#oh to be fundamentally cringe as a person!

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

a hard thing about having my brain is that when i am really into something, i enter a state of weird mania where my creative energy is completely crackling and tireless and single-minded, as evinced by the three fics, one vid, and one zillion posts i have inflicted upon the romangerri tumblr community since sunday D:

[gaycatastrophe]

got the second astarion romance scene at the tiefling party started literally swinging my feet and giggling at "here's my little treat with their cheeks all flushed". The problem with astarion's bad lines is that they didn't work the first time around because I didnt know the character like that but now he's just my little guy and it's fucking cute.

[necrotic-nephilim]

as a Helena fan who's witnessed this whole bit go from silly jokes/memes to genuine vitriol, it's been utterly bizarre. from what i noticed, the root of the comparison came from people fanonizing Jason to the degree of saying "he has Catholic guilt (bc of the Flashpoint priest!Jason) and he'd be an English school teacher (bc i'm assuming, his taste for classic lit) and he's female rage-coded and he would adopt/protect children" which, are canonical traits of Helena. so at first, it was sort of a joke lamenting the fact ppl would rather force unrealistic headcanons onto Jason than consume content with a woman in the Batfam. because it's sort of a tad ironic/painful to see fanonized Jason Todd who's being called all these things he isn't, when there's a canon character who *is* all of those things right there. like if that's the character you want, why wouldn't you want to read about Helena. the issue started with frustration against fanon Jason, from my experience anyway.

but then, it spiraled out of control to become a comparison of their lethal moral code and their disagreements with Bruce suddenly making Jason this stupid boy clone of Helena. which isn't true and is an insult to both of them to claim they're at all the same. they kill for different reasons, they're at odds with Bruce for different reasons. a well-written Helena and a well-written Jason really have little in common. though their interactions could be interesting, i don't even think they'd get along tbh.

i think in recent months/years, the Batfamily fandom suddenly became self aware that they grossly ignore the women of the Batfam. and now they're trying *too hard* to course correct for that. to an extent, i get why Helena isn't in the majority of fanon content- she hasn't really *been* a Batfamily member since pre-Flashpoint. the New-52 and Rebirth versions of her character are arguably not even the same character and certainly not a character as important to the Batfamily as she used to be. so why *would* a fandom mostly pulling from modern comics know who she is aside from the couple WFA episodes she's been in. (which did her *no* favors for people understanding her and also whitewashed her before the art was fixed.)

but, i think everyone's now trying to prove how woke their fandom content is (i hate using that word, it sounds very republican but i can't think of a better one.) by including women and characters of color to prove they don't just care about the boys. and sure, it's cool and all if you want to pick up Huntress comics bc you're sick of reading about stories only featuring Bruce and his "sons", but now it's like. almost a competition to prove how much more you know about the Batfam than other people when you make these jokes. i've seen the same thing happening comparing Steph and Jason recently. yes, it's important to care about the more diverse characters of the Batfam as much as you care about the boys. but now they're put on this ridiculous pedestal of being the "more cool alternatives". an organic push for content about the underrated characters is one thing, but it's another thing entirely when it's born out of a performative nature, which is certainly what this whole... thing feels like.

and the irony is, you can *really* tell the people doing this the most haven't actually read much of Helena's content outside of Gail Simone's Birds of Prey. and my hot take is, i don't think Gail Simone does a *great* job with Helena and she's often pretty sexist toward Helena (making other characters slut shame her, making Helena very promiscuous which isn't something she has a history of, etc) so, while it's important content for Helena, it can be a shallow reading of her. where all you really get about her is "pro-murder Batfam vigilante with a crossbow and a sassy personality" which sure, feels a *bit* like a shallow Jason. but that's the whole point, you have to make them both *incredibly* shallow to compare them. bc it's not about actually liking the women, it's about getting the shallow brownie points of saying "look i know who she is and i think she's *totally* cooler than Jason he's a dumb copy".

tbh even with the Jason Todd headcanons that are more egregious in feeling like "oh that's just Helena Bertinelli but a dude", it's not like it's being done on purpose. none of these fanon-only fans know enough about Helena to be purposefully stealing her traits and it really isn't that deep aside from sometimes, people just have bad headcanons that kinda make you wish they would read about characters aside from their main blorbos. but hey, they're not *required* to, and no one is an evil misogynist for having some OOC headcanons. you suck the fun out of fandom when you require people to interact with characters they aren't interested in. and depending on why someone likes Jason, they honestly might not like Helena. they're wildly different and have very different dynamics with everyone around them.

and i get it, Jason has had *wildly* inconsistent writing and there's debate upon debate of what's in character for him, what comics you should consider when trying to make fan content about him, and so on. i'm in the "anything past pre-Flashpoint isn't in the version i prefer" camp, but the whole mess of it scatters the fandom on how to write him. which i think is the actual root of him getting fanonizing beyond recognition, *not* people stealing from Helena. is it particularly headache-inducing to see Jason fans say "he's girl coded" or "he's female-rage coded"? yeah. but even those fans aren't ever going to be convinced out of their bubble by vitriolic comments made about how Jason's a total loser and Helena's so much cooler than him. and then the more canon-based fans who might *actually* like Helena and probably would read her comics if just given an honest recommendation of her character are *really* not going to want to be interacting her content/fandom. painting a broad stroke of the Jason fandom all seeing Jason as this cartoonish fanon version of himself does you no favors with anyone.

like i used to find the silly jokes/memes that were solely calling out bad fanon enjoyable as pure lighthearted "oh i wish more people liked this character the way they liked that character bc the fandom for this character is so small" vibes, but you're right about it getting out of hand. it's become the only thing people seem to talk about in the Huntress fandom space. i'd much rather discuss Helena for who she is then talk about Jason. because isn't it just a *little* ironic that in attempting to make this fandom more inclusive of the women, we still just *have* to make it about the men? you don't make Helena, or Steph or Cass or Onyx or any other underrated woman sound cool by comparing them to Jason. you just make it sound like you don't know how she stands as a character on her own. she's a cool character with a cool history (both in-universe and the meta history of the Huntress mantle) but this whole weird hate boner for Jason permeating the fandom space for her just makes people hate her instead of not know of her. and really, i can't blame anyone for that.

Like. Where and when did Helena vs Jason thing start? It's so fucking annoying and makes me think that I'll never want to interact with the Huntress fandom if/when I read more stuff about her. Which is a bit how I avoid interacting with the Nightwing fandom at large despite liking his stuff.

[leupagus]

On Taash

I think one reason people keep pretending that Taash's character is badly-written is because they remind them of what they were like as a young adult: blunt, convinced that they were always right (and everyone else was stupid), and flailing around for an identity that didn't hurt. That often makes for an unpleasant person to be around, and someone who at times is even unlikable. But we never see the beam in our own eye while discussing the splinter in someone else's, so I think there's a certain degree of "well I certainly wouldn't yell at my mom like that!" (You would, honey. You would.)

IMO, Taash is one of the best-written companions in Veilguard precisely because they are thoughtless and callous and blow up at people for no reason at times. They're trying to figure their shit out! They got voluntold to work with the Veilguard without any warning, under a leader who's a complete stranger and alongside people she's never met and often has fundamental conflicts with. They've got an extraordinarily complicated relationship with their mom, who gave up her entire life and culture and place in the world out of love for them, but who withholds approval in a way that so many of us can relate to. They're confronting the wrongness of their old gender expression (woman), then embracing a new one (nonbinary) almost as soon as they learn about it—which is how a LOT of identity works, remember? Remember learning the term "trans" or "bisexual" or "genderfluid" and thinking oh shit that's me? It's relatable, but it's still uncomfortable as hell. Considering all that Taash has on their plate, including hiding a fundamental aspect of who they are (their dragonbreath), it's a wonder they're as stable as they are.

