#ok I was gonna not give the full story but fuck it. this is anonymous & only like 3 ppl read my posts lmao
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littlebirdy0301 · 1 year ago
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also I’m bi again? i never stopped using “bi” to describe myself but there was awhile where I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been attracted to a non-man, which was weird cause I used to be mostly attracted to women before the last boyfriend? Idk but as I’m beginning to Be Into People again, it seems to be All Genders Of People, which is cool n chill!!
I’ve been single for 4 months after a 3.5 year long relationship & I just now realized an exciting development of my singleness!! I’m into people again!!!! I find people cute without feeling the need to distance myself!! I’m attracted to more than just fictional characters & people I’ll never meet!!! There’s cute people everywhere all around me!!!!!!! & thinking about dating doesn’t make me feel exhausted!!!!!!
#so many cute people!!!#one of them is hashtag problematic cause I thought he was close to my age but he’s Older so that’s been real weird to process lmaoo#like it’s totally fine cause NOTHINGS gonna happen there & I never let on to thinking he was cute#so there’s both no embarrassment from my part & no chance of anything happening from either of our parts#but it was just real weird when I realized!!!!!#ok I was gonna not give the full story but fuck it. this is anonymous & only like 3 ppl read my posts lmao#plus when I add a million tags it’s v likely everyone’s scrolled away by now lol so I feel safer now#ok so the real tea#on the first day of one of my classes I went into the building at the same time as another guy that looked college age to me#& when we both walked towards & into the classroom I was just like “oh cool! new classmate that’s new to this program! New person to meet!”#& also thought it was nice when he held the door open & maybe i passively thought he had a nice smile & eyes#then we get into class & it’s the new fucking professor that’s there bc the one I knew retired!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! agh!!!!!!!#I’ve just never had a young professor before. I swear he looks like he’s in his mid 20’s. He’s probably 30-something but he looks so young#so yea. it’s chill vibes cause I only thought he was another student for literally a few minutes before finding out he’s the professor#so it was just a VERY very passive “oh he’s nice! & smiling aw!” without chance for ANY other vibes to develop#& that’s why I’m certain nothing would happen cause Bad Uncomfy Unprofessionalism ft Power Dynamics is always a Big No#but it’s just SO FUCKING WEIRD that on an objective level I do find him cute. Weird fucking thing to process#like ik “attracted to the young professor” isnt an uncommon thing. But it’s just So Not For Me that the whole thing weirded me out alot lol#thinking my professor is cute is so fucking weird!!!#i’ve never liked age gap vibes for myself especially after a negative experience-#so finding him to fit “my type” & finding him objectively cute is ONCE AGAIN. FUCKING WEIRD.#ok I’m done now lmao. just processing lol#my entire tags here was just one extraordinarily long & mostly-off-topic tangent lmao
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melissathettpdmember · 3 months ago
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Can you explain Daphne and Thoren's relationship PLEASE
Why anonymous bbg? scared that I might propose?? 😭😭 (Please find me PLEASE)
Ok have this aka the most logical thing ever -the couple that carries my whole Winx club lore
Daphne:
Right now she's 31 years old.
Born on the 28th September 1993 (EARTH TIME- Magical Universe Time - 1981)
If she ever takes the throne, which she will, she'll become the most powerful (politically- she already is the most powerful physically) person in the whole universe 😀
She's kind of a part of the Lightrock Council, which they chose a bunch of people who are younger than a century to take care of physical things such as court leading and handling executions.
Miss girl is a perfectionist. Extreme. You can't find anything she can't do. That also makes things dangerous for her as her elemental mastery is too high.
She developed an ED for the same reason. She gotta be perfect and living normally isn't gonna cut it.
She got diagnosed with ADD when she was a child but just now she found out that it was ADHD. She's now mad as hyperactivity isn't really "elegant".
She also has insomnia and PTSD. PTSD doesn't really matter to her except for when it snows in Domino.
She's cold towards anyone. Except Bloom and little children. And cats.
She's a musical performer and writer. The only thing she doesn't like about her voice is that she doesn't have a low register. Which she does but she wants it to be lower.
She sometimes visits whatever churches there are for her. For fun.
Her full name is "Daphne Kusana Elizabeth Sparks". She doesn't tolerate people using Elizabeth though.
And considering her age now, it's safe to say that the fall of Domino happened when she was 9. She -would- die if the Company of Light didn't arrive to fight. She did die when she was 22 though. That Sirenix curse lasted about 6-7 years.
Speaking of which, she actually found out she could haunt anyone she wants. She enjoyed giving Bloom her first trauma.
Thoren:
He's also 31 years old. (Shocker- also he's 53 hours younger so have that ig)
He was born on the 30th September of the same year.
Unlike his uncle aka fuckass Erendor, his father is a pretty nice person. They haven't spoken for a while now but I'm sure King Vincent still loves his beloved son.
LORE DROP: He wasn't supposed to exist. The first monarchy and the second monarchy made a deal to merge, leaving Erendor on the throne. I mean, the first monarchy wanted to at least. They had to include a catch so Erendor just put down "unless they have a kid by next year" knowing that the Queen was infertile. Not having a choice, they made the deal. Fast forward to 3 months later, the Queen found out she was pregnant. They called it a miracle but King Erendor called it a curse. Queen Samara remains unbothered. So it's basically Erendor's fault that Sky still hates Thoren to this day without a reason.
Also his mom died when he was 10. We still don't know why and no one knows where the body is. I do, but gotta keep it secret for new story ideas.
Hell, Sky adopted a fucking dog because Thoren is allergic.
The Lightrock Monastery has a kitten named Blair (Blair Waldorf from gossip girl. Thoren wanted to name it Meredith as in Meredith Grey but that name is already taken by another cat on Earth.)
Thoren is banned from the First Monarchy of Eraklyon. Since he was 13. Very "invisible string" that Daphne got banned on the same day. She got unbanned but never went there again.
He trains for fucking 18 hours a day. Yet he's still in the top 70 of the Paladin power charts. The reason for that is trauma. (Flashbacks to Sky's flashbacks in s6) He never rests either. No sleep. Psychopath ass bitch.
His left leg is prosthetic. During his first year as a Paladin intern he dropped the Earthquake Hammer on his foot. It basically shattered his whole leg. He still threatens people to crush their skull if there is a conflict.
He ends up in a hospital every fortnight. It's because of his training but not the one in Linphea College. So there's kind of a forest in Eraklyon's second monarchy. It leads to those ninja hideouts. The fact that killing at least 40 of them is a daily training thing and he has been doing this since he was 13 is very concerning. Though his first attempt was pathetic and he had to be in a hospital for 3 months.
His friend group, ESPECIALLY DAPHNE, will never ever stop making fun of him for his similarities with the Thunder God Thor.
He is also a musical performer. The only thing he doesn't like about his voice is the fact that he doesn't have a higher register. Except he actually does. But he sounds like a rock star while actually hitting high notes. And he doesn't like it. Idk what he expects.
His grandfather is still alive. And a member of the Lightrock Council. He calls Thoren "Charles".
Speaking of which, Thoren's full name is "Thoren Charles Alberich" and he might kill anyone who uses Charles. Except his grandfather. For apparent reasons.
He has a record for having the most hate accounts about him online. He kicks their asses though.
He's the only one who has more than 10 suicide attempts (12) in his friend group. Daphne comes second with 9.
He has probably performed Blue (Heathers the Musical) at least 4 times.
AS A COUPLE:
They met when they were both 8 years old at a Royal event. No it wasn't love at first sight. Stop. They were children. Also Daphne didn't like him anyway.
They finally became friends a year later, months after the Fall of Domino.
They started dating at 16. But Thoren fell first. When he was 15 actually.
A little fact to add, they both started college at 19 for secret reasons.
You know Daphne died at 22, this basically sent Thoren into a depression and during the time Daphne was gone, his suicide attempt count went from 2 to 8.
Then after they reunited somehow, Thoren proposed. Not in a normal way. I'll explain later sometime.
They got married at 28. Then there was a wedding after-party which no one except their friend group was invited to. Not even Winx was invited 💀💀💀
As much as Sky didn't have a problem with her, Daphne still despises Sky to this day.
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asscrackcreed · 2 years ago
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breaking down this fic for no reason other than im bored - i stopped at chapter 24 i cant do this in one go so maybe a part 1
its such a white perspective clearly because malik doesnt come home from a party and after panicking that his mums gonna kill him she doesnt say anything and ??? idk the fact that they drink they’re not religious in any way shape or form despite the fact that religions especially islam have a heavy cultural impact so theres no excuse as to why hes a complete atheist. ik this fic was made in 2014 but damn these ppl hate muslims fr we never get rep in fics??? anyways altaïr is a complete homophobe and has a little flirty banter with des but thats his cousin ? uhm. des is like ‘no dont be homophobic’ and then says ‘nvm ur not relevant enough to be cancelled’ thats just chapter 1 btw
malik has a blog where he shits on altaïr and he made it after accidentally sleeping with him because uhm he has nothing better to do… this is so OOC even if altaïr is a complete homophobe and misogynist i cant see malik make an anonymous blog and everything to call out his immorality… PURELY for his immorality its not like a tumblr blog he made sassbadgers just to shit on altaïr… and then he has a moment where he responds to an altaïr stan, she says hey women are made for men and malik was like i dont believe in any religions so im not responding to that but thats an L for you anyways cuz wtf
ok but islam literally says that women are humans and shouldnt be treated like sexual objects wtf do u mean ? this is a basic principle? youre mum is muslim? hello.?
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HE WAS BORN WHERE.
then he continues to laugh at said delusion fan for thinking shes married to altaïr… i know ppl like that are real… but this adds nothing to the story and given 2014 the whole ‘women getting involved in my gay ship’ drives me insane
this series does not have to be 75 chapters btw its full of fillers and irrelevant shit like why do i need to read about malik getting on the bus texting kadar for giggles idgaf
altaïr likes christmas but hes not religious my man ur dad was muslim and ur family did nothing to uphold that? huh? are they all islamophobes?
why does malik keep referring to altaïr as Mr Ibn-La’Ahad if he has no respect for him why is he addressing this guy appropriately just call him a bitch and get it over with
malik in this fic is a pretentious bitch. stop using big words just cuss him out and go taking so much time just to tell me kadar cant read big words - chapter 6 btw
leonardo and malik being roommates is cute tho i’ll give them that - at some point leo has a crush on malik i think to stir the tea but it doesnt work because… they’re too alike in this fic? they finish each other’s sentences type of alike not every gay man needs to date each other fuck sake
WHY IS MALIK TELLING KADAR ABOUT HIS SEX LIFE IS THAT NORMAL… I DONT TELL NAT ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT I DO EW and why does kadar keep asking ‘when are u gonna tell mum’ this really really really fucking annoys me as someone with a religious mum can kadar stfu shit like coming out to someone who doesnt seem alright with it is practically dangerous?????
yk how ppl said altaïr was aloof for not catching on al mualims evil plans - yeah they seemed to really fucking run with this trope good god hes so dumb its pissing me off this isnt altaïr - he says hes not bothered to take care of his stock shares or whatever ??? the source of their grandmas wealth HUH… tf do u mean ik its pre development altaïr but he wasnt neglecting responsibilities he was just a huge fucking asshole that fucked up cuz of his ego so what is going on here
im not reading this shit theres SOOOOOO many convos and NOOOOOOTTHIIINNGGG HAPPPEENNNIIIIINNGGGG
so altaïr thinks the writer behind sassbadger is a woman and is tryna flirt with ‘her’ its funny and i like it tbh but shit drags so slowly ffs
ig they’re falling in love but altaïr and malik message eachother about how maliks being nicer to him… but the reason is so dumb ‘because u purposefully make videos for ppl to laugh at u how can u be okay with that?’ what. isnt he homophobic and misogynistic what are u talking about. how is that a reason to be nicer either shit on him or stfu
also it doesnt make sense if u dont like someone esp because of their morals then… u wouldn’t interact with them on a happy social level i dont like that maliks already like bantering with him
Malik: Hey
Leo: Hey!
Malik: Sex?
Leo: Weren’t u meant to be studying
Malik: Well Im not
maybe im nitpicking rn but man the sex is so awkward like no foreplay? no setting the mood? the little convos dont make sense like if hes asking for sex hes clearly not… gonna study…? like what this author is so OOC with everyone
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DES EZIO MALIK AND INTERNET PPL KEEP TELLING HIM TO STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE AND HIS RESPONSE IS ‘im not gay! i dont like gays! keep ur dick away from me!’ wheres the critical altaïr gone this isn’t fun to read the writing itself isnt bad its just like… so much and so little happening at the same time why dont you tell me how hes so afraid of being gay instead of telling me ezio is an ‘ally’
why did they make maria thorpe… posh? is it cuz shes british?
if altaïr and malik are falling in love in chapter 15 wtf is gonna happen for the other 60 chapters ???
altaïr slept with claudias friends ? that feels weird uhm
also i forgot to say malik ended up moving in with leo or smth and then he was like no im going home i didnt quite pick up why maybe i was scrolling too fast but do u see what i mean? so much stalling that adds nothing to the story
the world building was going well it was really interesting seeing how the family works idk why they villanised giovanni but yk whatever william miles was a shit dad and des ran away to his grandma who cut william out of the will and giovanni took williams side cuz des was ‘being a lazy boy’ so he got cut out too and despite the auditores being rich and having 4 production companies to their name they’re still assholes who treat des like shit except for ezio and claudia now altaïr wants justice
see? going well interesting story so why tf are they making altaïr exotic and saying he knows 10 languages ffs - ‘English, Arabic, Hebrew, Spanish, German, Italian, French, Russian, enough Finnish to ask directions and very little Korean.’ i wonder why they’re all (but two) european languages… what does he need to do with all those languages tf how exotic
ok so uhm altaïr fought ezio cuz of the whole des thing uhm very counterproductive but now they have matching lips scars. this is so silly thats the only word i can think ezio wasnt even involved with des’ situation even ezios like wtf are u attacking me for i… is this the only way altaïr could get a scar? tf
again kadar doesnt need to tell his brother hes gonna masturbate tf is wrong with this author
kadar liking a muslim girl is nice tho
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??? ITS RAMADAN? YOU CANT HAVE SEX IT BREAKS THE FAST… if it was during the night it’d be fine just have a shower asap but i mean. COME ON.
ik altaïrs not religious but he eats ham…
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how does the author know all these words… wdym ‘surah’ dont tell me the authors muslim
whys altaïr fighting ezio AGAIN weve established it doesnt help anything
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altruistic-meme · 3 years ago
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AFTG fic recs
Hi all! I just wanted to share some of my all-time favorite fanfics for aftg, for no real reason other than I want more people to read them and send their love to the authors :) 
Under a readmore because it got. A little long. But please enjoy!
WIPs
Dangerous Habits by LovelyLittleGrim ( @lovelylittlegrim )
Andrew has run into problems while on undercover jobs before. None of those problems were anything like the troublesome runaway that is one Nathaniel Wesninski
Aka: the fic where Andrew is undercover as a hitman for hire and Neil is the guy who hires him. Things get complicated from there.
Undercover Andrew? BAMF Neil? Hitman AU?? Absolutely. I’m in love. The story is just *chef kisses*
Chapters: 8/9
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, past rape/non-con, Drake Spear (who is his own warning), Butcher Neil, 
--
Negotiations by elesary ( @elesary )
This is what Andrew Minyard knows: his brother is dead, killed by a petty Raven prince who has never learned to keep his hands off of Andrew's things. His brother's daughters are his responsibility, a job that is made infinitely harder when their shitty grandparents want custody. Nathaniel Wesninski is a liar, but he might be the only way to avenge Aaron and protect his nieces. All Andrew has to do is watch Nathaniels - Neil's- back as he carves out his own life and identity from everyone who thinks they own him.
Andrew has always been good at upholding his end of the bargain, has he finally found someone willing to uphold theirs?
This fic has got me fucked up, honestly. I’m emotional over it. It’s fantastic.
Chapters: 11/?
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, attempted sexual assault, Butcher Neil,
--
the upper hand by plantelty ( @plantelty  )
Shortly after losing his mother, Neil arrives in the small town of Palmetto, South Carolina, alone in the world and with an impossible plan to carry through.
At the age of eighteen, Andrew ends up helping a boy stage his own death.
-
Just two fucked up boys learning to trust each other during the course of a summer, but also: multiple references to songs, twinyard angst (Nicky tries his best), The Plotting of Neil Josten's Gruesome Demise, and shit hitting the fan in a variety of ugly ways!
The cliffhanger has got me on the edge of my seat, but it is 100% worth the read and the wait for the last chapter!! 
Chapters: 10/11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Canon typical violence, 
--
The Butcher’s House by Fire_Bear ( @fire-bear )
Andrew thought something was odd with the house the Foxes had to move into after their Athletes' House had been burnt down. He just wasn't prepared for what was actually wrong with it.
For this was a house full of monsters.
Ghost story! Ghost story! Ghost story! I literally think about this fic every other day, it’s fantastic. 
Chapters: 6/?
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Warnings: character death (major or minor is unclear), injuries, 
--
Promise of an Unbroken Boy by elesary ( @elesary​ )
Neil is caught by the police with Mary's burning body and is sent to juvie in Oakland where he is assigned to share a cell with one Andrew Doe, who promises him Exy, if only Neil will tell him all of his secrets. With no access to tinted contacts and hair dye, he agrees, it's only a matter of time until he's killed after all. What does he have to lose?
But Andrew's found someone who knows what a promise means, and he'll be damned if he lets that go without a fight.
Ngl this is definitely in my very top favorites -- I LOVE the idea of Neil and Andrew meeting pre-series, and this fic just BLEW my expectations for that plotline out of the waters
Chapters: 14/?
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, Underage, attempted rape/non-con, canon-typical violence, 
~~~~~~~~~
Complete
The Nameless Monster by kanekicure ( @kanekicure )
Nathaniel Wesninski wants nothing more than to see his father dead and buried. But when his father promises him the title of The Butcher, Nathaniel quickly realizes that his destiny of following in his father's footsteps is closer than ever before.
So of course, when he gets forced to go undercover for the Baltimore police, he starts seeing what living could truly be.
-
Andrew Minyard is a newly recruited police officer for the worst precinct in Baltimore, who is dedicated on hunting down the notorious Butcher and his unnamed underling. But when Neil Josten is thrown into his midst as his civilian consultant; he starts to realize some things don't quite appear as they seem.
I love the story telling -- the secret identities, the plotting, everything.
Chapters: 14/14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, Butcher Neil, implied/referenced rape/non-con, implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced slef-harm (I believe there is a scene that is somewhat detailed on this subject), some characters also get drugged at one point, 
-- 
that’s just something people say by nanatsuyu ( @theoctopusnods )
Neil makes the mistake of stealing the wrong car. Andrew makes the mistake of offering a ride to a liar. They both make the mistake of turning the whole affair into a road trip ‘home.’
Gonna be honest; the summary does not give a big idea as to what is in store and i am SO GLAD I gave this one a try so i’m telling you that you will be too
Chapters: 24/24
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, panic attacks (somewhat grahic descriptions of)
--
The Story After You by kanekicure ( @kanekicure )
Andrew Minyard does not understand how Riko Moriyama landed Neil Wesninski.
How the snot-nosed, small dick, rich brat, second son of the Moriyama family who also just so happened to own the largest EXY gear and merchandiser company in the world “RAVEN” - had landed smart mouthed, quick witted, stupidly blue eyed Wesninski, was beyond him. Well, unless Wesninski was a gold digger, but Andrew doubted it.
-
Or; how Andrew Minyard says he doesn't get into messy situations, until he meets Neil and suddenly he is in the most messiest possible situation ever imagined in his life - oh and also, he might be becoming a homewrecker.
Ok I am behind bc I haven’t read the final chapter of this but!! I love the story, it’s very emotional and moving, and I love the characterization in it.
Chapters: 10/10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Abusive Riko/Neil, abusive relationship, implied/referenced rape/non-con, implied/reference child abuse, implied/referenced self-harm, graphic depictions of violence, some descriptions of injuries/scarring, 
-- 
This Complicated Life by 5a5b5p5 ( @andrewsbutterflyknife )
“This is exactly why I don’t want you and Andrew to meet,” Aaron says grumpily. “You two would get along far too well.”
Neil grins. “I just like pissing you off,” he says, “It’s not my fault your brother does such a good job at it.”
Neil doesn’t expect much from his Sophomore year of college, but when he becomes a waiter at the Palmetto Bistro, his life gets a whole lot more interesting. As it turns out, maintaining friendships new and old as well as navigating an interesting relationship with the head chef of the restaurant—who just so happens to be his best friend’s twin brother—is a lot more complicated than he’d thought it would be.
A much more light-hearted fic than most of the others! Includes a secret relationship, and also chef Andrew >>
Chapters: 10/10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: 
--
When I Fade, Keep Me in Your Memory by demesh 
Neil Josten has a secret: he can flicker out of existence.
He can vanish with the turn of a thought; click his fingers, and suddenly he’s not there anymore. Invisible and untouchable, he becomes a living ghost.
Having promised his mother never to let his ability go, Neil teeters the line between faded and real, a person and an echo. He can’t risk getting hurt.
But then, one day, someone sees him when they shouldn’t be able to.
 A (flower-shop) AU about how a faded and lonely Neil finds it in him to become someone real.
Another fic that I need to catch up on ;; but anyway it’s amazing and I love Neil’s ability in it, it’s so well explained and well-written about
Chapters: 12/12
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Warnings: mentions of past abuse, panic attacks
--
12 Ways to Woo a Minyard by NikNak22 ( @knickknacksandallthat )
Neil is a math nerd who, by a stroke of dumb luck, falls into a group of friends that are the closest thing to family he’s ever had. So, when he tells them about his new mysterious crush, he shouldn’t be surprised how immediately they come up with a plan to help win them over. One they insist that if Neil follows it, he’ll have them falling for him in no time. But things don’t always go to plan – or do they?
Nicky wants to set him up with someone else. Matt and Jeremy are confused but supportive. Allison and Seth offer lewd suggestions, while Dan does her best to keep everyone in line. Jean and Renee know something, Aaron doesn’t really care, and Kevin just wants Neil to join the lacrosse team.
But one thing’s for certain – whether Neil’s successful or not, everyone’s got money riding on this.
The romance-trope-filled fanfic of my dreams. Sometimes you just need a fic of pure joy -- this is that fic. 
Chapters: 14/14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: 
--
finders keepers by moonix ( @annawrites ​ )
Andrew meets Nathaniel through a scavenger hunt app. As their team takes part in a hunt that sends each of them to creepy, abandoned places alone to solve clues and gain points, Andrew and Nathaniel begin a little treasure hunt of their own. The anonymity of getting to know each other in small increments, never meeting face-to-face, allows them a level of intimacy neither are used to. Meanwhile Renee’s friend Neil is acting weird whenever Andrew shows up…
This was one of the first fics I read for aftg!! And BOY what a great start!! All of the little pieces and parts that work together, and just the scavenger hunt itself is fantastic! (I also REALLY wanna know if there is an app like this out there because I would be down to do that)
Chapters: 8/8
Rating: Mature
Warnings: (these all come from the author:) “mentions of historical abuse in a mental asylum, mentions of suicide, mentions of murder and kidnapping, morbid facts, creepy abandoned places including a haunted house at a theme park with disturbing rooms, special appearance of a creepy clown doll, fatphobia and some introspection on body image/complicated relationship with food, mention of self harm scars”
-----
Scared to Live (But I’m Scared to Die) by Major_816 ( @major816 )
Neil Josten goes to the Nest for Andrew, but he stays for a lot more.
~
"I'm sorry Coach," he muttered.
"For what kid?" Wymack shifted. "You've got to give me something to work with here."
Wymack watched the thin traces of sorrow as paper exchanged hands and he was looking down at a contract with the Edgar Allan Raven's.
"I signed them Coach, I'm sorry."
~
The one where Neil doesn't come back from Winter Break.
It is VERY dark, and is one of very few fics that I have actually been almost unable to read one of the scenes, so DEFINITELY pay attention to the warnings -- both these, and the ones provided for each individual chapter. I did go through the fic to collect as many warnings as I could find in the chapter warnings, but be sure to take care of yourself.
Chapters: 36/36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: rape/non-con elements, implied/referenced rape/non-con, discussions of rape/non-con, canon-typical violence, graphic descritions, physical abuse, panic attacks, descriptions of injuries (often graphic), psychological warfare, dissociating, psychological torture, physical torture, use of knives, alcoholism/alcohol abuse, pain-induced delirium, rape/non-con, emotional self-separation, suicidal ideation/thoughts of suicide, emotional distress (which sums up the whole fic and also me while reading it), handcuffs/chains used as restraints, referenced/implied abuse towards animals, vomitting, begging, excessive use of painkillers, drowning, waterboarding, physical restraint, mutilation of an animal, mild hallucinations, non-con drugging, sleep deprivation, starvation, humiliation, the Butcher, 
Also one of the first fics I read and 100% my absolute favorite fic!!! Which is adfjhsd a little worrying, considering, but it is what it is. Anyway. This fic absolutely wrecked me, and while it is technically complete, there is a sequel in the works! So! But I am so so excited for the sequel, and I am working on rereading this. It’s amazing. 1000/10.
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the-iceni-bitch · 4 years ago
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Hi love! I spun the wheels for your 3k celebration and here are my results :)
- one night stand/anonymous sex
- bryce langley
- i’m here to fuck your brains out
- i’m not here for small talk
- tell me why i just found them in your drawer
Ok, ok, ok. I can so see this for Bryce! And I was a little unsure how I was going to fit in the third prompt but I think I'm happy with my solution.
Straight smut and semi soft!dark (non-con panty stealing, stalking), so no minors!!!
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God, you hated charity events.
If you had to listen to one more rich asshole talk your ear off about the plight of the white man you were going to jump off a balcony. The complete lack of self awareness as they wrote giant checks to help feed starving children in third world countries would have been laughable if it wasn’t so depressing.
At least there was an open bar, which you were taking full advantage of. You weren’t entirely sure how many whiskey sours you had tossed back, but you were actually laughing while some salt and pepper asshole who was definitely having a midlife crisis regaled you with stories of sailing around the world. Maybe you should slow down.
“Christ’s sake, Dick, you lying to another pretty thing about sailing to Brazil?” You felt a warm hand on the small of your back and turned to see a very pretty, younger man smirking at the dumbass who was trying to impress you. “He barely made it to South Carolina before running back with his tail between his legs.”
“Oh no!” You fully turned away from the older man with a sloppy grin, placing your hand on the new guy’s chest as you giggled. “That’s so pathetic.”
“Uh, excuse me.” Dick did not look happy with this turn of events, pouting when you glanced at him sideways.
“Go back to your disappointed wife, Dick.” The way his eyes were raking over you made you shiver, arousal flooding your panties as you sucked your bottom lip between your teeth. “What’s your name, gorgeous?”
“It’s Y/N.” You gasped softly when he stepped closer, his hand running up your spine until he was running his fingers through your hair. “Yours?”
“Bryce.” His lips brushed against yours and your knees buckled, your hands gripping his lapels to keep yourself upright. Yeah, you definitely should have slowed down. You had never come apart so fast for anyone in your whole, kinda slutty adult life.
“Hi Bryce.” How were you supposed to focus on anything when his mouth was tracing your jaw like that? “Um, enjoying your night so far?”
“Listen, gorgeous, I’m not here for small talk.” He pressed you even closer and leaned forward so he could murmur right in your ear. “I’m here to fuck your brains out.”
“Oh.” Your voice was upsettingly small. “Cool.”
Neither of you said anything for the next two hours. Not when he had you pinned to the wall in the corridor and devoured your mouth with his while the two of you dry humped each other. Not when he drove the two of you through the city in his Porsche at an inadvisable speed while you swallowed greedily around his cock. Not even when he ate you out like a starving man while you were sprawled across the stairs to the second level of his penthouse apartment, but that was mostly because he had shoved your panties in your mouth to gag you.
You finally made it to his bedroom and he ripped your dress down your shoulders, leaning back to let you step out of it while he worked on stripping off his tuxedo. The tiny huff you let out when he tossed you on the bed made him grin, each small wanton sound that feel from your lips only serving to make his cock ache even more. And, god, what a fantastic cock it was. You practically started drooling when he finally stepped out of his pants and you got a good look at it, it had been to dark in the car for you to really appreciate just how yummy he was.
“Wait, Bryce.” You placed a hand on his chest when he bent over you, not wanting to lose yourself in another one of his kisses before it was too late. “Condom?”
“Are you fucking serious?” He looked slightly annoyed when his eyes met yours, but you weren’t backing down from this one. “You didn’t seem to care about a condom when you were swallowing my cum an hour ago.”
“Yeah, well I can’t get pregnant from swallowing.” You murmured, trying not to moan when you felt his shaft ghost over your clit. 
“Aww, pretty thing like you isn’t on birth control?” The smirk he was giving you was absolutely wicked. “That seems awful irresponsible.”
“Bryce, ah, shit.” His mouth started tracing your throat and made it very difficult to stay firm in your stance. “I’m serious, if you don’t have a condom, I’m pulling the plug.”
“C’mon gorgeous, I just wanna feel you.” He flicked his tongue out to lap up an errant bead of sweat and grinned at the whine you let out. “What if I pull out?”
“Oh god.” You were practically suffocating from the attention he was lavishing on you, finally grabbing his hair and yanking his head up so you could look him in the eye and regain some control of the situation. “No condom, no pussy.”
“Ugh, fine!” He pouted when he rolled off you, pulling his nightstand drawer open and drawing out a small foil packet. “Happy?”
You just grinned at him when he knelt between your legs again, brushing you fingers over his nipples and running your knees up his sides while he rolled the condom over his length and scowled at you. That scowl disappeared pretty fast when he gripped your hips tight and pulled you down on his length, his eyelids fluttering as a low groan left his throat while he curled over you. 
When his hips finally met yours you dropped your head back against the mattress, locking your heels together at the small of his back and letting him nip at your throat as he started moving his hips. It was just enough to drive you crazy, but all you wanted was for him to fuck you like an animal until you were screaming.
“Goddamn it.” You dug your fingers into his scalp and yanked his face back up to yours. “I thought you said you were gonna fuck my brains out.”
The only warning you had was his feral snarl and the way his pupils dilated even further and then every thought was flying out of your head when he bent you backwards and shoved your chest into his face, his teeth digging into your soft flesh and making you scream while his hips started slamming into you violently. 
His teeth were marring the soft curves of your chest as he fucked into you viciously, the tip of his cock punching you in the cervix with each brutal shove. It barely took anything for you to come apart with a sharp cry, your vision whiting out as your entire body tightened around him. The way he was holding you to him had your body bent in a series of odd angles, making every wave of pleasure that coursed through your system feel a thousand times more intense. 
Your orgasm didn’t even faze him, his hips still pistoning into yours at a wild rhythm that pushed the breath out of your lungs until you were a panting mess. He just kept sucking and biting at your breasts, the skin of your chest slick with your sweat and his saliva as your cunt throbbed around him.
One of his hands moved under your hip and tilted you so he could somehow drive into you even further and a coil you hadn’t even realized was gathering snapped. Your body jerked frantically underneath him, your pussy clenching around him so hard he couldn’t stop himself from filling the condom with a muffled growl. 
“That good enough for you, gorgeous?” He was grinning wickedly when he lifted his face to gaze at you. “C’mon now honey, did I fuck you stupid?”
“No.” You panted, returning his smile when he moved to the bathroom to dispose of the condom. “But maybe we should go another round so you can try again.”
“Oh, I knew bringing you home was a good idea!” He called from the bathroom. “I’m gonna turn that pussy out.”
You were still smiling when you moved to grab another condom from the nightstand, your face freezing when you got a look at the pair of soiled panties that was nestled inside. That wasn’t totally weird, lot’s of guys probably kept little souvenirs from their sexual conquests. 
What was weird was that they looked an awful lot like the panties you thought your washer had eaten a few weeks ago, and when you picked them up to examine them closer you felt bile rise in your throat when you spotted the tiny rip you had told yourself no one would notice because of the pattern of the lace.
“Bryce.” You rose on unsteady legs and staggered to the bathroom, confusion and fury coursing through your veins. “I’ve been missing these for weeks, tell me why I just found them in your drawer.”
“Ah, fuck.” He only looked mildly perturbed when he got a look at what you had clutched in your fist. “Why’d you have to go snooping, baby?”
“Don’t call me baby, how did you get these?” Your chest was starting to feel tight as panic took over your system. “Have you been in my house?”
“Do you really need me to answer that, Y/N?” 
You realized you didn’t. You’d noticed weird shit happening for a few weeks. Things not being where you’d left them. Pieces of clothing missing. Weird deliveries of flowers or fancy pastries from a supposed secret admirer that you just chalked up to the slightly creepy guy who had been flirting with you at work.
“But, why?” You had never even seen Bryce before tonight, this didn’t make sense.
“I saw your photo from the save the polar bears, or whatever, event last month in the Times.” His shrug was dismissive as he started stalking towards you. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so beautiful looking so annoyed at one of those things. Mostly because they’re all hookers.” He didn’t seem to mind that you were in the middle of an anxiety attack, wrapping an arm around your waist and shushing you softly as you started to cry. “But you weren’t a hooker. You were a little spitfire. Everything I found out about you just made me want you more, which reminds me, you’re gonna need to make some serious updates to your online security settings.”
You were sobbing into his chest now, only barely registering what he was saying as he moved a hand up to run through your hair absentmindedly.
“I still remember the first time I was in your house. I admit, I lost myself a little once I was in that cute little bedroom of yours, thought for sure you were gonna notice how messed up your sheets were after I jerked off in your bed.” You cringed against him at that admission, you were pretty sure you remembered that day. “It was so hard to keep myself from just taking you right away, but I wanted to make it organic. You know, have our relationship grow and evolve the right way.” He gripped your chin and tilted your head back so he could glare into your eyes. “Then you had to go and ruin it.”
You whimpered when he suddenly lifted you and started to carry you to the bed again, your body frozen in shock. He basically threw you onto the bed, the look of rage on his face softening slightly when he watched you curl around yourself then climbed in next to you. 
“Oh, shh, it’s ok, honey.” He cooed against your hair, stroking your arm softly as you continued to cry. “I forgive you. I’m gonna make you so happy.”
