#oh thank GOD someone posted this
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Every time someone in this godforsaken fandom says "I think we've talked about misogyny enough" I want to hit them with a hammer. No we haven't.
We haven't even talked about the deep "Ruikasa&Akitoya Vs. literally everyone else" imbalance enough but imagine all of the people that get pressured into writing specifically for male/male ships simply because otherwise they won't get any appreciation.
Yes it's a cowardly thing but when you see Ruikasa having over 4000 fics and Ichisaki having like 5 in total obviously you're going to be discouraged. Obviously you'll be biased into creating Ruikasa instead of other ships.
And as someone who depends on appreciation in particular to do any work at all obviously that's going to have a lasting consequence. Some people spend 4 hours crying in front of a screen just for 3 people to like their work and leave, it's understandable if they lose passion for creating at all, you guys killed them.
It's even in how we handle m/m ships. You go into a fic that's tagged Rui&Tsukasa(platonic), someone in the comments always goes "okay but when do they kiss". You go to an action-packed longfic, someone always ends up going "okay but when do they kiss".
Fuck you guys. Actually. This is a silly piano tiles game about Hatsune Miku, we should be one of the MOST CREATIVE fandoms in history and somehow people still get mad over two boys not kissing immediately after getting introduced. It's so fucking difficult being a content creator in this fandom because you always end up having to take the same route. They meet they tease they kiss. End of story. "Oh you're doing something "lame" instead? -1 kudo. Bring me my yaoi next🖕"
#mine ☜#project sekai#pjsk#pjsekai#prsk#to the people that made 90% of the content of a specific ship. you guys are doing god's work. thank you guys.#every time someone posts a mmj or a l/n fic without including other units an angel grows their wings back.#this is about me btw. this is me taking my fucking anger out because Ruikasa has made me have writers block 2 times now.#FOR MONTHS. “oh this is a cool idea it would showcase their dynamic well and be a good character analysis to match” “kiss scene whennn”#“*flips table and leaves*”#guys i wish i could be stronger but this is it for me. i am so fucking tired.#obviously Ruikasa is a good ship obviously you can like whatever you want you're free to write and read about boys kissing and being sweet#I won't stop you you can do what you want forever. but god fucking dammit.
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i love out of context tags. is it a part of a tag system? is it an oc? or were they just thinking out loud? i'll never know. i fondly remember the time someone reblogged my post with #post. like yeah it sure is man welcome to my blog i have more
#tumblr#also love 'funny' or 'laugh' like thanks :) i try <3#DUDE unrelated but someone just walked past my window wearing a cowboy hat as i was writing this#hell yeah man#but anyway the scariest moment in my tumblr years was when someone reblogged my post and tagged my irl name#turns out it was an oc but Oh my god
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you know, I am wondering with Candela and the Age of Umbra thing if Matt was looking for like, something lighter because Candela has been strong and hopefully Age of Umbra doesn't pull its punches with that premise, but it is like. shame you chose to do it in like, the epic conclusion of ten years of storytelling instead of doing a couple silly one-pager one shots, or running the a miniseries with the dungeon meshi campaign frame instead
#this is a more serious post for when i'm not drinking my coffee and hoping they'll cancel work (they won't) but like#obviously it's not this bc they are the original creators#but this feels like when people write fix-it fic or do fluffy hcs for a very dark show and it's like. have you tried. lighter shows.#or vice versa when people have Dark n Edgy hcs for a children's cartoon and it's like. you could be watching adult shows#again what gets me is by sheer luck the lore is actually pretty much intact (the gods die roll would have done damage)#(as someone who found that crit boring now i'm like oh thank god it was a full success it could have been so much dumber)#but like. the vibe of bells hells never coalesced it simply turned faintly rancid#and the vibe of VM is now damaged. nein girlies do stay winning but at what cost.#anyway. speculative but i do wonder#cr tag
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i made a few mistakes in this but u have to forgive me bc theyre not my ocs
(these are mippy (it/its) and nidus (he/him plural), belonging to @doodlerh!!!!)(i hope it's okay for me to draw fanart of them)
#writing the image description for this kinda baffled me but i think its okay??#maybe#anyway these sillies have had me in a chokehold since i saw them so i decided to draw them#also medibang isnt actually as bad as i thought it would be#one might even say that it is good#uhhhh anyway how do i tag this ive never fanarted someone elses oc before#artists on tumblr#digital art#not my oc#nidus#mippy#oc fanart#oc art#oh my god those stupid cows finally stopped mooing#genuinely they have been mooing outside my window LITERALLY NONSTOP for about 4 hours#like. i love cows but. not after the 432nd moo. thank you#okay im gonna post this now
