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Sometimes i think abt assassination classroom again and i think abt okuda and how she doesnt get much characterization beyond her abilities to make science and like. Sure she probably had more focus time in manga but consider this:
What if she had an "It's me versus everyone" kind of mentality - in the way that in order to not be bullied, she felt she had to strike first?
See, it starts with the terasaka gang ending up pretty badly sick. Typical signs of nausea and upset stomach, everyone writes it off as something they ate despite protests of home ec being their strongest skill.
But then, it starts to spread to others. Ok, some think, maybe its a stomach bug? So they distance themselves...
But karma points out something interesting - if you go off campus for lunch or keep yours within your sight at all times, you haven't gotten sick yet. Someone has to be poisoning these lunches in some way.
Cue suspicion and madness until korosensei steps in to help! He identifies some of the chemicals put into the bad lunches and helps our main crew investigate. Meanwhile, okuda, in order not to he found out, also poisons her own lunch (maybe a bit worse than the others out of a subconscious guilt) and ends up being in the care of two of our forefront classmates (kaede is one while the other can be sugino, karma, isogai, rio, whoever rlly) while nagisa helps koro snoop around with some of the remaining students, again from that pool minus kaede. Karasuma is also helping because his lunch is in a safe with 5 locks so he's fine. Irina? Suffering like hell and being dramatic about it at her house because hell yes an excuse to chill at home instead of teachhh. Karasuma is sick of these phonecalls btw.
Shenanigans ensue with finding trace amounts of chemicals from the science room missing and other bits here and there, and it'd be to the point where another classmate may have been framed-
-if it wasnt for karma taking some initiative and just going through his classmates things without asking. Its a move that makes people mad at him but the results are a journal Okuda kept throughout her middleschool life struggles, how she was bullied and spent her days in chem class messing around to avoid trouble. Her vow before E class is to get the other students before they get her, thus giving way to notes about the best way to poison a lunch subtly enough. She doesnt wanna kill, just make them all sick enough to not bother her.
Of course the results are a gentle scolding from korosensei about not literally poisoning your classmates and how she should be focusing thar skill on poisoning him instead, and a lot of reassurance that nobody’s going to be hurting her like that up here - after all everyone in this building has had one bad experience or another and its not that kind of environment up here.
Of course, Karma is going to ask her to make him good poisons (and maybe hold it over her head that she owes him for almost poisoning him too) but then moments ruined because she did poison herself worse than the others and ends up throwing up. Cue koro going "oh yeah ok kids i just finished mixing some antidote sorry ^^; be back inna sec" while we fade out to a different scene asap. Ep would end with okuda getting invited to hang out by kaede and going somewhere nice after school! And if some other girls are quick to forgive, they will also be there, making okuda feel more welcome as a whole in their group. Yippee! Things endnoff with okuda writing out a more hopeful entry in that journal.
Or at least she's going to until she realizes she never got it back. We cut to a scene of nagisa doing his best to try and get it back for her while karma is holding it up high and taking some pictures of the more interesting entries because of course he is. Karma bastard moments ^w^
Anyways thats my take! Let girls have a vengeful side teehee
#assassination classroom#assclass#manami okuda#headcanons#oh things i wish were done#its fun to flesh characters out#okuda tag only bc its abbt her
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obligatory beach divorce doodling
bonus rough cover redraw of x-men #41 (1995) But Beach Divorce below cut
#mcu#marvel cinematic universe#xmen#xmen movies#xmen first class#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#professor x#magneto#snap sketches#'snap i thought you were drawing old cherik this weekend' so did i but i was inflicted with visions sorry </3#i have my lil 92 comic sketched so ill do that tomorrow. not finish it but ill work on it 💀#i wsa just gonna draw the first thing but then i figureed i might as well draw Most of the beach-divorce-related things i want to#just so i could put it all on one post. however this is a lie and i know ill wanna doodle more beach stuff#the first drawing Unsurprisingly was motivated BY the xmen 41 legion quest cover- at the very least the total blackout of erik's face#i wanna draw more of erik using his powers .. i wanna figure out how i wanna draw the effect etc etc#i was just gonna redraw the cover but i already liked the sketch i did of the first thing so. here we are#plus i figure someones already done a redraw of the cover but if anyone cares ill finish my version ig LOL#as for the comic ermmm it was just an excuse to draw erik with glowing eyes </3 and fading-glowing eyes </3#thats why i didnt draw the whole. Choking Moira bit. but i wouldve if i was redrawing the whole scene#kinda wish i did now that i think of it cause it coulda looked cooler prob but oh well maybe in like. three months when i redraw this#for exactly five cents ill redraw the whole beach divorce erlkjealkaje i can see it so clearly in my mind#what if first class was a comic drawn by a freak thatd be wild#but yeah thats why everything look rough as christ these were just supposed to be silly lil thangs#'silly things' and its beach divorce OK.#ok bye im gonna do my homework
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Happy Kagepro Day!!!