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lillian-nator · 4 years ago
Text
Everything below was made by Me, Eye, and Ethan over the course of like 3 days
Thank you (with additions from sleepy my beloved)
Like
Okay
So
Wilbur isn’t the oldest
Techno is
But it’s a war run empire, they take pride in their troops and armies and triumphs
The soldiers come first
So Techno is the commander in chief , the general
Wilbur, second born
Is heir to the throne
To the diplomatic side of the empire
and Tommy Gets shit
He doesn’t even understand why Phil had another kid
Of course there is the situation where Techno or Wilbur dies, or one of them steps down, but it won’t happen
Was he really born to be the understudy
he was born as a backup
Tommy was an accident but they’re not gonna let the public know that
like he's the Zuko
Phil doesn't really pay attention to him so his mother picks up the slack
Wilbur is 21
Techno’s 23
Tommy’s 17
However I have a really good idea for prince Tommy, just like what if he doesn’t like the way that people treat him? Like he doesn’t want all these yes men he wants to be he wants to be told now, he want somebody to tell him he that’s against the rules he just wants him like structure he just want someone to hate him he want someone to not like him and say no and tell him that he’s stupid which is why he does all of the stupid shit that he does
Ever since he was like 4
Everyone has said yes
He wants to defy them
He wants to just do something to make someone say no
That and he lowkey
He wants ~~Phil~~ Wilbur to pay attention to him
Is a Little Shit who causes so many problems on purpose to try and find someone who will push back against him
He wants someone to give him structure and discipline but overall he just wants his family’s attention
He’s broken shit, thrown temper tantrums, he’s started fights and he’ll he’s even snuck out and stole things
He’s never been stopped
People consider him snobby and spoiled
He's a brat
He gets everything he wants, but he doesn’t really want it, he just asks to see if they’ll tell him no
Tubbo = Stable Boy
Ranboo = Prince of another country (probably the americas)
Ranboo could definitely fit the role of an overseas royal prince who Tommy sees as a regal, spoiled, uppity little shit. Like Tubbo, who Tommy sneaks everywhere, has met Ranboo and likes him. Tommy can't possibly see why, he's unbearable.
Bench Trio = Best freinds
I think that Tommy and his brothers were always very very close
they just have jobs and shit
They took over Phil's shit
they probably drift apart as they get older, Wilbur and techno have duties and Tommy starts his quest for attention, they grow apart from their little brother without realizing it
Tommy and his mother (kristin) are always and have continued to be close
she definitely chides him, and tells him quietly to not do things for all of his "misbehaviors"
but there is only so much that she can do, because she has the duty to not make a scene
that and she's not who he's looking for attention from
You may be asking "How is crime recognized, identified, discussed, and atoned for?" more specifically, "Is it a 'you stole my bread so without asking anyone I'm cutting your hand off' or is it the US court system" ~~You may also be Ethan~~
The answer is:
like the UKs
But more like
Okay so the Supreme Judicial system, but Phil (and then Wilbur) has teh final say
Court system, but with Phil overseeing everything
instead of a judge
HOWEVER, that's in the national level
in smaller villages, its more of the cut your hand off system
because the judicial system isn't regulated
So bonus questions:
Punishments and the identification of whether a crime counts as a crime?
soldiers can call crimes out, and citizens can file reports
Phil's not really shit, he just doesn't show Tommy any attention because he's busy with the other two
Just honestly doesn't even care about most shit Tommy does
Like, doesn't pay attention to it until it affects him, he's busy running a country and training the boys to running a country
I don’t think they (the brothers) realize how badly everything is affecting Tommy
The only one who knows anything about the full extent would be his mom, and she’s in a similar boat to Tommy
Phil doenst really see her much either
Not like she could “Make a Scene” trying to get Phil to pay attention to his youngest, to actually love his child, he’s barely around
Kristin and Phil spend time together at night, but during the day everything is for the cameras
its like the UK royals, how they do shit just for the people
And Phil doenst want to hear about the kids at night, he wants to spend time with his wife
Tommy has stolen a car and will do it again
Just fucking hopped in and took a joyride
With Absolutely No Repercussions
Do you think Phil ever tries to hire like, a nanny or something? In the aftermath of the Car Incident? Yes, and it never worked
Tommy, like 15 at the time, pissed as hell as a random ass woman tries to tell him to go to bed at 8:30 pm
Tommy wants somebody to tell him no but not somebody hired to tell him no mannn
Tommy goes to like parties - like ragers
he has a network of really famous friends like young actors and shit
dude is a party animal, underage drinking, rumors of drugs, he’s the PR Teams worst nightmare, but they’re not going to say anything
The press makes up SO MUCH SHIT
The press once said that he had done cocaine when it was really one of his friends
Tommy adopts two dogs (hello Betty and Walter) without asking either of his parents
Betty is short for Elizabeth
He brings them in off the street
Literal abandoned street dogs and he goes, mine now
He like, walks down the street with sunglasses on, and just doesn't look at anyone as he walks the dogs, who have like black nice leather leashes
The paparazzi always finds him walking the dogs
like a modern celebrity
Mans can and will call the paparazzi on himself - because he is a drama queen ETHAN Tommy voice "hello pa pa. I have hired two new staff, pa pa." "Huh?" "they have found work in this palace as emotional support animals, pa pa." "....ok." tommy voice "he didn't even blink, elizabeth the fourteenth" END OF ETHAN MAKING FUN OF THE BRITISH
By the way just to clear things up with you all, Tommy addresses Phil as "Father"
most of the paparazzi's pictures of Tommy are him flipping the camera off
He poses for them
just sees a camera and fucking sticks his tongue out and flips them off
He’s wearing some atrocious outfit while walking his dogs and he just has a full on fashion photshoot of poses for them
If his dad won’t give him attention at least they will
Tommy befriends some of the staff
he hates a lot of the butlers tbh
thinks they're stuck up
but likes to gossip with the maids, and sit in the kitchen as the chefs cook lunch "Heyyyy, chef!" "Your highness, what is it, are you hungry?" "Can't a man just talk to his chef? Befriend his castle staff?" "Ah."
that and the kitchen gives betty and walter treats
Top ten Prince Thomas microaggressions
Number One: he calls Phil "your highness"
For context, kings are referred to as Your Majesty
He calls Wilbur Your Majesty
It was a joke when they were younger, a habit from then on, but now it’s to spite Phil
Tommy spends an ridiculous amount of money on clothes all at once, purely to see if Phil would yell at him for using the family debit card for it
He never wears the clothes
He doesn’t particularly like any of them anyways
Instead he donate them all anonymously
Tommy may be a brat but he isn’t wasteful
By the time Tommy’s 12 he’s started acting up, and it escalates slowly until he hits 15 where things just start snowballing and he gets worse and worse
he's definitely nicknamed by the press as some sort of party animal or fratboy
a spoiled brat
He’s 16, and he knows his place in the family, he is forgotten and glossed over, but he won’t be ignored, not if he can help it
The Public gives him the attention he wishes his father would give him, he walks his dogs with the paparazzi tailing after him, just hoping that maybe one scandal or one horrible picture will eventually be enough to make his dad actually See him
he'll tell the paparazzi what they want to hear
and give every magazine a story to tell
they notice him
he just wants somebody to tell him no, somebody tell this boy no without being paid to please
Tommy probably has like, pierced his ears or smth. Gotten tattoos.
he has holes in his face yes.
he pierced his ears and his nose
He has a tattoo on the inside of his finger that matches with Tubbo and Ranboo
Maybe the picture of him plastered from last weekend will make his dad reprimand him
Maybe the weed found in his backseat will get his Dad to ground him
Maybe the bottle of fucking pills he was “holding for a friend” but got caught with Will get some sort of reaction
and its not like he's only doing it for attention
he starts it for attention, but he loves it he does
he has fun, he loves his friends, he likes the parties and the air
but, he also loves the attention, he's not gonna lie
Tommy who took adderall at a party once but it didn’t do anything for him, he seemed to function a little better actually
Tommy who knows Techno has adhd and takes adderall for it, Tommy who puts two and two together Bc he’s not fucking dumb
Tommy realizing his dad never cared to even get him diagnosed or treated
and Techno does notice, he does figure it out, but he does either a "hey..." or a "m8 I'll just get you your own if its helpin you focus" and tommy is furious
Tommy's life here is just
'trying to be yelled at HARD MODE'
Just wants to be screamed at, lowkey
I think, Wilbur avoids the tabloids
And the press
And the news
However, his advisors often read him the shit about Tommy - or anything about him
But they never see the pictures
They don’t see the picture of Tommy drunk on a strangers balcony
They don't see how bad it is
Tommy however? LOVES reading what the press has to say about him
Phil sees it however,
And he’s so disappointed
He gives Tommy so many talks but it never works
Because it doesn’t get him to love Tommy, to care about what Tommy does
Not like their mother
And he never makes a scene, not in the way Tommy wants to
It's all about "YOUR RUINING OUR IMAGE"
not: "YOUR RUINING YOUR LIFE"
He never asks if Tommy is ok
He never asks if he’s safe
Tommy's mum however, SO MANY AWKWARD "STAY SAFE" TALKS
He doesn't just fucking jump off shit because of her, he's slightly less reckless so that he can come home alive to her
I just think that Wilbur, no matter how busy, would find time to concerned yell at his baby brother if he were to find out about the pills
Weed and alcohol? Not great but ok.
Pills though?? He is full blown concerned Wilbro there
His brothers care. Their father is busy. He's a jerk sometimes too.
Wilbur does put out the fire a bit
He’s glad Wilbur had his best interest in mind
But man
The news headlines
They do him dirty
Shit like “Prince Tommy Caught Doing Cocaine at Frat Party” really fuck him over
They really just try their best to make him look like shit 95% of the time
Tommy loves it, just a little
Bad press is still press
He laughs at the headline Bc he knows he wasn’t doing cocaine, but Phil doesn’t, wilbur and techno don’t know that
It’s a tense week after that headline is released
His mom doesn’t even know if Tommy would have actually done cocaine
They just don’t know
Kristin asks him
She’s the only one who believes him
I think Wilbur wants to believe him, Techno too
But it’s hard to, especially when you’re not even sure you know your own brother anymore
Wilbur says something along the lines of being disappointed in Tommy, if he thought Tommy was trying to be better
Tommy scoffs and says he is trying, but that it’s real rich of Wilbur to be or entering to care now
This isn’t even the worse headline
One time a blonde kid got picked up from the same party Tommy was at on a stretcher, he had had an allergic reaction
Some shitty journalist saw and automatically assumed it was Tommy
They ran with the story that the prince had fucking overdosed for at least a week
The things they say are close to the truth but not quite
The PR Team tries their best to help but
They don’t even know what’s true or not
Tommy goes on a bender for a week, and walks into their office with coffee and pastries to apologize
They all know that presents mean a rough week of damage control
But Tommy imports them these Bomb ass donuts so
Fair trade really
Also heaven forbid tommy gets seen with a girl
It’s the worst shit
Tommy gets caught, drunk off his ass, pushing a couch out a window
(To be fair the people were moving soon anyways, they didn’t need the couch, it was a going away party)
And the next morning, recalling what he did
He orders up those pastries and calls the coffee place
Swings by to pick up the coffee and picks up the pastries all within the next two hours and delivers them on the third with an apology note
It’s fucking DAMAGE control
Thinking about Tubbo and Ranboo being Tommy’s DDs when they can
They are
When Tommy’s handler isn’t around
Them doing wild shit together but not Wild Shit
Tommy teaches them how to do burnouts and donuts in a fucking lambos in an empty mall parking lot
Ranboo goes everywhere incognito, Tommy practically flaunts his rank, Tubbo is considered a nobody and doesn't have to do anything but show up in casual clothes. He has a uniform for stablework.
Ranboo's parents are approving of his friendship with the fledging prince, as they hope he can wrangle Tommy to regality and he's building positive relations between the two kingdoms.
Phil is disapproving, worried Tommy will taint Ranboo and his rep and cause a tense air between the two kingdoms. Tommy loves Phil's worry, he practically bathes in it, it's the attention he so craves.
Tommy definitely will hold Tubbo's hand when he walks with him, because the headlines all scream Tommy is the gay?? and while he's very incredibly straight, he finds this hysterical.
Ranboo isn't always in Tommy's kingdom and rather spends most of his time at home. He might be second to heir or the crown prince himself, but he does have to spend time in his own country. Tommy face calls him a lot and he and Tubbo are ecstatic when he announces he's going to visit
I imagine he's second to the throne because that means he can focus on building relations instead of training to be king.
Older sibling Fundy, gets chronic illness, and Ranboo has to take over the throne for a bit
One of Tommy's worst stunts was hitching a ride to the Americas/Ranboo's kingdom without telling anyone.
Whether by boat or plane, he was gonna go visit his young king friend no matter what.
I say "young king" but he's still a prince. Just filling in for fundy
But all eyes turn to Ranboo and Ranboo is stumbling with attention he'd never known. Tommy has to help, doesn't he?
He expects such a punishment for stowing away to visit, but the headlines are... positive. Prince Tommy's friendship with Princr Ranboo becomes.... legendary, practically. Tubbo is always excluded from the news, even when he comes with.
Never too fantastical for classism
But no, the headlines see Tommy's visit not as the young, rebellious prince stowing away, but as a young boy risking his skin to visit his stressed friend.
Tommy is appalled.
And Tommy just groans and shows him the phone
And Ranboo laughs and goes
“There there Tommy, I’m sure dragging me to a frat party will be enough to ruin the good press.”
“Maybe get a dui, you’ll have diplomatic immunity so no jail time?”
“Boo, I wouldn’t get jail time even if I wasn’t em-mune, I am simply too poggers.”
“Sure man, let’s go with that.”
Tommy’s like “maybe I need to actually start doing hard drugs”
Ranboos just like “no -“ just “Please god no, your brothers will kill both of us.”
The Boo is terrified of Techno and Wilbur
Not as royals though, simply as Tommy’s older brothers
Like he knows about Tommy’s issues with validation and feeling unloved, he knows his Brothers are often very busy
But he also sees the way they look at Tommy, and the way they look when people talk bad about Tommy
He knows if something were to happen and he was to cause harm to Tommy or cause Tommy to cause harm to himself
It probably wouldn’t end well for him
Wilbur and techno try as hard as they can
But they’re SO busy
That they can’t do much especially when Tommy’s so persistent on doing his shit
Tubbo is great with the horses he tends to, and Tommy adores them. Ranboo is an excellent, regal rider and Tommy and Tubbo are more rough and ballsy, so races are fair and fastpaced.
Ranboo once got bucked by a royal stallion and Tommy and Tubbo never let him live it down.
I imagine Tubbo lives on the property, as some servants do. He either doesn't have a family, has a bad one, or his family doesn't live close to the palace.
So Tommy 10/10 sneaks to the servants' quarters and he and Tubbo sneak out to ride the horses.
I feel like Wilbur makes more of an effort after the pills and cocaine incident, he tries to ask Tommy about the headlines
Purples is Tommy’s friend
Rich family, old money
Throws a lot of the parties Tommy goes to
Purpled and punz :handshake: Tommy
Frat Boys
I think you guys are underestimating the time that Tommy spends at the castle
Like he still has school, and usually 3 days out of the week he follows around his brothers like an endearing little shit
But those 4 days where he’s gone (which includes weekends) plus nights, he’s doing shit
Also, yiu know Pongo right
101 Dalmatians
That’s how Tommy walks Betty and Walter
They are like standing completely proper and walks straight
ah yes, the royal bitches and also betty and walter are there too
the paparazzi taking pictures of Tommy and the dogs
and Tommy turns, taking his sunglasses off, and smiles big and wide "They have names you know? You should stop callin' them 'the royal dogs'."
One of the guys, he's familiar with the prince turns on his camera and asks "what're their names Prince Tommy?"
"Betty and Walter. Give them some respect."
Tommy visits Ranboo sometimes. Ranboo was looking for him one day and just found him standing in a long hall, staring at a portrait.
It's Ranboo, just barely younger, hands folded behind his back, the perfect picture of regality.
Tommy is staring at it because he knows that at home, there is a portrait of Wilbur looking like that, and one of Techno, and one of Phil and Kristen, and one of himself.
But somehow this image of Ranboo is.. haunting
Not because it doesn't match with the Ranboo he knows, but because it does.
It haunts him because he can stare at his portrait for hours and never see himself, but this is so plainly Ranboo that it's chilling.
Ranboo stands beside him, hands folded behind his back as they always are when he is in nice clothes and his eyes are visible. Tommy glances over and Ranboo is facing him, but staring up at the picture. It's still him.
The clothes are different and his hair is longer now, but Tommy can't tell the difference past that.
He knows that Ranboo is what his family wants him to be
He knows that Ranboo is him if he hadn't strayed, the same past
Ranboo knows exactly what’s going through his head right now
And he knows exactly what he needs too
They get fucking piss ass drunk in Ranboo’s room order takeout and FaceTime Tubbo
They can party tomorrow, Tommy doesn’t need to be in public right now
ANywyas
Tommy and his mother have a wonderful relationship
she teaches him literacy and history, they have a tutor teach him maths
they eat breakfast together every morning
the whole family does
but his mum tries to eat lunch with him at least 3 times a week
he goes out for lunch the days he doesn't eat with his brothers or mom, out to some resturant, sometimes, they trash it or party, sometimes he just brings Tubbo, no big group, and they just chill
With Ranboo in line for kingship (the way royalty works is that if the ruler dies, it will always go to the next in line of blood, never by marriage. Even if every heir was dead, it would still not go to the ruler consort but instead to a family member of the late ruler), rep is so much more important
he can't really be seen with Tommy sometimes
not on the bad weeks
not when Tommy just destroyed a bnb or set off fireworks with his friends, or was caught throwing chairs into his friend's pool
Tommy likes sport cars
big car guys
He has an exorbitant amount of fancy cars
its truly like
disgusting
how many cars he owns
Wilbur makes fun of it Bc the kid is just now legally old to drive
But Wilbur has so many expensive instruments
Some of which he doesn’t even know how to play yet
to be fair
Wilbur doesnt go breaking his instraments
Techno, techno has swords, which makes sense Bc he’s a general
But the amount swords he has just hanging on his wall
Never meant to be used
It’s so many
I feel like Tommy has a few cars that he doesn’t even let get scratched tho much
His babies
he has his expensive cars that he wrecks
and then his expensive cars that he treats like gold
They’re named
Clementine is this horrendous orange car that he absolutely loves
Its a bright orange ferrari
(He loves it Bc it was a gift from Phil, one of the first cars in his collection)
(Tommy doesn’t know that the idea was his mother’s, his father didn’t know what to get him)
all of his cars have padding in the back for his dogs
Tommy hates purse dogs, the girls with them are always fake and horrible
but he wishes his dogs were that small
Easy to transport
but they got all gangly limbs like him
and stand up to his hip
Henry is his sleek black classic mustang convertable
its what he drives when he doesn't want to be followed by the papp
It’s what he drives when he takes The BT to lunch
its not that the paparazzi doesn't know its him
they know
but he's not in one of his bright fucking obscene cars
The press and Tommy have a weird sort of understanding
He creates their headlines and they let him have moments to himself
If someone breaches that
They risk getting blacklisted
that car was what he drove to his grandmother's funeral in
im not naming his grandmother, but all royals live like forever
Clementine barely sees the road I think
She’s kept in top condition
By Tommy’s own hands
But she probably doesn’t get driven to the parties
Or the brunches
Or the clubs
She's used pretty much exclusively for black tie events
Tubbo is his driver for those Bc he trusts no one else with the car
And he has to exit her before she’s parked
So Tubbo valets and then meets him inside
It’s also how Tubbo gets into the black tie events
so its modern right
so its like thousand-dollar suits instead of capes
so, Tommy just refuses to wear blazers and suit jackets
he always wears his button-ups rolled to his elbows
Maybe, maybe you’ll get him in a vest
But most of the time it’s a button up, rolled up sleeves, and the tie is most likely incorrect or untied
The only reason it’s correct half the time, is because Wilbur makes him let him tie it
Tommy won't wear the jacket because he prefers to roll his sleeves up - he's able to do anything, party or just like rough housing with his brothers, or helping out the staff
Wilbur won't wear a tie, or a button up most days, opting for a high-end sweater and loads of jewelry; its just much more his style.
Techno won't wear a vest because it restricts the places he can hid weapons, and he almost never keeps his tie tied.
Tommy trying to walk past Wilbur to leave with and untied tie
“Wait! You know you can’t leave like that, come here.”
Tommy’s groans and slumps over but walks over to Wil anyways
“I’m just gonna untie it halfway through the party, you know i will.”
“Well, I’m not letting my little brother walk a red carpet with an untied tie, you know I won’t”
The second half said in a mocking tone of voice, very clearly mimicking Tommy’s whining
It’s a soft moment, they stand there together, brothers
And as Wilbur’s pat the finished tie, they make eye contact and both of them have undeniably fond looks on their faces, damn they’re brothers n shit
“Thanks Wil.”
It’s quiet, it’s soft, it’s Tommy
“Of course.”
Just as soft, just as quiet, wholly Wilbur
Wilbur clears his throat breaking the soft atmosphere of the room
“Now go, you gremlin. Don’t be late”
Wilbur ruffles Tommy’s hair, careful not to mess it up too much
Tommy rolls his eyes And quickly heads for the door “Bye Wil! Love you! Don’t wait up!” Wilbur quickly yells after him
“Love you too! Don’t do anything stupid!”
“Oh Wil you know I can’t promise that!” Wilbur just rolls his eyes and returns to his book
Yeah Tommy stays away from tobacco I think
Just weed
and I wouldn't be surprised if like hits peoples vapes sometimes, but doesn't smoke cigs
for sure, its stressful
Wilbur smokes cigarettes though
and he can't act out like Tommy can
and Phil loves him..
Techno and Wilbur watching Tommy rebel in the ways they never got to
They feel kinda sad, that they never got to be kids like that, sad that Tommy feels like he has to act out for attention
he gets to do shit
like he gets to be a real teen
the whole, dumb rich 17 year old experience
like yachts, and expensive hotel rooms, and sport cars
And sure they probably wouldn’t have been going to frat parties or crashing brunch places, but they see him with BT
See him have actual friends
And they’re happy for him
But it hurts a bit
And Tommy's hurting too
It's a lot
but its like
even if Phil wasn't shit
its a lot of attention
like everyone is watching them at all times
Techno and Wilbur have to stay refined in the eyes of the press
Tommy gets to put on a show for them
Yeah yeah
Do you know how much a drunk picture of Prince Tommy is worth?
Too much
Some random guy on his first paparazzi job, gets a pic of Tommy, shirt mostly unbuttoned, tie tied around his head, drinking out of a beer bottle, and flipping off the camera while stumbling out of the most expensive hotel in the UK
The guy never has to work again
Purpled son of some billionaire, and Ranboo a literal prince is with him
They are both laughing at him
Tommy swung on a chandelier that night
A picture of that ends up online, some socialites Twitter
The amount of people in her dms for that picture?
Ludicrous
Like just the random pictures from Snapchat stories
Magazines pay thousands
Yeah the amount of double takes people have done going through their friends Snapchat stories like
Just tapping through
“WAIT WAS THAT PRINCE THOMAS????”
So, Dessert Drinks
It’s alcoholic beverages that have like chocolate or gram crackers or maybe candy in them
That are meant to taste like a dessert
So there’s chocolate cake margaritas, or like s’mores drinks
They’re Tommy’s favorite things in the world
Everyone thinks that he’d like the like strong, burning, whiskey esk stuff
But no
He wants the sweetest thing you got
Like he’ll drink straught vodka, but not if he doesn’t have too y’know?
He also like wine strangely enough
The like really expensive wine
Bc it reminds him of Wil
They have it down in the cellar
Techno is the whiskey dude
Or like 1942
Which is just a really bougie tequila
He just likes the shit that burns
Tubbo will drink literally anything
He’ll eat anything too
It definitely comes from the spot that he didn’t have that many choices like Tommy, but he genuinely just likes anything
Which is why Tommy really likes to treat him out to fancy fucking restaurants
One of Tommy’s favorite past times is spoiling his loved one
Fucking loves giving presents n shit
It's his love language
Ranboo doesn’t pay for anything when he’s visiting
Tommy insists on paying
Tommy has millions from the throne, he will use it
Plus he uses his daddy’s card so like, Phil can afford to spend the money
Oh he has one of those black cards doesn’t he
And by he I mean Phil
But you know, Daddy’s card
Black amex all the way
Boujie motherfuckers
Tommy's drunk like persona is different depending on the environment
When its Wilbur and Techno having to deal with Drunk Tommy
He’s like an excitable puppy, he would switch from rowdy to sappy real quick for his brothers
So they’re trying to get a drunk Tommy to bed but Tommy’s 100% clinging to them
Just full of affection
Techno tries to leave to go study and drunk Tommy just looks so fucking sad
Kicked puppy
He’s very much turning on the little brother charm, full scale pouting, whining, nicknames and all
making grabby hands, sitting on thr ground, fluffed up hair, shirt all wrinkled
"Fucking - fine. What are you gonna do without me, hm?"
He’s a god damned puppy and it’s hard to believe this is the same kid who got in a bar fight last week
he hangs off the chandeliers of boogie hotels
he also trashes his friend's rentals
on the other hand, he hugs his brothers
and steals Wilbur's crown
when he wears Will's crown it goes over his eyes
Still does after all these years
He’s grown but Wils head is simply too big
Tommy has his own crown of course
he just doesn't wear it as often as Wilbru does
Wilbur wears his all of the time
Tommy wears his when
A. he's drunk and with friends
B. at formal or royal events
he likes wearing it when he's partying
still thinking about drunk Tommy and his brothers having to deal with him
He makes techno give him a piggy back ride
He can walk fine, he just wants a piggy back ride man
Can you blame him?
They all really miss being little
They miss being able to be kids n shit
when their mother took care of them
and their father did all the king shit
And when Techno would give Tommy piggyback rides in the garden
When Wilbur had all the time in the world to learn how to play guitar
Even if it comes from Tommy getting drunk off his ass they’re glad they can still find the childish joy that they once had y’know?
Techno gives Tommy a piggy back ride to his room, and Tommy steals Wilbur’s crown and they talk and it’s nice
And as everything winds down Wilbur plays his guitar
And it’s so similar to when they were younger man
...
but then,,, Wilbur gets called down for an emergency meeting
and Techno has to make sure the guards are doing their rounds
and Tommy's left all alone in The Prince's Chambers
and people wonder why Tommy likes partying
fills the time, doesn't it?
He wakes up cold and alone and hungover
And he calls Tubbo and they just fucking day drink man
It’s a bad two days
Yeha but basically after this night he and Tubbo get fucking drunk as hell and they don’t come back to the castle for two days
And Tommy is barely sober during those two days
After those type of days happen Tommy always goes completely straightedge for a week
He doenst need to develop an addiction y’know?
Plus the chaos doesn’t have to happen drunk
He’s pretty irrational sober anywyas
half of the parties he's at he's not even drunk
sometimes he'll get high
but he just likes the adrenaline
and just hanging and being fucking assholes with his mates
POV you are an emotionally wrecked prince who is hanging onto this present as proof that your dad knows who you are at least in the slightest and you find out it’s not actually a gift from him but something your mother told him to get you
He didn’t even think twice just called the dealership and asked for the car, didn’t even know which one it was
mmmmm Tommy wrecks Clem that night
It’s not a good night for anyone
Got drunk as hell man
No dd
Car crash
I don’t think Clem is totaled
And Tommy is ok
But she’s scratched and dented and it’s just a representation of how Tommy feels
Something about Clementine being symbolic of hope and the idea that his father knew him
And with that crashing down
Clementine was bound to crash too
Tommy gets out with some bruises and Clementine can be fixed
But it happens on a public street so it’s everywhere
Tommy wrecks Clem
Then fucking goes on a bender
just destroys shit
parties so he doesn't think about it
and then he fucking crashes
Wilbur and Techno and Kristin all know what the car meant to him, what it symbolized to him
So when there’s a headline and a picture of Tommy staring at a wrecked Clem, they don’t know how to feel
maybe he mentioned something about upgrading Clem to Phil, or offhandedly at family dinner
And Phil asks something like “Right and when did you get this one?” Very rudely y’know
And Tommy’s like, it’s the one you got me for my birthday last year, and Phil just says something about how he has to be more specific because he doesn’t even know which one that is
And Tommy feels everything crumble around him and he just tensely says, “never mind...” and goes back to his food
The other three watch the whole exchange like, “fuuuuuuuuuck”
And then as soon as dinners over Tommy’s out the door man
He’s gone
he doesn't take the dogs, which means he's causing damage
He doenst even take Tubbo
they can hear the handler hand Tommy the keys
Tubbo comes to Wil to ask if he knew where Tommy was and that’s when they realize Tommy’s going out to cause real damage
And Tommy’s phone is turned off
They can’t contact him
Tommy gets handcuffed
he won't get arrested, but he'll get brought back in a police car
he fucking like crashed into a poll on purpose
like it was less on purpose and more like he definitely wasn’t not trying to hit something
And then they fucking breathalyzer him and he’s drunk as balls
Straight vodka type night
there's a bottle in the cupholder
He gets out when he wrecks and you just see him dead eyed staring at the scratches on her hood
The dent in her door
The cracks in the windshield
And he just takes a swig of the bottle
He lets the police take the bottle and handcuff him, taking him back to the palace
Clem is towed back too
He doenst care man
this is bigger than party to distract Bc it’s all he’s thinking about even drunk n shit
So I feel like he’s absolutely crushed
he spends like a week or two in a depressive episode won't leave his room, won't talk to his dad
and then he asks his mom "why didn't you tell me?"
and she just purses her lips and and shakes her head
and he's out
he needs to leave
he doesn't need her pity
and he just goes to Purp's and parties
because he just wants to have fun for one night before he learns that everything is a lie
His brothers are there as much as he lets them be
Tubbo too
Ranboo would try to make it over after seeing the headlines
he gets on a jet
and goes as soon as he sees the news
cause Clem was Tommy's baby
He loved that fucking car man
And then
Boom
One dinner is all it took to ruin everything
Phil's just left like "what'd I do?"
Techno is straight faced
Wilbur rolls his eyes at Phil
And Kristin just looks stressed
She’s still staring the the door Tommy all but ran out of
none of them finish dinner, Kristin waves the butlers over to clear the plates
They don’t, and Phil is just so confused and frustrated and he doesn’t know what happened
Top 10 Prince Tommy Headlines: 10. Mourning or Disrespectful: Prince Thomas caught smoking outside grandmother's funeral 9. New Connections? Prince Thomas and Prince Ranboo seen outside Palace walking Royal Dogs 8. Protective Older Brother; Crown Prince William shielding Prince Thomas from cameras while walking down London streets 7. When Will He Stop? Prince Thomas continues his week-long bender 6. Another Frat Party: Prince Thomas found stumbling drunk after rowdy night at The Ritz London 5. Boy Crazy? Prince Thomas and Mystery Boy seen dancing at Crown Prince William's Birthday Ball 4. Is Prince Thomas's Rampage Over? The Prince seen hungover, nursing a coffee at London Branch Costa Coffee 3. Time to stop; Prince Thomas caught doing cocaine at socialites party 2. A good friend - Prince Thomas flew to the United States to help Prince Ranboo with new responsibilities
1. When is enough, enough? Prince Thomas crashes after driving drunk, arrested.
10 Tommy doesn’t smoke cigs so mans was just getting high at his grandmas funeral
he was real close with his granny, it was a sad day
It was because his father said something like “oh, I didn’t know you were coming Tommy”
It was his fucking grandmother Phil
Tommy just puts his sun glasses on, and sits as far away as he can
Number 5, the boy is Tubbo, Tubbo thinks it’s fucking hilarious, Tommy is pissed
Some of those headlines seem like they’re from the car month
Obviously number one is
But then the bender headline
Then the coffee one
And then the Wilbur one
They seem like a series of events
big month for the press
Tommys hungover and he calls Wil asking for him to pick him up
And Wilbur drops everything Bc he’s just glad Tommy’s coming back home
wilbur fucking glares at the cameras
Tommy's used to it
And then the press tries to mob them and Wilbur Almost breaks decorum
Like almost fucking yells at someone who gets too close
and Wilbur never does that
he's so in-line
he never breaks the rules
but goddamn if they take one step closer -
He’s been especially stressed, and all he wants is to get his baby brother home man
He’s been smoking a lot more since the wreck
He just wishes he could make everything better
Tommy relishes in talking to the press
Wilbur will clart someone who gets to close to his baby brother
The press who’s never seen Wilbur as anything other than composed and charming suddenly being faced with a very angry older brother who smells slightly like cigarette smoke
Wilbur in the Pogtopia coat but it’s some designer piece that’s expensive as hell
It’s his smoking coat
And it’s what he picks Tommy up in
So he smells like smoke
And not the tasteful cologne he usually wears in public
just like a dark overcoat
really expensive wool
Wilbur using it to cover them from the cameras
when they were younger, like 16 and 12, Wilbur would hide Tommy
like no one got a picture of Tommy until he was 14 or 15
Kristin really hid the boys when they were kids too
Tommy trying to peak out and make faces at the camera
it was illegal to get pictures of them younger than 10
like immediate blacklist
And also maybe some legal issues
Wilbur pulls Tommy's hood up over Tommy's head
And it’s very older brother of him too, he pulls it over to protect his face but then cinches the strings to be a little shit
Those Wilbur and Tommy brother moments comps exists in the universe too
But it’s just shit like that
Tommy has a great support system
He really does
His brothers love him
His mom loves him
He has two amazing friends and a bunch of other great friends as well
And sometimes he feels like a brat for throwing all these fits over his dad y’know?
Wilbur always tries to like, keep an arm around him when they're doing red carpets
And keeps Tommy sitting next to him at Royal events
but also like, steals food off his plate
and ruffles his hair
Tommy whispers the fucking worst jokes about the dignitaries and nobles and Wilbur has to keep a straight face
god thats tommys favorite thing to do
he tries so hard to get Wilbur to laugh and lose his shit
The fucking big boobs bit
But it’s Tommy whispering it to Wilbur completely out of context and randomly at a gala
ALSO
THE WHOLE EXTENDED FAMILY BULLSHIT
TOMMY HATES IT
LIKE WHO THE FUCK IS THIS LIKE AUNT TO HIM?
HE DOESNT KNOW HER
But Royal Families are always big on that shiit
They try to hug him n shit
And Tommy depending on how Brave n shit he’s feeling (how fed up he is) will either politely excuse himself or straight up say no and step back with a glare
he's honestly uncomfortable around the strangers
who say they're family
like he's too sober for this
He needs a god damned drink
But he’s in a vest and a nice tie and his crown is sat proper on his head
And he can’t have a drink
god he's like a little doll, he plays by Phil's rules
the crown comes on and he's the proper prince
He fucking hates it
he sips on Wilbur's wine, and does the whole "tequila for water" thing sometimes
Flask in his sleeve
Techno catches him with the flask once and is just impressed
god is that a look on Techno's face
He sees Tommy slip it from his sleeve and somehow sleight off hand take a drink
And it’s just a raised eyebrow and a head nod that says
Good for you
Bc techno also needs a drink during these events
Sometimes Tommy will spike his and Techno's drinks
as Wilbur regally sips on wine
Wilbur fucking also secretly wishing he had a flask during the drier events
Wine drink just isn’t enough sometimes
Wilbur puts on his best face
and pretends he wants to be there
and gives out a warm smile, and raises a glass
god he fucking hates it sometimes
and sometimes he loves it
but man, does he hate it sometimes
Tommy complains and Phil makes a passive aggressive comment about how
“Oh but don’t you love parties Tommy.”