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hey when they wrote "knight behind bars" and they wrote kitt helping a couple get together and they gave him the line "Some day, it will be my turn" [to find love]. did they know what they were doing. did they know that in some 40 years some gay autistic robot-obsessed little freak on tumblr would not stop thinking about it for weeks and write literal dozens of paragraphs screaming about it on discord. did they know they were going to ruin Me, Specifically, with this concept that feels like the culmination of everything kitt has gone through through the show and such a fascinating thing to think about in regards to michael and kitt's relationship,
one of the themes of knight rider is kitt developing as a Person, developing a line between the Knight Industries Two-Thousand, and Kitt. discovering humanity, his own emotions, the joys of the seemingly and logically pointless, and often through the lens of his own driver, his partner, his friend, Michael - his primary guide through all these experiences, his reference for those human things he doesn't understand. and as much as he initially claims to not be capable of experiencing emotions, of understanding feelings, he learns to. he experiences a wide range of emotions through the show even while claiming he doesn't, he even learns fear and insecurity. perhaps it's only natural a robot would learn to love, or at the very least be terribly curious about it and wonder if such a thing could ever exist for Him
the majority of people are not exactly kind to kitt. they talk about him like he's not there, they talk about him like he's a machine, a novelty, some people are even scared of or disturbed by him when all he's trying to do is make polite conversation and company. he's always Othered - there's no other cars like him (at least not anymore), but there's no other person like him either, he doesn't truly belong among humans or vehicles. some of the technicians at FLAG don't even seem to fully respect him as a person, at least they don't based on my vague recollection of how they talk about him in Junkyard Dog. when Michael asks him after KARR is destroyed if it feels good to be one of a kind again, he doesn't say yes or no - he only says it's a "familiar feeling." it may be familiar, but it's surely also isolating, and i think that's something he'd realize as he slowly picks up this curiosity about love. where could he even find it when so few people see him as an equal person to begin with?
and then there's michael. oh my god, and then there's michael. no matter what flavor you choose to read it in, the whole show is about their relationship, they're a duo, a set Not to be separated, they're Partners. they work together, they worry about and look after each other (forever insane about when kitt was a melted shell, Michael stuck around the garage for hours, waiting for any news like a worried spouse, constantly checking on him every opportunity he got... encouraging him to recover, and even helping paint back on his protective coating... kitt always looks after michael, but for once, it's michael's turn to look after Him), in a way they were Made for each other - Kitt more literally, being programmed for Michael and holding his namesake, but Michael was also made in a sense for the pilot program, hand picked and given a second life to work for the foundation and with this strange supercar. and even if they had a rocky start, michael comes to view kitt as a person - car, TV set, or computer core, Kitt is his partner, his buddy. he helps him find himself, guides him and teaches him about these things that make us human, and in a way, kitt becomes human - but his entire experience is still through the perspective of an AI in a car, it's still very unique and isolating, and I think he sort of grows into his own limitations, he's finally brushing against the walls that define him.
he learns of love, and then he learns to dream Of love. these things he sees in the movies, that michael tells him about, that he so often sees michael Partaking in that he gets so oddly jealous of, doesn't it all seem so wonderful? he's very curious. but who could ever love steel and circuitry, who could ever see him as an equal let alone a partner in a romantic sense? who would ever love a car and all the limitations That comes with? it's a problem for a hypothetical hopeful Some Day, in the meantime stuck between two worlds where he doesn't perfectly belong to either, where no car Can love him and no human seemingly Would love him...
and michael loves him anyway. before either of them really realize or talk about it, in spite of everything, in any form, regardless of the fact it wouldn't be a typical relationship by absolutely any means, michael loves him anyway. kitt is as much a person to him as bonnie or devon or RC, and that person is someone he loves and cares for deeply. the feeling is mutual, kitt's world revolves around michael, he's one of the most important people in kitt's life, and he'd do anything to protect him.
and it is michael that will finally teach him to love, and what it means to feel loved in turn, to be loved as the person he undoubtedly is.
