#oh the lovely art of writing a fic instead of sleeping at a reasonable time but fuck you past me I woke up feeling like SHIT cause of you

[megaawkwardhuman]

OK SO I wrote most of this starting at 2 am and stopping at like 3 also 4 am after listening to numbers by temporex for the fifth time (I was inspired by the overall vibe of the song link to the song if you wanna check it out) and originally it was going to be small bummer fic written only for myself where Guillermo did get turned by Derek and he goes back but nothing changes around him but I got a little too carried away so now it’s about (roughly) that and Nandor wishing for Guillermo to return after he left and didn’t return after becoming a vampire.

disclaimer: I'm currently clinging onto a free grammarly account for dear life and I tried my best to edit the nonsense I wrote instead of sleeping so if at any point this sounds weird I apologize! 

and with all of that out of the way I now give you Just Alright:

Guillermo sat in the same old bed he’s been sleeping in for over a decade. He thought when Derek turned him things would change but no not much changed when it came to the way he was treated. Things did change overall sure he was gone for weeks before returning to the mansion but in a way they haven’t. What it all boiled down to was the fact that nobody really noticed the change. Normally Guillermo chalked it up to them being assholes but the reason they didn’t care or notice this time around was due to the fact that they had gotten themselves busy while he was gone.

Laszlo tried to go back to his old ways but after the loss of baby Colin he found himself going over to sean’s place to distance himself from the energy vampire he help raise. Whenever anyone asks him about it he brushes him off. Due to him being away from the house most of the time, he didn’t even know Guillermo was back let alone now a vampire for a while.

Colin Robinson still doesn’t remember being a freak child at all and so he went back into looking into energy vampires just now without the help of Laszlo. He tried to get Laszlo’s help at first but after a couple of fuck offs he gave up. He still treated Guillermo the way he did before mainly to annoy him. 

Nadja had a lot on her plate. At first, it was having to deal with what to do now that the nightclub dream was basically dead then it was getting to the council building back to the way it was before to trying to get Laszlo to stop hiding away in the neighbor's house and actually getting him to sit down and talk about how he was feeling. With all of that, she didn’t seem to care he was a vampire now. I mean it was understandable she was doing a lot but she still treated him like a familiar. He wasn’t even her familiar to begin with yet he was still left to do all the hard labor for her. After some protesting and reminding her that he’s an equal now for the tenth time she got a familiar to do her bidding instead.

The only one who cared at all about the change was his ex-master Nandor. As for why well that’s a really long story. Let’s just say he’s the reason why he ended up back there.

Guillermo thought about going back at first. It was his original plan but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He knew he would have to eventually to get his stuff back but he wanted to fend for himself. He knew he could go out on his own he didn’t need any big strong vampires to fight for him he was Guillermo: by blood a vampire killer, an ex-familiar, an ex-bodyguard, and now a vampire. He knew how to kill he could live alone and they wouldn’t care if he was gone. If they did someone would have found him by now and begged him to come back.

But in the blink of an eye after a couple of weeks of trying to live on is own only to crash at Derek’s place half of the time to just living with Derek (Derek needed a friend anyway), he found himself face to face with the entrance of the place he wasted over a decade of his life in. He doesn’t remember walking back just suddenly being at the door.

“What the fuck why am I back here?” he asked himself. He tried to turn back but he couldn’t. No like he physically couldn’t turn back. Despite not wanting to be there he knocked the door. 

“Come in the door is open.” He heard a voice he really didn’t want to hear say. He could also hear a few footsteps on the other side along with a few small sniffles thanks to vampire hearing. He opened the door and got a few steps in before getting tackled into a hug by Nandor. Guillermo was not only surprised but still had no idea what on earth was happening.

“What the fuck is going on?” Guillermo says extremely confused. He looked around over the vampire’s shoulder as Nandor cried into his. As he was searching he found the Djinn standing there with his notebook and pen not too far from them. Well, that explains it. Guillermo didn’t have time to be upset yet since he has to deal with the sobbing vampire hugging him.

Wait Nandor was hugging him willingly? Guillermo tried his best to pinch himself. “Ow.” well he wasn’t dreaming so yeah he WAS hugging him and he was hugging him REALLY tightly. If he was still human this would have most likely killed him either due to suffocation or Nandor accidentally breaking something really important. 

“Oh, Guillermo where have you been? I was so worried about you I- I missed you so much.” as he talked he cried harder and harder. Guillermo was honestly surprised to see him in such a state. He can’t recall seeing him express his emotions or saying how he felt ever let alone see him cry this hard. He was HUGGING HIM for fuck’s sake. 

“Master I like this and all but this is starting to hurt a lot” he knew he didn’t need to call him that but he still did out of habit. Plus he didn’t know if calling him Nandor would piss him off so it was better to be safe for now.

“I just missed you so much and if I hug you tight enough you won’t be able to leave again.”

Guillermo would be lying if he said that didn’t make him feel at least a little bit like shit. But in his defense, he thought Nandor would be too busy reading his books or whatever to notice his absence. Sure he wouldn’t be gone forever since he has all eternity to go back to the house to say hi or to bump into Nandor while out hunting and small talk about his times as his familiar. He didn’t expect Nandor to actually be hurt by this. He knew he should have known better but he did what he did anyway without taking Nandor actually noticing into consideration.

“You didn’t even leave a note. I thought you were out on one of your silly human errands, but when you didn’t return I thought you were hurt or dead.”

“Well, I’m here now.”

“And that’s all that matters.” Nandor slowly let go of the hug.

Guillermo wanted to say his goodbyes and get out as fast as he can but he knew he would feel like shit if he left knowing it would hurt Nandor this much he made his way inside. 

After Nandor calmed down a bit they ended up walking to Nandor’s room to talk. Looking around his room and the house overall while thankfully repaired the house was still a mess. Bodies were all over the place, candles melted all the way down leaving puddles of wax, and every other surface was dusty. It reminded him of when he first returned to the house after trying to leave this life behind for the first time. 

When he entered Nandor’s room it was messier than the rest of the house but considering the state he was in when he entered Guillermo could make an educated guess as to why so he knew he couldn’t judge.

“Sorry for the mess. When I noticed you were gone for longer than usual at first I tried to ignore it but I just couldn’t. I tore this room apart trying to see if you hid a letter or anything that would tell me where you went. It was honestly stupid of me to think you would hide something like that since you didn’t hide the letter you left behind last time.”

“I really should have told you why I left before…” should he tell the truth?

“Before what?” he looked at him confused then he saw his fangs. “Oh…”

“I paid Derek to turn me.” 

Silence so thick you could feel it fill the room. It was Nandor who broke it with tears slowly running down his face again as he spoke.

 “Why?”

“Look I know you view vampirism as a curse and I knew you didn’t want to turn me because of that and I know you’re not the biggest fan of change so by turning this way you wouldn’t have to-”

“Why did you not come back?” 

Nandor’s words felt like a stake to the heart. Guillermo didn’t know how to respond so he froze. Any word he could think of saying vanished like he did weeks before abruptly and without saying goodbye. If he didn’t feel like shit before he felt like the worst person on planet earth now.

“Master I-”

“DON’T YOU DARE CALL ME THAT!” 

“LOOK I’M SORRY OK!?”

“You think that’s going to make up for you abandoning me!?”

“I didn’t plan to stay away I was going to come back.”

“When Guillermo fucking when?”

Silence flooded the room again. This time It was Guillermo who ended it.

“Nandor look I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t intend to leave permanently I was going to come back and change everything for the better but couldn’t bring myself to go back I… I’m so sorry. If I knew I would be out for as long as I have I would have said goodbye.” In the middle of his sentence, Guillermo caught Nandor’s tears and began to cry too. “If I were you I wouldn’t forgive me.” 

Nandor went up to him and cupped his right cheek with his hand wiping away a tear. “Oh my sweet sweet Guillermo I knew you wanted it so bad but I didn’t turn you not because being a vampire is a curse. I didn’t turn you cause then you would have left. I know once you were one you would have no purpose here anymore. it was selfish sure but fuck I just couldn’t stand the thought of you leaving and I thought if I kept you busy you wouldn’t leave. Making excuses to keep you as a human, promoting you to bodyguard when your life was at risk, making turning you into a long trip all of it was to keep you by my side for as long as I can. When you were shipped off to England by Laszlo and I ended up traveling alone I was left to think about why I did this. Why I wanted you to stay for so long and when I realized why I didn’t want to think about it. So when we all came back as I was helping you out after you fell into the water filled basement I used finding someone to marry to cover up what I found out” it clicked in Guillermo’s head what he was getting at but he let him continue. “I was hoping every day that you would stop me from going through with the wedding, I made every task hard in hopes it would stop you and, when everyone was objecting I was hoping you would be in that line. I wanted you to stop me causes…I love you Guillermo so so much. I just couldn’t bring myself to fully accept it until you left.” 

Guillermo nuzzled into Nandor’s hand as he began to cry harder “I love you too.”

Nandor pulled him into a kiss.

They could get angry at each other for what they had done another time. For now, all they wanted to do was hug and be glad that they could express how they feel for hopefully not the last time.

And it wasn’t time flew by and they slowly vented out their feelings to each other. They had their scheduled yelling match about what they had both done to each other once all the tears were fully over a few days later. But what had started as them fighting with their tongues figuratively turned into fighting with their tongues literally. Needless to say, they forgave each other quickly after that. As for what they were now they settled on boyfriends. it felt weird at first to say but after a while, the word felt great coming out of their mouths.

Not much has changed really looking back as he sat on his old bed. Laszlo was still horny, Colin was still annoying and Nadja would kill him if he boiled her down into one word even if it was just in his head. But as he sees Nandor take a box of his stuff up to their new room he's glad he at least made one change. Considering he has all eternity to help the others for now he’ll take this as a win. 

“Guillermo, what are you doing?”

“Oh just thinking that’s all.” 

“You know I was doing some thinking too and I was thinking maybe I can give you my last wish.”

“How thought full.” he gave him a peck on the cheek. “You know I think I already know what I’m going to wish for.”

“May I ask what that wish might be?”

“A coffin big and wide enough for the two of us,” Guillermo said with the biggest grin on his face.

[court-jobi]

Reheat

((banner by me! I don't own Horikoshi's work OR the mindblowing art of @gsony24))

Pairing: Midoriya x reader (support-hero!reader x teacher Izuku)

Words: 2.5k

Rating: G~

Warnings: comfort fic, tooth-rotting fluff here y'all, established relationship, work stress (livin' vicariously), talks of the future, a few fem pronouns used, but generally gender-neutral

Summary:

Izuku letting himself into your home after a long day has become comfortable background noise, and one you love to hear while you're bogged down. Work has been following you home all week. He's proud of you, without a doubt... But equally concerned when he sees your dinner half-eaten, your mind scatterbrained and racing faster than he can anchor you, and your angel eyes in desperate need of some TLC. He's cemented his place in your heart- and sees no reason he can't make himself at home here already.

A/N: do I have bigger fics in mind? Yes. Did I write this instead of sleeping bc I love soft, encouraging Deku? Also yes. Izuku Midoriya is a motivational speaker.

For my My Hero Academia Masterlist, check it out here!

Read on AO3

“Hey honey! I’m here!”

Over the tinny, background chatter of a podcast streaming from your phone, you call back to Izuku letting himself in.

“Hey you~” You throw interest into your voice, but still stayed tuned into your work.

“Ooo what’s this… What did you make here on the stove?”

“Risotto– it’s Italian~ has lots of veggies and good stuff in it,” you didn’t stop your typing pace, engrossed too heavily in getting an email out before you forget about it and Gmail has to ‘nudge’ you, again, “-gave it a Japanese spin with what I had in the house.”

“Oh wow– oh my gosh, honey– this is so good!”

You look up since your darling man has just appeared in your doorway, sparkly eyed to see you, but equally sated by what’s just graced his mouth. It was a meal you could babysit between taking a quick shower, getting ready for work, letting its flavors marry in the fridge throughout the day, and popping back on the stove that night.

“I’m glad, happy you like it~”

“D’you eat?” Izuku asks, midbite.

“Mhm. Little bit ago,” You motion to your bowl- but when he comes alongside you, he tuts over noting it's only half empty.

“You didn't finish- you feelin’ ok?”

Having circled back onto your screen, you double take again, this time caught by his perception check over you and feeling guilty. 

“Oh. Guess I didn't. I’ll nuke it up here in a bit.”

Izuku, setting down his bowl and starting the -normally alluring- task of rolling up his shirt sleeves to his forearms, comes to your side. However since you’re paying little mind to your peripherals, you missed the show the was making of it. A simple ask of ‘what’re you working on’ came from him, sounding no different than if he wasn't trying to make eyes at you; fact was, you just weren't paying attention.

“Just some stuff for the interns,” the sight of how many tabs are open on your split screen -and in your mind- make you sigh, “With this new role, I kinda feel like you some days. Lesson plans, processing their paperwork; it’s all the stuff you had to turn in as an intern– only now I'm the one dealing with it on the backend.”

Izuku sifted around though your training materials and your propped tablet making itself useful as a second screen. At your handwritten to-do list that’s one of the only things non-digitized nowadays, he makes an offhand comment that your handwriting is nice. It's the kind of cute, ‘blink-and-you’d-miss-it’ things he says that you just hum to, whether you were really listening or not.  

When you glance up to him again, you see he’s watching you with a caring gaze and feel caught.

 “What’re you looking at?” you tease, typing again to break the silence.

“A pretty girl…” Izuku teased lightly, “who doesn’t know when to take a break.”

You type away at his call out– the need for a night off at Izuku’s side is exactly why you've been working so hard at this. You figured you'd get some of this extra prep work under control now, so by the time he rolls around on Wednesday for your standing date n–

You freeze. 

Realizing what day it is in your planner.  It's Wednesday. For dinner.

“Oh my God- -you’re here.”

“Mhmmm~” Izuku really doesn't want to laugh, but his sucking in of a lip isn't hiding it well. 

“ohmygod imtheworst!!” you refresh your face in both hands, talking through the gaps.

“You are not!” Izuku chuckled, setting your notes down. “You just got busy with all the new tasks, because you’re just that good.” 

A faithful, scarred hand comes over to smooth over your back, pulling you over into a little half hug. You sink against him, relishing in his little forehead kiss. He can try all he likes to cure your embarrassment, but you look to him apologetically.

“I’ve never forgotten our dinner dates, ‘Zuku…”

Your darling shrugged unbothered, “Had to happen sometime. It’s no big deal.”

“Is to me,” you pressed- very much bothered.

“Honey,” Izuku chips your chin up, “You’re too hard on yourself. It’s ok, these things happen! I mean, you still made a delicious dinner; even if it was a bit of an oversight I would -in fact- be eating it.”

The pang of guilt hits you at forgetting. This was just a symptomatic sign that the brilliance of your taking on the additional role of Education Coordinator at the agency was perhaps an over-zealous one. Not only to be on-call for your base job as a linguistics quirk specialist, but to balance another full time role on the office hours end? Why did you convince Fatgum this was a good idea? It sounded like a stellar idea back at the beginning of the summer…

Now you’re forgetting not just who you’re supposed to be eating with- but also eating in general.

“I’m glad you did,” you boost Izuku’s elephant-like memory, “It feels so normal to have you here, it's not like I completely forgot I’d see you today. I just– maybe I… thought I was gonna take some to you, since I wouldn't see you till later in the week? I dunno.”

“C’mere- never got a real hug.” 

You rise at his hand’s insistence, and stretch up into his full, healing embrace. 

“Hi baby,” you cooed pitifully.

“Hi, my angel. Missed you today.”

You hummed at the affection, sinking into his neck more out of your residual misery.

Izuku simply took advantage of you being close to sway you in his wide stance- a dance, sans music.

“I appreciate you cooking so much for us,” he spoke gently from his perch over your shoulder, “I was looking forward to it all day, y’know? You’re always so thoughtful with everything you make.”

He’s pressing into you with compliments- against your hard wiring to accept…

“‘Zuku.”

“It’s true~ you’re generous! You remember what my favorites are, and leave out the stuff I don’t like; you even send me leftovers. And you make snacks and treats for when the midnight munchies strike– what can’t you do?”

“Zuku…”

“And you–” he runs a hand through your hair as he sways your shy self back and forth, “-- make for the most funny, beautiful, fascinating, most inspiring company I could ever hope to share a meal with.”

Head thunking onto his shoulder, you playfully land a closed fist on his chest with a muffled, whiny plea for him to stop.

He sighs, all in good humor.

“This streak of yours... I really have my work cut out for me, don’t I? Still can’t imagine how bad it must be in that brilliant mind that my incredible girlfriend has such a hard time accepting the tiniest compliment. Maybe it’s all that late night American comedy you watch...”

You exhale then fix him with your coolest look of sarcasm, anything to show that you have a modicum of having your shit together. So you cope with humor- who doesn't?

–shame that it looks too much like a pout and makes you decidedly not threatening at all, because Izuku just beams brightly at you in response.

“Oh! Now there’s my melty princess- I was wondering where she went.”

And at that, the aloofness was gone, and you snort into a laugh and hug him tighter around the neck. He even scoops you up and gives you one little twirl for good measure. 

When he set you down, Izuku cups your face in his hands and gifts you a few more forehead kisses before demanding your sights. 

“Now. We need to get you to finish eating first. Then, what can I do to help you tonight, hm? How can I make things easier for you?”

With a softer eye to your desk’s work, you sat back down staying connected to your ever doting Izuku by way of your hand in his. You tried again to focus back. You're newly refreshed by his affections and attempt for a more positive outlook, 

“Well, my goal of doing this tonight was so that I didn’t have to go in early tomorrow. Course, if I do run myself ragged tonight, I won't be any good to anyone there– or for you, here. But I think if I pare it down to just getting these e-sigs ready and getting their time-in checklists set up for their work study onboarding, that would give me a good enough start, and I can fill in the rest of their packets tomorrow. But that means I’d need -ugh- maybe… another hour of work tonight?” you looked to him for his approval, “I have a template, so it shouldn’t take me forever.”

“Alright! You’re the boss,” Izuku supported your plan with a smile, “How about I take care of the kitchen for you while you finish up?”