As for the conversations about their identity that people are claiming are "cringe" or "unrealistic"—my babies, I have listened to more people talk through their gender and sexuality journeys than you've had hot dinners, and let me tell you they often sound a LOT like Taash. That's not a bad thing! But it's like learning a new language—or heck, joining a new fandom—where you use the unfamiliar terms in clumsy ways and want to talk about it all the time, even to people who aren't fluent. (Taash talks about other shit too; yes, a lot of their quests touch on their gender, but a lot of them don't and frankly expecting someone who's only just figured themselves out to not talk about it is...kind of cruel. Of course Taash isn't a real person, but man I hope you people complaining about how often you have to "deal with" Taash's gender conversations don't have any friends who have trusted you with those conversations.)

Taash is extraordinary in so many ways—the way they talk to Spite directly like a kid who needs firm boundaries; the possible romance they have with [spoiler]; the nuanced and emotional way they talk about dragons; the way they care for birds and refugees and anyone else in their orbit, if they're allowed to. They are one of my favorite companions (although right now it's kind of a seven-way race between all of them), and I have snort-laughed at more of their lines than any other companion by a country mile.

It's just a shame that so many people saw a reflection of the more grating parts of their own personality and so decided that Taash is badly-written, instead of considering the possibility that they are simply badly-heard.

[dragon-ascent]

The novel

You happen upon a cheesy novel about Rex Lapis...so of course you show it to Zhongli.

★彡flustered zhongli, mentions of sex and spiciness but just trust me it's fluff

The first thing you do when you return home is kiss Zhongli and say, "Guess what I found!"

Zhongli, smiling at your enthusiasm, cocks his head slightly. "What did you find, darling?"

Grinning deviously, you set a book down on the table. "Gold, my love, literal gold!" Your husband glances over at the cover of the book.

"What is-" His smile falters and his cheeks heat up as he takes in the...rather suggestive illustration. It depicts Rex Lapis in partial human form, with long golden horns and a brown tail, holding in what seems to be a death grip a petite young woman wearing a sheer nightgown. Also, Rex Lapis is shirtless.

"Morax is my Mate," you read the title aloud for him, "it's a sappy, crappy romance fanfiction about you and some random female OC!"

Your husband blinks. "Romance? I - he looks like he wants to kill her."

You shake your head with a snort. "That sultry look is meant to be hot and threatening towards rivals!"

"Rivals," Zhongli repeats. "What, pray tell, is this story about?"

"It's about this village woman becoming Morax's mate, as the title suggests. Celestia appointed her as such, and thus her ordinary life gets thrown out of whack! And Morax is like, obsessed with her for no reason other than she's his mate. She has no personality outside of biting her lip and tucking her hair behind her ear every other page!"

Zhongli's brow furrows. "I...see..."

"And guess what," you say, flipping the pages until you get to the part you want, "the smut scenes go on for pages and pages! This one in particular spans thirty-four pages."

"Thirty-four!" Zhongli repeats, paling. "And it is one scene! What could these characters possibly be doing?"

You stare him down long and hard, smirking. "Do you really want to know, darling~?"

Zhongli's cheeks go from pale to deep red. "On second thought, I do not wish to-"

"Fingering, overstimulation, tail-play-"

"Oh Celestia, please spare me from-"

"-Edging, double penetration, oral-"

"I have had quite enough of-"

"Bondage, bathtub sex, usage of titles like Sex Lapis-"

"S-Sex Lapis..?" If Zhongli could drop dead right now, it would be because he cringed himself to death. In fact, he sits down to process this.

Trying not to laugh, you sit beside him. "You look a little under the weather, hehe."

Zhongli, rubbing his temples, is the very picture of 'under the weather,' if not more so. If he were human, he would possibly have thrown up at least twice by now. "Give me that," he says, taking the book from you and skimming through the prose for a semblance of sanity.

Except, he only feels more and more nauseous with each paragraph he reads. Forced marking? A competing god? Toxic possessiveness? An uprising that somehow only this heroine with the personality of a broken vase can handle? His closes his eyes and wonders when he can return to the earth as dust.

Watching him intently, you ask as he closes the book with a long sigh, "So what do you think of this book that should totally be illegal?"

"Well..." Zhongli gulps and clears his throat, tapping into his rational side. "Freedom of creation and expression is a fundamental right which the citizens of Liyue are entitled to exercise. This...this novel has been appropriately tagged as a fictional work meant for recreational purposes, and therefore...it does not break any rules. It has every right to exist."

You flash him another devious grin. "Uh-huh. And what do you really think of it, Zhongli?"

He draws in a sharp breath. "It is pure and utter garbage and I sincerely wish to delete this from my memory forever."

"Aww, Sex Lapis doesn't like it?" you tease, poking his cheek.

"No, and I am not Sex Lapis..."

"Sex Lapis! Sex Laaaaapis!" Poke. Poke. Poke.

"Hmph. Are you aiming to be punished like in the novel?"

"Maybe..."

[aggro-my-beloved]

Long In The Tooth (LaskoxDear)

note: happy soulmate september! my heart’s probably still beating out of my chest with excitement when you’re reading this. brb, i’m off to listen to the milo panic attack audio but interact with this if you wanna (pretty pls) summary: *aging stops at 18 until you meet your soulmate* [lasko’s been eighteen for six years now, and frankly, he’s becoming sick of playing a juvenile. what makes his endeavor for a soulmate even more bewildering? they’re one of his students.] pairing(s): LaskoxDear (romantic), GavinxFreelancer (romantic), LaskoxDamien (non-platonic?) warning(s): none word count: 3k estimated reading time: 12 mins

taglist: @ther3alsweetheart @darlin-collins @professionallyyappinabtangst @elles-roses

“SO BE LOOKING FOR AN EMAIL FROM ME f-for your class schedule. Again, I'm sorry about not having a…physical copy on hand.” Lasko combs a clammy hand through his disheveled hair, sparing a discreet glance at his leather satchel lying by his feet. It defends an entire ream of charred papers, originally for the pool of students that Lasko has been bestowed the responsibility of meeting today, but instead, it mocks him. “My printer ran out of ink.”

His run-in with the stubborn fire elemental without patience for one's troubleshooting of his agenda went worse than the guidance counselor envisioned—a surprise to Lasko, who always depicts the worst scenarios before plunging head-first into any social situation. Guess what Freelancer said was true: you think better on your feet than in the air, he reflects. 

“No worries. It’d be my luck,” The student laughs awkwardly, silently inviting Lasko to muster one of his own. 

“Well, before I send you off, do you have my questions for me?” His hands press onto the thick desktop glass, shielding the wood. One spilled cup of coffee too many, and a sputtering request to the Dean was all it took to gain that.

“I do have one.” Lasko’s heart begins thumping uncontrollably, and he thanks every deity above that the water elemental is also not an experienced telepath. What will they ask me? Maybe they want to pick my brain about the theory of shade resurgence. How much research have they done on me as an alumnus? Perhaps they find me unfit to be a counselor and a professor, being human-reared. They don't think I have the history, nor the fundamental teachings from my unempowered parents. Oh, who are you kidding Lasko? They’re probably wanting to know which food from the cafeteria won’t give someone massive—

“You look a little young to be a counselor, don’t you?” As if intrigued by their curiosity, the student creeps forward in the armchair sat opposite Lasko’s, and finds respite for their folded arms on the mahogany desk between them. Before Lasko’s lips could part, the pupil emits a gasp at their presumption. “I’m so sorry, please take that as a compliment. Your soulmate must be lucky to have someone with such a…youthful glow.” The excruciating cringe on their face is palpable (and noticeably lacking age lines), but Lasko revels in the sight of it. For once, he is not the one digging a grave mid-conversation. 

He could only muster a chuckle, eyes settling on his chewed-down fingernails and fidgeting knuckles—the only visible skin on his body that had wrinkles. This presumption is one he’s been unwillingly catering to for his past six years under the university, and his answer, like his relationship status, is unchanging. 