#kido tsubomi#seto kousuke#kano shuuya#kagerou project#kagepro#choco art#last thursday I was like “oh shit. I don't have anything ready for the fifteenth”#And then rushed to make these#there are a few things I'd like to change or adjust on some of them (like the colors on kido's) but aside from that I'm pretty happy#seto's was the hardest. first I kept trying to daw a bird for the silhouette window thing#but I kept erasing it because I wasn't happy with it#then I was flicking through my screenshots of his song's video and realized "wait. What if the tv him and little him are sitting on is the#ilhouette? Then I kept the birds but put them in a circular pattern in a way reminiscent of how the scissors and knives(?) were around him#in certain shots (btw. does anyone have ANY idea what the gossip he was getting from that bird in his introduction was?)#The background I wish I had done more with but I was drawing a blank on ideas so... the outside of Mary's house it is#kano's - in contrast - was the easiest.#I was like “his silhouette's a cat. the background will definitely be a reference to his song.”#Honestly the masks were the hardest part because it was a little difficult to get good pics of any other than the red-eyed mask#Also something looks off about him to me but I wasn't about to fight the picture so I didn't fiddle with it too much before inking#maybe his face just translates into my style weirdly#not much to say about Kido. Except I really wish I did the equalizer bars differently and will definitely be changing that if I ever get ar#und to making these digitally. Also#I'd alter the shades of colors I chose for the music staffs but that bugs me a lot less than those fri#cking equalizer bars#did I really just go on a whole ass rant about my decisions in these drawings?#I guess I did. Whoops?
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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hey guys, remember when [redacted] anime hiyori had to tell lxl to love their fans
#ik i promised that i’ll shut up about the [redacted] anime eons ago but.#m a n do i still hate this sorry excuse of an adaptation even now#was tling a certain part of mona’s animedia feature last night and remembered this…#oh how i wish i could forget how self-important [redacted] anime hiyori was#the only thing i’ll forgive the [redacted] anime for is for laying out the groundwork for chizuchan manga#the wacky characterisation in chizuchan’s manga can be excused away by means of chizuuchan’s delulu filter#but the [redacted] anime itself has no excuse h e l l o#the only hw anime i’ll accept at this point is a chizuchan manga adaptation#bc l o r d knows how an anime adaptation would change stuff up to fit the [redacted] anime’s timeline if they were to adapt say. idol sengen#ok i swear im done hating the [redacted] anime for the year. i promise~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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IM FREEEEEE
#(FROM PROJECTS)#personal#the engineering chronicles#WILL HOPEFULLY NEVER NEED TO SLEEP THREE NIGHTS ON THE FLOOR OF THE ENGINEERING BUILDING AGAIN!!!#one class the final project was to build a karaoke machine which my partner and i had planned on making look like actual speakers and#microphone but we couldn’t find the stuff in time and her mom made a joke abt singing into hairbrushes and we decided to take that and#run lol we used a pink sparkly makeup box to store our circuit and cut out holes for the speakers and decorated it with makeup and put the#hairbrush mics inside and it was very fun actually and our class voted us as one of the groups to go to project day which was pretty cool!!#project day did get canceled bc of. asnow day which was unfortunate especially considering we stayed up until 4am the night before#preparing our documents for it and trying to perfect the karaoke machine when we could have been putting that time toward project number#2 😐 but whatever we still get our extra credit and i can say i qualified for it so im happy enough#then project 2 was for another class but we’re lab partners in both (+ another guy for this project) and it was digital monster pet so we#made a dragon i was mostly on design so i hand CADed the whole thing which was living hell if i never want to lay eyes on solidworks#again but also he came out very cute after MUCH hasle putting him together with all the wires and components bc our wires from the kit are#so bad they’re constantly getting disconnected from each other which we didn’t know would happen bc the labs we usually do we don’t have to#connect them together like that since you’re not routing them thru bodies etc and they’ve worked great until now but anywya.