“You do not have to clean my kitchen!” you spouted back, offended– causing a laugh to burst from him, “It’s not funny! I didn’t ask you to come over after a day of work yourself to just slave away at my mess.”

Izuku fixed you a look, as if you knew better. 

“I think I can tidy up a kitchen, no matter how busy of a day I’ve had. Yours isn't even over yet- so when precisely were you going to have the energy to hammer at it? You’ll enjoy not having that mountain waiting for you.”

You huffed, but smiled gratefully all the same. 

“Besides, it’s just me- doing something nice for the woman I love; and I happen to like doing nice things for you. You deserve a clean space, hun.” 

He cleared off your previous bowl to reheat along with your empty water cup. Shaking the hollow straw inside to where it clinks, he knows exactly what you need and tells you so.

“You are getting a screenless break first, though. Something tells me you didn’t the first time around~”

Settled with a fist propping up your face, you swooned over this darling man. 

Trusting Autosave to have done its job, you shut the laptop down blindly, “Sure didn’t~” 

Izuku just rolled his eyes and stepped out of the study. 

You neaten up the collated stack of applications laid out by you and stepped over to the couch, taking a kneeling perch on the end while you sought out a new record for the player on the side table. Setting one on, it was able to fire up and fill some new life into the room with a movie score you haven’t listened to in a while. Everything just sounds better on vinyl.

When Izuku came back in the room, he’d found his houseshoes and returned with renewed interest to your music choice- and with a pleased expression seeing you actually lounging and taking things easier than how he found you. He traded your reheated meal in exchange for your blue-light glasses, which he’d then clean with a pocket square and set back on your desk once they were smudgeless.

“Now, that’s a better sight~ here you go, all set for later.”

You enjoyed Izuku’s company while finishing dinner, listening to him outline his workday while he cradled your legs in his lap. He'd had a pleasantly eventful one, with plenty to say about it. You’d play ‘two truths and a lie’ sometimes when he didn’t want to bore you with a particularly mind-numbing schedule, which pleased you just as well. You excelled at it, while he gave away his fictions every time- a terrible liar for the game, but great for a faithful partner, you reasoned.  You truly loved hearing him talk and talk, your love only growing at the domesticity of this feeling and never wanting that to change. 

Once you were done, you were honestly content to hear him continue his tangent, but it seems his inner discipline was stronger than yours. 

“Alright, now to attack that sink~”

You bemoaned again for his sake. But since you made such a small, affected noise, Izuku paused mid-rise, and sat back down a bit closer to you. He stretched an arm over the back of the couch, encouraging you to come closer and met you for a sweet kiss in the middle.

His mere presence reverted you to a younger self sometimes– one desperate for his attention, good or bad. It wasn't the loveliest impulse, but he clearly thinks it's all part of your charm seeing as he gives in every time, anyway.

“Thing is,” Izuku spoke softly while adoring the hand now placed in his, “If things keep going the way I think they’re going -the way I hope they’re going- it’s.. not hard to imagine that there’s gonna be both our dishes to clean up all the time. In our kitchen, in our home someday. So this is just practice, right? Seems perfectly normal to me. How it should be.”

That idea bloomed in your chest, the thought of sharing a home with him- where this exchange of chores and time together could be your new normal. Only it would be a future where he didn’t have to leave at the end of the night and go back to a bed with compact, collegiate-designed storage at the campus accommodations he stays in on the instructor's wing. He’s got enough to get him by, but he noticeably prefers your home here closer to downtown.

“And what happens when we both wanna ditch the dishes?” you countered sweetly.

Izuku smirked, “That’s what a dishwasher is for. Another thing we’d own together…”

“Forward thinking, there.” You relished that idea. 

Izuku nuzzled your forehead thoughtfully. 

“You’ve been doing things on your own for a long time– and it shows, sweetheart.”

His words came carefully, from a tender place spoken in confidence between you, referring to when you’ve spent other late nights like this one fueled with hot tea and a desire to keep ignoring the clock.

“And I know you’ve been used to that since you’ve been traveling so much, not even having roommates to help keep you company or lighten the load. I keep wishing I could have known you sooner, had more time with you before you had to learn some of those things the hard way… but I’m happy I get the chance to, now. I’m here now, and you’re not alone, so I hope you’ll let me take care of you when I can.”

With another happy sigh forcing your eyes shut, the mental will it took to not let the tears of a perpetual eldest daughter leave you was intense.

Izuku Midoriya never failed to hit the nail on the head when it came to pep talks; he does the same with his students. But why his ones aimed at you had to have a Full Cowling dash of heartfelt anecdotes in it, you don't know. But you're grateful. You're so grateful for him. 

“If you don’t quit talkin’ like that, Izuku, I will never let you leave this condo.”

He chuckled again, lifting your cheek for another kiss, “Twist my arm, love.”

Ultimately, he rose to quit distracting you, but not without you watching him leave with a hunger you’d never felt for another soul before. 

[dianasaurusrex102]

Maybe it gets better? (I could wait, it'd be my pleasure) Pt.2!!

Authors Note and CW’s under the cut :p

Authors Note: Oh hey :D I didn’t take nearly 2 years to write the sequel wdym? And I most certainly didn’t set the ground work for a whole series that I definitely can’t finish but will do what I can, that’s insane!! Anyways thanks for those who came from the first part or those who I promised a part two and have been waiting (I see and appreciate you!!). This one is for my sapphic girls!! Ballora is the one out of the three who gets the least amount of love so I’m correcting that. Also giving my femcel core girls some rep, I can have my cake and eat it too! Comments and reposts are my food so part three might not take a whole year if I’m fed but who knows :) I absolutely hate when fanfic writers out their fan art into fics so I’m making seeing their redesigns options is you’d like to see the click here.

(Also @crazyytogetherrr @azmosposts @cherryxsapphic pspspsps come get your long over due food)

Content Warning(s): Female reader and anatomy, insane amounts of pet names, obsessive behavior (mild daydreaming of kidnapping in a non serious tone), and of course smut

—

You came back just like you said you would, you were never one to go back on your promises of course. But now you were standing in the office you'd originally sworn you’d never come back to. Thankfully, this time you know what you're getting into. 

The hours before you got here were spent pacing and almost obsessively debating if going back was the best idea. Your mind went back and forth on whether Ballora invited you back out of pure politeness (do robots even feel the need to be polite??) Or if she genuinely wanted you back, if that was the case would the others want you there too? 

With those thoughts weighing you down you gave yourself 5 minutes of wallowing in your own anxieties so if you ultimately chose to stand her up you had the option to run away with your metaphorical tail in between your legs. But now with your time running out, and no convincing reasons to turn back you straightened up your outfit in the smudged, dirty reflection of the window.

You dressed up, meaning a pretty sweater and skirt instead of your more casual clothes. Even if only 2 out of your 3 robotic friends (lovers?) would be able to see you, you wanted to look your best for this second meeting.

Your hands shook as you flattened out the last wrinkle on your sweater, your thoughts racing a mile a minute. You were in actual mortal danger last time you came here, yet here you were more worried about your outfit then hightailing it out of there all because a couple unsettlingly sentient robots made your entire year in one night.

You checked the time on your phone for the umpteenth time, 11:59 stared back. It was now officially too late to take the cowards route, excitement and unease mixed in the pit of your stomach as the reality of your situation dawned on you. 

This was fine, right? You'd be fine?

You squeezed your eyes as tight as you could, hoping your almost debilitating anxiety would quiet down. You conjured up the memories you'd been replaying in your head over and over again. Ballora embracing you in the dimness of her room, holding onto you as if you would disappear if she let up. Foxy's toothy smile as he procured a Funtime Foxy plush to keep you company. Even Freddy's giddy monologue as he absent-mindedly squeezed his arms around you.

They loved- liked you… didn't they? Maybe love was too strong of a word for only one meeting, but you had only met them the same night you decided to sleep with them. Your mind finally slowed down, any self-doubt being filed away for another time.

Love or not, you were going to make good of your promise. You opened your eyes as you took a deep breath, stars dancing across your vision because of your prior eye squeezing. This was your new life now, secret lewd relationships with robots and casual breaking and entering. 

You slipped your phone into your backpack's side pocket, you'd come prepared this time with a blanket, some water, snacks, and your aforementioned funtime Foxy plushie.

With one last check in the mirror to make sure you looked your best, you inched towards Ballora's door, only stopping once you grasped the handle. 

"This is a good idea, a great idea even!" You thought to yourself, blood pressure surely sky rocketing into unsafe levels as you slowly opened the door. Serene, classical music filled your ears and immediately put you at ease. You walked a couple more steps, eyes feverishly scanning for Ballora but her voice found you first,

"Y/N?" Her voice was an uncharacteristic whisper,"Is that you?" She had one foot on her stage, seemingly in the middle of getting on.

"Yes! Uh- I mean yes?" You awkwardly responded, an unintended shrill tone escaping you. Minireenas hurriedly teetered away in their ever cute fashion, thankfully taking your mind off of you already botching your greeting.

"S-Sorry I'm a little late I was-" An explanation was on the tip of your tongue, but Ballora's sudden rush towards you momentarily threw you off. In an honestly disturbing display of speed she made her way to your side, immediately scooping you up into the air with her arms under your armpits. A disgruntled squeak left your lips as she spun you around once, then twice, before hugging you close to her chest as laughter spilled from her lips.

"I-I-I thought you weren't coming! I was so worried that you'd leave us behind. That'd you f-forget about us!" Relief was all but palpable in her tone, clearly beyond herself with excitement, "B-But you're here! You're really here! My dearest y/n…" 

Affection was oozing off of every word she spoke, such raw emotion cutting right through you. Your heart warmed with her caring sentiment but her tight bear hug was firmer than you'd like, constricting you to the point that you could barely breathe. 

"Ballor-a? I can't- really breathe-" You felt bad not openly reassuring her, but you felt like she'd appreciate it if you didn't pass out on her. She let out a surprised noise, quickly releasing her grip and setting you on the ground. 

"Ah! I apologize, I didn't mean to get so emotional" Ballora murmured, wiping her hands on her cloth skirt in an antsy motion. Her posture quickly turned dejected, faceplates shifting and face souring in tandem. A dull ache remained at your sides but you quickly ignored it,

"No! No please don't apologize, that was just a little too tight" You gazed worriedly at her closed eyes, arms moving to hug her waist,"I would never forget you Ballora, I'm sorry I made you feel like that" For the first time in your life you cursed the gods for not making you an optimal height for kissing animatronics, even on your tippy toes you barely even hit her chin. 

A thankful smile pulled at her lips, you reached a hand up in an unusual show of confidence and gently guided her down to your level. You hesitantly slid your lips against hers, feeling the firm, cool metal against your softer human ones. Ballora's mouth was seemingly only specialized for mimicking realistic speaking, meaning that unfortunately for the both of you, fluid kissing was not possible.

Even then just the firm press of your lips to hers was enough to convey every reassurance you wanted to. You pulled away to gauge her reaction and make sure you hadn't overstepped. It seemed like quite the opposite was true, as Ballora smiled down with a giddy expression.

"Well aren't you a romantic honey? Thank you" You weren't quite sure if she was thanking you for the kiss or for the kind words you reciprocated, your mind too busy gazing at her teeth. Now that you were up close and personal you could see her seemingly human-in-shape teeth taper at the ends just enough to be noticeably sharp. A small shiver ripped through you at the thought of what those teeth could do, 

"I would love to kiss you some more, hun but I do have to give you something" Ballora said, changing the subject and disentangling the two of you so she could twirl her way to her stage. You trailed behind, already needy and missing her warmth but still eagerly watching her blindly grope behind the drawn curtains beside her stage.

"Foxy helped me get this from the workers today, figured you'd might be interested sweetheart" She procures a piece of paper from its hiding spot, eagerly handing it to you in order to hear your reaction. The front read "Circus Baby's Pizza World" with a smaller "Help Wanted" just under it. Cutely drawn representations of the animatronics littered the page, pointing at the long list of jobs. 

The starting pay of each job was an almost eye popping large amount, the lowest paying job paying more than double your current job. The icing on the cake was the sentence at the bottom "No Prior Job Experience Needed", a smile grazed your face as soon as you read the words.

"I assure you I'm not attempting to indoctrinate you," Ballora joked, "After this week, there's a good chance that they will be putting keycard locks for the nightshift, the easiest way for us to bypass this would be for you to be employed here! But if that's not favorable we could figure something else out dear, no worries''

"This is perfect! I'd love to work with you guys, I'm not sure if they'd actually hire me but I can try!" You said, excitement emanating from you.

"The whispers from the staff assure me that management is, quote, 'floundering for new hires' so while I may not be privy to the details, I can imagine someone as wonderful as you will be picked up in no time" Her hand found its way to your lower back, dangerously close to your butt (not that you minded). The reassuring pressure left your skin pleasantly buzzing, you busied yourself by flipping to the paper around.

A basic job application form with almost laughably low quality confetti in the background stared back at you, it couldn't be that easy right? A job this high tech wouldn't just have you fill out a form, there had to be a catch. 

You bit your lip, what if they just didn't choose you? Your meager associates degree didn't even earn you anything above a grueling low paying office job, how the hell were you supposed to convince them to let you deal with such sophisticated animatronics?

You shouldn't have come back, you should have known that. Even if your intuition always tried to psych you out of everything you did, no matter how big or small, you knew better than to get your hopes up for something as good as the prospect of finally connecting with someone.

A small taste of copper exploded in your mouth, a direct result of your teeth overworking your lip. Despite the pain, you dig them in further as you try to think of anything to say.

"I'm sure you'll make the right decision" Ballora said unprompted, "I must say I've missed your voice, might we sit down and talk? How's that sound?" Without any eyesight she must have taken your silence as a cue to move on with the night. You were grateful for her stellar social skills, since they effectively pulled you out of your circling thoughts. You unlodged your teeth from your bloody lip,

"I'd love to, just- uh let me put my paper in my bag real quick" Your voice quivered a bit, as your anxieties still whispered in the back of your mind. Ballora either didn't notice your slight breakdown, or chose not to comment on it (both of which you were thankful for). She took a graceful step back, retracting her reassuring touch but allowing you space to get situated.

"I'm allowed to make decisions without thinking of every what if" You reminded yourself, kneeling down to delicately stuff the paper in your bag. 

You really did almost not come back, your mind rationalizing the fact that what you were dealing with down here was completely and utterly out of your control. Yet your body ignored any and all rationalizing, waking you up in the middle of the night in a puddle of your own arousal at the fuzzy memory of cold metallic fingers dancing along your body.

You zipped your backpack up, noisily announcing that your task was done in order to notify Ballora, who in turn made a small nod in your direction. You could see the semblance of a smile grace her face as she turned to the nearest wall. You pushed your backpack so it leaned against the nearby stage, quickly clamoring onto your feet to follow her.

"Whatever happens will happen" At least you were wanted here (which really couldn't be said for anywhere else you went sadly). But hell if you weren't going to make the most from it. You watched eagerly as Ballora carefully maneuvered herself into sitting against the wall, metal screeching as she finally hit the floor.

"I'm… not so graceful when it comes to sitting. Us animatronics really were only made to stand" Ballora joked, a refined giggle lacing her words. She seemed a bit bashful at her lack of elegance but continued on anyway, patting her lap invitingly. 

"I think you're always graceful Ballora" You answered, sweetening up your tone to an artificial level. You carefully lifted one of your legs over her stretched out ones, and carefully lowered yourself into her lap. 

"I'm glad you think so, but be careful darling, all that flattering you're doing might get you more than what you bargained for" Ballora wasted no time, as soon as you completely sat your weight on her she let her hands roam free. Her long, segmented fingers found their way to your face.

Closing your eyes, you obediently stayed still while you let Ballora trace her finger tips over your features. She took in all the information she could, the height of your cheekbones, the roundness of your closed eyelids, the slope of your nose, only slowing when she pressed a thumb against your lips.

"You're quite beautiful y/n," Ballora murmured, "Times like these really make me jealous of the others, I bet you make such cute faces while we defile you" Your face broke out in a blush, response getting caught in your throat as she gingerly pressed her thumb past your lips. Almost on instinct, your tongue flicked up to meet it. You weren't sure if you were disappointed or relieved that you couldn't taste anything, but at the very least the cold metal was a pleasing sensation against your tongue.

"Good girl~" The praise spilled from Balloras lips with a playful lilt, your tongue stopping its minute kitten licks as a whine unwittingly pushed its way out of your chest. Your eyes snapped open, embarrassment flooding your system at your involuntary reaction. Ballora, ever unphased by anything, has a pleased smile on her face.

"Now that's the reaction I was hoping for darling" she cooed, free hand wandering down the column of your throat. You had half a mind to pull back from the overwhelming mix of touch but in a swift purposeful move her other hand had made it down to your hip, stalling your squirming. You hadn't even noticed you were moving until she stopped you, your mind running a mile a minute and not getting a break as Ballora pressed your tongue down firmly.

"If you'd like to stop, just tap my wrist, okay?" You did your best to nod around her digit, "Let's keep at this, I think this is going just great" She leaned in to press a firm kiss against your hairline as her thumb got to work lazily petting your tongue until spit bubbled out the sides of your mouth.

Ballora rocked her thigh up just enough to press against your clothed mound, and you immediately knew you were done for. With a thumb in your mouth, an insistent pressure between your legs, and a hand that somehow snuck its way under your sweater any coherent thought was quickly squashed to make room for your growing libido.

"I can see the appeal of being inside someone now, shame only the boys get to" Ballora spoke in a nonchalant tone, cocking her head slightly at the choked noise you made. Only it wasn't just a choked noise, your knee-jerk reaction to the upsettingly hot comment was to inhale which quickly turned into you actually choking on your own spit. You quickly lean backwards, heaving slightly as you almost cough your lungs out.

"Too much?" Ballora asks as her hand not covered in spit pats your back, you take a second to even out your breaths before answering.

"No, just-" You wipe your mouth and let out one more cough, "I was just a little surprised 's all" Your embarrassment only worked to darken the flush on your cheeks, all the coughing didn't gross her out did it? 