Wilbur sits between them
The table goes
Techno Kristin Phil Wilbur Tommy
Tommy just sneaks another sip of the flask
he doesn't have time to deal with his dads shit
Slumps back in the seat
He probably wouldn’t even try to hide it after that
Not like Phil is actually looking at him
He can let the press have it
He doenst care
just like leaves the flask next to him
under teh table
and jsut takes large swigs from it
Tommy maybe having a group of his friends crash one of the stuffy events
Not an important one
So fucking dedication ceremony to some inane building
He just invites a wild group of socialites
It’s nice
It’s not as wild as a normal Tommy Innit party
But it’s not a stuffy fucking boring ass royal meeting
they just bring some fucking whiskey into the back room and chat shit
Tommy fucking has a group of friends crash this gathering
It’s not wild
But it’s not stuffy
It’s nice
Tommy even drags Wilbur back for at least a little
and that takes a whole lot of work
It really does, Wilbur isn’t even a little tipsy off the wine, and Phil been by him the whole time and it’s just been hell, he can’t get wiobur away from the “socializing” hes doing
but when Wilbur is a bit tipsy he just becomes more charasmatic
truly a king
Less someone putting on a mask for their father
A little bit more authentic
he's a natural, sipping wine with one hand, and shaking hands with the other, crown propped beautifully on his head, million dollar suits hanging off his frame
It’s nice to see his brother in his element
its a bit sad
but its nice
A little yeah, Wilbur’s
Wilbur’s leaving him, not really but
Wilbur being king is-
It’s going to be hard
Different
More than it is already
Wilbur will always love him
But eventually he’ll be too busy for Tommy
Just like Phil is
And it hurts
But that thought is what makes Tommy take a drink of his flask and drag Wilbur to the back room
Wilbur doesn’t have to forget him yet
Tommy looks real regal too
Wilbur wishes that Tommy could see what he sees
But he knows that Tommy’s self worth issues would take more than a nice hug and some warm words to fix
Tommy looks regal, and the gold crown really fits with the whole golden boy aesthetic
and he laughs, and makes conversation with everyome
and everyone eases up around him
Wilbur wishes that Tommy saw what he sees
also
Tommy and Ranboo's texts have been leaked once
Wow so many dog pictures dude
but also
:sparkles:state secrets:sparkles:
That was hell to clean up
it fucking was
it used petnames (which the public is never supposed to know about the nickanmes of royals fun fact)
and said shit about Phil
and detailed Fundy's illness which isn't public
and talked about meetings that Wilbur forced Tommy to attend
Tommy was terrified
Ranboo too
He was so scared someone would be angry at him for it
He doesn’t think he could handle be yelled at for this thing that wasn’t even his fault
like of course he could've not said it over text
but one of his best friends lives an ocean away
and his life is just all about secrets
dont make this something too
:sparkles: hackers :sparkles:
if someone god a hold of Tommy's IP, or Phone, or Phone number
or
dms
they could be using instagram, twitter, or snapchat to have some of these converstaions
dms can get leaked real easily
Mmmm you ever think about Crime Bous
Because all I can think about is when Wilbur does get out of the house, and just like every event they go to
Tommy isn’t a fucking party boy then, he’s just Prince Thomas, Crown Prince William’s baby brother
And they always get photographed and shit
But they have a great time
They’re always smiling when they’re together
Sans Wilbur being a really protective older brother, and when their grandmother died
It’s nice to just go get lunch together at that one specific cafe they’ve been going to for years
Or just walk the dogs together
Just hang out and be brothers
They sit at the same table every time, and Tommy has gotten a Raspberry Lemonade since he was 8
When they walk the dogs, Wilbur holds Walter and Tommy holds Betty
Sunglasses on, big wool overcoats, and pants that were sewn just for them
And they’re seen walking out on the streets during big events a lot too
To like take a breather
Tommy has made a habit of allowing the press to ask him questions whenever they find him
Wilbur on the other hand always knows exactly what to say to press that come up to them
He always shoos them off with a polite “we won’t be answering any question right now thank you” and a blinding smile
And Tommy’s making a face at the press from over his shoulder
Either like sticking his tongue out or making some sort of face at Wilbur
As he gets older, he stops doing it as much because it gets a bit tiring, everything is tiring
But he does it every once in a while, usually a sharp grin over Wilbur’s shoulder accompanied by a middle finger
when like press sees that Wilbur smokes like a lot
hm
big thin
and I feel like Wilbur would straight up be like "its not a big deal, its completely legal"
and hes like smoking 8 cigs a day, but its fine
He doesn’t have an issue
It’s just a little stress relief
King at 21 is a lot to handle
and maybe the stress is so much that it becomes a problem
but hey its his relief
its legal
he's fine
That’s Wilbur’s mantra most of the time
he falls asleep in Tommys bed a lot, waiting for the teen to come home
wilbur does
he finishes a pack, and sighs, rubbing his eyes
The empire is on the brink of war, it always is
He looks in Tommy's room, its empty
And he sits on the bed, waiting
10 minutes later he's asleep
The sheets don’t smell like Wilbur, and Wil thinks that’s what makes it’s so comforting
They don’t stink of nicotine or Wilbur cologne
The smell like Tommy
and while that smell like expensive booze, and coconut shampoo
its perfect
and the dogs are in Tommy's room too
he's a little less alone
Betty is the cuddler
She’ll come up and sleep next to Wil
but she wont do it to just anyone
its a bond, its trust
its the fact that Tommy likes Wilbur
she growls at Phil
she nudges at Kristin, LOVES kristin
anyways
its lonely and sad
because Tommy usually doesnt come back
Tommy snakes back in early in the morning and tucks Wilbur in
Though most times Wilbur falls asleep in Tommys bed
Uncovered
Completely dressed
He’s lucky bettys fur is sleek otherwise his very expensive clothes would be covered
I think Wilbur more often then not will wake up with Tommy in his arms, and that makes him very happy
like, Tommy comes it at 5am, and just snuggles next to Wilbur
It’s makes Tommy sad to know his brother is waiting up for him to never come
But at the same time he’s always so happy to see him when he gets home
I imagine sometimes butlers come to get Wilbur for work, and Tommy makes them leave so that Wilbur can sleep in "Hello your highness, we came to fetch King Wilbur for his morning briefing" "He's sleeping." "Well, I can see that Your Highness -" "So let him sleep." "Prince Thomas -" "Let. Him. Sleep. Okay?" "Yes, Your Highness."
I've decided that Tommy is the big spoon
in these vulranable moments, when Wilbur is weak, Tommy kind of holds him
like obviously there are a lot of tims, where Wilbur wants to hold his baby brother
however, Tommy kind of holds Wilbur, like wraps himself around Wilbur, and puts Wilbur's head in the crook of his neck
this happens when Tommy comes home to find Wilbur in his bed
either this, or Tommy curls into a ball and rests his head against wilburs chest
Tommy has daddy issues
Wilbur has the weiht of the world
Techno has ptsd
Phil: fuck you my kids are completely fine!
Wilbur’s nicotine addiction
Tommys abandonment issues
Technos fucking PTSD
Once, when the empires war was getting really, really bad, and Wilbur had to decide life or death shit
He smoked a whole pack in a day
And then just kept going
His hands wouldn’t stop shaking
why wouldn't they stop fucking shaking
Tommy stopped partying that week, he isn’t ignorant, nor a fucking dick
He was Wilbur’s right hand for as long as he needed him
Despite how badly he wanted to party until he could see straight
His brother needed him
His king needed him
And he will gladly serve Wilbur as long as he would have him
He stood right behind Wilbur
Every decision
He was right behind him
Even if it meant constant decorum and constant royal dress, Tommy was there
And that was a grounding fact
If Tommy hadn’t been there Wilbur thinks he may have lost it that week
Sometimes the only thing that kept Wilbur’s hands from shaking terribly was holding Tommy’s hands
When the advisors and court had left
Tommy would take Wilbur hands and make him do breathing exercises
Wilbur wasn’t allowed to look anywhere other than Tommy’s eyes
They would get through this
Together
They would, Tommy would make sure of it
Tommy in the room also made everyone a bit nervous and loosen up around Wilbur though
Because sometimes they act like they can boss Will around
And Tommy is stone faced, and has the media wrapped around his finger
The court knows that all it would take is one “scandalous statement” from Prince Thomas to end their careers
Wilbur could fire them, but he’s stressed
Any other day, he’s a fucking FORCE to recon with
But Tommy? He’s here to ensure the best or their careers would end
And you know that Tommy has at least 3 sources in the biggest news outlets in the empire
He could get ANYTHING out there
Wilbur’s throne is the biggest in the middle
Two thrones smaller aside him
Within the like office / study / planning room
Tommy's hasn't been used until just then
Tommy finds it quite uncomfy
But he can deal
Also Tommy drops the nicknames for the week or so
No “Big Man”
It was “Will” and “William”
Your Majesty at one or two points
But that felt a little too formal for both of them
Too alienating
Tommy learned a whole fucking lot of fucking politics that week
Not that he didnt listen in his lessons it’s just that
Well
He can’t not listen if he’s not there
It’s different IRL too
Seeing all the decisions
It’s terrifying
And he’s exhausted
Dressing nicely and talking for 12 hours a day about politics
And life / death decisions
So many cuddles dude
Just permanently cuddling if they’re not presently working or “coping”
And I think
That although Wilbur is the one who’s going through it
When they cuddle, Wilbur likes to hold Tommy
Just in the sense that Tommy’s here and safe
In the midst of all the death around Wilbur
He needs to know that his person, his kid is alright
Plus having this one thing this one routine helps him feel a little on control during this out of hand time
:sparkles: Prince Tommy PR leak :sparkles:
I talked about how Tommy was close to his grandmother
and how he was smoking outside of her funeral
maybe it was during that time in his life
really dark place in his mind
smoked and drank every day
Wilbur smoked a lot during that time yet
they probably drank together a few times
like straight up vodka
Just they’re so young and so tired
and so its like, pictures of Wilbur and Tommy (and just Tommy) drinking in the parlor, and in the like, bar area of their private living area, dark eye bags, red eyes, just straight from the bottle
Both of their ties were undone, no jackets, sleeves rolled up to their elbows, Wilbur's top 3 buttons are undone, they're both like manspreading
like they're just at their lowest, particularly Tommy, but Wilbur was having an adjacent bad time
Tommy's hair is a fuckin' mess
HOWEVER, they're both still clean shaven, neither of their shorts or trousers are wrinkled or stained
They may be going through it, but the royal image waits for no one
How does the castle react? Immediate lock down.
Interrogations or some shit
none of the princes are allowed to leave
they have to do clean up
they write scripts essentially for Tommy and Wilbur to adress the press
they need to send out a memo that they don't agree with underage drinking
its all structured, scripted, and written by advisors (and their father)
major damage control
which is just not what Tommy needs right now, because he's like trying to work through his grief
and Wilbur has a fucking fight with his father about that
Phil does not care
They fucked up
Someone else fucked up
And now they’re going to be big boys and fix it Like Phil's going to Tommy's room to get him to look over what his quick press tour and Wilbur jsut stops him in front of the door "He's fucking grieving - Let him have a moment will you? Don't you know how close he was with Gran?" "You messed up. He messed up. Now you're gonna be big boys and fix it." “You’re horrible sometimes you know that?” “I am your father” “Then act like it, your majesty”
meanwhile Tommy: in bed, hasn't slept, major depressive spiral, cuddling Betty, Walter standing guard at his door, holding onto a blanket that his grandmother gave him
just - can't even cry anymore
just empty
Literally just despondent
Staring at the ceiling as Betty noses his face
like good luck getting to get up, let alone read shit
He hasn’t showered in days
He is very much not presentable
like it's only been a week or two since his grandmother's death
and he still is processing
He is no where near done grieving
170 notes · View notes
puckinginsane · 4 years ago
Text
What Am I?
Jamie Benn one shot
Warningsish : Smuttyish language. A curse? I think just one. 
Words : 7.8K 
I really hope y’all like it. I worked really hard on this.
🎵 Tell me, have you seen a sunset Turn into a sunrise? Kiss right through the night? 'Cause we should try that sometime Hold you 'til the mornin' And if I said I'm fallin' Would you just reply "I know you are, but what am I?"🎵
I usually don't go to bars or clubs with the intent of picking up a guy. Sometimes it happens, but most of the time I'm there to have a good time with my friends and get a little tipsy. Not tonight. Tonight I am here to get drunk and to get laid. It's one of those nights where the only way I'm going to escape life for a while is to get hammered and make bad decisions. Lately life has given me one punch in the gut after the other so I need a win.
I've already spotted my target. I've been watching him on and off for the last 45 minutes. He's tall, tatted, handsome. Built like an ox but hasn't said much all night. The guys he's with have all the energy and he's the observer. We've locked eyes a few times throughout the night but he'd always just look away. I'm not sure it's me he even saw. It's a bit busy in here tonight.
I watch as his friends try to convince him to go to the club with them but he insists they go on without him. He's nursing the rest of his beer so if I'm going to make a move it's gotta be now. I push any thoughts of doubt out of my mind. I need to just go for it. No more waiting for something to happen. If I want it to happen I’m going to have to make it happen myself. And what I want is for him to take me home and make me forget all of my problems, something I thought the alcohol was going to do but it’s done a shitty job so far.
I sit on the open stool next to him and lean on my elbow on the bar. "You should have gone with them. They look like fun."
He looks at me with a raised eyebrow, intensity in his eyes, then just looks down at the bar and shakes his head. "I'm not interested in the fun they're looking for tonight."
I inch closer to him. "What kind of fun are you looking for? I'm looking for some fun myself." I place my hand delicately on his forearm, not sure of how he's going to react to it. He flexes under my touch but doesn't pull away. "Some anonymous fun just for tonight. To escape life for a while." I give him my best I want to fuck you eyes and hope he feels the same way about me. 
"I'm looking for the kind where I finish this beer and head home."
"That doesn't sound very fun at all, unless you're taking me with you."
"That is the fun I'm trying to avoid."
"Shame." I drink the last bit of my drink and call the bartender over. I'm not going to be taking no for an answer tonight and he's the one I want, I need, to take my mind off of everything. I order us a few rounds of shots. "You need something stronger." I hope he doesn't reject me. My experience with men is that most of the time they can't resist shots with an attractive woman, no matter how hard they want to fight it. 
To my surprise, he picks up the shot glass and looks me dead in the eyes as he takes it. Suddenly it's about fifty degrees hotter in here and I think you could hear my heart beating from across the bar. "Aren't you going to have yours?" He has a cheeky tone in his voice, knowing that my panties have disintegrated into nothing simply by the way he's looking at me.
I almost forgot. I can barely remember my own name as he continues to look at me with those eyes. "Of course." I take my shot while keeping eye contact with him, the same as he did with me. "Another?"
"Why do you want to escape so badly?"
"Rough week, month, year. I just wanna feel good tonight, for once." Does he really want to know? I want to skip the life stories and get right to being naked. 
He picks up a shot glass and hands it to me before picking one up for himself. "I hear that."
We do a few more shots and I'm trying to study him, but I can't get a read on him. I can't tell if this is going somewhere or if he just wants to get drunk with me and leave. He's not exactly flirting, but he's not rejecting my advances either. He's a bit mysterious how he sits there not saying much with his mouth, but saying everything with his eyes. He needs this as much as I do, whatever this turns out to be. I can tell.
“We can continue to do this or we can get out of here for some fun. I know you want fun. Why deny yourself? Let’s get out of here.”
He stares me down, pursing his lips together. Is he actually thinking or does he just want to watch me squirm? “One more drink then I’ll get us an Uber.”
“You’re serious?” I was almost expecting for him to turn me down again.
“I’m serious. You wore me down.”
“Don’t act like I’m forcing you.”
“You are.” The ends of his mouth curl up into a smirk.
He wants to act all innocent but he’s got a bad side to him and it comes through more and more as the night goes on. He’s not fooling me. We each have one more drink before closing out the tab and heading outside to wait for our Uber. I am still surprised that we are about to go back to his place. I’m not nervous. I thought I’d be nervous. I look up at him and he’s staring at his phone, jaw clenched. I can’t help thinking about all of the things I want to do with him. I can’t wait to kiss those pillowy lips of his. 
He leans in close to talk to me. “He’s almost here.” He awkwardly places his hand on my back, almost wrapping his arm around me but changing his mind halfway through. I feel him relax a few seconds later. The last thing I want is for him to feel awkward around me. The whole point of leaving together is to feel good and have some meaningless sex.
When we get in the car I lean up against him and to my surprise he doesn’t tense up when I do. It’s nice. The one thing I notice is that he is so warm. He must be nice to snuggle up against on a cold day. That is something I definitely should not be thinking about right now. This is going to be a one night stand. Anonymous sex. One and done. A no sleepover situation. The walk of shame. All of those cliché phrases that means I will never see him or think about him again.
The ride is quiet, but not awkward. The alcohol is really starting to hit me, now that we’ve left the bar. I can feel myself smiling like a dopey idiot. I’ve accomplished what I set out to do tonight. I just hope it’s worth it. I hope that it does help me escape the way I need it to.
“You’re quiet all of a sudden,” he mutters in my ear, sending chills down my spine, making me wish this guy would drive 50 miles per hour faster than he is right now.
“I’m good. You good?”
“I’m great.”
I breathe a sigh of relief. “Good.” 
For some reason this doesn’t feel like I’m about to go home with some random guy and have sloppy drunk sex. My limited experience has been that we are all over each other from the bar to wherever we’re going. Kissing, touching, flirting. There’s really been none of that here. I wonder if I’m making a mistake, that I was too eager, that I���m going to be left wanting more.
I quickly learn that not only are we not on the same page, but that he’s also full of surprises when the car pulls up to Top Golf and stops, not his house, where I thought we were going. We get out of the car. I can’t believe I thought he was taking me home with him. I should have known. I should have listened to my instincts. Maybe I should have been more specific.
“You know this isn’t the kind of fun I was talking about, right?”
“It’s not?”
I have no idea if he’s being serious or if he’s messing with me. “No. It’s not.”
“Oops. We might as well go in, we’re here.”
“This is really what you want to do?”
“You want fun. This is fun.”
“If you say so.”
He places both hands on my shoulders. “I promise you’ll have a good time.”
"Allriiiiiight. I'm counting on you."
"Mini golf or driving range?"
I can't believe he's serious. "I'm feeling adventurous tonight so driving range. I've never done it before."
He grins. "This should be interesting."
We head inside, choose a bay, order drinks and food, and get started on whatever is happening right now. At this point I'm just going with the flow.
He sits down in front of the scoring screen. "We have to put our names in for the scoring. What's yours? I'll put them in."
"This is supposed to be anonymous fun."
He rolls his eyes. "Fine. Nicknames?"
"Perfect."
"What should I put for you?"
"My friends call me Bunny."
"That's cute. Bunny it is."
I watch as he enters my name, then his. "Why are you Chubbs?"
"Just a nickname that stuck. Why are you Bunny?"
"Because I have endless energy. I go go go."
He raises an eyebrow and looks back over his shoulder at me. "Not other reasons?"
I smile. “There might be.”
He smirks before standing up. “The clubs are over there. We each are going to get ten turns to hit the targets. The harder the target, the more points you get.”
“Wait. Hold up. I thought I was just gonna be hitting a bunch of balls. There’s points involved?”
“Yeah. It’s a game. It’s just for fun, though.”
“Alright.”
“You take your club, wave it over here like this, and a ball will pop out.” He shrugs. “Then you just hit it. Don’t let go of the club, though.”
“I won’t. What do you think I am?”
He gets all in my face. “Drunk.” He belly laughs and I can’t help laughing too. “Do you want me to show you how to hold the club, how to swing well?”
“As tempting as that offer is I think I can handle it. Thank you.” I start to step up to take my turn, but then look back at him. “If you get that close to me, touch me, then golf is the last thing I’m going to want to do.”
"Don't you wanna go hard and deep, though?" Putting purposeful emphasis on hard and deep, obviously to drive me crazy..
Unexpected. I almost drop my club “Ok, yeah, let’s just get out of here.”
“Go. Hit the ball. It’ll make you feel better.”
He's actually torturing me now. And enjoying it. How can he flirt like that and act like it's nothing? I normally hate games, but I like this game he's playing. One look from him and I am a puddle of goo. Each word out of his mouth is carefully selected and has a purpose. He knows exactly what he's doing and it only makes me want him more.
The waitress comes over and drops off our drinks and food so I take a long sip of my drink before going back to the tee to take my shot. I try to focus on the ball as I can feel his eyes burning a hole in me. I don’t dare look at him because I will lose my concentration. I’ve only ever played mini golf and never actually driven a ball before so this should be interesting. I will be happy with any kind of contact with the ball.
I’ve seen this done a billion times, ok maybe not that much, but enough for it not to be impossible to do. Sure, I’m feeling a little loose but it’s not like I’m trying to perform brain surgery. All I have to do is hit the ball out there somewhere. I grip the club the way I think I should and I swing back and hit the ball. It is not graceful and I barely touch it and the ball weakly goes off to the side. How embarrassing.
He stands up and walks towards me. "What was that?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. Not everyone can be professional golfers like you apparently are."
"I'm not, but my two year old niece has a better swing than that."
"I'm in heels and I'm drunk."
"Excuses. I’m drunk too."
"I don't know you well enough to have to take this abuse from you, you know."
"You should take your heels off "
"If you wanted me to get undressed, you should have just taken me back to your place."
“It’ll be way easier but go ahead and be stubborn if you want.”
I take my heels off and my feet feel a hundred percent better. I also feel significantly shorter standing in front of him now. "Now I can be Tiger Woods."
He laughs. "I wouldn't go that far. At least better than a two year old I hope."
“Let’s see what you got, Chubbs.” I sit down and lean back on the couch and watch as he grabs a club and steps up to the machine. He is one beautiful sight of a man. 
“Watch closely.”
“Believe me, I am, there is nothing that could make me take my eyes off of you.”
He bashfully smiles and looks at the ground before moving his ball to where he wants it. He explains to me how and why he grips the club the way that he is, tells me the proper way to swing the club, what to do with my hips, everything I need to know to do better in my next turn. He hits the ball and looks way more graceful than I did. There’s a satisfying tink sound when the club hits the ball. It lands close to the target but doesn’t hit it. He mutters under his breath at himself. How could he be angry at that? To me it looked perfect. He turns towards me. “You think you got it now?” 
“I think so.”
I feel a lot more sturdy without my heels on. I am feeling more confident in myself this time. I am going to crush this ball. I try to remember everything he was saying to me but it was hard to concentrate on the words when there are so many other things to focus on. His perfectly kissable lips, those dark brown eyes that I just can't get enough of, the nicest ass I've ever seen on a man or a woman. I could go on. I take a swing and this time I can feel the contact with the ball. It goes flying and I jump up and down. "I did it! I did it!" I could not be more proud of myself.
He darts up from the chair. "That was great! Way to go, Bunny!" He holds his hand up for a high five and I smack it. "Felt good, didn't it?" He hugs me.
"Felt really good." I look up at him smiling and he's looking down at me. "This feels good too."
He smiles and licks his lower lip. "You're gonna be harder competition than I thought."
“You said it’s just for fun.”
“Mhmm. Winning is fun.” He nudges me a few times with the cutest smile on his face. I can’t help giggling. I love that he’s starting to let go and be happy. He looked so sad in the bar and here he seems to be in his element.
I pick up the menu. “I’m going to order myself a drink. Want one?”
“Don’t you think you should go easy on the drinks?”
“I’ll be fiiiiiine. It’ll just be one. Maybe two. Want one? Oh my god orange dream sounds amazing. I’m ordering two and you can have one if you want.”
He grins. “We’ll see.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll pay for them.”
“Nonsense. Order whatever you want. I got it.”
“You sure? I don’t mind. I’m not trying to play games or anything.”
“I’m sure. I wanted to come here and I’d never let a woman pay. It was nice of you to offer, though.”
“Ok. If you change your mind let me know.”
He steps up to his ball and hits it so, so far. “I won’t.” He smiles. “Your turn.”
I get up and grab my club. "If the waitress comes by can you order those two orange dreams for me?"
"Yeah. I can. Still think you should go easy."
"They water the drinks down at these places. I'll be fine. It's cute that you're so worried, though.”
“You’re cute.” He says it low and bashful and has made himself blush, but he has the most adorable smile on his face that he couldn’t fight even though he is trying his hardest.
I think I’m blushing too. I wasn’t expecting that. I wasn’t sure he was even into me. “Thanks.” I can’t fight this dumb smile on my face either. He’s got me all flustered now. The first time I swing at the ball I miss it entirely. “Fuck!” I look back to see that he’s busy ordering from the waitress and didn’t see my epic fail so I play it off and go again like it was my first time. I try to concentrate on the ball but I can’t help looking back and watching him. He’s so damn attractive that it hurts not to be close to him. I actually connect with my second attempt and I actually hit one of the targets. I wasn’t even trying. “I hit it! Did you see? I hit the target!”
He looks up on the screen and sees the score. “Sweet! I saw! I ordered drinks and some more food. Are you cool with nachos and chips and guac?”
“I am very ok with those things. Thank you.”
He walks very close to me on the way to take his shot and stops while he’s right next to me and leans down. “I saw you miss, by the way.” 
“Maybe I need you to show me how to swing after all.”
“I thought you couldn’t handle it.” He’s still talking directly into my ear, which is making me weak in the knees.
“I want it anyway.”
“Too bad it’s my turn.” He leans against me for a second before walking away. I watch that perfect ass walk all the way to the tee. I’ve decided that watching him play is way more fun than getting up there and making a fool out of myself every time.
I step up to take my turn. “I’d like that help now, if you’re still offering.”
He smiles. “Yeah, I’m still offering.” He starts to position himself behind me and just as he is about to get right up against me and hold onto my hands his phone rings. He mutters several curses under his breath and steps back. “It’s my brother. I gotta take this. I won’t be long. Just go ahead and take your turn.”
I sigh. Of course his brother would call. He was close enough for me to feel the heat off of his body and the anticipation of his hands on me has gotten my heart racing. I don’t want to go. I want to wait, but I don’t want to seem desperate so I take my turn and it’s ok. I am not going to be a golf master any time soon.
He ends his phone call rather quickly, but not before our food and drinks get brought to us. I sit down and wait for him to join me before digging in. "Sorry about that."
"Don't be. Family's important."
He nods. "Yeah. Very."
"Is….. everything ok?"
"Yup. He just got out of work and wanted to talk. I'll catch up with him later."
"Or tomorrow."
He blushes. "We'll see."
We eat our food and have our drinks before he takes his next shot. For this being an anonymous night we sure are learning a lot about each other and having great conversation. No names, though, we have both agreed that it would be more fun that way. We are going to stick with Bunny and Chubbs. I am having one of the best nights of my life. This has been so unexpected and fun and taking my mind off of everything that’s been getting me down lately. Chubbs might just be my new hero.
“I was wrong about those drinks, they were not as watered down as I thought they’d be. I’m cool, though. Ice cold.”
He chuckles. “Is that so?”
“It’s soooo so.”
“Alright then, ice queen, I believe it’s my turn.”
“Kick that ball’s ass, Chubbs!”
“I will. Just for you, Bunny.”
I get all giddy when he says my name, well, my nickname. I’ll never look at it the same way again. My friends call me it as a goof almost, but to him that’s who I am. I didn’t think I could have this much fun with a stranger. Talking with him at the bar, I would have never thought this is how my night would end up. I really thought I was going to be leaving alone. He has a cocky swagger as he walks up to take his turn. He looks back at me before he goes, perhaps to make sure that I’m watching him.
I never thought I would ever have this much fun doing anything golf related. I am going to have to come back here with my friends. Chubbs and I continue on with our game and of course he gets more points than me. That was never a question. Golf is obviously something he loves and this was my first time and it doesn’t help that I’m drunk. I wonder if I would do any better while sober. I’ll have to find out at some point.
As our number of rounds start to wind down I start to wonder what comes next. I want to keep hanging out with him. My initial intentions are still there, maybe even stronger than before. I wonder if he will want to continue the night or just go home. We have been flirting the whole time, but I still can’t get a great read on him when it comes to his intentions.
He shakes my hand. “Good game.” He looks at the floor and then all around. “There’s other things we can do here if you want.” 
I smile. He wants to keep hanging out, that’s a good sign. I really want to get him alone, though. “Did you wanna get out of here? We can go to my place or your place...if that’s something you want to do.”
“Your place is good.”
My whole face lights up. I was kind of expecting him to turn me down. “It is?”
“Yeah.” 
I immediately take my phone out and open Uber to get us a ride to my place. “We should wait outside.”
“In a hurry?” he asks in that asmused at himself tone that I’ve gotten used to. He loves to tease. It’s annoying how much I like it.
“Maybe a little.” I start to walk away.
“You’re gonna leave your shoes here?”
I stop and turn around. He has the biggest grin on his face. I am so happy I amuse him so much. “Oops.” I put them back on. “Now we can go.” He is close behind me, not touching, but close enough that it feels like he is.
It feels as if life is going in slow motion as I watch the little car on the Uber app inch through the map on its way to us. I wasn’t sure this moment was actually going to happen and I really don’t want to give him time to change his mind. No matter what happens when we get to my place doesn’t matter anymore. I just don’t want this night to end. I’m not ready to say goodbye forever to him just yet.
“You’re impatient.” I can hear the amusement in his voice as he looks over my shoulder at my screen.
“I always watch the map.”
“You like to be in control.”
I shrug. “Depends.”
He leans in close. “I do.”
I feel that in all of the right places and it takes everything in me not to jump on him right here and now. “Where is this fucking car?” 
He points at my screen. “Right there.” I look at him in almost disbelief. Who is this man and why is he drawing me in like this? His shoulders shake as he chuckles to himself.
I bite my lower lip. He’s charming without even trying. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to kiss anyone so badly in my entire life. The car pulls up in front of us. “And here it is.”
The vibe in this Uber is way different than the vibe in the Uber on the way here. I can tell he wants me. His body language is the polar opposite. On the way here he was so tense and standoffish, now he is more relaxed and he couldn’t be closer to me. Our legs rub up against each other and I smile. Any contact with him sends electricity through my veins. He very confidently places his hand on my thigh and leaves it there. He wouldn't dare think about touching me on the way here. I rub his hand with mine, then move it back to my lap.
I continue to watch the map as we get on our way, purely out of habit. “Should be there in about fifteen minutes,” I mutter to him, as if I don’t want the driver to hear me. I have no idea why. It’s not like he doesn’t know. I rest my head on his arm. I guess I’m feeling more comfortable too, no longer worried about scaring him away. He agreed to come home with me and we both know where this is headed. I feel the weight of his head on mine and can't help smiling. It's been entirely too long since I've been this close to anyone. It feels nice. It doesn't matter that I don't know his name, this is exactly what I needed.
When we get up to my door I have a bit of a difficult time finding my keys in my purse. I can feel his eyes burning a hole in the side of my face as I continue to struggle. I finally grab them and fumble with them as I try to get my key in the lock.
He chuckles. “Are you sure you live here?”
“Yes I live here. I’m just…” I finally get the key in the keyhole.
“Drunk.”
“I got it in, didn’t I?” I open the door and we step in. “Here we are.”
He looks around. “This is nice. Bigger than I thought it would be.”
“It’s a great space. I lucked out on getting it. There were a few people interested. Do you want the grand tour?”
“Sure.”
I take him all around my place, unsure if he actually wants to know about any of this stuff. I walk through as fast as I can so I don’t bore him to death. Of course I save my bedroom for the end of the tour, that’s the most important room.
"This is my bedroom, ya know, where the magic happens."
"Magic, eh? Full of yourself."
"I practice my card tricks in here. What are youuuuu referring to?"
"You can do card tricks? Show me."
I laugh entirely too hard. Of course he called me on my bluff. "I can't! I don't know any." I go into a fit of giggles. “I was just joking. Ever hear of one?”
He smiles. "You're so drunk."
"Takes one to know one, bud." I poke his chest and he watches my finger as I do it. “Besides, I’m not that drunk anymore.”
“Still pretty drunk.”
“I blame all of those extra Top Golf drinks.”
“You mean the ones I told you to go easy on?”
“Mhmm. Yup. Those would be the ones.”
He takes a quick look around. “Cozy.”
“Maybe you’ll find out just how cozy later.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Later?”
“Yeah, I saved the best for last. Wanna see the roof?”
“You’re not going to push me off, are you?”
I laugh. “Nah. Too messy.”
The rooftop terrace is the main reason why I bought this condo. Situations like this is why I wanted a rooftop terrace. I bring a good looking guy home and get to say the line, wanna go up to the roof? And the roof is actually the best part of the whole place. It’s private, cozy, romantic, and all mine. I keep telling myself I am going to start a garden up here, but it’s probably never going to happen.
“I only moved in a month ago so I haven’t finished decorating up here.” Right now all I have is seating and a few tables. Some are single seats and some can seat two or more people.
“You should put an outdoor chess table over there.”
“A chess table? On no. You’re a nerd, aren’t you? I brought a nerd home with me. What have I done? How did this happen?”
"Takes one to know one." He smiles, so proud of himself.
“Ha. Ha. Ha. So funny. A game isn’t a bad idea, but not chess.” We sit down on one of the couches. For outdoor furniture, it is pretty comfortable.
“This is pretty nice. Do you spend a lot of time up here?”
“Yeah, most of my time. I love being outside and I could do a lot of things on my iPad. I want to get a fire pit, I just haven’t decided on which one yet. It’s gonna be awesome.”
“If you can’t have a backyard this is the next best thing, for sure.”
"Yeah. I want a house eventually, but this will do for now. I love it."
Something in the corner catches his eye and I follow his eyes to try to figure out what he's so fascinated with. "What's in there?"
I finally realize he's looking at the cabinet. "Oh! Come with me. I'll show you." I love showing off everything I've bought for up here. I think my friends are a little sick of it so I'm glad I have someone new to show. I open the cabinet to reveal all of the goodies I have stored in there. "I may have gone a little crazy. There's the hammock. I don't like to have it out all of the time since it takes up so much room. I have extra blankets and pillows for when I wanna get snuggled up out here so I don't have to go back inside to get any."
"Smart."