He offers a modest shrug. “Y-yeah, counselor, and professor. B-but you…you’re not wrong. I only look this young because I haven’t met mine yet—soulmate, I mean.” The pinch on the bridge of his nose from his glasses feels abnormally tight as he gauges the student’s reaction. A curious raise of the brow, slow nod—awed. And rightfully so, with how capable and convenient the modern age has made it to scout for one’s “better half.” Apps and chat rooms galore in addition to personal soulmate seekers (a bunch of glorified PIs with hopeless romantic tendencies, as Lasko refers to them) for hire. These things leave a person little reason to go more than a year after eighteen with no celebrated crow'sfeet or growing pains. People think he’s inept or simply non-committal. Lasko considers himself stodgy for yearning to encounter his soulmate organically.

“Well, if it’s any reassurance, you aren’t the only one.” They don’t elaborate, and Lasko doesn’t pry. He remains seated, silently watching them wrangle each strap of their backpack over their shoulders. “Thank you again for the chat, Mr. Moore.” 

“Ah, just Lasko is fine. I’m not near old enough for all that 'mister' stuff.” At least, I don’t look like it, he tacks on mentally.

“Right. I guess I’ll see you around then.” 

He clarifies, “Monday at ten,” which earns him a tilted head. “For DAMN 101, which should be on the schedule that I'llemail you.” A small, upward twitch of their lips leaves Lasko satisfied with the conversation but prepared for the tens of other students who will receive the same news. 

“I can’t wait.” 

He hopes for his sake that the rest are as understanding as this one. 

“Well well, professor, how was orientation today?” Had the man still not reeked of liquid smoke and sweat from his earlier encounter with the fire elemental, or suffered from cramping fingers and aching wrists from the barrage of emails he sent out today, Lasko’s answer may not have been so curt. 

A trace of a scowl lingered in his voice, “Not in the mood, Gav.” At the evil hiss of his name, the demon transferred his gaze from the television to the strung-out university employee entering the den. Lasko makes a show of shrugging off his blazer and settling his fatigued body into the armchair perpendicular to the sectional Gavin and his soulmate were occupying. His roommate proceeds to turn his attention to him, chorting sarcastically, “Who pissed in your Wheaties this morning?” Freelancer takes the opportunity to bury their face in the bared crook of Gavin’s neck, releasing a languid sigh of contentment. 

Lasko strives to obscure his frown, but the envy boiling in the depths of his stomach wins while the muscles of his jaw tighten. “Some fire elemental with serious anger issues almost sent me up in flames with my office, destroyed all of my paperwork, and cost me two and a half hours of emailing students their schedules and trying not to sound passive-aggressive. Do you realize how hard it is to type ‘Please see attached for your semester schedule. Thank you.’ without sounding like the biggest assho–”

Amidst his rant, Freelancer’s head pops up from the den between Gavin’s neck and collarbone. “You met Damien?” 

The question Lasko volleys is an answer in itself. “You know him?” Wide eyes with a visible twitch urge Freelancer to dig through the sofa cushions for their phone. 

“Yeah, he texted me earlier. A whole string of back-to-back messages about some university nobody screwing him over with his schedule. I didn’t think anything of it until…” They purse their lips. Lasko watches his friends�� eyes soaking in his appearance–blackened shirt cuffs, tousled tendrils of hair, and all. Should Lasko be expecting some vengeful threat? A stolen personal belonging replaced with a ransom note? A dead sprite in a wrapped box outside his office door? 

“How mad was he?” He scrubs his hands against his face, hoping to wipe the day away with his sour expression. 

“I wouldn’t check your Rate My Professor anytime soon.” Lasko throws his head back in defeat. Tarnishing his paperwork and his reputation in a single day? The ransom note wasn’t looking as unfavorable in comparison. 

“I thought it’d be water that didn’t get along with fire,” Gavin muses with a smirk. Lasko’s mind trails away from the soot-stained carpet of his office to the friendly water elemental he had the pleasure of speaking with earlier. Their curious nature and self-loathing sense of humor is something Lasko would have never considered himself attracted to, seeing as Gavin’s unyielding confidence and inflated ego always put his stomach through a spin cycle. 

A sharp inhale from Freelancer resounds through the house. “Oh my goodness, Lasko!” Instantly, he was patting down his body, checking his pulse, and looking around for the nearest mirror. He already knew he looked like shit, what was the big deal? 

“What, what is it?” Still, he turned his head every which way expecting a large bug or “kick me” sign on his back from Damien—perhaps the earlier onslaught of flames was merely a distraction. Or, the man’s just paranoid, per usual. 

“You have smile lines!” As if imitating a mirror, Freelancer offers a ballooning grin of their own, presenting the faint creases surrounding their lips to him. “You thought you could meet your soulmate and just not tell us?” They motion excitedly between themselves and Gavin, who was absorbing the scene before him. 

“I-I didn’t though, did I?” Did he? He thinks back to all of the students he spoke with earlier in the day, Damien included. A shiver courses down his spine at the thought—he’s always heard the saying ‘opposites attract’ but having a soulmate who wanted to momentarily kill him seems like a stretch. Having a soulmate be one of the many bodies in his class is equally as horrific, but—as he now recognizes—a possibility. “Holy shit, I-I met my soulmate.” 

Gavin inquires after a few seconds, “Who are they?” 

Lasko's head darts up, donning a veil of “oh fuck” on his visage. “I have no idea.” 

Much to Gavin’s chagrin and Freelancer’s enthusiasm, the couple agreed to aid him in compiling a list of the students he’d met in the last twenty-four hours, and omitting the ones who’ve been blessed to find their other half, according to Freelancer’s in-depth “research” when inputting their names online. 

“Sami Tryst is in my Thursday lab! They’ve got an engagement ring, though.” 

“Hudson Lang won a medal in the E&E games last year. He thanked his partner in his acceptance speech.” 

“Jacquelyn Gardner?” Freelancer snorts with a shaking head. “Definitely not your type.” 

Lasko’s head hinges up from the sheet of paper he was eyeing—scrawled with names, and taken straight out of Freelancer’s DAMN 101 notebook. With furrowed brows and an insulted scowl, he beckons “How would you know?”

“She has an eyebrow slit and ‘grade-a carpet muncher’ written in her Instagram bio next to her girlfriend’s name. You really wanna try competing with that, professor?” Lasko stays quiet, even through the contagious mixture of laughs flying around the room from the couple. 

He finally mutters, “Whatever”, and is nonetheless satisfied with a name being crossed off of the list. Four hours and one order from Max’s Rustic Pizza later, the trio is splayed across the living room carpet. Three names remain uncrossed on the sheet, staring back at them tauntingly. 

“Wait, you forgot about Damien.” Freelancer reminds Lasko with a small nudge. Not that he needed the reminder, but a small part of him was hopeful that leaving him off of the list would rule out the chance of them being soulmates entirely. His hands are reluctant when grabbing the pen set beside him, but are deft when writing the fire elemental’s first name below the rest. A last resort. 

“This is-it’s so…so stupid! I mean, aren’t you s-supposed to feel something when you first meet your soulmate? Like, I don’t…I don’t know, butterflies in your stomach or-or, or lightheaded?” Lasko exasperates, tossing the paper aside. It flutters to the ground and lands face-down on the carpet. 

“My jeans felt a little tighter when I met you, deviant.” Gavin’s admission is not lost on Freelancer or Lasko. The professor shields his face from the luminous ceiling fan whirling above him, both his arms locked over his eyes. As he does this, he jerks up and emits a harsh grunt.

“Agh, my neck. What the hell?” He sits up to allow his fingers to assess the tight skin. The invisible knot is yanked once more when he tilts his head too far to the left. “Ow!”