"Sorry, sorry" The hand on your back urges you forwards, "What if I make it up to you? Hm? How's that sound princess?" Her cloyingly sweet tone calms your nerves, 

"Yeah, I'd like that…" You whispered quietly, allowing yourself to be coaxed forward. You leaned your weight against her chest, unabashedly nuzzling into her smooth neck. Reveling in the shudder she gave in response to the touch, you wrap your arms around her torso.

"Sweet thing, and here I thought you wanted to take a breather" Balora teased while easing her left hand, still tacky with spit, under your skirt. "And for the record I wasn't joking about wanting to be inside you~" Now that you didn't have a foreign object in your mouth you could successfully give a sharp inhale, no choking involved. 

"Foxy's the only one with custom parts, though with some convincing I could probably get either of them to swap with me" Probing fingers massaged the meat of your thigh, and you have to settle the adrenaline in your veins to form a response.

"Custom… parts?" 

"Oh yes, they didn't build Foxy that pretty on accident" Ballora elaborated, "Though I do admit we did help each other from time to time, we haven't done much experimenting, well, not before you came honey" That certainly got your attention, wiggling in her lap as her fingers finally grazed where you needed them.

"Cute~" the simple comment combined with her free hand effortlessly lifting your hips just enough to where she could press against you drew a needy noise out of you. 

“When you say helping each other you mean…?” You had to ask because she couldn’t possibly be implying what you thought she was, in the back of your mind you were vaguely aware that she had rendered you incapable of speaking more than half a sentence.

“Well, after a certain adorable human snuck her way into our hearts it opened a new…” Her fingers nonchalantly snuck their way into your panties, “world of possibilities for us. We are children’s entertainers at heart, but a night like that after months of inactivity is hard to move past.” Your ears burned with embarrassment, partly relieved that you weren’t the only one that was deeply affected by what transpired. Her chilled fingertips busied themselves by ghosting over your clit before smoothing over your folds,

”But that’s enough about us, tell me y/n, did you miss us too?” Ballora mused, digits now moving in a smooth, languid motion only aided by your slick. 

Of course you missed them, how could you not? You’d replay that night over and over again in your brain almost obsessively, every detail searing itself into your brain. At night when you were just trying to catch a wink of sleep, in the morning while you robotically went through your pre-work routine, in the evening while you drove home. Nearly every moment you were left to your devices was filled with the knowledge that not only did you technically trespass on a newly opening business, but also had two rounds of sex with the performing animatronics while in constant peril. 

The insanity of losing your virginity at a pizzeria chain only squandered by the pure lust that surged through you at the reminder that you in fact lost your virginity, that someone (something? Do animatronics count as people?) in fact wanted to have sex with you. And being wanted was one of the most addicting feelings you’ve ever felt.

”Of course I missed you guys,” You sighed blissfully, “It was -ah- crazy hard to even sleep-“ An incessant nudge against your entrance made your words taper off as more sounds tumbled off your tongue.

“Oh?” Ballora’s tone took a dangerously raspy edge, “Don’t tell me you were touching yourself to the thought of us, naughty girl”

”N-No, it was- just” One of her fingers teasingly threatening to press inside momentarily distracted you, “Dreams..? I’ve never been good at- by myself-“

”By yourself?” She prompted, her fingers stilling being both a blessing and curse.

“Y’know- uh getting myself off? At least wh-en I’m awake” God, you were really telling her about that huh? You guessed that people who were intimate with each other talked about this kind of stuff.

”Hmmmm~” Her pointer finger eased itself halfway inside you, “Poor thing, you must’ve been so pent up huh? Glad we could help you even when we’re apart. You said dreams?” Each time she prompted you to talk was surely taking years off of your life, you clenched up uselessly around her unmoving digit.

”Ballora- please just? Move?” You pleaded, thighs tensing as you attempted to shift in any way, only to be reminded of her iron hold on your hips.

”You get pretty spacey when I move, princess. I’m helping you out a little, making it easy. Why don’t you tell me about those dreams?” You let out a peeved puff of air, but obliged.

”It wasn’t anything crazy, just…” You said, trying to find the right words. “You -ngh!- guys kept showing up in my dreams? I’d wake up all- gross and sweaty.” That seemed to be what Ballora was looking for if the way she brought you impossibly closer and nuzzled your temple was anything to go by. Her warm breath puffed around the shell of your ear, making you shiver but quickly still when her lips inched close.

”Your body knows it’s ours.” Sharp teeth gingerly closed around your ear, ever mindful not to maim; just to impose their presence. “You’re wonderful Y/N~ You came back to me like the good girl I knew you were, and now I can bring your dreams into reality. Is there anything in particular you’d like, princess?”

“Anything- Everything? Please?” You didn’t even know what you were trying to say, only desperate to say the right things to get her hands fawning over you again. Your dreams more often than not delved into a too-deep-and-fucked-up territory you would rather not vocalize nor realize.

Ballora’s smooth chuckle calmed any remaining nerves, the muscles in your body singing as her hand got back to work; The finger inside of you effortlessly sliding completely into your welcoming heat while her thumb blindly felt its way up to your clit. While your immediate impulse was to shift, you were stopped by the smallest pinpricks of pain blooming as her teeth bared down,

”Careful dear, I might hurt you if you squirm too much.” Ballora practically purred. You made a vaguely understanding noise, doing your best to quell your nerves and not move. Another correct response got you another one of her fingers, their lazy movement making your head spin.

”Ballora?” Her name left your lips before you could stop it, spoken just between a gasp and whine. The teeth on your ears again dug in just enough to make you jolt before releasing, Ballora smoothed over the warm sting with feather-light kisses.

”Yes, honey?” Now that the threat of having a chunk of your ear be ripped off was less of an immediate concern, your hips eagerly angled so you could manipulate her fingers to hit the bundle of nerves inside of you that they seemed to be avoiding. You earned yourself a couple toe-curling zaps of pleasure until the hand on your hip gave a squeeze in warning.

”Naughty, what were you saying Y/N?” Her tone had just enough edge to make you regulate the overwhelming urge to implore her to move any faster.

”Um- I was thinking I could uh-“ Your voice shook, unused to asking for something so openly. “I could help you? We could finish together?” You leaned back so you could see her reaction clearer, not missing the way her fingers yet again slowed to a halt. Ballora’s faceplates shifted with a noise, a separate audible hiss of warm air escaping from somewhere sounded with it. 

You couldn’t tell if that was a good or bad thing, eyes still scanning her face as it pinched up with something you couldn’t decipher. Did you mess up the moment? Your hands trembled as you gripped her shoulders, brain already attempting to conjure up an apology for even asking. Of course she didn’t want your inexperienced hands on her, she didn’t offer for a reason and you just had to open your big mouth- A indulging smile spread on her lips, cutting through your small freak out over her perceived rejection.

”You want to make me feel good too princess?” She cooed, bringing her unoccupied hand to cup the back of your head and press a lingering kiss on your lips. “My perfect little girl is so considerate~” Your whole body jolted at the surge of praise, the warm feeling filling your lower belly only fueled by her fingers reanimating at a brutal pace.

”I’m perfectly content with just helping you out right now darling, nothing against you; I usually seldom indulge myself, direct pleasure can be a tad too overwhelming for me usually so if you’d let me feed off of yours this time I’ll keep your offer in mind for the future” Ballora traced warm kisses down your chin with unprecedented speed, leaving your mind reeling at the addicting onslaught of attention. All your inhibitions melted with every curl and pump of her fingers.

“Pretty little thing’s gonna come so quickly~” Your body instinctively curled into her, “Maybe I should drive things out even further…” 

“Please!” Was the only pitiful response you could muster up, already so worked up that you believed her obvious bluff. Ballora soothed your outburst with spindle-like teeth pressed gingerly against the skin of your neck,

”Ok~ You’re awfully needy Y/N~” She said. You gasped as she quickly withdrew her fingers from you, 

“I really would like more time for the two of us~ I should just tie you up and keep you in here with me, then I wouldn’t have to share” A protest died on your lips as three digits were practically shoved back into you.

”But that would be greedy of me unfortunately, I’ll just have to settle for giving you the best orgasms out of the group” Her casual, sincere way of talking lulled you into a warm sea of pleasure. She rendered you into a human puddle in her hold as you surrendered to her syrupy sweet words of affirmation.

Muscles aching from the way you wildly tensed up as she abused your sweet spot, head swimming as you felt overwhelming pressure curl in your gut every time her thumb worked at your clit; And even her teeth did their show of digging in just enough to make your skin crawl, was more than enough for Ballora to make good of her promise of making you have a world-resetting orgasm. You took big heaving breaths to try to keep yourself from becoming any more boneless, resting your entire weight on Ballora as tremors overtook your body.

You barely registered her words of vague praise, more focused on the way she slowly extracted her hand from inside your underwear- and by proxy yourself. Her now free hands had free reign to lovingly pet along your thighs,

“I’m guessing that was good?” She murmured kindly. 

“Mmmm” 

“I’ll take that as a yes” Her warm laugh washed over you, pleasant and somewhat tinny as it always was. Your arms wrapped around her neck again, a welcomed feeling of calm making you giddy enough to press appreciative kisses on whatever metal-plastic-skin-stuff of hers you could reach.

”Foxy and Freddy should be expecting us soon.” 

“Can we relax for a bit?” You asked, not feeling up to moving any time soon.

”Of course, darling~ Any more time I get to keep you to myself is time I will never take for granted. I never was good at sharing”

[chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter]

Reborn Again (and again and again)

(Sanzu's bday fic with tones of angst)

(Bonten HaruMai)

It's been a while since I posted my fics here bc no spoons kept my away of tumblr ( I'm gonna try to post all of them and they are always on ao3!)

But.... Sanzu Haruchiyo birthday seems like the perfect occasion for this!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LIL PINK GREMLIN, I LOVE YOU DEARLY AND YOU DESERVE THE WORLD! (but I'm gonna give you angst and a lap full of Mikey, oopsie?)

(link to ao3 in case someone wants to read it there)

Summary: Sanzu remembers his last birthday, bittersweet memories that keep his delusions afloat.

And of course, he'll never lose his faith in his king.

(even when Mikey's eyes are completely devoid of all emotion)

Warnings: Manga Spoilers (Bonten timeline, so yeah), Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Suicide, Mental Health Issues (issues is an understatement xD), Toxic Codependent Relationship, Heavily Depressed Mikey, Burn Out Sanzu, Unrequited Delusional Love, and idk, is Bonten they are so totally not fine and it shows, okay?

Yeah, this fic is an emotional roller coaster, it felt like it writing it and is not less of it as a reader (or I've been told that). Oh, Sanzu is sad and horny bc you can't tell me Bonten Mikey has energy to fuck (or live)

There is a part of the fic inspired on this art, bc Mikey sleeping on Haru's lap is for some reason precious to me 💜

Sanzu was bored, his feet kept tapping the ground, his mind drifting far away from here. He should be paying attention to his surroundings, guarding the building where his king was. 

Instead, he was lost in the memories of his last birthday, almost one year ago. Wondering if it would be different this time, if Mikey remembered his promise. He shook his head, immediately feeling guilty for daring to doubt it. Of course he did, Sanzu was only feeling insecure, nothing new. 

(He had to repeat it as many times as necessary, to convince himself that Mikey’s eyes had not been completely devoid of all emotion for more than a month)

To be fair, the fact that Hangaki didn’t represent any type of threat to his king, wasn’t helping him focus on the present or to keep his thoughts from wandering back to the previous year.

Sanzu was having a shitty day. That wasn’t exactly unusual lately, he had become more and more tired during the last years few months. Exhausted would be the right word, but he couldn’t afford to rest, to even entertain the possibility that he should delegate some of his responsibilities to others if he didn’t want to end up completely burned out. But of course, he couldn't trust anyone else to perform his duties, so Sanzu was forced to continue stretching himself thin.

(If he was more honest with himself, he could admit that he had been falling apart for way too long. But he wasn’t, he couldn’t)

Whatever. He was used to it. He’s handled this weariness before — today wasn’t unique. He was a grown ass man, who definitely wouldn’t throw a tantrum just because everyone forgot it was his birthday. And twenty-seven wasn’t a memorable number either, so who cared? 

This was just Sanzu being salty, tonight's job took up more time than he anticipated, so he had to see Takeomi’s ugly face for way too long. Yeah, it was totally unrelated to the pang of jealousy he felt when he overheard the older man explaining to Kakucho how this week was special, since the anniversary of Senju’s death was close. He wasn’t that pathetic, to hold a grudge because, even now, his sister kept hogging all the attention.

(What sister? Sanzu was an only child, his own mind was playing tricks to him again)

He sighed, using his own set of keys to open the door of Mikey’s penthouse and trying to be as silent as possible. He was fully aware his king wouldn’t be sleeping — it was getting harder each day to convince him to even try it.

It was better to be quiet anyway, at least, until he had a clue of which mood he was going to find. Would it be one of those days of empty glares and cold words, where he was only ‘Sanzu’? Or…

“Haruchiyo?”

A weak whisper, but more than enough for him to quickly locate the source. Mikey was sitting on the sofa, completely in the dark except for the dim light that came through the window, proving the outside world was still there, uncaring and merciless. 

“Hey… I’m back.”

His heart sank when he got closer, finally noticing Mikey’s puffy eyes and his tear-streaked cheeks. He wanted nothing more than to comfort him, caress his beautiful face and erase any trace of pain in it. But he knew better. Years of walking on broken glass around his lover taught him better.

(Was ‘lover’ the right word? When he had to repress his own feelings, pretending there was no love in order to stay by Mikey’s side? Probably not)

“What’s wrong?” 

He asked cautiously, sitting on the nearest armchair. Mikey blinked a couple of times, looking at him in awe, almost like he was processing that Sanzu was really here.

“I thought you wouldn’t come tonight.” 

There was no point in reminding him that he could just text or call —that no matter what he was doing, Sanzu would leave it in a heartbeat to run to his king's side. Mikey was fully aware of it, but he refused to show this type of weakness.

“I’ll always come back to you, Mikey.”

He gave him a soft smile, hoping it was somehow reassuring. It seemed to work, considering the next moment he had a lap full of Mikey, wrapping his arms around Haruchiyo’s neck and hiding his face in it. He didn’t have to think twice before hugging him back and gently pulling the thin body closer.

“I’m sorry, the deal took longer than I thought.” 

A noncommittal hum was the only answer he received,  another sign that Mikey cared less every day about his own organization. It was fine, Sanzu could keep the gears turning and perfectly greased, waiting until his king was ready to step back in the game and take what was rightfully his. 

“But I’m here now, I’m right here…” 

His voice dripped with affection, his touch conveying the same feeling as he started to play with the white locks. The soft caresses spoke louder than the words he’ll never say. It was fine — he was good at hiding parts of himself, burying it with all his secrets.

(So many secrets, weighing him more every day, slowly drowning him until he couldn’t recognize his own reflection)

“You are.” Mikey finally lifted his head, looking at him like he was trying to figure out something. “Even if this morning…”

“No idea what you’re talking about.” 

It was a lie, they both knew it. Of course he remembered how detached his king had been, how disgusted he looked by his weak attempt at cuddling. The cold voice, clearly commanding him to disappear from his sight. ‘Don’t you have work to do, Sanzu?’

It was a lie, one of the many he carefully crafted for Mikey’s sake. There was no need to dwell on it when Sanzu wanted to comfort him, not burden him with guilt. Especially when the cause was his own inability to hide his stupid hopes and desires. 

“Apparently about nothing.”

“Yep, nothing at all.” He repeated, softly brushing a strand of hair out of Mikey’s eyes and kissing his forehead, earning a simper in return.

Wait, what? A smile? A coy one, small and probably easy to miss for anyone else. But not for him, Sanzu was able to spot the most subtle change in his king’s expression, and this wasn’t subtle. A genuine smile on Mikey’s face? And thanks to him? 

Sanzu’s inner turmoil disappeared. The fatigue that he constantly carried with him was gone too. Just like that, a simple gesture from his king, made everything better, all the problems more than worth it as long as it meant protecting these rare moments of happiness.

(A necessary reminder of why he kept fighting, always so restless, refusing to let go, reinventing himself over and over)

He leaned in to cross the small distance between their lips, kissing him slowly, wanting to savor the moment. There was no rush for once, and even if he longed for more, even if his body reacted to the closeness and the familiar taste, he knew too damn well Mikey’s libido had been practically nonexistent lately. 

No matter how much he yearned to go further, he’d take whatever his king offered to him without presumptions. For now, Sanzu was content with the way Mikey’s lips parted, allowing his tongue to explore freely. He couldn’t stop himself from moaning inside the kiss, realizing he sounded too desperate. 

Damn it, when was the last time they actually had sex? He couldn’t recall when it was, but he could clearly see the memories – the way Mikey whimpered in his ear, his body pressed against the shower wall… 

Fuck, he had to calm down before his own neediness tarnished this moment doing something stupid — Like pressing Mikey’s warm body down onto his growing erection, bucking his hips slightly, rubbing himself just enough to feel the friction against that tight ass he adored so much… Stop it, brain!

“Sorry…”

Sanzu pulled away from the kiss with a flustered face, looking at Mikey with glossy eyes and pressing their foreheads together, still catching his breath. 

“Why are you apologizing, Haruchiyo?” There was a sad undertone in his voice that didn't go unnoticed. “It’s me, I can’t even give you that, you should…” 

“Don’t go there.” He gently placed a finger in front of the other’s lips. “I don’t need it, okay? I can live perfectly fine without fucking.”

“But you want it.” Mikey deadpanned. 

“Of course I do, because you’re gorgeous and I can’t help feeling attracted to you.” He gave him a soft peck. “And that’s on me, you don’t owe me anything, alright? Having you in my arms like this is already the best birthday gift I could ever wish for.”

“What?!” 

“Nothing.” It was too late — he knew as soon as he saw Mikey’s eyes widening in a mix of surprise and clarity.

“Fuck, it’s July… That’s not nothing!” He groaned in frustration. “Did you get to celebrate it at least?” 

Judging by the way Mikey looked at him, the answer to this was probably written in his face. That was the exact reason why he didn’t tell him, to absolve him of the guilt, to prevent him from falling deeper into self-loathing. 

“It’s okay, we can still celebrate it together if you want-”

“It's not even your birthday anymore.” 