"Thank you. I have these little heaters for when it gets cold, and I plan to get one of those tall ones eventually. A broom and some other boring stuff and that's about it."
"Looks like you're prepared for any situation."
"I try to be. It's also a bit of laziness because once I'm out here I don't want to have to go in and out to get stuff."
"And yet you don't have a fridge or cooler out here."
"It's a work in progress. It's on the list, believe me. I still have a lot of plans for this place. It’s my chance at a fresh start.”
“Seems like a good place to start to me.”
I nod. “I hope so.”
"So, who are you trying to forget tonight?"
"I never said it was a who."
"It's always a who."
"Who is your who then?"
He shakes his head. "Mmmno. I asked you first."
"It's a lot of different things, not just a guy."
"But there is a guy."
"Was a guy. What about you?"
"No guy for me."
"Who's the girl, smartass?"
"I never said I was trying to forget anyone."
"But you are. That's why you're here."
"I'm here because you're persistent."
"Is that all?"
"That's all."
I could bring up the fact he has a tattoo on his bicep that's a heart with KT in the middle, but I don't want to scare him off. He obviously doesn't want to talk about it. I've made it this far, it's better to just drop it and move on.
I take a deep breath. "We were in bed one night. Nothing crazy or unusual. We were just on our phones, about to go to sleep. He turns to me and says 'remember when we were happy?' which confused the hell out of me because I thought we were happy. I thought things were perfect. Looking back on it now I know they weren't perfect but they seemed like it at the time. I was happy, though. I didn't need perfect. I just needed us. I still...I miss him?" I figure if I open up maybe he will too.
"You don't sound sure."
"Maybe I just miss what we had. That's never coming back whether we're together or not. He wasn't happy and there was nothing I could do to change that."
"And you think tonight is gonna help."
"It has already."
He grins. "Told you."
"You know what? I'm tired of your smug and cocky attitude."
"No you're not."
"Yes I am." I go to playfully push him but he grabs my wrists and stops me.
"You're blushing." I try to pull away but he's got a good grip on me. Not hurting me, but way stronger than I am. "Not so fast."
I'm too drunk to even attempt to hide the giddy smile on my face. He smiles back at me with those dimples and crinkle eyes that I've been falling for all night. "It'll be way more fun if you let go."
He hesitates but then slowly lets go and I try to tickle him but he stops me again. "What are you doing?" He's amused. He continues smiling and stumbles a bit.
I laugh as I try to hold him up, as if I'm doing anything. If he were to actually fall we'd both be on the floor. "You ok there, wobbles?"
He looks me in the eyes and sways a little bit. "Fine."
"Are you gonna tell me about your who?"
He shakes his head. "No." He runs his fingers through my hair. We haven't broken eye contact this whole time. All I want is for him to kiss me, although I could look into his eyes all night and be perfectly fine with that.
He slowly leans in and kisses me. I'm a little in shock at first. I was beginning to think it wasn't going to happen. He holds onto the back of my head and I kiss him back. I never want it to end. We deepen the kiss and it becomes more passionate. It’s very intimate for two people who just met, who don’t even know each other’s names. We become more and more desperate for each other and our hands begin to wander and explore each other’s bodies.
He runs his hands up and down my back, his fingertips just graze my ass and start to wander back up. I almost whimper and his hands stray further and further away from my ass. I want him to grab it, push me up against a wall, and have his way with me. I slip my hands under his shirt to touch the skin on his back. I am craving skin contact and need to touch more. He’s taking his time with his hands exploring my body and normally I would get impatient and want to get right to the action, but kissing him and feeling his hands all over me is a new form of heaven I didn’t know existed.
He finally caresses my ass as he moves from my lips to my neck and I swear my pants evaporate from the heat my body is generating. His hands mirror mine and go under my shirt and it’s electricity through my veins when he makes contact. I kiss around his ear. “Just take it off,” I say, almost in a whisper, in his ear.
He kisses up my neck and to my ear as he messes with my bra. I’d be impressed if he could unclasp it like this. “Can people see us?”
“I don’t know, but we can go inside if you want.” His ass has been calling my name all night so I take this opportunity to grab it and it’s so much nicer than I thought. I don’t move my hands, I am going to be touching this all damn night.
He makes a noise in my ear and nibbles on my earlobe. It seems as if he’s enjoying it as much as I am. “Yes. Inside. Now.” 
I smile and kiss him nice and long before grabbing his hand and taking him inside. Somehow he had gotten my bra unclasped so I take it off from under my shirt and leave it on the chair in my office, which is what leads out to the roof. Before we get any further he stops us, holds onto my hips, and kisses me. His lips are perfect and I wish I could kiss him all night. I know I’m drunk so I’m trying not to be a drunken, sloppy mess about it. I want him to want to kiss me all night as well.
We get to my bedroom and he kicks his sneakers off right away, then he takes his hat off and places it on my dresser. His hair flops down into his face and he runs his fingers through it to push it back on his head and out of his eyes. How have I spent all of this time with him and not known that he has the greatest hair known to man. It’s like porn. It just falls right back into his face. I run my fingers through it for him this time and he smiles as he leans down to kiss me again. He hovers in front of my lips, just out of reach, and rubs his nose along mine. The tease. I palm him through his jeans and he bucks his hips towards my hand. I don’t mind taking our time, but I am not going to be teased. I fucking want him and want him right now. 
When I set out tonight I was hoping to have some sloppy, drunk, meaningless sex. I did not expect to meet a guy, go out on a date, take him back to my place, and have some of the best sex of my life but that is exactly what has happened. I thought it needed to be anonymous and a one night thing and I’d never have to see him again, but how can I let this guy walk out of my life forever after tonight? I can’t. I have a feeling he feels the same way. I hope he does anyway. As we lie in my bed catching our breath I wonder if these same thoughts are going through his head. It’s still so hard to read him. All I know is that he definitely had as good of a time as I did. 
"You should stay. There’s a great view of the sunrise from the roof." This is going against everything I thought tonight was going to be, not like the rest of it has gone to plan. I don't even know what's happening anymore. "Unless you have somewhere to be in the morning."
"Nowhere to be. I can stay." His voice is soft. I don't think he's believing tonight was real either.
“I can get a blanket from the cabinet. They’re nice and fluffy.”
“Do you want to go back up there now? It’s a nice night.”
“Are you sick of seeing me naked already? Alright, I get the hint.” I nudge him and laugh. We probably should get out of bed, though, I don’t want to get too used to him being here.
He laughs and nudges me back. “If we stay here longer I’ll wind up falling asleep and I’ll miss it.”
“You’re right.” I sit up and he runs his hand up and down my back. I can’t help smiling. “I’m gonna put sweats and a shirt on if that’s ok with you.”
“Whatever you want.”
We clean ourselves up in my bathroom before getting dressed. I grab some water from my fridge before we head outside just in case we get thirsty. It’s the perfect night to stay up and watch the sunrise. It’s not too cold, there really isn’t any kind of breeze even. The sky is clear so if I didn’t live in the middle of a big city I bet we’d see a sky full of stars. He sits on the couch and I get a blanket from the cabinet. I hate to admit that I am really looking forward to snuggling with him. I sit next to him and we get all cuddled up under the blanket.
We talk a little bit about my other plans for the deck and he tells me about his first apartment he lived in when he moved to Dallas. I love talking to him, nothing is awkward. The conversation is flowing and I feel like we have a nice connection. No matter what happens after he leaves tonight, this has been pretty special. We might also be doing a little bit of kissing in between talking and that doesn’t hurt either.
“I do have a who.” We hadn’t spoken in a few minutes but it wasn’t an awkward silence. It was a silence that let us enjoy the night sky and gave us time to think about what’s gone on tonight so far.
“You don’t have to tell me.”
“It’s ok. I want to.” He sighs and pulls me closer to him and mindlessly traces circles on my arm. “We were starting to grow apart. We had our own careers, our own goals. We did the long distance thing for a while but it wasn’t working out so we took a break. I think it hit me way harder than it hit her and I probably should have taken that as a sign that it was time to move on, but I didn’t. We tried again but it just wasn’t the same. It was hard to admit but it just wasn’t working anymore.”
“That sucks. You think you’re with the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with and then you gotta start all over again.”
“I wasn’t looking to just yet. I don’t know what I want right now.”
“You don’t have to know yet.”
“I know.”
“I don’t know what I want either. Tonight was not something I regularly do.”
“Same goes for me.”
“The one night stand part or the taking a random stranger on a date part?”
He grins, showing those irresistible dimples. “Both.”
“Well, it was a pretty great night, so thank you.”
“You came up to me and wouldn’t give up so I should be thanking you too.”
“You thanked me a few times already.”
He blushes and buries his face in my hair. “That was fun.”
“I told you.” 
He belly laughs and pulls my head to rest on his shoulder. We still have a little while until the sun rises but we find ways to occupy ourselves until then. When I first saw this rooftop deck this is exactly what I imagined I’d be doing on it, I just never thought it would actually come true. I couldn’t have asked for a better night escaping all of my problems. I know they’ll be there to deal with tomorrow, but it was great to escape them for one night. I hope I helped him escape for a little while too. 
By the time the sun starts to rise we are both sober and struggling to stay awake, but we manage to see the whole thing and it does not disappoint. The sky is covered with yellow and orange as the sun says good morning. I am happy I asked him to stay and that he agreed to. I always feel that when I start my day off with a beautiful sunrise, that it’s going to be a good day. I would normally take a picture of it, but I’m too busy watching him be in awe. I never knew that when I bought this place that I would have the best view in the city.
I sigh, knowing that he’s probably going to be leaving soon and not knowing what the future holds for us. I could offer to make breakfast. He said he didn’t have anywhere to be today. I think I’m too tired to move, though. We do have to sleep at some point. I could ask him to come back inside and sleep the day away with me but I think that’s a little too ambitious. I try to study his face and get some kind of idea what he’s thinking. I see joy in his eyes so maybe there’s a chance.
He looks at me smiling. “This is amazing. I’m glad I stayed.”
“Me too.”
“I don’t want to overstay my welcome. I am exhausted and should probably go home and get some sleep.”
My heart sinks a little. “I’d offer to drive you but I’d never make it back. I’m pretty tired myself.”
“I’ll take an Uber.”
We stand up and I fold up my blanket and put it back in the cabinet. “I’ll walk you to the door.”
“Thanks.”
We make it to the door and I decide that I’m going to let this be what it was supposed to be, a one night thing. Although, it’s pretty much killing me that I don’t even know his name. I should not have made that stupid rule. He hugs me before opening the door. I hug him back and don’t want to let go, but I know I have to so I do. 
It’s a struggle to keep my eyes open at this point but I look up at him just to get one last look before he goes. “I know we agreed no names, but I would really like to know yours.”
He shrugs. “That’s what next time is for.”
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tsukidrama · 3 years ago
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to my darling j anon:
(putting this under a readmore because it's emotional and sappy and i'm embarrassed) 😩
first of all i am so sorry to leave you hanging for a few days. i just really needed time to make sure this response is good enough, and sometimes i have to do this thing where i go through all 5 stages of grief before i can put my feelings into words properly.
thank you so incredibly much for your birthday message. seriously, thank you. your message made me full-on cry when i read it, happy and sad tears. you're so amazing and so sweet to me. i really hope you know how important you've become to me over these past few months.
the fact that you remember so many things that i've said about her in the past 🥺 like the fact that she's a thoughtful gift-giver. i completely agree about the cake -- she could absolutely NOT do it on her own. small tangent but i can't stop imagining Annie going to her dad for help since at least in TRNT he's the only one there to ask, and he says yes because he wants to spend time with her. but he does NOT know what he's doing either. i don't think the cake would even make it into the oven. they give up after neither of them can figure out how to crack an egg without getting shell in the batter. Annie goes to buy a cake from a bakery instead.
the second half is where i start getting mad emotional - i know it's not that deep and i'm probably being dramatic (url :/ it's part of the package). but i'm crushed that you said you're leaving. i understand, i really do. tumblr can be overwhelming sometimes and completely dead at others. and then the attack on titan fandom all around fucking SUCKS -- there's a reason i detach and stay in my own little world. but i guess i keep thinking about how there are some people i really miss having in my life that i don't talk to anymore or who have died and how much i wished i could've spent my birthday with them, and i know you're still gonna check ao3 but i'm gonna miss being your friend so much 😣 you're leaving a massive j-shaped hole in my heart.
you're a little bit of a sneaky one too, like i genuinely have no clue who you are. sometimes when i get an anonymous message, there'll be a string of likes right next to the ask and i'll be like 'hmmm interesting coincidence' but i genuinely truly don't have a clue who you are? if i could figure out who you are i would've already sent you a private message.
i don't want to ask you to come off anon since i don't know your reasons for being anonymous in the first place, and if you're not comfortable then i'll never bring it up again. but i think i'd really regret not telling you how much i'll miss you and how much happiness you brought me.
your interest in the road not taken is one of the reasons that i've kept up with it. i love the story so much but i got really depressed last fall / winter and there were several times that i wanted to abandon the fic since it was such a heavy task. having somebody message me about trnt on a regular basis gave me so much, more than i can ever properly put into words. as the story expanded it has picked up more of a following but i wouldn't have gotten here if it wasn't for you.
you cared about the books they were reading and the awkward Papa interactions and the little things from the start. you asked questions nobody else besides my wife did. and having a friend who understands what i'm trying to do thematically that also cares about me as an author AND a person is so rare. you did so much for me j anon 😥 you helped me out of one of the darkest moments of my life and i don't think you know even know how much you mean to me. i should've said it more often because now i'm worried it's too late
i love you ok? i wish you the best in your life and i'll be manifesting good vibes to be sent your way. enjoy our girl in color and motion a little extra hard for me this sunday. and if this is goodbye for now, then please come back to me someday. you'll be missed. so much
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chibsytelford · 5 years ago
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The Final Night
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*** GIF CREDIT TO OWNER ***
Anonymous asked -  Hey, i love your stories ❤️could you write some sweet piece about angel and his girl where they have to say goodbye because he has to do time or someting like that? Maybe their last night together? I would totally love that. 😘thank you for your fanrastic writing . It really makes my day ❤️
Authors Note - First Chibs heartbreak, now Angel Reyes heartbreak. I’m a mess. My first time writing for Angel so I hope it was ok! 
Mayans taglist- @everyhowlmarksthedead​ @rebel-without-cause-x​ @talicat713​ @whyisgmora​ @fangirlingaesthetics​ @jadesamhart​ @starrynite7114​
Warnings - some swearing. 
Translations - querida = dear, mi amor = my love, me encanta = i love him, hermoso = handsome, mierda = shit, mi mejor amigo = my best friend, le quiero= i love him - thanks @everyhowlmarksthedead
You never envisioned that you would ever have to say goodbye to Angel. You knew what he did with his club, The Mayans. You knew what he did daily, and you knew that he had killed a lot of bad people. But what you never imagined was that Angel would end up in jail and away from you.
Angel has been out with the club all day on business. He tells you everything about what goes on with the Mayans, but only if you ask him. Sometimes you like to know what he’s been doing, and other times when he comes home covered in blood and bruises, you don’t say anything and just patch him up.
It’s 7pm when Angel walks through the door. One look at him and you can tell he is hiding something from you. Whenever he is withholding information from you, he looks everywhere but at you, rubs his face, and does a lot of mumbling, like a lost puppy
“I’m gonna take a shower querida” was all he said as he shrugged his kutte off and swaggered off to the bathroom. You got 2 beers out of the fridge, and heated up some leftover food from last night, ready for your boyfriend to come out of the shower.
20 minutes later and he appears in the kitchen wearing his red chequered shirt that he knows you love, and a pair of black boxer shorts. He looks slightly more awake than he did when he walked through the door not long ago. Angel looks at you and gives you a small smile, and then drops his head into his hands. You instantly walk over to him and gently take his hands from his face and pull his head up so he is looking into your eyes.
“Talk to me Angel, what’s wrong?” you ask him as you tangle your hands in his hair and lightly massage his scalp.
“I’m fucking sorry Y/N, I’m so fucking sorry” Angel reaches out his hands and pulls you flush against him. “mierda, I’m an idiot”.
“Angel, what happened?” you’re now begging him to tell you what’s wrong. You take his hand and lead him through to the living room and down onto the sofa.
“I need to sacrifice myself. I need to save EZ” Angel rambles. He is now sitting up with his elbows on his knees and looking at the floor. “Man, I never thought this would actually happen, but it’s something I need to do”.
“What do you need to Angel? You’re scaring me baby” you reach out your hand and rub circles on your boyfriends back and watch him relax slightly.
“I need to do time. In the cells. EZ done something stupid, and I took the blame for it. He’s my brother querida, what could I do?” Angel turns to look at you with his brown eyes full of tears. You hardly saw Angel cry, and the look on his face was enough to make you cry too.
“What did he do?” you knew Angel and EZ had a bit of a rocky relationship. They both loved each other so much, but equally they did things that hurt each other too. EZ was the golden boy according to Angel, the son that was perfect and could do nothing wrong. Whereas Angel, he got into trouble when he was younger, and got into the wrong crowds. He tried his hardest to make amends with his father Felipe, and they were slowly starting to become closer again, which was amazing to see.
“He killed someone, someone close to the club. And for payback, they would rather see him in prison than dead. He can’t go back to prison Y/N, he won’t handle it a second time, and he’s my baby brother man”. Angel was now full on crying. You manouvered him so his head was now resting in your lap. “So I took the blame, I told the club it was me who did it”.
“Angel, why did you do that?” you soothed.
“I told you, he’s my baby brother, mi mejor amigo, I couldn’t let him go down, not again. And the funny thing is, I don’t even hate him Y/N, le quiero”.
“That’s why I love you Angel. You always see the best in people, and forgive people. What happens now?” Angel had now calmed down and stopped crying, but he was still hurting. It was evident on his face. You caressed his forehead, and moved your hand down to caress his cheeks.
“Tomorrow morning, I go to the cops, and hand myself in. I’m so fucking sorry for dragging you into this mess mi amor, you deserve a better man than me” Angel grabbed your hand and intertwined his fingers with yours.
“I will wait for you hermoso, but are you sure there is no way out of this?” You were bizarrely calm for someone who has just been told their boyfriend is going to jail. It hadn’t quite sunk in yet, the fact you won’t be able to touch Angel for god knows how many years. You could see him through a screen, and that’s it. That’ll be your life. But you loved him unconditionally, through the good and bad times.
“Hopefully Bish and Galindo can pull some strings, get me out of there quicker, but I’m probably looking at a couple of years at least” Angel explained. “Please mi amor, promise me you will visit, and be waiting for me when I get out?” Your heart was now breaking. This was the most vulnerable you had ever seen Angel in the whole time you had been together.
“I promise Angel”. You both were now crying again, and you knew none of you would be sleeping tonight. If this was your last night together, you were going to make the most of it.
Usually, sex with Angel was messy, rough and fast. But tonight was going to be full of love, heartbreak and sadness.
“Come Angel, let’s go to bed”. You stood up and took his hand and lead him to your bedroom. “Please, make love to me”.
The night consisted of slow, sensual sex, with you both crying throughout and hanging on to each other for dear life. When you were not making love, Angel had his head rested on your chest, with you playing with his hair and whispering sweet nothings in his ear. Promising you would visit him. Promising him you would be waiting for him to get out. Promising him you wouldn’t forget him. Telling him you will always love him.
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its--me-alex · 4 years ago
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Imagine Sam Winchester - missed opportunities
Request: “ Sam and reader having the holidays alone in the bunker, basically anything a holidays fun day would include but my only specifics for this vague request would be some type of snow activity and maybe some mistletoe, it doesn’t snow where i’m from and snow stuff is always really fun!! 
Super sorry if it’s too vague, i feel bad asking for anything too specific and kinda embarrassed even tho it’s anonymous, hope you have a happy holidays :)”
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A/N: Please don’t ever feel bad or embarrassed about your requests. Writers like myself are estatic whenever we get one. Also I know it ain’t christmas anymore but here is the story anyways, because why not. It isn’t as holiday-ish as intended but still: Enjoy!
Words: 1,619
Memories in italics
POV Reader:
“Almost two goddam months.I really need to get over this! Seriously y/n, there are more importat things than....” you halted your thoughts hating that you couldn’t get over it.
Looking up you felt an immediate wave of regret. Over there sat Sam, looking on one of this oh-so-boring lore books, being calm as ever, as if christmas eve hadn’t happend. You on the other hand couldn’t even sit quietly next to the younger Winchester without having your mind becoming a mess.
It was the evening of christmas eve. Dean who wanted you to “get your shit together, finally stop to eye-fuck his brother and rather do the real thing” left the two of you to “get some beer”. Unfortunately he got stuck on the road because of some “car problems”, which left you and Sam alone in the bunker to celabrate christmas.
Trying not to remember that Dean told you very specifically to ask his brother out you try to keep your hands steady while you stand next to Sam to prepare your dinner. Looking at him out of the conner of your eye, you saw that he was as collected as always.
“Why would he be nervous anyways”, you asked yourself: “it isn’t as if the two of you had never been alone together”
But you were fidgety anyways, knowing what Dean wanted you to do. “He dosen’t like me that way. Why does Dean what me to embarrass me like that to him?!”, you thought.
“y/n? Is everything alright?”
“Yeah, sure just thinking ‘bout stuff, y’know?”
“Oh-okay. Ahm.. I’m done with cutting the vegetables . You?”
You tested the nuddles and said: “Yeah there done.”
You already feared the strange atmosphere, that you expected at the dinner table, but to your surprise everything went perfect. As it was normal for the two of you you had one great conversation topic after the next, half of them making you laught the other half being some deep shit.
After you finished dinner, you cleaned up and decided you wanted to have a glass of whiskey in the liberay.
Sam went there first and you moved back to your room to check on your phone quickliy before you wanted to join him.
Going into your room you screened it, for where you phone is. You found it on your nightstand. While walking back to the liberary where suspected Sam was already waiting for you, you turned it on.
There where endlessly many notifications for misssed calls from Dean. As you just wanted to click on the button to hear what he had to say, eventhought you weren’t sure if you wanted to hear him asking how far you and Sam made it with the talking-about-your-feelings, you saw Sam standing in the door to the liberary looking up.
“Ahm... you alright there Sammy?”, you asked gigerly, competly forgetting about Deans calls.
You just wanted to go passed him, as he grabed your arm softly.
“Well.. Y-you know I... actually ahm”, he paused.
Now extremely curious of what had the fearless and calm hunter Sam fucking Winchester so out of his head you looked up too. Above your heads there was a miseltoe with a small note in Deans Handwriting “Since I know you two I herby give you a push.”
“He’s having a strange humor again, eh?”, you tried to laught it off knowing that you would possibly catch fire if his lips were to touch yous.
“Ha! Yeah, but y’know, he will know if we don’t ... so that”, hawking he took a deep breath and then looked you directly in the eyes.
Suddenly he softly grabbed the back of your head. Everything started to be tingeling and your breathing became eratic as his other arm found his way around your waist to pull you more into him.
Trying to steady youself you put both of your hand on his firm chest, feeling his strong muscles underneath his ugly christmas sweater.
His eyes were still focused on yous as he took a deep breath. You had to swallow hard as he bend down a bit to be on your hight.
All your thoughts were gone and your heart was fluttering so much it almost hurt as you were anticipating his next move.
He broke the tensed silence between the two of you with a whisped: “Is this ok?”
Swallowing hard yet again you answered in a raspy voice: “Y-Yeah”
Slowly, giving you any chance to escape, his face came closer to yours. You reacted by parting you lips slghtly. Then you felt his shallow breath on your face as you both closed you eyes gradually. When you could finally, almost feel his clapped lips on your soft ones ....
BOOM!
Thinking back to the day of christmas eve you sighned heavily. Dean had interrupted you right befor you both could finally have what you had craved for for years. To be fair, there was a problem with witches that couldn’t wait, since they were attacing Lebanon trying to catch children who were feeling “true happiness” to sacifice them to some god of theirs.
Needless to say that you fought them hard, but still some of them escaped far away. It took you until yesterday to kill them all, before Dean decided he would drive throught at night, if that meant he cold spend the next night on his memory foam. Currently he wanted to get some  groceries since all you had was to old by now.
Thinking of the devil, Dean came throught the bunker door with two big bags full of things.
“Whoa, Dean! Are we gonna host some party or why did you buy the whole store?”, Sam asked, snickering at the sight of his brother struggeling those two big, heavy-looking bags.
“Ha-ha, Bitch. So funny. There was a sale at the shop from which we get our weapons and ammunition. So I bought it!”, Dean exclaimed.
“Bought “It”?“, you asked curious but still amused.
“Ahm, everything he had. He-he”, Dean ducked his head as if he just now noticed that what he bought might really be a bit too much. Knowing Dean you asumed he really just had that realisation.
As Sam gave his brother the famous bitch-face Dean replied: “You know what: I did the shopping, you do the carrying stuff part. Theres lots still in the trunk.”
Huffing Sam and you realised that descussing this would take longer than to just carry all in.
As you were gettting up Sam reacted by saying “O-oh no. You don’t need to help. I got this. It’s very cold outside.”
“We are quicker if we work together. I’m just gonna put a jacket on.”
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As you took a step outside of the bunkers main entrance there stood the impala. It’s shiny black hood looking impressive on the white background.
“Did you knew it had snowed?”
No. But it’s great isn’t it?”
“Yeah!”
After that short exchange you both started to carry in one heavy bag full of ammunition and weapons after the next.
As you just walked outside to check if there was another bag left, you felt something hitting your back.
Turning around quickly you saw Sam standing there and failing to look innocent.
“You shouldn’t have started a fight you can’t win, Winchester!”
“Oh really? What do you what to do about it?”
Reacting to his sassy words you quickly grabbed a hand full of fresh white snow and threw it in his face.
“How about that.”
“Oh you are in for it y/n.”
With that a heavy snow fight brock out between the two of you. You would always dodge his snow, something he couldn’t.  
Just as you wanted to throw another snowball at him, you looked around but couldn’t see him. Right when you wanted to yell at him, that you would go back inside to drink something warm, secretly hoping he would come out of his hideout, so you could throw another load of snow at him, you got tackled from behind. 
Hunter instincts kicking in you throw that (fairly heavy) person off of you, turn around and press them into the ground with your full weight on your arm holding them down at their troat.
“Look who’s there.” you hear Sams voice close to your ear.
“Shit! Sorry Sammy! I didn’t... Sorry”
As you tried to get off of him you first took your arm away from his neck.
“It’s okay. I’m gonna make the best outta it.”
With that he turned you around yet again, so he was laying on top of you. However he was, other than you, very carful to not put his whole weight on you as he reached for something in his pocket.
“When we were coming home earlier, I spotted something that had me reminded of how much I wanted - no still want ... something.”, he stuttered.
As you just wanted to ask whats the matter, he showed you the miseltoe under which the two of you had almost kissed months ago.
“Ever since this evening I was barly able to hunt down those witches. I tried everything y/n, and still... all I could think of was how good you smelled, and how soft you lips looked, how perfect your body felt under my hands, how much I wanted to... “
You stopped him by pressing you lips to his in a loving kiss, just as you had dreamed of so often since you fell for him. And just like you imagined it was perfect. Both of you could only concentrade on this very moment as you both fullfilled you deepest wish of being together that way.
Breathing heavily you answered: “ Yeah, me too.”
----------------------------
Also check this out:
https://its--me-alex.tumblr.com/post/637948228780933120/headcanons-castiel-how-he-fell-for-you-he-met
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stressy-enby · 4 years ago
Text
Chapter 5: The Reveal
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Cover made on Canva.com
You were great at running. You’d been running from your problems for year, both figuratively and literally. Before however, your problems followed you, now they simply wait on bated breath for your return. What’s the point in running, though, if no one’s chasing you?
Previous - Next
Masterlist
TRIGGER WARNING: (Y/N) IS GONNA HAVE A PANIC ATTACK. IF THAT WILL DISCOMFORT YOU, THEN PLEASE SKIP THIS CHAPTER. I WILL HAVE A SUMMERY OF THE CHAPTER AT THE VERY END, SO SCROLL ALL THE WAY DOWN IF YOU DON’T WISH TO READ ABOUT A PANIC ATTACK.
Bruh, this is one of my longest chapters. I’m very happy about this one. I’d say this is a tipping point in (Y/N) and Tenya’s relationship, so please enjoy. :)
. . .
If that goddamned thing goes off one more time, I’m going to stab myself in the eye. You thought bitterly, kicking your cell phone away.
The offending device had been ringing incessantly for the past four minutes, and kept going off with text alerts every thirty seconds. You were too tired, and your hands too full of needles and yarn to care.
“A little preoccupied at the moment!” You yelled at your phone, as if that would make the calls stop coming in.
You growled, quickly slipping your needles under and over the yarn. This better be important.
Your knitting needles clicked together pleasantly as you quickly finished your row, and set the work aside.
“Now,” you stooped to pick up your phone “what the actual fuck is going on?”
Disregarding the eighteen missed calls for the moment, you winced at the sheer magnitude of text notifications. You had a plethora of messages from your colleagues and the few friends you had outside of work, including Iida and Taiyo. They all said the same sort of things:
Did you see it???
Are u ok?
I’m so sorry
“What the hell happened?” you murmured, navigating to Iida’s text thread. He had sent a link, and a single line: I’m here if you’d like to talk.
Anxiety starting to coil in your stomach, you tapped the link. Your eyes widened as the web page loaded.
It was a news site. The article that Iida had sent was titled CRIMINAL WORKING FOR MUSUTAFU POLICE?
Oh no.
The Musutafu police district has worked with heroes in the past, but now they appear to be branching out to accept the assistance of villains as well. An exclusive interview with as anonymous police investigator reveals that a former inmate of the high-security villain prison Tartarus has been working with the police station for several months now.
The interview revealed the existence of (Y/N) (L/N), a slippery criminal whose name has been kept from the public. In 20XX, (L/N) was arrested for check fraud, but the chase they led from the law was legendary in criminal standards.
At age sixteen, (L/N) ran away from home and began making money by forging and cashing checks. They posed as a pilot for about two years, cashing much larger fake checks in uniform and traveling around the globe.
“(L/N) never actually flew any planes,” our anonymous investigator assured us. “However, pilots can hitch rides on a flight for free, so for years they gave us the slip by escaping to different countries. It was a nightmare.”
The article went on to detail the whole story of your chase and capture, going into your other disguises, and mentioning some of your more risky escapes. Your fingers were numb. You couldn’t feel your feet. You weren’t even sure if your heart was still beating, or if you were breathing. All of the sudden, everything got so much worse when a name caught your eye. It was a name you hadn’t spoken or seen in years, but you remembered it clear as day.
“We actually came very close to catching (L/N) because they fell in love, believe it or not. They tried to settle down with someone, and in that time, they couldn’t change their name.” Our interviewee said “(L/N) had to completely abandon them so we wouldn’t get them. It was actually kind of sad.”
The person in question, who’s asked to be known simply by their surname, Tsuki, has denied us an interview.
No. 
Oh god, no. 
Your phone clattered to the floor, and you stumbled, falling right on your backside. Hyperventilation ripped through your lungs, and you felt tears streaming down your face. You fumbled to hold your phone steady as you haphazardly pressed buttons, hoping muscle memory would guide you. 
“(L/N)? How are you doing?” Iida’s deep calming voice resonated from the device.
“Not good,” you gasped “Iida, I-I’m not ok, I’m-oh god-”
“Ok, ok, (L/N), breathe for me, ok? Please take a deep breath.” IIda pleaded.
You tried to comply, but your hiccups and whimpers kept cutting through.
“I’m scared,” you sobbed quietly.
“I know, just keep breathing. Do you need me to come over? What’s your address?”
You told him, doing you best to steady your breathing.
“I’ll be there shortly. Stay on the line with me.” you heard Iida moving around, and the faint clink of car keys. “Here, breathe with me. In for four, out for five, ready?”
He counted you off as you inhaled, and then exhaled a quivering breath.
“Perfect. You’re doing perfect. Again. In, two, three, four, out, two three, four, five.”
You kept inhaling and exhaling shaky breaths as Iida cooly guided you through.
“You’re doing great, (L/N).” he praised. “I’m right outside your apartment complex. You said 312, right?”
“Yeah, I’ll buzz you up.” you sniffled, slowly rising to your feet.
“Take it easy,” Iida reminded you.
A few long minutes later, you heard a sharp knock. You scrambled to let your friend in. 
You were lucky it was late and he was off work. His hair was ruffled and his shirk was uncharacteristically wrinkled and untucked. He looked as though he had only just ditched his hero uniform.
You collapsed into his arms, still crying quietly. “I’m sorry,” you croaked. 
“Please don’t apologize, this isn’t you fault.” Iida readjusted his grip on you so he had one arm around your shoulder as he led you further into your apartment. “Do you need anything? I can make some tea if you’d like.”
You nodded pathetically, sitting back down on your couch. “Tea bags are int he cupboard top left of the stove.” you called after his retreating back.
“Alright, don’t worry, I’ll take care of it. You just relax.” he turned to you, flashing you a small concerned smile.
A few minutes later, you found yourself with a mug of steaming hibiscus tea as Iida sat down next to you with a mug of his own. “Give it a minute, it may still be too hot.”
You nodded, blowing on your beverage. “Sorry I only have one kind of tea. I live alone, and I don’t ever have friends over.”
“Not to worry.” he reassured you. “Are you feeling any better?”
“Yeah, a little. Thanks for coming over.”
“You’re welcome, but it’s not trouble, really. I got off work a little wile ago, so you caught me at just the right time.”
“Or you caught me.” you muttered, gingerly sipping your tea. “Then again, what with everyone I’ve ever known blowing up my phone, I would’ve figured it out eventually.”
“I ought to tell you it wasn’t just an online article,” Iida hesitated, staring at you in concern. “I actually discovered it from the news on the TV. I just went to the web page to see how far it had spread.”
“This is just getting better and better, huh?” you groaned, resting your head on the back of the couch.
Iida placed a hand on your shoulder, causing you to flinch.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” he retracted his hand, looking abashed. “I should’ve asked.”
A large rough hand gripped your shoulder, harshly pulling you forward.
Your mind was hyper-aware of the handcuffs around your wrists, and every single hand touching, pushing, pulling, and forcing you into the back of the police car.
“It’s fine,” you said quietly, criss-crossing your legs.
“Do you want me to touch you at all?” Iida asked, an anxious expression crossing his face. 
“No, just-uh-give me a minute.”
“Ok, let me know if you change your mind. Is there anything you want to talk about?” he asked soothingly.
“Can you just sit here with me? No talking or anything?”
“Of course.”
...