In unison, Gavin and Freelancer are quick to diagnose it. “Growing pain.” Freelancer adds with a fond smile, “It means they’re thinking of you.” 

His head snaps towards them excitedly, and this time, he grits his teeth and bears the stiffening of his muscles. “That’s it! I know exactly how to find them.” An accomplished smile overcomes his face. Complemented by his bloodshot eyes, something unsettling brews in the pits of Freelancer’s stomach. 

“Okay, can you stop looking at me like that now? It’s creepy.” 

“I would, but I don’t think I can move my neck anymore…” 

The awkward quiet grows thicker with every student that files into Lasko’s classroom the following Monday morning, broken occasionally by a squeaking chair or thump of a bookbag colliding with the floor. He studied the roll call list the entire weekend like he was presenting a dissertation, but now that he had reached the time to present, only four names were on his mind. 

“G-g-good morning every-everybody. My-my n-name is Lasko Moore, and I’ll be your professor for DAMN 101 this semester. Don’t think of this as a refresher course of things you may have learned in past institutions, b-but an opportunity to gain knowledge of…of Dahlia’s magical entities, specifically.” He’s afraid if he breathes too deeply, the hefty silence will suffocate him. “Now, I-I’m aware it's a bit—it’s a bit rudimentary to take attendance, but this is only for me to become acquainted with all of you. I’ll only do this for the first few classes until I’m comfortable putting names to faces.” 

The professor wastes no time going down the list. Each name he uttered–even ones that had been crossed off from the list–he let settle into the silence while concentrating his thoughts specifically on that person. It is the most foolish theory he's tested in a while, but he is desperate to know who could complete him so marvelously, and remain so subtle about the fact. The further down the list he goes, the tighter his airway constricts when he sees no visible flinch or sign of pain from any of his students. 

Hesitantly, he chokes out the next name on the sheet.

“Damien Rhone.” He looks up to find no hand raised, nor the rest of Damien’s body. Seconds tick by without a response, and Lasko feels even more on edge due to the lack of his presence. If the names that follow elicit no reaction from any of the students, either his “fool-proof” plan would be marked a failure, or he’d have to settle with the fact that he and his soulmate wouldn’t have the cutest “how we met” story amongst his friends. There’s a lot that can beat a late-night run into seven-eleven, but almost going up in flames might have to take second place. 

As he feared, the last name on the list gets crossed off when he marks the student present (and taken) judging by the early age spots marking their skin. He huffs but doesn’t make his agitation any more visible. After all, he is at work and his soulmate…who knows where they are. Hosting this lecture felt more taxing than all the others he’s taught within the last six years at the university. Discussing DAMN’s cornerstone neighborhoods for different magical beings is something he merely cites, amid his daydreams of arriving home to a relaxing cup of tea and a lengthy video essay to put him to sleep on his couch. The thought became so enticing, that he cut the class short by a whole twenty minutes and sent each departing student with instructions to acclimate to the university campus. While shoveling manilla folders and stray pens into his bag, he gets interrupted by a tap against his shoulder. 

“Excuse me, Lasko?” He cranes his neck at the voice, dripping anxiety. They offer their name and elaborate when Lasko furrows his brows. He swears he can feel a crease in between them that wasn’t there last night. “We met yesterday. I made a fool of myself, and then you said you’d email me my schedule. You never called my name when you were taking attendance, though. This is DAMN 101, right?” 

Lasko recalls their conversation vividly. He was post-adrenaline rush and flustered as all hell, but somehow their blunders were enough to take the edge off of him and his “broken printer”. Now, he studies the crease between their eyebrows. It wasn’t there when they met originally when they inquired about his age and backpedaled into embarrassment trying to fix their mistake. “Yes, it is. And  I’m so sorry for leaving you off the roll call sheet, I’m not sure what happened.” 

Halfway through their understanding nod, they emit a wince and introduce the nape of their neck to their hand. “I-it’sokay, I just wanted to double-check.” Lasko tilts his head, blue eyes turning into twinning seas of concern. 

“Are you feeling alright, dear?” 

“I think I may have slept wrong.”

“What are the chances of it being a growing pain?” Lasko voices his internal demand, throwing caution to the wind, as it were. 

“I’d say fat chance because I don’t have a…” They lock eyes with the man before them. Sleeves buttoned to elbows and crooked frames and smile lines. Crow’s feet decorated his orbital rims like fireworks and the creases of his hands mimicked scored clay. “Oh.” 

“That's about the reaction I was expecting.” 

“I’m sorry, but to be fair, this is new to both of us. Tomorrow I might wake up beside you but I’ll have gray hairs sticking out. Nobody prepares you for that kind of stuff.” Was this a rejection disguised in a prophecy? Lasko will have to hand it to them, it’s one of the more poetic ways to turn someone down.

“If-if y-you’d like to wait b-before we j-jump into…jump into anything, that’s fine. I just, I uh…I just wanted to find you. So bad.” 

“What? No, of course, I want this! I want you—I mean…this is just a lot to take in. Aren’t you supposed to feel something when you meet the person? Like increasing body temperature or…” They carry on rambling, with Lasko admiring no more than a foot away. A fond smile adorns his face, pink lips settled high on his cheeks and draped like a streamer. 

He had found them. 

“Excuse me, Professor Moore?” A panting voice interrupts their discovery as the two watch a student barreling toward Lasko with clear desperation. “I’m so sorry about being late. Did I miss anything important?” His eyes flutter around the room, finding all of the seats bare. “Where the hell is everyone?” 

“Hey, Dames! Meet my soulmate, Lasko. Lasko, this is Damien, my stepbrother.” 

“Soulmate!”

“S-stepbrother?”

soulmate september schedule | main masterlist | abt author

[yippeeometer]

Pssst got any thoughts on MA/VA?

first of all i think it should be illegal to incite such mental torture on the people around you. i think it truly should.

like mom and dad are arguing in front of u all the time but theyre kind of just like that. you'll understand when you're older honey dad's choice of shirt really is going to make mommy ruin this family meal.

shirt being; mass's disgusting collection of niche science pun shirts that go beyond being fiunnny and just become confusing. super distracting all mealtime when youre trying to work out advanced trig at mealtimes to get the answer 8008135. virginia sat there twitching at the eyes.

and you guys should really get a divorce however i understadn that youre both so codependent at this point that this is just forever now.

theyre a vibe to their ship and its ginny w that shirt saying 'hot girl shit' and mass w 'i have a gun in my pussy'

and the fundamental reason they suck so deeply is because whilst existence cringes ginny out to the point of dysfunction, mass hasn't felt embarased since 1800s despite how much you wish he would. bonking their heads together

its what describes their whole dynamic in table history i fear. the concern disgust and arousal still doesn't leave after all this time i fear.

loser x wife he's definitly slightly scared of.

within reason though like the thing that scares mass ab ginny is making him upset bc at the end of it all he's cared about him so long it doesn't feel natural to be mad anymore

their house prob overstimulating as shit they both have 12 million hobbies and aren't capable of being normal ab them. u walk in 7 different speakers r playing music theyre a shrine to some niche craft and ur being yelled at for wearing shoes in the house.

they dint PLAY ab thanksgiving i know that for sure. genuine raw effort goes into that holiday

fourth of july, on the other hand. the og13 gets to look forward to the yearly argument iver what day to celebrate. 1 gazillion casulties.

i need everyone to sit the fuck diwn and listen to my super specific au i created for these ghouls theyre sooooooooooo awful

i believe wholeheartedly ginny is a minor level politician in his day job. very very low level, think guy who runs the department of forestry or some shit. bc as much as he loves being in control he generally aquires very little respect from anyone and theres only so many times he's allowed to crash out before people start asking what the fuck his problem is.

and in this au bc they serve awful divorced asshole core, mass is a journalist in an equally low level newspaper who has dedicated his column to just attacking this guy. catch him and one other person turning up to a dep. of forestry press conference. he's in the front row smiling evily as ginny experiences war flashbacks to last time he answered one of his deeply specific and altogether pointless questions

oh and they both just find this to be normal behaviour. like u go into ginny's office and hes got every article mass ever wrte pinned up as he desperately tries to find typos or incorrect points to bring up. mass has the dep. of forestry as his lock screen to force him to always be thinking of his arch nemesis. 20k words enemeis to lovers.