#i did the lcd faces and the light sensor and a couple other things + a lot of the code was copy and paste from past labs and fitting it to#suit the project but for the most part it was a shit ton of hardware on my end while she and the other guy managed the rest of the code#which i really wish i could have been more involved with but oh well. as it is though he’s my baby i birthed him <3 we’re planning on#meeting up over weekends next semester to change some stuff and add other extra features that we missed we got a decent grade 85% but we#all agreed we don’t want to leave him like this we want to add the extra features we had come up with and also i think we should switch out#our motors for servos bc the motors we were required to use#instead suck they’re not strong at all compared to what a servo can do for you. also we want to make it so you can not only pet him which w#already have with light sensors but also wash him with a Hall effect sensor and magnet so like we’d stick the sensor inside and the magnet#inside a little cad brush or sponge is what im envisioning and i have an expression in mind for what we’d do then. also paint him and#redesign the platform he stands on bc it’s rlly cramped and also make a pcb bc we only have him with the microcontroller and breadboards rn#and i might mess with his face piece a bit too im not sure. oh and speakers!!! those were technically a requirement but we didn’t get them#done on time but i want to make him play music sooooo bad so definitely that. anyway want to be more involved in the software when we do#all this. pretty excited actually :]
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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grief will have you saying shit like goddamn and fuck maybe the abuse was worth it
#ive made this post before i just cant find it and it’s all im feeling rn#god i miss my parents so fucking much even though they were the cause of SO MANY of my problems that idk if i’ll ever heal from#but navigating life w this grief and without their support- however little it was- feels like hell#but the abuse felt like hell too.#ive said it before but i was JUST getting to a place where i felt i could stand up for myself and knock down thwir shit a few pegs. or at#least become more resistant to it#i saw a future with them in it for the first time in my LIFE#and it was bc i’d done SO MUCH FUCKING WORK. and now i feel like it was all so fucking useless#it’d be easier if i was still in the phase of anger i was at like 19#but i’d processed that quite a bit and was trying to move on#FUCK. i had made SO much goddamn progress right before my mom got sick#then everything went down the toilet cus i cannot fucking have anything#it’s so unfair. i wish i could at least redo the last 3 years of my life#i would’ve done things so much different but i was so traumatized and still so angry and bitter and trying to preserve myself#ive come to the realization tjat the person i am today did not exist back then and therefore i shouldnt beat myself up bc it literally wasnt#available to me. i couldnt have done anythimg different bc i was in such a state of survival#and truthfully ive grown a lot since then even if im still in the trenches#the timeline of my entire life has been so fucking unfair#and i dont know how to reconcile any of it i dont know how to cope with my worst fears coming true#and i mean worst fears. even the way they passed. spot on to my worst fears#i despised what they did to me but i still didnt see life without them until i was at least 30#it was all so sudden and quick and shocking#yeah they were horrible parents but i was a horrible kid too. maybe i straight up just deserved that shit#and i’d go back to that and seeing a future with them in an instant#over this bullshit#it’s so hard. and then losing all my pets too at the SAME TIME. all my babies#everything that i loved ripped away from me in the span of MONTHS#it’s all too much. l oh fucking l. no wonder im 3 shots deep at fucking 3 pm#it just hurts so bad. so fucking bad.
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hi i have been inactive for a while due to the chk chk boom. hope you understand.