#liz blogs#kr#knight rider#michael knight#kitt#robots#gay#this isnt writing. its rambling. its very insane rambling.#WHAT is the ship tag. i dont even know. fuck it we ball#michael x kitt#sure#knight rider spoilers#i saw someone make up a really good one but i cant remember what it was-- oh my god was it MK2000. was it. was that iT-#mk2000#retroactively gonna go tag all the fruity posts with that i dont care#do not even get me started on michael learning to love for the first time in This lifetime. ... literally dont get me started i havent seen#the last stevie episode yet. thats next weeks crying fit. but i feel like that's a piece i need#but stevie was michael Long's girl. part of His life. michael Knight can't go back to that. and maybe he Shouldn't#listen. its about michael teaching kitt to love. and kitt Letting him learn to love Again. something real besides his weekend flings#i need a lobotomyyyyyyy i need an ice pick to the brain i need to stop being completely fucking insane about robots#IF BEING INSANE ABOUT FICTIONAL ROBOTS WAS A JOB I WOULD BE A MILLIONAIRE#anyway michael is bisexual and a dashboard smoocher thanks for coming to my ted talk#homosexuality is rampant in the military jerry. thats a bisexual if ever i saw one. have you seen the way he dresses. he calls his car baby#if you dont watch knight rider and you read this i'm sorry i must look deranged#this ship is queer flavored even besides the fact its two guys. there's like four levels of queer flavoring in this bitch
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your breath comes out short and heavy as Leo pins his weight on your hips . Your hands pinned by your head as you both come clattering on to the floor. He smiles down at you cockily as you tap his leg with your foot when his weight becomes too much. "I suppose I win this round to." Leo practically sings as he rises from your body and lifts you up to your feet. You let go of his hand and begin to stretch out your limbs pouting slightly. You thought you were ready to take Leo on in these head to head sparring matches, but considering the now staggering amount of losses you are now starting to realize you might have been overconfident about your own abilities. But honestly the worst thing about all of this is Leo's stupidly smug face every time he pins you. How his whole demeaner shifts because, he won. Losing to Leo has never not been the worst thing in all of existence. And the absolute worst thing about that is... its kinda hot when he gets cocky. The way he talks becomes more rhythmic, his voice a song in your ears, egging you on to try and make it shut up, his touch confident and commanding. Forcing you into place so he can straddle you, again and again and again. You are actually considering blaming your lizard lady brain for half of these losses. Its not your fault that him pinning you is hot as shit. You take a plastic water bottle and pour some water out into your palm splashing your face. Cooling you down. fucking stupidly hot prick you think as Leo Saddles on up to you his face tying its best to hide that its radiating smugness. "One more round, or has mi Princesa had enough?" He sings the words at you, overly confident, almost cruelly. you feel the water bottle in your hand crunch in slightly. He's just trying to rile you up, you think to yourself. He just wants another taste of victory, You wont fall for it, nope, nuh uh, Definitely not. "Shut up asshole." you say with an irritated eyeroll as you begin to walk past. "Ooooh, Did I strike a nerve there Princesa? you know its not very lady like to be a poor loser." That stops you in your tracks. You spin around towards him. " Who said I was ever trying to be lady like Leo?" He smiles wolfishly back at you. Like your prey, dumbly walking into his trap. "Good point, I suppose no one really has." "Shut up!" "Make me." You pause looking up at him. you hadn't realized how close to him you had gotten till now. He is still smiling down at you curiously. You can practically feel the electricity forming between you two. Your anger and his smugness mixing together. Intoxicating the both of you. You relent.