SUMMERY FOR THOSE WHO ARE DISTURBED BY PANIC ATTACKS
(Y/N) was trying to enjoy a quiet evening, but their phone was going off without signs of stopping. When (Y/N) finally checked their phone, they saw a lot of texts saying things like “did you see it?” and “I’m so sorry”. They were incredibly confused, and saw that Iida had sent them a link to a news site. The article had the story of their criminal escapades that they had hoped to not share, including several sensitive pieces of informations, such as the name of a person they had had a relationship with during their life on the run. The article revealing all their secrets, and a past they wished to run from, pushed them into a panic attack. They called Iida, who guided them through a breathing exercise as he drove to their apartment. When he arrived, he made them some tea, and they sat together. Iida touched (Y/N) on the shoulder in an attempt to comfort them, but they flinched away, remembering how they were touched and manhandled during their arrest. Iida gives (Y/N) the space they need to collect their thoughts, but per their request, he stays with them and just keeps them company.
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my-brothers-corrupted · 3 years ago
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Book Four - Part 9
Dapper wakes up somewhere new, feeling unwell, while Trick struggles alone in his room. Red, Blue, and Dok come home to help.
Tws for imprisonment, major illness, psychosis, sedation, and verbal and physical aggression from Anti.
Part 9 - The Locked Room
Anonymous asked: Sorry for saying you were a joke... it's just that your source material didn't really paint you in a nuanced or multidimensional way, and that's mostly what we're all basing our understanding on... You're a bit of a prick tho
Your camera comes back to life in unfamiliar hands as afternoon light spills across black hair and turns it to gold. Silver turns you gently in his palms, curious and bright-eyed, the panic of the night before gone from his face. Closer up, you can see some of the ways in which he is not Mark - a pair of small scars across his chin, a habit of picking at his lips that leaves them raw and red, a gauge in one ear.
As for your camera, the tiny symbol of an eye that usually resides in the corner, either opened or unopened, has been replaced by a small, presumptuous G.
“Hi,” says Shep, sat on his bed and looking at you. He hears footsteps down the hallway outside his room and furtively tucks you against his side, waiting for the steps to pass before he draws you out again.
“Hi,” he repeats, beginning to smile. “This is cool. I actually have a way to talk to you. Yeah, no, it’s okay. My source material is a joke, that’s why I said it even before you did. But - a prick?”
He pauses, glancing away.
“A prick,” he repeats in a mumble. “I think that’s new… I like that, let me just…”
He hops out of bed and takes a journal from one of his dressers, and then opens it up to reveal a long list of descriptors, some more inane than others, all printed in scrappy handwriting down the lines of his notebook. There are general adjectives in some places - “strong,” “bold,” “foolish,” “cute,” “conniving,” “selfish,” “clever,” “sweet” - but other places have full phrases or apparently random words - “you fucking annoyance,” “loves kids,” “buddy,” “your own kind of superhero,” “my soldier,” “a joke Mark forgot about,” “martial arts nerd,” “eats all the fucking candy in the house” - and it goes on for pages and pages.
On the first open line, he pulls out a pen and writes “a bit of a prick.”
Anonymous asked: damn, shepard. what happened to you lot?
Shep puts down his pen and turns to you, grinning. “Ah, you’re gonna have to be a little more specific than that. It’s been a long… eight years? And you haven’t exactly kept up to date with me. Which isn’t your fault. I guess. Not really.”
He side-eyes you, flipping his pen between his fingers.
“Anyway, this is my first year back in Dark’s houses for a while. I was living in the city for a few years after Dark kicked me out because I kept, uh. Bringing criminals back to the house for interrogations. They said I brought too much attention to us, so they had Google throw me out. Guess I deserved it… it turned out to be mostly okay. I had my own apartment for a while. My own pet rat. I was teaching martial arts and making rent. Then I kind of got into some trouble trying to be a fucking hero again… and I got lonely. Stressed all the time. Can’t keep a girlfriend. Rat died. Kind of a breaking point for me. So I came back here. Because of course I did. Because I always do. Because I don’t have any purpose without somebody else fucking giving it to me.”
He sighs bitterly, scratching at the web of cuts on his leg from Anti’s vines last night. Some of them are fairly deep, but he’s just stuck a mess of Band-Aids over the top and went to sleep with a towel beneath his legs just in case.
Anonymous asked: are you happy with this, shep? i'm trying to figure out how much we can trust you.
“You can trust me entirely, we’re just not on the same side,” answers Shep frankly, raising his eyebrows at you. “What’s not to trust? I belong to Dark. That’s true. There you go. Make of it what you will. And as for being happy, it doesn’t bother me. I’ve done much nastier things for Dark and enjoyed them much more. Parts of my life are still hard on me, but I’ve done what Dark tells me for the better part of eight years, ever since I pulled my head out of my ass and realized Mark was never going to come back and make me a real hero. So now I make my own choices. Sometimes I make ones he probably wouldn’t make for me. Sometimes I make ones almost no one else would be able to make. And that’s freedom. That adrenaline… that knowing that you are changing someone else’s life, that you matter, even in the worst fucking way possible… that’s freedom.”
Anonymous asked: are you doing ok, shep? seems like your life's been a bit of a mess.
“Yeah,” laughs Shep. “Honestly, things are fine now. I’m just never getting out of this house, you know? I don’t know. Ippy moved out two years ago. Yan’s in prison and nobody wants to bust her out after what she did. Dark has Google throw out or kill anybody who annoys them. Wil travels half the year, Eric works at the aquarium, Host’s published, even the twins have jobs, haha. And Bim…”
Silver scratches bitterly at his legs, maybe trying to draw a little blood now, bored of the scabs.
“Ran off about four months ago,” he mutters. “I miss him. Asshole. Didn’t tell me where he was going. Doesn’t answer his phone. Could have taken me with him. There was nobody quite that chaotic. I don’t know, maybe Dark just killed him to stop him from making our faces too public like he always wanted to, the little showman. But no, it’s okay. I’m like Google, you know? I’m just always going to be stuck in this fucking house. But I like it pretty well. Dark keeps me busy. And I like when the others come visit. I’m pretty much friends with everybody. Maybe I’ll get another rat soon.”
He flashes you a sudden look of alarm, his hands drawing away from his legs.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m… first time I get to talk to you in years and I don’t have anything worth saying, I just - I can tell you stories! Maybe. Uh. I’m not good at telling stories. Ask Host. I should have taken video then so I could have something to show you. You’re going to forget again and then all of this will be for nothing and no one will even see me differently. Eight years! Fuck. Do you want to go talk to somebody else? I bet you do. Well, sorry I’m not good enough for you, okay? Guess I never was. Whatever.”
He shoves the camera onto the bed, picking tersely at his mouth.
The door swings suddenly open. A figure in a long coat leans against the doorway, crossing his arms.
“I can hear you being a little bitch all the way from my room,” drawls Host.
“Oh, fuck off!”
Host laughs and leaves him again. He’s not interested in chatting.
“This story isn’t about us,” he calls back at Shep. “Don’t damage the narrative integrity with your need for their attention. Let them see their baby brother. He’s not well.”
Anonymous asked: hey, shep, don't you start saying you're not good enough for us. no matter what mark says or did to you, made you a joke or whatnot, that doesn't mean you can't become something different. and i have no doubt that one day, people will know you, and people will love you. maybe you'll have your own story. you just... can't rely on mark to write it for you. sometimes you have to do things like that for yourself. and for what it's worth, i think you're pretty cool. you're different. for example, what's up with that book you just wrote in?
Shep grins weakly, acknowledging the foolishness of his own outburst.
“I try to get rid of the thoughts of him,” he says. “You should hear Dark snarl about the stories Mark told about them… but I’m just jealous. It’s stupid. And you guys - you never - ”
He shrugs and lets out a huff, the irritation fading again. He knows it’s all useless and unfair, but it never stops eating at him. What could have been. But he tries to cheer up for you.
“These are just things I am or might be,” he says, hefting the book. “Things other people have called me. I try to figure out which ones are true. And which ones I want to be. I’m not good at that part so much, though. Sometimes I decide I want to be, like, nice, but then next thing I know I’m shouting at somebody for looking at me wrong, ha. I’m glad the others put up with me. I mean, some of them are dicks. But we kind of make a team together.”
“I’m not what I was then,” he adds after a moment. “So maybe I broke away a little. But at the same time, I’m not sure the story I’ve told is the one that I wanted. Or the one that I want.”
Anonymous asked: it's okay, shep, we don't mind hearing you talk. could we go see dapper, though? i'm a little worried about him.
Shep lets out a sigh, breathing out some of his anxiety. “Yeah. Sure. Is that actually his goddamn name? We’ve got some pretty nutty names around here, but not ‘Dapper.’ I guess it’s kind of cute.”
He gets to his feet and scoops you up, wandering down the stairs. The house is quiet but for the whirling of a fan overhead and the buzzing of a show somebody left playing on the TV. Out in the yard, you catch a glimpse of a few of them playing badminton, dropping the birdie most of the time and then racing each other to pick it up and bring it back to their side. Wilford’s booming voice drifts into the house as though from much farther away than it is. Around their feet, barking joyfully, is a dog almost as enormous as Anti’s wolf-like form, wagging its tail furiously and racing to the birdie along with its owners.
“Actually,” says Shep, pausing outside the only door with extra locks. “I’m not sure Ippy will want me inside. Let’s see if he’s in here.”
He pushes the door gently open. Edward only glances up for a second before turning back to his notes. It’s a makeshift clinic room, barely even the size of the bedrooms, and it’s cramped with a desk and a bed and some examination equipment and dressers with supplies in them. Dapper’s on the bed, tucked up tight, asleep.
“What’s that?” asks Ippy.
“Uh, a camera.”
“Is it now?” he answers dryly.
“There’s an audience or something.”
“Is there someone who can tell me what’s going on with my patient?”
“Well. I guess. I think.”
Ippy reaches out, beckoning for the camera. Shep hands it over and Ippy drops you on the bed, still scrawling in his little notebook. “I’d like medical history, please, allergies, recent injuries, notable behaviors, sleeping habits, blood type, next of kin, etc. Start talking.”
Shep chuckles at his bluntness and pulls up a chair beside him, grinning at his friend as he works.
“What are you looking at?” mutters Ippy, and he reaches out to shove playfully at Shep’s head. “Called me in on my day off for this, huh. Fuckers. You’re lucky he’s actually sick or I’d be peeved.”
Anonymous asked: you can always change. seriously, shep, it's never too late to become someone different. and i'm sorry that none of us did anything. it's difficult, when mark made so many videos and gave so many more characters attention and left others with nothing. you did not deserve that, and i'm genuinely so sorry. does mark still even make videos? we haven't heard anything about him in a long time.
“You’re talking to them about this?” asks Ippy.
Shep shrugs, settling down in his chair.
“It’s very simple, Shepherd. Mark doesn’t have much control of his power and even if he did you were still early enough that you would have been created.”
“I know, Ip.”
“Telling a story about you would only limit your freedom and subject us to more publicity, which is dangerous.”
“I know, Ippy.”
“The audience can’t do anything for us without videos and them dwelling on the thought of us does not make you any more of a - ”
“I know, Edward!” snaps Shep. “Okay?”
Ippy rolls his eyes and turns back to Dapper.
“Mark makes videos sometimes, but he focuses on bigger productions,” adds Shep with a sigh. “I think he mostly wrapped up ego stuff, but you never know with him. We don’t talk. And ever since he got that bigger deal as a real producer - ”
“Can we not talk about Mark?” asks Ippy. “I don’t like hearing about him. He’s fine, I guess, but I just prefer to live a Mark-less life at this point, thanks. A life unmarked by Mark, as it were.”
“You really are peeved today.”
“I just have boundaries, Shep, maybe you should learn some.”
.
Dok wakes to the buzzing of the lights in the bathroom.
He shifts uncomfortably, feeling his back protest, but the cold plastic of a hospital chair is much better than waking up in that room back in the house, aching on the unfinished floor, dreaming of spiders crawling over his skin. He shudders and sits up, pulling his - oh. This is Red’s hoodie, wrapped around him. He sighs and glances at his brother splayed over the side of Blue’s bed, dead asleep.
The bathroom is silent but for those burning lights. He waits a long time, but nothing moves.
“Blue?” he calls wearily, getting to his feet. He knocks his fist gently against the door. “Okay? Want the nurse or something?”
Blue doesn’t answer.
“Hey, Blue, no silences,” he begs with a sigh, rubbing at his head. “Too many nights finding Trick hurting himself in the bathroom. Come on.”
Blue mumbles something. Dok grimaces and pushes open the door.
He’s okay, which he’s grateful for, though he’s almost too tired to be relieved. He steps forward and takes Blue carefully by the wrists. He was just standing there staring at them. Too intently. Too blankly.
“What’s going on?” asks Dok.
Blue turns to look at him and his eyes are fogged and all but blind. Dok touches his cheek to ground him, sighing in his brother’s stead.
“Sorry.”
“Don’t have to be sorry. Tell me what’s up.”
“I don’t… know. Just… looking at myself. So weird.”
“What’s weird?”
Blue reaches out and touches his own reflection on the surface of the mirror.
“Not me,” he mumbles. “More and more often, it’s not me. Not real. It makes me feel really… I don’t… I don’t like it.”
Dok shifts on his feet and pulls his sibling’s fingers away. “That’s called dissociation,” he says. “I get it too sometimes when Anti uses me. It can’t be easy having been possessed so often lately.”
Blue shakes his head numbly, managing to fix his eyes on him for a moment. “Dissociation,” he repeats.
“Let’s ground. Tell me three things about your body.”
“What?”
“Look. In the mirror. Tell me three things about yourself. Anything. Obvious things. It’s okay.”
Blue stares into the mirror, blinking. His mouth parts. But he doesn’t say anything. After a moment, there are tears welling in his eyes.
“Blue,” breathes Dok.
“Sorry,” repeats Blue frailly, turning away from the sight of himself, covering his face with his hands. He doesn’t want to see himself. He doesn’t want Dok to look at him. He doesn’t want anyone to look at him ever again.
“What’s going on?”
“I just want Anti’s fucking head, alright?” snaps Blue. “I just want to murder him. And then I’ll feel like myself again, and I’ll get my magic back, and then my body back, and we can have a chance to be okay again. And until then I just have to deal with this. Until I rip his goddamn throat out. Like I promised him I would. When my hands are covered in his blood, then I’ll feel better.”
Dok looks at him, taken a little aback. His hands curl together nervously on his stomach. He stares down at the floor.
Blue sighs bitterly through his teeth, shaking his head. “I know you don’t like talking about blood. Sorry.”
Dok shrugs. “Is fine.”
“Dok, I just can’t take much more, you know that, I know you feel the same way… surely you get this same bloodlust, don’t you, my darling? He’s been torturing you. Don’t you want to torture him back?”
Dok’s stomach turns. He takes a step back, shaking his head.
“I would not like to ever torture anybody ever again,” he says quietly. “I have had my fair share, thank you.”
They stand side-by-side in the bathroom, frowning together, cold.
“What if it doesn’t make it better?” asks Dok.
“What?”
“What if killing Anti doesn’t make it feel better?”
“Killing Anti will solve most every problem of mine I can think of,” answers Blue soundly, straightening up.
“Oh, goodness,” grumbles Dok, rolling his eyes. “I’m not even going to start with you.”
“Better not, you sassy little monkey man.”
“Monkey man? I am monkey man? How dare you say this.”
“Yeah. You’re bananas.”
“Blue, I will end you.”
But he’s laughing now and that’s what matters. Dok snorts and rolls his eyes, trying to let himself laugh a little too. He leaves the bathroom and flops down on his chair, gazing at Blue as he limps back into his bed and sits down. They look at each other for a long moment, trying to make each other smile with their own tired grins.
“I’m sorry you’re hurting,” whispers Blue. “I wish I could keep all of you safe.”
“Don’t have to be sorry,” Dok says again, letting his eyes slip shut. “I know you’re trying so hard. It’s not your fault at all.”
“I’ll kill Anti for you,” Blue swears, his eyes shining through the haze that seems to lie over them most days. “Then we can be okay again.”
“And what if we can’t?” asks Dok, barely even registering the words before he feels them leave his mouth. “What if we can’t kill him, Blue? What happens then?”
Blue stares out at the smog of the sky, wishing he could see the stars.
“Then I think he’ll kill us instead,” he answers simply. “And then, either way… it’ll be over.”
Dok nods slowly, not opening his eyes. Blue reaches out. They hold each other’s hands in the low light.
.
Anonymous asked: Hey there Ippy, we don't know much about Jameson medically, besides that he has schizophrenia and takes the medicine Haloperidol/Haldol, and he's allergic to rowan (as though he might be a chageling?). He's not a regular human either, he's basically Jacksepticeye's version of you guys.
“Ohhh,” says Ippy, standing slightly outside his clinic, arms crossed over his chest and eyes wide. “Schizophrenia. I’m relieved, actually. Because if this was fever delirium… we would have a problem.”
Google leaps out of the room, synthetic blood dripping down his neck, and slams the door hard behind him, panting. From within the room, hissing.
“Kid’s fucking nuts,” Gigi snarls.
“Kid’s fucking delusional,” answers Ippy sharply. “And that’s not his fault. This is on you for kidnapping somebody with a psychotic disorder.”
“He would have died there anyway,” sneers Gigi, stalking past Ippy. He has a red shirt now instead of blue. “That little monster wasn’t going to get him any help for that infection. And if you don’t do something fast, he’ll die here instead. He’s exhausting himself. Sedate him again.”
“No. Too much sedating. We have to calm him down. I’ll give him his Haldol intravenously so he can’t throw it up with this fever. You just have to steal some for me.”
“I only take orders from the Darkness,” answers Google.
Ippy sighs and shakes his head, turning stonily back to the door of his clinic. “If this doesn’t change, I’m sending him back to his brothers.”
“That place has no family. And Dark will speak with him before he’s let go. You get him well enough that he can have a discussion, then he’s free to go.”
Anonymous asked: JJ, honey, are you doing alright? I know you must be absolutely terrified right now, but at the very least you're getting medical treatment and they plan to give you back to Anti after you have a discussion with the Darkness. I know it'll be absolutely terrifying, but I think it's the only way to get home. Ippy is going to give you Haldol, if you'll let him? You'll feel much clearer if you do, then maybe you can make plans on what to do next.
JJ has not struggled this much with his symptoms since he and Red were homeless in Columbia and he knows it.
But he can’t make it stop.
“Tell my big brothers to come get me if they have to kill everyone in this house to do it!” his hands scream, and that is the last coherent thought you get out of him.
He moves! He has to move. He doesn’t just pace, he darts around the room, he races. His hands strike strike strike every surface. He pauses only for a moment to be sick over the waste basket, leaving him pale and dizzy, but even then his body is consumed by wracking spasms and shakes. He spins in a circle. He can’t stop looking at the lights no matter how hard he tries. His eyes are up, up, up. Fluttering, rolled back. Watching the light. Fixed on the light. If he looks away bad things will happen. The cameras told him so. Didn’t they? Someone did and he knows it must be true. He has to look at the light or the Darkness will get him.
“I’m already here,” whispers Dark’s voice in JJ’s head. He spasms and jolts back with terror, rubbing at his arms and shaking himself like he’s trying to act out a seizure, but despite his frantic motion and his fear, his face is numbed to any emotion, blank as it was when Red would struggle to understand him in Columbia. Dapper starts to sign wildly, but the words don’t make sense together to anyone but him.
“Skin. I was in. Blood up tree branch he made me go there and I didn’t want to! Can’t Red come? Miss candy and bedsheets, where? The radio, turn down. Does my blood come up? Does my blood rise?”
Ippy peeks his head inside the room. Dapper turns and sends a lamp flying towards him, smashing it against the wall, and Ippy ducks away again. Dapper grins joylessly, with his teeth, his eyes rolled towards the lights on the ceiling. He holds up his wrists and his hands dangle as though on string. Then he crumples to the ground, dazed and panting, scratching at the fever in his face.
“Jackie,” he begs. “Chase.”
Anonymous asked: dapper, jamie, my dear. you're okay, yeah? we would tell you if we thought you were in danger. and now i'm telling you to try to be calm, okay? we'll tell you if we think you're in danger. i promise.
For just a moment, he manages to drag his flickering eyes over to you. There’s a red light on the camera. That counts, right? Does it? His hands search the floors for his bear. Trick packed his things. Didn’t he? But what if it was a trick? Isn’t that why he named him that? Also guns and grey shirts.
He rubs at his aching, pounding head, and swats at a tactile hallucination on his legs. Just a snake, though, and those you don’t have to worry about. It’s dogs and cats that will tear their teeth into you.
He registers the promise vaguely, but his paranoia is so high he could be home safe and sound and still feel that Dark was slowly killing him. He casts his eyes over your message, counting the y’s. Nine. Does that mean something? He knows it means something. The universe is trying to talk to him. God is trying to talk to him. He just needs to listen.
Anonymous asked: ippy's gonna get you your haldol, okay? he's kind. he won't hurt you. do you think you can agree to that, dap? that way, if you are in danger, it'll be clearer, and if it's a hallucination that'll be clearer too.
He would like his Haldol. He would. That’s one of the only mercies Anti usually grants him. He registers that someone is coming into the room and you said it was okay. He rocks his head back and forth, trying to think, feeling drool clinging to his lips. Where is he?
Ippy tries again. Creeping, patient, quiet.
“Are you feeling up to talking?” he asks quietly, when he manages to get into the room without being assaulted. Dapper learned from Anti and when he does not have a blade he makes use of his teeth and his mean white fingernails.
Dapper rocks his head, still trembling from the catatonia, burning with fever.
“I don’t know where to fucking start,” Ippy mumbles, kneeling down beside him. “You’re going to puke up your medication. Google might get you some of the liquid stuff, might not. Depends how generous he thinks he’s being. And what Dark tells him…”
Dapper shudders, baring his teeth.
“Please turn down the radio,” he says, clawing at his ears between signs, but it just looks like more frantic movement to Ippy. “So many people talking all at once.”
“Can I give you something for the fever?” asks Ippy, getting up to get him some water and medicine. “Yeah? Try to keep you hydrated? I need to look at your wrist.”
Dapper clutches his arm to his chest, squirming. “Anti? You’re playing games with me? Can I come out, please? Been good.”
scunneredzombie asked: Jay, they're going to give you some of your medicine. You have a really bad fever right now, it's most likely making the psychosis much much worse. We're here to help and so is Ippy. You will be okay. Breathe, Dapper, just breathe. You will get through this. Remind yourself of things you know are real, things that are unchanging and true no matter what. Cling to those for now. That's what I do during my psychotic episodes.
What’s real? What’s unchanging? What’s true?
Dapper squints his eyes up at the light on the ceiling and tries to think. His hand is still searching for his things. Ippy passes his backpack towards him and Dapper finds his bear, dragging his gaze down to it. Red and Blue and Dok got it for him for Christmas this year. He’s had it for months, even in Columbia. The fur is alpaca. It doesn’t feel quite like any other texture. Cloudy and thick at the same time. Warm. It still smells, faintly, of their home in Peru.
He tries to breathe.
“Okay, I’m going to try to give you some medicine here,” Edward warns him carefully, moving closer. “It’s good for you. Just to bring the fever down a little. I’ll look at your wrist again here in a minute.”
JJ scoots away, shaking his head, but it only makes him dizzy. A hundred voices speak to him. Edward’s is rich and deep and all too familiar. He concentrates on the faint beep of the camera, a sound he’s grown used to over months and months of what would otherwise be total loneliness.
He hopes Trick is okay at home. He’s sorry he left him alone.
Anonymous asked: yeah, you're doing well, dap. just gotta hang on a little longer, okay? and ippy will help you, dap. you don't have to trust him, but you trust us, don't you? and we trust him. it's okay, dap. you're gonna be okay.
Ippy takes his chin in his hand and angles him towards him.
Nope.
Anchors fall away and Dapper feels something inside himself snap. This has always been the rule. This has always been the rule, the rule he has learned since his creation: no one touches him but Anti and his brothers.
No one.
And the punishments he’s seen Anti inflict on those who broke that rule -
Dapper does not often wish for a voicebox that works. But right now, all he wants to do is fucking scream.
His teeth flash and bite down hard on Ippy’s hand, making Dark’s look-alike yelp in alarm. Dapper slams their heads together and grabs him by the throat, burning with fury, burning with fear, burning alive on a pyre he did not set, and then Google is there, and he has him by the hair, and he shoves a needle deep into the neck of Anti’s most savage attack dog.
Dapper quails, gripping frantically at Gigi’s hand. He chokes and looks up into deep brown eyes. There is no red glow.
He slides to the ground, asleep. Google lets him go.
“Alright?” asks Google quietly.
Ippy swears under his breath and puts his hand to his forehead, teeth marks indented in the skin. “I’m fine, goddammit.”
“Keep him asleep til he’s better,” says Gigi. “I will not tell you again.”
Edward shakes his head slowly, biting his lip, but he doesn’t protest.
Jamie sleeps. The fever is burning in his flesh.
Anonymous asked: Trick is right, Anti. You keep asking, multiple times now, "why did this all fall apart?" And the answer is because you constantly excuse your cruelty, excuse your abuse and all the pain you cause, by blaming Jack and saying you "can't control yourself". You, sir, are just as capable as anyone else in the world of controlling your temper and controlling your aggression. You need to stop making excuses. They will leave over and over and over if you do not change.
“Leave over and over,” mutters Anti under his breath, his eyes angry, aglow in the morning light through the great window in the master bedroom.
Trick is still asleep, though he shifts now, his hair mussed around his eyes. The roots have turned brown. The bright green is beginning to fade to yellow.
Anti wraps his arms around his waist, tugging him close. Trick rolls over with a yawn, trying to rise, but Anti’s grip holds him in place. Trick cracks open an eye and finds himself pressed against him.
“Anti, hey, wake up,” he mumbles, rubbing at his sleepy eyes. “Lemme go. I want a shower and some coffee.”
Anti is already awake, but Trick can’t see that, and he doesn’t move. Trick pauses. He starts trying to squirm out of Anti’s arms without moving enough to wake him if he is sleeping, but he doesn’t have much luck. Anti tightens his arms around him as he tries to escape.
“Anti?”
Anti glares out the window, ignoring his wriggling. Eventually, blinking in surprise, Trick just stays in place.
Leave over and over. Anti grips his ribs until his fingernails put cuts in Trick’s shirt. Leave. Ha. He isn’t going anywhere.
Anonymous asked: are you alright then, anti?
Anti gets out of bed after a half hour has passed. Trick is hot and uncomfortable, needing to stretch and change out of his sweaty sleeping clothes and use the bathroom. But he’s stopped struggling by the time Anti releases him.
The glitch gets to his feet and picks out an appearance for the day in the mirror, settling on the younger man he wore when Dapper was created, ruffling teal hair in the mirror. Trick sits up and gives him a smile. Anti doesn’t answer your question, but the way he looks at Trick - he focuses on the bruises someone left in his wrist as they pulled him along. Something simmers in Anti’s eyes. He turns towards the door.
“Where are you going?” asks Trick, hurrying out of bed. “Hey - Anti? Come on, have breakfast with me or something. Don’t leave me, dude.”
“I have to go get your little brother,” answers Anti. “Just stay here, Trick.”
“Anti, I - ”
He glitches away.
Trick stares at the door, mouth slightly parted.
Anonymous asked: You gonna do something that will stop Dark from kicking your ass a second time?
“Where in the narrative did Dark kick my ass?” snaps Anti, stalking into the forest. “Last I checked I was tearing them and their fucking soldiers a new one when Bubblegum McGee scoops my kiddo off the ground and disappears like the deranged little thief he is. And then all of them went sprinting for the hills. No. When I find Dark, I’m burning down everything they love and tearing apart that mangled excuse for a spine of theirs. Then we’ll see if they remember me.”
Anonymous asked: Trick? You want to talk for a bit?
“Yeah, uh, yeah,” says Trick, trying to recover quickly, nodding his head and straightening up. “Yes, please. House is super quiet without anybody else! Last time I was this alone was when Blue was in hospital and I’d come back to the house and try not to worry about everybody else too much. But I do have Noodle! He’s always got my back. I’m just going to get changed and then we’ll go make some breakfast and check on kitty cat, yeah? Doesn’t have to be a sucky day just cause things are trying to go bad. I can stay positive.”
Anonymous asked: Alright, we'll just have a bit of a "you" day. Decompress a bit. It's good to check in on yourself and have a little time off. (Give noodle some pets please!)
“Yes,” laughs Trick. He worries at his hands, yes, kneading his fingers into his palms, and you can see the edge of a breakdown somewhere in the back of his eyes, but he has survived a lot and he wants to prove to himself that he can be okay even without Dok sometimes. Maybe even to be okay when Dok isn’t, so he can look after him better. So he can look after all of them better.
Next time they’re scared enough to run away, he wants to be someone they can trust.
“Decompress - play some games, probably - chill with my cat - cook a ton - swim, maybe… yeah!” Trick pulls his shirt over his head and turns toward the door, grabbing the handle. “I’ll - ”
It’s locked.
Trick stops. Tries it again. Stares. Glances at you. Tries again.
It’s still locked.
He stands in front of the door. His hand rests on the door handle.
Outside, a mewl.
Anonymous asked: can the window open, trick?
“The… window?” he asks. “Yeah… yeah, it can. But I’m on the second story.”
He moves to the window and lets it swing open. The fresh air and the scent of the forest are refreshing, but the red brick of the patio is still several meters down.
Anonymous asked: where's noodle?
Claws pick at the carpet outside Anti’s bedroom. Trick hurries back to the door and kneels down, crouching to try and see his cat through the crack beneath it.
“Mrow,” complains Noodle loudly, scraping at the carpet with his claws out. “Meehhhh.”
“Daddy’s here, kitty cat, I’m right here.” Trick reaches for him as though he could pull him beneath the door. Noodle attacks one of his fingers, chewing on the end, but Trick doesn’t even mind. “Are you hungry? I’m sorry I didn’t let you out last night. Things were crazy, baby. But I’m coming, boyo, I’ll… I’ll, uh…”
What is he supposed to do?
Anonymous asked: do you think anti will be mad if you leave the room?
“I don’t know. It was probably an accident.”
Noodle yowls on the other side of the door. Trick stares at his kitten’s paws, his eyebrows drawn back in worry. You see him look down at his feet.
He knows it wasn’t an accident. And he wouldn’t have locked it if he was okay with Trick leaving.
Anonymous asked: Okay unless we know a for our window downstairs is unlocked, I wouldn't use the window, don't want you getting locked out of the house entirely. You think you might be able to find a key or break the lock if you need to?
“It’s… maybe I could? I don’t want to get in trouble. But there’s no keyhole on this side. I’d have to really bust the door up. And then he’d be so angry.”
Trick steps back from the door, chewing on his nails. He closes his eyes and tries to breathe.
“Okay,” he says after a moment. “Okay. I wish he hadn’t done this, but he did. I’m safe in here. I have a bathroom with water and all the stuff I packed into a bag in case I got kidnapped is here. Dapper was keeping food in the drawers. I’m okay. But my poor cat…”
Anonymous asked: for now, at least, you can make sure noodle has food, right? is the food only in there? maybe you can grab a little something and push it under the door
“That’s a good idea. Okay, let me look.”
He goes back to the bottom drawer and pulls it open to reveal Dapper’s stash. He recoils a little, scrunching up his nose - he hadn’t realized how bad it smelled in the panic of last night, but now he notices.
“This is kind of nasty… we’ve only been here a couple weeks. Why would he keep - ugh, cheese!” Trick chucks the hot string cheese towards the trash, making a gagging motion. “He has to know this would go bad right away, right? Why even take it? Look, my cookies from last week. Hard as rocks cause he didn’t even ask me to wrap them. There’s lint on them. He just shoved them in his pockets. Fuck’s sake… oh!”
Here’s some stuff that should still be edible. Crackers still in their packs. A couple apples. Tupperware with brownies. One pack of raisins, one pack of dried cranberries. And a little pack of Dapper’s favorite - jerky. Most of it is gone, but there are a few good chunks still at the bottom.
“At least I can give him something, then,” says Trick, taking a breath.
Anonymous asked: Anti keeps his favorite trophy locked up in a case when not in use
Trick looks at you, eyes wide, and then away, trying to make himself scowl. He crouches down beside the door and pushes dried meat towards his cat. Noodle seems to accept the offering. He goes quiet and Trick hears him chewing. It’ll take him a while to get through that.
Trick sits back on his heels and stares at the door.
“Always wanted to be Anti’s favorite trophy,” he mumbles, something frightened and tired passing across his face. “Or thought I did, I guess.”
Anonymous asked: you have a choice, then, trick. do you want our help in leaving the room, to go to noodle? or will you stay here and wait for anti to come back and let you out?
Trick sighs and slumps down against the door, rubbing at his face. He stares out the window and thinks.
“You know… I think I’ll try to stay here for a while,” he says, giving you a smile that looks more like a grimace. “It’s not bad. We’ve definitely stayed in much worse places! I have lots of room and a clean bathroom and everything I need. Maybe I’ll take a bath. Yeah… it’s okay.”
He glances around the room. How long has he been in here? Two hours? Oh, twenty minutes. He bites his lip and sighs. He puts his head between his knees and rubs at the back of his neck.
“Always kind of knew it couldn’t really be fun for anybody to be locked in a room all day. But I thought maybe, with Dapper’s nerves, it was better for him just to stay up there with Anti. And when I imagined it, I guess I made everything nice. Him getting to eat his own food, sleep whenever he wants, just working on his art all the time. Doing whatever he wanted, you know? I usually imagined Anti actually… being here, though. Yeah. I guess that I thought that when he loved me, I’d be able to feel it.”
Trick pauses, looking up. Looking out at the sun.
“That’s always the thing with me, though,” he says. “Even when I know for a fact people love me - it doesn’t always feel that way. And I thought - well, Anti, he just… with his power, it’s like he can make me feel that way. Or maybe it’s just him. But those days when I would just spend all my time praying to impress him… and then he would brush his hand across my hair or smile at me… it would be my favorite part of the week. Like I finally got it all right. Like I’m finally worthwhile.”
He puts his head down again, looking at the carpet, his fringe falling into his eyes. It occurs to him that he doesn’t really like bright green. Or dying yellow.
“I love him,” he says, a little hollowly. “But I think maybe Dok was always right. Nobody else can magically fix me. I need to stop expecting Anti to put everything right in my head. That’s not fair to either of us. I should have been happier just being with Dok. Cause Anti gave me these bursts of joy, yeah, and he’s trying to be better to me these days - but Dok has been the earth beneath my feet for months now.”
He stares at the food in the drawer, rotting. He tugs uselessly on the door handle. He stares around the silent, empty room, and the silence stares back, and says nothing.
“I shouldn’t have been jealous of my little brother,” says Trick, heart sinking. “I should have been making sure he had ground to stand on too.”