[ghostradiodylan]

Can we just talk about Kaitlyn’s response to kissing Ryan for one second? (You know, not that we do that perverted het shit in this house /j)

Now if you’ve only ever made the correct choice kissed Dylan, you could be forgiven for thinking Kaitlyn is pretty into Ryan. She looks a little pouty about not being chosen here.

[Also oh my god she’s so tiny the beer bottle is huge in her little Barbie hand I want to squish her 😍]

This is right after the “shall we?” She doesn’t look unhappy… but she looks a little trepidatious. She does not look like she’s won the kissing Ryan Erzahler lottery.

Is it because Dylan’s giving her a real cunty side-eye? Hard to say.

[Look, they're besties and he'd literally die for her, but he's thinking about cutting a bitch right now.]

Pre-kiss. Does she look excited about this? She kinda looks dead inside to me.

[Why does she look like she’s thinking, did I leave the oven on?]

Immediately after…

Does… does she look pleased to you, my guy? She kinda looks like she just realized she doesn’t actually like men disappointed to me.

She kind of cringe smiles at this line. You would, right?

I just really want to know what kind of direction they gave Brenda here because my girl is NOT happy. There’s, like, a silent ‘ugh’ in this face! And we don’t know why! Is it because she’s worried about Dylan’s feelings? She didn’t seem that worried about him before the actual kiss. Is it because of the awkward silence that accompanied it? It’s not like she knows everyone would have cheered if he picked Dylan, only we know that.

Then she sits down and…

Well, guess that happened.

She looks significantly happier about Dylan kissing her supposed crush.

She could just be putting on a brave face for her friends, but Dylan can’t even see her yet and she’s already smiling.

And, of course, the game further affirms this because we don’t get the ‘disappointed’ chyron regarding Kaitlyn if Dylan is chosen instead.

So, I totally respect everyone’s right to ship them as a throuple, but when people say SMG should have just made them a canon throuple in the game I have to disagree, unless they were going to fundamentally change the characters and their reactions to each other in order to do it. (Other than Kaitlyn’s reactions here, writer/director Will Byles says Dylan is gay, not bisuxal, and we know he’s canonically pretty jealous.) And that’s not just my compulsory monogamy speaking, I actually think Nick/Abi/Emma would be a perfectly workable throuple and I’m surprised more people don’t write them that way.

But mainly I think Kaitlyn just… really isn’t that into Ryan. And I do wish we got more insight into her character on this topic and just in general. Is it because she knows Dylan likes him more than she does? Is it because she’s actually a lesbian suffering under comphet (or completely aro/ace and just not accepting it) and she had to tell Jacob something when he asked who she thought the hottest person at camp was, so she picked the brooding loner who never talks to anyone because that seemed safe? Is she secretly harboring feelings for Jacob and that’s why she’s so hard on her childhood friend about his relationship with Emma?? There’s just no way to know.

[centrally-unplanned]

Oh I had a book review that I never did - Apostles of Mercy. Third in a series that I like, but while still "good" its the worst one so far! The Noumena series is a First Contact story set in Bush-era USA, telling the tale of Cora, a down-on-her-luck "everygirl" who gets dragged into being an interpreter/uncomfortably-intimate pairbond for an alien refugee named Ampersand whose home species is probably gonna wipe out humanity as a threat prevention/"why not" measure. Lets complain about things on the complaining-blog:

(The cover art continues to slap, no downgrade there)

Book 1 of the Noumena series is, fundamentally, the story of Cora and Ampersand, and how they connect. It is done really well, their differences stack on their shared contexts and a bit of alien magic to make it really believable that they become a found family unit. So in book 2... Ampersand kind of PTSD's into becoming a reclusive asshole, and Core spends most of the book away from him connecting with other people? It is an odd choice but, you know, this can work. You create space in a relationship, they grow and change from the space, then reunite and that distance in fact builds the foundation for new stuff. Its bold for book 2 but fair enough. But then she does it again in Book 3!! Cora goes off to deal with other issues and hang out with someone else, and is primarily annoyed by or made deeply uncomfortable by Ampersand's presence and decision-making for most the book. Its not as severe this time, but still; you can't play that card again, like come on! Are you telling your Transformers meets Beauty & the Beast fanfic or aren't you? Make up your mind! It comes off as too-clever-by-half, someone uncomfortable with doing the "typical" and having to constantly ~subvert, to ill effect.

Speaking of, the distraction du jour for Book 3 is Paris, Cora's new girlfriend. And she is very, very boring. She is just A Person, spends most of the book a prisoner trying to survive alien captors who don't understand her, and pretty much just has to be rescued at the end. There is no connective tissue - skills that she has that are crucial, themes she is the lodestone for, etc. In Book 2 Cora's partner Kaveh was far, far more interesting - he pushed the narrative forward, he was audacious and witty, and he had a deep internal narrative as to his motivations and goals. Paris seems like a checkbox in comparison. And I think there is something to that - in an interview Ellis remarked that she has gotten far less "critique" on her male characters than her female characters from the lens of making them interesting to read. She implies a degree of audience sexism there, but I think its probably the reverse - besides Cora (who is great) her male characters are just way more fun because, surprise surprise, they are allowed to be assholes sometimes in ways that make them complex and interesting. Even Kaveh, who is a very positively coded character, is a thirty-something rich guy sleeping with a college-aged broke trauma ball and is shamefully kind of loving being the fixer to her broken bird. That is good shit to read about - Paris could never because she is simply A Good Person. Because of Woke.

And speaking of politics! So this part of the series was always a little cringe - Ellis as a writer wears her politics on her sleeve and they are definitely a form of unsophisticated leftism with some really heavy-handed moments. But I don't mind reading the works of people I disagree with, I quite love it in fact; in the first book it is generally fine, because she sets up competent and realistic opponents. In Book 1 its the CIA embodied in Sol Kaplan, who believes in the War on Terror and all that jazz and is one of the best side characters, and Cora has to face brutal consequences for her own ideals. In Book 2 the cringe ratchets up a bit but still, here the debate is over civil rights & strategic approaches to the now-public alien refugees, and the "right-wing" factions are portrayed with intelligent arguments around security & deterrence, and also score their own wins. In Book 3, the main plot revolves around a sister alien faction's camp who specialize in biotech. And they have this whole thing where they move from place to place for secrecy, and to be away from people they find themselves in the Chernobyl exclusion zone, and then an uncleansed mine field in Cambodia. At which point they start saying things like "we should eliminate the humans, we would steward the earth better" and you in the audience are totally supposed to be sympathetic to that. Its incredibly eyeroll, the large majority of the planet is rural countryside they could escape to with nothing close to that scale of damage, they literally chose the worst possible locations on two coin flips in a row. How are they not in Montana. Or Siberia. Its cringe, guys. She does the same thing with the CIA in this book, who eventually get commandeered by a US general who literally thinks of ethnic minorities as subhuman and says so explicitly. Incredible cringe.

Finally, Mary Sue problems. Cora interacts extensively with three humans in this book, and two of them want to fuck her and the third is her evil dad. Said dad spent the first two books being a distant figure pulling off big moves; in this book he literally does nothing but putz around, with no clear agenda but "butter up Cora", who sees through it immediately and fucks him over at the end. Like you spent two books setting this guy up? That is it? So Cora can look smart? We already knew she was smart. Someone says he loves her an "angelic" platonic way. Its not a good look and tbh a little baffling coming from Ellis, who is not at all someone who typically does that kind of stuff. I have to chalk that up to "ah fuck how do I wrap this arc up" syndrome.