"Fine asshole, one more round" You say as you take up your stance on the tatami mats. "trust me Princesa, it wont be much of a round." Leo makes good on that statement. You manage to strike at him twice before he grabs hold of your arm, twisting it behind you and slamming the both of you into the ground. Your anger pushes you forward though, you grit your teeth and try to kick at him but its no use. He pins your knees with his own immobilizing you. The hair on the back of neck stands on end when you feel breath. A laugh that is too hot, too close. You feel your self growing wet, Like you weren't already a bit before. You pray that he cant tell. "Oh, mi amor, I'm starting to think you like it when I pin you." You try to wiggle out of his grasp again so you can smack him, but he shoves your arm up higher and the pain pins you to the ground again. He laughs as he relents the pressure on your arm. "You know if you wanted me to pin you to the ground and fuck you senseless, you only needed to ask nicely." You feel your body grow hot as your cunt clenches around nothing. God that's a hot image. Him fucking you like this. Him taking his pleasure while you scrape and try to overpower him. The only thing keeping you from that fantasy becoming real is your stubbornness. "Eat shit and die Leo." He laughs as he once again shoves your arm up rewarding your comment with more pain, however this time he doesn't relent, he keeps your arm there as you squirm underneath him. You grit your teeth. Is it bad that this is also kinda turning you on? You cant see his face but you can hear in his smile in his voice. You can feel his gaze on the nape of your neck. Everything about this is making you dizzy. "Thats not an answer mi amor. Are we doing this or not? " You bite the inside of your cheek. Fuck it, stubbornness be damned you want this. "Yes." You feel Leo relent on the position he has on your arm. "Yes what Princesa? " you groan in annoyance, God hes such a poor winner. "Yes, please pin me to the ground and fuck me senseless." He smiles. " Good girl." The next thing you feel is his teeth on your shoulder. The pain makes you cry out as he grinds against your ass. He soaking both of your shorts in seconds "Fuck." You cry out as you press your ass up higher giving him a better angle to grind against. God you wanna know what his face looks like right now. primal and heavy. His mouth stained with your blood as he takes his pleasure offering you none in return. After all your just prey to him right now. A prize he won fair and square. God you want him to touch you. You need him to touch you. "Leo please I'm begging." He detaches from your shoulder and licks a bloody stripe across your pulse. "You call that begging?" he say incredulously his voice strained as he continues to hump you. "I've taught you better Princesa. You need to tell me what you want." "Fuck, Please touch me." he laughs cruelly at that "I am touching you." Your going to kill him. Someday, some how, you know deep in your heart of hearts you are going to be the one that murder this man. "Goddamn it you fucking bra-" your anger is cut off as he presses your arm up again. pain shooting through you. "Tisk, tisk, mi amor. Who is the one being a brat right now?" "You." You hiss as he shoves your arm up even higher. tears pricking your eyes. "Me." You say correcting yourself. he rewards you by lowering your arm back down to the first position. Still painful but you sigh anyway from the relief. "Me, I'm being the brat, I'm sorry I'm sorry. Please, I just want your fingers in me. Please ill be good I swear"
Leo hums as if content at you, lowering your arm back down to a non painful position. "See, that wasn't so hard now was it." You grit your teeth holding back any sort of sass before crying out as he glides his hands under your shorts and presses his finders inside of you. Your greedy cunt immediately clenching around them. "Fuck yes, Thank you, thank you." you cry as he pumps his fingers, shallowly. Its not enough but God its something. You try to buck your hips into his hand to get any kind of friction on your clit but its no use the position just isnt right. "Please touch my clit, I need it please I need it." Your too dizzy now to care about keeping up appearances. You need pleasure. you need him to touch you like this. You need his cock in you. He growls lowly in your ear as you feel him drop, He then shoves your hips back down onto the floor and removes his hand from your cunt. you whine desperately from the loss. "No,no,no,no,no, I'm being good please, please your fingers please, I'm sorry."
Its then you feel him kiss your cheek sweetly, letting go of your arm that's been keeping you pinned . "its ok, mi Amor, you are being good I just need to change positions. is that ok?" You nod your head and take in a deep breath as he shifts on top of you. he takes both your arms and ties them behind you. probably with his mask you think. He then lifts your hips up an d removes your shorts and underwear before pressing your thighs together and pressing his cock between them, Thigh fucking against your folds. the tip of his cock head rubbing against your clit with each thrust. God you didn't know what to expect but it was definitely not this. Regardless though the release of having something to grind your clit against is more then enough to have you screaming for more. And you do in fact scream for more. For his cock you actually be inside you however he doesn't relent. He continues to thigh fuck you till the both of you are well and spent. His hand pressing your face into the tatami the whole way.