His rage was icy cold, Sanzu was sure the temperature of the whole room dropped a few degrees. Suddenly he was freezing, despite the anger not being directed at him for once. 

“Then we don’t? It’s not a big deal, really, there will be other occasions. It happens every year, right?” His gaze stared at him with disbelief. “What? I’m serious, I don’t need some fancy ass shit, this is already perfect.”

“Haruchiyo…” Whatever his king wanted to say, the way Sanzu hugged him tighter seemed to change his mind. Instead, he sighed, burying his face on the crook of his neck. “Fine. Next year?”

“Next year it is.” 

He started to stroke his hair once again, wanting to leave this conversation behind. It was true, his day got infinitely better the moment Mikey sat on his lap and hugged him. Sanzu couldn’t ask for more, because there was nothing but him.

“I won’t forget it, I promise.” 

Sanzu gasped at the honesty in those words, a lump in his throat that threatened to make him cry, touched by his king making a promise to him. It wasn’t going to happen, he couldn’t put his own burden on Mikey, it was his to bear alone. 

(Alone and isolated inside of his own mind)

“I know you won’t Mikey, I believe in you.” 

He whispered with raw devotion. He will never lose his faith in Mikey, because as long as his king kept breathing… Everything was possible. 

Sanzu smiled softly, melting slightly with the memory of how Mikey ended falling asleep on his lap, of how he made sure to stay still, to not interrupt the other’s dreams. If he closed his eyes, he could see how perfect Mikey looked when he woke up hours later, well rested for once. The way his face lit up when he saw that Sanzu was still there, hugging him for hours and making sure he was comfortable. He could even feel the lingering sensation of his lips on his own… Damn it, how could he miss Mikey so much when they were almost living together?

(It was due to Mikey fading in front of him, disappearing somewhere out of his reach. No, he couldn’t admit that)

He sighed, frustrated with himself. He was doing it again, yearning instead of being grateful for what he was given. 

A sudden change in the white noise from nearby pedestrians forced him to snap out of his inner turmoil. He lifted up his head, scanning the surroundings to find the source of the commotion. 

Sanzu’s eyes widened with panic, the world went silent. Except for the echo of his own delusions shattering into thousand pieces, ringing in his ears for a split second that lasted for ages.

“Mikey?!!”

[dayurno]

I DID SEE THE REBLOG i’ve been giggling about it all evening thinking of an alternate wip with evil kevjean….. trust i have the link saved in my notes just in case for a future fic. i felt my face warm when i saw u mention it outside of the ask responses….. you are too sweet.

jeremy and his matching set of milfs. mwah. that’s really all it is. it will all be okay though…… it just doesn’t help his case that his best friend is #1 andrew minyard telling him this is the stupidest decision he’s ever made in his life. it’s really less heartbreaking than these things usually go and more silly i think u know? the juxtaposition of jeremy losing his mind thinking he’s breaking some code and andrew telling him sleeping with a couple is stupid vs kevjean explicitly stating they are taking him out on dates and learning how to communicate with a new person instead of just each other. it certainly takes some time to figure out as jeremy doesn’t realize poly is even an OPTION and kevjean have never really tried but all three of them are truly obsessed with each other because they don’t know any other way to be! i don’t want it to feel TOO mean :3

i was editing the like Confession scene last night. jeremy having his moment while kevin and jean are realizing they have not been communicating as effectively as they thought (idiots in love). n i was thinking about that poem you shared the whole time it really truly was so lovely and really gave me some steam. i love you user dayurno. you got one normal length ask from me and now here i am with a tangent again

WHEHE oh you're cute you're cute did you know? you're cute! ALTERNATE EVIL KEVJEAN TIMELINE i would be into that....... but i would feel bad for jeremy after all. polyamorous gay 50 shades of gray? as i type this i realize i might be into it. let's change topics let's change it now

ANDREW AS JEREMY'S BEST FRIENDDDD you know the concept of andrew&jeremy has been floating around the fandom ever since people started caring if jeremy lives or dies and i never cared much for it until recently when lucky-slice posted that art of them smoking together...... i think this could actually take off the ground you know. the wonky machinery of jeredrew it can fly i believe it can.... andrew (ANDREW) being the voice of reason for once in his life is definitely crazy though i mean jeremy knox please rethink your decisions. but then again if i had a pair of matching milfs interested in me and in learning how to adapt into a relationship with me i would be going blindly too. i think. well! AND I LOVE TO HEAR THAT IT'S NOT SAD AFTER ALL i understand because i love reading sad but i hate writing sad....

IM GLAD YOU LIKED THE POEM :3 i cant read it too many times or it breaks my heart but i love it. do you have a playlist or something like that for this wip? a pinterest board maybe? here i'll trade you my current kerejean's wip pinterest board for urs. how does that sound! pls reply i sent you jean moreaus tender and vulnerable and girlish heart

[420technoblazeit]

14-19 for the ask game! (@skyhighchibi)

oh god ok lemme check hte list. ik u probably meant like dsmp so i shoudl have clarified but im gonna do this for spn bc im brainrottign

14. that one thing you see in fics all the time

whenever someone writes gabe they always make him use the most godawful nicknames. he used nicknames like. maybe two or htree times and mostly just called sam sammy. nicknames are crowley's thing and he would NEVER use somethign as boring as samsquatch and i can never take it seriously

15. that one thing you see in fanart all the time

i feel like people are basically married to cas' wings being black or grey but i still really like hte blue wings headcanon. like a really dark navy blue or smth i feel like it'd fit

adn ik mark pellegrino said he saw lucifer's wings as bright pink as a joke but white would line up really well with the description of him being the perfect angel before his fall. maybe it gets singed and turns greyish or smth idk

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

cas said he liked bees ONCE when he was completely out of his mind from the cage sickness adn so many people latched onto it and treated it like it was a core part of his personality. it's like hte pie thing all over again

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

literally any kind of drowley or crowstiel. please. im starvign. destiel's great and all but NONE of u want to talk abuot the other ships??? cowards

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

nobody fucking talks about anna milton for some reason. everybody's always like ohhhhh cas was the angel who invented free will. no he fuckign wasn't. anna did not fall from grace and be reborn as a human and stand up against uriel and all of heaven for you to just forget about her. she literally inspired cas to rebel. anyway. i love her i miss her hse deserved better etc etc

19. you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

demon dean at the start of season 10. i still think they missed out not making him an actual villain but the idea of him instead representing dean's lingering resentment for the fact that he's basically been saddled with taking care of sam for his entire life is interesting and i wish the writers kept him around for longer and developed that characterization we've always seen hints of him feeling upset that he never got to leave the hunting life and go to university like he wanted but dean's also mature enough to realize that it definitely isn't sam's fault. which makes it complicated because not only is john dead now, he literally died selling his soul for dean. so to see some of that like. honestly very reasonable anger manifest towards sam when dean's soulless is sooooo. alsdhglhkasskdh

[the1975attheirverybest]

An overview is more than ok!

Hmmmm...I'm trying to think what my process even looks like, hahah. idk if this will even make any sense but here we go

I'm mostly interested in "intimacy" I guess? i think thats usually easier to see in blurbs and one shots than, like, longer things like "Education" or that multi chapter fic. But I genuinely find people really interesting and the idea of a close romantic relationship where both people's flaws, passions, insecurities, all come out is extremely fascinating to me, lmao. A lot of the time it's two people trying to love each other but in completely different ways, and misunderstandings inevitably happen.

Not to get all existential on y'all but like isn't it insane that we are all just...trapped in our own bodies and consciousness. and that love is the only way that we can escape that and exist with/for/alongside someone else? Idk i think thats just so cool. Matty says it more eloquently than me in "Inside Your Mind." it's basically that stuff....

BECAUSE im interested in intimacy I'll usually try to start out with a specific, concrete example. Like, if someone asks for an angst concept where an argument happens, or if im trying to write the next installment of Education, I try not to think about it in terms of genre like "ok time to write angst." instead, I try to think "if an argument were to happen between Matty and someone he loves, what would it be about? what kinds of things would he be unwilling to budge on."

so, like, that last piece I wrote where they argue about the new show etc. That's how that one happened. I couldn't imagine him being legitimately upset about like dinner or laundry or an outing, not enough to start a fight because of it. Idk...he just doesn't strike me as the kind of person who cares THAT MUCH about simple stuff. BUT he does care A WHOLEEE LOT about every tiny detail of his show and chooses everything for a specific reason and with a specific goal in mind. So, if someone were to have an issue with his art, of course it would become an argument, cuz his work is a reflection of himself. And since he's been under fire this year about the limits of irony and some fans online (even here on tumblr, ive legit gotten asks about this) have been like "ugh i hope he doesn't do the whole acting thing again" I imagine thats a legit concern that he has to deal with. So, the more specific the idea is, the more real it feels/ in line with who I think Matty might be, the better it is going to end up.

This is where I struggle the most: im not that great at detail, description, emotion etc. but i find dialogue natural to write. So, usually, my starting point is dialogue. Like, once I had the idea for what I wanted the fight to be about, I imagined Matty in that situation and how he would be a bit sarcastic and say that thing about how hes imagining someone asking him about the new show where he says "oh yeah, its going great! i mean, my missus hates it, but at least Rolling Stone thought it was alright" or whatever. And I start out with that and build the scene around that kind of interaction.

Same with longer plots and stories. Like, I had the idea for Education after we were all talking about inexperienced!Y/N and Matty being patient and teaching her. So thats half the plot. the other half is, again, what I imagine Matty would be like. He's had a few slutty phases recently. And if it were a friend/ non-gf situation im sure he'd be dumb enough (hes a man after all, bless him) to like continue sleeping around. and ive been doing a thing, though im not sure its clear enough for y'all to have noticed lmao, where like, whatever "lesson" he teaches her in bed has a common theme with the plot of the chapter.

Like, for example, the next one is gonna be called "Mistakes are how we learn" or some shit. no spoilers but, thats gonna be the theme of what happens both IN and OUT of the bedroom, so. But again, the plot sorts itself out around the moments that I imagine in their dynamic. Matty's super gentle, physically affectionate, etc. So, while it's not quite the same as romantic intimacy, he is the type to look out for his friends. and we've all seen how comfortable he is with kissing/hugging etc. So, I try to work with that and then expand it to work with what the plot of the chapter is.

I will say that I used to think that getting his "englishness" down to a T would be important cuz i didn't wanna make him sound american. though I have to say, sometimes that shit ends up being so forced and unnatural cuz *i* dont talk like that hahahaha. So, I've stopped trying. It's a hard balance to walk cuz you don't want him to sound like hes from fuckin texas or whatever. but you also dont wanna sound like hes a 56 year old newscaster at the BBC's 6pm news. you know? wish i had better advice on that one.

does any of this make any sense? idk. might be total bullshit. not sure that im the most organized person haha sorryyyy

[drowninginredink]

Hi ciel! Thank you for tagging me! Anyway I do tag games on my main so I'm responding here instead of on schizosam.

Do you make your bed?

Absolutely not. I have a comforter in a duvet and nothing else, a) because i always kick sheets off anyway, and b) so i never have to make my bed.

What's your favorite number?

47 is pretty good. And 14. 21 is cool. I like things with 7s and 4s.

What is your job?

I am a certified nursing aide in a nursing home. Which, since I work nights, mostly means changing diapers. I really like it. I love getting to see and interact with my patients. I really like that I do stuff with my hands instead of my brain. I appreciate that my job is something that's actually good and necessary. And I really, really like being in a field where i can work nights. It works much better with my natural night owl sleep schedule, i do not get perceived as much which is great when you are trans, and it means that i have a good amount of downtime that i use to write fic.

If you could go back to school, would you?

Eventually I will go to nursing school, but i want to transition first. I'm just not going to be able to handle being back in school until I'm comfortable with my body.

Can you parallel park?

Dude i don't even drive because of schizophrenia. Nooooo

A job you had that would surprise people?

Well given how trans I ended up, it's probably a surprise that I had an internship for Girl Scouts. Not going to say more than that so i don't doxx myself, but yeah, I did 13 years of Girl Scouts... And then ended up a dude.

Do you think aliens are real?

Oh yeah, they've got to be, but I can't say I expect us to find them in my lifetime.

Can you drive a manual car?

Again, do not drive at all because I dissociate too much for it to be safe.

What's your guilty pleasure?

Uh, not to sound pretentious, but I don't feel guilty about the things I like? Uh... I eat too much sugar. I read a lot of non-con and dub-con and incest fanfic. I jerk off a lot. I spend too much time playing a phone game called Township.

Tattoos?

Two. One that's a half-sleeve that i commissioned that's a whole bunch of symbols of me throughout the years that's basically a memorial to my pre-transition self, and then also the VFD tattoo from A Series of Unfortunate Events.

Favorite color?

Red

Favorite type of music?

Well, I listen to indie folk most often, but nothing lights me up like listening to musical theater. Like, you wouldn't know it thaaaaat much from my presence on here, but I am in fact the biggest theater geek you'll meet and it is the interest I can go on about for longest. The history, the craft, the art of revivals... yeah if you ever want a theater opinion, I have it. Also I fucking adore The Pet Shop Boys in the way you can only love whoever was your favorite musical artist when you were 14. Of course, that's entirely reasonable because they're goddamn brilliant.

Do you like puzzles?

Yes. I haven't done a real, honest to god puzzle in forever. I should clear off my table and do one. Note to self. Although yes, I love other puzzles too. I was super addicted to Sudoku for a bit.

Any phobias?

No, not really. There are some topics that I'm weird about because schizophrenia (namely religion) but no actual phobias.

Favorite childhood sport?

Oh I did one thing, and I loved it, and that was dance. I did so much dance. Fuck I miss it. The local community theater is doing Newsies this year and I can't wait to tap dance again.

Do I talk to myself?

YES, and I address myself by name so much, and it is always my deadname. Which I guess is good given that I'm not super out yet, but also it's annoying.

What movies do you adore?

I really don't watch movies because it's very much "yeah okay, but like. I could watch a musical instead." So instead, this is going to be an excuse to list my favorite musicals:

1. Phantom of the Opera. Which is mostly nostalgia. It was the first musical I ever loved. No score will ever hit me quite like that one. God the music is good. And I do think it's a really good case study because though it very much is about style and spectacle and not substance, it is still only works so well because it has such a sophisticated, well-developed theme.

2. Falsettos. I genuinely think it's a perfect musical. I can think of only one flaw with it, and it's that I don't like the jokes about Cordelia being a bad caterer. I think those are hacky. Everything else? Every lyric and melody and character beat? Utterly perfect.

3. Company. Did you know that aromanticism the musical exists, and that it came out in 1970? It is absolutely the story of an alloaro trying to figure out what the hell romance is and why people do it now that they're old enough that having not settled down is weird. And it's got a Sondheim score. Such a fantastic score.

4. 42nd Street. Look. The story does not matter. At all. But it is a phenomenal show for tap dancing, and I'm a dancer at heart. And it's got a score full of 30s songs and I love that old musical theater style. If you ever get the chance to see it in person, I recommend it.

5. Cats. I know why so many people hate Cats. It is dramatic and theatrical and is just a bunch of cats doing numbers introducing themselves with no plot. That's exactly why I love it. It's like drag. Every cat goes in and struts their stuff for a number. I know who I am; that is my shit. The score is fun and the dancing is great.

Anyway all of these have professional recordings made of them, so technically they're all movies. I recommend watching all of them except 42nd Street. I think that particular production of 42nd Street has shitty choreography.

By the way, hey ciel, if you like The Phantom of the Opera and camp disasters, you need to watch Love Never Dies. God, I adore it. Absolutely so bad it is good. Just, bad in the best, most intoxicating, most fascinating way. I love it.

Coffee or tea?

Tea. Coffee is gross. I really like pretty much any kind of tea.

First thing you wanted to be when you grew up?

I genuinely don't remember ever having any idea what I'd want to do when I grew up until at age 9 they made me write an essay about it and I was like "uh... I do a lot of theater so I guess an actor?" But as an actual kid I was always like "there are so many options. I have no idea"

Okay, so, it's long as hell so absolutely no pressure, but if @thewormarchives @ven10 @thetreetzar @cat-boy-tom @70snasagay @closetedangel @roach-in-the-kitchen @thehistoryone and @randosfandos want to do it, hell yeah!

tag game!

thank you for the tag, @according2thelore 🥰

Do you make your bed? i basically live in my bed, so no. i want it cozy and making it makes it un-cozy.

What's your favorite number? 3! or rather, repeating 3s. my mom and i look for repeating 3s out in the wild ever since she heard about some kinda christian number thing relating to angels (idk i don't go there), and it's become a whole Thing. i like that we can share it :)

What is your job? i do translations...! spanish and japanese, mostly. i translated a video game last year too which i'm very proud of!

If you could go back to school, would you? yeah tbh. i hated school for disability reasons, but i really enjoy sitting in lectures and learning things. structured learning is great and super easy so i'd love to return. i'd be the kind of person who would get like 20 masters degrees if college were free.

Can you parallel park? noooo..... i never got that far lmao. i don't have a license and i would like it to stay that way for as long as i can get away with it. peace and love ✨

A job you had that would surprise people? i did an internship with the linguistics department while i was an undergrad where i helped do some menial work for a larger research project the school was conducting? i sucked at it though, lol

Do you think aliens are real? statistically speaking there's basically no way there's NO other life in the universe, so yes i do. i'm even fairly confident there has to be intelligent life outside of humans somewhere out there. i do not have any belief in any kind of alien life form having made contact with earth, though.

Can you drive a manual car? yes, actually. which is apparently shocking to people, considering i don't even have a license lmao

What's your guilty pleasure? i have an addiction to solitaire? i downloaded the app about a year ago but i am on level 329. ok girl get a grip

Tattoos? none yet, but i've had my first tattoo figured out since i was in high school. i just don't want to deal with the cost and care of it (lazy + poor...)

Favorite color? a very warm, light pink! almost peach-colored.

Favorite type of music? folk music :) and by folk i mean like. literally the songs people sang around a campfire 300 years ago. like dúlamán and the irish rover and rolling the woodpile and whatnot. but i also really like more modern folk music (big fan of umm santiano, plumbo, celtic woman, the builders and the butchers, mumford & sons, poor man's poison, the longest johns, stuff like that...) and country music. basically a bunch of genres along that sort of continuum.