Anonymous asked: yeah, i get that, trick. and i think anti does love you, as much as he can love someone anyway. although, trick, you don't have to answer this now, and if you don't want to talk about this right now i'll stop, but trick? if given a choice between dok and anti, who would you choose?
“Oh, hey,” protests Trick, a little weakly. “That’s family both, we don’t talk like that. Hey, it’s okay to love people in different ways, and I know you don’t like Anti. But the truth is that just because I’m closer to Dok, I would never ‘choose him’ over any of the others. We all gotta just love each other in the way we need. I want to do what’s best for all of them. If… if Dok and Red and Blue need some space from Anti, well… maybe they should have some. But even if I lived with some of them instead of the others, it’s not because I’m trying to pick someone as my favorite. We just all need different things at different times. Whoever needs me most is who I ‘choose.’ Whoever I can help. And I hope it’s always… all of them, you know? When you’re a family, helping one person is good for everyone.”
Anonymous asked: It's easy to fall into a "grass is greener" mentality but abuse is abuse no matter if you're crouched by a window with a gun, locked away in an attic, or running through the streets with stolen drugs. I don't blame you for wanting a higher standing with Anti but he's not going to give you what you want, to no failing of your own.
“Ha! Okay, fair… maybe being in the basement and being in the attic both kind of suck. But I’ve always had Dok. Having someone there with you is what makes it not sucky. Look, this house is fucking awesome! But there’s no one here with me right now. And that does kind of suck, even worse than when Dok and I were sleeping in the same pile of cheap blankets beside a window in a broken down cabin during a Norwegian fall. We had a good time in Norway, didn’t we? Before everything went wrong? Do you remember… we got fish in a restaurant in town, ha… and I got my crinkle paper…”
Trick pulls it out of the pocket of his basketball shorts and presses his fingers to the crinkly baby paper, familiar and fond. He smiles while his eyes grieve.
Anonymous asked: Those sound like fair conclusions, Trick. It sounds like you've been thinking a lot about yourself and how you've interacted with your family in the past. That's really good; well done. For what it's worth, I am really sorry you got left here alone. You don't deserve that. Are you sure you don't want help leaving, or looking for something else to do?
“Aww, you guys are like my therapists now,” laughs Trick, genuinely pleased. “That’s sweet, thanks. No, um… I’ll stay here a while, I guess. Think Dap would mind me looking through his sketchbooks? Maybe I’ll draw a little myself. Or… write, maybe. Yeah. Maybe I’ll write a little.”
Anonymous asked: trick, that's admirable. and i do mean that. you have a lot of loyalty. but trick, it's not just that they need some space from anti. anti has hurt them, time and time again. family doesn't hurt each other like that, trick. anti has gone too far, many, many times.
“I am loyal,” he agrees quickly, because that’s something he’s always known and one of the few things he’s almost always liked about himself. “Yes. Mh.”
He pulls his eyes away from the rest of the message uncertainly, fiddling with his hands as he sits down on Anti’s bed and pulls Dapper’s latest sketchbook off the bedside drawer. He’s grinning for a minute. They’re mostly pictures of animals. Some people scattered in there - dancers and babies and old people in love. Dapper’s good and he’s gotten even better since the last time Trick checked in on his art, which was… how long ago?
But there are other things in the pages too.
Faces that almost hurt from how familiar and yet unrecognizable they are. Images Trick recognizes from Dapper’s hallucinations, painful and threatening. One baby that is not like the rest in a way Trick can’t express. And… himself?
Himself burning?
Trick takes a moment to realize what this is. The night he got the burn that now laces from his palm to the back of his hand. He hadn’t realized Dapper remembered, or was even there, watching, as it happened.
In the image, a dark figure shoves him towards the fire. His shirt sleeve is already ablaze, his hand consumed, and yet - despite the fire, despite the pain, his eyes are like those of a monk in Mass, wide, adoring, tear-filled - and those eyes are fixed on the creature pulling him into the flame.
Trick shoves the sketchbook away from him, squeezing his eyes shut.
“I don’t want to talk about this right now,” he croaks, turning his face away from you. “Later. Okay? Later, I promise, just… not right now.”
It is the second time he has pushed your concerns aside in as many nights. There are messages waiting for him that he’s avoiding. But he still isn’t ready to hear it.
Anonymous asked: okay. that's okay, trick. do you wanna talk about something else, then? i can tell you a funny thing one of my birds did, if you'd like.
“Ha. Birds, wow, that’s awesome. Yeah, sure! Tell me.”
Anonymous asked: alright! so, my sister has an obvious favorite, and the bird knows it, and likes to hang out on people's shoulders and stuff. and today, she flew up onto my arm, and then stared at me face very curiously, and so i started talking to her, and she immediately tried to eat my teeth. very smart bird, who apparently does not quite get what is or is not food. she's very funny.
Trick snorts and covers his mouth with his hand. “Oh, no! I do not like the sensation I am imagining. A beak picking at my teeth, haha. Geez. Sounds like a funny bird. Noodle likes to try to eat toes when we move at night.”
Anonymous asked: oh, yeah, my friend's cats are kinda like that too. for a while, when they were kittens, we had to be careful because they would try to attack our feet. is noodle chaotic like that?
“Half the time he is nuts-o crazy boy, and then half the time he pretends he’s a perfect angel and he just wants all of Daddy’s attention and all of Uncle’s attention and everybody’s attention one hundred percent of the time. And he looks up at you and cries until you scratch him.”
Anonymous asked: oooo, do you write, trick?
“Well, I thought since I’m sure jabbering your guys’ ears off, I could write some shit down. Dok had me do that for a while once. It was right after… well, there’s blurry spots in my memory. It was right after I started being his twin. I was pretty low. I was, um. Self-harming a lot. Losing a lot of my memories. So he recommended I write stuff down. Whatever I was feeling. And he said even he wouldn’t read it, he promised. We were in this kind of warehouse place at the time, and there was nowhere to sleep. Not a lot of privacy except my pieces of paper. They’re gone now. But I think they kept me focused on something, at the time.”
He holds Dapper’s pencil in his hand, taking a loose sheet of paper. But his eyes get fixed on the stretched out sketchbook on the floor once again. He looks away from the image of himself with a grimace.
That night - that look on his face - that wasn’t what he remembers. Not exactly.
Want to know a secret? he writes.
He has scrawling, beautiful, messy handwriting.
I was pissed at you that night. You left me and Dok to freeze. I don’t even think I started that fire because I was trying to keep Dok warm.
He pauses, squeezing his eyes shut. Bites on his lip. Puts his pencil back down.
I wanted to make you angry. I wanted there to be a confrontation. I was angry at you. But I didn’t know how to tell you because you didn’t care about me back then and that was what burned, more than this goddamn scar on my hand. I wanted to hurt you for hurting me. But all you did was hurt me worse. You act like you want things to be good between us now but we’ve never even talked about
He stops and sighs and scowls before crumpling the paper up, scratching at his scalp.
“Forget it,” he mumbles. “Not that. Just…”
Noodle mewls at the door, beginning to get bored with his jerky. Trick smiles softly and chuckles, turning away.
When you were a kitten your body was like a slinky and I could feel every one of your bones. Hot little spine rubbing against my wide palms. Big fuzzy leaf ears. When you were a kitten you made a weight beneath my throat and when I breathed I would feel the tiny thump of your heart. You are the memory of someone I lost.
And Trick is stopped again, closing his eyes again, turning away again.
“Maybe I’ll just go get a hot bath. Relax a while. I’m okay. Poor kitty cat. Don’t be lonely, okay, baby boy? I’ll be back in a while.”
Anonymous asked: Keep your head high and your standards higher, Trick.
“My standards for this rich guy’s bath are high as fuck right now,” he says, slinging a towel over his shoulder. “Motherfucker got bath bombs and everything. This better be some Spirited Away experience or I’m out. Minus the evil lady, though. Just the big steamy bath and the nostalgia, please. Hey, keep an eye on my kitty for me, yeah? You’re still in the cameras all over the house? I’ll be out in a little while. Maybe a long while. Thanks, guys. Uh. For real.”
Anonymous asked: I'm sure noodle is going to be okay, Trick. If you're worried about him just stay near the door and he should be fine óvò You might want to try to slip him something to eat tho, I have no idea when was the last time anyone could've fed that kitty
Trick slips him one more piece of jerky and lets him chew on his finger for a moment before he slips into the bathroom. Noodle has his snack happily outside the door, and then, deprived of Trick’s presence, he goes exploring.
Trick has made toys for him out of anything he could find. He plays with string and a ball that makes a jangling sound. He zips around the house for a while. He searches for Trick and Dok, or anybody to give him some attention.
Usually they’re down in the basement. Usually they all stay down in the basement, Noodle himself shut in most of the day to avoid Anti, though he’s perfectly content to stay down there with everything he needs. But today, he gets to explore. The door was opened while Dark’s soldiers searched the house and he’s free to roam. It’s a little exciting.
He’s okay. For now, he’s okay. Trick has fed him and there’s a little water still in his bowl by the door. He’s okay.
But Trick was too hot in his bed for a reason. And he’s right - the windows do open.
Noodle gets tired of the basement. Noodle gets tired of his toys. Noodle wants to see Trick and the others.
He explores. The fresh breeze and the smell of the trees - the movement of the grass and the warmth of the sun - the song of the birds, the scurrying of mice, the cool water of the pool - they call to him.
He has not been outside since he was too small for anything but milk. Not until today.
He slips out through the window of Red and Blue’s room, and he explores.
Anonymous asked: hey, shep? dapper's brother has a golden cat, who we just saw leave, but he's away from the cameras at the moment so we can't tell him about it yet. could you and the others keep an eye out for the cat? his name is noodle, although i don't know if he knows it or not.
Shep hears the beeping in his pocket and pulls the camera out immediately.
“Shep! Come on, throw it in!”
“Just a second!”
His eyes scan your message and brighten, a hint of gold from the sun lighting up the brown curve of his irises. He feigns disinterest for a moment, pausing to kick a soccer ball back towards someone on the lawn. You can hear a dog barking and voices chatting. The sun is overhead. It’s a beautiful day.
“Would that make you happy?” asks Shep. “If I found the cat for you?”
He looks up at the forest.
Outside of the sunlight, Darkness reigns in more ways than one. The trees are thick and tall and heavy, shrouding the earth in a loving chill. Animals scamper across the dirt and lean plants curl up from the ground and latch onto the broad backs of trees, clinging to damp red wood. And for miles - for miles - it stretches on before him.
“Okay, then,” he says. “I will.”
Anonymous asked: it would help. thank you, shep. anti doesn't like animals, so i wouldn't recommend bringing the cat back to the house they're in, but you can bring it here and we'll tell the brother about it.
“I’ll start looking right now,” he says. “It’s a big forest. But I can do it.”
Anonymous asked: sleeby jj...Soff sleeby bean.. get well soon
His eyes slide open to your familiar light.
He stares at you for a second, his eyes heavy with shadowed circles.
Then he registers the message and manages to roll his eyes for the first time in days, huffing out a bit of a sigh.
“Not a bean.”
It’s only as he signs it that he realizes he’s no longer restrained.
He sits up slowly, pressing his palm to his forehead and grimacing. He doesn’t feel well at all. His stomach swims with nausea and he can feel his blood chugging sluggishly through his veins. But it’s better than the last few days.
He glances around the room, blinking slowly. He’s alone and there’s light streaming in through the barred window.
Alright. He’s had his nap. Time to start trying to escape.
Anonymous asked: Jj, think about this first. Anti is already coming for you, and if you try to escape you'll be in miles and miles of unknown forest, with no haldol, no medication for your fever, and no way to be sure you can get home. At least maybe wait until you've gotten over the infection and until you can steal some haldol to have with you? Just trying to analyze the situation fully before action is taken.
“I am not going to sit quietly while the monster who has haunted my nightmares - well, one of them - keeps me prisoner. I only do that for Anti. Come on, don’t be boring! Help me get out, yeah?”
He struggles to his feet, but as soon as he’s found a moment of balance he loses it again, tumbling into the wall and holding himself there on shaking arms and legs. He swallows thickly and turns towards the windows, yanking on the bars with his good hand. The other one is swaddled so thickly in bandages he can barely feel it, but at least his fingers stick out to let him speak most words.
That being said, he has about four good yanks on those bars before his head is swimming. He slumps against the wall, clinging to the metal. His whole body aches.
“Maybe you have a point,” he admits sullenly, rubbing at his face.
Anonymous asked: Haha, sorry Jay, not trying to be boring! I just want to make sure you've got a second voice to help think clearly. Look around you maybe? See any spare haldol or fever medication you can swipe and save up for when you do the grand escape?
“Thank you,” says JJ, grinning slowly, though nothing quite makes it to his eyes. “Okay, let me look. I think I must have something in me now because my psychosis is a lot less intense right now.”
He glances around the room. He isn’t hallucinating and his thinking is much clearer, but his expressions are still dulled, his face is twitching, and he isn’t sure what’s true and what’s not. He needs rest and a lot less stress.
He checks the drawers, but everything’s locked up.
nikkilbook asked: JJ, remind me again why Dark frightens you so much? I’m sorry, but I can’t remember clearly. He doesn’t remember any of you either. He showed up that first time because he didn’t know why Anti was trespassing in his territory.
Dapper looks over at you.
He turns away for a second, chewing on his nail. Shrugs. Sits down on the bed.
“Not a fun time,” he signs eventually.
scunneredzombie asked: Rest up, if you can, JJ! I'm almost completely certain you'll be safe here. Darkness won't hurt you because they want you healthy enough to talk to them. You need rest and to let your haldol take effect.
“Dark can do a lot worse things than hurting anybody,” he answers. “It’s the talking to them that’s more likely to fuck me up than anything. And I never want to see them again. Tell them to leave me alone! Where’s my big brothers? Are they coming to get me yet?”
Anonymous asked: How are you feeling, JJ? Still burning up?
“I actually feel quite cold.” He hugs his arms around his sunken chest, staring around the room. His lips are chapped to blood and his face is the color of bleach. He doesn’t look well.
“This is miserable,” he admits, his signs soft. “I remember when I was created I always had energy and felt strong and healthy most of the time, even when I got hurt. I bounced back. The last few months, I’m just… every day I’m sicker. My bones break and I catch every cold and infection. Keep have psychotic episodes. Don’t sleep well.”
He realizes he’s just complaining and makes himself stop, digging his nails into his palms. Won’t help anything. He needs to get out.
He creeps to the door and takes the handle in his hand.
“Going somewhere?”
He turns, spitting, back to his bed, the hair on the back of his neck standing up like an angry cat’s as he snatches a pen off the nearest counter for self-defense.
Wilford nods patiently, following his movements as he swings his legs on the side of the little clinic bed. “Very good, very good.”
“You stay away from me.”
“Oh, my dear, forgive me, I don’t understand a word of that. Shall I get you paper?”
Dapper steps away from him, watching him with glittering eyes. After a moment, he nods.
Wilford pulls a pad of paper out from behind his back as though it had been there all along and sets it on the bed beside himself, smiling.
“What are you so frightened of, young man? Come on, then, calm down.”
Anonymous asked: Are you wearing your dress-shoes? The heel might be good for smashing the locks off the drawers! Though you'd have to be uh... as quiet as smashing can be haha.
JJ looks down at his bare feet. He scowls. Just like the day he was created.
But Wilford has boots on. “Give me those,” he demands.
Wilford doesn’t speak sign language, but he gets the gesture. “Sure,” he says, tugging a boot off and tossing it to him.
Dapper slams a desk drawer handle remorselessly. A loud clang signals the death of the handle as it flies to the ground. Dapper yanks the drawer open.
“Ippy says you’re all sorts of unhealthy,” says Wilford cheerfully, still kicking his legs, halfway bootless now. “Do you feel better today? He said you have so little Vitamin D he could probably break your bones with a pillowcase. You need some sun, dear boy!”
Dapper searches through the drawer, but there’s nothing but cotton swabs, gloves, tongue depressors and everything boring. He raises the boot and smashes another dresser handle, a little breathless.
scunneredzombie asked: Anti is trying to find you right now, I'm pretty sure. I understand not wanting to see them, they're frankly a terrifying jedi-powers 3D glasses fender-bender in you all's life. You'll be home soon, JJ. But you need rest right now, you could end up hurting yourself if you're in a bad mindset or not with the proper medication. I know being careful is no fun, but right now it seems like the best option. I know this sounds fucked, but trust Anti to find you. Like he'd give you up that easily, ha,,
“You don’t want to see Dark?” asks Wilford, finally sounding genuinely wounded. “Oh��”
“You stop,” signs JJ fiercely, whirling on him. “You’re lucky you’re out of your mind or I’d call you a creep for staying around that horrible - that horrible - thing. Whatever. Leave me alone. You’re a killer just like them.”
“I think your camera’s right. You ought to sit. You don’t look very well.”
Dapper glares, panting a little. He glances around the room again, a sense of despair shuddering its way over him. Always locked in his room. Always locked in his room. Always locked in his room. He grips at his hair, breathing through his teeth.
“Hey,” says Wilford. “It’s okay. Can you hear me at all? Do I need to be writing things down too? My handwriting is very good. Would you like some water?”
He clears his dry throat, his eyes flickering over to Wilford. Actually, he would. He’s parched.
Wilford nods and gets up. He disappears for a second and returns with a glass of water. JJ takes it from him with shaking hands, sinking down onto the bed.
Anonymous asked: Hey Wilford, you're not... planning on hurting JJ, are you? You don't seems like you have any intention of it but knowing you we can never be too wary >_>
“Excuse me!” Wilford waggles his finger indignantly, making a noise like pshaw! again and again. “I have never hurt a living soul in my life. Wouldn’t hurt a fly. I’m a pacifist, actually. Excepting that door-to-door salesman who would NOT stop coming by…”
Dapper hisses out a breath, pressing at his forehead, feeling faint again. He scoops up Wilford’s pad of paper and sets Ippy’s pen to it. “You really have no idea what’s going on, do you?” he scrawls out in a bitter, looping cursive.
“Do you?” spits back Wilford just as quick, a little fire flashing through his eyes.
Dapper sinks in on himself, exhaling. “No,” he writes. “Not ever.”
Wilford eases again, grinning his nonchalant, slightly dazed grin.
“Why’d you come in here?” writes Dapper.
“To see you,” answers Wilford eagerly, clapping his hands together. “Finally, a new ego with a real aesthetic!”
“I’m not a new ego, Wil. Look, I don’t look like you.”
“No, you’re not like me - well, like him,” insists Wilford, undaunted. “You’re one of the boys that runs around with him sometimes. He can create things too, that’s alright. You can still stay here.”
Dapper softens a little, quirking his eyebrows. “You’ve met Jack?”
“Seen him! They made a lot of videos together for a while, do you remember? Every day!”
JJ laughs, shaking his head. “You’re thinking of Ethan.”
“No, who? Noooo. The brown-haired one. Loud? Bouncy?”
“They’re both - ” JJ cuts himself off, laughing into his hands. “Never mind.”
“I don’t have my glasses on.”
“Apparently.”
Anonymous asked: Hey JJ, did you and Wil knew each other before the whole timeline mess?
“No, not really,” JJ signs to you gently. “I’ve never really had anyone outside of Anti.”
“Are you mute?” asks Wilford politely. “What’s wrong with your voice?”
“I’ve never been able to talk,” he writes out. “Don’t worry about it. I won’t be able to stay for long.”
“Oh,” says Wilford, face falling. “Oh, I thought that was why you came.”
“You took me from my house. Do you remember?”
“No… you’re thinking of one of the others, I think?”
Dapper lets out a sigh and smiles. “Never mind. Just - ”
It’s then that Edward enters the room.
Dapper stiffens, rubbing his shoulders and staring down at the floor. Ippy looks relieved, stepping carefully into the room, as though approaching an animal caught in a fence.
“Hi,” he breathes. “Feeling any better?”
JJ looks away, uncomfortable.
Anonymous asked: Hey Dap? I just wanted to let you know that it's ok to be experiencing symptoms right now. You're under so, so much stress, your body must be having hell and two pence. It's ok if you feel apathy, have a hard time with facial expression, hallucinating. You will be okay. You will get out soon, and you will have time to de-stress, you will see your brothers again soon. Know even through the fear, everything will be okay. You were made for happy endings.
“Do you have symptoms like these often?” asks Ippy.
Dapper plays with the edge of his paper, unsmiling.
“Your, uh… friends? Said you had a psychotic disorder. When was the last time you saw a clinician about that? Seems like you’ve been on Haldol a pretty long time.”
Dapper draws circles on his pad, not looking up.
Ippy sits down in one of those backless chairs that doctors roll around their offices in. “Are you aware that you have a Vitamin D deficiency? Serious enough to be impacting your bone strength?”
Dapper glances at Wilford but doesn’t answer.
“Broken rib… infected wrist… some pretty serious scarring…”
Dapper leans down to write something. Ippy waits patiently. Dapper turns the paper around and he’s written “stop talking to me” across the whole page. Ippy rolls his chair away and lets out a grumble beneath his breath, getting up to -
“Hey! Who broke my drawers!”
Wilford and JJ exchange glances.
“Probably the dog,” answers Wilford wisely, and it almost, almost makes JJ smile.
It’s okay. He’s okay. It’s okay for him to be psychotic. He’s just got to get through it, like he always does. It’s okay to struggle.
Anonymous asked: Hey now! Let the doctor take care of you, bud. You deserve some proper medical attention, you deserve some healing after everything you've been through.
“That’s not my doctor,” signs JJ bitterly, glaring Ippy down as best he can, though he mostly ends up looking like he’s squinting. “Give me back to my brother.”
“Five questions,” asks Ippy. “Yeah? Then I’ll give you some space.”
“One question.” He holds up a finger.
Ippy holds up three.
Dapper turns his head away. Tries to glare again. Nods. Fine.
“When was the last time you saw a psychiatrist?”
He’s never seen a psychiatrist. That’s why they mostly just call it a psychotic disorder. Schneep says it’s probably schizophrenia, but he’s a surgeon. Until Anti stole Dok, he would just tell Dapper that Jack fucked his head up as bad as his voice.
“I don’t have a psychiatrist,” says Dapper. “The Haldol is fine. It manages most everything.”
“Most of the positive symptoms, I bet,” says Ippy. “And even if antipsychotics are helpful, they still need to be adjusted sometimes, and you should probably be seeing a therapist for behavioral therapy.”
“What’s positive about psychosis?” asks Wilford. “Is that like the fun kind of psychosis? A little LSD, anybody?”
“Wilford,” sighs Ippy. “Positive means something added. So things like hallucinations, delusions, hyperactivity, disordered thinking - those are positive symptoms. Most antipsychotics work best for those. But there are negative symptoms too - depressed mood. Flattened expressions. Lack of enjoyment or pleasure. Feelings of hopelessness.”
Dapper stares at the floor. After a moment, he writes “question two” pointedly.
“Why do you look like Mark’s friend?”
“It’s exactly what you think it is. Don’t waste either of our time.”
“Dark says Jack doesn’t have videos with you or any of the others.”
“Is that a question?”
“No, grumbles Ippy, rubbing at his forehead. “Forget it. Who gave you all your scars?”
Dapper’s eyes flicker. He glances away. “Self-harm,” he writes.
“Liar,” answers Ippy evenly. “They go all the way to your back.”
Dapper hisses, tucking his pad up against his chest for a second. He lets out a breath of air, shaking his head.
Anonymous asked: His ribs are broken because his "big brother" nearly beat him to death then left him sitting in filth for hours until he passed out. He's deficient in vitamin D because he spends his entire life locked inside one room and that same brother almost never lets him out. He's scarred from year of torture and abuse. Let's just say he doesn't have the easiest home life.
Ippy sits back, setting his clipboard aside.
Dapper closes his eyes. He doesn’t want to think. He doesn’t feel well.
“Please just leave me alone,” he writes. “There. You got your answer. My brother did all of it. Go away.”
Ippy gets up. He takes Dapper’s bear off the bedside table and hands it carefully over to him. Dapper swallows and accepts it, pulling the familiar warmth and texture and smell to his chest. It’s grounding.
“Want to come sit in the sun for a while?” asks Ippy.
Dapper looks up at him, eyes wide. Ippy waits.
Dapper sighs and shakes his head, curling up against the wall. Even if he wanted to accept anybody’s niceness right now, he’s too tired.
“Okay,” says Ippy. “You don’t have to. But you should know - now that you’re awake and talking - ”
“No,” Dapper is already writing, the pen shaking in his grip.
“They just want to talk. That’s all. They won’t - ”
“Tell Dark to stay away from me,” writes Dapper frantically, tears budding in his eyes. He underlines it. Again and again.
Tell
Dark
To
Stay
Away
Ippy gets to his feet wearily. He unlocks one of his drawers and sets a Haldol and a Vitamin D tablet out on the dresser beside Dapper.
“Get a little sleep,” he says. “You’ll feel better.”
“I want Dok,” writes Dapper. “Please.”
Ippy is already shutting the door behind him.
nikkilbook asked: Edward, do you have any contacts in the city that work with homeless shelters or other kinds of emergency housing? I think that’s where three of his brothers are.
Edward’s eyebrows raise. “Oh? Sure, there’s some shelters. I usually refer them to LAAG. Sets you up in a hotel for a month or two if you’re out of somewhere to stay. Mostly for moms with kids, though. There’s some men’s and women’s shelters in town. Lot of homeless people out here, unfortunately. Hey, Gigi.”
“What?”
“What’s the closest homeless shelter?”
“Are they finally kicking you out of that pigsty you call an apartment? The closest homeless shelter is Missionaries of Charity Relief Services, 23.6 miles away. There is an adjoining soup kitchen.”
“There you go.”
nikkilbook asked: Could you send someone (non/less threatening, if possible?) to ask after them, see if they’d be willing to come and help you with JJ? Though one of them, Marvin, is hurt really bad as well because of some messed up dark magic crap that Anti thought was a good idea. Schneep, the doctor that JJ keeps referring to, is doing his best, but he’s technically a surgeon with holes in his memory.
“Excuse me,” Google cuts you both off, stepping forward. “You have to run decisions like that past Dark.”
“Then ask Dark,” answers Ippy mildly. “I’m sure they’d love to worm their way into somebody else’s heart. They wanted that other kid that was there, right? Bet they’d be happy with you if you brought the other three back to them.”
“You think you’re very clever.”
“But I got you thinking about it, didn’t I?”
Google glares at him.
Then his composure breaks, just the smallest bit, and you see a smile on the edges of his mouth. Ippy laughs and trails past him towards the kitchen. “Come on, you goddamn sycophant. It’s curry night. You can help me make it.”
“I’m not your maid,” says Gigi stubbornly.
But he follows right after him into the kitchen.
Anonymous asked: Does seeing outsiders reaction help you realize it JJ? How horrible Anti really is to you? You're dying, Dapper. You might be dead if you hadn't gotten medical treatment. You have all the scars because of his actions. All of your pain was caused by him. You have a psychotic disorder and he's never /once/ taken you to a psychiatrist. If he was your brother, if he loved you beyond being his pet, he would have at least taken you to therapy. Can you see the damage he's done, Dap?
“Save the realization tactics for my brothers, my friend,” JJ signs quietly. “I’ve always known exactly what Anti is. I used to stay because I was scared of what he’d do to me if I tried to get away. Now I just know there’s no escaping. Not for me.”
And that is when the light from the sun flickers and dies.
Dapper closes his eyes. He knows. Right away, without pausing.
“Dark,” you see his mouth move.
“Feeling… hopeless?” asks a voice that echoes. “I can help with that.”
“No,” says Dapper. “No, you can’t.”
And he gets to his shaking feet.
Anonymous asked: They made a deal JJ. This is the last time. If you don't allow yourself to escape, allow yourself freedom and family, true family, love... Then I fear you'll be stuck with him forever. Let yourself escape. Let Jameson Jackson live. Let your soul breathe again.
JJ holds the camera close to his chest, sinking down beside his bed as his legs give out on him. It makes Dark tower over him. He closes his eyes.
Family, true family - what he wouldn’t give for them to be here right now. And it’s odd to him because most often, when he wishes for family, he wishes Anti were here to protect him.
Today, he doesn’t wish for Anti at all. Even if Anti would protect him from Dark, it doesn’t matter. He wants… fuck, he just wants Red and Blue and Dok and even Trick, because every one of them, he has begun to realize, would take care of him if they ever had the chance to. Blue would be shouting at Dark to back off, Red would already be on the attack, Dok would be making him feel better, and Trick, he thinks, would just be wrapped around him, holding him, just like he did when Gigi and Shep came to take him away.
Maybe he wasn’t stuck up in the attic or in the backroom or in Anti’s bed because everyone else hated him or didn’t want him around. Maybe it was always just Anti’s barriers.
“How interesting the pair of you are,” Dark says, looking down at JJ with your viewpoint in his hands. “To know him intimately… to speak with him. Even when I talk to you, it’s always me on the one side of the camera, and you never able to answer… Mark sees to that. How interesting, though, to be the ones to tell him he’s loved.”
Dapper takes the writing pad in his trembling hands. “What do you want?” he writes.
Dark leans down, too close to him. “I told you. Let’s talk. I want to know everything about that monster you live with - and just how I can get rid of him.”
Dapper creeps along the wall away from Dark, shaking his head minutely. He and Anti have their struggles, but he doesn’t sell his brother out, and especially not to Dark.
“Come on, little one. What are you so scared of? My soldiers have all seen the markings all up and down you. Wouldn’t you rather let me extract a little vengeance for you?”
“Not little,” writes Dapper. “What do you want with Anti? Why kill him?”
Dark cocks their head coolly, eyes flashing red and blue.
“If you don’t remember him, there’s no reason to be angry.”
Dark doesn’t answer. Dark never answers if they don’t have to. They don’t give up information, period.
“I hope you know I hate your guts,” says JJ.
And then Dark’s hand is on his throat.
JJ wheezes in alarm, grabbing Dark’s arm as the room seems to flood with a darkness so thick it seems to shove at his bones like a fist or a car collision. He kicks his legs desperately and, for a moment, manages a shrill whistle of alarm - and then Dark makes him still.
The calm is like an infusion of something, settling into his lungs and chest and softening his violent terror into a whimpering fear. Dark drags him back to his bed and throws him onto the mattress. And Dapper, shaking and petrified with a weepy, muted alarm, curls his body into a roly-poly and hugs his bear to his chest, staring up at Dark with huge, watering eyes, because the times when he acts childish and too cute to hurt have never been anything more than a fear response.
“There you go,” says Dark, sitting down in the chair beside the bed and leaning back, their eyes closing for a moment from the strain it puts on their spine. Anti’s attack has left them physically shaken and weak, the pain haunting them through waking and dreams. For that, they will have revenge - and for the way that the thought of Anti has haunted them for more than a week now. “Be good now and tell me how you know me.”
“My brother brought me to you some years back to reset me even better than he can alone,” writes Dapper shakily. “He manipulates thoughts and he can possess people. You manipulate souls and emotions. I woke up a different person. Since then I feel like I have a different personality every day. You and Anti took who I was from me.”
Dark shakes their head faintly, squinting for a moment. They glance at Dapper, at his eyes, at his chest. They don’t say anything.
“Please don’t hurt me anymore,” writes Dapper.
“There’s nothing to be afraid of,” says Dark gently, and they try to make it feel, in Dapper’s heart, that this is true, but all he does is close his eyes and hide.
Anonymous asked: hey, jamie, dapper, my dear. i know you've been hurt by dark before, and i'm not saying you have to forgive them, or trust them, or anything. but can you try to trust us, when we tell you that you are safe? i wouldn't say that lightly, dap. but right now, you are safe. deep breaths. we're here to help you.
“There, that’s right,” agrees Dark quietly. “Don’t be scared.”
Dapper shudders under another wave of their power. Affection and faith well up in his chest, and this feeling, at least, has an anchor of truth in his head, a foundation it can stand on. Yes, he remembers the days when you have kept him company, the days when you have warned him of danger or convinced Anti to leave him alone. He remembers Trick and Dok taking him for fish and chips, presents you picked out for him, and the beeping of the camera on so many of the nights in the past seven months where he would have been completely alone without you.
He sucks in a deep breath, closing his eyes.
“If I met you and your brother,” says Dark. “Why don’t I remember?”
“You are a creature manipulated by the stories your creator tells,” writes Dapper slowly.
“Mark did this?”
“No. Another storyteller. My creator gave me his power of manipulating stories. Last year I changed things without meaning to. There are inconsistencies now - people who remember things that never happened in this timeline, and people who have forgotten things that happened to them in another life. And then there are things like you, somewhere in the middle - torn between memory and loss.”
Dark’s eyes narrow, smoke curling off their shoulders.
“I know you don’t remember Anti,” writes Dapper. “But at the same time, you do.”
“Enough,” says Dark. “Quiet. Let me think.”
Deep black eyes pierce into JJ like a scalpel. He stares up at the light, trying to breathe.
“The truth is you know nothing of what’s happening around you,” Dark murmurs.“You’re delusional and ill. You remember things that haven’t happened because you have a disorder.”
“No,” signs JJ, shaking his head. “No.”
He does have delusions sometimes, very intense ones. But he won’t let Dark tell him that he doesn’t know his own power - the piece of himself that Jack gave him.
“Look at you.” Dark shakes their head, eyes glittering, and smoke curls around them like creeping cats wandering through the air. “The moment you’re away from him, you crash, is that it?”
Dapper closes his eyes, turned up to the lights.
Dark hums and gets to their feet, drawing out wine and glasses as though from the shadows themselves. They pour two cups of rich, black wine and press a cool cup into his hands. Dapper’s fingers wrap around the glass slowly, his eyes blank.
“Why did you become psychotic the moment you were away from him?”
His gaze flickers up to Dark’s. He doesn’t answer.
“Of course,” mutters Dark, backing away and sitting down in their chair. “You live with a mind manipulator. I bet he makes the voices quiet, doesn’t he?”
Dapper’s mouth parts, a gleam of something hard appearing for moment in his eyes before shifting away again, leaving him tired and only vaguely annoyed.
“Admit it,” says Dark. “You rely on him. Don’t you? You wouldn’t last on your own, not without him. The medication manages some of it and he manages the rest. When he’s away, you can barely survive. You need him – desperately.”
You can hear Dapper breathing now. His eyes are fixed on the light above. He holds his wine too tightly in his fingers.
“And he tells you so,” adds Dark slowly, staring at Dapper’s face. They tilt back their wine and they drink. “Doesn’t he? Constantly, I would guess. You and him both know that you need him – and he loves it.”
Dapper doesn’t have anything to say to them. He wants to be far away. He hates them.