(-Stranger)

I'M SCREAMING
#i sat here. eyes wide. mouth agape. heart POUNDING. as i read this#oh my god#oh my GOD THIS IS EVERYTHINGGGGG#i need this like i need oxygen#am I drooling???? FUCK SOMEONE HELP ME#thank you for this delicious meal holy SHIT this is my JAM#ff#rise!leo#fav#my heart seriously won't stop fluttering oh my god#asks#hey god? it's me again#I'm begging#just like I would for L- [is struck by lightning]#long post
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i know i talk a lot about how liberal i am with the block button (especially when scrolling through fandom tags) but i must admit that sometimes i see takes that are so insane, so egregiously bad and nonsensical….that i can’t simply block the OP and move on. i have to wait and see what else this little freak has to say. i need to study them in their natural habitat. i can’t disrupt the ecosystem
#even funnier when i’m scrolling through the tags again later and see a different post with new terrible takes#and i’m like ‘now who posted THIS garbage?’ and i realize it’s one of these people#instant relief.#oh it’s just YOU ok thank god#(this is abt someone in the iwtv tags with the wildest loumand takes ive ever seen)#(but also many other people)
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fuck it sk8 sketches from da sketchbook. get sk8ed idiot
#sk8 the infinity#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#renga#sure whatever. tagging ship is probably easier than explaining what the fucks up with these two in my head#hi. I watched sk8 with my friend cosme a while ago. I actually dont care about the allegations that much I just got#blasted with teenage years flashback. and now I need reki to have everything on earth and be well#these have been around for like a week lol Ive just been debating posting them to tumblr. bc like. Im not finishing these lol#hesitant to call sk8 ''therapeutic'' but boy oh boy. does it make me confront some stuff. yes a sport anime leave me alone!!!#its just. I think I was this way about raz too actually. listen I have History with Stuff. I'm allowed ok? I'm totally allowed#u can See it in some of these doodles actually. this fuckign anime got me so unwell#hey. if ur a fellow adhd potentials-havers out there. ur a real one. thanks for still hangin out doin what u love/ur best#if u were an 'if u wanna do art u have to be excellent and high-art at it otherwise it means nothing' kid. I am holding ur hand#I'll be normal now I prommy (lying)#well. what I'll be doing now is taking a nap. maybe. gods my schedule backslid like four hours again#eh whatever. I go to bed anyway. got my portion of the day done and tomorrow I go buy new knife#hope someone come give me a new table top and lower the whole thing a bit soon. so I can stop sitting like Im in a shopping cart#have a good night lads. have fun. its imperative
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I swear to God the fact that frulleboi was releasing a comic FOR FREE and bitches harassed them about not updating enough when last time I check they....
Uploaded weekly
God even if they uploaded monthly or every few months some of you people need to grow the fuck up and learn to wait instant gratification culture has ruined a good lot of people
#first Parksrway getting harased and then i found ojt what happened to frulleboi?#fandom these days is people saying content about someone's art and then getting mad about#the fact its art#like it takes FUCKING TIME#you got whole people doing comics and shit and it takes FOREVER#its taking me forever#im not the one getting harassed thank fuck#like thank you all for you patience i mean it#but this culture of treating people like machines to get shit done like oh my gOD SHUT UPPPPPPP#like some of yall only know how to consume#as stated before some chucklefuck finds this post and thinks im addressing them personally this isnt about anyone doing bad in particullar#im extremely annoyed with watching people get overwhelemed because there are so many people in fandom these days that dont know just how#hard making fic and fanworks is#and if you eant a good idea how hard it is#make a comic#just make one#write a fic#write one where you out your whole ass into it you will be going through the dictionary like no ones buissness#the way youll be looming up literary theory#and all kinds of little things to see does this work does this make sense#its TEDIOUS#this stuff despite how fun it is#is still WORK
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for a more succinct summary on my thoughts about fields of mistria.... it's nothing like HM64
#m.txt#hm posting#there is such thing as Too Much in a game i think#and while it's anyones own choice whether they want to engage with all the mechanics. and how quickly they want to do so#i am the type who will try to do everything there is as much as possible. unless its something that i know i for sure dont care about#and won't impact my progression#as someone who wants to make farming sims i often get anxious whenever i see a new one pop up. because like. competition and w/e right?#and fortunately i now get to be comfortable in the knowledge that this game Isn't What I Like About Farming Sims At All#its also comforting to see all these things that i'd never want in my own game and be able to recognize it like.#oh yeah thank god i never ever want a furniture crafting mechanic#that's so much extra work to build
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would that knowing the thoughts were irrational would Make Them Go Away!!!!