#HI HELLO BESTIES I WISH I COULD UPDATE YOU GUYS BUT I HAVE BEEN SUPER BUSY AND CONSUMED BY THE HORRORS™#basically im moving out the country in like four days so packing has been a whole ordeal#not to mention i'm procrastinating feeling my feelings#my three month gre prep plan turned into a one week prep reality T-T my unofficial score is 321 out of 340 which is... idrk#i was in the middle of a lot of things and given the level of time and energy i was able to commit amidst the chaos... it's not too bad.#OH ALSO i got done with the round one registration for my courses today and it was a MESS#(technically only the in-dept courses were due today. the ones from the other depts were due 17th. either way. the website was being cruel)#oh and as for out-dept courses it's a different procedure but I managed to get Intro to ML! absolutely insane given my meager coding skills#as well as my shaky understanding of engineering calculus. in other words welcome back my arch nemesis slash lover miss mathematics#oh and! all my friends are also moving away which basically means the past week has been meeting my besties and trying not to cry#i've been reading a bit as well! i read assistant to the villain and it was simply the cutest book ever i need the sequel SO BAD#OH AND GOSE IS BACK so that's been fun#so yeah that's what's up#i really wished i had more time to update on here I had a really cool idea for this week but i've been too exhausted sighhh#hope you guys have been doing well also please feel free to text or tag me on posts i might not be able to reply but i love reading updates#sending lots of hugs and chocolates to all my beloveds <3#oh oh also please go check out skz's comeback it's so good!#okay it's like 12:26am now ima go sleep now gnight byeeee#megumi in the tags#megumi.fm
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Indigenous Hawaiians really had a good system going: wake up reaaally early and do most of the days work while it's cool and by the time the sun was up and it got hot the work was done and you're free to surf and socialize. I wish the white people realized they themselves could work smarter and not harder and get time to relax. Instead of calling Hawaiians lazy (and being genocidal about it)
#Ik this happened in most if not all tropical regions that got colonized#they were so pissed that these 'lazy' people got all sorts of fruit and natural bounty 'handed to them'#when those indigenous people were just working before the colonizers woke up and felt no need to kill themselves in midday heat#Which is what's natural for an apex predator: lazing around#Like u see lions in big cuddle puddles during the hottest part of the day. And they have the privilege of laziness by being the top predato#Idk if lions have a specific time they hunt but ik they will hunt at night when people can't observe them#Also Europeans failed to recognize indigenous agriculture and the /purposeful / cultivation of helpful plants (done w/out clearing the land#And even if they were only foraging. Like. If you love the earth and care for it (and not clear it) the earth will love you back idk#Gah! It's just like we coulda eradicated capitalism in its cradle if Euroamericans werent so arrogant and sure their way of life was correc#Like what if they were explorers and not conquistadors and colonizers. And there was a true cultural exchange#Would it have been better if the Europeans never crossed the ocean (even if they weren't there to colonize)? yeah probably#Like while the disease thing wasn't on purpose (initially) Europeans did inadvertently kill a lot of people bc they had no immunity#But I also acknowledge the human desire to explore and see what's out there#But I wish it was like#Europeans: here's some horses and metal tools#Indigenous people: thanks. Here's a way of life more in harmony with nature and an understanding that we're part of the ecosystem#Europeans: oh cool let me bring these ideas back to Europe. Maybe we won't deforest all of England#(I say Europeans but eventually when Canada and America became independent entities they also were responsible for these things)#Capitalism#capitalism is hell#anti capitalism#Colonization#colonialism#colonial violence#Imperialism#conquistador#age of exploration#anti colonialism#anti colonization#hawaiʻi
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it's really a shame I have to sell 40+ of my life hours every week for poverty wages instead of spending all my time and energy on dozens of creative and technical pursuits with unlimited resources
#nerd alert#lets see if i can list all the hobbies i wish i could be doing instead of working#drawing. both traditional and digital. painting mostly acrylic but id like to get good at watercolors. drawing/writing comics#writing in general. fiction nonfiction poetry lyrics whatever. composing music. music production. singing. practicing piano and guitar#performing someday maybe!#sculpting too. i always forget bc i never do it bc i am never in a place to justify buying clay. i should just get some#i think im fairly good at it tbh. anyway.#knitting. sewing. mending and modding clothes in general. embroidery. id like to learn to crochet at some point#photography and scrapbooking sound appealing. photo editing.#web design. game design. 3d modeling. these are all things i dont really know how to do much of but id like to#animation. voice acting. regular acting. honestly a lot of stuff in the filmmaking process sounds fascinating id like to try some of it#tarot reading. is that a hobby? im gonna say yes. jewelry making.#lots of these ive only dabbled in and some i havent even done that but would like to. but i have no time and or money to get into them.#i would hardly call myself a master at any of these. jack of all trades as it were. and thats fine im fine w that#but given the time and resources i think i could make so many different diverse perfectly average to good things#that people could enjoy in passing or say 'oh how neat :)' about