“It must be difficult to be both – ”
“Don’t even fucking start with me, jackass, as if you know anything about what it’s like to be mute and psychotic and abused by the person I love most in the world, as if you’re not the one who fucking triggered my schizophrenia, as if you know anything about my life or what I’ve done to – ”
“Calm down,” says Dark gently, and Dapper feels a rush of unnatural calm flood over him. For a second of raw terror, he is completely aware that he’s being forced to feel something he doesn’t really feel, and then, the next moment, he is slumped back in his chair, letting out a low sigh of relief.
“I can’t understand sign language, so you’ll have to write for me,” says Dark. “We can have a calm conversation if you stay level-headed instead of getting so out of control. I’ll forgive you because of your fever.”
Dapper reaches dazedly for the writing pad, trying to keep his thoughts straight. This is happening again. He’s losing himself again.
“You talk about my brother controlling me and then shove your way into my chest yourself,” he manages, his handwriting scrawling and small. “Just tell me what you want from me or let me go home.”
Dark drinks from their glass again, never breaking eye contact.“What do you think I want?”
“I think,” Dapper scrawls. “That you don’t have a fucking clue what’s going on.”
It is Dark’s turn for their eyes to gain a hardness. Something glitters in black irises.
“And you hate that, don’t you, Darkness? More than anything. More than anything.”
Dark does not answer.
“You want to know how to kill Anti because you remember him,” writes Dapper. “The fragments of the memory of him haunts you because you hate not knowing and you hate being confused, and the thought that I somehow changed your story is second in bitterness only to the knowledge that Mark has already told it for you. Of course you don’t want to admit you don’t remember. It means someone else changed you without your permission. Your greatest fear.”
“Watch your words,” warns Dark.
“Anti hated you at first. We would agree that you were a creep, a control freak, an asshole. But you were insistent. How pretty he was, you would say, and how you had finally found someone who matched you in ferocity. After a while, it started to flatter him. He decided he was some sort of exception to you. You would be terrible to everyone else but good to him. He loved that. The thought of being special to someone. His abandonment issues made him look past everything horrible about you.”
“You’re making this up.”
“You taught him to dance,” writes Dapper, his words coming faster and faster beneath his scrawling hands. “Do you remember? Your hands on his waist as he finally trusted you enough to put his head on your shoulder. You would bring him flowers, roses he pretended he didn’t want and then put in a vase by his bed, purring to me about how wrapped around his finger you were. You would go hunting together and let him have the kill because you loved to see him lose his mind with the power and the fun of it all. His sadism was wild any time he was with you. He would come home and hurt me on accident - mostly - because he was so violent and worked up he couldn’t control his energy and his excitement. Do you remember?”
Dark’s eyes are raised to JJ’s now, staring at him, their mouth faintly parted.
“Have you been dreaming, Dark?” asks Dapper. “Killing him won’t make it stop. Speak with him. I don’t think the two of you know what love is, but you loved the time you spent together.”
“You’re sentimental as well as delusional,” answers Dark, tilting back their wine.
“I would listen to me if I were you,” writes Dapper. “Because at this point, Dark, there are outcomes - you cool his fury, or he will kill you.”
Red and blue in Dark’s eyes. Bone through their rotting fingers.
“My brother has taken on power he should never have stolen,” says Dapper. “You can’t beat him with Blue’s power combined with his own. Calm Anti down, Dark - or he will burn down everything you love.”
Dark blinks, revealing, if only for a moment, an unsettled look on their face.
Outside the window, the others are laughing and talking. Dark catches a glance of Wilford’s bubblegum hair and the movement of the enormous dog you spotted earlier. Host’s voice murmurs down to them through the ceiling and someone is cooking in the kitchen, making the house fragrant with garlic and spices.
“Please leave me alone now,” says Dapper.
“One last thing. Is it true that you can time travel?”
“Yes,” Dapper answers. “I know you can feel the power in my chest.”
“I could take it,” says Dark. “If I wanted to. Your power is a part of your soul and that, my darling, is my specialty.”
Dapper flips a page on his pad and writes across the full page:
“It would burn you alive.”
A flicker of a small on Dark’s coy mouth.
“Yes,” they say. “I suppose it would. I’m not as stupid as your brother.”
“Whatever you say,” writes Dapper dryly.
Dark gets to their feet, draining the last of their wine.
“Can I go?” writes Dapper desperately.
“Hm? Oh, no. We’re not finished, doll. Hey.”
Dark reaches out to cluck his chin, but Dapper jerks back, terrified. Dark laughs and takes their hand back, leaving Dapper with a sudden and painfully intense feeling of exhaustion. He crumples against the bed, his eyes flickering shut.
“Get some sleep,” murmurs Dark, turning their back and beginning to disappear back into the shadows. “Hostages are no good to me dead.”
Dapper fades into darkness.
.
Blue wakes up to a hand on his shoulder. “Mh? What is it?”
He hears his twin chuckle softly above him. “You make cat noises when you’re waking up.”
“Mmmhhhh,” protests Blue sleepily, cuddling down deeper into his blankets.
“You can go back to sleep,” Red whispers. “I just wanted you to know I’m heading back to the house for a couple days. Stay here with Dok and I’ll - ”
Blue is awake. He almost flinches out of the sheets, sitting up fast and grabbing Red’s sleeve. “Wait, no. I’m coming with.”
“No, Blue, you need to stay here and rest.”
“I’m feeling much better,” replies Blue, his tone brooking no argument. “And I am NOT going to be miles and miles away while you go back to an Anti who’s no doubt furious. I need to see the others too. I have to make sure they’re okay. That’s my job.”
“I’m coming too,” answers a quiet voice from the doorway - Dok slipping into the room with three cups of hospital coffee.
“Guys, no,” protests Red. “Please. I’d rather you be here. Dok, Anti threatened to kill you.”
Dok shrugs, placing coffee down on the bedside table. He plucks at his necklaces. “We might need these,” he says, picking at each raven talisman in turn. “And I… I need to see Trick.”
“We’re both going, Red,” Blue insists, touching his arm and squeezing reassuringly. “You don’t have to do this alone. We’re here.”
Red smiles weakly at the both of them. “Just… promise me you won’t try anything stupid, okay?”
“Promise,” says Blue.
“I never do,” answers Dok dryly.
The twins laugh quietly at his answer. It does not, however, hide the fear that trembles in Dok’s fingertips and rattles the insides of his chest.
He can do this. He can. He has to.
immabethehero asked: Good luck dudes!
“Thanks,” says Ro, looking up at the house. “Yeah, thanks, we appreciate it.”
Blue and Dok are behind him. He can hear them whispering to each other, but he doesn’t want to interfere. Blue is wrapped around Dok like a vice, rubbing his back as he tries to reassure him, and Dok clings to his necklaces and his sibling and hides.
“Is, um.” Ro stares at the windows and door. “Is Anti really angry? Is he in there right now? I don’t really know what to expect…”
Anonymous asked: uh, trick? i believe noodle has decided to go exploring. outside. i'm going to tell the others, so they can look for noodle too, but i thought you should know.
“Noodle?”
You find Trick kneeling by the door, scratching at the carpet and trying to catch his cat’s attention. Yesterday, he waited patiently for Noodle to come back. Today, four days after Dapper was taken, Trick has only seen Noodle twice, and the light in his eyes has become desperate and frantic.
“Baby!” he hollers, sticking the last piece of jerky under the door. “Come here, sweetie! Daddy’s upstairs. Where are you? No, no, no, he can’t have gone outside. Noodle, come here! He’s never been outside in his life. He’s always been with me. Noodle!”
He wipes at hot tears on his face, back shaking from how long he’s been crouched there. Anti has let him out of the room a couple times, but he’s been with him the whole time, so all he’s done is make himself dinner a couple times or watch a movie with Anti.
He wants things to go back to normal.
“Noodle! Please come here! You’re scaring me!”
Anonymous asked: Dok, what if you feigned that you were "taking off" your necklaces, but quickly clasped the animal one around Anti, then got him weak as you could and used the light? Or perhaps told him the only way to stop their power was for him to wear them, then put the animal one around his neck? Do you think a plan like that would work?
“Yeah, if I can manage that I would like to do this,” says Dok frailly, gripping Blue’s hand so hard it’s beginning to bruise. “Might not be able to trick him, but could maybe act fast and hurt him.”
“Remind me what all of these do,” murmurs Blue, touching his brother’s collarbone.
“This one is light, this one is transformation, and this one keeps Anti out of my head,” Dok whispers. “They said I should give the light one to a warrior.”
Blue glances at Red, pacing his way towards the house. He wants to be the first one inside, to bear the brunt of Anti’s fury. Blue pulls Dok after him, trying to think.
Anonymous asked: Trick has been alone for such a long time, and Anti has been locking him all alone in one room most of the days, he really needs you Dok, needs you to help him fight. As for Anti, he's been in and out of the place, we're not sure what he's doing.
“Anti locked Trick in his room?” asks Red.
“Let’s go,” says Dok, pulling away from Blue and hurrying towards the house.
“Dok! You don’t know if Anti’s in there!”
“He’s already seen us on the cameras from this close,” answers Dok, yanking open the door to the house and moving inside. “If he wants to come after us, he will. There’s nothing we can do about that. Right now, I just want to see Trick. Where is he?”
He runs down into the basement where they’ve been staying, but Trick isn’t there - and neither is Noodle. Dok returns to the ground floor, where Blue and Red are looking through their own room. Blue shuts the window that’s been open for days, making the room hot and airy.
“Where’s kitty?” asks Blue.
“I’m sure he’s just with Trick,” answers Dok. “Right?”
Anonymous asked: Trick is locked up in Anti's bedroom, and Noodle is missing, he escaped outside. Trick's been alone with no one but Anti for this whole time.
Blue and Red exchange wide-eyed looks, Red already pacing towards the door to look around for the cat. Dok races upstairs, feeling more awake than he has in weeks.
“Trick!” he knocks rapidly on the door and shuffling sounds greet him from the other side.
“Anti?”
“Trick, it’s me,” Dok calls.
“Dok!”
The way he calls his name is almost a sob. Dok scrambles with the lock on the door, turning the stiff lock to the right. Trick shoves the door open and meets his eyes.
“Are you okay?” croaks Dok.
“Fine,” whispers Trick, though his hair is limp and dry and his eyes hollowed out. “Are you?”
“Yes. I’m okay. Listen, Trick, I just - ”
Trick crashes into him and hugs him to his chest. They fall back against the wall, pinned together, skulls pressed together and arms wrapped around each other’s ribs.
“You don’t have to explain,” says Trick. “I should have protected you better, so you didn’t have to run away. I’ll be better for you, Dok. I’ll take better care of you.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“I should have been someone you could trust.”
“Trick…”
They wrap tighter around each other, rocking each other’s bodies against the wall, safe in each other’s grips.
Anonymous asked: He's here.
Blue is hugging Trick and Dok to himself, babbling at them about how he loves them, about how he missed him, about how happy he is to see him. Trick is relieved to feel less alone for the first time in days. He tells Blue he looks better and that he loves him too.
It’s Red who sees Anti.
He’s leaning against the banister at the bottom of the stairs, staring up at him with cold blue eyes.
Red swallows. Anti doesn’t say anything.
He signs “come here.”
And then he walks away.
Red feels a shudder down his whole body. He glances back at his brothers, celebrating the mini-reunion together, talking about everything that’s happened.
He doesn’t see Dapper. Anti must have him with him.
Red needs to see him.
He swallows once again, clearing his throat this time. He won’t be afraid. He can’t let himself get lost in Anti’s lies again. He sees what he is more clearly than he has in years and now - now he has to protect his brothers from the monsters in the middle of them.
He moves down the stairs after Anti.
Anonymous asked: Uh guys, look out, the big-bad wolf is here
“Big bad wolf…”
Anti turns back to Ro for a moment in the middle of the hall, his eyes burning red.
“That’s me, then, right, Jackie?”
Ro’s blood seems to frost over in his veins. He stops short in the hallway, mouth parted.
Anti narrows his eyes and turns away, leading Ro further down the hall. Red can barely bring himself to follow, but his nerves are tempered by his confusion.
Anti has never called him Jackie before.
“Where’s Dap?” he asks quietly, stepping after Anti.
Anti doesn’t answer. He steps into the office room where you once found Dapper drinking and waits.
Red steps in after him, chewing on his lip.
Anti closes the door behind him and sits down at the desk, propping his feet on the table. He glares at Ro, flipping a knife in his hands.
“You got a deathwish or something,” says Anti.
“No,” Ro manages. “No.”
“Tell me why you went,” Anti snaps.
“You were threatening Dok. Blue was sick. I got scared.”
Anti stares at him, eyes burning with flame.
Anonymous asked: Anti Blue was dying and you were threatening Dok. Don't punish Red for being their protector, that's literally what you make him be. Thanks to his action, neither of them are dead. You have him to thank for the time away you got to think about your temper.
Anti takes a deep breath, closing his eyes for a second. “Was that all it was?”
“Yes,” says Ro quietly. “I just didn’t want them to get hurt. Anti, you can’t threaten to murder Dok and expect me to - ”
“I can do what I want,” snaps Anti. “What’s your name?”
“What?”
“What’s your fucking name?”
Ro licks his mouth anxiously, glancing around for a second. He wishes Blue were here.
“It’s Red, Anti.”
Anti sighs, shaking his head at him. His posture relaxes slightly, letting his head thump back against the office chair.
Anonymous asked: Dapper isn't with him because Dark's soldiers stole him away. It seems like Anti can't find him.
“What?” asks Ro, incredulous. “Wait, you mean you actually let that monster get their hands on him?”
“You weren’t here!” shouts Anti, glitching to his feet and making Red stumble back. “You were the one I chose to protect them, Red, but you ran away without him or Trick like they meant nothing to you!”
“I thought you would keep them safe!” cries Red.
“I would have been able to if you had been here and I had known about Dark!” Anti snarls back, slamming his hand into the office table, a slight tremor in his palms. “But you and them both turned your backs on me! I can’t trust anyone but myself!”
“You were going to hurt Dok!”
Anti’s palm connects with Red’s face, sending him staggering back. He feels blood rush to the handprint on his cheek and he grips at his face weakly, looking up at Anti with watery eyes.
“You would have been useless if you were here anyway,” growls Anti. “You’re terrified of Dark. Fucking coward boy. And to think, Jack called you a hero.”
Hurt and fury light up in Ro’s chest. He squeezes his eyes tightly shut, straightening his back again and clutching his hands into fists.
“I found Dark today,” says Anti coldly, turning away. “We can get Dapper back. If you help me, maybe I won’t fucking slaughter you for running away like the little bitch you are.”
“I’m not a little bitch,” says Red. “You… you’ve never liked me.”
“Correct,” answers Anti.
Anonymous asked: Jackie's throwing caution to the wind, you're willing to throw everyone's lives to the wind. Even moreso now that this is the last run-through, right?
“If you turn on me like that again,” says Anti. “I’ll kill you like I promised you I would.”
“You expect my loyalty,” says Ro. “But you don’t even like me. You threaten us and hurt us. How do you expect me to stay?”
“You’ll stay because if you don’t I’ll end all five of you,” snarls Anti, Jack’s teeth in his mouth giving way to those of a dog. “What, you think you did a good job, running away from me? Think you saved them from anything? I know you were staying in Ashley Valley Hospital Room 412.”
Ro’s blood is cold.
“I know the fake names you used, I know the food pantry where Dok was getting you food everyday, I know what Blue’s doctors said, I know, I know, I know. You can’t get away from me, Red. You never will. All the more because you’re a spineless, needy moron who can’t think of anything but a man who doesn’t love him anymore and whatever bullshit your mind fixates on on any given day. You’re broken, Red. Same way Jack made Chase and JJ broken. Even when you were Jackie, you were still pathetic.”
“Wonder why Marvin and I were able to beat you to hell, then,” says Ro.
It’s a mistake as soon as he’s said it. It’s a mistake. It was a bad choice. He shouldn’t have said it.
But he doesn’t regret it.
Anti takes a step back towards him, his eyes narrowed like a cat’s.
Jackie takes a step towards him too, fists clenched.
“When I said that you made me forget important things in the past,” he says. “I meant that you made me forget people I loved and the places I come from. But there are other things you made me forget too, Anti. You’re not as untouchable as you’ve always told me you were. And you know what else?”
Anti’s eyes are pupil-less, iris-less, white.
“I think you’re still afraid of me,” he says. “I think that every time you flinch back from a bird at the window, you are flinching away from the memory of just how bad I hurt you the first time you stole my baby brother.”
Anonymous asked: Stand strong, Jackieboy man. You've got a war to fight.
Stand strong. He straightens his back. The others need him.
“Come on, then,” he snaps, taking another step forward. Anti takes a step back. “I can see it in you. That you want to hurt me. It’s a look I’ve gotten used to. That you want to see me begging so you feel less scared.”
“You shut your mouth, Jackie,” says Anti.
“No,” spits Ro, clenching his fists. “No, I won’t. I’m tired of you silencing me. I’m not stupid and I’m not a coward.”
Anti strikes him, harder than the first time. Red backs off, grabbing his face with a gasp. Tears water in his eyes. He straightens up again, seething.
“You’re the fucking coward, Anti,” he croaks out, something snapping in his chest. His little brother really has always hated him, no matter how hard he tried to love him. “I won’t let you tell me differently anymore.”
Anonymous asked: Hey younger brothers, you miiight want to go to the office with Red and Anti, something tells me it's about to go downhill from here, and you'd be stronger together, protecting each other.
Blue blinks and looks around, realizing only now that his twin is gone.
“Oh, shit,” he breathes.
He turns and races down the stairs, tearing towards the office.
Anonymous asked: You are not pathetic, Jackie. You are a hero, through-and-through. You've spent your every waking moment protecting them from abuse in any way you were able. "Broken" is just Anti being an ableist, abusive asshat. You are stronger than him. You always have been, no matter what he tries to convince you of. Break free of him, Jackieboy Man.
“Yeah, you know what, they’re right,” Jackie continues, lifting his chin up and glaring at Anti as bruises form on his face. “You know what I think, Anti? I think you’re so desperate to believe that our creator - that Jack - ”
“Don’t say that name!” screams Anti, slapping him again.
Red laughs. “I think you’re so desperate to believe that Jack was in the wrong that you tell yourself he did something wrong to us just because of things like me being autistic. And that’s pretty fucked up, Anti. There’s nothing wrong with me. There’s nothing wrong with Dap and Trick. Honestly? I think Jack was probably an okay guy, and you’re the one who’s always been the villain.”
“Stop it!” screams Anti, driving his fist into Red’s chest. Red steps back, but doesn’t falter. “Stop it, stop it!”
“You like to act like you’re in control and you can’t even control your temper and your fucking daddy issues!”
“Red!” shouts Anti, his eyes flashing. “Stop it! You’re just like Jack, you’re just like Dark, everybody turns on me eventually! You were always just Jack’s little soldier, his failsafe! You think I made you a guard dog? Jack used you for years to get what he wanted.”
“Jack was trying to protect us from you!”
“You don’t even remember!” Anti grabs Red by the throat and slams him into the wall, crashing his head into wood. “Who have you been talking to? You - ”
“Hey, stop, stop!” cries Blue, appearing to grab Anti’s hands, trying to tear him off his twin. Anti kicks his cane away from him and sends him crashing to the ground.
“I ought to put both of you right back in the hospital!”
“Anti, don’t hurt him!” shrieks Blue. “Dapper’s not here! You can’t fix this if it all goes wrong!”
Anti’s grip tightens for a moment on Red’s throat. Ro chokes, gripping at his fingers.
Anti drops him to the ground.
“You’re right,” he spits, turning to grab Blue by the hair, dragging him back up to a sitting position. “So I’ll deal with you two once I have my boy back.”
6 notes · View notes
punkscowardschampions · 3 years ago
Text
Rio & Liam
Rio: I still can’t believe all that mess just happened
Rio: I swear to God my friends aren’t usually that trash like… what the fuck
Liam: it was unbelievable, are you ok
Rio: Like not at all but there’s nothing you can do
Rio: and you’ve already done loads more than I could ask, so don’t worry
Rio: This has really blindsided me, I’d never have expected this from her
Liam: sometimes you don’t know people how you think you do, or you did but they change on you into somebody else
Rio: So true
Rio: I never knew her, clearly
Rio: and she didn’t know me if she thought I was ever going to take her side over my family, was that the plan?
Rio: I genuinely do not get why she did this, tbh
Liam: she probably wasn’t planning further ahead than getting your other mate to take her side, she did things without thinking when I knew her
Rio: Who in their right mind would take her side
Rio: even without the full story
Liam: I dunno, I could be looking at it wrong and what she wanted was for all this to come out
Rio: Now I’m just worried there’s something seriously wrong with her
Rio: it’s not normal, no shit but
Rio: there has to be something going on to drive her to this, right?
Liam: if it’s a cry for help, getting this many other people involved and doing it tonight is a weird twist
Rio: It’s fucked, on so many levels I can’t even get into
Rio: Poor Edie
Rio: Is she mad at me now?
Liam: you don’t have to worry about Edie, she saw what Lex was like before this, she’s a good judge of who people are underneath whatever they put across
Rio: at least one of us is
Rio: I just don’t want her thinking I was out to ruin her night or make it about me and my friends’ bullshit
Rio: I was trying to do the opposite, draw a bigger crowd, you know
Liam: she understands where you were coming from, and it’s like you said, the two of us are in a bubble, I’m not gonna let anything ruin her night or switch up what it’s about
Rio: I’m really glad
Rio: At least that good still came from tonight
Rio: she doesn’t need to feel involved with all this Lexie business, it’s definitely about me, not Edie and you, I can see that now
Liam: I’d be a dick when you’re still going through it if I said I was buzzing we’re both out of it but I was questioning when it started if it was a bit about me, and her, I dunno what I could or would do if Lexie was, like, in love with me or something
Rio: But perfectly valid, this is a shit show
Rio: You don’t need to worry about her, she’s not going to come anywhere near me or mine ever again
Rio: it’s a betrayal beyond what she said in the text, and she knows that
Liam: she don’t worry me, and you don’t have to worry about anything but what she’s trying to involve you in
Rio: Oh we’re done
Rio: now I know she can’t fuck with me any more
Liam: loads of good came out of tonight then
Rio: I suppose that’s true
Rio: it doesn’t feel like that right now but hey
Liam: being done with her shite is gonna feel better in the long run
Rio: Sorry, I am not trying to dump this on you
Rio: that’s how I got here
Liam: Edie’s not mad at you but she would be at me if I just dipped on her sister in the middle of this
Rio: I appreciate that you took the time to do the digging
Rio: can I ask how you went about it?
Liam: not if you’re asking bc you wanna do more on her, that’s not being done or gonna make you feel better
Rio: Oh, no, it’s not about her
Rio: It’s for personal reasons
Liam: if you don’t know what you’re doing you’re gonna end up alerting the person you’re looking into before you find out what you wanna know
Rio: and it’s not something you can teach me?
Rio: I’m not a totally technophobic 👵 I swear
Liam: I don’t even know what you’re looking for
Rio: If Lexie had done more to me, behind the scenes, how could I find out if it was her
Liam: you’d know bc she can’t cover her tracks, it was easy for me to find the things I did
Rio: you don’t think she could keep it up then
Rio: yeah, that’s probably true
Liam: I don’t know, maybe if she wanted this to blow up as fast as it did and didn’t want something else to
Rio: She’s shot herself in the foot if it was her
Rio: anyway
Rio: I still feel bad, I should make it up to Edie
Liam: we could be giving her too much credit or not enough
Liam: Edie meanwhile deserves full credit for how the show went
Rio: I’m going to take her on an actual decent night out
Rio: you’re invited too, of course
Liam: thanks, if she wants me there, I’ll be there
Rio: We could go [somewhere bouj and your vibe] next weekend
Liam: where 😏
Liam: now I’ve searched it, yeah, alright, she’ll feel 👑 going there
Rio: Right?
Rio: I know it was technically your birthday but a girl can never feel like a 👑 too much
Rio: I’ll take her shopping first too but you don’t have to come to that bit, don’t worry 😉
Liam: wouldn’t be the first time I’ve waited outside a fitting room with a bag or the extra clothes they won’t let you take in
Rio: Bless
Rio: sisters are good training for girlfriends, for sure
Rio: I went out with a guy who had like all brothers and he was hopeless
Liam: my ma’d claim it’s more to do with her, however much of me is well behaved
Rio: well of course, that goes without saying
Rio: you aren’t a mummy’s boy type though, are you? 🤴
Rio: ‘cause I hadn’t even thought to warn her about that possibility yet
Liam: you’re too late with any warnings now
Rio: god, don’t say that, sounds so 😬 like 😂
Liam: if she calls me a mammy’s boy when you ask her, I’ll see myself out, like
Rio: I highly doubt she’ll say anything negative about you
Liam: your ma didn’t order me out when I met her, but you can give me a clue if she was just being polite, yeah
Rio: She was as surprised as the rest of us
Rio: but she’s pretty chill, and you aren’t a serial killer, so you’re good on that one
Liam: bit soon to crack a joke at Lexie’s expense or yours about how we don’t all get caught doing what we shouldn’t
Rio: 😏
Rio: if my sister goes missing, I think I’ll be able to put 2x2 together on that one, babe
Liam: the boyfriend did it every time, no technological skill required to solve the case, only luminol and an awareness of toxic masculinity
Rio: no wonder my ma liked you if you came out with all that
Rio: that’s just her energy
Liam: liked could be a bit strong but I’ll work on it, I get that everyone’s not gonna be celebrating as hard as mine is
Rio: that’s so cute 😫
Rio: it’s sweet, no one’s hating now
Liam: it’s the looking older thing, putting me at a disadvantage one time, but she knows I’m not 24 or something crazy now
Rio: No offence, but it could be a lot worse
Rio: she’s gone around with some strange people 🥴😷
Rio: and yeah, you aren’t that much older, really, so along with what you clearly have in common
Rio: I see it
Liam: not gonna get offended you think I’m normal, it’s a massive asset when I’m going round being a huge criminal, clearly
Rio: Ha, is it
Rio: stop with your jokes I’m tryna be sincere 😅
Liam: stop being sincere, you’ve had a fucked up night and if you don’t 😂 you’ll be 😭 is the cliche
Rio: God, too real
Rio: How tragic of me
Liam: nobody’ll hear it from me 😂 or 😭
Rio: Cheers, like
Rio: I’ll go get another drink and toast being free/drown my sorrows
Liam: I’d offer but you could be 3 drinks in while I’m still waiting to be served
Rio: I look older too 💁‍♀️
Liam: 🥂
Rio: I’d offer to get you guys some but I can’t 👀 yous and I’m sure you’re gonna go do something better now
Liam: I'll think of something to put the spotlight back on Edie and keep her feeling special until it's your turn
Rio: 🥰
Rio: Good job
Liam: she could teach you how to find out if Lexie did mess with you at all before, instead of giving a stranger like me access to your devices
Rio: Ah, I don’t wanna worry her
Rio: I’ll just forget about it, it’s no big
Liam: is it that worrying
Rio: Maybe I’m just over-protective, I’m sure that’s what she’d say
Liam: yeah, honestly, but I wouldn’t say it’s a bad thing
Rio: She’ll thank me when she’s not a crazy teen
Liam: probably true
Rio: It sounds like wishful thinking, I know
Rio: but I’ve been there
Liam: wishful thinking you ain’t a crazy teen no more
Rio: Charming! 😂
Liam: not a 👵 you wanted me to know
Rio: If I am you are, and you want me to know you’re not too old for her soooo 🤫
Liam: you already admitted it could be loads worse
Rio: You aren’t some sleazy ‘producer’ who pretends you don’t know how old she really is
Rio: or some wannabe rockstar
Liam: unwishful thinking or did it happen
Rio: She’s not stupid, thank God
Rio: just nightmare scenarios that would be way more worrying if she remotely was
Liam: it’s that you’ve been afraid to come to her shows before now then
Rio: Pretty much
Rio: and idk
Rio: contrary to how it seems, I try to let them have their own things
Liam: I get your motives
Rio: If she wanted me there, she’d ask, wouldn’t she?
Liam: if it’s that simple between you two
Rio: Simple ain’t the word
Liam: which sounds like her coming out with what she do or don’t want ain’t likely
Rio: She’s been vocal about what she doesn’t want but I can’t do that for her, that’s the problem
Liam: confrontation where you don’t expect anything to change is easier than getting vulnerable over something you could have, or wish you could, but dunno if you’ll get
Liam: her music matters to her, but you playing along and 👏 bc you’re her big sister isn’t enough
Rio: I know it does, doesn’t she know that
Liam: she thinks you don’t take it serious
Rio: That’s not true
Liam: to her it is or she wouldn’t have told me and I wouldn’t be telling you
Rio: I don’t know why I’ve said any of this to you
Liam: there’s some anonymity as you don’t know me, but I’m kinda invested so you’re not just venting to someone who isn’t
Rio: Honestly, forget about it
Rio: I can talk to my own sister when I need to, we’re fine
Liam: yeah, but you can let me help too
Rio: What can you do about it?
Liam: you’re here bc I invited you
Rio: She could’ve said no
Liam: and she didn’t, she said it was a good idea
Rio: yeah
Rio: me and Edie are fine
Rio: despite any efforts from ex-friends or otherwise
Liam: nobody’s crediting Lexie to that level
Rio: what are you saying, Liam?
Rio: if there’s a problem you know about, then just say
Liam: if it was about her it’d be over, it’s you saying it ain’t simple between you and Edie, I’m not saying anything
Rio: It never is, is it
Rio: were things simple with your sister?
Liam: yeah, a terminal illness is gonna make things pretty simple, like
Rio: Oh, I would’ve imagined the opposite
Liam: not for a relationship dynamic, she gets what she wants
Rio: I guess so
Rio: well, obviously, it can’t work like that long-term, sorry to be blunt
Rio: but I’m not telling you anything you don’t know
Liam: I wasn’t telling you to follow the example of me and my sister
Rio: I know
Rio: Some things can’t be fixed, that’s the truth
Liam: don’t mean you throw round a statement like that and stop trying to
Rio: All I do is try
Rio: you don’t know
Liam: I know Edie’s worth the effort
Rio: and so do I
Liam: you’ve got time and loads of chances to keep on trying is the truth
Rio: Look, it’s not a secret I’m dating our cousin, so I know you know that
Rio: it’s also not a secret that plenty of people, Edie being one of them, are not fans of that
Rio: I can’t change any of that, that’s something we’re all going to have to live with
Liam: there’s stuff you can change though that’d make things better than they are
Rio: I’m not doing anything else wrong
Rio: in her eyes, anyway
Rio: that’s where the problem starts and stops
Liam: if you say so
Rio: You’ve known her five minutes
Rio: I really don’t need a lecture when I’ve known her her whole life
Liam: I wouldn’t keep it this vague if I was putting you in your place instead of trying to spare your feelings
Rio: Spare my feelings? Like she hasn’t said it all a million times worse? 😂
Rio: worry about what you know about her after-all, but thanks
Liam: I’ve got no worries about her
Rio: ‘course not
Rio: look, I sincerely mean drop it
Rio: it’s been an intense night and a weird one on my end, let’s act like we left it there, yeah
Liam: you not wanting my help don’t mean I’m retracting the offer, it’s still there
Rio: You’re dating her, you don’t need to impress me, like
Liam: it’s about her, not you
Rio: You don’t reckon she’s better off without me then
Liam: I wouldn’t admit to it, isolating someone from their family and mates is a huge red flag
Rio: 😏 Encouraging as ever that you just bring that shit up in lieu of nothing
Liam: you brought it up
Rio: no I didn’t
Liam: when you asked me if I think she’d be better off without you
Rio: that’s hardly accusing you of being a psycho abuser
Liam: it’d be a toxic thought for me to have, especially bc I’ve not known her long enough for you
Rio: you haven’t known her long enough to have a go at me on the matter, that’s what I meant by that
Liam: I’m not having a go, I’m having a convo you started and I think is worth keeping going, for Edie’s sake
Rio: I’m not mad at you
Rio: so agreed
Liam: she’s already helped me loads with shite I’m struggling with, I wanna help her too, if I can
Rio: that’s nice
Rio: genuinely
Rio: you clearly care, I don’t have to worry about that
Liam: we did just meet but everyone’s gotta start somewhere
Rio: of course
Rio: you know people usually don’t go this fast though, I’ve not just imagined that up
Rio: most lads ‘refuse to put a label on it’
Liam: most lads think they’ve got as much time as they want to fuck about, my brain’s not wired for wasting it
Rio: I get that
Rio: but you don’t have to skip ahead, miss the fun parts, you know
Rio: like, you don’t feel forced, right
Liam: what do you think she’s rushing me into or vice versa
Rio: I know our experiences shape us, and we have no control over that, trust me, I do
Rio: but idk, it’d make me sad to think you end up doing things you didn’t actually want to, or miss out on the little things, for the sake of fitting it all in, in pursuit of those milestones
Rio: you know
Rio: neither of you deserves that
Liam: you’ve described the opposite of what we’re both doing, it’d be funny if I’d never done any of it before or I was pretending to you I hadn’t, but I’m not with her
Liam: I want it to be different and she knows it is
Rio: If that’s what you both want
Rio: then that’s all good with me
Liam: after that’s what Lexie did, I fully expected Edie to want me to do stuff I wasn’t down to, but that was before I really knew her
Rio: What did Lexie do?
Liam: you know how she can be, it was intense, and asking too much of me
Rio: that’s fucked up of her
Rio: are you okay, did you tell anybody?
Liam: what would I have said, she fancies me too hard, I had bigger things going on, it barely registered until I said about it to Edie and she was upset for me
Rio: She shouldn’t have gone out with you
Rio: even if she thought she was doing a nice thing, she clearly wasn’t mature enough to even attempt to go about it in a good way
Liam: I shouldn’t have agreed to it, she wasn’t forcing that bit, it was on me
Rio: You were grieving, bad decisions are expected
Liam: nobody was mature enough back then, it was ages ago
Rio: so young
Liam: too late now to use the rushing things chat on her
Rio: I don’t think she’s been an evil bitch the whole time
Rio: she got it wrong back then
Rio: but this time she’s crossed a line
Liam: and got caught out for it
Rio: yep
Rio: oh well, at least it’s over
Rio: even if I never work out what I did to make her do that
Liam: it’s clearly a her thing, whatever her damage is, not your fault somehow you could point at and say yeah there’s what I did
Rio: yeah
Rio: I think I’d rather I could know, what it was about
Rio: that over thinking she did it just ‘cos
Liam: I could look again, see if there’s more to find, but it ain’t gonna be a folder called why
Rio: ha
Rio: nah, you’re alright
Rio: I can move on without it
Liam: drowning your sorrows or doing a cheers, wasn’t it
Rio: 🥂
Liam: I can see you
Liam: but we're gonna head off, direct from your sister is she already feels high
Liam: I'll pick her up if you wanna 👋 [and do pick her up before Rio can answer lol]
Rio: I saw your ma commented, are you going home?
