit.. abnormal, more than most, more than I usually use that word to describe them.

[hylianengineer]

I mostly like living with other people but if they don't stop stealing my food I will explode.

The worst part is that no one will admit to it, but there are only so many people who have access to our fridge. We've also had stuff mysteriously appear in there that no one will admit to putting there. I almost wonder if my roommate's friends she invites over sometimes are to blame, because surely she wouldn't lie to me about this? And she doesn't have much of a motive to lie about who the moldy tupperware belongs to, considering we've all made that mistake and no one gets mad about it.

I'd just really like my food to stop disappearing, okay? It's always the good, expensive food too. Regular food thievery is bad enough, but stealing food from someone with food restrictions who A) can't easily get more and B) has to pay three times as much for food as everyone else? Really fucking uncool.

Yes, I know the mature responsible thing to do about this is have an actual conversation with my roommate. But I'm not going to do that, I'm going to continue quietly seething.

[fionnaskyborn]

there's something to be said about the very specific feeling of frailty you feel when you come face to face with just how little you've experienced. twenty-odd years on planet earth and you haven't really watched all that many movies. an unlived life facing an uncertain future. i do not know where to point the finger of blame because i live untethered from my past, floating in the present with no clear point of reference no clear definition of who i am or what happened to me and how i turned out the way i am (fucking. can you guess why five is my favorite game. insert that one lyric from that one modest mouse song.) but you're still here, and you can still learn, and you can catch up, but it still feels like you're a pitiful little nobody looking for excuses trying to explain why you're still new to the whole being alive thing. i've got a good head on my shoulders, though, for all that's worth, so i think i might be fine.

in other news, i watched scarface tonight. it was certainly a movie. don't really understand how the movie made it big, but it did have some damn good music. i mean, i don't know. i'm still learning about the world i live in. maybe it really is as much of a masterpiece as people make it out to be and i'm too dumb to see the reason why it's considered a classic. maybe i'm right. i can't tell at the moment. it's kind of a beggars can't be choosers situation - if you ain't watched that many movies, then you can't really be a good judge of quality. but, oh, well. it's one more movie watched. it's a win because i watched a movie. and i'll watch more movies.

[22degreehalo]

The most bewildering like deeply ideological and not at all real-world realistic applicable I ever see expressed in fandom and which throws me for a loop every single time is like...

‘It’s bad when the Chosen One or Royal Heir (or whatever) has some kind of actual physical or magical superiority over normal people because it means that they really do deserve their position :/ and undermines any message the story might tell that oppression is Bad :/’

Like. Am I wrong or is this just. Actual uncritical might makes right thinking...???

A person having magical powers does not grant them a moral right to rule over others. Nor the same with fighting ability or general physical fitness or whatever. People are every bit as equally valuable and meaningful regardless of how ‘fit’ they are.

Like am I wrong or are the non-magical people in these scenarios basically just the in-world equivalent of disabled people. And so... obviously it should go without saying that these people aren’t necessarily incapable of having a say in the running of the kingdom or whatever. Like. There is just no logical reason why that should be the case.

And yet over and over I see this assumption made, that ‘hero has special magic’ somehow DOES imply, inevitably, that societal castes are right and good. That the only way to actually tell a story where people all have equal value is to make them all equally physically or magically capable (i.e., make nobody disabled).

IDK maybe it’s just me but it makes perfect sense that in a world where some people have special powers, they’d tend to oppress those who don’t. And that it would be harder for those who don’t to succeed or be able to triumph as heroes. Isn’t... isn’t that just literally how oppression works, IRL...?!

[blye-flower]

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