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one time i listened to first love/late spring by mitski for i kid you not, six hours straight as i read and wrote a comment on one of my favorite fics this year, so if that's not my top song on spotify wrapped there's something truly disturbing im forgetting
#i projected that song onto two different fics this year like. i will truly be surprised if it's not no 1#other possibilities and defo top 5: wishful thinking by bene and ok by wallows#they were on repeat during *tasks* early in the year#up there will probably be all things end by hozier#if I've done this right none of my anime playlist should crack the list but im sure ive made a miskate somewhere#OH sakayume by king gnu really better be on there#probably some chappell roan#maybe chainsaw man op and summer time render op 1 but idr if i listened to those off playlist or on so we'll see
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👻
#me#selfie#mine#are mirror selfies still a thing?#rings#girls with peircings#I wish my nails were done#oh well#👻#my face#scorpio#personal
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there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn
#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon#although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great#whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time#kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’#or at least triggers that i can plan around#the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one#the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni#and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis?#but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal#i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months#so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically)#so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point#obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again#i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time#BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT#‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately#personal#but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12#so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’#and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes#wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health#and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder#so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test#i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing#might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained
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//one last little complaint and then i'm writing but they really wasted the side characters this season bye
#arcane s2 spoilers#spoilers#II mun things II#what was the actual point of that v/an/der lookalike dude other than to be another person around vi that just straight up dies#why did we waste so much time on sa/lo just for him to get hulk smashed by jay/ce#the cat person with the name that escape me was also wasted#didn't really mad/die to be a turn coat she already had am/bessa RIGHT THere#like I really wish these characters were utilized better#OH AND SCAR ; WHAT THE HECK MAN-- HE DESERVED MUCH MORE#not gonna talk about how sev didn't even get a single line in the finale ; what sort of clownery was that#not even gonna touch on /sha but they could've done that better tooooo even if it did hit me right in the heart
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God why is my mother such a terrible human being
#ollie talks.txt#ollie vents.txt#I'm just not getting better while I live here#no matter how hard I try to move past it she's still digging it up#she's still trying to justify hitting a 10 year old child#she still thinks she's the fucking victim here#I think I'd feel safer on a mindfield that I do in a room with her#it's really just gonna fucking be like this isn't it?#abusers who 'get better' never really let go of it. they still think they're in the right. now they're just afraid you cat hurt them back#why do I still love her. my fatal flaw is the fact that I still love her. she made me into a hollow husk of a person who attempted suicide#at 11 and I still love her. she told me I'll die if I ever leave her house and I still love her. she told me I'll die a drug addict on the#street and I still love her. she ripped my favourite clothes apart because I didn't wabt to do my homework and I still loved her#she never let me leave the house until I was 14 and I still love her. she told me I'd be raped and kidnapped if I did like it's a normal#thing to say to a child and I still love her. she told me I'm the only friend she has and I still love her.#how am I supposed to be normal about love after this? is it even love or just complacency? I'm not even sure anymore#just fucking stop. why can't you be normal. why must you dig and dig into my trauma until I lash out and hurt you#yeah I do wish I was never born! but I can't say that to your fucking face because you say you'll slit your throat if I do say it!#who the fuck do you think you are? what gives you the right to do this to me?#you're not trying to be better for my sake you're just haunted by the guilt of what you did and want to be oh such a good parent#guess what you don't get that. you don't get that privilege. not after what you did you have blood on your hands and it'll ALWAYS stay there#you'll die and I'll remember you for the abusive and cruel and violent and hateful person you were to me#I don't fucking care about your child trauma. you can guilt me into feeling sorry for you anymore. feeling sorry for you never made you#change. if you were capable of it you'd done it at this point.#cptsd is truly one hell of a drug. I'll never have children. never
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