Okay, done! Tbc the core of the book was still solid plotting and there was progress on interesting fronts. Its just sad to read Book 3 in a series where it commits mistakes the first two books explicitly avoided, like she ran out of endurance. Hopefully this is a book where she just got it out of her system.

[zayray030]

What are your thought on canon vs fanon type fics where they both meet

Or another example would be canon meeting genderswapped ver

Or canon meeting age swap/role swap ver

OR CANON MEETING RSA STUDENT VERSIONS where both side are disappointed in the other and there's a ton of rivalries just going on

Oh my god oh my god oh my god

Fanon vs Canon would be funny lmfao

If its the woobiwfied versions the entire cast is just DISGUSTED!! They are staring in horror whilst simultaneously retching at the sight. Oh my god if the other stutters!!! Bullying their alt version then and there they don't give a fuck

If its the yandere version of them they are just SO put off and annoyed by their presence and will try and strangle them lmao

Like floyd will try and punt his version because he'd just be so annoyed by their existance

Meanwhile Riddle and Ace are going through the 5 stages of grief rverytime they interact with their fanon versions

Vil is having an existential crisis about how the media perceives him

Kalim is lowkey annoyed by his version because it makes all those ugly feelings from Jamils overblit rise again

Cater is cringing so so so much at fanon him. Like, everytime he sees him he has to bite back a scream and just smile

Leona is so annoyed. What the actual fuck. He sleeps sure but he does so so so much more

Malleus is also really miffed. His one personality trair is not being lonely

Age swap/role swap is so interesting

A lot of the current dynamics we have u canon is simply based of their ages let's be honest.

If Epel was older he would not be dealing with Vil's disrespect of his accent and stuff.

Ruggie might struggle more if he was older and didn't have Leona's immediate protection

Riddle if he was tounger honestly wouldn't change much but he might get called out sooner or he'll just continue as is if he was older

Ace would either be more mischievous or malicious

Sebek might be a lot calmer since he wouldn't be in school fawning over Malleus

Malleus might actually be able to make it to events since he'll have Sebek lmao. And like he wouldn't be housewarden

A lot of these changes would change the fundamental structure of the characters interactions and dynamics and seeing them meet canon versions will cause some form of whiplash

Like let's say see have Vil and epel meets role/age swap. Like seeing how things could have happened must be humbling to an extent

RSA AND NRC RIVALRY LET'S GOOOOO

So I saw a bunch of RSA fanart before and I had a few ideas about RSA ace and NRC Ace swapping places and the chaos that would cause

But I can just imagine everyone cringing from their nice versions because it would just feel so SLIMY to them for some reason

I can just imagine them turning around and shuddering whilst making eye contact

They can't even have civil conversations because NRC keeps turning it into a fight because they think their RSA counterpart is trying to start a fight

[pseudophanti]

ok this one might be a little dicey but... sooo tired of chappell roan. not her as a person! nor her opinions really. i don't think she's done or said anything wrong, in fact i largely agree with her, although i do think she needs a better publicist, but that's not really on her. but i do desperately need to never read anything about her ever again. because why is she my entire feed on every platform oh my god. i love her music and i think she seems really cool but beyond that oh my goddddd i DON'T CARE

also my hottest take - her haters are cringe and weird but also her diehard fans are also um. cringe and weird. i like her a lot too but like um. does no one else find it strange that this person who's so very very open about not liking parasocial relationship has the most parasocial fans of all time... like i understand the need to defend her and again i wholeheartedly agree she's being subjected to a lot of shit she doesn't deserve but why are you out here detailing her mental health struggle history to random people and theorising why she's doing or saying xyz like oh my god are you not part of the problem? do you not think she would dislike you as much as she dislikes any other person parasocially attributing shit to her? just because you're saying it to defend her that doesn't make it any less weird

i am of course saying that as a deeply parasocial phannie, it's just dan and phil - often to their detriment - encourage this fuckass behaviour and chappell is very much trying to prevent it. like one of the main reasons i never go into her hardcore is i know i'm a fundamentally parasocial person and i knew from the getgo she doesn't like that so i was like, well there's not much here for me then, i'll just appreciate her from afar. idk. just seems strange to me to be a huge fan and directly go against her wishes, but i suppose what do i know..

oh also. snl isn't funny usually. and i don't think that bit about her was funny either. but at the same time. you guys have got to be less touchy about it SORRYYYYY. it's a bit. it's not a GOOD bit but it's still a bit. you can dislike it and you can critique it but to overall say they can't satirise her is a bit far i'm sooo sorry. again i don't necessarily think it was good satire and it's fair to critique that but you also can't really claim they were actively trying to do harm like no i think they're just bad at comedy

[kendrixtermina]

Giving Doctor Who a New Chance, Part 3: The Giggle

It's nice that they're bringing back some classic villain, but I really wish they had the Toymaker butcher some other language. The gag is just not funny at all when you actually speak German

Ok, that's an illustrative montage of a mightyfine chaos

IDK what I think of this - set it up in a way that it can be reset again.

oooh, Mel is back! As a 6th Doctor fan, I appreciate this. Did not expect that. She still got that perky way of talking.

Having seen the eps he was in, slipping over a bottle of Vodka is exactly like Sabalon Glitz would die, but hey, at least he lived to a ripe old age.

Donna just landed herself a new job. I guess there's that duality in human's fluctuating confidence levels again cause she glibly asks for double but looks ecstatic that it worked

so, Donna doesn't remember in detail, but she got a rough glimpse

the guy playing the Toymaker IS pulling off the creepy clown act pretty well tho

I really liked that scene between Donna & the Doctor in the infinite cabinet with the Doctor re-evaluating his life choices.

That's another thing that's been missing, that fucking Chibnall didn't get - that the point of him, at the end of the day, is that he's just some guy. Somewhat wiser & tougher than a human, maybe, but still fundamentally just dude with wits & confidence. A trickster, a flawed person trying to do the right thing that through trickery ended up with this fearsome reputation. I used to think of RTD not getting it as much as Moffat did cause he did like overly savior-archetype-like plots sometimes whereas moffat emphasized the 'just a madman with a box' angle, but RTD gets it in this scene where we see the Doctor cringing at his past self for things he couldn't have foreseen & now he doesn't know what to do in a world that doesn't follow predictable rules

Because that's what they don't tell you about getting smarter, wiser or even just older - the price you pay for knowing better today is cringing at the awareness you used to lack. thats very real. you end up thinking you should somehow have known or done better even if you couldnt have.

there's certainly some thematic rhyming with the 'narrowmindedness-plague' afflicting the earth

Donna's dad is actually right. Good for him to be wary of the Hot Hand fallacy and its ilk. Missed a chance for an epic nerd reference

I dunno what to think about the concept of 'shift to fantasy', i wouldnt have done that & really turned more to harder & concept fanfiction, but i suppose it keeps thinks fresh without being repetitive (they cant keep destroying and un-destroying gallifrey all the time...) & the show has always been the very softest of sci-fi anyway - at leasts its set up in a way that it can be reset again or let future writers pick whatever they want. though i suppose it depends on how its done like, if possible without wholly throwing out humanist values. You can absolutely be a trickster in a fantasy story or fight crazy things with logic; Infinity train did it to great effect. I mean, the classics had far wonkier stuff like actual Vampires & whatnot.

i appreciate Donna rhyming while defeating the puppet

"jingsaw out of your history" thing imply that the timeless child thing was an in-universe retcon of sorts? Oh please. I mean I could kinda sorta accept 13 is she literally wasn't really the same character.

between this & the last episode it's pretty close anyway to the "every single backstory is true because of timey wimey ball" thing from the expanded universe fixed, on-screen canon. That I could live with. It's potentially deeply interesting that by virtue of getting tangled up in all the timelines the Doctor has in some ways been to many possible futures & possible versions of reality.