#medic's log#because i value some degree of privacy tumblr will not receive the full context#but i had a friend cancel plans i was really looking forward to#for reasons that are extremely very fair and honestly it's for the best that she Did#since i think going through with them would have put undue stress on her mental health. if not also Mine#but goddamn if it's not making me feel like absolute garbage#there's only so many ways (one. maybe two) that she can say 'i promise it's not personal' before i become the problem. el em ay oh.#and like. i Know this is me. i know this is the horrific confluence of too little sleep#and forgot to take my meds for two days#and the flavor of mental illness that makes any kind of rejection a Stab To The Heart#and the inability to handle plans changing#but also. that does not stop The Catastrophizing#the ability to reschedule these particular plans is. potentially nonexistent and i'm in my feelings about it#i know this literally isn't the case but by god does it feel like i'm being passed up as a second choice for someone more preferable#both friends involved in this have told me Multiple Times they value me in their lives and yet the little voice goes#'ohohoho you fool they are just saying that to be Polite'#never mind that both of them are so well known (in general and by me specifically) for laying down very specific boundaries without shame#so if they didn't want me around they'd fucking tell me#but also i super do not know how to broach with both of them 'hi this is a thing i'd like to do at some point' without sounding#so fucking Needy.#idk. shit sucks.#shit could suck infinitely worse but that doesn't stop the rock in my house Being There Loudly#i think i need to sleep and then SING LOUDSTYLE in the car for a bit#and then text both of them and reestablish a line of communication outside of The Plans#to make my brain go 'hey fuckwad i promise these two people actually like you'#at this point i'm basically normal but i'm trying to parse all the feelings so they don't hit a boiling point. Later.#it's whatever. i'm drinking a ginger beer and scrolling. shit could be worser#godspeed tumblr thank you for listening to my woes.#also probably a good sign that i haven't made one of these types of posts on this blog in. awhile#less good sign that i'm making one now but. you know lmao
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Do any of you remember a Youtube video about Re:Kinder talking about how the game is seen and percieved by some people (mostly touching upon and arguing against how it has been treated insensitively as some sort of weird legend like "ooo disturbing game with a hidden truth behind it" due to it's creator being dead), as well as talking about the charm of the game (even mentioning it's art at some point) and sadness of the themes without spoiling anything at the same time?? I remember the video avoided saying any spoilers at all and only touched on the literal plot as the kids being stuck in a dire situation in the town with all the adults dead without really getting into the why (it didn't even say one of the kids themselves was the cause— as thus, spoiler free), other than that it just touched on the emotional side of it and vaguely mentioned some scenes.
i also remember at some point the later half (at the very least if not in all of it) of the video, music by Siinamota was playing in the background. Does anyone remember seeing a video like this?
I can't seem to find it anywhere and don't even remember the exact year I watched it.😭 It was the way I found out about this game a while ago, which eventually ended up in me playing it, and I really wish I could watch it again. I thought it was a deleted video by someone called hazel as it was mentioned by a lot of people, but I found that one and it isnt it.😓 I'm wondering if anyone remembers watching something along the lines of what im describing and knows if it's still up.