Do you like puzzles? puzzles like jigsaw puzzles? i hate them, but once i start doing them i can't stop. logic puzzles or whatever are totally my jam, though. seriously i love them so much. i'm not interested in more hands-on puzzles like blocks and stuff.

Any phobias? nnnnno. i was scared of the ocean (specifically and exclusively trenches inside the ocean) growing up but then i got over that, and i've been working on getting over my fear of bugs so they're not super scary anymore either. i also used to suffer from trypophobia but it really hasn't been much of a problem in recent years. idk what happened there, though.

Favorite childhood sport? olympic-level sleeping? idk i tried a lot of sports at my mother's request when i was a kid, but i didn't like any of them. now i enjoy ice skating, but i live in the deep south where it's 80F nine months out of the year so like. lmfao

Do you talk to yourself? YES it's a generational thing. everyone on my mom's side of the family does it so i just picked it up naturally. i make myself laugh constantly ✨

What movies do you adore? my letterboxd Top Four are: the witch (2015), death becomes her (1992), the phantom of the opera (2004), and showgirls (1995) so it's kind of all over the place. i like movies with either very strong, well written stories or campy dumpster fires—NO in-between. the more artistic a movie is, the more likely i am to enjoy it. some other movies that really stand out to me

la sociedad de la nieve (2023)

late night with the devil (2023)

midsommar (2019)

the love witch (2016)

creep (2014)

mamma mia! (2008)

master and commander (2003)

zoolander (2001)

o brother, where art thou? (2000)

ravenous (1999)

romeo + juliet (1996)

the mountain men (1980)

the devils (1971)

beyond the valley of the dolls (1970)

so you can make of that what you will.

Coffee or tea? i don't actually like either unless you count southern sweet tea? i like chick-fil-a and mcdonald's sweet tea... but i drink almost exclusively water. if i'm feeling fancy, i like lemonade or like... craft root beer specifically. or sarsaparilla?

First thing you wanted to be when you grew up? an architect is the earliest i can remember back to, but i switched my passion project every couple of months and never really settled on anything.

i'm really bad at tagging, but let's go with ummmm... @schizosamwincester, @sam-winchesters-gay-lover, and @aceing-on-the-cake! no pressure though haha

[innytoes]

Oh man I had the most amazing dream last week and I thought it would fade but instead my brain is making Moar Headcanons so BUCKLE UP KIDS IT’S ANOTHER EPIC FIC I WILL NEVER WRITE.

So there’s this world with giant monsters that for some reason look a bit like above ground mole-shrew hybrids but the size of like an eighteen wheeler (and for some reason teeny tiny fairy wings. Like all the animals had these fairy wings but the giant monsters had them even though they couldn’t possibly use them). And these monsters relied heavily on sound to find their prey, so you learned to be REAL QUIET REAL FAST.

Except one of them caught Reggie’s trail and he ran and ran and ran until he came to these ruins from the Before Times, all abandoned and overgrown and not at all like the ruins he and his clan live in. So he hides inside and the monster is about to eat him and he gets saved... and passes out (aka my dream did a weird time skip) and all of a sudden he’s in this really nice room and it smells weird and not like the forest and what the hell.

And then someone greets him like: “Oh good you’re awake” and he freaks the fuck out because like WHY ARE YOU SPEAKING OUT LOUD. YOU’RE GOING TO GET US ALL KILLED. And he runs and hides and Luke is like: ‘okay 1) what the fuck and 2) what did all that hand waving mean and 3) that dude runs with no sound and it’s freaking me out.’

Turns out there’s this city with a very big wall so that the monsters can’t get in (maybe with some kind of high pitched noise all around that the monsters hate but humans can’t hear) and it’s just... full of people? Thriving? Who had no idea that far away in the forest there are other societies who live in like, the trees and ruins of buildings and caves who have learned from very young how to be very silent to survive.

And Luke and Alex were out exploring on a dare, and they would get into incredible trouble for that but they also saved a boy so there. And everyone is apprehensive at first because ‘wtf a boy from the outside we thought we were the only survivors, us and a city on the other side of the country we can sometimes contact by radio’.

And of course Ray Molina is just like ‘it’s free kid’ because this is my brain and I love it. He lives in the old school and is a teacher, and they set up one of the many empty classrooms as Reggie’s room. And Reggie slowly learns about this freakish new world where people talk and laugh out loud and aren’t afraid 24/7 and he very slowly starts to open up and whisper responses back to questions. He shows Ray his sketchbook because drawing is a hobby that doesn’t make sound, and Ray is very impressed and probably gets him more art supplies and chalk to draw on all the chalkboards in the empty classrooms.

And Luke is just thrilled because New Friend!!! And he wants to show Reggie everything he’s been missing, because Reggie has no idea what MUSIC is and that is just like, a fucking tragedy. And Reggie is mesmerized by Luke’s guitar, but when they take him to band practice, he is very quickly overwhelmed and runs away covering his ears. And Alex finds him and just talks him down because he knows what Anxiety is like and he’s very sweet and whispers so Reggie doesn’t freak out.

And that first night Reggie is lying in his New Room which is bigger than the room he shared with like, all the older kids of the clan back home, and he’s so lonely even though his new friends showed up with all kinds of cool things to put in his room (like a bed with a mattress and patchwork blankets and a PLANT that will one day GROW TOMATOES) he’s lonely and scared because he’s never slept alone. So he sneaks into Alex’ room because Alex was nice to him about freaking out about sound and Alex is like ‘um wtf’ when Reggie begs to sleep in his room, he can sleep on the floor. Insert adorable snuggles because Alex isn’t going to let the poor guy sleep on the floor.

And Luke bursts into Alex’ room the next day because REGGIE IS GONE only to find him curled up next to Alex and he is not jealous, nope, not at all, why would he be jealous his crush is in his friend’s bed, even though his room is in the same hallway. 

Alex and Luke live at the school too, Alex because his parents (who probably live in the former monastery with a bunch of other Religious Nuts) kicked him out, and Luke because he ran away for the Usual Reasons. Luke teaches the little kids music and basic math, Alex teaches mending clothes and basic food prep and dance, and Julie helps her dad teach the other subjects. She starts teaching Reggie how to read and write because he’s fascinated by it. 

In exchange for living there, he starts to teach kids how to draw, and they quickly learn that they have to be quiet or Mister Reggie gets scared and it is Adorable to see a bunch of six year olds tiptoe into class. (Reggie despairs because how can anyone tiptoe so loudly you would be dead in minutes outside the walls, I’mma teach you how to SNEAK as well. Hide and seek has never been more challenging for older siblings and adults and they have no idea why.)

And Reggie settles down and learns he can speak above a whisper and things will be okay and learns how to play instruments (insert Julie teaching him piano and Luke teaching him bass). And he plays with the others with these noise cancelling earmuffs on so it’s not too loud and overwhelming for him and he is SO HAPPY.

Sometimes Julie will read to him and he’ll lay his head in her lap while he plays with his hair and it is the Best Thing Ever and sometimes he and Luke will sit very close and write melodies together and sometimes he’ll draw Julie and Luke together and they just slowly fall in love and it’s very sweet and gentle. 

And then another stranger comes crashing into their wall, or tries to scale it, and he’s not being chased by a creature. So everyone is freaked out and when the news hits the school Reggie BOLTS because OUTSIDE THE WALL PEOPLE!!!

And Willie has scaled this giant wall like: I’m going to see what’s on the other side and get a sense of where I am and if there’s any monsters around and then WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK THERE’S PEOPLE? And he climbs down the other side and people have noticed him and he is met with all this yelling and demands and everyone is so loud and he covers his ears and by the time Reggie gets there he is close to tears.

And Reggie does like, the most un-Outside-The-Wall thing he has ever done in his life, which is stand in front of a crowd of people and shout at the top of his voice for them to “SHUT UP!”. And thankfully they do, because by now everyone knows about softspoken Reggie who barely speaks above a whisper and who came from outside of the wall. And now Willie is even more freaked out because that’s his Reggie??? Shouting??? Is he insane???

And Reggie hustles Willie to the school and into his room and away from People and probably says (whispers, because Willie is already freaked out) to Luke that he should go get Ray and tell all of their friends what happened and of course Luke does. And Reggie signs and whispers to Willie that’s he’s safe and about how the monsters are kept out, and they’re just like, hugging and maybe crying a little because Reggie thought he’d never see Willie again and Willie thought Reggie was, you know, eaten by a creature.

And Ray comes and brings them some food and Willie is Wary but Ray speaks very quietly and leaves them alone right after letting Reggie know he’s excused from classes and chores for the day. And Reggie is like: that’s Ray he’s our elder and he’s really nice and I teach kids to DRAW. And Willie haltingly tells Reggie about what has happened to the clan, how it kind of fell apart due to increased creature attacks, how he ended up under Covington instead and fled because dying alone in the wilderness was better than what Covington was making them do.

And Reggie hugs him and promises he’s safe now and takes Willie to the showers. He asks Alex if he can find Willie some clothes and then shows Willie like: LOOK. Hot Water! Coming From The Pipes! Fancy soap! Yes we get to use it! No it’s not a luxury only for the elders/cult leaders, you just have to trade something with the lady down the street who makes them. I gave her a portrait of her family and I got four blocks of soap. 

And Willie is like, amazed and also a little nervous, so Reggie washes his hair for him. And maybe Willie cries a little because it’s been so long since someone touched him without wanting to hurt him. 

And they’re just toweling off, and Reggie wraps his towel around his waist when Alex knocks and brings them the clothes, and Willie very much does not, he just dries his hair and smiles at Alex because hey, pretty boy, and Alex’ head nearly explodes because OH NO HE’S HOT. (And Reggie signs like: they’re weird about nudity here, cover up. And Willie signs back: I don’t think he minds.) And Alex flees to go um... be alone. And think calming thoughts. 

And of course everyone welcomes Willie with open arms and they’re like ‘we got this, whisper voices like with Reggie when he got here’. And Willie is fine, and once he gets that it’s safe, he is just ENTRANCED by loud music, especially Alex’ drums. He goes to practice with Reggie and sits on the floor watching all heart eyes and takes off the hearing-protection and is just enjoying the shit out of the music. Even though he barely speaks, he prefers to sign. 

So once day Alex takes him to the room where they practice, the one that is sound-isolated. And he shows Willie that look, when the door is closed, nobody can hear the noise inside. And then he invites Willie inside like: come on, I thought maybe you’d like to make some noise yourself for once. 

And he shows Willie how to pound on his drums, and that’s pretty fun, and then they end up, whispering, then talking, and it ends in Willie screaming at the top of his lungs, gleefull. And Alex screams with him because of course he does, and Willie just tackles him into the wall and kisses him senseless.

[afterartist]

Have a headcannon dump of a LU!centaur Au that’s been cycling in my brain for a week, I’m quite possibly going to write a fic/do more art,

You’re free to leave ideas or suggestions for this Au as well

(Wild doodle to go with at the end)

•–•Au Basics:

-this is heavily based off the @linkeduniverse Au by @jojo56830

Basically it’s the same but every character (even side characters but they’re not important) are Centaurian, this is finicky and involves things like Cervitaurs, mermaids and whatnot,

This is hevily based on living conditions and most races are born with natural legs, ie; hylians are born with two hylian legs, and their secondary legs will grow in around the age of four depending on the food and lifestyle they’ve had until then, the secondary traits are usually set in by the age of six where they will no longer have their original legs.

—-

Now the headcannons (this is just the links cause idk much about the Zelda’s so I have to do more research)

—-

•–Time•

- The old man is a Stag, no I will not take criticism on this

Time started off his journey a young deer cervitaur, barely grown into his fawn limbs before coming into contact with Fi,

Deer are often seen as prey animals and weak, but we all know Time is seen as the leader for a reason,

My man got mad strong horns and has kicked, impaled and stomped on more Moblins then any sane person should, while deers are often seen as weak you would have to be blind, deaf, three years old and an idiot to think Time any less then the powerful stag that would lay his life down for his family

-

•–Sky•

-Loftwing… kind of a no brainer for this one

Oh yeah, our sleepy king has butt wings and you can’t stop me,

Sky was literally found in a Loftwing nest and the majority of Skyloft secretly think he’s a Hylian Centaur instead of the other way around,

Learning to fly was the literal worst, his wings took a few more years to fully develop so he got to flying later then most, the fact that his wings sit at an awkward place on the base between his hylian torso and his Skywing back doesn’t help that fact

Yes he’s still perfected the art of flying while asleep, not even other Loftwing hybrids know how he does it

-

•–Twilight •

-He’s… hes a Wolf… it’s… it’s twilight… literally what else would he be?

He was actually a wolf hybrid before his adventure started and is honestly not sure how it took so long for the chain to even start to theorise his connections with Wolfie,

Wind guessed they were long lost brothers,

Fun fact, Twi is allergic to fur, it took him embracingly long to realise, ‘Oh, I thought the air was just meant to hurt’

Legend likes to call him a husky and watch as Twi goes on a rant about how they are completely different, this went on for months before time brought a stop to it

-

•-Legend•

-Pegasus… is this because I love the Pegasus boots? You’ll never know

The only reason sky knows how to preen his wings is because legend literally sat on him one day and showed him

In the ‘Not quite horse centaurs’ club with Wild

His tail was unfortunately docked in his third adventure, Wind used his ‘ Customary Pirate Rope tying skills’ to fashion him a fake tail out of foe hair (yes it’s pink) and braided him a new tail,

Legend won’t admit but that was the day he started trusting the rest of the chain

Likes to cuff Wars over the head with his wings, he quickly found out Wars’ wings hurt a lot more to get hit by then his

-

•–Warriors•

-DragonDragonDRAGONDRA-

His scales are literally brighter then the chains future (admittedly not hard to be)

Learned the hard way that his claws are sharp and for completely non related reasons has a wooden backscratcher he won’t tell anyone about

Runs hotter then the others Links, thus why he always wears his scarf, Legend jokes he’s as cold blooded as his blood,

legend regrets.

Has an unhealthy obsession with shiny things, his time in the army has helped him restrain from stealing freshly polished swords and amour but four swears they had a freshly cleaned dagger right next to them and now it’s gone-

-

•–Four•

-Minish?? More like biggish (that was bad I’ll see myself out-)

Still Has four legs like a mouse instead of the two that minish usually have, but has the fluffiest tail in existence

Actually wasn’t sure what Minish were before meeting them so was super confused for the first few years after developing

When Wind was confused on how to use their pronouns (they/them) correctly they told him to just picture four mice in a Trenchcoat (it helped Wind a lot)

Paints their claws/nails, each foot is one of the four colours, the blue nails are for some reason always somehow chipped, Warriors ends up lending them some of his nail Polish which is sturdier

-

•–Hyrule•

-obsessing over the idea that Rules’ Hyrule is basically Australia so Rule is a kangaroo

Kangaroos are evil deer, Rule is the exception

Kangaroos are terrifying and could be hit by a truck and walk it off, lest to say Time had a mini breakdown after watching Hyrule get punched into a tree by a Hinox, stand up, then carry on with his life without so much as a scratch

They still suck at cooking

If you say ‘shrimp on a campfire’ he will ring your throat until you meet Nayru face to face,

‘I may not know how to cook but I know they’re called prawns.’

-

•–Wind•

-Salt water croc for my salty pirate

Changed from lobster because I personally hate lobsters

Has claws and knows how to use them, preferably on the back of legend’s legs but has learned hooves hurt to take to the face

Has 3rd eyelid to be able to see underwater, so he likes to sleep like that sometimes and creep out whoever is on watch

Wild has attempted to eat him at least twice, both times Twi had to stop the because Wind was also curious

Sky only has two legs? Boo loser, Wind has 4 and a big tail that could snap your spine (it took wind several years to learn how not to trip over and he still can’t walk for long periods of time)

-

��–Wild-

-Lynel… Time is not surprised

In the ‘Not quite horse centaurs’ club with Legend

Honestly thought he was a horse until Flora mentioned ‘no Link, horse’s don’t grow horns out of their head’

Isn’t sure if he’s a gold Lynel or just blond (they’re just blond)

Also has a hint of orange in his blue eyes, eyes that glow red on bloodmoons

Unlike their hair they actually like to style their tail a lot, went they went to Gerudo town he was taught how to braid and bun it but can’t do it on his own so let’s Wind do it when he’s bored

Has small horns that Time had to teach him how to take care of, cause who knew horns need maintenance

Literally no one knows how his glider is able to hold him up… or how he climbs literally anything with ease even with his equestrian limbs

Was also one of the first to use Four’s pronouns correctly as they themselves use all pronouns (likes he/they the most tho)

—- Quick sketch of Wild cause I love them with all my heart

Anyway, it’s just a poorly thought out Au and I’ll probably work on it more but have this info dump for a second as I try to figure out what I’m doing with my life,

If y’all have any suggestions have at it,

I just hope my ideas aren’t as jumbled as I think they are

[iliveiloveiwrite]

Draco Malfoy and the Parent Trap (headcanons)

Request: hc for scorpius trying to get his father back together with his dada teacher a while after his mother passing because he wanted his father to be happy and he found out reader used to be his school sweetheart before things got in their way? - anon

A/N: This is a fairly long headcanon and for that, I apologise! I had so much fun with this though! I’ve split this into sections like how I would a full length fic otherwise it’s too hard to follow, in my opinion.

Warnings: female reader, mischief and mishaps, kissing, fluff, humour, mentions of death, past relationships.

Scorpius Malfoy loved his mother; he adored his mother, but even he could no longer deny that she was not coming back. 

Astoria Malfoy had died, and she was not coming back. 

It had been years since her passing and whilst Scorpius missed her every single day, he could not ignore the fact that his father needed to meet someone new. 

-------

Draco Malfoy adored his wife; he would give up his soul to have her back in his arms where he could love her as wholly as he had when she was alive. If he had possession of the resurrection stone, he knew who he would bring back, he didn't care whether it would change her - he would have her back. 

However, Draco Malfoy was lonely. He missed his wife, but he also missed the companionship of a relationship. He missed going to bed and having someone there when he woke up wishing him a good morning. 