Liam: not straight back
Rio: okay, well have fun
Liam: and you
Rio: 🧡🧡
Rio: and tell her I’m sorry, yeah?
Rio: and that she was really good
Liam: yeah, I'll let her know
Rio: thanks, Liam
Liam: she'll wanna hear it
Rio: I hope so
Liam: and about [wherever they are going on this double date] too
Rio: convince her if not
Rio: she’ll 🧡 it when she gets there
Liam: both of us getting to dress up will have her 😁
Rio: absolutely
Rio: I’ve not completely forgotten who she is, like
Liam: I was hyping up your plan not calling you out as being blackout drunk this fast
Rio: you know what I mean
Rio: blackout is now the mood but hey
Liam: don’t let Lexie get to you
Rio: I’ll do my best 🙃
2 notes · View notes
xxisxxisxxis · 5 years ago
Text
Gateway Drug | Part Fifty-Six
A/N: Hey, guys! I know it seems like we're never gonna get to the good stuff because I'm not moving as quickly through the story as usual (10 chapters usually = 1 year) but that's because there's A LOT that's happening in 1987 and I don't want to rush through it because it's all important to the build up. But thank you for being patient, I promise it will get to the drama very soon!
Also, I would just like to know what are some of your Gateway Drug unpopular opinions??? Just send me an ask (anonymous or not, doesn't matter to me) and let me know if you've got one💜
Words: 4k
Warning(s): explicit language, domestic abuse, mentions of drug abuse
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After weeks of going back and forth over the Duff ordeal, Nikki and I had finally put it behind us.
Or so I thought.
I smile at my pastor as I take his extended hand for a second, the two of us exchanging "goodbye"s after service.
"Have a good week, Vivian." He tells me.
I open my mouth to reply but the loud sound of a Harley Davidson is causing he and I, and everyone waiting behind me to speak to him, and everyone already in the parking lot, to turn attention to the culprit.
Nikki stops at the curb on the street, arrogantly grinning at me and I nervously glance at my pastor.
"I-I'm gonna go. I'll see you next Sunday, good sermon." I assure him.
"See you then, Vivian." He replies, his eyes still on Nikki before I'm quickly making my way off the church's porch, my heels clicking against the pavement as I step to the street.
"Nikki, what are you doing here?" I ask him, and he looks at me over his shades.
"You gonna get on the bike or not?" He ignores me, chewing his gum, and I exhale.
"I'm wearing a dress." I state.
"I know, you look pretty." He looks me up and down.
"No, I mean I'm wearing a dress. I can't just straddle a bike at 55 miles per hour, Nikki. It'll be blowing over my head."
"Then take it off." He shrugs.
"Nikki."
"Babe, it's Los Angeles. Nobody cares if they see Vivian Sixx's panties." He brushes it off and I just stare at him, not wanting to tell him why that's still an issue.
His face shifts, his grin turns into a full-fledged smile, a boyish laugh flutters past his lips and he looks so, so amused.
"You're not wearing any?" He asks me, and I turn beet red, hitting at his arm with my hand.
"I couldn't. There was a panty line." I explain to him as discreetly as I can.
"You didn't wear panties to church?"
"Shh!" I cover his mouth with my hand for a second, glancing around.
It seems people are just staring because Nikki Sixx is in their parking lot.
I don't know if some of them even realize that he's attended a service here before.
"Well, lemme see." He enthusiastically let's out as he reaches for the hem of my dress that falls right about my knees and I swat his hand away, giving him a death glare. "You're dirty." He teases and I hug my Bible to me.
"Shut up."
He's suddenly dropping his switchblade from his pocket on purpose and it hits the ground.
"Oops. Wanna bend over and pick it up?" He asks me and I hit him again, causing him to laugh once again.
He reaches down and grabs it before patting the seat behind him.
"Viv, seriously, commando aside, get on. We have a hot date for brainstorming the video ideas for 'Girls, Girls, Girls'."
I look around again before just having to mentally say "screw it" and strategically get on without flashing anyone, making sure my dress lays between me and the seat.
Nikki and I give one last glance to the folks coming out of the church, looking at us, including the pastor.
Nikki offers a mischievous smile and a wave before crossing himself and I lightly hit his thigh while saying, "babe, quit, it's not a catholic church."
"Oh. Oops." He shrugs before taking off.
One thing about Harley Davidson, if you're sensitive to sensation, you will damn near be drowning yourself by the time the ride is over.
I scowl at Nikki as I take another paper towel and wipe myself clean as he leans against the door of the bathroom, chuckling at me.
"It's not funny. My dress is wet." I scold him.
"Well, it's not my fault your pot holds that much honey." He defends himself, trying to hold back more laughter.
I stare him down."Okay, I'm sorry. I'm being insensitive to your hyperactive pussy-juice glands." He let's out in a serious tone but he smirks when I look at him, again.
"Nikki."
"Shoulda worn panties, huh? Well, wouldn't have mattered that'd just be one more thing for you to gripe about leaking in."
"Keep talking and you won't get to dip your honey wand in the pot for very, very, long time." I threaten and he stops abruptly.
"Fine." He smartly says, rolling his eyes.
Once I get cleaned up, we're stepping into the studio just in time for Vince to sarcastically say:
"'Pussy. Everywhere. All kinds of pussy'."
As if he's mocking somebody.
"Stupid fucker." He adds, he, Tommy, Doc and Mick all turning to face us.
"I need to go back to church." I tell Nikki and he smiles, shaking his head a little.
"Hey, Viv." Vince greets me, looking me up and down, exaggerating the kiss of his teeth. "You look good today."
"Means a lot coming from someone who thinks groupies are the most beautiful women in the world." I say through a fake smile.
"Any woman with a good body and right equipment is the most beautiful woman in the world to me." He agrees, grinning.
"Swine."
"Dirty stripper."
"Strippers!" Tommy suddenly pipes and I look at him.
"Tommy, please, don't encourage him."
"No, for the video. Film it in a strip club." He suggests.
"Would that get played on television?" I ask.
"Fuck MTV. I'm down." Vince agrees with Tommy.
"Mick?" Tommy nudges at the guitar player, who shrugs.
"That's the whole point of the song, isn't it?" He says.
The three of them look to Nikki for final approval and Nikki looks at me, an evil genius smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.
"Under one condition."
The one condition being...
"Are you out of your mind?!" I say to Nikki when we get back home as he continues to try to convince me.
We had to go by and get my car from church and I thought we had settled it before we even left the studio but just as we met at our front door, he asked me about it, again.
"Viv, it's like a four minute song and you won't be but in a few clips of the video."
"I'm not playing the part of a stripper, Nikki! I'm not..." I try to think of the words to describe everything an exotic dancer has that I don't. "...I don't have it." Is the best I can use to explain it.
"What the hell does that even mean?"
"I don't know but I'm not comfortable prancing around in heels and lingerie, dancing for strangers in a club and millions of more on television." I state. "I'm not doing it."
"Well you heard Sharise when Vince called and asked her. She said 'yes'."
"I'm not her, Nikki. Sharise can pull it off because she's sexy and sensual and confident enough for it."
He looks at me like I've lost my last marble.
"Vivian, are you fucking kidding me? You don't think you're sexy?!"
"No, I'm not, now drop it." I tell him, stepping to our bedroom.
Firstly, glory to God and all the saints said "amen", secondly...you can find me dancing half naked several times in Mötley Crüe's infamous "Girls, Girls, Girls" music video.
"Baby, you're perfect. What the hell are you talking about?" He follows after me and I sigh.
"Of course you think that because we're together." I state, about to get a shower and change clothes.
"Viv, seriously." He grabs at my wrist to stop me from walking away, his hand gently running across my cheek. "I am married to the most beautiful, smart, funny, loving, sexy woman on the entire planet."
"Thank you for the ass kissing, but if it's in an effort to get me to be in the video, it's still a 'no'."
"I was just reminding you of those things." He tells me, smiling. "Can you at least think about doing the video?"
"Nope." I reply, pecking his lips before stepping to the shower.
There is no way in hell I'm going to be in that video.
I don't know how the hell we went from that day to this:
My blood boils.
I can tell Nikki's smirking, despite his back being turned to me in his seat as "Wild Side" starts to fade out, sounds of the street playing in the song signaling it's ending.
I've managed to keep from saying a word, hoping the song got better at some point...except it only got worse.
Vince, Tommy, Mick and Doc all wait for me to say something.
Anything.
Nikki finally turns to face me, smirk tugging at his lips, eyes fucked on heroin, and I see nothing but the devil looking at me.
"Well?" He asks me, leaned back, hand covering his lips to attempt to mask his pride in pissing me off.
"Typically when you ask someone to repeat a prayer that's important to their faith, you don't write a song that completely picks apart and disrespects--"
"--Oh, here we go." He grumbles, rolling his eyes.
"I'm sorry, did you expect to write bullshit like 'our Father who ain't in Heaven' and think I would be ok--"
"--I expected you to fucking support me--" He starts but I stop him.
"--Somebody's up there or else you wouldn't be alive!" I state, talking over him.
His laugh mocks me, only causing more tension to fill up the room, and I have to keep myself from going at him.
"I'm alive because I fucking want to be." He hisses.
"That's real bold of you to say, Nikki."
"Oh, is it? Because it pisses God, or whatever else imaginary friend you cry to, off?"
"Nikki." Doc states, knowing he's just trying to piss me off at this point.
"Fuck off, Doc." He barks. "I took a meaningless chant and turned it into something useful. I'm sorry if you're too closed minded to accept that, Vivian."
I don't say a word, grabbing my purse and stepping to the door as fast as I can, not wanting to argue over something he thinks is stupid to begin with. "It really sucks you don't like, especially since you're a credited co-writer on it." He states suddenly and this stops me in my tracks.
"I'm what?" I ask through my teeth.
"A credited co-writer. Meaning when the album is put out, your name will be listed as one of the writers of the song." He explains.
I spin around to face him and he's looking at me innocently.
I'm not angry with the song. I'm angry he knew it would upset me, and instead of giving me a warning or being honest with me about it, he's instead saying everything he can to further hurt me, and he's proud of himself for it.
"I thought you'd be happy with that...you know, early anniversary present?" He's wearing a smug smile.
"Nikki. How you're going about it is disrespectful to me." I try to tell him, calmly.
"So is lying to me about who you're hanging out with."
That does it.
I get one good punch in before everyone's in an uproar, trying to separate us.
Nikki's got a fistful of my hair, and I'm hitting Doc as hard as I can, trying to get him away from Nikki so I can better access the feral bastard.
Doc gets knocked out of the way, and Nikki's other hand grabs at my throat while I kick at him roughly, causing him to let me go and stumble back a few steps before I'm swinging on him again.
Doc blocks my hit and Tommy and Vince keep Nikki away from me.
"Let the little bitch go, I wanna fucking show her something!" Nikki threats angrily
"You've showed me enough of your bullshit the last four years that divorce is something I'm looking forward to!" I shout back.
"Psycho cunt!"
"Mommy Issued Junkie!" I bite back, causing him to try to get to me again, and causing me to fight against Doc once more.
"Stop it!" Doc yells over us.
"Fuck you!" Nikki and I exclaim at the same time.
His cheek is bright red from where I hit him, and my scalp is burning from how hard he tugged at my hair.
"Guys, c'mon." Tommy tells us as they try to get us to calm down.
"This is starting to get ridiculous." Vince adds.
"Fuck off, Vince!" Nikki snaps.
"Shut the fuck up, Nikki." Vince puts in just as I say, "don't fucking talk to him like that!" in defense of Vince.
"Oh, have you been lying to me about how much time you spend with him, too?!"
"How much time are you really spending with Vanity, Nikki?! I can easily turn this back around on you!" I point out.
Nikki, Vince, and Tommy all get awfully quiet, Nikki's nostrils flaring.
I know he's spending more time with her, except he's never lied to me about it, he just doesn't necessarily tell me when they hang out. And it's because he wants me to believe he's off crack, and if they hang out, they're doing drugs together.
"Get the fuck out." He demands.
"Gladly. Don't bother coming home tonight. Just stay out, shoot up with Robbin and smoke crack with Vanity. I'm fucking done." I sneer before grabbing my things and slamming the door behind me as I leave.
But I wasn't done.
I scrub at another glass, hearing the front door being unlocked, and Nikki's steps coming inside before the door shuts and I hear him give out a heavy sigh.
I don't acknowledge him when he steps into the kitchen to grab a paper bag from the fridge, turning on his heel before heading back to the door.
He gets outside and I hear the sound of his bike firing back up.
"Damn it, Viv." I breathe out to myself, feeling guilty for what all I said to him, and a small part of me hopes he feels guilty, too.
I finish the dishes and immediately call Robbin, praying he hasn't gone out to meet Nikki, yet.
I'm ready to hang up by the third ring, until I hear:
"Hello?"
"Robbin, hey, it's Viv." I tell him.
"Hey, babe, what're you up to?"
"Are you and Nikki hanging out tonight?" I ask him and he hesitates.
"We are..."
"Where at?"
"Jeez, I don't know, Viv. Probably start at the Cathouse, end up at a strip joint or something."
"He's pissed at me, Robbin."
"Yeah, he called me from the studio when you left."
"I told him not to come home tonight."
"...And he's not." He replies.
"No, he's not, but I want him to."
"Then tell him."
"He's not gonna listen to me." I argue.
"Then don't piss him off."
"Well, tell him not to piss me off."
"Then, you tell him."
"I've tried, he doesn't listen to me."
The line is silent for a second and I blink.
"Hello?"
"This is why I'm not married. Jesus Christ."
"Robbin, you're engaged, remember?" I remind him.
"No, no, this is why I'm not married to you. Laurie's not cra--" He stops himself abruptly and I raise my brows.
"What was that?"
"Uh, oh, wow I-I think I'm breaking up on you, Viv."
I can tell he's rustling his hand over the phone, giving the effect of static.
"Robbi--"
"--I'll talk to him, love you, bye, Viv."
He hangs up and I exhale.
Karen comes into the kitchen, wearing a cocktail dress and heels, her hair and makeup done.
"I'm going on a date." She tells me. "If I'm not back by 2:00am, call the cops. I've been murdered." She sternly says.
"Got it." I nod.
"We're going out on the strip." She adds. "Which is all bars, clubs and strippers, so pray for me."
"If you see Vince, don't let him talk to you. You'll be in the back of his limo before you even realize what hit you."
"Trust me, I know, I have mace specifically for 'Vince Repellent'." She assures me, touching up her lipstick. "Alright, I'll see you later."
"Okay, have fun." I offer to her.
Once she's gone, I'm arguing with myself internally as I glance at the clock, trying to decide if I should try to reconcile with Nikki or not.
He'll be junked out and still mean, it won't do any good.
The shitty part is that I've noticed he's started to take maintenance doses through out the day, especially before we go out somewhere.
It's been easy to decipher if he's sober or not by just suggesting we go somewhere as simple as the grocery store.
When he's sober, he can't spend more than two minutes in a room full of people--five minutes, max, if I make him stay longer than what he wants to.
But when he's got smack going through him, he acts like his normal, social self.
I asked Izzy about it a couple weeks ago and he said Nikki's probably reached the point where if he doesn't have even the smallest amount of heroin in his system ever so often, withdraw symptoms and the pain of the impact the drugs have on his body, will start up.
And as for the social aspect, he said he more than likely doesn't know how to function without heroin as his anxiety buffer anymore.
That's ever more sad because Nikki use to be perfectly fine socializing without anything in his system. But now he can't even go to the Rainbow to eat with the guys, or go on a date with me, without shooting up to calm himself down and if he over does it on his dose, he's either too out of it to be social anyway, or he's a fucking prick.
Which only means one thing in my mind: Nikki's the farthest into it he can get. The next step, if he doesn't stop it, is funeral planning.
I step to our bedroom, deciding I'll just leave him alone tonight.
He and Tommy leave in a couple days, with the guys mastering and mixing their album, to New York to finish off the process there.
Maybe he'll have an epiphany while he's gone for a handful of days and come back and apologize for being a dick to me the past few days...more like "past few years."
Oh, yeah. I better have many jewels on my crown when I get to heaven for not leaving the crazy bastard by now.
How can I leave him? He needs good, solid people around him that won't sugar coat shit to save his ego and his feelings.
He needs me, and lots of God, but I've never been one to force my beliefs onto him, and I'm not going to start now.
Lately he's let off that he despises God more now than he did when we dated.
Again, I personally think there are actual demons fucking with his head, using his addiction to sneak in and start lashing out through him.
Our house even feels like it's riddled with something evil.
Dark energy, demons, bad vibes, whatever you choose to call it, it hits you like a wave when you step foot in the house.
Something sick and demented has built its nest and with Nikki's incline in his use, whatever it is has made its point clear: it's not leaving until Nikki's dead.
On my way to the bathroom, I notice his journal on his nightstand. He usually keeps them hidden from me, but I know he's written in one since before we dated because I've seen him write in one, but I've rarely just seen one laying around.
He usually keeps them put up.
A lightbulb goes off in my mind as I stare at the book that contains a multitude of sins and secrets in his handwriting.
"No. That's wrong. It's an invasion of his trust and privacy." I little voice in my mind tells me.
"He doesn't talk to you about private things as much as you think he does. Don't you wanna know what he really does when you aren't around...or how he really feels about you?" An arguing voice counters.
"He hasn't given you any reason to not trust him."
"Ha! That you know of. Read the diary and you'll probably have a multitude of reasons not to trust him."
"He loves you. He cares about you. He wants you. If he didn't, he wouldn't take your shit, and if you didn't feel the same for him, you wouldn't take his. Why do you need to dig through his confidential, personal, thoughts and feelings?"
"You two are married. If your husband has confidential anything he's keeping from you, that's a red flag."
"Give him the basic respect, Vivian. Don't read it."
"Fuck respect. He called you a 'psycho cunt' earlier. You need to get to the bottom of why he calls you awful things when he's on junk. Oh, yeah, because he thinks those awful things about you when he's sober, he just doesn't give a voice to them until he can't control himself."
"He loves you. He doesn't think those things about you. He just says them to get a reaction out of you."
"I bet he's about to spring a divorce on you."
I squeeze my eyes closed.
"Shut up!" I yell, silencing the voices, taking a heavy breath.
Deciding not to read it, I just pick the diary up and open his night table drawer, placing it soundly inside before closing it shut.
What I would have ended up reading, had I decided to let my curiosity kill me:
March 23, 1987
Van Nuys
4:47am
Fuck. Early last night Vanity called the house looking for me. I forgot Viv was at home and when I let the machine take the call, Vanity was fucked up and was spewing out everything she wanted to do to me the next time she saw me. I've never moved that fast in my fucking life to answer a phone. Viv would've had a stroke if she heard Vanity describe the kind of blowjob I'd be getting from her, but thank god Viv was by the pool.
She's starting to wonder when exactly I'm leaving my wife. I just keep telling her after the tour is over. I don't even know when I told her I was leaving Viv but she claims I promised her I was going to so now I'm even further in the shithole.
I keep waiting for Vanity to drop the bomb about mine and her's antics to Vivian. Anytime we're all hanging out, I'm bracing for impact, along with Vince and Tommy, and Vanity knows it. She uses it to her fucking advantage.
I'll say I can't spend time with her because I want to stay home or want to have a night with Viv, and Vanity will say something like, "I wonder if you'd have a home to stay in if she knew the truth" or "oh, I forgot about Viv. Should I tell her you forget about her sometimes, too?"
I want to break things off because I know it'll destroy Viv if she finds out, and I really have no business having a full-blown affair, or even seeing anyone else, but I'm nervous that Vanity will spitefully let Viv know what's been going on.
I'm fucking tired. Tired of living, tired of wanting to die, tired of junk, tired of sobriety, tired of my mistress (if you would even call her that...in my mind she's just a chick that gets the job done when I'm out of my mind and my wife isn't around).
I swear I'm two different people.
Sikki fucks Vanity, abuses Vivian and acts like a rottweiler with rabies towards other people when he's not in the mood.
I don't know who or what the fuck I am anymore. And I don't care, either.
P.S. - I've realized the reason so many of the greats OD when they're in their prime is because all the fucking girls driving them absolutely fucking crazy. It's hard to stay sober when you're fucking two of the hardest ballbusters in L.A. and their crazy infects you and starts to fester.
P.P.S. - Would it be bad if I admit I wouldn't mind "accidentally" shooting Duff in the leg? Call it junkie's intuition: I have a feeling, and I don't want it anywhere near my wife
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kinktae · 4 years ago
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Hope you’re doing okay and wishing for your recovery!! 💗
below the cut are some of the most precious, kind, sweet, angelic human beans in the world. thank u so much to everyone who took time out of your day to send me in a kind message rooting for my recovery :((( u guys have my whole heart!
Anonymous said: im so sorry about your diagnosis i really hope you get well soon! praying for you! 🥺❤️
Anonymous said: oh baby… i’m so so sorry this happened to u 🥺. i’m truly hoping n wishing u a speedy recovery. take care as much as u can n rest as much a u can. i’m sending u lots of warmth, love, n healing energy ! feel better soon, sweetheart 🥺🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍
Anonymous said: I'm so sorry to hear about you falling ill atm!! I hope you're feeling better (covid is a bitch so better as in: sick but not sick af) and resting a lot 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
purely-heroine said: I know we don’t converse but you are one of my favorite authors and are important in this world SO PLEASE GET BETTER AND STAY HEALTHY AFTER!!!! 🥺💛🌼
Anonymous said: Omg rose please get well soon :( I’m so sorry I hope everything turns out ok for u take ur time to recover <3 I hope u get well quickly❤️❤️❤️❤️
Anonymous said:omfg get well soon !! and i'm sorry that you're in this condition bc people are too stubborn to wear masks :((
Anonymous said:Get well soon love! My thoughts go out to you, stay safe and take care of yourself ❤❤
Anonymous said:OH MY GOD ARE YOU OKAY DO YOU THINK YOUR CONDITION IS SERIOUS AND HOW DO YOU FEEL RIGHT NOW STUPID PEOPLE NOT WEARING THEIR STUPID MASKS AND NOW NY BEAUTIFUL ROSE IS HURT FUCK THEM I LOVE YOU AND I HOPE YOU GET BETTER
Anonymous said:I’m sending you all my love honey! I hope all of your symptoms go away soon! 💖💕💞
jiminskth said: oh my corona NOO pls pls pls take care of urself and most of all !!do not!! force urself to write bc were waiting ur health ALWAYS comes first! im so sorry thjs had to happen bc of other ppls foolish actions :( i hope u get better quickly bc we’ll all miss you! 🥺❤️
Anonymous said: omg rose im so sorry :( there are irresponsible people who think that things are back to normal but is quit the opposite so i hope you get better soon 💜
Anonymous said: Hope you get well soon honey! This sucks ): but I’m praying for your fast recovery 💜
sakurasangcl said: Oh no! Take care of yourself and feel better soon!
Anonymous said: ladies grab ur swords we’re gonna find this rona bitch and we’re jumping her ass for hurting our gorl rose☺️🗡
Anonymous said: ME AND THE HOMIES ARE GONNA GO BEAT MISS RONA’S ASS FOR LAYING HER FILTHY HANDS ON YOU😤👊🏽 n e ways i hope you feel better soon and have a safe recovery bby🥺💞💓💖
Anonymous said: Omg how are u and ur fam feeling!!!!
Anonymous said: Are you feeling any better? I hope you are!
Anonymous said: Hewwo just passing by to say that I hope everything's okay and that you and your dad are doing better now 💗
Anonymous said: rose :(( i hope you and your father get better soon!!! sending love to you so you can stay strong ❤️❤️❤️ muah!! ❤️❤️❤️
Anonymous said: i am so sorry to hear that you and your father are sick. i will keep you in my thoughts and i am hoping you feel better soon. take all the time you need to recover and more; you and your family's health are more important than anything. stay hydrated and nourished! 💞💞
Anonymous said: Hi! Uhm I really like all your stories, im just here to say that we your readers appreciate you so much ❤️ I hope you're doing well know! We'll always be by yourside
roxydemi said: I hope your dad is alright!! Please take care of yourself and I wish you and him a speedy recovery 💖
Anonymous said: Damn that fucking sucks theres like no other way to explain it i hope you and your father are okay along with your whole family hun your in my prayers 😥😔 🙏🏽 stay strong ✊🏽
diorscript said: rose i hoping for a full recovery! this virus has been ravaging this world for far too long and i hope it’s eradicated soon 🥺 i pray that you and your family can come out of this safely 💗💗💗💗
Anonymous said: Omg I’m so sorry about ur father :(( I really hope he gets well soon❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
cheyshumannose said: Take all the time you need beautiful, your health is what’s important 💜
Anonymous said: i hope you’re doing well too. stay strong - hate anon ❤️
kxsmicsmain said: Hey Rose! My mama has just recently finished recovering from COVID, so I really hope you and your father can as well! Im sorry you got sick, but I really hope you all can reciver quickly and be okay!
Anonymous said: I’m so sorry you have covid! It’s awful! I am a nurse, and even though I don’t work on the Covid unit, a lot of my coworkers and I have come down with it. Here’s to hoping you have a speedy recovery, keep hydrated.
cainami said: You’ve been in my thoughts and prayers lately girl 💖 i just wanted to tell you hope you feel better and i hope you don’t feel too down. being sick can be scary even when you are recovering well. wishing you all the best🥰 (in the meantime i’ll be rereading all your fics lol)
bbbrats said: hi my baby, it’s been a while :( but i hope you’re doing well! i saw your covid 19 post so I wanted to give you a home remedy. It helped my mom with her covid. Onions, orange peels, lemon peels and sea salt in a pot of boiling water. lean over it and inhale the steam that comes from it.
meesathefish said: OH MY GOODNESS I AM SO SORRY I HAVEN’T CHECKED YOUR TUMBLR FOR UPDATES IN A WHILE I HOPW YOU & YOUR DAD ARE DOING OKAY PLEASE MAKE SURE TO TAKE REALLY DEEP BREATHS REGULARLY TO PREVENT PNEUMONIA I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT ELSE IS GOOD TO DO BUT PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU & YOUR FAMILY FIRST AND FOREMOST YOU WERE THE FIRST BTS FIC AUTHOR I FOLLOWED ON THIS WEBSITE YOU’RE WONDERFUL YOU GOT THIS SENDING GOOD VIBES & EVERYTHING YOR WAY ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Anonymous said: heyy miss rona really do be out here ruining shit but i hope you feel better soon pls take care of yourself <33
kpopbias1 said: Get well sis! I'm rooting for you!
lovemyself-persona said:I hope you get better soon 💜💜💜 my mom, brother and I, along with a few other family members got it and have now gotten over it and I hope you do too 🥺 stay rested and hydrated 💜💜💜
Anonymous said:y’all we gotta stop miss rona now. she’s gone too far.
usagionthem00n said: Rose my darling Im wishing you the best of health and speediest if recoveries🌼🌸🌺💐
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sunsetsover · 5 years ago
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ideas on ballum’s first date? and does ben enjoy running his fingers through Callum’s hair just as much as callum does? p.s hope your holidays improve 💕
thank you, they weren’t so bad but i’m very glad to be home lmao 💞
ok so i went a little bit overboard w this but this is me we’re talking about, it’s to be expected lmao but i did them in bullet points for clarity !!
so ideas for the first date:
it’s awkward as hell at first lmao
ben is still in a lot of pain from his injury because he isn’t fully healed, and also he’s lowkey a nervous wreck bc he realizes this a big deal for callum!!! but also it’s a big deal for him too!!! he likes callum!! he doesn’t want to fuck it up!! for callum’s sake, and the sake of their Thing that they have going already
and callum is highkey a nervous wreck for a multitude of reasons…. mostly it’s the gay thing bc it’s all so fresh and new and he still can’t walk around the square without feeling like ppl are staring at him…. and he realizes a lot of it is paranoia but also like….. he’s just split up w whitney, and everyone around walford knows them and knows him and what’s happened and like there’s just no anonymity….. he kind of wishes they could get on a train and go somewhere else, somewhere where they can slip into the crowd where no one knows them so callum maybe won’t feel like everyone is watching them and judging him but ben can’t risk going too far away from home yet….. which is fine it really is he’d rather be safe than sorry and it’s Just A Pint anyway not a big deal……. it’s just that callum kind of wants to crawl out of his skin a little bit….. no biggie……….
(but callum still goes on the date, because of course he does. he wants to go out for a drink with ben. he does. that’s not the problem. the problem is everything else.)
so yh they go to e20 (it’s not ideal but the alternate choices are the vic, which has too many prying eyes, and the prince albert, which is too much too soon for callum) and it’s really awkward at first bc ben can sense how nervous callum is - jumping at every noise and constantly checking over his shoulder and can hardly sit still
and at first ben is a little bit put out bc he hasn’t had a problem keeping a man’s attention in a Long Ass Time but then he remembers what he was like when he was in callum’s shoes and can’t really be mad at him lmao….. he just is maybe kinda sad abt it bc this date is Weak and callum deserved better
so after a while ben asks callum if he wants to leave and callum is like ’???? wtf no’ bc he doesn’t even realize how jumpy and distracted he is
and ben is like ‘it’s ok if you do, i don’t mind, i get it’ and callum is really just sitting there like ???
so ofc bc callum isn’t saying anything ben starts rambling like 'maybe this was too soon, you have just broke up with whitney and you’re still getting your head around things, i don’t want you running into things when you’re not ready’ etc 
meanwhile in his head he’s like ben u Fuckin Idiot!! u’ve fucked it up!!!!!!! u’ve pushed him too hard this is too much u should have just waited!!!!!!!!!!!
that is until callum interrupts his rambling by Very Firmly saying 'ben, if i didn’t want to be here, i wouldn’t be here’
that shuts ben up lmao
after that callum makes a more conscious effort to relax and actually pay attention to ben and it doesn’t take long for callum to actually relax and forget where he is and everything that’s happened and enjoy ben’s company
and ben keeps having a go at cal for making him laugh bc it hurts and every single time callum gets really serious and apologetic which only makes ben laugh harder :-(
by the end of the night they’re sat practically pressed together in one of those rounded booths and neither of them know how they ended up like that bc they were on opposite sides when they sat down but neither of them really care :-)
they don’t stay out too late bc ben’s still a little out of whack from his injury, though it’s callum that insists they leave bc ben keeps being like ‘one more drink’ even tho cal can see him drooping w exhaustion :-( poor ben just doesn’t want it to be over bc tho the date started weak they have completely turned it around :-(
ben perks back up once they’re out in the fresh air and immediately starts teasing callum abt the fact that he’s walking him home
“proper gent you, ain’t ya? i can’t remember the last time someone walked me home after a date.” “you’re injured, i’m hardly gonna leave you to walk home by yourself am i? what if something happened to ya?” “what, during the five minute walk between e20 and my dad’s?” “you never know.” “just admit that you’re hoping i’ll invite you in for a nightcap.”
callum kind of freezes up at that but ben just gives him That Look and a small shove and says 'i’m joking, callum’
when they’re at the door to the mitchell’s ben turns to him with this soft smile and says 'don’t take this the wrong way, but i think we’re a bit too old for snogging on the doorstep while my dad’s probably sat in the living room’ and callum laughs and looks at the floor all shy because he doesn’t feel too old. he feels like he’s sixteen years old and he’s just been on his first proper date and this is all new and exciting to him.
(he supposes it is, in a way.)
and then ben very softly asks 'wasn’t so bad, was it?’ and callum smiles at him and shakes his head and ben smiles back and whispers 'good’ and leans over and kisses him on the cheek - it doesn’t linger quite as long as the last one, but this one feels different. warmer. like a promise of more to come. and he can’t help but grab hold of ben’s hand as he unlocks the front door and squeeze it as they say goodbye :-)
and they’re both so fucking enamoured w each other in that moment that both of them forget to ask for a second date lmao
so yeah it’s a pretty good date in the end lmao
as for hair stroking!!
he never really gets into hair stroking at first on account of the fact that callum is just So Fucking Tall and he always has his hair covered in gel so he can’t just do it absentmindedly the way callum does…… 
the few times he’s tried it’s awkward and not at all suave and natural the way callum does it, and then callum will complain about ben fucking up his hair and ben will end up with a sticky hand and like… there are more fun ways to end up in that situation….
besides it’s not like ben isn’t physically affectionate in other ways !!! it’s just that hair stroking is more callum’s thing
that is until one day callum practically passes out with his head on ben’s chest and all ben can see is the crown of his head…. his hair lookin soft as hell… smelling good bc he just had a shower…. and like what is ben gonna do? not stroke it?
and he’s glad callum is asleep tbh bc he has to like… figure out what works best…….. bc it’s not like lexi’s hair and it’s not like paul’s hair and it’s not like he has much experience with stroking anyone else’s hair…. so he’s like. Experimenting
and then he starts scratching at the shorter hair behind callum’s ear and cal makes this little sighing noise and presses closer to him and ben is just like oh ???????????????
so he keeps trying different things and callum just keeps on making these happy sounds and pressing his face more into ben’s chest and it’s just like…. game over….. he can’t believe This is what he’s been missing out on
or at least it’s game over while callum is asleep bc ben is Shy and doesn’t want to make a bigger fool out of himself in front of callum than he does already……. but like once callum’s unconscious? it’s game over
and callum has suspicions bc he keeps waking up to ben’s fingers tangled in his hair but it’s weird bc like…. why does he only do it when he’s asleep?
so, because he has learned from his other half Sneaky Bastard Ben, one day he fakes falling asleep just to see :-) and sure enough ben hands are in his hair within minutes - he starts off just gently rolling a bit of callum’s hair in between his fingers, but before long he’s full on stroking his fingers through the long part of callum’s hair
and callum pretends to be asleep for as long as he can but after a certain point he just can’t keep the smile off his face
and ben gets all huffy bc he’s embarrassed :-(
but callum just laughs and kisses ben’s chest and moves closer to him so he has easier access to his hair and ben resumes his stroking Immediately bc it’s like instinct now :-)
after that anytime they’re cuddling they basically cannot keep their hands out of each others hair
ben even takes to scratching at the hair on callum’s nape in public (when they’re sat down ofc bc callum is still So Fucking Tall) bc he can’t get to his favourite bit bc of the gel :-( so needless to say ben very quickly starts to hate the gel and tries to convince callum to abandon it but he won’t bc he thinks the slicked back hair makes him look Professional
ben pouts about it but he also kinda likes being the only one who gets to see his soft floppy hair now
anyway long story short, yes ben likes running his fingers through callum’s hair just as much as callum does, it just takes him a little while longer to catch on lmao
💖💖💖
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