#re:kinder#not art#posting this because naw i am desperate ive been looking for this video for months#i genuinely thought it could be the hazel video but it wasnt and now im back at where i started...😞#if its still up i cannot find it on youtube#but i wonder if anyone even recalls watching this at all because im worried my memory is playing with me😞#itd be rather weird though because i do recall it very vividly. it struck with me in a way i managed to remember the game by name later on#looking back on my memory of it it was a really nice video. i do agree on what it said of how people seem to treat this game#the video was really trying to make people see and appreciate the game and the themes itself instead of the glorified urban legend idea ofi#because it is true that people treat it as some “disturbing fun fact” that someone died as if it was all his legacy was😞#i dont remember it being the high quality standard editing known of video essays nowadays#oh thats all i can say i dont recall much its been a while and i dont know how much a while is ...😞#id be very happy to know if anyone can recognize anything at all. that video really got imprinted into my memory#it left me very emotional even as it didnt even tell me much about the game it still managed to express the feelings of it#ou shoutout to this video forever i love you thank you for informing me of this awesome game while letting me go blind#i was up for a ride#i wish i could see it again#really showed me one of the ending scenes and i had NO IDEA I HAD NO IDEA#oh my god what a good video i had no idea yet i was so devastated#thats all i can convey im not sure if saying “it made a deep emotional impression on me” is a good descriptor to find a video i cant find#i dont know if anyone who has seen it would have felt as emotional as i had but im not sure how else to put it
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Hey why am I getting completely random posts from Tumblr communities I'm not part of from people I don't follow on my dash now
#personal#I noticed because apparently community posts have really wacky emoji instead of the usual heart and reblog#and I was like oh god what fresh hell is this but apparently it's just from someone I don't follow in a group I have no interest in#I would not like these posts on my dash Tumblr please thank you
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#sorry sorry I just woke up and im having yesterday-was-weird thought again#and they are going here so i don't have to talk to the person that they're um about yet#basically im glad that im in a good enough space now that um#someone ive ive had text-based sex with and uhhh sent an ill-advised video to in like oct when i was Feeling Bad™ and doing. hm. too much.#like 6 months post text-based sex/ill adised video now aha and we've not spoke at all since like january and that was 'how was hols'#they asked to meet up 'not for sex just as friends' or i forget exact wording but basically that#no-pressure museum not-a-date#and i said I'd think about it. because i am as everyone knows a fucking idiot.#basically im glad that im in a better place now than the last time someone like expressed an interest in me as a person#because while this did give me a day long wobble i didn't have a full weekend long actual panic about it#tho they are two v different situs#an ace poly friend asking to go out with me vs someone i uh virtually fucked aha um asking to meet up for (mostly) being-friends purposes#same several-hours-later 'oh god no what have i done bad bad bad no thank you actually no sorry i cant sorry' but less intense this time#but at least i only said ill think about it?#and not actually immediately said yes because it's nice to feel wanted#and then gone Maximum Regret™ because actually all of this is way too much i don't like it i don't want it thank you but im sorry no#weird. i guess i don't have such a high baseline stress level any more? since i'm not at uni n stuff#and someone over messages going no pressure you want to be irl friends (maybe fwb no pressure)? is um#is different. to someone irl going you want to go out acely? yeah? awesome lets hold hands here is the discord with a whole buncha people#i guess#but i am being equally aro-not-super-ace Autism™ about it aha#and i am. eventually. going to be like. thought about it and no sorry. eventually.#if they ask again#i am kinda hoping they'll leave it there and forget they asked so i don't have to navigate social stuff#im much better at navigating canals everybody leave me alone please thank you#(everybody over there leave me alone. y'know. you guys are fine.)
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I forgot how much having a cat was about getting into ten thousand tiny little arguments a day where they do their best to die via unnatural means (poison, electric shock, etc) and you're just like. excuse me. excuse me. please do not??
and then they run around the house a bunch and bite you bite you bite you
#personal#if someone had posted this I would have been like 'oh it sounds like she wants to play!' yeah it does doesn't it#only except for how in the last 24 hrs I was trying to get in some play session time because I was worried about her mental health#but no she said she's old and has bad joints and didn't want to tolerate my tomfoolery#it's only the past. thirty minutes?? that she almost died like four different ways#thank god she has her little window to stare out of#I have a moment of peace to write this post#and now I can't rest easy since I know she's awake and alert and stuff#she also almost scared me half to death because she wasn't eating full meals for like a week. full hunger strike right in my kitchen#so I fed her the yummy smelling (lol no) regular wet food#and she loved it! and then puked. and then . . . kept eating regular meals?#and I wake up today and GUESS WHAT#begging pleading for food like she hadn't eaten in ten thousand years#chewing on scraps from her cardboard scratching post like a miserable orphan#so I fed her the food she hates so much she stopped eating in addition to her regular meals#and she ate half of it#and then chewed on my headphone wires too#cats man#why are they like this
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