He yearned to have someone to hold; someone to love; someone to care for. 

Draco Malfoy simply wanted someone.

-------

Scorpius didn't really have a favourite class; he enjoyed them all as he loved learning, but he found himself drawn to Defence Against the Dark Arts when you took over as Professor, breathing new life into the subject.

“Scorpius!” You call, smiling widely as the blonde ambles over to you. “Well done! I haven't seen spell casting like that since I last saw your father.”

“You knew my father?” Scorpius asks you, shocked at the admission.

“We were very close for a time,” You admit, feeling your face flush as the teenager looks on confused, “But we drifted apart.”

“What was he like back then?” Scorpius asks before he can help himself, “Dad doesn't speak a lot about his time at Hogwarts; he says his life began when he met my mother.”

You laugh, pressing a hand to your chest. “I understand why he would say that; he always was the romantic. I was sorry to hear of her passing; I remember when she attended Hogwarts.”

“Thank you,” Scorpius whispers quietly; a new wave grief washing over him as he meets another person who0 had known his mother. 

“You’re the spitting image of your father. How is he?” You ask, needing to know.

“He’s okay. He’s lonely,” Scorpius admits, “He misses my mother.”

“As he should,” You state, nodding solemnly. “He always was serious. Even in school; I could very rarely get him to take a night off and have some fun.”

Scorpius smiles at the image conjured in his mind; the teenaged version of his father causing mayhem around the castle - it just didn't seem true. Scorpius sighs when he glances at the clock. “I’ll see you next time, Professor.”

“Bye, young Malfoy,” You laugh, thinking back to a time when a blonde haired teenager had been the centre of your universe.

------

Scorpius brings up the subject at lunch, asking Albus and Rose whether they knew anything of it.

Albus shrugs, sipping at his water before shaking his head. Rose frowns, tapping her chin with her finger. “I remember hearing my parents talk about it,” She murmurs, seeming far off as if in a distant memory.

“What did they say?” Scorpius all but demands, perching on the edge of his seat.

Rose’s eyes brighten as the conversation comes back to her. “I remember!” She all but cries, “They were discussing Professor (Y/L/N)’s appointment as our professor - they knew her at Hogwarts, you see.”

“Anything else?” Scorpius presses, already aware of such knowledge.

“My dad spoke about how he could never believe that someone like Professor (Y/L/N) would date your dad.”

“WHAT?” Scorpius shouts; not out of the slight insult to his father, but the fact that his Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher used to date his father and neither said a word about it. “They dated?!”

Rose shrugs, reaching for her drink. “They must have if my parents were talking about it. I don't know how long for, but both my parents said it was the nicest they had seen your father act.”

Scorpius frowns at Rose’s words but does not comment; instead, he wonders about his father, overworking himself at St Mungo’s so he doesn't have to come home to an empty house. 

“Scorp,” Albus sings, interrupting Scorpius’ worrying, “I have an idea.”

“What is that?” Scorpius asks warily; these ideas never ended well. 

“You were talking about wanting your father to find love again... and here you are being educated by on elf his exes.”

“Okay?”

“Set them up you fool!”

“Oh!” Scorpius gasps, seeing the plan fall into place right before his eyes.

“Alright,” He concedes, “But I’ll need your help.” 

-----

The plan gets put into motion the following week.

Scorpius approaches you at the end of Thursday’s lesson, a sheepish look on his face.

“You know your father had the same expression when he messed up,” You snort, “What did you do?”

“It’s not so much what I did, but what my father would like to hear.”

“Pardon?”

“My father wrote to me yesterday asking if he could have an early report of my progress in school. Since you already know him, I thought - if you don't mind, that is - you would write to him first, update him on DADA?”

You roll your eyes. “Of course, Scorpius. I’ll write a report his evening and send it with the owls tomorrow morning.”

“Thank you!” Scorpius exclaims; eyes wide with happiness as the first stage of the plan falls into place. 

-----

Stage One: set up communication.

Draco had never sent his son a letter asking for his progress so far; Draco never rushed for academic excellence, he was simply happy with Scorpius’ best. 

However, the report would hopefully open up a line of communication between the exes which would in turn lead to something more.

-------

Owl Post arrives only once a day so it isn't until Saturday that Scorpius hears back from his father. 

He opens his letter with barely restrained glee; Albus and Rose watching on curiously. 

Inside the weighty envelope, Scorpius finds your progress report of his work in DADA but also an attached note from his father:

“Scorpius, you do not need to feel pressured to send me reports. I know you’ll try your best in every subject. You will do well with (Y/N) teaching you. She was a genius at this subject when I was at school.”

Scorpius freezes for a moment; running a finger over his father’s handwriting as he is hit with a keen sense of absence. He didn't get homesick often, but right now, he misses his father more than words could say. 

Albus reads over the letter, Rose follows. The three sit in silence as they think of their next move. Rose comes up with the idea.

“Your dad needs to reply to Professor (Y/L/N). It would look rude if he did not.”

Scorpius nods; reaching into his bag for a piece of parchment and his quill. He scrawls a quick reply to his father:

“Dad, I just thought you would appreciate the update. I hope you replied to Professor (Y/L/N), it would be rude to not have given that she took the time to write to you.”

His reply is sent in the afternoon when he treks up the Owlery, feeds a postal owl before offering up his letter to be returned to Draco. Scorpius had even tucked Professor (Y/L/N)’s original letter in the envelope so his father did not forget what she had written.

As Scorpius watches the owl fly away, he wonders whether this plan will ever work.

-----

Time passes and Scorpius begins to wonder whether the plan is working.

He watches you in lessons; notices that you seem a little brighter, that there is a little glow about you when you smile.

And Scorpius cannot help but wonder whether his father did reply and that the both of you were keeping in touch.

The hope that unfurls in his chest at the thought if his father happy again is what makes him pray to Merlin for it all to work out.

-----

It’s a Friday afternoon, weeks into the plan, when you approach Scorpius.

“Scorpius, may I talk to you for a moment?”

“Yes, Professor.”

“I’m not sure if your father had made you aware or whether he was keeping it a surprise, but he’s coming to the school tomorrow.”

Scorpius’ face goes slack at your words. 

Draco had never come to the school; had not wanted to come after the second wizarding war and for good reason too. For Draco to be stepping foot back into the place he so strongly thinks hates him, there must be a powerful reason.

“Why?” is all Scorpius asks.

You fiddle with your fingers before replying. “He sent me a letter letting me know he would be coming to see you, but to also catch up with me. You don’t mind, do you? I know this could be strange for you. I’ll happily cancel if you want to spend the whole day with your father.”

The hope that had been hiding away just behind his heart begins to bloom in his chest as he takes in the hopeful expression on your face. It's then that Scorpius realises that you don't want to cancel on his father, but you would for him. It’s then that Scorpius realises that his father might just be ready for moving on.

“I don't mind at all,” He answers, finding his words truthful. “You and my father have a lot to catch up on.”

“That we do,” You laugh before smiling genuinely at the teenager, “Thank you, Scorpius.”

Scorpius smiles; grabbing his belongings and making his way out of the classroom. Stage two of the plan had begun with Scorpius even realising.

He knows exactly what he needs to do tomorrow.

-----

Scorpius barely sleeps all night for thinking of it.

He’s up with the sun and the first to breakfast as he waits for his father's arrival.

He remains sitting in the Great Hall when he begins to wonder just exactly where his father is. It was long past the time of his arrival.

It’s then that Scorpius decides to wander to the DADA classroom.

He finds Draco there in quiet conversation with you; sitting close together on the desks, hands so close touching that it almost pains Scorpius to look. 

He realises then how well you fit together; how you both balance each other out when you snort at something Draco says, reaching out to show his shoulder playfully. Scorpius cannot remember a time when he saw his father have fun; have a joke with someone.

Heads bent close together, Scorpius catches the glimpse of an indulgent smile on his father’s face and it's then that Scorpius knows that his father has found another person to love. 

Scorpius thought it would hurt, to see his father with another, but it doesn't. Instead, Scorpius feels relief that his father might not be so alone forever. 

An idea pops into Scorpius’ mind. 

Gathering his courage, Scorpius reaches for the door handle, and slams the door shut loudly. 

He covers his mouth to quash the laughter that bubbles at the sound of your surprised yelp. 

He quickly casts a locking charm on the door, remembering an advanced one taught to him by Rose whose mother had taught it to her. 

“Let us out!” You yell, shaking the door handle and banging on the door.

“Not yet!” He shouts back with a smile.

“Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy!” Draco shouts, “Let us out right now!”

“Not until you get your act together!”

“What?”

“You can't come out until you admit your feelings!”

And with that, the voices on the other side of the door fall silent and Scorpius sits himself across the corridor from the entrance to the classroom. 

-----

Draco shakes his head at the audacity of his son. 

You press a hand to your mouth to stop the laughter from leaving. 

“It’s not funny!” Draco laments.

“It kinda is,” You admit, “Your son could see something neither of us could.”

“What?”

“Draco, you would have to be half blind to not see my feelings for you.”

“What?” The blonde repeats, once again struck dumb. 

You shrug, “We’ve been talking for a while and I thought there was something there. At least, there is something there on my end.”

“It’s been so long,” He whispers, closing his eyes against the wave of emotions washing over him.

Draco feels nothing but conflict; he can no longer ignore the rising affection he has for you, but with every sting of it, he’s reminded of Astoria. 

“I’m not asking to replace her,” You whisper, drawing your hands up to your chest as if protecting the already breaking heart. “I know I could never do that.”

Opening his eyes, Draco sees the stricken expression on your face and hates that he’s the cause for it. “I miss having someone there,” He admits quietly, “I miss having someone.”

“I could be that someone,” You state.

“I want you to be that someone,” Draco admits, pulling your hands from your chest, holding them gently in his own. “I want you.”

A watery smile breaks across your face as Draco drops on elf your hands to caress your cheek. “A new chapter,” You whisper, leaning into his touch.

“A new chapter,” Draco promises, ducking his head to kiss you.

------

Scorpius Malfoy misses his mother every day. He knows that she will always be with him, but he misses her nonetheless.

However, he cannot ignore how happy he is for his father to have found someone to love again. 

****

Draco Malfoy taglist: @the--queen-of-hell @obxmxybxnk @obx-beach @sycathorn-slush @dracomalfoyswifey @oopskashish @justmesadgirl @detroitobsessed @sexysirius @just-a-belgian-girl​ @lahoete​ @minty-malfoy​ @fallinallinmendes​ @ravenclawbitch426​ @ochrythum​ @beiahadid​ @gryffindors-weasley​ @dracosathenaeum​ @belladaises​

[merry-andrews]

AAAHHHH!!!!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU DEAR WRITER THANK YOU!!!!! I'M OVER THE CLOUDS NOW! THANK YOU!!! T.T

DEAR LORD PLEASE SOMEONE ANYONE PLEASE SOMEONE PUNCH ME OR SOMETHING I THINK I'M DREAMING!!!!! LESWELL DARLING I LOVE YOU!! YOU ARE AN ACTUAL ANGEL SENT FROM HEAVEN I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!! MY HANDS ARE TREMBLING SO HARD NOW WHILE I'M TYPING THIS COMMENT NO JOKE BABY YOU SHAKE MY WORLD, SHATTER MY BONES, HUNT MY DREAMS, TEAR MY HEART! T.T I LOVE YOU!!!

Shall we start from the title? cus it looks so geniusly choosen and hhnn can I confess I screamed like a little girl when I saw it?! good God I can not believe you actually went and wrote a fic for old me hhnn and here I was seething, burning in jealously becuase how Forever gets to be so special?! what he has that I don't?! it isn't about gift no, it's about having your love and attention! T.T I'm that possessive, jealous type 'blushes' God I rambled too much!! but hhnn I can't help, you're everywhere, surrounding my world I even hanged that gift I drew for you infront of my face on the wall so it's first thing I wake up to and last thing I see before I go to sleep! I love you!! like loving a God seriously, it was adore and worship this writer then turned to a love so bright it blind eyes!!!!

Thank you for always being my support ❤️

I'll follow you to the end of the world, babe!! don't thank me!!

It is not uncommon for Kenshi to frequent Johnny's doorstep in the middle of the night. They have been having an on-and-off affair for a while in secret from their shared employer, mostly because as far as the Yakuza claims to be a family, everyone is just as ready and eager to sink their blades onto each others’ backs at any given opportunity.

However, it is the first time Kenshi comes to him looking like he battled the entire crime empire by himself.

Johnny involuntarily moans into the kiss as Kenshi throws his katana onto the floor with no care and crowds him against his corridor wall. He tastes like blood and smells like blood too.

Lord have mercy do you even realize how hot you write?! sinking their blades into eachother's back hhn they would.. how com you picture crime families this hot? God now it only makes me more thirst to see how you're gonna write yakuza kenshi! also Johnny and Kenshi being like sleeping together behind their boss's back God I love this secret lovers trope! KATANA!!!!! OH MY GOD HE CAME AT JOHNNY'S DOOR WITH BLOOD COVERED BLADE LOOKING LIKE HE JUST CAME BACK FROM MASSACRE TASTES LIKE BLOOD AND SMELLS LIKE BLOOD TOO DEAR GOD!! i was listening to Rose Quartz song while reading this lovely fic and this part of song was playing during my read;

Your tender mind

It's just like mine

Because I feel weak, uh-huh

'Cause I feel weak, uh-huh

And if I fall

Into the sea

Don't let me go

'Cause I feel weak

Because why sleeping with him at first place if your minds or hearts are touching eachother through a connection? I think Johnny has a thing for danger that can be the reason he slept with Kenshi at first place! that raw desire of Kenshi immediately crowding and kissing him like Johnny is an anchor still holding him to human world, still make him grounded after he was so high on adrenaline after killing many people. maybe it's why he came at Johnny's door at first place?

“A pest control,” is all Kenshi supplies as he gets his mouth on the pale flesh of Johnny's neck and bites down with blunt teeth, sucking at the skin until a dark bruise begins to form.

Instead of a complaint about Kenshi's deflection, Johnny whines a dangerous and primal sound that calls on an equally primal source somewhere deep inside his gut as he feels the unmistakable twitch of flesh against the seam of his sweatpants.

Dear God I love how Johnny doesn't deny his desire hhn the fic is pure sin, reading it feels like going to church and feeling the burn of judging eyes of God himself on your back, I love it. Anything you write is pure art how you even manage to do this I'm still in awe! I loved how you showed Kenshi here! he looks so dangerous and I want this man, he loves without fear and is ready to kill anyone who hurt his lover with bare hands without hesitation! you mentioned you were aiming for angst, I'm curious to know what was your angst plot? o.o this is such a lovely ability how you can turn anything into hot and soft moment just in one second.. I crave more of your yakuza Kenshi now! like how I said once you write him flawless!

Johnny's grip on the man's jaw tightens slightly and Kenshi doesn't hiss but his top lip twitches up, baring a canine in pain.

“Not mine,” Kenshi mutters as he takes Johnny's hand off himself and leans in for another hungry kiss. Johnny knows he's partially lying because as Kenshi tracks his palms along his naked chest, they leave a warm and slippery trail of fresh blood.

LORD ABOVE WHY I READ THIS SENTENCE MANY TIMES?! GOD IT'S BOTH HOT AND SINFUL and can I say Kenshi gives me wolf vibe in here? I love that small detail of baring canine!!! and that part of Johnny gripping his jaw then Kenshi brushing it away to lean in for another kiss God! there's a red slash now on Johnny's chest and face and they are kissing! I love love love this part of angry passionate kiss they share! so lustful, so animalistic, so loungingly.. very beautiful writing!

Johnny's head is swimming and he can sense something akin to a fever race through his veins as Kenshi's fingers dip just below his waistband.

I love how this part can be read as poetry! so melodic it's like it's written for an actual famous novel. love how you paint with your words and I said it once, words are so powerful if in right hands and who else better than you, my sweet? this fandom is so blessed by your presence!! I do not need a gift when I have 'your' friendship! which is everything to me! you're like High Priest card in tarot, you're like a sun, you're amazing, breathtaking, wonderful! I wake up every day feeling so proud to be friend of such an absolute amazing human being. I love you!!

“Let me have you,” Kenshi rasps, and all of Johnny's reservations fly out the window.

Johnny lurches forward to close the distance between their lips, slurping and sucking on a wet tongue as the lust of the eyes turns violently to the desire of the body. He’s so unabashedly into Kenshi, not only his sexy body or the idea of fucking someone dangerous, when Kenshi begs him like that, Johnny just can't say no.

Every single part of this fic is so beautiful I can not skip a single part without fainting over it! I was listening to this part of;

And if I fall

Into the sea

Don't let me go

'Cause I feel weak

Which felt like a mantra, their love should be written like a searing fire and I love how lovely you paid to any small detail, any small movements even their kiss, God it was one of most beautiful fics I've ever read! That part of rimming Johnny and opening him up by fingers coated in blood, Lord that was so hot!!

There is a fluttering sensation of lips trailing up Johnny's spine and then he feels a soft huff when he hears Kenshi breathe out a pleased “ Good ,” against the back of his neck.

Kenshi flips him again and reaches down to grab his legs up, letting them wrap around his waist as he hauls Johnny off his feet.

Kenshi worshiping Johnny's body is like air and water for me, he's such a sweet lover boy! I love how you so delicately leave a part of yourself in Kenshi! taking care of Johnny, being actual sweet on him while both are just here to sate a hunger, fingering him while he could just have his way with him at first, just bend him and make him take it but even with his mind high Kenshi still has this grip on himself to be gentle with Johnny and making his partner enjoy as much as he does! loved this part so soo much!!!! And then lifting Johnny, carrying him?! God I'm dying over here, it's like all my fave parts I like to see in a fic is handed to me in a golden plate, like a delicious meal having enugh spice and taste it's impossible you find a flaw in here!

Kenshi has made quite a work out of his body, painting him in red like he's a canvas to mark and Johnny can see every touch of him lingered on his skin.

Kenshi raises one of Johnny's legs up to throw it over his shoulder as his gaze sweeps over him, drinking him up and taking him in where he lay, exposed and naked with his dick straining towards his stomach.