Former companions werent affected by the giggle thing cause it was a retroactive change made by the toymaker upon getting free

It's kinda sad that we'll never get to see the battle between the Master and the Toymaker because that must really have been something. Like two Jokers or Phantoms of the Opera fighting.

this is like when Q showed up on the bridge of the enterprise. Only much deadlier. I appreciate that the scene never stops feeling actually menacing.

I like how Mel also comes in to hold his hand, too, she's for realsies. (I guess this is how she makes up for making him drink all that carrot juice)

The "Alons-y" is a niftly little contrast/ bookend with 10s exit

My headcanon is that bi-generation absolutely WAS a myth, but that this is an extension of the whole breach in the logic/edge of reality storyarc being set up here, or really just the Toymaker thinking it would be fun to double them infinitely

I like how the Doctor mocks the Toymaker's fake accent with 'the ball' thing

The advantage with the ball game is, of course, that Fifteen has already seen it. He's fabulous alright.

I appreciate how they climb on each other at some point

I don't envy Kate, watching this absurd thing... humanity already got somewhat good at taking Sci-Fi threats on their own, but this they don't have context for. Maybe UNIT is gonna need a vault of magical artifacts now. I suppose you can play with that for a few seasons. Like how a contrast of fantasy & sci-fi elements worked in Madoka.

I like how Donna is casually putting her arm around 15

I guess 15 has reached that point where rather than cringe at your younger self you're able to have compassion. That's a good arc, actually.

aaand of course there's the obligatory sequel hook for the Master's return, to the surprise of no one

I like how the years with the lost memory weren't completely lost but Donna still learned something from them that allows her to send this message now

Soo Fifteen is basically taking advantage of the cartoon logic still being in effect until the end of the episode to duplicate the TARDIS. I bet it only worked because he picked the silliest possible hammer.

I appreciate how 15 makes sure to get one last Donna hug.

I do like that it kinda came down to self-love, self-compassion & knowing when to take a restorative break & all that. That's an important message these days.

So, the Nobles just deadass adopted the Doctor & Mel. Makes all the sense.

I always thought of Mel & the Doctor's dynamic as sibling-like (as opposed to Peri & the Doctor having a 'tsundere couple' energy & Ace who of course had a teacher/student thing), so I feel vindicated.

Also I appreciate how an older woman who didn't have kids but spent her life traveling & adventuring & doing what she wanted, & then ended up feeling a bit lonely because of it here simply ends up not lonely by finding friends / found family. Cause that's the fucking annoying gotcha they always hurl at you "Oh if you don't have kids & live the life you want you'll be lonely!" As if you can't have friends. Also, plenty of ppl who do have kids wind up lonely because the kids end up hating them.

I'm all for the Doctor catching a break. Very touching, honestly. & he's like actually a point where he wouldn't just run off & get side-tracked or brood on the inevitability of its end. (like he would have when spent those years with River)

Also sets an interesting background for 15 of course, as he'll be coming out of it 'fully rested', in a sense.

So, yeah, I do think I'm looking forward to what 15 will get up to. It was sort of a great way to introduce him in such a way that ppl will instantly like him for how he comforts his past self here.

It's also probably the ideal ending for Donna, cause, much like Rose & Clara she wanted to stay forever, & maybe now that she has a daughter & other responsibilities she won't want the big danger all the time, but the Unit Job & living with the Doctor in a house? That's prolly what she would have wanted.

(I wonder if they'll end up running into Martha & Mickey at her job, since Donna & Martha were buds that time they met. )

[liesmyth]

What is wheel of time and should I start it tomorrow?

you SHOULD.

Wheel of Time is an epic fantasy series by the late Robert Jordan. It's epic in scope, in length, and in its insanely large cast of characters. It's fascinating. The worldbuilding is insane, but also familiar (partly because it relies on widespread fantasy tropes, partly because it made many of those tropes popular for many books published later). The characters are exasperating but deeply human; I love SO many of them and appreciate so many others. It's very Of Its Time in some regards, especially re: its handling of gender roles and sexuality, but it's also surprisingly progressive and queer in intent even when the execution falters, and I really appreciate a lot that it even tried to Go There, because it was Very formative for me as a young teen. It's also one of those books where you can see the author's kinks all over the place (both narrative and otherwise) and tbh? it's a bit cringe but lots of fun. Also it’s very well written; the plot is as Epic as epic fantasy gets but it’s really the character moments that make the reader invested in the story. I just love it a lot, ngl.

Fun fact: I am now today on tumblr dot com, blogging in english, because sometimes around age 15 even though I fucking hated english class in school I just couldn’t wait for the latest books to come out in my country so I had to become fluent enough to read a 700-pages novel by myself. THAT is the grip this series had on me.

Some things I am now into because of reading WoT starting at age eleven.

codependent magical bonds with loyalty kink thrown in (if you’re familiar with TLT, think necro/cav but usually f/m. Not always though :) )

femdom. both F/f and F/m varieties

Propesized Savior trying to kill their humanity to become a figure larger than history (before realizing that's bullshit)

what if monastic(ish) order of sole women but also we had sex about it

unfortunately. a lot of weird kinks. I will elaborate on request but it’s better if I don’t right off the bat.

no, I lied. It wasn’t unfortunate. I appreciate it when authors are brave enough to let the banner of their id fly high

ruined civilizations and newer, less advanced civilizations rising from the wreckage. the collective understanding that you live in a post-apocalypse world. old scientific principles becoming magic

confronting your alternate dimension self, as a treat

dream sex

devil-may-care rogues who actually care a lot

alien morality, or cultural differences so big that they fundamentally are the same thing

people who are SO Wrong about everything but are 100% committed to their own personal moral code

whatever the fuck Mat’s luck had going on

“I know what my destiny is but I say: fuck you”

I can’t stress enough how many of my kinks (narrative; sexy in fiction only; sexy in RL) came directly from this series. Like, I know I’ve already said that but putting together this list made me think and. Oh my god.

SWORD MAIDENS

More practical information: there are 14 books. Yes, I know. The first book is The Eye of the World - it's fun and probably not exceptional even though you can feel the hints of how grand and insane the greater worldbuilding will be, and some characters really shine (Nynaeve!). The second book is where it really gets original, the third book is where I went from "books I like" to "series OF ALL TIME". If you don’t like it by book 4 then give up. If you like book 4 as much as I did you will never ever want to give up.

There's also an Amazon Prime show, currently S1 has been released! I haven't watched it beyond the first ep, but plan to do it soon; it's a lot more f/f than the books and the back half had some pacing issues (partly due to COVID fucking with the production) but definitely very iddy from what I've heard, and I’m very excited to check it out in time for S2.

tldr PLEASE read wheel of time!

[autisticbokutoenthusiast]

pit babe ep 12 stray thoughts

- kentapeteway here we goooo. oh OH??? i need so much more of them you dont understand

- peteway really hitting like pete just wants to help them get out 😕

- this sad ass guitar plucking

- PETE CAN READ MINDS HIM AND WAY ARE LIKE FUCJING FOILS

- peteway really hitting might have to pop over to ao3

- WHO IS TONY GONNA SELL

- jeff’s “aww you’re not too old to give it your all” mdmdjentjrj

- does x hunter have no money cause alan lives alone in a mansion, be honest

- the way north looks at sonic makes me want to eat my computer. he’s constantly shooting his shot good for him

- these absolute clowns. throwing apples at him then bringing up charlie like do you want him to be miserable lmao

- babe’s having kitty thoughts rn isn’t he

- kim being dragged around like the distant cousin who came to see is taking me out i love this lil group NOT THE CHASE

- i’m obsessed with the piano track playing during this conversation does anyone know if they released which instrumentals they use in the soundtrack

- jeff getting kidnapped AGAIN is wild

- idk how i feel about the zipper on kenta’s outfit it looks uncomfy. oh is he having a change of heart? kenta growth moment?? oh no tony saw. his desperate ass is calling winner isnt he....