He licks the inside of his knee, tongue dragging along the trail of blood and Johnny chews his lip, trying not to whimper as his cock twitches against his belly.

Johnny reaches up with a hand to hook fingers around Kenshi’s belt loop, but the other man grinds his hips forward a little as if to lower Johnny's palm.

Kenshi is rock-hard and firm against him.

“Take it off, fuck , take it off,” Johnny now eagerly yanks on Kenshi's trousers, fumbling with the button. The other man helps him as he dives in for an open-mouthed kiss, one gasping for air when the other goes in.

Johnny's hand shifts around to stroke the small of Kenshi's back under his shirt, too intimate a gesture for two men rutting themselves together on an office desk, but it suits them, maybe. 

Kenshi grabs his ass and Johnny has to bite his lip to keep down his moan when his dick slides into the crease between Johnny's cheeks, and catches a little at the rim of his hole. 

I WANT TO SCREAM!!! THAT THROWING HIS LEG OVER HIS SHOULDER, LICKING INSIDE HIS KNEE, OH GOD IT'S SO HOT! CAN I CONFESS I LOVE 'WATCHING'?! Kenshi watching his member sliding over Johnny's soft skin, making contrast of colors because I imagine Johnny's back is now a soft peach shade of blush on a honey tan, covered with bloody hand prints while Kenshi himself is a dark asian tan, now blushing furiously red at tip and is big enough that almost covers a large part of the sight, dripping and catching over Johnny's trembling entrance.. God!

“No,” he growls low, threateningly, yanks Johnny’s both arms toward him, almost pulling Johnny's back off the table. He leans in and breathes directly into his ear. “You don't get to touch yourself. I'm gonna fuck you at my pace so you lie there and take it like a good boy, hear me?”

“Look at you,” Kenshi's voice drops to a pitch Johnny can only describe as velvety with a hint of darkness. “So desperate and greedy for my cock. You know I can make you come just like this. I'm the only one who gets to touch you so will you be good and do what i say?”

God I love love a boss, dark Kenshi!! first flaunting the strength by carrying Johnny and now ordering him around, that part of velvet darkness indeed is my fave part!! I love how you so artistically put words together. you really should consider publishing your works! I'll be first one buying them if you do!!

Johnny lets out a needy moan, there is nothing to ground him except Kenshi's iron grip on his forearms, pulling Johnny deeper and rougher to meet his thrusts. He can't do anything but take every electrifying hit to his sensitive spot, pleasure zinging through his entire body.

“Look at me,” Kenshi says softly but with enough demand to it to let Johnny know he means it.

Gosh this part!! this part is so so good!!! I love a Kenshi being in control in bed, Johnny can fall apart in his arms without being worried of what happens or what his partner thinks about him later and I think that's one of reasons why their relationship is healthy. I headcanon Kenshi is still thinking wisely when when he's having sex with Johnny, like, taking situation under control sort. The boy can think fast and act faster!

Aside from cuts on his face, Kenshi got a slash on his left bicep—fortunately not so deep and no longer bleeding. However, Johnny fusses over the knuckles on his both hands, their skin is busted open and raw, and the blood doesn't seem to stop seeping from their skin.

God I love a Johnny fussing on Kenshi's wounds!! Busted knuckles is where you get all my attention!! Because, again, details! He was holding blade but can be assumed he didn't hold back to punch or hit someone with his first when needed!! That's how I see Yakuza Kenshi, a dangerous man going straight in lion den without having fear, going on intend to tear and damage! Like a true samurai, fighting to the last breathe, standing his ground firmly and not holding back in fights! Love how you wrote both his side of soft/harsh together!! It feels so nice reading this part I read it many times before going for next part!

“You coming with me?” Kenshi asks, his smile turning into a grin and this was the man who killed ruthlessly, mercilessly, and bathed in the blood of half the city's population.

Johnny rolls his eyes at the prospect of them ever separating as if he would allow that. They're both stupid in their own ways like this.

“Unfortunately, you made me your accomplice by coming to my door. You won't be shaking me off anytime soon.”

Without a warning, Kenshi grabs his face and lands a fat kiss on his lips.

“Gah! You're such a sappy romantic,” Johnny reels back just for the dramatics but fuck him if his heart doesn't flutter.

Aahh!!!! The ending couldn't be more satisfying than this! Love it how Johnny's ready to drop anything he has, his job, his good payment, his rank in crime group only to follow Kenshi!! Not even scared of yakuza tracking them down, they'll stand together, fight together if needed as long as they have eachother.

Thank you so so much for such lovely gift!! My real gift is our chat times together, real gift is when I see your cute 'laugh' reactions, real gift is having a precious, darling friend like you, love. Thank you for everything. I love you!!

Wishing you a very happy holiday and merry Christmas!

With love.

M.

Happy Birthday @merry-andrews ❤️🎁🎂

Pairing: Johnny Cage / Kenshi Takahashi

Tags: Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Yakuza!Kenshi, Lawyer!Johnny, Bloodplay, Rimming, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Table Sex, Blood As Lube, Blood and Injury, Bottom Johnny Cage, Light Dom/sub, there might be a plot? If You Squint

Summary: Johnny is a lawyer for the biggest crime syndicate in Japan and one night he finds Kenshi leaning heavily on his arm over his doorframe, drenched head to toe in blood and gore.

[wafflesandkruge]

One Early Morning in Os Alta

Nikolai accidentally drinks one of David's experiments and becomes obsessed with solving the mystery that is Zoya Nazyalensky. The Triumvirate is his most unwilling audience as he attempts to piece together where she goes at night with nothing but his caffeine-fueled brain and a chalkboard.

Written for the @grishaversebigbang mini bang! Thank you so much to the amazing @kolarpem (x) and @denndrawings​ (x) who created beautiful art for this fic 🥺 ❤️  

ao3

In their three short years of marriage, Genya and David had developed a morning routine. David, eager to get to the labs early so he could have the room to himself, would wake at the crack of dawn like clockwork and share a few sleepy kisses with her before getting on his way. After a few more hours of much-needed beauty sleep, Genya would commandeer some breakfast and find him tinkering away at whatever project Nikolai had put him to. It was a comfortable rhythm, a familiar constant in their otherwise hectic lives.

But today, Genya was just drifting off to sleep again after being woken by her husband when the door to their bedroom slammed open to reveal a very disheveled David. His glasses were slightly more askew than usual and his kefta rumpled. Genya let out a small yawn.

“David? What’s wrong?”

“There has been a development.” He didn’t elaborate further as he strode over to their wardrobe and pulled out her kefta. She tugged it over her head without question and followed him sleepily out of the room. They’d been together long enough that she’d learned not to try to get him to elaborate. He’d either clam up for hours trying to find the right words or talk in circles trying to fully explain a very easily explainable situation. Only the Saints knew what it was this time. She just hoped it was something easily resolvable so she could go back to sleep. Perhaps a puppy running loose in the labs, or an Inferni who’d burned off their eyebrows and wanted her to Tailor them back. Simple things.

But instead of the labs, David pulled her into Nikolai’s bedroom and Genya knew it was going to be a long day. Tamar and Tolya were already seated on a sofa, both with their arms crossed and similar scowls on their faces. Zoya was absent. And Nikolai was animatedly scribbling on a large blackboard that had been wheeled to the front of the room, “ZOYA NAZYALENSKY” scrawled at the top in large letters and circled three times for emphasis. The rest of the board was covered in near incomprehensible writing and doodles.

Genya frowned as David pulled her down into the seat next to him. “Did you steal that from the Little Palace, Nikolai? How will the children learn?”

Her king didn’t answer. He seemed busy working on a doodle of what looked like a five legged tiger on a corner of the board. David patted her hand absentmindedly as he opened his notebook and started scribbling as well.

“Is anyone going to explain this to me?” Genya asked mildly as Tolya slid a cup of tea towards her. She supposed the Triumvirate had seen worse, and their king acting like a man possessed didn’t rank particularly high on their list, but she still didn’t appreciate being woken up early for this. If anything, the twins should have just knocked him out and then everyone could get their well deserved rest.

Tamar crossed her arms. Her short hair stuck up in every direction as if she’d just rolled out of bed. “Well, your genius husband over there,” she starts, her tone not quite complimentary, “was working on one of his little experiments again.”

Genya nodded distractedly as she removed a small mirror from the inside of her sleeve. David took it from her obediently and held it up as she began Tailoring away the dark circles under her eyes. It wasn’t a substitute for her lost sleep, but it’d have to do for now.

“Coffee with a mild strain of parem in it for an extra stimulant,” David explained as she moved on to bringing more color into her cheeks. “Since you’re always complaining about the Little Palace’s coffee leaving you groggier than before.”

Genya’s hands stilled as she offered David a small smile. Even after knowing him for this long, his kindness never failed to surprise her. “That’s lovely, dear. But how does that relate to Nikolai acting like...this?”

Both of them jumped when Nikolai let out a rather concerning cackle. He had moved on from the deformed tiger to a caricature of someone who looked alarmingly like General Pensky. Genya scanned the board, barely able to decipher his scribbling. Secret lover...treason...illicit rendezvous? She furrowed her brows.

Tolya glowered at them from his spot next to his sister. “Nikolai drank David’s experiment. And now he refuses to administer the antidote because he wants to observe his behavior for the sake of science.”

“That’s not strictly true,” David said as he handed the mirror back to Genya and picked up his pencil again. “I don’t have an antidote ready. Instead of taking the time and labor to manufacture one, we might as well just wait for it to wear off naturally.”

Tolya opened his mouth again to argue, but then a piece of chalk flew by, barely missing Genya’s nose. Nikolai slammed his hands on the table and her tea splashed out of its cup. 

All four of their heads turned towards their king. His shirt was buttoned incorrectly, his hair wild, and a distinctly unhinged look in his eyes. His jacket was tied around his shoulders like a cape. It had to be the worst Genya has ever seen him, though there had been that time when Kirigin had convinced him to do a few shots of that whiskey from the Wandering Isles and he’d been convinced he was a saint—

“Friends!” His voice was entirely too loud for the intimate setting. “I have gathered you here today to solve one of our most pressing problems.”

“Our empty coffers?” Genya asked with a yawn.

“Impending war on three fronts?” offered Tolya.

“My brother’s incurable love for five hour poetry recitations?” 

David continued silently taking notes in his book.

“No,” Nikolai declared with an empathetic shake of his head, “we’re here to discuss the mystery of...Zoya Nazyalensky.”

He stepped to the side and for the first time, Genya was able to see the entirety of the blackboard he’d been writing on. Not a single inch of it had been spared from his rather enthusiastic scrawl and doodles like he was preparing to give them the world’s most fascinating lecture on the enigma that was Zoya. Genya felt a headache incoming.

“Perhaps we could do this at a more reasonable hour,” she began, but Nikolai smacked his hand against the blackboard which sent up a giant cloud of chalk dust.

“Nonsense! There’s no time like the present, and Zoya is away so it’s the perfect time to speculate upon her true intentions.” He waved his arm towards a bullet point at the top of the board, but in his eagerness, nearly knocked the entire board over. Genya let out another yawn and sank back into the couch. Maybe he wouldn’t notice if she dozed off.

“Where does she go at night?” Nikolai demanded as he began pacing furiously. The papers pinned to the board fluttered in his wake. “About once a week or so, the palace guards tell me she’s seen walking on the grounds late at night, alone. She’s almost certainly meeting with someone. But who? And why?”

“Are you sure you don’t have an antidote?” she whispered to David.

“Positive.” He scratched his ear, a sure sign he was lying. Genya sighed. She supposed she’d have him make it up to her later. She knew better than to talk him out of one of science moods. 

“A lover!” Nikolai continued. “She has a secret lover!”

Genya knew for a fact Zoya had no one in her heart other than their king as much as she liked pretending she hated him and his entire existence. In her own opinion, it probably had something to do with the very expensive gifts Nikolai routinely offered because Zoya was nothing if not a creature of luxury. Still, she took a sip of her tea and raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Do go on.”

“At first I thought it was General Pensky, but he’s been stationed at the border for over a month and the night walks haven’t stopped. So that leaves no other option than…” Nikolai’s eyes narrowed. He executed a sloppy about-face that any army commander would have had him running laps for and pointed an accusing finger at Tolya. “You’re Zoya’s secret lover!”

Tolya frowned and crossed his arms. “I would rather go back to Novyi Zem and become a jurda farmer. Less chance of sudden death.”

Nikolai grabbed at his hair. “But if you’re not seeing Zoya...and Tamar isn’t– you’re not right?”

“I’m married, Nikolai.”

“Right, right, right,” he muttered. He turned back to look at his board. “Then there’s only one other answer.”

“We all go back to bed?” Genya suggested.

Nikolai turned to her, an oddly intense look in his eyes. “How could you suggest we all retire when Zoya is plotting against the throne?”

Genya blinked. “How exactly did you get there?”

“It all makes sense!” Nikolai babbled excitedly. He waved his arms in excitement. “The late night walks. The secrecy. Why she’s always so mean to me—”

“She’s mean to everyone,” Tamar interjected.

“She’s working with the Fjerdans! Or the Shu! Of course, I should have seen it from the start…”

Genya tuned him out again as he went back to drawing on the board while muttering to himself about how the Fjerdan’s diabolical plan to have Zoya seduce him was working too well. She put her head on David’s shoulder and focused on the page of notes he was working on. Except instead of notes, it was a sketch of a woman’s face. Her face. As she watched, his pencil scratched out the curve of her lips, one corner lifted in a half smile. “What are you doing, dear?”

“Studying something beautiful,” he answered without a moment of hesitation. 

Genya’s lips curled into a smile as she let her eyes shut. “You’re sweet today. Maybe we should let Nikolai poison himself more often.”

“There’s a seventy percent chance his heart would give out if we attempted this more than once a week.”

“Regicide,” Genya said with a sigh, “How romantic.”

[spxllcxstxr]

Bridge Over Troubled Water • R.L

(Gif not mine)

Requests: can you do a blurb with Remus where the reader is nervous and anxious, maybe has a tough week and he gives her a massage and helps her relax? — anon and Hi! can you write an imagine where the reader is dating Remus and is disappointed in her school grades / results and is overall doubting herself and is disappointed with herself? — @emmaev

Summary: Things are getting really tough. Remus is here for you.

Warnings: mention of food, not eating/skipping a meal, hunger, depression, anxiety, a bit of a panic attack, homework, school, self deprecating thoughts, kinda take how we’re feeling in this pandemic and that’s kinda what this fic is, Snape being an ass for like two sentences, crying

Word Count: 1.7k

A.N: I hope it’s alright that I combined your two requests. But, I decided to make it longer with a lot more comfort. I really hope it’s ok with you guys ❤️ Kinda a vent fic? So that’s why it’s lowkey all over the place and the ending is sorta..abrupt? I hope you like it, though. I wanna say that I’m always here for you guys. This whole thing has been kicking my ass and school has been extremely tough for me, so know that you’re not alone. Know that you’ve got this. I believe wholeheartedly in you. Love you all. ❤️

Title: Simon and Garfunkel - Bridge Over Troubled Water

****

You trudge up the stone steps to the boys dorms, your bag dragging heavily behind you. With your robes slipping from your shoulders and your tie dangling loosely around your neck, you almost consider letting your bag go. Watching the heavy sack of books tumble recklessly down the spiral staircase seems like a great idea to you. However, you make it to the sixth year dorms before you’re able to loosen your grip.

The oak door was closed but not locked. What use was a lock when the door was charmed to singe off the eyebrows of any unwelcome visitor? Thankfully, the boys granted you complete access to their room in third year, so the door couldn’t harm you.

Turning the brass doorknob and stepping through the threshold, you’re greeted by somewhat organized chaos.

Sirius and Peter’s side of the room was a complete disaster while James and Remus’ side was at least nicer to look at. Sure a few books were scattered on the floor and James’ red and yellow underwear was hanging from his bedpost visible to anyone who walked in, but that’s nothing compared to whatever the other two have going on. You don’t even want to look at it, knowing full well that just one tiny glance would make your already terrible day worse.

The room is empty and completely quiet, the boys, just like every other person in the castle, were down in the Great Hall for dinner. At the thought of dinner just downstairs, your stomach grumbles before quickly churning in agony.

Quickly, you dump your bag next to the door and go through Remus’ drawers, searching for that one specific jumper.

It’s the deep blue cable knit one that always smells like him. The jumper is soft and warm and the perfect piece of clothing to cuddle into when you needed a good cry. And Godric, you needed a good, long, ugly cry.

After finding it and throwing it on, you barely lift up your feet walking to your boyfriend’s bed to get swallowed up by his blankets.

The weight of the day hits you full force the moment your head collides with his pillow, and your lips wobbles, the day replaying in your mind.

Your morning started with a Transfiguration exam that definitely was not on what you studied all night for.

Then, your potion bubbled out of your cauldron and started disintegrating the stone flooring, making Slughorn shoot you very disappointed look that made you want to disappear into the Forbidden Forest forever.

Defense Against the Dark Arts turned into a complete disaster as well when Professor Bluebell handed back your essays on inferi, and yours ended up with a spikey red D scrawled angrily on the top. D, which stands for Dreadful, as Snape snidely reminded you from over your shoulder. He flashed you smug little smirk along with the delicate O that adorned his own essay.

And to top it all off, you had to meet up with Flitwick right after classes to go over the vinegar to wine charm that for some reason wouldn’t work for you no matter how hard you tried. And you still weren’t successful.

This was becoming a common occurrence.

You always knew that your N.E.W.T. year was going to be tough, but Merlin, you never expected it to be this awful.

Classes were longer and harder and your professors were relentless and unforgiving with the amount of homework and exams they started handing out.

Sure you had more free periods, but those were filled with research and essays and studying, you had no free time at all—it was all a lie.

You couldn’t escape it. Sleep was just more time to be plagued by anxiety to the point you barely even slept at all. Most of the time you stared blankly up at the ceiling thinking about all the assignments you could be doing instead.

It’s this torturous and vicious cycle that you just can’t get out of.

And your motivation was quickly disappearing.

It was getting tougher and tougher each time to even do your homework. Lifting up your quill and taking out a stack of parchment was just difficult. It took too much energy out of you.

Smothering your face in Remus’ pillow, you groan out your frustration, balling your fists around the frayed sleeves of the jumper.

You’re so wrapped up in your despair and panic that you don’t hear the door creak open and four sets of footfalls and laughter bounce around the room.

“Damn, what’s up with you?” Sirius chuckles. You hear him flop onto his own bed.

You bury your nose in the fabric of the jumper, inhaling the sweet and comforting scent of chocolate and old parchment that always accompanies Remus Lupin.

“Don’t be a git, Pads.” Remus scoffs, making his way towards you.

He crouches down by your head, placing a delicate thumb on your cheekbone.

“Darling, what’s wrong?” His tone turns soft, drenched with concern.

You squeeze your eyes shut tight, tears trickling down the bridge of your nose and dripping down to the white sheets.

“Alright, darling, hold on.” Remus whispers, placing a dainty kiss on your forehead.

He straightens up, knees creaking the way no sixteen year old’s should.

“Alright, lads, clear out.” Remus declares to his friends.

“You can’t kick me out of my room, Moony. No way.” You hear James whine.

“Yes, I can, Prongs, c’mon. Go play chess with Peter or something.”

“But he always beats me.”

“C’mon, Prongsie, we can scam the first years by making them place bets on you winning.” Sirius suggests. His boots click against the floorboards, trailing towards the door.

Peter’s light footsteps follow after them.

“Fine.” James huffs dramatically. “But I’m not sleeping on the couch again, so no funny business.”

The door slams shut and once again you’re met with silence, though you do hear Remus changing out of his uniform and into more comfortable attire.

The bed dips underneath Remus’ weight and his hand gently starts to stroke through your hair.

“Tell me what’s wrong, my love.” Remus mumbles just loud enough for you to hear.

You try to swallow down the lump in the back of your throat.

“Just a very shitty day, Rem.” You manage to croak out, the words choppy and wavering.

Tears begin to flow freely, warm salty streaks making their way down your face in rapid succession.

“Oh darling.” Remus coos, practically pulling you into his arms and between his legs. You bury your face into his neck, tears dampening his scarred flesh. “It’s alright, let it out.” He continues to run your hair between his fingers. “Let it all out...”

“I-I’m just so stupid!” You sob, choking on spit. “Everything’s just getting too much and I can’t fucking take it anymore!”

He squeezes you closer to his chest, opting to stay silent so you can vent everything off of your chest. His cheek is pressed to the top of your head and you’re vaguely aware that you’re being rocked gently back and forth.

“It’s so hard!” You continue to wail, lungs constricting rapidly. It’s a struggle to keep breathing and your words barely come out fully, instead broken fragments are the only things spewing out.

“I’m a failure!” You spit out, face wet with tears.

“You’re not a failure, my love. I promise.” Remus tried to soothe, his voice adopting a small but noticeable waver. His hand rubs your back.

“I am! I’m a disappointment!” You sniff, taking in deep gulps of air.

“Shh...” Remus pulls you back a bit so he can see your entire face.

You already know you look disgusting. Eyes blotchy and red, tears streaming down your face. Snotty, spitty, wobbling, and watery features taking up his entire vision.

“What’s goin’ on in that pretty head of yours, hm? Let me help.” He consoles you softly.

You gaze into his warm honey brown eyes, glistening with his own tears.

You sniff, rubbing the sleeves of Remus’ stolen jumper across your face in an attempt to dry yourself off.

“Everything’s slipping, Rem. My grades, my mental health, everything. And I’m so lost I don’t know what to do anymore.” You confess. “What am I supposed to do?” You bring your hands up to you hair, tugging at your scalp enough for you to feel sparks of pain.

Quickly, his own trembling hands take yours. He stops you from tugging, instead bringing them to rest on his jumper clad chest.

You swallow harshly.

“I’m going to help you, (Y/n)—“

“You can’t help me, Remus! I’m beyond help—“

“No, you’re not.” He retorts lightly. “I’ll help you with homework and help you ask for a few extensions...we can get you back on track.”

“Remus...” Your voice trembles at his kindness.

“I’m sorry.” He rasps out, a tear or two slipping from his waterline. “I’m so so sorry that I didn’t see you suffering like this. Merlin, (Y/n).”

Shaking his head at himself, he brings his forehead down to your own.

“I’ll be better. I’ll be better, I swear.” Remus keeps repeating in a pained mutter.

“It’s not your fault, Rem. I got good at acting like everything was fine.” Your voice cracks.

“Still! I should’ve realized!” He mutters angrily.

“I love you, Remus. I love you so much, please don’t beat yourself up over this.” You plead.

He bites his lip, deciding to drop it, instead focusing on you.

“Why don’t we try to relax, hm? Just take a nice night off?” Remus suggests, pulling away to brush strands of hair away from your sticky face.

“But what about homework—?”

“Tomorrow, love. I think we deserve a break, don’t you?”

You shlyly nod, and he presses his lips to your forehead.

“You’re beautiful, darling.” Remus whispers.

“I just bawled my eyes out, Rem, I’m sure I look like a swamp hag.” You snort.

He brings his hands to your shoulders, rubbing deep circles into your back muscles. The knots start to dissipate.

“Never seen a swamp hag as angelic as you.” Remus flirts. But his voice is so sincere and honest, you have no choice but to somewhat believe him.

“Thank you, Remus.” You smile. “It means so much to me.”

“Anything for the love of my life.” He confesses, trailing his pink lips down your neck. “Now let me hold you close.”

He lays down, resting his head on his pillow, your head resting on his chest.

Things are going to get better.

Probably not tomorrow.

Probably not this week.

But things will.

•

All Character Taglist: @aspiringsloth20

[greyeyedmonster-18]

OK but your analogy about making pupusas is so good –

I’ve been baking things for years, and as much as I love baking things for people, if I don’t have the time/bandwidth/materials to make something on the side for myself to enjoy, it ends up feeling far more taxing than it can. That becomes especially true if it was an expectation thrust upon me because people knew I baked—because then it’s “andie bakes, she’ll do it” instead of recognizing that whatever I bake is about 20x better if it comes from my own creativity and willingness to share with people?

Re:writing, sometimes it feels like that’s what readers do when they start expecting certain stories to be updating on their timelines, in the ways that they want, or to contain a plot point that they have in their head—“oh, x author already does this, they’d better do it now too or else we’ll all let them know how disappointed we are.”

I know that gets a bit away from the intention but, but even just acknowledging that some things need to sit with the author for a bit before being posted/published places…feels important.

yes yes yes yes! also, i didn't expect my little babbling about intention to be quite so interesting of a topic, but 10000% to all of this, friend.

i cannot tell you how many times I've been asked to make things/paint things/design things for like EVENTS just because my friends know I can. And yes--i usually do it, because, yes, it's not that big of a deal to put together a design for baby shower invites or a floral backdrop for photoshoots at a bridal shower etc-- but it'd be a million times better if i was instead given creative control and allowed to play!!! it comes out better if i want to share and do the thing than if i feel like it's an obligation--or slightly worse creating with the sole intention of it being public.

and NOT ALL READERS-- but the expectation of times lines and how stories should play out (a very common comment i receive is about "Oh!!! when is sirius going to have a nightmare???" because thats such a trope in wolfstar fandom (and to me im like bold of you to assume sirius sleeps enough and deep enough to even have nightmares) but little things like that turns into this...weird sort of expectation of how fics should play out or creative control given to consumers (which you don't get with other forms of media, and also for me--everything i post is already written in its entirety. i already know how it goes!).

however, i have also realized that...writing the whole thing prior to sharing is...uncommon? from what I've gathered, and from what I've read via comments and author notes on fics. and part of the reason why i choose to do this is because all my writing/work/art etc needs to be mine before it's anyone else's.

and i think there is...value, in sitting with your work. if only to take a second and pat yourself on the back for making something out of nothing, and then making it special.

Also-- and this is the last thing. if anyone is a book nerd, here are some recs that talk about these two things:

Courage to Create by Rollo May

Art and Fear by David Orland

[blossomkoushi]

it’s what you feel, when you love someone.

summary: tsukishima kei spends his life discovering love. and the heartache that comes with it.

warnings: reader is a bit of an ass, but so is tsukishima one time, childhood friends AU, unrequited love, heartache, heartbreak, general angst things like that. gender neutral reader, referred to as “stinky” in texts. truly all hurt and no comfort in this one.

word count: 2.1k

A/N: i haven’t written angst in forever, so please let me know if this was okay or what i could improve on! i absolutely love angst and i want to get better at writing it, so any and all feedback is appreciated. fic is based off this prompt, thank you for requesting!

The sun shines through Tsukishima’s window. 7:30am. Rolling over in his bed and sighing, he reaches for his phone. The text messages you’d sent after he’d gone to bed sit at the top of the screen. A small smile grows on his face.

[from: stinky, sent at 1:43am] >> kei-kei, did you know that fish cough? Isn’t that so weird? >> like how does that even work >> wait I found a youtube video, look! >> *stinky sent a link* >> …doesn’t really look like coughing, does it? It’s more like a yawn >> kei-kei are you sleeping? >> laaaame >> sleeping is dumb

The nickname makes his heart flutter, just for a moment. It’d always had that effect on him, the blush creeping up on his face until he trained himself to keep it down.

[to: stinky, 7:34am] >> why were you sending me texts about fish at 1:40 in the morning >> stupid

Tsukishima pauses for a moment, hesitating before sending another text.

[to: stinky, 7:36am] >> are you still coming by practice later?

Getting out of bed, he starts getting ready for his morning class and practice. A part of him is grateful that you decided to go to the same university as him, being able to see you nearly every day made his life brighter. Not that he’d ever tell you that.

He’s out the door and walking to class when you text him back.

[from: stinky, 8:27am] >> obviously, I need to go see how ‘Taro is doing >> could you steal his shirt so I can see his abs during practice? >> *image attached*

Some kind of horny meme that Tsukishima never bothered to pay attention to, the kinds you always send when talking about his teammate, Kyoutani.

[from: stinky, 8:29am] >> oh, and you’ll be there too, ig

There it is.

He knows it’s a joke. He knows that he’s your best friend and you’re only joking. But the sinking in his chest and the knot tightening in his stomach is refusing to listen to his reasoning.

Swallowing down any anxious and sad feelings, he shakes his head and starts typing away at his phone.

[to: stinky, 8:30am] >> great. I’ll see you after class

Another message of seemingly random emojis pop up on his screen and he pockets his phone, taking a seat in the classroom and bringing out his notebook. He can feel himself zoning out before the professor even starts speaking.

-

Love is a strange word to Tsukishima Kei. It’s something his mom, and occasionally brother, say to him. Something on instinct, as if a promise would be broken if the words weren’t uttered.

Tsukishima had been 5 years old when he asked his mom about it. At the time he only repeated it back to her, an echo of her declaration, unaware of what he was promising her.

“it’s a feeling, Kei. Love is what you feel when you care for someone deeply. And so, you tell them.”

“do you have to say it?”

His mom stops for a moment, pondering before brushing his hair back and shaking her head. “no, you don’t have to say it. But you should at least show it to the people you love.”

Tsukishima continued telling his mom that he loves her up until elementary school. He still loves her after that, but his priorities shifted.

-

Tsukishima had been 8 years old when he realizes that he loves you.

The feeling grew stronger every day, your smile brightening his day and your laughter making his heart flutter in a strange way.

“Kei-Kei! Look, I found a snail! There’s more over there, come on!” your excited voice made his heart swell in his chest. Your small hand gripped his, tugging him through the mud and puddles on the yard, giggling happily despite the rain pouring down.

He starts drawing you pictures of snails. Small doodles placed on your desk before recess. He points them out after it’s rained, pulling you along to bend down and watch them slowly drag along the road on the way home from school.

You get interested in frogs, cats, worms, bees, even ants for a while. Tsukishima joined your obsessions, indulging you with drawings, books and pictures. One time he collected worms in a bucket on his walk home, handing them to you when he arrived at your house, knowing that you were ill and hoping the wigglies, as you called them, would make you happier. The smile you gave him burned into his mind, and he wanted to see it again and again until the end of time.

He loves you, even his young mind can grasp that. He hopes that you can tell.

-

Tsukishima is 12 years old when he realizes that he’s in love with you.

Valentine’s day was never something he’d pay attention to. It seemed silly to him, a whole day just to talk about love? Stupid. Love is something you feel, so you say it or show it and that’s that, why spend a whole day talking about it?

That is, until you run up to him the day before, excitement flashing in your eyes.

“Kei-Kei, do you know what day it is tomorrow?” your hands gripped his arms, nearly shaking him. The familiar blush grows on his face and he shakes his head, hoping you don’t notice how his skin is turning pinker by the second. “it’s valentine’s day! I heard some of the older boys talking in the hallway about what they’re doing for their girlfriends and it seems so cute! Like, oh, one is going to take his girlfriend out roller skating, isn’t that so romantic? And this other boy was saying that-“

Tsukishima tunes your voice out, focusing his attention to your lips moving. Your hands are still gripping his arms and a part of him wishes that you’d never let go, feeling his skin burning under his clothes. You’re standing so close; he could lean his head forward just a bit and his lips could be on yours. If he just-

“-Oh! And I heard some girls talking before gym that the boys in our class were going to confess to their crushes tomorrow! Do you think anyone will confess to me? I hope so” your words snap him back to reality. His eyes go slightly wide, looking into yours. Confess? You wanted one of the stupid boys in your class to confess?

A twinge of discomfort stabs in his stomach, his body filling with sudden annoyance. “no way” he scoffs.

He’s never regretted anything more in his life.

The excitement drains from your eyes and your hands fall from his arms. Before he can think, your chin quivers and you nod silently, turning around and running away.

The discomfort in his stomach only grows, changing and chafing along with an ache in his chest, all annoyance drained from his body in an instance.

He draws a picture of a snail and dinosaur, writing your names over them. Underneath he scribbles an apology. A quick “I’m sorry”, and he places it in your mailbox on his way home.

The next day, he sees you on the yard of the school, standing excitedly in front of a boy and throwing your arms around him.

-

Tsukishima is 13 years old when he realizes that you don’t love him back. Not in the way he wants.

Though, to be honest, he knew from the moment he saw you with the boy from your class walk home together from school, hand in hand.

You’re both in junior high and all you seem to want to talk about is your stupid boyfriend. It’s a different boy, not the same one he saw you with that previous February. This one is taller, not as tall as Tsukishima, but you say that height isn’t something you look for in a boyfriend. He can’t help but to feel the jealousy and sadness seep in at that.

“he’s older, you know. He’s turning 15 in a few weeks and he says that I can meet his family at his birthday party.” You’re seated on Tsukishima’s bed while he’s at the desk, trying to tune you out and do his homework. He hopes you’ll stop talking about him and do the same. You don’t. “oh, and I know you’ve never had a girlfriend, so you won’t know this, but he’s such a good kisser. Like, you can definitely tell that he’s got some experience compared to my ex. Isn’t that so weird? Me? Having an ex?”

Tsukishima doesn’t like this. You’re changing, trying to be older than you actually are to impress this older boy that he’s never even met. Not that he wants to. He’s gotten used to the dull ache of his heart breaking over and over again, the steady and constant reminder that you won’t ever see him the way that he sees you. He’s mastered the art of seeming okay, masking his feelings and pushing them deep down where no living soul will ever see them. But if he had to see you with this… boyfriend… he’s not sure that he’d recover.

So instead, he shuts up. He stays quiet and lets you babble on about all the little things that this boy does for you, letting the ache in his chest grow and grow. It’s better than the alternative, telling you how he feels. No, that’s not an option. He can’t risk losing you.

-

Tsukishima Kei is an idiot. He knows this for a fact after having to watch you pine after endless boys and men all the way up until university. Boyfriends that come and go, the make out sessions that he gets graphic descriptions of and a constant damp shoulder from holding you after your heart gets broken.

He pretends to laugh along when you joke about him being single for so long, his heart squeezing painfully at the reminder that his long-time crush has eyes for every man except him.

-

He only comes back from his heart-break haze when he steps into the gym after class. Only he wishes that he hadn’t.

Calling out a greeting, he sees you standing alone with Kyoutani. Except he’s not sure if it counts as standing, it’s more of a pinning to the wall. Kyoutani’s body caging you in, your back pressed to the wall with your hands around his neck. Even from a distance, he can see your usual excited smile, happy to have gotten attention from the boy you’d been pining after.

“sorry.” Tsukishima can only mutter, quickly turning around and walking out the gym again. He can hear your muffled voice, probably reassuring Kyoutani that it’s okay. He wishes that he’d walked faster, so he would’ve missed the unmistakable sounds of kissing and your soft sighs.

Tsukishima hasn’t let himself cry over you in years. He forces himself to go numb, push away any and all bad feelings until his breathing gets steady and he can look you in the eye again.

But this time, he can’t stop it. He’s fallen to the floor as soon as the bathroom door locks behind him. It’s disgusting, sitting on the floor with his hands pressed to his eyes, trying to force the tears back inside. His classes clink onto the floor, skidding away from him as his body shakes.

Tears stream down his face and drips down his shirt, turning the fabric into a blotchy mess, matching his flushed face and the snot running from his nose. His sobs echo off the walls, arms hugging his knees while the image of your body pressed against his teammate flashes behind his eyes every time he blinks.

He hasn’t cried over you in years. So, when it all hits him, it hits hard.

He misses practice completely, spending his time laying on the filthy floor in the bathroom and clutching his chest, trying to bring the broken pieces back together. He finally stands after what feels like an eternity. Picking up his glasses from the floor, he puts them on and watches himself in the mirror. Face flushed pink, eyes bloodshot and snot running from his nose, he thinks about what his mother said when he was a kid.

“love is what you feel when you care for someone deeply.”

A bitter laugh fills the room, his own hard eyes meeting him in the mirror.

His mother was wrong. Love isn’t what you feel when you care for someone deeply. All you feel is pain. The dull twisting of a knife in your chest as you watch the one you love fall for someone else, over and over again until you accept that their soft and loving eyes will never meet yours. Or at least that’s what you tell yourself when you’re standing in the bathroom of the gym where you saw said person fall in love with someone new. That you’ve accepted it.