- pete and way trying their hardest to convince babe kenta can change vs kenta walking in and vowing not to change lol

- will not be commenting on kenta and how he was raised or the cycle or the way he looks at tony or or or or

- he got kenta on the floor crying TONY YOU WILL CRUMBLE

- not the “i’ve never seen you as a son i raised you as a dog” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

- winners cringe ass is here, someone needed to show him kindness or maybe have gay sex with him and let him have control in a safe environment idk i just know he’s not gonna make it more than a few hours god it’s getting desperate for these guys

- i’m really loving way after losing everything, like this man has changed at a fundamental level i dont know what he'll do next i dont know if he knows what he'll do next he has lost himself he has found the person he thought was gone forever....

- DID WINNER MAKE YHR NOISE OF THE CAR DOOR OPENING HELPP DJEJDJJKEKSK

- and he’s a bulls fan ekejjrjriekek

- why is way just standing there watching babe get his ass kicked go mind control

- kim off to the side sadly staring in space while everyone else talks is so funny to me

- babe and pete in sweats for their heist vs way in his fashion jacket

- winner shut up tony is gonna throttle you

- babe rotting from the inside over missing charlie:

way and his loafers: what are we

- i love tony’s little baby hairs im sorry but they’re kinda hot….

- if Pete and way try hard enough can they explode tony with their minds, like if they work as a team

- babe always getting his head smashed like he should just wear his raceing helmet all the time

ahhhh things are going down next ep!!!!!

[thatgirlwhokeepsreading]

The thing the people don’t tell you about re-parenting yourself/similar gambits is that for bitches of a particular temperament (it’s me I’m bitches) it sometimes makes you so so mad when it works. Sold all my baby dolls in a garage sale when I was eight not because I didn’t want to them anymore but because I thought I shouldn’t want them anymore, and now the only thing that had me sleeping like a rock after fortnight of hells is this elaborate LARP so I can convince my central nervous system that there is someone in charge who a) wants to take care of shit and b) can take care of shit.

RSD emotional hangover making you too agitated to sleep even though you’re intellectually aware the conflict is resolved? Not anymore with the power of making dairy-free chocolate milk and listening to ten minutes of Dune on audiobook while reading alongside on your e-reader before you pass the fuck out.

Like you would think cringing into the sun* would keep one even more awake than the vague background radiation of little-T traumas (which has actually reduced after five years of medication and psychology appointments), but I guess it is really about quantity over quality. Guess one big cringe is less impactful than the relief from convincing the quivering little toddler that’s been left in charge of the sleep lever in your brain to come out from under the desk and do their job by putting up a sort of flimsy curtain so they can no longer see the wall of painting symbolising your mild disconcerting experiences

And I reference temperament when I know that my annoyance is in fact also a huge part to do with socialisation, particularly being primed towards abnegation + a fundamental suspicion towards adults engaging with things culturally associated with Children and Childhood, both of which are things I challenge on principle consciously/intellectually. But knowing that it’s completely harmless, and like hey I could be doing meth or something, does not change the fact that when I mimic the running commentary I do with babysitting kids Just In My Head To Myself and immediately become head-nodding sleepy, I’m instantly like “oh we respond to this and not a haunting amount of melatonin? cool. yeah. sure.”

(*Of course none of this is cringe when other people do it, as they are allowed to experience Quirks and Vulnerabilities in peace because they are Not Me. That said, when I’m not venting on tumblr dot org I do generally avoid calling any of this stuff cringe bc I am aware that caveating with “This only applies to me because I’m Not Like Other Girls (I’m Worse)” often doesn’t actually make the other person feel assured you’re not judging them.)

[blistering-typhoons]

BBC SHERLOCK REWATCH - A STUDY IN PINK (REAL TIME NOTES)

From the perspective of someone who watched this show when they were thirteen, made it their whole personality and then stopped being a massive prat.

I thought about organizing this into a cohesive review, and maybe as I go on I'll delve deeper into some of my observations but for now I thought it would be funny to present my findings in raw, mostly unaltered form:

- loud ass opening, my god

- only bit of acting Martin freeman ever does lmao

- dances along to theme against my will

- god the effects and transitions are so shit

- all the shots of the pills are so ugly

- oh yay molly - whoo - yayyy

- the potential withe these two goddamn

- also this sherlock does not drink his respect women juice by god

- fucksake the deduction about john's sister- not only is it translated awfully into this modern setting, it's explicitly a deduction Sherlock is supposed to make once they know eachother a bit better

- THE POTENTIAL

- also sherlock displaying one insecurity when john accidentally insults his stuff- well done moftiss, characterization

- How far away is the crime scene, why it dark

- pls the transitions

- PIPE BOMB, WHOO Phone deductionnnn

- oh my god it's so shit

- uuuuuuuugggghhhh the potential I hate this shooooow

- fuckin deduction as a way for witty one liners and sexism, i hate this place

- 'you were thinking it's annoying' i'm going to send myself off a cliff, CRINGE

- RACHE- moffat, come here a sec- literally putting ACD on par with the police, who are always wrong the sheer audacity- also just a bad change

- these lens flare white lights are so goofy please, you will never be a whole scene of silence with jeremy brett

- benedict cumberbatch is very pretty i will grant

- terrorized by the fact i used to quote this show unironically

- from a writing point of view I understand that John gushing over Sherlock is to show off and emphasize their specialest boy- but, some sincerity is infused into it from an acting standpoint

- 30:02 GIRLIE WHAT IS THAT SOUND EFFECT

- OOH YAY THE PSYCHOPATH/SOCIOPATH STUFF WHOO YEAAAAH

- All the phones calling as john walks past is kinda cool but mostly stupid

- oh anthea, what a rich character lmao

- how long was mycroft posed like that

- First johnlock queerbait whooo

- Where does he fuck off to???

- he just vanishes lmaoooo

- Three patch problem. Bruh.

- I am bored as shit, help

- This music- girl

- Bloated is a very good word to describe some of these scenes

- HERE SHE IS- THE BIG DADDY OF QUEERBAITING

- this scene is insane fucKING INSANE I HATE THIS SHOW

- god how much episode is left fucksake

- the stop/go signs- pick a tone girl

- this episode is so almost good and it's anytime Sherlock makes a mistake lmao

- not the drugs bust :/

- ooh sociopath line- whoo

- "I don't have to [imagine]." OOOH OKAY, WELL, YOU GUYS GET *ONE* POINT FOR THAT SHEESH

- this is so ridiculous- COME WITH ME- girl shut up

- I wanna be done I wanna be doooone.

- lamenting the confrontation we had in the unaired pilot

- The 'Frwhoomp' noise as the light goes out, girl

- 20 Minutes left my christ

- BRO- I forgot that bit of ADR wooooof

- and thus begins the scree of Moriarty

- five years, why is Scotland Yard still doubtful of Sherlock's skills? I know he might have been deep in his addiction during some of that, but they evidently kept him around for crime solving.

- Great man/good man quote has me fumin babes, my god, what a fundamental misunderstanding of Sherlock Holmes

- boring ass back and forth

- this piano is giving me war flashbacks

- is it a five orange pips reference?

- also the pills look like that speckled gum that burns your throat

- when is it oveeer

- falling asleep

- bomb under the table but the table is made of glass and hates gay people

- she tooks the kidssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

- 13 min

- love, or rage, dude, come on Sherlock

- i hate this 'enjoying crime too much' theme they've written

- like watching a stupid play

- once more, the potential

- moriarty he said calmly

- also, so out of character for Sherlock do I even need to say

- peaks of what could have been- FUCK

- this mycroft fake out- lord

- also, mummy, fucksake

- cheesy ending BUT IT'S OVER